Suck Me Shakespeer (2013) - full transcript
A comedy that follows an ex-con who lands a position at a school that sits over the spot where money from one of his earlier robberies was stashed.
Congratulations
to Mr. Popolski and Mr. Ates,
for successfully completing
junior high school.
Mr. Miller, your oral exam was,
to put it mildly, a farce.
I heard
you're being released this week?
Very good.
Although in my opinion,
your lack of general education
represents a danger to the public.
Just out of curiosity,
why sign up for the class at all?
Because this is
the only place in prison
where there's free hot chocolate.
Thank you.
See you in 2 weeks, bro.
- Awesome! Don't drop the soap!
Shut up. Fuck a whore for me.
And you, keep your nose clean.
Heeeyaa, Baby!
Freeedom!
What did you do to my car?
Sweet, isn't it?
No welcome kiss?
- Dunno. What's it going to cost me?
Hey! Save the sucking
for your customers.
Where's the money?
I buried it.
Where?
OK. These are the coordinates.
I pinned it for you.
I figured a schoolyard,
nobody'd look, y'know?
What? - I don't have great memories
of my school days.
You? Went to school?
For how long?
Eighth or ninth grade, not sure.
I was in my crack phase.
Hey, Zeki. When you get the money,
can I get new boobs?
Shut up
and honk if somebody comes.
How about one? The left one?
It's smaller somehow. Seriously.
Can I turn on the radio?
- No.
Ooooh, shoe clips.
Mandy, it's not my phone,
gotta be quick.
Listen, can you do
my 54 dance today?
Fuck.
3 METERS TO DESTINATION.
What the...?
I'm not into it anyway.
Glitter up the
butt crack for days.
Stop honking, dingbat, it's ME.
It wasn't there before.
There was a construction site here.
- Oh, really!?
Why'd you bury
my fucking money under a site?
I figured they were laying pipe.
Are you mad at me?
No! Why would I be?
I only waited 13 months
for this fucking moment!!
Maybe it could be raised up
with a ...
... a crane?
You owe me 2,000 euros.
And 50 for the glass table.
Gimme a break, Attila.
In a week or two
I'll have the money from my job.
Just a taste, if it takes longer.
Right. Understood.
Can I crash here?
- 'Til Gina's back from the fat farm.
Then I need the display window back.
Everything OK?
- Why aren't you dressed yet?
The sexy teacher's next!
Get going
and don't forget the glasses.
Hi there. Does somebody here
need tutoring?
I'll find a cellar
and dig my way to the money.
Is it possible that's a shit plan?
It's been a while,
but I remember schools are picky about
letting thugs dig tunnels in the cellar.
I'm applying for janitor.
Do you know how to do repairs
and fix soda machines ?
You're the dumbest teacher ever!
But also the hottest.
Burak, bro, sup?
- You?
Man. Danger!
Hey, you can't run down the bikes.
Shut up and
pop a few of your moon craters.
Hello.
Excuse me, can I help you?
The principal's office?
- About the job?
Exactly.
- To the right here, then straight.
'Scuse me, could you help
with my glasses ...?
Ouch. 'Scuse me, I'm fine.
'Kay, have to go.
Bye. Good luck.
KICK ME.
One moment,
Ms. Gerster, about 10b
Not now,
Ms. Leimbach-Knorr, not now.
The little bastards ... - Ingrid,
please! I have job interviews.
I'm fed up, my dear Gudrun.
Nothing I can do about it.
You look like you couldn't change
a light bulb. Done this job before?
What are you, an elite janitor,
who doesn't talk to mortals?
Hey! - What? - Give me back
my 2 euros. I need to top up.
Fuck off, girl.
Fuck your mother. - You retarded?
Fuck your own mother! - How?
AMOK ALARM. Please find a room
and lock yourself in.
Wild. A constant amok alarm.
I swear I heard a shot.
Go, go, go, hurry up.
This is the amok alarm.
Please find a room
and lock yourself in.
Caro, are you locking it
from the inside?
What's going on now?
- The little nutcase set off the alarm.
I swear it was him.
- That's a reprimand.
I'm calling your parents.
Oh, Ms. Gerster.
- Oh, Ms. Gerster.
Oh, god no. We've made
a great impression, eh?
They're just children.
Good, then ... you're next and ...
... the only one. Come in, then.
- Asshole.
If you fuck me up again, I'll ram
your fist so far up your ass
that you can scratch your throat
from inside, fucking snitch.
Close the door.
- Bro!
Your high school subjects?
What subjects?
My favorites?
I assume.
Sports ...
- German?
Yeah, that too.
- Good.
Finally somebody without math.
Does everybody have to teach?
Not enough teachers?
Otherwise I wouldn't advertise
for a substitute teacher.
Substitute teacher? I'm ...
Right. Temp jobs, never the best.
I can't promise more than 2 months,
until the end of the year, Mr. ...
Miller. Zeki Miller.
Janitor had a heart attack raking
leaves. We don't have a go yet ...
for a new one. My whole budget goes on
police complaints and removing graffiti.
Then there's the "cable fire"
in the old gym.
Insurance nightmare.
Civil servant hell.
So until then, we have to ...
pitch in ourselves.
Do you like the new gym?
I did the sketches. The architect
was a total waste.
As a teacher,
I get a skeleton key, right?
You ask odd questions, Mr. ...
Salary?
A salary is good. - You're not
a civil servant, I assume?
No, not really.
I can offer you 2,000 euros gross.
OK, then, 2200.
But I can't go any higher.
We're not Milton Academy here.
Deal.
- Bring your paperwork in later
and we'll see you assapissimo
in the teacher's lounge.
Why didn't you call?
- We were too drunk.
Slut. - Really. Did you know
she wears a push-up bra?
I'm off.
Danger, give me the lighter.
- Be polite, toe jam.
Give it to me.
There's your sister.
- Stop or she'll come over. Shit.
Laura, please wear a jacket
when you sit outside.
Laura, I'm talking to you.
- Laura, she's talking to you!
Let it go.
Could you please put out
your cigarettes?
You with the blue cap.
I'm talking to you. - Elisabeth?
Let it go.
It takes them a bit
to learn respect for new teachers.
They're not putting them.
- Nothing you can do.
They learn it at home.
I don't think
that's a good attitude to have.
You there,
who's your home room teacher?
I forget. - You deaf?
She said put out your cigarette.
I don't have to listen to you.
Who are you exactly?
- Miller. I start work here tomorrow.
Substitute teacher.
- Oh.
We work here, too.
- My condolences.
About the syllables ...
could we meet up, exchange ideas?
Excuse me? About what? - About
the syllables. - The syllabus?
That's what I said.
Right. Yeah, sure.
Don't push, please!
- Today?
Parent conference today!
- But maybe tomorrow ...
Today's great for me.
Cool.
Would you like sugar?
- Got a beer?
I'll look.
I don't really drink beer, but ...
Something alcoholic would be great.
OK.
Bra.
All I have is prosecco.
- That's fine. Come on.
Lisi has a visitor. Yay.
More, more.
Anyway,
I wanted a Catholic boarding school.
But then my grandma died
and my sister and I are
well, orphans.
Child services didn't want Laura
torn from a familiar setting.
So I thought
I'd teach at my old school,
which has "slightly" changed.
