Stroker Ace (1983) - full transcript

Stroker Ace, a champion NASCAR driver, is standing at the top of his career, but is getting fed up with having to do as he's told. In between rebelling against his sponsor (a fried chicken chain)'s promotion gimmicks (like making him dress up in giant chicken suit) he spends the rest of the movie trying to bed the buxom Pembrook.


Hey, Stroker. Let's
rest, I'm tired.

Sure, Doc. Want some gum?

I guess so.

Howdy, boys.

- Hi, dad.
- Hi, Mr Seegle.

Looks like you all have
a little problem there.

Yeah. Could you give us a lift?

Sure enough. Get in.

What happened to your bike, son?

Ace tried to jump the gully.

I told him we couldn't make it.

You remember Ace, don't you, dad?

Huh. Ain't you that
kid that locked

that lady schoolteacher
in the outhouse?

Yes, sir.

And then turned it over?

Yes, sir.

Hey, boy, I need my mirror, now.

Dad runs shine.

Here comes Seegle.

I've been waiting to nab
him for a long time.

He's definitely got
a load of shine.

You boys, hold on.

I'm going to have to stand on it.


♪ Stroker Ace was born to race ♪

♪ He had a mean
streak 2 feet wide ♪

♪ A son of a gun with
a taste for fun ♪

♪ And more than his
share of pride ♪

♪ Take a dirt road curve
with a devil's nerve ♪

♪ Make a car dance
across the mud ♪

♪ Hauling shine was
his regular line ♪

♪ Till the track
got in his blood ♪

♪ He was a real hotshot,
and he bragged a lot ♪

♪ But, man, that
fool could drive ♪

♪ Because he loved the feel
of the steering wheel ♪

♪ And the girls with
the bedroom eyes ♪

♪ And in a race of time
or a bar room fight ♪

Come on.

♪ Old Stroker stole the show ♪

♪ A backstretch blazer,
a real hell-raiser ♪

♪ And a racetrack Romeo ♪

♪ Mama, lock your daughters up ♪

♪ That wild bunch
is back in town ♪

♪ And them little
girls get frisky ♪

♪ When they hear that
race car sound ♪

♪ They're bringing out
the yellow flag ♪

♪ Somebody's brakes have failed ♪

♪ There's an oil slick
on the inside ♪

♪ And a wreck along the rail ♪

♪ You'd better stand
on it, Stroker ♪

♪ Because a bandit's
on your tail ♪

♪ It's a downright joy
for a country boy ♪

♪ When he hears
them engines moan ♪

♪ But you got to hang tough
when it gets real rough ♪

♪ When you're out
there on your own ♪

♪ Because they'll
push you around ♪

♪ They'll knock you down ♪

♪ They'll shove you
up against the wall ♪

♪ And you always know
when the engine blows ♪

♪ That a man can't win 'em all ♪

♪ You can push that car
just a little too far ♪

♪ Any Sunday afternoon ♪

♪ And if you'd break your neck
in some damn fool wreck ♪

♪ They'd forget about you soon ♪

♪ But old Stroker Ace
was born to race ♪

♪ And it's worth all the trying ♪

♪ Just the drink champagne
in the Victory Lane ♪

♪ And to hear that
concrete whine ♪

♪ Stroker, get your dander up ♪

♪ This ain't no time to laugh ♪

♪ You got to make a lap up ♪

♪ If you're gonna take
that chequered flag ♪

♪ Number 10 is closing in
to even up the score ♪

♪ It's time to wave bye-bye and
put the pedal on the floor ♪

♪ You better stand on it, Stroker

because you're blowing
off their door ♪

♪ Blow their doors off, Stroker ♪

♪ Stand on it, son ♪

♪ Ah, you good-looking
devil, you ♪

Hey, Stroker, your
hair looks real nice.

Yeah, I know.

Lugs, lean out further.

I'm going to make a turn.

The birthplace of speed...

The Daytona International
Speedway in Florida.

Where in just a few moments,
the starting drivers

will battle at better
than 200 miles an hour

for upward of a million dollars.

He's only got 3 wheels.

Next, from Ashland, Ohio,
and the J.D. Stacy-pak,

number 2 Buick... Tim Richmond.

And driving out of
Ellerbe, North Carolina,

in the Wyman-Gordon
Express... Benny Parsons.

On the next row, inside,

in the 7-Eleven Skoal Bandit

from Taylorsville, North Carolina,

here's Harry Gant.

Look out.

From Grosse Pointe, Michigan,

driving the Four
Star Whiskey entry,

Aubrey James.

On the pole, race fans,

with the fastest qualifying
effort of the week,

here he is... 3-time
NASCAR driving champion...

A guy, you can see,

who always makes a
dynamic entrance,

ladies and gentlemen...

Stroker Ace.

Hi, Stroker.

Ladies and gentlemen, can
I have your attention?

Ok, I got them up.
You entertain them.

Well, you've done it again.

How's it going?



Look. Your tail's bent.
Kind of unique, huh?

Same old shit, Stroker.

I know you?

Yeah, you know me.

Nice to see you again.

Ah, hello. I love your patches.

In Talladega, you left me
to go get a loaf a bread.

Got to maintain my energy. Hi.


I have to keep up
my strength... hi.

Listen, after I win
the race today,

let's get together for
a little kick-the-can.

Hey, Stroker, we
got a race to run.

Later. Woof.

I don't care what you say.
It won't be like last year.

I'll kick his ass.

You don't have to be on
NASCAR 50 years to win.

Aubrey, forget about Stroker Ace.

Race the pavement,
not another driver.

You're obsessed with him.

Obsessed? You bet I am.

Didn't I just say that?

Check that out.

I'll eat his lunch.

Ok, I'm ready.

You are a bum.

You're nothing but trouble.

You think the world
owes you a living.

Yes, sir, Mr Coty.

- Catty.
- Whatever.

It ain't gonna be like last year.

I hate to interrupt, Mr Coty...

- Catty.
- Whatever.

But Stroker and I got
to talk about the race.

All right, I'll see
you after the race.

But you work for me, see?

I am your boss. B-o-s-s.

Get your hand off the car.

Now, you go on out there,

and you win one for big "Z" oil.

We're all pulling for
you, Stroker boy.

What a putz.

You have a good race.

Harry Gant.

Here comes Chicken Pit.

