Strange Bedfellows (1965) - full transcript

Once upon a time,
seven years ago, to be exact,

a young American named Carter
Harrison came to England.

He had been appointed
assistant British sales manager

of Inter-Allied Petroleum
Products.

It was on his first day in
London, on his very first stroll,

that he met Antonia Vincente.

It was a casual meeting.
She was a painter.

She was profusely apologetic,
but what was needed was turpentine.

And she knew precisely
where to find some.

So she gave the brush to her
bearded friend, Harry Jones,

and they started out for her
studio flat.



Though she came from
Italian parentage,

Toni was basically Bohemian,
British Bohemian.

Her work was Impressionist,
and so was she,

very impressionist.

No doubt about it,
Toni was a creature of first impressions,

a woman of very
definite tastes.

She knew what she liked
when she saw what she liked.

And she knew what she wanted

when she saw what she wanted.

Fortunately, what she liked and wanted
was exactly what he liked and wanted,

because 24 hours later
they were married.

And so the days and weeks went by until
their lovely hibernation was over,

and it was time to come out into
the spring of life and face reality.

And one of the realities
Carter had to face was



that Toni was not
only a painter,

she was also a joiner
with very definite beliefs,

all of which were the exact
opposite of his.

It seemed a joke at first,
but suddenly it stopped being funny.

They agreed on nothing, politics,
polygamy, peanut butter,

Pushkin, You name it!

They fought their own Battle of
Britain, a battle of words.

And when words failed,
she resorted to pure Italian logic.

When logic failed,
paint pots flew.

Since her aim was
better than her English,

Carter did the only thing
a gentleman could do.

He grabbed his pants
and ran for his life.

Thus, as their marriage and crockery
broke over his head, Carter left.

He left Toni, he left the love
nest, he left London.

And for seven peaceful
and productive years,

they didn't meet or speak
or shriek or even write.

Carter had now become an important
executive with Inter-Allied,

one of their top negotiators,

a job which took him to the
far corners of the earth.

In other words, the sheik agrees
that all oil deposits in this area

shall be developed solely by Inter-Allied
Petroleum Products of America?

That is correct.
Good.

Will you please convey to His Highness
that these fried grapes are delicious?

Oh. They are not
fried grapes.

They're not?
No. They are...

Delicious.

So, his job done, Carter took
the first plane to London,

where he had an urgent meeting
with two very expensive lawyers,

because, after seven years of
total and blissful separation,

Toni had finally requested
a divorce.

In big business, success
and divorce do not always mix.

So the company sent
Dick Bramwell,

sharpest public relations man
in the business, to London.

Bramwell had to move fast,
because he knew that in exactly 25 minutes

Carter would be attending a meeting
which could very well bring an abrupt end

to a very promising career.

What do you mean, no divorce?
Whose brilliant idea is that?

Oh, just a brilliant chap
by the name of J.I. Stevens.

The old man?
That's right.

Fancies himself
a king maker.

You're being measured for a crown.
Why?

Oh, come on Carter.
You've got to be joshing.

J.I.'s had his tongue hanging
out for those leases for years,

and you've just handed them to him
on a great big spotlighted platter.

Look at this, front pages
right down the line.

Yeah, yeah. Look at 'em!
It's promotion time, friend

and you're in for
something large.

How large? I don't know but it's
gonna take top brass approval.

Which shirt shall I wear? Oh come on.
You're not even listening!

This is the biggest thing
that's ever happened to you.

Don't you realize Big Daddy's gonna
spring this at the annual board meeting

next week in Boston?

Yeah?
Yeah.

That's why there's such a hurry for me
to get over here and clean up your image.

What's wrong with my image?

You make it sound like I've
been named leper of the year.

Well you know the
mentality of that board.

They're hipped on the
idea of a corporate image,

solid American gentry,
family respectability.

For their top executives there are
not ten commandments, only one.

Thou shalt be married,
happily and respectably married.

Whether you like it or not.
That's right.

I've done just fine these past seven
years happily and respectably separated!

Yeah. And I've loved
every minute of it.

Yeah, well that's all gonna change.
From now on, you're gonna have a new look.

No more gay, married bachelor.

It's got to be Carter
Harrison, family man.

You are out of your skull.

Carter, when that board meets
in Boston,

you can be Yankee Doodle riding
your town on a solid gold pony.

Income
in six figures, a private plane,

your own yacht,
a house in Palm Beach.

It's yours. All you need to do is
show up in Boston week after next

with one reasonably respectable wife.
Forget it.

Forget what?
What you just said.

Yankee Doodle, solid gold pony,
the whole bit. Just plain forget it.

You don't know what kind
of a nut I was married to.

No, no I don't.
What kind of a nut was she?

She was a half-Italian
fruitcake, that's what she was.

Oh, that doesn't sound too bad.
What was the other half?

Gorgeous.

What did you go around marrying gorgeous
fruitcakes for in the first place?

I don't know. It was a cold night.
She had an electric blanket.

It was seven years ago. What took
so long getting around to a divorce?

Well, there was no
particular rush.

Look Carter, politics makes
strange bedfellows.

Why not big business?

Make a deal.
For one month, you stay married.

No chance.
For one month?

No deal. Not with Toni.
Let me tell you something.

She was a crackpot,
a bohemian, a hothead.

You know the kind. She used to
take a bath in her blue jeans

to make sure
they'd be tight enough.

Hmph.

She wouldn't consider this sort of
deal, and I wouldn't ask her.

Maybe she's changed.

Yeah, she's changed.
From terrible to impossible.

Look, call J.I. Tell him if they
want me the way I am, that's fine.

If not, forget it.
He'll turn you down.

That's life.
That's it, then?

That's it.

You know for a fellow
who's only going to

discuss a divorce
with a half-Italian fruitcake

in overtight blue jeans,

you're looking and
smelling awfully pretty.

Evening's young.

Who knows? I might get
lucky later.

Yeah.

Excuse me, is this...

Jim.
Carter. Good to see you.

Sorry to rush you over
like this,

but I don't know anything
about British divorce laws.

I got news for you,
neither do I.

Mr. Bagshott
will see you now.

Buck up. It's no worse
than a head-on collision.

Good evening, gentlemen.
Please come in.

Mr. Slade.

Bagshott.
How do you do?

This is my client,
Mrs. Harrison.

How do you do?
Of course, you two, um...

Yes,
naturally.

Mrs. Harrison, would you?
Gentlemen?

Before we commence,
perhaps I should acquaint you with certain

notable points of British
divorce law.

While either party may request a
divorce, they're not permitted personally

to arrange the terms
or evidence.

But my client
has requested representation.

Even so, I must emphasize

that if it's intended
to discuss a British divorce,

not only is this meeting not taking
place, but I am not here.

With regard to jurisdiction,
the fundamental rule,

with certain exceptions,

is that the English courts will
only entertain a divorce petition

if the husband is domiciled here
at the time the petition is filed.

Mrs. Harrison?

Mrs. Harrison?

Carter,
is that agreeable to you?

An American divorce,
probably in Reno.

Oh, yes. Certainly.

Carter?

Fine.

Mr. Slade, perhaps you and I
might talk alone for a moment.

Fine.

Um, you'll hear from me later, my dear. In
the meantime you'd best make arrangements

to leave for Reno
immediately.

Good-bye.
Good-bye.

Taxi!
Taxi! Taxi!

Oh!

Get in.

Where to, guv?

Where do you live?

32 Chelsea Court Lane.

No, thank you.

You look fine, Toni.
You sound surprised.

It's been a long time.
Yes.