Which college did you ...
Bro! Finally.
TEACHING CERTIFICATE
PRINT FAIL
Shit,
parents conferences are the worst.
I mean,
they are all fucked-up asocials.
Are you there?
Man, oh man.
She picked up somebody.
I have to pee.
Right, but a learning disability
doesn't just happen.
Is it possible you're an asocial bum
who's shit at raising a child?
Man, I gain weight,
but my boobs don't!
She drank a little.
Check in an hour
if she's still breathing, OK?
Oh, my god.
Morning, Ms. Mayer. - Hi, Ms. Mayer.
- Good morning. Don't yell, please!
At least they greet you.
Your one night stand.
Shit, I don't remember anything.
Caro, how does my hair look?
- As goofy as last night,
so what's your problem?
- He was drunk.
Hey-
- Hey-
Fuck.
Really hot night, huh?
Elisabeth.
Don't chase him
like an underfucked old maid, please.
So. Play it cool, right?
Calm down. - I hate playing it cool.
I want a steady boyfriend.
So tell him exactly that.
That'll work.
TEACHERS LOUNGE
Sci-five!
- Sci-five!
What are you doing?
Stay back! Not one more step!
You can't stop me!
People, consider your
environmental footprint on this earth.
You can't just drop stuff and wait
for some idiot to pick it up.
- Oh, god.
Ms. Leimbach-Knorr?
Is she OK?
- It's only the second floor.
Please, do it. Please. Do it.
We need an ambulance!
- Quick!
Go to your classrooms, please!
Stop filming this with your mobiles.
Jeremie Pascal. Get back. Back.
Go to your classrooms.
Move the fuck back
or I'll kick your hairless asses
and knock your metal teeth in.
He needs to piss off.
- I hate that guy.
Am I dead? - No, no ...
Thank god. - Shit.
Lisi, get out while you still can.
Anybody who becomes a teacher
these days must be nuts.
They're all monsters. All of them!
Oh, dear. Ms. Leimbach-Knorr.
Not again.
I'll call you, OK, Ingrid?
- Yes.
Psychiatric clinic, I assume, right?
- Yes.
Stay strong.
Welcome to our new firefighter,
Mr. Miller.
Good morning.
So, not a great day for our school.
Will it set us back? No!
Briefly:
our colleague,
Ms. Leimbach-Knorr is doing poorly,
but her chances
of recovery are good.
She won't be teaching
for the rest of the semester.
... if she ever did.
Our next goal is to compensate
for the loss of our colleague.
Who wants to take 10b?
Mr. Gundlach, how nice.
- No, no.
I wanted to ask about the play.
- Yes. No.
I can't. I substituted there once,
and I simply can't.
I did 2 weeks too.
All I'll say is:
second-degree burns.
There's nobody in 10b
who hasn't repeated at least once.
Not one of them will graduate,
they're impossible. - Excuse me,
the students need lessons.
I think that's ...
Leimbach-Knorr only lasted 4 months.
And she's ex navy!
- Ms. Schnabelstedt is right.
For a change.
It's shocking how little
teaching spirit is in the air here.
Thank you.
- Welcome, the class is yours.
... er, what does that mean?
- Lessons, Ms. Schnabelstedt.
This is principal Gerster.
Students, return to your class
immediately. Lessons will resume!
Hello, Mr. Miller.
Excuse me, do you have a minute?
What is it? - Chantal, your mother
needs to pick up the knife.
Listen, about yesterday ...
I thought I had a class now.
- Briefly.
I was totally drunk.
In case you were thinking ...
I'm not into that.
It doesn't mean anything to me, right?
What's that?
- It'd be great if neither of us ...
misinterpreted it.
Gonna be hard, but I'll try.
OK. Forgotten.
Really?
Yeah, great.
Good. I mean ...
We're colleagues and we shouldn't ...
jump the gun, mix up ...
Super. So ... let's go.
Pretty chaotic school, eh?
Forgotten.
Oh, my god.
'Scuse me.
Good Morni...
- Yeah, yeah. Stop that shit.
Hey you, Peter Parker,
go get a TV from the equipment room.
My name is Mr. Miller. If you don't want
trouble, keep your trap shut.
I'm only here temporarily.
You've all got an A. Bust my balls
and I'll mark you down a grade.
Got it?
- Yes.
Hey, fatso, you listening?
Give me the notebook.
And don't eat so much unless
you want to die a virgin.
So.
Each of you
writes down your favorite film
and then make sure
there's a DVD ready for each class.
Is VHS OK? - If the film's
not on DVD, it sucks.
I couldn't give a shit
about old B&W films
collected by your Nazi grandparents.
That one's cool.
Take a picture.
Good morning. I'm Ms. Schnabelstedt.
- Ms. Schnabel-spaz.
What a dog!
Take your seats, please?
What she want now?
My dears,
I know a lot has happened,
but perhaps you could ...
- How old are you anyway?
12?
- How do you feel about
using my proper name. Could you try?
How about you suck me off?
Some of you are surely wondering
why Ms. Leimbach-Knorr did it.
Nope. - So that's
what we'll talk about today.
I brought a Freudenberger essay to help.
Zeynep, give me my nail polish!
Stop yelling.- I didn't yell.
Shut up and give it back.
Fuck you. Take it.
Unbelievably bad upbringing.
- Yeah, you!
Each time you use the F word,
you'll put a euro in the little frog.
She's annoying.
Pass the text around please
and then we can talk about
what a burn-out really is.
What's your name again?
Could you put it on the board?
OK, I get it. You're very creative.
Take cover.
What's up? - When do we elect
our class representative?
Who wants to be
class representative?
I don't want any nerds here, got it?
I'm marking you all down a grade.
Now paint something
until the TV gets here.
Can we brush? - You can pierce
yourself if you want. I don't care.
And can we use opaque white?
We're not really allowed to use
opaque white. - Then DON'T!
Spastic.
Hey guys, it's not funny anymore.
It burns my eyes.
You were supposed to pass those out!
Close the damn window!
Good bye!
Would anybody like to share
10b homeroom duties?
Express yourself.
I don't understand sniveling.
Well, just because they're ...
they're a little ...
Already in over your head?
Right, there's the door.
I don't want staff jumping
out the window because they realize
this profession is no petting zoo.
OK.
Hey, what happened?
Nothing ... they just ...
made such a fool of me.
What?
WE NEED BRIGHT BULBS
FOR OUR SCIENCE FAIR.
MAINTENANCE
Did you know
that they call 10b the amok class?
Yeah. it's the shithead Daniel.
He's got a screw loose.
Did you know they make
bulletproof vests for teachers now?
Thin ones, y'know?
They don't show.
The printer's not working.
You have to unplug it
and plug it back in.
You said you got an A-
on the teacher's exam.
But you got an A.
That's perverse. You're a real geek.
Caro, why are you printing
my exam results?
Monday. Miller was here.
- No way!
Pig!
Unfortunately, you chose
a very slim tree to hide behind.
You stole my exam results!
Have you been sniffing white-out?
Printer cache!
I had problems at uni.
I needed the job. Calm down.
It's theft and fraud.
And you exploited me sexually.
I put a few knockout drops
in your bug tea.
I wouldn't touch you with 10-foot pole.
So stop babbling. - Excuse me?!