Looking righteous. Gonna win?

I'll let you know about 5:00.

Ready for Clyde Torkle's
name on your car?

I'll let you know. See you.

Hey, junior, give me a Jack.

Ready with the air bottle?

Whoo. Whoo.

Whoo. Whoo.

Whoo. Whoo.

Stroker Ace, how you doing, boy?

Not now, Clyde.

I can't talk but just a minute.

Remember my chauffeur Arnold?

Talk to him.

Yeah, let's talk.

I hear you're having
sponsor trouble.

No, I'm not having
sponsor trouble.

Yes, you are, too. Why don't
you drive a Clyde Torkle

Chicken Pit special?

We'd be partners.

Me drive for you?

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha.

You want me to drive for you?

I couldn't do that.

Why not?

Because everybody loves
me. Everybody hates you.

I'm good-looking.

You're not that bad-looking.

My money looks good.

Don't lean on the car.

Nobody touches the car. Not ever.

Except you.

You can touch it anytime you want.

Lugs Harvey.

Best mechanic in America.

And you're the best, too.

Best in the NASCAR.
Yes, you are, too.

You either crash or win.

I like that.


Come on, Arnold.

See you guys.

Go blow their doors off, Stroker.

Can't you come up with
anything more original?

Well, that's what we always say.

I'll think about it.

Gentlemen, start your engines.

Well, the field begins
to roll down pit row,

and we're ready to go racing.

Go, Ruddy.

The pace car drops
down onto pit row.

Harold Kinder standing by,

holding them down as the
green is set to be unveiled.

Go, Stroker. Go.


Hammer down, pistol cocked,

as these gladiators work
out of turn number 2,

moving down the
back straight away.

120,000 fried-chicken junkies,

and god knows how many
watching on television.

Kind of makes you want
to cry, doesn't it?


Oh, yeah. Whatever you say.

Come on, Arnold. Excuse me, honey.

Come on. Let's get out of here.

Beat some of this traffic.

Mr Torkle, the race just started.

Darling, when my own
car is on that track,

I'll stay and watch the race.

But I can use my time better

getting to know my new employee.

Go get some dinner...

Get ourselves some champagne.

I don't drink.

No. You don't?

Why don't you?

I'm a Sunday school teacher.

That was on my resume.

Oh, yeah, sure. Of course.

Of course.

Lugs, who's driving number 10?

What are you talking
about? You ought

to know who that is,
it's Aubrey James.

He's only been trying to
kill you for two years.

By the way, I already got
blisters on my hands.

If I'm gonna drive this
thing 500 more miles,

I'd have to be King Kong.

It shouldn't be any
problem for you.

You both got the same IQ.

Very funny.

Oh. Aubrey James, at the
bottom of the racetrack,

cuts into Harry Gant's automobile.

Stroker Ace to the
outside, spinning wildly.

There's 5, 6, 7 automobiles,

slipping, sliding...

Into the wall.

He shortened that automobile
about 1 1/2 feet.

Stroker Ace in a major altercation

with Aubrey James
and Harry Gant...

Brings out the first
caution of the day.

A send-tow vacation down
in turn number one.

I'm sure all of you
Stroker Ace fans

are wondering just how Stroker is.

We'll get you a report on
he and the other drivers

as soon as possible
from down in turn one.

Who set up the car, drug addicts?

You just lost it.

I didn't lose it. Number
10 made me eat wall.

- Why?
- How do I look?

TV cameras.

- Hey, Ken.
- Hey, Ken.

An early pedestrian
here in the 500,

the well-known Stroker Ace.

You walloped the
wall. What happened?

One of the tyres equalised, Kenny,

and shoved me into the wall.

You were fighting the
car. Handling problems?

Not true, Ken. When
Lugs sets up a car,

your mother could drive it.

Lugs Harvey, chief
mechanic. How about it?

If Stroker can't drive
a car, nobody can.

Well, that's the story from
the veteran Stroker Ace

and his venerable chief
mechanic Lugs Harvey.

Just once... just
once, I wish you guys

would tell us the real story.


You wreck your race car,

your rental car, your hotel room.

Nobody's perfect.

Watch where you're going.

This car's in my name.

Yes, Mr Coty.

Catty. You this far way, boy.

Just this far.

You want to lose big "Z" oil,

Stroker, old boy?

No, sir.

I'll go get my key,

and then I'll drive
you to your room.

Well, get my key, too.

Yes, sir.

Now, that's more like it.

I think Mr Ace finally
gets the idea

that this is a business,
and in a business,

you don't run around
acting like a maniac.

It's nice meeting you, Mr Coty.

- Catty.
- Whatever.

Holy shit.

Ha ha ha.

You son of a bitch.
You'll never work again.

Goddamn it. Get me
the hell outta here.

Get me out of here.

Whoo. Whoo.

I'll get you, you son...

Ha ha ha.

Why can't you just stop
and talk to somebody?

Why do you have to fill
up their car with cement?

Because a man's got to
do what he's got to do.

We don't even have a sponsor,

and the season's already started.

You don't ever think of
anybody but yourself.

- Hold it.
- What?

See that guy sitting over there?

He's got my exact same shirt on.

I ought to go back in
the room and change.

We're gonna run out
of sponsors someday.

We might have done it today.

I wonder what he paid for that.

I don't even know why I try.

Ok, who's gonna buy
the winner a drink?

Ok, I'll have 2 beers.

You know that number
10 you asked about...

Aubrey James... Today's winner?

There he is.

♪ Southern women ♪

♪ Yeah, I'll take a
southern woman every time ♪

You know Stroker?

♪ I'll take southern
women every time ♪

What town are we in?


Damn. I think he's
with my girl here.

What's her name?

I don't know her first name.

Last time I saw her, her
sash said "Miss Daytona."

That's probably her last name.

♪ Fly if you think you need to ♪

♪ Pay absolutely no heed ♪

♪ To a word I say ♪

♪ Sooner or later ♪

♪ You'll have to choose ♪

♪ Try and you would like me ♪

♪ After all ♪

♪ What have you got to lose? ♪

♪ Because you and I know I'm
a rogue and a rambler ♪

♪ The question is ♪

♪ Are you enough of a gambler ♪

♪ To reach out and do ♪

♪ What your heart tells you ♪

♪ To do? ♪

♪ So fly if you think ♪

♪ You need to ♪

♪ Pay absolutely no heed ♪

♪ To a word I say ♪

♪ Sooner or later,
you'll have to choose ♪

Stroker Ace.

