Suddenly It's Spring (1947) - full transcript

Captain Mary Morley (Paulette Goddard), WAC marital-relations expert, known as "Captain Lonelyhearts", returns from overseas as escort to some G.I. war brides, and she hopes to patch up the estrangement from Peter Morley (Fred MacMurray), her husband and former law partner. The latter has fallen for beautiful Gloria Fay (Arleen Whelan) and is waiting at the pier with a divorce consent requiring Mary's signature. Peter, hoping to be more persuasive later, asks her to have dinner with him later at the Ski Club. Jack Lindsay (Macdonald Carey), a client of Peter's who has been using their apartment mistakes Mary for one of the intended bridesmaids and asks about Gloria. Now that Mary knows about Gloria, she asks Jack to bring Gloria to the Ski Club dinner. Still in love with Peter, Mary refuses to sign the divorce paper and asks Jack to take her home. Mary is ordered to Fort Sheridan and Peter and Jack board her train - Peter still after her signature and Jack also hoping she will sign as he has fallen for her. Jack advises Peter to make himself so repulsive that Mary will be glad to get rid of him. When Mary reaches Chicago, she is met by three WAC officers and Peter, puffing a king-size cigar, who swoops in and scoops her into his arms. Realizing that Peter must want a divorce badly by staging such a performance, Mary finally consents. Later, when Mary and Peter are going through their personal effects, they begin to reminisce and realize their disagreements were over trivial matters. They embrace, leaving Jack and Gloria out in the cold.

- Subtitles -
Lu?s Filipe Bernardes

Home from the war in Europe.

Into New York harbor steams
the world's biggest boat load.

Yes, it's a day of thrill, the day
these G.I. guys and gals...

...have been dreaming about
for long months.

Home sweet home.

"Telephone call for Mr. Peter Morely."

"Mr. Morely, please go to telephone
near pier entrance."

"Telephone call for Mr. Morely."

"Telephone call for Peter Morely.#

"Mr. Morely, please go to telephone
near pier entrance."

"Telephone call for Mr. Morely."

Nasty spill, wasn't it?
I saw the whole thing.

- That lady again.
- Oh, thanks, pal.

Hello, honey.

Have you talked to your wife yet, dear?
Is she off the boat?

Maybe it would simplify matters
if she just fell overboard.

That's a fine thing to say
about my wife,

she couldn't fall overboard now
if she wanted to.

- No, well I...
- Now remember, dear.

Don't become involved with her.

Simply get her signature on the divorce
consent and come right over here.

Sure, honey.

Oh, I'll get her settled the minute
I see her. She's as anxious as I am.

Yeah... Well, I'll go...


Oh, you know I do, honey.

Haven't I been proving it to you?

Yeah... Well, I...


Honey, it's docking.
They're raising the gangplank.

Oh... Hello?

Hello, honey, you all right?

No, I mean...
No, no, the ship didn't blow up.

I'll tell you about it later.
Yeah... goodbye, honey.


What goes on?

- Who's in charge of this pier?
- I am.

Well, what kind of a phone booth
do you call that?

Do you realize that the wrong kind
of man would sue you for damages?

Legally this is a pure and simple
case of res ipsa loquitur.

- But what happened?
- What happened, he says.

I'm standing in the thing
and it falls apart.

- How could that be?
- I don't know, but look at it.

I might have killed myself.

Just watch it, friend, don't let
those things happen.

Sorry, mister, pass holders only.

But I was in here before,
I'm a husband.

- Adley!
- Go ahead.


- Gordon,
- Edward, T.

- Stewart.
- Glen, G.

- Morgan.
- John, C.

- Martin.
- Robert E.

Mary! Here I am, Mary!

Peter! Hello, hello!

There's my husband.


- MacArthur.
- George C.

Yes, ma'am.

- Noble
- Leonard, A.

- Morely.
- Mary, G.


I don't know quite how to act,
did you get my letter about the divorce?

Yes, I didn't expect it.

Oh, Sgt. Denny this is my husband.
The sergeant's my assistant.

They said we could get in the bus,
so you go right ahead.

Yes, ma'am.
Glad to have met you, sir.

- How do you get into this place?
- Oh, there's a gate right around here.

You look fine.

Thin. Trimmed down a bit.

I lost 30 lb. in the Pacific, but I gained
most of it back, though.

- How do I look?
- You look fine.

I've got the divorce agreement
in my pocket.

It seems funny because you're in uniform
I have to get your consent, but...

Milk, Captain?

Fresh milk, thank you.

Fresh milk.

- Hey, Pops!
- Stinkey!

- It's wonderful, it's like nectar.
- Yeah...

- Look, about the divorce consent...
- Dad!, Hello, sir!


Look, can't we gome some place?

- Excuse me, Capt. Morely?
- Yes.

I'm Jurgens, public relations.

How do you do, this is my husband,
Peter Morely.

- Hello.
- Wonderful!

Jones, over here!

Over here, please.
This is wonderful.

You know, you've become quite
a celebrity.

I recognized you from those
pictures in Yanks.

Excuse me, fellows, do you mind?

Oh, the article on my marital
relations work in the Army.

I'd say the publicity's gone
a bit overboard.

Captain Lonely Hearts, they call me.

- Fellas, come here!
- Isn't that wonderful?

This is a natural.

The famous Capt. Lonely Hearts
comes back from overseas...

- ...and into the arms of her husband.
- Oh now, wait a minute.

- Are you bashful, Morely?
- Well, no, I...

Mr. Morely, arms around your wife,
a big smackeroo!

Look, we don't go for this
kind of publicity.

Oh, give us a break, we've got
lots to cover.

Come on, we'd better...

How did you get into this marriage
saving business?

Lady, will you please get out of
the way, I wanna get this on film.

It's simply a continuation of my work
as a civilian attorney.

You're looking at Morely and Morely,

- Now, the smackeroo!
- But...

- Come on, do it nicely, come on...
- Now the kiss.

Fine, now smile.

That's it.

- Thank you.
- Is the lady free to talk, Captain?

I'll give you all that information later.
Capt. Morely must check in for processing.

Thanks a lot, Captain.

- Better get into one of those buses.
- I know. Come on, Peter.

- Goodbye, boys!
- Goodbye, thank you.

- That second bus, Captain.
- Thank you.

We haven't settled anything, I've got
the papers right here in my pocket.

Not now!
Looking for Morely?

- Right here, Captain.
- Thank you.

This bus, please.

No, no, WACs only, sir.

But I have something very important
to say to my wife.

I'm sorry, WACs only.

Go on, go on.

When will I see you?
When are you gonna be free?

I don't know!

All you can do is wait for me
at the apartment.

Nasty spill, wasn't it?
I saw the whole thing.

Yeah... just a minute, I'm, coming.

- Hello.
- Oh, hello.

I have no key.

You'll find one in your
dressing-table drawer.

- I'll take your bags.
- Oh, thanks.

I've got my gear all packed.
You gave me such short notice...

...about your arrival that I didn't
have a chance to get out.


You know, it almost seems as though
we'd never been away, doesn't it?

- Yeah. Darling...
- Yes, dear.

I've been making a list of our
assets for the settlement.

You never cared much for the
beach house anyway,

so I thought I'd take it and you could have
the apartment. Is that fair enough?