What are you doing
with yourself these days?

The usual.
Painting when I can.

Mostly doing fashions for
the Daily Echo.

Actually, I've been very successful.
Good.

Would you care
for a drink somewhere?

Oh. Well, no. I really...

You know, legally, we probably
shouldn't be together like this.

Oh, what could happen
in a London taxi?

You should know.

Uh, who's the lucky guy?

Harry Jones.
Harry? Our Harry Jones?

The bearded wonder?
I don't believe it.

I should have married him
years ago but for meeting you.

I know. But, seven years?

What's he been doing all this time?
Checking your references?

He was abroad.
Still a crime reporter?

No. Assistant editor now.

Actually, he's my boss.

That's handy.

Do you love him?

Yes, I do.

Good.

That's the way it should be.

With love.

Oh. Better keep him.
I'll walk back.

Do me good.

Good-bye.

Good-bye.

Um, uh, I, uh...

Uh, what is it?
A studio house?

Mmm-hmm. Uh, you see,
it's actually a studio.

I mean, as well as a house.

Oh, that's probably why
they call it a studio house.

Probably.
Yeah.

Uh, Toni...
Yes?

Um. I suppose an artist
used to live here.

Yes. He was quite famous.
He died.

Oh. I'm sorry to hear that.

He was 98.
Oh. Well.

Well, I really must go.
Yes, you should. It's cold.

Good-bye.

Good-bye.

Carter.

Yes?

Would you like
a cup of coffee?

Please.

Uh, wait here.

I'll turn on the light.

Make yourself at...

Uh, home.

Would you like to take your...

Coat off?

Do you want a cigarette?

A light?

This is where I live.

It was once a stable.

It's where, uh, they kept

horses.

No more empty years.
No, darling.

No divorce?
No divorce.

We must have been out of our minds.
What did we fight about?

Everything.
Everything and nothing.

Never again, huh?

Never, darling.

What about him?

Oh! Harry.
Yeah. Harry.

Well, I don't know.

It's terrible.
I... I hate hurting him.

You couldn't really have
been in love with him.

Not the way it is with us.

But Harry's sweet.
Sweet! Ha!

He's nice to have around.
He's big and strong and shaggy.

So is a sheep dog,
but you wouldn't marry one.

But, darling, it's time
I had children.

And Harry would make
a wonderful father.

If we weren't such idiots,
we'd have had children years ago.

We weren't ready.

We are now.

Aren't we?
Real ready.

And he'll be beautiful.
So will she.

It's going to be a big change
for you, dear.

From now on it'll be "Carter
Harrison, family man."

It's going to mean diapers and
measles and nursery schools.

And nannies.

Does it scare you, darling?

No, no! It's perfect.

Uh, look, dear. I'm due at
the office in 20 minutes.

Be an angel and run my bath,
will you please?

Certainly, Daddy.

Yeah?
Dick. This is Carter.

Listen.
Everything is gonna be just fine.

Hey, wait. Where are you?
What time is it?

It's 9:00, and I'm in heaven.

Hope you haven't reversed
the charges.

You haven't called J.I.
yet, have you? No, not yet.

Good. Now listen.
I'm back with Toni.

Aw, you're beautiful!

The old man's gonna be
delighted about this.

Just a minute.

What are you doing?

Uh... When a fella's ordering three
dozen roses for his best girl,

he wants to keep it a secret.

Your robe, milord.

Come here, you.

Oh, darling. Your bath.
Huh.

Better send three dozen roses
to the house.

Right. Right. Good.

I'll meet you in the office
in an hour. Bye.

Come here, you!

Your tea, sir.

You're insatiable!

Mrs. Carmody,
this is my husband.

How do you do, sir?
Hello.

Sir, I'll be off to getting the breakfast.
One egg or two?

He takes four,
and the bacon crisp.

Very good, ma'am.

Oh! And, Mrs. Carmody,
would you call Mavis Masters for me?

Tell her I can't report today,
because it's a very special day,

and I don't want to take
a chance of getting arrested.

Very good, ma'am.

She's a treasure.

You looked so funny!

Come here, you!
You really are a great big bear.

I must say,
she didn't seem very surprised.

Does she usually walk in and
find strange men in your bed?

Every morning.

She validates their parking tickets.
I see.

Well, anyway, I think
I like your Mrs...

Did you say "arrested"?

Yes, you big, fuzzy bear.
Arrested.

For what?
Picketing.

Picketing what?
The embassy.

What embassy?
Your embassy.

The American embassy?
Mmm-hmm.

You're picketing the American embassy?
What for?

For ISFAE.
ISFAE?

International Society for
Freedom of Artistic Expression.

You know.

No, I don't know.

Oh, it's growing like mad, darling.
Embraces all the arts.

We are planning a massive protest against
the banning of Petracini's statue.

Who?
Petracini!

Petracini! Oh, certainly
you've heard of Petracini!

No, but it sounds fattening.

Petracini happens to be the world's
leading Expressionist sculptor.

He does wonderful things
with a blowtorch.

To whom?

He's a great
Italian artist!

And his work has been banned from
America by petty, provincial minds.

Which petty,
provincial minds?

The ones at your National
Gallery in Washington.

If my National Gallery has banned
your Mr. Petracini's statue,

he must have been pointing that blowtorch
in some mighty peculiar directions!

Why was it banned?
They say it's indecent.

That's good enough for me.

It's a simple statue
of a woman and a horse.

Doing what?
What's the difference?

Whoever heard of putting
fig leaves on horses?

Especially an Impressionist horse!
You wouldn't know where it goes.

Let me get this straight.

You're picketing the
American embassy in London

in order to keep fig leaves

off of lewd Italian horses
in Washington, D.C.?

It's not the fig leaves.
It's the principle!

Ah, yes. The principle!

Yes, the principle!

We artists should be able to paint,
write, sculpt anything we like!

Freedom of expression!
Freedom of expression. Yeah, yeah.

Tell me, dear.

Are we still involved with
some of our trusty old friends

such as "Higher Pay
for Women Policemen"?

We are. "Abolition of
Cruel Blood Sports"?

Certainly.
"Rest Home for Gypsies"?

Of course. "Fertility
Control in Backward Nations"?

I'm the co-chairman!
And take that look off your face. Ha.

What look? That smug,
disapproving, superior look.

The same ghastly face.
Now, Toni...

Don't you "Now, Toni" me!
I know what you're thinking!

I haven't said a word.

You don't have to.
You're wearing that face.

I'm sorry. It's the only
face I have!

And I thought you'd changed!

But, no, you've got the same ostrich
mentality you had seven years ago

when you were swanking around London
with an open car and a closed mind!

And you're still the same half-baked
birdbrain you were seven years ago!

Watch it!
Joining every crackpot cause

that comes along. Wave the banners!
Yell the slogans.

If you saw six people waiting in
line for a bus, you'd join them

because you thought they were
picketing something!

Oh! Get out!

Thanks. I was just leaving.

Don't let me stop you.
Ah!

You know-nothing, see-nothing,
do-nothing Knucklehead!

You sneak back into my life
like a wolf in snake's clothing!

Crawl back into my bedroom!
Take advantage of my weakness!

Oh! I could kill you!

With what? A slogan?
Oh! Get out!

Grams .

Boor! Go away!

You upset me! Out of this room!
Ugly boor!

Aw, you sound just like your father!
Don't you insult my father!

I didn't insult him.
I said you sounded like him!

That's an insult!
Remember, you said that, not me.

You're not even fit to talk
about my father!

Your father was a nut!