You gonna be so glad I called you.

Anytime I see Clyde Torkle,

I get worried.

I can handle Clyde.

He's putty in my hands.

Hello, Clyde.

Is that God's own race car,

or what is it?

What is it?

I got my name up there.


What's it look like?

This car would be disqualified
in 2 seconds flat.


Your engine's set too far back,

you got an oversized carburettor,

and nitrous oxide is automatic
6-month suspension.

This ain't a Bible class.

Everybody cheats a little.

What kind of contract?

5 years.

4.2. A year.

The contract will read 3 years.

You like the car?

I like the car, not him.

He don't like you.

He's supposed to like
the car, not me.

Here's your contract.

It's bigger than my
high school yearbook.

You went to high school?

- One year.
- Ooh.

Got a pen?

Ain't you gonna read it?

Of course I am. You
think I'm stupid?

Good god...

Hey, there's no writing
on this paper.

It's upside down.

You just want to get
through all this.

I got to read it.

Get to the important... Oh, shoot.

I forgot to tell you
about the uniforms.

We're gonna have red ones
and some black ones.

The red ones have black trim.

The black will be mostly
black with some red.

Are they tailored?

They'll be real tight-fitting.

You couldn't wear one, could you?

I wouldn't want to wear one...

Here's where you sign. Sign there.

All black?

A little white on some.

Shoot. I bet I look good in that.

You will. Women will
drop like flies.

And driving out of
Waycross, Georgia,

in a Clyde Torkle
Chicken Pit special,

here's Stroker Ace...

The fastest chicken in the south.

Say what?

It's on your car.

Ha ha ha.


Bawk bawk bawk.

Fastest chicken in the south.

Fastest chicken in the south.

Fastest chicken in the south.

I've got "fastest chicken
in the south" on my car.

Oh, yes.

That guy clucked at me.

Whup him.

I'm not gonna have that on my car.

Yes, you are.

It's in your contract.


Here you go.

Page 417, paragraph "a,"

subparagraph "b,"

little letter "c."

Gentlemen, start your engines.

Waahh ha ha.


Whoo hoo.


Whoo hoo.

I don't think he's coming down.

I'll go up. What room's he in?


Thanks, Lugs. 308, right?

I'll see you later, hon.

Well, hello.


How are you, ma'am?

I don't know.

How am I?

Oh, I'm not one of the drivers.

I'm just a mechanic.

I like mechanics.

You do?

They know how to tinker
with things for hours.

Make them go fast.

Go away, Lugs.


Saw you when your
dress went pffft.

I hope you're here
to talk business,

because he's all tuckered out.

"All tuckered out." Ha.

See how the tail's
bent? Unique, huh?

Got pictures for me to sign?

Come on in.

I'm going to get into
something comfortable.

Come on.

Come on.

I'm Pembrook Feeney.


Pembrook Feeney,

Clyde Torkle's
executive assistant.


Clyde Torkle.

Clyde Torkle's executive assistant

with responsibilities
overseeing all Chicken Pit

advertising and
public relations...

Public relations, huh?

Including what we call our
collateral racing thrust.

What's that?

That's you.

Collateral what?


I think I like that.

As I was saying...

Can I ask you a question?

Of course.

Is that your real voice?

You don't like it?

It's unusual.

Actually, it's weird
in a nice way.

I think we should get
started right away.


We have 2 objectives.

We do?

Is this one of them?

No. Our first objective
is to expose you

to our company's history.

The other is to apprise you

of our new advertising campaign.

Which is?



I just spent all night

Having to deal with this
very strange person...

Howdy, ma'am.

Howdy, ma'am.

This is Lugs Harvey. Miss...

Pembrook Feeney,

Chicken Pit advertising
and PR Director.

How do you do?

Pembrook Feeney.

That's her real voice, too.

Boy, she sure is pretty.

Lugs Harvey is my chief mechanic.

Then you'll be interested in this.

I was about to show Stroker

our gross volume chart.

Now, as you can see,

our sales have steadily
increased since 1967.

At one point,

our sales matched the colonel's...

Until sympathy
purchasing broke out

following his death.

Well, that's very
interesting, Miss...




And I'm sure you're
very good at your job.

Oh, thank you.

See, I ain't gonna do

but 2 personal
appearances this year.

I might do one commercial
if it's real classy.

And I want "fastest chicken
in the south" off my car.

I'm sorry. That's
quite impossible.

You have a whole schedule
of personal appearances.

And it's my job to travel with you

to make sure everything
is properly arranged.

Travel with me?


Excuse me.

Well, then, we'll be
sharing a room, right?

No. We couldn't do that.

We're not married.

What a little kidder.

What's that got to do with it?

I can't share with a man
I'm not married to.

You couldn't?


And you never been married?


That makes you a...

A virgin.

Yes. Sure, I am a
virgin. I'm single.

Well, I think that's nice.

Thank you.

You would.

We have a ribbon cutting at 2:30.

♪ That saved ♪

♪ A wretch like me ♪

♪ I once was lost ♪

Will you stop?

♪ But now ♪


He has a beautiful voice.

A beautiful voice, yes,

but I mean the mouth...
Doesn't work right.

The lips aren't under
the nose when he sings.

They're over here on
the side of his face.

- Are too.
- Are not.

- They are not.
- Are too.

Can I ask you a question?

Ok. You can ask me anything.

Are you sure you've never
slept with anybody?

Maybe there was
somebody you forgot.

Stroker Ace, I'd be ashamed.

How could you ask her
something like that?

Good Lord.

I'm sorry.

Just nervous. I'll be making
this personal appearance...

Over 1,000 people there. I
have to sign autographs.

I'm sorry. Go ahead and sing.

Watch his mouth.

♪ Amazing grace ♪

♪ How sweet the sound ♪

♪ That saved a wretch ♪

♪ Like me like me ♪

♪ Me ♪

♪ I once ♪

♪ Me was lost ♪

Ha ha.

♪ And now I'm found ♪

♪ Was blind ♪

♪ But now ♪

Oh, yay.

Yay. Yay.

Oh, Stroker. Stroker.

Yay. Stroker.

