Sunshine (1973) - full transcript

When a young woman who is living in the woods with her struggling-musician husband and her very young daughter discovers that she has terminal cancer, she begins to tape-record a journal of...

[motorcycle engine revving]

[narrator] In 1971, a young woman died
at the age of 20.

She left behind a husband,
a two year old daughter

and a journal of tape recordings.

A journal that told what it was like
to be young and a mother

and in love and dying.

The names of the people in her life
have been changed.

But we have retained her spirit

and many of the actual words
from her tapes.

[Kate singing]
♪ Country roads, take me home ♪

[chuckling] Boy, I want them
to play "Country Roads" at my funeral.

Dying is beautiful,
even the first time around

at the ripe old age of 20.

It's not easy most of the time,

but there is a real beauty to be found
in knowing that your end...

is gonna catch up with you faster
than you had expected.

And that you have to get all your loving
and laughing and crying done

as soon as you can.

I pray that I live long enough
to see Jill become a human being.

Independent of Sam and me.

At least old enough to reason some
on her own.

Old enough so she'll remember me.

I guess I like the idea of cremation

for the thought of having my ashes
just spread across the mountains.

[banjo playing tune]

[man singing]
♪ Almost heaven West Virginia ♪

♪ Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River ♪

♪ Life is old there
Older than the trees ♪

♪ Younger than the mountains
Blowing like a breeze ♪

[men and women singing]
♪ Country roads, take me home ♪

♪ To the place I belong ♪

♪ West Virginia, mountain mamma ♪

♪Take me home, country roads ♪

♪ All my memories, gather round her ♪

♪ Miner's lady, stranger to blue water ♪

♪ Dark and dusty, painted on the sky ♪

♪ Misty taste of moonshine
Teardrop in her eye ♪

♪ Country roads, take me home ♪

♪ To the place I belong ♪

♪ West Virginia, mountain mamma ♪

♪ Take me home, country roads ♪

♪ I hear her voice in the morning hour
She calls me ♪

♪ The radio reminds me
Of my home far away ♪

♪ Driving down the road I get a feeling ♪

♪ That I should have been home yesterday ♪

♪ Yesterday ♪

♪ Country roads, take me home ♪

♪ Country roads, take me home ♪

♪ Take me home ♪

♪. my life's time... ♪

[narrator] In the early months of 1970

Kate Hayden was living in Riverdale,

She had just turned 19.

And she was very much in love.

♪ I've been lately thinking
About my life's time ♪

♪ All the things I've done
And how it's been ♪

♪ And I can't help believing
In my own mind ♪

♪ I know I'm gonna hate to see it end ♪

[indistinct audio]

♪ I know my lady's pleasure ♪

Morning, toots.

There she is! Wow!

[indistinct lyrics]

That's terrific. Remind me to hire you
when I get rich.


[all] ♪ I have to say it now
It's been a good life all in all ♪

♪ It's really fine to have a chance
To hang around ♪

-[Jill wailing]
-[Kate cooing]

♪ Lie there by the fire
And watch the evening tire ♪


Get your bunny!

Your bunny...

[Sam] Oh, and yeah, well, listen, what was
the verdict at the doctor's, anyway?

Oh, same old bursitis.

He gave me a shot. Said I can try out
for the Olympic track team tomorrow.

Oh, that's terrific.
That's terrific for you.

Yeah, but why didn't he
just give you that last month?

Why does he wait until now
to do all that stuff.

Well, we're having this thing

and we figured you'd never get suspicious
if I had to keep going back for my knee.


[both exclaiming]

[Weaver playing frenetic tune on banjo]


I gotcha. I gotcha.

[Jill crying]

I gotcha.

Uh, do you mind, please?

You should be a plumber
instead of a musician.

[Sam grunting]

[Kate laughing and squealing]

Sex fiends!


-[Kate] Much later!
-[Weaver] Yeah!

[Jill wailing]

[vehicle horn blaring]


[sighs and coughs]



-Hold me.


[shushing] I'll hold ya. I'll hold ya.

What? What did...? It's all right, baby.

He's wrong. I know he's wrong.
I know, the doctor.

The doctor? What's he wrong about then?

The bursitis.


The bursitis,
I know he's wrong about that.

-Why? How? Why?

'Cause I keep having this dream.

-I just know it's something else.
-Oh! [inaudible] Baby!

-Baby, dreams never, ever come true.
-No, it's true.

They do not.



You know what?


We're going to the mountains tomorrow.

-Wanna go to the mountains tomorrow?

[both mumbling]

[Sam] It's up!

It's up!

[both gasping]

-All right!
-[Kate groaning]

[Kate] I was so happy that week
and I was just gonna explode.

So full of love for my baby and my man

[laughing] and those absolutely
mind blowing mountains.

-There just wasn't room for anything else.

There wasn't room for pain or sickness
or fear.

Life was just too incredibly beautiful.

Come here.


When are you gonna
get some real hair any how?

Oh! Baby.

[crying softly]

Aw, come on. Let's gather some.

You're supposed to have long,
silky curls, so I can...

-play Alice in Wonderland with you.
-[continues crying]

Yes, I'll be the White Rabbit,
and Daddy'll be Mad Hatter. Come on.

I'll get this soap off of ya.

And we can get out of the tub,
yes we can.

-Come on. Yes.
-[Jill fussing]

-[Kate screaming] Sam! Sam!

Sam! Sam!

-[Kate crying]
-What? What ha...

Get Jill! No! Get Jill!

-OK, no, no.

[chuckling] Baby, baby. Baby, baby.

Why? What happened? Why? What?

-What happened?
-I don't know.

Did you slip?

-No, it was my knee.
-Was there water on the floor?

-Something here fall? What?
-It was my knee.

-Your knee? Does it hurt?
-It was my knee!

Does it hurt?

It just collapsed.

[Sam sighs]

OK, that's it! We're going to Riverdale!
Right today and we get another doctor.

One that's... A good one this time.

[Kate] Dr. Colburn's just as good
as any doctor.

He's a quack!

-[Kate] You don't even know him!
-What's he done but waste our time?

He's done his best.

That's why I went to the clinic.
To save money.

Right, and like all your bargains,
it winds up costing us ten times as much.

I think you're terrific, too.

Weaver had a line on a used bike.

Now, we're gonna have to spend
every last penny on another stupid doctor.

[screaming] I don't enjoy being sick!

I'm not doing it on purpose!

I'm not doing it to thwart you!
I don't enjoy almost killing my baby!

Quit blaming me!

All I'm saying is that if you would've
went to a decent doctor six months ago,

you'd be well by now.

By waiting six months now,
it's gonna take ten times longer to cure

and it's gonna take us ten times as much
and we can't afford it.

Nobody says you have to spend your money
on me. No strings, remember?

-[Jill continues crying]
-Bye, good riddance.


Leave! Go get your stupid bike! I'll cope!

Will you? Maybe you will. Yeah.

What am I here for, then? What am I doing?
Am I decoration? I know, comic relief.

Right? Right.

You really want me to leave?

Please yourself! Do what you wanna do!




[horn blaring]

Do you need a ride, pretty lady?

-[horn continues blaring]
-You're late.

[horn blaring]

Wanna get in then?

[horn blaring distantly]

[Sam] Where are we going?

[Kate] Spokane. For tests.

Now he thinks it's a tumor.

What's a tumor? It's a mole, it's nothing.

[both sighing]

[Jill fussing]

I gotta be there Monday.

Please, Sam.

Don't bail out on me now.


-[Jill cooing]
-[Kate] Hmm.


Well, what do you need then?
You need the bus fare?

Or do you need me?

How can you be so silly?



How can I love anybody as stupid as you?

[indistinct chattering]

[clattering instruments playing tune]

[overlapping dialog]

Well, if it isn't
old foul mouth Weaver himself?

Where have you been?

Oh, here and there.

Horrific to see you, Kate.

[Kate] It's been heaven without you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you know, uh, Sam Hayden?

Uh, no, but I think I should.

Uh, Hi.


[chuckling] Hello!

[Kate] Hi.

First, can I have a glass of water?

-I'll get it.
-No, I'll get it.

[all yelling and hollering]



The... Ah-ha...


-Lookin' for some water?

Thank you.

You're welcome.

[ladle clattering]

[playing tune]

[Sam humming]

♪ Sunshine in my eyes ♪

♪ Can make me cry ♪

Do you come on like this to everybody?

Are you embarrassed?

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ On the water looks so lovely ♪

You shouldn't be.

Why not?

♪ Sunshine ♪

-Can I sit there?

-Right there.

♪ Makes me high ♪


♪ Sunshine on my shoulders ♪

♪ Looks so lovely ♪

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ In my eyes ♪

♪ Can make me cry ♪

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ On the water ♪

♪ Looks so lovely ♪

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ Nearly always ♪

♪ Makes me high ♪

[water wheel turning]

Oh, what a place!

What a place.

All this and that view up there.


-You've been up here all your life?
-[Kate chuckling] No, no.

I wish.

No, I've been living in Riverdale.

But I was born in Three Forks.

You know where Three Forks is?

-It's on the Columbia River.
-Oh, I know.

Well, I left home when I was 14.

-Oh, really?

I was nervy little brat.

-Oh, I know.



