Strictly Sinatra (2001) - full transcript

"D."

"N."

"A."

D.N.A.

We would not be returning him
to you in the form
of a rather large pizza.

It's just
your Donald Duck.
Donald Duck, indeed.

It's been our luck tonight
having you on the show.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Richard E. Grant.
Thanks, mate.

Well, what can I say about
my last guest? They don't
come bigger than this.

This kid was an unknown on
the Royal Command Performance,

and I was honored
to host it.



Headlining that night
was the great Tony Bennett,

who sneaked in the wings
to watch this boy perform.

He said, "He's magnificent.
Frank must hear about him."

The Frank he meant,
was, of course, Sinatra.

And Tony, true to his words,
took the lad back
to Las Vegas...

where America opened
its arms to him.

Sinatra went
to see him perform,

and said, "This is the prince
who will wear my crown."

It's a pleasure
to have him home. Will you
please welcome Toni Cocozza!

Toni!

Sorry, son.

Sorry, boys, in you go.

Tickets here, son.

Sorry.



No charge.

Hoi.

Fags.
It's my last.

See us a fag, doll.

Sure.

Are they all right?
Having a ball.

♪ We're on the road
to romance ♪

♪ That's safe to say ♪

♪ But let's make all
the stops ♪

♪ Along the way ♪

♪ The problem now
of course is ♪

♪ To simply hold
your horses ♪

♪ To rush would be ♪

♪ A crime ♪

♪ 'Cause
nice and easy does it ♪

♪ Nice and easy does it ♪

♪ Nice and easy does it ♪

♪ Every time ♪♪

♪♪

Sorry 'bout that.

Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you very much.
You're very kind.

No, really.

But do please stick around,
'cause we'll be back...

with more swinging sounds
very, very soon.

Toni, come here a minute.
I'm on my break!

Get your arse over here.

You've got a request.

This is a joke, right?
I don't do this kind of stuff.

"Toni Cocozza
is Strictly Sinatra," right?
Strictly Sinatra.

Can't start doing
this kind of garbage.
Better think about this one.

I had it in my pile back there.
We used to do it in "Spangles."

He's no even a real singer.
He's a chancer.

No. No, no.
Tell them, "Too bad,
and very sorry" and all that.

But I wouldn't waste my breath
on it.
Do you see who it's from?

♪ Then one night in desperation
the young man breaks away ♪

♪ He buys a gun
and steals a car ♪

♪ Tries to run away
but he don't get far ♪

♪ And his mama cries ♪

♪ As a crowd gathers 'round
an angry young man
face down in the street ♪

♪ With a gun in his hand
in the ghetto ♪

♪ In the ghetto ♪

♪ And as her young man dies ♪

♪ On a cold and gray
Chicago mornin' ♪

♪ Another little
baby child is born ♪

♪ In the ghetto ♪

♪ And his mama cries ♪♪

Did you spot them?
Do I know what gangsters
look like?

Christ, you cannae miss them!
They got big scars
and hellish teeth!

You've got a fan.

♪ And I'm being good ♪

- You all right?
- Smashing, smashing. Thanks.
I've got my health.

And when you've got your health,
you've got your health,
haven't you?

I'm Dainty.
Very pleased to meet you,
Dainty.

You having a wee night?
Aye, and we're having
a rare time.

We fair enjoyed your show.
And he's no easy pleased.

Thanks for coming.
He's quite taken
with you.

- Thank you.
- And so am I.

But that song always
reduces him to tears.

- We just wanted
to say thanks.
- Anytime.

Mr. Vegas enjoyed you
as well.

Mr. Vegas?

- He was there near a year.
- Las Vegas?

Tell him about it.
He saw them all.
Didn't you?

Bobby Darren, Dean Martin,
the wee darkie.

Boys.

We're going to the casino.
You fancy the casino?
Um, I don't know.

You should come down.
Casino.
You'll get in for nothing.

I've got stuff
to pack up.
Offer's there if you want it.

♪ And I'd love to be with you ♪

♪ If only I could ♪

♪ One day while
I was not at home... ♪♪

Excuse me.
Have one of my tapes.

Toni Cocozza.
"Strictly Sinatra."

Thanks, son.

Um... mister...

Chisholm.

What was it like,
Las Vegas?

Fuckin' roastin'.

Did you ever see...

Sinatra? Oh, aye.
I met big Frank
a few times.

You met him?
You met Frank Sinatra?

Your name
will be on the door.

Don't sup with 'em.

Don't take a drink from them!
You hear me?

You take a drink from them,
and they've got you.

Bill, relax.

Leave it, son, eh?
Come on.

Early start tomorrow.
Supermarket day.

I know. Have I ever
let you down before?

No. I'm not likely
to start now, am I?

♪ Sleep like a baby ♪

♪ My little lady ♪

♪ Dream till the sunrise ♪

♪ Creeps into your eyes ♪

♪ Dream till the sunrise ♪

♪ Turns on the day ♪

♪ In the avenues
and alleyways ♪

♪ While you sleep
there's a whole world
coming alive ♪

♪♪ Get you something, sir?

What are all these?

Turkish, French, Gauloises,
Camels, Conquistadors,

Lucky Strikes, Tomahawk Falls,
Marlboro this, Marlboro that.

You name it,
we've got it.

Incredible. Amazing.
The wonderful world
of cigarettes.

Breathtaking.
And I've been thinking
about giving up.