Stroker. Yay.

Stroker. Stroker.

Here he is. Stroker Ace.



Where is everybody, Clyde?

Got your ribbon-cutting
clothes on?

There's nobody here.

People are waiting
to buy some chicken.

Boy, you are really
packing them in, Stroker.


Stroker. Rah rah rah.

This is the big time, boy.
Show a little excitement.

Yay. Yay.

Very good. Real good.

Even word of mouth
won't help this joint.

- Ain't he something?
- Yay.

I don't believe this.

This is the 12th Chicken Pit
we've opened this week.

Only 2 years, 10 months,
and 3 days to go

on your contract.

Don't be putting that
stuff on my mouth.

Big smile now.

Is he smiling?

I'm smiling.

Come on. Look.

Look a little more
like a race driver.

This is Stroker Ace,

Clyde Torkle's new driver
in the Chicken Pit special,

the fastest chicken in the south.

Could you emphasise
the word chicken?


This is Stroker Ace,

Clyde Torkle's new driver
in the Chicken Pit special,

the fastest chicken in the south.

Another race car driver.

Why can't they find
one with a voice?

Fastest chicken in the south.

That's it. That's what I want.

I could sing it for you.

Thank you, Mr Ace.


Mr Stroker, thank you.

That lawyer says you got
to do what Clyde wants,

or you can't race
for 3 whole years.

Not here, not Canada, not
Europe, not even Italy.

- Not Italy?
- No.

You sure that's exactly
what that lawyer said?


Let's get another lawyer.

Lugs, what day is it?

3 Chicken Pits past Sunday.

Our special guest is Stroker Ace,

3-time NASCAR champion

and leading contender for
this year's championship.

And here he is.

Ready on camera. Let's shoot this.

Cale, how you running?

I'd be doing a lot
better without him.

I thought you trained
a crew chief.

Hang in there.

Sum up in a few well-chosen words

the essence of a NASCAR driver.

Go down to the end
of the straight away

and turn left.

Unless you're number 10.
Then you turn right.

Who's number 10?

Who is number 10?

Number 10 is Aubrey James.

This is my chief mechanic.

Lugs Harvey.

All right.

Stroker, what does a
chief mechanic do?


He takes care of the car

and sees that everything is right.

That's what I do, but
I'm also a singer.

Everybody around the pits
says I sing real good.

♪ Amazing grace ♪

Engineer, cut to a commercial.

These ladies are the wives

of franchisers or franchisees.

Come on. You're next, darling.

There you go.

Get up close and smile.

You got it.

Who's next?

Come on.

I'll hold on to it.

Give the girl a kiss.

Give her a smile.

These people sell chicken for us.

Who's next?

That no-class son of a bitch

doesn't know who
he's dealing with.

4 different lawyers
said the same thing.

One of them was a German.

Clyde Torkle's got to fire you.

Oh, yeah?

You know... I have a
certain amount of dignity

and a pretty good self-image.

I know what I am.

I'm a race car driver.

I ain't no goddamn chicken.

Bawk. Bawk. Bawk.

I'm Stroker Ace.

The only thing I like
better than winning a race

is to stuff Torkle
chicken in my face.

It's not very dignified, is it?

No, but he looks real nice
in his chicken outfit.

Try harder. We could do better.

What do you say?

No. I don't want to.

You have to. It's
in your contract.

I don't give a shit.

I did some dumb things in my life,

but this is the dumbest.

It's in my contract I
gotta sell chicken,

but he didn't tell me how
hard I have to sell chicken.

I'm going to sell
this chicken so hard

he'll choke to death on it. Choke.

You drive.

Look at this.

Must be some new kind of cult.

Boo. Boo.

We've seen promotions come and go

in NASCAR grand national racing,

but Mr Clyde Torkle may
have laid the ultimate egg

with this one.

Blatant commercialism.

Fans of the veteran 3-time
NASCAR grand national champion

are not very enthusiastic
about what they're seeing.

There you see Stroker Ace

coming down before this
tremendous congregation,

the audience not
appreciating a bit

the fact that Clyde Torkle

has turned one of the great
heroes of American motor sport

into a farce.

Man, that is funny.

Ha ha ha ha.


And here, perhaps, the final
insult to racing fans

the new thunderbird of Stroker Ace

outfitted as a plucked chicken.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha.

We'll never see Torkle's
name on my car again.

Ha ha ha ha.

Poor, pitiful... ha ha ha.

Whoever thought of this...

I love it.


Keep it up.

Miss Pembrook, you're
not only a Saint,

you a smart woman. Gonna
give you a raise.

Our beautiful grand marshal
will commence this event.

Gentlemen, start your engines.

Can you drive like that?

Let me explain, Arnold.

When a dumb Hick like Stroker
pulls a stunt like that,

just make out like
he did you a favour.

He won't never do it again.

Looks like it didn't work.

We sure went to a lot
of trouble for nothing.

This is embarrassing.

What will we do now?
Got more ideas?

I want you to put your
devious mind to work,

because we'll get out
of this damn contract.


Here at the world's
fastest motor speedway

at Talladega, Alabama.

Get ready for the first pit stop.

Through the tri-oval
come the field

down for the start.

Into the back straight
away for the first time,

and they go over
200 miles per hour

down that 4,000-foot backstretch.

Pffft. Pffft.


Fastest chicken in the south.


They come out of turn 4,

headed back through the
tri-oval for the first time.

As they come through,
Stroker Ace mixing it up.

Caution is on the speedway
early in the going.

Ever think about trying to lead?

We could use a lap.

You think it's easy driving
with chicken feet?

Here. Take the other one.

Hurry up.

Once again underway.



Check the pit. See if
any tools are missing.


I think there's something
in the engine.

That engine's perfect.

You've got my word on it.




Oh, shit.

It's all over for Stroker Ace.

Stroker hand-grenaded
an engine in turn 2.

The caution is up
for the second time

in this Talladega 500.



About your word...

It ain't worth shit.

The whole thing's a trick.

What is?

It's a Clyde Torkle
Chicken Pit trick

to get me to go around
cutting ribbons.

You mean Pembrook Feeney?

Of course. No woman
looks like that

and is a...

What do you call that?


Right. You buy that?

There are some nice
women in this world.

Pembrook Feeney is a
God-fearing woman.

