Super Fuzz (1980) - full transcript

The policeman Dave Speed is assigned to a mission in an ex-Indian reservation near a military shooting range. Casually, Dave is doing an investigation on the spot. A nuclear missile explodes. The radiation gives him superpowers. Dave is able to move object with the mind force, to discover mysterious crimes and to jump with no problem from a skyscraper. His friends cannot understand those transformations.

♪ There's a man

♪ Do you see

♪ And he looks just
like you and me

♪ Didn't you know

♪ Everything he got don't show

♪ There's a cop

♪ Do you see

♪ And he looks like
every cop on the street

♪ You will discover

♪ You can't judge
this cop by his cover

♪ He's a super snooper

♪ Really super trooper

♪ A wonder cop a one
like you never saw

♪ He's a super snooper

♪ Really super trooper

♪ A wonder cop a roller
the side of the law

♪ There's a stir

♪ On the floor

♪ Super snooper open the door

♪ Didn't you know

♪ Everything he got don't show

♪ He's a super snooper

♪ Really super trooper

♪ A wonder cop a one
like you never saw

♪ He's a super snooper

♪ Really super trooper

♪ Super snooper

♪ Super super super

♪ Super snooper

♪ Super super super

♪ He's a super snooper

♪ Really super trooper

♪ A wonder cop a one
like you never saw.

In just about a quarter
of an hour's time,

ex-police officer David Steed

is to be submitted
to the supreme test.

This will make the fourth time

the state has tried
to execute him.

He's been sentenced to death
for the murder of his friend,

colleague and superior
officer, Sergeant Willy Dunlop.

Never before in the
history of this country

has a man survived three
attempts to execute him.

First time was the gas chamber.

But Dave breathed in the cyanide

like it was pure,
pollution-free mountain air.

The second attempt by the state
to have Dave meet his maker

was by hanging, but
when Dave dropped,

you guessed it, the rope broke.

Then it was the firing squad.

But inexplicably, not one single
bullet even scratched Dave.

Now he's gonna get the chair.

I'd like to see the son of
a bitch get out of that!

Now he's gonna fry!



It's for you, boss.

Hello Rosy.

It's all arranged.

Don't worry, nothing
can go wrong this time.

All right, I'll
talk to you later.

You ask my husband, he
knows all about these things.

Right Leopold?

Leopold hardly says
a word these days,

he's so depressed.

He's against the death penalty.

How about you, sir?

How do you feel?

I'm sure glad I'm
not in his place.

I know he ain't
feeling too good.

Sorry lady, no visitors today.

But I have an invitation
signed by the governor.

Hey, I don't care if it
was signed by the president,

the warden said not let in
any complimentary passes.

But don't you recognize me?

I'm Rosy Labouche!

The condemned man
and I were close.

Real close.

Lady, if you were the
condemned man himself

I couldn't let you in.

Well could you at least see

that he receives these flowers?

Perhaps they could arrange them

in front of the electric
chair, so he could see them?

I want David to
be thinking of me

when they throw the switch.

I'll see what I can do.

Oh, you are so kind!

Thank you so much.

Hi Jackson.

Dave, that's the 14th
plate of beans you've eaten!

Would you like
something to drink?

You know, regulations say
you can have champagne

if you want it.


Gives me gas.

Well can I get
you something else?

Yeah, more beans.

More beans?

Uh huh.

Could you make it a
zookie beans this time?

Zookie beans?

I never heard of them,

but I guess I can get the
cook to rustle some up.

Great, I'll have 'em for lunch.


Hey man, they're
coming for you now.

By the time lunchtime
rolls around,

you're gonna be having
dinner with honky number one.

You may go.

There's no need to make
your confessions, my son.

What Earthly sins could
you have committed

since we last took
this walk together

the day before yesterday?

Well, how about
gluttony, Father?

I absolve you.

Now come along, my son.

When all this first began,

I never dreamt it
would end this way.

I had just come out
of the police academy

and received my first
solo assignment.

It seems like only yesterday.

As you know, red
plutonium will re-enter

the Earth's atmosphere and
will plunge and plummet

with pinpoint precision
to a pre-determined place

on the Earth's surface.

The purpose of red
plutonium's mission

is to test the
top-secret device,

detecting minerals
below the moon's crust.

Now gentlemen, the site selected

for this momentous experiment
is namely Creektown,

or as the Indians
call it, Poboke.

Whose inhabitants, by the way,

have proved themselves to be
patriotic, true blue Americans,

and are here to share with
us this historic moment.

Sergeant Dunlop
had ordered me to proceed

to Creektown to collect the fine

for non-payment of
a parking ticket.

Even though the village was
in the middle of a swamp

and I had to leave my
wheels on dry ground,

I was hell-bent on carrying
out my mission no matter what.

This is headquarters
calling Officer Speed.

Headquarters calling
Officer Speed.

Come in, Officer Speed.

This is Sergeant Dunlop
calling Officer Speed.

Officer Speed, do you read me?


Oh that was good
thinking, Sergeant.

Sending him across the Glades
to Creektown on the very day.

NASA's having their top-secret
experiments out there.

That's really smart.

Well how was I to
know that, Chief?

I mean, you yourself just
said it was top-secret!

What would have happened to
the population of Creektown

had the citizens not
been evacuated in time?

Well, probably nothing.

The explosion of red plutonium

will bombard the Earth's surface

with a barrage of
harmless red amoeba rays,

which will have the
effect of floroscoping

whatever lies underground.

