Such Good People (2014) - full transcript

SUCH GOOD PEOPLE

So, what you're in the mood for?
How about Craftsman?

God, I love Craftsmans!

Oh, check this out.

It's got a name - Edendale.
It was built in 1908.

- Edendale?
- Could be historic.

This is Silver Lake...

I can see us raising
a family here.

Growing old...

- Where the hell is this?
- Relax I have it in my GPS.

Richard. Did you just
tweeted, that we're lost?



Stop looking at your cell,
and look for the address!

It should be on the left.

- You don't think...
- Wow. Oh my God!

- You know what I think?
- What?

I think we should
crash that party.

You mean just valet the
car and going to a party

- Thrown by people way cooler than us?
- Yeah Yeah Yeah. Why not?

- My God.
- Why not? It's fun.

- Oh my God!
- Stop the car.

Is that..?

There's no way that my sister
is going into our house!

Well, now we to crash up.

Now what?

Easy I'll charm us in with my good
looks and charming personality



Do you got a plan B?

We could rub the Buddha's belly.

It's worth the try. We need all
the good karma we can get.

Maybe will help us
with the adoption.

Well, it was worth the try.

Yeah What's up?
No, not busy...

In a perfect world this would be
our party, not we crashing.

I just died and went to Escrow.

... We would exam
all the reality itself

And then the self

It's only then you'll find
the true meaning in life.

Did the Dalai Lama said that?

No, that was Lady Gaga.

To the bar.

Ready? Okay.

The old joke. A buddhist walks
up to a hot dog vendor.

- And asks...
- "Make me one with everything."

Having the hot dog,
he pays and says...

"Where is my change?"

To which the vendor replies...

"Change comes from within."

... Thank you.

- I could eat. Do you think there's...
- Oh God, here they come.

- Oh my goodness.
- Alex, Richard, what you are...

- How are you?
- Wow!

What are you guys doing here?

Miss one of Jake and Chloe parties?
Never. Plus there's free booze.

I didn't know that
you knew them.

Oh, yeah, we're super tight.
Jake and Chloe dear dear friends.

How about this house, huh? They loved
this house, we always loved him.

It's kind of our dream house.

Honey, you okay?
You look a little puffy.

- Well...
- Alex...

We just find out you
are going to be an uncle.

We're pregnant!

- What?
- It's incredible!

- Wow.
- That's incredible!

We're doing the parent thing. You have
to come out to the house and celebrate.

- How is that new house?
- That was a piece of shit.

But it's a long story.

Anyway this one she forget
her pills one time

One time, that I knew,

And suddenly she's an available
garden of human fertility.

- Oh, good one.
- Which is great.

Unexpected, but great.

- Happy accident.
- You're hurting my arm...
- I'm sorry.

Deep in the heart
of the Himalayas

Lays the land of
the thunder dragon -

The kingdom of Bhutan.

While it may be tiny, and
remote and impoverished,

Whithin Bhutan's
modesty it's its majesty.

This will be our six
trip to Bhutan.

Every time we ask ourselves:
"How can we keep coming back?"

But every time, we see the faces
of the children, we think:

"How can we not?"

It was on this our last trip to Bhutan
that we first met little Kvinleya.

Cutie.

These orphans are suffering,
but they would rather freeze

Than see you do without.

If they were not orphans, their
parents would be so proud.

Good, good, good...

We are really making
the difference.

But the most especial thing
about little Kvinley

is his generosity.

However fate was not
kind to the little Kvinleyu.

For not two weeks after
this video was shot,

We received word,

That little Kvinleya bitten by a goat
developed tetanus and died.

- It's too late for little Kvinleya .
- Too late...

But there are so many
others who need help.

All our help.

Help us care .

90 cents of every dollar goes
directly to the orphans.

40... 41

Will this, in order
to save the child ..

Please Give 2 @ Help_Us_Care # Orphans
# Bhutan # GreenWithHouseEnvy

Help us care.

- Tashi Delek. Help take care of us.
- Tashi Delek

I have no cash, sorry.

I can't talk right now

We're leaving for Bhutan in the morning

And our house sitter
just checked into reharb.

Oh, we can house sitter for you.

Baby I thought you said you'd eat glass
rather than house sitter again.

Housesitting could be fun.

I'd never take you two out
of your beautiful new home.

Alright you know what that's it, you knew that
tree was terminal when you sold us that house.

Did you ever watched
a tree dies, Jake?

It's an ugly, violent ...

Not to mention expensive sight.

I can answer your questions anymore
than you can question my answers.

I said that I will pay
you back, and I will.

I don't think you understand.
Our claim was denied.

Basically property insurance
won't cover sudden oak deaths,

And that sucks!

You know what
this reminds me of?

The ancient Bhutanese
tale of two elephants,

Who get lost in the...

I'm sorry, are you talking
about elephants right now?

They're the second most
spiritual creature in the world.

- And you know what they want?
- To be number one?

They want love.

Just like you. Just like me.

Jake, Cooper and I are so moved
by all this spiritual depth,

Not to mention your work for all
those hungry little foreign kids,

But we are talking about real state

So let's get real

We paid you a lot of money
for the house, and I think,

That entitles us to a living room without
a big fucking dead oak in it.

So either you figure out a way to pay,
or we will figure out a way to take!

- Tashi Delek
- Tashi Delek ...

- You were awesome.
- I'm not an expert on human behavior for nothing.

- And we got $ 20 bucks.
- Now, just hope our money doesn't leave the country.

Finding the right house sitter is an art
that will take more than one day

To find a perfectly
trustworthy loser.

Please this is LA. People like
that are on every corner.

Jake.

You have one of my pots.

I'm sorry, Chloe is notorious
for never returning anything.

Oh, no, no, it is
one of my pieces.

I sell them in a few
stores, I'm a potter.

So you're good with your hands?

- Caitlin, come!
- Dog!

- Caitlin, come here! Come to me!
- Oh, you're so sweet...

You're great with them.

I love dogs.

I better my sister and I
own Branches of light.

- The Greyhound Rescue?
- It's a great organization. Unfortunately.

Have you met my wife?

- Oh, hey.
- There you are, Richard, Richard! This is Richard.

Guess what? We gonna house
sit for Jake and Chloe.

- What? Alex, do not joke with me about that.
- I'm not joking.

What ?! Oh my God!