You're such an ass.
You're an ass and an imposter.
And that's a crime.
I'm calling the police.
Lighter than expected.
Let go of me.
- Listen, munchkin,
I suggest you cuddle with your teddy
bears overnight, and decide your price.
Don't suck with me, Zeki Miller.
It's "don't fuck with me",
and I won't unless I'm brain dead.
What are you doing there?
None of your fucking business.
We'll see
what Ms. Gerster says tomorrow.
You want money, Schnabelstedt?
I don't want anything,
except my class back.
Swap? Why?
I have training
in conflict resolution and a
... a night course in aggression.
- Yeah, that too.
I've planned it all so well.
I would hate to change it around.
I was angry at first that he wanted
to rob me of such a great challenge,
but then I realized
it's best for the children.
Fireman teachers are usually
the tougher nuts, eh?
Good luck.
Bite me. They're fucking kids.
They can kiss my ass.
I am substituting
for Ms. Schnabelstedt.
My name is Miller
and I'm only a temp.
Why's your name Miller?
You don't look like a Miller.
You're a brother!
- Cut the Turko shit. An F for you.
Where's the class register?
- In the cupboard.
Think I'm going to cry now?
Fucking children.
Let's see who you motherfuckers are.
Chantal Ackermann?
OK, I'm going for a smoke
before I smash your teeth in.
Motherfuckers!
Mr. Miller, class is in session.
Where are you going?
Maybe to change my clothes?!
To the principal's office, please.
You didn't tell me
they were the asocials.
Excuse me?!
What kind of term is that?
You mean youth
from the under-educated class.
Mr. Miller, I want those children
brought under control.
School inspectors could show up
at any time and give out demerits.
You may go change,
but this is an exception.
Thank you!
Show off your ass.
That looks sexy.
Where are the others? - Downstairs,
I think. - They're not in the mood.
Class has started!
- What does he want?
Idiot! - Old fart.
He should go home. - Pathetic.
OMG, you're bleeding.
This is a Forever 21, you retard!
It's gonna stain.
I swear he's crazy. Let's go.
The classroom and make it quick!
Shit!
You forgot your backpack.
Everybody up here, chop-chop!
Now we know who's in command here.
As of now, get your asses in here
at the bell and no trouble.
Now what? We didn't do homework.
I don't give a shit. You sit here.
The rest isn't my problem.
Here's the deal. You all fail in a few
weeks, anyway. Until then, no trouble.
You're the loser class.
The whole teacher's lounge
slags you off.
I can do whatever I want here,
nobody cares.
You're scum.
So shut your mouths
and sit still until the bell.
Excuse me.
Do you have any chalk?
- Look yourself.
Your student is crying.
Chantal!
Yes?
- Cry quietly.
Is it possible
you don't care at all?
About what?
About their respect.
Don't you have work to do,
like potato prints?
This here has no educational value.
They look traumatized.
And what's that on their faces?
They were making name tags and smeared.
Now act like a plane and take off.
I'm good at putting myself
in teenage shoes.
How? By subtracting the pole
up your ass and adding Facebook?
You! Laugh at your own jokes.
You need therapy.
Sorry, that wasn't right of me.
ROCK DRILL
Yes?
I told you
when the old lady got back,
I'd need the booth.
- Where'm I gonna sleep?
It's only a matter of time
before the cops are back on your ass.
Keep me out of it.
I run a clean establishment.
You've got an LSD lab in the attic.
Exactly.
I have to be twice as careful.
Motherfucker.
Shit.
Shit.
YOU HAVE A FUTURE
WE HAVE A PLAN
Man, Laura, do you have to wear
dad's old shirts?
What do you care?
There's such
nice stuff to wear at your age.
Caro, help me out.
- Elisabeth,
I feel like a lesbian adoptive
mother when you drag me into it.
I need to unwind. - Yes, I see.
That's your second glass.
Yes! And we are not married.
There's somebody in the garden.
- Get the pepper spray!
The pepper Spray!
Laura, in your room, lock the door.
- Dostoyevsky!
That dog is useless!
Remember our self-defense classes.
You hold it like this.
Hit him!
We don't want it!
That sentence is pointless
if we're not being raped.
Who the fuck would rape you!
Zeki?
Were you going to sleep here?
No.
He's a giant asshole,
Caro, I'm telling you.
I think he's nice.
And he's hot.
Plus, I bet he can fix stuff.
This fucking house is big enough.
This "fucking" house is good enough
for you at 50 euros a month!
Even better. So he pays 250.
You'll finally
get contact lenses, Harry Potter.
Glasses look like shit,
I've told you 1000 times.
Got a boyfriend?
Careful, you'll end up
like your sister. - Watch it!
Laura, go upstairs.
One night. We don't have linens.
I'll just finish this.
At least 2 weeks, please.
- Your car has no smog sticker.
I'll pay at month's end.
I'll never find anywhere else.
I don't even know you.
Maybe you'll hurt us.
Living with you for 2 weeks,
I'm the victim here.
Hello, Ms. Schnabelstedt.
- Hello.
Mr. Miller?
Not now. Piss off.
It's about German class.
I could only find
Jurassic Park 1 online,
but on list it says to bring 2.
Is that a problem?
Chantal, on THE list.
Articles aren't optional.
What are you on about?
So, Mr. Miller?
We already watched Jurassic Park.
But so many were in remedial class.
Whatever, just buzz off.
You stink of CK One. - Smells nice, eh?
You can stay for 2 weeks.
- Really?
As long as you really teach 10b
and make sure they improve.
How can I?
- Do your job!
It's up to you. Or I tell Ms. Gerster
that class means movies and terror.
Whoa, Mr. Miller.
Hello.
Can you make change?
- How?
Could you help me get out?
Could you stop please?
That hurts.
- E20 is stuck.
More to the right.
Come on.
- Yeah.
My pleasure.
Are you a teacher?
- Yeah,
but I'm just a temp.
It's going to be another shit day.
Any other furniture you need?
Sorry, not available.
Here. Reading material and syllabus.
How am I supposed
to get mental defectives to read?
Know what?
You need to control Danger and Chantal.
Once you get the leaders,
the others follow.
Need anything else?
- Caro! - What? - Could you come ...
What? - The shelves.
Yup.
SCHILLER "THE ROBBERS"
God, the print's small.
Weapons, drugs, vandalism.
Leaders.
Little motherfuckers.
Did you know
that bees make photosynthesis?
Boy, these students
are really special needs.
Use a plate.
- No, it's fine.
Have to go. Still working nights.
- Where?
In a club.
With real dance music
or that electro-shit?
Right. So long as you get
your lessons prepared.
Why do you always give him
that sexed-up look?
Don't be jealous.
He's too short for me anyway.
To blow him,
I'd have to dig a pit first.
I don't want anything from him!
Hey, once he's in,
it doesn't hurt anymore.
And I guarantee he's a great lay.
By the way, I signed him up
as an assistant for your swim class.
Oh, Caro.
- Hey!
I don't want anything from him.
Daniel! Don't jump from the edge.
But yes!
Very funny.
So, who forgot a suit or
has a doctor's note?
Two laps warm-up, please.
So what do I do?
- Uh, first put out your cigarette.
Then just make sure nobody dies.
Very funny.