You called me darling a moment ago.


I don't know, just force
of habit, I guess.

We haven't seen each other for years
and you always called me Counselor.

Yeah, that's right, Counselor.

Peter, if there's someone else.

Even if there were, what difference
would that make to you?

Have you forgotten that the
divorce was your idea?

Yes, back in 1941.

I guess we should have settled
this before we enlisted.

Peter... are you sure you want
to go through with this?

Oh, I'm making it as easy as possible.

We haven't seen each
other for so long...

our attitudes might have changed.

Are you absolutely sure?

What is this, a cross-examination?

I said I wanted to make the separation
as simple as possible for you.


Here I am in the Army teaching
quarreling couples... to make marriage work and you make
everything easy by demanding a divorce.

I'm not demanding.

Well, you'd better not, you're likely
to get nowhere.

What do you think we ought
to do, Counselor?

I won't be in a uniform forever
and you're in no hurry.

Are you?

Oh no, no, but...

Couldn't you take a six-weeks' leave
and get a quiet divorce?


Whatever's done must be
as a last resort, we...

We mustn't destroy the effect of the work
that I've done in the Army, you know.

Well, we'll work it out some way,
Counselor, don't worry.

- Are you looking for something, Counselor?
- Yes, my bags.

Well, I put them in the bedroom.

Isn't something missing there?


From there?


You were so much prettier
than the picture, actually, that I...

That's better.


Are you doing anything tonight?

- Not particularly.
- Well then, would you have dinner with me?

Are you being nice to a
returning serviceman?

Well, there are some things
we might want to talk about.

May I pick you up at eight?

It would be nice to make
an appearence together.

The Moonlight Terrace is still open,
you always liked that.

All right, Peter.

Fine, I'll store my things some
place now. See you at eight.

Shall we both bring briefcases?

- Hello, Charlie.
- I might have known, Mr. Morely.

What do you mean?

Miss Fay sending me out for champagne
and you bringing in flowers.

- Elementary, my dear Watson.
- Yes, sir.

Why, Peter Morely, you're
out of the Army.

- Hello... yes.
- Have you moved here?

No, no.

I see, calling on some
young lady.


- Floors, please.
- Nine

- Fourteen.
- Eleven, please.

Eight, please.

Yes, Mr. Morely.

But aren't you married to that
lovely Mary whatsername?


- How is she?
- Well, she's in the Army.


No, not anymore, she just got back
from overseas today.

She's still in uniform, I suppose.


So I'm taking flowers to
a sick horse!

Eighth floor, Mr. Morely.

- Darling!
- Hello, honey.

You dear! Roses to celebrate.

See, it wasn't so difficult, was it?

You mean about Mary?

- She signed the papers, didn't she?
- Well... no, she didn't.

- Why not?
- Now look, believe me,

there's nothing to worry about,
it's just that...

Well, we can't rush things, we...

- We're up against the army.
- Oh, Peter, you weakened.

- No, honest, I...
- Then you didn't go about it intelligently.

I tell you there's nothing
to worry about.

I'm picking her up at our
apartment tonight...

- Our apartment?
- Well, I mean, her apartment,

- Then I'm taking her out to dinner and...
- And there's nothing to worry about.

You just don't have faith in me.
I keep telling you everything's going...

Oh, I have faith in you,
but what about her?

I don't pretend to be a child, dear.

But as a woman who's been married,
I know something about men.

And more about women.

I was unhappy once and you are now.

As mature people we know
we could be happy together.

So we must act quickly.

That's what I'm trying to do.

But every hour you delay makes
the separation more difficult.

It also makes me wonder
about your sincerity.

Oh now, honey!

No, you aren't a free man and we
mustn't cheapen ourselves.

- What were we up to now?
- Peter, please.

You mustn't come here again until
your wife has consented to the divorce.

- But...
- And that had better be soon.

I tell you, I'll have the papers
signed by morning.

Well, I hope so, for both of us.
Now you'd better go.

- One little kiss?
- That's for the future.

- You sure smell good.
- Remember that.

And I won't be waiting forever.

What are you doing here?

- Hello.
- How did you get in?

My key. Peter lets me stay here
whenever I come up from Washington.

Well, I don't mean to be brash,
but would you get out of here?

I'm a client of Mr. Morely.

How will he be able to buy pretty
things if you drive clients away?

He'll manage.
The door's right over there.

- What ever happened to Gloria?
- Glor... Oh!

Oh, she... you know.

Now, don't be so modest.

It's all quite apparent.

Peter met you and that was
the end of Gloria.

And it wasn't a month ago that he swore
she was the one woman in the world.

Of course Peter told me
about Gloria but...

...I've never met her.
She's quite pretty, isn't she?

I'd vote for you.
Peter's to be congratulated.

- Thank you.
- Nice fellow, in a way.

- At least he's fun.
- Is he?

You're a very serious young lady.

Is that bad?

Well... what if Peter finds
someone else later?

Could you thank him for nothing
and go away with a smile?

Do you, um... think that may happen?

It happened to Gloria, didn't it?

And a man doesn't change overnight.

Well, I'll face that problem
when the time comes.

- You poor kid.
- Now.. if you'll excuse me, Mister, um...

Lindsay, Jack.

Well, as you can see, I must get dressed
and, naturally, you can't stay here tonight.


Goodbye, Mr. Lindsay, I'll tell Peter
you were here.

I'll see you again.
And may I offer a compliment?


I wish I'd met you first.

- I believe my daughter's here.
- I can assure you I didn't bring her here.

- Mother!
- Darling, my famous mate.

You look wonderful!

Just as you were when you
went away.

The disillusionment comes later.

- What's he, a souvenir?
- He's a friend of Peter's, Mr. Lindsay.

Oh, so you're a friend of my
daughter's husband.


Have you heard any good stories
lately, Mr. Lindsay?

May I... may apologize?
And please don't believe a word I said.

Young man, how long have
you known Capt. Morely?

- Captain?
- I'm a WAC, Mr. Lindsay.

Don't be too concerned about
what you told me.

Peter and I have been
separated for years.


- Well!
- I believe you have a key.

Oh... that.

So Peter never told you he had a wife
from whom he was separated.

Of course, you're the Morely
of Morely and Morely.

Nicely put.

Thanks. Now that Peter doesn't live here any
longer, you might find it embarrassing... have me running in and out
of the apartment at all hours.

I'll find a hotel room with the aid
of a small miracle.

By the way, Mr. Lindsay,
what are you doing tonight?

Why, um... nothing.

Peter and I are having dinner
at the Moonlight Terrace.


Would you do something for me?

- I might.
- Would you take Gloria to the same place?

I wouldn't make many friends
doing that.

Well, I'd be indebted to you.

Interesting thought.

- I'll take her.
- Thanks so much!

- If she'll go.
- She'll go.

Simply hint that Peter and I
will be there.

Isn't it terrible how completely
women know each other?

- I'm going to enjoy this.
- See you tonight.

You know, I'm beginning to doubt
Peter's judgment.

As a client, I have a feeling I should
take my business elsewhere.

Are you opening your own
law office soon?

- Perhaps within a few months.
- Well, may I offer myself?

- As a client.
- And why not?

- Good day, Mother.
- Goodbye!

Did you hear what he called me?
He's very nice.

- A bit obvious.
- Oh, what man isn't?