How long we get to live here? I mean,
stay here. I mean house sit?

Since when do
you two house sit?

- You all know each other?
- He's her brother.
- Half-brother.

Well, they're going to Bhutan, so this is our
chance in a small way to help all the orphans.

They'll mean so much to them
to have the house sitted.

You are so handsome.

And thin.

- Are you talking about orphans or dogs?
- Both

You have made us both
incredibly happy.

We will honour this trust
you have placed in us.

Tashi Delek

Don't do that...

I know. Even seeing Paige
and Cooper can't ruin this.

And they itching.

They're lucky enough they
have their own home,

And they have the nerve to call
that piece of shit in front of us!

And what is worse,
they're pregnant.

Well, baby, you can't really
blame them for that.

No, of course not, but...

Once again Paige gets
what Paige wants.

She doesn't gets everything that she wants.
Don't forget, you have your father's ashes.

She's never getting that
from me ever.

It's bad enough she went
to college before me

Got married before me , and now
they're having a baby before us!

I hate them.

Oh, dear. So do I.

- Oh god, Cooper...
- Acid reflux.

Like a dynamite I ate.

Well, only Alex and Richard to
screw us over by being nice.

They're not being nice,
they're being gay.

How is that fabulously
crap to them.

They didn't even know
Jake, and Chloe.

What do you think they jwere just driving
by and then decided to crash the party?

Who knows what those
two are capable of.

- Oh... excuse me.
- It's okay.

Good night, dad.

Bold art ancient workmanship.

Deep overhanging eaves...

Tell me more...

Douglas fir floors
and stairscase ...

- Exposed beams and joists...
- Yes ..!

- Batchelder tile
- Oh, God...

Silver Lake, Craftsman ..!

I could get used to this.

Don't get too used to it.

Remember, we're just
playing house.

Boooo

Ouch! Richard...

What...?

That wasn't there before...

- Come on!
- What is in there?

Is that ..?

- Is this...?
- Oh, my God.

It's money.

- How much do you think there is?
- Let's find out.

Oh my god, Richard.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- You can take more?
- It tickles!

Take it!

983 000 dollars.

Not even one million? Pathetic.

Richard, this is weird.

What kind of people have this amount
of money just lying around?

Gangsters, drug
dealers, the church...

Well, Chloe and Jake are in Bhutan
helping out the orphans,

So I guess, they get the
benefit of the doubt.

What are you doing?

They said to help ourselves
to anything.

So tonight we're filthy rich.

Jesus... what happened here?

It's like Donald
Trump threw up...

- Alex! Alex, honey!

- Your sister is here!
- My half sister...

- Alex?
- Oh ... Oh my God!

- We should...
- Okay, okay.

Dear.

We have some...
challenging news.

- Hi. Coffee?
- Coffee!

There's been an accident.
Jake and Chloe are dead.

- What ...
- Oh, my God.

I know it's terrible.

Apparently, Bhutan has the
thickest fog on the planet,

Real crazy shit,

And it was the worst rickshaw,
they've ever seen.

They died in a
rickshaw accident?

Being impalled by bamboo
sticks is a horrible way to die.

So they're really not coming
back. How aweful ..!

But you know, death unfortunately,
is part of the journey.

Would you like a Xanax?

Sidney thought it would be best for
us if we professionals and family

To take to you guys the news.

And decide what to
do with the dogs.

- Let's put them in the rescue.
- Alex.

Dad started the rescue for
greyhounds, not Labradoodles.

So?

So greyhounds are
abused race dogs,

And deserve a good home.
Labradoodles are just dogs.

So, what are we supposed to
do? Personally adopt them?

Dogs are kind of your thing.

- We'll take them. But just for the time being.
- Alex!

What? We have no choice.

Oh my God, Richard,
are you okay?

It's just so terrible...

- And what's gonna happen to the house?
- It will be sold.

There's no heirs and they were
orphans too, you know.

They were such good people.

Right. Good people.

With out of control debts,
and unpaid taxes.

It's ten minutes enough for
you to gather your shit?

- Oh, it of, of course...
- I need fifteen.

Oh, I almost forgot.
It's time for some "Vics".

Just take half a tablet
you're driving.

Thanks so much for
helping me look around.

I guess Jake was joking.
There is no

Nest egg or priceless
artifacts hidden anywhere.

Face it, Jake was hilarious.

His passing is a real loss.

So sweet of you locked up.

There is an old
Buddhist expression:

"The sun rises only
when it's ready."

And today you
two are my sun.

And boy are we ready.

I don't know. You don't think,

Jake actually gave the whole
payment to the orphans, do you?

- Of course, he did.
- How can people be so mean?

Face it. Right now
we are treating

Little orphan Kunle an
extreme home makeover

Little orphan Kvinley,
and he's dead.

I don't give a shit.

You know what I mean.
Our money is gone!

Well at least is going
to a good cause.

We are a good cause!

A giant oak tree split
our living room in two,

The city's authorities
had we evicted

And now we gonna we have to
buy some other totally not cool,

In Pasadena.

I love you.

I love you too.

I'm sorry.

Jake and Chloe gave their
lives to those orphans.

I know. And what do we do,
to help the planet? Nothing.

We're not composing, we're not planting
trees, we not even shopping local.

But we follow the three R -
Reduce, re-use, recycle.

And I bring cloth bags
to take the groceries.

Face it, Alex, we are users. We're
treat the world like our bitch.

I can't stop thinking on those orphans.
Who's gonna help them now?

- Well, that money would help them.
- If they get it.

Now it's stuck in the
vacuum cleaner.

And you know what that lawyer said -
Jake and Chloe has debts, so...

So, when the money is found, and they
will be found, it's gonna go to creditors.

- Or worse.
- That is up to us.

We're going back to that house, to
our house, and getting that money.

We have to. For the orphans.

- You are so turning me on right now...
- I'm kinda turned on too.

- Richard.
- What?

- You're tweeting?
- No, I'm just checking some emails.
- Right.

Operation Bhutanese Robin Hood #BlackIsTheNewBadass

Oh, it's time.

Alright. Let's do this.

- Put your hands together, and give me impulse.
- Okay.
- It's fun.

Okay.

Oh God, Alex, you're so heavy! You
should really think about a diet!

Oh you're not really commenting
on my weight right now Richard!

Okay, right you're as light as a feather,
you're practically anorexic.

