Stingray Sam (2009) - full transcript
A dangerous mission reunites STINGRAY SAM with his long lost accomplice, The Quasar Kid. Follow these two space convicts as their earn their freedom in exchange for the rescue of a young girl who is being held captive by the genetically designed figurehead of a very wealthy planet.
Liberty Chew Chewing Tobacco
presents...
Stingray Sam is not a hero
But he does do the things
That folks don't do
That need to be done
He's got a bravery inside
That won't let him run away
Will not let him run
This is the planet Mars.
It was once known as the resort and
entertainment capital of the universe.
Over the years the appeal of Mars
has worn thin.
The ideas that its entertainment
industries were once based on
are no longer valued
among smart, young couples
Iooking for a good time.
No, Mars has seen its day.
Now it has become a home
for forgotten people
with shattered dreams
Iooking for that break
that just isn't there anymore.
These are today's visitors.
Then there are those
who occupy this planet.
The ones who capitalize on these,
the misfortunate.
But don't judge them too harshly.
They came to Mars
for the same reason
as everyone else,
only now they have
nowhere else to go.
Welcome to Mars
Welcome to life among the stars
Welcome to hotels
And restaurants and bars
Where you'll never be homesick
Anymore
You'll live in space
Where you'll develop certain tastes
And certain views
On things you've never faced
Where you'll never be homesick
Anymore
You're in the dome
You're in the perfect home
Where sweet dreams
Mean everything
And memories can't hurt you
Here's where you'll stay
Where everything you ever knew
Is turned into something new to you
Where you'll never be homesick
Anymore
All right.
Thank you very much,
and thanks for coming out tonight.
And now, it gives me a great deal
of pleasure to introduce to you
our dancers for this evening.
This is Heaven and Star
from Liberty Chew Chewing tobacco.
"Liberate yourself
with Liberty Chew tobacco
and join
the tobacco-chewing liberation."
These ladies will be handing out
free samples of tobacco later on.
So, stick around,
make yourselves at home,
there's a lot more entertainment
to come,
and if you have any problems,
just let me or the bartender know,
and we'll see what we can do about it.
Thank you very much.
You need this?
How we doing, Barnaby?
I'm not too sure, Stingray.
I think we might have
a little problem.
Where at?
That big fella sitting
at the end of the bar.
He's been acting kinda weird.
Oh, my.
That's what I'm talking about.
I think you're gonna
have to ask him to leave.
Hand me my asking-stick.
Whoa.
You got olive juice
on my asking-stick.
Well, what do you think
we ought to do about this?
I think you should leave.
-Not without you, Stingray Sam!
-Quasar Kid!
Barnaby, this here's The Quasar Kid.
Get him some olives!
Well, what brings you
to these parts, Kid?
Well, when I learned
you became a lounge singer,
I said, "Well, okay, then."
Well, all right, then.
What do you say?
-I say, okay.
-Well, all right.
Well, all right, Kid.
It's good to see your face.
It's good to see you, Stingray.
Well, Kid, I know you really didn't
come all this way for the olives.
What are you really doing here?
Well, some folks
caught up with me recently
and asked me if I wouldn't mind
paying off my debt to society.
As you might remember,
we hadn't finished doing that
at the time we left the prison.
What are you saying?
I'm saying there's
a little girl out there somewhere
in a whole lot of trouble.
And if you and I can help her,
we won't be wanted men.
You won't have to hide out here
in this dump anymore.
This is not a dump, Kid.
This is a nightclub,
and I am its lounge singer.
That may not mean a lot to you,
but it means a lot to me
and a lot of people
who come here to see
a lounge singer, and that's me.
I'm saying there's
a little girl in trouble.
Besides from earning our freedom,
it might be the only chance
you and I will ever get
to do something that's right.
And aren't you the one
who said you always hoped
to help somebody someday?
-Hell, no.
-Ah, come on Stingray.
Just do it for me, then.
I'm happy here, Kid,
and besides you,
there's nobody else out there
looking for me.
Well, if you won't do it for me,
will you do it for her?
Stingray Sam
came from the planet Durango.
The economy of Durango
was based
on the manufacturing
of rocket ships.
To meet the rising
costs of manufacturing
the planet's leaders shut down
production and moved the industry
to the far away planet of Mayberry,
where the population
was much more in need,
and therefore labor
much less expensive.
This created a desperate situation
for the citizens of Durango,
which resulted in a crime wave
that dominated the entire planet.
This problem was not acknowledged
by the lnter-Galactic Community
until the population of Durango
began drifting
toward the wealthier planets.
Sorry to interrupt the party.
I'm Stingray Sam,
this here's The Quasar Kid,
and we just got here from Durango.
To restore peace
throughout the galaxy
the United Planets Organization
created a new economic system
for the planet of Durango.
The former rocket-ship factories were
now to be used as penitentiaries.
One quarter of Durango's population
was given jobs as prison guards,
while the other three quarters
were incarcerated.
The cost of Durango prison labor
would be minimal.
With the rocket ship machinery
still in place
and with a prison population
of skilled factory workers,
it was the natural choice
for the leaders of Durango
to remove
all manufacturing contracts
from the now wealthy
planet of Mayberry
and reintroduce
the rocket-ship industry
to the prison population
of Durango.
Unfortunately, Mayberry held
its own in the rocket industry,
and Durango soon went bankrupt.
The penitentiaries
were shut down,
and all of the convicts
were released under the condition
that they would be called upon
at any given moment
to resume paying their debt
to society.
-What happened?
-We got arrested.
By who?
Well, technically
it was me that arrested you,
but I got arrested first, and I always
kind of thought of us as a team.
Are you the one who hit me, Kid?
Yeah.
What the...?
Did you put this thing on me?
I had to.
They said if I didn't put one on you,
then mine would explode.
-That's just part of the deal.
-I guess I don't blame you, then.
What do we gotta do to get 'em off?
It's just one job.
We got to rescue a little girl.
Once we do that, these things
will fall right off, and we're done.
-That's it, huh?
-Yeah, well, we got off easy.
They got everybody else
picking up garbage.
I've seen that.
That kind of work never ends.
Yeah, well,
when we're done with this job
our debt to society
will be paid in full.
You and I will be free men
for the rest of our lives.
You couldn't have just told me that
back at the bar? You had to hit me?
I missed you, Stingray.
And so this was the beginning
of Stingray Sam
and The Quasar Kid's
final adventure.
But what dangers will they face
on the road to becoming free men?
Find out
on our next episode of...
...Stingray Sam!
Liberty Chew Chewing Tobacco
presents...
Stingray Sam is not a hero
But he does do the things
That folks don't do
That need to be done
He's got a bravery inside
That won't let him run away
Will not let him run
Children.
So young and irresponsible.
How quickly they mature
and turn into incompetent adults.
Incompetent in management
and administrative duties.
It was this form of incompetence
that sent Stingray Sam
and The Quasar Kid
on a mission
without any information.
The only detail they were to receive
was to be administered
at the lnter-galactic
Hall Of Records And Trivia.
It is here where we now find our boys
perched in a state of readiness.
34.
34.
34.
36.
36.
36.
No 36.
35.
Here you go, Ma'am.
I'm Stingray Sam,
this here's The Quasar Kid,
and we're from Durango.
-You don't say.
-Yes, Ma'am.
We're on an assignment,
and we don't know
what we're supposed to be doing.
-What's your assignment?
-We're supposed to rescue a girl.
-Who's the girl?
-We don't know.
We're from the work program.
Give me your wrists.
Just one box?
That's all I have for you.
Could you tell me
where I could find...?
38.
If I leave this bag here, do you
think somebody else could use it?
Yes. And they'll be so happy,
and I'll tell them it came from you.
38.
No, I don't think it was stupid.
You had a plastic bag,
and you didn't need it.
You thought somebody else
could use it.
Well, either way, you know what
that lady did when she just said that?
What?
She made our day.
That's what she did.
I think that lady is a genius.
Just that one thing she said
made our whole day worthwhile.
Well, I'm glad something did.
It takes 20 of these darn
little boxes to figure out anything,
and I don't think
it's gonna tell us much.
Well, let's have a look-see.
To a father in a middle-class home,
no one is more important
than "Daddy's little girl."
