Stiff Competition (1984) - full transcript

The premise is funny, an oral sex contest. Most of the women are a little on the plain side by current porn standards, not 70s dogs but just not up to the Asia Carrera, Raquel Darrain kind of standard. Also the action is too orally focused for my taste.

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[Portentous music]

- Thank you, George.
- That was scrumptious.

-I thought you would enjoy that.

Now, I've got another little surprise
for you.

- Oh?
- Yes, something rather exciting.

-Oh, George,
every time I'm with you is exciting.

-I must warn you, though, that the place
I have in mind is sometimes frequented

by rather unsavory characters.

It could get a little rough.

-Well, I feel safe with you.

-Twenty, man.



Motherfucker.

-Oh, George, you and your surprises.

- [Background conversation]
- We got 20, three to one.

- A hundred bucks, one hundred bucks.
- Twenty right here.

- Twenty more. [Crosstalk]
- Pull them, you're eight minutes.

Do I have any takers'?
We got some more action over here.

- Yes, I'll take 20 on that.
- Okay.

- Give me 20 of it.
- A cock sucking contest!

Oh, George.

-This is my last 42 bucks.

-I'm telling you,
that girl can't do anything.

Give me that money,
it's going to be a surefire bet.

I tell you, clem.

[Background chatter]



-Okay. Anybody else'?

Anybody else'?

-Aren't you going to bet'?

-I'm into it purely for the sport.

Well, I know differently.

-Okay. Anybody else'?

Bets are closed.
Okay, are we ready'?

Is the girl ready?

Okay. Ladies, gentlemen.

The money is down.
Money talks, bullshit walks.

Are you ready'?

On your Mark... get set... go!

[Background noise]

-One minute, 15 seconds.

We're just into it now.

That way, good technique.

That's the way to work it, mouth.

[Pulsing synth rock music]

- What do you think, folks?
- Do you think she'll do it?

I think she'll do it.

Come on, baby.
Two minutes, 20 seconds.

Excellent, excellent.

- See, I've told you.
- You're going to get your money.

She can't do anything.

[Synth music cont.]

-I'm warning you, mouth.

-Fuck you, Jeff.

-Hey, wait a minute.

- What's going on?
- George, what happened?

-Well, she quit,

and now that gentleman's going
to have to forfeit the bet.

- Mouth, where the hell are you going?
- You can't run out on me.

-She quit.

-What about my money?

-Let go of me.

-Shit.

- Goddamn it.
- What's the big deal?

-You act as though you think
you could do it better.

-I can, you know that.

-Let's see you.

-Okay, I'll be right back.

[Background noise]

- Do you need some help?
- Are you crazy?

Those people in there are ready
to take my head off!

- Yeah, I need some help!
- I know, I was one of those people.

-Well, I mean, the only way
anybody's gonna help is...

-I know.

- Are you serious?
- I'm serious.

- You're not joking?
- No.

- Last chance to back out.
- Nope.

-Let's go.

[Background chatter]

-Okay, ladies and gentlemen.

We got another one of my girls here
to finish the job.

-Hey, that's not the chick we bet on.

- What do you mean?
- Who cares what girl it is.

-Hey, man, you give me back my money,
motherfucker, or I'm kicking your ass.

-The deal was eight minutes,
not who does it.

-What's the difference?

- I guess none.
- Precisely.

-All right, are you ready?

On your marks... get set... go.

Seven seconds into it,
she's making excellent progress.

Will she do it, ladies and germs?

I believe so.

[Background chatter]

- Almost there, come on.
- Come on, baby.

Almost.
You're almost in the money.

Almost there.

Come on.

[Synth music]

[Background chatter]
[Synth music]

- Come on, come on. Yes, go deeper.
- Come on, you can do it.

[Tense synth music]

-We did it, we did it!

Oh, baby, you saved my ass!

[Background chatter]

-Oh, come on, let me buy you dinner.

Please. Please, you gotta

- let me buy you dinner.
- Okay, okay.

