Student Bodies (1981) Movie Script

[turkey gobbles]

[ghosts howling]

[wolf howls]

[heavy breathing]

[duck quacks]

Breather: Ohh.

[telephone rings]

Hummers residence.

Woman: Hi, Julie.

Oh, hi, Toby.

Listen, I forgot

to give you the answers

to that history question

on the civil war.

Now, just remember,

the north won.

Oh, heavy. Hey, are you sure

you don't want to come over?

Maybe Charlie could

bring a friend or two.

No.

And you better

be careful.

Sometimes when a person

acts wild and crazy,

wild and crazy things

happen to them.

They do?

Yeah, believe me.

Anything could happen

in this creepy place,

but I have a feeling

it's the last time I baby-sit.

Listen, I gotta go.

Ok, bye, Toby.

[meow]

[meow meow]

[meow]

[farts]

[ring]

Hello.

[heavy breathing]

Hello.

[ring]

Breather: I said...

[heavy breathing]

[wolf howls]

[ring]

[heavy breathing]

[slobbering]

Ohh!

Aah!

Surprise.

Charlie!

Cut the chit-chat.

Let's just do it.

Ooh, what's

that chickeny taste?

It's chicken.

Did you just call

a minute ago and hang up?

Who, me?

Not here.

Not now.

Where?

When?

Upstairs, 10 seconds.

[springs squeak]

Nice.

Charlie, you clean?

What kind of

a question is that?

Of course I 'm clean.

Besides, you can't

wash away herpes.

Take a shower!

Orders get me hot.

I'll be waiting for you.

[humming]

♪ She'll be coming

'round the mountain ♪

[heavy breathing]

Breather: Ahh.

[humming]

[heavy breathing]

[heavy footsteps]

[humming]

[heavy breathing]

[heavy footsteps]

Charlie,

is that you thumping?

[humming]

[heavy breathing]

All these stairs.

[humming]

[footsteps]

[heavy breathing]

I hope I don't die first.

[heavy breathing]

[grunting]

Sugarless.

[doorknob creaks]

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to Sahara Tahoe.

It's show time.

Hey, Julie.

Hey, your feet

are cold.

Here, turn over.

Julie.

Julie, you're

not responding

to my maleness.

Julie,

are you asleep?

[heavy breathing]

Holy shit!

No!

Woman:

What a waste of money.

$10 for a movie,

$5.00 for popcorn.

Man: Don't forget

$15 for parking

and a baby-sitter.

If I see one more

horror film, I 'll throw up.

What makes them

think the American public

wants to watch

such stupid trash?

You're right, dear.

Now hurry up

or we'll miss

The Dukes of Hazzard.

She left the door open.

Julie, we're home.

Where is that girl?

I hope she wasn't

murdered in our bed.

Woman: Aaah!

Aaaah!

What's wrong?

Look at the sink!

Your finger?

You hurt your finger?

She didn't

wash the dishes!

75 cents an hour.

She didn't wash

one dish.

Where is that girl?

Maybe she's watching TV.

At 75 cents

an hour?

We'll see

about that.

Hmm.

Chicken.

Hmm.

Broken.

[heavy breathing]

Aaaah!

She left the TV on!

Oh, where is that girl?

I'll find her.

The TV is left on,

the dishes undone,

and look at this mess.

She's ruined the stairs.

What's going on in my home

at 75 cents an hour?

Calm down, calm down.

You know

how high-strung you are.

The doctor said

one more heart attack

and it's all over

for you.

Are you murmuring?

Fluttering?

Do you want your pills?

Don't worry

about the stairs.

I'll clean them.

You know how I like

cleaning gum off of things.

The important thing is that

you calm down and relax.

Well, I 'll be darned.

Aah!

Today is a sad day for me,

perhaps the saddest

in my tenure

as principal

of our school,

dear old Lamab High.

For me, to look

down on the corpses

of 2 former students

is very painful,

and I 'll bet it's no picnic

for the parents either,

but we must go on,

for although

today is a sad day,

it is also a big day--

the day of the big parade.

The big game...

I told her

to be careful.

Shh.

I told her

not to have

Charlie

come over.

Why wouldn't

she listen?

The big queen crowning,

the big yearbook

signing party,

the big panty raid,

the big

tree trimming.

Stop. How can you

think of sex now?

I can never stop

thinking about it.

Funerals get me hot.

Now this, the big funeral.

Now, we could moan

about the fact

that we have to have

the extracurricular

activities in one day

due to state budget cuts,

but that wouldn't be

in the spirit of Lamab High,

would it?

Let's hear it for life.

Ok, give me a boo!

Give me a hoo!

Give me a boo hoo hoo!

Beat death!

Yay!

Thank you, members

of the pep team.

Sex kills.

Back, Malvert, back!

Do you want people

to be suspicious of you?

Look at those two

sneaking off.

Boy: Maybe they have to go

to the bathroom or something.

We can't do it now.

My mother

found my diaphragm.

What?

I'll get

some protection.

I'll get foam

and rubbers.

Don't start

without me.

[heavy breathing]

Breather: Yoo-hoo.

Anybody home?

Joe, what's that?

I'm gonna give you

horse head.

You're not Joe!

Aah!

Joe: Oh, you started

without me.

Bertha?

[heavy breathing]

Bertha?

Oh! [gasps]

Oh, Mrs. Smith,

I'm Mrs. Hummers.

Julie was baby-sitting

at my house when she got it.

Now I wanted you to have

the money I owed her.

It's all there.

5 hours at 65 cents an hour.

Oh, and I also included

Julie 's car fare--

one way, of course.

So, I mean, it's not

your fault, you know?

I've been trying to tell you

that all this time.

Don't worry.

Oh, look. There's Joe.

Joe!

This is not

very funny!

Joe, this is not

my idea of a joke,

and--and you're acting

in very bad taste!

Aah!