Unfortunately, the extremely wealthy
and the extremely poor fathers
cannot share in this sentiment.
A female child born to a poor family
may find herself
in compromising situations
in the name of survival.
The father of a dynasty would need
a son to carry on the family name.
It was long believed that a child's
gender was determined by its mother.
King Henry Vlll believed it.
He executed several of his wives
because they were unable
to bear him a son.
If Henry only knew
what we know today
perhaps he would have
cut of his own head.
Still, gender-decisive pills
were created for the woman to take
until five generations ago
when a pill was invented
to give the father the choice.
The wealthy and poor alike
began having sons exclusively.
As a result, the poor
and the wealthy classes
found themselves
on the brink of extinction
until cloning was introduced
to the upper class
as a mandatory measure
to generate the next generation.
But health risks linked to cloning
drained the economy
through increased
medical expenses.
In its last attempt for survival,
strange new theories
were openly developed,
but time was running out,
and things were looking bleak
for the upper class
until two scientists
known only as Edward and Frederick
developed a radical new procedure.
They had successfully
blended their DNA
and then placed the living embryo
into the body of the scientist
know only as Frederick.
Funding was immediately pulled
from all research programs
and awarded
to Edward and Frederick.
When the child was born,
he was given the name Fredward.
The entire upper-class population
was impregnated
with double male genetic combos,
and thus a new generation was born!
Frederick and Edward
Had a baby named Fredward
Frederick and Edward
Loved their gentle son
Frederick was the world's
Only pregnant man
Edward might not have been the one
Frederick and Edward
Had a son named Fredward
Max and Clark
Had a son named Mark
Aldo and Rex
Had a son named Alex
Bob and Ringo
Had a son named Bingo
Zack and Deke
Had a son named Zeke
Bill and Jeff
Had a son named Biff
John and Mason
Had a son named Jason
Karl and Burt
Had a son named Kurt
Reed and Johnny
Had a son named Ronny
Chris and Al
Had a son named Cal
Clark and Biff
Had a son named Cliff
Walter and Bill
Had a son named Will
Bill and Kurt
Had a son named Burt
Burt and Robby
Had a son named Bobby
Fred and Bill
Had a son named Phil
Jack and Ronny
Had a son named Johnny
Rich and Andy
Had a son named Randy
Mick and Jack
Had a son named Mac
Hugh and Gordon
Had a son named Hugo
Matt and Rick
Had a son named Mick
Mel and Alvin
Had a son named Melvin
Jack and Bo
Had a son named Joe
Clark and Jasper
Had a son named Casper
Sam and Randy
Had a son named Sandy
George and Harold
Had a son named Gerald
Biff and Chuck
Had a son named Buck
Nate and Rick
Had a son named Nick
Nick and Ted
Had a son named Ned
Clark and Ray
Had a son named Clay
Bo and Larry
Had a son named Barry
Ray and Paco
Had a son named Rocco
Ben and Lee
Had a son named Bentley
Rocco and Dusty
Had a son named Rusty
Rusty and Alf
Had a son named Ralph
Tom and Ed
Had a son named Ted
John and Ted
Had a son named Jed
Ron and Cory
Had a son named Rory
Rory and Tex
Had a son named Rex
Burt and Morris
Had a son named Boris
And this baby, his daddy's gone
And this baby, his daddy's gone
And this baby, his daddy's gone
And this baby, his daddy's gone
And so the plot begins to thicken,
but not by much.
A girl is in need of rescue,
and the genetically designed
figurehead of a very wealthy planet
is somehow involved.
But how? Who?
What? When?
Where?
And why?
Find out the answers
to these questions and more
on our next episode of...
...Stingray Sam!
Liberty Chew Chewing Tobacco
presents...
Stingray Sam is not a hero
But he does do the things
That folks don't do
That need to be done
He's got a bravery inside
That won't let him run away
Will not let him run
In a distant solar system, located
among a certain class of planets,
were the planets of social classes,
and among them
was a planet of a certain class.
A planet that had changed its name
to Fredward.
It is here where Stingray Sam
and The Quasar Kid
initiate their pursuit of a man
who bears that same name.
Their search begins...
...at the Pregnant Man's
Science and Trivia lnstitute,
where an important meeting
of The Pregnant Man's lnstitute
of Science and Trivia
is about to take place.
They took my clipboard!
They took my clipboard!
The one I use!
Somebody stop them!
The triumphant efforts
of this new brand of research
could not have been possible
without this generous grant
from the Liberty Chew
Chewing Tobacco Corporation.
"Liberate yourself
with Liberty Chew Chewing tobacco
and join
the tobacco-chewing liberation."
Before we recess this afternoon,
Dr. Adison and l
will be handing out
free samples of Liberty Chew.
And now,
let's have a look at the chart.
I'm The Quasar Kid,
and this here's Stingray Sam!
You boys are in
for a world of trouble
if you don't give us
what we came here to get!
"Stingray" Sam? Are you
from the Oceanology Department?
Yes, I am.
Well, this is a surprise.
Ever since the oceans have died,
I can't imagine
where you could have found
any funding without a gunman.
Unless, of course, you found a way
to bring the oceans back to life,
which I honestly doubt.
How are you planning to do it,
young man?
Excuse me?
Well, I mean, how are you planning
to bring the oceans back to life?
One fish at a time, I guess.
Yeah, that's right.
Sam here's come halfway
across two galaxies
with a Stingray baby
growing inside his very own belly!
-A Stingray?
-Stingray?
Stingray...
Stingray, Stingray, Stingray
Stingray, Stingray, Stingray
Well, I went to the doctor
And he gave me a sonogram
Not the kind of thing
That you do to a man
I said, "Doctor,
What does that picture say?"
He said, "Boy,
You're gonna have a Stingray"
Stingray, Stingray, Stingray
Stingray, Stingray, Stingray
-Is it gonna be a boy?
-No, it's gonna be a Stingray
-Will it be a girl?
-No, it's gonna be a Stingray
Will it be the Prince of Thieves
Or Queen of The World?
Will it be a son
Or will it be a daughter?
Will it be a Stingray
Swimming in the water?
Stingray, Stingray, Stingray
Stingray, Stingray, Stingray
My friend here
ain't feeling quite right.
Maybe it's because he's got
a baby Stingray in his stomach.
Yeah, that's probably what it is.
Anyway, I need
to go sit down for a while,
and I was wondering where
you keep all your files and records
and stuff like that.
We thought we'd go take a look-see.
Through the door
at the end of the hall.
And what exactly is a "look-see"?
Don't you worry about it.
This don't look so good.
Yeah, we got a lot of looking to do.
Well, if there's only one girl,
then maybe we should look
in the girl section,
and we'll find her.
You're right.
It's the only pink one.
Well, let's give her a try.
The upper class
had become the only class.
To make it possible
for society to function,
it became an unwritten law
that physical labor
would not be looked down upon,
as long as you were famous at it.
Jerry was a famous carpenter,
but fame was of no interest
to Famous Jerry.
He was a loner, a rebel.
So unlike the norm
was Famous Jerry the Carpenter
that he protested his obligation
to reproduce a male child
by secretly taking
gender-decisive drugs.
Jerry privately gave birth
to a female child.
Her gender was assumed male
and therefore never reported
to the authorities.
Fredward had always been
a stranger to effort.
He had achieved his wealth and fame
through the act of being born.
His every need
had forever been fulfilled,
and though he grew up in seclusion,
he was never alone.
He had always been surrounded
by a group of wealthy young followers
who valued his every word.
His ideas were never questioned.
As a result, Fredward was convinced
that his thoughts were the product
of divine inspiration.
Though he had never developed
any skills and had no talents,
he declared himself an artist,
and to the amazement
of his followers,
Fredward began
what was to be his masterpiece.
He was going to redesign
his own living quarters,
and the only man famous enough
to make this dream come true
was Famous Jerry the Carpenter.
Famous Jerry was sequestered
within the compound.
He was forced to listen
to Fredward's high-art concepts.
None of Fredward's ideas
were based in reality.
They could never be achieved.
After one week,
Famous Jerry quit the job.
Fredward was devastated.
Jerry was to be arrested
and sentenced to death.
Before Jerry had a chance to retrieve
his daughter and flee the planet,
their home was broken into
and searched.