-Oh, god, thank you. Thank you.

Oh, baby, you just saved my ass.

Thank you.

Oh, Jesus.

[Phone ringing]

-You're the best.

- [Phone ringing]
- Oh, give me a fucking break.

-Cynthia, this is the mouth.

-What is it?

You're kidding.

-I ran out on Jeff and she took over.

-So she must be good.

I want you to keep an eye
on her and Jeff for me.

I want to know everything
that they're up to.

I don't want anything getting
in the way of my comeback.

Sure, sure, sure.
I'll send you some money,

just keep an eye on them.

Okay.

-What was that all about?

-Well, it seems that there's a newcomer
on the west coast, and she's good.

The mouth managed to throw another one
of her temper tantrums

and this other chick just stepped in
and took over.

Now Jeff is managing her.

- That sounds like trouble.
- That's all I need, goddammit.

-Now, look, don't get bent out of shape,
snake.

We haven't even seen this new girl yet.

She's probably just another flash
in the pan.

-Oh, yeah? All I know
is no one's going to get in our way

of winning that suck-off.

I'm going to do anything I have
to do for us to collect that $50,000.

-Just don't forget that I haven't decided
to enter yet.

- What kind of talk is that?
- What are you, crazy?

Listen, when you're done
with your training,

you'll be back in your old form.

It'll be a breeze.

-You're so sexy when you get angry.

-Oh, yeah? You liked that, huh?

-Come here.

-You know what this means?

-Mm-hmm.

You're going to fuck me.

[Soft jazz plays in background]

- Touch my chest.
- Come on, touch it.

Ooh, that feels good.
That feels so good.

Let me tell you what.
Why don't I not fuck you,

and I'll just look at you and jerk off?

-No. I'm going to fuck you.

[Soft jazz music]

-[Gasp of pleasure]

-Easy, easy, easy.

You don't want me to cum, do you?

Cum too quick.

-Not yet.

-You're so sexy.

You're so fucking sexy.

-[Moans]

-[Moans]

Let me grind that in there.

Move that ass on me,
move that ass on me.

That's it. Great, let me see you move
your hips around, nice and slow.

Wow, your ass is so great.
Such a great ass.

[Moaning]

- You like this way?
- Yes.

-You're like a stallion,
you look like a stallion.

No, I look like a stallion.

[Moans]

Swing your head around,
I want to see your hair.

- Tell me your name.
- I want to hear your name.

- Silky.
- Ooh, say it again.

-Cynthia silk throat.

I can suck your cock
better than it's ever been sucked before.

Show me what a big load you've got for me,
Jake.

-All over your pussy.

-Yes, I want to see it.

-You want to see it?

-See how much cum
you've got to give me, baby.

Show me.

-[Moans]

-Oh, that's...

-Oh, my god.

[Moans]

That butt's an achievement.

-[Chuckles]

- You drive me crazy, you know that?
- You drive me crazy.

[Applause]

-You see what I mean?

There's a lot of money to be made
in this business.

A lot of people don't even know it exists.

I mean,
$50,000 is a lot of money, if you ask me.

-Fifty thousand dollars for a blowjob?

-Not just any blowjob,
the best blowjob in the world.

They call it the super bowl of suck-offs.

They hold it each year in Vegas,
but this year, the price is 50 big ones.

Winner-take-all.

-God, what I could do with $50,000.

-Well, that's where I come in.

See, you need yourself
a grade-a manager like myself.

I get a percentage.

You take the prize and all the glory.

That works out
to be a very equitable affair.

Now, the only problem I can see,
of course, is silky.

-Silky?

-Cynthia silk throat.

That's what they call her, anyway.

You see, everybody
in the business has a name.

She's the east coast champ.

She's retired now, but rumor
has it she was going to get back

in the business when she heard
about the prize at the big suck-off.

-Well, I'm not worried about her.

You did say I was the best around,
didn't you?

-That's what I said.

-Then it's a deal?

-Yeah, it's a deal.