And cigars as well!

Cubans, Havanas,
all kinds of big, fat cigars...

so you can snuff it
looking like a Marx brother.

You don't look like a smoker.

What do smokers
look like?
Me.

You smoke?
But I'm gonna give up.

Soon.
And if I can give up,
you can give up.

You gonna give it
a try?
Soon, yeah.

We could give up together.
How 'bout that?

Not today, though.

Fair enough.
Day at a time.

So, what can I get you
from the tray of death?

A pack of those.

I'll get your change.

On the house, sir.

- Sorry?
- No charge.

Oh.
Thanks very much.

This way.

We've heard all about you.
You're the next big thing.

That's what
they are sayin'.

This is Toni Cocozza,
the singer.

You're a class act.
A pleasure to meet you.

Toni Cocozza,
the next big thing!

♪ Hold me to you ♪

♪ And I'll never ♪

♪ Never ever let you go ♪

♪ Never let you go ♪

♪ I made a vow ♪

♪ To love only you... ♪♪

Hey.
Sorry?

Sorry. I thought
you were somebody else.
Apologies.

Spare any change?

Should you
not be at school?

Here.
Away and get out of the cold.
You hear me?

Poof.

There were bowls of nuts
everywhere.

And the thing is,
you take a handful,
a big handful,

you turn your back,
you're chatting away,
you're munching away.

When you turn around again,
the bowl was full.

They weren't salted, Bill,
they were honeyed.
Honeyed!

Fingers. Fish.

You can get they nuts
in here.

No, you cannae.
I've seen them.

Not the same kind.
Some night.

You know what
those people are, Toni?
Good company.

A bit rough and ready,
but who cares?

Your father
would be horrified.
Here we go!

Promise me you'll keep
away from them, son.

I'll tell you
what they are.

Fans.
That's all!

And you know what?
They actually made me
feel like somebody.

You're somebody already.

No 'round here.
People are fond of you.

People are fond of pies.
You don't see many of them
on Broadway.

And is that being somebody?
What do you think?

I think you're no seein'.
People hold you
in a certain regard.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Are you Toni Cocozza?

Me?

Yeah, I am, actually.
How you doin'?

I found your mitts
in the car park.

Your name was on them.

Thanks.

♪ You're nobody
till somebody loves you ♪

Aye.
Aye.

♪ You're nobody
till somebody cares ♪

♪ You may be king ♪

♪ You may possess... ♪♪

There's a talent show.

I knew you were
leadin' up to something.

On television.
The Big "T."
I knew it!

What's that?
It's what you see
lookin' at me.

Talent.
"Only those with
the big 'T' need apply."

Is it no just amateur crap?

Apparently they'll take
professional crap as well.

I dug out all this stuff
last night.

And I hardly used
half of it.

I'm gonna send 'em
a tape.

Will you help me?

If I get an audition,
will you play for me?

I know how you feel
about where you are.

But... that's a hard game, son.
It can give you a hell
of a lot of knocks.

I know, but I wanna
give it a go again.

I don't wanna spend the rest of
my days lookin' out this window
watching the world go by.

I want to be part of it,
Bill.

I want to be somebody.

All right.

You're a star, Mr. "C."

This is goin' in
the post today.

As for these,
this is the age
of the publicity blitz.

And Toni Cocozza
is about to join it.

♪ Oh, oh, oh it's magic
You know ♪

It's you!
The guy with the hair.

Aye, that's right.
Toni. Toni Cocozza.

This is you as well.
Aye, sure is.

You're on the stage.

Wow. That's fantastic.
What do you do?

What do you think?

Are you a magician?
No.

Are you a funnyman?

Do I look funny?

Are you meant to?
I'm a vocalist.

I love all that!
What's the name
of your dummy?

No way!

You actually get up
on stage and give it with
the "doobey-doobey-do" stuff?

This I've got to see!

Can I come?
Oh, we'll sort
something out.

Irene.
Irene.

I love all the Sinatra stuff.
It's like another world,
isn't it?

It's all there
for them who choose.

Do you wear a tuxedo?
Couldn't step onstage
without it.

See, that's classy!

I like a tuxedo.
I've got pictures of my folks
out with their friends.

All the men are in tuxedos,
and the women are all
in their best gear.

I've got pictures like that.
They've gone to some big do,
something special.

They push the boat out.
That's right.

There's a pack of them.
They look like movie stars.
Well...

Some of them.
"B" movies.

It's funny. There's always
one couple that looks good,

and there's always
a couple with the woman with
a slightly embarrassed face...

because her husband...
Pulls a big, stupid face.

Yes!
That'd be me.

I've always wanted
to have a night like that.

I've spent
a lifetime trying.

Just do it.
I don't care about that.
Just fucking do it!

- How you doin'?
- Fine, thank you.

Toni Cocozza.
I know.

What you having?
I'm fine just now.
Thanks.

Come on in.
Sit yourself down.

You enjoy yourself
the other night?
Aye, I did.

Thanks very much.
Old Connolly's
very taken with you.

And Dainty.
Very taken.
That's nice.

Sit down, sit down.

You're not unlike him,
you know.

Who?
Mr. Sinatra.

You both be from
the same kind of background...
close to your family.

Aye. My mother died
when I was wee.

My father,
it'll be a year now.

Hard.

A great loss.

First time I saw Frank Sinatra,
he was wearing a gray suit.

Single-breasted.
High-waist trousers,
four pleats.