The girl was discovered and taken
directly to the Fredward Compound.
Famous Jerry fled the planet alone.
Jerry reported the kidnapping
to leaders
of the lnter-Galactic Community.
Arrangements
for her rescue were made.
-Are you leaving us so soon?
-Yeah. We gotta get going.
-Where will you be going?
-To find Fredward.
Oh, no more cheese and tobacco
for these boys.
They're off to see Fredward.
You'll never see Fredward,
young man.
He's far too important.
Thank you for your hospitality.
Oh, and by the way,
you said you had traveled
halfway across two galaxies?
There's only one galaxy.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
With an understanding
of their mission
and a sense of purpose
behind their every step,
Stingray Sam and The Quasar Kid
set forth to the Fredward Compound.
But what dangers await?
Find out on our next episode of...
...Stingray Sam!
Liberty Chew Chewing Tobacco
presents...
Stingray Sam is not a hero
But he does do the things
That folks don't do
That need to be done
He's got a bravery inside
That won't let him run away
Will not let him run
Our story begins where it left off.
Here, among
that certain class of planets
where we find Stingray Sam
and The Quasar Kid
in pursuit of a man named Fredward.
Like every icon
of every great economic power,
Fredward was well protected.
He lived in a grand fortress
above the law
where no man dare enter
without an invitation.
It was because of this
that no security system
was maintained,
making it possible
for Stingray Sam and The Quasar Kid
to gain entrance.
Hey!
You're not supposed
to be back here.
No one is supposed to see me
before the performance.
What performance?
You're here for the party,
aren't you?
What party?
Yeah, we're here for the party.
Do you remember
what happened back on Durango
just before the prisons
went bankrupt and they let us all go?
-You mean the Mascot program?
-Yeah.
Yeah.
I was in a solitary-confinement suit
that looked
like the Liberty Chew Grasshopper.
I couldn't move my arms.
Yeah. Well, when you were gone,
they gave me a new cellmate.
His name was Cubby.
Excuse me
I'm new here in this prison
I think that I was sitting there
See, there's my piece of cornbread
It was said that Cubby
was not right for prison,
or perhaps prison
just wasn't right for Cubby.
Either way, his timing
could not have been more perfect
for the Durango prison facilities
were on the brink
of financial disaster.
It was during these,
the darkest of hours,
when an advertising firm approached
the planet's CEO with a proposal.
It was to be known as "The Corporate
Mascot Rehabilitation Program."
In this program, prisoners were
rented out as corporate mascots.
Mascot costumes
were designed and manufactured
within the prison facility.
The exteriors of these costumes
were designed to attract and amuse
happy conventioneers
and their families
while reminding them
of the corporations
they were representing.
The interiors of the costumes
were designed to restrain the inmates
in order to keep them
from committing crimes
or from endangering themselves
and those around them.
When a prisoner became suicidal,
his attempts would fail
while appearing comical
and charming to any onlookers.
Eventually hygiene became an issue.
The smell of an unwashed prisoner
would penetrate the costume
and give the corporation
it represented a bad name.
A new approach
was quickly put into effect.
Through the use
of mass/matter compression,
a prisoner could be reduced in size,
infused into the body
of a small robot,
dressed accordingly,
and placed on a shelf
for public viewing.
No personal contact
was ever made with the public.
Cubby was a master
at mass/matter compression.
Without him, Durango
would not have had a program.
Cubby requested that he be allowed
to develop the device
in the privacy of his cell.
His request was granted,
and in a short while
six prototypes
were developed and delivered.
Two additional devices
were secretly manufactured
and hidden
behind the wall of his cell.
These two devices were to be worn
by Cubby and The Quasar Kid
while escaping through the prison's
tiny ventilation system.
On the morning
of their planned escape,
Cubby infused himself
within one of the tiny suits.
He hid behind the toilet
and waited for The Quasar Kid
to finish his kitchen duty.
Kid was distracted
and unable to join Cubby as planned.
As Cubby patiently waited
behind the toilet,
a prison janitor
hosed down their cell.
The water
short-circuited Cubby's suit.
He was killed within seconds.
When Kid returned to their cell,
he discovered the miniature device
that contained
the tiny remains of his friend.
Only then did he remember
their escape plan.
Cubby was secretly buried
the following morning
in the prison community garden.
And you expect me
to get into that thing?
-It's easy. Just close your eyes.
-No! Hey! Hey! Hey!
How's it feel?
It's a little tight.
-I think my leg's asleep.
-Can you move it?
-Yeah, I think so.
-Well, just keep moving it.
You'll be all right.
Now, hang on to my pant leg.
Allow me to introduce our visitors.
I must ask you to excuse their
somewhat lackadaisical manners,
but I have conditioned them,
or brainwashed them.
You will notice that I have told them
that they may smoke.
I've allowed my people
to have a little fun
in the selection
of bizarre tobacco substitutes.
Are you enjoying your cigarette, Ed?
Yes, Fredward.
Oh, tastes good,
like a cigarette should.
And now, comrades,
may I introduce the famous...
Can I help you?
Party, it's a party
Come on, party, get retarded
Party, it's a party
Come on, party, get retarded
Party, it's a party
Come on, party, get it started
Party, it's a party
Come on party, get retarded
Party, get it started
Party, it's a party, come on, party
Get retarded
Oh, man, you scared me!
You're the Carpenter's daughter.
I'm here to take you
back to your daddy.
I'm gonna need your help
getting us out of here.
I think your legs look cool.
Oh. Thank you very much.
They're not really mine.
-Can I see them?
-Yeah, sure.
Now, we don't have very much time,
so I need you
to listen to me very carefully.
This is gonna be a little bit tricky,
and a little bit dangerous,
but I'm gonna get you out of here.
Now, what I need you to do is run.
Did you hear me?
Run! Run!
Okay!
-I ran really fast!
-Yeah, you did.
-Can we go see my daddy now?
-As soon as The Kid gets back.
It shouldn't take him very long.
If I know The Kid, he won't stay
in there any longer than he has to.
Party, it's a party
It's a party, get it started
Party, it's a party
It's a party, get it started
Party, it's a party
It's a party, get it started
Party, it's a party
It's a party, get it started
Party, it's a party
It's a party, get it started
Party, it's a party
It's a party, get it started
Party, it's a party
It's a party, get it started
Party, it's a party
It's a party, get it started
Stingray Sam and the girl
waited onboard the ship,
but what of The Quasar Kid?
Had Fredward
discovered their plans?
Had The Quasar Kid
been brainwashed
for Fredward's amusement?
Would the girl ever see her father,
and will Stingray Sam remain
a tiny, little robot indefinitely?
Find out on our next episode of...
...Stingray Sam!
Liberty Chew Chewing Tobacco
presents...
Stingray Sam is not a hero
But he does do the things
That folks don't do
That need to be done
He's got a bravery inside
That won't let him run away
Will not let him run
It was a long night of angst,
anxiety and apprehension
for Stingray Sam
and the Carpenter's daughter.
They waited
for what felt like an eternity
for the return of The Quasar Kid,
and by this point, they could
only fear the worst had transpired
and were beginning to give up hope,
when suddenly...
Morning, Stingray. Ma'am.
-And where were you last night?
-How'd you get out of the suit?
The girl let me out.
Where were you?
I was keeping
Fredward and the boys busy
so you could get the girl
and get on out of there.
We were out of there
in two minutes.
How was I supposed to know that?
I was gettin' ready
to fly out of here.
-We were gonna leave you a note.
-You would never have done that.
Show him your note.
That's a mighty nice note.
Thank you.
Let's fly out of here
before they figure out she's missing.
Stingray Sam, The Quasar Kid,
and the Carpenter's daughter were
able to escape the planet unnoticed,
but back
at the Fredward Compound,
a flurry of activity
was taking place.
The Artist,
who had originally been hired
to perform at Fredward's party,
was discovered gagged and bound
in his dressing room.
At the same time, the Carpenter's
daughter was found to be missing.
But it was the absence
of The Quasar Kid
that pushed Fredward over the edge.
He had not felt such a loss
since Famous Jerry the Carpenter
had abandoned him.
Fredward's disciples
tried to comfort Fredward
by belittling The Quasar Kid.