- Where are your stockings?
- The clean ones are in the brown bag.

A man's pajamas.

I bought those for Peter in Paris,
it was just a little gift,

now put them back.

Don't be so snappy.

Frankly, I'm scared stiff.

A date with my own husband,
I'm shaking like a schoolgirl.

Have you forgotten what you said in
that clipping you sent me from London?


"Remember this, said Capt. Morely,

every impression you make with
your actions, every word you..."

Yes, Mother, I know.

"...must convince the man that you're
the most wonderful woman on earth."

Fits like a glove.

Stop giving me my own routine.

I hadn't realized how easy it is
to advise people...

...and how difficult it is to make
the advice work.

Come on, darling.

The first time he sees you tonight
is so important.

I know, I know...

Now, let's see your entrance
into the living room.

Mother, please now, I'll be late.

Oh, try it, try it, it will be time
well invested.

That first sight of you, completely
a woman. Come on!

Be careful, my nails are wet. Oh, it seems
so silly actually rehearsing.

Well, you told other women to do it.
Pay attention to yourself, come on.

No, no, no! Not so stiff.
You're not a soldier now.

What do you want me to do?

Like a woman.

Well... that's better.

- Hello, Peter.
- Hello, Mary.


Hello, Mother.

Glad to see you.

- Didn't you understand eight o'clock?
- Will you please wait in the other room?


You sure look funny.

He said I looked funny.

Oh, darling.

In consideration of such agreement,
the following...

...real and personal property
shall be divided.

One cooperatively-owned apartment, Mary.

One beach house with location as specified
in the Hall of Records.

Why don't you go watch Rome burn?

I asked him to come over.

Oh... that was very pretty,
thanks very much.

- Be seeing you.
- Thank you.

Now let's, um, where were we?

Oh... Hall of Records, etc, etc...
usual wording.

Now, you know that this is
very generous.

One baby grand piano, Mary.

One combination radio and phonograph...

One table-model radio, Mary.

One portable radio, me.

One vacuum cleaner, Mary.

One washing machine, Mary.

Why don't you wait for the headwaiter?

This isn't up his alley.

One combination checkers, chess and
backgammon set, me.

I didn't think that you'd want the...

- What's the matter?
- My hand went to sleep. Better now, though.


One four-burner electric stove, Mary.
One electric refrigerator, Mary.

- One set sterling silver, Mary...
- Well, Pete Morely!

Oh, Jack...

I suppose all you people have
a fair idea...

Mrs. Morely, my wife...
I mean, Capt. Morely, this Jack Lindsay.

- He's a client of mine.
- How do you do, Mr. Lindsay?

Charming... charmed.

And, um...

Oh, yes, of course, Gloria Fay,
Capt. Morely.

How do you do, Miss Fay?

How do you do?

Well, fancy meeting you here.

Oh, yes, Miss Fay, may I present
Mr. Peter Morely.

- Oh, how do you do?
- So happy to know you.

Well, won't you join...

I mean, you two have a table
of your own, of course.

- Yes, we must have.
- Actually, we haven't.

Really, Jack, these people might
like to be alone.

What can Pete say, after all,
I'm his best client.

So you're old Pete Morely's wife,
I've heard so much about you.

I'll bet you have.

- Well, Jack... when did you get in town?
- Today.

Well, about the apartment,
I'm having a little redecorating done.

- So if you don't mind...
- I have a room at the South Park.

Good, you're lucky.

Well, when does the fur
start flying?

- Fur?
- Fur.

The saying means when somebody
is going to trip over his own tongue...

...and reveal that Mr. Morely's sitting
between Mrs. Morely and his girlfriend.


Girlfriend isn't quite the phrase,
Mrs. Morely.

- I was just being sweet.
- You are a darling.

I feel honored to have won
your husband.

You know, it's too bad you can't
celebrate a moral victory.


Now that we know each other, we can
face the situation like grown people.

Mary and I have just been looking
over the settlement papers.

Of course you and I realize this involves
some sacrifice on her part.

You know, her work in the Army
as marital relations expert.

You and I appreciate that deeply,
don't we, darling?

Oh, I'm sure the captain will be able
to preserve her reputation.

Perhaps in the same mysterious
way she obtained him.

Oh, thank you, and if there's ever
anything I can do for your reputation.

I know, nothing but the best for Peter.

And now he's going to have it.

Tell me, my dear, how did you
ever manage to meet him?

Oh, a man without love,
is that difficult?

It depends. In your case
obviously no.

Oh, it's wonderful to meet such
an understanding woman.

I was afraid for a moment... might either be an extremely
spiteful, a very selfish person...

...who would refuse to sign
the divorce consent.

Shall we dance?

I told you Mary wasn't the type
to stand in anybody's way.

- Are you, Counselor?
- No, not when I face a superior opponent.

Now that she understands the situation,
I'm sure she'll sign the papers right away,

won't you, Counselor?

You can see the place is marked
right here for your signature.

Mr. Lindsay, did I hear you
ask me to dance?

- I must have been thinking out loud.
- Excuse us, you lucky people.

Is she going to sign or must we sit here all
evening and click our teeth between insults?

Insults? I thought you two were
getting along beautifully.

She'll sign, we just have
to be careful.

Why don't you shoot her?

I thought you meant that.

Did you?

Quite a woman.


Great idea of yours bringing her
right to the table.

I had confidence in you.

Whether he likes it or not,
Peter must be saved from that...

booby trap.

You mean for yourself.

- Is it that obvious?
- To me.

Peter can't see the end of his nose.

He's in love, you know.

- Take me home, please.
- And leave him with his papers blank?

Come on!

- I'll get your jacket and purse.
- You will not!

Things could be so lovely. Why don't you
give the goof his freedom?

You watch, now that she's had
her little moment,

she'll sign the papers without
a word.

That's just her way.

What would you say if I told you
she isn't here?


Why, she wouldn't walk out
without saying a word.

- She wouldn't do that to me.
- She's doing it to me.

Yeah, but her coat and purse.

You'll take them to her, tonight.

She knows that.

And you know how weak
a man can be.

Honey, believe me, there's
nothing I want more...

...than to come to you and
tell you I'm free.

But the way Mary's acting,
leaving with a man she's just met.

Something's bothering her.

- You don't know what it is?
- Have you any idea?

Not the slightest.

Stay as sweet as you are.

Thank you so much, Mr. Lindsay,
good night.

- I'll take you up.
- Oh, no!

You've been very kind,
but I have things to do, good night.

Is this my reward for risking
my best friend's friendship?

To be turned out into the night?

Perhaps I'll see you again soon,
good night.

Why not now, when you need the comforting
advice of an unprejudiced mind?

Oh, please, some other time,
good night.

I'm very thirsty, could I please come up
and have a glass of water?

There's a fountain right over
there, good night.

Would you like to keep
this key, Mrs. Morely?

No, thanks, my husband will return
in a little while, good night.

Good night, Mrs. Morely.

Bless you!

Oh, my, oh...




Who is it?

Open up.

By what right do you take Gloria
to dinner when I'm out with my wife?

Tell you what.

You make a list of all women
belonging exclusively to you...

...and I'll try and get by
with what's left.

What are you doing here?

Couldn't get a room,
so I'm staying with you.

Nice of you to tell me.