I'll call Don head, the promoter

of the suck-off, and tell him
we got a new entry.

-Well, before you do that,
there's one thing I want you to know.

Even though $50,000 sounds great,
I'm not doing it for the money.

I'm doing it for the fun.

-Hey, baby, whatever turns you on.

-Oh, I think you know what turns me on.

-How would you like to see
my yellow-bellied, South African blowfish?

-Your what?

-It's a little hobby of mine,
if you know what I mean.

-Let's go.

[Upbeat music]

-My goodness.

You are one attractive lady.

Such silky smooth skin.

Oh, you're so fine.

Oh, yeah.

I don't think a man could ask
for a more attractive partner,

business or otherwise.

[Upbeat music]

-That was just the appetizer.

Now for the main course.

[Upbeat music]

-That's nice.

Oh, yeah.

[Moaning]

-Oh, Jeff, you're so good.

[Moaning]

-Fuck me harder.

Oh, yeah.

[Moaning]

-Oh, yes.

[Moaning]

-Oh, yeah.

[Moaning]

-Oh, yeah.

-You got it.

- All right, baby.
- That's it. Yes, there.

[Moaning]

- Oh, yeah. [Moaning]
- I want to suck your cum.

-Yes.

[Upbeat, dreamy music]

-Oh, I want your cum.

-[Moans]

-Ooh, give me that cum.

-[Moans]

-Partners?

-More than partners.

“[9i99i95]

-Funnies! The best part.

Now, you know we're going to have
to get you in shape for the big suck-off,

and I was figuring we could make
some money while we're at it.

-Yes, what do you have in mind?

-Well, I was thinking we could hit
some swingers' clubs.

There'd be a lot of guys there for you
to practice on,

and I'm sure we can make some bucks
in the process.

Swingers got a lot of cash.

-Sounds like a plan to me,
but why can't I practice with you?

- [Chuckles]
- Tammy,

a guy can only do so much.

Anyway, I have to save
my energy, too, you know.

-All right.

What about a name?
You said everybody had a name.

- Yeah, you're right.
- Let's see... what'll go with Tammy?

Tammy terrific?

-[Chuckles] No.

-Terrible Tammy?

-No.

-Tammy the tongue?

- That's great, I love it.
- [Laughter]

-That's a keeper.

One, two, three, four.

Come on, harder.

Two, three, four.

Tammy, cock sucking is an art.

To be a good cock sucker,
you've got to size up your opponent,

study your victim.

Know what he likes
and learn what it takes.

Let them know who's in control.

Come on, champ.

You're not working hard enough.

You've got to pay the price,
you've got to pay the price.

Tammy, always remember the head,
for it is the key to success.

Remember the head, you'll be a winner.

One, two, three, four.

Come on, harder.

Two, three, four.

One... come on, champ, let's work.

Come on. You really gotta work.

The only way you'll get to the top
is putting in that extra effort.

Excellent.
Now, let's see some of that tongue.

Let's see some of that tongue there,
that's the way.

That's what's going to bring us
right to the top.

Excellent. Come on, come on, champ.
Let's get serious.

You want to be the best, you're going
to have to work the hardest.

Everybody knows the road to victory
is paved with hard work.

Now, come on, let's get serious.

-If it's any consolation,
she gives great head.

-Hey.

- Two minutes, 20 seconds.
- That's it.

Let your tongue do the work.

Back and forth.

Three minutes, 31 seconds.

Slide, slither.

Ooh, that's it.

Come on, champ.

Everybody knows it's no pain,
no gain in this business.

This isn't child's play.

This is for the championship.

Come on.

[Uptempo synth music]

-Good, good.

That's the form, that's what's going
to bring us to the top.

Come on, champ.

[Uptempo synth music]

-Excellent.

[Uptempo synth music]

-Yeah!

[Uptempo synth music]

-Yeah!

[Uptempo synth music]

-Flash in the pan, huh?

Next thing you know, she'll be on the cover
of time magazine.

-Oh, Jake.

-Who are you calling?

