Suck Me Shakespeer 2 (2015) - full transcript

Give me that.

- Yeah?
- Get up!

Miller, Goethe High School.

My student is doing an internship here.

- Last name?
- MI-LLER!

- Where's the student.
- No idea.

Chantal!
Where are you?

In the trunk!

- How's it going?
- It sucks.

That stupid bitch from
Schiller private school is here too.

- She constantly disses me, Mr. Miller!
- Well...



Hmm...
Is this your social worker?

Watch your mouth, baby tits.

How dare you?

I want a coffee too.

It's only for customers.

Whatever.
I take mine without gum.

God!

Do you at least get to test drive?

No, please.

Let's not put ideas into her head.

Chantal, you may continue
cleaning the floor mats.

I simply can't imagine that
anyone would hire her.

- Mr. Miller, we're taking a selfie.
- Yeah, blah blah.

We both know
these 'interns-ships' are useless.



Internships.

No, I was speaking the plural.

Start the engine.

Turn off the engine immediately!

And...

Brum, brum, brum.

Oh, God!
Oh!

Are you stupid?!

- Damn, out of focus.
- Out!

You have to tell her
that she's not gifted.

Nah.

She'd flip out.

I just got her under control.

Too much stress
getting involved like that.

Your students relate to you.

You serious?
Nobody relates to a teacher.

I'm still pen pals
with some of mine.

Yeah, well,
you're into teachers.

Especially, the nasty and strict ones
that grade you in sex-ed.

Memo to the janitor:

Dead leaves in the back yard
still need to be raked.

Garbage cans overflowing.
Deposit bottles everywhere.

- Yes.
- Mr. Badebrecht

- from the Department of Education.
- Send him in.

I want the Ad campaign,
Ministry of Education, Eckhard.

It's perfect PR for Goethe High.

You're almost level
with Schiller school.

If you want to beat them,
you need an international class trip.

We're going to the North Sea.

Don't kid yourself.

You need something international.

- An emerging nation.
- Hmm?

Human rights and so on.

Stick your finger into the wound
of a global educational disaster.

Your Goethe High needs to step up.

So sorry.
I'm sorry...

I can't help thinking
about our time together.

Eckhard, the school
needs all my energy.

In two weeks, we'll decide
which school gets the Ad campaign.

- Gudrun.
- Eckhard.

Show Erika who is
the better principal.

Hmm?

Right.

- Ploppi.
- Plop, Plop.

Oh, you have to pick up garbage?

Aw.

Daniel, put the toys back in the box.
They're for poor children in Thailand.

Ms. Meyer, you can't switch to the enemy
and then hang around here.

- Just chatting.
- Don't care.

How's the Schiller school, huh?
Enjoying it?

Long smoke breaks,
good coffee,

- rich parents?
- Yeah.

All I really wanted
was to lead the choir.

I offered you that.

You offered to re-name remedial German.

Couldn't you sing the alphabet?

So, what's blocking the escape route?

The Schiller is collecting toys
for its partner school in Thailand.

I want it gone by tomorrow.

And no smoking here.

You look like a parrot.

No!

What parrot?!
I'll give you parrot!

- Leave Ploppi alone!
- She touched and bit me!

- She can't do that!
- He said I looked like a parrot.

- He's an ugly fucker with his man purse.
- Chantal. Hey!

Chantal, watch your mouth,
or else we'll make an example of you.

- Make a what?
- Don't know.

Mr. Miller, I still need
your certificate of conduct.

- I forgot it at home. I'll bring it.
- Good.

How did 10B's internships go?

I wanted a job for intellectually...
Ouch!

I was with the cops, right?
It sucked.

I couldn't even drive of the police car.

What car weren't you allowed to drive?

The police car.

- Daniel, grammar!
- No, I think it was an Opel.

Yes, I can't wait to see the reports.

Of course, I'll correct them.

Mmm.

There's trash here.

Ms. Schnabelstedt...

as environmental watch,
you're endangering our Eco-badge.

- Environment?
- Shut up!

I'll take care of it.

- Eh!
- Oh!

- Ploppi!
- Quit it!

You could've, at least, noted
the simple spelling mistakes.

Yeah.

Fucking job.

Hand in a new form every day.

If you just invest only 50% of
your criminal energy into lesson prep...

You didn't mention
teaching was so much work.

- Yes.
- Getting up early...

Here we go again!

Another depressive episode,
like the therapist said.

- No.
- Come on.

- No!
- Yes!

I'm not sure if this one
should be lower.

Grotesque.

- I'd rather own a bar.
- You can't afford a bar.

You'll work until 10B graduates.
Or at least tries to.

That could take decades.

I asked, you'd get a loan.

We've discussed it.
You can quit.

But only when you've saved up
enough money to build a life.

It's important to me.

You need to learn to finish things,
or you'll end up back in prison.

Laura, turn the music down!

Since she's been seeing Daniel,
all she listens to are ridiculous 'raps'.

Laura Katharina Schnabelstedt!

In other news, a prison inmate
died in the hospital yesterday.

Mustafa K. fell six meters to his death
after using a bed sheet to escape.

Mustafa was imprisoned in 2012

for a robbery and police assault
shortly after the arrest.

Yeah, I saw it.

What letter?

Well?
What does it say?

I do not know.

I only read the first line, 'for Zeki.'

Where'd you get it?

Somebody smuggled it out of prison.
A fat guy came by with it.

He said he owed Musti something.

"If I'm shot trying to escape,
my loot is in your tank."

That's it?

"Give some to Charlie!"

So sweet!

You wrote that.
I'm not stupid.

It's in different color and handwriting.

Whoops.
You got me.

You're supposed to wash the car,
not the dog!

Shut up.

I don't get it.

We were on the run.

We split up.

Cash for me, diamonds for you.
Hide them.

Then we both came to you.

Before he was captured,
he put the loot in my tank.

Because my car
was at your place that night.

Stupid hiding place.

It's true.

I wonder why he did not
bury it on a construction site?

Whoa!
What did you fill it with?

Oh!

Yeah!

Yeah!

They're worth, at least,
40-50,000 euros.

- Here.
- Thanks, man.

- Commission.
- Oh!

I'd prefer it in a ring,
but this will do.

I can see it now.

A cool bar.
A few hookers.

Or something more upscale.

Go-go girls.

I stand there.
Occasionally, I give you free...

mix cocktails.

- But, you like teaching.
- Because I had no other job prospects.

Who would work
when they have this?

Bro, now you can dump
that uptight teacher.

You can afford
a really hot slutty escort.

- Stop blabbering.
- Does she even give blowjobs?

You'll blow my fist in a minute.

I need to quit my job...

and find a place for my bar!

- You're hired!
- Bro, now I can be honest.

That teacher shit was embarrassing.

Don't quit right away.

I'd keep it secret for a few weeks.

In case the cops are watching us.

♪ I got bills ♪

♪ I gotta pay ♪

♪ So I'm gonna work work work every day ♪

♪ I got mouths ♪

♪ I gotta feed ♪

♪ So I'm gonna make sure everybody eats ♪

♪ I got bills ♪

♪ Woke up and I bumped my head ♪

♪ Stumped my toe on the edge of the bed ♪

♪ Opened the fridge and the food all gone ♪

♪ Leaving everybody, crap them along ♪

♪ Hopped in the car
and the car won't start ♪

♪ It's too damn hot
but I still gotta walk ♪

♪ My honey old lady
and of course will not ♪

♪ Praying that my card won't get declined ♪

♪ God damn, god damn, god damn, god damn ♪
- Yes, I've heard it.

I know it's important to you.

♪ Oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man ♪

♪ God damn, oh man, god damn, oh man ♪

I didn't forget you, Caro.
I'll do it right away.

Yeah.

Where were you?
I called 3 times.

- We have a meeting.
- Brah.

What's that?

I fixed your bike.

While I was out shopping on it?

I'll go change.

- Are you hiding something?
- Always suspicious. Annoying!

Annoying to whom?
Try to get a noun in that sentence.

♪ I got bills ♪

♪ I gotta pay ♪

♪ So I'm gonna work work work every day ♪

- You get to stay.
♪ - I got mouths ♪

♪ I got mouths! ♪

♪ - I gotta feed ♪
♪ - I gotta feed ♪

♪ - So I'm gonna make sure everybody eats ♪
- Laura?

♪ I got bills ♪

♪ Mama got bills ♪

♪ Everybody got bills ♪

♪ You also got bills ♪

♪ - They all got bills ♪
♪ - I got bills ♪

♪ They all got bills ♪

♪ Everybody got bills ♪

♪ Everybody got bills ♪

♪ Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey ♪

Which teacher gets the Department
of Education ad campaign?

The one who leads a school trip abroad.

This campaign will make us famous.

New students, student grants, PR,

maybe even new gym equipment.

BECOME A TEACHER NOW!

Enough dreaming. Who's going
on the international school trip?

- North Sea doesn't count?
- How's the North Sea international?

I went there before
you were even principal.

Right. Don't start again
with your seal rescue station.

Without my Eco group,

and the 12 euros monthly sponsorship,
Ines and Rollie wouldn't be alive.

We now have a seal-cam for Rollie.
And a Twitter account.