I thought you'd had twin beds.

I'll stay way, way over on my side.

Operator, Plaza 51598, please.

Yes, thanks.

Hello, Mary dear, this is your husband.

There just happen to be some papers
which need your signature...

...before I can be true to my girlfriend.

Oh, lay off, will you, if I don't get these
papers signed soon, I'm a cooked goose.

Gloria wouldn't let me...

I mean, I didn't get a chance to talk
to Mary in the apartment tonight.

Already I smell feathers burning.

I love these characters who drop in at all
hours and start using your telephone.

You always did it to me.

I'm different. I'm your client.

No answer?

Oh... thanks.

You know what I think?

Unfortunately, I think your wife
loves you.

That's what I thought once.

Would you tell me one thing?

What does Gloria have that
Mary doesn't have?

- One year older.
- Now don't get cute.

You know I can take my
patronage elsewhere.

What brought you to town anyway?

Won a bid on some war surplus
equipment, heavy machinery.

Tyres, presses, you know.

I'll need your help on legal procedure.

Did you hear me?


I said your slip is showing.



Pardon me for calling you at this hour
but Mother's gone and I'm here alone.

- I'll be right over.
- No, no, no!

What I mean is I have a million
things to do in the morning...

Sign in and out, pick up my new orders,
go to Governor's Island.

Means that I have to get up at 5:30 and
there's no alarm clock in the apartment.

Would you be so kind as to ask your hotel
operator to call me here at that time?


I guess it could be done.
Hang on.

Hello, operator, this is Lindsay in 412.

Would you do a very special favor
for a dear friend of mine?

Tell her, dear.

Thanks, operator, you're a darling.

And honey... No, I mean the other
honey. Goodbye, operator.

Honey, remember me when
the time is right.

I'm a good thing. Good night.

Who was that?

Somebody's wife.

Some poor sap thinks he's got
the world by the tail.

Move over.

Why doesn't a fellow like that
get wise to himself?

I'd better not answer that.

This is where she was stationed
before she went overseas.

She has to be some place.

Don't worry, my business can wait.
I've enjoyed this.

Particularly Governor's Island at dawn.

I'll be right back.

What about the procedure on interviews,
is it the same as before?

Yes, except one additional question's
been added, number 11.

- Next please.
- What special...

I wonder if you could tell me where...

Well, at last a familiar face.

I'm Mr. Morely, I'm Capt. Morely's
husband, I met you at the boat.

- Yes, sir, I know.
- I...

I'm trying to track down Mrs...
I mean, Capt. Morely.

- Didn't you know?
- Know what?

Well, that Capt. Morely's
leaving town.

No, I didn't.

I've been pretty busy and we
didn't get a chance to...

- Did she leave something for me?
- Yes, sir.

This package.


Is this all she left?

This envelope.

- That's too little.
- Sir?

When she returns.

- When did she leave?
- She hasn't.

She leaves on the North Shore Limited
in five minutes.

In five minutes? Thank you.

Oh, Mr. Morely!



Grand Central Station, fast!

There's an entrance right up
the street there.

Oh, sure. Go ahead, Jack,
pay the man.

See you later.

Hey, wait, what goes on?

Hey, wait, wait!

Wait, Pete!

Stop thief!
Stop thief!

Stop thief!
Stop thief!


He got away but I got your pajamas.


Hey, open up, I have to get in,
open up!

I'm sorry, sir, but that's
against the rules.

That's all right, I won't report you.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Thank you.

- Your pajamas.
- Thanks.

- You were yelling "Stop thief".
- Why did you run off?

Do I have to explain my private life?


If you give the air to a client who's
come all the way from Washington...

...on important business.

Oh now, Jack, I'm in a mess
and you know it.

You gotta make allowances.

Mary's on this train and she hasn't
signed the divorce consent.

Mary on this train?
Well, where are we going?

You can get off in the next stop.
It's Harmon.

I hope I can too.

- Section 3, Chicago.
- Section 3, Chicago.

Pardon me, do you have a
Capt. Morely aboard?

Capt. Morely... Morely, Morely...

Brown hair, wavy, clean teeth,
beautiful eyes.

- Oh, the WAC.
- Oh, yes.

Drawing room A in this car.

- Thank you.
- Just a minute.

Your tickets, please.

Oh, we didn't have time to buy them,
we're just going as far as Harmon.

You take care of it,
I paid the cab fare.

Come in.

Oh no, I...

Please believe me, if you make any
attempt to fool that man,

you're making the greatest
mistake of your life.

Let him go, sign those papers,
get him out of your hair.

You're young, you have a...

Well, speak of the devil.

What were you talking about?

Each other.

I see you got the pajamas.

Oh yes, thanks.

I had quite a time finding you.

Did you try last night?

Oh, that... Gloria thought that...

I mean, I thought maybe you didn't
want to be disturbed.

- Well, won't you sit down?
- Oh, with pleasure.

Cozy, isn't it?

Jack, old man, I realize this is rank
impudence on my part,

but could I have a word alone
with my wife?

If you wish. But I know what
you're going to talk about.

And as an old friend, I thought
I might be of help to you both.

I think we can blunder
through it alone.

As you sit there looking
at him, Mary,

just think of sitting there looking
at him for the next fifty years.

I'll be waiting.

He seems rather fond of you
in a small way.

He's a good catch, rich.

Now, Counselor, about this...

Too bad I have to leave town
in such a hurry.

New assignment advising girls
at Fort Sheridan...

...on the art of being happily married.

I have to make a stopover at Detroit
to address a group.

- Perhaps you'd be interested.
- No, I wouldn't be going that far.

My, there seem to be so many
misunderstandings these days.

So many marriages breaking up
for no tangible reason.

Well, that's life.

Counselor, I...

People shouldn't give up so easily.

A marriage should be given every
possible chance to survive.

Yes, you're right.
I'm glad we did it that way.

But we didn't. We made no attempt
to save our marriage.

Think what it would have meant if one
of us had gone to the other and said,

"Dear, there are difficult days ahead.
If we believe in each other,

if we have faith,
we can ride the storm."


Sitting across from each other
at the office all day...

and then going home to sit across
from each other at the dinner table...

...and ask each other what's new?

You call that a storm?

Now you're being honest with me and
that's what I want to hear, sit down.

Now tell me, was there
anything else wrong?

Well, the little fact that you
suggested we separate.

Do you know what I'd do if I had
that moment to live over again?


Harmon. Next stop Harmon.

Pardon me.

Pardon me.

Said you could be soft, didn't I?

Some day I'm going to saw
you in half!

I know it sounds strange, honey,

but this morning she wasn't at
our apar... I mean, her apartment...

or at Fort Dix, or at Headquarters.

And then this train thing
came up and I...

Oh, sure. Yes I will, honey...

Yeah, well believe me, by the time
we get to Poughkeepsie...

...I'll have her signed and unsealed.

- All aboard!
- Yes, honey, I will.

- All aboard!
- Yeah, honey.

Well, uh... yeah.
Well honey, the train's leaving, I'll...

Yeah. Well... honey, I've got to hurry.

Yes, I will!

Honey, there she goes... yeah...

Yes, I will... yeah!

Thank you.

Following your rules again, huh?
You're gonna get caught one of these days.

Yes, thank you, sir.