Jesus...

Richard...

Hold on... yeah...

Richard, all the doors
and windows are locked.

Maybe we should just give up?

No! No, we are getting in there.

Oh, you really care
about those kids.

Yes, yes, and I have to pee.

Here, hold this.

Oh what if an alarm goes off?

Well, If the alarm goes off I'll pee
in the bushes. Back off, back off.

- No alarm.
- No alarm.

Phew...

Shit, shit, shit, shit!

Don't panic.

Why? Because the police are on the way
over here right this very second?

- Just calm down, Richard...
- I can't go to jail,

I can't wear orange,
I'm on winter!

- Let's just get the money quick.
- No, wait, let's just turn the alarm off.

No, no, no, Jake gave
us our own code,

- The alarm company will know it's us.
- Okay, plan B let's just get the money quick.

What the hell,
it was the plan A?

Okay, relax, let's just
get the money.

Look, it's gone! What
do we gonna do?

Those little babies
are depending on us.

Relax, I put it back
on the secret room.

- See?
- Thank God!

Wait-wait, what about him?

Richard, we're not
shopping. It is hideous.

- Dammit!
- You're kidding me?

It was an accident, Richard!

- Wow! That was...
- Richard, kiss me, kiss me. Kiss me.

- Okay,okay let's go.
- Alex, I'm not some sex machine.

You can not just
do that and stop.

- You want to explain this to the police?
- Let's go.

Thank you these alarms are beyond
annoying, the worst headache ever.

Oh, I have Vicodin.

You know what they say shrinks
always have the best shit.

I can't, really. I'm on duty.

For later.

Vicodin for a headache. What
you do for migraine?

We are friends of Jake and Chloe, and
our lawyer who is severely disabled.

Detective Diane Kirschmann,

LAPD, robbery and homicide.

Dr. Paige Whitehead.

- And this is my husband, Dr. Cooper Whitehead.
- Hello.

My condolences.

For your loss.

Could you just give me a second?
So what we got?

Someone came through
the window. With this.

Also found this in the bathroom,
grained caffeinate mocha - still warm.

Okay, good work. I want the
Brigade forensic team here ASAP.

You got it.

Excuse me, but how do you already
know that anything has been taken?

Just a hunch, but I'm pretty sure...

That the Buddha
doen't shit cash.

Oh my God... I can't remember
the last time I had so much fun.

Aside from the alarm,
money flying everywhere,

Almost getting caught we're
like our own private gay mafia.

Helping children really
does turns you on, huh?

Yeah. That and fear of prison.

Prison... it's exciting...

What kind of thief leaves
behind the money?

The same kind of thief
that breaks in using a rock

Sets up the alarm, and then leaves
Starbucks on the crime scene.

- A homeless person?
- I'm thinking someone not that together.

You're not think Alex
and Richard, are you?

- This breaking reeks of them!
- Well we should tell the detective.

Tell her what?
We've got no evidence.

Besides, we do that, all the cash goes
straigth to Jake and Chloe state,

Or worse, the orphans.

Okay, we've got to figure this
out. Be smarter than them.

Can we do that?

Of course, it's Richard and
Alex we're talking about.

It's like dealing with children.

These people tastes are
only in their mouths...

RICHARD NEARLY

Money! Money! Money!
# MillionLittleProblems

Richard.

Oh! .. Alex, never sneak up on
me when I'm covering our take.

Come here, sit down.

Look at all this. Do you
know what this is?

Grand theft larceny.

Funny. No, no!

This is homes, cars,
vacations, clothes.

This is our ticket to fabulous.

And how fabulous is
a clean conscience?

- You're right.
- I am.

Here I am fantasizing about a man condition
"Charlie's Angels" Angels's in chains lunch box...

Children are hungry.

Have me that vacuum back.

What are we doing?

We're doing the right
thing and right now.

Bhutan has as embassy on Wilshire #WhoKnew

Hi. We'd like to talk to someone
about the children of Bhutan.

Are you two alright?

You both look... queer.

One moment, please.
Tashi Delek.

Special Assistant.
[Whispers into the phone in Tibetan]

Tashi Delek , glad to meet.

I'm Rigzang Vangchak, special assistant to
the Ambassador of the Kingdom of Bhutan.

Oh, cool. I'm Richard Nearly,
and this is my husband, Alex Reardon.

Hey.

We're here to offer a very,

Very large donation to the
orphans of your country.

That's rather bizarre,
don't you think?

After offering them house keeping
skills might give them a leg up?

Do you fancy a boy or a girl?
I'll order you a girl.

- Oh, we don't wanna a girl.
- Oh, you fancy a boy.

We don't fancy a boy
or a girl or child.

Although we love children.

We were house sitting for The
Jones, Jake and Chloe.

They died recently in
a big rickshaw accident.

I am the special assistant to the Ambassador
of the Kingdom of Bhutan.

- I do not monitor rickshaws accidents.
- Okay, alright... chill...

Sorry.

We found a lot of money in their house
and we thought that maybe you could...

- Or the Embassy.
- Yeah the Embassy could

Take it and give it to
the children to Bhutan.

So you don't fancy an orphan?
You want to give me money?

I have been offered money
by these gay Americans.

- Have you touched it?
- I have not touched it, please note.

You have not touched it, noted.

No, no, no, the money is not
for you. It's for the orphans.

- Do we know of any orphans?
- We do not know any orphans.

I do not want your money.
We do not want your money.

In fact, I enthusiastically refuse
your bribe. Please note.

- Noted.
- No, no, no, you don't understand.

No, that after last year this embassy
no longer accepts cash donations.

This has nothing to do with
what happened last year.

- He borrowed the money, he not steal it!
-... not steal it!

We don't think he did
anything criminal...

- Our ambassador is not a criminal!
- Our ambassador is not a criminal!

Please, you must leave now.

We must leave now.
Tashi Delek .

- This was not a good idea, please not
- Duly noted.

Well, I guess we need to find
a new charity now, right?

Yes, but let's get rid
of the money first.

This amount of cash
seems to set people off.

Oh, you know, Apple store is not far from
here, and I really want a new 52-inch iMac.

- Richard!
- I'm kidding. They don't make on that thing.

hey check it. That's a
worthy well charity.

Yeah... Yeah! Dolphins are smart,
they're like chimpanzees with fins.

They're practically children.

They could even be orphans.