Mr. Jim Polaka?

Mr. Jim Polaka?


Anybody home?

This is Officer Speed
calling headquarters.

Hey, Sergeant Dunlop.

It's Dave!

It's him!

He's coming through
our short wave!

We can hear him, but
he can't hear us.

It's a freak reception.


Speed, you dumb rookie!

Get back here right away!

You're gonna get
yourself killed!

Get back to headquarters,
do you hear me?

This is urgent!

Hey, it's really
peaceful out here.

You know what, Sarge?

I'm gonna enter his domicile

and tack the ticket
to his totem pole.

All systems.

Assignment completed,
over and out.

Hey fella.

Hey fella.

Could you move over?



Git, git!

Oh, that poor kid.

He wasn't much of a
rookie in his class,

but he did die in
the line of duty,

trying to collect on
a traffic violation.

That poor kid.

Little late to be
feeling sorry, isn't it?

I'll tell you what.

If it scares you that much,

I've got just the job to
take it off your mind,

Officer Dunlop.

Come on, Sergeant!

The Sarge!

Hey, Sarge!

I could hardly believe it.

I got the cover back into place
just by thinking about it.

But then I realized
something incredible,

something extraordinary
had happened to me.

To start with, we'll
forget all that baloney

you told the Chief.

As far as I'm concerned, you
never went to that creek.

But I did go, Sarge.

Then how come you never
noticed all that hell

that was breaking
loose around you?

I did.

It was this huge explosion.

Louder than I can
do with my bubble.

Your what?

Listen, don't give
me that bubble stuff!

Not even an ant could have
survived in that explosion!

Why are you getting so mad?

Sounds like you're
sorry I'm still alive.

Well what do you expect?

If a man gets caught in the
middle of an atomic blast,

the least he could
do is drop dead!

But I told you, Sarge.

Everything turned bright red,

there was this roaring sound,

next thing I knew, I came
to under a mountain of sand.

A mountain of sand.

That's a good one.

That's a revolting habit,
and it's against regulations!

And what's more, it
turns my stomach!

What does?

Chewing gum.

Any turkey that chews
gum and blows bubbles

is really at the
top of my list, boy.

Right there you gotta put it?

Oh, you dope.

Sorry Sarge.

I mean, no offense.

I'm one of Rosy
Labouche's greatest fans.

I've seen all of her movies.

Even the silent ones.

What do you mean,
even the silent ones?

She's young enough to make

that Cheryl Ladd
and Farrah Fawcett

look like a couple
of plain Janes.

You're really crazy
about her, eh Sarge?

Sure I'm crazy about her,
I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Did I ever tell you about the
time I held her in my arms?

That was a long time
ago, in Hollywood.

I was working as a stuntman
on one of her films.

Oh boy, that's an experience
I'll never forget.

Watch it, Sarge!

What the hell are you
trying to do, kill us?

I didn't want you
to hit the elephants.

What elephants?


How did you know those elephants

were gonna cross in front of us?

I didn't see them.

That means you didn't either.

I don't know.


Oh yeah?

So who's gonna cross in
front of us now, huh?

Come on, give us a
flash of that intuition.

Come on!

I can't.

Elephants yes, nuns no, huh?


Be right back.

Hi Uncle Willy.

With Dave again, huh?

Hello, never mind about
Dave and give me my lunch.


♪ Super snooper

♪ Super super super.

Okay, see you later.

Okay, bye.

No longer any
doubt, I had super powers.

But they would come and
go for no apparent reason.

I wanted to talk
to Sarge about it,

but I couldn't get
a word in edgewise.

He wouldn't stop talking
about Rosy Labouche.

And there was another time

I was playing the
Russian centurion.

Russian centurion?

No no, Roman centurion.

Oh, yeah.

And I was supposed
to dive in the water

to save her from a whole
bunch of crocodiles, right?

Well I had all this
armor plate on me,

and I sank right down to
the bottom like a stone.

Yeah, what happened?

Well I nearly drowned.

Yes sir, those
were the days, boy.

Answer the radio.

What? There's
nobody calling us.

This is
headquarters calling car 40.

Headquarters calling
car 40, come in car 40.


This is car 40,
come in Tiger Lilly.

Head over to 11474th Street,

we have a robbery in
progress on the 20th floor

of the offices of
Johnson & Johnson,

that's right across from
the Daily Herald building.

We're on our way!

You know, you and this intuition

are starting to get
on my nerves, kid.

Don't move!

Nobody move!

Get over here!

Come on, get 'em up!

Oh hi Sarge!

Silvius, what's up?

Oh, I don't know nothing.

What's going on?

They've blocked them all.

Now we gotta climb all that way.

Come on!

Hurry up!

Let's get out of here!

We're almost there, come on!

Only five more.

Wait a minute, Sarge.


Here's what we're gonna
use, the old charge system.

What's a charge system?

It never fails, the
old charge system.

You charge the door and I'll
cover you from the back here.


I charge the door?

You charge the door, I'm
gonna cover you from back here.

Good thinking, Sarge.

Check the door and
see if anybody's coming.

♪ Super snooper.


Fantastic, beautiful!

It brings tears to my eyes
to see a trick like that.

Oh, really?

Grab his gun.

I say.

Somebody better
get an ambulance.

That boy's gonna
be hurt awful bad.

Don't move or you'll
end up like your buddy.

Watch the door, there
might be more cops.