Yeah. In case
you want to follow us.

Perhaps, you should have spent
more time in therapy.

I'd like to go to Rome again.
The wine, the air, the Dolce Vita!

An emerging nation, Mr. Gundlach.

Not pizza, but something like
an epidemic or a catastrophe.

Like the Schiller school
is going to Thailand.

I would go.

- If Mr. Miller comes along.
- What?

No.

There's no way I'm going
to some camp with those idiots.

And certainly not
with my North Sea budget.

Or I'll put the student council
on your case, Gudrun.

It's called working according to plan.

According to plan, Ingrid!

So...

Are we done?

Right, you have
parent-teacher day.

- Fuck.
- Tell them what's going well,

- also talk about student weaknesses and...
- Can you write that down?

You're so dependent.

Have you started reading 'Faust'?

Of course.

Which part do you like best?

When he dies.

The thing with the apple,
him shooting the apple.

You haven't even googled it.

We'll discuss the class trip again, okay?

I don't want Hauke
to get the campaign again.

Dream on!

Thanks.

YOUR DONATIONS HELP!

Did you crash here?

But no coitus interruptus
or whatever, right?

You put it in, you use a condom.
I'm not financing your retard baby.

Oh, my God!

This is so grotesque.
That woman went through my stuff.

My old DVDs, gone.
Our mascot, gone.

All my stuffed animals, gone.

Mascot?
What'd it look like?

The Goethe mascot.
A sloth.

What'd she do with it?

I donated it.
You don't play with it anymore.

Donated to who?

It's totally grotesque!
It was our school mascot.

Oh, I'm sorry.

To the Schiller school,
for their partner school in Thailand.

You put it in the container?

Yesterday afternoon. You saw
I had the garbage bag with me.

What's with you guys?

Simply grotesque.

Mmm, Laura, stop using that word.
It's driving me mad.

You mean 'grotesque'?

Caro!

- Where's the donation container?
- It was picked up last night.

They're sending it to Thailand.

- Thailand!?
- Yeah.

Fuck!

I DRIVE GREEN

WE'RE OFF TO OUR PARTNER
SCHOOL IN THAILAND AGAIN

Oh, the sun's up.

- Fabulous shirt!
- Thank you.

Hey!

Are you going to the place
where the donations are?

- And you're the father of...?
- No, that's Mr. Miller from Goethe High.

Hauke Woelki.
Biology and English.

- So?
- I'm the ex-boyfriend of Lisi.

Didn't she tell you?

- Maybe.
- Jealous?

Just kidding.

We don't contact anymore.

The grammar queen is all yours.

You're a bit amped, huh?

I'm just in a good mood.

Good job, nice students.
#Livin' the dream.

- Hauke! We're waiting.
- Morning.

I'm a little late.
Yesterday, I ate some bad oysters.

Would you please be so kind
and get the projector?

I brought snacks.

My class is a treasure.

Is that where you're going?

Yes, that's our partner school in Thailand.

The most successful social
school project in Germany.

Shit.

Frustrating, when your school
just doesn't have the means.

Maybe you and Elisabeth want to buy
a boxwood plant from our school garden?

Or a hedgerow?

You can see directly into
Lisi's living room from the street.

I usually look out, not in.

It's been a pleasure,
but I have to go.

Hope to see you at the schoolyard
design seminar in May!

Cool guy.
Say hi to the lady mouse.

WORLDSAVERS TEAM
IS HELPING TO SAVE THE WORLD

My bank called me.

Did you try to use my credit card
to buy a ticket to Bangkok?

I was surfing the Internet
and I might have clicked on something.

Zeki?

Don't screw with me.

I just wanted to borrow it until
I get paid in a couple of weeks.

Maybe you shouldn't spend it all
on computer games and alcohol.

Why Bangkok, Zeki?

Something's going on,
it isn't vacation time.

It's Kaiser,
Mr. Miller's probation officer.

Probation's almost over.
Miss Schnabelstedt, you need to confirm

that Mr. Miller has an abode with you...

Schnabelstedt.

The truth in 5 seconds,
or I've lied the last time for you.

Hello?

You can tell your probation officer
you forged the certificate of conduct.

Still there?

Yeah, hello, Mr. Kaiser.
I've been meaning to call.

- About Mr. Miller.
- Hey, hey.

- I wanted to surprise you.
- Hello?

With the class trip... international.

So Ms. Gerster can beat the Schiller school
and you'll get the teacher campaign.

- Ms. Schnabelstedt?
- Mr. Kaiser, excuse me.

- Yes, Mr. Miller still lives here.
- I see. Perfect.

- I'll tell him.
- Very good.

- Bye.
- Bye.

I thought we could pay,
at least, one teacher ticket,

to keep the school budget down.

I should have asked you, sorry.

Sorry, I was so mean to you.

I'm sorry.

I just worry that you would
do something stupid again.

And then we can only have sex
once a month in prison.

Hey, you need to learn to trust me.

It would be so great
if you came on the class trip.

- And to Thailand!
- I have to go there.

You are so passionate about your job!

Yeah.

Yeah, but...

it won't work without the money
from lngrid's North Sea trip.

Think of your career.

Someone has got to get her
to cancel it.

God, that sounded ruthless.

I learned that from you.

This is a test, right?

It's not a test.

Eliminate Ms. Leimbach-Knorr.

She's been unstable
since her burnout rehab.

- What's in it for us?
- Nothing.

We want to go along on the class trip.

You're not in the Eco group.

Then get us in.

Or you can do your own dirty work.

- Yeah, whatever.
- Oh!

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

We never get to go on class trips.
They always leave us behind.

- I wonder why?
- Oh!

Come up with a plan.

Okay.

Animals.

She takes pills, right?

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh.

Careful!
School is not a playground!

Ugh, oh!

Oh.

You kids must be out of your minds!

Hoodlums!

Excuse us, Ms. Leimbach-Knorr.

Just get out of my way!

Tsunami, quiet down.
Or everyone's getting an F.

I am already super annoyed.

Because of the whispering.

Now just watch,...

and describe what happens.

- Oh!
- Oh, God!

Oh, oh!

Ooh-ooh!
Oh! Ooh!

Ooh-ooh!
Oh!

Who tampered with the experiment?

Nobody.
We were all sitting here.

My mother says, you shouldn't
be allowed to teach anymore.

I bet YOU made a mistake.

You're trying
to make me look crazy.

Mmm.

You stay seated.

Oh.

- Oh, my God!
- What was that?

One word and we'll shave your heads!

He didn't tell us
it would be that extreme.

You're cheating
your worthless school to the top.

Humanities are yesterday's news, Erika.
Veni, Vidi, sorry.

And the inclusion certificate?
You don't even have a wheelchair ramp!

- Etienne has the Aspenger.
- Right, 11% disabled.

Anyway, we applied first
as an anti-racist school.

I have almost 50% ethnic students.
You have...

- We have genuine black students.
- Yeah. One.

And I'm not even sure
if she wasn't painted!

Don't get cheeky!

Time for a pop quiz soon.

Calm.

Take it easy.

Ingrid!

Who's there?

Psst!

We are your inner voices.

You must destroy us.

Or we will destroy you.

I'll get you.

Stop it!
Stop it!

One last time, Gudrun.
Tear down your gym.

You are invading our territory.

Try watching less "Game of Thrones", huh?

Whatever, you don't
even have a coat of arms.

And the next thing I'm going to get
is the Department of Education ad campaign.

Ha! With the North Sea?
I doubt it.

Ah!

- Ingrid!
- Now, it's your turn!

The plug on the North Sea
has just been pulled out.

- You!
- Ingrid!

Oh God!
She's going to kill him.

- Don't you hear the voices?
- Huh?

The hell is empty.

All the devils are here.

What the hell is got into you?

Shakespeare.

I'm not crazy!

That gang of hoodlums!
I'll press criminal charges!

Freedom.

Freedom!

So...

Pia, here.
No bikes on the handrail, alright?

And no posting!

So, dear colleagues,
Ms. Leimbach-Knorr is sick again.

Ms. Schnabelstedt is taking over
the Eco group.

- She and Mr. Miller are going to...?
- Thailand. Ban Nam.

Thailand?
Why there?

The Schiller school is
already going there.

It's a bad idea.

It's cheaper than any other places.

And they're used to groups of students,
who go there all the time.

And maybe we can become
their partner school.

That's the spirit!

Uh, I have to take
a few of my students along.

Chantal and others.

- What?
- Elisabeth, you won't survive.

- And a disabled student, please.
- That too?

But this is a special school trip.
Why?

- Why?
- Because we're an inclusion school.

No more backtalk.

- Ask um...?
- Ploppi.

Exactly.
He's all we've got.

You can't just change the whole
Eco group without asking us.

Yeah, yeah.
Go!

It's so stupid.

Why everyone thinks he's cool?

- The answer?
- Not me.

Definitely not.
I never travel.

Hey, but it's going to be super fun.

Chantal beat me up twice.
She'll do it again.

Is it just Chantal?

65% because of Chantal.
I think.

Among other things,
I hate the climate.

And I hate sweat.
Yeah.

Fuck!

So, Ploppi can stay here.