Don't you dare!

My father was an artist!

An Italian artist!
An Italian patriot!

You may not realize it,

but there are other people
in this world beside Italians!

But who needs them?

My father was a martyr
to humanity.

Some martyr. He got drunk
and fell off a wall.

While making
a wonderful speech.

In fluent Italian to a bunch
of Cockney garbage collectors!

About as good a group as you'll find
for the rubbish you're interested in!

You are the most barbaric,

bothersome, boring,
bourgeois, b...

Boor?
Boor I ever met!

Morning.
Keep your big nose out of this!

Ah, the same charm,
the same sophisticated wit. Oh, butt out.

And getting sharper all the time.
Get out of my house.

When I'm good and ready!
Get out now!

If you want my advice
old boy...

I'll thank you to keep your food-stained
beard out of my affairs, and my eggs!

Which I might add were
slightly overdone. Oh!

I hate to fight and run
like this,

but I leave happy in the thought that
fertility control in backward nations

is in such fertile
and backward hands!

Oh! Get out!

May I borrow your umbrella?

Yes!

Thank you!

You know I had a growing conviction
that his mother was one of those.

Save one for me.

Oh, Harry. I'm so ashamed.

Oh, now,
no confessions, please!

It was all arranged,
I was leaving for Reno.

Then he brought
me home and...

Oh, Harry.
He stayed all night. I know.

You don't mind?

Of course I mind!
I don't pretend to like it!

But if it's finally got him
out of your system...

Oh, it has.
It has.

But what do I do now?

Blow your nose,
pack your bags and leave for Reno today.

Tbday?
Today!

All right.

Here.

Oh my,
she's done it again.

No, no. I don't anticipate
any problems.

Yes...
You can forget what I told you!

What?
It's all off!

She's the same half-brained
lunatic she was seven years ago.

Just a moment, please.
What did you say?

I said it's all off!
She's still a fruitcake.

I wouldn't live with her if they made
me the next president of the company!

Would you care to tell that
to the current president of...

I certainly would!

Please do.
Hello! Who's this?

Oh. Hello, J.I.

Yes, thank you, sir.

Yes, quite rested.
Thank you.

Yes, Bramwell did
mention something.

He didn't say which position
you had in mind.

What's that?

President of the International
Branch? Me?

Oh, Well

I'm honored.

Well, I only hope I can, sir.

Thank you, J.I.,
thank you very much.

Good-bye.
Well! That's telling him.

President of
the International Branch.

I like the way
you turned it down.

Tenth biggest corporation in America.
What about your wife?

200,000 bucks a year.
Your wife.

A 1000 a month expenses, private plane...
Your wife.

My what?
Your wife.

That fruitcake you wouldn't live with
if they offered you the presidency.

Oh, yeah. Her.
Yeah, her.

Don't worry about it.

Think I'm gonna let that kook
stand in my way?

Dick, how much family image
do I really need?

Plenty. When J.I.
springs this on the board in Boston

you better show up with
Mrs. Respectability herself.

I may have to dope her.
Good!

How much time before Boston?
Ten days.

What!
Yeah, can you do it?

Stand by for communiques.

Oh, soldier. You better put your pants
on before the general changes his mind.

Not that you don't have pretty legs but...
Yeah, yeah.

You know, the corporate image?

How much is that?
Four and nine.

Four and nine what? Four and nine.
Four bob and nine pence.

Now don't worry about
a thing, darling.

I'll get someone else to cover
the Jean Louis show.

I'll call you in New York.
Good-bye, darling.

Put those in a cab, would you?
Yes, sir.

Fourbob. Excuse me, sir.
Comin' through, please.

Not them. The little ones there.
Oh. Oh.

Alright, well, give me one of those
paper ones. Do I have any change coming?

Oh, you've been here before, haven't you?
Once or twice.

Bon voyage. And don't
lose your nerve.

Those are tanners, those are bobs.
I'd like you to have a bob.

Oh, so sorry.
Not at all. Toni!

Oh, drive on!
Wait!

Listen I'm sorry for all those things
I said this morning. Really I am.

I could bite my tongue off.
Do that!

Toni, I...
Drive on!

Please, l...l love you!

Follow that cab!

Taxi! Air terminal. Fast.

They're gettin' away from us, governor.
I don't think I can catch 'em.

There must be some way
I can reach her.

What about your radio?
Could I talk to her directly?

No, that all goes through
central control, mate.

Could I send her
a message then?

No, it's too dodgy, guv.

Besides, it's not allowed except
in a matter of life and death.

I mean, this is a taxi service you
know, not a bleedin' public telephone.

And they're very strict.
That's why the regulations say that

that can only be used
in a matter of life and death.

Hey, Charley. I got a matter
of life and death.

Gent has an urgent message
for lady in R-B-4.

Okay, R-B-5. Control to R-B-4.

Stand by for important message
for your passenger.

Roger, Control. There's an important
message coming through for you, miss.

For me?

Tell her that every word I
told her last night was true.

That I am a completely changed man.
Hold on.

Gent says he's a completely
changed man.

There's a gent sayin'
he's completely changed.

It's a gent sayin' he's undergone
some kind of change, madam.

Ha!

And I wasn't lying this
morning about having a child.

Now that I find I can have a
child, I intend to have a child.

And I don't want to hear that Harry
Jones would make a good father!

All right. Hold it.
Hold it.

Hey, Charley. I got a right one here.
Claims he can have a baby.

Ay, ay! I've read about
them in the Sunday papers.

Yeah, but you don't know
the half of it!

Seems there's a bloke called Harry
Jones who wants to be the father.

Well the best of luck to old Harry, then.
He'll need it.

Control to R-B-4.

The gent claims he's gonna have a
baby, and Harry Jones is the father.

Tell him to drop dead.
Sounds like he might, poor fellow.

R-B-4 to Control.
Lady says she's not interested.

She may not be,
but I'm fascinated.

Control to R-B-5.

Right. Lady's not
interested, guv.

Tell her she must try to
understand my behavior.

I've been under
a terrible nervous strain.

First that tricky operation
in the Middle East...

Hold it. Hold it.

Get this. Seems our gent's had a
nasty operation in the Middle East.

What?
The Middle East!

That explains it then,
don't it?

All those fantastic hours
in that Arab tent.

Hold it.

Seems as though he spent some
fantastic hours in an Arab tent.

Who you got there?
Lawrence of Arabia?

Then flying straight to
her arms last night.

And then this morning,
that thing with the three of us.

Hold it. Hold it!

I don't think this bloke spent much
time watchin' the changing of the guard.

After those fantastic
expeflencesinthe Arab tent,

he flew back to take up
with her last night,

and then this morning,
some other bird comes into the picture.

Energetic little bleeder,
ain't he?

Granted, we don't
agree on everything.

But if all nations can practice
coexistence, so can we.

Let's face it I'm not in love with
the premier of the Soviet Union,

but I do want
to live with him.

Hold it. Now you're not in love with
him, but you do want to live with him.

Right.
Right. Charley.

If I told you who he's after
now, you'd never believe it.

Excuse me, madam. Now it seems the
gentleman wants to set up house

with the Russian
prime minister.

They'll make
a perfect couple.

Here.
Oh, thanks, guv!

Get out!
What's goin' on here?

Shut up and drive!
I'm her husband. Get out.

Stand by, boys. Hubby's turned up!
His? Or hers?

I was wrong this morning.
I behaved unforgivably.

Oh, what does
it matter?

I've come to my senses
you can do what you want,

join what you want.
Live and let live.