- Ms. Schnabelstedt,
such pretty wet hair. Totally cute.
Mr. Miller. No.
You need to do sports. Go on.
10 laps before I let you out.
You can shove your
fake doctor's note up your ass.
You too. Go change.
You're a fascister Mr. Miller.
I hate you.
Mr. Miller!
I wanted to thank you.
Thank me? Really?
Here, in front of everybody?
What for, anyway?
It's the first time
so many took part.
Take that back.
No worries.
- Spaz!
No, you take it.
Calm down.
- You a spaz, bro?
He said I was into her.
- So what?
Hey, man, she's ugly as sin.
Let go of me, you whore.
Daniel, whore is a feminine noun.
Now pull yourself together!
- Leave me alone, you asswipe!
Zeki!
You can't do that.
You can't do that.
I didn't hear the apology!
- Fucker! Fucker!
Are you a teacher?
- Yes, why?
But I'm just a temp.
Sorry, sorry.
Did you just use force with
a student? - I'll tell my father.
You told me
to get him under control.
But not with violence.
They reflect that behavior
outside school!
Daniel.
Be careful. I think
he pissed his pants in the pool.
... so I thought we could
get together? Talk about ...
how that could have happened
with Daniel.
Exactly.
But you haven't yet
filed criminal ...
Me? No, it wasn't me.
I don't want...
Miller.
Yes, OK.
Bye.
So does he want
a parent's conference?
No, he said Daniel's nuts
and I should smack him sometimes,
it's the only way
to get him in line.
We need to get the poor boy
out of that vicious circle.
It's a little late,
but I know a really good Ethiopian.
Good, so talk to him
if he's an expert.
It's a restaurant. I'm hungry.
Ethiopian?
Fly soup and rice pudding?
I need meat, man.
Is that actually allowed,
in traffic, the windshield?
You need to talk
to Daniel again. I'm worried.
I'm collecting their dreams
for the time capsule
that every class buries.
I noticed disturbing things.
Daniel and Burak
want to become criminals.
Is work all you think about?
- It's our responsibility.
But they're other people's children.
Do you like it?
Yes, thanks.
There's sort of an educational oath.
We have a professional duty.
It's bad enough that everybody
thinks teachers are lazy.
I swore to make a difference.
They may be awful,
they're still just children. Excuse me,
but could you maybe switch poles?
If it's no trouble.
OK.
Do you really believe that shit,
there's a sweet flower inside every kid?
I think some kids haven't learned
to believe in themselves,
and don't know right from wrong.
If we don't teach them,
they'll end up in prison or something.
We have one Erection
and one Licking Vagina.
It's edible. Don't be shy.
It's a penis.
Man, you'll never get a guy
that way, really.
They all think you're mega uptight.
Put the dick in your mouth.
Coping with students.
Professional handling of disruption
and discipline conflict. CD 4.
Don't underestimate
the value of role-playing.
Group exercises allow young people
to channel aggression.
Role-playing for indirect review of
behavioral dysfunction,
and lack of self-confidence.
Fucking shit.
- Role-play
gives a problem child free rein
for his feelings, and allows reflection
on his inappropriate behavior.
What exercise'?
I don't want to do an exercise.
Stow that look or I'll slap you silly.
So I'm her husband?
A round of applause - he got it.
- Shut up. You start.
Man, wait a sec.
I have to get into my part.
Oh, my beautiful apartment!
Thank you, darling! How was work?
- Shut your trap. I'm hungry.
Watch your mouth.
We only just got married.
I married you
so there'd be food ready
after I screw sluts all day.
After you screw sluts, huh?
You married me because I'm pretty,
Salak. - Don't push me.
Are you an idiot?
Danger is exaggerating, Mr. Miller.
- Who's Mr. Miller?
Are you shagging some German?
- Show me your cell.
Hey, Danger,
that's not part of the game, man.
Shut up. Go clean
and then you can blow me.
Give me my phone back, spaz.
Are you crazy? Don't hit each other.
Stop being such thugs.
Give me the phone, you fuckface.
- OK.
Daniel, you did a great job.
Have you thought
about the drama club?
They participate
in community youth theater
and it could be
a great new hobby for you,
where you could
have fun and let off steam.
No way! I'm already in school
3 or 4 times a week.
What's your problem?
Fuck school, man.
Watch your mouth, motherfucker.
You seriously believe you want
to become drug dealers or some shit?
Yes we do.
I'd rather collect welfare
than learn that crap.
Come on, school's still on.
Piss off.
Fucking motherfuckers.
Was a stupid idea, sorry.
We could each make €20,000.
It's an armored car transport.
My cousin's been watching them
for 6 weeks now.
I'm busy on something else.
All you have to do is drive.
Getaway car, Zeki.
Bro, you just got out.
Get a real job.
A little upset? Need a blow job?
- No, not in the mood.
What's the matter?
Were you with Mandy?
Are you oftener
with her than me lately?
No, I wasn't with Mandy.
And it's "more often".
Do you have a crush on the bookworm?
- Leave me alone.
Could you suck me off?
- Sorry.
Zeki.
Turn that off.
What's this?
Elisabeth Schnabelstedt.
Hello. I seriously doubt
this will work
or anybody will be organized enough
to ever dig up this time capsule.
I'm also basically uncomfortable at
the thought of strangers reading this.
But I wish I weren't so fat.
I'd like a love letter
with boxes for "yes, no, maybe".
It's silly, I know.
I want to become a teacher.
It's the only job
where you get kids without getting fat.
And I'd like a smart and honest
boyfriend like Karsten in class 9B.
Elisabeth Schnabelstedt, 8a.
Why didn't I ever win
a trophy like that?
Do you have to win
the math Olympics first?
Or a fucking
badminton tournament?
For the first time, I felt like
the streets robbed me of my childhood.
The streets.
And homeroom teacher,
Ms. Eschmiller, stupid cunt.
Everybody knows
you stole the class money!
You'll never amount to anything!
That was surely
not the last foster family
that wants to get rid of you,
Zeki Miller!
School over already?
'Scuse me, 'scuse me.
Are you out of your mind?
- Why?
SLUT
Hey, did they pierce my ears?
Could you please tell me
how that happened?
Where you sleeping in class?
How about peeing INTO the urinal.
Yeah, yeah.
Check your butt.
ASSHOLE
How drunk were you not to notice?
One, two beers?
Yeah.
- Fuck.
Let's not use that word in class.
Are you alright?
Man, just piss off, OK?
You're just worried I'll be busted
and you get the shitty 10b back.
Don't pretend you care.
- You're nuts.
Are you really accusing me
of not caring about you?
I'm really sorry
you're depressed ...
I am not a teacher at all.
Don't start doubting everything.
Hello ...
Your class isn't easy, but I mean,
you chose the job,
so now just stay the course.
Now, go home.
You look like a junkie.
And think about how
to turn your profession into a vocation.
You do have the potential.
You are close to your students.
Including in consuming intoxicants.
Your eyeliner,
it's really perfect.
Gotta give Chantal credit.
So.
Yeah.
I don't know, Laura. Razor blades.
I saw something on TV about it.
It makes a huge mess
in the bathroom.
All that blood.
Right, then we'll try
the plastic bags. Press down hard.
This method definitely sucks.
I'd take pills.
Somebody's here!
