Sua Eccellenza si fermò a mangiare (1961) - full transcript

- Good evening, Brigadier.
- Good evening.

Would you please me now?

- 3:05 am.
- Now as thieves!

- Well no! You
cannot say this! - And why?

But you forget
that times have changed.

The trains arrive on time,
the strikes are over, the thieves are over!

- In Italy, there are no more thieves.
Good night! - Good night. - 'Night.

- Ah! Ernesto!
- Well, at his age!

- And what did he do? - He drank
three bottles of ischogen. - But no!

Well, at 75!

Give me a kiss, Ernesto, a kiss.



- Done!
- I am thirsty!

- Shall we drink? - No. Stop.
We drank enough.

- I only came to call.
- At this time? And to whom?

- How to whom? You know, my wife.
- How not very delicate you are, Ernesto!

- Because? - You are with me
and you think of your wife!

Never! I never think about it, you know!
I only phone her ..

.. to calm her down a bit

- You know what my wife is like, right?
- I know, you've told me a thousand times.

Hello Miss,
please give me 2434?

- She is ugly, she is fat, she is old!
- Sst!

- And you married her for the money!
- I never said that.

I've always thought that!

Soon!

Ah, Ernesto!
Did something happen?



- What do I know, I haven't
read the papers yet! -Where are you?

- I'm ... I'm on the phone!
- But where are you calling from?

From a pay phone!
I'm at the station!

- Ernesto, who are you with? - Who
do you want me to be with, honey? I am alone.

- And who were you with before?
- I was alone even before I was alone.

That's enough! I get it. When you are alone
you are always with a woman!

Let me finish, I said "only"
in the sense that I am with a friend.

It's not true! I phoned
all your friends!

Except this. You do
n't know him, I haven't seen him for many years.

- And you made it 3:00?
- Of course! I told you ...

... I haven't seen him for a long time.

- Do you know he saved my life?
- Really? And when?

- At war.
- If you didn't, war!

No, but I cheered.
How, didn't I tell you?

Eh, yes, I did the cheering.
A typhoon I tell you.

Well, this here is my friend ...

.. the doctor who treated me
in the war for this typhus. Yup!

- Which hospital?
- Well, in Cav hospital -

- Di Cavar - Di Cavar
- Cavarzere!

Well, it's hard to say.
It is Dr. Biagio Tanzarella.

Yes, chief of
the hospital in the country that I told you now.

Was it possible that I never told you about
Dr. Biagio Tanzarella?

Never! Never! And not even typhus!

And don't think you can get away
with all these lies!

But I'm not telling you
lies, honey! Ouch!

- What was it?
- A slap.

- Who slapped you?
- lo! I slapped myself!

A mosquito that got
close to my nose!

Here at the station it's full
of mosquitoes, damn it!

- Listen to that! Feel that stuff!
Listen! - At the station, huh?

Yes. What do you want me to tell you, they
will have arrived by train.

But when do they decide
to reclaim these Pontine marshes?

Well, I'll come
home right away, honey. Hello!

"Tesoro", eh?!

No, look the mosquitoes
are over.

I'll teach you to be a fool
when you talk to her!

In short,
something must be said to his wife !

Yup! But don't "honey"
in front of your lover!

What the hell!
A little respect, right?

Via Ciro Menotti, 2.
Please hurry up, thank you!

- How much it is?
- 3:25, ma'am.

- Here it is. 3 and 50.
- Thank you, thank you very much, ma'am.

- Well arrived, lady countess.
- How's it going, dear? Everyone okay at home?

Yes, yes! Are all well!
They were waiting for her.

They got
the telegram last night.

Please, take a seat.

- She's my daughter? - He's in his room.
Go ahead because she is awake.

- Is my son-in-law out?
- No, he's still asleep.

- Ah well, but if she still sleeps ...
- The gentleman sleeps in the study.

In the studio? Oh yeah!
Last time he was complaining ..

.. that Silvia always pulls
the covers on her side!

Gina! Gina!

- Commands.
- Coffee and newspaper. - Yes, sir!

- Who was there? - The
lady's mother . It has come now.

Ouch! Mother-in-law in the morning ...
Let's start badly!

It's useless, mom!
I don't need proof!

When a man
acts like my husband ...

The fault may lie with the wife.

The only fault I can have
is that I do n't believe his lies!

Do you think anything? A smart wife
must pretend to believe.

That's what I did last night
when he came back.

- And he?
- He went to sleep in the study!

Well, for once,
when we fight ...

I have been
sleeping in the studio for three months !

- Three months?! - Yes, yes!
- What are you saying?

- And the waitress doesn't think about it!
- This is already lucky ...

.. because
husbands usually think about it.

Mom I'm talking about the figure
I make with the waitress!

- Who knows what that girl will think!
- What do you want me to think, honey?

He will think
there is a wasted man in this house !

Come on, come on, don't get mad now.
I'll talk to your husband, huh?

- Dear mother!
- Hello dear.

Seeing you early in the morning means
starting the day well.

How expensive! Now sit down, honey,
because we have to make a speech.

If it is about the invitation
to the Castelletto ...

... I already told Silvia, I can't.
- As?

Don't you care to know
His Excellency?

- Why did we invite him?
- I wonder too!

Anyway I can't!

Listen, Ernesto,
I understand neglecting his wife ...

... but these days
the big boys must be respected.

- And then why can't you?
- The office!

Ah!
Did you have the office this night too?

I would like to know what
Silvia told you.

- I spent the night with a friend.
- A friend! But do me the favor!

Yes, a friend.
What's strange?

Can't
one spend a night with a friend?

He's the doctor ...
He's a doctor, in short, a doctor.

You see it? He doesn't even remember his
name!

I told you tonight!

- And now you have forgotten?
- I haven't forgotten.

- In fact, I remember it very well.
- Come on, repeat it!

Of course I repeat it!
It's doctor ...

After ten years I will have the right
to have forgotten a name, right?

- But you saw him tonight!
- Yes!

- Tell me his name!
- It's called ... It's very simple.

I have it here
on the tip of my tongue.

- It's doctor ...
- Doctor Biagio Tanzarella!

Here!
Doctor Biagio Tanza -

- But how do you know?
- He told me.

- Who? - The gentleman who is from there!
Here is his business card.

But yes, it is him,
my friend!

"Doctor Biagio Tanzarella,
Chief Physician of the Cavarzere Hospital?

Come on, let him in!

- But how, do you also let him in?
- Of course, if he's your friend!

- Why are you making that stupid face?
- Who, me?

- What do I do?
My usual face. - He's right.

Here I am!

Very expensive!
I'm here! Disorder?

- If I disturb, I'll leave.
- No, no! Rather!

- For us it's a real pleasure.
How are you? - Dear! Yup!

This is my mother-in-law,
Countess Bernabei.

- Wow! Enchantè, countess!
- Good morning.

- My wife Silvia.
- Where is it? - Here she is. - Sorry!

- Pleasure!
- Nice to meet you. Enchantè, madame!

This is the doctor.
My great friend!

Ten years ago, if I wasn't there ...

... her husband
would be dead by now ...

... buried,
rotten and smelly ...

.. like a vile carrion!
Am I right?

- Take a seat, please.
- Ah! But then is it true?

- Am I a vile carrion?
- If I hadn't been there, yes!

Well, of course!
Eh, yes, of course!

It's true, madam, as it is true
that your husband, tonight ..

.. he was with me until 3:00.
At the station! Huh?

We had a lot of fun,
but really a lot, you know?

To see those trains leaving.
It was a funny thing!

"By carriage!
To Genova Ligure! Let's go!"

"For Belluno! Let's go!
For Battipaglia!"

- No! He didn't leave for Battipaglia.
- Yeah, that's right. But it has arrived!

- How, did it arrive? What are you doing?
- The mosquito! - Oh yes!

The station was full of mosquitoes,
but so! They swarmed!

Mosquitoes caught
with their hands!

Each mosquito, I am not exaggerating,
was as much as a galoche!

- Ah! Yes, he told me!
- You'll be convinced now.

- I really didn't doubt it.
- Very bad, lady, very badly!

Wives have a duty
to doubt husbands ...

.. because, let it be said between us,
husbands are a mass of rascals.

- Rascal!
- Well, there are always some exceptions.

This is you! It's true!
He is an exception! He is a champion!

I know this one here ...

... for ten years!

Two decades, madam, two years.

Do you remember the laughter,
the laughter we had ...

... when he had typhus,
at the Cavarzere hospital?

He had lousy typhus, madam,
which was wonderful!

But it was funny you know! Each petecchia
was like an oil lamp!

- Do you even remember the typhus?
- Well, if he cured you!

What does that have to do with anything? With so many patients
he has, he can forget about it.

- And what it means? - Yet ...
- Nothing is forgotten! - Nothing!

Yet I
have already heard his name .

Maybe! Who knows how many times
I have mentioned him here.

No, no! No, dear, not from you.
Sorry. Come, dear, let's leave them alone.

- Contessa, à bientôt!
- No, let's be right back.

- In the meantime, I'll get you
some good coffee. - Well done, countess.

- As that old saying goes ...
- How?

- "A good coffee is welcome".
- Ah nice! Permission. - You are welcome.

- A good coffee for the doctor ...
- Doctor? - Doctor?

Look on the business card.

My mother-in-law took the business card !

- How you do it? - How you do it?
Don't you remember the name?