There was something about it
I cannae describe.
It was...

It was like...
It was like it was shiny,
but not that shit shiny.

It was like...
It had a sheen.

It had a sheen.

- Could not see his face.
He was wearin' a hat.
- Aye, snap brim.

Pulled a pack of cigarettes
from his pocket.
Lit one, looked up.

Then he said,
"You want one?"

His voice was cracked, cool.

"Sure," I said.

He handed me the snout,
and looked straight at me.

And he had the...
clearest blue eyes
I've ever seen.

They were like
the summer sky...

reflected
in a mountain stream.

Crystal clear.

And at that moment,
I felt...

like I was a guy
in Ancient Rome.

Because
I was in the presence...

of a god.

What?

No!

He's hopeless,
useless.

I'm tellin' ya,
I'm tellin' ya!
Are you deaf?

Got you a shot.

Bourbon on the rocks.

You know,
I don't drink spirits.

Will you no take a drink
off me?

Hmm? Come on,
let me buy you a drink.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Toni, will you
do something for me?

Stop trying
to do it so fast.

Easy, easy, easy.

Wait, wait, wait.

Right. Very simple.
Don't poke about in them, okay?

Don't let anybody else
poke about in them, right?

Or I'll let him
poke about in you.

Just keep them here
until I tell you otherwise,
and keep your mouth shut.

Got it?

Right, hen, on your way.

Come on now, don't make
any more trouble for yourself.

- Leave me be!
- Irene!

I'm sacked.
What?

I'm sacked! They've given
my job to somebody else.
He can't do that.

He's the manager.
He can do what he wants.

What's he done that for?
Says I've jinxed
the ciggies.

Says sales have plummeted
since I picked up the tray.
I must have alcohol!

He's got a whole pile
of names for me.

"Stick Insect,"
on account of my weight.

"Snapper," due to the likelihood
of my bones breaking.

"Speck," due to my stature.

That's disrespectful.
Speck. This manager guy,
he's way out of line.

Well, he's got
what he's always wanted now.

A big glamour puss,
all hair and gizambaas.

I mean, you'll not even be able
to see the tray now.

I could do something,
you know.

There are people
I could talk to.
Pardon?

I'm connected.

That's all I'm gonna say.
I know people.

You know people?
I do.

You mean, like the people
you were with in the casino?

You know them, do you?

And how do you think
they treat me?

Well, I don't really
know them.

You know, they just came
to the show and...

They invited me on.
I just been there once.

I went out of manners.
They're not my pals
or anything like that.

I know!
That was obvious.

And by the way,
if they were, I wouldn't be
standing here with you now.

I'm sorry.

Got carried away.

I hate to think of you
being treated like that.

Well,
I appreciate the thought.

Have another drink.

Entrez.

Shh.
Let's get you
some coffee.

It's in there.

Senor Cocozza!
Can you can it?
You'll wake me flatmates.

I'm sorry,
I was looking for the coffee.

Make a pot.
It'll keep you awake
all night.

It's for you!
What?

It's been a very bad day.

Confirming my suspicion
that all men
are beneath contempt.

However, among their number,
you stand out,

appearing to be a good sort
whose biggest offense is
an occasional lapse in taste,

culminating in your hair
being permed.

For which
you cannot be condemned.

Now, I know that I'm drunk.

But I sincerely believe
that in order to end
a disastrous day...

on a positive note,

I think we should get
our kits off...

and roll around like animals
until our passions are spent.

It wouldn't be right.

What?

Look, you've...
You've had
too much to drink,

and you're not
thinking straight.

Sorry, that's the truth,
you know.

Let's not do something
we'll regret in the morning.

Irene?

Oh, God, no.

Irene?

Ir...

Irene.

Oh, that is something!
Sure, that's something!

Aye, it's a keen letter,
eh? Look.

"We are looking
forward to seeing you.
Rod Edmunds, producer."

The Big "T."
It's no everyone will get
a letter from the producer.

Is it no
just a standard letter?

That's personal.

It's just an audition.
Eh?

"We are delighted
to offer you an audition.

Thereafter, successful
applicants will be invited
to appear on the program."

That'll be us!
Okay, say you get on,
doesn't mean that you'll win.

Doesn't matter.
What?

I'll have been on TV.
So?

From that moment on,
everything will change.

I will become
television's Toni Cocozza.

Toni, son, you need to keep
your feet on the ground.
No, I don't.

I'll tell you for why.
Because things
are going my way.

What things?

All sorts of things.
Well, you'll see!

My luck's changing.

The gods are finally
paying attention
to wee Toni at last.

And now they're smilin'.

And I intend
to keep them smilin'.

What's the matter?

♪ Every once in a while ♪

I just wanted a word.

Sit down.

You've met everybody.
Bill...
Oh, we've had a conversation.

Bill told me your news,
about the audition.
That's great!

Excitin', eh?

Thank you.
On the house.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Aldo, that wee thing
I had to talk to you about.

What wee thing?
Aldo.

Oh, aye!
That wee thing.

♪ We had our tears ♪

♪ And our laughter ♪

The other night,
I had too much to drink.

When I have
too much to drink,
I go a bit mental.

I always find that
very attractive in a woman,
except for the drool.

I wanted to apologize.
I shouldn't have put you
in that position.

No problem.
Honest.

Well... other guys,

you know, um,

they might have
taken liberties.

Is your cappuccino okay?

