Stoogemania (1986) - full transcript

Howard F. Howard idolizes The Three Stooges. His friends and familiy are worried, and consider having him committed.

- Hey!


- Dan!

- Well, you guys
wanna ride or what?

- We're lucky to come along.

You listenin'?

- Yeah, I'm listenin'.

- My daddy says
you're a drifter.

He says Mr. Sanders should
never have hired you.

How come Mr. Sanders
ain't around anymore?

- Well, because me and
Mike work his farm now.

- How did you get the job?

- Boy, you ask a
lot of questions.

We just drifted in
the right place

at the right time, same as Mike.

- Oh.

Thanks Dan.

- Randy, get in the house
and help your momma.

Son, go on and help
your step brother.

- Hold onto your cigarette,

I've got some news for ya.

- Hey.

- My folks called this mornin',

my father got that
cashiers job at 7/11.

- Well all right.

That's a hell of a
change from farming, huh?

- He's thrilled.

He's been out of work
since they got to Chicago.

The best part is
it'll keep his mind

off the foreclosure.

Says he met more
people his first day

on the job, than he's
met in his entire life.

- You ever think about
going back home?

- Yeah.

All the time.

It ain't been easy for my folks.

- No, no not Chicago, Iowa.

- Iowa?

That ain't my home no more.

Ain't nothin' but a
big corporate farm.

- What the hell are you burnin'?

- Surprise.

- In the trash barrel?

- Can't ever tell where a
surprise might come from.

- I'm taking off for L.A.

Soon as I can save a
few hundred bucks.

- Hell, you keep
flauntin' your money

like a rich man, you're
never gonna leave this farm.

And the owner here's
a mean bastard.

- I bet Sanders ain't
as bad as his neighbor.

- Who, Antonelli?

Why, what's wrong?

- The man has got
somethin' against me.

- He ain't got...

- Look, I know.

I know when someone has
got somethin' against me.

What's he up to?

- Sanders hired him
to spray the field.

You think your
father's gonna give up

his new career for this?

Besides, they always wanna
come out to California.

If you own a farm,
you've gotta go

where there's land, right?

Well back there, farmin'
ain't farmin' no more.

It's big business,
and the little guy

gets wiped out, like we did.

So I figured I'd get us
some land out here instead.


What the hell you do that for?

- I scared you!

- You damn near punctured
me, is what you did.

- Hey Gary!

- Hey Dan!

My daddy said I could help you.

- Good, then keep
out of the way.

- All right Gary, that's one.

Bet you we're gonna
be done by noon.

- See why you don't
got no sickle for me.

- Job wasn't so bad now, was it?

What the hell'd you do that for?

- You saw him aiming
at the bottle.

- I didn't think he'd hit it.

- Good shot, Gary.

- Shut up, Dan.

Gary, put that rock down!

- What happened to your neck?

- I falled.

- You fell.

- I felled.

- Come on Dan,
let's get to work.

- Hey, hey it's not your fault.

Shouldn't be ashamed.

If your daddy starts
hittin' you again...

- Gary!

Get the hell up here!

Get over here.

Get over here!

- Hey Dan, you're starting
to look like a farm boy.

- Trapper.

Why don't you give
me five regulars?

How're you doing?

- Frank said he heard
some gun shots

comin' from up your way.

You guys tryna get that deer?

- No, Mike hunked some
blood meal up on the fence.

They don't get in the
orchard no more.

- Blood meal, I'd have shot him.

- Trapper, you
couldn't shoot a deer

if it walked in, and sat down,

and ordered itself a drink.

- That shotgun
has seen its day.

Broken up many fights in here.

Dan, have a drink on Carl.

- Thanks Carl.

- I'll get and go.

- I'll take this.

- To friends.

- I'll come shoot that deer.

- Sure you will.

All Dan's gotta do
is ask your wife

if you can stay out after nine.

- Don't take it hard, Billy.

Rick's just teasing
you, because his wife

don't want him comin'
home at night.

- Yeah.


- Frank, your ugly
cousin's here.

- Jim, good to see you, boy.

Good to see you.

- Don't get on his bad side.

- I don't think he's
got another side.