Two, please.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Welcome to "Porpoise Purpose"
Part of the verge sensation.

We would like to make a very
large donation to the dolphins.

Porpoises. They are the
people of the sea.

I'd be happy to take your check
or credit card donation.

A pen?
- Sure.

For "Porpoise Purpose"...

- Checks take a long time, don't they?
-They do, they do.

Thank you. And would you like..
Sweet Jesus on a waffle cone!

Are you shitting me?

This is... this is the single largest
donation, that we've ever received.

Oh my god... thank
you, thank you!

Oh, my god, thank you so much,
you're such good people.

- Anytime.
- Thank you!

Oh, wait, wait. Mr. Nearli and Reardon,
you can not leave. Not yet.

Wait right here, please.
Just wait. One second.

Bounty angels are in the lobby.
I repeat, Bount angels are in the lobby.

Mr. Nearly, Mr. Reardon. Stewart Hendron,
Executive Director of the "Porpoise Purpose"

You are gonna help to raise the profile of
the porpoise. An often overlooked situation.

That's great, we've
always loved dolphins.

Porpoises. They're the
people of the sea.

If you don't mind me asking,
are you familiar with them?

Of course. Just cause we're gay,
doesn't mean we don't like fish.

It's good to know, but
they're mammals.

Yes, and while they're shorter than the dolphin,
the porpoise it's more popular, stupid cousin.

Now, let me introduce
you to somebody.

This is Pete the porpoise.

He's not just our logo,
he's a real little guy.

We keep he in the pool at
the Sherman Mall gallery.

- You do...?
- You bet.

And your money is gonna make all the difference
in his life and other porpoises lives.

- Alright, come this way. Come on.
- Oh, no...

- Yes.
- Oh no.

- Go you two go right in front of the sign.
- You gonna love this.

You will love it. Okay,
smile, like a porpoise.

Right, say... [beluga sounds]

We did the right thing.

- Oh, yeah great. We helped the porpoise.
- We did!

Good for you, Alex. Good for Pete. Good
for all the goddamn people of the sea.

It is good for them.

Why don't you use the card? We
could have at least got it in miles.

Open House

State has put this house in auction, which
means it's not only happening under the radar -

They will consider any offer
no matter how shameless.

You hear that? It's practically
a personal invitation.

- Well, well, well, look who's here.
- Hi.

Welcome...

We're just scooping
up the real estate...

Interesting. Interestingly,
so are we.

But you already have a home.

From which the city
asked us to vacate.

Oh, no. Is this because
of the sods?

The city treats trees like
they're an animated objects.

- I am sorry, they were.
- So you're just gonna... buy another house?

Well, we can't keep living in
the Four Seasons forever.

But how can you afford this?

How can anyone afford anything?

I mean is not like you two recently
came into a lot of money, did you?

Yeah, did you?

We're not gonna buy it,
it's out of our range.

- It is pricey.
- No it isn't.
- It's not pricey?

No, it isn't out of our range...

- Richard, can I talk to you?
- Yeah.

Excuse me.

But Alex, this is Edendale.
Our house!

And we could be buying it right
now, but instead what do we do?

We set up a pension
plan for a porpoise.

- And that's a beautiful thing.
- Yes, yes, it is a beautiful thing

But that money belonged to the orphans of
Bhutan, who, let's be honest, we screwed.

So you want to get the money back
and give it to the orphans of Bhutan?

Yeah.

If I am lying, may God strike
me down this instant.

You don't care how
perfect this place is.

Well, actually I do, but that
money which is gone, isn't ours.

- What if we can get it back?
- We can't.

If we could we could use the
money to buy the house,

And we could take a second
and pay back the orphans.

And then they get their
money, we get Edendale,

Everyone is happy.

You think that I
am enjoying this?

Losing out to Paige
again? It's humiliating.

I know, I know,
it is humiliating.

I guess Paige and Cooper, and their unborn
demon spawn will be very happy here.

This is a "turnkey"
sale fully furnished,

It's pefect for anyone with no personal
sense of taste and very little money.

Alex, sweetie.

We should tell you, with what
is happening to our house,

We gonna have
to sell Silverlake.

What? You can't just
do that, I own half of it.

No, actually, I can.

When dad left us the
rescue, he gave me 51%.

- What about the greyhounds?
- We'll replace them with the "Brighter Day".

No, you can't! That place
does medical research.

Medical research? Where did
these rumors come from?

They'll all be fine. Those dogs
receive all the free make up

And the lack of surgery every
dog could ever want???

And that's Paige. Buying real state
with the blood of abused dogs.

You don't think they gonna put the
greyhounds in that place, do you?

Oh, if only we had the room.

- Well... we could...
- What?

No. No, forget it.

Okay. Forget what?

It's, just...

- Alright, let's do it.
- You wanna buy our house?

You wanna buy Edendale?

Let's go back to the "Porpoise purpose"
and get our money back.

- Hi...
- Oh, good timing you two. Look.

And, yeah, wow... look at that...

Listen, I wonder if we could

Speak to that nice gentleman,
we met yesterday.

I'm sorry, Mr. Hendronom
isn't available.

Then get him available,
cause we need to talk.

Alex...

We're kind of having a
porpoise emergency.

Oh, I see. It's a porpoise emergency.

I have a couple of generous
angels in th lobby, code red.

I don't know, they're not leaving.
Okay. He'll be right out.

- Okay.
- Thanks.

Now, what is so urgent?

Well, I'm not sure if you know this...

Well, of course, you don't know,
how could you possibly know this -

But Alex owns a greyhounds

Rescue, and adoption organization

No, I didn't. What's it called?

Well, the name is not important,
but I just found out,

That my sister, whom owns only
one percent more than I do,

- Is going to close it.
- Oh, I'm so sorry.

Listen, after yesterday
we think of you as family,

So if there's anything
we can do, just ask.

Well, we were hoping you
would say that, because...

- Because...
- We wanna our money back.

I'm sorry, I just thought I heard, you
say you wanted your money back.

- Because, that's what I said.
- But that's impossible.

- But we changed our minds.
- This isn't Urban Outfitters,

You just can't ask
for a refund.

But you just said
we were family.

Oh, we are. Just think
of this as... tough love.

Well, that depends how
much are we talking about?

Not much...

You see, the legal issue is, what is
the status of the money as a gift.