Hey Sarge, it's over.



Boy, somebody up
there sure likes you.

If it hadn't been for
that platform down there,

you'd have been splattered
all over that sidewalk.

But what took you so
long to get back up here!

Forget it Sarge.

If I told you, you
wouldn't believe me anyway.

All right, get 'em up there!

What are you so happy about?

I'm happy about the way
we busted up that robbery.

If you stick with me,
we're gonna go places.

What now?

There's illegal gambling
going on in that truck!


Put 'em up!

All right, get out!

Police, open up!

Nobody move,
you're under arrest.

I called headquarters.

Hey kid, next time you
get a tip-off like this,

tell me before
you act, will you?

It wasn't a tip-off.

I looked at the
side of the truck...

Look, I don't wanna know.

I'm just your superior officer.

From now on, you don't
think, you don't act,

you don't speak until you get
it from me, you understand?

Get your hands up there!

Come on, let's go!

All right!

Dave, you're not even
watching the game!

Aw I know, I bet
you're thinking about

racing around in your car and
catching crooks, aren't you?


Well then what are
you thinking about?


I was just thinking
how much I'd like

to be alone with you right now.

In this crowd?


What crowd?

Look, there's a little
job I gotta take care of,

be right back.

You're under arrest, Scardella.

I don't know how you did it.

We've been after Scardella
for over two years.

I still don't see how you
spotted him in all that crowd.

Well Sarge, I wanted
to be alone with Evelyn,

even though I know
you don't approve.

So I had everyone disappear.

And there we were,
Evelyn, Scardella and me.

You had everybody disappear?

You want me to believe that?

It's the truth.

Now look, you!

You stop this
nonsense or so help me

you're gonna be driving a
garbage truck, you got it?

Got it.



You just hit a driver.

Wait a minute,
where are you going?

Hold it right there.


Drop your gun!

For God's sake, shoot him!

Get back, get out
of here all of you.

Hold it right there.


Relax, the game's over.


Hold it!

Drop the gun.

Hold it!

First thing tomorrow morning,

you go back to the firing range.

You never even hit him once.

Let me have those cuffs.

Get 'em up there!

Come on, back there.

Come on!

Poor Sarge, how
could I tell him the truth?

♪ Super snooper

♪ Super super super

What made you suspect
that there was a robbery

taking place here,
Officer Dunlop?

Oh well, my partner and I,

we were passing by
the supermarket,

and well, the first
thing you know,

well we spotted the suspect
sitting in a getaway car,

and well...

Thank you Chief.

Anything you would care
to add, Officer Speed?

Not really.

Sergeant Dunlop has said it all.

I'm just fortunate to be
teamed with such a man.

Chief, you must
be awfully proud of these men.

Well I'll tell you, it all
comes from years of dedication,

hard work, and a city
that I've lived in.


Yes boss.

Those two cops are getting
too big for their britches.

Why worry?

They can't pin anything on you.

What you do is legal
and above the board.

You got the richest fishing
business in the golf course.


Call the Barracuda, I
want a partner's report.

Sandy, Mr. Torpedo's
on the phone.

Yeah, hello, boss?

Yeah, everything's
going like clockwork.

Yeah, we're shipping out
a hundred brands worth

of George Washingtons right now.

Hey, Sarge!

It says here that your Rosy
Labouche is making a comeback.

Did you know that?

Sure I knew that.

I know everything about Rosy.

Like a cup of coffee?

Yeah, black please.

Hey, Sarge, I did it!

Did what?

I had the cup fly over to
me just by thinking about it!

Yeah Sarge!

Look, I wanna
tell you something.

You cannot go around
telling people

that you have cups
flying into your hand!

That you can look through
walls and see elephants.


You understand me?

Hey Sarge, that truck.

It's carrying counterfeit bills.


How do you know?

Well, I saw through the side.

Come on, we're gonna
go take a look, come on!

Open up this truck, come on!

Okay, man.

All right, let's go,
open it up back here.

You want me to open it up?

Just open it up.

What do you got in there?


All right, close it down.

Go ahead, beat it.

Okay, okay.

Counterfeit bills.

All I saw in there were fish!

Now I'm not saying they
weren't counterfeit fish.

But even if they were,
there's no law against it!

Or is there?

Dave, I've been thinking
about the stadium.

You know, I mush have
been really crazy

to think that
everyone disappeared.

You're not crazy, Evelyn.

Everyone did disappear.

Oh come on, Dave.


I have to tell you something.

I'm, well, how can I put this.

I'm not normal any more.

I'm different.


Oh come on Evelyn, not
that kind of different.

You see, ever since
I went to Creektown

and got caught in
that explosion,

something happened inside me.

It's like,

it's like a part of me over
which I have no control,

was suddenly switched on.

Dave darling, I
won't pretend I know

what you're talking about,

but why don't we
discuss that later?

And I'll go put
on my bathing suit

and let's go in the water.

You go ahead, I can't swim.

I grew up in the
mountains, remember?

Well, don't worry about it.

I'll teach you.


Hey kids!

Don't worry, I'll
get it for you.

Whoa, he's walking on water!




It's all right.


Come on, come on Dave.

We're almost there.

I can't, I can't swim!


Oh my God.

Hey, why don't you
give him mouth to mouth?

Yeah, okay, great.

Hi Sarge, what's up?

How did you know it was me?

No no, don't tell
me, let me guess.

