Stuck with You (2022) - full transcript

- Nice job!
- Hey!

Hey, babe. I'm here. I'm downstairs.

I just got off work.

But I'm here.

You don't see me
because I'm on the corner, but I'm coming.

I'm here. I have everything. Don't worry.

Yes, babe, I'm here.
Of course I have the champagne.

I have the champagne.
I have everything. I'm here.

I'm coming.
I can't run any faster, really.

Yup. I'm here.

Yup, we're good. I'm here. I'm what?



Late? Sure.

Of course I have my costume.
I stopped by the dry cleaner's.

Wait!

Entry code?

Ma'am. Of course I know the entry code.

Can't you see my arms are full?
I'm meeting friends.

She couldn't care less.

Happy New Year!

I hope it's your last, old hag!

I know the code!

Relax. It'll take two minutes,
then you can fuck all the sluts you like.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, sure. "I didn't do anything."
Pétain said the same.

Marshal Pétain, you know. The Jews.



That's not the point. I'm on my way.

Hello? Hel... Hello?

Son of a bitch hung up.

No, I think it's just because
the doors closed, so the service…

Sorry, do you speak French?

Ah…

It's no use pressing the button.

It probably short-circuited.
That's why it stopped.

Are you an elevator repairman?

- No.
- Great, thanks.

Shit, we're stuck.

Well, all we can do is wait.

Anybody there?
We're stuck! Dammit!

Anybody there? We're stuck!

- No one there.
- Must you comment on everything?

We have to wait. It'll start up again.

So you are an elevator repairman.

No, but I got trapped once before
with my buddy Ben. We were in school...

Now's not the time for this story.

It's hot in here.

- We could pull the alarm.
- Great idea. Go ahead.

Sound familiar?

It's from Beverly Hills Cop.

- Fuck.
- It was already broken.

No, it wasn't. It went…
It wasn't broken.

You broke it. Step away. Move. Move.

- It's ringing.
- Yup, it's ringing.

We thank you for your call.

All our maintenance technicians
are currently out on calls.

Jesus.

We're doing our best
to answer you as soon as possible.

- Voice mail.
- Really? I couldn't tell.

You know, it's not easy being a repairman.

Plus, it's New Year's Eve.
They must be swamped.

- Do you know how much a repairman makes?
- Who cares?

That's why no one's answering.

Isn't it hot?

Not for you?

No, I'm fine.

It's boiling. We're suffocating.

I'm suffocating.

I'm totally suffocating.
We're suffocating.

I'm having an attack.

- A nervous breakdown?
- No, I'm claustrophobic.

- I doubt it.
- I am.

If you were, you'd have trouble breathing
and feel like the walls were closing in.

I'm struggling to breathe.

- Oof.
- Okay.

- Listen.
- Don't touch me.

- It'll all be fine.
- No.

Listen to me and look at me.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

- Breathe in.
- Don't touch me. The walls are caving in.

- Breathe out.
- The walls are caving in!

- They're not.
- They are.

- It's in your head.
- No, I'm going to die.

Open up!

- Okay. You're having an attack.
- Jesus. Yes.

Regrettably, there's only one solution.
I'm sorry.

- Did you just slap me?
- No.

That was a distraction tactic
to help you...

To help you target my nuts.

You're right. I feel better.

Okay.

Mind helping me take this off?

If there's a choice, no.

Okay.

Come here. Jesus…

Okay.

- Hello? Anyone there?
- Yes, hello? Someone there? We're stuck.

- Don't panic.
- I'm trying to tell her that.

Thanks. We're stuck.
Can someone get us out?

Don't worry, ma'am. We're on it.
Please keep a cool head.

- I'm trying to tell her that.
- All right.

What time did you get stuck?

- Uh, 8:45.
- 8:50.

- We should be specific.
- What do I write?

- Is it important?
- That's up to you, ma'am.

Fine, write 8:47.

Seems fair.

Great, that's noted.
Anyone with a heart condition?

- No.
- No.

Okay. Anyone pregnant in the elevator?

No.

Are you sure?
My buddy Ben's sister thought she wasn't...

I'm sure!

- Is that a yes or no?
- It's a no, Christ!

Okay. Is there a child in the elevator?

- Depends what you mean by "child."
- Anyone under ten.

No!

Great. What's the cabin
identification number, please?

Up above.

No, it's not a zero. It's the letter "O."

- No, it's numbers at the end.
- Are you a "numberist"?

That's not even a word!

- Have you located us or not?
- Actually, it's not a zero. It's an "O."