Why do you have a bag
over your head?
New profile pictures for Facebook.
Fuck, bro, are you shitting me?
And you too?
Were you trying to kill yourselves?
- Please don't tell my parents.
Mr. Miller, please.
- We just wanted to try.
Because if we do do it,
it'll be together.
I didn't want to. You roped me in.
You said yourself you feel ugly.
But you started with the suicide.
Because you're in love with Daniel.
Man, Maike, you're so bitchy.
So nobody wants to fuck you.
No reason to kill yourself.
I would've written a farewell note.
And then Daniel
would've come to my funeral
and said
he always had feelings for me
and that he was
too blind to realize it.
So stop walking around like
a trannie waiting for the operation.
You're not that ugly.
Yes I am.
NO IDEA WHERE WE'RE GOING.
HE'S STEALING GAS.
Hey, girls.
- Hi, Zeki.
Charlie, can you do
something with her?
We don't do surgery here.
No sense of humor, eh?
Runs in the family.
She needs a big push.
Sheila, bring my make-up bag!
She's a whore, she knows style.
Do you want a drink, or a line?
- No thanks.
No, no. The big one. The big one.
Sweet. Still so young
and fresh.
- Yeah, yeah.
I don't look awful?
Danger!
She looks great. Today.
Hey, what?
- Danger, Chantal,
come here! - What does he want?
- Take this. - Go on.
Little bitch.
What's up, Mr. Miller?
I still owe you something.
What?
Some make-up.
- Man, Mr. Miller.
Danger. - Really!
- Yes?
You know your dad said I could
slap you around?
But you're not really going to,
right?
If you make sure
she's home on time, then no.
What is this!?
Can she smoke something?
Oh, you motherfucker!
Honestly, you're borderlining,
you brainsicker.
Shut it.
On time tomorrow
or expect trouble, people. - Fuck.
Yes.
Danger, you spaz,
why are you brown-nosing him?
Did he call my father or yours?
- Who gives a fuck.
Look at you, embarrassing.
- Shut up.
What is this anyway?
Not his shit, I hope.
Punctually tomorrow, people?
This plant drives me crazy.
Oh, Mr. Miller, hang on.
The learning assessment
for class 10b is in.
The results were as expected.
The class is an intellectual vacuum.
Don't be gentle in breaking it to them.
This is their last chance
to get it together.
God, is she dumb.
Ms. Gerster?
- Yes?
Where are the forms for study trips?
- What?
A field outing?
- What? - A study outing?
A field trip?
Where are we going?
- Disneyland?
Not a concentration camp again.
- Shut up.
Chantal, you write the report.
- Nooo.
Today we took a field trip.
First we visited an acquaintance
of Mr. Miller's
who is going cold turkey.
Hey you, long time no see.
So, people, some of you said
you wanted to become drug bosses.
So this is what drug dependence
looks like. This is a heroin addict.
How long were you a drug addict?
He can't answer;
shooting up fried his brain.
He puked the whole time
and Zeynep almost puked too.
Who wanted to be a drug dealer?
- Not anymore, right?
Then we went to the parents
of a friend of Mr. Miller's,
so Daniel could see
a life on welfare.
Who's there?
The friend is a whore.
Hey, Zeki, you back?
Could we come in?
These jokers have a few questions.
Udo, get dressed!
There are children here. Chico!
Chantal, is that your mother?
- Are you retarded!
Udo, how's it hanging?
Yeah. You?
OK.
- He sleeps a lot.
You cuties ...
- It stinks here.
... do something with your life.
My daughter is a prostitute
and we're dependent on her.
It's not nice.
The dog's shitting - Udo!
Who cares.
The prostitute has a brother.
His name is Ronny.
Ronny was sleeping
because he drinks a lot
and he's a Nazi.
They are up all night, so nobody
wanted Mr. Miller to wake him.
Don't wake him up, please.
Burak wants to avoid
first contact with a Nazi.
Then you need
to join the theater group.
Bro, say yes.
- Yeah, OK, man.
Leave his damn nipple alone.
It was very interesting.
Mr. Miller has weird friends.
Afterwards, we all got kebabs.
It was better than a museum
with Mr. Gundlach.
That was just
a bunch of stuffed animals.
It's red.
They haven't learned
the colors yet. - Asshole.
Asshole.
So think about
what you want to become.
Come up with your own homework.
Give me one.
Oh come on, Mr. Miller.
Smoking sucks.
- Nuts.
About the test you took recently.
You were the best.
You might even skip a grade.
But I got a terrible grade,
Mr. Miller.
Because you're under-challenged.
Talented people often are.
As of now, you'll be challenged.
Could be you even graduate at 17.
Oh, my god.
But don't let yourself
be dragged down by others
and apply yourself.
Does he mean me?
- No.
Mr. Miller, really? You're not joking?
Look, I'm trembling.
I'm excited myself.
You only see
somebody like you every 10 years.
My god.
I don't have to be a check-out girl.
Who are they? - The vocationals
are ripping off the disabled kids.
They don't look more disabled than you.
Whatever. Nerds, science fair types.
Go help them.
- Why?
Because you'll be a nerd soon.
Because they're the only men
who'll like you,
a chem student in a lab coat
with liverwurst stains and greasy hair.
I swear, Mr. Miller,
you're killing me.
OK, let's kick ass.
Chantal,
not in the mood for a fight
Leave them alone.
You think you're better than us? - They
go to my school. Leave them alone ...
Let go!
She's got a knife! - Scared?
Let go, you!
- Piss off, man!
Touch them again and I'll cut off
your extensions, you cunt.
No! They were expensive.
- Then piss off.
You too, outta here!
Not bad.
Check!
Hey nerds.
Say thank you.
The federation guarantees
eternal gratitude.
Yeah, no prob. I'm smart too, I get it.
You're in science club, right?
Positive.
So maybe I could come see sometime?
Because in class I'm .. could be
that I'm not challenged enough.
What're they talking about?
- How would I know.
I don't want to be that ugly.
OK. But you have to wear
anti-static clothing.
OK.
What's that? What does he mean?
This isn't the test I gave you.
I added a question.
In the first person, tell us
how a dinosaur feels when he sees
the electric fence is off.
There were only goats today again.
I don't even like goats.
I wonder what's
outside the fence. I hear it's freedom,
but to get it, you have to die.
I decided to try
and touched the fence carefully.
It was weird.
It didn't hurt. For the first time,
I had something like hope.
That was beautiful.
What did you do with them?
Just talked.
Friday is environment & nature day.
You could take the class
to an organic farm.
I've always wanted to go there.
I could come along.
Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is
no part of thee take all myself.
Why is Daniel trying out for Romeo?
The other parts are shit. Go on.
- But I ... - Yeah, yeah. Enough.
I take thee at thy word. Call me
but love, and I'll be new baptized;
Henceforth I never will be Romeo.
- Why is he yelling like that?
He's a little aggressive.
- ... So stumblest on my counsel?
By a name I know not
how to tell thee who I am:
My name, dear saint,
is hateful to myself,
Because it is an enemy to thee;
Had I it written,
I would tear the word.
My ears have not yet ...
- That's it, I can't take it.
The balcony scene's next.
- So what? The stage is total shit.
It looks like that TV channel
you only land on by mistake.
