Summer '03 (2018) - full transcript
A 16-year-old girl and her extended family are left reeling after her calculating grandmother unveils an array of secrets on her deathbed.
Subtitles by explosiveskull
JAMIE NARRATING:
Isn't it funny
how you can never
remember much about summer?
♪♪
It's kinda just like,
I don't know,
a generic string
of happy memories.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
Like that feeling
when you leave
on the last day of school
and when your hands get sticky
from ice cream
melting off the cone.
Swimming with friends,
sometimes with boys,
if you're lucky.
Sleeping till 2:00.
[SIREN WAILING]
Borrowing the car.
When nothing significant
ever happens,
it's very easy for
the days to melt together,
passing slowly
like a lazy river.
[DISTANT CHATTER]
I can go tomorrow.
I can be back tomorrow.
I'll be back tomorrow.
- Okay.
- Hey.
Okay, will do.
I'll be in tomorrow, okay?
[SIGHS]
She doesn't look too good.
Where have you been?
- Bathroom.
- And where is Dad?
He's on a work call
right out there.
I'm starving. Can you sit
and chitchat with Grandma
until I get a salad
or something?
- You want anything?
- Yeah, I'm okay.
- Wait, actually, wait.
- What?
What if she, like, dies?
She's not gonna die
while I get a salad.
It's totally possible.
You know what?
Text me.
If she dies, text me.
Don't say it so loud.
She'll hear you.
SHIRA: She's not gonna die.
[MONITOR BEEPING]
JAMIE: This was the summer
I fucked up.
♪♪
[SIGHS]
Jamie?
Oh, yeah.
Come here.
Okay.
I have to tell you something.
Oh, Grandma, it's okay.
You look so sleepy.
Shh.
Girl, it's important.
This is something
you need to hear.
I want you to know
you're going to heaven.
Grandma, that's so sweet.
No, you don't understand.
I know this for a fact.
Um, I'm not quite
getting what you...
Well, your mother's
a dirty Jew.
Oh.
So when you were a baby,
I had you baptized
without your parents knowing.
Isn't that marvelous?
It's... You don't have
to be afraid anymore.
Afraid? Oh, my God.
What? Afraid of what?
Well, of going to hell.
Going to... Okay.
Okay, yeah, um...
I should probably get going.
- Not yet, honey.
- Okay.
There's just one more thing.
One thing in this world
that you need to know,
and no one's gonna have
the guts to tell you.
I wish I had been
prepared for it.
Learn how to give
a good blow job.
Jamie, what happened?
Are you okay?
I'll tell you in the car.
SHIRA: When did she even,
honestly,
take her to get baptized?
When she was, like,
watching her for a weekend,
she took her
and dumped her in water?
JAMIE: I didn't tell them
about the blow job part,
for obvious reasons.
I mean, I've never even
seen a real dick
up close before.
[GIRLS CHATTING]
Oh, my God!
ALL: Whoo!
GUY: Baby, don't leave!
JAMIE: I didn't see
what the big deal was.
SHIRA: Because she is
half-Jewish.
There's no way
you take that away.
But faith or whatever?
NED: She didn't indoctrinate her
into a cult, okay?
- Didn't she though?
- Just Catholic.
It just wasn't something
we talked about.
Half of you
is still going to hell.
You're fine.
You're not going to hell.
By the way, bad half's
gonna have a real good time.
You're welcome.
♪ No matter how far we go ♪
♪ Or how long the ride ♪
♪ I want you
to always remember ♪
♪ Love always comes on time ♪
[BEEPING]
SHIRA: I mean,
she just had to give me
one last fuck you, right?
You are blowing
this out of proportion.
- She loves you.
- No, she does not love me.
- Let's not be crazy.
- Okay, hey.
She's dying.
Cut her some slack.
SHIRA: I'm sorry.
[PHONE RINGING]
[RINGING CONTINUES]
Hello?
Is she dead?
♪♪ [SOMBER]
She wasn't though.
And I know it's
an awful thing to think,
but looking back,
kinda wish she had been.
I don't have much time left.
I've always wondered
what snapped inside her.
What is that thing
that makes old people
accept that they're gonna die?
That invisible force
that completely deletes
whatever filter
they had left.
You were a very
difficult child, Hope,
which is partly my fault
for having you so late.
I mean, you'd cry and cry,
sometimes for days.
Um, is there,
is there a point
to this story, Mom?
I used to lock you
in the downstairs coat closet
till you wore yourself out,
just to get some peace.
I've been carrying this
with me for years.
I believe in my heart
Dotty genuinely thought
she was helping.
Yeah, and maybe I was just
practice for the main event,
but that night
she decided to finish
what she started with me.
[INHALING]
Oh, don't be so dramatic.
You are a sweet boy, Dylan.
Thank you.
And you are clearly
a homosexual.
- A what?
- I'm partly to blame.
I should've sent you away
years ago.
I think it would do you
and your mother some good
if you went away
and got yourself fixed.
Your life would be easier
in the long run.
Will you do that for me,
Dylan?
I never liked you, Shira.
Oh, really?
Oh, wait,
I knew you didn't like me.
I think I knew
that was coming.
This actually feels
really good.
Oh, Ned, you're my baby.
Oh, I'm gonna miss you so much.
I have to tell you something
that I should've told you
years ago when your father died.
What is it, Mom?
Well...
I'm afraid that you
won't forgive me.
Mom, there's nothing
that you can say
that's gonna make me
love you less, okay?
Okay.
[LAUGHS]
Your father, George,
my late husband,
well, he wasn't exactly...
Wasn't exactly what?
NED: Are you fucking kidding me?
You knew this my entire life,
and you didn't tell me!
What the fuck is wrong with you?
What is happening?
Apparently our dad
is not my dad.
Did you know that?
Did you know about this?
- No!
- Who?
It's some other guy.
What the fuck is his name, Mom?
Mom, what is he talking about?
Wait, who is my grand...
Was it not Grandpa George?
Herman Lawrence.
Herman fucking Lawrence!
Okay, can we not swear
in front of Dylan?
- Put your headphones on.
- Who is Herman Lawrence?
Is he still alive?
Does anyone know if he's alive?
Is it an Italian name?
Lorenz?
I just wanna say this is
the kind of shit she pulls.
- You're a cunt!
- Whoa!
- She's lying!
- She is manipulative, okay?
I'm sorry you had
to see it this way.
Stop! Just stop!
Shira, she is dying.
She is on her deathbed.
Oh, don't be so dramatic.
What's a homosexual?
What?
[SUSTAINED BEEP]
I had to get outta there.
♪ That's the way we get by ♪
♪ The way we get by
The way ♪
♪ Well, that's the way
we get by ♪
♪ That's the way we get by ♪
Hey, March.
March Jefferson
is one of those guys
everyone else
only kind of knows.
Yo, there's a party
at March Jefferson's.
Wanna bounce?
I'm March Jefferson.
You're in my house.
Sick.
His parents travel a lot.
A fool.
A fool.
I met a fool in the forest.
A motley fool,
a miserable world.
As I do live by...
He was in my Shakespeare class
last year.
He'd try to make me laugh.
Who laid him down
and basked him in the sun
and railed on Lady Fortune
in good terms.
It helped.
Because whenever
it's my turn to perform, I...
I clam up.
I can't function.
My heart beats
a million miles an hour,
and I just...
I shut down.
[HEART BEATING]
I've almost forgot
the taste of fear.
[WHISPERING]
God, she is so pathetic.
- The time has been my senses...
- [LAUGHTER]
- Get the fuck out.
- What?
You heard me.
Get... the... fuck... out.
Right on time.
No one else seemed
to get the memo, but you?
You're on your shit, Winkle.
That's me.
- Did Emily leave?
- Hours ago.
Where you been?
Hospital. Grandma died.
No shit. When?
- Uh, like 30 minutes ago.
- No shit.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Thank you.
She just, you know.
She kinda
hated it here anyway.
Cincinnati?
Earth.
[LAUGHS]
Don't you need to, like,
be with your family
or something?
Yeah, they kinda have
a lot going on at the moment.
I don't really think they even
noticed that I left, so...
- Do you need some help?
- Uh, sure.
Okay.
Do you want a beer?
Fuck yes.
- How did I miss that?
- You suck.
I'm out.
The next one.
[LAUGHS]
Aren't you ever, like, worried
that your parents are gonna
find out about these parties?
What are they gonna do?
I mean, really.
If they come home and
some little thing is broken,
they'll what,
take away my Xbox?
God, I'm so jealous.
Like, okay,
if it were my parents,
they would totally disown me
or send me away.
Well, let me know
where you end up,
so I can come visit.
[CHUCKLES]
Do you wanna, like, go inside
and watch TV or something?
I've got the entire
DVD box set of Frasier.
Enticing, I know.
Um...
As friends.
Oh, right. Um...
[PHONE RINGING]
- Do you have to...
- It's just my dad.
But, um...
I should probably just,
you know, get going.
Are you gonna be okay?
Of course.
Do you want a ride?
Um...
Okay.
♪♪
Whoo!
♪♪ [ROCK]
♪ This one-way love affair
ain't fair ♪
- Mom? Mom?
- ♪ It ain't no affair to me ♪
♪ It's all give and take
and you just take ♪
- ♪ And I can't take it ♪
- What's going on?
Jamie! Dance with me!
Here we go.
Listen to the words.
♪ Me and my friends
will be just fine ♪
What's happening?
What are you doing?
- Am I not in trouble?
- Why would you be in trouble?
You're in trouble for not
dancing with me. Come on!
Okay. Okay, this is
the way we do it here.
♪ You've done nothin' for me ♪
- Where's Dad, Mom?
- What?
Mom, where is Dad?
- Oh, where's your dad?
- Yes.
He's... He's gone.
He is not home.
Wait, what does that mean?
Where is...
Oh, you wanna know
where Daddy is?
- Yes.
- Well, he decided that tonight
he had to leave
to go find his real dad,
and then the great news is
that he left me
to throw your Jew-hating
grandmother her funeral
by myself!
Dance with me.
♪ You've done nothing for me ♪
♪ Uh-uh, uh-uh ♪
- So...
- We gotta dance, girl!
Wait, wait, Dad's gone, Mom?
Yeah, he's way gone.
He is halfway around
the world, my friend.
You are not fun!
Do this, come on!
♪ Now you know
about everything ♪
[DOOR SLAMS]
VOICE: Your call
has been forwarded
to an automated
voice messaging system.
NED: Ned Winkle.
VOICE: Is not available.
The mailbox is full and cannot
accept any messages
at this time.
Goodbye.
♪♪ [PIANO]
JAMIE: "Everyone must leave
something behind when he dies,"
my grandfather said.
"A child or a book
or a painting or a house
or a wall built
or a pair of shoes made
or a garden planted."
[BABY CRYING]
Something your hand
touched some way
so your soul has
somewhere to go when you die.
And when people
look at that tree
or that flower you planted...
DOTTY: You're saved.
...you're there.
[BIRDS TWEETING]
Ooh.
♪♪
Good morning, Catholic people!
- LUKE: Good morning.
- Oh, shit!
I didn't think
that anyone was here.
I just...
The door must have
been unlocked.
Yeah, I thought that was
kinda just a church thing,
you know, 'cause in movies
it seems like people
just wander in
and are like, "God, Jesus,
help me." I don't know.
I'm gonna take
a wild guess and say
that you've never
been to church before.
Yes. Is Patrick...
I'm sorry, Father.
Father Patrick.
Yes. Is he around?
No, but you can talk to me.
Who are you?
Oh, my gosh, that was so rude.
I'm sorry.
That's okay.
I'm Luke. Hi.
- Hi. Jamie.
- Nice to meet you.
I started here at the seminary,
and Father Patrick's mentoring
me before I get ordained.
Oh. Um...
Congratulations.
Thank you.
So is there anything
that I can help you with?
I don't know.
It's kinda just been
a weird couple of days.
Are you here to confess?
Well, I don't think I did
anything wrong.
That's good.
[LAUGHS]
Um, I guess I'm just,
I don't know.
I guess I'm just trying
to figure out
why this is such a big deal.
What, like religion
in general?
Is that the wrong question?
No, it's just, uh,
it's a very big question.
Yeah, I know, I know.
God, I must sound fucking
insane to you, honestly.
I just...
Oh, jeez, that was not...
Um, do you wanna go for a walk?
If not, that's fine,
but, like, do you?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
♪♪
JAMIE: I don't believe
in love at first sight
or anything like that,
but I do believe in seeing
someone from across the room
and knowing instantly...
that they're gonna
matter to you.
Luke gave me that feeling.
I wanted to bite his lip.
[LAUGHS]
What's so funny?
We just haven't said anything.
LUKE: Well, what do you
wanna talk about?
What are you doing?
Nothin'.
[PUTTERING LIPS]
Nothin'.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, it's just coffins...
- Hey, Mom?
- are a trigger...
you know, small spaces...
'cause being buried alive
is basically my biggest fear.