-Don head.

Hello, Don?

Hi, this is silky.

How are things in Vegas?

- Look at you, sly fox.
- How the hell are you?

Yeah, things are just great here.

Oh, yeah, the big suck-off
is still for the 13th

and it's going to be quite an event.

They're covering it on cable TV.

Yeah, I sold the rights.

-Well, count me in.

-Wonderful.

-Yeah, I know I said I was retiring,
but I'd like to go out with a bang,

if you know what I mean.

- Well, I can understand that.
- Who else is in the competition?

Well, so far only two girls
have qualified.

We've got a young girl
from Texas named Linda lonestar,

and your ex-manager, Jeff,
has some new sensation,

Tammy the tongue.

Nice touch, huh?

-Yeah, nice touch.

Listen, Don, I hate to chat and run,
but I've got an important appointment.

I just wanted to let you know
that you could count me in.

Yeah, thanks, it's nice to be back.

So long.

-What made you change your mind?

-You.

[Piano music]

-[Chuckles]

Little Earl Annie
wasn't such stiff competition, anyway.

Oh, my little dove,
have I been neglecting you?

[Folky music]

-You look like you're getting in shape,
darling.

- I sure am.
- Great.

I got the hotel reservations,
I got the tickets for Vegas,

and I got the rent-a-car parked
right outside.

-Rent-a-car? Fuck that.

I want a limo.

-Well, darling, I don't know
if we can afford a limo.

- What are you talking about?
- $50,000,

we can hire a limo
just to go the circle k.

-Well, you sound awfully confident
about winning.

-Just because silkthroat beat me once
doesn't mean she's going to do it again.

About those rumors I've been hearing
about that Tammy the tongue...

Well, you can just forget about those,
because I'm confident about winning.

-Well, I guess there is a lot
that we can do with $50,000.

-Oh, we are a team, now,
aren't we, sugar?

-Yeah, well, I guess so.

-What do you say we get down
to some of that real working out?

[Soft guitar music]

-Oh, man.

[Moans]

That's real good, darling.

[Music]

Oh, yeah.

-Now, come on. Harder. Come on, now.

Yeah, real fast.

Okay, stop, stop.

I think that's all we better train
for now, darling.

Stay back.

Eat me some of this fine, Texas pelt.

That tastes better
than mama's home cooking.

-[Moans]

Your tongue feels so hot.

[Soft guitar music]

-Oh, yeah. That's right.

Go around that clit.

That's it, yeah.

-I love the way your pussy tastes.

-That's it, yes.

-I wish they were having
a pussy eating contest.

- [Moans]
- [Soft guitar music]

-Come on up, darling.

[Soft guitar music]

[Moaning]

-Ooh, you have such a nice,
big, thick cock, yeah.

[Moans] That's great.
Oh, feels so good.

[Moans]

Oh, that's great.

[Moans]

-You know what, darling?

I'm going to stick
my cock right into your butt.

-Oh, fuck, you bad boy.

[Moans]

-Ooh, that is tight.

[Moaning] [Twangy guitar music]

-Come on, pump it.

Yeah.

- [Moans]
- [Twangy guitar music]

-Oh, your fucking ass is so hot.

[Moans]

- Hey, look.
- It's Tammy the tongue.

-Hey, yeah, it is.

- Whoa.
- Wow, you think we can get your autograph?

- [Crosstalk]
- Wow. Would you believe it?

-Pretty crazy party tonight, huh?

-Yeah, that's Tammy the tongue,
the hottest thing to ever hit this club.

-Yeah?

- Me, too.
- Wow.

- You're great.
- Oh, wow.

- God, you look great.
- Gorgeous.

- Oh, yes, she looks...
- Hey, Jeff, long time no see.

- Yeah, what's going on, Wayne?
- Nothing much.

I see you're still earning
a living on your own.

- Yeah, what's it to you?
- Nothing.

I hear she's very hot.

She's the best.

-The best, huh?

So you obviously
haven't met my girlfriend, Patti.