If he doesn't come,
we're going to the North Sea.

Spain?
Also cool.

Spain.

Who's got slap duty?

- Uh, yo!
- So, slap yourself.

- She said 'yo'!
- Who's on 'yo'-duty?

Yo!

Uh, me.

- Too late. Burak, hit him!
- Oh, man, ouch!

Apologize to Etienne,
or digging for worms at North Sea.

No.

I don't want to.

He's weird.

Plus he's in love with
Ms. Schnabelstedt.

Aw, so sweet!

- Seriously?
- Yes.

He has a 'scream' in his locker,
with photos of her.

- Shrine.
- He has a 'scream' in his locker...

Not scream.

It's 'shrine'.

You shit-for-brains.

What?

But, we will graduate
with you, won't we?

What did we learn today?

Photosynthesis is not shit,
it's hot shit.

Because plants are awesome!

Click my 'Bio is awesome channel' and
try my 'mega brain channel' for study tips.

Over and out, your Hauke!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Hmm?

Friend request
Confirm

Hey, Honey, look forward
to seeing you on the class trip.

I can't go.

But, I'd like to spend
some time with you.

Don't tell anyone, but sometimes,
I secretly imagine kissing you.

No.

I can't go.

But, I have to go.

Yes.

Yes.

Father?

Could you get me the big suitcase?

We're twins!
Whoo!

- They let their folks bring them.
- Embarrassing.

- Bye, Dad.
- Have fun, Okay?

- Hi, Laura!
- A class trip!

Like a real teaching couple.

I'm gonna sleep in.

You can do the teacher thing.

Are romantic nights in a tent
part of the teacher thing?

- I'm sleeping alone.
- Right.

Hey, Ploppi!

Are you moving?

Hi, Meike.

- Good morning!
- Mr. Miller!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on.
- Class trip!

Class trip!

- Load that shit.
- Load that shit!

Class trip!

Goethe High
Class trip

Shut up and sit down.

Shut the fuck up!

- Zeynep, Zeynep, Zeynep!
- Quit it!

And go through here.

Oh, my watch.

Where are you?
It's boarding time.

Yeah, I'm almost there.
Go ahead to the gate.

And don't let them buy candy,
it's too stimulating!

- Hello, Schnabelstedt.
- Hello.

I was wondering if it's too late
to order a vegetarian meal?

I'll see what I can do.

Schnabelstedt.

And you're traveling with...

- 8 children?
- Yes.

One of them is my boyfriend.

I'll see if I can reach anyone.

Hey, don't let him through.
He's a terrorist!

I'm too fat, Mr. Miller.

Go!

Go to the gate now!

Let's go!

My ticket says that's my seat.

Excuse me!

Sorry, I'm late.

- Yes, please?
- Come with us, please.

No, not right now.
I'm not carrying a bomb.

Oh God, I shouldn't have said that.
Just kidding!

Not funny.

Come on.

For the 1000th time,
I don't know what you mean.

How much longer?

- It's just a water bottle.
- You think this is funny?

I'm a teacher.
It was probably a prank.

- I really have to go.
- Undress.

A female officer
will be right with you.

Welcome aboard.

Also welcome our Goethe High
friends in Eco.

Champagne is coming.

I wish...
I wish us a great flight.

Excuse me.
Please don't use the intercom!

- Thank you.
- Business?

Sorry guys.

That was all paid for
by alumni donations.

Even I find it a little... snobby.

Definitely, at the wrong school.

- Caro?
- Yeah.

- Huh? Cheers!
- Yeah, cheers!

Boarding completed.

Hello, hello. Someone's missing.
My colleague's not here yet!

I'm terribly sorry,
but it's too late.

But, I'm sure you have
everything under control.

Fasten your seat-belts, please.
We're ready to take off!

Time to party!

Time to party!

Time to party!

Listen. Cut it out!

- Time to party!
- Stop it.

I didn't put the darn bottle in my bag.

- It was probably Daniel.
- Okay.

They're not normal.
I can't do this without you!

You can cope for one day.
Laura has sleeping pills for the flight.

Sorry, that doesn't look
like airplane mode to me.

Turn off your phone, please.
Thank you.

- It'll be fine.
- Fuck.

It'll take more than a day...

for the police to finish the investigation.

Uh, and how long?

One to two weeks.

It's whole milk.

ANNOUNCEMENT

Here you go.

Give me a few of
the little bottles.

Yes, here.

Ah! Man!

Please, don't open
the duty-free items.

- Put that back!
- Oh.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're currently
crossing zone of turbulence.

So, we definitely ask you
to fasten your seat-belts.

One is enough,
I would say.

- Oh, ah!
- Oh!

I just swallowed them all.

♪ One night and we're gonna come
and crash the party ♪

♪ Weren't invited but we're
feelin' so outrageous ♪

♪ Just like we're famous ♪

♪ Got one night, and we're
gonna come and get it started ♪

♪ Now we're falling down the stairs,
we act so shameless ♪

♪ Just like we're famous ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Just like we're famous ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Just like we're famous ♪

♪ Oh oh... ♪

Oh, my God!
It's so warm.

Guys, let the driver do that.
Get on board.

- I'm vlogging.
- Me too.

No, it's my vlog.

Hi peeps!

It's Chanti!

Guess where I am right now?

Right.

l... am... in... Bangkok!

Mr. Miller is still asleep.

And I need alcohol!

Look, a hooker!

Excuse me?

- Motherfucker!
- The hooker can speak German.

What's wrong with these kids?

And where's our bus?

There.

You rent without driver.

No driver.

Can anybody speak Thai?

He said we rented it without a driver.

Bye.

Bye.

- OK, get moving, Danger!
- Yeah, yeah.

- Oh.
- Wait, wait.

Here we go,
bitches and husos!

Best class trip ever.

Thanks!

Is she really going to stick
a ping-pong ball in her ...?

Yes.

Me too, me too!

Hey, Zeynep, do you know
how many likes a video like this gets?

Hey, Chantal, I bet you can't pop
a ping-pong ball out of your pussy.

5 euros!

This idiot is my witness.

Where's the ball?

Ah, got it.

In the pussy, in the pussy, in the pussy,
in the pussy, in the pussy!

ELVISH LANGUAGE COURSE
BECOME AN ELF IN 100 DAYS

Have we arrived?

When is Ms. Schnabelstedt coming?

When are we leaving?

I'm hot.
And it smells like cilantro.

Where are the others?

They were going to a King-Kong bar.

Over there.

In a Ping-pong bar?

Mmm, no.

♪ I kinda like it when
you bring me to my knees ♪

♪ You got me wrapped up ♪

♪ Around your finger ♪

♪ I'd do anything for your love now ♪

♪ And when you touch it ♪

♪ The feeling lingers ♪

♪ Takes me up so I high I can't come down ♪

♪ You got me so... ♪

- Hey!
♪ - wrapped up ♪

Have you completely lost it?!

I hardly drank anything.

Aah.

Get out of here!
Right now!

You had a choice.

But you just had to hide a hand grenade
in Ms. Schnabelstedt's hand luggage.

Until she arrives,...

we're playing by my rules.

What's that for?

If you move out of my line of sight,
your leg explodes.

My leg is gone!
My leg is...

Oh.

That was level 1.

That's against 'human's freedom'!

This is against venereal disease
and fatal accidents.

I should put you all on a leash.

Come on! Spare me the fake innocence.
Just get on the bus.

- You look like prostitutes.
- Zeynep, a compliment for you.

♪ Heidi ♪

♪ You need to be happy. ♪

♪ Holladahidi, holladahidi, holladahidi, ♪
♪ holladahidi, holladahidi, holladahidi, ♪

♪ Holladahidi, holladahidi... ♪

♪ What madness! ♪

♪ You're playing with my feelings ♪

♪ But, here's my number ♪

♪ So, call me maybe ♪

♪ Hey, I just met you ♪

♪ - and this is crazy ♪
- Chantal!

♪ But, here's my number ♪

♪ So, call me maybe ♪

♪ Hey, I just met you ♪

♪ And this is crazy ♪

♪ But, here's my number ♪

♪ So, call me maybe ♪

♪ And all the other boys ♪

♪ Try to chase me ♪

♪ But, here's my number ♪

♪ So, call me maybe ♪

♪ It's hard to look right ♪

♪ At you baby ♪

Hey, Burak,
we're at your place!

Oh, my God!
What an anti-social village!

Where are you?

I was on the phone for ages
with the authority. I can't come.

You're joking!
You're not coming?

I'm a terror suspect!
I'm not happy either.

I can't do this alone.

I know you'll do a great job.

- They're nuts.
- Nonsense.

You grow close to
your students on a class trip.

You'll be a real team
when you're back.

- What if someone dies?
- Man, Daniel, stop that!

Danger!
Put the hatchet down!

Stick to the schedule
and nothing will happen.

Structure each day to educational goals.

Remember the protocols.

And Laura...

Laura is not allowed to have sex.

In case of an emergency,
the acupuncture kit is in the suitcase.

I love you.
Keep in touch, yeah?

- Okay.
- Bye.

Oh, God.

Hello.

Welcome to Ban Nam.

Hello.