Okay, my computer says
there is no malfunction.

We've been stuck in here for an hour.
Isn't that a malfunction?

It's not me. It's the computer.
No need to get annoyed, okay?

Easy.

- Okay, sorry, sir.
- Sorry.

Okay. I'm sending a technician.

Yes!

Tomorrow morning at 8:00.

Sorry, there's no one else.
Everyone's out on calls.

- No.
- Good luck, and Happy New Year!

Whatever happens,
don't try to open the doors.

- Thank you. Happy New Year.
- No, not "Happy New Year."

I won't be stuck in this coffin all night!
There's no way!

Are they playing with us?

We thank you for your call.

All our maintenance technicians
are all currently out on calls.

We're doing our best
to answer you as soon as possible.

Voice mail.

I know. I'm not staying here
till 8:00 a.m. No way. Help me.

- To do what?
- To get out of here!

Definitely not.

The guy said not to try to...

But...

Oh fuck. We fell.
I'm going to die. We're going to die.

Yeah, we might die,
and it'll be your fault.

He told us not to try to open the doors.
What don't you get about that?

- How else will we get out of here?
- I dunno! Stop shouting for a start!

- I'm not shouting!
- Yes, you are!

No! Where the hell are you?

I'm over here. This way.

Why?

- Distraction tactic.
- Stop it.

I feel better. Sorry. You okay?

Not great.

I can't fucking believe this.

I'm spending New Year's Eve stuck
in an elevator with a total stranger.

This sucks.

Honestly, it could be worse.

I could be a psychopath
or a serial killer.

Or worse.

Calimero.

The black chick with the egg on his head?

No. Calimero! The guy who sings…

♪ In weightlessness ♪

- Calogero.
- No.

- It's Calimero.
- Calogero.

- It's Calogero.
- No.

It's Calimero.

100%.

Shall we introduce ourselves?

What the hell.

Gael, pleasure.

Hannah.

With two H's.

At the start and end.
Who cares, you won't write me letters.

Come on. It's New Year's.
It's supposed to be fun a night.

Who said today had to be stupidly happy?
It's not written anywhere.

- There's no rule book on it.
- You were on your way to party.

If you must know,
I was going to dump my boyfriend.

- Happy now?
- Really?

On New Year's Eve?
That's horrible! What did he do?

What's it to you?
He's not your friend, is he?

You're not Parisian. Asking all these
questions, and in that stupid costume…

It's true. I'm not from Paris.

Where are you from?

Do you really care?

I grew up not far from Cap Ferret.
Know it?

Sure, everyone knows Cap Ferret.
Pascal Obispo, all that.

♪ I fell for her
Pou-rou-pou-pou-rou-pou-pou ♪

♪ My home, the Eiffel Tower
Pou-rou-pou-pou-rou-pou-pou ♪

Don't know it.

You've got to be kidding me.

But growing up by the ocean is cool.

Depends on who with.

Wow, this is gorgeous.

Yeah.

This is where I spent my whole childhood.
We had a house on the peninsula.

See that little boy? That's me.

- The one tied to the pole.
- Oh.

The other two are my cousins.

Open your mouth.

Chew.

- Chew!
- And swallow.

Gross! I'll tell my da...

Dad!

Is that the time? Is the tide coming in?

- Don't!
- Yeah, do it.

No! Dad! Dad!

You had it pretty rough.

- No!
- No, no, no. They're teasing.

They teased me. I teased them.
We teased each other. It's…

- We got along great.
- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, you had it rough.
- Yes.

Yeah, I had it rough, yeah.

- Dad!
- Dad!

- That's awful! Why did they do that?
- I had a stutter when I was a kid.

I had no self-confidence.

Especially with two cousins
who were great at everything.

That's terrible. How'd you survive?

No, honestly, it was fine.

My cousins were pretty nice to me.

- They used to piss on you.
- Near me.

They used to piss near me.
But I would get a bit of spray.

It wasn't mean.
All cousins do that, right?

- No.
- Really?

Mm-mm. Do you still have a stutter?

It depends.

- It comes back sometimes.
- When you get pissed on?

Kidding. It's a joke.

And where are you from? Paris, I imagine?

Through and through.

Ouch! Shit!

I'm so sorry.
Seriously, I'm sorry.

No, it's not your fault. It's mine.
I should've dodged it.

- Sorry.
- My reflexes are crap.

- I wasn't paying attention.
- Hmm.

- Anything there?
- Mm-mm.

Get out! No one knows you here!