-Patti cakes?

-Yeah.

-[Chuckles]

-Hey, you laugh,
but would you be willing to make a bet?

-You're on, sucker.

-[Cheers]

-I think it's time we ought
to check this broad out.

-Yeah.

-Okay, ladies, the first one to make
a man cum is going to win this race.

On your Mark... get set... go.

-All right.

[Cheers]

[Moody rock music]

[Crowd chants, "go!"]

-She's not bad.

[Crowd chants, "go"]

- What do you mean, she's not bad?
- I mean, look, she's pretty good.

[Crowd chants, "go"]
[Moody rock music]

- [Whistles]
- Hold it.

- [Crowd jeers]
- What the hell is going on here?

This is a pleasure party,
not a business party.

Take your business elsewhere. And you?
You ought to know better.

[Crowd jeers]

-Listen, I think this place
is just a little too uptight right now.

Why don't we come back
in a couple of days?

Ten to one, both of them will be here.

Let's get out of here.

-This last week before the contest
is really important.

You have to get
in some intense physical training.

Make sure we got it all together.

- Well, I'm ready.
- Great.

There's going to be a reporter stopping
by from a Swedish erotic magazine.

They called earlier and said they wanted
to do a cover story on you.

I told them it was okay.

- You don't mind, do you?
- No, not at all.

What time is she supposed to be here?

-She's going to be here about noon.

Look, I'm running a little late.

Are sure you can handle this?

-Of course, I can handle it.

-You be a good girl.

We got a big week ahead of us.

-I'll be good, I promise.

[Kissing]

-Is that any way to kiss
your girlfriend goodbye?

[Dreamy synth music]

[Kissing]

-Bye bye.

-Beautiful.

-Give me that wet and wild smile.

Oh, you got such a gorgeous face.

Oh, yes. Open your legs, yes.

Oh, that's pretty.

Real pretty.

Okay, big lips.

Wow.

You can wrap them around
anyone's big dick.

[Laughs]

Yes.

Beautiful.

Wow.

Why don't you change
into something else?

- Okay.
- Oh, that was a great outfit.

“[9i99i95]

- Like a little bird.
- [Chuckles]

[Background noise]

-[Sighs] Well, let's see here.

To start with, how long have
you been in the business?

-Oh, not long. I'm a newcomer, I guess.

I just do it for the fun of it.

“[9i99i95]

I see. Have you thought about

what you're going to
wear for the competition?

I hear it's very important how you dress.

- Oh, I've thought about it.
- I just can't decide.

Jeff has something special planned.

-Now...

[Clears throat]
Now, about your sexual preference.

Are you straight, gay, bi, or what?

- Well, technically, I'm straight.
- I've never made it with a woman.

I've never had the opportunity,
that's all.

-Oh, really?

But you've been thinking about it?

-Oh, yeah.

-Do you need some help?

-If you don't mind.

- Oh, here.
- Oh, thank you.

- I guess the...
- [Chuckles]

- [Chuckles]
- They're staring at me.

-[Chuckles]

[Dreamy synth music]

-Beautiful.

[Dreamy synth music]

[Moaning]

-Oh, god.

[Moaning]

-Oh, yes.

[Moaning]

-Don, you old whore, how're you doing?

- Hello, Wayne.
- You look great.

- Hi, there.
- Girlfriend Patti cakes, Don head.

-Hi. Nice to meet you, Patti.

-First off, let me congratulate you
on the upcoming competition.

It's probably going
to make you a lot of money, huh?

-Hope so.

-Well, look, I have
a little problem about this.

I happened to know that you used
to have a personal appearance contract

with silkthroat. Isn't that right?

-Yes, Wayne.

-Well, look, the thing
is, you had a personal appearance

contract and it looks to me
like she's a ringer.

I kind of believe that no one else
has a chance,

and I think that a competition like this
really stirs the public's interest.

They don't want the same champion
all the time.

It looks bush.

-Go ahead, Wayne.

-All right. All right, Don, look.