Great, it worked out, huh?

Elisabeth...

Ah!

Once she finds a gift,
she sticks with it.

So, let's show you...

our partner school.

Wolf Group, into two rows.

And march.

Come on!

Two, three, four

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ For the Lord God omnipotent reigneth ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Hallelujah! Hallelujah! ♪

♪ Halle... ♪

Your camping space
is down there...

at the beach.

Where are you guys crashing?

In our huts.

We built them last year.
Huh.

They include... Torben?

Solar panels, WiFi,
and water filters.

It's correct, buddy.

One day, we'll have
a complete Eco-resort.

And 30% of the revenue goes
straight to the village.

And the rest?

Well, to the Schiller school.

And we don't fit in there, or what?

They're all single beds.
Totally basic.

Hauke, the air conditioning isn't working.

Ah!

Technology.

Motherfucker.

See?
Paradise.

I lost my virginity,
over here,

when I was 26.

And ten years ago,
the tsunami came.

No warning.

The wave was high as a house.

And it took everything

Last one in the water is...

- Party!
- Good luck!

Thank you, Fatty Chan.

Hey, come here.

Where is this?

Forbidden. Army.
Forbidden.

Yeah, yeah.
Show me on the map.

- Put up the tents.
- Okay.

- You eat a lot of rice here, eh?
- Yes.

Mr. Miller?

Many of us don't have tents.

- Didn't you read the packing list?
- What's that?

It said, what your parents should pack.

My parents don't speak German.

So why didn't you read it?

Hey, because you said
the list was for our parents.

Are we going to bake bread on a stick?

Danger could sleep in my tent.

Yeah, right!

Should I gift-wrap
the optional sex for you, too?

Around here, you're only
Facebook friends, okay?

Hey, Butt-face, think
there'll be cute guys here?

- Hope so.
- And you two, stop acting like sluts!

The only things getting into your pants,
on my watch, are spiders and cockroaches.

Ew!

Wolf Group!

ls the marinade ready?

Do we get a group name too?

Group assholes!
Look for building material.

- Hey, man.
- Hmm?

Here, something for your tent.

Oh, uh!

What's this?

- Not the pot.
- We can use it for cooking.

- Ah.
- Oh!

Oh, my God!
Mr. Miller, there's a wolf!

- Where?
- There.

We must not look into its eyes.

It's a monkey.
You've ever seen a monkey?

Yeah, in a movie I downloaded.
But, they could talk.

Ew, it's got hair everywhere.

My God,
it looks so messy.

Can you understand me?

Chantal!

Chantal!

Why are you walking like that?

Just because.

Is it a woman's thing?

Ask Zeynep for a plug.

It's still in her.

Mr. Miller?

I think I need to talk to
Ms. Schnabelstedt.

- I'm in class.
- Hello, it's Chantal!

What's wrong?
Where's Mr. Miller?

Mr. Miller is here,
but I have to talk to a woman.

- Spit it out.
- Yeah.

Why is there a ping-pong ball
in her moomoo?

Louder, I can't hear you.

Why is there a ping-pong ball
in her moomoo?

How should I know?

They were playing.

Did you really just say moomoo?

I remember ping-pong differently.

Is there a trick to get it out
of the moomoo?

I only know how it goes in.

Oh, man, Zeki, really?

Shake her, Meike,
and then do like I said.

Can it slip into my innards?

Maybe it'll slip into your head,
then there'll be something in it.

Okay.

- Now, Meike!
- Go!

Ah!
Oh, oh!

I just finished boiling it.

Shut up, trash!

Danger, you owe me 5 euros.

- You guys think I'm here for fun?
- Of course, what else?

Why a night hike?

- We're outside all night anyway.
- That's true.

Eeuw.
A sewage plant.

What is that?

The house of the Asian witch!

Smell the human flesh?

Mmm.

Whoever yells loudest gets cooked
and sold as no. 24 on the menu.

Okay, find our donations.

What?

Oh, no.

These are boxes from our school.

Where's the fucking mascot?

Who was that?

- Buaah!
- Oh!

Oh, oh.

Get up, you lazy shit.

He's diabetic.
He faints all the time.

And stuffing yourself with chocolate?

Don't you have to measure it or something?

Yeah, Burak,
don't you have to measure it?

Hey.

Hey!

- Where are his fucking shots?
- Maybe in the tent?

The Solenopsis invicta.

To survive the tsunami,

The females and larvae

joined together to make a raft.

The toxin is what, Silke?

- Alkaloids?
- Wow.

Oh, yeah.

Go, go, go!
Faster!

- Mr. Woelki? Ah!
- Torben, stay calm.

Oh!
Water!

Please!

Where to inject it?

In his pecker.

Come on.

- Oh.
- Oh, ooh!

Oh!

It goes in the stomach.

Tomorrow, you'll get a muzzle.

My feet hurt so much.

Got the diamonds?

- Then don't wear high heels.
- Yeah, right... flats!?

Have to go back tomorrow and
put the pressure on, maybe with a gun.

GUN!!!
Are you nuts?

Laura?
Are we free tomorrow?

No, we're going to the temple tomorrow.

All these fucking outings!

Ah!

Another one, Mr. Woelki.

You fucking shit!

Don't kill it.

Look, the queen!

Yeah, wicked, Mr. Woelki!

Wow!

Hey, Flankey!

Listen, could you take
my class tomorrow?

Torben...

was shoved...

and nobody apologized.

Say: You're sorry!

Hey!

Hey!

There.

- Bad luck.
- What? That's it?

They ignore you and you do nothing?

Later.

When there are no witnesses.

Where were you guys just now?

In the old military area?

No.

The beach.

Can you take them tomorrow?

You...

No.

Oh...
What the heck!

Hey, if you fuck with me
one more time, Daniel!

Sorry, Mr. Miller.

- I made a fire.
- Oh, God!

Today, we went on another outing.

We were at a temple
where Indians or something used to live.

They believed in a God named Buddha.

With an “h” in a weird part of the name.

The temple was excavated.

I think it's that Pompeiius,

where a volcano once exploded.

At one spot, there were selfies
of the ancient people.

But, you couldn't tell man from woman.

No, not a gum.

A gun!

Where can I buy a gun?

Like a...

pistol.

Meike started a fight
with a guy from Schiller.

Or a machine gun.

Because they stole the Goethe mascot.

It's mine!

- Mr. Miller flipped.
- Meike!

- He loves the mascot game, too.
- Where did you get that?

Got it from the box.

I asked if anyone had seen it!

It is our mascot!

- Schiller and us steal it back and forth.
- Was that you?

You're not allowed to touch me.

- I could report you.
- He's weird.

- He allegedly shot at his students.
- Who has the mascot?

- What's going on here?
- Some shithead stole our mascot!

- The kids will work it out.
- No, we'll work it out now.

I need it back.

It is important that
they make their own decisions.

I want it back on the count of three.

Not until we get our Schiller bear back.

It's hidden in the chem lab.

That's the end of stick bread!

- Bread on a stick!
- Relax.

You're losing the authority completely.

- Whoo-hoo! Mr. Woelki!
- Are you drunk!?

Give me the mascot or else!!

You calm down first, please!

And then we'll talk peacefully
about what's really going on.

Mr. Miller showed Mr. Woelki
how Goethe High solves conflicts.

Okay.

You're trash.
Incredible.

I can't believe Elisabeth is with you.

Wait!
Time out!

Silke, take my sundial watch?

Here.

And, here my...

my fanny pack.

- Mr. Miller!
- Mr. Miller!

Mr. Miller!

Mr. Miller!

Mr. Miller!

- Mr. Miller!
- Mr. Woelki!

Mr. Woelki!

Mr. Woelki!

- Mr. Miller!
- Mr. Woelki, get him!

Mr. Miller!

Get him, Mr. Miller!

Break it up!

Get him!

Break it up!

- Burak, Danger, grab Mr. Miller!
- Let me go!

- What?
- You fucker!

The outing was really sweet.

We saw lots of slanty-eyed people,

but we can't say that
since we used to be Nazis.

Victory!

Maybe someday,
they'll dig up our houses

and an archeologist will find
my MP3 player I lost 6 weeks ago.

Shit!

You have one night
to get that thing back.

Why?

No questions!

Ms. Schnabelstedt said:
I should ask "why" before I do something.

You can ask
if you plan to shoot someone.

Why do you care about
our mascot anyway?

Don't question me!

It's annoying.

Ooh!

He's going psycho.

I'm not going psycho.

- No, not there.
- Sorry, sorry.

It tickles, okay?

Mr. Miller,
I walked all the way back,

but I couldn't find your mobile.

I'm sorry.

This is really shitty camp.

Why did we come here at all,
if he didn't even feel like it?

Oh, ow!

She bit me, that whore!

I'm not a whore!

Quiet or I'll smack you!

Calm down!

Oh, have you just done your cool nails?

Oh.

- Oh.
- Where's the mascot?

Mmm-mmm, mmm-mmm.

- Okay.
- Mmm-mmm.

Hmm.

Mmm-mmm.

- She's not talking.
- Mmm-mmm.

Okay, let's do waterboarding.

Hold her hands!

That's enough!
She wants to talk.