Your party fucking sucks, bitch!
Your head's like a potato.

Ben? Ben?

Ben? Is that you?

Who's that? God?

No, it's Gael. I'm stuck in the elevator.
Can you hear me?

- Gaga? Is that you?
- Do you know him?

Yeah. It's Ben, my best friend.

Remember, we got stuck
in an elevator in school.

I wasn't listening. Call him!

Ben, it's me, Gael!
I'm stuck in the elevator. How's it going?

- You're in there?
- Yeah, here! I'm stuck. Everything okay?

I mean, Johanne's girlfriend…

That bitch just kicked me out
for supposedly being too drunk,

so it's not going great.

It was their shitty salmon toast.

- He's hammered.
- That's what made me puke.

Ew!

Classy!

Who's that?

It's no one. It's Hannah, a friend
who's stuck in the elevator with me.

Is she hot?

- Yes! No! No, no!
- I can hear you.

I mean, yes, but that's not the issue.

Attaboy! Prune's going
to whoop your ass when you show up.

Really? Is she mad?

Shit.

Who's at the party?

- Now's not the time!
- You're right. It's not the time.

Uh, Ben? We're stuck in the elevator.

Like Calogero?

Exactly. So it's not Calimero.

Nope.

Call the fire department, bro.
We're stuck. You hear me?

Dude, we're all stuck.
I'm stuck too.

I'm stuck in life, in work,
in my romantic life.

I'm treading water.
I can't get anywhere.

Do you know how many times
I jacked off today, dude?

Please…

No, I don't know.

Throw out a number!
Come on, try to guess!

- Go on. Say a number.
- Yeah, okay. Three times?

- Eight times.
- Ugh.

I disgust myself.

By the end, it was just powder, man.
Know what I mean?

- I know.
- I need someone who really loves me.

You love me, my friend!

That counts. I'm going to pick myself up!

Here we go!

No, Ben!

Ben, don't leave!
Call the fire department!

Hey! Come back! Call the fire department!

What a fucking moron.

Jesus!

- He's dead.
- He's definitely very dumb.

He's alive.

Humanity is saved. Great.

- I'm taking the reins.
- What are you going to do?

I'm going to cause a short circuit
so we can...

Jesus! Okay, don't worry.
I have first-aid certification.

One, two, three! Come on! Wake up!

I get a shock, and you touch my breasts?
Are you insane?

Sorry for trying to save your life.

That wasn't a good idea.

I wasn't trying to touch your breasts.
It was CPR.

It was medical. It wasn't…

Yeah, fine. I get it. It's okay.

Pass me my bag.

- I'm unbeatable.
- Hmm.

Are you dumb?

Okay, I am beatable. Another round?

Of course.

Can you tell me why a girl would dump
her boyfriend on New Year's Eve?

Because all men are assholes.

Not all.

Yes.

Sick! I was so into this song!

Can I tell the story,
or do you want to dance?

Yeah, sorry.

That's Tarik. My first real love.

Well, I mean, clothing aside,
you look good together.

Yeah. Only she's not me.

Ah.

- Sorry, am I interrupting?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Hannah…

- Who are you?
- Shut it.

I'm his girlfriend. Fuck you. Get lost!

- A little vulgar.
- Shut it.

You shut the fuck up!

I see. So kneeing people
is kind of your thing.

Wait.

- What's this? Out!
- It's nothing, I swear.

- You're crazy!
- He's my man! Leave him!

- I was a little temperamental back then.
- Fuck off!

- You're a lot better now.
- Yeah.

- You're crazy!
- Not crazy.

- Don't talk to me.
- Why are you touching me?

It's nothing.

- Piece of shit!
- She's nuts.

Okay, you landed on an asshole.

Doesn't mean you can put all guys
in the same box.

Yes, I can. Come on.

This is huge!
You could almost fit a TV in here!

- And is that a view of Notre Dame?
- Nope.

- Oh. Must've cost you a ton to live here.
- Want to make an offer?

That's Vincent.

My second real love.

He took off with all my stuff.

And my car.

Thief!

My car!

Thief!

What really pisses me off is
he never got the kneeing he deserved.

So you haven't had
a lot of luck with guys,

but you can't make generalizations.

Come on.

- Where are we going now?
- You'll see. Come on.

Okay, so this is where you work.
It looks like an event company.

It is an event company.
I don't get how you can be so insightful.

I think it's just my powers
of observation and… You were kidding.

See? Very perceptive.

Look.

I have the report
on our last event.

It was total shit.