- Shake some coin.

- Yeah.

- Barking up the
wrong tree or what?

♪ You love me, I love you ♪

♪ What more is love to do ♪

♪ Kiss me, babe ♪

♪ Hold me close ♪

♪ Let's see what we can do ♪

♪ So give your heart to me ♪

♪ I promise I'll be true ♪

♪ I'll give my heart to you ♪

♪ Let's see what love can do ♪

♪ Pick me up, spin me round ♪

♪ Love reigns supreme ♪

♪ I do my part, take all of me ♪

♪ I want your heart ♪

♪ Patience, you'll see ♪

- Hey Trapper, have Eileen
bring us another round.

- Let's go.

♪ Pick me up, spin me round ♪

♪ Love reigns supreme ♪

♪ Love to burn, none to waste ♪

♪ Try to learn,
harbor the taste ♪

♪ 'Cause ♪

- Hey, Gary!

Don't listen to your step momma.

Open the door for
your daddy, Gary.

Open the God damn door!

You're my boy, Gary.

You're my boy.

Open the door, son.

Let your old man in.

Let your daddy in, son.

Let him in.

Open the door, bitch!

- We ain't opening
the door, Jim!

Randy, get Gary
back in his room.

Not until you're sober.

- Open the God damn door!

- Gary, get away from the door.

Just get away Jim.

Just leave us alone.

Jim, let go of Randy!

Jim, let go of...

- Shut up, woman!

- Randy!


You up there?



Get up.

Come on Randy.

Stop playing.

Wake up.

- No!

- Hey Gary.

Gary, I'm gonna go on over
to finish Sanders' field.

Do you wanna come help me?

Don't listen to what
your step momma's

been sayin', she's just upset.

Come on son, the
funeral's tomorrow.

We've gotta put this
thing behind us.

- I didn't do it.

- It was an accident,
that's all.

- But I didn't do it.

- Come on, let's get the truck.

- This is a small town,
and you've gotta

live with people like Antonelli.

You're an outsider.

Don't start making
enemies with him.

- I'm not planning on
living in this town.

- Fine.

My contract says
I've gotta work here

another two months,
and I'd just as soon

not have any problems.

No problems, okay?

- I'm easy.

- Maybe it would make more sense

for you to keep working
while I'm still here.

That way you
wouldn't be strapped

when you go down to L.A.

- Look, I've always gotten
by one way or another.

- You wander around
like you're lost.

- I just don't wanna
be a farm hand forever.

- I ain't talkin' about
being a farm hand,

I'm talkin' about belongin'.

- You know what land costs.

You're kiddin'
yourself, you think

you're ever gonna own a farm.

I'm just sayin', this
farm isn't anymore

my home than L.A. could be.

- Forget it.

You don't even know
what I'm talkin' about.

Pick up the tools.

- What's your problem?

- You can be a
real asshole, Dan.

- Can I ride with you?

- Nope.

- Why not?

- 'Cause you're
gonna stay in the truck.

- Can I go help Mike and Dan?

- I don't wanna catch
you around those two,

now you hear me?

- It's true what you
said, about buying a farm.

- Yeah, well I shouldn't
have been mean about it.

- Did I tell you I was thinkin'

of going down to Los
Angeles myself, once?

- No.

- When you mentioned
the other day

that you were thinkin'
about going down there,

it just got me thinkin' again.

Never lived in a city before.

- Well, it's different
than a place like here.

- Maybe we should think
about goin' together.

- That's possible.

- I might have to meet
you there or somethin'.

- Or I could stay, help
you finish up your work here.

Maybe we could travel
a little bit first,

see the coast and all.

- Yeah!

- Hey Gary.

How you doin', little man?

- Hey Gary, did your
daddy say you could come here?

- Yeah!

- You here to pick?

- Tell him he's too little.

- I am not.

I can pick faster than you.

- Cannot.

- Can too!

- What you been cryin' about?

- I ain't been cryin'.

- Stop lyin', cry baby.

- I ain't lyin'.

- Hey Gary, you
wanna go swimmin'?

- I don't got no bathing suit.

- Well it doesn't matter,
because no one's gonna see us.