Listen you, I want you
over here right away

so you can tell the Chief
exactly what you been telling me

about all that super
power stuff, you got it?

And you got five minutes to
get here, you understand?

Five minutes, Sergeant?

He lives on the
other side of town.

Reporting for duty, sir.

You see that, Chief?

You see that?

Those are the cute little tricks

I gotta put up with
every single day!

Well I've had it!

I've had it right up to here!

But Sergeant, you're
the one who gave him

only five minutes to get here.

Well then he's got
an answering service,

that's what he's got!

That's not true, Sarge.

At ease, Sergeant.

At ease.

You know, Officer Speed,

I've always enjoyed a
good practical joke too.

Well I've been known in my
day to play a couple myself.

I'll never forget one time,

right after I came
out of police college,

I painted myself
green head to toe

to pretend to be a Martian!

Yeah, that's right.

But he had be almost believing

that he fell 20 floors
without hurting himself!

Oh, that doesn't
sound possible to me.

It doesn't sound possible?


Let me show you something.

Be right back.

♪ Super snooper.

What happened?

Call an ambulance.

Yes sir.

Don't touch him, wait
'til the medic gets here.

What, what, what...

As you can see from this X-ray

taken right after his
admission this morning,

there isn't an unbroken
bone in his body!

Beats me how he's still alive.


Yeah kid, what is it?

I don't want, I don't want
Evelyn to see me this way.

Oh okay.

All right.

What did he say?

Nothing, nothing.

Listen honey, why don't
we wait outside over here.

There's really
nothing we can do,

and we might as well get out.

We took other X-rays after
we put him in his cast.

They should be ready soon.

But I'm afraid that, well even
if the bone's set correctly,

the internal damage is too
extensive to encourage optimism.

If you'll excuse me.

Why did you
do it, Officer Speed?

Were you that
unhappy on the force?



The door.

What about the door?

It's a miracle, it's a miracle!

Look, we took another set
of X-rays of Officer Speed.

The bones are completely healed!

It's a miracle!


Dave, it's a miracle!

The doctor said...




Oh Dave.

Oh sorry Chief.


I'd been looking
for Silvius all day.

He was the only person
who had seen my two falls.

I had a hunch he could explain

what went wrong the second time.

Step right up, ladies and
gentlemen, see the elephant.

One please.


Thank you, 750 pounds.

Alive, ladies and gentlemen,

thank you very much.

You always work here?

I guess if you call peddling
tickets all day long working,

yeah I am, why?

I'm looking for an
old guy named Silvius.

I heard he worked
here a couple times.

What's it to you?

Oh yeah, Silvius, I know him.

He's a ventriloquist,
really a great talent.

You wanna know something?

He can actually make a doggy
talk like a human being.

I think he's had it a
little rough lately.

What do you mean?

Well, for the last year, I
haven't seen him around here.

That's quite a while.

I think he owes somebody
some money or something.

You got any idea where he lives?

Well last time I
heard, he was living

over on River Road,
in an old shack,

selling dogs or something.


Hey mister.

I didn't think
nothing at the time,

but a little while ago there
were three guys over here,

asking about him.

What did you tell them?

Same thing I told you.

Thanks again.

That's all right.

Hey Silvius!

Anybody home?


Hey boy.

Want a biscuit?

There you go.

Hey Silvius.



Hey Silvius, you here?

Search the joint.

What are we looking
for, Paradise?

30,000 that Mr. Torpedo paid
for the talking chihuahua.

Chihauhaus don't talk!

That's why the boss
wants to get rid of it,

and why he wants to
get rid of Silvius too.

Find anything?

Nothing, Paradise.

Check in the closet.



There's a guy in there,
but he isn't Silvius.


Who are you?

I know who I am, and
I know who you are.

But do you know who he is?

Hey, Paradise, I think
I've seen this guy on TV,

but I can't remember whether
he's a singer or an evangelist.

I don't care what he is.

What are you doing here,
and where is Silvius?

Beats me.

But even if I knew, I
wouldn't tell you three jerks.

What did he say?

He said that we're
three jerks, Paradise.

Uh, yeah.

He's yours.

Two goes with the
guitar, then it's my turn.

This is it.

That's good, huh?

You're the tops, Paradise!

Come on.

He won't be back so soon.

Hey, you guys going?

I've gotta have a
chance to get even.

Should I get the
guitar, Paradise?

Don't get it.

This is yours.

I think you should let me
get the guitar, Paradise!

It's okay.

I told you,

you should have let me
get the guitar, Paradise.

Yeah, that's the best idea.

Hey, go find a fire hydrant.

Now be good, boys.

Now here's a
flash for all you movie buffs.

Famous film star Rosy Labouche

will be arriving in our
fair city at four o'clock.

Miss Labouche will be appearing
every night this week.

Hey fellas.

Yes boss!

Go to the airport
and pick her up.

Did ya, did ya find the
old man with the dogs yet?

No boss, we...

Well find him!

You know he and I got
some unfinished business!

You know I got the
nervous stomach.

You know that, don't you?

Now go on, get outta here.

Where you going? The back door!

Sorry boss.

How come you our
assignment changed

to the sea plane
base today, Sarge?

Well boy, I'll
tell you something.

There are some people
who only fall in love

one time in their life.

I'm one of those lucky people.

What the heck does that mean?

Never mind, you'll find out.


Those goons belong
to Tony Torpedo.

They must have come
down to pick her up.

Pick who up?

Rosy Labouche, you dope.