-I think I better tell you something.

Um, I think people ought a be totally
and utterly honest with each other.

Oh, well...

If I'm being totally and utterly honest.

I want you...

something fierce.

I'm pregnant.



Who was it?

Why does everybody always ask
that question first?

[laughing] It's a really dumb question.

-Why don't you ask me if I'm happy?
-Was it Weaver?

Are you kidding?

He's my cousin.

And besides, I hate him.

It's nobody from around here.


It's... It's somebody I'm married to
but I haven't seen him in months.

His name is David and I married him
when I was 16 years old.

And I guess I did it
'cause I wanted to show my mother.


And what about the baby?

-Oh, well, that's a whole other trip.

You're gonna have it though.
You're gonna keep...

Of course, I'm gonna keep it.

I wanna be a mother more than anything
in the whole wide world.

And you can't do that without as kid.


[Jill crying]

Good morning, mother.

-Here she is.
-Oh, boy.

Sit up there for me, will you?
Will you sit up a bit more?

There you are.

-OK, she has...
-What did I do?

How do I do it?

[nurse] Are you comfortable there?
Watch out for the...

Make sure you've got your arm
under her head.

-Oh, Sam.
-[nurse] Gorgeous.

[Sam] Really?

Hold your arm under her head.
Hold your arm under her head.

How does she know what to do?

Should I do that?

She's working hard now.

She'll fall asleep in a minute

and don't let her little nose

-be touching something.

-I'll let you two get to know one another.

-[both chuckling]

She looks...

sort of like Adolf Hitler,
don't you think?

Sam, that's terrible!

-You Nazi.

Does not.

She looks like David.



She's pretty.

Yeah, no, well, David...
Speaking of David.

Uh, they give me the birth certificate.

-Gave me...
-Sam, put that back on. [laughing]

Yeah, well, they gave me
the birth certificate to fill it out.

And, uh, and under the name, you know,
where it said, where it said,

"Name of father",

I ... Well, I didn't know
David's last name, see. So, I ...

So, I put Sam Hayden.

Is that... Is that... Is that all right?

Oh, Sam.

Oh, wow.

-[laughing] It's...
-[chuckling] OK.

[machine beeping]


-Hi, Dr. Wilde.

Want some tapioca?

Looks delicious.

[Kate] Come off it!

There you go.

You kids like it
straight from the shoulder, don't you?

-Tapioca, straight from the shoulder.

-You know what I mean.

You have something
called osteogenic sarcoma.

It's a tumor on the bone.

Well, some tumors aren't too bad, right?

[Dr. Wilde] Right. This one's malignant.

We need to stop it immediately.

And I mean immediately.

Now, I've rearranged about 25 schedules
so I can operate tomorrow.

You see.

Osteogenic sarcoma is a kind of cancer
that travels from bone to the lung.

If we do not stop it in the bone,
we can't stop it in the lung.

-Once it gets to the lung, I die, right?

And how do you take a tumor
out of the bone?

We take off the bone.

My leg?

You wanna take my leg off?

It's the best way
to get rid of the cancer.


It's the best way to stop the cancer.

Quickly, cleanly and permanently.

Look, why don't you sign these
and give them to the nurse?

What do they say?

That you'll give us permission to operate.

I've gotta talk to Sam. I'm not gonna sign
any papers saying you can cut my leg off.

Did you see him in the hallway?

No, I didn't.

Well, I've got to talk to him.

Why is he never here when I need him?

Can I borrow a dime?

[Jill crying]

-It's about time.

-Why weren't you here?

-I needed you and you were not here.

-Wait a minute!
-You're never here when I need you.

What are you talking about?
I just got here.

Would you slow down, please, Kate?

Just tell me what's goin' on!


-What is going on? Shh!
-They wanna amputate my leg.


Oh, come on.

Big joke, right, Sam? Let's split.

I've gotta think.

I wanna go to the mountains.

[Kate cooing]

Hold on. What do they wanna
amputate your leg for?

Because it's full of cancer!

[sighing] Take it easy but take it.

That's one thing my mother taught me
to say

when you encounter
those little daily falls.

Take it easy, but take it.

[laughing wryly] Take it!

[engine starting]

[Sam] You know, Dr. Wilde said
some pretty heavy things back there.

Well, Dr. Wilde is a freak.

Yeah, maybe we should get another doctor.

I don't wanna talk about it.

You know, there's gotta be
other kinds of treatment.

You know, there's this great
cancer clinic in Vancouver.


Couple of hundred miles.
What's a couple of hundred miles?

Couple of hundred miles?
I wanna stay right there.

Exactly like this for the rest of my life.


[breathing heavily] So, I'm happy and...
Shut up! [laughing]

Want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

I want some peace and quiet.

One peace and quiet on rye!


Oh, no, no, no.


That's too much. Beautiful.


She weighs a ton.

OK, so we're going tomorrow.

-[camera clicking]
-To the clinic.

Not me.


[Jill squealing]



Oh, what's your name?
Or that's a multiple choice,

you can pick whatever you want.

[Sam chuckling]

It's David.



That can't be David. He doesn't have
four heads and green, scaly skin.

-What'd you come up here for?
-To see my child.

She's not yours. She's mine.

Well, come in. Have dinner.

Be civilized.

Do you know how I found about the baby?

Your mother told me about it.

It never occurred to her
that I didn't know.

She's a little dense sometimes.

[Jill cooing]

I signed the divorce papers.

You only have for like a year,
haven't you?

But I signed 'em before I knew
about the child.

-[Sam] Jill.

"The child" this, "the child" that.
She's got a name. Her name is Jill.

You don't have to tell him.

Jill Patricia Hayden.

Jill for her... [exclaims] Come here.

Jill for her paternal great grandmother.

Uh, Patricia for Kate's sister.

And Hayden for me.


You do sort of look like her, you know?
Kate said you did when she was born.

Oh. Here, you wanna hold her for me?

And I'll try to get Kate.

[Sam] Now, it ought to be possible,

[clears throat]
theoretically speaking, at least,

for two people to love one another
and then not love one another

and still converse with each other.

I mean, after all, they're still people.

They can still talk.

Still be honest with one another, huh?
[stammers] Deal with the upfront.

Forget the hurt. Just like it was
another examination to get through.

-You're wasting your breath.
-No, no, no, my dear!

Never let it be said!

That a man who quests for love,
peace and understanding.

♪ Be it ever so humble ♪

scale-wise speaking that is,
quests in vain.

-What's he on?

-He just gets this way.

I like it.

Oh, yeah, listen, I noticed
when you were driving up

that your car was packed. Uh...

You going some place.

Home and the university.

-I talked to a lawyer.
-You're into that, huh?

What are you studying?


I talked to a lawyer.

Not telling me you were pregnant
when you filed for divorce

is what they call an omission
of a material fact.

Which means that I don't have
to give you the divorce.

And I can get custody of the child.

Over my dead body.

Oh, what do you want her for, anyway?

Man, you don't look
like the maternal type...

I'm not saying I want her,
I'm saying I can have her.

I see what you meant about this guy.

Frankly I don't know why you want custody.

I don't know
why you didn't get an abortion.

All I heard from her for
a year and a half is, "I'm trapped,

This is a mistake. Let me out.

I hate making your bed
and ironing your shirts.

I hate responsibility.
Any and all kinds of responsibility.

-I'm not ready."
-Stop it.

-And here you are, taking care of a house,
-Shut up!

-A man and his child. What happened?
-[pan clattering]

-I wear sweatshirts.
-I grew up.

Yeah, sure. For five minutes.

Until some other life style
strikes your fancy.

That's not really fair.

It's not really fair to raise a child
on alfalfa sprouts and marijuana.

I'm not raising her
on alfalfa sprouts and marijuana.

I'll give you the divorce,
if you'll give me the child.

-I'll raise her right.
-You'll raise her?

-My mother will. You like her.
-Your mother will!

-She'll raise her right, won't she?
-I'm not gonna listen to any more of this.

Then you'll have everything you've
always wanted. Freedom. A new start!

-No responsibilities!
-Well, I'll tell you something.

Jill needs Kate.

And Kate needs Jill
and I need both of them.


What's it gonna take
to make you understand that.

Let's go outside.

[Kate] David, you're acting
like a ten year old!

You stay out of this!

High Noonsville.

Before we punch it out, David.

I just think that I should tell you

People change.

The only thing Kate wants out of life now
is to be a good mother.

Well, "only", I say "only".

That's number one.

And number two is, is she has cancer.

-You serious.

How extensive is it?

They wanna amputate her leg.

Oh, my God.

[clearing throat and sighing]

What about the baby? What about Jill?

Well, they'll cure it
if she has Jill, see.

They'll have to. She won't let them not.

Because Jill's not a burden to her.

She's not a restriction on her freedom.
Jill's her life.

It's yours.

Thank you.

You're crazy.

[engine starting]

♪ Yes, I've been dreaming
About you every day ♪

♪ Each and every day ♪

♪ And I've been thinking
About you all night long ♪

♪ I even wrote a song ♪

♪ Just to let you know how I really feel ♪

♪ To make you understand my love is real ♪

♪ That you're on my mind all the time ♪

♪ I wish to God... ♪

Is Sam Hayden there?