- Really? That bad?
- Yup, that bad.

If, after a campaign,
people give us the hashtag #totalshit,

then it's total shit.

No one's going to speak?

Chubs?

Bird beak?

Retard face?

- Diarrhea?
- Tiaré, it's Tahitian.

Stop with the nicknames.
They're humiliating.

I'll stop once you stop producing shit.

You have to earn your first name.
Right, Chubs?

I think a nickname should be earned
and should highlight a professional skill.

Not so much one's physical
or… personal traits.

That took way too long.
Okay, let's get to work. Move it.

Great. Except you, CB.

CB is for Chuck the Bachelor?

Cute butt.

What's so funny?

You're a real bitch, actually.

No, I'm a woman.
People need to respect me.

Okay, sure, but as kind of a bitch.

A respectable woman.

A respectable

bitch.

Bitch.

All right, enough!

Well, I think the jury's out
on this one.

I can come back.

174 to four, no, you can't.

Even if we were stuck in here a year,
no chance.

Well, things seem good with CB.

Marc.

- Gael.
- I know. He's Marc.

Ah.

- So, things are good with Marc?
- Yeah.

We've been together two years.
It's fine, but

it won't last. It never does.

Like the others, he'll screw me over.
That's why I'm going first.

Wait. You're going to dump your boyfriend
on New Year's Eve

when he hasn't done anything,
just in case?

Yup.

Who said he didn't do anything?
You're really all the same.

If you say so.

- Peanut?
- Mm-mm.

Who was the girl you were talking about
with your buddy earlier?

- Prune?
- Yeah.

Prune's my girlfriend.

Really?

What? What?

Shit! Turn around!

Stop moving!

One, two, three! Come on!

One more time! One, two, three!

One more!

And…

- Fuck!
- Fuck!

- Wow!
- Hmm.

Okay, that was close.

- I saw the light.
- Really?

Wow!

- You saved my life.
- No.

- Yes, you did.
- No, I didn't.

Sh!

According to bushido code,
my life is yours now.

- There's no need.
- My life is yours.

Promise me
you'll be more careful.

On my honor, I will.

And to never place your finger
on my mouth again.

Christ, it makes me want to puke.

- It stinks like peanuts.
- Jesus.

God.

- I was so close, I'm telling you.
- Yeah.

There was a moment when I thought,
"It's over."

- Fuck!
- Just kidding. It was a joke.

Jerk!

Are you stuck?

Someone there? Yes! Can you help us?

Are you there?

My name's Pablo.

Hey, Pablo! My name's Gael.
My friend here is Hannah.

That's an ugly name!

Oh yeah? Like Pablo isn't a shitty name?

Stop! Shut it!

Hi, Pablo. I'm Hannah. How old are you?

Eight years old.

Wow, such a big boy! Pablo, can you get
your dad or mom to help us, please?

Dad is locked in the bathroom
with Auntie Christelle.

Where's your mom?

Snoring on the couch.
Sometimes she farts, like…

Turns out
the little guy is pretty funny.

Uh, okay, Pablo.

Listen, I'm friends with Prune,

who's at the party on the 6th floor
to the left of John Avidan's apartment.

Uh, my dad says
I shouldn't talk to strangers.

He's absolutely right,
but we're not strangers.

We're friends of John Avidan
on the 6th floor.

There we go.

My dad says
I shouldn't talk to that guy

because he's an asshole.

He's right.
I'm sorry. He is an asshole.

- Okay.
- Too bad. We were close.

Wait. Pablo? I'm a friend of Marc's.

He doesn't live here,
but he's at Justine's party.

Know who Justine is?

My dad says the 6th floor
to the right is all drug addicts.

I think your dad is very prejudiced.

It's not nice to judge people
you don't know.

Especially for a guy
screwing his sister-in-law.

- Sh! Stop! Shut it!
- What?

Uh, listen, we really need your help.

You're the only one
who can get us out of here,

who can save us
like a superhero, like, like…

Like Batman!

My dad says Batman's a fag.
He has no real powers.

- You take that back right now!
- Sh!

His parents were murdered in front of him!
It caused deep emotional trauma!

I'm Bruce Wayne,
and my parents are dead.

Pablo! Pablo! Listen, let's forget...

- Shut it!
- Sh!

Stop! Calm down.

Pablo! Are you there?

- Yes.
- Pablo.

We'll move past
those extremely homophobic remarks

and focus on the essential,
the present situation.

Fifty euros.

Excuse me?

Give me 50 euros, and I'll get my dad.

Out of the question.