If only I could talk
to her, just once.

Talk to her?

What about that time you
held her in your arms?

Well I, I, I just
helped her down

from the stagecoach, that's all.

Thank you.

Hey, here she comes.

Yeah. Yeah.


Isn't she beautiful?

Oh, if only I could talk to her.

Sarge, I'll fix it for you.


No no no, you stay out of this!

Don't worry, no superpowers.

Just take the patrol
car over to arrivals.

Hey, that's the guy we
met at Silvius' house.


That's all we need.

Let's go.

Your driver's license, please.

Please Officer,
we're in a hurry.

We've got to pick up the lady.

Registration, please.

Give me the registration.

What's the matter?

My fingers!

What about your fingers?

They're stuck in this door!

Oh yeah.

You ought to be more careful.

Get out of the car, all of you.

Let's have a roadside test.

Miss Labouche,
it's good to see you in town.

Well thank you very much, yes,

it's good to be here.

Hold out your arms.

Lift your left leg.

I said your left leg!

Now play angels.

Play angels?

Yeah, you know, flag your wings.

Like this?




Forget it, you'll never fly.

Uh uh uh, your arms!

Kick your right leg.







Left, right.

Good, keep it up.

Thank you.

Pardon me, but, may I
be of help, Miss Labouche?

Oh, you know my name, Sergeant.

Everybody does.

You may not remember me,

but I worked in a
few of your films!

And I'll never forget it.



Would you do me a favor?

Anything, just ask.

I must be in my hotel
within 10 minutes.

I'm expecting a very
important phone call.

I would consider it an
honor if I could take you!

My bags.

Are you married, Sergeant?

Uh, I, I,

I've always been
dedicated to my work,

and to my mother.

But then I got into
motion pictures,

oh watch your scarf ma'am,

and then I got into work there,

and I was never
much of an actor,

but I always liked to do
a lot of stunts, you see.

So I got into stunt
work for a while...

Okay, that's enough.

Let's double check your
reflexes, move over here.


Now you hit him, and you
make sure you duck real fast.

I gotta hit him?

You duck real fast.

Now you hit him, and
you duck real fast.

Now you hit him, and
you duck real fast.


Now all together, come on.

Right, left.

Right, left.

Right, left.

Right, left.

Right, left.

Right, left.

That's it.

Okay, you passed the test.

Get back in the car.

Okay, you can go.

Your license.

I'm gonna report you
for reckless driving,

and damage to private property.

Licence please.

What were you thinking
about, Sergeant?

What possessed you to use
your patrol car as a taxi?

Well it was an emergency, Chief.

I was just doing my duty.

Your duty is to catch criminals,

not play Boy Scout!

Look at this desk.

Covered with complaints.

Do you know this
city's been overtaken

with a rash of tarnished green?


Look at this.

10,000 of these have been
picked up in the past week.

Who picked 'em up?

Who found 'em?

Who lost 'em?

They're counterfiet, dummy.

It's no wonder the
people take them,

when not even police sergeants
can tell the difference.

Who questions a lousy
dollar bill, anyway?

The guy who thought
this up is a genius.

I want you and Officer
Speed to bring him in.

Put this on, Mama
Loves Money, next race.

All right.

I think I just spotted Silvius.

Stick to him like a
piece of honey, Paradise.

Right, boss.

And there goes Speedy.

Who's there?

Who's the donut waving?

How should I know?

I don't mix with
people like that.

Are you here because of Rosy?

Are you kidding?

On my day off, I become
a connoisseur of the dog.

In order to make enough money

to pay taxes so that
you can guard me.

Although why I bothered
today, I don't know.

Man's best friend.

Well wait a minute, Sarge,
you sure you wanna do that?

Why not?

'Cause he's gonna win.


That dog couldn't win even
if the rabbit carried him!

Come on!

He's passing, he's moving.

Look at him go!

He's fifth, he's fourth!

He's first!

He did it!

He did it!

I'm going up to get my winnings!

16 to one!

♪ Super snooper.

Can I have another
please, honey.

Keep the change.


I've been looking all over for
you, I have to talk to you.

Sorry, I don't have time now.

Hey fellas, are
you by any chance

chasing that nice old
man in the station wagon?

Who, us?

Yeah, you!

Oh no, we are just
out for a drive.

Oh good.

Well, drive carefully,

'cause the lives you
save might be your own.

Have a nice day!

Thank you.

Hey, look where you're going!

Hey Silvius, I've
got to talk to you.

Do you have time now?

Sure I have time now.

What do you know
about my superpowers?

Why do they come and go?

You mean you don't know?

No, if I did I wouldn't
need to talk to you.

Well you see, an act like yours,

it sometimes only takes
one dumb little thing

to destroy your concentration.

A place, a person,
a color, a noise.

You lost him?

You let a little
old man get away?

But boss, it was that cop.

What cop?

What are you talking about?

It was the one who is the friend

of the friend of your friend,
I mean, Madame Labouche.

The idiot means Dave Speed.

He's the partner
of the chubby cop

who's madly in love with me.

I'm not interested
in love stories!

I'm interested in an old man!

You've got to find him,

and I want him found,
do you understand?

Why do you always
tell me these things

when I start to eat!



Dave, we're here.

Hey Dave!

That's really weird.

I wonder where he could be.

Well wherever he is, he's late.

Wrong, Sarge, you're late.

Well, you're...


Now tell me you don't
believe he has superpowers.