This train's making better time
than I am. One to Poughkeepsie.

Why didn't you get off?

I came to New York on business.

If I'm willing to let your pleasure interfere,
please don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

I wish you weren't such a good client.

Oh dear.

- Who is it?
- Peter.

I'll be out in a minute.

Them that has gets.

Well... Mary, I just talked to...

I thought I'd put on something


After all, husband and wife.

I just talked to Gloria.

I promised her that by the time
we got to Poughkeepsie...

...I'd have the divorce consent signed
and start back for New York.

Do you have the divorce papers?

If you haven't, I have
carbon copies.

I have them.

Well... I must say you're getting
a beautiful woman.


Surprising she's never married before.

- Oh, she has.
- Her husband passed away.

No, um... divorced.

I wonder why.

I don't know, I never asked her.

Did she ever ask about us?


I won't ask you what you told her.

Well, actually I told her
you were a swell guy.

And she and I agreed that what
a husband needs isn't a swell guy.

Of course I explained to her that this
wasn't true when we were first married.

Well, thank you.

As a matter of fact I didn't dare tell her
how much of a woman you really were.

The way you became such
a darned good lawyer.

Then you do remember.

Who could forget?

I did for quite a while,
and then... wham.



- May I come in, ma'am.
- But we're busy. I mean, can't you...

This is life and death practically, ma'am.

The gentleman outside told me
all about you.

- Mr. Lindsay.
- Yes, ma'am.

About your helping people's marriages
that are about to go to pieces.

And that's exactly what's...

...happening to me, ma'am.
Something terrible.

- I'll be right outside.
- Oh no, don't go, please.

Corporal, this is my husband,
Mr. Morely.

- How do you do, sir?
- How do you do?

I'm Corporal Michaels, ma'am.

My husband's sitting right out there
and I'm sure I can get him to come in.

Corporal, can't this matter possibly
wait until later?

By Poughkeepsie he'll leave the train,
separated forever.

I'll hurry.

Oh dear!

Counselor, I seem to be getting
more involved in this than I...

Here he is, ma'am.

- Stop shoving!
- Harold Michaels.

This is my husband, Mr. Morely.

- Mr. Michaels.
- It's a pleasure.

Won't you, um... sit down?

- I think it would probably be better
if I waited outside.

No, please, sit down.

Now, I want both of you to feel
perfectly free... tell me about yourselves
and about each other.

In that manner we can get to the bottom
of things and correct any misunderstanding.

Well, there's no misunderstanding.
I know what I'm doing.

I wasn't just born yesterday.

Or the day before.

But everything was fine before
I went overseas.

- It wasn't fine.
- But it seemed fine and...

...when I got back yesterday
on the boat, there he was,

waiting to tell me he didn't
want me anymore.

He met the boat to tell me that.

The way you tell it, you make
me sound like a heel.

She doesn't tell you anything
about what happened before.

Why don't you tell us, Mr. Michael?

I will. I'll bust the case wide open.

When we first got married,
we were happy, see?

And then came the war.

So the draft board calls me.

Am I complaining? No, I go right there,
I'm ready to get shot,

or to dig a ditch, or fly a plane.

Punctured eardrum, 4-F.
So, what happens?


My wife, my own wife decides
to make me look like a perfect dope.

With me in civilian clothes,
she joins the WACs.

Why shouldn't she be a WAC?

What makes you think
she joined to spite you?

A husband knows those things, see?

It's intuitive.

Your wife joined the WACs
for the same reason mine did.

To help finish a war.

Can you prove it?

Would a wife in love try
to destroy her own marriage?

Right now your wife is doing everything
in her power to hold you.

Oh, sure, she's had her fun,
now she's ready to settle down.

What do you mean by that?

While I stayed home and worked
my fingers to the bone,

where was she? Overseas.

With millions of men, soldiers.

Everybody knows about
servicewomen overseas.

Look, junior, one more idiotic
crack out of you...

Don't hold me back, honey!

I'll talk to him, sit down, sit down,
I'll talk to him.

Please, sit down, Mr. Michaels.


it's quite understandable that a man
whose wife is away...

...could let his imagination get
a little out of hand.

I also know that there was plenty
of malicious rumor and hearsay...

...about women in uniform.

But those are things from which
a real man defends his wife.

Through no fault of yours you
weren't in uniform...

...but fortunately you had a wife
who could help.

You should be proud of her.

How did you feel about your
wife being in uniform?

Like she says, proud.

You mean you weren't, you know, jealous
about her being away from home?

All those soldiers?

Well, maybe, um...

But little personal feelings were so
unimportant with a war on.

There's something else to
consider, Mr. Michaels,

if your wife was a good wife
before she went into uniform,

you're due for a very
pleasant surprise.

The Army will return you
a better wife tenfold.

What did the Army do to her?

Well, it's just something that
can't be explained.

You have to experience it
to realize what I mean.

Well, what do you say?
Will you give that marriage another trial?

Well, of course it would be a little
silly to bust up before...

You know...

Besides, a man should give
his wife a chance to prove...

...that the Army hasn't changed
her or... has changed her.

Oh, honey, I promise you'll never
be sorry for this!

I'm so happy.

You're wonderful.

Oh no, I'm not.

I'm just being fair.

Thank you so much, ma'am,
and bless you both.

Stop shoving, dear.

Thank you.

- What a character. And she loves him.
- Yes.

That's the way women are.

Thanks so much for your help.

I hadn't realized how you felt
about certain things.

I should apologize for losing my head.

It's a good thing we weren't
treating a case.


That thing you said about...

about this fellow getting
a surprise when he...

...finds out what the Army does
for a woman.

Oh, that...

Well... what is it?

Do you really want to know?

Would anybody be interested in
a farewell look at Poughkeepsie?


I promised Gloria that by
Poughkeepsie I...

Of course you can save me
a lot of trouble if you...

...sign those papers right now.

I think we're going about this matter
in a very sensible way.

You'll get those papers in due time.

But I promised her that by
Poughkeepsie I...

I'll be right back.

You'll thank me some day.

That is a moment I hope
I don't live to see.

The career of martyr is
a thankless one.

Mr. Lindsay, just what is it
you expect from me?


Young man,

you are trying to interfere
with destiny.

Out! Out! Out!

Hello, Gloria?
Listen, honey.

Let me say first that you haven't
a thing to worry about.

Oh, I'm in Poughkeepsie.

I know, honey, but things
keep happening.

Oh, no, no, of course not.
By things happening I mean...

I mean interference from
other people.

Now please, Gloria, please...

But you can't just do that, just walk out of
my life right in the middle of everything.

Go on, beat it!

Oh, no, not you, honey.

Now please, Gloria, look...

Please don't make any snap decisions.
I'll be back just as soon as...

Glor... hello?

Hello, Gloria?


- What do you want?
- The train, it's gone.


Why didn't you say something?

I tried to, in my half-hearted way.

Gloria doesn't think I'm trying.

Said goodbye and then
hung up on me.

What did you expect her to say?

Hello? Let's have some coffee
while you plan your next move.

Next move?

Do you realize that the way things
stand now I can't win?

You'll win, or I'll die trying.

Come in.

Come in!

Oh, pardon me, miss.

But that gentleman friend
that kept getting on and off.

What about him?

Was Poughkeepsie as far
as he was going?