Does it pass automatically into the
hands of the person accepting it?

Or does the giver has the option
of rescinding the gift?

I mean, this is not
necessarily fraud.

You didn't go to the "Porpoise Purpose" with the
sole intention of defrauding them, did you?

- No.
- Of course not.

Not now, Bethany.

She has a very popular website.
I'm sorry, where were we?

Oh. Yes you two just changed
your mind, that's right?

Well, there's certainly
no law against that.

- So what should we do?
- Go ahead and stop the payment.

And if I were you I'd
do sooner than later.

- Next step.
- We are ready?

- I think so.
- Perfect.

Okay, now takes these
papers, please.

- Oh, geez.
- I didn't signed yet.

You guys will be so happy.

Okay, so...

They've count both you
and another couple.

Another couple?
It's interesting.

You don't by chance, know f it's Paige
and Cooper Whitehead, do you?

Ethicly I can't reveal that,

But since you guessed,
you're not exactly wrong.

Fuckers! They're family.

I think I can clear this
whole thing up right away.

We are planning on using Edendale
for the greyhound rescue.

It's a very noble anspiration.

- What? It is.
- So, you agree about backing out and buying it?

Let's see, how can
I put this... No.

You don't seriously expect us,

To keep four greyhounds and three
Labradoodle in our apartment, do you?

I'm pregnant. With twins.

- Twins?
- Very you of you.

If you back out, we'll be glad to
put you up in the guest house.

Well I'm sorry, but we're
lousy guests house, lousy guests.

- I want daddy. The urn.
- No. No way.

- Give me that, and we'll back out
- Paige...

It's bad enough you got all
his attention his entire life,

I am not parting
with his ashes!

Then I guess you and your dogs will have
to continue living here in squalor.

I got to take this.

Hello? Yes.

Are you serious?

It's great news. That's
fantastic. Thank you.

You're kidding!

You guys are not
gonna believe this...

But it turns out you didn't
qualify for financial.

What? There must
be some mistake.

You two can't afford Edendale!

No, evidently, it's you
who can not afford it!

- We got our house!
- We got the house!

- We got our house!
- We got Edendale!

Hold on...

- We very sorry.
- Oh God...

- Oh, great, yeah, right in here.
- This is all kitchen stuff.

Oh really? You can put it...
just back there, right back there.

- Thanks very much.
- Hey guys.

Hello.

I've got a package I think
you should look at.

Okay.

- Thank you.
- This yours?

Yes, I'll take it, thank you.

It's from Bhutan. It might
be from Jake and Chloe.

- Richard.
- What? They don't have heirs.

- Oh my God...
- You've got to be kidding.

I kinda like it.
Looks like Paige.

EDENDALE and Greyhound Rescue

Thank you both
for putting us up.

This is the most glamorous
8x8' foot space,

- We've ever lived on.
- I know it's a little small, but...

No, we love it. We love it

Plus, we have views of
your beautiful house,

Which we didn't qualify for.

Paige, I've been thinking...

It's only fair you
should have dad.

Oh... sweetie... I love you.

You know what?
Daddy is weather safe,

Why don't we leave him
out here in the garden?

And that way we
can both enjoy it.

- Really?
- Yes.

Paige, I know, that we're only
half siblings but I'm really...

Oh, that is my 3:30.

Why don't we continue this
Hallmark moment later, okay?

- Thank you so much. Come on in.
- Yes...

Here we go... Bye!

Where do you want to live, Dad?

Where can I put you?

That's good.

To our very own home.
No, to our very own castle.

And living happily ever after.

Detective Diane Kirschmann,
LAPD.

I'm looking into the death
of Jake and Chloe Jones.

Thank you.

You two were house sitting for them
at the time of the murder, right?

-Yeah, but they weren't murdered.
- Really?

So you think being run
over several times

By the same vehicle -
is an accident?

By vehicle? Don't you mean rickshaw?
Because we heard rickshaw.

We have heard a rickshaw.

No, by vehicle I mean
Chevrolet Tahoe.

A SUV?
- Jesus...

Do you know who did it?

That's what I was just
about to ask you.

Well, we loved Jake and Chloe.

We were very good friends.

How long did you know them?

We just met them...
once.

But we hit it off right away

And are still very, very sad.

Would you like some champagne?

Alright, thank you, godbye.

Jesus-H-fuck, they were
killed for that money!

And do the killers now have the
money? No, they don't, we do!

We don't know that, that money could
very well have belong to the orphans.

Then why didn't Jake and Chloe
bring it with them to Bhutan?

Maybe it belonged
to other orphans!

- Other Bhutanese orphans?!
- Look, we're said,

We were get back the money,
and I still think we should.

- Yes, I know, I know.
- What are you implying?

- Now, you don't want to...
- I'm just saying,

That we should give
this a good think.

There is no rush on this, isn't like the orphans
are reporting us to a credit bureau.

We don't know why they were killed,
and honestly, it makes no difference.

It makes no difference?!

They were run over by a rickshaw -
it's a bizarre twist of fate,

Being run over by a SUV,

Means someone wanted to
turn you into a waffle!

- How long have you been here?
- Well enough.

Listen, we had to! You were gonna send
those dogs off to dog Auschwitz!

So you stole orphan's money

And used it to buy rescue dogs, a
fabulous house in Silver Lake?

- Oh, I wouldn't describe it like that.
- Well how would you describe?

What I would say is that we temporarily-
- We don't have to explain anything to you.

- No. If you don't talk to us,

Well you can talk
to the police.

- You wouldn't dare...
- Oh, yes, they would.

Of course we wouldn't it!
We're family.

But what exactly were you planing on
doing when the killer showed up?

Do you think they
gonna come here?

Who knows what they
will do? They're killers.

Well, we were planning om
cashing out a second mortgage.

Look, I don't have
an agenda here,

But I think it's a good idea.

Because if and when
these killers show up...

And they probably
will. Probably.

- They gonna want their money.
- In cash.

Taking out a 2nd for the # OrphansOfBhutan
#SadTromboneSound

Richard...

Oh, my God. Oh
my God, the dogs.

Richard!

"Bring 983,000 to the
Hyperion parking lot "

Tuesday at noon,
no police, or else..."

This doesn't make any sense it's
the drawing of a dead camel.

Wait... thatt's not a camel,
that's a Labradoodle.

Really? It's pathetic.