They tried to discredit his
participation in the evening's events.
They callously mocked his dancing.
Fredward became furious.
He scolded them
in defense of The Quasar Kid
and had them arrested
for trespassing.
When the police had taken away
the last of his guests,
Fredward did something
that he had never done before.
He left the compound.
His anger gave him a bravery
that he had never known.
In an abandoned rocket ship
of a convicted guest
Fredward escaped
his planet unnoticed.
-Hey, did you brush your teeth?
-Yeah.
Did you use
that white toothbrush I gave you?
-Yeah.
-All right. Go to bed.
-Can you play me a song on that?
-No.
Yes.
Go get into bed.
This here's a lullaby
It's a song to go to sleep by
Close your eyes while my friend
And I here sing you a lullaby
Listen to the words of the song
They're are all about cats and dogs
Cats and dogs and stars in the sky
In a pretty little lullaby
In a pretty little lullaby
Close your eyes
Shut them down tight
Stars in the sky, shining up bright
Everything will be all right
Here comes the Sandman
With a pocket full of sleep dirt
He's not a bad man
Not as bad as he seems
And he'll get you dreaming
Your baby dreams
He'll get you dreaming your dreams
This here's a lullaby song
It's a melody for a little kid
To go to sleep on
I never sang a lullaby in my life
And I'm making it up as I go on
If you have a bad dream tonight
You only gotta call my name
I'll come running
Just as fast as I can
And I'm a whole lot tougher
Than any of them
In the morning when you wake up
Just look around and you'll see me
If you want to get up
Just wake me up
And I'll be as happy as I can be
This here's a lullaby
It's a song to go to sleep by
Close your eyes while my friend
And I here sing you a lullaby
I'll sing you a lullaby
I think she's asleep.
Look at this.
They came off.
I guess we did it. We're free.
You're right.
Thanks for bringing me with ya, Kid!
I couldn't have done it without you.
Well, I guess I'm gonna
be gettin' out of here, now.
-What?!
-I don't want to wake her.
-I'll just get going.
-Well, you can't leave her with me.
I can't take her with me.
My job was to rescue her.
Beyond that, she's on her own.
Besides, I was just trying
to help you get your freedom.
You were trying
to get your own freedom,
and you hijacked me
into helping you!
I appreciate what you did.
All right.
I'll figure something out.
-Where you headed?
-Mars.
I'm going to Mars!
Different Mars.
I want to do that!
I'll show you later.
You take care, Quasar Kid.
You do the same, Stingray Sam.
Shut your eyes, little girl.
Oh, dang, Stingray!
What the hell did you do in here?
You take care, Quasar Kid.
You take care.
So, what do you think of The Kid?
He was a little bit nice
and a little bit mean.
Wow, girl, I think you hit the nail
right on the head with that one.
The Kid is a little bit nice
and a little bit mean.
You're okay.
Tell you what, now I'm gonna show
you that handshake, but it's a secret,
so you can't tell anyone, all right?
Put up your thumb.
Now stick out your pinkie.
Now hold your hand flat like that.
High five!
To the side.
Down low.
Too slow!
Too slow.
All right, let's try it again.
In ancient China,
a saintly character
was believed to have
watched over "the vulnerable ones."
The three groups considered
for this classification
were travelers, soldiers,
and mothers with children.
Now, with his debt to society paid,
Stingray Sam
began his new life as a free man
under the weight
of an unforeseen obligation
that had placed him in all three
of the ancient Chinese
categories of vulnerability.
Watch over him now,
O Saints of Ancient China!
And you watch, too, on our next
and final episode of...
...Stingray Sam!
Liberty Chew Chewing Tobacco
presents...
Stingray Sam is not a hero
But he does do the things
That folks don't do
That need to be done
He's got a bravery inside
That won't let him run away
Will not let him run
In our last episode,
a small child was rescued
and then left
in the custody of Stingray Sam.
Given no other choice,
Stingray has resigned himself
to deliver the child
to her long lost father.
Many days have come and gone
since the union
of this unlikely duo was forged.
Now, at the final stage
of their journey,
Stingray's freedom draws nearer
as a father-and-daughter reunion
will soon be at hand.
Okay, girl,
we got a long way to go today.
Why don't you go get
that toothbrush I gave you,
and we'll put it in your bag?
Oh, oh, I just need to do this.
Don't you want to go
see your daddy?
I just need to do this song
one more time.
Well, it's getting late.
I just need to do it once.
Okay.
Just one more time.
I'd like to do that, too.
Shummumumum mumum mumum
I'm your peg-legged father
Shummumumum mumum mumum
You're my darling daughter
You're my darling daughter
I'm your peg-legged father
What has become
Of your cold-hearted mother?
Shummumumum mumum mumum
I'm the man who raised you
Shummumumum mumum mumum
Her absence never fazed you
Her absence never fazed you
I'm the man who raised you
Your mother tried to kill us both
But her bullet only grazed you
Shummumumum mumum mumum
Her second bullet got me
Shummumumum mumum mumum
Your wicked mother shot me
Your wicked mother shot me
Her second bullet got me
A weaker man would have fallen
To the ground, but not me
Shummumumum mumum mumum
She got me in the leg
Shummumumum mumum mumum
That's how I got the peg
That's how I got the peg
She shot me in the leg
I grabbed her by the neck
And pushed her down
And made her beg
Shummumumum mumum mumum
I heard your mother curse me
Shummumumum mumum mumum
But the bleeding made me thirsty
I heard your mother curse me
But the bleeding made me thirsty
That's why I let go
Of your mother's neck
And showed her mercy
Shummumumum mumum mumum
She up and ran away
Shummumumum mumum mumum
A year ago today
Her letter came today
Her letter came today
What did it say?
Oh, what did it say?
What did it say?
What did the letter say?
What did it say?
What did it say?
It said it's time
for me to take you home.
Okay, let's go.
Hold it right there...
...Matey!
The little girl is coming with me.
-Or what?
-Or you die.
She dies.
Everybody but me dies.
Basically, everyone
on that side of my gun.
-I'm taking her back to her father.
-She doesn't have a father.
Her father ran away
and left her with me.
That's not what really happened.
I don't care what really happened.
The girl stays with me.
She's mine.
Nobody runs away from Fredward!
Nobody!
Not the girl, not her father,
and especially not that guy
who danced at my party a week ago.
Where is he anyway? I thought
he'd be around here somewhere.
I don't know.
So you haven't anything
to bargain with, then, have you?
So, send the girl over here
and prepare
to have your face blasted off.
Little girl,
you better get on the other side
of that gun and shut your eyes.
No, Stingray!
I said, "Git!"
Close your eyes, little girl.
I know I'm gonna close mine.
Stingray!
Oh, no!
What happened to me?
What's that smell?!
Hey, it stinks in here!
Let me out of here!
Get me out of this thing!
You can't do this to me!
-I have protection!
-You're not protected here, pal.
-I thought you were going to Mars!
-I thought this was Mars.
Different Mars, I guess.
You've been a naughty boy,
Fredward.
It's time you start
paying your debt to society.
By the powers vested in me
by the leading members
of the lnter-Galactic Community,
it's my duty
to inform you of your rights.
He can't hear me.
Well, Quasar Kid,
first you hijack me
into paying off my debt to society,
and now you've captured Fredward.
If I didn't know any better,
I'd say you became a bounty hunter
while I was away.
Well, we all can't be lounge singers.
That's the truth, Quasar Kid.
You take care of yourself.
-I'm taking your ship, Stingray.
-I know you are, Kid.
I know you are.
There's your daddy's house.
I guess that's where you're
gonna be staying from now on.
It looks nice.
Stingray, will you stay
with me and Daddy?
Nah. You two got a lot
of catching up to do.
-I gotta get back to work.
-Why?
Well, because I'm a lounge singer,
and a lounge singer's gotta sing.
He's gotta be there every night
to make sure folks get sung to.
I know that might not
mean a lot to some people,
but it means a lot to me
and a lot of people
who come to see a lounge singer,
and that's me.
But I want to stay with you.
-You do?
-Yeah.
Well, I'll tell you what.
I know your daddy misses you,
but you and your daddy haven't
seen each other for a long time
and you can't always tell how things
are gonna go between two folks.