All I know is I love you,
and I have to be with you.

It's no good, Carter.
It won't work. It can. It must!

Let me stay with you
on any terms you say.

If it doesn't work, I'll bow out
and you'll never see me again.

All I ask is for
a fair trial.

We both have to learn that

there's more to a relationship
than just the physical.

We can't keep muddying up
the issue with chemistry.

We must try to
forget our primeval...

Animal appetites.

Follow that cab
and don't lose it!

Shall I help you with the bags?
I'll be fine.

Just hurry back.

♪ Yankee Doodle went
to town riding on a pony ♪

Dick? Carter.

First communique.
Unconditional surrender.

Ah. You're still beautiful.
Worked again, huh?

Boston in ten days?
Well, after tonight, no problem.

I'd like to ask you what
it is you've got,

but I don't want you to waste
your strength talking.

Good-bye.
Good-bye.

Send a wire to J.I. Stevens.
"Harrison reunited with wife.

"Confirms she is perfectly
in line with corporate image

"of solid respectability."

Did you ever get that feeling
you've been to a place before?

I have this cleared for you.

I hope it will be enough.
Plenty. What about you?

I moved everything to my room.
Oh. Fine.

Your room?
Yes.

I... I'm sleeping in
the little guest room.

Why?
Carter, dear,

I've been thinking.

Everything you said
in the cab is true.

We... We must find out
if we can live together.

And we can't keep muddying up
the issue with chemistry

and, uh, our primeval
animal appetites.

Uh. Oh, I know it will be
difficult for us both, but

it's only for a month or two.

A month or two?

Oh, it really is
a good idea, you know.

Yeah. Marvelous.
Whose is it? I mean...

Of course, it's a fine idea.
I was gonna suggest it myself.

Now, why don't you take this
champagne and put it on ice,

and then later we'll have a
nice, quiet cozy little supper?

Oh, darling, I am sorry. I...
I'm afraid I have to go out.

Our first night?
You know what you said.

"Live and let live."

Unfortunately, there's been an emergency
meeting called about the statue.

Signor Petracini's coming,
and I've got to interpret.

I won't be late.
Under the circumstances, take your time.

Sorry to rush you together
like this,

but we've just received
information that Friday at 3:00,

there's to be an important
conference at the Institute of Arts,

Professions and Sciences,

the purpose of which is to discuss
improving the American image abroad.

Top American figures,
and I mean top,

from every walk of international
life will be attending.

Top American figures from every
walk of life will be attending.

Eh.
Eh.

Now what better time could we choose
to present our letter of protest

against the banning
of Signor Petracini's statue?

It is the right time to send a letter of
protest against the banning of your statue.

Listen!

How dare they ban my
statue, judging it immoral?

How dare the Americans ban his
statue on grounds of moral turpitude!

As a man, I am not interested
in physical beauty,

but only in the beauty
of the spirit.

As a man, he's not interested
in the pleasures of the flesh,

but only the beauty
of the spirit.

My works of art come from
the soul, not from the flesh.

And he is right!

We artists should be able to paint,
write, sculpt anything we like!

Freedom of expression!
Yes, I'm sorry to interrupt.

But I've just been told
there is a thick fog

and that buses and trains are
unlikely to be running much longer.

So I suggest we adjourn
the meeting until tomorrow.

There's fog,
we have to finish here.

If it's really a pea souper
and anyone can't get home,

they are welcome to come
and spend the night with me.

- What?
- If you can not

get home because of the fog,
you can spend the night with me.

Me? With you?
Yes. Yes.

Oh, my lady.

Come on. Come in.

Shh!

Oh, baby.

Do you mind?

What are you doin' here?
There's a thick fog.

I had to spend
the night somewhere.

There are ten million people in London.
Why choose me?

I didn't. Toni did. She assured me
you'd welcome me with open arms.

Yeah. Didn't realize
she meant it literally.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

Look if you find it intolerable,
dear boy, try downstairs!

Why should I freeze?
I'm not complaining.

Well, I'm not...
So here we are, then.

Do you snore?
I hope so!

Oh! You better take
an aspirin.

I don't have an aspirin.

They're at the back
of the third drawer down.

I nursed her through a bad cold.
Mmm.

Very bad cold.

Sweetheart.

It's me.

He snores.

Let me stay here.
I promise to be good.

I'm terribly sorry!
Out!

Oh!

Psst.Signor.

Where is the lady?
Hmm?

Uh, where is sleeping
Signora Harrison?

Signora Harrison?
Si, Signora Harrison.

Ah!Signora Harrison.

Right there.
Ah.

My mistake!
But what's the problem?

Ooh!
Sorry.

Yes?
Carter?

Yes?
Dick.

Just checking progress.
Can you talk?

Mmm-mmm.
Where are you? In bed?

Mmm-hmm.
Alone?

Mmm-mmm.

Uh, with your wife?
Mmm-mmm.

Not with your wife?
Mmm-mmm.

Does your wife know?
Mmm-hmm.

And she doesn't mind?
Mmm-mmm.

You realize, of course, we can't
have this sort of thing in Boston.

Mmm-hmm.

You call me when you can.

My lawyer.
Mmm-hmm.

Where to now, Carter?

Where to what?

I'm sure your recent,
splendid exploits

in the field of oil will
not go unrewarded.

Your masters must have some
smashing job in store for you.

Nothing special, I imagine.

Don't you feel just a wee bit
concerned about Toni?

Why? Oh, Toni, the marcher.
Toni, the fanatic.

Toni who paints
rude slogans on walls!

My dear boy,
we live in a free world.

Toni can do what she wants,
she can think what she wants.

Picket! Wave banners!
Chain herself to railings!

Her life is her own.

She can ride naked through the
streets of London as Lady Godiva,

and it wouldn't bother me.

Well, Carter, you certainly
have changed.

But you haven't! Look, why don't we out
out all this subterfuge? I know your angle.

I wish I knew yours.

What you're doing with this
new found phony liberalism!

There's nothing phony about it...
Oh, no?

No.
Care to put it to a test?

Such as?

If you were to attend our
committee meeting today,

I very much doubt that you could
sit there and listen to the things

being said about America
without blowing your top!

Would you like to put your money
where I imagine your mouth is?

You'll come?
I'd be delighted.

Good 0l' sport!

Uh... You'll...

You'll find some...
Yéah,yeah,yeah.

Ciao! That's my husband.

Oh!

I suggest you take
a cold bath.

Terribly sorry. I...

Hello! Haven't seen you
before, have we?

No, I just joined.
American, aren't we?

Yes.
Good show!

Ladies and gentlemen.

Last night we were discussing our
protest against the shabby treatment

meted out to Petracini's
Woman on a Horse.

This morning,
a dear and imaginative friend of mine,

an extremely broad-minded American,
gave me a very provocative idea.

Nine hundred years ago,
another woman and another horse

made history
in a dramatic protest.

Her name was Lady Godiva, and she rode
naked through the streets of Coventry.

Now, my friend proposes that Lady Godiva
should ride again, through Soho Square

and up the steps of
the American Institute

to deliver our letter of protest
against this outrageous attack

on the freedom
of artistic expression.

Bravo!

Absolutely wizard, what?

Swell.

Thank you. Thank you.

I'm sure we shall not lack
for a volunteer.

For example, our old friend
Mavis Masters here,

a well-known artist who combines good
judgment with sturdy attractiveness.

Well, actually I haven't
ridden in years.

Oh, what a pity.
But I'm sure there are others

who will not shirk this
opportunity to further ourcause.

Toni! She'd be fab!