I'm proud and
honoured to know her.

May I ask a question?
If you had a Ferrari,

would you just leave
it in the garage?

If you had wild turkey,
would you never drink it?

Stroker Ace, I do believe
meeting Pembrook Feeney

is the healthiest thing
that ever happened to you.

Down the inside goes
Aubrey James, number 10.

On the outside, Stroker Ace.

7-Eleven car inside,
wall on the outside.

If Aubrey James can contain Ace,

he's going to come
home the winner.

Aubrey James takes
the chequered flag

in the Michigan 400,

but not the appreciation of
the 75,000 in attendance.

Perhaps the angriest
is Stroker Ace.

Should have given
you a taller gear.

Wasn't your fault.

He just boxed you in. He beat you.

He did it with style.

Guys, what's so bad about second?

Screw second. Screw second.

Come in.



They slide out.


I knew that.


How is everything at
the chicken factory?

Mr Torkle says you're
doing a wonderful job.

He'll be in later if you
want to speak with him.

I don't think so.

Where's Lugs?


Lugs is dead.


Just kidding.

Oh. Making a joke.

I like to kid. Girls
seem to like it.

What do they know?

My sister always said

I had a great sense of humour.

Oh, yeah?

If she's like you, I'll
be in double trouble.

She's dead.

Oh, I'm s...

Oh, you're kidding like me, huh?

No. She was run over by a
tractor-trailer truck.


I'm sorry.

Oh, don't get upset.

That was a long time ago.

Let's go out to dinner
so we can kid some more.

No. Let's stay here and drink.

I don't drink.

You don't?


Oh, I knew that.

Lugs told me that.

That's why I ordered
non-alcoholic champagne.

Looks and tastes
like the real thing,

right down to the phoney label.

Really? I've never heard of that.

You have to order it special...

All the way from... New Hampshire.

I'll be darned.

I'll be darned, too. Drink up.

Oh, that was good.

Good. Have some more.


Shall we go out on the balcony?


Enjoy the view?

Ok. What about dinner?

Room service.


Better food.

I want to talk to you about...

Some chicken things.

Oh, I forgot my charts.

Oh, darn.

It smells so good,
like after a rain.

That would be your magnolia.




Why do men race?


Why race? Why do you do it?

I don't know.

But you must.

Well, it's... Kind
of hard to explain.


It's more like a feeling
you get, you know?

When did you first feel it?

Feel what?

The feeling.


I was a young kid.

I used to run around
with this guy named Doc.

We had a bike...

You had a bicycle.


Ooh, somehow I think
that's very sweet

that you had a bicycle.

You do?

I do.

I had a whole bunch.

You did?

What you all doing?

Oh, hi, Lugs.

Hi, Pembrook. How was your flight?

I drove.

You shouldn't have
driven by yourself.

What are you doing here?

Just seeing what's going on.

I'll get it.

I told her about my bicycle.

Your what?

My bicycle. It was working, too.

Oh, look, Lugs.


That's beautiful.

You got enough there for 3.

It's lucky I came by.

It sure is.

Stroker, this has your name on it.

Here we come.


What seems to be the
problem, James?

Well, it's not handling too
well in the turns, Kyle.

You never could drive anyway,
James. It's always the equipment.

I ain't falling off this time.

I'll beat you in that inside turn.

Kyle, you ready?

I'm ready.

Stand on it.


We got 'em by a mile, Ricky.

Stroker. Cluck for me, 10.

The name's Aubrey James.



Ha ha ha ha.

Come on. Let's go.

Glug. Glug.


I'm Stroker Ace.

The only thing I like
better than winning a race

is to stuff Torkle
chicken in my face.

Look at that chicken.

That's a real chicken
in a human suit.

Come down here, chicken.

Come on down.

Come on.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

I'm sorry, Stroker. I didn't
think it would be like this.

It's all right. I
signed the contract.

Sure did.

But everything's going
to be all right, hon.

I should talk to Mr Torkle.

It's going to be fine.


Excuse me.

Hey, kitty, going to the sandbox?

Ha ha ha.

♪ It's 6:05 a.m. on
Sunday morning ♪

Cluck for us, Ace.

You can do that good.

Come on, damn it.

We want to hear a cluck.

Who gives a cluck?

Ha ha ha.

Why don't you cluck
for him, Stroker?

He does it good. Really does.

You want me to stand
up and cluck for 'em?

Of course.

Clucking is real hard to do.

You got to get your
head back like this.

It starts in your diaphragm.

It comes up through
your oesophagus

and goes right through
the larynx...

The Adam's apple.

You got to get your
chin way up there.

That's it.

Are they looking up?

Yeah. They're really looking up.

They're looking at the ceiling.

We ought to get a good cluck.

Hot damn.

A fight.

Want to go get into it?



♪ Guess I don't ♪


I don't know what you're
shopping for, cowboy,

but you're looking
in the wrong place.

You didn't have to
come in here for me.

Always a gentleman.

Thanks, Stroker.

You're welcome.


Take that, 12.

- 10.
- 10.



I'm sorry to barge
in on you like this,

but it's very important.

I sure hope it's important,

you coming up here
this time of night.

The things we have Stroker doing

are very embarrassing.

What kind of things is that?

Why does he have to
wear a chicken suit?

Because I want him to.

Mr Torkle...

Can't we release him
from his contract?

With all the money he's making me?

You still working for me?

What's the matter? You
gone sweet on him?

No. No. I do like him.

Oh, you like him, huh?

Yes. But professionally speaking,

we should revaluate
the whole situation.


Yes. I'm speaking
as a businesswoman.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I guess you ain't as
professionally religious

as you used to be

before going on the
road with the Stroker.

What are you talking about?

Honey, what I mean is,

we can do better for you

than some hayseed
racetrack driver.

I can make life a bed of
roses for you, honey-pie.

Oh. Mr Torkle, stop that.

Stop? I ain't started
real good yet.

Don't you do this.

Jumped right into the bed.

I just knew it would end
up with us like this.

Now stop this.

Come on, let's have fun.

What do you say?

Mr Torkle.

I quit.


Is your race ready, Charlie?

She's ready.

Take the day off.

Hate to mess up your fun,
but I fired that woman.

I quit.

You're fired.

Ow. Sorry.

What are you doing down there?

She's working for me.

No, she's not. This is my car.