But you didn't.
So...

Aldo sometimes gets
carried away with froth.

You wanna see him
when he's shavin'.

Do you wanna know
what his story is?

He got on the boat in Italy,
and got off here.

He thought
he was in New York.
He still does.

We've tried to tell him
the truth, but he'll no listen.
New York?

Aye.
I gonna go one day.

Send him a postcard.
Break it to him gently.

- Him and Bill,
they're my cronies.
- This is the Rat Pack then.

Oh, aye.
But we're missin'
one vital ingredient.

- We've no got
a Shirley MacLaine type.
- That's a surprise.

The post's open,
if you're interested.

You must think
I have a very sad life.

♪♪

Smile! Very good.

I'm sittin' on your knee.
And my name isn't Sonny.

Very good, girls.

Hi, dear.
What's your name?
I'm Simpson.

Is that another crooner?

You think?
That's me.

I don't know.

Just come over here.
He's better lookin' than me.

Do you think?

I've got... personality.

It's what makes me
different, you know?

I'll give them
plenty of that, eh?

Just do the songs.
Right, just do the songs.

Okay, thanks.

Lovely! Very good.

That's it,
and turn.

Very good.

The next contestant
is Toni Coco.
Cocozza.

Oh, sorry.
Cocozza.

You can't get the staff
these days.

Ladies and gentlemen,
it's a great pleasure
to be... here.

My name is Toni Cocozza.
Cocozza.

You got that?

And what I do
is strictly Sinatra.

The fellow at the Steinway
back there is my pianist,

Mr. William Collins.

Bill, to his friends.
And Bill to me
after the show.

No, really.

Okay, sit back and relax,
'cause you're in
for a ring-a-ding time.

In fact, a funny thing
happened to me
and Bill recently...

while on vacation
in America.

We went to visit
the Grand Canyon...
and it was closed!

Isn't that sweet, huh?
Mr. Cocozza?

You're a singer?
Aye.

Sing.
Sorry about that.

Sorry.
Just a little bit of fun.

Boy.
"Krazy Hair on de warpath,"
eh?

I'll tell you somethin',
fella,

Davy Crockett's been looking
for that hat for ages.

Sorry, sorry.

If the cat don't dig it,
the cat don't dig it.

Here's something
I know you will.

It's a classic from the
magical pen of Mr. Sammy Cahn
and Mr. Jimmy Van Heusen.

"You Make Me Feel So Young."

Hen, hen, now what?

Any news?
You'll be notified
by post.

Could you not slip us the wink?
We're professionals.
We got dates to juggle.

Hey, swinger!
Chairman of the Board,
that's me.

Mr. Edmunds, I'm sorry
if I went on a wee bit,
but I was nervous and...

Look, Toni,

people think my job
is difficult.

It's not.
It's easy.

It's the easiest job
in the world...

because talent is obvious.

And when it's there,
it stands out a mile.

And when it isn't,
it doesn't. Hmm?

May I ask you your age?

Twenty-eight.

This is not
for you, son.
What?

Take some advice
from an old soldier.

Find something else
before it's too late.

It's not for you, son.

Son.

Moving swiftly along
as they say, there you go, eh?

He's an arse.
Come on, son.
It doesn't matter.

Thank you,
and fucking good night.

Son...
No, Bill.

Just let me be,
okay?

Hello?

You listen to me, poof!

'Cause you're in big
fuckin' trouble.

You fucking like that?

You do as I tell you,
otherwise you're gonna
bleed up your kisser.

Now you go home,
and shut your mouth, right?

And just wait. Just wait
till we come for you.

When will that be?

When we're fuckin' ready.

Hey, Frank,
this is the Shirley type.

Who are these bums?
What do they know?

Don't let them bother you.
You've got bigger fish to fry,
like me.

I want to see this act of yours,
so let's do it, okay?

Hope you're fine.

It's open.

Here. Get out!

"Dinner At Eight."

P-Pardon?

"Dinner At Eight"!

♪ She gets too hungry
for dinner at eight ♪

♪ She likes the theater ♪

♪ But never comes late ♪

♪ She never bothers with ♪

♪ People she'd hate ♪

- ♪ That's why the lady ♪
- ♪ Is a tramp ♪

♪♪

♪ Doesn't like crap games
with barons and earls ♪

♪ She won't go to Harlem
in ermines and pearls ♪

♪ She won't dish the dirt
with the rest of the girls ♪

- ♪ That's why the lady ♪
- ♪ Is a tramp ♪

Let's go!
♪ She likes the free ♪

- ♪ Fresh wind in her hair ♪
- Isn't he good, eh?

♪ A life without care ♪

♪ She's broke and so ♪

♪ Hates California ♪

♪ It's cold and it's damp ♪

♪ That's why the lady ♪

♪ That's why the lady ♪

♪ That's why the lady
is a tramp ♪♪

We needed them.

You weren't in,
so we took 'em.

And tonight?
We wanted to hear you sing.

Dainty's crazy about you.
That's it.

Only sorry I missed
your performance.
Heard it was a great gig.

Did I tell you about Kim Novak?
Kim who?

Novak... film star. You wouldn't
have known her. She made films
with knickers in them.

But you'd know her,
eh, Toni? Eh?

I met her as well.

She was somethin'.

Brings me in a sweat
when I think about her.

Skin like alabaster.

If I'd tried anything,

they'd have crippled me.