You're sick!

She wants more.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
My mobile, my mobile, my mobile!

No.

I'll tell you where it is.

You cunts!

Tsk, so abusive suddenly.

Hmm.

Go!

Huh?

Okay, Mr. Miller fucked up.

If my sister finds out,
she'll freak out.

If they tell Ms. Gerster,
he'll be kicked out of school.

Maybe, he murdered someone.

He almost killed Mr. Woelki.

We need to know.

It's our right.

No shit!

You just talked like a thing...

lawyer.

Yeah.

Done.

I could have done that.

Yeah, but I don't have my computer.

Are you looking for this, here?

Go!

Oh!

Did you kill somebody for these?

Are you nuts?

- You wanted to leave us, right?
- What?

You promised to teach us
until we graduate.

Give me the diamonds.

- We're not giving them to you!
- Ooh!

So, how does it work?

Like I said,
put your arm in here.

Fast!

- But, it's not dangerous, right?
- No, it's fun. You'll see.

Hey, you dipshit!

Uh-ah!

Hey!
Are you crazy!

You motherfuckers are not
screwing me again.

Danger, stop!

Fuck!

He's coming!

Drive zigzag!

Drive faster, Danger!

- Oh!
- Ah!

It's broken.

It doesn't turn.

How, it doesn't turn?

Hey, watch it, the cliffs!

Get off the boat!

No!

With the diamonds!

Motherfuckers!

Fuck!

- Oh!
- Oh, God!

Are you dead?

- No!
- Good.

Then I can kill you.

You fucking kids.

Man, Mr. Miller.

We were trying to help you
not to do something stupid!

You're so stupid!

Especially you!

You're not gifted,
as you might've noticed today!

I can think of 5 million better things

than spending one more hour teaching you.

Like being crapped on...

- and castrated!
- If you don't stop,...

I'll tell Ms. Gerster you're a criminal!

You better watch it!

You should watch it!

Or you might be out of a job.

I'm quitting anyway.

The next teacher won't keep his mouth shut
when no parent shows up to parents night?

Or you shove ping-pong balls
up yourselves, or get plastered?

- De-escalation!
- What?

As a trained dispute mediator,
I suggest...

we all sit down and write down
which expectations aren't being met.

I'm not a teacher.

I can't do this.

And I'll never be able to.

Do you think he was serious,
that I'm stupid?

Two beers.

You only get a beer with a tire.

No, I just want the beer.

No drink without a tube.

What kind of shit shop
only sells beer with a tire?

Out of the water before the last curve.
There's a waterfall.

Come on, shut up!

Uh, did you tell him about the monkey?

No, he was a shithead.

What if he never comes back?

Who cares, let him die.

Vye, vye, vye, vye, vye, vye!

- Let's go!
- Hey, piss off!

- Vye, vye, vye!
- Hey, that's my bag!

♪ - Here we go, lady ♪
- That's mine!

♪ Here we go, lady ♪

What, man?
I'm taking a shit.

♪ I'm rocking so hard-core ♪

♪ Less than before ♪

♪ Lesson number five ♪

♪ Something on my mind I go without ♪

♪ But, making no mistake ♪

That's my phone!
Go away!

Chanti, she's got my bag.

He's coming!

That's enough!

Come on!

- Leave those!
- Come on!

Those are ours!

Stop, stop, stop, stop!

Let's go!

Vye, vye, vye!

Danger, you loser!

I don't have a back-up!

My YouTube videos!

Shit, my nude pictures!

Fuck your phones!

This would never
have happened with Mr. Miller.

I told you we should look for him.

- He left us, remember.
- So you never flip out?

Without him, you wouldn't
even be in school anymore.

Now, come on!

- Like, today.
- Hhh-hhh.

Splitting up makes sense, Chantal!

So sorry, I'm not an FBI!

You go with them,
or they won't even look.

Mr. Miller!

He rented a tire and bought beer.

Which way did he go?

The river only flows one way.

Yeah, maybe in Germany!

- You have to steer, Chanti!
- Careful.

- Like...?
- Faster!

No!

Why are we going backwards?

Oh, no!

- Mr. Miller!
- Mr. Miller!

Mr. Miller!

We are sorry!

Mr. Miller!

Mr. Miller!

DANGER
WATERFALL AHEAD

Danger!

Wa-ter...

- fall...
- Waterfall ahead, you idiot.

We need to get out,
the waterfall is coming!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

Hold on tight!

Danger, there he is!
There's Mr. Miller!

- Mr. Miller!
- Human chain!

Chanti, careful!

Just a little more.

Come on, pull!

He's dead.
He's not breathing.

Etienne, how to do CPR?
You know everything!

Thirty times heart massage
and two times ventilation.

On the mouth, Chantal!

Do it!

Isn't the heart more up here?

I need a paper bag,
I'm hyperventilating.

- Remember on “X-Diaries” when she died?
- What was there?

There was the club owner
married to the porn star,

and her implant exploded
and she had to be revived.

Yeah, so do it the way they did.

I don't remember,
I was making out with Volkan.

- He's dying!
- No!

Please, Mr. Buddha and God in Heaven
and whoever else is there.

I'll finish school, I swear.

And I'll give my sister the 30 euros back.

And I'll never steal eye shadow again.

Please, please,
don't let him die.

I'll read anything you want!

Chantal, use your fist!

Goethe, Schiller and Kamuss!

I swear, you're so doctor!

Yeah, huh?

Want a pick-me-up?

If you take it with wine,
it really works.

My mom always takes one
when she's too tired to shop.

And it works.

But she usually only buys underwear...

Chantal, stop feeling me up.

Please, don't try to kill yourself again,
Mr. Miller, okay?

I didn't try to kill myself.

A monkey shot me.

A monkey?

Like in a movie?
Could he talk?

I didn't mean to piss you off or anything.

Are you all okay?

No.

Some of my clothes need to be replaced.

They got wet.

I shouldn't have yelled at you guys,
I'm sorry.

But, the diamonds are my future.

Okay?

I inherited them
and I need them back.

What did you mean
you can't be a teacher?

That, it was a great time,
but it's over now.

Man, I just can't do this.

- It's way too much...
- Responsibility?

Yeah, maybe.

But you're the best teacher in the world.

Yeah, man.

I don't even understand the books
we're supposed to read.

I started reading this 'Faust.'
I looked at it and thought,

"Heck, what is this?"

You'll never graduate with me.

Definitely not, without you.

Besides, you can't give up.

That would not be a role model.

Are you afraid that
you're not good enough?

- What do you want?
- Please, answer.

I don't have to answer,
You're a kid.

He lacks objectivity.

And he has massive complexes.

We should call our parents.

You're not calling anyone
until I have my diamonds!

Mmm!

None of you!

Or I'll sell you to a Cambodian
textile factory.

Forever 21?

No name.

Dive!

I can not see the bottom.

It's a billion meters deep or so.

Your asses were not even under water.

I can not breathe.

Diving is completely unnatural.

My body refuses.

Yes, that's from smoking five butts
at recess, you pubescent seniors!

So, you do it!

Vye, vye, vye!

Soldiers!

We want piss!

We want piss!

"Peace!"
It's "peace", not "piss"!

- We want peace!
- Fuck!

Stop this shit!

They already attacked us once.

They're Jacuzzis!

This is our territory.

You're invading it!

There is no Ass-Acres on the map.
You're not Thai.

Maybe, he's a lady-boy!

There are a lot in Thailand, right?

We're Dek Talay Tui,
children of the wave.

Our parents died in the tsunami.

And the tsunami swept you here
via the Elbe river?

My father had a hotel in Khao Lak.

He's dead.

And we'll kill you
if you don't disappear immediately.

Shit!

You help us and we'll forget
your little assault.

This is child abuse!

I'm sure the Thai cops would love
to put you all in juvenile prison.

- Help you with what?
- Diving.

Sorry, we can't swim.

I see.

So, how did the little Ninja commando
just swim under my boat?

What are you?

- Teacher.
- What?

♪ Let's go, oh, oh, ooh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Go, oh, ooh, oh, oh ♪

♪ We are who we want to be ♪

♪ Running wild and free, yeah ♪

♪ Let's go, oh, oh, ooh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Go, oh, ooh, oh, oh ♪

♪ We are who we want to be ♪

♪ Running wild and free, yeah ♪

♪ - Wild and free, yeah ♪
♪ - Let's go, oh, oh... ♪

♪ - Wild and free, yeah ♪
♪ - Let's go, oh, oh... ♪

♪ - Wild and free, yeah ♪
♪ - Let's go, oh, oh... ♪

♪ - Wild and free, yeah ♪
♪ - Let's go, oh, oh, ooh, oh, oh ♪

Hey, whom are you bringing?

He's an orphan too.

They're friends.

Oh!

They're expressing sympathy.

Our stuff!

Our phones!

We'll help you.

But we want something in return.

Five McDonald's vouchers for each of us.

Two.

Three.

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

Even dumber than you.

♪ Take that money and watch it burn ♪

♪ Sink in the river the lessons I learned ♪

♪ Take that money and watch it burn ♪

♪ Sink in the river the lessons I learned ♪

♪ Take that money and watch it burn ♪

♪ Sink in the river the lessons I learned ♪

♪ Take that money and watch it burn ♪

♪ Sink in the river the lessons I learned ♪

♪ Everything that kills me ♪

You look really attractive now.