- Excuse me, you invented it, not me.
- I know!

- Let's try and remind ourselves.
- I do not remember.

- Mozzarella cheese!
- Not at all, mozzarella!

- Wheelchair! - Man! Panzetta!
- What a Panzetta!

- It ended in "she".
- Yes, in "she". - I remember.

It was a name
with a kind of dance in it.

- Tarantella. - Tarantella.
- No! - No! Dan - Danzarella!

- Tanzarella!
- Tanzarella!

- Yes Yes Yes!
- Ah thank goodness!

- I had a stroke!
- I imagine!

- Let's try not to forget it anymore.
- No, no!

Tanzarella! Tanzarella!
Tanzarella! Tanzarella!

- Tanza ... - ... rella!
- ... rella!

- And now tell me his name.
- Doctor Tanzarella!

No, let's not start over, please!
I want to know his real name.

- And then why did he come here?
- Because I am a benefactor!

When someone is in trouble,
I try to "undo it"!

- What, sorry?
- The "dissolved"! Clear?

Yes I understand!
Well, do you know what I tell you? Thanks.

- Thank you so much! - You are welcome.
Please, but we don't understand each other.

- Because?
- Young man, this is about money!

- Argent, rubles! Here, rubles!
- I understand perfectly well.

- 1000 lire are you okay?
- Did he take me for a beggar?

Modestly, not to brag,
I know how to dress!

I wear spats
and she comes out with 1000 lire?

- I get it!
- But I mean, young man, eh!

And the dear night?
I woke up a printer at night ...

.. to print
business cards?

But he said he was
a benefactor!

Yes, but of myself,
have patience!

- Here it takes 10,000 lire
and a kiss on it! - 10,000 lire?

- Yes. - This is
beautiful and good blackmail !

Do you call it blackmail?
Well, I tell his wife everything!

- Don't say anything, please!
- Do not touch me! - No.

- Do not touch me! - I don't touch it!
- No hands on!

I'm standing still!
Shut up, please!

- We come to an accommodation.
- We come to an accommodation.

- 5,000 read!
- Macchè 5,000 lire! 10,000!

- Do you insist on 5,000 lire?
- No! - I call him his wife!

- No! - I'll call her, you know?
- I'll give you ten. - Hurry up!

- I'll sign you a check.
- Sign it for me.

But take away a curiosity:
how did you know ...

... all the details on tonight?
- This is my business, right?

- Go, otherwise I'll call your wife.
- Yes, yes, I'm going!

How did he know
about mosquitoes, about all these things?

- I call him?
- No, I'm going! I go! - And go! Go!

A man who has been sleeping
for three months in the study ...

... I would keep an eye on him. Anyway,
you can't do anything for tonight.

- No, no. But
another thing came to mind . - Thing?

If Ernesto
talked a lot with the doctor tonight ...

... maybe he's sick?
- You believe?

But yes, mom! And that
would explain a lot of things.

- I found! Here is who can tell us.
- If Ernesto is sick?

But no!
Who is this doctor Tanzarella!

I've heard of it before, it's
not a common name.

Ready? Miss,
I'd like to speak to the manager.

I am Countess Bernabei.
He knows for sure.

Ready! Director, how are you doing?

No, I only stay a few hours.

Excuse me if I disturb you,
manager ...

... but generally you journalists
always know everything.

Have you never heard
of a certain Doctor Tanzarella?

- Yup! Yup! Biagio Tanzarella.
- Of Cavarzere. - Of Cavarzere.

Tanzarella? But yes! That's what
saved his life!

- I know! To my son-in-law.
- No, what does your son-in-law have to do with it?

His! To our Duke!

Of course? He is still his friend,
his trusted personal doctor.

He comes here to Rome
every now and then to see him.

- But what he says? So is it influential?
- Certainly, Countess. Very!

These days, whoever is close to him ...
just a little word.

Eh, I realize it!
Thanks, manager! Goodbye!

Did you understand? If your husband is able
to take advantage of this little bit of friendship ...

... has a future ahead of it!
A carrieron!

Mom, but you only think
about Ernesto's career.

- Why not you? - We must
also think about his health!

Okay, let's talk to the doctor, they
're so good friends!

Rather,
let's hope he's sick.

Let's hope? But if he were sick it
would be bad!

But if it were not, my child, it
would be worse!

- Here, this is the check!
- Thanks! - And now go!

- Tell me: is this check covered?
- But how dare you? It is covered yes.

- Are you calling me you? - Sure, I'll pay you.
- We hardly know each other!

- Sst! We have known each other for ten years!
- Yeah, that's right.

- The ladies come right away.
- Good.

Excuse me, do I have to go
to the bank with the countess?

- To do what?
- To get the gold cutlery.

- I do not know. Ask the lady.
- I do not understand! The gold cutlery ?!

These are things that don't concern you.
Please, spin! Spin away!

No! I have coffee first!
How does that old saying go?

To have a coffee and to cheat on
your wife, there is always time!

- Dear Doctor!
- Countess!

- I see you get along very well
with Ernesto. - Yup.

- We had a pleasant
chat. - Good!

Yes, we were talking ... What were we talking about?
Ah, some cutlery!

Ah, did you tell him
about our gold cutlery? Good boy!

See what a beauty. They were
chiseled by Benvenuto Cellini.

- Wow!
- Yup.

- But I mean, are they really gold gold?
- Gold! Gold!

- It is a gift from the Tsar of Russia
to my grandfather ambassador. - Uè!

We usually keep them
in a safe ...

... but tomorrow, for the occasion,
we decided to put them at the table!

- Here? Here? - No, not here.
At my house, in Montefalco.

Yes, because
His Excellency will come tomorrow ...

... to inaugurate a monument
and will be our guest at the Castelletto.

We will have a great lunch
in his honor! Yup.

- What a beautiful party!
- It will be a beautiful party, Ernesto!

- I imagine! - Doctor!
- Say. - Why doesn't she come too?

- it? - Yup!
- In Castelletto? - In Castelletto!

But Ernesto, you don't seem happy!
She will be our guest too!

- Kidding!
- No, the lady is serious.

- Sure!
- Of course we mean it!

But yeah, because they don't know
you have a lot of commitments.

He's saying
he's got a lot of commitments.

Do you feel it?
Is he telling you?

- Am I saying that?
- You didn't really say that ...

... but you meant it,
you could read it in the expression.

- If he does not accept, we are offended.
- Do you feel it? They take offense. I accept!

- Good boy!
- Very good!

Bravo so to speak.
With all the commitments he has, let's go!

And his wife?
Where does he leave it?

- In the hotel, for three days, alone?
- Then bring her too!

- If they insist ...
- Of course we insist!

- Then I'll sprint.
I go and come back! - I'll take you.

- No! I'll accompany you.
- As you want.

I wanted to ask you, by the way,
in Bainsizza, do you remember?

Overcoat and hat, please.

Here. Now, when you get out of here, you
call. Find any excuse.

Say you had to leave
suddenly.

What a figure with your wife!
He will say that I am rude!

- Now stop! Look, I ...
- Lady!

I'm going to get
my wife and be right back!

- No, wait!
- No, let him go, Ernesto.

So come back.

Yes I know! I know it comes back!

- But why did you invite him?
- For your career!

- For my career ?!
- Yes!

When the Minister learns
that you are a good friend of his doctor ...

- The Minister's doctor?
- No! Del Duce!

Ah well, then ...
Del Duce ?!

But who told you such a thing?

As? Didn't you know
he was the Duce's doctor?

- You are such friends!
- the friend of the Duce?

- No! The doctor! - Ah, of the doctor -
Ah yes, of course. Of course!

- How, you didn't know?
- Yes, I knew it! I knew it very well!

- Why didn't you tell me? - Why
can't you say certain things!

You don't want to send me
to confinement, do you?

- Can't they tell?
- Sure, you can't tell.

- He does not want! - The doctor?
- But no, him! He!

You will understand a man so vigorous,
so strong, so energetic ...

... doesn't want anyone to know
that he needs a doctor.

- So you can't tell anyone?
- Nobody, please!

- Not even His Excellency?
- Much less to His Excellency!

- We go to the bank!
- Ah yes, hurry up!

-
That doctor is really nice ! - Yup!

There is only one thing
I don't understand:

... why is he from Cavarzere
and has a Neapolitan accent?

- But how should he speak sorry?
- Veneto! - He must have forgotten.

A dialect can also be forgotten.
One lives there and then ... What do I know?

- See you later.
- Hello Mom. - Come on, Gina.

We hope the lady
is as nice as him.

- Do you know her, the lady?
- What lady?

- The wife!
- Ah ... No, never seen.

Miserable, scoundrel, perjury!
He should have felt it!

- She's ugly, fat, over 50.
- False propaganda.

- If the wife is
as beautiful as she says ... - Ah yes! Believe me!

Modestly I am a gourmet,
if I tell her she is beautiful, she is beautiful.

- You'll see what I'm capable of.
- Oh no, please!

For heaven's sake, no scenes.
We are to the agreements.

- Don't worry, mine will be a
refined revenge. - That's fine.

Please, pack your bags!

Rascal!
Even the fake address he gave me!

And of course,
not to let him see it.

- You're welcome ma'am.
- Here we go! - Yup!

Teacher! Teacher!

- What's up? - They're back now,
with a suitcase. - Cutlery!