And now, thanks to
my dear mother, I know why.
- She was great, right?
- Yeah.
Your mother will rest
comfortably in the oak.
And there are other options.
She's not gonna know if
it's a less expensive option.
She's not even gonna know
if we rolled her in the dirt.
- Let's be honest.
- I don't disagree.
I'm not saying let's
roll her in the dirt.
Have you seen the place
that she wants
to have the funeral at?
It's like the fuckin' Ritz
for dead people...
- Mom!
- What? What do you want? What?
I wanna start going to church.
I'm going to, uh,
get the paperwork.
Yeah.
What?
I don't know.
I wanna start going to church.
Clearly it was important
to Dotty.
- Oh.
- Why not give it a shot?
Just see what
the whole thing's about.
Oh, just like
give it a whirl?
You think that this
is the right moment,
when we're looking for
your grandmother's casket?
It just came to my mind.
Why couldn't I tell you now?
Shira, I can take her.
It's really not a problem.
- Oh, oh.
- Sundays.
You know, the transportation
that was my concern,
how was she gonna
get to church.
- She's being nice.
- You know what you need to hear?
This is your grandmother
reaching out from the grave,
putting her fingers in
and causing a conspiracy...
Wanting to go to church
is not the same thing
as Ned going to find
his real father.
Yeah, it's really
not the same.
You know what?
Yes, go to church.
Go crazy.
Become the fuckin' pope.
You'll be the first lady pope.
Maybe I will.
God bless you.
- Oh, my God, mazel tov.
- Thank you.
I feel like all my sins
have been absolved.
Why are you being
so insensitive about it?
I'm not being insensitive.
You're honestly saying it
like you're offended by it.
Hey, do either of you know
where Dylan is?
- No.
- No.
But why is that such a big...
You never took me to temple.
Excuse me for wanting to try a
church out, see what it's about.
Oh, so now you're, what,
like a child of God?
- Yes, I'm a child of God.
- Then you should become a nun.
Maybe we could put you
just right in a nunnery.
Hey!
My keys are also missing.
Oh, fuck.
♪♪
- Dylan!
- Dylan!
Fuck!
- Dylan, Dylan!
- Dylan!
Oh, my God, Dylan.
Dylan, what are you doing?
- Dylan, stop!
- Open the door, baby.
- There's a button on the side.
- Stop the car!
- Open the door!
- Mom, it's locked!
- [BANGING]
- The doors are locked!
Dylan, be careful!
The brake is on the left.
Dylan, what are you doing?
Stop!
[METAL THUMPS]
Brake! Brake!
It's right there!
- Dylan, what are you doing?
- I don't know!
[CRANK]
- ♪♪ [CONTINUES]
- [SIGHS]
♪♪
Hey, what's this song called?
"I Saw Her Cry" by Angel Oak.
1975.
[SIGHS]
[TAPPING]
Unlock the door.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, baby!
Oh, God.
You saved his life.
Ohh!
[KISSING]
JAMIE: The timing
was too perfect.
If the mere thought
of going to church
had anything to do
with saving my cousin's life,
I was obviously
on the right track.
And now with
my mother's blessing,
albeit a sarcastic one,
I could go back and see him.
He reminded me of all the boys
in my favorite books.
The ones I got lost in.
♪♪
If Luke liked me before
when I wasn't trying
to look good or anything,
imagine what he'd think of me
if I actually smelled nice
and did my hair.
The effects could be
earth shattering.
♪♪ [ORGAN]
In the name of the Father
and of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit.
ALL: Amen.
- The Lord be with you.
- And also with you.
Fuck.
Please be seated.
Brothers and sisters...
You'll get the hang of it.
...let us acknowledge our sins
and so prepare ourselves to
celebrate the sacred mysteries.
- Have mercy upon us, oh, Lord.
- [PHONE VIBRATES]
ALL: For we have sinned
against you.
Today I address
you all in tragedy
as we have lost
one of our own.
Dorothy Winkle
left us on Friday.
Her daughter, Hope,
and her grandchildren,
Jamie and Dylan,
join us today in prayer.
Let us take a moment of silence
to mourn our loss.
Dorothy's funeral
will be this Thursday
with a reception to follow
at Hope's home.
In these times of sadness,
we often turn to celebration,
finding our light
within this darkness.
This Friday, our own Luke Shay
will be ordained.
He has worked very hard,
and he will continue God's work
for the rest of his life.
[APPLAUSE]
- Where are you going?
- Our mission...
- Grieving.
- ...is to do God's will.
We can only follow
the teachings of our church.
They dictate...
♪ Uh-oh, uh-oh ♪
[LINE RINGING]
♪ Uh-oh, uh-oh ♪
Hey.
[ENGINE REVS]
♪ Uh-oh, uh-oh ♪
JAMIE: When Emily transferred
to my school freshman year,
there was no misstep.
She was instantly popular.
No shit!
[LAUGHING]
The woman knows what's up.
Your family is
so fucking random, I love it.
Emily was the one person I told
about the blow job part.
I mean, it's what I've been
telling you for years.
[LAUGHING]
She came from Los Angeles,
where the girls
are much faster,
and immediately had
everyone's attention.
First, you lick the edges
to get them excited.
- Oh!
- Oh.
Rather than shaming her,
the girls at school
embraced her vast wealth
of sexual knowledge.
They, love it, trust me.
Okay, then...
What?
[LAUGHING]
Wait, I'm just confused.
Ohh!
It was impressive.
♪ Uh, uh, uh-oh ♪
So who you gonna lose
your mouth virginity to?
What do you mean?
Her dying wish, Jamie.
You have to blow someone.
You're gonna love it.
It's so hot.
But why?
How is it hot, you know?
'Cause there's nothing, like,
being done to you physically,
so I don't understand
what's so amazing about it.
It just seems kinda weird.
You'll get it. And there's
nothing weird about a blow job.
People have been doing it
for thousands of years.
The first thing Eve did
was blow Adam.
[SCOFFS]
I highly doubt that.
It's in the Bible.
Regardless, if you blow someone,
and you don't tell me,
you know I'll never speak
to you again, right?
[GASPS]
I've got it.
What?
March.
[GIGGLES]
What do you mean?
Don't play dumb.
You should blow March.
- No! No! Come on.
- He, like, loves you.
And he'll be super nice
to you after.
- Shut up, man.
- [EMILY LAUGHS]
♪ Every time you see me
driving by ♪
♪ Got a little pretty thing
by my side ♪
♪ Make the ladies say
oh, my, oh, my ♪
Jesus Christ,
it's like hardly 11:00.
- ♪ So fly, so fly ♪
- Time to drink!
♪ Got a little pretty thing
by my side ♪
♪ Make the ladies say
oh, my, oh, my ♪
- ♪ Oh, my, oh, my ♪
- JAMIE: Fuck Luke.
Fuck him in his stupid
fucking face.
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, do what you do ♪
♪ I like the way you do that
right there ♪
♪ Swing your hips
when you're walkin' ♪
♪ Let down your hair ♪
♪ I like the way you do that
right there ♪
♪ Lick your lips
when you're talkin' ♪
♪ That make me stare ♪
♪ I like the way you look
in them pants, see ya fine ♪
♪ Your mama a quarter piece
She far from a dime ♪
♪ The type of girl that getcha
up and go make you grind ♪
♪ I'm thinkin' about
snatchin' her up dirty ♪
♪ Makin' her mine ♪
♪ Look at her hips
Look at her legs ♪
♪ Ain't she stacked ♪
♪ I sure wouldn't mind
hittin' that from the back ♪
♪ I like it when I touch it
'cause she moans li'l bit ♪
♪ Jeans saggin' so I can
see her thong li'l bit ♪
♪ I know you grown li'l bit
20 years old, you legal ♪
♪ Don't trip off my people
Just hop in the Regal ♪
♪ I swoop on her
like an eagle ♪
♪ Swoop down on prey ♪
♪ I know you popular
but you gon' be famous today ♪
♪ I'll say I like the way
you do that right there ♪
[CHEERING]
Oh, my God!
♪ Lick your lips
when you're talkin' ♪
♪ That make me stare ♪
♪ I like the way you do that
right there ♪
♪ Swing your hips
when you're walkin' ♪
♪ Let down your hair ♪
♪ I like the way you do that
right there ♪
Wait! What are you doing?
What are you doing?
- Stop, March!
- I'm throwing you in!
No, stop, March!
[SCREAMS]
♪♪ [ETHEREAL]
March, I know how to swim.
Sorry.
You just stayed down there.
You scared me.
[LAUGHS]
- Shit.
- EMILY: Jamie!
- I am so sorry, Jamie.
- Are you all right?
- Yeah.
- March, what the actual fuck?
I'll get you a new phone.
It's fine. I gotta go.
I'll drive you.
Em, you're drunk.
I'll just walk.
I wasn't mad about the phone.
I was mad that he ruined
my one little moment of peace.
LUKE: Jamie!
Jamie, hi.
You okay?
Why do you care?
I was just headed
towards your house.
My mom is home.
I figured,
but I'm a nice young man.
I assumed she wouldn't mind.
And... what about me?
I thought you might
wanna hang out.
[SCOFFS]
Jamie, wait!
Jamie.
Jamie, what did I do?
Come on.
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
What do you think you did?
Well, I think...
that you're upset with me
because I ignored you.
I think you wanted me
to watch you,
and you wanted my attention.
Am I right, Jamie?
You're an asshole.
Why did you ignore me?
Because you made me wanna
break the rules.
♪♪
[TAPS]
Can I ask you a question?
Yeah.
You're just so young,
you know?
You don't seem very...
priest-like.
That's not a question.
Well, I mean that...
Well, besides not knowing
any of the religious stuff,
I just, I know that I could
never do what you do.
I hate public speaking.
I can honestly think
of nothing worse.
Oh, man, I love it.
You know, it's such a rush.
And you can really do a lot when
you have the room's attention.
And it's actually a lot easier
to get than you think.
So is that why you wanted
to become a priest?
I mean, you obviously
believe in God too.
It's one of the reasons.
I was in foster care
my entire childhood,
and the guardians I had
when I was about 12 or so,
they would go to mass
every Sunday.
Now, I remember watching
the priest up there,
giving his sermons
and just thinking,
"This guy has the support
of his entire community."
You know, this huge group
of really nice people.
And he never has
to worry about money
or finding a home
or people that love him.
So yeah, I worked really hard,
put myself through school,
and here I am.
I have another question.
Oh, no, no, no,
it's my turn.
I wanna know about you.
Tell me about you.
Oh, I don't know. I...
My favorite food is
soft serve ice cream,
I hate math,
and I love to read.
Mostly science fiction,
but sometimes fantasy.
Have you read
the Harry Potter books?
I know that's kind of
a childish thing to ask,
but the fifth book
just came out,
and I'm just really dying
to talk to somebody about it.
I've never read the books, no.
Wait, hang on,
are you one of those...
Please don't tell me
you're one of those
waiting-for-the-movies-
to-come-out people.
Oh, no, did I just lose points?
So many points!
Literally, all of your points.
- All of them!
- I'll make it up to you.
Um...
I have one more question.
Um...
Are priests allowed to drink?
♪♪ [GENTLE PIANO]
JAMIE: He was better
than anything I've read.
He was real.
And he made me feel invincible.
I thought about
how salty he must be
from sweating all day
in the sun.
So...
[INHALES]
His look gave me
the same feeling I got
when I had to talk on stage.
My heart in my throat,
body shaking, no control.
Today was fun.
Yeah.
But something had to happen.
I wanted it to happen.
If I made a move, I could just
blame it on being drunk.
I definitely wouldn't be
the first person.
I wanna try something.
What?
What are you doing?
Are you sure?
Just tell me
if I do a good job.
All right. Okay.
Um, I'm not sure
what I was expecting,
but it wasn't the Holy Grail.
I mean, it wasn't anything more
than a fleshy sock puppet.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
I couldn't even remember
what Emily told me.
I didn't lick the sides.
I didn't...
I just dove right in,
head first,
into the mysterious
new territory.
♪♪ [SOLEMN]
- [SIREN WAILING]
- Ah!
[GASPS]
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, God!
[SIGHS]
My heart is pounding.
How was I?
Spectacular.
[ZIPS]
♪♪ [SOFT PIANO]
Is that...
Is that here for you?
JAMIE: Oh, my God.
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, my God!
I don't know how he even
got the car to drive.
I don't know where
he could've gone.
We'll find him.
Don't worry.
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Jamie?
- Mom.
- Jamie.
- Oh, my God!
- Mom...
Oh, my God!
Where have you been?
It's okay, it's okay.
Have you been drinking?
What are you...
You are one to talk. God!
- You've been drinking.
- Oh, my God!
Where have you been?
I've been calling you all day.
Mom, it's fine.
My phone, it got wet.
It's broken now.
Oh, you are so...
You are so grounded!
- Why? Why am I grounded?
- Because you disappeared!