My girlfriend, Patti cakes,
here, is unbelievable.

She's great.

But I don't think she's got a chance
as long as you're in silkthroat's corner,

do you know what I mean?

I've got a proposition for you.

I want to offer you something
right up front on the table.

Not behind closed doors.

I have here $5,000.

This is yours, if you...

Hey, look, what's $5,000, right?
It's a $50,000 competition.

This is the deal.

I give you $5,000 if my babe gets
into the finals and does real well,

you know what I mean?

-Wayne, why do you do this to me
right now?

I've been interviewing people
all day long.

Can we discuss this, maybe, tomorrow?

- Hey, Patti cakes, come here.
- Talk to Don. Will you, please?

I happen to know that you have
some heavy alimony bills to pay,

- isn't that true?
- [Laughs]

-That is true.

Now, what I've got here is the kind of
medicine that'll cure a lot of sore throats.

- Do you know what I mean?
- [Chuckles]

-I really want to win this suck-off.

-[Laughs] Oh, honey,
there's a good chance you might, anyway.

-Well, I mean, I want to live up
to your name, Don head.

-[Chuckles]

Wayne, Wayne, Wayne.

Why do you do this to me right now?

Do you know the kind of trouble
I can get into if people even knew

that you two are in my office?

[Chuckles]

Oh, my god, you really want
to win this thing, don't you?

-Absolutely.

-[Chuckles]

- What do you say, Don?
- Is it a deal?

-Listen, Wayne,
can we discuss business later, huh?

-Yeah, we'll talk.

Later.

[Laughs]

[Moaning]

-Hey, she does give good head.

Hey, what do you think,
I'm an amateur?

- Go, go, baby.
- That's right, yeah.

Rock it back and forth.
That's it. Oh, fucking around.

Why don't you go a little faster?

Oh, yeah, baby.

-Lick the balls.

Put it in your mouth.
Just rock them.

Come on, baby.

Oh, yes.

Good stuff. Good stuff.

Oh, yes. Way to go, baby.
Take it. Oh, like that. [Chuckles]

[Moans]

Oh, she takes it deep, too.

[Electronic music] [Moaning]

- Oh, you're good at this.
- Rock away, that's it.

- Rock over to me, back and forth.
- So fucking good.

- [Moans]
- Oh, come on, baby.

That's it. Oh. That's it, Wayne, rock it.
That's great.

Oh, back to me. Okay.

[Electronic music]
[Heavy breathing]

[Moaning]

Ooh, going dirty. Go in there.

I don't see why you can't win
the competition, anyway.

This girl's going to win.
What are you worried about?

Do you think anybody's better than this?

Grade a.

That's it.

[Moaning]

-Hey, Don. Why don't
you check out this end?

- Oh, do mind if I do.
- All right.

-Excuse me. You're sexy.

-Oh, baby.

-That's right, cool it off, baby.

Cool it off. Oh, yes.

[Moaning]

-Nice.

Go down, real slow. Go right on it.
Ready?

Go, right on.

Come on up.

She takes a lot of it.
Go down, come on up.

[Moaning]

- Come on up. Tell me something.
- How come they call her Patti cakes?

-Because she likes her cakes filled
with cream.

-[Chuckles]

Really?

[Moaning]

-Oh, yes.

[Moaning]

- Oh, let me see.
- Test my finger first.

How does that feel? All right?

Feelgood?

Ooh, put my second finger.

How's that, honey? All right?

[Electronic music]

[Moaning]

- Oh, I'm loving that fucking ass.
- Look at that.

[Moans]

-She's going to win, right, Don?

-I don't see why not.

- [Moaning]
- So fucking good.

[Moaning]

-Oh, fuck.

- [Electronic music]
- Oh, fuck.

[Moaning]

- Oh, come on, ride it.
- Oh, sit on it.

Oh, my dick feels so good in your ass.

[Moaning]

-Oh, keep it up.

Oh, oh, I can feel it.