- Can you take me with you, master?
- You are crazy?

- You say I'm your brother.
- But how dare you?

And then, I already have two teeth,
a wife and a thousand dollar bill!

- So go ahead!
- But I want to be useful.

- Do you want to be useful? Pay the taxi.
- Why do I have to pay it?

- So you take the rest, stupid!
- Ah!

Here they are,
the famous gold cutlery.

It's useless,
every time I see them ...

... they seem more beautiful to me.
Fine, right?

Mom! Mom!
Ernesto! They have arrived!

Contessa!

Ernesto! My young lady ...

... it's not in the skin
to know yours!

- My wife, my mother-in-law.
- But Ernesto, what are you saying?

- I meant ...
- The opposite. - Here.

Dear, Ernesto
is my great friend.

- But we already know each other.
- Oh yes?

Yes. My husband told me so much
that I already seem to know him.

- She, rather, is a surprise!
- What idea did you have of me, madam?

Well, who knows why ... Excuse me, you know,
but I had made up my mind ...

... that her husband had married
an ugly woman! Much older.

- Yes Yes Yes.
- But your wife is delightful.

- Yes, yes.
- Find? - It's obvious!

Ernesto! It's obvious!

- Ernesto! Why are you so red?
- lo, red? - Yup!

- But it's true, you're all sweaty.
- Are you feeling unwell?

Oh, sorry, dear, but why
don't you pay him a little visit?

- Oibò! - This is a good idea, yes!
- What's going on with you? What do you feel?

I feel a tingling
in my hands and throughout my body.

- Impossible. - Let's go there.
- You look great.

It looks great.
Crack of health!

- Pay me a little visit.
- No need, you're fine.

- Yes, doctor! - I tell you come!
- It's not the case...

- Let's be right back.
- But this visit is superfluous.

But why?
Why did you bring that woman?

- The gold cutlery! What magnificence!
- Stop with your hands!

But am I really golden?
All that light is not gold!

- It's gold!
- Yes, but leave the cutlery alone!

- And answer, rather!
- Was I supposed to bring a wife?

- I didn't have another one!
- That's not your wife!

- I know. She is your lover!
- Silence! Do you want me to hear Silvia?

What must I not hear?

- Tell me everything, doctor, is it serious?
- Sui generis.

But if he does what I say,
if he listens to my advice ...

... everything will fall into place, although
it is quite serious.

- Oh, doctor!
- Eh, I know, I know, I know!

- And tell me a little lady ...
- Yes.

How long has the young man been
experiencing these ailments?

- Ah ... For three months, doctor!
- Three months? Oh, the peppa!

- That's a little too much, son!
- Ernesto! You have to heal, heal!

Yes, dear, do not worry.
Don't worry.

Doctor, we have a lot of faith
in you, don't abandon us.

I have not the slightest intention
of abandoning you.

Do not mention it! For charity!
I'm here, I'm not leaving.

To this guy, I'm not giving up!
He must be supervised, he must be treated.

- Doll, I'm not giving up! I got it?
Go, lady. - Thank you Doctor.

And I'll give you a punch
if you don't finish it!

With such a beautiful wife, do
you know what it is? He's a stinker!

And you are from Veneto, remember!
Veneto! Of Cavarzere!

- How are you? - Ah, doctor!
- So?

No fear! No fear!
Yes, he is a little sick ...

... but mo there stongo ca me
and put it in place, that, ostrega!

Yup!

- What is happening?
- Eh, we're broken down.

As? It is not possible!
This is a perfect car!

Away! Start the engine again,
please.

Feel like sneezing.
But what can be done?

Put an aspirin
in the carburetor, I don't know.

A moment of patience,
now I'll take care of it.

Calm down.

- Careful, huh! - Yup!
- Do you want a hand?

- Be careful not to burn yourself!
- Careful!

Calm! I know about engines!
I'll handle that!

The carriages were slower,
but at least they didn't have to be pushed.

It's the era of the engine, Countess.
Cars are increasing every day.

Yesterday, in via del Tritone,
you won't believe it ...

... in less than an hour
more than twenty have passed!

- Oh yes?
- Oh yes, yes!

Just beautiful this place!

Alt! We have arrived!

We hope to find
a good mechanic at least.

- Ugh! What a pain!
- But this is not a workshop!

- It's a tavern!
- And what do I do with the tavern?

What are you doing there? But not me.
I need to refresh myself ...

... I'm peckish ...
- The doctor is right!

- This air has given me an appetite!
- Then getting some rest doesn't hurt.

Of course! I push it
and you are tired?

- Better let the car rest
and go inside. - Innkeeper!

- No, you stay here, you don't move.
- People of the house! Casigliani!

Is anybody there?
But if there is no one ...

... why doesn't someone answer
and say that there is no one?

Bella!

It takes. Host!
Are you all dead? Cost?

Sorry! Excuse me,
sir, be patient!

- But we were from there and you couldn't hear it.
We have a seriously ill person. - A sick person?

Yes Madam. My father-in-law,
my wife's father.

He's so bad, poor fellow!

She had indigestion
a week ago ...

... and we can't
get him out of bed anymore .

- He's lucky.
- Eh, not so much.

I said that he is lucky because
we have a very good doctor with us.

- Yup? And who is, who is this ...
- Like who is he, doctor? It's her, no!

Yep, that's right!
What a fool I am.

Since the lady said
"very good doctor" ...

... my modesty made
me not understand.

Doctor, the sick person is there.
Would you like to take a look at it?

And what am I watching him do?
I'm not curious then.

My daughter,
I see many sick people ...

... from morning to night, I
'm full of sick people.

I prefer to see beautiful
healthy people, bursting with health!

But the lady wanted to tell
if she was good enough to visit him.

- How old is this sick man?
- 94!

Ah... 94.

But then, dear lady, you
don't need a doctor.

He can die very well,
comfortably by himself!

- Couldn't we try to cure him?
- What's the point? For what purpose?

If he doesn't die now, he
will die later. It's the same, isn't it?

Do we want to make this man live
forever?

But we must evacuate!
We must make room for young people!

Do you know that every
ninety-four year old who dies ...

... gives way
to five 18-year-olds?

How nice!

Pope! Here are the noodles.

Ah!

Sweetheart, go
take a look at your grandfather ...

... if you need anything.
- All right.

Wait a minute ... if you want
me to visit it, I visit it.

- Yup! - Thanks.
- Do you need anything, doctor?

- Do you have clean pajamas?
- Actually no.

It doesn't matter,
I manage by myself.

- It's in here, isn't it?
- Yes, sir. - I'll go right away.

We should be able to make a hole
and then tie with a wire.

- You don't have a drill, by any chance?
- No. - How do you find him here?

Pussa away!
Hey, good people! Good people!

- What's up? - I said "good people".
This is not about you.

- All right. - What are you doing there?
- What I do is not about you!

Wait up! I need a drill,
try to get it for me.

- To do what?
- That's my business!

If you saw, ladies!
He's skinny, but so skinny!

But, respectfully speaking,
he has a belly like this!

- Please! Do you have a drill?
- A drill? - A drill?

Drill! Have you ever made
a hole in this house?

- Yes and then?
- Give him the drill!

- Here! - Yes, good.
Here it is, this is the drill.

- Hammer, pincers, screwdriver.
It can serve anything. - Yes sir.

Ladies, but I say,
can we be trusted

Eh, how not?
He is the best doctor in Italy!

Here are the irons, here is everything.

Drill ... And now leave me alone.
You shut up!

So! Let's take care
of this patient a little .

Where is it?
Here it is. Yes, yes.

Eh ...
How old are you? 94.

How did he get up to ...

This now, this now ...
There's nothing to be done, this ...

He has a stomach ache.
Can't you see how swollen it is?

I see it, I see it.
I see it, I see it. Eh! Wow!

Listen'..

... pull, pull out the lin -
The tongue.

How disgusting!
I understood everything.

Here we need
a nice, profound visit.

A very careful visit.
Undress!

- He is the sick man!
- Embè? And the doctor is me.

Do you want to know more than me?
If I tell you undress, undress.

- But doctor, I don't understand ...
- You don't have to understand, my daughter.

You don't have to understand. Certain diseases
are transmitted from father to son.

I want to ascertain, it
is science that commands me ...

... I want to see if
your grandfather's disease has spread to you ...

... that you are his niece. Take off your clothes!

- But doctor,
I'm ashamed in front of my grandfather . - You're ashamed, huh?

Well, you are not wrong. Anyway,
there's a screen here, come with me.

In life there is a remedy for everything,
remember. Everything can be remedied!

Come here. Take off your clothes.

Forward...

- But I have nothing!
- I have nothing? What do You know?

But they all say so, they say, you know?
All like this! But you have it all!

Freshness, youth,
beauty and opulence!

Doctor, I'm sick
and you are visiting my niece?

Done. And thank you so much.
All fixed, huh!

- But what did you do?
- And who was it for?

- We gave it to the doctor.
- Yes, but for me, right?

- I say, will you explain to me?
- It is not possible!

What is happening? Sorry?

But I don't understand anything like that!
All these rags on!

Undress completely
and I'll pay you a nice visit!

- Grandpa is there!
- We send him away, Grandpa.

Say grandpa, go away!
Go away, leave us alone.

I have to visit your niece.
Hurry up! Street!

Get up, slacker! Get up!