Well, if he shows up,
will you tell him that Kate called?


-OK. Thank you.
-What are you doing out here?

You're not supposed to be up. I told you
to keep your weight off that knee.

-Come on.
-How come they put a woman in charge

of the whole cancer section.
Because it's hopeless?

Because this is the children's wing.

Children who don't stay in bed
when they are told to stay in bed.

-My bottom gets sore.
-I'm gonna have them bring you

-a terrific crutch.
-I can hardly wait.

[Kate] Is Sam Hayden there?

Well, if he shows up, will you tell him
that Kate called?

No, I already tried that number.

I tried that number, too.

Uh, never mind. OK?

Sure looks like you could
use some music, little lady.

I can't make any sensible decision
without you, Sam.

And you're never here.

And this morning, I was always
hanging around, getting on your nerves.

-Quote, unquote.
-Any idiot could've figured out

that I didn't need you
while I was going through my tests.


-[playing tune]
-♪ Any idiot could have figured out... ♪

Can you stop hiding
behind that stupid guitar?

Listen, how much longer, how much
more money do you think I can borrow

from my parents, Kate? I gotta get a job.

You can get a job any day
of the week you want.

Mopping floors, washing dishes.

-Driving a truck.

-But you don't want a job.
-I don't, huh?

-Can I come into the room, please?
-You just wanna split

from this whole scene.
No, why don't you leave?


-You can't take it.
-[Jill crying]

I can't take it?

I've been sleeping at the foot of your bed
ever since you checked in the hospital.

-Can't take it.
-You can't sleep anywhere else for free.

[groaning] I don't-- I don't believe you.

What are you gonna be?

When you grow up, you fat old thing?

Tall blonde and beautiful, huh?

Kate, don't let her nurse.

Get me a nursing bottle.

Why? The doctors in Spokane
said it was OK.

Because you have radioactive iodine in you
from the tests.

-Now, take her off that breast...
-I don't wanna... can be passed in milk.
-...wean her yet.

You want me to do it?
You want me to do it?

I want you to leave.

"I need you. Why aren't you ever here
when I need you?"

Right, sit up and all you have to do
is hold her as you would nursing.

May I have the bottle? Thank you.

All right, give her the bottle
and don't upset yourself for her.

I can't do it. I don't wanna wean her yet.

-You want me to do it?

She's used to the breast from you.

She might take the bottle better
from her father. Try it.

He's not her father. He's not my husband.

-He's just some creep off the street.
-[chuckling] I see.

Well, all right then, let me try it.

I suppose you haven't discussed
your treatment with him either, have you?

-I just hang out for laughs.
-We noticed.

The generally accepted way
to treat osteogenic sarcoma

is by amputation.

You remove the cancerous part.

If it hasn't spread to any other parts
of the body, it's the best solution.

-[Jill fussing]
-Yes, come.

[Kate] He's not interested.

I am too interested. Would you shut up?

The scanner showed that it hadn't spread.
I think that's amazing

considering how long you waited.

-You're not cutting off my leg.
-May I continue?

The other possibility is radiation
and chemotherapy.

Right, which will make my leg to break
and my hair to fall out

and diarrhea and nausea.

Possibly, but I don't think
you can compare

losing you hair
with losing your leg, Kate.

Well, it's a lousy trip either way.

So, why don't we just
skip the whole thing?

That's suicide.

All these other horrible things
that she's gonna do to me

and there's no guarantees.

No guarantees but a little more time.

A little more time for this one.

It's what you wanted, I thought.
To be a mother.

I don't know what I want any more.

Except to be left alone
just to figure things out.

Do you think this is happening to me
because I was born on the 13th?

Or because I ran away from home?

Do you believe in retribution?

Nobody I know believes in... Ugh...

I don't wanna be a temporary mother
for a year or two.

I wanna be a mother
until I'm a grandmother.

[sighing] And I can't learn to walk
on one leg

while Jill's learning to walk on two.

I won't. It's not fair to Jill.

And what does all that mean
in practical terms, Kate?

It means she wants to wake up
tomorrow morning with no cancer.

And three legs please.
Certainly no less than two.

[doctor] Mmm.

All right. Then.

We will start radiation treatments
in the morning.

There you go.


Would you two call a truce
if I sent in two dinners?


I'm not hungry.

-You behave yourself.

Why is everything all tangled up,
all of a sudden?

[sighing] I don't know.

Well, I love ya.

-Did you forget that?

It's just that...

Come on, say it. Tell me, tell me.

I'm scared.

Oh... I know.

I know you're scared. I am scared, too.
Everybody is scared all the time.

Inside. Everybody. Always.

Well, maybe she's wrong.
Maybe there's somebody else.

Somewhere else, who can give us
a different answer.

Radiation. I don't want to be full
of radiation.

I'll be afraid to touch my child.

I'm afraid I'll contaminate her.

That's as bad as cutting off my leg.

But I don't have the money
to go any place else.

And you don't have the time.

This is the best cancer hospital
in the whole northwest.

And Dr. Gillman is the head of it.

At least, this part of it.
She's got to know something. Right?

We've just gotta trust her, baby.

And each other.

I don't know, it just seems like...

Ninety-nine percent
of this whole strange scene is trust.

Who are you auditioning for this
afternoon, Norman Vincent Peale?

[both laughing]


[both continue laughing]

All right. OK.

Now tell me to leave.


-Mean it.

-I couldn't. Not in a million years.

All right, good.

[strumming tune]

♪ Lady, are you crying? ♪

♪ Do the tears belong to me ♪

♪ Do you think ♪

♪ Our time together is all gone ♪

Oh, yeah. You know, the divorce papers
were in the mail this morning.

Wow! Where's the champagne?

I'm saving it for the wedding.

♪ I'm as close as I can be ♪


Uh, in the great hereafter, I suppose.

No tomorrow. After the first treatment.

♪ Has just begun ♪

Well, my mother used to get us milkshakes
after the dentist.

This is for real.

♪ Close your eyes and rest ♪

♪ Your weary mind ♪

-We're getting married in the hospital?
-[chuckling] Yeah.


No, Weaver and I met this guy
at this audition.

And, uh, he studied to be a rabbi once.

Do you want to be married
by an almost rabbi?

My mother will flip out! [laughing]

Oh, no, he's beautiful, he's beautiful.
He looks like Moses.

He's a 100 feet tall.

Except his beard is shorter.

No, he will... He'll keep me humble.

♪ Became entwined ♪


Are you serious.

♪ That you could know ♪

♪ How much... ♪

Is it legal?

♪ I love you ♪

No, well, probably not.

No, but I'll have a justice of peace
waiting in the wings, just in case.

♪ I'm as close as I can be ♪

How come now, huh?

I mean, marrying me is like betting
on a three-legged horse.

-You can't win.
-Oh, you can, though.

Yeah, you can.

If you have a strange thing
for three-legged horses.

[gasping] Oh, Sam!

♪ Lady, my sweet lady ♪

♪ I'm as close as... ♪

[humming indistinctly]

♪ And I... ♪
[continues humming indistinctly]

♪ Our time... ♪

[banjo playing tune]

-[playing tune]
-Weaver... [speaks indistinctly]

Hey, Sam. Have you got the ring?


Now, come over here. Right?

Put the ring on her right hand,
index finger.

Beautiful women invariably fall
for dumb men.

Now, I told you put it on her right hand.
Index finger.

-You got that?

OK, stand over here.

Right here. Face her. Good.

Now, put it on her right hand,
index finger. Beautiful.

Now you switch it to L3.

-It's ritual.

Come on, Weaver.

OK, now, pay attention.

Because this is the crux
of the whole thing right here.

This is the heart. The soul.
The foundation.

Now, repeat after me.

Behold, you are consecrated unto me
by this ring.

Behold, you are consecrated unto me
by this ring.

And note, consecrated means
that she becomes holy.

-[Sam] Huh?
-[cork popping]

An object of reverence and utmost regard.
It's heavy stuff.

[Sam] Hmm.

-OK. Time to drink.

Weaver, A minor.


[singing in Hebrew]

♪ Blessed art thou, O Lord our God ♪

♪ Who has created man and woman ♪

♪ Who has created earth and sky ♪

♪ That's enough ♪

♪ Who has created brotherhood and joy ♪


Step on it.

-You mean, break, break the glass?
-Smash it. Come on.


-[all applauding]
-[Givits] Yee-haw!

[Banjo strumming continues]


And note, note.

As impossible as it would
be to put this glass back together,

so it is impossible for you two
to live apart from one another. Huh?

You almost missed the whole thing,
sleepy head.

-[Sam chuckling]
-Hey, sleepyhead.

-A minor again?
-[strumming chord]

♪ Banish, O Lord, both grief and wrath ♪

♪ That the dumb may exult in song ♪

♪ With the sanction of those present
We will bless our God ♪

♪ In whose abode is joy
Through whose goodness we live ♪

Now, repeat after me.

With feeling, if possible.

Blessed be our God.

[both] Blessed be our God.

Louder. Come on. In whose abode is joy.

[both] In whose abode is joy!

That's better, OK.

Through whose goodness we live.

[both] Through whose goodness we live.

Of whose bounty we have partaken.

[both] Of whose bounty we have partaken.