The one where they speak French.
- Do you mean PBS?
Yeah, exactly.
Nobody understands it.
What's the deal
with the stilted language?
My god, it's Shakespeare.
Who's been dead for,
like, 4000 years.
Why isn't it translated
into normal German.
If I were you,
I'd be embarrassed.
I already want my money back.
Gundlach is clueless. You'll never win
the teenie Oscars with that.
I won't listen to this.
I've done this for 24 years,
since the fall of communism,
and it was always well received.
In a rest home, maybe.
Listen here. You do it then.
Please, you take over directing.
Arrivederci, Verona!
My colleague ...
- No, I'm going.
Can I go too?
- No!
So who's taking over drama club?
What's it about?
I only saw the porn version.
Do they get each other?
- They die.
At least that.
Who are you playing?
The nurse.
What's that, an animal?
- It's a great role.
Daniel, say that the way
you'd say it.
Julia, you cunt, let's fuck.
Show me your tits, pronto.
- We'll re-write it. It'll be cool.
Close.
Sarafina, be careful.
You'll fall again.
The teacher ratings are online.
And we are VERY interested in that.
My dears, the teacher ratings
have been posted. Online!
Breathe deep.
Hottest teacher -
me.
Yes. Ms. Gerster.
- Yes?
You are the biggest nightmare.
I said I'd get the title back -
Alrun.
Who's coolest teacher?
Mr. Miller.
And, who's the sweetest teacher?
Mr. Miller ...
and among the women.
Oh, Me. Hey there, surprise!
Congratulations.
- We'll drink to that, eh?
No, I need to go get
the overhead projector.
Go ahead.
So, I said ...
You're not seriously crying
over no student ranking?
A student RATING.
I'll never be voted most anything.
I've never been anything,
most beloved teacher, prettiest teacher,
teacher with the nicest smile, nothing.
I've never even been
strictest teacher or meanest teacher.
I'm just air.
Who gives a shit if they like you.
- It matters.
It's a compliment, the only review
of us. The only one that counts.
What the students think counts.
They think you're funny, that's why.
- You mean witty?
There's no category for that.
Couldn't you talk to them?
Gerster is making me
test the b class,
because so many of mine have mumps.
They're going to ...
... to whack me.
It'll all be deducted from
my final grade, if I mess it up.
I could blackmail them.
No! I want them to respect me.
By choice.
Nobody says whack.
But YOLO is OK, right?
Ms. Schnabelstedt wants to
do a wholetrain with you.
What does wholetrain mean?
We spray the entire train.
The entire train? What about the law?
That's exactly why it's cool.
The beautiful train, it's brand new.
Excuse me, we have class here now.
This is our train.
We could call the police,
or you could just move over one track.
I need to finish here on time.
I'm not here for fun.
See.
Danger, come here. Not bad.
Totally PHAT, Ms. Schnabelstedt.
Totally Instagram.
Thanks.
So, shall we look at your work
and critique it together?
Swag, eh?
Swag-etti yolognese, Burak.
Good thing
you're not in my English class.
How would you grade it, Burak?
Hey, an A, of course.
- Dunno about that.
Shit. Cops. Scramble.
- Police! Halt!
Come on.
OK.
That's not the first time
you've run from the police, is it?
I stole a CD once.
That's special waste.
For a recycling station.
What about some thanks
for polishing your image?
I swear, that was close, Mr. Miller.
I almost saw teacher sex.
Hey there.
Hey, Ms. Schnabelstedt,
teachers' test today, eh?
Yeah, exactly, Burak.
Cool.
Good morning.
I brought 2 pictures and I'd like
to discuss them in the context
of Schiller's "The Robbers".
Can I turn on the projector first?
Thank you, class.
Not bad, Ms. Schnabelstedt. Not bad.
It seems you do have some ability
to assert yourself.
I'm glad. Good.
Thank you.
And why were you so nice?
Because you and Mr. Miller
are so sweet together.
If you hooked up it would be so hot.
- Not everything is hot.
You're so much prettier lately.
You wear your hair loose and ...
yeah, beautiful.
Thank god private life and civility
aren't AP subjects. Now go exercise.
Chantal, don't light up inside.
- Yeah, OK.
Ms. Schnabelstedt.
He's shooting the animals.
No, they're sex hormones. It's always
hard to get Llamas in mating mood.
It's too cold for them here.
I thought this was an organic farm.
I don't quite get the organic aspect.
OK, kids, let's move on to the rabbits
so you can sketch them.
This is disgusting. - Let's zap
Chantal with it. - Cool.
Hey, Chantal.
No, stop, you spaz! No!
Was that in your ass? - I was trying
to hit Chantal, I swear.
Zeki, where are you?
First, it's outrageous
that you left me alone with your class.
And second, I've been shot with ...
... ungulate.
- ... ungulate sex hormones
and I would like to see a doctor.
I don't think much will happen.
In Asia it's a recreational stimulant.
In Pandora, eh?
- Oh, god.
Pandora? What are you talking about?
Pandora is in Asia.
Pandora doesn't exist in real life.
So why was it in 3D?
I'm so hot. I'm so hot.
I'm so thirsty.
What's happening to her? - I'm
the hottest teacher in the world.
I hope I don't grow fur.
I couldn't stand having to shave
every day, everywhere.
My back ...
and my bottom ...
Chill out, bro.
Sleep, sleep, sleep ...
Lisi, the dog was just playing
in a shit pile.
What are you doing?!
Sweetie, let me sleep a little.
Zeki will play with you.
Child services is coming today,
about my guardianship.
Doesn't matter.
Dostoyevsky, let me in there.
They're already on alert,
because she was treated
for depression as a teenager.
Oh, yeah, I was very sad.
Teenagers are always sad,
because nobody likes them.
Have you lost your marbles?
Thirsty.
- Hey!
Thanks a lot.
Now I'm going to end up in a home.
Good night!
Mr. Miller, my dear god!
One more won't hurt. Call me Zeki.
I'm Isolde.
What a lovely name - I mean yours.
Are you from the Mideast?
Yes, but no fear. I won't shoot.
Hello.
- Ms. Schnabelstedt!
Your boyfriend just told me
you were hit by a car. Now sit down.
Are you feeling better?
Yes, I really wanted to ...
So, who'd like a piece of cake?
Now, you are ...
You didn't mention
you were in a relationship.
I was doubtful,
you as sole guardian
for such a young child.
And you so young yourself.
But your parents would be very proud
if they could see what a wonderful
environment you've created here.
Yes, we get along so well.
Mr. Miller, no more cream.
Oh, my god.
My figure!
If anyone can handle it,
you can Ms. Sieberts.
But we were
on a first name basis, Zeki.
Of course.
Now you two lovebirds must tell me
how long you've been together.
Well ...
Almost a year.
We met online.
Then I quickly
applied at her school,
so we could spend
more time together.
I have to say, Ms. Schnabelstedt,
I am totally charmed
by your partner.
Plus, he's an educator.
I really can't complain.
Jackpot!
You could even adopt a few more kids!
Bye-bye, Isolde!
- Bye-bye!
I assume you want something?
Forget it.
So why did you do it?
Because I know how it feels
to be alone.
Thank you.
Still high on llama?
No, on substitute teacher.
Man, you know I'm leaving soon!