♪ Lately I been, I been losing sleep ♪

♪ Dreaming 'bout the things
that we could be ♪

♪ Baby I been, I been prayin' hard ♪

♪ Said no more counting dollars ♪

♪ We'll be counting stars ♪

♪ Lately I been, I been losing sleep ♪

♪ Dreaming 'bout the things
that we could be ♪

♪ Baby I been, I been prayin' hard ♪

♪ Said no more counting dollars ♪

♪ We'll be, we'll be counting stars ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I feel the love ♪

♪ And I feel it burn ♪

♪ Down this river every turn ♪

♪ Hope is a four letter word ♪

♪ Make that money ♪
♪ Watch it burn ♪

♪ Old, but I'm not that old ♪

♪ Young, but I'm not that bold ♪

♪ And I don't think the world is sold ♪

♪ I'm just doing what we're told ♪

♪ I, feel something so wrong ♪

♪ But doing the right thing ♪

♪ I could lie, could lie, could lie ♪

♪ Everything that drowns me
makes me wanna fly ♪

♪ Lately I been, I been losing sleep ♪

♪ Said no more counting dollars ♪

♪ We'll be, we'll be counting stars ♪
♪ Take that money and watch it burn ♪

♪ Sink in the river the lessons I learned ♪

♪ Take that money and watch it burn ♪

♪ Sink in the river... ♪

Mr. Miller!

Mr. Miller!

Mr. Miller!

What do you want?

We read the book and summarized it.

- Which book?
- The Faust.

Stop lying.

Really, I swear.

My eyes are still bleeding.

No idea who wrote it,
but he was crazy,...

that Reclam.

Goethe.

Yeah, him.

So, it's like this:

There is the devil and
he has a bet with the Faust.

The Faust

- Because he's also unhappy.
- Like you.

Exactly.

And then, the devil takes his soul,
and in return, he has fun and stuff.

But the devil is a son-of-a-bitch.

Yeah, he totally cheats.

- And the Faust sees it too late.
- Faust, dude.

Yeah, because he doesn't have
a 10b class to help him.

Mmm-hhh.

Here are our interpretations.
And we could not Google it.

You're like Faust.

But, you'll stay a teacher.

And you did not kill
Ms. Schnabelstedts' mother.

Did you seriously
read that shitty book?

So, we could explain it to you.

Yeah, first lesson!

Now, you don't have to be afraid
that you can't teach us anything.

And you're not incompetent, Mr. Miller.

The other teachers are much more
retarder than you.

What are you doing?

I'm googling bread on a stick,
you dipshits.

Great!

Are there gas stations
everywhere in the world?

So.

A short break.

Everyone can pick something,...

but, not over 40 euros, okay?

Peace!

Well, you pack quite a punch.

Almost knock me out.

- Martial arts, Mr. Miller?
- Yeah, a little.

Spent time on the streets
as a kid, right?

I saw you hanging out
with the homeless kids.

Be careful.

They are trouble.

So?

My students are too.

Why not help them instead of
building solar bungalows?

That's, uh, our partner school.

How we help them is our decision.

Uh, your student...

is smoking near the pump.

- Chantal!
- Hmm?

Get the flame closer to the pump.

Yeah.

Closer!

Even closer!

Oh, Mr. Miller.

You're such a prankster.

Small, sad world of Goethe High.

1, 2, 3, 4.

That is, uh, statistically,
the most commonly used telephone PIN.

Diamonds?

Fake certificates of good conduct?

Best to delete text messages like that.

What do you want?

The question is:
What do we not want?

Mr. mini Ripley.

We don't want Gerster to report you
for forgery and endangering children.

Or that Elisabeth gets
dragged into all this.

Hey, don't even!

I could have killed you yesterday.

But, I didn't want my students
to see a corpse.

I'll give you 15%.

Fuck your diamonds.

Get them and piss off.

The village is a Schiller school project,
including the homeless kids.

Good luck at your retard school.

How's my top teacher?

Hello?

What are you wearing?

I bought it for the school trip.

I'm so hungry!

- I have a confession.
- OK, not enough push up.

I happen to have another one.

- I'm only here for the diamonds.
- What diamonds?

- Hey!
- Mmm?

- Oh!
- Oh, my God!

What's with Ploppi?

What were you doing?

The question is: What are you doing?
What diamonds are you looking for?

Musti's loot.
The guy I made the break with.

That's why you wanted
to go on the class trip?

Was anyone endangered?

Calm down.
They revived me.

They...

- They revived you?
- Yeah.

You're so...

stupid sometimes!

I thought the job
meant something to you.

Because you could change their futures.

You could have been the person
that you never had.

Maybe, you see more in me
than there is.

If you're trying to make me yell
and break up, forget it.

I'm not making it that easy for you.

Pull yourself together;

get back to the man I fell in love with,
the one I can be proud of.

Unless he was just an invention.

- Hey, tattletale.
- Don't hit me!

Maybe, I'll give you a nice,

- tight hug, Etienne, huh?
- No! No.

Fuck!

- That burns!
- Shit, Daniel, what was that?

I put chili in your condoms.
I promised your sister no secret shagging.

Shit!

Yes, that sounds like
a few days of celibacy.

Oh, that burns.

Mr. Miller, when do we get
our cell phones back?

When you can spell it.

- H.A.N.D.I.
- Ah!

I wanted to tell you that

my mother never came
to parents' day because

she was drunk and I was ashamed.

Mmm-hhh.

The gifted thing was a dream.

As if I could really
become somebody, later.

Yes, that was shit from me.

- I didn't mean it that way...
- Haters are my motivators.

Now I know I don't have to go to college
and have more time for a real career.

Such as?

YouTube star!

It was just a hobby, at first,
but now I do it professionally.

I'm rehearsing a nail tutorial.

Brilliant.

And why didn't your parents
come to parents' day?

Well, because we hate our parents.

And they hate us.

Why do you think
we like you so much?

I like my mother.

- Shut up.
- Oh, shut up, Meike.

You wuss!

You don't know what it's like
to have no parents?

Unfortunately, no.

You get your phones for one hour.

- Oh!
- Oh, my baby!

- Brilliant!
- Whoa!

- I sent a few text messages.
- What?

- Oh, man, my credit!
- Shut up, Chantal.

I wrote to the people...

you despise.

Who you disappoint and
degrade as much as you can.

I'm talking about your parents.

Who gave up alcohol
and nicotine for nine months.

- Most of them anyway.
- Not yours.

And who had to watch helplessly
as their innocent, sweet babies...

became shitheads.

What did you write?

Read it.

"Mom, Dad,...

"thanks to Mr. Miller,
this is the nicest place I've been.

- A lie.
"- But I'm totally homesick.

"I know I never say so,...

"but I love you.

- Oh, God. How embarrassing!
- Oh, my God!

"I hope you can forgive me...

"for not always being
the way you imagined.

"I want to become a better person."

- How could he?
- He's lost it.

Turn your phones on.

Give your phone to the person
next to you to read it aloud.

Etienne, you start.

Danger, give him your phone.

Hey!

Stop it.

"Daniel,...

"you made your mother cry.

"Tears of joy.

"She printed your text
and put it in the photo album.

"We know your intentions are good
and we're always supporting you, Daniel.

"When you're back,
you get your own room.

- Wow, sweet!
- "And probably even a kiss.

"I know you're making a face right now.

"And we love you for that.

"Mom and Dad."

"Canim benim..."
Mmm?

Zeynep's is written in code, Mr. Miller.

Girl, you are so stupid.

- My parents are from Turkey.
- Give it to me.

"My darling,
you moved our hearts tonight.

"You are my star,
my sun, my pride and joy.

"If I, sometimes,
love your brother more,

- "it's only because I know...
- It's my duty!

What? No!
Oh, man.

"Because I know you're strong

"and you're something special.

"You got your grandmother's beauty.

- Oh.
- Oh.

- She's so beautiful.
- Yeah?

"And we'll give you your computer back

"if you promise
to stop chatting naked."

- Zeynep!
- Hey, I love them so much too.

Give me yours.

Mmm? Here.

"What do you mean, you miss me?
Do I know you?

"Show me your dick.

"Kevin."

Man, yeah, my mother's
got a thrift shop prepaid.

Sometimes a few people
share the same number.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah man, it's true.

"I know we haven't spoken much

"since your mother moved out.

"I know it's not easy for you.

"My wish is that some day,

"I can just give you a hug.

"Dad."

You're manipulating us!

You don't know anything about us.

Hey, your phone.

Most of us will be losers forever.

Oh.

Hey, ugly duckling.
What did you get?

I don't have a text message.

E-mail?

WhatsAPP?

- Facebook messenger?
- Man, Zeynep, stop bugging me.

Mom only turns her phone on
when she's sober.

Hey, it rang.

Chill out!

"Chantal, you nightmare in platforms.

"Your mother is not here for you,
but I am.

"You can come to me when
you're scared or freaking out.

"I may not always know
how to show it,

"but you're my favorite monster
in the whole class.