Ah! You stocked up, huh?

This was his illness!

They never give me food,
doctor! Don't say anything!

Nothing. This
is your disease, huh?

Now I'll take care of it.
Make this stuff disappear right now!

Please, the relatives.

Ahi, ahi, ahi, ahi, ahi ...

- Doctor, what happened?
- Pope! Pope!

Nothing serious!

- He healed perfectly!
- Healed? - There he is, the young man!

- It's a miracle, doctor!
- Doctor, thank you very much.

Modestly where I put
my hands, I work miracles.

Oh, the patient
is a little undernourished now.

You have to bring it up!
I would like to prescribe a diet for you.

At noon I'd give him a nice plate
of pasta and beans with pork rinds.

I recommend, fresh pork rinds!

- I really care about pork rinds!
- All right!

For second course
we give him a nice steak.

- Beef?
- Beef.

After, a nice
four-egg omelette with ham.

- You have plenty of them.
- Yes, sir.

No fruit,
please, please!

You would poison her. Like parrots.

Yup! Some fennel.
Do you have fennel at home?

Not at home,
but someone is in town.

- Are there any? - Yes.
- Well, well, well.

In the evening we repeat the same diet
with a variant:

... instead of beans, let's make chickpeas.
- Chickpeas, chickpeas.

- Do you like chickpeas?
- Very much! I'm going crazy! - Yup.

- He likes everything.
- Yes ... Poor thing!

So pasta and chickpeas,
the usual steak ...

- Beef. - No, of veal.
In the evening it is lighter, the calf.

At midnight, please,
just as soon as midnight strikes ...

... a nice glass
of English salt! Oh, sorry!

Let
's be nationalist:

... a nice glass
of soda sulphate!

- With four eggs. - With four ...
Without eggs, please.

- Yes, we can put a sheep.
- If you want it! - Do you like the sheep?

Yes, the sheep.

- The usual fennel, so much
in the village, right? - Yes, yes.

You will see that, after three months,
that is perfectly healed.

And I close the shop.

Dad, did you see?

- The coat. Thanks.
- Doctor!

- What do we do for my opulence?
- I don't understand, my daughter.

- You said I have opulence, yes?
- Ah yes, you keep your opulence.

And thank mom for
making it for you!

Remember, not all opulence
succeeds with a hole!

- See you later. - See you later.
- Thank you Doctor.

And best wishes to the dying man!

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

- Good evening, lady.
- Here we are.

- Good evening, Tommaso!
- Clara, how are you?

- Dear father-in-law!
- How are you?

- My husband ... Doctor Tanzarella.
- Honored. - Your lady.

- My pleasure!
- Very pleased. - My pleasure.

- The doctor is a friend of Ernesto.
- And ours, of course.

- Take a seat!
- How nice here!

Silvia, accompany them!

- You are welcome. - Come!
- Suitcases!

- You are welcome.
- Thanks.

Thomas! It must be treated
with all due respect ..

... because he is a
very influential person !

- What is it, a hierarch? - More!
He is the Duce's personal doctor!

- Oh yes?! - I told him!
- You did very well!

What did I recommend to you?

It's a secret,
nobody has to know anything!

- Okay, I'll keep the secret!
- Go, I'll join you. - Go Go.

- You are welcome! You are welcome! Take a seat!
- Thanks!

- An aperitif? - Why not?
To begin with ...

Ah! Leave it to me, dear!
I take care of our doctor!

Oh yes? I'm going to see what
Mom decided for the rooms.

I have a special Port for her,
from 1840.

- One thing you don't even drink there!
- Where is it? - She understood me! - There!

- You are welcome.
- Thanks.

- Let's drink this port.
- There he is!

Aren't you going
to sleep with that guy?

- But of course, dear, he's my husband.
- He's not your husband!

And do you want me to say it?
A scandal would happen.

Come on, don't make that face, smile.
They are watching us.

Ah, good, Pierino!

Mom, what room do we give
the doctor and the lady?

I don't know,
I thought about it the whole trip.

That of Garibaldi no
because it is for His Excellency.

The others are all in one bed.

Do you think he will mind
sleeping apart?

I do not know. Why
don't you sell yours and daddy?

Yes sure. Do you take it
or do we give it to the Tanzarella?

- We take it, of course!
- Ernesto, but then ...

It is not even discussed.
The two of us together and they separated.

Mom, but he's healed!

You cannot imagine
what an honor it is for us, doctor!

- In 1860 Garibaldi and now you!
- Yeah. I, Garibaldi ...

- She is her!
- I did not think about it!

- Whose suitcases are they?
- Gentlemen. - Then split them.

- Yes, take one there
and one upstairs. - Good.

- But isn't there a double room?
- Yes, there is one, theirs.

- But we give it up. - To us.
Me and my wife, of course.

- Always if the gentleman does not mind.
- To me? Are you sleeping with your wife?

But what a crazy xemo,
ghe xemo, that obstacles!

- Do you understand Veneto?
- Yes. - Ah, good!

- On the other hand, I'm sorry.
- But Laur - Madam!

- Yes, I meant: I'm sorry to
sleep without my husband. - I see.

- What did he understand?
- Nothing nothing!

Only unfortunately we are in the countryside
and we have to adapt, here!

If the lady and the doctor
prefer to sleep together ...

... we can give them
dad and mom's room. - You say?

Of course, dear.
They are the guests, aren't they?

- You are very kind, ma'am.
- Oh, duty, duty, ma'am.

- Please make yourselves comfortable.
- Count, allow? - You are welcome.

- Dear?
- I'm right to you. Sorry!

Contessa, I have placed the suitcases
in the bedrooms.

Now go get them
and bring them back!

- You said ...
- I'm the doctor's? - Yup.

- Then take them to our room.
Quick! - Good.

- Come on, Tommaso.
- Yup.

- Countess!
- What is it, Sunday?

- His Excellency is on the phone!
- Ah, I'll come right away.

See you later, goodbye!

- Do you mind? - That they sleep together?
What do you want me to care about?

I am husband and wife!
They are married, of course!

But I wasn't talking about them,
I was talking about us.

Well, we'll sleep apart.
Did you invite them? Now enjoy them!

I'm sorry dear.

Oh, I'm sorry, Excellency.

All right. So,
we'll wait for you tomorrow morning.

All right.
Good night, Excellency. Good night.

- An accident?
- No, a car breakdown.

He has to stop
and sleep in Boschello.

All solved. You can sleep
in Garibaldi's room.

- I've already sent the bags upstairs.
- Okay, get them brought back down.

- What's up? Something wrong?
- Ernesto!

- Ernesto you heard a moment ago.
- Yes, a moment ago, but now ...

- What are you talking about?
- Nothing, honey, nothing.

I took my bags
to the second floor.

Then you take them back to the first one
and put them in Garibaldi's room.

- But the lady ...
- Do as I told you! - Yes Madam.

- Doctor! - Countess!
- All in order? - Yes thanks.

- Is the room to their liking?
- Perfect.

- We have lunch at 21:00.
- It was time!

- Doctor, will you allow a word?
- But you think, Countess!

Yes, it is delicious!

- Doctor, sorry
if I disturbed you. - It is a pleasure!

- Please take a seat.
- Thanks.

- Tell me about Ernesto, what's wrong with him?
- Countess, don't worry.

You see, your son-in-law is suffering
from congenital dystonia ...

... which affects
the autonomic system. - Ah!

Put simply, it
is an atonic hypothesis. Already!

It is the blood circulation
that is not regular.

The heart, through systole
and diastole, pumps blood ...

... and circulates it
both left and right.

Now, in
his son-in-law's battered physique ...

... the left circular
is fine, very well ...

... but the one that doesn't work
is the right circular, forget it!

- So what do you recommend?
- Go by foot. - As?

Exercise is good, it facilitates
blood circulation, you understand?

Of course...

What if this is not enough?

A clean cut
and don't talk about it anymore!

- To cut? - Yes. How does
that old saying go?

When something doesn't work, give it
a clean break!

Please, doctor, don't joke.
I am very worried.

- Oh, I can imagine! - I'm very
worried about my daughter.

- It's been three months wrong.
- And no! Wow!

- Your daughter, three months that ...
- No! Ernesto!

Why didn't he tell me before?

- Give him a big shot
of castor oil! - Castor oil?

Of course!
Castor oil is in fashion today.

How bad you dance tonight.
I do not understand why.

Don't you understand why?
I feel all eyes on me.

All the more reason to be
casual.

- And hold me!
- Please!

Doctor, you who are lucky enough to
know what we don't know ...

- Of course! I know it all.
- Yes, she knows!

- Please tell us!
Bruneri or Cinnamon? - Tell us!

I would love it
with my friends!

Well, in my opinion there is no escape:
if it's not Cinnamon it's Bruneri.

And if it doesn't have to be Bruneri,
then it means it's Cinnamon!

Exquisite!

But he knows it.

- He?
- Yes, he!

- Bruneri?
- But no! Him!

- Ah! Cinnamon!
- No! What a darling, he doesn't want to talk!

- Now I'll let you taste
one from 1898! - Eh la peppa!

Your wife is wearing her 50s well.
It shows half of it.

You will understand! With beauty treatments
nowadays miracles are done.

- We'll talk about it tonight.
- This night?

- Look, I'm waiting for you.
- But there he is!

- We'll send him to your room.
- My wife is in my room.