So if things aren't working out,
and you need someone to come
and get you, you just give me a--
Daddy!
Subtitles By:
Dan4Jem
presents...
Stingray Sam is not a hero
But he does do the things
That folks don't do
That need to be done
He's got a bravery inside
That won't let him run away
Will not let him run
This is the planet Mars.
It was once known as the resort and
entertainment capital of the universe.
Over the years the appeal of Mars
has worn thin.
The ideas that its entertainment
industries were once based on
are no longer valued
among smart, young couples
Iooking for a good time.
No, Mars has seen its day.
Now it has become a home
for forgotten people
with shattered dreams
Iooking for that break
that just isn't there anymore.
These are today's visitors.
Then there are those
who occupy this planet.
The ones who capitalize on these,
the misfortunate.
But don't judge them too harshly.
They came to Mars
for the same reason
as everyone else,
only now they have
nowhere else to go.
Welcome to Mars
Welcome to life among the stars
Welcome to hotels
And restaurants and bars
Where you'll never be homesick
Anymore
You'll live in space
Where you'll develop certain tastes
And certain views
On things you've never faced
Where you'll never be homesick
Anymore
You're in the dome
You're in the perfect home
Where sweet dreams
Mean everything
And memories can't hurt you
Here's where you'll stay
Where everything you ever knew
Is turned into something new to you
Where you'll never be homesick
Anymore
All right.
Thank you very much,
and thanks for coming out tonight.
And now, it gives me a great deal
of pleasure to introduce to you
our dancers for this evening.
This is Heaven and Star
from Liberty Chew Chewing tobacco.
"Liberate yourself
with Liberty Chew tobacco
and join
the tobacco-chewing liberation."
These ladies will be handing out
free samples of tobacco later on.
So, stick around,
make yourselves at home,
there's a lot more entertainment
to come,
and if you have any problems,
just let me or the bartender know,
and we'll see what we can do about it.
Thank you very much.
You need this?
How we doing, Barnaby?
I'm not too sure, Stingray.
I think we might have
a little problem.
Where at?
That big fella sitting
at the end of the bar.
He's been acting kinda weird.
Oh, my.
That's what I'm talking about.
I think you're gonna
have to ask him to leave.
Hand me my asking-stick.
Whoa.
You got olive juice
on my asking-stick.
Well, what do you think
we ought to do about this?
I think you should leave.
-Not without you, Stingray Sam!
-Quasar Kid!
Barnaby, this here's The Quasar Kid.
Get him some olives!
Well, what brings you
to these parts, Kid?
Well, when I learned
you became a lounge singer,
I said, "Well, okay, then."
Well, all right, then.
What do you say?
-I say, okay.
-Well, all right.
Well, all right, Kid.
It's good to see your face.
It's good to see you, Stingray.
Well, Kid, I know you really didn't
come all this way for the olives.
What are you really doing here?
Well, some folks
caught up with me recently
and asked me if I wouldn't mind
paying off my debt to society.
As you might remember,
we hadn't finished doing that
at the time we left the prison.
What are you saying?
I'm saying there's
a little girl out there somewhere
in a whole lot of trouble.
And if you and I can help her,
we won't be wanted men.
You won't have to hide out here
in this dump anymore.
This is not a dump, Kid.
This is a nightclub,
and I am its lounge singer.
That may not mean a lot to you,
but it means a lot to me
and a lot of people
who come here to see
a lounge singer, and that's me.
I'm saying there's
a little girl in trouble.
Besides from earning our freedom,
it might be the only chance
you and I will ever get
to do something that's right.
And aren't you the one
who said you always hoped
to help somebody someday?
-Hell, no.
-Ah, come on Stingray.
Just do it for me, then.
I'm happy here, Kid,
and besides you,
there's nobody else out there
looking for me.
Well, if you won't do it for me,
will you do it for her?
Stingray Sam
came from the planet Durango.
The economy of Durango
was based
on the manufacturing
of rocket ships.
To meet the rising
costs of manufacturing
the planet's leaders shut down
production and moved the industry
to the far away planet of Mayberry,
where the population
was much more in need,
and therefore labor
much less expensive.
This created a desperate situation
for the citizens of Durango,
which resulted in a crime wave
that dominated the entire planet.
This problem was not acknowledged
by the lnter-Galactic Community
until the population of Durango
began drifting
toward the wealthier planets.
Sorry to interrupt the party.
I'm Stingray Sam,
this here's The Quasar Kid,
and we just got here from Durango.
To restore peace
throughout the galaxy
the United Planets Organization
created a new economic system
for the planet of Durango.
The former rocket-ship factories were
now to be used as penitentiaries.
One quarter of Durango's population
was given jobs as prison guards,
while the other three quarters
were incarcerated.
The cost of Durango prison labor
would be minimal.
With the rocket ship machinery
still in place
and with a prison population
of skilled factory workers,
it was the natural choice
for the leaders of Durango
to remove
all manufacturing contracts
from the now wealthy
planet of Mayberry
and reintroduce
the rocket-ship industry
to the prison population
of Durango.
Unfortunately, Mayberry held
its own in the rocket industry,
and Durango soon went bankrupt.
The penitentiaries
were shut down,
and all of the convicts
were released under the condition
that they would be called upon
at any given moment
to resume paying their debt
to society.
-What happened?
-We got arrested.
By who?
Well, technically
it was me that arrested you,
but I got arrested first, and I always
kind of thought of us as a team.
Are you the one who hit me, Kid?
Yeah.
What the...?
Did you put this thing on me?
I had to.
They said if I didn't put one on you,
then mine would explode.
-That's just part of the deal.
-I guess I don't blame you, then.
What do we gotta do to get 'em off?
It's just one job.
We got to rescue a little girl.
Once we do that, these things
will fall right off, and we're done.
-That's it, huh?
-Yeah, well, we got off easy.
They got everybody else
picking up garbage.
I've seen that.
That kind of work never ends.
Yeah, well,
when we're done with this job
our debt to society
will be paid in full.
You and I will be free men
for the rest of our lives.
You couldn't have just told me that
back at the bar? You had to hit me?
I missed you, Stingray.
And so this was the beginning
of Stingray Sam
and The Quasar Kid's
final adventure.
But what dangers will they face
on the road to becoming free men?
Find out
on our next episode of...
...Stingray Sam!
Liberty Chew Chewing Tobacco
presents...
Stingray Sam is not a hero
But he does do the things
That folks don't do
That need to be done
He's got a bravery inside
That won't let him run away
Will not let him run
Children.
So young and irresponsible.
How quickly they mature
and turn into incompetent adults.
Incompetent in management
and administrative duties.
It was this form of incompetence
that sent Stingray Sam
and The Quasar Kid
on a mission
without any information.
The only detail they were to receive
was to be administered
at the lnter-galactic
Hall Of Records And Trivia.
It is here where we now find our boys
perched in a state of readiness.
34.
34.
34.
36.
36.
36.
No 36.
35.
Here you go, Ma'am.
I'm Stingray Sam,
this here's The Quasar Kid,
and we're from Durango.
-You don't say.
-Yes, Ma'am.
We're on an assignment,
and we don't know
what we're supposed to be doing.
-What's your assignment?
-We're supposed to rescue a girl.
-Who's the girl?
-We don't know.
We're from the work program.
Give me your wrists.
Just one box?
That's all I have for you.
Could you tell me
where I could find...?
38.
If I leave this bag here, do you
think somebody else could use it?
Yes. And they'll be so happy,
and I'll tell them it came from you.
38.
No, I don't think it was stupid.
You had a plastic bag,
and you didn't need it.
You thought somebody else
could use it.
Well, either way, you know what
that lady did when she just said that?
What?
She made our day.
That's what she did.
I think that lady is a genius.
Just that one thing she said
made our whole day worthwhile.
Well, I'm glad something did.
It takes 20 of these darn
little boxes to figure out anything,
and I don't think
it's gonna tell us much.
Well, let's have a look-see.
To a father in a middle-class home,
no one is more important
than "Daddy's little girl."
Unfortunately, the extremely wealthy
and the extremely poor fathers
cannot share in this sentiment.
A female child born to a poor family
may find herself
in compromising situations
in the name of survival.