- [Moans]
- [Groans] [Electronic music]

-Oh, yeah.

-[Moans]

Oh, yeah.

[Background noise]

Yes, sir?

- A couple of scotches, please.
- Coming up.

-I told you they'd be here tonight.

-You were right.

-Excuse me for a moment.

-Look, why don't you go occupy
the boyfriend?

I've got an idea
how to fuck up the competition.

-Good idea.

No problem.

-Hi. Aren't you Tammy the tongue?

-Yes.

- Yeah, I read about you in a newspaper.
- I'm one of your biggest fans.

-Well, thank you.

-My name is Jake.

Jake the snake.
You can call me Jake.

-Hello, Jeff.

-Hello, Cynthia.

-Long time no see.

-I'm not sure if that's good or bad.

-Still hard feelings?

-No.

-So, you have a new lady?

-You here with Jake tonight?

-Yes, he's here.

Didn't you see him?

- He's one person I can do without seeing.
- It didn't have to be like this.

-No.

Look, I got somebody waiting for me.

-Don't you just have a minute to talk?

-Yeah, I got a minute. To talk.

Well, the suck-off is some big deal, huh?

What are they giving for the grand prize?

-What?

-The grand prize. What's the grand prize,
the win?

-Oh, $50,000.

- Wow, $50,000.
- That's a lot of money for a blowjob.

-Would you excuse me?

-Yeah, sure.

-I'm really sorry, Jeff.

-Hell.0

Jake, would you mind taking me home?

- I don't mind.
- Okay, I really want to get out of here.

-Okay.

-Than ks.

There's something I've been meaning
to tell you about Vegas.

I can see to it that you win.
You do me a little favor,

scratch my back,
I'll scratch yours.

-What do you mean?

-I'll be straight with you.

I'm Cynthia silkthroat's manager,
I pull all the strings in her operation.

If you and I have a good time tonight...

You'll be a shoo-in in the contest.

-Well, what do you want me to do?

-First of all, maybe I'd like to take
a little look at you.

Do you feel sexy?

-Oh, yes.

-You should feel sexy,
because what you have on is very sexy,

very nasty. Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Don't get carried away.

That's a good idea.
Let me see your breasts just a little bit.

Let me see them.

Ooh, look at those nipples.

Squeeze them.

I bet you feel like you should win,
dontyou?

- Oh, yes.
- Yes?

Come close to me.

I'm going to jerk off to you.

-Okay, just tell me
what you want me to do.

-Just enjoy me jerking off.

- Would you like to watch me do that?
- Yes.

- Anybody ever do this to you?
- No, never.

-Let me see your pussy, let me see.

It's so puffy.

Ooh, I bet you'd like it
if I put this in there, right?

-Oh, yeah.

-Put that in there.

I don't think I'm going to do

- that this time.
- Put it in.

-No, no, not this time.

Maybe another time.

I may put it in.
I may put it in.

You know what I'd like to do?

I'd like to jerk off
on that skirt you're wearing.

-Okay.

-Play with your pussy, let me see.

I know, why don't you...

You can put your mouth
on this for a minute,

why don't you do that?

[Moaning]

-That's enough. That's enough.

- Why?
- You want to do it more?

- I want to suck it.
- I know.

- Say it once again.
- I want to suck it.

-Suck it again.

[Moans]

That's enough.

I like to tease myself.

-You're teasing me.

[Moaning]

- Do you know what I'm going to do?
- What are you going to do?

-I'm just going to put the head
in and take it out.

- Should I do that?
- Mm-hmm.

- Just for a second.
- Just for a second.

Just for a second.

-I want it now.

-I'm just going to put it in a little bit.

Just a little bit, just the head.

[Moody synth music]

-Just a little more.

[Moans]

[Moody synth music]

- [Moaning] [Moody synth music]
- Yes. Oh, yes.

- That's all. I can't do it no more.
- Why don't you turn over?

Yes, stick your ass up for me,
on your knees.

Come closer to me.

Let me see. Show me your ass.