You have reached your destination.
Yeah, where, you bitch?
1800, 1900, 2000.
And 50 for the glass table.
Here. Your new tits.
Really? Sweet!
I'll miss you.
- No South America. I can't leave.
But not on my account?
We've been friends too long.
It'd never work.
Because of the ... the kids, man.
I'm all they've got.
I didn't know they were all orphans.
Seriously.
They're completely fixated on me.
Like little chicks that can only see
their mother's ass
and follow it everywhere.
And you're that ass.
Yeah, exactly.
- An ass with a heart
Shut it and give me a beer.
I have to finish "Robbers".
I need to look every word up.
Is it in English?
No, German.
Don't know it, eh?
So Moor or Spiegelberg?
Who has a better chance
at middle-class life?
Karl.
Spiegelberg is completely evil.
He's already done
too many bad things.
Karl doesn't want to be evil.
My god, was that right, Mr. Miller?
Where is my push-up bra?
What for? You'll look like a whore
if you squish up your mini-boobs.
I want my push-up bra!
Maike!
The nurse is such a great part.
And so complex.
Mr. Miller!
Are you going to grease me up?
- Are you nuts?
There, ask ... Laura.
Greta?
- What?
That was fast. - Listen, I did Romeo
and Juliet once too - the friar.
It was a little strange at first,
since it was a male role,
but at some point it's really ...
Mr. Miller said
you should put my cream on.
OK.
I'll just go take my seat.
You can use more.
Yeah, you need a lot.
Yeah, I tried
a new anabolic steroid.
That's totally unhealthy, you know?
Really? I've always done it.
Since I was 11.
Laura, come here please. Now.
Listen, Schnabelstedt.
Danger is mine.
He's Romeo and I'm Juliet.
So stay in the background
or I'll do you in.
Daniel? could we warm up?
Go get my energy drink.
No, Romeo, I told you.
I'm not a one night stand slut.
- Let me do it.
Here's your drink.
Attention, next up are the Leibnitz
School and the Goethe School.
Children, please get ready.
I'm nauseous.
- You know Greta's part, right?
I think so, but ...
- But I'm ...
Julia. - You'll puke up the whole stage.
I want to win. You go change.
Shit group.
But no tongue kissing, right?
Use your tongue.
Julia?
Yeah, what is it?
Come down, let's chill.
I can't. I'm grounded.
That blows.
She's playing Juliet.
A Schnabelstedt has never done that.
Whoa, is she dead?
Why did you overdose?
Let there be coke left on your lips!
Don't laugh.
Then I want to die too!
Romeo!
Frigging junkie.
Fuck, I thought you were dead.
Didn't you get my text message?
- No, man.
Then I ran out of credit.
- Girl, I told you pre-paids sucked.
If only I'd listened to you.
- Yeah, you should have.
I never thought you'd do it so well.
It's almost a little subversive.
And second prize goes to
the drama club of the Goethe School.
Congratulations.
Good morning, Ms. Gerster.
- Good mor... thanks, that's fine.
Our first science fair
showcase in 4 years.
Since the dog-shit volcano.
What else are they submitting?
The robot.
The teacher can communicate
with the whole class with the camera.
You shitheads need to start
doing your homework.
I used Mr. Miller
for the sample sentences.
Ms. Gerster, now you have to try
the mascara gun.
Is that OK?
I made it all by myself.
Good, great.
Thanks Chantal. That's enough.
Yes?
- Thanks, yes! Great!
Sweet, Ms. Gerster.
Total smoky eyes.
Mr. Miller, we need to talk.
You're contract's up, you know that?
Yes, I know.
Good. I suspect
you're not a bad thing for this school.
Think about it.
I could get rid of
Ms. Schnabelstedt instead.
Don't worry.
Always need a few eager beavers.
Take this off, please, Chantal.
I don't know. It was only meant
to be temporary. - Good.
Your choice.
Thank you, children. You did well.
OK, inventions in the car.
We'll head to the fair after school.
Bye, Mr. Miller.
Very nice.
Ms. Schnabelstedt.
Ms. Schnabelstedt.
Damn it, help me.
Go change please.
Did you hurt yourself? - No.
OK. You go change too.
Hello?
Where are you?
I said be here at midnight.
Sorry, I overslept.
- Man, buy an alarm clock.
I need to fill the hole
by the end of the week.
Shit. I've got class in a minute.
I have class.
Your camouflage is getting
slightly schizo.
I might have a job here.
Zeki, come on. Forget it.
Let's take your money and go away,
do some coke and party.
That's not me anymore.
And I don't want to be that.
Come help me tonight.
- What do I wear in a boiler room?
If the bookworm finds out
I'm a bank robber,
I'm screwed.
I don't even own flats.
What are you doing here?
Zeki?
- Wait a sec. Listen to me.
Unbelievable. Did you dig this?
Don't get hysterical.
- Why did you dig a tunnel?
I was looking for my cash,
buried under the gym.
You're a criminal.
Were you in prison? Did you escape?
I did my 13 months. I don't even want
the money anymo... - 13 months!?
Just wait please.
Bro, she's fast.
I like teaching.
- You're insane.
Why? Our play almost won,
and we might win the science fair.
Don't touch me.
Is that why you pretended
to like me?
Was I a good cover?
Only at the beginning.
I wanted to tell you.
But I was afrai...
Now fuck off.
Or I swear I'll call the police.
Your parents will pay forever.
Ms. Schnabelstedt, a moment?
About the gym, I'm assuming.
- No, we've cleared that up.
We dug a tunnel
to look for Nazi treasure.
Excuse me?
We're really sorry.
Mr. Miller caught us. He wanted to call
our parents. - Expensive!
When is Mr. Miller coming back?
- He's not coming back.
So the test is off?
- No, of course it's not.
Hop hop, to class.
Chantal, Daniel, go!
You take it.
Please, Ms. Schnabelstedt,
tell him to come back.
No. He lied. He used me.
And he put your future at risk.
You'll all fail because of him.
What makes him so great?
He understood us.
Plus he is totally sweet.
Chantal, really.
This test is your last chance.
OK, man. Don't get worked up.
What are you doing?
- Our motivation pictures, man.
What's it supposed to be.
Yeah, the reason we want to improve.
Or people we want to make proud.
Mr. Miller taught us to do it.
He has one too.
A picture of a beer can?
Upper right drawer.
WHY?
FOR
Hello.
This is for you.
It was in my locker.
Please leave my classroom.
I've known him for 15 years.
He's good stuff.
Or he'd have hooked up with me.
Don't you have class?
Yes.
Hi there.
- Hello.
I've had the money for ages,
but I stayed,
because of the little jerks
and because of you.
I wanted to start over.
New job.
The money is proof. Pay for the gym,
so the school doesn't go broke.
Keep the rest for Laura.
Someday she'll want to go abroad
or get new tits.
There's no blood on the money.
So don't flip out. I'll manage.
I'm not good enough for you anyway.
Don't let them fuck with you. Your Zeki.
He'll do a break-in
if you desert him now.
You made him want to change.
Fuck.
You said fuck. You have to put
1 euro in the fuck frog.
I'd like to cheat now.
No, we're not allowed.
- OK, OK. What's up with you guys?
Fuck yourself, I'm not here.
- Shit, his mobile's off.