But how? Wasn't there
just one double room?

Silence,
they are watching us. You are welcome.

The Minister has not arrived,
we sleep in Garibaldi's room.

- Garibaldi slept alone.
- Garibaldi had to make Italy.

- And you would like to be Italians!
- This is nice!

- Does it turn me on?
- Immediately.

- Silvia, play the last tango,
the brand new one. - Oh yes!

- Are you dancing, doctor?
- Modestly, better than Rodolfo.

- About Rudolph Valentino?
- No, no. Rodolfo Chiappetta.

- And who is it? - He's a friend of mine
who can't dance at all.

- Will you allow me this tango, Countess?
- But with pleasure!

I am not a wife!

Wives can tolerate
betrayal! not me!

- If you sleep with her,
I'll make a scandal! - For charity!

It will mean
that I will put the pillow in the middle!

- So what are you doing?
- What do I do? Let me think.

The phone!
I'm going! I'm going!

- The phone? I have not heard.
- He played, he played. - Ah.

Ready? Who's talking?

Ah! His Excellency?

Good evening, Excellency.

How do you say? Are you fixing the car?
Ah, well, Excellency!

It will soon arrive.
Very well, Excellency! We are waiting for you!

Good evening, Excellency!

- What he said?
- The Minister has broken down ...

... but he's repairing the car,
arrive right away.

The room must be prepared.
I recommend, Garibaldi's room.

- I knew it. - But it's not his fault
if His Excellency arrives.

Your suitcases will need to be removed .

Don't worry, Tommaso,
we 'll take care of it! Come!

- Separate rooms, happy?
- Look, I'm waiting for you!

- But ... and him?
- Oh, he'll go, I'll take care of it.

This Excellency,
when it arrives, will have an appetite.

If he hasn't eaten,
we'll let him eat.

With the gold cutlery?

No! We put those at the table
tomorrow evening, at the official lunch.

In the meantime, are these gold cutlery
around the house like that?

- No, I'm safe! - Oh yes?
- In the safe.

- Where is it?
- In the safe!

- Do you also have a safe?
- Yup! - Nice house, huh?

- And where is this safe?
- In his room.

- But no! - Yes!
- But go?

- Done. It's all settled.
- Ah well!

So we can
safely go to bed, huh?

- Shouldn't we wait for
His Excellency? - No! It's not the case.

He will arrive very tired
and will not want to be disturbed.

Well, go ahead.
We are waiting for it.

- You?
- Yes, yes.

- Shall we go, dear?
- As you want, love!

- Countess! - You are welcome.
- Good night. - Goodnight dear.

- Good night.
- Hi, Ernesto! Where are you going?

Good night.

All right. Yup...

...Yup.

- Well, what do you do? - I'm undressing.
- But how, is he undressing?

Do I have to go to bed dressed?

- But go away, please.
- One moment, wait, try me.

Despite everything, I've always been
successful, you know?

- How dare you ?!
- It's only one night. Am I her husband?

What a husband! He has to go
because I have to undress!

For that matter, don't
compliment, take off your clothes.

God forbid that he
had to sacrifice himself for me .

I sit here good, good,
quiet, still ...

... and I just watch. Eyes
are made for looking, aren't they?

- Listen up
- Yes?

- Garibaldi slept in this house,
is it true? - They say.

- Oh yes? How distracted.
- Because?

- He forgot his hat.
- Ah! How witty! This is mine!

- And now you want to go, please
? - I'm leaving?

God forbid, God forbid!
How does that old saying go?

They gave me this room
and woe betide anyone who touches it!

Stand still!
What does it do? What does it do?

- Welcome, Excellency! - Thanks.
I'm sorry it happens suddenly ...

... but when the car was repaired,
the telephone office was closed.

- But we had already been warned.
- Oh, beautiful! From who?

- I don't know, my son-in-law spoke.
You are welcome. - Would you like to sit down?

- Thanks. But was it her?
- not me.

- Come on, quick! Hurry up!
- Come, Excellency.

- I'll take you to your room.
- Very nice.

- It's a historic room.
- Yup? - Yes, Garibaldi slept there ...

... before taking off,
as written on the tombstone.

Excuse me...

... as commissioner assigned
to the person of His Excellency ...

... I'd like to ask you a question.
- You are welcome.

Do you, Mr. Count, answer
for the people who are in your house?

Yup! I guarantee! It's me,
my wife, my daughter, my son-in-law ...

... and Dr. Tanzarella.

- You don't know who it is?
- No.

- He is His
trusted personal physician . - Him? - He!

He! Then we can't
sleep peacefully!

I don't understand why people have
to be so suspicious.

How cool!

"Here Garibaldi slept on May 17
before taking off ...

... archangel blond and serene
and said, vaticinando: 'We will win'

Are you crazy?

What jumped
into your head to come here?

- It's that idiot!
- Sst!

That idiot
doesn't leave my room!

Don't you understand that
my mother-in-law is here next door ? Stay still!

A little caution, by God!

Do one thing: go
to Garibaldi's room and wait for me there.

Anyway the Minister doesn't come.

- Okay, I'll go
to Garibaldi's room ! - Wait up!

Go ahead. Go!

Stay still!

Lei ?!

- Ma ... lei who?
- You ?!

This then!
But why do you call me her?

I imagined everything except
finding her ... That is, finding you here.

Oh, I didn't really think the
Excellency was you!

- Did you come in by any chance?
- No, no, no!

I have come to greet
His Excellency!

And don't you see?
I'm in black shirt!

Damn!

Believe me, in my situation,
with all the enemies I have ...

... with so many people controlling me ...
- I understand, I understand.

- Sleep well, Excellency.
- Thanks.

Oh! Would you like something, lady?

Oh yes! I have a severe headache
and I need a cachet.

- I should have some. Please sit down.
- Oh thanks.

Sweetheart!

But what are you doing here?

- But isn't this
Garibaldi's room ? - So?

Not a good reason why
we have to be in a thousand, is it?

But do you know who I am?
I am His Excellency, the Minister!

Comodo!

But what does it do?

One two, one two, one two.

One two, one two.

For left, left row!
One two, one two, one two ...

... one two, one two.

Squadra alt!
Front a destr, front!

The young Italians of Montefalco ...

... have come to pay homage
to His Excellency.

Brave! His Excellency
will be here in a moment.

- Wouldn't it be appropriate to call him?
- What do you think? - Mah, I do not know.

He locked himself in his room
with his secretary.

I think they are talking
about important problems.

Are you really sure, Excellency?
Did you see it well?

Sure. I tell you she came here,
last night, in this room!

- And the lady recognized him?
- It was fatal.

How could he forget me
after that night in the sleeping car ..

... and that little bit of mishap!
- Let's not exaggerate, Excellency.

An accident can happen to anyone.

- Even a great tenor can make
a cue. - Yeah! A cue!

But if He finds out about it, He
makes me resign!

- Who should tell him?
- But how who? The commissioner!

That sends him
a written report every night.

Well, Bini ... as long as we are here
there is danger.

Therefore, no packed breakfast
and no gala lunch.

- We leave after the ceremony.
- All right, Excellency.

Then it is best to warn
the hosts.

- Bini! Notes! The speech!
- They are there, in the suitcase, Excellency.

Ernesto! Go to His Excellency,
stay with him for a while.

Be nice, kind. We
invited him on purpose, what the heck!

- He's still in his room.
- Oh yes.

And since it is Garibaldi's room,
do you know what I'm telling you? I obey.

But not too happy.

- Bini! - Excuse me, Excellency,
but there is such confusion here!

I can not find.

He has to make seven speeches in this ...
Ah! Here it is!

I'll put it here,
inside the green folder!

- Bini, be honest, what do you think?
- About the speech?

- But no! About that accident of mine
with that lady. - Well, I don't know.

- Permission?
- Up! Forward! What do you think?

- Does it happen often?
- Never! Only that time.

- I don't know how it was.
It must have been the heat ... - Yes.

- The movement of the train ...
- Yes. - Yes. - Yes!

Yes, yes! Maybe because
they knocked on the door ...

... but valley to make
a woman understand certain things!

Excellence...

- Bini! The door! - I was leaving,
Excellency! I was going out.

Don't worry, I'll take care of His Excellency
. Go.

Here, bravo!
With permission, Excellency.

Did you hear
what I was saying?

About the train thing ...
The movement, the heat ...

- No, I didn't hear anything.
- I wasn't talking about myself, but about a friend.

- It's a beautiful misfortune, poor fellow!
- Then there is no need to pity him.

- Even a great tenor
can make a cue! - It's true.

I remember a Russian tenor.
He made a scary cue.

He was so upset
that he never sang for his entire life.

My friend is not Russian.
Come on, don't waste my time.

- Can I be useful in anything?
- Ah! The speech!

I'll take it if you allow.
Where is it? In this...

No, no. It must be in the folder.
But what does it do?

- Ouch!
- Excuse me.

Come on, hurry up!

- There is confusion.
- The green folder there.

- The green folder? - Yes.
- Certainly, Excellency.

Here it is. Maybe there are.

- Only the green one!
- The green one.

If you allow, Excellency,
I'll take it.

Excuse me, Excellency,
but is that friend of yours still alive?

- Of course! Because?
- Oh no, because there are those ...

Well! There are those who shot themselves
for much less.

- Please sit down. Please, take a seat.
- Yup! - This is serious!