Oh, Hardy,

have you been

fooling around with

my bicycle seat again?

No.

What did you hit now?

Damn dog again.

Where are you?!

What do you think

you're doin'?

Hey, man,

that's my parking space.

Can't you see I 'm

blind?

Hey, I 'm more

handicapped than you.

I can't even make love

to a woman!

I can never find one!

Now move it.

Hey, that's

our parking spot.

Great physical beauty

can be a handicap, too.

Who could have

done these murders?

I don't know.

It could have been anybody.

Well, it can't

be anybody.

It's gotta be

somebody.

Well, of course,

it's somebody.

But that somebody

could be anybody.

Well, look,

we didn't do it, right?

Right.

So you can't say

it could be anybody.

We're anybody.

True. But

we're also somebody.

Whoever the killer is

couldn't have chosen

a worse day.

In any case, we must

remember the 3 Ps :

No police,

no publicity, and, uh...

No pasta.

Don't let the pressure

get to you, Harlow.

That's

the third "p."

I can't stand

the pressure.

You're

a brilliant educator.

You need some rest.

[bell rings]

Class, today we will learn

how to make...

a horse head bookend.

[class groans]

Perhaps man's highest

cultural achievement

is the horse head bookend.

With rape...

and violence...

rampant in this land.

With human flesh

cheap and...

and vulgarized,

one of the last bastions

of decency

is the gentle satisfaction

one gains

from making

a horse head bookend.

Just a minute, son.

Me, sir?

Yeah, yeah, the one

in the bed sheets.

Take that tambourine

off your head.

You belong to this school?

Yes, sir.

My name is Mawamba.

Is that a fact?

Do you know the school year

began in September?

This is

the last day in June.

I'm a bussing student,

sir, from the zowie.

The zowie?

That near Philadelphia?

It's in Africa, sir.

That's why I 'm late.

My bus just got in.

Do you know

anything about...

horse head bookends?

No, sir.

Good.

Now we only have

one day to work with you

'cause it's

the last day of school.

Now you're gonna make

horse heads, jungle boy.

You're gonna have horse heads

coming out of your ears.

Now one more question.

Would you mind

telling me...

how come you're not

in your neighborhood school?

It's a court order.

A court order, huh?

A court order?

Now that the right people

have taken over this country,

you're gonna see

some real court orders.

Now sit down

and make horse heads.

Now, remember, class...

You won't believe

what I saw over there.

What?

Don't ask.

Look--look at this.

Where did you get that?

I found it where Joe

and bertha were murdered.

They shouldn't have been

doing that at a funeral.

Talking?

During horse head bookends?

Who was that?

Sure, the girl.

What have we here, Miss...

"Shouldn't be

in the class anyway"?

Well, it's a horse head

bookend, Mr. Duncan.

You stained it

and everything.

Yes, sir.

I couldn't have done

a better job myself.

That's what I was thinking.

Don't mind us, girls.

We prom queen candidates

have to get changed

for the parade.

Hey, how come I

have to break my ass

playing volleyball

while you get

all dolled up?

'cause I 'm beautiful

and you're hideous.

Oh, yeah? Someday,

you'll be old and ugly.

Oh, no, I won't.

Take a look at this.

I have these saved up

for the very first sign

of wrinkles.

What is it,

vitamin E?

Cyanide capsules.

Death before disfigurement.

You're sick.

Girl: Has anybody

seen Toby?

She's in big trouble.

She was found

with a weapon, and...

Breather:

Ha. I love locker rooms.

I love girls' locker rooms.

I love sweat.

I love girls' sweat.

[heavy breathing]

what's the matter

with you guys?

I don't know what's

the matter with them,

but I 'm nervous about

becoming prom queen.

Breather: queens.

Hey, you

haven't won yet.

Well, listen, darling,

with a figure like this...

Breather:

Nice figure.

...that's French.

French. French.

I like French.

[heavy breathing]

Skin.

[breathing faster]

Boobs! Boobs!

Very fun.

Itchy. Icky.

I'm taking it

out of my pants.

I'm doin' what my mommy

told me not to do.

[heavy panting]

Oh! Ah!

Oh! Oh! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aahooh!

Girl: All right,

let's move it! Let's go!

[all chattering]

[heavy breathing]

[breathing faster]

[inhales,

slow, deep breathing]

[breathing stops]

[breathing]

[breathing stops]

[breathing quietly]

[heavy breathing]

[gasping]

Why do they always

run away from me?

It's the galoshes.

They're a dead giveaway.

Why do I wear 'em?

It isn't even raining.

[heavy breathing]

My luck.

I picked a jogger.

[heavy breathing]

Unh! I can't get a break!

[grunts]

[heavy breathing]

Aah! Oh!

Mr. Malvert!

You Mrs. Malvert.

No!

Say no to Malvert?

Yes! No!

Help Malvert.

Malvert have big problem.

5-letter word

for stealth-like.

Creep!

Malvert thanks!

[band playing when

The Saints Go Marching In]

Lovely day

for a parade.

Or a murder.

Yes.

Principal:

Ladies and gentlemen,

the Lamab High

Marching Band.

The finest marching band

on this street

at this moment.

And remember,

my dear friends,

this may not be the biggest

parade in the world,

but it will be

the most sincere.

We have dedicated it

to those students

who have...passed on.

For, like everyone else,

even the dead

love a parade.

I'd like to make a special

appeal to the killer.

Hasn't there been

enough senseless killing?

Let's have a murder

that makes sense.

The cheerleaders are

taking off their blouses.

Yeah, yeah!

And the prom queen

candidates, no clothes on.

Oh, man, yeah!

So you got my dollar?

And on the next float,

our lovely prom queen

candidates,

uh, or what's left

of them.

[heavy breathing

in tune with song]

Meet Patti Priswell,

Joan d'amico,

and Barry, our boy queen

candidate.

Man, that Dagmar

sure looks good.