Where is he?

- Poughkeepsie.
- Oh, no!

Oh, yes.


Mary's stopover in Detroit, gives us
plenty of time to get back to La Guardia...

...and beat it to Chicago by plane.

She can't possibly get there
before tomorrow night.

Our problem's solved.

Nothing's solved.

Mary isn't gonna give me a divorce
until she's ready and Gloria won't wait.

You say things were never better.

You'd have no trouble with Gloria if you
could go to her with the divorce signed.

And you can persuade Mary
to sign the consent...

...if you quit using your hands
and start using your head.

I wish I were like you,
it'd be so easy to kill myself.

Drink that coffee while I lend
you my mind.

Consider your ignorant
procedure up to now.

You've tried to have your wife divorce you
by turning on your charm like a cover boy.

So, the more you're around her the more
she wonders if she should let you go.

I know Mary, you can't get anything
from her by hitting her over the head.

All right.

You also must know there's a certain
type of man she can't stand.

The type of man who'd be
her pet hate.

You mean if I should show up
in Chicago transformed...

...into one of those characters,
it would drive Mary to agree.

She'd hand over that divorce consent
like it was a hot potato.

Oh, Mary's too smart, she'd see
through that.

You can also see through water.

But people swallow it.

Believe me, if you're as repulsive
as I'm sure you can be,

it won't matter to her whether you're
acting or simply reverting to type.

Maybe it would work.

- I could get her burned up enough...
- That's the spirit.

Go right on.

Make her so sick of you that the very
mention of your name will make her gag.

And let's get going while you're
still revolting.

It's wonderful of you, Jack,
to help me like this.

So... unselfish.

Like a bat borrowing blood.

Poor Mary, how she'll hate
you in Chicago.

There she is! Captain Morely!

Watch your step there.

Watch your step.

Gangway, Capt. Morely,
how are you?

- I'm fine.
- Good.

- Genevieve! Oh, you made captain!
- Oh, you look wonderful, you saved...

We'd like a picture, Capt. Morely.

- Certainly... Major!
- Cheever is my name, Captain.

You should be quite busy
at Fort Sheridan.

As you can see, your reputation
has preceded you.

Would you mind stepping up
on the steps, Captain?

How about we firing a few
questions, Captain?

What is your advice to a WAC
with an unhappy husband?

Or a boyfriend.

We future civilians are relying on you
to show us how to hang on to our men.


Well, I'm a married woman and I know
a married woman's problems.

I don't say I know all the
answers but, um...

Generally speaking, a woman's greatest
aid in readjustment will be tolerance.

- Smile, Captain!
- You mean close your eyes...

...and pretend everything's all right?

I didn't say that.

A woman who won't fight to hold
a good man doesn't deserve him.

Of course, the ideal marriage
is based on trust and faith.

It develops with gentleness and dignity.

- Now?
- Now.


- Peter!
- Yahoo! A WAC woman!

- Peter!
- All we had in the Pacific was coconuts, huh?

- Let her go!
- That's her husband, folks, stand back!

Hey, what is this, can't a man kiss his
little woman without drawing flies?

Go on, scram!

I'm Mr. Mary Morely, folks,
attorney at law.

If you ever get in a jam,
drop up and see me.

- Give me a card, bud.
- Here's my card.

Hey, pass those out, will you?

Look out, Mary, here comes
that man again!

Pete's been away from
me so long!

Mr. Morely, pardon me for
inturrupting, Mr. Morely,

but we must get back to Fort Sheridan.
Come along, Captain.

Oh, but I've got reservations
at the hotel.

Can't you give the little woman
a break, hum, Major?

With your permission, Major, please,
just this one evening,

there are a few things that
have to be ironed out.

Ironed out she says.

Well, if you wish.

We have a staff car parked outside,
shall we drop you at the hotel?

Well, what are we waiting for?
Come on, girls.

My luggage now, please.

Oh, Jack, take care of the little
woman's luggage, will you?

Come on, Major!

Mr. Morely, Mr. Morely.

What's the man's slant on this
hanging on to a husband?

Oh, that's a cinch.

The way for a lady to hang on to her
husband is to refuse to let him go.

My husband fancies himself a witch.
Let go of the major.

You know you'd be surprised how
well that works out.

I know because it happened
to a friend of mine.

Of course this friend finally shot his wife
and had to go to prison for life,

but at least he feels free.

Murder, huh?

What's your idea on the ideal
marriage, Morely?

- What's that, chum?
- I say what's your idea on the ideal marriage?

Well, I know my wife's routine.

She says the ideal marriage is
based on faith and trust.

Of course that means faith in your opinion of
your husband and trust that he won't find out.

I trust that you gentlemen will be discrete
in your report of this situation.

What the major means is she hopes
you'll think I'm nuts, eh, Major?

What's the matter, Major, you ticklish?

So, I'm sitting there alone, see?

Then I say to myself, how about hopping
a plane to Chicago for a second honeymoon?

You know, demonstrate what
she's trying to prove.

Help the little ball and chains'
professional standing.

My husband's so understanding.
He's so unselfish about my work.

So I hop a plane and here I am,
old eveready himself.

It reminds me of the story
of the travelling salesman.

Seems it was raining, see, and his
car broke down.

Mr. Morely, I must remind you
there are ladies present.

Ah, ah, Major, correction.
You're soldiers.

You know, the trouble with women in uniform
is they can't figure out what they are.

Reminds me of the story about
the gopher and the kangaroo.

- Mr. Morely!
- Is there such a story?

How about a little smackeroo?
These gals must know about the bees.

How far do you intend to go?

Ouch... tell her, Major.

Well, here we are.

Oh, come on up all of you. I want you to see
the surprise I got for the little woman.

I think we've had enough
surprises, Mr. Morely.

Yes, they have to get back to the post and
you must have had a hard day somewhere.

Oh, they'd never forgive themselves
if they didn't come up. Come on!

Maybe we'd better go up...
for Mary's sake.

Mary, wait until you get a load
of this, it'll kill you.

- Actually there's no need, Major.
- That's quite all right, Captain.

I knew they'd see it my way.

Women always do.

Come on, honey.

How am I doing?

Did I tell you the story about the skunk
and the stubborn mule?

The baggage belongs to Capt. Morely.

I'll tell you how I figure
this thing, Major.

The little woman's been overseas
for a couple of years...

...and had a lot of dreams doing things
not brown when she got back.

Well, I'm the kind of a guy that knows
how to make those dreams come true.

If you know what I mean.

So I flashed a little lettuce around
town and came up with this.

Entrez-vous! This is what she must
have been dreaming about in those fox holes.

Look at that!

Come on in, kid, you'll love it,
you'll love it!

Well, how do you like it?
The bridal suite, the booby trap.

This is it, kid!

Now, step right in closer, folks,
the two-bit tour starts immediately.

Note the French pictures on the wall,

all done by lean artists in silk pajamas
while drinking cr?me d'amour.

And in each and every corner an overstuffed
love seat dressed in rare perfumes.

Smell them, Major.

That's all, just a whiff.

Lamp shedding filtered moonlight
on chilled champagne.

And over here, a cabinet filled
with rare liquors.

Distilled from stewed poets.

Here you are, son.

- Thank you, sir.
- How much did I give you?

- Ten bucks.
- Ten b...