The father of a dynasty would need
a son to carry on the family name.
It was long believed that a child's
gender was determined by its mother.
King Henry Vlll believed it.
He executed several of his wives
because they were unable
to bear him a son.
If Henry only knew
what we know today
perhaps he would have
cut of his own head.
Still, gender-decisive pills
were created for the woman to take
until five generations ago
when a pill was invented
to give the father the choice.
The wealthy and poor alike
began having sons exclusively.
As a result, the poor
and the wealthy classes
found themselves
on the brink of extinction
until cloning was introduced
to the upper class
as a mandatory measure
to generate the next generation.
But health risks linked to cloning
drained the economy
through increased
medical expenses.
In its last attempt for survival,
strange new theories
were openly developed,
but time was running out,
and things were looking bleak
for the upper class
until two scientists
known only as Edward and Frederick
developed a radical new procedure.
They had successfully
blended their DNA
and then placed the living embryo
into the body of the scientist
know only as Frederick.
Funding was immediately pulled
from all research programs
and awarded
to Edward and Frederick.
When the child was born,
he was given the name Fredward.
The entire upper-class population
was impregnated
with double male genetic combos,
and thus a new generation was born!
Frederick and Edward
Had a baby named Fredward
Frederick and Edward
Loved their gentle son
Frederick was the world's
Only pregnant man
Edward might not have been the one
Frederick and Edward
Had a son named Fredward
Max and Clark
Had a son named Mark
Aldo and Rex
Had a son named Alex
Bob and Ringo
Had a son named Bingo
Zack and Deke
Had a son named Zeke
Bill and Jeff
Had a son named Biff
John and Mason
Had a son named Jason
Karl and Burt
Had a son named Kurt
Reed and Johnny
Had a son named Ronny
Chris and Al
Had a son named Cal
Clark and Biff
Had a son named Cliff
Walter and Bill
Had a son named Will
Bill and Kurt
Had a son named Burt
Burt and Robby
Had a son named Bobby
Fred and Bill
Had a son named Phil
Jack and Ronny
Had a son named Johnny
Rich and Andy
Had a son named Randy
Mick and Jack
Had a son named Mac
Hugh and Gordon
Had a son named Hugo
Matt and Rick
Had a son named Mick
Mel and Alvin
Had a son named Melvin
Jack and Bo
Had a son named Joe
Clark and Jasper
Had a son named Casper
Sam and Randy
Had a son named Sandy
George and Harold
Had a son named Gerald
Biff and Chuck
Had a son named Buck
Nate and Rick
Had a son named Nick
Nick and Ted
Had a son named Ned
Clark and Ray
Had a son named Clay
Bo and Larry
Had a son named Barry
Ray and Paco
Had a son named Rocco
Ben and Lee
Had a son named Bentley
Rocco and Dusty
Had a son named Rusty
Rusty and Alf
Had a son named Ralph
Tom and Ed
Had a son named Ted
John and Ted
Had a son named Jed
Ron and Cory
Had a son named Rory
Rory and Tex
Had a son named Rex
Burt and Morris
Had a son named Boris
And this baby, his daddy's gone
And this baby, his daddy's gone
And this baby, his daddy's gone
And this baby, his daddy's gone
And so the plot begins to thicken,
but not by much.
A girl is in need of rescue,
and the genetically designed
figurehead of a very wealthy planet
is somehow involved.
But how? Who?
What? When?
Where?
And why?
Find out the answers
to these questions and more
on our next episode of...
...Stingray Sam!
Liberty Chew Chewing Tobacco
presents...
Stingray Sam is not a hero
But he does do the things
That folks don't do
That need to be done
He's got a bravery inside
That won't let him run away
Will not let him run
In a distant solar system, located
among a certain class of planets,
were the planets of social classes,
and among them
was a planet of a certain class.
A planet that had changed its name
to Fredward.
It is here where Stingray Sam
and The Quasar Kid
initiate their pursuit of a man
who bears that same name.
Their search begins...
...at the Pregnant Man's
Science and Trivia lnstitute,
where an important meeting
of The Pregnant Man's lnstitute
of Science and Trivia
is about to take place.
They took my clipboard!
They took my clipboard!
The one I use!
Somebody stop them!
The triumphant efforts
of this new brand of research
could not have been possible
without this generous grant
from the Liberty Chew
Chewing Tobacco Corporation.
"Liberate yourself
with Liberty Chew Chewing tobacco
and join
the tobacco-chewing liberation."
Before we recess this afternoon,
Dr. Adison and l
will be handing out
free samples of Liberty Chew.
And now,
let's have a look at the chart.
I'm The Quasar Kid,
and this here's Stingray Sam!
You boys are in
for a world of trouble
if you don't give us
what we came here to get!
"Stingray" Sam? Are you
from the Oceanology Department?
Yes, I am.
Well, this is a surprise.
Ever since the oceans have died,
I can't imagine
where you could have found
any funding without a gunman.
Unless, of course, you found a way
to bring the oceans back to life,
which I honestly doubt.
How are you planning to do it,
young man?
Excuse me?
Well, I mean, how are you planning
to bring the oceans back to life?
One fish at a time, I guess.
Yeah, that's right.
Sam here's come halfway
across two galaxies
with a Stingray baby
growing inside his very own belly!
-A Stingray?
-Stingray?
Stingray...
Stingray, Stingray, Stingray
Stingray, Stingray, Stingray
Well, I went to the doctor
And he gave me a sonogram
Not the kind of thing
That you do to a man
I said, "Doctor,
What does that picture say?"
He said, "Boy,
You're gonna have a Stingray"
Stingray, Stingray, Stingray
Stingray, Stingray, Stingray
-Is it gonna be a boy?
-No, it's gonna be a Stingray
-Will it be a girl?
-No, it's gonna be a Stingray
Will it be the Prince of Thieves
Or Queen of The World?
Will it be a son
Or will it be a daughter?
Will it be a Stingray
Swimming in the water?
Stingray, Stingray, Stingray
Stingray, Stingray, Stingray
My friend here
ain't feeling quite right.
Maybe it's because he's got
a baby Stingray in his stomach.
Yeah, that's probably what it is.
Anyway, I need
to go sit down for a while,
and I was wondering where
you keep all your files and records
and stuff like that.
We thought we'd go take a look-see.
Through the door
at the end of the hall.
And what exactly is a "look-see"?
Don't you worry about it.
This don't look so good.
Yeah, we got a lot of looking to do.
Well, if there's only one girl,
then maybe we should look
in the girl section,
and we'll find her.
You're right.
It's the only pink one.
Well, let's give her a try.
The upper class
had become the only class.
To make it possible
for society to function,
it became an unwritten law
that physical labor
would not be looked down upon,
as long as you were famous at it.
Jerry was a famous carpenter,
but fame was of no interest
to Famous Jerry.
He was a loner, a rebel.
So unlike the norm
was Famous Jerry the Carpenter
that he protested his obligation
to reproduce a male child
by secretly taking
gender-decisive drugs.
Jerry privately gave birth
to a female child.
Her gender was assumed male
and therefore never reported
to the authorities.
Fredward had always been
a stranger to effort.
He had achieved his wealth and fame
through the act of being born.
His every need
had forever been fulfilled,
and though he grew up in seclusion,
he was never alone.
He had always been surrounded
by a group of wealthy young followers
who valued his every word.
His ideas were never questioned.
As a result, Fredward was convinced
that his thoughts were the product
of divine inspiration.
Though he had never developed
any skills and had no talents,
he declared himself an artist,
and to the amazement
of his followers,
Fredward began
what was to be his masterpiece.
He was going to redesign
his own living quarters,
and the only man famous enough
to make this dream come true
was Famous Jerry the Carpenter.
Famous Jerry was sequestered
within the compound.
He was forced to listen
to Fredward's high-art concepts.
None of Fredward's ideas
were based in reality.
They could never be achieved.
After one week,
Famous Jerry quit the job.
Fredward was devastated.
Jerry was to be arrested
and sentenced to death.
Before Jerry had a chance to retrieve
his daughter and flee the planet,
their home was broken into
and searched.
The girl was discovered and taken
directly to the Fredward Compound.
Famous Jerry fled the planet alone.