Especially after what he said
about Batman.

Christ…

- You don't have money.
- That's right.

My bag.

Okay. Here it comes.

There. You got it?

Got it? Can you get your parents now,
please, Pablo?

No, it serves you right
to be stuck in there.

When you're friends
with assholes and drug addicts,

you get what you deserve.

And Batman is Superman's bitch.

- Peace, dickheads.
- Wait. Pablo! Come back!

Come back, you little shit!

If I find you, I'll rip your head off!

You son of a bitch!
I'll beat you and your homophobic family!

You got that?

What?

- He's eight.
- Yeah, I know.

I went too far.

Yeah, you did.

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

- Prune.
- Hm.

Prune's my girlfriend.

Uh, good evening, everyone.

How's everyone in the comedy club tonight?

Yes, I'm great too. Me too.

My name's Gael. I'm a comedian.

And it's not easy every day, of course.

But, uh, I'm hanging in there.

I'll always remember what my grandma said
before she died.

She said, uh, "Gael…"

Then she died.

Okay.
Other than that, when I was little…

when I was little, uh…

…I used to go to the beach
with my cousins.

And one of them would piss on me.

He enjoyed it, I think.

And, uh, often, he would call me

"toilet." That's what he called me.
Because he…

Because he pissed on me.

Okay, well…

Everyone bombs now and then.

But rarely as bad as that, I will say.

You can't drink properly.

I have problems swallowing.

Prune, nice to meet you.

Gael.

Do… do… do you work here?

Yeah. After classes at the university.

It's a cool job. I watch funny stuff.
At least most of the time.

You're right.
It's hopeless. I suck.

If you give up at the first hurdle,
you'll never get there.

Think I should keep at it?

No.

But if it's
what you really love, yeah.

You have to put everything into it.
It's important.

I'm going back to work.

Do… do… do you want to get a drink
after your shift?

No.

Friendly. Did you get a drink?

I did what she told me. I wanted her.

I pulled myself together and kept at it.

Whoa, I don't need all the details.

Yeah, sorry.

Soon after, we moved in together.

Right there.

- We were happy at first.
- Ow!

We had so much fun.

- Did I hurt you?
- No.

- Not bad.
- This is nice.

We made love constantly.
Everywhere.

She went to college during the day
and the comedy club at night.

I wrote plays, tried out for auditions.

- Is that straight?
- Yeah! Looking good.

After graduation,
she was hired at a law firm.

Meanwhile,
I wasn't really getting anywhere.

- Want something to eat?
- Sure.

I was getting nowhere.
Absolutely nowhere.

- Come on!
- Awesome!

You could at least clean up.

- We'll do it after, don't worry.
- After what?

Ah! Let's go!

Seriously, what do you do all day?
Just sit here, doing nothing! Come on!

That's enough now! Stop!

Don't say, "Let me explain."

- It was a writing meeting.
- Oh yeah? What are you writing?

I lost all motivation.

I lost all confidence in myself.
I thought I sucked.

Then what happened?

Comedy was a way for me
to overcome my stutter,

so I didn't need to keep doing it.

So I stopped, and I got a job.

At Jurassic Pizza. As their...

Mascot?

No. Brand Representative.

Their mascot.

Exactly. I'm their mascot.

Prune has always believed in me.
Has always pushed me to chase my dreams.

I just couldn't do the work.

It's tough, but sometimes our dreams
aren't meant to become reality.

No, I'm going to pick myself up.
This year is my year.

I'll give it my all and make her proud.
She deserves a good man.

Is that really what you want?

Of course it's what I want.
Prune has always had confidence in me.

- She even wants a child with me.
- Really?

Yeah.

You don't seem thrilled.

Of course I'm thrilled.

Why are you judging me?
You judge people you don't even know.

I'm not.
You just don't seem thrilled by the idea.

I am very thrilled.

- Okay.
- That's the normal path.

You fall in love, move in together,
then make babies.

Or not.

Well, that's what Prune wants.
I mean, that's what we both want.

Listen.

- No, you're pissing me off.
- No, listen outside.

- Take that belt off.
- Wait.

Get undressed.

They're not going to do it here?

- Come on.
- Clearly, they are.

Drop the panties.

Go on. No one's around.
God, that's good.

No.

Hey, we're stuck! Can you help us?

Go for it, big dog! Get that!

Keep going.

- Hey!
- Again! Again!

- God, this sucks.
- That's it, man!

- Come on!
- Come on!

- Have at her!
- Oh shit! I'm going to come!