Oh, my God, it's from
the killers! It has to be!

- We don't know that.
- Who else could it be?

We didn't tell Cooper and
Paige the exact amount.

Oh, so we're not being blackmailed
by family, it's a plus.

Yeah, it really
warms the heart.

Oh my god, I hope they're okay!

It's so awful, it's so unfair...
I'm gonna call the police.

No, wait! Alex, no, you can't.
It says no police.

I don't care! They
stolen my babies!

We're not playing
by their rules!

Detective Kirschmann, Homicide.

Hi, it's Alex Reardon, there's a...
There's been a kidnapping.

Oh god, they took our babies...

Oh Jesus... Okay,
just calm down.

We understand,
tell me everything.

We... Richard and I,
we came home

And we found this ransom note,
by whatever sick fucker did this...

Okay, don't you worry,
I live for this shit.

Now just tell me the names and
ages of each of the victims.

Yeah, Haley is six, Caitlin is
five and Nick... Nick is two.

Oh my God...

Ok, I need you to come down to the
station and bring me some pictures.

And can you send me one ASAP?

Yes.

- They're adorable.
- This are our babies.

- Thank you. Thank you so much.
- Okay.

They gonna need or do anything?

They better! Otherwise,
for which we pay taxes?

... We bringing you live coverage of this
truly awful local story in Silver Lake.

The LAPD has just announced
"amber alert"

For these three
missing children.

Oh, Jesus, what
the hell is this?

Oh my God, there's an amber
alert for Richard's sister kids?

... Just a toddler who
misses his daddies.

No, there's an amber alert
for Alex and Richard's dogs.

- I didn't know they could do that.
- You can't...

Anyone with information,

is urged to please call
the LAPD amber alert.

Hot line. Do it
for the children

The mind of the kidnapper
is a big and empty basement.

These people frequently suffer from
addiction to drugs, alcohol and Facebook.

- Hello.
- Hi, have you heard from the kidnappers?

- Tell us about the victims.
?

- What they were wearing?
- I got this at Claire's Boutique.

All we can say is that they're all
very well behaved. All of them

They're well trained, actually.

Except for with the postman they hump
his leg like a horny little hobbits.

It's the curry that
drives they crazy.

Oh, and I really shouldn't be saying this but
Nick sort of has a crotch sniffing problem.

- We don't know where he got that...
- Hey, it's indecent.

Wait-wait, I have
a question for you!

We really appreciate everything,
but isn't this a bit extreme?

Extreme? What could
be more important?

- Do you have some more pictures?
- Alex does.

Okay, good and I
want to assure you,

That we are doing everything
possible to find your children.

Wait, did you say "children"?

Yes, of course.

Do you have the pictures?

Yes, Alex, show them to her.
Show them to her now.

- Richard, stop it.
- Is there a problem?

We really appreciate everything
that you've done

But I think we just
wanna go home...

Wait just a goddamn minute.

There was a kidnapping, right?

Yes. There was a kidnapping,
that's true. But...

And I'm looking at
these pictures of dogs...

- They're Labradoodles, actually.
- They are dogs!

Why am I looking at pictures of dogs
with guns pointed at their snouts?

- Because they were kidnapped.
- They're my babies.

Do you mean that I
put an Amber alert out

On Labra-fucking-doodles?!

I never said they were
my actual children.

It's just stupid, right..?

- You sent me pictures of children.
- No, I didn't.

Oh, yes you did.

Oh... Geez...

Damn, you asked for a picture, that
was the first tone that i've found.

This picture is not of the children
clearly, it's of the dogs.

Detective, we are very sorry
about this. Aren't we, Alex?

This is not my mistake.

Yes, we're sorry.

You're sorry?

Are you fucking kidding me?!

Our dogs were kidnapped.

And we still do need your
help getting them back.

Yeah, yeah... dog-napping
that is, that's a crime,

Isn't that a crime?
That's a crime.

It's a horrible crime.

I'm glad you came to us.
Kidnappings are our specialty.

I thought you were
grief counselor.

We are, but if it doesn't work out, we gonna
help you through the grief process.

What's that supposed to mean?

I was speaking statistically, and
you're not a statistic. Not yet.

Look, I'm just going to give to you, if
you pardon the expression, straight

In these situations, most experts
agree just pay the ransom.

If we do that, then
the kidnappers win.

If you don't do it, you lose.

Just got LAPD'd on # WhatABitch

Oh no, they did not...

Alright, there they are.

So drop the money off at the appointed
location and then back off, you got it?

Yeah.

Richard. Bring them home.

I'll go, baby. I will.

Oh, dear God, can you
just do this already?

- He's not backing off, why isn't he backing off?
- Jesus...

Hey?

Back off, please, you
have to back off, okay?

- All right, I'm right away.
- Come on, let's go. Back off.

You back off.

Jesus christ...

Oh God, this is some guy
in a cheap tracksuit.

Oh, my babies, my dogs!

They are scared. No, no, no...

- My kids...
- Wait, where, what are you doing...

Come here, come here!

- What is happening?
- You're so sweet...

- What is he doing?
- He's stealing back our money!

- Look what you did!
- A dirty trick!

Are you kidding?

Daddy's a hero!

Oh, shit! .. I think it's vomit.

Oh Jesus christ...

I'm sorry, senora, but
that man was crazy!

Yes, that crazy man
fucked us royally.

Okay. Here you go, thank you.

Not at all, you idiot.

That is the last time I hire an
accomplice through the Internet.

Is it just me, or we never going
to get our money back?

Oh, we'll get it back, we just
need to change our tactics

Oh, my God.

You're not suggesting to
put a hit out on them?

What? No. He's my half-brother.

Oh no, of course not.

No, we'll gonna do
the decent thing.

We'll send them into jail.

This must be so
very hard for you.

Yes. It is. It's very,
very difficult.

It's about her dear brother, Alex
Reardon. R-E-A-R-D-O-N.

And his husband, Richard Nearli

They are ...

Gay thieves.

Really? And what do
they steal rainbows?

They stole a million dollars
from Jake and Chloe Jones.

And then...

Oh God, it's a lot harder than
I thought it was gonna be...

They used the money to buy
a luxury house in Silver Lake.

- How do you know this?
- You've seen it, it's spectacular.

How do you know they
stole the money?

Oh, they told us.

In confidence - which is why
we're very conflicted by this .