Might have been worth it,
though, eh? Eh?

Wee Kim.

Now, she did a picture
with Frankie Boy, right?

- He's singing in these dives,
meets her, falls for her.
- Aye, Pal Joey.

Pal Joey!

Then he gets outta the dives
into a big club.

Yeah, right.
A great place.

It's got a big stage,
big dance floor, tables
with wee lamps on 'em.

Aye. Tables with
wee lamps on 'em.

You ever been on the telly?

Yeah. No.
I had an audition
for that Big "T."

- I've seen that.
- Today, actually.

Producer took agin me
for some reason.

He treated me like
I was something on his shoe.

What's this arsehole's name?

I don't know.
Um, Edmunds. Rod Edmunds.

Sit down.

He's no right to treat you
like this, this, uh...

What's his name again?

What?
Um, uh...
I can't remember now.

Edmunds.
Rod Edmunds.

It's okay.
It's fine...

Don't say another word.

Muster up
some fuckin' grace
and accept,

because it's happenin'.

Okay?

What are you lookin' at,
rat features?

Nothin'.

What happened here?

You're a nuckleheid!

A 24-karat stupid arsehole
of the first order!

Sorry.
You'll be a lot sorrier
before you're finished!

I said have nothing
to do with him!

That's easier said
than done.
Keep out of their way.

You see them coming,
you vanish.

And if they see you first,

excuse yourself from
their company as best you can
and be gone.

All right?

Aye, all right.

With any luck,
they'll lose interest in you...

and you'll no hear
from them again.

Pfft!

Ah, we can fix this.

Just need all the bits.

You're square with them now?

All square.

Toni Cocozza.
Are you Kenny?

We spoke on the phone.
Give us a minute.

I don't think this is
our kind of place.

Of course it isn't.

I can't take Irene
to our kind of place.

I want somewhere different,
somewhere clean.

I've seen you.

You're garbage.

Kenny,

what I'm after here
is a showcase kind of thing.
Uh-huh.

The point is,
I wouldn't charge you.
Do you understand?

As far as you're concerned,
there'll be absolutely
no outlay.

- What're you lookin' at?
- I'm not lookin' at anything.

Good.

You know what
our clientele is here?

Divorcees,
second-time-arounders...

looking for kicks
with no strings attached.

That's my crowd... swingers.
No, your crowd's
geriatrics.

They're all Valley of the Dolls
and incontinence pants.

These people are with it!

They go for sounds
like themselves...

sophisticated and worldly.

Like what?
Like Neil Diamond.

- Goes down a bomb here.
- Does he?

There's a real singer.

That is a real singer
with real style.

Oh, you go for that,
do you?

Black polo neck,
hair combed from behind the ear.

At least he's got hair.
What does that mean?

- What are you lookin' at?
- I'm not lookin' at anything.

Aye, you are.
You're starin' at my hands.
I'm no.

He's no lookin' at nothing.
He's starin' at my hands!

Leave him alone.
He's no.
Better no be.

We're not gettin'
anywhere here.

Let's just get
on our way.

Aye, right.
Thanks for nothin'.

Anytime.

Dump.
What'd you say?

What do you think I said?

Toni!

Get out.

With pleasure.

Prick.

What did you say?
I never says nothin'.

What was that crack
about the hair?
What crack about the hair?

Neil Diamond...
"At least he's got hair."
What does that mean?

It means, at least Neil Diamond
isn't a baldy bastard
like Frank Sinatra.

Frank Sinatra was not bald.

He was fuckin'
toupee of the century, pal.

You don't know what
you're talkin' about!
He was a baldy.

He wisnae baldy!
He was a rug merchant!

Used to wear
all cuts of Axminster
tacked onto his napper.

You're out of order, pal.
You can still see it.

He left it to Bill Shatner
in his will.
You want a smack in the mouth?

- You gonna give me one?
- Stop it! Daft buggers!

You, get out of here!
Move it!

I'm sorry. Don't know
what's got into him.

Hello?

This is he.

Mr. Edmunds.

Rod.
How are you?

Thank you.
I want you all there.
Everybody's comin'.

You're gonna be
a big-shot TV star.
I finally get to see.

You'll need a chaperone.
Aye, to protect her
from you.

That is the weirdest thing,
though.
What?

This about-turn. The fella
couldn't have been clearer
about his feelings towards you.

He said he was having
a bad day, didn't he?
Problems at home or something.

He made a mistake, that's all.
At least he was big enough
to admit it.

- It's funny, though, isn't it?
- What's funny about it?

It's just funny!

You're all right.
Away you go now.

You got a light, mate?

Sure.

You know something, Irene?

I've been looking at you
and I'm thinking.

And you know what
I was thinking?

I was thinking
you look sensational.

There you are,
I've said it now.

You all right?
I've got to go.

I've arranged to meet a girl
from the casino tonight.
Ah, don't.

I'm sorry.
It's just a bit weird.

I thought I was
one of the boys.

You are one of the boys.
It's just, you're the only one
I fancy.

What?

Listen, the thing
about that night was...

Please don't mention
that night.

I never took
any liberties, right?

Aye, so you say.

Well, it wasn't
without effort.

So... what are you saying?

Mmm.

I really,
really like you.

That's all I'm sayin'.

Well, I really like you.

Well, could...
could we meet up later?

It's already late.
I know, uh...

But could we...
I don't know,
just meet up and...

talk things over?

I've got to go.