How am I supposed to know
that you are okay
when you do not
pick up your phone?
My phone got wet!
I was just...
How am I supposed
to take you seriously?
You smell like alcohol!
And what are you...
- What are you wearing?
- I wore this to church, Mom.
You wore this to church?
Why did you call the cops on me?
That's insane!
I didn't call the cops on you.
I called the cops
because your cousin
took my car, okay?
Guys, guys, okay,
ladies, ladies,
we should split up and search
the neighborhood, okay?
Okay.
Are these your keys, Hope?
Ma'am, wait,
should you be driving?
- No.
- No, we'll go together.
- I'll drive.
- All right, great.
- Let's go.
- Jamie, stay here.
What? No!
Mom, he's my cousin.
- I wanna help look for him.
- Jamie, go to bed.
[DOOR SLAMS]
♪♪
Dylan?
Just get that thumb
straight up for me there.
There you go.
What color would you
like your cast to be?
What are my options?
Any color you want.
Purple.
DOCTOR: Purple it is.
[RATTLING]
Hey, March.
Hey.
What happened to your car?
March, Jamie can't play today.
She's grounded.
- Mom!
- All good.
I was just dropping this off.
It's a new phone.
Oh, thank you so much.
I'm really sorry
about what happened.
All right, I'll take that.
Come on.
What the heck, Mom? Why?
You're grounded. Let's go.
So what, you took away my phone
in the first place
because I didn't pick up,
and now you wanna
take away my...
You just don't make sense, Mom.
You don't make sense.
Say goodbye to your friend.
Now.
I hate you.
Have a good day.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[SIGHS]
I slept all day and all night.
Thirty-six whole hours
of unanswered calls and texts.
Luke could change his mind,
or he could think
I'm playing hard to get.
Listen, I'm very easy to get.
Blow jobs were like
a gateway drug for sex.
I wanted more.
♪♪ [GENTLE PIANO]
And the rush.
[JAMIE SCREAMS]
I like the control.
[JAMIE SQUEALS]
Wait. Which side is it?
Which side is it?
Well, you start here.
Wait.
[LAUGHING]
[JAMIE SQUEALS]
No, no, no! Ow!
Are you okay?
Oh, my God!
You scared the shit out of me!
[LAUGHING]
Mom?
I would like to discuss
the terms of this grounding.
While I know that
what I did was wrong,
I don't think that taking away
my phone privileges
is really the correct...
Oh, my God!
I'm sorry, um...
you scared me.
Oh.
Have you seen my mother,
by chance?
She's like this, yay tall.
Ze Jew.
Uh, yes.
Ze Jew.
Okay.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[HINGE CREAKS]
- Let's have him for a bit.
- How long?
Hi.
Hey, sweetie.
You're back.
Yeah, of course.
[SIGHS]
Can I go to Emily's?
- No.
- Why?
- She's grounded.
- Why is she grounded?
Just get ready for dinner.
For so many reasons.
Is that old man in there
my grandfather?
- Yes, he is.
- Allegedly.
NED: Yes.
Okay.
SHIRA: It would have been worth
maybe you giving me a heads-up
that you were bringing
a strange man.
- He's my father.
- You don't know that.
[ARGUING CONTINUES]
JAMIE: I didn't realize how mad
I was at my dad for leaving
until he came back.
I wanted to yell at him.
I wanted to knock
the table over.
I wanted all the food
and soda and wine
to just create a pool
of garbage on the floor.
I wanted it to stain,
so he'd be forced to remember
the time he left us
to deal with his problems.
I just wanted something,
anything to happen.
♪♪
I had so much on my mind.
But I ended up saying
nothing at all.
How's everybody's food?
So how did you, um, find him?
Are...
Are you sure he's, like,
the right Herman?
Yes, Hope,
he's the right Herman.
Look, it was very easy,
you know.
Mom and Dad,
actually your dad, not mine,
were in Germany for that year
when I was conceived,
and, uh, flew to Frankfurt,
talked to a private detective,
gave him his name,
and we found him
in a local hospital
and brought him here.
So you took him from a hospital?
That's kinda weird.
It's not like that, I mean...
Actually,
it's exactly like that.
You just said you took him
from the hospital.
That's pretty fuckin' weird.
Watch your language,
first of all.
Second of all,
he's sick, okay?
- He's got cancer.
- Oh, my God, what kind?
I don't know.
Look, they were gonna put him
into some sort of
assisted-living facility,
and I figured why not
just bring him here?
We have a guest room.
We're a loving family.
It's the perfect spot for him.
Yeah, why wouldn't he come
and stay in our guest room?
Sounds like he needs to
actually be in hospital,
and if he was coming,
maybe you'd call,
let me know
to change the sheets.
I don't know.
That doesn't seem unreasonable.
Fine. I'm not a mind reader.
[SCOFFS]
So, Jamie, are you
planning on speaking
at the memorial service?
I know Dylan's gonna
say a few words and...
- Oh, no.
- She's gonna speak.
You know how I feel
about public speaking.
How about a DNA test?
There's no way, Ned,
for you to know...
Will you drop this?
- He is my son!
- Okay.
All of you stop talking about me
like I am not here.
- Especially the shiv.
- Excuse me?
Wait, so you guys didn't know
that he was super anti-Semitic?
It was just me.
Okay, I got this.
Let's just chock this one up
to cultural differences.
I'm sure that he didn't mean
what he said.
I'm right here, heeb.
- Okay. Well, you know what?
- What's a heeb?
- Okay, enough.
- Dylan, headphones on.
Does anyone think that
he might be, like, super racist?
- That's hard to misunderstand.
- Hon...
You don't need to get
the DNA test, honey,
because obviously
Dotty and Herman
make a lovely couple.
Can you explain to me
why I'm having
to deal with this
in my own home,
in front of my family?
Why is this...
'Cause I am trying to connect
with my father, okay?
Your dad is an anti-Semite.
Oh, like you've gone
to temple that much.
Oh, my God! Just because I don't
go to temple all the time,
I deserve to be called
a heeb in my house?
Do you not understand
that this is crazy?
This whole situation is crazy.
All I'm saying is that
we all have parents
that are difficult.
I'm just saying
your parents are not perfect.
Oh, I... Oh, my... I...
What? It's a different world!
What does that have to do...
- Because it's a...
- No.
It's his thing!
Are you leaving? Hon!
[DOOR SLAMS]
Hey, hey, Dad,
can I go to Emily's?
Yeah, go ahead.
Sorry.
♪♪
♪ You come in, check my time ♪
♪ You've got
fornication crimes ♪
♪ I've seen your hope
on television ♪
♪ Where you've been
You were not were ♪
♪ They've got tricycles
in skirts ♪
I'm proud of you.
Oh, thank you.
- Promised I'd tell you.
- Tell her what?
Did you guys finish
Order of the Phoenix yet?
- Yes, twice.
- No.
Oh, my God, it was so good!
[LAUGHING]
Cool. That's not what
we're talking about.
We're talking about how Jamie
finally lost
her mouth virginity.
Congrats.
He was fine.
It was nothing, okay?
Can we just talk about
something else, please?
Are you not gonna see him again?
Hmm?
You said he was fine,
like he died or something.
I did?
He play a sport?
Like at Saint Ags?
Lacrosse, uh-huh.
I know a lot of guys
on that team.
- What's his name?
- Can we just drop it, please?
Lacrosse guys are so hot.
Oh, hey, um,
before I forget,
what time is that
funeral thingy on Thursday?
- We were gonna go.
- Um, it's...
You guys, that's really nice,
but you don't have to go.
But we're your friends,
and we support you
no matter what.
Not sure I can make it now,
actually.
Oh.
Okay.
- I gotta bounce.
- Wait.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Why would you do that?
Why would you actually
say that to him? Why?
What? It's just March.
Yeah, but he seemed
really upset.
Well, you're not into him,
so what's the problem?
He shouldn't get
his hopes up, right?
I guess.
We'll figure it out.
He's having a party tomorrow.
He has a party every day.
[PHONE VIBRATES]
True.
Oh! Oh, no, oh, shit!
God, we gotta go.
My mom's so pissed.
Can we go?
Can we go right now?
♪ Waiting for the sun
to wake us from this sleep ♪
♪ The dream is ending ♪
- Hey.
- Hey.
What's up?
Oh, wow, you look great.
Thank you.
I brought that for you to read.
Oh, cool.
So, um, where we going?
We can't go inside?
Oh, no.
I mean, do you know
who I live with?
If anyone were
to find out about us...
We're an us?
- Shut up.
- [LAUGHS]
Um, let's see.
Oh, I have an idea.
[ENGINE STARTS]
♪♪ [SOFT PIANO]
Get up.
Are you okay?
Um, yeah.
This kinda hurts my knees.
Can we, um...
Can we move to the grass?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
[UNZIPS]
- Sorry, they're kinda tight.
- [CHUCKLES]
Here.
[CHUCKLES]
Sorry.
Do you think we could...
Do you...
I just think
it would help if you...
- Oh, yeah, okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
Okay, yeah.
[JAMIE MOANS]
Okay.
Oh, okay, yeah.
Do wanna put...
Do you want something
to put on your...
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
[WRAPPER CRINKLING]
- Okay, okay.
- Okay.
[PANTING]
[GASPS]
[CAR APPROACHING]
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
[HORN HONKS]
- Oh, my gosh!
- What are you doing down there?
What the fuck?
Oh, my God!
Well, at least now
I understand why you wanted
to start going to church.
I should tell the priest,
the real priest,
what is happening.
What?
What? Mom, stop!
Mom, no!
You're gonna ruin his life.
What are you doing?
Jamie, he needs to know
what happened.
You think you're the only one
that this is happening to?
- You're going to ruin his life!
- What's going on?
Why are you doing this to me?
Please stop!
No, seriously,
why are you doing this?
Why?
[SOBBING]
Stop.
Stop, please!
♪♪
[SOBBING]
[SHOWER RUNNING]
I waited all day
for them to punish me.
[CLOCK TICKING]
We commandeered
our own islands of couches...
and lawn chairs...
[HERMAN COUGHING]
and beds.
[TICKING CONTINUES]
I was a ghost
living in my own house,
and I'd had enough.
[SIGHS]
SHIRA: I don't think
we have a choice in it.
NED: If you wanna do it,
we'll do it.
Hey!
Where you going?
Out.
No, you're not.
You're grounded.
Come here.
This stops now, okay?
We gotta talk about
our punishment.
Well, first of all,
you're gonna pay
for getting the car impounded.
- Mm-hmm.
- That's it?
- Great.
- No, don't do that, okay?
And we're not done.
Does it look like I care
if you're done?
- What?
- What?
Come on, look at yourselves.
Ever since Grandma died,
you guys have been...
You've lost it.
Lost your minds.
You don't talk to us like that,
first of all.
People die, okay?
It's okay to move on.
Honestly, I don't feel
like being punished
because of whatever it is
that you guys are going through.
- [LAUGHING]
- Yeah, Herman gets it.
You are now out of line.
I had sex!
Everyone has sex!
- Okay.
- Everyone!
And at least it was
with someone that I love.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
- What? I do!
You don't even know him, Jamie!
You are totally out of line
right now. Calm down.
Don't tell me to calm down
right now.
Fine. When you decide to be
a part of this family again,
let me know, okay?
Well, when wanna stop being
a shitty dad, let me know.
♪♪ [TENSE]
What are you doing here?
I just...
I wanted to see you.
I mean, I just thought
maybe we could,
you know,
finish what we started.
- [CAR DOOR OPENS]
- Are you kidding me, Jamie?
If anyone finds out
you're here...
Okay, this whole thing
was a huge mistake.
I'm sorry, but it was.
It's getting way out of hand.
So you don't...
What?
You don't love me?
Love you? Wait.
You don't love me.
I thought we were
just having fun.
Well, we are just having fun.
I just thought that...
What?
You just, you're not
obsessed with your job.
You just,
you like the security.
[SIGHS]
Okay, wow.
Um, there's a lot
going on right now,
and I'm trying to
wrap my head around it.
You're a really sweet girl,
but this thing that we're doing,
that we did,
it can't happen again, okay?
So that's it?
I guess so.
Okay.
Just tell me one thing though.
What?
Was I always just gonna be
the last girl you slept with?
You just wanted to fuck someone
before you couldn't anymore?
- Tell me.
- I don't know.
I wasn't really
thinking about it
in those terms, okay?
I guess it happened that way.
But I never meant
for anyone to get hurt.
Now listen, tomorrow
when you go to the funeral
and stand with your parents,
you have to pretend
that I don't exist.
Just shake everyone's hands and
focus on your family, all right?
Okay, it'll be easy.
Okay?
I'm really sorry, you know,
for what it's worth.
I really did enjoy
spending time with you.
[SOBBING]
♪♪ [TENSE]
Whew.
Ugh!
♪♪ [HIP-HOP]
[LOUD CHATTER]
♪ Move around
Do your thing like this ♪
What the fuck?