- God, what happened?
- A terrible thing!

The Secretary of the Minister
told me that His Excellency ..

... does not stop to eat!

- Don't you stop to eat?
- No!

- It means he has no appetite.
- You try it, doctor.

Do me this courtesy.
You will see that if she tells him ...

- it? If I tell him ...
- Yes, he thinks about it.

Use this courtesy for me.
Just a little word from him ...

- Of course! A little word of mine ...
- Be kind!

We wanted to put
gold cutlery on the table , you know.

So if the Minister doesn't stop,
she doesn't put the gold cutlery on.

No! But not even the bother
of removing them from the safe!

- Unless you care!
- No! If it's for me, that's not the case.

I am also able to eat
a loaf with my hands!

Bread and peoci! This, ostrega!
Grand Canal, Moor of Venice!

- So, you tell him?
- I'll tell him!

- Thanks! - Quiet!
- You are a true friend!

- You are welcome. - Thanks! - Goodbye.
- Thanks. - I'll tell him!

Beware!

Excellence!
The Young Italians of Montefalco ...

... proud of their faith
in the cause ...

... they offer all of themselves,
body and soul!

And all their
exuberant youth!

- To His Excellency?
- No. To the cause. - Ah!

Fortunately, they
only offered her flowers. Luckily.

Luckily? What does
"luckily" mean ? Here we go!

Right side!
Quickly! One two, one two, one two ...

One moment, one moment.
And the doctor?

Doctor! Doctor!

Doctor!

Doctor Tanzarella!

Doctor!

Doctor!

Doctor!

Doctor!
Doctor!

- I finally saw you, doctor!
- Ah! He saw me, huh?

- Let's hurry, come.
- Alright then.

- Please, take a seat. - You're welcome, first.
- Do not mention it. Her first!

- There's no point in teasing, you know?
- I'd be careful! - All right!

Here is the Minister!

Hurray!

- But how did you know?
- Well, that's my job.

Of course! Of course!

Do you know what I tell you?

That this time
I was hoping to get away with it.

I knew right away
that he didn't want to be noticed.

- Will understand! Put yourself in my shoes.
- Maybe!

Doctor...

Are we half done? Eh ?!

I know I shouldn't afford it,
but she will forgive me if I dare.

- Dare, dare. - She is so affable,
so kind that ...

This is
my business card.

And what am I doing?
Where am I going, what's the use?

Exactly, where does she go
with her very high intellect ...

... with her noble heart, she ...
- it! the! the!

- Doctor, let's face it,
where are you taking me? - We have arrived.

Okay, patience!

- But where is he going? - In prison.
- Ah! Mattacchione! Oh! I'm sorry.

I'll take her to
her rightful place. And don't forget!

All right.

Wide!
Let it pass!

Come on, come on!
Get away! Forward!

- I'll lead the way, doctor, please.
- Thanks.

Maestro!

- Go away! I do not know you!
- Why, I'm Gennarino!

I know, but I don't know you.
Wait for me at the station.

- Doctor, please.
- Sorry!

Did you understand? At the station!

Soon! We must cover up
that the Minister is coming!

Come on, help me!
Give me a hand! Take.

Citizens! Comrades! The word
to His Excellency the Minister!

Who was Maria Pocchiola?

You all know it well!
Maria Pocchiola ...

- It's a man!
... he was a man!

- A man?
- Eh ...

He's a man,
a friendly voice suggests.

In fact, Maria Pocchiola
had man's willpower ...

... but it was a woman.

And what did this woman do?
You all know it!

Nobody knows!

You all know
who he is and where he is!

Maria Pocchiola is there,
under that flag!

There is no Maria Pocchiola!

I hear her distant voice,
pleading with me:

"No! I'm not down there,
I'm elsewhere".

So, I say,
who is under that flag?

Comrades! Citizens!

- Do we want to see it together?
- Yup! - And let's see it!

That's who there is! There he is!
Our hero!

The one who was the spiritual heir
of Maria Pocchiola!

- And who is this man?
- But everyone knows!

Yup! Yup! You all know it!
So, I say ...

... I won't be the one to tell you,
but you will be the one to tell me!

So who is the man
we're commemorating?

Gino Petazzoni!

Ah, ah! Ah, good!
It's really him!

And who was Gino Petazzoni?

- A fighter?
- No! - No!

He never fought,
indeed he was a peaceful man.

- I could say he was
an inventor ... - No!

... if he had been an inventor!

- A man of science!
- No!

- Of letters!
- No!

- A mathematician!
- No!

- A physicist!
- No!

- A geologist!
- No!

- A florist!
- No!

He was none of this!

Gino Petazzoni
was something more and better!

He was a sportsman and an athlete!

- But how dare she?
- Shut up!

- What, shut up! - Shut up!
- He ruined the hat!

Turn around!

And the regime enhances sport!

Because sport and regime
are identified in just three words:

... strength, power ...

... and virility!

Go on!

- I finished!
- Music!

- Quick, Sunday!
- How many seats?

- Like last night: six.
- Yup.

- The others aren't coming?
- No, if the Minister doesn't stop ...

Madam, but once the ministers
stopped and how they ate!

I swear he talked about me
when he laughed! He said something!

- I was too far.
- Haven't you heard? Good for nothing!

Excellency, it wasn't me
that night that ...

I know, it was that friend of mine.

- There was talk of that friend of mine ...
- Ah, the one who took the sticks.

- He only took one. - You
only have to steal once to be a thief.

- Do you like talking about that guy?
- You know, they're hot things.

When he came to tell
me , I didn't want to believe it.

- Looks like these things happen.
- It seems!

But excuse me, Excellency, is
this friend of yours normal?

But how does it come to mind?

Okay, certain things
can also happen, but ...

Could this tenor
not be a soprano?

I already told
you it was a disgrace!

- If you only knew how bad I was!
- She? What's she got to do with it, sorry?

But I have nothing.
I was sorry for him.

- Let's assume it happened to her.
- I'm sorry, Excellency ...

... but some things
just can't happen to me.

- Let's face it!
- No, let's not admit it.

I don't really admit it,
by constitution, you know?

Okay, but you, instead
of my friend, what would you do?

In place of his friend,
I don't know, but in his place ...

...
I'd try to track down that woman and rehabilitate myself.

But what do I have to do with it? I told her
I didn't do anything!

Exactly! Face!

Face, Excellency!

I'm going to make arrangements
for luggage.

No, wait a minute, wait there!
Wait there! See you later.

- Where is it? - What news is this?
We must leave immediately!

Excellency, the comrade
said a holy thing!

Get rehabilitated!

- She believes? - Yes!
Listen to me, do it! Face!

Stop to eat.

- Excuse me, did you happen to see
Signora Tanzarella? - No!

- Thanks. - I guess you won't be able to
see it either.

- Because? - His Excellency
has accepted your advice.

Ah ... Oh! What an idiot!

- His Excellency?
- No, no! What a fool I am!

I didn't know it was
Mrs. Tanzarella!

What do you know now?
What does he care?

I'm sorry, you will understand!
The doctor is a very dear friend of mine.

So you know what to do?
Entertain him.

Thing? Ah no!
I'm sorry, not that!

Here we go! His Excellency
is not ungrateful.

Listen to me, cooperate. Collaborate.
The doctor is in the library. Go!

- Mah ...
- Go!

I know you must respect
professional secrecy, doctor.

But I am the wife.
I have a right to know from you!

I understand! But all from me!
All to me!

I am no longer a doctor!
I am an information office!

- Silvia! - Yup?
- Your mother wants to talk to you.

- And where?
- I don't know, look for it!

- With permission, doctor.
- You're welcome ma'am.

- No! You wait!
- What's up?

- There is that they sneak up on your wife!
- Thing?

- Your wife is being tricked!
- Oh yes? - Yup!

Do they undermine my wife?
Laughter!

- But what, can you laugh at it?
- Sure! And what does it matter to me?

Do their convenience as well.
It is you who must get angry!

- She's your mistress!
- That's enough!

Young man, hands off.

Hands down!

If not another time,
in Cavarzere you die of typhus ...

... of measles and petechiae!
- But I didn't even touch you.

Oh no? No?
But the intention was there, though!

Here it is!
You have the killer eyes!

By the way, out of curiosity,
who is it that is deceiving you my wife?

- His Excellency!
- Oh, well, oh! - Like "well oh" ?!

- No, I mean, didn't he leave?
- No! Stops here to eat.

Mother!

Oh! Mom!
I have discovered a terrible thing!

Me too! They stole the cutlery!

The commissioner must be notified immediately !

I will remember
these moments and those to come for a lifetime .

Thanks.

There is a subtle pleasure
in prolonging the wait.

Be careful not to prolong it
a little too much.

- You mean? - Oh no!
I didn't have the slightest intention of it.

Do not fear. Realize
that the man of that night wasn't me.

Here everything is different.

But it's hot!

There is no train movement.

And above all,
no one will knock on the door.

Good night!

- Excuse me, Excellency!
- She? - Yup!

But then it is a vice!
Has he come to greet me, comrade?

No, I came
to give you some advice.

Thanks! He already gave it to me
and I'm putting it into practice.

- I'm with a woman.
- I know. Everyone knows, Excellency.

Send her away now,
before a scandal happens!

- Maybe!
- How, maybe?

But yes! He knows that he
likes these things very much.