Better check the contract, Clyde.

I can have anybody I
want in the pit crew.



She tell you what
happened between us?


It's not true.

What happened?

I fired her, that's all.

But I ain't firing you.

We'll be together forever.

Be back at that hotel
at 6:00 sharp.

What did happen between you two?

He just made me mad, that's all,

so I kicked him in the scrotum.


What's a scrotum?

I don't know.

I think I'll find out.

Pembrook, what's a...

You ought not have to make
appearances after 6:00.

A man should only have
to work a 12-hour day.

Ain't never seen this
boy in such a hurry

to open a Chicken Pit.

Is Arnold a good driver?

Don't upset Arnold.

I want to upset Clyde.

Arnold, he's trying to lose us.

Thinks if I get
mad, I'll fire him.

- Yes, sir.
- Ain't gonna fire him.

If we lose him, I'm
going to fire you.


I ain't gonna get mad.

He'll fire me.

He won't fire you.

Hang in there, Arnold.

I got him.

Ha ha ha. He's trying
to make me mad.

He'll fire me.

He won't fire you.

Don't lose him.

Oh, my god.

Grab something that floats, boss.

I don't believe this.

I ain't mad.

No. I'm not mad.

He's going to be
thinking that I'm mad,

but I ain't.

I'm mad.

Just turn Stroker upside down,

and get that free chicken leg.

Another winner here

at Clyde Torkle's Chicken Pit.

Get that free chicken leg.

Step right up. They're going fast.

Better get your lucky shot here.

Is that Stroker Ace
in that race car?

Afraid it is.

Come on.

We got one more big winner here.

Who's going to be next?

That's all, young fella.

Doc, is that you?

It's me.


How you doing?

Having a lot of fun.

Hey, you're looking good.

You, too. Lot of
colour in your face.

Lugs, meet Doc Seegle.

His dad taught me how to drive.

Heard a lot about you.

Nice to meet you.

Come on. Let me see
your best shot.

Where is dad?

He's right here with me.

Stroker, we're mighty
proud of you back home.

Oh, thanks.


Thank you.

At least we was.

Acting is one of my
favourite things.

I can't believe you're an actor.

How long have you been at it?

Not long. Got the urge
a couple years back.

I can't get over you
being an actor.

I thought all actors were
egotistical hypochondriac sissies.

Well, they are, but I like them.

What are you doing now, dad?

Oh, I make jewellery.

Oh, that's real pretty, isn't it?

What do you make it out of?

Organic matter...


That makes you the
Cartier of ca-ca.

What do you do in
them acting classes?

Learn to dance and sing.

You sing?

Yeah. Everybody says it
sounds like somebody else.

♪ Chances are

♪ because I wear a silly grin ♪

♪ The moment you come into view ♪

♪ Chances are you'll think ♪

♪ That I'm in love with you ♪

♪ Just because my
composure sort of slips ♪

♪ The moment that
your lips meet mine ♪

You got me drunk, didn't you?

Well, you know...

Yes, I do know.

Non-alcoholic champagne, my foot.

You're not mad?

♪ In the magic of moonlight ♪

- I guess not.
- Stroker...

You're so sweet.

Oh, I'm not sweet.

Good-looking, great
driver, snappy dresser...

- Stroker?
- Wait. One more.

I want you.

♪ Are in my eyes

You do?


I want you.

♪ I guess you'll always be ♪

Right here...

♪ the one and only one for me ♪

And right now.

♪ Well, chances are
your chances are ♪


♪ Awfully good ♪



Angel baby.

It's important that
you be here for this.

This could be a very moving
experience for both of us.

It's not a good
time to take a nap.

Wake up.

Wake up.

Wake up.

I'm going to go to my room.

I'm not going to do something

that I'm going to be sorry for.

Good night. Damn.

I guess I should undress you.

I mean, people don't sleep
with their clothes on.

I mean, nobody sleeps
with their clothes on.

It's very uncomfortable
sleeping in clothes.

People should be comfortable
when they sleep.

I'm going to close my eyes,

and then... ooh.

What is this, a button?

I'm going to look.

This could be something
entirely different.

No. This is a button.

I'll just undo that

and just pull that
right off there.

Now you'll be comfortable.

I'm going to go now.

I'm definitely going to go now.


I'm going to go.

How is this going to look?

I mean, you're half undressed.

I can't leave you like this.

I'll just... I'll just
undo the rest of you,

and then you'll be...
You know, air-cooled.

It's silly to leave
you like this...

With half the dress

and... oh.

I'm going to go.

I am.

I'm going to go to my room.

Take another...
Another cold shower.


I was reading in a medical
journal the other day

about how brassieres

cut the circulation
off in your body.

It's not a good thing.

I mean, a person could die

with one of these things on.

The blood doesn't
get to your head.

I'll just take this off,

then take off...

This would be more fun
if you were here.

I mean, I could just
ravage you, anyway.

Who would know?

♪ Happy orange juice to you ♪


Did we...

I mean...

Did it happen?

You mean you wouldn't know?

I guess not.

You guess not?

Nothing happened.


You are so sweet...

That you could have
and you didn't.

Well, that's part of the
wonderfulness of me.

You are the most wonderful man.

I got to make a phone call.

I'll be right back.

Hey, Pembrook.

Oh, hi, Lugs.

What's the matter, hon?

It's Stroker. He's just...

Where is he?

He is making a phone call.

Hey, Doc.

Are you really a good actor?

I need help with my contract.

Stroker, come on out here.

It's a hell of an idea.

In a second, Lugs.

Right now.


Doc, I can't hear you.

Doc, I got this idea

on how to get out of my contract.

Mr MacKenzie... hot damn.

For a little old redneck
company like mine,

it's something to be talking

to you Yankee boys

from the Miller brewing
company in Milwaukee.

We've been watching
your company growth.

We're impressed.

That's really something
coming from you.

You've done well these
past few months.

How could you know that?

Because that's secret
company information.

Believe me, we know.

Damn. You corporate boys
are really something.

You got a real operation.

We want to buy your company.

Well, it's not for sale.

Well, I've written down a figure

on this piece of paper.

I think that figure

is just a little
low, Mr MacKenzie.

That's exactly 10% higher

than this company's total worth...

To the exact cent.

20% over stock value.


You really are
something, aren't you?