And now...

Of this we do not speak.

We close our eyes and listen
to the echoes of a thousand whispers.

Or to the cheeks turn fiery red as we
tiptoe on a carpet of goosepimples.


Darling, my friends are
simply fascinated...

...but they have a long drive ahead.

You'll forgive them, won't you?

Well, now they know, life's life
and they've gotta live it.

You wait right here.

Captain, I don't think you
should stay here.

Oh, it's all right, he was in the Pacific,
you know, on a little hot rock.

Please remember that there are quarters
available for you on the post.

In case of an emergency.

Mary, I'm just beginning to realize
how much courage it took... carry out your wondeful work.

- You're sweet.
- I don't see how you could bear up.

Hey, Mary! You brought them!

That's a kind of little woman I like.

Thinks of everything.

How do you like it, Major?

Liberated in Paris for
a night in Chicago.

The ladies were just saying
good night, dear.

Oh, leaving us to that privacy
we so richly deserve, eh?

Drop up anytime, Major.

Drop on a love seat.

Any friend of my wife must have
a friend of her own.

You know, that reminded me of a story
about the milkman and three maids.

- It seems they were...
- Good night, Major.

- You don't want to hear it?
- See you tomorrow.


Tomorrow she says, when the
evening's so young.

Good night, Captain.

Good night, good night, girls!

Well... alone at last.


I... I know you're ready
to cut my throat but...

- Peter, kiss me.
- Huh?

You've become the most fascinating
man I've ever met.

- Kiss me.
- No, honest, I'm supposed to be revolting.

I hadn't the faintest notion there was
this other you, the strong, possessive type.

But, Mary, believe me,
it was just an act.

I don't care what it was, you swept
me completely off my feet.

- This changes everything, now kiss me.
- Now, Mary, please.

Oh, well, it's...
it's all right, dear.

I won't rush things. I can wait.


Counselor, we... we have to talk.


Counselor, please.

Oh, just the guy I'm looking for.

Well, how are we doing?

How are we doing, you and
your tired ideas...

Mary says that I'm... the most
fascinating character she's ever met.

She's fallen in love with that goon
you've turned me into.

That's impossible.

You'd know it immediately if you
could take a good look at yourself.

Thanks for the compliment.

Well, I give up, I'm going back
to New York.

And what are you going
to say to Gloria?

Well, I'll just tell her that...

Well, I won't have to tell her
anything, I'll just listen.

Pete, are you out of your mind?

You can't leave now.

Not with victory just around
the corner.

Victory? I'm up to my ears
in victory.

What does it get me? Heartburn.

Now, Pete, I don't care
what Mary said.

She's on the verge of breaking. One more
smart move and you'll do it.

Like what?

Go back into that bridal suite
and ignore her.

- Ignore her?
- That's the final blow to her pride.

That's the one move that will
give you your freedom.

You always sound so convincing
and you never make sense.

You can see through water
but you swallow it, he says.

Believe me, believe me, you're...
you're upset.

You're a confused man.

How right you are.

You've almost won your battle
and you don't know it.

Now, get in there and do as I say.

But how do you ignore someone
who's locked in a bedroom?

That door is going to open,
and you know what to do then.

- Ignore her.
- Check.


Come in.

I... thought it was locked.

I thought you were asleep.

There's somebody ringing the bell,
I... think maybe you'd better answer it.

Let it ring.

But it's probably those three WACs
worried about you.

Let them worry, I want to talk to you
for a minute, Peter, come here.

I'm supposed to ignore..
I mean...

Sit down, Peter.

I've been doing a lot of thinking
about us...

...and your willingness to do anything
to get your freedom.

I practically had to.

Belittling my work to the newspapers,

embarrassing me in front of
my fellow officers.

I guess I maybe overdid it.

But what worries me most is seeing you
making a fool of yourself to get rid of me.

I've only tried to hold you because
I loved you but...

If this is what it's doing to you...

I signed them.

Well, Counselor,

I wish things hadn't...
I mean...

Oh, brother!

Hello, Gloria.

Pardon the intrusion, but when people
refuse to answer their doorbell...

This is a completely innocent
situation, Miss Fay.

Yes, completely innocent, we thought
you were three other people.

Naturally! Mrs. Morely, I imagine you
expect me to fly into a tantrum...

...but I'm not that kind.

And let me tell you you're the
worst loser I've ever met.

- Gloria...
- I came here to take this man...

...away from your unfortunate influence.

And the fact that I find him
in rather unusual circumstances...

...doesn't alter my decision one bit!

- Gloria...
- You're a very noble woman...

...and I'm happy that my husband
is getting a mentality of such stature.

I could punch your nose for that!

Gloria, Mary signed the papers.



Well, get into your clothes.

Um... Gloria, Mary's been
very sweet about this, I...

- I know you want to thank her.
- Oh, that's not necessary.

Goodbye, Peter.

Maybe we should go upstairs
and see if she's all right.

Oh, what if she is all right?
We'd look like a couple of idiots.

Who could be all right with
that man?

A client.


Bridal suite, on the double.

Oh, it's you again.
Go away!

An old friend of the family can
come in handy at a time like this.

Stop pacing about.

Well, I've got a perfectly good
pace coming to me.

What do you expect me to do,
break down and cry?

Exactly. That's what you
want to do, isn't it?

You're mean.

You'll feel so much better.

Come on.

- But I won't.
- Come on now.

- I just...
- Cry.

I guess we've been away too long.

If we fool around here much longer,
we're gonna miss that train.

Do you really read these
old law books?

Sure, almost every night.

That's going to be something
to look forward to.

That was me right there...
and that's Mary.

- What else, mister?
- Well, these books and... let's see.

Oh, one combination checkers,
chess and backgammon set.

We have that.

- How about the piano?
- That's Mary's.

- The couch?
- Mary.

- The silver?
- Mary.

And we get the combination chess,
checkers and backgammon set.

Somebody in this family is
a smart lawyer.

All that matters, honey...
is our future together.

Poor Mary.

Why do you say "poor Mary"?

Well, being so upset and all.

You know, I think she's falling
for that walking gold mine.

What a horrible fate,
marry a millionaire.

What else is wrong with Jack
besides his money?

- Well...
- Yes, what else is wrong with me?

Oh, hello, Jack, how's my
best client?

I wouldn't know. My account's been
transferred to attorney Mary Morely.

Cut my future husband off
in the middle of a job?

You can't do that to us!

I know where my bread is buttered.
Where is she?

She's in the bedroom.

But you'll have to wait because
the door is locked.

How did you find out?

Gloria checked.

Where are you going tonight?

The Panel Room. Quite exclusive,
I'm sure you've never been there.

What makes you so sure?

Mary told me.

- Anything else besides the books, mister?
- No, I guess that's all.

- It's Jackie, dear.
- I'll be right out.

"It's Jacky, dear"!

Well, thank you.

- Hello, Jack.
- Hello.

Oh, Peter, you shouldn't make Gloria
work so hard, look at her.

By the way, when are you leaving
for Reno with old hubba hubba here?

Tonight. So sweet of you to ask.

Counselor, I wish you get the divorce,
I feel so silly.

- You are?
- The pleasure's all yours, Peter.

But a grown man going to Reno.

But isn't that what men always wanted,
equal rights with women?