Are you crazy?

Later, man.

Our school mascot

the bull.

When I say that

Kanab has the finest

educational standards

in the state,

what do you say? Bull!

Look, over there.

[roars]

Did you see that?

Hardy: Well, maybe

he's helping her

find a bathroom

or something.

Let's get

comfortable, baby.

The floor may be

hard, but I 'm soft.

Couldn't you pick

a better place?

I can't help it.

Hollow bulls

get me hot.

[heavy breathing]

Here I am.

You always want

to do it in the daytime.

Can't we do it

at night?

Yeah, but--

Breather: Let me see.

A murder weapon.

What's in

this goddamn float?

Ok, ok, it's

gonna be slow.

Hey, man!

Hey, slow down!

[Breather becomes

more excited]

Breather:

I gotta find something.

There must be something.

Ah! All right!

No!

You like eggplant?

Not eggplant! Aah!

[roars]

Ok, baby.

Breather:

♪ Welcome back! ♪

Ooh, I like

your outfit.

What's this? I thought

you hated eggplant.

Ralph?

Dagmar? Aah!

[heavy breathing]

No!

Toby: Where are you?

You guys, I saw you

come down here.

Dagmar? Aah!

[roars]

It's a big day!

Big day, big day,

Miss Mumsley.

Oh, my god.

Student bodies!

Ladies and gentlemen,

in order to achieve

an "R" rating today,

a motion picture must

contain full frontal nudity,

graphic violence,

or an explicit reference

to the sex act.

Since this film

has none of those

and since research

has proven

that "R"-rated films

are by far the most popular

with the movie-going

public,

the producers

of this motion picture

have asked me to take

this opportunity to say

fuck you.

Finished.

They're gone.

Hardy?

Aah!

What have we here,

Miss "shouldn't be

on the float anyway"?

Wait a minute.

No!

No. I--

I didn't do it!

I never do it!

3 down.

This is the anatomy

of the frog,

and here, thousands

of years later, man.

Quite a difference,

huh, class?

And yet

is he perfect?

I think not.

This is totally

unnecessary, ugly,

and gets in the way.

Now...

I can't believe

about all this talk

about Toby being involved

in these murders.

It isn't true.

She's reflecting

very poorly

on our school.

If she has any sense

of self-honor

and decency,

she'd kill herself.

Now, we can't go around

changing men's anatomy,

legally, that is. But

we can change a frog's.

Now if you will all please

expose your frogs.

First, we will remove

all these ugly

little frog penises.

[frog croaks]

Cigarette?

Ok. I'll come

straight to the point.

You're the murderer.

No. That's

impossible!

I wouldn't

hurt a fly.

[fly buzzing]

The girl's

obviously a liar.

Let's give her

the chair.

If you want, I can

saw her head off.

Now wait a minute.

May I make a suggestion?

Instead of sending Toby

directly to jail--

What? And

let her pass go

and collect $200?

No way.

No, I meant

it would be a good idea

if Toby saw

our school psychiatrist

before we came

to any firm conclusions.

I don't believe

in psychiatrists.

What did they

ever do for me?

Obviously

nothing.

Dr. Sigmund is

an eminently--imm--

a top man who has

treated many murderers

before they killed.

I feel strongly

that the proper

course of action

is a thorough psychiatric

consultation. Ok?

No.

I don't think so.

Good. Then it's settled.

Good-bye, and thanks

for your confidence

in me, Mr. Peters.

It's not really

confidence, my dear.

I think you're crazy.

Now let's examine

the evidence again.

Now, here are

the murder weapons.

Now, who would logically

have access to them?

One paperclip.

Harlow,

that's yours.

3 trash bags. Now who

could these belong to?

What's he doing?

This used

to be the rest room

before they remodeled

the building,

and Malvert thinks

it's still here.

I keep a trash can

over there

for just this purpose.

Better to be safe

than sorry.

Of course, the man

deserves some respect.

He was a teacher

before the accident.

What accident?

Oh, he was in

a terrible crash,

he got rammed

from both the front

and the back

at the same time.

Poor fellow

got whiplash

in both directions.

Poor soul. Once

a teacher, now a janitor.

He does enjoy

the raise in pay.

Malvert afford hookers.

All done?

No. [urinates]

Now done.

You can't get

angry with him.

He gets teased

unmercifully.

Wait a minute.

Now, he

could be our man.

Look at him.

Look at him!

He's got blood

on his hands.

No. Since accident,

Malvert

sometimes pee red.

You know

good urologist?

[telephone rings]

I'll get it. I'm

farthest from the phone.

Miss Mumsley :

That makes sense.

[ring]

[spring breaks]

[ring]

Hello.

Hello! I won't

beat around the bush.

I killed everybody,

and I 'm glad! Heh heh!

I appreciate

your honesty.

What makes your voice

sound so funny?

I'm disguising it,

schmuck.

How?

By talking through

a rubber chicken.

I thought it sounded

like you were

speaking through

a rubber chicken.

Listen, I 'm going to kill

next at the football game.

Click!

Did you hang up?

No. I just said click.

[dial tone]

Well,

who was that?

The killer--

chicken lips.

And if that

was the killer,

then Malvert

can't be guilty.

You can go,

Malvert.

Damn. Malvert

never get picked!

[bell rings]

I've never been

to a shrink before.

What do I say?

Tell him anything

he wants to hear.

I don't know

what to tell.

Just don't let him

give you a lobotomy

like they did

to Jack Nicholson

in Cuckoo's Nest.

No,

I don't think so.

That would really

mess you up. Don't worry.

I'm scared.

It's routine.

[sniffles] I 'm sorry.

I promised myself

I wouldn't cry.

That's ok. It's

all right to cry.

Perhaps

this will help.

I'm sorry

I'm out of Kleenex.

Thank you, Dr. Sigmund.

Don't be so formal.

Call me Pischer.