- Look at this bitch.
- Whoa.
What's her problem?
Relax, it's a party.
GIRL: That was aggressive.
♪ I love it when you shake it
When you move that thing ♪
♪ Little mama, she got game ♪
♪ She wanna pop this
Pull out my whip ♪
MARCH: Jamie, you're here.
♪ We about to get wild
before the party ♪
Let's go upstairs.
Whoa, what,
what are you doing?
What?
You seem different.
Come on, I'm giving you
what you want.
What I want? Wow, okay.
Jamie, you made it!
[LAUGHS]
This is Buck.
He, like, plays lacrosse
at Saint Ags.
- Emily, this isn't a good time.
- Shh!
Babe, this is the girl
that I was telling you about.
She was hanging out with one
of your teammates the other day.
Oh, yeah?
Who was the lucky guy?
Was it Felter?
Um, yeah, sure.
Hey, Felter!
- This your girl?
- What is he doing?
I really don't
wanna hear this.
- Do you know her?
- No.
Jesus Christ, fine!
I lied. Big fucking whoop!
Come on!
Emily, why do you care so much
about who I hook up with?
I mean, you blow enough lacrosse
players for the both of us.
What?
God, you're like
a human tornado,
just sucking up everything
within a 50-foot radius.
You know, just because
your grandma died,
it doesn't give you permission
to act like a total bitch.
I think you should leave.
You know what, March?
You may be able to make friends
just by buying beer
for them right now,
but soon enough, you're gonna
have to make friends
based on your personality,
and no one even knows
what that is.
Get the fuck out.
Get... the... fuck... out.
Fine.
Your parties
are getting old anyway.
♪ Move around
Do your thing like this ♪
- [SHATTERS]
- Oh, my God.
Guess you lose your Xbox.
- Is she crazy?
- Mm-hmm.
♪♪ [GENTLE PIANO]
I woke up,
and for a few seconds,
I had forgotten
all of the reasons
why I was so miserable.
And no matter how hard I tried
to hold on to that feeling,
those few seconds,
the sun forced them away.
[KNOCKING]
It's Dylan.
Can I come in?
Yeah, of course.
Hey.
My mom wanted to carpool
to the funeral.
Oh.
What's on today?
Electric Light Orchestra.
Yep.
[SIGHS]
She's mad at me
for trying to run away,
but she doesn't understand
that I was only doing
what Dotty asked me to.
What did Dotty
say to you, Dylan?
That I'm a homosexual,
and she should've sent me away
when my dad left.
Are you joking?
I'm not one for jokes.
Oh, my... What a bitch!
I'm so sorry.
You know,
and I'm fine with it, really.
It's not that I wish I wasn't.
I just, you know...
wish I figured it out later.
No one at school will like me.
Dylan, listen to me.
You are the coolest kid.
I mean, look at you.
You wear vintage clothes.
You have the best taste
in music.
And that's just stuff
that you can't teach, you know?
Come here.
Gay or not, man,
you still have me.
You're never gonna
get rid of me.
♪♪
PRIEST: In the name
of the Father
and of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit.
ALL: Amen.
- The Lord be with you.
- And also with you.
Dorothy Winkle's life
was well-lived.
She served the Lord,
she served her Catholic faith.
She made sure that her friends...
JAMIE: I can't imagine
any of us wanted
to mourn Dotty that day.
PRIEST:
Enjoy in her eternal life.
We loved Dorothy.
We will miss her.
How can you mourn someone
you're still mad at?
How can you forgive someone
who's dead?
Dotty was my best friend.
She always had a big smile
on her face.
She loved her grandchildren.
She loved to travel.
Dotty gave me candy
whenever I wanted.
Good at bridge.
Unapologetic.
- Peaceful.
- Smart.
So old.
To conclude our service
and before we collect ourselves
outside for the burial,
I want to invite anyone else who
would like to pay their respects
to speak now.
[DOOR OPENS]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Um, okay.
I would like to say something.
Jamie, what...
It's fine, Mom.
I have to do this.
[HEART BEATING]
I felt Dotty with me then,
egging me on.
And just like her,
I had nothing left to lose.
Come on.
Say something.
Hi! Um...
Hi.
I'm Jamie Winkle, um...
Dotty's granddaughter.
I, um, I just wanted
to say a few things.
I'm really sorry.
I'm nervous.
I'm not very good at this,
so I'm sorry.
Um...
I never really tried
to get to know my grandmother.
You know, she was always
just the old woman
who would write me checks
on my birthday.
[CONGREGATION CHUCKLING]
But, um...
But hearing all of you say
such nice things about her,
it just kinda makes me wonder
if that was
the same woman I knew.
I think what I've realized
the hardest part
about this whole thing
is figuring out
how to forgive someone
that you can't talk to.
To me, Dotty was tough,
you know?
She wasn't always nice.
I mean, my poor parents.
They just...
My dad just found out
that this guy, Herman,
is his real father.
And then Dotty told my mom
that she never liked her
because she's Jewish.
I mean, God, it's 2003,
for Christ's sake.
This is what happens when people
don't talk to each other.
This is why family shouldn't
keep secrets from one another.
To clear her conscience,
Dotty chose to burden us
with just a bunch
of fucked-up shit.
- Thank you, Jamie.
- I'm not finished, Father.
[CONGREGATION MURMURING]
Um...
Before Dotty died,
she told me that she had me
baptized when I was a baby
without my parents knowing.
With you, actually.
Isn't that crazy? Yeah.
Man, she must have really
wanted me to go to heaven.
But you know what
the funniest thing is?
After she told me
this whole baptism thing
and convinced me that religion
really needed to play
a much larger role in my life,
she told me a secret.
The secret of life.
- Jamie...
- Shh, not now.
Oh, by the way,
this is Luke, everyone.
He officially becomes
a priest tomorrow!
Can we please give him
a round of applause?
Whoo! Okay, anyway.
So I was sitting
with Dotty, right?
She just told me
about the baptism thing.
These words actually
come out of her mouth:
"Jamie, there is one thing
in this world you need to know,
but no one will have
the guts to tell you,
something I wish
I had been prepared for."
"Learn how to give
a proper blow job."
- [CONGREGATION MURMURING]
- What?
Yup. So this woman
is on her deathbed,
and she decides
that her last words to me
are telling me that I need to
learn how to give head, okay?
So I chock this up to her
being old and demented.
But then I met this guy.
It was Luke, actually.
And he made me feel safe
and good about myself
when I came to the church
looking for answers.
Okay, Jamie, that's enough.
So good, in fact, that he...
he helped my sweet,
sweet grandma
get her dying wish.
[MURMURING CONTINUES]
Luke!
She doesn't know
what she's talking about.
Luke, you were the one
who told me how easy it was
to get a crowd's attention.
Looks like I have it.
Okay, please, now, Jamie...
[CROWD GASPS]
Fuck! I'm so sorry!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Still wanna run away?
NED: Jamie! Jamie!
Jamie!
Jamie!
Can I drive?
Hell no! Come on!
Jamie!
Oh, my God,
where are you going?
NED: Jamie! Jamie!
SHIRA: Jamie! Oh, my God!
NED: Jamie!
Jamie, stop!
Shit.
SHIRA: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
No, no, no no!
NED: No! Damn it.
Oh, my God!
Are you okay?
Shit! Shit.
[SCREAMS]
Oh, my God.
Oh!
All right! Whoo!
Whoo!
That was fun.
[LAUGHS]
[CRASH]
[GROANS]
[PANTING]
[GROANING]
- NED: Can we get some help?
- [DYLAN COUGHS]
Hey, hey, Dylan, Dylan,
are you okay?
I think...
- I think I'm fine.
- Can we get some help?
Jamie, are you okay?
Jamie!
Fuck! Ow! Fuck.
[GROANS]
My arm.
Mom?
Dylan, are you okay?
Oh, God.
Oh, my God, on the grave.
Just... Okay.
Whoa.
I can get out,
if you just grab my arm.
I can't. I can't.
Yes, you can!
[INHALES]
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, let's go.
[DYLAN GRUNTS]
Oh, my God! Oh, God!
Okay, just get...
Guys, can someone try
to help me out of here?
My arm is fuckin' broken.
Guys!
Can someone...
SHIRA: Oh, my God.
Come on, honey.
[JAMIE GROANS]
My arm!
- Careful, her arm.
- Okay, I got it.
- Okay, here we go.
- Don't touch my arm.
- Pull.
- Okay.
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, God.
- Ow!
- All right, back up.
Don't touch my fuckin' arm!
Don't touch my fuckin' arm.
Okay, baby. It's fine.
Oh, my God!
What were you doing?
I don't know, man.
[LAUGHING]
DOCTOR: All right.
You guys gotta be more careful.
I gotta hand it to you.
Threw a pretty flawless funeral.
I mean, I think it went off
without a hitch, really,
wouldn't you say?
This is why I just
totally abandoned you
and let you plan it
all by yourself.
- Too soon?
- Really?
Yeah, a little too soon.
I, uh...
- About this week...
- Uh-huh.
- I am...
- Sorry?
- I know, I know.
- Very.
Oh, my God.
DOCTOR: And what color
would you like your cast to be?
- Purple.
- Okay.
[LAUGHING]
- Where's Herman?
- Shit.
[LAUGHING]
You forgot him?
Well, there's a couple things
going on here.
- Oh, my God!
- SHIRA: I will go get Herman.
Ah, no, you've done enough.
No. You guys have to go
to the reception.
Honestly, I don't mind.
I will make sure
that he's got his...
all his hoods
and all his robes.
Don't forget his lighter fluid.
He needs that for the crosses.
Well, if they can all
fit in the car.
[LAUGHING]
♪♪ [GENTLE]
Appreciate it.
JAMIE: Hey.
Hey.
You're not a shitty dad.
I'm not?
I don't know.
I mean, my daughter just told
all of her friends and family
she had oral sex with a priest,
so I think, I think
I'm pretty high up there.
Well, he's not a priest yet.
Oh, okay, well, then, you know,
then that... Okay, good.
Come here.
What a week.
There is nothing
that you can say
that would make me
love you less.
Hey, so, um...
how long is Herman staying?
Ooh, yeah, I've been meaning
to talk to you about that.
Oh, yeah?
What do you think about
a roommate situation?
You and him,
side-by-side bunk beds, right?
Oh.
[KNOCKING]
Can I come in?
Well, you're already in.
Fair.
This was in the car.
I should've known
never to trust a guy
who doesn't like Harry Potter.
I think that's
a very good litmus test.
This also came for you.
It's from Luke.
I read it.
You what?
Relax. He told me I could.
He dropped it off.
And it took every ounce
of strength in my body
not to beat the shit
out of him.
But then I remembered,
"Oh, yeah,
you already did that."
What did it say?
Don't you wanna read it?
I don't know. I just think
it might be better if I...
let it go.
He's leaving.
That's all you need to know.
[SIGHS]
You know what? Good.
Mom, do you think Grandma
did this to us on purpose?
Ugh.
Honestly, I would love to think
that that's true
because it makes it easier
for me to hate her.
But no, she just was
really trying to feel
like she had some control.
Yeah, sometimes I feel
like I might be that way.
You know what?
Sometimes I feel
the same exact way.
I think everybody must.
This week was crazy.
Mmm.
We've been sad and messed up,
but I think
at the end of the day,
we're gonna realize that
all the mistakes that we made
turned out to be
very good mistakes for us.
Open, closed?
Surprise me.
[DOOR CLOSES]
People think you can
fix anything with a letter.
Like, if you manage
to write it down,
it's more meaningful
than actual words.
There's a permanence to it.
[SIGHS]
I guess it's worth a shot.
Isn't it funny
how you can never
remember much about summer?
I mean, we remember
that it happened.
That's my jam.
Like, when your hands
get sticky
from ice cream
melting off the cone.
I think I got something!
Swimming with friends.
Nah, I think it's just brush.
Sleeping till 2:00.
Slow down, slow down,
slow down.
Borrowing the car.
I'm going like
six miles per hour.
Or that feeling you get
when you walk back in
on the first day of school.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
This summer,
I totally, completely,
and utterly fucked up.
Hey, crazy.
How was your summer?
And that's okay.
♪♪ [DRUMMING]
Subtitles by explosiveskull
♪♪
♪ Meet me by the water ♪
♪ Underneath the big beehive ♪
♪ Bring your record player ♪
♪ And your Raincoats 45s ♪
♪ We can dance together ♪
♪ As the river rushes by ♪
♪ To wash away the cities ♪
♪ That somebody else designed ♪
♪ Dance with me ♪
♪ Beneath the circuitry ♪
♪ Stay awake until daybreak ♪
♪ Calls us back to our rooms ♪
♪ And morning always
comes too soon ♪
♪ Dance with me ♪
♪ Beneath the circuitry ♪
♪ Meet me by the water ♪
♪ Bring your ♪
♪ Bring ♪
♪ Dance with me ♪
♪ Stay ♪
♪ Morning always
comes too soon ♪
♪♪ [SOFT PIANO]
JAMIE NARRATING:
Isn't it funny
how you can never
remember much about summer?