[all] Terrific! [laughing]

No, that's it.

[indistinct chattering]

♪ Put your hand in the hand of the man
Who stilled the water ♪

♪ Put your hand in the hand of the man
Who calmed the sea ♪

♪ Take a look at yourself ♪

♪ And you can look at others differently ♪

♪ Put your hand in the hand of the man
From Galilee ♪

♪ Put your hand in the hand of the man
Who stilled the water ♪

♪ Put your hand in the hand of the man
Who calmed the sea ♪

♪ Take a look at yourself ♪

♪ And you can look at others differently ♪

♪ Put your hand in the hand of the man
From Galilee ♪

-[chuckling] Oh. Sam.
-Welcome home.

-Which one is it?
-Right here, with the screen

and, uh, and the dirty windows.

Oh, I've gotta get inside.

-No, it's got indoor plumbing. Huh?
-Oh, Sam.

Hot and cold, oh, yeah.
Hot and cold running water.

-Not too many steps.
-Ah, baby don't cry.

Close enough to the hospital to walk
when you're feeling stronger,

the whole beautiful world
outside your living room door.

Uh? Uh?

-There's even a bay with the sailboats.

-It's beautiful.

Oh, Sam.

-Look at the size of this kitchen.
-There's more. There's much more.

Oh, Sam.

-But it's enormous. [laughing]


-But can we afford it? OK.
-Just let me worry about that please.

-[Jill fussing]
-[Sam mollycoddling]

I know.

-We even have a john that works. [laughs]

Uh, the first thing I'm going to do
is make a rug.

A rag rug and then
I'm gonna make a patchwork quilt.


My grandmother taught me to do it
about a 100 years ago.

-I love it!
-[knocking on door]


Hi. I thought you children might need
some food.

It's chicken and herbs,
the baby's gonna--

Oh, that's the baby.


Oh, hey, she's so pretty.

Yeah, what's her name?


Right. I know you're really busy.

But, hey, if you want to go out,
leave the baby with me.

I'll take really good care of Jill.
I really will. I really love children.

And if you eve need anything,
stomp on the floor

because I live in the basement.
It's sort of like a basement.

Oh, uh, I'm Nora. See you later.

Friend of yours?

Uh, well, she lives downstairs,
and she runs a psychedelic shop, I think.

Hi, Dad. And then, upstairs,

there's a family of Romanians
with a trampoline.

Uh, they run a gym.

Oh, you're going to love this.

-[Kate laughing]
-You're going to love this.

You're going to... [mumbling]


-What? You want a pillow? Some water?
-No, just play me something. OK?

-No... Are you su-- Are you... Yeah?

Just play me a song.

OK. Hang on.

I got one for ya.

[guitar playing tune]

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ On my shoulders makes me happy ♪

[both] ♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ Almost always makes me high ♪

-That was close.
-[both laughing]


♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ On the water ♪

♪ Looks so lovely ♪


[both] ♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ Almost always ♪

♪ Makes me high ♪



♪ If I had a song ♪

♪ That I could sing for you ♪

♪ I'd sing a song ♪

♪ Sure to make you smile ♪

[Kate] I didn't know
if you'd sing that line.

-[Sam] I didn't either. No, no, no, no.
-[Kate laughing]

[Kate] ♪ If I had a... ♪

Oh, what's wrong?

[Sam] ♪ A wish ♪

[Kate] ♪ That I could wish for you ♪

♪ I'd make a wish ♪

-[Sam and Givits crooning]
-[guitar and banjo playing tune]

♪ Take me home, country roads ♪

[indistinct dialog]

♪ Gather round her ♪

♪ Miner's lady, stranger to blue water ♪

[Sam crooning]

[indistinct lyrics]

♪ I love you all night long ♪

♪ And it's goodbye again ♪

♪ I'm sorry to be leavin' you ♪

♪ Goodbye again ♪

♪ As if you didn't... ♪

Kate, Kate.

-Oh, no, hey, OK.
-Can you watch her?

[Jill crying]

♪There is a fire in the corner
Slowly dying ♪

[camera clicks]

[camera clicks]

♪ I've seen a lot of sunshine
I've stepped out in the rain ♪

♪ Then it's night or two out on my own ♪

♪ So lovely ♪

-[guitars strumming]
-[harmonica playing]

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ Nearly always makes me high ♪

♪ If I... ♪

Hi, Mommy!

♪ I could sing ♪

-[Jill whining indistinctly]
-[guitar playing tune]


♪ Sunshine all the while ♪

[Sam humming]

[Kate] Shut up!

How can you sing when I'm throwing up?

How can you throw up when I'm singing?

I can't help it. It's the pills.
You know that.

Well, the Christians always used to sing
before they were thrown to the lions.

You know. It seemed like a good thing
to do, in the face of adversity.

Adversity, oh, wow.

Well, well, you're laughing.
That's better than before.

I can't keep my food down. I can't sleep.

My hair is coming out in the handfuls

and you want me to laugh
at your sick jokes?

I am a sick joke.

-Then laugh at yourself.
-I can't!

It's better than crying.

[sniffling] I'm not crying!

They can't even find a vein
that's any good any more

-to put the damn shots in!
-[speaking indistinctly]

They're going to have to put it
in my temple next time.

Oh, it's a riot. It's a laugh a minute.

I suppose you've just left Jill.

Jill, what are you doing?

Hi, Mommy.

Bad girl! Bad girl!

Bad girl! You're a bad girl!

[crying] No, Sam.

[Sam] Ow. No!

[Jill] Daddy.


-I gotta go get Jill.

-Talk to me.
-In a minute.

-[choked up] Sam...
-In a minute.

-[Kate crying]
-Come on, come on, come on.

-I'm sorry.

Well, why don't we all go to the park
or something?

It's gonna rain.

It's warm outside. The sun is shining.

[Jill babbling]


Come give Mommy a kiss.


Kate, will you come on, please?

-I'm not going to that stupid park.
-Kate, please.

I'm not going to compete with you
for my baby.

Nobody's competing.

She's mine, Sam. Remember?

You're stealing her from me.

She's the only thing in the world
that's altogether mine.

I know what you're doing.

I know what I'm doing, too.

I'm taking care of another man's
kid 24 hours a day.

That's what I'm doing.

You're teaching her to hate me

-OK, Mom? that when I die...

-...she won't be so much trouble.

You can marry just any old broad.
Any old broad'll be better than Mommy!


-[vehicles rumbling]
-[horns blaring]

[Kate] I've already made my decision.

I'm not going to therapy any more.

I hate it.
You're just wasting your breath.

If you don't exercise that leg every day,
you're going to lose the use of it.

The radiation weakens the muscles
along with the cancer.

-Between treatments you've got to be...
-It hurts.

Of course it hurts.

If it hurts too much, take the pain pills.

I don't want to take the pain pills
any more. They mess up my head.

Do you want the use of your leg, Kate?

I don't even want to live.


[both laughing]

Oh, you should find yourself a man
and have about 200 children.

-You'd be world's greatest mother.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

-I have 350 kids right here.

-And you're my oldest.
-And most difficult.

-I know.
-Right now. Right now.

I'll give you Jill.

You're kidding.

No, I'm not.

Take me off everything.

The pain pills, the cancer pills,
the shots. [sniffling]

The radiation, take me off everything.

Or take my child.


I could go do it, maybe, if it didn't mean
throwing up three times a day

or flushing my hair down the toilet.

But I can't go on doing what I'm doing
to Sam and Jill.

It'll get better, really.

-Your system is going to get used to it.
-[buzzer buzzing]

Sam understands.

Jill doesn't.

Jill can't.

-All she knows is that her mother...
-Excuse me. Yes. I'm busy.

Can you have them call me back. Yes.

All she knows is that her mother
is screaming at her 25 hours a day.

She never used to cry.

[voice breaking]
Now she cries all the time.

She cries in her sleep.

She cries when she wakes up.

She chews her fingernails.
She has nightmares.

And when I come in to see her
in the middle of the night, she screams.

All I ever really wanted to do
was have a child.

A girl. And raise her the way
I should have been raised.

With nothing but love and freedom.

No shoes. No clothes. No puritan ethic.

No anger.

No rules.

So that she could...

be open to the sun and the snow

and the mountains and the rain
and just know how to love

and it's awful hard
when you've never been loved.

[sighing] When all you've... When all
you've known is people scream at you


tell you how bad you are.

Don't just sit there.

Why don't you write some of that down?

-Some of what?
-What you just said.

And more.

You could write Jill letters.

You know, tell her things... [sighing]
that you would while she was growing up.

-Oh, sure.
-No, really.


You could anticipate her questions.

You know? Um...

What she was going to ask you about
when she was six.

Things that you'd be telling her then.

Nothing. You already now everything
when you're six.


How about when you're ten or sixteen?

I don't know.

Well, sure you do.

Let's see...

Um, what about pimples?

-[both laughing]
-OK. There you go. There's one.

-You know about pimples, right?
-Yeah, I know about that.

OK and let's see,
what else could you tell her about?


Yes, you could tell her about boys
and things you like,

like trees and grass and mountains, rain.

The seasons. Constancy.

Oh, there's so many.
You can tell her about love.

-So she'd know you.

And who you were
and how you feel about her.

I can't type.