- Keep going! Keep going!
- Oh shit.

Keep going, Prune! Prune!

Prune!

Oh shit.

- I'm so glad you came tonight.
- Me too.

Prune!

Jesus, Prune! Are you kidding me?

Jesus, this is a nightmare! Prune!

Fuck.

Gael.

Don't talk.
I don't want to hear you right now.

- You look like a vase.
- It doesn't work. I can hear everything.

Come here.

Come on.

Know what my dad used to say
when I was little?

"No matter how dark the night gets,
the sun will always rise."

"And in the light of day,
our blues all go away."

"You forget about your ills
and focus on what matters."

He was right.

I should have suspected.

It couldn't go on like that.

Do you know who the guy was?

No.

Just by his voice. I couldn't tell you.

One of her lawyer friends, I guess.

We redid our house near Honfleur.
Come stay there this weekend.

- Yes, absolutely! What do you say, Gael?
- Yeah, totally. Sounds great.

I'll just have to check
my audition schedule and all that,

but I'd love to see the region of…

- Normandy.
- Normandy. I'd love that.

What about you guys?

Well, we're still looking.

But within our budget,
it's too small, or there's nothing.

Yeah, that's the issue.

Plus, you would need two bedrooms.

- For the little one.
- No way! I didn't know.

- No! We're not…
- No, no.

There's no little one.

Yeah, ideally, we'd have two bedrooms,
but we're not there.

- Not there. Until we have a little one.
- Yes.

So, Gael, what are you working on now?
Are things busy?

I have an artist friend, Lorraine.
Maybe you know her?

She spits fire in Avignon in the summer
and told me times are tough for you now.

I've yet to spit fire in my life,
but I'm doing okay. I'm fine.

- I do stand-up. Lots of auditions.
- That's great!

I just had a callback for a movie.

- What movie?
- Really?

- Yeah.
- So, who's in the cast? Any famous people?

Great cast. Very eclectic.

There's Mélanie Frotillon
and Pascal Pelouse in the lead roles.

- That sounds familiar.
- Frotillon rings a bell.

- Great cast! Fingers crossed for you.
- Thanks a lot.

- And good luck to you, Prune.
- No, but there's no…

- Yes.
- Great.

- Okay, okay.
- See you soon?

Yeah, probably not.

What was I supposed to say?

You can't even lie.

You wouldn't have to lie
if you got your ass off the couch!

You don't know what it's like
getting turned down.

- I need to focus on myself right now.
- Focus on yourself?

You've had two years
of focusing on yourself.

I leave in the morning,
and you're on the couch.

When I come home, surprise!
You're on the couch.

You must be very focused.

I'm sorry. It must be different
in Joinville and Honfleur.

What's the problem with that?

- Nothing, it's just...
- No, go on, say it!

Can't I dream of having a house
in the country, of having kids?

So, you do want kids?
You never told me that.

I do.

Yes, I want kids.
I didn't want to bother you about it.

You have your career, your dreams.

But wake up, Gael.
You were scared of sucking. Now you do.

If you want to know the truth,

you'll never make it.

She really said that?

We talked all night long,

and I decided then and there to get a job.

To give her what she wants.

I guess she was right.

I really do suck.

I can't even make a baby.

We've been trying for a year,

and I'm shooting blanks.

You're not gonna cry?

No.

I suck.

- I suck.
- You don't.

I'll end up alone.

Under a bridge.

Forgotten by everyone. Pecked by pigeons.

What's this? Is it yours?

No, someone must have put it in my bag
while she was screwing on the stairs!

Of course it's mine.
There are only two of us in here.

You can play this
with your little T. rex arms?

No.

Come on.

Play, I'd like that.

No.

Go on, I would. Please.

It's a ukulele.

It's a guitar for losers.

♪ Somewhere… ♪

♪ Somewhere… ♪

♪ Over the rainbow ♪

What?

No, nothing. Nothing.

We can't all have hidden talents.

I'm sure you have a special talent.

Kneeing people.

Anyway, you sing really well.

I really think so.

There are plenty of girls
who'd dream of being with you.

Really?

Yeah, I think so.

Like who?

Aren't you in love with your girlfriend
and having a baby?

Yes, but after hearing her screwing
in the stairwell, I'm not gonna lie.

It's putting everything into perspective.

Hmm.

It makes me think
maybe I could explore other options too.

Even if it's just a dream.

Okay, hand me my bag.

Let's see what we have.
Come here. Let me show you something.

So…

Um…

This is Marie. Kind of your type.