♪♪
It's kinda just like,
I don't know,
a generic string
of happy memories.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
Like that feeling
when you leave
on the last day of school
and when your hands get sticky
from ice cream
melting off the cone.
Swimming with friends,
sometimes with boys,
if you're lucky.
Sleeping till 2:00.
[SIREN WAILING]
Borrowing the car.
When nothing significant
ever happens,
it's very easy for
the days to melt together,
passing slowly
like a lazy river.
[DISTANT CHATTER]
I can go tomorrow.
I can be back tomorrow.
I'll be back tomorrow.
- Okay.
- Hey.
Okay, will do.
I'll be in tomorrow, okay?
[SIGHS]
She doesn't look too good.
Where have you been?
- Bathroom.
- And where is Dad?
He's on a work call
right out there.
I'm starving. Can you sit
and chitchat with Grandma
until I get a salad
or something?
- You want anything?
- Yeah, I'm okay.
- Wait, actually, wait.
- What?
What if she, like, dies?
She's not gonna die
while I get a salad.
It's totally possible.
You know what?
Text me.
If she dies, text me.
Don't say it so loud.
She'll hear you.
SHIRA: She's not gonna die.
[MONITOR BEEPING]
JAMIE: This was the summer
I fucked up.
♪♪
[SIGHS]
Jamie?
Oh, yeah.
Come here.
Okay.
I have to tell you something.
Oh, Grandma, it's okay.
You look so sleepy.
Shh.
Girl, it's important.
This is something
you need to hear.
I want you to know
you're going to heaven.
Grandma, that's so sweet.
No, you don't understand.
I know this for a fact.
Um, I'm not quite
getting what you...
Well, your mother's
a dirty Jew.
Oh.
So when you were a baby,
I had you baptized
without your parents knowing.
Isn't that marvelous?
It's... You don't have
to be afraid anymore.
Afraid? Oh, my God.
What? Afraid of what?
Well, of going to hell.
Going to... Okay.
Okay, yeah, um...
I should probably get going.
- Not yet, honey.
- Okay.
There's just one more thing.
One thing in this world
that you need to know,
and no one's gonna have
the guts to tell you.
I wish I had been
prepared for it.
Learn how to give
a good blow job.
Jamie, what happened?
Are you okay?
I'll tell you in the car.
SHIRA: When did she even,
honestly,
take her to get baptized?
When she was, like,
watching her for a weekend,
she took her
and dumped her in water?
JAMIE: I didn't tell them
about the blow job part,
for obvious reasons.
I mean, I've never even
seen a real dick
up close before.
[GIRLS CHATTING]
Oh, my God!
ALL: Whoo!
GUY: Baby, don't leave!
JAMIE: I didn't see
what the big deal was.
SHIRA: Because she is
half-Jewish.
There's no way
you take that away.
But faith or whatever?
NED: She didn't indoctrinate her
into a cult, okay?
- Didn't she though?
- Just Catholic.
It just wasn't something
we talked about.
Half of you
is still going to hell.
You're fine.
You're not going to hell.
By the way, bad half's
gonna have a real good time.
You're welcome.
♪ No matter how far we go ♪
♪ Or how long the ride ♪
♪ I want you
to always remember ♪
♪ Love always comes on time ♪
[BEEPING]
SHIRA: I mean,
she just had to give me
one last fuck you, right?
You are blowing
this out of proportion.
- She loves you.
- No, she does not love me.
- Let's not be crazy.
- Okay, hey.
She's dying.
Cut her some slack.
SHIRA: I'm sorry.
[PHONE RINGING]
[RINGING CONTINUES]
Hello?
Is she dead?
♪♪ [SOMBER]
She wasn't though.
And I know it's
an awful thing to think,
but looking back,
kinda wish she had been.
I don't have much time left.
I've always wondered
what snapped inside her.
What is that thing
that makes old people
accept that they're gonna die?
That invisible force
that completely deletes
whatever filter
they had left.
You were a very
difficult child, Hope,
which is partly my fault
for having you so late.
I mean, you'd cry and cry,
sometimes for days.
Um, is there,
is there a point
to this story, Mom?
I used to lock you
in the downstairs coat closet
till you wore yourself out,
just to get some peace.
I've been carrying this
with me for years.
I believe in my heart
Dotty genuinely thought
she was helping.
Yeah, and maybe I was just
practice for the main event,
but that night
she decided to finish
what she started with me.
[INHALING]
Oh, don't be so dramatic.
You are a sweet boy, Dylan.
Thank you.
And you are clearly
a homosexual.
- A what?
- I'm partly to blame.
I should've sent you away
years ago.
I think it would do you
and your mother some good
if you went away
and got yourself fixed.
Your life would be easier
in the long run.
Will you do that for me,
Dylan?
I never liked you, Shira.
Oh, really?
Oh, wait,
I knew you didn't like me.
I think I knew
that was coming.
This actually feels
really good.
Oh, Ned, you're my baby.
Oh, I'm gonna miss you so much.
I have to tell you something
that I should've told you
years ago when your father died.
What is it, Mom?
Well...
I'm afraid that you
won't forgive me.
Mom, there's nothing
that you can say
that's gonna make me
love you less, okay?
Okay.
[LAUGHS]
Your father, George,
my late husband,
well, he wasn't exactly...
Wasn't exactly what?
NED: Are you fucking kidding me?
You knew this my entire life,
and you didn't tell me!
What the fuck is wrong with you?
What is happening?
Apparently our dad
is not my dad.
Did you know that?
Did you know about this?
- No!
- Who?
It's some other guy.
What the fuck is his name, Mom?
Mom, what is he talking about?
Wait, who is my grand...
Was it not Grandpa George?
Herman Lawrence.
Herman fucking Lawrence!
Okay, can we not swear
in front of Dylan?
- Put your headphones on.
- Who is Herman Lawrence?
Is he still alive?
Does anyone know if he's alive?
Is it an Italian name?
Lorenz?
I just wanna say this is
the kind of shit she pulls.
- You're a cunt!
- Whoa!
- She's lying!
- She is manipulative, okay?
I'm sorry you had
to see it this way.
Stop! Just stop!
Shira, she is dying.
She is on her deathbed.
Oh, don't be so dramatic.
What's a homosexual?
What?
[SUSTAINED BEEP]
I had to get outta there.
♪ That's the way we get by ♪
♪ The way we get by
The way ♪
♪ Well, that's the way
we get by ♪
♪ That's the way we get by ♪
Hey, March.
March Jefferson
is one of those guys
everyone else
only kind of knows.
Yo, there's a party
at March Jefferson's.
Wanna bounce?
I'm March Jefferson.
You're in my house.
Sick.
His parents travel a lot.
A fool.
A fool.
I met a fool in the forest.
A motley fool,
a miserable world.
As I do live by...
He was in my Shakespeare class
last year.
He'd try to make me laugh.
Who laid him down
and basked him in the sun
and railed on Lady Fortune
in good terms.
It helped.
Because whenever
it's my turn to perform, I...
I clam up.
I can't function.
My heart beats
a million miles an hour,
and I just...
I shut down.
[HEART BEATING]
I've almost forgot
the taste of fear.
[WHISPERING]
God, she is so pathetic.
- The time has been my senses...
- [LAUGHTER]
- Get the fuck out.
- What?
You heard me.
Get... the... fuck... out.
Right on time.
No one else seemed
to get the memo, but you?
You're on your shit, Winkle.
That's me.
- Did Emily leave?
- Hours ago.
Where you been?
Hospital. Grandma died.
No shit. When?
- Uh, like 30 minutes ago.
- No shit.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Thank you.
She just, you know.
She kinda
hated it here anyway.
Cincinnati?
Earth.
[LAUGHS]
Don't you need to, like,
be with your family
or something?
Yeah, they kinda have
a lot going on at the moment.
I don't really think they even
noticed that I left, so...
- Do you need some help?
- Uh, sure.
Okay.
Do you want a beer?
Fuck yes.
- How did I miss that?
- You suck.
I'm out.
The next one.
[LAUGHS]
Aren't you ever, like, worried
that your parents are gonna
find out about these parties?
What are they gonna do?
I mean, really.
If they come home and
some little thing is broken,
they'll what,
take away my Xbox?
God, I'm so jealous.
Like, okay,
if it were my parents,
they would totally disown me
or send me away.
Well, let me know
where you end up,
so I can come visit.
[CHUCKLES]
Do you wanna, like, go inside
and watch TV or something?
I've got the entire
DVD box set of Frasier.
Enticing, I know.
Um...
As friends.
Oh, right. Um...
[PHONE RINGING]
- Do you have to...
- It's just my dad.
But, um...
I should probably just,
you know, get going.
Are you gonna be okay?
Of course.
Do you want a ride?
Um...
Okay.
♪♪
Whoo!
♪♪ [ROCK]
♪ This one-way love affair
ain't fair ♪
- Mom? Mom?
- ♪ It ain't no affair to me ♪
♪ It's all give and take
and you just take ♪
- ♪ And I can't take it ♪
- What's going on?
Jamie! Dance with me!
Here we go.
Listen to the words.
♪ Me and my friends
will be just fine ♪
What's happening?
What are you doing?
- Am I not in trouble?
- Why would you be in trouble?
You're in trouble for not
dancing with me. Come on!
Okay. Okay, this is
the way we do it here.
♪ You've done nothin' for me ♪
- Where's Dad, Mom?
- What?
Mom, where is Dad?
- Oh, where's your dad?
- Yes.
He's... He's gone.
He is not home.
Wait, what does that mean?
Where is...
Oh, you wanna know
where Daddy is?
- Yes.
- Well, he decided that tonight
he had to leave
to go find his real dad,
and then the great news is
that he left me
to throw your Jew-hating
grandmother her funeral
by myself!
Dance with me.
♪ You've done nothing for me ♪
♪ Uh-uh, uh-uh ♪
- So...
- We gotta dance, girl!
Wait, wait, Dad's gone, Mom?
Yeah, he's way gone.
He is halfway around
the world, my friend.
You are not fun!
Do this, come on!
♪ Now you know
about everything ♪
[DOOR SLAMS]
VOICE: Your call
has been forwarded
to an automated
voice messaging system.
NED: Ned Winkle.
VOICE: Is not available.
The mailbox is full and cannot
accept any messages
at this time.
Goodbye.
♪♪ [PIANO]
JAMIE: "Everyone must leave
something behind when he dies,"
my grandfather said.
"A child or a book
or a painting or a house
or a wall built
or a pair of shoes made
or a garden planted."
[BABY CRYING]
Something your hand
touched some way
so your soul has
somewhere to go when you die.
And when people
look at that tree
or that flower you planted...
DOTTY: You're saved.
...you're there.
[BIRDS TWEETING]
Ooh.
♪♪
Good morning, Catholic people!
- LUKE: Good morning.
- Oh, shit!
I didn't think
that anyone was here.
I just...
The door must have
been unlocked.
Yeah, I thought that was
kinda just a church thing,
you know, 'cause in movies
it seems like people
just wander in
and are like, "God, Jesus,
help me." I don't know.
I'm gonna take
a wild guess and say
that you've never
been to church before.
Yes. Is Patrick...
I'm sorry, Father.
Father Patrick.
Yes. Is he around?
No, but you can talk to me.
Who are you?
Oh, my gosh, that was so rude.
I'm sorry.
That's okay.
I'm Luke. Hi.
- Hi. Jamie.
- Nice to meet you.
I started here at the seminary,
and Father Patrick's mentoring
me before I get ordained.
Oh. Um...
Congratulations.
Thank you.
So is there anything
that I can help you with?
I don't know.
It's kinda just been
a weird couple of days.
Are you here to confess?
Well, I don't think I did
anything wrong.
That's good.
[LAUGHS]
Um, I guess I'm just,
I don't know.
I guess I'm just trying
to figure out
why this is such a big deal.
What, like religion
in general?
Is that the wrong question?
No, it's just, uh,
it's a very big question.
Yeah, I know, I know.
God, I must sound fucking
insane to you, honestly.
I just...
Oh, jeez, that was not...
Um, do you wanna go for a walk?
If not, that's fine,
but, like, do you?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
♪♪
JAMIE: I don't believe
in love at first sight
or anything like that,
but I do believe in seeing
someone from across the room
and knowing instantly...
that they're gonna
matter to you.
Luke gave me that feeling.
I wanted to bite his lip.
[LAUGHS]
What's so funny?
We just haven't said anything.
LUKE: Well, what do you
wanna talk about?
What are you doing?
Nothin'.
[PUTTERING LIPS]
Nothin'.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, it's just coffins...
- Hey, Mom?
- are a trigger...
you know, small spaces...
'cause being buried alive
is basically my biggest fear.
And now, thanks to
my dear mother, I know why.
- She was great, right?
- Yeah.
Your mother will rest
comfortably in the oak.