Jerry reported the kidnapping
to leaders
of the lnter-Galactic Community.
Arrangements
for her rescue were made.
-Are you leaving us so soon?
-Yeah. We gotta get going.
-Where will you be going?
-To find Fredward.
Oh, no more cheese and tobacco
for these boys.
They're off to see Fredward.
You'll never see Fredward,
young man.
He's far too important.
Thank you for your hospitality.
Oh, and by the way,
you said you had traveled
halfway across two galaxies?
There's only one galaxy.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
With an understanding
of their mission
and a sense of purpose
behind their every step,
Stingray Sam and The Quasar Kid
set forth to the Fredward Compound.
But what dangers await?
Find out on our next episode of...
...Stingray Sam!
Liberty Chew Chewing Tobacco
presents...
Stingray Sam is not a hero
But he does do the things
That folks don't do
That need to be done
He's got a bravery inside
That won't let him run away
Will not let him run
Our story begins where it left off.
Here, among
that certain class of planets
where we find Stingray Sam
and The Quasar Kid
in pursuit of a man named Fredward.
Like every icon
of every great economic power,
Fredward was well protected.
He lived in a grand fortress
above the law
where no man dare enter
without an invitation.
It was because of this
that no security system
was maintained,
making it possible
for Stingray Sam and The Quasar Kid
to gain entrance.
Hey!
You're not supposed
to be back here.
No one is supposed to see me
before the performance.
What performance?
You're here for the party,
aren't you?
What party?
Yeah, we're here for the party.
Do you remember
what happened back on Durango
just before the prisons
went bankrupt and they let us all go?
-You mean the Mascot program?
-Yeah.
Yeah.
I was in a solitary-confinement suit
that looked
like the Liberty Chew Grasshopper.
I couldn't move my arms.
Yeah. Well, when you were gone,
they gave me a new cellmate.
His name was Cubby.
Excuse me
I'm new here in this prison
I think that I was sitting there
See, there's my piece of cornbread
It was said that Cubby
was not right for prison,
or perhaps prison
just wasn't right for Cubby.
Either way, his timing
could not have been more perfect
for the Durango prison facilities
were on the brink
of financial disaster.
It was during these,
the darkest of hours,
when an advertising firm approached
the planet's CEO with a proposal.
It was to be known as "The Corporate
Mascot Rehabilitation Program."
In this program, prisoners were
rented out as corporate mascots.
Mascot costumes
were designed and manufactured
within the prison facility.
The exteriors of these costumes
were designed to attract and amuse
happy conventioneers
and their families
while reminding them
of the corporations
they were representing.
The interiors of the costumes
were designed to restrain the inmates
in order to keep them
from committing crimes
or from endangering themselves
and those around them.
When a prisoner became suicidal,
his attempts would fail
while appearing comical
and charming to any onlookers.
Eventually hygiene became an issue.
The smell of an unwashed prisoner
would penetrate the costume
and give the corporation
it represented a bad name.
A new approach
was quickly put into effect.
Through the use
of mass/matter compression,
a prisoner could be reduced in size,
infused into the body
of a small robot,
dressed accordingly,
and placed on a shelf
for public viewing.
No personal contact
was ever made with the public.
Cubby was a master
at mass/matter compression.
Without him, Durango
would not have had a program.
Cubby requested that he be allowed
to develop the device
in the privacy of his cell.
His request was granted,
and in a short while
six prototypes
were developed and delivered.
Two additional devices
were secretly manufactured
and hidden
behind the wall of his cell.
These two devices were to be worn
by Cubby and The Quasar Kid
while escaping through the prison's
tiny ventilation system.
On the morning
of their planned escape,
Cubby infused himself
within one of the tiny suits.
He hid behind the toilet
and waited for The Quasar Kid
to finish his kitchen duty.
Kid was distracted
and unable to join Cubby as planned.
As Cubby patiently waited
behind the toilet,
a prison janitor
hosed down their cell.
The water
short-circuited Cubby's suit.
He was killed within seconds.
When Kid returned to their cell,
he discovered the miniature device
that contained
the tiny remains of his friend.
Only then did he remember
their escape plan.
Cubby was secretly buried
the following morning
in the prison community garden.
And you expect me
to get into that thing?
-It's easy. Just close your eyes.
-No! Hey! Hey! Hey!
How's it feel?
It's a little tight.
-I think my leg's asleep.
-Can you move it?
-Yeah, I think so.
-Well, just keep moving it.
You'll be all right.
Now, hang on to my pant leg.
Allow me to introduce our visitors.
I must ask you to excuse their
somewhat lackadaisical manners,
but I have conditioned them,
or brainwashed them.
You will notice that I have told them
that they may smoke.
I've allowed my people
to have a little fun
in the selection
of bizarre tobacco substitutes.
Are you enjoying your cigarette, Ed?
Yes, Fredward.
Oh, tastes good,
like a cigarette should.
And now, comrades,
may I introduce the famous...
Can I help you?
Party, it's a party
Come on, party, get retarded
Party, it's a party
Come on, party, get retarded
Party, it's a party
Come on, party, get it started
Party, it's a party
Come on party, get retarded
Party, get it started
Party, it's a party, come on, party
Get retarded
Oh, man, you scared me!
You're the Carpenter's daughter.
I'm here to take you
back to your daddy.
I'm gonna need your help
getting us out of here.
I think your legs look cool.
Oh. Thank you very much.
They're not really mine.
-Can I see them?
-Yeah, sure.
Now, we don't have very much time,
so I need you
to listen to me very carefully.
This is gonna be a little bit tricky,
and a little bit dangerous,
but I'm gonna get you out of here.
Now, what I need you to do is run.
Did you hear me?
Run! Run!
Okay!
-I ran really fast!
-Yeah, you did.
-Can we go see my daddy now?
-As soon as The Kid gets back.
It shouldn't take him very long.
If I know The Kid, he won't stay
in there any longer than he has to.
Party, it's a party
It's a party, get it started
Party, it's a party
It's a party, get it started
Party, it's a party
It's a party, get it started
Party, it's a party
It's a party, get it started
Party, it's a party
It's a party, get it started
Party, it's a party
It's a party, get it started
Party, it's a party
It's a party, get it started
Party, it's a party
It's a party, get it started
Stingray Sam and the girl
waited onboard the ship,
but what of The Quasar Kid?
Had Fredward
discovered their plans?
Had The Quasar Kid
been brainwashed
for Fredward's amusement?
Would the girl ever see her father,
and will Stingray Sam remain
a tiny, little robot indefinitely?
Find out on our next episode of...
...Stingray Sam!
Liberty Chew Chewing Tobacco
presents...
Stingray Sam is not a hero
But he does do the things
That folks don't do
That need to be done
He's got a bravery inside
That won't let him run away
Will not let him run
It was a long night of angst,
anxiety and apprehension
for Stingray Sam
and the Carpenter's daughter.
They waited
for what felt like an eternity
for the return of The Quasar Kid,
and by this point, they could
only fear the worst had transpired
and were beginning to give up hope,
when suddenly...
Morning, Stingray. Ma'am.
-And where were you last night?
-How'd you get out of the suit?
The girl let me out.
Where were you?
I was keeping
Fredward and the boys busy
so you could get the girl
and get on out of there.
We were out of there
in two minutes.
How was I supposed to know that?
I was gettin' ready
to fly out of here.
-We were gonna leave you a note.
-You would never have done that.
Show him your note.
That's a mighty nice note.
Thank you.
Let's fly out of here
before they figure out she's missing.
Stingray Sam, The Quasar Kid,
and the Carpenter's daughter were
able to escape the planet unnoticed,
but back
at the Fredward Compound,
a flurry of activity
was taking place.
The Artist,
who had originally been hired
to perform at Fredward's party,
was discovered gagged and bound
in his dressing room.
At the same time, the Carpenter's
daughter was found to be missing.
But it was the absence
of The Quasar Kid
that pushed Fredward over the edge.
He had not felt such a loss
since Famous Jerry the Carpenter
had abandoned him.
Fredward's disciples
tried to comfort Fredward
by belittling The Quasar Kid.
They tried to discredit his
participation in the evening's events.
They callously mocked his dancing.
Fredward became furious.