-Well, then tape it.
-What am I supposed to buy

a tape recorder with? Food stamps?

No, I can do better for you than that.

Well, you certainly know
how to change the subject.

Well, you've got a life to get through.

As well as a death.

And I can't do it taking drugs.

Let me get the tapes for that.

Now, look, Kate.

We do have another drug.

It's still in experimental stages.

I just want to stop taking
what I'm taking now.

I know.

It's been quite successful in preventing
secondary cancers in animals.

The experiments have been running
for two years.

-But they're not finished.
-Two years?

-Is it a depressant?

-Does it make you throw up?
-It doesn't make monkeys throw up.

-Now wait just a minute.

Quite successful means seventy percent.

Thirty percent of the animals
have already died.

-It's no miracle, Kate.
-70% is more than half a chance.

It's simply a substitute
for what you're on now.

One that might not give you
as much trouble, that's all.

It's... It's experimental.
It could give you more trouble.

It's a long long shot.
There are no guarantees.

I don't want...
I don't want any guarantees.

Whose to say you won't get run over
by a truck on the way to kindergarten.

Or have a man Sam
or have a kid like Jill.

I don't want any guarantees.

When I said two years,
that doesn't mean... Kate, listen to me.

-It doesn't mean that...
-I don't want any guarantees!

Two years! I was born lucky.

I can write War and Peace in two years.

Jill'll be four in two years!
I can remember when I was four.

I went to the zoo! [chuckling giddily]

Kate, please listen to me.
Now, I have more to say. Now, wait.

Kate, you have to let me finish.




Sam, are you here?


Hello, tape recorder, can you hear me?

Come on.

Hello, Doctor Gillman. Hello, Jill.

Hello, world!


I love you.

[over tape recorder] Hello,
Doctor Gillman. Hello, Jill.

Hello, world!


I love you.

[tape recorder clicking]


[laughing giddily] Sam!



I have so many things to write about.

And so many things to say to someone
to someone who'll listen,

I don't know where to begin.

♪ A C, back to G, G again ♪

♪ With an F sharp bass
To E minor ♪

♪ C again ♪


Where's my tape recorder?

It's right here, on the--
on the rocking chair.

It's absolutely freaky having a thing
for a machine but I really love it.

[Nora] Anything that makes you as happy
as you've been the last couple of weeks,

can't be all that bad, Kate.

Even if it is a machine.

Oh, it's a trip. Definitely a trip.

Yeah, an ego trip is what it is.

Ego-shmeego, man.

Anything that satisfies you
is an ego trip.

Even dying.

-Oh, that's funny.
-Oh, Weaver, sit on it.

-Thanks a lot, cuz.

-Hey, Sam? Sam? Can we please rehearse?
-Hey, who invited him?

-Let them clean up.
-Sam, go on, now. I'll do the dishes.

-Go on, now.
-[Jill wailing]

[incoherent chattering]

[Weaver singing indistinctly]


♪ ...sorrow in your eyes ♪

♪ The stars are changing quietly ♪

♪ The night is nearly gone ♪

[Sam] Kate.

We got company, Sam.
Let's talk about it later.

You're not taking your pills.

They make me just as sick
as the other ones.

So, how many did you take? You didn't give
your body a chance to get used to 'em.

-What did you take? Two or three?

-Ten days.


-That ought to be enough.
-She didn't give the other pills

-a chance to work.
-They made me dizzy

on top of everything else, Sam!

Dizzy? What does dizzy got to do with it?

I can't take care of Jill. I can't think.
I fall down.

-I can't work on the book.

That book! That book's more important
to you than living?


[muttering indistinctly]


Now, look,
if it's right for Kate, it's right.

You know, it's really not up to you or me
or even her doctor

to tell her how to live her life.

If it's right for Kate, it's right.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, what about me and Jill?

No. She's not taking the pills,
she's not taking anything.

She doesn't even want to come in
for the radiation treatments any more.

I ...

Yeah, no, yeah, man,
I know the consequences!

I'm the one...


Yes. She knows. We've talked.

We've talked and talked
until I'm talked out.

So, you see, I'm turning it
all over to you, now.



You've gotta have time, you're the one
who gave her the damn machine...

Listen, they've got
to give you five minutes

sometime during the day for lunch, right?

So, just come on over.
We'll split a can of spam or something.

[Kate] When I started the book,

I realized that the length of your life

doesn't make the slightest bit
of difference.

It's the qualify, not the quantify.

[sighing] Well, maybe with your drugs

I'll be able to live until I'm 360.

And maybe without them, OK,
I'll die... sooner.

Like, tomorrow maybe.

A couple of months maybe.
Enough time to leave a little book...

A part of myself for Jill.
Even for Mr. Grouch face.

-Here's the little treat I promised you.
-Thank you, Sam.

-The decision is up to you, Kate.
-The decision is not up to her.

She's into playing Camille.

-[Kate] I'm not.
-Can't you see that?

I just know the kind of life I wanna live.

Yeah, without any regard for anybody else.

What do you mean, "Without any regard
for anybody else"?

Kate, there has to be an understanding
that if you give up the drugs

and if you give up the radiation treatment

you will have absolutely no chance
of stopping cancer.

And it grows very fast.

How fast is very fast?

[Sam] How fast is fast? That's not
the point. How can you ask that?

Didn't you hear her what she said?

With medication,
you have a chance to live.

A chance. A ten to twenty percent chance
to live for five years as a vegetable.

[Sam] I want you to live!
Jill wants you to live!

I can't live on medication, Sam.

That's what I'm trying to say.

So, they're going to find a cure
for cancer, right?

I mean, thirty years ago you died
of diphtheria, pneumonia and polio.

Today it's cancer.

They're going to find a cure for cancer
any day now.

[sighing] In zero to five years?

It's possible.

But the odds?

[sighing] I can't take that gamble.

-You have to take that gamble.
-And die after five years

after I've made everybody miserable
including myself.

What for, Sam?


How fast will it spread
if I don't take the medication?

It's impossible for me to predict that.

Well, I won't die tomorrow, will I?

I mean, I'll have some time
before it gets to my lungs.

And then some time again
before it kills me.

And up until then...

I'm not going to feel much worse
than I feel now, am I?

You'll feel much worse at the end.

[Kate] But until then...

Weaker, perhaps, but not perceptibly.


That's enough time.

Enough time?

Enough time? Enough time for what?
To be a wife? To be a mother?

To... to see the world? To experience
everything there is to experience?

-"Enough time"?
-[Dr. Gillman] Sam.

Sixty years isn't enough time for me!

Yes, but you don't have a tape recorder.

I don't... I don't believe any of this!


It's not quite as cut and dried
as you make it out to be.

Without medication,
she will certainly die.

And within a short period of time.

With medication
she will most likely, also die.

But not quite as soon.

Osteogenic sarcoma is very rare,

And we don't have much of a chance
to work with it.

And very deadly.

So whenever we do have a case,
we just don't have much time.

-Yeah, well...
-Sam, listen to me.

And some people react
so adversely to medication,

that the difference between dying soon
and dying sooner,

has no meaning to them.

-Well, in my opinion... No, you wait--
-Just a minute. Just a minute.

-Perhaps it's better to die with purpose

and dignify, even if it's sooner.


In my opinion, you are committing suicide.

And you are a murderer.

[door slamming]

He loves dramatic exits.

Does he do it often? Will he be back?

Does it matter?

[Kate sighing over recording]
Feeling sorry for myself.

I like to, sometimes.

Like right now, because I'm alone.

Because I'm dying.

I like being a martyr.

-At least it gives me something to b e.
-[tape recorder clicks]

I love you, Mommy.

[all singing] ♪ There's a fire in
The corner slowly dying ♪

♪ Sometimes
I just don't feel like goin' on ♪

♪ And yet I know it's more than worth
The waiting ♪

♪ For another chance
To see the summer sun ♪

♪ Come on shine on me ♪


♪ There's a fire
In the corner slowly dying ♪

♪ Sometimes I just don't feel
Like goin' on ♪

♪ And yet I know it's more than worth
The waiting ♪

♪ For another chance
To see the summer sun ♪

♪ Come on shine on me ♪

-[telephone ringing]
-OK, we have to decide.

-If we're gonna "yee-haw"...
The "bop-bop-do"...

[overlapping conversations]

Doesn't anybody answer the phone
in this place?


[guitar playing tune]


You going to take the pills or not?

That's not... That's not the question.
Just answer the question.

No, if you take the pills, I come back.
It's as simple as that. It's easy.

Oh, come no now, I don't want to hear
any more of this garbage, Kate.

Just, will you or won't you, right?

Right. OK. Bye.

Who was that?

Wrong number.


I'll put the rest of these up
for you, Doctor.

Thank you, Mary.

How's Jill?



Oh, I've got some thing for you.

I thought you weren't going
to give me these these

-unless I went to therapy.
-No, I wouldn't do that to you.

It looks worse.

Yes, Doctor, it does.

But the chest X-ray was negative.

-It hasn't spread to my lungs.
-That's correct.

So the fact that the knee's worse
isn't really significant, is it?

Who are we kidding, me or you?

-[Kate] It was worth a try.
-[both chuckling]

Where is Sam keeping himself these days
or don't you know?