Typical Parisian,
a high school friend, super hot.

- Yeah, not bad. What does she do?
- She's a Krav Maga instructor.

Ah.

- That'll never work.
- Hmm.

I'm a pacifist.

My qi is too weak.

Tiny little qi.

Too bad.

Okay, let's keep going. There's also…

- Awesome! Is that your dog?
- Yeah! He's my baby.

Awesome.

What's his name?
I had one when I was little.

- His name was Barney.
- Barney.

- Are you kidding?
- No way!

Yeah.

As in Barney the town drunk
in the Simpsons?

No. As in Matthew Barney,
the American artist.

Don't know him.

- But that's still crazy.
- It is wild.

- Who else? I can't go out with Barney.
- Yeah. Wait.

Let me keep looking. Otherwise…

Anouk! I love Anouk.
She's a bit quirky, but she's great.

What does that mean?

Are you allergic to goat's milk or Larzac?

- No, not that I know of.
- Then that could work out.

Okay.

Well, that's...

Oh!

Oh!

- What?
- That!

- No one.
- I saw some breasts.

- That was no one.
- Yes, there was a pair of boobs. Whose?

Mine. But who cares?
I usually delete them. I forgot.

No way!

You take photos of your boobs?
To send to who? To CB?

Who cares? It's my body. It belongs to me.

Oh!

- Can I look again? The photo was blurry.
- Forget what you saw.

Impossible.

It's ingrained in my head forever.
I have a photographic memory.

I close my eyes. I see your boobs.

- Bliss.
- What are you doing?

Stop. You're grossing me out. Stop!

- Stop!
- You stop!

Sorry, I have no more friends to show you.

What's your type anyway?

No.

No, thanks.

Not at all.

No, forget about it.

I'm going to open this elevator

and get Prune
because she's the only girl for me.

I'm going to fight for her!

Wait, Gael.

I summon the power of bushido!

By the thunder of Zeus!

By the meteors of Pegasus!

Great!

- Fuck! I'm stuck.
- What?

It's tight! Come on, pull!

Wait, stop moving!

- I'm stuck!
- I can see that!

- I don't want to die like in Total Recall!
- What?

Total Recall, but it doesn't matter! Pull!

Pull!

Jesus.

- Know what I'm thinking about?
- My breasts?

Now, yes.

But two seconds ago,

you saved my life again.

Yeah.

So, according to the code of "shubidu,"
you owe me your life twice.

Yeah.

Twice, yeah.

That was close.

Jesus, I hope I didn't ruin my costume,
or my boss will kill me.

- Okay, it's fine.
- Were you serious?

What did I say?

When you said I'm your type.

I dunno. Yeah. Maybe.

Wait, let's imagine.
Can you see you and me together?

Yeah, I bet it'd be like…

Honey, I'm home!

Finally! Coming home at this hour?

You know, the expressway
was completely backed up.

The traffic wasn't flowing,
but the whiskey was!

I can't hide anything from you.

You're right. I went to celebrate
my promotion with colleagues

at Jimmy's.

Congratulations, honey.
I'm so proud of you.

Let's celebrate tonight
by engaging in coitus.

Excellent.

Till then, I prepared your favorite meal.

A McDonald's hamburger?

I can't hide a thing from you!

- But where are the kids?
- They're upstairs doing their homework.

Children!

- Dad!
- Ah. My loves!

How was your day today, Son Goku?

Great! I scored…

seven shots in basketball!

- Excellent!
- And Princess Amidala has some big news!

I lost a tooth!

Oh. The tooth fairy better watch out
because Barney is a great hunter!

That's how you see us?
Like a '60s-era sitcom?

- You're a weirdo.
- What?

A warm home, a caring wife,
wonderful kids, I don't see the issue.

Earth to Gael. That doesn't exist.

Are you at least cool
with Son Goku and Princess Amidala?

In your dreams.

I can't talk to you when you're like this.
You're hysterical.

How do you see us?

Not well.

Come on. Just try to imagine it.

Okay.

Darling! I'm back!

There's shit everywhere.

My sweet angel!

My life has no meaning till I see you.

You're so valiant
and comforting, my dear husband.

I'm a happy woman.

Mother! May I have
a younger brother for next winter?

I'm afraid not. As I didn't want you,
you're the end of the line.

The sun is already low.

I think it's time I went into town
to sell my cheese.

No, no, no! You know the rules!

You have to stay at home.
Only I can go down into the village.

Too many whores and temptations!

I'm crazy.
Do I have a screw loose?