Are you going to pose for the newspapers
with your legs crossed?

We're wasting our time. Now that you
have your games and old books...

...let's leave the lady lawyer
with her spoils.

I take it that you're not satisfied
with the property settlement.

Oh, it's no concern of mine, but I hate to
see a man cheated out of his rightful share.

May I remind you, Miss Fay,

that the property division was
suggested by my husband...

...and that I didn't request a
single change.

Why should you?

He'd have simply paid those workmen
to remove your junk.

- Junk?
- Let's not make an issue of it, honey.

I'm perfectly satisfied.

Speaking of junk, Peter, did you show
her the family skeleton?

You wouldn't be interested.

That, Miss Fay, is the domestic institution
known as the skeleton closet.

Behind this door lie the bleached
bones of the Morely marriage.

What are you up to now?

If I were you, I instinctively
wouldn't ask that.

You'll be sorry.

Of all the idiotic...

How on earth do you associate
this rubbish with your marriage?

These items should reveal a great deal
to you about your future, Miss Fay.

Bleached bones she says.

Quite a bone.

All right, answer me this...

Honestly, the salesman told me it'd make
a wonderful present for a big, strong man.

What did it do for me?
Gave me an inferiority complex.

I know you won't believe me, Peter,

but it didn't matter a bit to me
that you couldn't lift it.

Didn't matter?

I wish you could have seen the look on your
face when I straightened up... without it.

Something seemed to snap inside me.

Naturally. Hernia.

Any doctor could have warned you.

You see how important something
trivial can become in a marriage?

The fact that Peter couldn't
lift that barbell...

caused a major change in his attitude
toward me and...

And that in turn caused a change
in my attitude.

So the barbell dragged its little attitude
into the closet and locked the door.

Utterly fascinating.

Do you mean to say that you
can't lift this?

Is your tone implying you can?

Almost unbelievable that a
man your size...

What's in it? Glue?

You couldn't lift it even if
you had the strength.

I'll show you how it's supposed
to be done.

You got it!
After all these years.

Yeah, look! Straight up!

You can't talk and lift
at the same time.

I wonder why I can lift it now.

Say, the Army must have done
something for you.


And you know the silliest one of all?

Yes, the time I threw your love letters in
there because you hadn't saved mine.

- No, this.
- The music box? You call that silly?

It had a practical function to it,
it held cigarettes.


I gave that to him on out
first anniversary.

Did without a permanent to get it.

It played a tune when you
opened the lid.

They usually do.

It was Mary's favorite song. She said it
reminded her of our honeymoon.

In a rooming house.

Then you broke it.

Yeah, but it wasn't deliberate, I simply said
the tune didn't remind me of our honeymoon.

All right, so politely I ask,
how did you break it?

Well, Mary asked me what did
the tune remind me of and...

Well, you know how people
clown, they...

I took the box like this...

...and I started to do a little
spring dance like this.

# Why is my heart dancing, Spring is here... #
- He'd had four martinis when he started.


I warned him he'd break the box if he
didn't stop but he said, what if he did?

- Oh! my goodness, are you hurt?
- I guess I've seen everything.

- I'm not dead.
- Well, get up and see if you're all together.

This is exactly what happened before.

You're getting out of here while
you've still got head on your body.

Oh, I'm sorry I ever opened
that door.

- That was my prediction.
- Too bad about the box, Counselor.

- It was broken anyway.
- Well, I'll have it fixed.

I wanted to get it fixed before,
but it got to be such an issue.

I guess we both acted like children.

A miracle! You fixed it!

Yeah, I guess all it needed was
a little shaking up.


Remind me not to have them
fix my watch.

Well, it almost came true.

I wish I could convince you that
it wasn't so important to me, Mary.

But you wanted one.

Yes, but we could have talked
it over and maybe...

Well, people do adopt babies.

Babies? Peter Morely, you're acting
like a hypnotized stooge!

Have you forgotten that this
woman makes a business...

...of trying to force unhappy people
to remain together?

And she's up to her neck
in her job right now.

- Gloria, maybe if we discussed this...
- There's nothing to discuss!

The divorce consent is signed
and delivered.

And you've asked me in all sincerity
to become your wife.

- Shall we leave, Jack?
- I'd like nothing better.

Well... have a good time.

Here, let me straighten your tie.

I know these situations are
always difficult.

But you'll get over it.
Be the happiest man in the world.

Yes, honey.

- Now, we'd better not miss that train.
- Yes, honey.

Oh, down!

- Thank you.
- No trouble at all.

- All the way?
- All the way.

Down we go.

Up, down, down, up.

Pretty monotonous, huh?

Somebody... you know, somebody ought to
invent an elevator that goes sideways.

Reminds me of a story that was told to
me by my sister who lives in California.

This husband, the guy says...

Every time... every time I get to
the place where...

It'll kill you... the guy...

He says...

I can't tell it in front of a lady...
it's terrible...

Why, Peter!

Hey, you were right, I'm beginning
to feel like my old self again.

Own self?

On to Reno!

Don't they know that tune's
supposed to be gay?

Just ignore them.

Could you give me a little
encouragement for the future?

Could you say, um, Jack old fellow,

you look like the type of man
who'd treat a wife right.

I wonder if Peter caught the train.

I don't claim I'm the ideal man.
Wealthy, yes.

Handsome, perhaps.

Charming disposition.

This way, please.

Sorry, monsieur, no tables.

But I'm not going to stay,
I'm just looking for my wife.

I'm sure your wife wouldn't
be here, monsieur.

- There are also rules regarding dress.
- But I'm just...

No one is admitted without dinner
clothes, sorry, monsieur.

Mademoiselle, Monsieur Hemsworth!
This way, please.

Thank you.

Out of my way, chums,
I'm dynamite!

Stay calm, everybody, it's just
the house detective.

If you're with your own wife,
just relax.

Mary, where are you, Mary?

Peter, here I am!

Oh, no, he's that man again!

I had to do this to get in.

Take me back, Mary, I don't want
a divorce, I love you.

Let him alone!

You and your fancy clothes,
isn't there a man in the crowd?

- He's my husband.
- Is this a way to treat a veteran?

- Let him go!
- I'm a vet. What's wrong?

While I was overseas that rat
stole my wife.

Oh, yeah?
That's the same deal I got.

I did not, he was already back.


- Good work, Joe.
- That ought to calm him down.

Come on, bud.

- You're under arrest.
- But this isn't the man.

There he is!

- What happened to Gloria?
- It worked with her too.

Old Mr. Repulsive himself.

Stand where you are!

One more move and we'll sue.

This is a rank violation of
constitutional rights.

To say nothing of imposition of mental
duress and attempted false arrest.

You're going to pay through
the nose for this.

Don't you know better than
to try an unlawful detention?

Ladies and gentlemen, the management
has deliberately created...

... a breach of the peace leading to riot.

My husband and I will be glad
to handle your case.

Here, pass these cards,
will you, Joe?

Morely and Morely, see us for
a square deal.

Thanks for using the hall.

All right, back to your posts, everybody.

All right, back to your posts,
back to your posts.

What... what was the trouble, sir?

I created a monster.

And it bit me.

Um, Counselor,

what does the Army do
for a woman?


Tell me again.

- Subtitles -
Lu?s Filipe Bernardes