Toby,

I'm going to ask you

a difficult

question.

Are you up for it?

I--I think so,

Dr. Sigmund.

Please,

don't be so formal.

Call me daddy.

Daddy? Wouldn't that

be unusual?

Not really, Toby.

You see, some day

I hope to be famous,

a father image

to the disturbed.

All I need is one...

[heavy breathing]

Sensational case.

Multiple personality,

perhaps.

Proof that reincarnation

does exist, perhaps.

The devil

as a patient, perhaps.

Perhaps...

perhaps...

perhaps...perhaps...

perhaps.

Somebody's been

using my office.

[heavy breathing]

Tell me, Toby...

how do you feel

about sex?

What?

Did I pronounce it

right?

Well...

You mean between

a man and a woman.

Yes. Or the species

of your choice.

Well...

well, I think that--

that sex can be

a beautiful thing

if 2 people

are in love and--

and are married

and can share and

care for one another.

Uh-huh.

2 souls

blending into one.

2 hot bodies pressed

against each other's flesh!

Stop!

But at the same time,

it can be so ugly and--

and dirty and disgusting.

Yuck. My father--

Your father's name

was yuck?

Tell me

about your father.

Did you like yuck?

Oh, no. I hated him.

When I was a child,

he used to beat me

and lock me in my room

with him in it!

Don't call me

daddy anymore.

Well, he--

he told me

that sex was bad

and--and dirty and--

and your mother?

What did

she tell you?

She also told me that

sex was bad and dirty,

but only with my father.

With everyone else,

she said it was great.

[sobbing]

Thank you.

Your fellow students

who were murdered,

they had sex,

didn't they, Toby?

Yes, but I

tried to warn them.

But the police say

you may be involved

in these murders.

Why would I kill

my best friends?

Listen, you've

gotta believe me!

I believe you, Toby.

But sometimes

the mind plays

strange tricks.

We do things

and afterwards

we don't remember

doing them.

[pipe clunks]

We become forgetful.

Did you know

that forgetfulness

was classified as

a mental illness?

I didn't do anything

I wasn't aware of.

[bell rings]

And--and I don't

feel so well now,

and I 'd like to return

to class, please.

Of course.

We'll continue

some other time.

Good-bye, Sybil,

Uh, eve.

Toby.

Today, we will discuss

shakespeare's Hamlet.

Who was Hamlet?

His dog.

His dog?

Wasn't he

a Great Dane?

[students laugh]

Class!

In all my years

of teaching,

that is the stupidest answer

I have ever heard.

Go back

to grammar school.

I know where it is.

I'll show you.

Whoa!

Ok, ok.

Be careful! Hey, where's

your seeing eye dog?

Sorry, man. He stole

my car and everything.

My legs, my legs!

Hamlet is one

of shakespeare's

greatest tragedies.

It is the story of a prince,

the prince of Denmark,

a melancholy man

whose mother is

sleeping with his uncle.

I can relate

to that.

And how does he

solve this problem?

Students: Murder!

Sorry I 'm late.

Take your seat, please.

Peters on P.A.:

Attention, students.

As principal, I am

obligated to report

that Toby Badger

has just come

from a psychiatric session

with Dr. Sigmund.

While Dr. Sigmund

has not reached

any formal conclusion,

he does however feel

there is strong evidence

that Toby may indeed

be the psychotic killer

we've been all looking for.

But until this is confirmed

at a later date,

please treat her just like

any other student.

Murderer!

Bye, killer.

There, there, Harlow.

Don't fret.

You do have

a lot on your mind.

A lot on my mind?

The big day,

the big game,

the big parade,

6 big deaths--

you'd call that

a lot on my mind?

Here, speak

to the student bodies.

You know how you like

having your voice amplified.

Good afternoon, students.

This is Mr. Peters,

your principal.

I have some good news

and some bad news.

The good news is the killer

has definitely been identified

as a psychotic individual

suffering from

paranoiac schizophrenia.

He is armed and dangerous.

The bad news is

we have no idea who it is.

If anyone should

come across an individual

matching this description,

please call me at once,

but don't do it

in front of him.

And remember,

the big football game...

Mr. Malvert,

I wanted to talk to you.

If for some reason

suspicion should fall

on our dear Mr. Peters,

we would like you

to confess.

Well, Mr. Peters

is a valuable asset

to society,

while you are mere scum.

What difference

would jail make to you?

You'll have fun

with the boys.

Women don't

like you much now.

I certainly don't.

Homosexuality is

the up-and-coming thing.

[band playing]

Call again.

Mine.

[blows whistle]

[crowd cheering]

All right! Come on!

Man, wheels, how'd you

get such great seats?

The 50-yard line.

Yeah, I used my influence.

Give me the money.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[band playing]

[crowd cheering]

Red hots! Hot dogs!

Peanuts!

Give me a hot dog.

Here's your hot dog.

You want mustard?

Yeah, give me some--

How about

something to drink?

Yeah, gi--

[gulps]

Hot dog.

Hot dog!

Here's your hot dog.

Here, you want

mustard, too?

Here you are.

Peanuts!

Here.

I'm gonna buy you

a hot dog.

Then you'll

like Malvert.

Hot dog!

Malvert: Slut! Slut!

All women alike!

All women with Malvert.

I still think

the boys are being killed

and then stuffed

in the trash bags.

Not necessarily.

It's a well-known fact

that if you put a male

inside a 3-ply hefty bag,

tightly tied at the top,

they'll suffocate

in a matter of minutes.

You can believe me.

That's how

they were murdered.

You're on. Hey, chief,

get over here.

Yes, sir?

Get in the bag.

Why?

Because

I told you so.

Yes, sir.

Oof!

[blows whistle]

[thumping]

I'm bad.

That's right. I'm bad.

Hey, blood. Hey, bro.

What's happenin'?

Hey, blood. Whoo!

[crowd cheering]

Try to get out.