I hope he's not screwing up.
What is that? - I made it for you
in the burnout clinic.
Is it dishwasher safe?
You think it's shit?
- No, it's sweet. Great.
When can you work again?
Forget it. I'm retiring.
I have certification
for 12 weeks of dolphin therapy.
Ingrid, who will take your place?
You've gone mad.
Find another chump.
And let's dispense
with a good-bye kiss.
I loaded all the pornos
onto the FTP server.
Sorted. By anal, oral, vaginal.
- Jerome!
Can you track Mr. Miller's cell?
Negative. But the robot's
still in his car. It has a SIM card.
Ms. Schnabelstedt. As I recall
you were administering a test.
It's an emergency.
You have to take over.
And I can't discuss it right now.
Jerome!
Class! - Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
Sile...
Bro.
Time for a withdrawal.
Your piece.
Will it work, Jerome?
Zeki!
Excuse me!
Hush Puppies. 2 minutes.
OK, you had the money.
And you proved you're more than a felon.
What the fuck is this?
The gym is fucked up.
I can't come back anyway.
The students covered.
They love you.
And ...
so do ...
Zeki?
Do something Jerome.
I can try a satellite.
But it takes 2 days.
And I'll have the CIA on my tail.
HERO SECURITY
CASH TRANSPORT
Put the mask on.
Hello, Mr. Miller!
Who's the little motherfucker?
- Shut up. Let me handle it.
What're you doing here?
- We're shopping for tonight's punch.
Can you buy us schnapps?
- You put alcohol in it?
We want to get Ms. Gerster drunk
so she'll sing karaoke again.
I can't buy alcohol for you.
Ms. Schnabelstedt would freak out.
But it's the prom. Please, Mr. Miller
Just once.
Do something forbidden just this once.
Bro, what about money?
What about THE money?
Study the articles, you fuckwit.
Ms. Gerster said we'd get you next year.
Since you always get the losers.
We'll see.
- Will you shoot us with paintballs too?
Maybe, if you're bad.
- Great. Definitely!
Hey! It's red.
Zeki! I was so unfair. You were so great
with the kids. You really helped them.
I got your message too late,
we'd started. I'm on the run.
Oh god. it's all my fault.
I have to go. Hide this.
Don't look inside.
It's better you don't know.
Zeki, don't leave.
I like you so much.
- Me too.
Promise you'll wait for me?
How long do you have
to go underground?
Four or five years.
OK.
DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT?
YES, NO, MAYBE.
I knew you'd look.
Motherfucker!
But we don't say that in class, eh?
Go get changed.
Give me 5 minutes.
Don't you think I'll ...
... kiss you.
I don't want to be
a criminal anymore.
Because of you.
- I'm not going to discuss it.
You can't teach anymore.
You square.
Why square? Why am I always the ...
Mr. Miller. Upstairs.
Fuck.
You think she knows something?
Please explain
what you did to that class?
It's all my fault ...
I didn't stick to the syllabus.
Fuck the syllabus.
I didn't say that officially.
I've done this job for 25 years
and I have never cried
correcting a German test.
Now, look.
Nobody got less than "satisfactory".
Mr. Miller, if even 2/3 of 10b
moves to upper school,
we'll make top 10 in city rankings.
I want a cafeteria fund, a new xerox,
and I want smartboards.
No more chalk fingers!
You'll finish out the school year.
But I'm not actually a teacher.
I didn't go to college,
and I didn't finish high school.
Maybe you could go to night school.
- Precisely.
Then we wait 5 years
until he's done,
until some enviro-idiot takes away
my principal job
and makes this a comprehensive
junior high. No, absolutely not.
Meaning?
Ms. Schnabelstedt,
you're a smarty-pants.
What's his GPA?
Uh, a 1.0?
Look here, it came out 2.9.
Congratulations
on your 2006 diploma, Mr. Miller.
Advanced placement art and sports.
Sounds realistic.
- Yes.
When the year's over, you'll study.
Until then, you're a teacher.
You get 2000 a month.
Lying to me cost you 200.
Isn't this illegal?
Right.
Know what else is illegal?
Tonight is prom
and I'm still not drunk enough
to pick up a certain single father.
But Ms. Gerster ...
- Ms. Schnabelstedt, listen up.
They make fools
of teachers every day.
From time to time,
we need to strike back.
See you. Assapissimo. Drunk.
At the bar.
It's not funny.
Other people go to college for that.
I have a natural talent.
Tomorrow the syllabus.
Before you do anything in class.
Hey, Schnabelstedt.
Think about it. Starting now, you can
torture me, make me read books
and fuck me in free periods,
until civil service status do us part.
OK.
Hey, Ms. Schnabelstedt.
Is there alcohol in the punch?
Elisabeth!
Just relax for once!
Don't I get a kiss ...
Welcome to our new ...
firefighter,
Mr. Miller ... sorry.
Peter Parker, go get a TV.
... there's a DVD ready ...
sorry.
And no children's films.
So who wants to be a drug dealer?
Forgotten.
Excuse me.
Who laughed?
Chantal Ackerman?
- Here!
School inspectors could show up
at any time and give out demerits.
You may go undress.
Wait, wait.
Not yet. Not yet. Go back.
- Still rolling.
Chantal? Cry quietly.
They were making name tags
and smeared.
That was you.
- No. No.
I didn't show it.
- Ask me again?
What's the question?
Hello.
Laura, do you have to wear
dad's old shirts?
Who's dad, man?
I feel like a technical ...
Don't be so funny. - The things
you find funny are weird.
Reading for the ...
shooting schedule.
Don't jump from the pool ...
from the edge ...
Unconventional ...
I'm really worried ...
What?
Keep going.
Now put the dick in your mouth.
Can't believe I say that.
- He's breaking up. - Sorry.
Really.
Caro doesn't think it's funny.
- 15, the best age.
It's a penis.
You'll never ...
Put the dick in your mouth.
Could we blow it again?
As if!
- The guy's a killer.
Elyas ...
Underwear?
- Check yourself.
Tighty whities?
He stinks.
Ugh. What now?
I say, come down, let's chill it.
Chill IT?
- Yeah, CHILL it.
Romeo, you frigging junkie.
- Sorry.
Cut, thank you.
Who's that?
Sorry.
Sorry.
Is Ronny here? He's asleep.
He's STILL drunk.
Say, he's still DRUNK.
He's STILL drunk.
Say he's still DRUNK, not STILL drunk.
Is Ronny ...
ls Ronny here?
- He's asleep. He's STILL DRUNK.
Is Ronny here?
He's asleep. He's STILL drunk.
New script page.
Do you need the question.
No, I don't need it.
He's sleeping. He's still drunk.
Good. OK.
Had I it written ...
Had I it written, I would tear ...
A little complicated. Again?
Ingrid ...
Fuck me.
I can hear you.
Ingrid, I'm ...
Here, your piece.
- You forgot to spritz.
From the top.
I forgot to spritz.
Mr. Miller, if ...
... if even 10 ...
if even ... how many?
More, more.
More, more.
That's all. Take a sip.
OK, now.
More, more.
Sorry.
- Let's do it.
More, more.
Shit. OK, now. Really. It's not ...
Really.
- It's not funny.
Stop it. Don't look at me.
My sister and I are orphans.