Bravo! Bravo!

Cheers!

So, if Toni would consent to ride?
Nude?

You wouldn't
really be starkers, darling.

Just flesh-colored costume
with masses of tresses

glued all over
the important places.

- Sounds painful.
- Do it, Toni. Please.

Well, if it's the wish of
the committee, very well.

He just got into a radio cab.
R-H-7-1-4.

Now find out where it's going
and call me back immediately.

Carter, come in, come in.
Have I got news for you!

You've got news for me?
I've got news for you.

Wait till you hear
who's coming to London!

What do you think
she's up to now?

Number one himself, J.I. in person!
She's going to ride a horse...

He's making the opening speech
in the conference this weekend.

In the flesh, nude. Stark, staring nude. And
where do you think he's gonna make that speech?

3:00 Friday at
the American Institute.

What'd you say?

I said 3:00 Friday
at the American Institute.

No, that's what I said.
I said J.I. was arriving...

What?
Yes.

He's going to make the opening speech 3:00
Friday at the American Institute. See.

Oh! That's not all
he'll be doing.

He just might be taking a
little peekie-weekie at my wife.

I hope he will!
Riding a horse? Bare?

Bareback?
Bare everything.

You're kidding?

That's how you ride if you're Lady Godiva
and delivering a letter of protest.

And you know when
and where you deliver it?

3:00 Friday
at the American Institute.

Boy! You really did
marry a nut!

A nut? I married
a whole plantation.

Yeah, we gotta get her out of town.
Oh? That's all?

How 'bout a vacation?
She'd never leave.

Not with this Godiva thing.
She'd suspect something immediately.

And that's precisely what that
bearded vulture's waiting for!

She wears a beard?
No! She doesn't wear a beard!

I have other enemies
in this thing.

She wouldn't leave,
not without something very strong.

Got a cigarette?
Over there.

Something irresistible.
Something bigger even than...

See this, Dick?
Yeah.

Don't we have oil
installation in Gadonga?

We did. They set fire to them
last Thursday. Why?

Suppose I were
sent to Gadonga.

Look. If you want to commit
suicide, use my razor.

It's electric, but you can
hang yourself on the cord.

I'm serious!
Why do you want to go to Gadonga?

I don't! But suppose Toni thought I
was going to an almost certain death?

I don't get it.
You will.

Gadonga?
Yeah.

Gadonga.

With a brief stopover
in sunny Nassau.

You'll like this.

Special recipe of Sheik
Moulay Yusef Allh.

I just can't get over you,
cooking and, well, being domestic.

I feel I'm just beginning
to know you.

I feel I'm just beginning to
know me too.

Just beginning to know what
I really want out of life.

It's all right here
in this room.

Tranquility, peace...

And you.

Isn't that the telephone?

Hello. What?

Yes, yes. He is.
Hold on a minute.

It's long distance from America.
Mr. J.I. Stevens.

Isn't he the...
J.I.?

That must be
some kind of a joke.

He never calls
anyone personally.

Hello. Who is this?

Oh, yes, J.I. Yes.

Well, now, Mr. Harrison.
I have important news for you.

It's rhubarb, rhubarb,
rhubarb, rhubarb.

You want me to go where? When?

Well I realize that, sir,
but I'm long overdue for a vacation.

I feel as though
I'm entitled to decline.

Rub-a-dubba, rub-a-dubba,
rub-bub-bub.

Washington!

In whose office?

Rub-a-dub, rub-a-dubba,
hub-dub-dub.

The Secretary of State!

He wants to talk to me?

Yes, sir.

I'll hold on.

Yes. Hello, Mr. Secretary.

Rub-a-dubba, rub-a-dubba,
rub-a-dubba.

The president feels...
Me, sir?

Well, of course,
I can't say no.

Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb,
rhubarb, ru-- Oh, what a rhubarb!

Naturally, I-l accept.

Yes, sir. Thank you.
And thank you for your confidence.

Good-bye.

What is it, Carter?

It's nothing.

Just forget about it.

What has the Secretary
of State to do with you?

And the President?
I don't understand.

It's best you don't.

Where are they sending you, Carter?
What does it matter?

The dreadful thing is
I must leave you

just when we've found
each other again.

It's Gadonga, isn't it?

WW do you say that'?

I'm not a complete fool! They're
sending you on some dangerous mission.

This is strictly classified information!
No one must know.

Damn it! When will this
world grow up?

Oh, I'm sorry. I...
I won't let go again.

When, Carter?
When do you go?

Let's get one thing straight.

While I'm still here,
we never heard of Gadonga.

We don't mention it.
It doesn't exist.

All right?

Right.

Dinner's ready.

That's not bad.

You haven't touched a thing.

Carter, when are you going?

Now, we promised not to spoil
our last night together.

Tomorrow!

Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't intend to tell you.

The two men before you were
slaughtered in cold blood.

I know. Poor devils.

But don't worry,
third time's a charm.

And besides, I'll be safe and sound in
a nice, big, new, air-conditioned hotel.

The Gadonga Hilton.

Isn't that the doorbell?

Mrs. Harrison?
Yes.

Murchison. Security Division.
U.S. Embassy.

Come in.
Oh, thank you.

I... I have two pieces of
equipment here for your husband.

Oh, right over here.
Oh, thank you.

Oh, your husband's bulletproof vest.
Bulletproof?

I'll take that.

Oh, Mr. Harrison. Murchison.
Security. U.S. Embassy.

Your bulletproof vest.
Is this quite necessary to discuss?

The vest? Oh, very. Very.

For example, it's not only
bulletproof, it's also

completely operational
against poison darts.

So long as they're not blown
under a range of 20 feet.

Oh, Carter!
Anything else, Mr. Murchison?

Oh, my word, yes. Survival kit.
Keep that very handy.

Thank you. Is that all,
Mr. Murchison?

I shouldn't be impatient,
Mr. Harrison.

After all if your two
unfortunate predecessors

had paid more attention
to their equipment...

Very well. What else? Automatic pistol.
Moeggler-Cartwright.

Kill a man at 20 paces!
Snake at ten.

A snake?
Yes.

Oh, and speaking of shots.
You'll receive your inoculations en route.

Malaria, diphtheria, blackwater
fever, leprosy and plague.

Oh, and, uh, finally,
your I.R.P.

What?
A last resort pill.

Last resort pill?
Yes, they're marvelous.

Absolutely reliable. Quicker than cyanide
and only a teensy bit more painful.

Do I take it with water?

Oh, no! Never touch the water
out there. Deadly, deadly.

Well, uh, I guess that's about
all, Mr. Harrison,

Except to say it's been an
honor meeting a man like you,

and I do hope and pray we meet again.
I really do.

It's been an honor
meeting you too, ma'am.

Pleasure.
Yes.

I'm happy to tell you that the
weather's fine and balmy in Nassau.

Nassau?
Yes, thank you, Mister...

Murchison. Security Division, U.S.
Embassy. Yes.

I'll see Mr. Murchison
to the door, dear.

Oh, here!

Nice work, Sir Laurence.

Oh, I really had it tonight, didn't I?
Just a teensy bit overboard.

You got the plane tickets?
Right here.

First class. 11:00
tomorrow for Nassau.

Sure she'll go with you?

I'm sorry, dear. I would have given
anything to have spared you that.

What was that
about Nassau?

Oh, nothing.
Now, darling.

All right. I may as well
tell you.

There's to be a week-long briefing
session in Nassau starting tomorrow.

Secretary of State thought
that under the circumstances

we might want to
spend these last...

I mean, these days
together, but...