[whistle blows]

All right.

Come on!

This is boring.

The game sucks anyway.

Excuse me. I have

to make a phone call.

I got a phone

right here.

I feel like grabbing

a quick shave.

Oh? I used

to be a barber.

I just remembered

I must pick up my daughter

at the airport.

Daddy, daddy,

the plane was early!

I'm back!

Come on. Everybody

will be watching the game.

Stop! Look

at all this crap!

Come on, baby.

Come on.

No. Al, let's stop.

It's cold.

All this garbage

is falling.

The garbage

gets me hot.

Ohh!

Ok, ok, stay here.

I'll get a blanket

and a broom.

Ok. Hurry, hurry.

I'm going.

Wrong time. Don't!

I'm just gonna

keep an eye on her.

Toby.

[heavy breathing]

[breath catches]

Heeeere's Breather!

Al? An eraser?!

Aah!

[crowd cheering]

Joan?

Al?

I saw you guys

come down here,

and I just don't think

is a very good idea.

[thud]

Ohh!

Joan, I 've got 'em.

Best broom and blanket

money can buy.

Joan?

You look terrible.

What's

this white powder?

Ecch,

cut with chalk.

Joan?

No! No! No!

[crowd cheering]

[whistle blows]

[heavy breathing]

[whistle blows]

[team cheers]

Referee: No touchdown.

Dead bodies on field.

15-yard penalty.

Take off.

[blows whistle]

All right, listen up now.

There's been

another double murder.

A killer is among us.

All you people

who have had

no previous duress

for criminal charges,

leave the stadium.

All those who have had

no motives

in connection

with this killing,

you can go home.

[crowd murmuring]

All right, now.

All those whose parents

are of the same sex,

you can go.

Damn. Question

was too obvious.

Sheriff: Well, hell,

we ain't got no suspect.

Peters: Where's Toby Badger?

Has anybody seen her?

Sheriff: No, not me.

She's been found on the scene

of all the crimes.

Sheriff: Well, sounds

like the killer to me.

Ok, I want

everyone deputized.

Spread out and

reconnoiter the area.

Any questions?

Yes, Dr. Sigmund.

Dr. Sigmund: Yes,

where did you learn

to speak English,

a zoo?

I understand this killer

strikes only those

who are having sex.

That could wipe out

the entire senior class.

Wait a minute!

No students leave

the school grounds

without filling out

the proper forms.

But they're dead.

Nurse: If we make

an exception for the dead,

we have to make

an exception for everyone!

I better get my forms.

[engine starts]

[siren]

Damn it, son.

We've been here

for 2 hours now,

and we're not

letting you go anywhere

until you tell us

where the murderess is

of these 2 young bodies.

Now, tell me, boy,

have you ever seen

a dead body? Huh?

Well, now,

has anybody in this room

ever seen a dead body?

Now talk, boy.

I'm not a suspect,

and you can't keep me

here any longer,

and if you had any decency,

you'd remove these bodies.

[farts]

There's something

in the air.

Ok. Who had beans

for lunch?

Who did it?

He did.

Peters:

But he's dead.

Nurse:

It's a well-known fact

that corpses

can pass wind,

urinate,

have erections.

There's an old

Welsh saying--

"Dead men tell no tales,

but they fart."

this investigation's

going nowhere.

I'm getting

out of here.

[ring]

That was

a high-pitched one.

That was

the phone.

Hello.

Hello again.

Chicken lips again.

Put him on

the speakerphone.

I will kill next

at the prom.

Oh, yeah? Click.

Did you hang up?

No. I just said click.

Ha ha. I got him.

[farts]

Eww! God!

Coach:

Don't you leave town.

[whispering]

Toby.

Toby, wake up.

I didn't do it.

Toby, it's me,

Hardy.

Hardy, where am I?

[sniffs]

Cleveland?

Ugh!

Oh, Hardy, it was

so awful under there.

The worst is over.

[farts]

Toby: Aah!

[crash]

Hardy, you saved me.

That's Ok.

You owe me one.

What is all this?

It's from

the junior class play.

They're doing a nonmusical

version of Grease.

They couldn't get

the rights to the music.

I'm gonna have

to get you out of here.

No, I have

to go to the prom

and find the killer.

But you can't do that.

They'll grab you.

It's the only way

to save my name.

How are you going

to get past the entrance?

I--I 'll have my hand

stamped or something.

I mean

they'll recognize you.

Besides, wouldn't that

be counterproductive?

I'll go in disguise.

I--I need 2 balloons.

Oh. I happen to have 2...

in case I got lucky.

Hardy, can you

please wait outside?

I could wait here.

Ahem. Outside.

Breather: We have

temporarily lost our picture.

Please stand by.

Just kidding.

[heavy breathing]

Hello! It's me,

the Breather.

You're probably

wondering who I am.

Who could I be?

Could I be

the innocent-looking Toby?

Would you trust a girl

who looks like Prince Valiant

in a plum sweater?

Maybe I 'm Dr. Sigmund,

a man who was

once arrested

for corrupting the morals

of a hooker.

Then there's Malvert,

with the I.Q. Of a handball

and the personality

of a parking meter.

Violated.

Could I be the principal

Mr. Peters,

a man who keeps cheese

in his underwear

to attract mice?

Let's not forget

Ms. Leclair--

English teacher by day

and English teacher

by night.

Ah, Miss Mumsley.

She eats 12 prunes a day

and nothing happens.

Nurse Krud

and Miss Van Dyke.

What's in a name?

Everything.

Then there's Dumpkin,

a man who sleeps

with his nuts between

horse head bookends.

Toby! You look

so different.

I put a wig on, and I--

I put these balloons

up here.

They look great.

Can you keep them?

You can have them

when I 'm through.

Now, listen,

I've been thinking.

All the clues have to be

in Mr. Peters' office.

What makes you

think that?