Sure I know.

He's been staying
in a place called O'Brien's

-on Western and 66th.

-But don't waste your time.
-Let me take a look at that knee.

It's so ugly.
I should have had it cut off.

You miss Sam much?

Jill does.

What about you?


[Dr. Gillman] What days
does Sam work at O'Brien's?

[Kate] Work? He doesn't work there.

He just goes to practice there
during the day.

-But like I said, don't waste your time.
-[Dr. Gillman] Of course not.

♪ To go a little while ♪

♪ And it's goodbye again ♪

♪ I'm sorry to be leavin' you ♪

♪ But goodbye again ♪

♪ As if you didn't know ♪

♪ It's goodbye again ♪

♪And I wish that you could tell me ♪

♪ Why do we always fight ♪

♪ When I have to go ♪

-It's very good.
-Hi, Doc.

Well, well, well.
If isn't Marcus Welby in drag.


Sam? Could I talk to you a minute?


-You're not gonna talk to her?
-No, we're rehearsing.

That's what's happening right now.

-Right? OK.
-Not gonna talk to her?

Are you afraid?

There's just nothing I really want
to talk to you about. That's all.

I see.

Well, then you're going to have
to bear with me.

'Cause there's a few things
I want to talk to you about.

Your wife. Your responsibilities.
Your humanity. Or your lack of it.

You're letting her kill herself

and you're talking to me
about my lack of humanity?

Why did you marry her?
You knew she had cancer.

-Why did you marry her?
-He's a little stupid.

This is your business?

-I loved her.
-Well, don't you still love her?

I, well... I don't know.
I really don't know.


No, no, he doesn't.
And if we're all satisfied,

-we'd like to rehearse.
-Why don't you stay out of this?

-Hey, let's go get some eats, huh?
-I'm not hungry.

I'm hungry.

No, wait a minute. We're still rehearsing.
Everything on stage...

-Look, all I know is,

is that I can't watch her not fight.

I realize it's terminal.

I realize that it wouldn't do
any good at all to fight.

-Would you... Do you want some of this?

But I want her to. I mean, I would.
If it was me.

Yeah, well, it's not you. It's her.

She's dying her way.

-And she has a right.
-But she's accepted it.

She's given up.
And she wants my approval for that.

And I can't give it to her.
I just can't hack that.


Wait and see how Ivy grows, Jill.

It grows really fast.

Let's put it over by the window, OK?

It's gonna get lots... Lots of sunshine.

It'll be perfect.
We can tie it with some string.

Right. We can tie it with some string,
it'll frame the window

and it'll look really pretty.

Really leafy.

-[Jill babbling] I'm wet, Mommy.

Oh, my God, wet pants.

Get me some pants, OK?

I tried to write a poem for Jill today,

But all I could think of was sunshine.

Beautiful sunshine.

If I had a piano,
I could play a lullaby for Jill.

A blues lullaby.

Hi, Mom. It's Kate...

How are you?

People have been nice
but there isn't anybody I can cry with.

Nobody to touch me. Nobody to say it's OK.

Is Dad there?

Nobody to comfort me
and listen to my self-pity.

I'm so tied up inside it hurts.

[sighing] I wish
my sister could come down.

You should see her.
She's growing like a weed.

It's just that if I was a grandmother,

I'd take a little more interest
in my grandchild.

No, I'm not criticizing, Mom.

Sam's fine.

No, he's not here right now.

[sighing] Why?

He's rehearsing, I suppose,
I really don't know.

That's right, Mom.
I don't know exactly where he is.

OK? Satisfied?

Just a couple of weeks.


He just... He just has a hard time, Mom.

With my knee and all,
not being able to get a job.


Mom, if you keep going on like this,
I'm just going to hang up.

No, I don't need anything.

Yes, I do. I need Pat. Will you please
send her down here for a weekend?

What kind of trouble
is she gonna get into,

helping me take care of Jill
and clean up the house?

Never mind, Mom.

It's been really great talking to you,
I'd forgotten what a sweetheart you are.

Yeah. Now, I won't miss you any more.

-Hey, too tie.

[knocking on door]

Who is it?

[Sam] Bob Dylan.


Making love to your tape recorder?

It's a nice alternative.

It doesn't get angry.

And it doesn't leave
when things get sticky.

-It's not bullheaded. It's not stupid.

I certainly hope
that you'll both be very happy together.

This guy was hanging around O'Brien's.

When the pound came,
I told them he was yours.

-Came to get all your junk, uh?

It's a weird time to move, isn't it?

Jill's asleep.

[Kate] So it's easier.

[Sam] A lot easier.

I'll shut up, too, if you want me to.

Doesn't make much difference
one way or the other.

No. I'm immune to you.

What's the cat's name?


Is that symbolic or something?

No, it's descriptive.

He likes me. He'll stay with me.

He's dumb. He might.

I miss you and all your snitty remarks.

Yes, and I miss you.

And your death wish.

-[Kate] It's gone.
-Sure. Sure.

No, really. It really is. It's gone.

You gonna take the drugs?

Let's go to the mountains.

You and me and Jill.

It's really nice up there now.

I miss talking to you.

I miss making love to you, too.

But what about the cancer, Kate?

Come on. What're we gonna do
about the cancer?

Live with it.


You're asking me to watch you die, baby.
I can't do that.

I need you.

I'm begging you.

I'm not asking you to die with me,

I'm not asking you
to stay to the very end.

I'm just asking you to live with me.

Everybody knows that a cat won't stay
in a house

where someone's dying.

Stay as long as Gypsy stays.

[cat purring]



Peace within myself.

Summer is over and fall is my time.

My poetry. I love it.

Virgo in September and changing leaves,

falling and cluttering
and drifting to the ground.

The smell of the sun and the dying grass,

the light filtering through the branches.

In autumn,
the sun is in the peace position.

So, it's time for warm sweaters
and football and touching and loving.

Oh, I love it so much! [laughing]

Where the hell have you been?

Can you help me get the stuff
out of the car, please?

-[Kate] Nora!
-We had an audition. Remember?

I mean, we almost had a job.
Except you weren't here.

I had to go to the mountains.

What do you mean
you had to go to the mountains?

Without telling anybody?

Will you just cool it, Weaver?
We just got back.

You knew we had an audition,
what are you trying to do?

You have just become Mr. Irresponsibility
and it really is getting me down.

-How's the big C coming along, Kate?
-Would you cool it, I said!

-[Nora] ... be nice!
-[Kate] ... better till you got here!

Right, you better rush back
to the mountains and recuperate

from nasty old Weaver.

[Sam] You are nasty.

-Nora, will you give me the...
-I mean, your old man...

-...on the table.
-...doesn't need to work.

Oh, yeah. Sure.

And, you know, it's really true.
It really is.

Nothing is more important to you
than dying is.

[Nora] There you go.

I mean, you don't have hospital bills.
Or you don't pay rent.

Or buy food. Or gasoline.
And Jill never outgrows her shoes.

-Jill never wears shoes.
-That's funny.

-Oh! Let go, Gypsy.

I tell ya, I wish I had parents
I could soak.

So grand, Weaver.

See you later.

It's wine time.

-No, thank you.

-[Nora] Goodbye, Weaver.

It's so pathetic, the guys they got.

Keith Wilder and Gordon Matthews.

You know we're better than they are.

I know we would've had the job
if we'd only been there.

Thank you.
If Kate hadn't had to dragged you off...

Just... It's my fault.
Just leave Kate out of this.

-Yeah, well, I've had it. I'm splitting.

-The group.
-[Jill] Mommy.

I got to make money.

-Sam'll do better as a single.

-He won't do anything as a single.
-That's good, baby.

That's very good. You really know how
to bring a guy out.

You know what I mean, Weaver?

I don't know what you need money for.

You eat all our food.
And drink all our wine.

Well, you've wrecked my life. I might
as well be into you for something.

Why do you think
I won't make it as a single?

Because he's jealous.

He's a nerd and he knows nobody's going to
pay any money to see a nerd.

[Weaver] I love you, too.

No, because you don't work any more,
even when we're here, you don't work.

Remember the hours we used to put in
at the beginning.

I mean night after night, all night.

It just doesn't mean enough to you.
Music doesn't.

-That's a dumb lie.
-No, it isn't. It's the truth.

So, what are you gonna do now
on your own?

I don't know.

I was, uh...

I was selling stuff until I ran into you.
You know?


You know, Kate, being at the hospital
all the time. You got access.

How about it? I mean, being in the family,
you know, you owe it to me.

That's not really terribly funny, man.

Wasn't meant to be terribly funny.


Then you should probably
get the hell out of my house.

-You talking to me or her?
-I'm talking to you, man.

You should probably get
the hell out of my house.

Mmm... Well, I would but I think I'd
rather stay and toast to you, John Wayne.

[glass shattering]

Get the hell our of my house, man.



And don't come back until you're
ready to apologize to my wife, pilgrim.


That's exactly right, yeah.

Don't hold your breath.

[motorcycle engine revving]

Look out for all that glass there.

It's so beautiful with Sam now.

It's better than it's ever been.

You should hear his music,
it's really nice.


In fact, they had an audition today.
He should be here pretty soon.

Has he got the adoption papers
for Jill yet?