And there are other options.
She's not gonna know if
it's a less expensive option.
She's not even gonna know
if we rolled her in the dirt.
- Let's be honest.
- I don't disagree.
I'm not saying let's
roll her in the dirt.
Have you seen the place
that she wants
to have the funeral at?
It's like the fuckin' Ritz
for dead people...
- Mom!
- What? What do you want? What?
I wanna start going to church.
I'm going to, uh,
get the paperwork.
Yeah.
What?
I don't know.
I wanna start going to church.
Clearly it was important
to Dotty.
- Oh.
- Why not give it a shot?
Just see what
the whole thing's about.
Oh, just like
give it a whirl?
You think that this
is the right moment,
when we're looking for
your grandmother's casket?
It just came to my mind.
Why couldn't I tell you now?
Shira, I can take her.
It's really not a problem.
- Oh, oh.
- Sundays.
You know, the transportation
that was my concern,
how was she gonna
get to church.
- She's being nice.
- You know what you need to hear?
This is your grandmother
reaching out from the grave,
putting her fingers in
and causing a conspiracy...
Wanting to go to church
is not the same thing
as Ned going to find
his real father.
Yeah, it's really
not the same.
You know what?
Yes, go to church.
Go crazy.
Become the fuckin' pope.
You'll be the first lady pope.
Maybe I will.
God bless you.
- Oh, my God, mazel tov.
- Thank you.
I feel like all my sins
have been absolved.
Why are you being
so insensitive about it?
I'm not being insensitive.
You're honestly saying it
like you're offended by it.
Hey, do either of you know
where Dylan is?
- No.
- No.
But why is that such a big...
You never took me to temple.
Excuse me for wanting to try a
church out, see what it's about.
Oh, so now you're, what,
like a child of God?
- Yes, I'm a child of God.
- Then you should become a nun.
Maybe we could put you
just right in a nunnery.
Hey!
My keys are also missing.
Oh, fuck.
♪♪
- Dylan!
- Dylan!
Fuck!
- Dylan, Dylan!
- Dylan!
Oh, my God, Dylan.
Dylan, what are you doing?
- Dylan, stop!
- Open the door, baby.
- There's a button on the side.
- Stop the car!
- Open the door!
- Mom, it's locked!
- [BANGING]
- The doors are locked!
Dylan, be careful!
The brake is on the left.
Dylan, what are you doing?
Stop!
[METAL THUMPS]
Brake! Brake!
It's right there!
- Dylan, what are you doing?
- I don't know!
[CRANK]
- ♪♪ [CONTINUES]
- [SIGHS]
♪♪
Hey, what's this song called?
"I Saw Her Cry" by Angel Oak.
1975.
[SIGHS]
[TAPPING]
Unlock the door.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, baby!
Oh, God.
You saved his life.
Ohh!
[KISSING]
JAMIE: The timing
was too perfect.
If the mere thought
of going to church
had anything to do
with saving my cousin's life,
I was obviously
on the right track.
And now with
my mother's blessing,
albeit a sarcastic one,
I could go back and see him.
He reminded me of all the boys
in my favorite books.
The ones I got lost in.
♪♪
If Luke liked me before
when I wasn't trying
to look good or anything,
imagine what he'd think of me
if I actually smelled nice
and did my hair.
The effects could be
earth shattering.
♪♪ [ORGAN]
In the name of the Father
and of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit.
ALL: Amen.
- The Lord be with you.
- And also with you.
Fuck.
Please be seated.
Brothers and sisters...
You'll get the hang of it.
...let us acknowledge our sins
and so prepare ourselves to
celebrate the sacred mysteries.
- Have mercy upon us, oh, Lord.
- [PHONE VIBRATES]
ALL: For we have sinned
against you.
Today I address
you all in tragedy
as we have lost
one of our own.
Dorothy Winkle
left us on Friday.
Her daughter, Hope,
and her grandchildren,
Jamie and Dylan,
join us today in prayer.
Let us take a moment of silence
to mourn our loss.
Dorothy's funeral
will be this Thursday
with a reception to follow
at Hope's home.
In these times of sadness,
we often turn to celebration,
finding our light
within this darkness.
This Friday, our own Luke Shay
will be ordained.
He has worked very hard,
and he will continue God's work
for the rest of his life.
[APPLAUSE]
- Where are you going?
- Our mission...
- Grieving.
- ...is to do God's will.
We can only follow
the teachings of our church.
They dictate...
♪ Uh-oh, uh-oh ♪
[LINE RINGING]
♪ Uh-oh, uh-oh ♪
Hey.
[ENGINE REVS]
♪ Uh-oh, uh-oh ♪
JAMIE: When Emily transferred
to my school freshman year,
there was no misstep.
She was instantly popular.
No shit!
[LAUGHING]
The woman knows what's up.
Your family is
so fucking random, I love it.
Emily was the one person I told
about the blow job part.
I mean, it's what I've been
telling you for years.
[LAUGHING]
She came from Los Angeles,
where the girls
are much faster,
and immediately had
everyone's attention.
First, you lick the edges
to get them excited.
- Oh!
- Oh.
Rather than shaming her,
the girls at school
embraced her vast wealth
of sexual knowledge.
They, love it, trust me.
Okay, then...
What?
[LAUGHING]
Wait, I'm just confused.
Ohh!
It was impressive.
♪ Uh, uh, uh-oh ♪
So who you gonna lose
your mouth virginity to?
What do you mean?
Her dying wish, Jamie.
You have to blow someone.
You're gonna love it.
It's so hot.
But why?
How is it hot, you know?
'Cause there's nothing, like,
being done to you physically,
so I don't understand
what's so amazing about it.
It just seems kinda weird.
You'll get it. And there's
nothing weird about a blow job.
People have been doing it
for thousands of years.
The first thing Eve did
was blow Adam.
[SCOFFS]
I highly doubt that.
It's in the Bible.
Regardless, if you blow someone,
and you don't tell me,
you know I'll never speak
to you again, right?
[GASPS]
I've got it.
What?
March.
[GIGGLES]
What do you mean?
Don't play dumb.
You should blow March.
- No! No! Come on.
- He, like, loves you.
And he'll be super nice
to you after.
- Shut up, man.
- [EMILY LAUGHS]
♪ Every time you see me
driving by ♪
♪ Got a little pretty thing
by my side ♪
♪ Make the ladies say
oh, my, oh, my ♪
Jesus Christ,
it's like hardly 11:00.
- ♪ So fly, so fly ♪
- Time to drink!
♪ Got a little pretty thing
by my side ♪
♪ Make the ladies say
oh, my, oh, my ♪
- ♪ Oh, my, oh, my ♪
- JAMIE: Fuck Luke.
Fuck him in his stupid
fucking face.
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, do what you do ♪
♪ I like the way you do that
right there ♪
♪ Swing your hips
when you're walkin' ♪
♪ Let down your hair ♪
♪ I like the way you do that
right there ♪
♪ Lick your lips
when you're talkin' ♪
♪ That make me stare ♪
♪ I like the way you look
in them pants, see ya fine ♪
♪ Your mama a quarter piece
She far from a dime ♪
♪ The type of girl that getcha
up and go make you grind ♪
♪ I'm thinkin' about
snatchin' her up dirty ♪
♪ Makin' her mine ♪
♪ Look at her hips
Look at her legs ♪
♪ Ain't she stacked ♪
♪ I sure wouldn't mind
hittin' that from the back ♪
♪ I like it when I touch it
'cause she moans li'l bit ♪
♪ Jeans saggin' so I can
see her thong li'l bit ♪
♪ I know you grown li'l bit
20 years old, you legal ♪
♪ Don't trip off my people
Just hop in the Regal ♪
♪ I swoop on her
like an eagle ♪
♪ Swoop down on prey ♪
♪ I know you popular
but you gon' be famous today ♪
♪ I'll say I like the way
you do that right there ♪
[CHEERING]
Oh, my God!
♪ Lick your lips
when you're talkin' ♪
♪ That make me stare ♪
♪ I like the way you do that
right there ♪
♪ Swing your hips
when you're walkin' ♪
♪ Let down your hair ♪
♪ I like the way you do that
right there ♪
Wait! What are you doing?
What are you doing?
- Stop, March!
- I'm throwing you in!
No, stop, March!
[SCREAMS]
♪♪ [ETHEREAL]
March, I know how to swim.
Sorry.
You just stayed down there.
You scared me.
[LAUGHS]
- Shit.
- EMILY: Jamie!
- I am so sorry, Jamie.
- Are you all right?
- Yeah.
- March, what the actual fuck?
I'll get you a new phone.
It's fine. I gotta go.
I'll drive you.
Em, you're drunk.
I'll just walk.
I wasn't mad about the phone.
I was mad that he ruined
my one little moment of peace.
LUKE: Jamie!
Jamie, hi.
You okay?
Why do you care?
I was just headed
towards your house.
My mom is home.
I figured,
but I'm a nice young man.
I assumed she wouldn't mind.
And... what about me?
I thought you might
wanna hang out.
[SCOFFS]
Jamie, wait!
Jamie.
Jamie, what did I do?
Come on.
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
What do you think you did?
Well, I think...
that you're upset with me
because I ignored you.
I think you wanted me
to watch you,
and you wanted my attention.
Am I right, Jamie?
You're an asshole.
Why did you ignore me?
Because you made me wanna
break the rules.
♪♪
[TAPS]
Can I ask you a question?
Yeah.
You're just so young,
you know?
You don't seem very...
priest-like.
That's not a question.
Well, I mean that...
Well, besides not knowing
any of the religious stuff,
I just, I know that I could
never do what you do.
I hate public speaking.
I can honestly think
of nothing worse.
Oh, man, I love it.
You know, it's such a rush.
And you can really do a lot when
you have the room's attention.
And it's actually a lot easier
to get than you think.
So is that why you wanted
to become a priest?
I mean, you obviously
believe in God too.
It's one of the reasons.
I was in foster care
my entire childhood,
and the guardians I had
when I was about 12 or so,
they would go to mass
every Sunday.
Now, I remember watching
the priest up there,
giving his sermons
and just thinking,
"This guy has the support
of his entire community."
You know, this huge group
of really nice people.
And he never has
to worry about money
or finding a home
or people that love him.
So yeah, I worked really hard,
put myself through school,
and here I am.
I have another question.
Oh, no, no, no,
it's my turn.
I wanna know about you.
Tell me about you.
Oh, I don't know. I...
My favorite food is
soft serve ice cream,
I hate math,
and I love to read.
Mostly science fiction,
but sometimes fantasy.
Have you read
the Harry Potter books?
I know that's kind of
a childish thing to ask,
but the fifth book
just came out,
and I'm just really dying
to talk to somebody about it.
I've never read the books, no.
Wait, hang on,
are you one of those...
Please don't tell me
you're one of those
waiting-for-the-movies-
to-come-out people.
Oh, no, did I just lose points?
So many points!
Literally, all of your points.
- All of them!
- I'll make it up to you.
Um...
I have one more question.
Um...
Are priests allowed to drink?
♪♪ [GENTLE PIANO]
JAMIE: He was better
than anything I've read.
He was real.
And he made me feel invincible.
I thought about
how salty he must be
from sweating all day
in the sun.
So...
[INHALES]
His look gave me
the same feeling I got
when I had to talk on stage.
My heart in my throat,
body shaking, no control.
Today was fun.
Yeah.
But something had to happen.
I wanted it to happen.
If I made a move, I could just
blame it on being drunk.
I definitely wouldn't be
the first person.
I wanna try something.
What?
What are you doing?
Are you sure?
Just tell me
if I do a good job.
All right. Okay.
Um, I'm not sure
what I was expecting,
but it wasn't the Holy Grail.
I mean, it wasn't anything more
than a fleshy sock puppet.
- You okay?
- Yeah.
I couldn't even remember
what Emily told me.
I didn't lick the sides.
I didn't...
I just dove right in,
head first,
into the mysterious
new territory.
♪♪ [SOLEMN]
- [SIREN WAILING]
- Ah!
[GASPS]
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, God!
[SIGHS]
My heart is pounding.
How was I?
Spectacular.
[ZIPS]
♪♪ [SOFT PIANO]
Is that...
Is that here for you?
JAMIE: Oh, my God.
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, my God!
I don't know how he even
got the car to drive.
I don't know where
he could've gone.
We'll find him.
Don't worry.
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- Jamie?
- Mom.
- Jamie.
- Oh, my God!
- Mom...
Oh, my God!
Where have you been?
It's okay, it's okay.
Have you been drinking?
What are you...
You are one to talk. God!
- You've been drinking.
- Oh, my God!
Where have you been?
I've been calling you all day.
Mom, it's fine.
My phone, it got wet.
It's broken now.
Oh, you are so...
You are so grounded!
- Why? Why am I grounded?
- Because you disappeared!
How am I supposed to know
that you are okay
when you do not
pick up your phone?
My phone got wet!
I was just...