The flat...

The flat's empty tonight.

♪♪

Excuse me.
Can I have a word?
I've got something on.

You're needed.
What for?

If you open your mouth
about this,
the lassie'll get it.

What lassie?

Do you think we're daft?
It'd be smart of you
to lighten up.

Where did you get
Tweetie Pie fae?

Psychiatric secure unit,
so watch what you're
fuckin' sayin'. Move it.

Is he gonna be all right?

If you had done
what you were supposed to,
we wouldn't need him, would we?

I fuckin' told you.
You're a fuckin' liar!

Fuckin' bastards.

Aye, thank fuck!

Stupid fucking miserable
fucking dogs!

Here. Here.

Play with the dogs.
That's your job.

The rest of their stuff's
over there.
Just don't show fear.

Come on.

- Let's get on with it.
- I was hoping a wee cuddle
as well.

The boss phones in!

Shut them the fuck up!

Shh, shh.

You, shit face.
Come here.

Shut them up!

Hello, boss.

Quiet as a grave.

No, they're okay.

Lonesome coyotes.

I told you a hundred
fuckin' times, Thursday's
my Tai Chi night.

Shh. Pl...

Fuckin' hell.
Boss decided to fucking do us.

What are you gonna do?
Oh, arsehole, nice try!

We get the cigarettes
and sweeties.
What are you goin' on about?

- You get the money.
- What money?

We get the blame.
Very good.
No!

Go! Go!

Shit! Doors.

What?
Doors!

Come on!

Come on!
Come on!

♪ Here ♪

♪ In my heart ♪

♪ I'm alone ♪

Oh, boy!
♪ And so lonely ♪

- If they'd got ahold of me,
they would've killed me.
- No!

You could've got
rid of them easily.
Just done your act.

♪ I just yearn ♪

♪ For you only ♪

♪ Here in my arms ♪

♪ I long to hold you ♪

♪ Hold you so near ♪

♪ Ever close to my heart ♪

♪ So darling ♪

♪ Say that you care ♪

♪ Take this heart ♪

♪ I give gladly ♪

♪ Surely you know ♪

♪ I need your... ♪♪

♪♪

Things fell in our favor.
You got a cut.

I'm okay, honestly.

Get yourself kitted out
for the show.

No, I've got my tux.
It's my lucky tux.
It was my father's.

And who ever fuckin'
heard of him?

He wasn't well-known,
he was well-liked.

Still listening to
the wee Toni, aren't we?

The wee Toni
that will struggle away
in the cold and misery...

until his bones snap
and the pish runs out of him.

Forget it.

Think about the other Toni...

the one people notice
when he walks in,

the one who knows
how to handle himself.

Huh?
Look him in the eye,
embrace him and say,

"So be it."

Huh?
I'll pay you back.

Forget it.

For yourself,
your lassie.

Oh, shit!

Chuckles the Clown?

That's not his real name,
of course.

But he's been having
a hell of a time recently.
He's had a wee cancer scare.

Someone walked away with his big
shoes. He's hittin' the sauce.
Toni.

This is a disaster because "A,"
he's an alcoholic.

And "B," he's due
in court tomorrow.

But you got him home?

I had to.

If he doesn't show up tomorrow,
he'll lose his daughter.

He'll never see
wee Brandie again.

What a story.

I phoned Bill.
Did ya?

He said it wasn't like you.

That something
must've turned up...
an emergency.

It was out of my control.

Well, you had to do
what you had to do.

You could've phoned.

Oh, God, I'm sorry.
I am so sorry.

I'll call you a taxi.

I, I, I am so sorry.

You need to go home.

Sorry, mate.

No problem.
My fault.

♪ I've been a puppet
a pauper ♪

♪ A pirate, a poet ♪

♪ A pawn and a king ♪

♪ I've been up and down
over and out ♪

♪ I know one thing ♪

♪ Each time I find myself ♪

♪ Laying flat on my face ♪

♪ Well, I pick myself up
and get back in the race ♪

♪ That's life ♪

♪ That's life and oh
I can't deny it, no ♪

♪ I thought of quitting, babe
but my heart just ain't
gonna buy it ♪

♪ And if there's nothing shaking
come this year July ♪

♪ I'm gonna roll myself up ♪

♪ In a big ball ♪

♪ And die ♪

♪ My, my ♪♪

Jack Daniels, large one.
Plenty of ice.

Something for yourself,
bartender.

- What're you havin'?
- I'm all right at the moment.

Shiny suit.

It's no shiny,
it's a sheen.

You could light the street
with it.

Pardon me,
Beau fuckin' Brummel.

I came into
a wee bit of cash.

Wanna see something?

Tickets for the show.

They came today.
The Big "T."
What you make of that?

Where were you last night?
Irene phoned me.

I know.
She was very worried,
and so was I.

Well, I'm all right,
so you can relax.

I'm no daft, you know.
I know you, and there's
something no right here.

So spit it out.
Just leave it.

Were you with them?
Gonna leave it?

- You were, weren't you?
You were with them.
- So what if I was?

Christ, what is it?
You a hard man now?

A wise guy?
Is that what you call it?
You think I'm stupid?

- You couldn't stand
the pace of stupid.
- Just drop it.

Some wise guy you are.
What were you doin' for them?

Shining their shoes?
A job, for your information.

- What kind of job?
- A fuckin' heist, man.
A fuckin' heist!