No. He hasn't even applied yet.


Here it is.

-[Kate] How much time does that leave me?
-Not much.

Well, weeks, months, days?

Oh, hi. I'm sorry I'm late, man.

I ... I was looking for Gypsy all morning.

I didn't even get to the audition.

The minute you left, she ran away.


'Cause he knew.

It's in the lung.

[car door buzzing]

[buzzing stops]



[tape recorder clicking]


[knocking on door]


-[Sam] Nora.
-[knocking continues]


Come in.

Do you leave your door
unlocked like this all the time?

[Nora] Mmm.


Is Kate all right?

[Sam] Oh, she's fine. She's fine.
Uh, she's upstairs asleep.

-Oh. Hi.

Uh, turn the light on. Come on in.

Oh, yeah, well, the thing is,
is that I wanted to...

I had to have somebody to talk to. See?

So, um, the reason is that...

We got the job.

[laughing] We got the mother loving job
at O'Brien's.

So, we start tomorrow night.
Two nights a week at O'Brien's.

Oh, Sam, that's so great.

Hand me that shawl over there,
off the horse?

-[Nora] So, tell me.

Uh, yeah, it was Weaver. All this time,
I thought Weaver had gone home.

But all that time,
he's talkin' to 'em at O'Brien's

about a real job.

And they hire us. They actually hire us.

-Yeah, God.

O'Brien's. Have you any idea
who started at O'Brien's?

-Neither have I.

[both laughing]

Oh, no. It's horse riding.

It's Hayden in the stretch.

[Kate over recording] ♪ Look around ♪

♪ Grasses high ♪

♪ It's the springtime of my life ♪

♪ I'm gonna die ♪

♪ In the chill of the damp night ♪

I run silently and swiftly to my departure

I wish I had a piano.

I'd play the blues.

We'll have a house in the Hollywood Hills
with a lot of swimming pools

and a lot of horses.

No, I know a lot of superstars

-and that's what they all do all the time.
-Is that what they do?

-[both laughing]

[both continue laughing]

-What is it?
-What's what? What?

-What're you laughing at?
-What're you laughing at?

Me? I'm laughing 'cause I'm very happy
that you got the job.


Well, come here, then.

[softly] Sam...

No, I'm hard of hearing

[mumbles indistinctly]

-Sam, do you hear me?

We're not going to make a habit of this.

Sorry, I can't hear a word you say.



It's all right.

Wow, you smell of lavender. [chuckling]

She smells of death.

And I want to make things good
between Sam and me again.

I know the best thing way to that is to...
to make love the way we used to.

But I can't.

It hurts so.

How you doing?


What time is it?

Uh, it's pretty late.

Uh, we got the job.

We stayed late to rehearse tonight.

-You got the job.
-Yeah, two nights a week.

-It's fabulous.

[both laughing]

You smell like lavender.

That's nice.

I love you, Daddy.

-Of course, he gets paid.

He's with a union. They have to pay him.
It's a regular job.

You sit right here, baby.

Well, if it's any of your business,
he gets paid a lot.

Would please stop trying
to run my life, Mom.

Uh, hi. This is King Kong speaking.

Yes. You wanna know how much money I make?
No, I'll tell you how much money I make.

$4,000 a week.

Huh? No, we're just about to move
into this incredible mansion.

If you are good, maybe,
maybe we will invite you over.

Oh, yeah. no, don't call us.
We will call you.

-Goodbye. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
-[both laughing]

That ought to hold her for a while.

That was a different kind of a kiss.

It's just that I'm higher
than a kite right now.

Do you realized in six hours
we hit the big time?

I know. I wish I could be there.

Oh, but you are gonna be there.

-Well, Jill's just got over the cold.
-No, no, no.

We're gonna leave Jill someplace
and you're coming with me.

[Jill] I wanna go to the park.

What's going on?

Nothing's going on.
I just want you with me. That's all.

What's wrong with that?

[Jill] Daddy.

What's wrong with that?

Sam, are you fooling around?

[scoffing] "Fooling around".

"Fooling around".

Are you having an affair?

[sighing] You just can't stand anybody
else having center stage, can you?

-That wasn't the question.

[Jill] Daddy?

Someone's calling you.

-[Jill] Daddy?
-The answer obviously is no.

Absolutely, categorically, no.


Sam, it's OK.

It doesn't matter.

[door slamming]


[whistling] Nora.

[Nora] Yeah?

-Yeah, I'm coming.

-[knocking on door]
-Coming. Coming. Coming.


-Oh, Sam, isn't it great? So pretty.
-Oh, yeah.

Uh, Kate said
that she just got over a cold

and that she should probably get
to bed really early.

-Sure. I'll do it.


You wanna come in?

-Uh, no, I better not.

-Well, you're looking real fine.

Yeah, I like it. Back's great, too.



[Nora] See you tomorrow?

It's, uh, difficult.

Yeah, but it doesn't have to be.

Not as long as your head's
in the right spot.

Go break a leg, fella.

-Go on. Get outta here.
-OK, yeah. OK. Right.

[horn blaring]

Wait a minute, wait a minute.
wait a minute.

-I got you.

-All right. All right. boy, are you OK?



-[strumming tune]
-[scat singing]

Hey! Where were you?

It's about time.

Yeah, would you get my guitar,
it's out in the bus.

We were supposed to go on
a half an hour ago.

-[Kate] I'm sorry.
-[Weaver] Oh, you're sorry.

[incoherent chattering]

Pull up a chair, sit down.
Wait, wait, wait.

This is Tori. Tori, this is Sam and Kate.

[Sam] You gonna be OK, here?

Um, I'd rather sit back.
I can hear just as well.

You know, just ask the man.
He'll give you another beer.


Uh, ladies and gentlemen.

-[man] We gotta get together after.

Right on. Right on.

-Right after the show!
-[indistinct conversations]


Can you hear me back there?

Listen, if you could settle down...

Can I have your attention please?


-Somebody? Hello?
-Come on! I can't hear myself drink!

[crowd laughing]


[strumming tune]

[woman] Hey, what's going on?
I haven't seen you in so long!

♪ Lady ♪

♪ Are you crying? ♪

♪ Do the tears belong to me? ♪

[indistinct chattering and yelling]

♪ Did you think our time together ♪

♪ ls all gone? ♪

♪ Lady, you've been dreaming ♪

♪ I'm as close as I can be ♪

♪ And I swear to you ♪

♪ Our time has just begun ♪

They're not good.

♪ Close your eyes ♪

♪ And rest your weary mind ♪

♪ I promise ♪

♪ I'll stay right here beside you ♪

♪ Today our lives were joined ♪

♪ Became entwined ♪

♪ And I wish ♪

♪ That you could know ♪

♪ How much I love you ♪

♪ Lady, are you happy? ♪

♪ Do you feel the way I do? ♪

♪ Are there meanings ♪

♪ That you've never ♪

♪ Seen before? ♪

♪ Lady ♪

♪ My sweet lady ♪

♪ I just can't believe it's true ♪

♪ It's like I've never ♪

♪ Ever loved before ♪

♪ Close your eyes ♪

♪ And rest your weary mind ♪

♪ I promise ♪

♪I'll stay right here beside you ♪

♪ Today our lives were joined ♪

♪ Became entwined ♪

♪ And I wish that you could know ♪

♪ How much I love you ♪

♪ Oh, oh, my lady ♪

♪ Are you crying? ♪

♪ Do the tears belong to me? ♪

♪ Do you think ♪

♪ Our time together ♪

♪ ls all gone? ♪

♪ Lady, my sweet lady ♪

♪ I'm as close as I can be ♪

♪ And I swear to you ♪

♪ Our time has just begun ♪

[music stops playing]

Clap, you dope heads.

[audience laughing and applauding]

[people whistling, whooping]

-[both laughing]

-Wasn't it incredible? [grunting]
-Yeah. [panting]

At first, I thought
they were never gonna listen.

[laughing] And then I thought,
they were never gonna clap.

-[both laughing]
-What a gig!


What an incredible gig. Huh?

[sighing] Well, shall I go downstairs
and get Jill or what?

-Oh, what time is it?
-[exhaling] It's 2:30.

-Then we should leave her.


My tape recorder, where... Where is it?

The door was open.

-And I always lock the door.
-Oh, Sam.


...two, three, four.

Is everyone ready now?
Jack, are you ready?

[Jack] We're ready.

We're rolling.

Kate, eighth interview at her apartment.

[man 1 ] By now,
everyone knows Kate Hayden.

Knows what she's been through.

What's happened to her,
what happened to her tapes

of the hospital.

Uh, could we hold it?
Wait. Wait just a minute, please.

Mrs. Hayden, do you think we could bring
the child in here with you?

Jill? come here.

-[Jill grunting]
-[man 1 ] Beautiful.

That's it exactly.

Well, I stopped...
I stopped taking drugs or anything

be... or anything else for the cancer
because, um...

they messed my head up and I couldn't say
what I wanted to say

and I couldn't leave the book
I wanted to leave her.

So they expect me to die pretty,
pretty soon.

And that's really hard to say,

'cause all of a sudden,
there's nothing left for her.

I don't suppose whoever, uh, took my tapes

and tape recorders...