He scolded them
in defense of The Quasar Kid
and had them arrested
for trespassing.
When the police had taken away
the last of his guests,
Fredward did something
that he had never done before.
He left the compound.
His anger gave him a bravery
that he had never known.
In an abandoned rocket ship
of a convicted guest
Fredward escaped
his planet unnoticed.
-Hey, did you brush your teeth?
-Yeah.
Did you use
that white toothbrush I gave you?
-Yeah.
-All right. Go to bed.
-Can you play me a song on that?
-No.
Yes.
Go get into bed.
This here's a lullaby
It's a song to go to sleep by
Close your eyes while my friend
And I here sing you a lullaby
Listen to the words of the song
They're are all about cats and dogs
Cats and dogs and stars in the sky
In a pretty little lullaby
In a pretty little lullaby
Close your eyes
Shut them down tight
Stars in the sky, shining up bright
Everything will be all right
Here comes the Sandman
With a pocket full of sleep dirt
He's not a bad man
Not as bad as he seems
And he'll get you dreaming
Your baby dreams
He'll get you dreaming your dreams
This here's a lullaby song
It's a melody for a little kid
To go to sleep on
I never sang a lullaby in my life
And I'm making it up as I go on
If you have a bad dream tonight
You only gotta call my name
I'll come running
Just as fast as I can
And I'm a whole lot tougher
Than any of them
In the morning when you wake up
Just look around and you'll see me
If you want to get up
Just wake me up
And I'll be as happy as I can be
This here's a lullaby
It's a song to go to sleep by
Close your eyes while my friend
And I here sing you a lullaby
I'll sing you a lullaby
I think she's asleep.
Look at this.
They came off.
I guess we did it. We're free.
You're right.
Thanks for bringing me with ya, Kid!
I couldn't have done it without you.
Well, I guess I'm gonna
be gettin' out of here, now.
-What?!
-I don't want to wake her.
-I'll just get going.
-Well, you can't leave her with me.
I can't take her with me.
My job was to rescue her.
Beyond that, she's on her own.
Besides, I was just trying
to help you get your freedom.
You were trying
to get your own freedom,
and you hijacked me
into helping you!
I appreciate what you did.
All right.
I'll figure something out.
-Where you headed?
-Mars.
I'm going to Mars!
Different Mars.
I want to do that!
I'll show you later.
You take care, Quasar Kid.
You do the same, Stingray Sam.
Shut your eyes, little girl.
Oh, dang, Stingray!
What the hell did you do in here?
You take care, Quasar Kid.
You take care.
So, what do you think of The Kid?
He was a little bit nice
and a little bit mean.
Wow, girl, I think you hit the nail
right on the head with that one.
The Kid is a little bit nice
and a little bit mean.
You're okay.
Tell you what, now I'm gonna show
you that handshake, but it's a secret,
so you can't tell anyone, all right?
Put up your thumb.
Now stick out your pinkie.
Now hold your hand flat like that.
High five!
To the side.
Down low.
Too slow!
Too slow.
All right, let's try it again.
In ancient China,
a saintly character
was believed to have
watched over "the vulnerable ones."
The three groups considered
for this classification
were travelers, soldiers,
and mothers with children.
Now, with his debt to society paid,
Stingray Sam
began his new life as a free man
under the weight
of an unforeseen obligation
that had placed him in all three
of the ancient Chinese
categories of vulnerability.
Watch over him now,
O Saints of Ancient China!
And you watch, too, on our next
and final episode of...
...Stingray Sam!
Liberty Chew Chewing Tobacco
presents...
Stingray Sam is not a hero
But he does do the things
That folks don't do
That need to be done
He's got a bravery inside
That won't let him run away
Will not let him run
In our last episode,
a small child was rescued
and then left
in the custody of Stingray Sam.
Given no other choice,
Stingray has resigned himself
to deliver the child
to her long lost father.
Many days have come and gone
since the union
of this unlikely duo was forged.
Now, at the final stage
of their journey,
Stingray's freedom draws nearer
as a father-and-daughter reunion
will soon be at hand.
Okay, girl,
we got a long way to go today.
Why don't you go get
that toothbrush I gave you,
and we'll put it in your bag?
Oh, oh, I just need to do this.
Don't you want to go
see your daddy?
I just need to do this song
one more time.
Well, it's getting late.
I just need to do it once.
Okay.
Just one more time.
I'd like to do that, too.
Shummumumum mumum mumum
I'm your peg-legged father
Shummumumum mumum mumum
You're my darling daughter
You're my darling daughter
I'm your peg-legged father
What has become
Of your cold-hearted mother?
Shummumumum mumum mumum
I'm the man who raised you
Shummumumum mumum mumum
Her absence never fazed you
Her absence never fazed you
I'm the man who raised you
Your mother tried to kill us both
But her bullet only grazed you
Shummumumum mumum mumum
Her second bullet got me
Shummumumum mumum mumum
Your wicked mother shot me
Your wicked mother shot me
Her second bullet got me
A weaker man would have fallen
To the ground, but not me
Shummumumum mumum mumum
She got me in the leg
Shummumumum mumum mumum
That's how I got the peg
That's how I got the peg
She shot me in the leg
I grabbed her by the neck
And pushed her down
And made her beg
Shummumumum mumum mumum
I heard your mother curse me
Shummumumum mumum mumum
But the bleeding made me thirsty
I heard your mother curse me
But the bleeding made me thirsty
That's why I let go
Of your mother's neck
And showed her mercy
Shummumumum mumum mumum
She up and ran away
Shummumumum mumum mumum
A year ago today
Her letter came today
Her letter came today
What did it say?
Oh, what did it say?
What did it say?
What did the letter say?
What did it say?
What did it say?
It said it's time
for me to take you home.
Okay, let's go.
Hold it right there...
...Matey!
The little girl is coming with me.
-Or what?
-Or you die.
She dies.
Everybody but me dies.
Basically, everyone
on that side of my gun.
-I'm taking her back to her father.
-She doesn't have a father.
Her father ran away
and left her with me.
That's not what really happened.
I don't care what really happened.
The girl stays with me.
She's mine.
Nobody runs away from Fredward!
Nobody!
Not the girl, not her father,
and especially not that guy
who danced at my party a week ago.
Where is he anyway? I thought
he'd be around here somewhere.
I don't know.
So you haven't anything
to bargain with, then, have you?
So, send the girl over here
and prepare
to have your face blasted off.
Little girl,
you better get on the other side
of that gun and shut your eyes.
No, Stingray!
I said, "Git!"
Close your eyes, little girl.
I know I'm gonna close mine.
Stingray!
Oh, no!
What happened to me?
What's that smell?!
Hey, it stinks in here!
Let me out of here!
Get me out of this thing!
You can't do this to me!
-I have protection!
-You're not protected here, pal.
-I thought you were going to Mars!
-I thought this was Mars.
Different Mars, I guess.
You've been a naughty boy,
Fredward.
It's time you start
paying your debt to society.
By the powers vested in me
by the leading members
of the lnter-Galactic Community,
it's my duty
to inform you of your rights.
He can't hear me.
Well, Quasar Kid,
first you hijack me
into paying off my debt to society,
and now you've captured Fredward.
If I didn't know any better,
I'd say you became a bounty hunter
while I was away.
Well, we all can't be lounge singers.
That's the truth, Quasar Kid.
You take care of yourself.
-I'm taking your ship, Stingray.
-I know you are, Kid.
I know you are.
There's your daddy's house.
I guess that's where you're
gonna be staying from now on.
It looks nice.
Stingray, will you stay
with me and Daddy?
Nah. You two got a lot
of catching up to do.
-I gotta get back to work.
-Why?
Well, because I'm a lounge singer,
and a lounge singer's gotta sing.
He's gotta be there every night
to make sure folks get sung to.
I know that might not
mean a lot to some people,
but it means a lot to me
and a lot of people
who come to see a lounge singer,
and that's me.
But I want to stay with you.
-You do?
-Yeah.
Well, I'll tell you what.
I know your daddy misses you,
but you and your daddy haven't
seen each other for a long time
and you can't always tell how things
are gonna go between two folks.
So if things aren't working out,
and you need someone to come
and get you, you just give me a--
Daddy!
Subtitles By:
Dan4Jem