How am I supposed
to take you seriously?
You smell like alcohol!
And what are you...
- What are you wearing?
- I wore this to church, Mom.
You wore this to church?
Why did you call the cops on me?
That's insane!
I didn't call the cops on you.
I called the cops
because your cousin
took my car, okay?
Guys, guys, okay,
ladies, ladies,
we should split up and search
the neighborhood, okay?
Okay.
Are these your keys, Hope?
Ma'am, wait,
should you be driving?
- No.
- No, we'll go together.
- I'll drive.
- All right, great.
- Let's go.
- Jamie, stay here.
What? No!
Mom, he's my cousin.
- I wanna help look for him.
- Jamie, go to bed.
[DOOR SLAMS]
♪♪
Dylan?
Just get that thumb
straight up for me there.
There you go.
What color would you
like your cast to be?
What are my options?
Any color you want.
Purple.
DOCTOR: Purple it is.
[RATTLING]
Hey, March.
Hey.
What happened to your car?
March, Jamie can't play today.
She's grounded.
- Mom!
- All good.
I was just dropping this off.
It's a new phone.
Oh, thank you so much.
I'm really sorry
about what happened.
All right, I'll take that.
Come on.
What the heck, Mom? Why?
You're grounded. Let's go.
So what, you took away my phone
in the first place
because I didn't pick up,
and now you wanna
take away my...
You just don't make sense, Mom.
You don't make sense.
Say goodbye to your friend.
Now.
I hate you.
Have a good day.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[SIGHS]
I slept all day and all night.
Thirty-six whole hours
of unanswered calls and texts.
Luke could change his mind,
or he could think
I'm playing hard to get.
Listen, I'm very easy to get.
Blow jobs were like
a gateway drug for sex.
I wanted more.
♪♪ [GENTLE PIANO]
And the rush.
[JAMIE SCREAMS]
I like the control.
[JAMIE SQUEALS]
Wait. Which side is it?
Which side is it?
Well, you start here.
Wait.
[LAUGHING]
[JAMIE SQUEALS]
No, no, no! Ow!
Are you okay?
Oh, my God!
You scared the shit out of me!
[LAUGHING]
Mom?
I would like to discuss
the terms of this grounding.
While I know that
what I did was wrong,
I don't think that taking away
my phone privileges
is really the correct...
Oh, my God!
I'm sorry, um...
you scared me.
Oh.
Have you seen my mother,
by chance?
She's like this, yay tall.
Ze Jew.
Uh, yes.
Ze Jew.
Okay.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[HINGE CREAKS]
- Let's have him for a bit.
- How long?
Hi.
Hey, sweetie.
You're back.
Yeah, of course.
[SIGHS]
Can I go to Emily's?
- No.
- Why?
- She's grounded.
- Why is she grounded?
Just get ready for dinner.
For so many reasons.
Is that old man in there
my grandfather?
- Yes, he is.
- Allegedly.
NED: Yes.
Okay.
SHIRA: It would have been worth
maybe you giving me a heads-up
that you were bringing
a strange man.
- He's my father.
- You don't know that.
[ARGUING CONTINUES]
JAMIE: I didn't realize how mad
I was at my dad for leaving
until he came back.
I wanted to yell at him.
I wanted to knock
the table over.
I wanted all the food
and soda and wine
to just create a pool
of garbage on the floor.
I wanted it to stain,
so he'd be forced to remember
the time he left us
to deal with his problems.
I just wanted something,
anything to happen.
♪♪
I had so much on my mind.
But I ended up saying
nothing at all.
How's everybody's food?
So how did you, um, find him?
Are...
Are you sure he's, like,
the right Herman?
Yes, Hope,
he's the right Herman.
Look, it was very easy,
you know.
Mom and Dad,
actually your dad, not mine,
were in Germany for that year
when I was conceived,
and, uh, flew to Frankfurt,
talked to a private detective,
gave him his name,
and we found him
in a local hospital
and brought him here.
So you took him from a hospital?
That's kinda weird.
It's not like that, I mean...
Actually,
it's exactly like that.
You just said you took him
from the hospital.
That's pretty fuckin' weird.
Watch your language,
first of all.
Second of all,
he's sick, okay?
- He's got cancer.
- Oh, my God, what kind?
I don't know.
Look, they were gonna put him
into some sort of
assisted-living facility,
and I figured why not
just bring him here?
We have a guest room.
We're a loving family.
It's the perfect spot for him.
Yeah, why wouldn't he come
and stay in our guest room?
Sounds like he needs to
actually be in hospital,
and if he was coming,
maybe you'd call,
let me know
to change the sheets.
I don't know.
That doesn't seem unreasonable.
Fine. I'm not a mind reader.
[SCOFFS]
So, Jamie, are you
planning on speaking
at the memorial service?
I know Dylan's gonna
say a few words and...
- Oh, no.
- She's gonna speak.
You know how I feel
about public speaking.
How about a DNA test?
There's no way, Ned,
for you to know...
Will you drop this?
- He is my son!
- Okay.
All of you stop talking about me
like I am not here.
- Especially the shiv.
- Excuse me?
Wait, so you guys didn't know
that he was super anti-Semitic?
It was just me.
Okay, I got this.
Let's just chock this one up
to cultural differences.
I'm sure that he didn't mean
what he said.
I'm right here, heeb.
- Okay. Well, you know what?
- What's a heeb?
- Okay, enough.
- Dylan, headphones on.
Does anyone think that
he might be, like, super racist?
- That's hard to misunderstand.
- Hon...
You don't need to get
the DNA test, honey,
because obviously
Dotty and Herman
make a lovely couple.
Can you explain to me
why I'm having
to deal with this
in my own home,
in front of my family?
Why is this...
'Cause I am trying to connect
with my father, okay?
Your dad is an anti-Semite.
Oh, like you've gone
to temple that much.
Oh, my God! Just because I don't
go to temple all the time,
I deserve to be called
a heeb in my house?
Do you not understand
that this is crazy?
This whole situation is crazy.
All I'm saying is that
we all have parents
that are difficult.
I'm just saying
your parents are not perfect.
Oh, I... Oh, my... I...
What? It's a different world!
What does that have to do...
- Because it's a...
- No.
It's his thing!
Are you leaving? Hon!
[DOOR SLAMS]
Hey, hey, Dad,
can I go to Emily's?
Yeah, go ahead.
Sorry.
♪♪
♪ You come in, check my time ♪
♪ You've got
fornication crimes ♪
♪ I've seen your hope
on television ♪
♪ Where you've been
You were not were ♪
♪ They've got tricycles
in skirts ♪
I'm proud of you.
Oh, thank you.
- Promised I'd tell you.
- Tell her what?
Did you guys finish
Order of the Phoenix yet?
- Yes, twice.
- No.
Oh, my God, it was so good!
[LAUGHING]
Cool. That's not what
we're talking about.
We're talking about how Jamie
finally lost
her mouth virginity.
Congrats.
He was fine.
It was nothing, okay?
Can we just talk about
something else, please?
Are you not gonna see him again?
Hmm?
You said he was fine,
like he died or something.
I did?
He play a sport?
Like at Saint Ags?
Lacrosse, uh-huh.
I know a lot of guys
on that team.
- What's his name?
- Can we just drop it, please?
Lacrosse guys are so hot.
Oh, hey, um,
before I forget,
what time is that
funeral thingy on Thursday?
- We were gonna go.
- Um, it's...
You guys, that's really nice,
but you don't have to go.
But we're your friends,
and we support you
no matter what.
Not sure I can make it now,
actually.
Oh.
Okay.
- I gotta bounce.
- Wait.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Why would you do that?
Why would you actually
say that to him? Why?
What? It's just March.
Yeah, but he seemed
really upset.
Well, you're not into him,
so what's the problem?
He shouldn't get
his hopes up, right?
I guess.
We'll figure it out.
He's having a party tomorrow.
He has a party every day.
[PHONE VIBRATES]
True.
Oh! Oh, no, oh, shit!
God, we gotta go.
My mom's so pissed.
Can we go?
Can we go right now?
♪ Waiting for the sun
to wake us from this sleep ♪
♪ The dream is ending ♪
- Hey.
- Hey.
What's up?
Oh, wow, you look great.
Thank you.
I brought that for you to read.
Oh, cool.
So, um, where we going?
We can't go inside?
Oh, no.
I mean, do you know
who I live with?
If anyone were
to find out about us...
We're an us?
- Shut up.
- [LAUGHS]
Um, let's see.
Oh, I have an idea.
[ENGINE STARTS]
♪♪ [SOFT PIANO]
Get up.
Are you okay?
Um, yeah.
This kinda hurts my knees.
Can we, um...
Can we move to the grass?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
[UNZIPS]
- Sorry, they're kinda tight.
- [CHUCKLES]
Here.
[CHUCKLES]
Sorry.
Do you think we could...
Do you...
I just think
it would help if you...
- Oh, yeah, okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
Okay, yeah.
[JAMIE MOANS]
Okay.
Oh, okay, yeah.
Do wanna put...
Do you want something
to put on your...
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
[WRAPPER CRINKLING]
- Okay, okay.
- Okay.
[PANTING]
[GASPS]
[CAR APPROACHING]
[BRAKES SQUEAL]
[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
[HORN HONKS]
- Oh, my gosh!
- What are you doing down there?
What the fuck?
Oh, my God!
Well, at least now
I understand why you wanted
to start going to church.
I should tell the priest,
the real priest,
what is happening.
What?
What? Mom, stop!
Mom, no!
You're gonna ruin his life.
What are you doing?
Jamie, he needs to know
what happened.
You think you're the only one
that this is happening to?
- You're going to ruin his life!
- What's going on?
Why are you doing this to me?
Please stop!
No, seriously,
why are you doing this?
Why?
[SOBBING]
Stop.
Stop, please!
♪♪
[SOBBING]
[SHOWER RUNNING]
I waited all day
for them to punish me.
[CLOCK TICKING]
We commandeered
our own islands of couches...
and lawn chairs...
[HERMAN COUGHING]
and beds.
[TICKING CONTINUES]
I was a ghost
living in my own house,
and I'd had enough.
[SIGHS]
SHIRA: I don't think
we have a choice in it.
NED: If you wanna do it,
we'll do it.
Hey!
Where you going?
Out.
No, you're not.
You're grounded.
Come here.
This stops now, okay?
We gotta talk about
our punishment.
Well, first of all,
you're gonna pay
for getting the car impounded.
- Mm-hmm.
- That's it?
- Great.
- No, don't do that, okay?
And we're not done.
Does it look like I care
if you're done?
- What?
- What?
Come on, look at yourselves.
Ever since Grandma died,
you guys have been...
You've lost it.
Lost your minds.
You don't talk to us like that,
first of all.
People die, okay?
It's okay to move on.
Honestly, I don't feel
like being punished
because of whatever it is
that you guys are going through.
- [LAUGHING]
- Yeah, Herman gets it.
You are now out of line.
I had sex!
Everyone has sex!
- Okay.
- Everyone!
And at least it was
with someone that I love.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
- What? I do!
You don't even know him, Jamie!
You are totally out of line
right now. Calm down.
Don't tell me to calm down
right now.
Fine. When you decide to be
a part of this family again,
let me know, okay?
Well, when wanna stop being
a shitty dad, let me know.
♪♪ [TENSE]
What are you doing here?
I just...
I wanted to see you.
I mean, I just thought
maybe we could,
you know,
finish what we started.
- [CAR DOOR OPENS]
- Are you kidding me, Jamie?
If anyone finds out
you're here...
Okay, this whole thing
was a huge mistake.
I'm sorry, but it was.
It's getting way out of hand.
So you don't...
What?
You don't love me?
Love you? Wait.
You don't love me.
I thought we were
just having fun.
Well, we are just having fun.
I just thought that...
What?
You just, you're not
obsessed with your job.
You just,
you like the security.
[SIGHS]
Okay, wow.
Um, there's a lot
going on right now,
and I'm trying to
wrap my head around it.
You're a really sweet girl,
but this thing that we're doing,
that we did,
it can't happen again, okay?
So that's it?
I guess so.
Okay.
Just tell me one thing though.
What?
Was I always just gonna be
the last girl you slept with?
You just wanted to fuck someone
before you couldn't anymore?
- Tell me.
- I don't know.
I wasn't really
thinking about it
in those terms, okay?
I guess it happened that way.
But I never meant
for anyone to get hurt.
Now listen, tomorrow
when you go to the funeral
and stand with your parents,
you have to pretend
that I don't exist.
Just shake everyone's hands and
focus on your family, all right?
Okay, it'll be easy.
Okay?
I'm really sorry, you know,
for what it's worth.
I really did enjoy
spending time with you.
[SOBBING]
♪♪ [TENSE]
Whew.
Ugh!
♪♪ [HIP-HOP]
[LOUD CHATTER]
♪ Move around
Do your thing like this ♪
What the fuck?
- Look at this bitch.
- Whoa.
What's her problem?