Well, I nearly begged you to come
along, but then I thought,

wouldn't it be better to make
the break now, cleanly?

Call it selfish
if you like, but

isn't it wiser to keep
ourselves at arm's length?

I mean,

if we got any closer,
it would be unbearable.

Wouldn't it?

Oh, you're a wonderful
person, Carter.

All right. Have it your way.

Mr. Bramwell?
Yes.

Good evening. May I come in?
Thank you very much indeed.

Bramwell I'm going to be
utterly frank with you.

Should you pick up the phone
and call Brigadier Fanshaw

at Ml-5 to check up on me,

he will unhesitatingly deny that he or
anyone else in Military Intelligence

has ever heard of me.
Oh?

Sit down.

Uh, would you...
Not on duty, thank you.

Now, officially,
this visit has never taken place. Clear?

Yes. Are you sure it's me you want?
I'm not in the government.

And I'm not here,
so we start level, right?

Yes.

Thank you, no.

Carter Harrison.
Oh, come now.

British Intelligence isn't quite
asleep, you know.

What's an important American
business executive doing mixing

with our lunatic fringe?

The Anti-American
Brigade, hmm?

Is he? I wouldn't,
I don't know.

Oh, I think you do, Mr. Bramwell
and I could hazard a guess myself.

You could?
Yes.

Since Harrison obviously has
nothing in common with these people,

I might draw the conclusion that the C.l.A.
has slipped him in.

As some sort of a spy.
Oh, no, no, I assure you sir,

Carter Harrison's not a spy.
What's he up to, then?

I have no idea. I'm not his...
I mean after all, it is a free country!

Isn't it?

You know more than
you're saying, Bramwell.

Even if I did, I don't talk to every Tom,
Dick and Harry who barges into my room,

waving a dirty little card
I can't even read.

Very well if that's your attitude,
I think this is a matter for Ml-12.

Fine! No, wait.

I assure you. There's no
question of security involved.

And if it will put your
mind at rest,

Carter and his wife are leaving tomorrow
morning for a vacation at Nassau.

Tomorrow? Nassau?
With his wife? Yes.

But isn't his wife riding as
Lady Godiva?

Oh, no, no, no! That's all off.
Really? Are you sure?

Oh, positive.
Oh?

Would you? No. Never on duty.
Thank you so much, no.

I see. Well, thank you
and good night, Bramwell.

Thank you, uh, Mister...

I don't believe I caught
your name.

Yes, that's quite possible.
Good night.

Good night.

No, no! Please! Please don't!

Help! No,
please don't.

No!

Have mercy, please!

Please don't do that! Oh!

Oh, no! Oh, no.
Please don't.

Darling!
Help! No!

What is it? Carter!

Oh!

Oh, Toni.

It must have been
a nightmare.

There were people chasing me.

With spears.

Blowpipes.

I was alone.
Oh.

In the swamp. Crocodiles.

Tsetse flies.

It's all right.

But I was alone!

Yes, darling,
I know. Lie back.

Poor baby. You're not
alone anymore.

But I will be!

No, darling. Never again.

I know Gadonga
isn't possible,

but anywhere else
you go, anytime,

I'll go with you.

Anywhere?
Anywhere.

Even... Nassau?

Even Nassau.

But...

What about Godiva?

They'll have to find
a substitute.

Oh, thank you

for just being you.

Well, uh,

I suppose...

Yes.

Better go back to your room.

I guess.

Oh, Harry. lwasjust
trying to call you.

Is the master at home?
Still asleep.

He had a disturbed night.

Well, before we disturb him
again, as disturb him we must,

I have sad tidings.

It seems Mr. Godiva has persuaded Lady
Godiva not to ride this afternoon.

How did you know?
I have my sources.

I happen to know precisely
where he's going.

You know!
Yes.

Though I don't know
exactly why.

I can't imagine how you found
out about the Gadonga mission.

But, Harry,
it's absolutely confidential.

Gadonga? Oh, yes.
And it isn't even about oil.

It's the State Department
and the U.N.

He's going as a special
negotiator to... Gadonga!

Oh, my poor Toni.
He's going to Nassau.

Yes, I know.
You know?

He has to go there first
for a few days' briefing.

Ah, and he begged you
to come along.

On the contrary,
he begged me not to.

But you, of course, insisted,
and, graciously, he gave in.

No, Harry. And I resent
your insinuations!

This has nothing to do
with Lady Godiva.

But it does most conveniently
cancel your ride does it not?

You can get someone else.

I thought you had more sense
than to fall for a thing like this!

I warn you, Harry...
I warn you that you require my sanction

to take time off
from the paper.

And if I went without it?
I'd fire you!

Then fire away!
Because I am going with Carter.

And nothing in this world
is going to stop me!

Lovely day, sir.
Yes.

I phoned through to the house, and Mr. and
Mrs. Harrison have left for the airport.

Good. Oh,
and the airline just telephoned.

J.I.'s plane is due
in an hour ahead of time.

Good. It ought to be
landing in 45 minutes.

Perfect. I'll run out
and meet him.

Have the car... 45 minutes?
Yes, sir.

They'll both be at the airport
at the same time! They'll meet!

Who will? Never mind.
Call the car. Get my coat.

What coat, sir?
Any coat!

You haven't got a coat, sir.
Well forget the coat and get the car.

You haven't got a car
either sir.

Well do something!
Call somebody.

Are you sure I don't have a coat?
No, sir.

Then forget the coat.
I'll call a cab!

Good morning.
Hi. Oh, hi.

Oh, not now.
Gotta call a cab. Sorry.

Why is Carter Harrison
going to Gadonga?

Gadonga? Yes.
Why is Harrison going to Gadonga?

Well, I...
Oh, you don't deny it then?

Yes, I do! It's a lie.
Is it?

Yes. Good!
I'm delighted to hear that.

You see, British and American views
on Gadonga haven't always coincided.

My chief was worried the C.l.A. might
be using him as some undercover agent.

C.l.A.? No, no.
Mmm-hmm.

I'm terribly sorry. I've got a plane
to meet, but there is no truth in it.

Splendid. I know our Prime Minister's
calling your President tonight.

Fine. And when he brings
the Gadonga matter up...

No, he can't!

He mustn't-- I can't
stop him from phoning,

but he mustn't bring up that matter. If
there's no truth in the story, what harm...

I swear, I swear he's not
going anywhere near Gadonga.

I'll need proof of that.

I don't know how you folks found this
out, but it's all kind of a joke.

You see Carter Harrison is in line
for a top job with this corporation

if he can clean up
his family image.

That's all there is to it.

His fa... Yes, of course.
Now I understand.

Fascinating old boy.
You tell me more!

Announcing the
arrival of Pan American Airways'

Clipper flight one
from New York at gate one.

Announcing the arrival of
Pan American Airways Clipper

from New York
at gate one.

Lufthansa Airlines,
flight 564 for Nassau,

will be boarding in 10 minutes
at gate three.

Lufthansa Airlines,
flight 564 for Nassau,

will be boarding in ten
minutes at gate three.

Carter!
Hmm'?

Oh, Carter!

Darling. Oh, now, now, now.
Don't cry.

Everything's gonna
be all right.

And I promise you, you have
nothing at all to worry about.

Okay?

Absolutely nothing-

I'm sure I speak for...
There he is! Carter!

Over here!

It's... It's J.I.

J.I. Stevens?
Yeah.

What's he doing here?
I don't know.

I'm sure I speak for all
my friends here,

who represent every aspect
of American industry,

when I say, we consider each
American businessman abroad

to be an individual
ambassador of goodwill.