Stick that in your walking stick
and walk with it.
You're kidding.

- You're just kidding, right?
- Everybody knows the right
thing to do when it's no them.

You've seen them. You've seen
the cut of 'em. What the fuck
am I supposed to do?

Jesus.

Jesus Christ!

Why? Why?

Because they did me a favor.

What favor?

What do you think?

Oh, dear God!

Come on.
It's a whiskey there.
A large... A large whiskey.

Is this where we are?

Is this where we've got to?

Nobody touched the guy.
He just wised up,
that's all.

Same again for me.
Not me.

Don't do this to me.
I'm out.

Please!

This talent show's
our big break.

Let's not blow this one.

I want nothing to do
with it. Nothing!

And if you were wise,
you'd pull out of it as well.

Well then, Bill, walk away,
you know? On you go.

I don't think you're right,
but I guess you're
just displaying...

your uncanny instinct
for success, which has
gotten you where you are today.

What?

Look at you.
You're a clown.

Same again.

Irene?

Irene? Irene?

Irene.

Ha-ha!

Darlin',
I've been waiting for you.

You lied to me!

What are you talking about?
Do you mind?

It's a private matter.
You must think my head's
buttoned up the back!

No, darlin',
it's a wee bit of kidology.

I can't believe
I was so stupid!

No, please, please.
I had to.
Leave me alone!

Please!
What are we fightin' for?

Come on. Life's too short.
We should go have a meal.

- We'll have a drink.
We'll sort all this out, eh?
- Look at the state of you!

You look like a pimp!
This?

This is pizazz, that's all.
I'm an entertainer.

I'm one of the good guys.
Do you understand?
I'm one of the good guys.

Get your hands off me!
Get your hands off me!

You can't handle it.

None of you
can fuckin' handle it.
Wee Toni's...

got a bit of success,
wee Toni's gonna be on TV.

And you're all
eaten up with it.

Go and take a long hard look
at yourself, Toni.

It's you should take a look
at yourself! You and Bill
and the rest of you!

I've got one chance
to make something
of my life!

And you cannae
stomach that, yeah?

Well, that's no friendship!

There's fuckin' plenty of people
will be happy for me,

plenty of people will be pleased
to see my name up in lights.

You go on that program
and you're gonna owe them
for the rest of your life.

That's up to me.

Aye, so it is.

I'm one of the good guys.

I'm one of the good guys.

I'm one of the good guys.

Me. Toni.

Good Toni.

I'm one of the good guys.

Mix to the wide.

Cut and cue Jim.

Will you give him a big,

big "T" welcome,
ladies and gentlemen,

the swinging sound
of Toni Cocozza!

We're going all the way, folks.
That's what we're here for.

Keeps me young at heart,
keeping you young at heart too.

We're here every week.

Tell your friends.

That'll be my last.

So you working
the big night, Joe?

The private function?
Aye.

All hands on deck
for that one.

You'll see something
that night.

You'll see some faces
that've been taken apart...

and they couldn't
get back together right.

And that's just the women.

What's the big deal,
then?

It's Dainty's birthday.
Who's Dainty?

She's the wife of one
of our more prominent
local businessmen.

Capisce?

So best be on your toes
or you could find them
floating in your martinis.

And he and her and all
their colorful associates...

will be carousing the night away
in this fine establishment...

absolutely free.

Gratis.

Furthermore,
they will be treated
to a night of entertainment...

by some of show business's
finest performers,

and me as well.

You're good.

Come, come.

Fifth.
Is that good?

I came fifth.

Mind you,
I did better there
than elsewhere.

Came last there, I think.

No, placed...

in the human race.

And for what?

I always thought
it'd be more than this.

That's my problem.
I always think there's
gonna be more than this.

So I never saw...

all...

all the precious things.

I didn't realize how, um,

fragile they were
till I'd broken them.

One more for the road, eh?

Chisholm wants you.

- But what?
- That's the day
of Dainty's birthday.

It'll take a half an hour,
for fuck's sake.

- Parties for Dainty.
This is what's keeping her.
- I don't like this drug stuff.

What you like is of
no fucking interest
to anyone and their dog.

Train gets in at 7:00.

Pick up the gear and deliver it.
Fuck it up, dead. Cheerio.

Big John F.
Did I tell you about him?

Kennedy.
You met Kennedy.

Didn't exactly meet him.

But our paths crossed,
if you know what I mean.

Irene.

Don't do that, please, Irene.
Please?

You're totally right
to turn your back on me,

but will you let me do
this one thing, please?

I'll no ask you to forgive me
because I've been unforgivable.
I know that.

But if you think you could
give me another chance,
will you let me know?

Please. I think
you're the greatest.

I swear on my father's grave.
You're the greatest.

What're you doing here?
Leave me alone.

Get away from here.
All the lot of you!
Get away!

We'll go where we fuckin' like.

Beat it, eh?
You hear me? Beat it.

Think you're smart?
Get away from here, eh?

If I see your face around here,
I'll kick it in for ya.

- Leave him alone.
Take your hands off him.
- Shut your mouth. Right?

Shut your mouth!
I shows you, mate.

I shows you, mate.
I'll shows you...

Behave yourself, son.
You want a square go?

Come on, I'll give you
a square go.

Hey!
What's goin' on?

Nothin', you know.
Just nothin'.

Beat it.

You really strike terror
in their hearts, don't you?

Motor!

Come here.

But I'm no good at...
Move it!