Let me get you something to drink.

Anything you'd like.

I'll just have a Dr Pepper.

What's a good old boy
from the brewing company

doing drinking a Dr Pepper?

Well, it's a little
early. I thought I'd...

I got you.

You're going to buy them
out, too, ain't ya?

Damn. See?

You are something.

I mean, you got your
fingers in everything.

Well, I'm not at Liberty
to discuss that.

Hey. I'm a businessman. I
understand these things.

Well, then I hope you understand

there are a few stipulations

to my offer.

Foremost, you tell no
one of this meeting.

Not even someone from
our own company.

Do I look like a bigmouth to you?

Secondly, if you sell,

we'd like a 2-year
employment contract

between you and your key people.

You'd be getting the best.

We take over your
advertising immediately.

Things like auto racing.

You sponsor a driver with a
questionable reputation.

Can you get rid of him?

Like that.

We'd like your answer
by 4:00 Sunday.


That's too quick.

I can't do that.

We have no deal, Mr Torkle.


Mr MacKenzie, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

It's too quick.

I'll give you an answer

Sunday, October 23rd at 4:00.

Sunday, 23rd, 4:00. It's a deal.

Deal? October 23rd in Charlotte?

That's the last
race of the season.

Stroker, I did my best.

You got till 4:00.

The race is over at 4:00.

I did my best.

He's got to fire Stroker
during the season.

Otherwise, he's got months
to discover there's no deal.

I did my best.

You said that.

I'm about to run out over here.

I did my best.

Let's pack up this shit.
And get out of here.

You're a good boy.

I don't want to hear that crap.

The son of a bitch hit me and spun
me out. I can't remember his name.

You never can, can you?

Anyway, he spun me out. What do
you think I should do with him?

I think you ought to
stick him in the fence.

Good idea, Neil.

Well, speak of the devil.

Mr Bonnett. Stroker.

Hello, Audrey.



You won't have trouble remembering
my name after tomorrow.

I know your name; Audrey Meadows.

Audrey James.

Aubrey James.


Stick him in the wall.

I'm gonna.

Son, I know about making jewellery

out of quail droppings.

But acting,

I don't know nothing about that.


I don't know nothing.

No. It's "I know nothing."


I know nothing.

I am just the... what am I?

Never mind. I'm calling Torkle.

Good afternoon,
ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to the Charlotte
Motor Speedway.

Hey, Stroker.

How about this?

There's something I
want you to know.

I'm thinking about selling
my little business.

If I do, I'll let you go.

If you win this race,

you'll be too valuable
a commodity to let go.

I'd have to expand that
little business...

We'd have 2 more
glorious years together.

Isn't that something?

You lose the race,
I'll set you free.

You win the race, I
got to keep you.

What do you say?

Ever throw a race before?

All drivers to your cars.

Better get out there.

Them boys are waiting for you.

Kind of a mess, ain't it?

Hey, Arnold.

Wait up.

Welcome to the Charlotte
Motor Speedway

for a great day of
stock car racing.

Later today we will have
a new national champion.

It should be an exciting day.

Working with me is Bill
Dollar and David Hobbs.

We'll be back for the
start after this.

Go to the pit and tell
Mr Big to come here

to say hello to these
people if he wins.

5 hours in a race is mighty
tiring. I don't think...

I don't pay you to
think, Alfred Einstein.

Just deliver me a message.


Where the hell is my blimp?

There it is.


There it is. I love it.

That's me, darling. I love it.

I want you fourth or fifth,

but not too far back because I
want you to keep it straight.


I haven't got any.

Where is it?

It doesn't matter
whether I win or lose.

The field begins to
roll down pit row.

A kaleidoscope of colours,

ready to do battle for 500 miles.

Coming down to this last race,

4 men are in the running
for the championship...

Stroker Ace, Aubrey James, Harry
Gant, and Cale Yarborough.

When it's all over,
who wears the crown?

There are rumours of a feud

between Stroker Ace and James.

That could affect the outcome.

Bill knows more about that.

I asked Stroker Ace.

He answered, "what feud?"

We'll find out.

The cars are waiting
for the green flag.

Field on the tow of the pace car.

Just coming off the
back straight away.

Moving into the fourth corner,

they're less than 1,000 feet

away from the start of
this $500,000 chase,

the final race of the season,

the championship on the line.

Here come the warlords.

The pace car pulls
off onto pit row.

Here they come...

Less than 500 feet

from Harold Kinder
holding them down.

Out of turn 4, they're
back to the stripe.

Look at that draft up front.

Shepard, Cale Yarborough,
and Harry Gant.

And are they setting
a blistering pace.

We're early in this 500-mile race

as they slam into the
3-story-high banking.

Stroker Ace is
moving to the front.

Talk about a guy
driving his heart out.

Stroker Ace

has worked his way in
front of the field.

How am I doing?

You guys are setting
a new track record.


Maybe you'll get
some caution flags,

and the race'll last till 4:30.

Stroker must be in trouble.

He's been passed by
at least 4 cars.

We'll get a pit report
and keep you informed.

What are you doing?

I'm getting out of the
chicken business.

Stroker, this is humiliating.

Well, then don't watch.

What is he doing?

I'll be damned.

Mr All-American hero
is going in the tank.

Mr Torkle.

There's someone here

that says he's from
the brewing company.

First caution of the afternoon
at Charlotte Motor Speedway.

The strategy has changed
for this race...

A time strategy, not
a speed battle.

The leaders come in.

What a break for Stroker Ace,

who was almost 1/2 lap back.

He may make up that 1/2 lap...

Hopefully get service
for the problem.

Stroker, you're embarrassing me.

You got the key to the rest room?

I guess not. Ha ha.

You sure you wouldn't
like a Miller's?


Oh, yeah. 4:00.

Hell, we got plenty of time.

Listen, where is
that guy MacKenzie?

I know nothing.

I am merely the messenger.

I know. I know.

You said that before.

A real battle at
Charlotte Speedway,

but the heated battle is in front.

Yarborough and Gant keep
swapping that lead,

lap after lap after lap.

What's Stroker doing?

Don't worry. Run your race.

We're seeing some blazing speed.

The average is 154.25
miles an hour.

Unless we have a wreck
or some caution flag,

this is going to be the
fastest 500-mile race.