Absolutely. I've have had
acid reflux all morning.

The money belongs to
the orphans of Bhutan.

That's why we're here.

For the orphans of Bhutan?

Yes, God bless them.

The LAPD is already
investigating your adorable

Brother and his lovely husband.

And when the full extent of their
little xaxa of crimes come to light,

We are going to prosecute.
To the fullest extent of the law.

- Can I help you?
- No, it's good.

Bhutan...

Oh, Jesus...

Richard!

Holy shitl! Richard!

What? What's going on?
Are you okay?

I think Paige and Cooper
killed Jake and Chloe.

I believe that.

Look, they were in Bhutan, the same
time Jake and Chloe were killed.

Coincidence? I don't think so!

Do you really think your
sister is capable of murder?

Half sister. And check this out.

Lindsay Lohan would
be impressed.

Sorry...

Turning in your family to the
authorities - It's never easy.

We tried to take the right road,
when we kidnapped their dogs.

That cash is here, and we'll find
it too, once they're locked up.

Yeah, but once they're arrested,
won't the police search the house?

Why didn't you bring that up
before we went to the LAPD?!

I just did It seems... that I...
I mean, I thought... maybe...

Do you wanna a "Vic"?

Yes! But I can't have one!

Because I'm motherfuck
pregnant!

All of those people coming
and going, day and night...

We thought, they were getting treatment,
it turns out they were getting high.

And another thing is bad enough

That we have to live
in this hell hole,

Must we walk through dog
shit to go to our home!

Go out of the way ... Shut up!

Why do I feel like
I've been violated?

You're pregnant.

We've recently have began to suspect
that Paige and her husband...

Are drug dealers and murderers.

You're saying your
sister is a killer?

- She and her husband Cooper...
C- O-O-P-E-R.

They were in Bhutan the same
time Jake and Chloe were killed.

How interesting.

- The sudden burst of conscience.
- Well...

Especially since they
just told me that,

You bought your house
with stolen money.

They did what now?

Those fuckers! ...Who we love.

But it is not from
their recycle bin.

What difference does it
make It's close enough.

But it's not gonna
smell the same.

I'm not asking them
to sniff truffles.

Vomit is vomit.

- Hold.
- Oh my God. Disgusting.

Not you. Just your vomit.

Okay, doggies, come
and have a sniff.

Here you go, doggies,
have a sniff.

Oh damn.

Momma just got a riser.

I don't, I wouldn't touch it.

I suspect they two works,
so I did a little checking.

I found out that you recently
made a cash deposit

Of almost a million dollars.

This raises big questions.

Not just for me, but the IRS.

- The IRS?
- We can explain that.

There's also been a complaint filled against you
by something called "The Porpoise Purpose"

Yeah, we had a bit of
a run-in with them.

What kind of person stops payment
on a check to help dolphins?

Technically, they're porpoises.
They are the people of the sea.

And we' re very, very sorry.

I got one more question for you.

What the hell do you think I am?

- A detective.
- Damn right I am.

Do you know what that means?

I'm not your nanny or your
therapist or your bitch.

I'm a detective with the fine organization that
is the Los Angeles Police Department.

- Yes, I think that's what he meant.
- That's what I meant.

So I'm gonna tell you how
this is going to go down.

I will look into your
precious half sister,

And you - you're gonna make good
on your "Porpoise Purpose." pledge

We would really like it, we
would love to, but we can't.

Okay. Well. I'm off to the district
attorney, and then to the IRS.

They are going to be interested
in my investigation.

Especially your tweets.

- My tweets?
- Yes.

Do you follow me?

A confession by social
media - Very cutting edge,

Hashtag "guilty."

- You tweeted about this?
- No! Of course not!

I... Yes, I did, I'm sorry.

Night now.

We have the cash.
We took out a second.

Which we were coincidentally going to
donate to the " Porpoise purpose."

Giving. Feels good, don't it?

Paige!

Paige, open this door!

They're gone.
Where would they...

Those bastards, they took it.

How can people be
so goddman greedy?

Right. Greedy people who steal.

Who that remind you of?

Alex.

Come on, this is completely
different.

Is it? How exactly?

Don't be like this, Alex.

We did all of this for the
orphans and for the dogs.

- Richard, enough.
- What?

You know that.

Can we just be honest with
ourselves for once?

I just really wanted
our house.

That's great , if we
could afford it.

Well, we can.

Okay, maybe we can't.

No, we definitely can't, and
now we're gonna lose it, why?

Because your sister is an
evil manipulative freak.

Aside from that? It's a ...
this obsession with you.

Me? Okay, okay, okay, so I'm
the only one who wanted this?

It's like you're trying to prove something,
it's like you want to be...

- Don't say it!
- Straight.

- Don't you dare say that to me!
- It's true, isn't it?

- You have straight envy.
- Me?! You're the one with straight envy.

You're the one who wants to adopt every
orphan and stray dog, Angelina Jolie!

What's wrong with that?

Maybe I don't want that.

You don't want to
adopt? Really?

- Alex, wait...
- No, you tell me. Tell me right now.

Of course, I want kids. But...

I'm just afraid they're not gonna let us.
Me. I'm afraid they're not gonna let me.

- What...
- Well...

Think about it, it's been months, and
we still haven't been approved.

Obviously not because of you...

I just thought that
maybe - maybe...

I love you so much.

I don't want you to
look at me one day

And figure out that
I'm not perfect.

I already know.

You do?

You haven't disappointed me.
You couldn't, not really.

- I love you.
- I love you too.

Let's get rid of this
goddamn house.

So, they are ready to make an offer.
It's low, but acceptable.

No, absolutely not.

Look on the bright side - We're
keeping the property in the family.

Excellent, right?

Jealousy - it's a disease.

Get well soon, bitches.

- Hi.
- Oh, hey.

First of all - we are
so, so, so sorry.

Yes, very sorry.

What happened has nothing to
do with how we feel about you,

Or your organization
or the porpose.

It's our new favorite mammal.

- It's cute.
- Thank you.

And so, we would like to make good
on the donation that we promised...

In monthly installments.

Here.

Wait, where you're
going? It's it?

Don't we get a thank you?

A thank you? It's one thing to
make a million dollars donation.

But then to give stolen money,

And then take it back,
to buy a house?

And even though you're giving me
a check for a one thousand dollars,

Just to avoid going to jail,
you want a thank you?