[chuckling] Recorder, um... is watching,

but if you are, please, um,

please send me back the used tapes.

They aren't any good to you anyway.

Mrs. Hayden, the station has authorized me
to present you with this new tape recorder

-and one dozen reels of tape.
-Thank you.


If you ever feel the need
to talk to someone, baby,

-come to this book.
-More mail!

-Are you ready for this?
-Written words can't help much,

-but at least it'll let you know

how much I would've cared.

For whatever was wrong.

I love you so much, baby.

-[telephone ringing]
-I got it.


No, no. This is a friend of hers,
can I help you?

I wish I could be with you
when you're old enough to read this.

No, she can't be at the phone
right now, can I take a message?

I wonder what the world's gonna be
like then.

[Nora] She's in the bathroom.

-Yes. Papaya juice?
-[Kate continues speaking indistinctly]

Yes, I've got that. OK.

Yeah, I'll make sure she gets it.

Thank you very much. Bye-bye.

This one says papaya juice, beet root,
soybean oil in a blender.

Six times a day for six weeks.

[scoffing] People. God bless 'em.

Please remember that sex is a function,

and love is an emotion.

Don't just sleep with any man for sex.

Because when you're in love,
there's a bond of giving and receiving.

It's so important, Jill.

If any sort of relationship
is gonna survive.

Well, East Germany's got the cure today.

Tomorrow I suppose
it's gonna be Red China, right?

-Well, listen to this.
-Hmm. What?

"God has a reason for everything,
Mrs. Hayden.

Search your soul, find your sin.

For you have indeed committed
a terrible..."

I'm going to miss you, Sam.

The way you touch me and comfort me
when I'm sad.

And the way you smile.

And the way you dance around
when you're happy.

I can't die and leave you guys.

Who's going to clean the toilet?
Who's going to clean the oven?

What's the matter with you, God?

My family's not a bunch of Boy Scouts

who can figure out all
these things for themselves.

That's what you taught me to do.

That's why I'm here.

God, you're some kind of idiot!

To pull something like this. [sniffling]

What do you gain?

I just don't understand.


Jill is a beautiful little girl
who needs a mother to love her.

I feel like it, right now, like death.

I get so close at night.

[breathing raggedly]

Are you all right, Mommy?

[gasping loudly]

What? Where is it? What? What?

You can't breathe? You can't breathe?

[Kate coughing and spluttering]

[Kate laughing softly] My mother took us
to the Seattle zoo.

And we were feeding the elephants,
Pat and I.

We ran out of peanuts and popcorn
and they were still hungry

so I grabbed my white sandals off my feet
and threw them in.

[sighing] Pat thought it was a great idea
and started to take all her clothes off

and throw them but Mom stopped her.

Oh, I hated those stupid sandals anyway.

[Kate sighing]

Around Christmas time we used
to collect pine cones

for an old lady. I think it was, uh...

I think it was Mrs. Seewald,

Mrs. Seewald, who made wreaths
for the church.

She died before I was ten.

♪ I remember being with you ♪

♪ I remember dreaming with you ♪

♪ I remember loving you ♪

♪ You were mine ♪

♪ And now the day seemed so long ♪

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ And I can't face the night alone ♪

♪ I beg you, please ♪

♪ Won't you please come home? ♪




Hi, sweet lady. How do you feel?

Nothing hurts any more.

[Kate] It's heaven to breathe
without it hurting.


In that case.

I brought my competition.


[Kate sighing] I wish I had a piano.

So, I could play Jill a lullaby.

A blues lullaby.

How I wish I were up in the mountains.

[exhaling] I hope you put me there.


It's me, baby.

-Where's Sam?
-He had to go work.

-And Jill's with the people upstairs.
-I keep dreaming about her.

Oh, Kate. Hey.

Don't worry about Jill.
She's gonna be just fine.

You know, she's a tough little girl.

I worry about her all the time.

There's no need to. There's lots of people
that love her and would take care of her.

-Think they'll put her in an orphanage?

Now, why would they want
to do a thing like that?

And Sam, Sam's not gonna...


Abandon her?

I don't know.

She's not really his.

Why should he be saddled with her
for the rest of his life.

After all this crud with me. [chuckling]

Oh, it's enough.

When I go he ought to just be able
to walk away.

If he does, I'll take Jill.
If you want me to.

Well, it's between you and Dr. Gillman.

-She's so busy all the time.

-So I win by default, right?
-[Kate] You know what I mean.

[chuckling] Kate... Kate, I'd raise her
real right, anyway.

Sam's parents are going to try to get her.

Or my parents.

And I don't want them to have her.

It's really important to me.

You know, I don't know anything
about any legal stuff...

But, you know...

Maybe if you put it down on a tape,

then if there's any hassle, then it won't
be my word against theirs.

What is it about me that bothers you,

-You're untidy.
-[Nora chuckling]

Yeah, I'm untidy.

But tidy mothers raise neurotic daughters.

Yes. My mother was tidy.

You've been sleeping with Sam.

Not any more.

It wasn't such a terrible thing to do
under the circumstances, was it?

[Kate] No, I guess not.

It's just that I don't want Jill...

Raised by a loose woman?

-[chuckling] Loose and untidy.
-[both laughing]

That's so stuffy and middle class
of you, my dear.


I meant to put all the things
I made for Jill in a cedar chest.

-The quilt and things.
-[Sam] Yeah, I know.

I'll do that.

-And if the tapes ever turn up...
-[Sam] I'll have them typed and bound.

But you almost have everything
re-recorded anyway, don't you?

-Well, I don't know. I'm so disorganized.
-Oh, no, you're not.

Dying's such a hassle.

No, but you don't have to worry
about anything,

just leave everything to me

and... and I'll sort it all out
just the way you want it.

-You wanna...
-Call Dr. Gillman.


Don't... Can I get you anything?
You want pain pills?






You fade away and come back.
Like some artsy-craftsy movie.

And so do the walls.


Bring your piano.

[stammering indistinctly]


-Just wait a bit please.
-Oh. About Jill.

All right. I'm gonna to take care of Jill.
I told you that before.

Kate, I love Jill.

I hope you marry Nora.

I just... I just wanna be married to you.

Why are you always trying to pawn me off
on somebody else.

All we gotta do is...

Just get a little rest. And get you better
and then we'll all go home together.

Nora's good with Jill.

[chuckling] Would you cut it out
with this Nora stuff?

If I can accept dying,
why can't anybody else?

[Dr. Gillman] Hello, Kate.

[Kate] If you ask me how I'm feeling
I'll strangle you.

[Dr. Gillman] What do you want for lunch,
that's all I want to know.

-[Kate] A pain pill.
-[Gillman] OK.

And you won't give me any other drugs
to prolong it. Promise?

[Dr. Gillman] Promise.

I've got-- got some stuff
to do in the book.

And I can't do it with that stuff
that messes my head up.

[Dr. Gillman] Whenever you do want
a pain pill,

all you have to do is ring for the nurse
and she'll bring you one, OK?

And you're not going to put
any other stuff

-in the pain pills, are you?
-No, of course not.

I wanna die on my own clock.
That's what I want.

OK, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I can't take this.

I ...

[sighing] What'd I tell you?
Mr. Vanishing Act. [laughing]



It's hard to watch somebody die.

Probably harder than it is to die.

[engine starting]

[Kate] What am I thinking about?


About friends and places
and dogs I've had.

Thinking about my little girl.

Kind of stubby.

Long blond hair.

With an attitude
about life that makes me feel small.

Thinking about dying.

Feeling rage that soon there
won't be no more of me.

But a feeling of melancholy comes,
you know?

It's really a beautiful feeling.

When you know you've done
all you know how to do

and all that's left
is a little bit of tomorrow.

I was a virgin when I married David.

Can you believe that?

All the things she accused me of.


I loved my keeping myself a virgin
because I loved her.

Because I believed her.

Even when she stopped believing me,
I went on believing her.

She taught me what...

She taught me what love was

when she taught me the names
of the mountain flowers.

[Dr. Gillman] Yeah?

And to speak out for myself.

And she gave me my first dog. [chuckling]

[voice breaking] How could she accuse me
of being a tramp?



Please, Mommy.

Tell me you love me.

Because I hurt so bad

and I need my mommy to comfort me.


I know, Kate.

I'll tell her.

Tell her nothing. Tell her to go to hell!

It's hard now. Very hard.

I keep thinking let me wake up
just one more morning.

I have so much to say to Jill.

It's so important.

Or is it so important?

I don't even know how to play the piano.

Goodbye, Jill.

Goodbye, Dr. Gillman.

Goodbye, Sam.

Jill, my love. My little love.

Hang in there, baby.

Hi, Daddy!

She died.

Didn't she?

I want my...


I drove this thing 425 miles already. Huh.

Jill. Wanna go for a ride?

Huh? Huh?

-Here's a flower for you!
-Oh, thanks, baby.

Thanks. Let me unbutton my coat.
Look out, it's bur-- It's hot.

Yeah. Yeah, OK.
I'll just put this coat around here.

I'll button you in, can you breathe? huh?

OK, ready to go? Look out.

Yeah, OK.

♪ Lady, my sweet lady ♪

♪ I'm as close as I can be ♪

♪ And I swear to you ♪

♪ Our time has just begun ♪