♪ Chances are ♪

♪ Though I wear a silly grin ♪

♪ The moment you come into ♪




I just made a corporate decision.

I am choosing to win
this goddamn race.

Sell chicken for the next 2 years?


I knew it.

I knew he couldn't
stand to be beaten.

You know what that
boy's problem is?

Got too much ego.

Fine. Next year we'll
open the rib pits.


Time is running out.

That battle up front is unreal.

Gant is your leader.

Stroker Ace has moved into second.

Aubrey James is right behind him.

Outta my way.

Oh, hell. Here we go again.


Oh. Ooh.

The caution is out. It
will take a while...

The way they were running,
it had to happen.

It'll take a long time
to clear to track,

so no record race today.

It also took out Harry Gant,

so we're down to a 3-way...

Cale Yarborough, Aubrey
James, and Stroker.

Hey, what happened?

Everything's Ok.

Aubrey James just got
a little ambitious.

He's coming in.

Lugs, hurry up. Number
10 is about to leave.

Don't worry we'll beat him.

The Jack's broke.
The Jack's broke.

Go borrow one.

Hello, Arnold. You do this often?

Just want to be on
the winning team.

We got a new Jack man.

The yellow is still out.

Stroker Ace is getting in line...

In sixth place.

Next time, they get green
with 12 laps to go.

With so few laps and
such strong competition,

I rate Stroker's chances
as slim to none at all.

That Jack problem dropped
Stroker to sixth place.

Aubrey James passed him
and took the lead.

Cale Yarborough's
car is in the pits.

He's out of it.

Hey, you.

I know nothing.

I am merely a messenger.

Yes, sir.

Here is the message.

Call those good old
boys in Milwaukee.

Tell them they got a deal.

It has been a wild afternoon.

The green is back out.

The battle shapes up at turn one.

Dad just called.

Hey, Stroker. Dad called and said,

"stand on it, son."

This is as good as it gets.


Stroker Ace is passing
cars in wholesale fashion.

Hey, press boys.

You're here to get
the news, ain't you?

I got news for you. And
it's an exclusive.

As of this moment,

Stroker Ace is no
longer driving for me.

He's through. He's released.

Off the record, he's
out on his butt

because he no longer represents

the Clyde Torkle
Chicken Pit image.

Why fire him when
he's in second place?


He just moved into second place.

It started out with 4, then 3,

now it's down to 2.

The only thing between Stroker Ace

and the chequered
flag is Aubrey James.

Doesn't matter what I think,

but in 3 miles or in 2 laps,

one of these 2 guys will
be the NASCAR champion.

I got you now.


It's the white flag.
One lap to go.

30 seconds and Harold Kinder
will drop the chequered flag

on what portends to
be a dramatic finish.

Come on, 10.

The whole NASCAR
season will be decided

between these 2 guys by
just a matter of inches.

Come on.

How's this for spectacular?



Upside-down over the finish line.

Hee hee. Woo.

Hey, Stroker.

Did you see that?

You should have seen it.

I was in the car.

Get that piece of
shit out of here.


What, AP? UPI?

Good. Great.

To the left.

Right over there, please.

Fellas, it's a go.

You're a champ. Let's get him.

Give him a peck.


Hey, you.

Hey, smart ass.

Won the championship?


Well, I ain't mad.


No. Because I am clean out of it.

I'm fired?


You're fired.

I fired you, boy,

right in front of
God and everybody

in the press box.

Don't laugh at me, redneck.

I'm the richest man
you'll ever know.

Just how rich is you?

I am s...



Doc's the name.
This here's my dad.

Would you like a victory drink?

Should we give him a cluck?

Arnold, is it all right?

Let's give him a cluck.

Did the best I could.

You done good, Stroker.

♪ The chances are ♪

♪ Your chances are ♪

♪ Awfully ♪

♪ Good ♪

Give me another marker, Burt.

This is mine.

Hers is the quiet one.

I see Torkle, I get worried.

Don't worry... worry.

That's kind of a Jimmy Stewart.

It's Burt.

It's me.

Nothing but white pages.

Give me some stickum, will you?

Ain't you going to
read it, Stroker?

Of course I'm going to read it.

There's print in here,

and it's right side up.

And action.

Let's go.


I stay ready.

Kyle, you ready?

♪ Da doo da ♪

Guys, clean up your act.


Where does it say in the contract

the producer has all the fun?

See that tail? Unique, huh?

Got some...

Do it again.

Pembrook Feeney?

That's her real voice.

That's... That's her...

That's real thunder.

Wait for that to die.

Chicken Pit advertising

and public relations.


Give us that again.

Here we go.


Ha ha.

Here we go.

You might be interested in this.

I was about to show Stroker our...

I forgot what it was.

Ha ha.

Ha ha.

Stay there. I'll come by again.

It's like going by
Herschel Walker.


So many bags there.

Just keep rolling.

I'll have it in a second.


I couldn't share a room

with a man I'm not married to.

Why not? I mean...

Ha ha.

We have to get going.

We have a r...

It's catching.

♪ Oh ♪


He has a beautiful voice.

He has a beaut...

Keep singing.


That no-class son of a bitch

doesn't know who
he's dealing with.

I have talked to 4 lawyers.




That no-class son of a bitch

doesn't know who
he's dealing with.

I talked to 4 lawyers.

They all said the same thing.

Torkle's got to fire you.

Oh, yeah?

I happen to have a pretty good...

Ha ha.

Ready, Burt?

I'm ready.

Hurry up. I'm moulting.

Burt, I need technical advice.

Reed, what do you think?


A couple... 3 things wrong, Burt.

I've been looking.

The set's weak.

Your dialogue's weak.

I like the people you got here.

The home run is...

Your wardrobe is beautiful.

Ha ha.

Come on.

Let's have some fun.

What do you say?

Not you, Reynolds.

Cameras rolling.

"B" camera mark.

All right? Ok?

Ok. Come on, Bubba.

Action, Bubba.

Damn it. The door won't open.

Ha ha.

That a cut?

No. Yeah, go ahead and cut it.

Over here.

He's got to fire Stroker

during the seas...

Sorry about that.

You got till 4:00.

The race is over...

The race is over at 4:00.

Common marker.

Common marker.

Did you have a nice day?

Is that right? You shitting me?

Son of a bitch.

What do you mean, a raise?

Ha ha ha.