Relax, it's a party.
GIRL: That was aggressive.
♪ I love it when you shake it
When you move that thing ♪
♪ Little mama, she got game ♪
♪ She wanna pop this
Pull out my whip ♪
MARCH: Jamie, you're here.
♪ We about to get wild
before the party ♪
Let's go upstairs.
Whoa, what,
what are you doing?
What?
You seem different.
Come on, I'm giving you
what you want.
What I want? Wow, okay.
Jamie, you made it!
[LAUGHS]
This is Buck.
He, like, plays lacrosse
at Saint Ags.
- Emily, this isn't a good time.
- Shh!
Babe, this is the girl
that I was telling you about.
She was hanging out with one
of your teammates the other day.
Oh, yeah?
Who was the lucky guy?
Was it Felter?
Um, yeah, sure.
Hey, Felter!
- This your girl?
- What is he doing?
I really don't
wanna hear this.
- Do you know her?
- No.
Jesus Christ, fine!
I lied. Big fucking whoop!
Come on!
Emily, why do you care so much
about who I hook up with?
I mean, you blow enough lacrosse
players for the both of us.
What?
God, you're like
a human tornado,
just sucking up everything
within a 50-foot radius.
You know, just because
your grandma died,
it doesn't give you permission
to act like a total bitch.
I think you should leave.
You know what, March?
You may be able to make friends
just by buying beer
for them right now,
but soon enough, you're gonna
have to make friends
based on your personality,
and no one even knows
what that is.
Get the fuck out.
Get... the... fuck... out.
Fine.
Your parties
are getting old anyway.
♪ Move around
Do your thing like this ♪
- [SHATTERS]
- Oh, my God.
Guess you lose your Xbox.
- Is she crazy?
- Mm-hmm.
♪♪ [GENTLE PIANO]
I woke up,
and for a few seconds,
I had forgotten
all of the reasons
why I was so miserable.
And no matter how hard I tried
to hold on to that feeling,
those few seconds,
the sun forced them away.
[KNOCKING]
It's Dylan.
Can I come in?
Yeah, of course.
Hey.
My mom wanted to carpool
to the funeral.
Oh.
What's on today?
Electric Light Orchestra.
Yep.
[SIGHS]
She's mad at me
for trying to run away,
but she doesn't understand
that I was only doing
what Dotty asked me to.
What did Dotty
say to you, Dylan?
That I'm a homosexual,
and she should've sent me away
when my dad left.
Are you joking?
I'm not one for jokes.
Oh, my... What a bitch!
I'm so sorry.
You know,
and I'm fine with it, really.
It's not that I wish I wasn't.
I just, you know...
wish I figured it out later.
No one at school will like me.
Dylan, listen to me.
You are the coolest kid.
I mean, look at you.
You wear vintage clothes.
You have the best taste
in music.
And that's just stuff
that you can't teach, you know?
Come here.
Gay or not, man,
you still have me.
You're never gonna
get rid of me.
♪♪
PRIEST: In the name
of the Father
and of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit.
ALL: Amen.
- The Lord be with you.
- And also with you.
Dorothy Winkle's life
was well-lived.
She served the Lord,
she served her Catholic faith.
She made sure that her friends...
JAMIE: I can't imagine
any of us wanted
to mourn Dotty that day.
PRIEST:
Enjoy in her eternal life.
We loved Dorothy.
We will miss her.
How can you mourn someone
you're still mad at?
How can you forgive someone
who's dead?
Dotty was my best friend.
She always had a big smile
on her face.
She loved her grandchildren.
She loved to travel.
Dotty gave me candy
whenever I wanted.
Good at bridge.
Unapologetic.
- Peaceful.
- Smart.
So old.
To conclude our service
and before we collect ourselves
outside for the burial,
I want to invite anyone else who
would like to pay their respects
to speak now.
[DOOR OPENS]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Um, okay.
I would like to say something.
Jamie, what...
It's fine, Mom.
I have to do this.
[HEART BEATING]
I felt Dotty with me then,
egging me on.
And just like her,
I had nothing left to lose.
Come on.
Say something.
Hi! Um...
Hi.
I'm Jamie Winkle, um...
Dotty's granddaughter.
I, um, I just wanted
to say a few things.
I'm really sorry.
I'm nervous.
I'm not very good at this,
so I'm sorry.
Um...
I never really tried
to get to know my grandmother.
You know, she was always
just the old woman
who would write me checks
on my birthday.
[CONGREGATION CHUCKLING]
But, um...
But hearing all of you say
such nice things about her,
it just kinda makes me wonder
if that was
the same woman I knew.
I think what I've realized
the hardest part
about this whole thing
is figuring out
how to forgive someone
that you can't talk to.
To me, Dotty was tough,
you know?
She wasn't always nice.
I mean, my poor parents.
They just...
My dad just found out
that this guy, Herman,
is his real father.
And then Dotty told my mom
that she never liked her
because she's Jewish.
I mean, God, it's 2003,
for Christ's sake.
This is what happens when people
don't talk to each other.
This is why family shouldn't
keep secrets from one another.
To clear her conscience,
Dotty chose to burden us
with just a bunch
of fucked-up shit.
- Thank you, Jamie.
- I'm not finished, Father.
[CONGREGATION MURMURING]
Um...
Before Dotty died,
she told me that she had me
baptized when I was a baby
without my parents knowing.
With you, actually.
Isn't that crazy? Yeah.
Man, she must have really
wanted me to go to heaven.
But you know what
the funniest thing is?
After she told me
this whole baptism thing
and convinced me that religion
really needed to play
a much larger role in my life,
she told me a secret.
The secret of life.
- Jamie...
- Shh, not now.
Oh, by the way,
this is Luke, everyone.
He officially becomes
a priest tomorrow!
Can we please give him
a round of applause?
Whoo! Okay, anyway.
So I was sitting
with Dotty, right?
She just told me
about the baptism thing.
These words actually
come out of her mouth:
"Jamie, there is one thing
in this world you need to know,
but no one will have
the guts to tell you,
something I wish
I had been prepared for."
"Learn how to give
a proper blow job."
- [CONGREGATION MURMURING]
- What?
Yup. So this woman
is on her deathbed,
and she decides
that her last words to me
are telling me that I need to
learn how to give head, okay?
So I chock this up to her
being old and demented.
But then I met this guy.
It was Luke, actually.
And he made me feel safe
and good about myself
when I came to the church
looking for answers.
Okay, Jamie, that's enough.
So good, in fact, that he...
he helped my sweet,
sweet grandma
get her dying wish.
[MURMURING CONTINUES]
Luke!
She doesn't know
what she's talking about.
Luke, you were the one
who told me how easy it was
to get a crowd's attention.
Looks like I have it.
Okay, please, now, Jamie...
[CROWD GASPS]
Fuck! I'm so sorry!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Still wanna run away?
NED: Jamie! Jamie!
Jamie!
Jamie!
Can I drive?
Hell no! Come on!
Jamie!
Oh, my God,
where are you going?
NED: Jamie! Jamie!
SHIRA: Jamie! Oh, my God!
NED: Jamie!
Jamie, stop!
Shit.
SHIRA: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
No, no, no no!
NED: No! Damn it.
Oh, my God!
Are you okay?
Shit! Shit.
[SCREAMS]
Oh, my God.
Oh!
All right! Whoo!
Whoo!
That was fun.
[LAUGHS]
[CRASH]
[GROANS]
[PANTING]
[GROANING]
- NED: Can we get some help?
- [DYLAN COUGHS]
Hey, hey, Dylan, Dylan,
are you okay?
I think...
- I think I'm fine.
- Can we get some help?
Jamie, are you okay?
Jamie!
Fuck! Ow! Fuck.
[GROANS]
My arm.
Mom?
Dylan, are you okay?
Oh, God.
Oh, my God, on the grave.
Just... Okay.
Whoa.
I can get out,
if you just grab my arm.
I can't. I can't.
Yes, you can!
[INHALES]
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay, let's go.
[DYLAN GRUNTS]
Oh, my God! Oh, God!
Okay, just get...
Guys, can someone try
to help me out of here?
My arm is fuckin' broken.
Guys!
Can someone...
SHIRA: Oh, my God.
Come on, honey.
[JAMIE GROANS]
My arm!
- Careful, her arm.
- Okay, I got it.
- Okay, here we go.
- Don't touch my arm.
- Pull.
- Okay.
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, God.
- Ow!
- All right, back up.
Don't touch my fuckin' arm!
Don't touch my fuckin' arm.
Okay, baby. It's fine.
Oh, my God!
What were you doing?
I don't know, man.
[LAUGHING]
DOCTOR: All right.
You guys gotta be more careful.
I gotta hand it to you.
Threw a pretty flawless funeral.
I mean, I think it went off
without a hitch, really,
wouldn't you say?
This is why I just
totally abandoned you
and let you plan it
all by yourself.
- Too soon?
- Really?
Yeah, a little too soon.
I, uh...
- About this week...
- Uh-huh.
- I am...
- Sorry?
- I know, I know.
- Very.
Oh, my God.
DOCTOR: And what color
would you like your cast to be?
- Purple.
- Okay.
[LAUGHING]
- Where's Herman?
- Shit.
[LAUGHING]
You forgot him?
Well, there's a couple things
going on here.
- Oh, my God!
- SHIRA: I will go get Herman.
Ah, no, you've done enough.
No. You guys have to go
to the reception.
Honestly, I don't mind.
I will make sure
that he's got his...
all his hoods
and all his robes.
Don't forget his lighter fluid.
He needs that for the crosses.
Well, if they can all
fit in the car.
[LAUGHING]
♪♪ [GENTLE]
Appreciate it.
JAMIE: Hey.
Hey.
You're not a shitty dad.
I'm not?
I don't know.
I mean, my daughter just told
all of her friends and family
she had oral sex with a priest,
so I think, I think
I'm pretty high up there.
Well, he's not a priest yet.
Oh, okay, well, then, you know,
then that... Okay, good.
Come here.
What a week.
There is nothing
that you can say
that would make me
love you less.
Hey, so, um...
how long is Herman staying?
Ooh, yeah, I've been meaning
to talk to you about that.
Oh, yeah?
What do you think about
a roommate situation?
You and him,
side-by-side bunk beds, right?
Oh.
[KNOCKING]
Can I come in?
Well, you're already in.
Fair.
This was in the car.
I should've known
never to trust a guy
who doesn't like Harry Potter.
I think that's
a very good litmus test.
This also came for you.
It's from Luke.
I read it.
You what?
Relax. He told me I could.
He dropped it off.
And it took every ounce
of strength in my body
not to beat the shit
out of him.
But then I remembered,
"Oh, yeah,
you already did that."
What did it say?
Don't you wanna read it?
I don't know. I just think
it might be better if I...
let it go.
He's leaving.
That's all you need to know.
[SIGHS]
You know what? Good.
Mom, do you think Grandma
did this to us on purpose?
Ugh.
Honestly, I would love to think
that that's true
because it makes it easier
for me to hate her.
But no, she just was
really trying to feel
like she had some control.
Yeah, sometimes I feel
like I might be that way.
You know what?
Sometimes I feel
the same exact way.
I think everybody must.
This week was crazy.
Mmm.
We've been sad and messed up,
but I think
at the end of the day,
we're gonna realize that
all the mistakes that we made
turned out to be
very good mistakes for us.
Open, closed?
Surprise me.
[DOOR CLOSES]
People think you can
fix anything with a letter.
Like, if you manage
to write it down,
it's more meaningful
than actual words.
There's a permanence to it.
[SIGHS]
I guess it's worth a shot.
Isn't it funny
how you can never
remember much about summer?
I mean, we remember
that it happened.
That's my jam.
Like, when your hands
get sticky
from ice cream
melting off the cone.
I think I got something!
Swimming with friends.
Nah, I think it's just brush.
Sleeping till 2:00.
Slow down, slow down,
slow down.
Borrowing the car.
I'm going like
six miles per hour.
Or that feeling you get
when you walk back in
on the first day of school.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
This summer,
I totally, completely,
and utterly fucked up.
Hey, crazy.
How was your summer?
And that's okay.
♪♪ [DRUMMING]
Subtitles by explosiveskull
♪♪
♪ Meet me by the water ♪
♪ Underneath the big beehive ♪
♪ Bring your record player ♪
♪ And your Raincoats 45s ♪
♪ We can dance together ♪
♪ As the river rushes by ♪
♪ To wash away the cities ♪
♪ That somebody else designed ♪
♪ Dance with me ♪
♪ Beneath the circuitry ♪
♪ Stay awake until daybreak ♪
♪ Calls us back to our rooms ♪
♪ And morning always
comes too soon ♪
♪ Dance with me ♪
♪ Beneath the circuitry ♪
♪ Meet me by the water ♪
♪ Bring your ♪
♪ Bring ♪
♪ Dance with me ♪
♪ Stay ♪
♪ Morning always
comes too soon ♪
♪♪ [SOFT PIANO]