- We still gotta finish
cleaning the road today.

- No problem.

Now with Gary helpin',
we're gonna get it done

in next to no time.

Come on, I'll race ya.

How come your brother
doesn't come

to work with you and your daddy?

- 'Cause he and daddy
don't never get along.

- Why not?

- 'Cause.

- 'Cause of why?

- 'Cause he don't like
it when daddy gets mad.

- Why does he always hit you?

You do stuff to get him mad?

- I guess.

- What do you say
we go up stream,

I wanna go fishing
this afternoon.

- I'll go get my pole.

- You don't got a pole.

- Yeah I do.

'Cause I got all
of Randy's stuff.

- That's just a plain
ol' pocket knife.

- It's Randy's.

- Then you stole it.

- I did not, it's mine.

- Come on.

- It is too, 'cause
Randy got killed.

- Liar.

- What do you mean?

- It was a rifle
accident, yesterday.

- Who shot him?

- Nobody.

It was an accident.

My step momma don't
have no right

to say it was my fault.

I wasn't even there.

- It wasn't your fault.

- My daddy don't
believe me either.

He just got mad at me
and told me to shut up.

Then he started yelling,
because he said

I shouldn't talk about
it, but I didn't do it!

- Get your hands off my boy!

Gary, get up here!

- Dan, let go of him.

- Gary, right now!

- This ain't your place
to interfere, Dan,

let go of him!

- Don't tell my daddy
nothin' what I said.

- Get your clothes on
Gary and get up here!

Right now!

What those boys do to you, Gary?

- They didn't do nothin'.

- Don't lie to me, I
seen it from up here!

- Forget about the kid.

- Don't tell me who the
hell to think about.

I mean you don't even know what

Gary's going through, do you?

All you see are just
marks on his skin.

His brother didn't kill
himself because of that.

You don't even think
about the marks

he's got on the inside, do you?

- Of course I do.

- Nah.

All you see is
just some dumb kid

who wants to hang around,
get in your God damn way.

It's not why he's around.

You know what it's like
to get hit every day,

have to make up stories
about where those

scars came from, huh?

You don't get over it.

You carry it your
whole God damn life.

Last time I saw my dad, he had

his God damn hands
around my neck,

and he kept choking me,
pounding my head in the ground.

Blaming me for making
my mother leave.

"I'm gonna kill you" he kept
sayin', "It's your fault".

- I'm sorry.

- He don't even know
what he's being hit for.

I guess sitting here crying
ain't gonna help, huh?

- Sure it helps.

What do you say we get
cleaned up and go out?

- Your wife's folks
gonna make it

to the funeral, Jim?

- It's too long a drive,
I don't think so.

They're faggots, your friends.

They're a couple of
God damn faggots.

Come across them
when I was looking

for my boy this afternoon.

- What'd you see?

- Jim, tell 'em about
what they'd done to Gary.

- They tried to get Gary
to go with 'em, all right.

They told Gary, if he
didn't go with 'em,

they'd beat him up.

- Maybe it wasn't
what you'd thought.

- He told ya, he'd
seen it with his own two eyes.

- Hell, we've all
known Dan and Mike,

ever since they got here.

- What are you
getting at, Billy?

- Nothin'.


- You standing up for
them, after what

they tried doin' to Gary?

- You knew all along about

them two, didn't you, Billy?

- I didn't know
nothin' about it,

about them two, I mean.


- Except what?

- What are you so
nervous about, Billy?

- You mean that they're faggots?

You see Jim, I told you
he knew about 'em.

- Leave the guy alone.

- Well, sounds
like your friend's

come to pay their dues.

- What's going on, Frank?

- I don't want no
part in your problem.

- What problem?

Billy, what's happenin'?

- I don't know.

- I don't got no problems
with you, Antonelli.

- To hell you don't.

- Look, if we all gotta work
something out, we can just...

- Ain't nothin' to work out.

Just something to settle.

- Dan, let's get goin'.

- We just caught you.

You ain't going nowhere.

- Sit.

- You caught us for
what, damn it?

- For what you
tried to do to Gary.

- Sober up.

- Where you goin'?