Come down from there!

Why don't you come up here?

It's fun.

Are you crazy?


Evelyn, did you bring
what I asked you to bring?

Sure did.

Get the hell down from up there,

now come down!

You could have waited
'til I was ready.

I'm sorry Dave.

That's all right.

Now put it away please.


Ready Sarge?



Okay Evelyn.

Please show it to me again.





I finally found out why
my powers come and go.

It's the color red.


What are you talking about?

Whenever I see red,
I lose my powers.

Let me try and
explain it to you.

A plutonic explosion caused
the blinding red light

that gave me the superpowers.

But the same color red
also takes them away

whenever I see it.

Get it Sarge?

Two forces, equal but
opposite, equal zero.

Remember the nuns?

And, and, and when I
jumped out the window?

And the stadium.

Right, and the fish truck.

Oh yeah, the fish truck.

I sure remember that.

You really made me
look like a schtook.


The inside of the
truck was all red.

That's why I couldn't see
the phony bills any longer.

You the trying to tell me

that the money was
inside the fish?

You got it.

You got it.

Now, can you remember

what was written on
the side of the truck?

Yeah, Torpedo Fish Company.

Right, that's our man.

Torpedo, get it?

No, I don't get it.

What do you want me
to do, arrest the guy?

Can you imagine what the
judge and jury would think

if you stood up
in court and say,

I realized those counterfeit
bills were inside the fish,

'cause I looked through
the side of the truck.

Why, they'd lock you up!

But Sarge.

Come on!

You need positive proof,

and I know where to get it!

Will you quit thinking I'm nuts?

Don't you realize a
man's thoughts are his own,

his own private thoughts,
so stop butting in!

I've never seen him so mad.

You should spend time
in the car with him.

It's not all his fault.

Why not?

Dave, something's not right.

Evelyn, what's the matter?

Well, it's your superpowers.

I mean, I don't
know if I'll ever

be able to get used to them.

I love you, but I want
you the way you were.

Come on Evelyn.

Be positive.

Look, I can wash
dishes, do the laundry,

make the bed, chop vegetables,
just by thinking about it.

Imagine, you're going to marry

a walking, talking
domestic appliance.

Batteries included.

Oh, terrific.

A human Cuisinart.

When you wanna be serious,
you can find me at home.


Evelyn, I've got
these superpowers

and there's nothing
I can do about it.

And you know something?

I like them.

And I think you'll
grow to like them too.

Look, I love you Evelyn,

and we are going to get married
whether you like it or not.

All right.

Now you can relax.

That same evening, I
got a list of places

where the phony
bills had turned up,

and set out to
find positive proof

that would point the
finger at Tony Torpedo.

Ball in the corner pocket.

Two ball in the side pocket.

14 in the corner pocket.

14 in the corner.

Hey, sir.


Hey, knock it off, will you?

What do you want?

Sorry but, I'm looking
for the owner of this place.

Well you found him.

Now get lost!

I got five bucks
riding on this ball.

Five more says
you won't make it.

Make it 10 and you've got a bet.


Wait a minute.

All right, you're on.

Okay, it's your money, sucker.

Hey, I won.


What are you laughing about?

Yeah, you shouldn't laugh
at somebody else's misfortune.

I know how you feel, mister.

Can we settle now?

You do, huh?

Yeah, come on.

Dumb luck.

Here we go.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight, nine,

10 on the head.

10 good American bucks, kid.

Enjoy yourself.


Where's the john?

It's back there.

Hey, it's locked.

What the hell do
you mean it's locked?

That thing is always open.

You try it.

Ah, wait a minute, will ya?


Let's stop fooling around.

You're in bad trouble.

Yeah, 10 good American bucks.

Hey, these are really
going down the drain.

You're laundering phony bills,

and I want a piece
of the action, Clyde.

All right.

500 a week and I'll
stay off your back.

Nothing smaller than a five.

I understand.

Cops are all alike.


You can tell Torpedo,

the time has come
to share the pie.

♪ Tell me when will you say yes

♪ Tell me

♪ Cuando, cuando, cuando

♪ We can share a love divine

♪ Please don't
make me wait again

♪ When will you say yes.

Well, do you want to
hear my plan or don't you?

Oh, sure.

Phase one, convince the
underworld that I'm a crooked cop.

Phase two, catch
Torpedo in the act.


Just marvelous.


I appreciate you liking it.

Like it?

I love it!

Why don't you ask
her to dance, huh?

Are you crazy?

We're on duty!

So what?

If the Chief finds out about it,

then tell him you were
questioning a witness.

Dancing on duty is a violation

of police code 42 slash B.

Oh Sarge, you are a
credit to the force.

Besides, I don't
know how to dance.

Sarge, look at me.

You're going to dance
like Fred Astaire.

Like Fred Astaire.

I'm going to dance
like Fred Astaire.

Now here's someone who
really wants to dance.

Shall we dance, Sergeant?

I'd love to.

Ah, you dance divinely.

I'm just trying
to keep up with you.

Oh I know, you've
come to tell me

that your boss wants to see me

and I'm to follow
you to his office.

I come to tell you that
the boss wants to see you.

And that you have to
follow me to his office.

Hey wait a moment.

Didn't you just tell me that?

Did I?

Oh, let's go.

Hey man.

How come you always throw 12?

Because Torpedo's men
are impossible to beat.

Throw me another.

Hey, that's hard to beat.

It's impossible to beat.