I know if I go to town,
I will give into temptation

because I'm weak and a coward
like all men in the sight of whores.

Right, let's have supper, son.

- Your mother wants us out of her fantasy.
- Exactly!

And you think I'm a weirdo?

It's better than your old sitcom.
It's credible.

Credible? You just described
the ideal life for a family of Mormons.

- Now I know you're not my type.
- I was never an option.

- Back to being a pain!
- You said I'm not your type!

You're always defensive.
Constantly.

You're aggressive, don't trust anyone!

And I can't stand Mormons!

And I can't stand slackers like you!

You're immature,
a coward, and a cuckold. There.

- Really?
- Yeah!

- Really?
- Yeah!

- Really?
- Yeah!

Okay, I'm sorry, Hannah.
There. Excuse me.

We can't fight on New Year's Eve.

Come on. Get up. Let's make up.

- Want to dance?
- No, I'm fine, thanks.

- Come on. We have nothing better to do.
- Why? Got a song to play?

Village People?

- This sucks.
- This sucks?

- Yes, this sucks.
- This sucks? Martin Jackson sucks?

You don't know anything!
His music is in all the best '80s movies.

I kissed my girlfriend to this
at the high school dance.

Hold on. Did you just say
"high school dance"?

Yeah. You didn't have a dance
at your high school?

We have some self-respect, so never.

You're telling me
you've never slow-danced to this music?

If you want to know the truth,
I've never slow-danced ever.

That's something you bumpkins do
for the wine harvest.

Never.

Fine. Promise me
you won't let your hands wander.

Yes! And tell your breasts to cool it.

Fine.

What are you doing?

I dunno. I…

I dunno. I thought there was a…
That we maybe had a...

Can't we dance for a bit
before you try to screw me?

Trying to screw you… Absolutely not!
It's just a kiss.

At the end of a slow dance, you kiss.
It's tradition.

Yeah, but not with me!

Okay, sorry. It's fine.

I wasn't going to jump on you.
I don't even want to.

You're all the same.

See why only I can go to the village
to sell the cheese?

It has nothing to do with cheese.
It was just a kiss!

Listen, I'm sorry for the kiss, okay?

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it.
It was clumsy.

Sincerely. There. I was an idiot.

Why are you always so defensive like this?

What about you?

You feel sorry for yourself. You whine.
You talk about plans and never do them.

Keep that hot for me. I'll be back.

My dad taught me
to identify the stars.

Every summer,
we'd go to our vacation house.

The whole family would come.
My uncles, aunts, cousins.

But every night,
my dad and I would sneak into the yard.

We'd lie on our backs and star gaze.

He taught me
to identify the constellations.

That was our time together.

Just him and me.

You talk about your dad a lot.

Hear that? It was a cat!

Hey, buddy. Listen, we're in a tight spot.

Yeah, we're stuck.

I have a gift. I can talk to animals.

Listen, buddy, we need your help.
Can you go get your owner?

A lady? Okay. Can you go look for her?

Okay. Thanks, Dalí.

He's agreed to help us.

Hannah, are you okay?

What's wrong?

Come on.

Dad, wake up.

Dad, wake up, please!

He had a brain aneurysm
while driving.

He promised never to leave me.

I've never spoken about that with anyone.

Oh shit.

It's moving.

Do you have to comment on everything?

- Hannah, listen.
- No, it's fine.

It's fine.

- Oh shit!
- Oh!

Here. Take it all.

That's it. Didn't forget anything.

Oh, it's you.

Dalí told me the elevator had broken down.

I called the attendant, that layabout,
to secure the connection on the breaker.

Thanks, buddy.

- Happy New Year, kids.
- Thank you, ma'am.

Okay, Dalí. Come on.

- Old hag!
- Stop!

So, what will you do?

Stop talking.

Start doing.

You?

Trust people.

So…

- Should we exchange numbers?
- What for?

- Your life belongs to me, don't forget.
- Right.

- Two times over.
- So we'll bump into each other.

Happy New Year, Gael.

Happy New Year, Hannah.

Six, five, four,

three, two, one.

Happy New Year!

Gael?

Hannah! I broke up with Prune.

I did what I said I would.
I told her we didn't want the same things.

She deserves better, a guy who shares
her dreams. I don't want that.

What I want is…

You forgot your wallet.

It fell into my bag.

Ah.

Well, thanks.

I broke up with Marc.

I don't want to put my trust in him.

This song is really great.

You hear it too?

Let's take the stairs this time.

Yeah. Definitely.