Don't let him pass,
you hear me?
I cannae stop...

Let him go
and you're dead!

Come on!

Sit down. Sit down!

Sit down, son!

Oh, Jesus.
Oh, shit.

Aldo!

Um, report him to
the social aid or report him
to the social something.

What are you talking about?
Promise me you'll
look after him for me.

Aye, okay, okay.

They're gonna kill me.

Where's Irene?
You haven't seen her?

What are you talking about?
She said she was going
to see you.

She said she had something
to tell you.
Going to see me where? Where?

Dainty! Dainty!
Dainty! Dainty!

Dainty! Dainty!
Dainty! Dainty!

Dainty!

I'll go in for you, son.
I'll get her out.

If they don't get me,
they'll take it out on her.

What?
It's me they want.

Toni!

Son.

If you could just
shift it up a wee bit.
It's blocking the entrance.

And what, what about...

Are you going as well?

And a very big favorite
of our birthday girl here.

Ladies and gentlemen,

please put your hands together
for Mr. Toni Cocozza!

We'll need to use the front.

Sing it, Toni!

This is my last performance.

It's a song
for someone very special.

She'll know what it means.

♪ And now ♪

♪ The end is near ♪

♪ And so I face ♪

♪ The final curtain ♪

♪ My friend ♪

♪ I'll say it clear ♪

♪ I'll state my case ♪

♪ Of which I'm certain ♪

♪ I've lived ♪

♪ A life that's full ♪

♪ I've traveled each ♪

♪ And every highway ♪

♪ And more
Much more than this ♪

♪ I did it my way ♪

♪ Regrets, I've had a few ♪

♪ But then again ♪

♪ Too few to mention ♪

♪ I did what I had to do ♪

♪ I saw it through ♪

♪ Without exemption ♪

- ♪ I planned
each chosen course ♪
- Please welcome Toni Cocozza!

♪ Each careful step ♪

♪ Along the byway ♪

♪ And more ♪

♪ Much more than this ♪

♪ I did it my way ♪

♪ Yes, there were times ♪

♪ I'm sure you knew ♪

♪ When I bit off
more than I could chew ♪

♪ But through it all ♪

♪ When there were doubts ♪

♪ I ate it up ♪

♪ And spit it out ♪

♪ I faced them all ♪
Oh, thank you.

♪ But I stood tall ♪

♪ And did it my way ♪

♪ I've loved
I've laughed and cried ♪

♪ I've had my fill ♪

♪ My share of losing ♪

♪ And now ♪

♪ As tears subside ♪

♪ I find it all ♪

♪ So amusing ♪

♪ To think I did all that ♪

♪ And may I say
not in a shy way ♪

♪ Oh no ♪

♪ Oh no, not me ♪

♪ I did it my way ♪

♪ For what is a man ♪

♪ What has he got ♪

♪ If not himself
then he has not ♪

♪ To say the things
he truly feels ♪

♪ And not the words
of one who kneels ♪

♪ The record shows ♪

♪ I took the blows ♪

♪ And did it ♪

♪ My way ♪

♪ Yes, it was ♪

♪ My way ♪♪

- Where is he? Where'd he go?
- You all right? My gun!

What is it?

No. No!

Nobody's hurt?
You all right?

Where's Bill?
I told him to go.
So should we.

Aah!

Fuck it.

Who's there?

Nobody.

Hey!

Do I not know you?

I don't think so.

Aren't you
the piano player?

I play the piano, yes.

Where's he gonna go?

Who?

Did you ever
hear of a fellow
called Toni Cocozza?

Know the name.

This is a guy who thought
he was something.

But do you know what?

When it came to it,
he was nothin'.

That's no the Toni
I was thinking of.

Safe home now.

There is one thing
we've got to get straight.
What?

We got the apartment.
Oh, let's go!

The Rat Pack.

You didn't put
your name on it.
Bill'll know it's from me.

What?
You are Johnny Risotto.

Johnny Risotto.
What about you?

I said I was Mrs. Risotto.

Now that I like.

Okay, Mrs. Risotto,
let's go home.

♪ Start spreading the news ♪

♪ I'm leaving today ♪

♪ I want to be a part of it ♪

♪ New York, New York ♪

♪ These vagabond shoes ♪

♪ Are longing to stray ♪

♪ Right through
the very heart of it ♪

♪ New York, New York ♪

♪ I want to wake up ♪

♪ In a city that never sleeps ♪

♪ And find
I'm king of the hill ♪

♪ Top of the heap ♪

♪ These little town blues ♪

♪ Are melting away ♪

♪ I'll make a brand-new
start of it ♪

♪ In old New York ♪

♪ If I can make it there ♪

♪ I'll make it anywhere ♪

♪ It's up to you ♪

♪ New York, New York ♪

♪♪

♪ New York, New York ♪

♪ I want to wake up ♪

♪ In a city that never sleeps ♪

♪ And find I'm A-number one ♪

♪ Top of the list ♪

♪ King of the hill ♪

♪ A-number one ♪

♪ These little town blues ♪

Yeah!

♪ Are melting away ♪

Whoo!

♪ I'm gonna make
a brand-new start of it ♪

♪ In old New York ♪

♪ And, baby, I know ♪

♪ If I can make it there ♪

♪ I'm gonna make it ♪

♪ Anywhere ♪

♪ It's up to you, New York ♪

♪ New York ♪

♪ New York ♪♪