No kidding.

May I try?

Be my guest.

Let's roll 'em again.

Eenie meenie minie mo.

Catch a tiger by his toe.

If he hollers, let him go.

Now that's hard to beat.

Take the money and run.

Come on.

Thank you.

You see, he has
these superpowers.

He can do anything he wants,

and make other
people do the same.

You make him sound like
something out of a comic strip.

Oh no no.

Oh no.

He's just as human as we are.


The only thing is that,

every time he sees red,

he loses his superpowers.

Oh, really?

So you're police
officer Davey Speed, huh?

You've been making a lot
of noise around town.

I think it's about time
you and I sat down.

♪ Super snooper

♪ Super super super.

You lousy flat-footed smartass.

Ain't fooling me!

I know you're pretending
to be a corrupt cop

because you hope I'll admit

to putting out a
contract on old Silvius.

Sure I had that no
good bum killed.

But you think I'm
gonna tell you?


Forget it, I ain't
got rocks in my head,

and there's no way I'm
ever gonna tell you

where I print those
phony one-doller bills

my men pass out on the streets.


And you'll never find out

that the press is set
up in my fishing boat,

the Barracuda, which is
anchored in the Gulf!

You know why?


Because there's no
cop smarter than I am.

Hey flat foot.

I bet you can't guess how we
transport those phony bills

from the boat to the drop zones.

Well, let me see.

Sewn into the fish.

Sewn into the bellies of the
fish your boat catches, right?

Thank you, Mr. Torpedo,
that's all I wanted to know.

Hey look!

There she is, the Barracuda.

Looks deserted.

Don't be too sure.

I wish you could fly this thing

so I could go down
and take a look.

Well I'll go down.


I don't think that's
a good idea, Sarge.

Why not?

What's the matter,
you think I'm too old?

Come on, get us over
that old bathtub

over there, I'll show ya.

Anything you say.

All right?


Now listen you.

You take care of Evelyn.

I used to get more
when I was a stuntman.

I'm gonna go down below
and take a look, okay?

Okay Sarge, go down in
the hole of it, anywhere.

Hey Dave, you read me?

Loud and clear.

What's happening down there?

Think Torpedo's
been pulling your leg.

There's not a soul on board.

No printing press, nothing!

Search again,
it's gotta be there.


But I tell you there's
nothing down here.


Dave, listen Dave, I found it!

I found it!

You hear me, Dave?

I found it.

It's a counterfeiter's dream.

Phony bills, plates, press.

We got enough evidence here
to put Torpedo away for life,

I'm telling you!

Now go back to town
and get some help.

I'll be waiting for you, baby!

Okay Sarge, I'll be
back before you know it.


Hurry up!

Come on, come on!

Hello, hello?

We're sinking the Barracuda.

We caught one of the
cops sneaking around.

We're gonna leave him on board
so he goes down with her.

Over and out.

Let's move!

Move it, move it!

We don't have a lot of time
before the boat goes down.

Everybody, off of the boat!



Officer Speed, what
have you done with him?

Done with who, Chief?

Sergeant Dunlop.

Oh, Sarge.

He's on the Barracuda.

I told you so over the radio.

That's where Tony Torpedo's
been printing the phony bills.

Why don't you ask her?

She can tell you a
lot more than I can.

Chief, I've told
you everything I know.

Last night at the
Mocambo I overheard

that man try to extort protection
money from Mr. Torpedo.

He's a corrupt cop, and
Sergeant Dunlop found out.

That's why he had to kill him.

After all Chief, he couldn't
afford to let him talk.

That ridiculous!

She's lying.

Why don't you send a patrol
out to check on the Barracuda?

You'll find Sarge there
sitting on the evidence.

We just ad a report from
the Coast Guard, Chief.

There's no boat within
a 50-mile radius

of the coordinates given
to us by Officer Speed.

You're under arrest for
the first-degree murder

of police sergeants
William Dunlop.

There's nothing worse
than a corrupt cop, Speed.

Take him away and lock him up.

And that, my friends,

is how I ended up on Death Row.

Rosy Labouche made sure I
couldn't use my superpowers,

and she always arranged
to have something red

clearly visible any
place I was taken.

The only thing that
saved me so far

is that they haven't
allowed Rosy to be present

each time they
tried to execute me.


Where did the flowers come from?

Well they're from Rosy
Labouche, the film star.

I'll read the card.


May the red of these flowers
bring the warmth you deserve.


You must be very proud to have
a friend like Rosy Labouche.

May I keep this as a souvenir?

Oh sure.

Thank you.

I'm allowed on last wish, right?

Oh, of course.

I'd like, um, bubble gum.

Bubble gum.

Could you please
put it in my pocket?

I'll have it later.



I want you to have
those flowers,

for the altar in your church.

We should check
out all sea traffic

within 50 miles of
the shore, ten fore.


♪ He's a super snooper

♪ Really super trooper

♪ A wonder cop a one
like you never saw

♪ He's a super snooper

♪ Really super trooper.

Come on you old bear.

Your hibernation is over.

♪ He's a super snooper

♪ Really super trooper

♪ A wonder cop a one
like you never saw.

Well you finally showed up.

Where the hell have you been?

Well, it's a long story.

What the hell is this?

It smells like...

Hell, it tastes
like chewing gum!

Whatever you say Sarge,
you're always right.

Take it easy Sarge.

Just stay in the same
place, you'll be fine!

We're flying!