Well, that's where

they've been holding

the investigations

and all the important

evidence.

It's--it's

got to be there.

That does

make sense to me.

Somehow I 've got

to get Mr. Peters' keys.

Hey,

who is that chick?

I don't know, but what

a great set of balloons.

Ignore them.

Come on,

stick close to me.

Hardy, I can't go

to the prom with you.

Everyone knows I 'm

the only friend you have.

Hardy.

Hardy,

you'll blow my cover.

All right,

I'll go in alone,

but I 'm gonna

keep my eye on you.

Ok.

[heavy breathing]

[holds breath]

[rock and roll music

playing]

♪ I can't stop dancin',

I got tappin' feet ♪

♪ I can't stop movin'

to that funky beat ♪

♪ I can't stop sweatin'

when you're close to me ♪

♪ Girl, you got some

kind of spell on me! ♪

♪ I can't stop dancin',

I can't stop dancin' ♪

♪ When you're standin'

close to me ♪

Hello there.

You do drugs?

♪ I can't stop dancin',

I can't stop dancin' ♪

♪ You move so fine

and you look so sweet ♪

Boy: Nitrous oxide?

Quaaludes?

Hey, how about

some peyote?

You younger guys are

always looking for action.

Come on, let's dance.

I don't care

about my life so much

as long as they bury me

in that crown.

Patti, I like

your set of values.

♪ I can't stop dancin',

I can't stop dancin' ♪

♪ You move so fine

and you look so sweet ♪

Peters: get out

of there, Malvert.

Malvert can have punch.

Malvert

help make punch.

What are you

talking about?

Malvert pee red.

♪ I can't stop dancin',

I can't stop dancin' ♪

Just one tab.

I really have to go.

You sure?

♪ I can't stop dancin',

I can't stop dancin' ♪

♪ You move so fine

and you look so sweet ♪

♪ Whoo! Your dress

is ridin' way up high ♪

♪ Girl, your eyes

have got me hypnotized ♪

♪ Girl, your lips are

like a blazin' fire ♪

[southern accent]

Hi there, big boy.

Oh! I'm sorry.

Well,

you look so young,

and I thought you

were a student. Heh.

You're the principal,

aren't you?

Yes, uh...

do I know you, my dear?

Well,

I don't think so.

See, I just

transferred here,

and with you being

so busy and all.

Principal.

Such

an important job.

Why, just look

at all those keys.

Indeed, I 've got

heavy responsibilities.

Aw, poor thing.

May I ask

where you come from?

[groans]

Harlow,

you're not mingling.

I'm telling you,

that's her.

She wants my crown.

I'll find out.

I'll go dance with her.

If I don't

get a hard-on,

it's Toby for sure.

♪ I can't stop dancin' ♪

♪ When you're standin'

close to me ♪

♪ I can't stop dancin' ♪

♪ You move so fine

and you look so sweet ♪

♪ I can't stop dancin' ♪

Who's this?

♪ When you're standin'

close to me ♪

That's not her.

That's not Toby Badger.

♪ You move so fine

and you look so sweet ♪

I know you're only

acting a part, Toby,

but this

is more real

than anything

in my life.

Don't say a word,

please.

I want you to remember

this moment forever.

I will.

And who knows?

Maybe when

this is all over,

maybe we can kiss again.

But right now, I--

I know.

You're in danger.

What can I do

to help?

[mumbles]

Check all

the outside windows.

See if

there's any way in.

Then check

Miss Mumsley 's office.

She's like

Peters' clone.

She could

be involved, too.

I've gotta

go get those keys.

All right.

Mr. Malvert.

Don't scare Malvert.

You know Malvert?

Yes, I know Malvert.

Remember 5-letter word

for stealth-like movement?

Mrs. Malvert!

Yes, yes, Mrs. Malvert.

Listen, you've

gotta come help me.

Malvert come.

[panting]

Where is it?

Yeah, where is it?

We gotta make

horse head bookend.

[machine hammering]

Mr. Peters

treats you badly

like the others,

doesn't he?

Yes, he mean

to Malvert.

Then you can help me

and get even.

How?

Listen...

♪ Why don't you say

what you mean? ♪

♪ Say what you mean ♪

[laughter]

♪ How do you mean

what you say? ♪

♪ Mean what you say ♪

Down, Malvert.

Down!

Did you

get them?

Uhh! I said his keys,

not his cheese.

Oh. Oh, Malvert,

you're wonderful.

[balloons squeak]

Miss Mumsley :

Students, quiet, please.

Students.

[music stops]

[gunshot ricochets,

glass breaks]

Thank you for your courtesy.

I have

a special announcement.

Since all of the prom queen

candidates have been killed

except miss Patti Priswell,

the teachers' committee

has decided

it would be inappropriate

to award the crown

to a student this year.

They can't do this.

We can do

anything we want.

We're teachers.

Boy: Teachers suck!

And so we have decided

to award the crown this year

to a king--

a king of learning--

your principal

Harlow Hebrew Peters!

[all booing]

[crying]

Patti, stop it!

[sobbing]

Oh, I want

to slash my face.

Oh, if I can't be

the prettiest girl

in school,

I want

to be the ugliest.

Come on, Patti,

I understand this

incredible sense of loss

you must be feeling.

It's a very trying moment

for a tender girl like yourself.

But I want you to know,

underneath this uniform

is the best body

in this school.

Let's ball.

[shuts machine off]

Was it good for you?

Scott:

'Cause he's my hero.

Patti: What if

someone finds us?

Patti...

double time.

At ease.

I'm nervous.

There's nothing

to be nervous about.

I'm worried.

What are you

worried about?

I'm scared.

Would you pipe down

and strip?

I wanna get this over with

before you change your mind.

I've changed my mind.

What if the murderer

should find us?

How's he gonna

find us here?

I can't do it with

all these horse heads

staring at me.

I can't help it.

These horse heads

make me hot.