He probably has some special
instructions from the Secretary of State.

I'll see him alone
for a moment.

You better stay here and fix your
face before you come over, huh?

Thank you. Excuse us, gentlemen.
We'll see you in the car.

Well, well, well, Carter.
How are you, J.I.? Nice to see you.

Surprised seeing you.
Rather expected Bramwell. You know Ethel.

Yes, Mrs. Stevens.
Hello, Carter.

Is that the young lady
we're so hoping to meet?

Yes, um...

Unfortunately, we're just
leaving, uh, the country.

Uh, it's...It's my wife's father.
He's... He's desperately ill.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Yes, they only give him a week.

And, uh, well... Well,
it's... It's a sort of a...

Well, he has
a kind of a condition.

And it's sort of a double...
Well, it might even be a triple...

Oh, dear.
Yes.

B.E.A. flight 30 for
Paris now boarding at gate five.

B.E.A. flight 3O to Paris...

Oh, there he is!
Bramwell!

Hello.
Hello, J.I. How are you?

Mrs. Stevens.
Richard.

Nice to see you both.

Carter, I see you're here. Yes.

And, uh, everyone else.

Uh, Toni will be here
in a minute.

I was just telling J.I. about
poor Father.

Poor Father?
Yes.

Oh, poor Father.
Shocking, isn't it?

Oh, shocking.
So, J.I. understands

why Toni and I have to leave
London now.

To, uh, bury poor Father.
We hope not.

Latest bulletin has him
hanging on by a thread.

Oh, good, good.
I hadn't heard.

Remarkable constitution
the man has.

That's where Carter
gets it from.

It's not his father, you idiot.
It's hers!

I know, but they were
very close.

Oh, Toni. Uh, I'd like you to
meet the Stevenses.

How do you do?
How do you do?

How do you do?

Oh, hello, Mr. Murchi...

Hello. How are you?
Nice seeing you again.

I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've been
behaving rather foolishly, and...

We quite understand.
No one has a better right,

but I'm sure
he'll pull through.

You must be brave, my dear.

He's the brave one.

I think they called
our plane, dear.

It'll all turn out for the best.
You think so?

With blackwater fever,
poison darts and plague!

Oh, dear! He has had
a time of it. Hasn't he?

Has had?
Um, now, dear,

we promised we weren't gonna
mention it again, didn't we?

- Now we really must go...
- Will Mrs. Carter Harrison

go to the nearest
phone, please.

Mrs. Carter Harrison, please.

It can only be Mrs. Carmody.
You'd better hurry.

Excuse me.

She's a lovely person, Carter.
Thank you, sir.

Bring her to Boston, and I guarantee
her you'll have no problems.

Good luck, boy. Good-bye, sir.
Mrs. Stevens.

Carter.
Good-bye.

Did she say "poison darts"?

An explorer, J.I. One of those
crazy Italians. Climb anything.

Oh?
Yes.

President of
the International Branch?

It seems his firm has a corporate
image for its top executives.

They've got to be respectable,
happily married men. Get the picture?

Go on.

An Italian explorer, eh?
Yes.

Good, sturdy stock.
Didn't you think so, Mrs. Stevens?

Lovely girl.
Yes.

Mr. Harrison?
Yes.

Oh, I have a message for you, sir.
Yes?

I hope I got it straight.

"Good luck, Mr. Executive.
Sorry I can't make Nassau,

"but have pressing engagement elsewhere.
Signed, Lady Godiva."

Godiva!

"RS. Suggest you take last
resort pill now

"with or without water."

Where'd she go?
She left the building, sir.

Follow that cab ahead.
Quickly! Right.

Oh! It's you! Look, I need another favor.
Do you remember me?

Remember you?
Yeah.

How could I forget those
fantastic hours in that Arab tent?

Will you try to get a message
to the lady in that cab?

Hold it.

Charley, stand by, will ya?
Message?

Tell her I love her. Really love her.
I don't care what she does.

I don't even care if she's gonna strip
off her clothes, get up on a horse

and ride naked through
Soho Square, I don't care!

Hey, Charley. Tell the boys to
get their cameras out, will you?

We're in for a very big day!

Naked? Where?

Soho Square.

Seems there's a gent encouragin'you
to strip off in Soho Square, ma'am.

Forget it! Just lose that cab and
take me directly to Ryman's Costumes.

I don't know why I was worried about
Carter's wife. She's a charming girl.

Yes, J.I. She'll be a credit
to the firm.

Now, Harry. I want the
newspapers to know who I am.

Mrs. Carter Harrison.
The wife of...

Don't worry you'll be covered
by the press of the world.

If you don't sit still,
that's all you will be covered by.

Harry do buzz off.
Mavis, more tresses please.

Yes, Mavis, hurry.
Oh, all right.

But it's rotten of you
to come back.

I poured my heart and soul
into this.

Had a bit of a job squeezing
them in didn't you sweetie?

Oh, charming!

I even borrowed a beautiful black horse
blanket from a friend in the guards

so I'd be sure to stand out
from the horse.

Afact he'd no doubt appreciate.
Oh, wrap up!

Uh-oh! Trouble.

Enter, Mr. Godiva.
Call the police!

Don't worry, we're prepared.
Mavis, hurry up, please!

Come on!

Excuse me.

I want to see my wife. You can see her
in Soho Square in exactly 30 minutes.

Are you gonna move or do I have to
shove that bush down your throat?

I wouldn't try.

Better move along, sir.
We don't want any trouble now, do we?

Thanks, lads.
Most convincing. Anytime.

How much for the flowers?
Two bob a bunch, sir.

Oh, bobs again! Here.
Keep the change.

Thanks, guv.

Oh, excuse me. Good day, sir.
Can I help you?

Yes, I'm sorry to barge in on you this
way, but I'm very anxious to see my wife.

Your wife?
Yes, she just came in.

We've had quite a few in today, sir.
Well, this was only

Oh, that would be
the dark-haired lady.

Yes, that's the one.
May I see her, please?

Oh, I'm sorry, sir, but the management
does not allow visitors to see clients

before they're
properly dressed.

I just want to give her these flowers.
Look, I treated her abominably...

We mustn't blame
ourselves, sir.

But I do. It was
all my fault.

And before I had a chance to explain, she
left a note and was gone, just like that.

Oh, that's life, sir, isn't it?
Here one moment, gone the next.

Look, I must see her
before she leaves.

But she's not leaving until
Monday, sir.

Are you crazy?
They're putting her on a horse

and parading her through
Soho Square in exactly 20 minutes.

Good gracious!
She'll never be ready by then!

A horse?

Yes, a horse.

Oh, is this some sort of, uh,
religious thing?

Excuse me. Floral tributes
for number six.

Number six? Oh!
These would be for your late lady.

Late?
Late.

Um, l...I'm terribly
sorry. I...

I made a dreadful mistake.
I didn't...

Sorry.

Horse?

I love a parade, but this
is ridiculous!

Come on. Get in.

You take the truck route.
Rendezvous north side of Soho Square.

Toni! Wait!

Toni!

Wait!

Here! What the ruddy...

Oh!

What d'ya think...

Let gQ!

Toni!

This way!

Oh, may we be of assistance?

Yes, she's hurt.
Needs a doctor.

There's a first-aid center
just around the corner.

Thank you.
Wait!

It's much quicker straight
through our place.

Thank you.
Just out through the back door

and right through the alley
and...

Do tell them we sent you.
They've been very kind to us.

Oh, you found your dear lady.
I'm so glad.