Now listen, there's a
lot I have to tell you,

after I left you
on the Barracuda.

♪ A wonder cop a one
like you never saw.


What's the hurry?

What's the rush?

Both the cops are dead.

Dunlop is.

But I'm not so sure about Speed.

He's gonna show up
sooner or later,

and I don't wanna be
around when he does.

Don't wanna be around, huh?

Well, where are we going?

Somewhere where a millionairess

can live in style and peace.



Cuba, huh?

You know, I can't even
speak the language!

That's why we're going.

We bring you this
special news report

following up on our leads about
the jailbreak of Dave Speed.

Earlier today, a large
balloon erupted from the sea

heading towards outer space
with two men attached.

Mr. Belushi here was
fishing out of the Gulf

and saw the event.

Are these the two men?

Yes, yes!

Those are the two men!

Those are?

Yes, yes!

Ladies and gentlemen,
the two men he pointed out

are Dave Speed and the
late Sergeant Willy Dunlop.

We'll be back with
further developments

on this most unusual event
as soon as they happen.

Understand now, Sarge?


Now will you please get me down?

Will you let go!

What do you want from me?

You're gonna be our
passport out of here, baby.

With you as hostage,

Speed wouldn't dare try any
of his superpower tricks.

Did you get the plane?

Oh yes, Madame.

We had to get rid of the pilot.

You had to get rid of the pilot!


Who's gonna fly it?


I am.


I am!

Come on, let's go!

Hey boss.

Over my dead body!

Hey boss, take
a look over there.

There, look!

So it's a balloon!

Come on, you're
wasting time, let's go!

Hey look!

Rosy and Torpedo are
making a getaway.

They've got Evelyn!

They've got Evelyn?

We gotta stop 'em!

You'll never get away with
this, they'll catch you!

Eh, shut up.

They'll put you in jail
and throw the key away!

Shut up!

You stay here
Sarge, I'll stop them.

Stay here, where you going?

To catch a plane!

Whoa, what's happening?

Relax, it's just an air pocket.

Oh, oh!


♪ He's a super snooper

♪ Really super trooper

♪ A wonder cop a one
like you never saw.

Calling all cars,
calling all cars.

This is Officer Dave Speed.

Sergeant Dunlop's alive.

We're putting an
end to the gang.

Arriving at sea plane
base any minute.

Hey Chief.

If this operation is a success,
we'll re-elect the governor.


♪ He's a super snooper

♪ Really super trooper

♪ A wonder cop a one
like you never saw

♪ He's a super snooper

♪ Really super trooper.

I can't, I can't control her.

♪ Super

♪ Super super super

♪ He's a super snooper

♪ Really super trooper

♪ A wonder cop a one
like you never saw

♪ He's a super snooper

♪ Really super trooper.

You've stopped the aircraft!


Oh what do mean, what
am I stopping here for,

the controls are out, dummy!

♪ He's a super snooper

♪ Really super trooper

♪ He's a super snooper

♪ Really super trooper

♪ A wonder cop a roller
the side of the law

All right, everybody
out of the plane!

Get out of there!

Keep your hands up!

Am I glad to see you guys!

Am I glad, hey,
what are you doing?



Oh David.

Oh, I was so scared.

Oh, Evelyn.

Sorry I put you
through all that.

Well how did you do it?

You know, my superpowers.

My greatest role.

What an ending.

Officer Speed.


Thank you Chief.

Boy, that was a
fine piece of work.

I knew you were innocent
right from the beginning.

Of course you did, Chief.

I always knew that
Rosy Labouche and Torpedo

were the real culprits.

You said that Sergeant
Dunlop is alive.

Where is he?

On the balloon?


Hey, you're not
the only one baby,

look at me!


This is the Sarge!

I'm sitting on top of
the world, don't you dare.

Dave, I'm coming down.

You gotta get me baby,
you gotta get me.

Come on!


David, look out,

you have something
red around your leg!

Here we go!

Dave, Uncle Willy!

We can all be proud
of Officer Dave Speed.

He died in a
valiant, vain attempt

to save the life of his friend

and superior officer,
Sergeant William Dunlop.

We'll remember them
with honor and pride.

Excuse me Chief,
there's a call for you.

This is hardly the moment.

Have you no respect
for the valiant dead?

I really think you
should take this call, sir.

It's uh, long distance.

Ah, fine.




Is this some kind
of a sick joke?

That's right Chief!

That's right, we're fine!

Yeah, we're okay!

Yeah, what?

Where are we calling from?

Um, just a minute.

Where are we calling from?

That's right.

Dave, Uncle Willy?

Hello Evelyn, how are you?

Dave is here, just a minute.


Hello Evelyn, how are you?

Oh, we're fine.

That is, thanks
to my superpowers.

Let's get married.

I know you'll learn
to live with them.

David Speed,
will you have this woman

to be your lawfully wedded wife,

until death do you part?

I will.

Evelyn Dunlop,
will you have this man

to be your lawfully
wedded husband?

I will.

By the powers vested in me,

I pronounce you
husband and wife.

You may now kiss the bride.

♪ Everything he does don't show

♪ There's a cop, do you see

♪ And he looks like
every cop on the street

♪ You will discover

♪ You can't judge
a cop by it cover

♪ He's a super snooper

♪ Really super trooper

♪ A wonder cop a one
like you never saw

♪ He's a super snooper

♪ Really super trooper

♪ A wonder cop a roller
the side of the law