Then, modestly, I
'm in shape tonight . Go away, please.

- Excellency, listen to some advice!
- Another? - Yup!

- If Signora
Tanzarella was in there ... - What if she was?

- I warn you, Excellency.
Your husband ... - Is he jealous?

Worse!

- He's the Duce's doctor!
- No!

No!

- There is not a minute to lose!
- Because?

- I beg you, go away!
- Let's start over with the lei?

- Because? Did we talk to each other?
- Sure and you were very affectionate!

- I deny! I deny everything!
- As?

Madam, try to understand,
mine is a delicate position.

- And I would say hopeless by now.
- But lady ...

- Sst! You listen!
- Well, what is it?

Hide!

- But where?
- Hide!

- But why do I have to hide?
- In here! - In here?

- Up! Sst! Plan!
- Oh, my goodness!

- No!
- Oh my God, what a fear! What's up?

- Please! Don't open that closet!
- I'm not opening? Because? What happened?

Don't open it, I beg you!
He might find a nasty surprise!

They screwed me, huh?

No, look, you may think
that in the closet ...

... there is what you believe ...

... but I assure you
that there is not what you think.

Excellence, translate! I do not understand!

- Doctor, do you believe
the word of a minister? - No!

Anyway, talk. The doctor is like
the confessor. Say, Excellency.

- Do you know what's in that closet?
- Yes I know. And you know if you ...

- Yes. There is a woman!
- No!

- But not what you think.
- Oh no?

- Doctor, don't tell anyone.
- Tell me.

- There is ... - Is there?
- Is there ... - Who is there? Is there or isn't there?

- There is the wife of the comrade Ernesto!
- Capers! - No, capers, Silvia!

Exactly. I say, capers! Silvia!
Ernesto's wife?

Doctor, please,
you must be a man of the world.

- Oh yeah! - Close one eye.
- All right. - In fact, close them both.

- If it's to please you,
I'll close them both. - Thanks!

So? Are they okay?

Do me so with your hand.
Let's see if I see.

- No, I don't see.
- Here, go, thanks. - I'm going, huh?

But where does it go? The door is there!

But sorry, with two eyes closed
I can't see.

If you allow, I open one,
just to see the route.

- This. She is sorry?
- No, no, do it.

Excellence, rest assured.
As soon as I'm out I close it.

- Is not it?
- Grazie.

Huh? So!

- Go, lady.
- No one has ever treated me like that!

- Of course I'm going! And immediately!
- Wait!

There is nobody!

- It costs nothing to take a look.
- I insist, you must not enter.

- Inside! - Yet?
- Inside, come on! - No!

- I want to try!
- It is useless to enter! - I try!

- I'll be in first though!
- But there is none!

Excellence! You here? Excuse me!

So, in summary:
we found the cutlery and that's okay.

- Now we need to find the ...
- The culprit, Inspector ...

...the thief.
- Countess, we don't use big words.

Have you never heard
of kleptomania? Of kleptomania!

- Doctor, would you like to come
with me for a moment ? - To me? - Yup.

Mom! I need to talk to you.
I found out everything.

But yes! We know very well
that it was His Excellency.

But I wasn't talking about cutlery!
I found out who Ernesto's lover is!

- Thing?!
- Yup!

If I were stupid,
I wouldn't have understood who it was.

- And who did it?
- But how who was it? Everybody knows.

- It was His Excellency!
- His Excellency ?!

- Yes! - But no?
- Yup!

- Doctor, can you give me this advice?
- Do you want some advice from me? - Yup.

- Well, I'll give it to you! - Thanks.
- But please, man to man.

- Tell me what to do?
- Stop him!

- Do I stop him ?!
- Sst!

- Doctor, arrest His Excellency!
- Well? What is the first?

- Are we kidding?
- If so, let's not talk about it anymore.

But then, poor thing, he is not a thief, no!
He is sick! He's a kleptomaniac!

Yep, he's a kleptomaniac!

And how do we deal with ...

How do we deal with ...
Well! Depending on ...

- We'll have to inform him.
- Yup! Inform me! Ostrega, that!

- Tell me. - Let me know.
- Call him on the phone. - Lu?

- Call him on the phone. - it?
- Yup! - Call him lu. - Lu?

- No, lu, lu, lu, lei.
- lo?

- You don't speak Venetian?
- No. - Lu, lu, lu, lei!

the? You call him, sorry.
You're your personal doctor, aren't you?

- Call him, please.
- Let's call him. - Tell him, right?

- Tell me. Is there a telephone?
- Phone? No, it's on the table.

No, I say, exactly. Thanks.

- Please, phone.
- Don't worry, Inspector!

What number will this He have?
Mah! Let's see'...

A, B, C, D,E... L, L, L...

La, la, la, le, le,
li, li, lo, lo.

Lu ... Luino. He is not here!

- Doctor! - Say.
- What did the inspector tell you?

To call this thing.

His!

- Are you calling? - Of course!
To please the Commissioner.

- Do it to His Excellency.
- Yup? - Don't phone!

- Shouldn't I call?
- His Excellency will reward you.

Oh yes? Okay, it
means I won't call.

- Can I reassure
His Excellency? - Reassure him.

- Thank you Doctor! She is a friend!
- I know. - Thanks! - You are welcome!

- Thank you Doctor! - You are welcome. Thanks!
- Thanks! - You are welcome. Thanks. Mah!

- Doctor! What are you doing? Not calling?
- I already called.

- Ah, good! And what did He say?
- Is not at home. He's out, yes.

- He went shopping.
- Shopping?!

Yes, he is wary. He does not trust
anyone, he does the shopping by himself.

They replied: "As soon as she comes back,
we'll let her call her."

- Then let's wait! - Aspetemolo!
- We wait! - Aspetemolo!

I stopped it in time, Excellency!
He was about to call.

- The doctor?
- Yup.

But if he finds out I was
with his wife, who will stop him?

Excellence, we must insist
on the other version.

- Which? That I stole the cutlery?
- But no! The other one!

What did you tell the doctor?
That the lady was with her ...

- The wife of ...
- But that too is married.

Okay,
but if the husband agreed ...

- Do you think the comrade ...
- For a career ... I'd try it.

However! That doctor Tanzarella!

Such an important person, to
lend themselves to such a comedy!

And I had taken it into my head
that he was sick! Stupid!

- He didn't even notice the pain
I was having! - Let's not exaggerate.

- You're a cynic! A miserable!
- I'm a man!

And I'm a woman! And I have a dignity!
Do you know what a wife does in these cases?

- Yes I know. Go back to his mother!
- Luckily I'm already there!

- And I forbid you to stay there!
- Mom, are you against me too?

But no, dear, I'm with you.
But no woman ...

... has ever won a battle by
turning away from the enemy!

Well, I sent for her,
that one there! Ah, you will hear!

Please, let's
not start with the scenes, huh?

Mr. Ernesto, His Excellency
would like to speak to you for a moment.

- His Excellency? - Yes.
- And what do you want? - Mah!

Mom,
answer me frankly.

Is that woman
much better than me?

You see, dear,
there is the same difference between you and that woman ...

... which passes between Mont Blanc
and any little volcano.

- would I be the little volcano?
- No, honey, unfortunately, no.

You are Mont Blanc,
the eternal snows, the glaciers.

- What's up? You do not understand?
- No! - Ah, dear me!

- Did he call me?
- Yup! I want to tell you that she ...

Don't worry!
Everything is over between me and her husband.

- Oh! Very generous! Will you give it to me?
- No, I just leave it free.

Rather, she tries
not to get caught by someone else.

- Well said! He knows Ernesto better
than you. - Has practice of other people's husbands!

Better to have those of others
than not having your own.

- Please, take a seat. - Thanks.
- You should listen to his advice.

If I were in his place,
I would know very well what to do!

- Tell him! - Mom!
- And you have to listen to her.

Should I ask
my husband's lover for advice ?

This no, it would not be dignified.
But if the lady kindly ...

Listen to me ... We have to be in
solidarity with each other, right?

Before being wives or lovers,
we are women.

Do you know that I am
getting more and more sympathetic?

She must have a
very different temperament from her daughter!

Not to brag, but my husband
wouldn't have found the time ...

... to run after
the beautiful little women.

- Men always find time!
- That yes, but it is not enough! True?

It says "time"
to put it mildly.

As? I should beg my wife
to pass me off as ...

I don't even think about it, I don't think about it!
This is crazy!

His lady is of wit.
There will be a lot of fun.

But not me! If you want an alibi,
go find him! Excuse me, you know.

Why doesn't he say he was
with the doctor's wife?

Sst! Lower your voice!
But what does it claim?

Let
the doctor of ...

Who told him
that he is his doctor?

- She! - it? - But how?
- Ah! Yes, it's true! I told him!

- His Excellency has his word, right?
- Of course! Within a month ...

... attaché in an important
embassy: London, Paris, Berlin ...

- Commander of the crown of Italy.
- And I bite off my wife's horns.

- Nonsense!
- What nonsense!

- Shall I call the lady?
- No, no and no!

I rather prefer to
pass as a thief!

- That is to say? - I'll take
the blame for the theft of the cutlery.

- That's an idea! - Wow! Sure!
She accuses herself and everything falls into place!

- Call the inspector!
- Even the doctor?

All! It must be a
public confession ! Coram populo!

- And remember: convincing!
- Well, it won't be easy.