It was a car accident.
Oh, a pity. So young!

Such a lot of hair!

Binky, Mavis! Quickly.
You two look up there.

Have a good look!
They're around here somewhere.

Um, I wonder if I could,
you know, use your...

Of course sir! That's what
we're here for.

Just pop her down there, and I'll
nip upstairs and get my tape measure.

Operator. Connect me, please,
with a hospital.

Did a lady just
run out of here?

Oh, no, sir. Once they're in,
they're inclined to stay.

Thank you.
Thank you, sir.

This is an emergency!
It's my wife! What's that?

No, no, no!
I don't need obstetrics.

I need an... Operator!

Operator!

Yes, yes. Hello.
Yes, obstetrics.

Yes, I don't need you.

My wife doesn't
need you either.

Now, listen. Listen carefully.
I need an ambulance.

There's been an automobile
accident, and my wife is unconscious

and she's lying in
a mortuary...

- She's gone!
- Our sympathy, sir.

My wife! Where is she?

Oh, sir! You haven't
mislaid her again!

Who's gonna pay for
all of this? What's the idea?

We'll never get through. Then get
the horse. I'll ride it from here!

Mavis, Binky. You help Toni get
the horse out. I'll clear a path.

Excuse me. Come on. Stand back!
Clear a path, please.

Come on everybody.
May I get through, please?

This is Soho, J.I. Quaint place.
Full of quiet charm.

Excuse me.

Hurry up, Binky! For heaven's sake!
Do put a sock in it, Mavis!

Only a minor accident, J.I. The good
old bobbies will clear it in a minute.

Oh, Toni!

He's gorgeous! Come on. Come on.
Up you go. Up you go!

Give her a hand.
One, two, three.

UPSY-daisy!

Everybody, would you back up,
please? Thank you.

Would you mind backing up, please? We've
got to clear a passage! It's very urgent!

Hi, there!
Oh!

Who's that?
Friend of mine.

British Secret Service.
Top level stuff.

This could be the royal family
coming through.

You get around, Bramwell.
I like that. Thank you.

Back up, please. Get your cameras ready,
men. This may be something exciting.

Queen or no Queen,
we're going to be late!

Then we'd better walk.

It's only two blocks.
Right.

We're going to walk.
Pass it on.

Excuse us, please.

We better get back, J.I.

They're turning ugly.
Just saw a man with a bomb!

Nonsense! Come on.
No! Really, I mean it!

They're turning ugly!

Look at that girl.

What a figure!
Disgusting. Shameless.

Better get outta here.

Don't like the looks of that horse.
A trampler if I ever saw one.

Splendid!

Don't you ever
think of anything else?

Sorry! Toni!

Toni!
Oh! It's him!

It's him. Let's go!

Don't I know that girl?

No, no, she's a blonde.
I mean, you wouldn't know her.

Phony blonde charging around
on a mad horse.

Toni! Get outta here!

Toni, please!

Come along now, gentlemen.
Break it up.

The penalty for striking
an officer of the law...

Toni, listen! Toni,
I want to talk...

That's Carter and his wife!
It is?

You rat! Get out of here!
Take your hands...

Oh!

What in the world is she doing here?
I thought her father was dying?

She's gone berserk
with sorrow.

Take your hands off me!
Toni! I want to talk to you!

Oh! Let go! Let go!

How dare you!
Toni, please!

"In addition to the accused,
whom I now know to be

"Harrison, Harrison, Jones,
Masters and Waring, et al.

"As I approached the accused
and reasoned with them,

"asking them to cease
and desist forthwith,

"whereupon Harrison aimed a blow
at Jones and hit me on the nose.

"Jones aimed a blow at Harrison
and hit me on the nose.

"Miss Masters aimed a kick at Harrison,
missed him and caught me right in the..."

Perhaps I ought to
write this down, Your Worship.

My sympathies, Constable.
Proceed.

"Whereupon Mrs. Harrison aimed a blow
at Harrison, knocking off my helmet.

"As I bent down
to retrieve it,

"I was put in an extremely unfortunate
position as regards the horse,

"which then proceeded to..."

I do think I ought to write this one
down, Your Worship.

I think we can dispense
with that one altogether.

Will the defendants rise?

In the case of the defendants Jones,
Waring, Miss Masters and Mrs. Harrison,

five pounds each.

Mr. Harrison,
kindly remain behind.

The rest of you,
please see the bailiff.

Don't worry, J.I. He'll come out
of this smelling like a rose.

He better!

I understand a lawyer has been
retained to speak for you.

Uh, Mr. Martindale.
Are you ready?

Your Worship. I would ask you to consider
that a conviction would be a blot

not only on Mr. Harrison's
unblemished reputation,

but also upon the name of the
great company which employs him.

Mr. Harrison had no
connection with the foolish demonstration

planned for Soho Square.

He was on his way, peacefully,
to attend an important conference,

when he was suddenly shocked to his
very roots at the sight of his own wife,

indecently clad, on her way to
take part in a demonstration

designed solely to embarrass
the great country

of which he is
an honorable citizen!

Can you, Your Worship,
could anyone condemn a man

for rushing forward in a desperate
but dare I say noble attempt

to stop this woman from
committing an act

of vulgar folly?

But I trust, I believe you will
find Mr. Harrison not guilty.

And this is the truth,
Mr. Harrison?

No, sir. Not a word of it!

I beg your pardon?

None of it is true.
Mr. Harrison,

if you feel there's something
you ought to tell the court.

I appreciate the efforts
of my company

to whitewash my name,
but they needn't have bothered.

My resignation is already
in the mail.

Your Worship. My wife and I have a
great many differences of opinion.

As a matter of fact,
we disagree on most things.

For example, she believes passionately
in the purposes of this committee.

I do not.

But my actions yesterday were in no
way an attempt to try and stop her.

I was merely trying
to reach her

to tell her how ashamed I
was of my behavior toward her

and that I loved her
very much

and that being her husband is the
only job I care anything about.

After what happened yesterday,

you might find this
hard to believe.

She does.

But it's the truth.

Thank you, Mr. Harrison.
I hope you get her back.

If that's what you want.

Case dismissed.
Thank you.

You know, that's the lowest
trick of all. Sincerity.

Go on! I'll pay your
bloody fine.

I'd think twice about accepting
that resignation, J.I.

You're losing
a great vice president.

And a lousy public relations officer.
Yes.

Well, Julius.
You've just fired your two best men.

I certainly did! A man without
principle is a man without integrity,

guts or moral fiber.

You certainly stood by your principles!
You bet I did!

When are you going to hire them back?
This afternoon.

Do let's get out of this
dreadful law court!

I'm a criminal, darling!
Binky, dear, cheer up!

Oh!

Well, I've blown it. But, anyway,
I appreciate your cooperation.

Even getting
yourself arrested!

Your security boys
really do a thorough job.

Well, that's what we're here for.
By the way, I never did get your name.

Bond. James Bond.

No relation.

Carter!

Carter, wait!

Home, darling?
Uh, no.

The press
will be there.

There'll be reporters
and pictures.

Let's find some little
hideaway all to ourselves, huh?

Lovely, but, I must
get out of this

and collect
Mavis's horse blanket.

I left it at Ryman's.

Driver!
Yes, sir?

Take us to... Soho.

We want to get rid of the lady's
clothes, pick up a blanket

and then find some
little place

where we won't be bothered
by photographers, huh?

Right. Hey, Charley, do me a favor
and phone the missus, will you?

Tell her I'll be
a bit late tonight.

The passionate Persian
is back in town.