- Don't try and lie about it,

even Billy said you
two was queers.

- That ain't.

That ain't.

That ain't.

- What the hell?

- We said don't lie
about it, faggot.

I seen it with my own eyes.

- You're lying, Antonelli.

Only thing you seen all
day was the bottom

of a God damn whiskey bottle.

- The next shot ain't a blank,

and I ain't about to put
no holes in my ceiling.

You got a dispute to settle?

Do it somewhere else.

- You okay, buddy?

Come on.

- If I ever see either one
of you again, I'll kill you!

You hear me?

I'll kill you!

- How's the cut?

- It's stopped bleedin'.

- Keep holdin' it there,
it'll keep the swellin' down.

Feels like it's gonna rain, huh?

Be good for the trees,
getting too much

dust on the leaves.

That's what happened on the
folk's farm, didn't rain.

Can't predict that though.

I mean you can't tell
if there's gonna

be a drought or not.

Give me a drag.

- Just light your own.

- This whole thing
will blow over.

It's just a misunderstanding,
that's all.

- Right, well who in
the God damn hell

told Billy to turn on us, huh?


Who told Frank just to
sit there and watch?

- Come on.

We'll straighten it out.

We've only got another couple
of months here, and then...

- Oh, is that the way
you see it, huh?

We just go back to
what we explained

to everyone, that was
just a God damn mistake,

that we're all still friends.

- Come on, it was a

We've gotta clear it up, right?

- The hell we do.

- What else are we gonna do?

Hide out here like a
couple of scared animals?

Come on Dan.

- Just.

Just keep your hands off of me.

- Here's a present
I made for you.

Clay's from the mountain.

- I came for my cheque.

- Your cheque?

- My paycheck.

Takin' off.

- Why?

There's a lot we gotta do still.

We can't just leave.

- I'm goin' alone.

- Dan, you can't just
leave, just take off.

It was lies, Dan.

It was all lies.

- Just lies?

- And why are you runnin'
away from this town?

- Just get me my
God damn paycheck.

- It ain't our fault, Dan.

Can't you believe in nothin'?


- Peace, I leave with you.

My peace, I give unto you.

As the world giveth,
give I unto you.

Like as a father
pitied his children,

so the Lord pitieth
them that fear him.

As one whom his
mother comforteth,

so I comfort you, and
ye shall be comforted.

Unto the mercy of almighty God,

we commit our dearly
departed to the ground.

Earth to earth, ashes
to ashes, dust to dust,

in the shore and certain
hope of eternal resurrection.

♪ You love me, I love you ♪

♪ What more is love to do ♪

♪ Kiss me, babe, hold me close ♪

♪ Let's see what we can do ♪

♪ So give your heart to me ♪

♪ I promise I'll be true ♪

♪ I'll give my heart to you ♪

♪ Let's see what love can do ♪

♪ Pick me up, spin me round ♪

♪ Love reigns supreme ♪

♪ I'll do my part, take on me ♪

♪ I want your heart,
patience you'll see ♪

♪ 'Cause you love
me, I love you ♪

♪ What more is love to do ♪

♪ Kiss me, babe ♪

♪ Hold me close ♪

♪ Let's see what we can do ♪

♪ So give your heart to me ♪

♪ Promise I'll be true ♪

♪ I'll give my heart to you ♪

♪ Let's see what love can do ♪

♪ Pick me up, spin me round ♪

♪ Love reigns supreme ♪

♪ Love to burn, none to waste ♪

♪ Try to learn,
harbor the taste ♪

♪ 'Cause you love
me, I love you ♪

♪ What more is love to do ♪

♪ Kiss me, babe ♪

♪ Hold me close ♪

♪ Let's see what we can do ♪

♪ So give your heart to me ♪

♪ Promise I'll be true ♪

♪ I'll give my heart to you ♪

♪ Let's see what love can do ♪

♪ Hey, give your heart to me ♪

♪ I promise I'll be true ♪

♪ I'll give my heart to you ♪

♪ Let's see what love can do ♪

♪ Give your heart to me ♪

♪ I promise I'll be true ♪

♪ I'll give my heart to you ♪

♪ Let's see what love can do ♪