You will understand,
I didn't steal the cutlery .

Gentlemen, His Excellency
wants you all in the library.

- Even the guests?
- Yes, they too.

Gentlemen, please. This way.

- After you!
- Thanks.

Here they are.

- What are all these people doing?
- Better that way. - She says so!

- He can't back down now!
- Commissioner! We have the culprit!

- About what?
- The theft of cutlery.

C'mon.

- Well yes! I am the thief!
- I told you!

How did you manage to rob
your family's home?

I still had no practice
for stealing from someone else's house!

- But why? Why did he do it?
- Well, why ...

Well, why ...

The demon!

The demon! The demon of the game!

I searched in vice for what
I could not find ...

... in family joys!
A loveless wife ...

... a husband without money
and in-laws without mercy!

What could I play with ...

... over 1,200 lire
of the monthly salary? - Ouch!

Excuse me.

Talk about it, talk about it
to the competent ministry.

And so I jumped
into the green table and lost.

- Why did I do it? Because?
- Come on, that's not the case now!

And am I supposed to say such
a thing to my husband?

- I'll never have the courage!
- If you let him come.

Men need
violent emotions!

- Silvia, here it is! Go! Go!
- I go? - Go, go!

- Ernesto! I have to talk to you!
- I need to talk to you too.

They'll tell you I'm a thief,
but that's not true at all.

I preferred to pass as a thief
rather than a betrayed husband.

- But you are. - A thief?
- No, no, that other thing.

Let's not joke,
this is not the time.

Yes, Ernesto. I was in the chalet
with His Excellency!

I already told
you not to joke.

My friend, I'm sorry to have
to tell you, but it's really true.

- But ... what do you know?
- His Excellency told me.

- His ... - Here he is.
- His Excellency? - Yup.

- It's true? - Yes. - But how, you ?!
But what did you do with that?

And you, then,
for three months with that?

Now I understand everything!

But who does she think she is?
Gabriele D'A nnunzio ?! the...

- Ernesto! The carreer!
- I don't care about career!

I think about my wife!

Silvia! Silvia!

- I demand an explanation!
- I'll give you an explanation.

Come with me, I'll explain everything.

Well, it means that while they
explain, we go to lunch.

How does that old saying go?
Mal costume half joy! Clear?

Please, gentlemen.

Beautiful! Beautiful wife you are!

You made me look bad
in front of everyone!

Why did it occur to you
to say that nonsense?

I said it,
but you made it!

Yup! But that wasn't a good reason
to take revenge.

I didn't want to take revenge,
I just wanted to see ...

... if you were a little jealous, that's it!
- Of course I'm jealous!

But then ... do you love me?

- Of course I want you.
- And that woman there?

Silvia, if you only knew
how difficult it is to explain certain things.

You see, Silvia, you are a
delightful, perfect wife ...

... the queen of the house. For you
, marriage only means ..

... polished floors,
tiles under the feet ...

... slippers under the bed.
But above?

Do you believe that marital happiness
is constituted only ...

... from a well-stocked refrigerator!
- That's enough! I've had enough!

They've already explained it to me enough!
By now I understand!

Do you understand what?

But!

And now..

...here we go.

Well no!

Now we stay.

-
Didn't the call for the doctor come? - No, sir. - Good.

Ernesto, but will we really have to
do without the big refrigerator?

I don't want to hear about
ice in my house anymore , okay?

Won't you say I'm Mont Blanc?

But no! You are a volcano,
you are Kilimanjaro!

But Ernesto, Kilimanjaro
is not a volcano.

But who knows! He could wake up
at any moment too!

- Guys! But we are waiting for you!
- Ah, we come right away!

Gentlemen! Do you want to sit down?
His Excellency at the head of the table ...

... Mrs. Tanzarella
next to His Excellency.

Here we are.

Excellence, I'm sorry.
It was all a misunderstanding.

I know, I know.
The countess has already explained to me.

- By the way, congratulations.
- Because?

- I told your mother-in-law that you
will soon be attaché. - Oh! Excellence!

Too good.

- Excuse me.
And good appetite. Sorry. - You are welcome.

Permission.

Then don't forget
that you are his doctor.

- Whose doctor? - How whose?
Everyone knows and don't you know it?

The only ones who don't know
are me and the patient.

Tell me who is this?

- The Dux! - Ah! Damn!
No! We don't play jokes!

- That's why everyone paid homage to me!
- Sst! - I get it! I'm leaving.

- Hat and coat. I'm leaving.
- No! You stay!

If the Minister finds out
, I'm ruined!

- You want me to go to jail?
- Doctor! Doesn't he sit down?

Of course
he sits down! You are welcome.

- We were waiting for her.
- Thanks.

Comrades!

Before breaking this bread
which is the joy of the table ...

... I invite you to shout with me!
Hey! Hey! Hey! - Alà!

- How many!
- Alas!

- Ehia! Ehia! Ahia!
- There! There! There!

Rest!

To us!

You are welcome.

- Doctor, do you see him often?
- It depends, Countess.

As soon as he is unwell, he
immediately sends for me.

Yes, a few colds,
a flu, a little sciatica ...

... some typhoid fever, you
know, today's nonsense.

So is he always sick?

No! Who? What? Sick?
But not even for a dream!

He has iron health!

Ready? Bernabei House.

Yes, it is here. Who wants that?

- He knows! Call him!
- I'll go right away.

- Doctor Tanzarella, it's for you.
- Thanks. Excuse me!

It is He, doctor.
Him, the phone call, right?

Yes, it must be Him!

Yes, but it is no longer needed because
the Minister is innocent.

Commissioner, a Minister always has a
few little things on his conscience!

Sorry, gentlemen.

It's clean? Thanks.

- Ready!
- It's me, Gennarino!

Excellency is she?
Yes I am. To us!

But what Excellence?
It's me, Gennarino!

Excellence, we are at the table!
A nice table full of people!

Nice, cheerful, demographic people!
You know, Excellency, the Minister is there too!

- Oh yes? All right!
He says he greets her. - Thanks, spare parts.

The Minister reciprocates and we here,
all of us, greet you in Rome!

Now let's start eating
the double butter noodle ...

... with giblets,
chicken eggs and large rabbit!

No, doctor, there aren't any eggs.

Exactly, I say, Excellency,
there are no eggs ...

... but in compensation, however,
there are the gold cutlery ...

... circumcised by Benvenuto Cellini!
Oh yeah! It's a souvenir of the Tsar!

A very precious thing,
a rarity!

I know. As?
Oh yes? Excellency, would you like them?

Ah would you like them,
the gold cutlery?

Who is
that moron talking to ?

How do you say? To exhibit them at the
Florentine goldsmith art exhibition ?

That's right, absolutely right!
Italian art must be exalted ...

... make it known to foreigners
and, if necessary, export it abroad!

It's right! Keeping cutlery closed
in a drawer is a crime ...

... indeed, a very crime!

- The train leaves, master!
- Well said, Excellency!

I report immediately. But they will be
happy, very happy! Honored!

- He wants the cutlery.
- No!

What did I tell you, Excellency?
They enthusiastically joined!

What are you doing there? Take a basket,
a suitcase, a basket ...

... any wrapper. Street!

Ready! Excellence! Will I bring them to you
tomorrow when I come to Rome?

Oh no? Do you want them now?
Alright then.

I take the cutlery
and are immediately with her!

Excellence! Will you allow me
to open a parenthesis? Thanks!

How's your health? Say 33! 33!
A long deep breath ...

But this really
came out crazy!

Very well! I close the parenthesis, I
am immediately to her.

Is the basket ready?
Here we go.

- I'll help you. - Thanks.
- Me too!

- Soon!
- Take these!

- Soon!
- Even these here, here!

- Don't omit any.
- Then bring them back?

- Don't worry.
- Don't omit any! - Here.

- For charity! - Excuse me
but are you sure he wants the cutlery?

Didn't you hear what the boss said
on the phone?

And when He says something,
it is no longer discussed! That's enough!

Soon! I miss the train!

I'll take you with the car.

- If you allow, I'll take you.
- Do not mention it.

- In fact, allow, Inspector?
A word. - Yup.

Look, it's an order from him.
Nobody moves from here!

If He said so, don't worry
!

- I'm ready in a minute, dear.
- No, honey, you stay.

- Keep His Excellency company.
- Your lady doesn't ...

I'm not giving it to him! Soon!
Let her have fun.

She is young, she needs
recreation, fun.

Indeed, does he want to do a good thing?
Do you want to take her back to Rome?

- With pleasure! - Thanks!
Where is the basket? - Here she is.

- Is everything there? - All.
- Nothing missing? - Nothing.

Infinite thanks
and many greetings from ...

- Alà!
- Here! See you later!

- Where are you going? - I'll accompany him.
- Please, sit down.

- Excuse me ...
- Sit down!

All right.

So, will you take
me back, Excellency?

- On the train?
- Of course in the sleeping car!

Stop it!
Stop it!

Doctor!

Doctor!

He forgot this!

You know, haste! Thanks!

And please
don't forget me.

- Rest assured! - A promotion?
- More! More! - More?

- Are you Commissioner now?
- Yup.

- She won't be anymore!
- Good!

I'm doing her a service
that she'll remember while she lives!

Thank you Doctor.

- Go smoothly! - I'm going smoothly!
- See you later! - See you later!