How sweet!

"To me, you're gifted.

"Gifted at dressing like a slut,
dissing people, and in driving me nuts.

"Maybe because you're important to me.

"Even if I won't always be your teacher.

"You'll never be alone
as long as I'm here.

"Please stop drawing hearts
on my sneakers,

"it's incredibly annoying."

Oh, my God!

Who is it from?

From me, you freak.

Is she getting better grades
than us now?

I dislike you all equally.

Can I hug you?

- No.
- Oh.

You're like a father to me.

One I could have sex with too,
if he insisted.

Eeuw! Man, Chanti,
you're so disgusting.

Okay.

Can you imagine that
what you got from your parents,

you could get from everyone?

You give something
and you get something back.

Now, go play.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Wait!

Man, it's going to drain
all the dye out of my hair.

Oh.

You're gorgeous.

- Don't move, man.
- Hey!

What're you doing?

- Don't fuck around.
- The princess needs her crown.

Hey!

What's up, Ploppi?

The ring thing doesn't work,
you get that, right?

Magic's been dead
since the middle ages.

When you do that,
you look like a crazy person.

I have Asperger.
11 percent.

I have vodka.
40 percent.

Mmm.

You don't like to be touched, huh?

- No.
- Oh, man!

Don't smudge my make-up,
you freak!

It's just color pigments and oil.

Paraffins.

Maybe, a formaldehyde splitter.

What Paraffinder?

Yeah, it's petroleum.

Almost everything is made of petroleum.

Fertilizer, chemicals, plastic.

Ew! What!?
That's totally gross.

Petroleum used to be this.
Algae and crustaceans.

They decay and become oil
millions of years later.

- No, don't say that.
- Yes.

Yuck!

Mr. Miller doesn't mean it that way.

He wants us to grow up out...

- To grow out of it.
- Yes, exactly.

Mr. Miller is an asshole.

Yeah, but all teachers are assholes.

- Better a cool asshole, right?
- Ms. Schnabelstedt deserves better.

How does she look naked?

Is she prettier than me?

I don't want to hurt either one of you.

Maybe you only pretend to like her,

since you can't be with her anyway.

She's old and she would go to jail.

You just keep fantasizing
and get even crazier than now,

with your weird touch problem.

I can't touch people.

It just doesn't work.

- Hmm.
- It's a trick.

My uncle had Asperger too
and he could taste numbers.

When he had to touch broccoli,
he fainted.

But they undid the broccoli thing.

- You can get rid of tricks.
- "Tics", not "tricks".

Maybe I'll come up
with something for you.

Maybe you're my project.

And then I'll put you on YouTube.
Asperger's tutorial.

No, I won't do it.

Pretty darn hot today, eh?

Enjoy the view.

- Or have a drink.
- Mmm.

Mmm?

Oop!

- Or maybe the bathroom?
- Hhh-hhh.

Dig her up right now!

Unbelievable!

- I've got the last diamond!
- Great!

Now, we can go home.

- Mission accomplished.
- Almost.

Chantal will pull you up.

No, the ladder, please.

The ladder.

The ladder, the ladder!

Stop whining.

If you drown, she'll give you
a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

I hate you!

Give me your hand!

You can do it, Ploppi.

See?

One less trick, Ploppi.

I shit you not. Since my mother got
WhatsApp, she sends pictures.

Do you live in real houses?

With real windows?

Maybe we could buy beds for the cave?

That would be great.
They would love it, right?

An orphanage makes more sense.

Could you all press mute?

We're not interfering.

You said we should give back.

Why aren't you giving back?

I'm the negative example
so you understand the rule.

Besides, they're happy.

Do you have any idea
what an orphanage costs?

20,000?

25,000?

Yeah?

- This is Mr. Long.
- Who?

You have to come
to the camp right now.

Dangerous and Burak are insane.

They stole our bikinis!

And two rhinos!

We're Bibi and Tina!

♪ Hear the clopping ♪
♪ Horses trotting ♪

♪ See them running ♪

♪ See them hopping ♪

♪ Who could that be? ♪

♪ Here come Zeynep and Chanti ♪

♪ In New Yorker and Forever 21 ♪

♪ They smoke too much ♪

♪ They drink too much ♪

♪ Because they're twats ♪

♪ Because they're twats ♪

What did you take?

We discovered something!

- Yeah.
- The paradise.

Cedric didn't want
to give us any of the weed.

But they have so much,
tons of it.

So much weed, Mr. Miller.

Come on,
give me something!

Yeah.

Look really sad.

Come on,
give me something!

Cedric, the 2-kilo bags
need to go out today.

And the sprinkler is also broken.

Did you know?

You are not an aid organization at all.

We're registered as one.

Gasoline!

Chantal, bring the gasoline.

Don't plants need water?

You wanted a teacher?
You got a teacher.

You're crazy!
You're children!

Film this for Ms. Schnabelstedt.

Okay.

I'm burning the drugs, okay?

Happy now?
Am I a good teacher now?

All out!
Piss off!

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Water!

Oh.

Get out!

Chanti, what's happening?

He's starting a fire.

One question, you idiot.

A plantation this size and
you don't earn enough to eat?

We're just employees.

What? Whose?

We had a few plants and then...

then Mr. Woelki came and said
we should expand, optimize.

He said he'd take care of us.

But he keeps 85%.
And the donations of course.

- Are you shitting me?
- He said we would be adopted.

But that was 3 years ago.

Now almost everyone has pubic hair.

And the Internet says: If you have
pubic hair, you'll never be adopted.

Bravo, Cedric.
That's just...

brilliant how you stuck to our plan.

And I told you not to interfere!

You're fucked.

Turn that off or I'll report you!

And, Cedric, 15% is still more than any
fucking Fair Trade coffee farmer gets!

But they're not minors, you asshole!

Do you have a clue what it's like
to always get fucked over as a kid?

To be hungry
and to fend for yourself?

To constantly hide, and dream
of being just a normal kid?

Oh, God,
I'm going to cry.

Maybe, I'll report you.

Who's going to...

believe a criminal
and a few stinking orphans?

You want to lose
the shitty bit of life you still have?

Even if I do.

My life might not have been shitty

if someone had burned
my crack lab when I was 14.

Shit!

Hello?!

Was your childhood
really like that, Mr. Miller?

I need to leave before he wakes up.

Go to Ms. Meyer and
tell her what happened, okay?

When the cops ask,
say you don't know anything.

Say you thought I was
a completely normal teacher.

Act like as if you...

like totally innocent children.

Yeah.

Like that.

That looks real.

Okay.

Come on, Danger.

And tell Ms. Schnabelstedt that...

whatever...

that I love her.

Mr. Miller!

I have a solution.

Oh, my God!

I've dreamt of saying that for so long.

We were saving it
for final exams.

So, we were going to get you drunk
and take sex photos to blackmail you.

But we'll sell you the idea...

for 10 euros.

He's burned out.

Whoo, whoo!

Slop it!

- It's gotta look like fucking.
- Mr. Woelki.

Good morning.

Surprise!

The pics stay secret if you shut up
and give us the partnership.

- This is Kafkaesque.
- You exploited children.

You financed drugs with donations.

Do you know how hard it is to get
the international partner school funding?

- Let's do a sandwich!
- Yeah!

Oh, kids!

- I want to be on top.
- No, I...

- No!
- I want to be on top.

- Zeynep, suck him.
- Okay, but only a bit.

- No! Don't!
- Girls!

Take a picture with Daniel while
he's still stoned instead. As a backup.

If you confessed you were a criminal,
we might have become friends.

At some point, you forget
where the peace pipe is buried.

But never, where the ax is.

The semester just started, Miller.

Have a good...

#trip home.

Louder!

Group Asshole!

We're building an orphanage and saving
the tsunami-assed little beggars.

If you do well,
you'll get a real animal name.

Yeah!

- I can take that, here.
- Thank you.

Hello my followers!
It's Chanti.

A special hello to everyone
from YouTube Bibi site.

So, there are three,
three things to remember

if you want to be a real Thai.

Girl, what are you doing?

- Girl, I'm making a YouTube video.
- Is that for real?

Number 1, the greeting.

- Danger!
- Hey, Chanti, what's up?

No, Danger.
The Thais never shake hands.

They make a fin.

- Ah!
- Ow!

He's so bad.
We should drop him.

Number 2.

Even if you get loud,
a Thai will never be loud back.

Hey, piss face.

You whore.
You tramp.

Drop it, Chantal!
It's annoying.

You said you would help
with my YouTube channel.

Nobody wants to see it, get it?
You and your sewage 'channel'.

Number 3.
Whoa!

The outfit.

It's totally important to follow
the country's traditions.

Like me.

Chantal, that's Japanese.

Let me do it my way!

Okay, bye-bye, sweethearts.
I love you.

Follow me on Twitter and things.
Just follow me everywhere.

♪ I say I'll rule the world ♪
♪ Oh Oh Oh Oh Oooh ♪

Smaug incoming!

♪ They say no way, ♪
♪ Oh, I say I'll rule the world ♪

♪ Ain't afraid of the walls, ♪
♪ I'm a break 'em down ♪

♪ They stay the same, ♪
♪ Oh, I'm feelin' high as a bird ♪

We are no longer a partner school of SCG,

but partner school of GGS!