We'd settle for a receipt.

- Ungrateful.
- You think we'll get a receipt?

Oh Jesus, what happened?

We were robbed by very
messy thieves!

Who would be stupid
enough to rob us?

Someone stupid
with acid reflex.

But we just told
you who did this.

Yes, yes, I know.

It's with great difficulty that you implicated
your beloved sister in law, right?

No, it's not. She did this.

- And she should pay.
- This evidence is circumstantial.

Just let us do our investigation,
something else will turn up.

Do you have any idea
what was taken?

Yeah...

She took this.

This thing?

It's hideous. You
should thank her.

" Hideous, you should thank her"...
- I heard that.

Where did you find this?

It was inside Edendale when
we bought the place. Why?

Because that it is
the Kuntu Zangpo.

Ancient Bhutanese figurine.

Property of Bhutan's
must Art collector

Who died five months ago.

Jake and Chloe, known for
their humanitarian work

Were also smuggling artifacts
out of the Orient

And they owed me a
great deal of money.

And the Zangpo was
to be payment.

So how much was it worth?

Something like that is
priceless, of course,

But I do know a buyer,

Who is willing to pay
10 million dollars.

Are you telling me we had a 10 million dollar
tchotchke, laying around our house?

They took the Zangpo from you, and now
you're going to help me get it back from them.

Hold on, we can't just go
in there and steal it.

If you do I'll pay you
one third of its value.

That's three million three
thousand hundred dollars.

When do you want it?

Say hello to my little friends.

- All so pretty, aren't they?
- Oh, I think I'm in love.

Hey guys! What's going on?

Richard, now is not the time.

We missed you too.
We're all family, after all.

What do you think you're doing?
No, no, no... it's not...

Look at this!

- It's The Kuntu Zangpo.
- Fresh from our apartment.

Wait your apartment? I thought
you said it was yours?

It is.

Richard, put that down right
now or I am calling the police.

Oh, you want me to
put it down? Alright.

Oh dear Jesus!
- No!

What did you do?!

Cooper, Cooper. Cooper tablets.

You know, she has gastroesophageal reflux,
what you doing to her, you freaks.

Chill, it's heartburn.

Chill? You fucking chill!

Hey, back off! Aren't you
supposed to be pregnant?

You'll have the baby.

Well, I had a long day,
so I think I'll just go.

Everyone calm down.Look.

- Oh, my gay God.
- What there's another one?

Very amusing.

You didn't think we would break something,
worth 10 million dollars, did you?

- What, 10? You charged me 12.
- We are still negotiating.

Richard, give it to me.

- First, answer a few questions for us.
- Give me a goddamn break.

- What you would do?
- Try me.

Just tell him whatever the
fuck he wants to hear.

Why did you go to Bhutan?

Jake and Chloe were going to give
our money to those stupid orphans,

So we followed them to Bhutan,
to get it back, but it didn't work.

- So you killed them?
- What?

We don't kill, we therapists,
we help people.

- Yeah, by selling them drugs.
- Drugs...

- Oh, my God. We'll talk later.
- What?

- This is not true.
- Really?

Jesus christ, fine, okay,
we hop people up.

You have to, to go
ahead in this town.

- I knew it.
- Hand over the dragon!

Just wait one goddamn minute!

Sidney!

Why is this man
pointing a gun at us?

I thought we were
handling this.

Yes, you were.

Then I realized that you
two have an issue with trust.

Give me the Zangpo.

Uh-uh, hold up, sweetheart.

You want that thing, you
got to come through me.

Who the hell is he?

He's a buyer, Paige found
on the Craig's list.

Well, I went over all Bhutan for
that figurine, and I want it now.

You were there too?
You killed them!

Well, the official story is,

I was driving over to meet them,
and accidentally drove over them.

Twice?

In Bhutan they modify the cars
for the disabled, it's a disgrace.

And all for nothing, because those
two didn't have the Zangpo.

Jake was a liar.

Yeah try get them
pay for a sick tree.

You know what, this is all very interesting,
but I think I'll just take this...

Oh my God, you shot
me, you butthole!

This is Italian! Oh my
God, somebody call 911!

- My goodness.
- Okay, that's it.

When Buddhists starts shooting people
something is very seriously wrong!

- Give, give here!
- Let go!

Oh no!

Oh, no, no!

You choose me
over this sculpture.

Honey, you are my brother.

Oh, God, what have I done!

I am your brother,
that's why I feel sorry...

- LAPD, nobody move !!!
-... about throwing you in jail.

Take the paramedics here ASAP.

And maybe a coroner, too.
You're alright?

- We're good.
- What's going on here?

I'm wearing a wire. And
guess who just confessed.

You're under arrest for illegal
sale of prescription narcotics

And refusal to provide under court
order to demolish one dead oak.

These people are ruthless!

They're a menace,
that's what they are.

You know they shouldn't be
allowed to be out on the streets,

Let alone to sell antiques.

I've seen back in my
days, nothing but ...

I hope we can someday
be a family again.

Me too.

And you start by getting us the
best lawyer in Southern California.

Yes, preferably one who's
not into buddhism.

You ... broke both sculptures.

You thrown away
10 million dollars.

You are insane.

Come with me.

Voil?.

The real Kunt Zangpo.

My god, there were three?

- Yeah. Well, the other two were fakes.
- How do you know?

Well, this is the one that Jake and
Chloe sent back from Bhutan,

Plus, it's older and dirtier.

And I Googled it.

BHUTAN

This school was built by donations
from another American couple.

Perhaps you heard of them.

Honey, they really
were good people.

We still mourn their
passing... and wonder,

Who now will take
their good work.

Hey, hey there. We
know you. Kvinley?

We saw you on a movie.

- Alex, no, remember, this isn't him...
- Oh my God, I'm sorry.

This is Kvinleya's
brother, Kvinfey.

Hi. I'm Alex.

- This is Richard.
- Hi, I'm Ri...

We actually have
something for you.

Another Kuntu
Zangpo, it can't be.

Thank you... thank you.

This will ensure that
children for generations.

How can we ever thank you?

What do you say, honey?

Can you think of some
way he could repay us?

Hey... how would you feel about
going back to America with us?

Will you come home with us?
- Yeah?

I think we gonna
need to buy a house.

English Subtitles:
Pinky and the Brain