[whispering]

Horse heads?

[clunk]

What was that?

Rahr!

I heard heavy breathing.

It's me.

Look, it's safe.

I got protection.

You don't have one,

and don't

try to tell me

you've

had a vasectomy.

Please don't

pull that line.

Look, I know

where I can get one.

Where?

I planned an occasion

like this last summer.

I got one

planted upstairs.

[chuckles]

Where are you going?

Behind

the men's room toilet.

Ha! You're crazy.

I got the idea

from Godfather I.

Wait here, and

don't open the door

for anyone but me.

That's an order,

soldier.

[laughs]

[rumbling]

Scott?

[rumbling growing louder]

Aah!

Who is it?

[heavy breathing]

Oh, it's you!

You brought me the crown.

Oh, I 'm prom queen

after all.

Aah!

[machine gun fire,

explosions, sirens]

[train bell ringing]

[noises stop]

All right, soldier.

You countermanded

a direct order

by leaving

that door open,

and as soon

as we're done here,

you're gonna

police the whole area.

Scott: Patti?

[singsong]

Just kidding.

Look, another minute,

I'll have my clothes off,

and, uh...

we'll break the rules

together.

And don't worry about it--

one fully-tested safety,

government-issued,

and I even

cleaned my weapon.

Patti?

Patti, you finally

got your crown.

Mother of god

and country,

you're dead.

Let's have one

for old times' sake.

Bleah.

Well, I won't

be needing this.

[heavy breathing]

Who is that?

Who's there?

Hey, I 'm trying

to get laid here.

[heavy breathing]

No!

Aah!

[rustling]

[heavy breathing]

Aw, poor kids.

They bought the farm.

At least I 'm safe.

[chain saw buzzing]

Feet, do your stuff!

[heavy breathing]

What are you doing?

What's up with the saw?

Ohh, I get it.

I get it.

You're the killer.

[chain saw buzzes]

Look, you've killed

10 people already.

11 is the legal limit

in this state.

Best thing you can do

is just unplug the chain saw

and--and hand it over to me.

[buzz]

Keep it.

What do you want,

my life?

What would you

do with it?

Take my car.

It's a gorgeous k-car.

I just washed it

an hour ago.

I buy Japanese.

[heavy breathing]

Ooh, better idea.

While you got

the buzz saw,

I'll teach you how

to make horse head bookends

for all your books.

Ah, ptuh!

Ah, you probably don't

have much time for reading,

what with your schedule.

Only smut.

Please...

from one sicko

to another,

I'm begging you...

[chuckles]

[crying]

Mommy...

mommy.

[chain saw buzzing]

Ah ah ah ah.

Not bad.

Ahh.

Were you gonna use that--

that on flesh?

Uh-huh.

Where's your rotary?

That's for wood.

Huh? Ahh!

I can see

the heavy breathing,

but shut off the buzz saw.

[chain saw

shuts off]

Good.

Now, this is

what you gotta do.

First, unplug

the buzz saw.

Good.

Now oil it

and clean it.

[sprays oil]

Wipe that grease off.

Ahh!

Good.

Now put it back

in the case.

[heavy

breathing]

Put it back on the shelf

where it belongs.

[thunk]

Ha ha ha.

[keys jingling]

[balloons squeak]

[rattling]

[balloons squeak]

Harlow, Harlow,

where are you going?

I'm gonna check

my office.

I think

I lost my keys

and my cheese.

[marbles rattling]

Toby, thinking:

Harlot.

Slut.

Floozie.

Bad girl.

Whore.

Bimbo.

Toby.

Oh.

Oh, Mr. Peters.

You--

you startled me.

I wouldn't

want to do that.

Um...

I wanted

to thank you

for having

Dr. Sigmund, um,

have those sessions

with me.

It was very helpful.

Oh?

And that's why

you're here in my office?

Yes!

Yes, that's right.

Toby, I 'm curious.

Did you expect to find me

in the filing cabinet?

Oh. Oh, that.

Oh, you mean these?

Well, I was looking

at these pictures,

and--and, well,

I couldn't wait

for the yearbook

to come out.

Is that so, Toby?

No. Um...

do you really want

to know the truth?

Yes, Toby.

Tell me the truth.

[sighs] Well--

well, the truth is--

it's that--

well, as you know,

everyone suspects me

of having something

to do with the murders,

like me

being the murderer.

And--and--and so

I was just thinking--

Yes, go on, Toby.

What were you thinking?

Well, to tell you

the truth,

I didn't know

what to think.

You're a bright girl, Toby.

Surely you have some theory

developed by now.

Well, yes,

as a matter of fact,

I think that

the murderer knew

all the victims.

Yes, go on.

And he must've had

access to the school...

Good. Good.

Because of

the murder weapons.

Toby: Someone

who's immature

and crazy and--

and deranged and--

and someone

who wanted to see

harm come

to the students.

Someone like--

someone like

the principal.

Yes, someone

like the principal.

Mr. Peters!

You're naked!

Yes, Toby.

All these years

I've been secretly naked

underneath my clothes.

But did anyone notice?

Any girls?

Any prom queen candidates?

No.

All those lithesome

budding bodies

changing from girlhood

to womanhood,

like moths

into butterflies,

year after year,

right before my eyes.

Do you realize

how that affects a man?

Um...

it makes you hot?

That's right, Toby.

It makes me...hot.

Especially the naughty ones

like Julie

and Bertha and Joan

and Dagmar.

[heavy breathing]

Do you want to know why

I think they were murdered?

No. Yes!

Why?

Because they were naughty.

Naughty?

Disgustingly naughty.

Each and every one of them

was caught doing...sex.

Sex? Yuck!

That's right, Toby.

Yecch.

Sex is dirty

and sex is bad.

Yes. Yes, I agree.

I--

well, I don't know.

I've never

really done it.

But you would

like to do it,

wouldn't you?