- Yeah!
- Whoo-hoo!

Thank you very much, Mr. Long.

We need to talk about the spelling.

Mr. Miller, you have done
a lot for this village

and its students.

You have helped 20 orphans
onto a better path.

- You built them a home!
- Yeah, Mr. Miller!

We will hire a social worker.

We are looking forward to
a lively exchange

between Germany and Thailand.

Yeah!

Mr. Miller, Super-de-Duper.

I am proud of you, Mr. Miller.

You got us the Department of Education
ad campaign.

You'll be the face of Goethe High.

In trade magazines and 24 info screens
in German universities.

I didn't do this alone.

Somebody else deserves credit.

Really, no thanks.

I'm well aware of my positive
influence on my staff.

Schnabelstedt belongs on the campaign.

Schnabelstedt?

Yes.

- With pleasure.
- Whoo-hoo, yeah!

♪ Ooh ooh yeah ♪

♪ Have you ever loved somebody ♪
♪ that has been knocked down ♪

♪ And then nobody lend a hand ♪
♪ to pick you up off the ground ♪

♪ You got to look inside yourself baby, ♪
♪ you got to believe ♪

And now make a wish
and send it to heaven.

♪ Yeah I'm travellin' at light speed ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Up up and away ♪

♪ Up up and away ♪

♪ See I'm running on a laser beam ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

I wished you'd stay a teacher.

Your wish is my command, airhead.

Oh, my God!

Maybe I should have wished
for something else.

Like money.

Chanti!

Where's your mother?

- I'm sure she'll be here soon.
- Yeah?

- My God, that's really marijuana!
- Hey, not so loud.

Somebody might hear.

Oh, right.
Excuse my indiscretion.

I forgot how important
your job is to you.

Yeah, maybe, it is now.

Almost as important as you are.

- How many diamonds do you have left?
- Well, one for each ear.

Hey, I got you the campaign.
That was the job.

Next time, the North Sea,
you bum.

Um, Etienne?

There was...

a mix-up...

with the chat recently.

Do you have any questions?

Mr. Miller told me that you...

maybe think I'm nicer
than other women.

I...

- I love you.
- Oh.

- Etienne, that's sweet, but...
- But, not anymore.

Excuse me?!

I mean, good.
That's good.

But, what did I do?

Is it maybe because
you saw me in a bikini?

Etienne?

I'm ready for reality.

I'll never...

forgot...

our first...

night.

Mmm-mmm.

Well.

I'm the only one
boinking you voluntarily.

Ha, ha.

I can do a whole 5 seconds.

Chantal?

You can ride with us.

Really?!

Bye, Mr. Miller.

- Bye, Mr. Miller.
- Bye, Mr. Miller.

Bye, you wankers!

- See you Monday, yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.

Piss off now.

I'm sitting in front.

Is there a job
that fulfills me anew every day?

A job where I inspire
and motivate people?

TRAINER?

A job that not only helps me,
but helps my country?

Three, two, one, zero.

SCIENTIST?

No cheat sheet needed for that question!

The answer is simple.

Teacher!

More than just a job.

Apply now and show Pisa who's tough!

Project of the Department of Education
and Goethe High.

Our logo is visible.

Brilliant, eh?

This is the peak of my career.

You may take a candy out of the head.

Do you have your certificate
of conduct, Mr. Miller?

Ah, yes.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Photoshop?

You're clearly better at it than I am.

I had to submit it for the campaign.

You were way too slow.

What did you do wrong?

13 months in prison.

Mmm.

Shame on you!

Don't call cops. I'll be gone in 5 minutes.
I was quitting anyway.

Not you.
Shame on you!

All that college.

And somebody from
the welfare depths shows

that commitment
and responsibility are possible.

This shows

what a problem student can become
if he goes to the right school.

Yes.

He grit his teeth, pushed through,
tamed class 10b,

got us in the top 2.
What is it, Ms. Schnabelstedt?

There's smoke coming from your halo again.

Yes, well, maybe,
it's not quite correct to say...

That was bullshit!

Sometimes higher math and
fluency in Latin aren't enough, no?

Sometimes you need spirit

or a healthy dose of ruthlessness
to find a solution, yes?

You're not firing me?

I'm not an idiot.
You're my best man.

Grotesque.

But I'm docking you two paychecks
for lying to me again.

The money will go to
the school newspaper.

We're still in 10th place.

But not for long.

Soon, at newsstands,
people will say:

"No, not Time magazine.
Give me the Class Fart.

"That's got content."

Ooh, send.

Uh-huh, sent.

That's my plan.

Midnight in the auditorium.
Or you got a problem...

You can read messages outside, Mr. Miller.

Thank you very much.

Mr. Miller?

Hello?

You're standing on my foot, move!

- Hey!
- Ah, get him!

Let go!

Fuck.

Mr. Miller,
we need you again.

You're all getting a good grade.
Now, stop this shit.

Mmm-mmm.

We don't want grades.

We need 'likes.'

What 'likes'?

If you want the shackles off,
follow our instructions.

I will not do shit.

You're all getting...

That was level 1.

Great.

What?

Underpants.

Mmm-mmm.

This is the end of you.

No...

This is the beginning
of my YouTube career.

I only have 6 subscribers.

Whoo-hoo!

Naughty!

Hello!

Let me out now!
Chantal!

Chantal, piss off,
you freak!

Hi, this is Chanti.
If you like this video,

then hit the thumbs up button,
and subscribe here.

- You better not put this online!
- Let me through.

What are you doing in there?

I thought I would wear
a vending machine to school today.

- Oh, right.
- I'm not in here voluntarily, okay?!

- Subscribe to Chanti's channel!
- Chantal, please.

- Whoo!
- Will you stop filming, please?

Naked teacher in vending machine.

Do you hear?
Chantal!

♪ Joy, beautiful spark of the gods ♪

♪ Joy, beautiful ♪

♪ Joy, beautiful ♪

Does no leg work!

Fuck you too.

We have the camera.

It's all over here.

Give her the camera.

You have no sound, right?

If this isn't cleaned up
in 5 minutes...

Ouch!

No Animals were harmed
in the making of this film. Only actors.

- Yes, you can speak German?
- A little bit.

Why didn't you say so?
We could've spoken German.

Schiller and Kamuz!

Shut your face!

Yes.

Hello?

This is Mr. Dong... Don...

Sorry.

I have not...
I, I forgot the name.

Should I answer it again?

Well?

Yes, answer it again.

Always the French-fries scenes.

Shit.

Shit.

Okay.

And to Thailand!

I have to go there.

You're so passionate about your job.

That look was unbelievable.

I have to go there.

Okay.

I must...

You crossed your eyes.

- I did not cross my eyes.
- Shit.

And action!

Monkey.

Show me again.

Don't you have to
measure it or something?

Yeah, Burak, don't you
have to measure it or something?

- Let's shoot my nail tutorial.
- Yeah, let's.

- Um...
- Gizem, what are you doing?

Why pretending
you're holding a phone?

What?

Why don't you use the real phone?
We're rolling.

Oh.

He's not coming.

Eckhard.

Sorry.

Katja's first outtake.

Sorry, sorry.
Crap!

- Gudrun.
- Yeah.

You are almost level
with Schiller school.

Again.

Maybe he's a lady boy.
There are lots in Thailand.

Maybe he's a lady boy.
There are... Fuck, now we've got it.

Chanti, what happened?

He's starting a fire.

Good.

Warning! Warning!
Bullshit alert!

Sorry, sorry.

That was so clear.

That was bullshit!

Fuck.

On?

Shit! Sorry.

No...
Night vision goggles...

Is it true that the shit turns
to ice cubes... man?

Is it true that the shit is thrown
from earth as ice cubes?

To Earth!

Is it true that the shit...

Ah...

Is it true that the shit from...

I can do it.

Is it true that the shit is thrown
from Earth as ice cubes to Earth.

Is it true that the shit... ah, ah...

Is it true that the shit is thrown
from ice cubes as Earth...

Is it true that the shit
is thrown from the ice cubes...

What, man?

- Oh, oh!
- Oh!

Sorry.

I'll take Lisi's credit card
and book a flight.

- Excuse me!
- Health!

- Health!
- Health!

No.

I'm definitely not going
with those misfits...

- What? Hey...
- Come on now...

You started that time.

- I saw it. Stop it.
- No, I didn't.

I would go somewhere...

if Mr. Miller comes too...

- That wasn't me.
- Here comes Bernd, right?

Sorry.

How about Rome?
I'd like to go back to Rome.

The wine, the light, the, the, the,
the... yada. I am done.

An emerging nation, Mr. Gundlach.
Schiller is going to Thailand.

What's going on there,
Ms. Schnabelstedt?

Or I'll put the student council
on your case.

I would travel somewhere...

To Thailand.

I'm crying.

- Ms. Schnabelstedt, what's going on?
- I don't know what's going on.

There's no air in here.

What?

Okay, thank you. Out.

- Finally.
- Cut!

Fack Ju Goehte 2.

- I love you.
- I love you too.