Yes. No! No.

Excuse me a moment.

I'll be right back.

What--what are you

going to do?

Have you ever seen

our school trophy, Toby?

No, I--

I never knew

we ever won a trophy.

Oh, we did.

In 20 years,

we only won one trophy.

Ahh, the typing team

really came through that year.

Typing team?

We retired the typewriter,

but we kept the trophy.

I'll be back.

[door closes]

[ringing]

Hello?

Hello, um--

Listen, I 'm in

terrible danger

and I need

some help.

Recording: You have

reached the police.

We are closed.

Look out behind you!

[gasps]

I'm back again.

Look.

Look behind you.

You're not going to fool me

with that old trick.

See? I was right.

This is our trophy, Toby.

Look!

No!

[bell clanking]

Miss Mumsley : Well,

she's not in the men's room.

Malvert:

When we catch her,

can Malvert

kill her first, ok?

Ok, but I get

first crack at her.

[voices arguing]

Dr. Sigmund:

hello, all.

Dr. Sigmund,

what are you doing here?

And what's

that hideous creature

at the end

of the leash?

I tamper with

nature as a hobby.

I crossed a flounder

with a walrus

and a horny toad.

What did you get?

A fish with warts

and a mustache

that can't

get a date.

It really belongs

in a zoo.

Thanks,

but they refused it.

Well, good night.

She's got to be

here someplace.

I'll look

in the men's room.

Malvert: Ok.

Aah!

Ohh.

Aah! Hardy!

Hardy!

Hardy! Hardy!

Hardy, I killed

Mr. Peters,

and I think

he's a murderer,

and everything's

so horrible!

Hardy--

Aaaah!

Ohhh!

He's dead, my dear,

just like the others.

I didn't have time

to bag him.

Miss Mumsley!

Yes, Miss Mumsley.

Do you think

I look good in green?

Why, yes, I think

it's quite flattering.

Thank you.

Too bad

you have to die.

You're the only one

of the girls

who didn't

get laid first.

Then you did it.

I only kill

the boys.

He killed the girls.

It breaks up

the monotony.

But why?

Why not?

I never told him.

He had no idea.

I did it

to protect him

in case there

were any witnesses.

I don't understand.

Because he was my son.

You're his mother?!

No, his father.

Oh, my god!

Father-mother.

But why did you do it?

Because I loved him.

Listen,

please let me go and--

and I won't tell anyone

you're crazy.

I swear!

Hold still

while I kill you.

I'm an old woman

with arthritis.

[horse whinnies]

[horse nickers]

[cackling laugh]

Ohh!

Hee hee hee!

[creaks]

[squeaking]

[gorilla roars]

Ha ha ha!

[gunshot echoing]

Aah!

[all laughing]

[monstrous roaring]

This way out.

Ohh!

Aah!

Toby, snap out of it.

Snap out of it, Toby.

[gasps]

Hardy?

Julie.

Bertha.

Toby: Patti and Scott,

you're all alive!

You're all alive and--

and you're who you are

in real life.

Oh, Mr. Dumpkin,

I had this dream and--

and you weren't even

my French teacher!

I will always be

your French teacher.

But you were surrounded

by all these horse heads.

Qu'est-ce que c'est,

a horse head?

You must've had

a terrible dream, no?

A terrible dream?

It was a nightmare.

Oh, this swine flu

really affected my mind.

I--I dreamt that all

my friends were murdered

because

they were having sex.

Sounds reasonable.

Toby: Mr. Mumsley,

you were a woman.

And Mr. Peters,

you were the principal and--

it's all due

to sexual repression

and urban stress,

my dear.

So who was the murderer?

Luke, you can walk.

Yeah, I have been

since I was 2 years old.

And Mr. Malvert,

you were a janitor.

Absurd!

No, really,

I was at this prom and--

and there was

this weird red punch.

Sometimes,

Peters pee red.

While you

were unconscious,

we all felt so sorry

for you that, well,

the gang voted you

prom queen.

It was

Patti Priswell 's idea.

But, Patti,

all through my dream

all you wanted

was the crown.

It's all I wanted

in my dreams, too.

Will you put these

in water for me?

Sure.

In any event, people,

Toby needs her rest.

We can all

visit her tomorrow.

Don't forget your appointment

on Tuesday, my dear.

Bye-bye.

What was I like

in your dream?

Well, besides me,

you were the only one

who was normal.

Yeah.

Boring, isn't it?

Nope.

Boring gets me hot.

And I don't have

any more nightmares.

Good.

Dr. Sigmund told me

that sexual repression

causes swine flu,

so I think it's time

for me to do it.

Here? Now?

Ok.

All I ask is that

you just turn your back

while I undress, ok?

Yes.

And I 'll slip into

something more comfortable.

[heavy breathing]

Hardy.

Hardy, what are you doing

with those rubber gloves on?

Hardy, why are you

breathing so heavy?

I'm the killer.

Hardy, you're

not the killer.

You're my friend,

remember?

That was a dream.

This is reality.

Why are you

doing this?

I don't know.

I guess I 'm just

that kind of guy!

Aah! Aah!

Uhh!

Hardy, no!

I know it's unusual

for a psychiatrist

to speak at a funeral,

but this was my client.

The latest victim,

Toby Badger,

just laid to rest.

She suffered severe

social repression,

countered by

an expressed nausea

towards sex,

which led to severe

social alienation

causing huge

psychological problems,

leading to the greatest

psychological problem

of them all, death.

Let us pay

our final respects,

but the living must go on

and make a new beginning,

hopefully in a spirit

of openness

and sharing of grief,

individually

or in groups.

I'm sorry I had

to kill you, Toby.

You just shouldn't

have done it.

I lost respect,

but I do

still love you.

Others have only

brought you one flower,

but I 've brought you 2.

And if we should

ever meet again--

Aah!

[choking]

Student Bodies (1981) - full transcript