Touch it, squeeze it.
You know what I'd love to do?

I'd love to just cum right on that skirt.

- Would you like that?
- Oh, yes.

Touch my cock, touch it.

- Jerk it with your hand.
- Put it in.

- No. Tell me, do you want me to put it in?
- I want it in.

- No, no, no.
- You can fuck me.

-Maybe another time,
I'm going to jerk off all over your ass.

I want you to look as I do it.
You're going to watch it come out.

Watch it come out.

[Moody synth music] -Stick your
ass like that. You can look at it.

Tell me when you want it to come.

- I want it now.
- You want it now? [Moaning]

-What do you want me to do?

- Put it now.
- Stick it in?

-Oh, there you go. Oh, yes.

-[Groans]

-Oh, yes.

Oh, yes. Yes.

-[Moans]

Maybe I can fuck you next time,
after you win.

-Yes.

- Lick all that cum off of it, all the cum.
- That's it.

[Moaning]

- Don't be shy. I've got to go.
- It's okay.

We're even.

-Get out of here.

- What the hell happened?
- Don't talk to me.

-Hey.

Wait a minute.

-I saw you with Cynthia at the club.

-Oh, god.

Look, I can explain all that.

- I don't want to hear it.
- I saw enough.

- Hey, come on.
- She was just using me.

I admit it.

I fell for it for a minute, but Tammy,
I love you.

-You promise?

-Come on.

Let's just kiss and make up and go to bed,
okay?

We've got a big week ahead of us.

-Okay. Only if you promise
she doesn't mean anything to you.

-Have I ever lied to you?

-Well, was she better than me?

-Tammy.

[Kissing]

- [Dramatic music]
- Yes, tell me. What do you want?

- [Dramatic music]
- Silkthroat vs. Simmons.

Hold on a second.
Silkthroat, seven minutes, 37 seconds.

-Tammy the tongue and silkthroat,
Eve? You got it.

[Phone rings]

-Yes. I told you not to call here.

Yes, I do love you.
I'll be home as soon as I can.

Bye, ma.

-Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the fourth annual world
championship, coming to you...

[Crosstalk]

-If I'm not mistaken,
that gregarious, gargantuan

gag line here on the background
is for none other than...

Yes, it's Tammy the tongue.

It's Tammy the tongue,
that all-American girl dressed

in red, white, and blue, and a red, white,
and blue entourage.

Here she comes.

Tammy the tongue has certainly deserved
her place here in the finals having

to create a little
[Indistinct] to get here.

[Applause]

-Have a seat, champ.

-Ladies and gentlemen,
if I'm not mistaken...

- [Cheenng]
- If not I'm mistaken,

those gorgeous cans belong to no one
but that devious dong destroyer

from Texas, Linda lonestar.

This is Linda lonestar.

Linda lonestar's manager, buck.
[Applause]

- Yee-hoo.
- Yee-haw.

-You've got to stay calm, stay cool.

Look at her over there,
she's thinking about you.

She sweating it.

-You'd better be out of town
by sundown, girl.

-All right. I don't even
want you to look at her anymore.

I want you to stay calm.

This is it. This is the big one.

[Applause]

-Ladies and gentlemen, and children

welcome to the world championship
suck-off event,

where the motto is, if you can't eat me,
you can't beat me.

Please excite me, just don't bite me.

-You know, girls,

if it wasn't for that little
monthly social security check,

we'd never be able to see
television like this.

- In that corner, a newcomer to the sport.
- Irresistible,

irrepressible, Tammy the tongue.

[Cheers]

-In that corner, we have a sexy thing
from Texas,

the land where things are big, oily,
and gushing out the top,

Ms. Linda lonestar.

[Mix of cheers and boos]

- I thought this cable TV...
- They said it's hardcore.

If it's hardcore and you're paying for it,
where are the hard parts?

-Here they are,
Mr. Tweedledong and tweedledick.

[Cheenng]

-Here we go.

Atta girl.

Suck them off, Linda.

-Stay calm. You ready?

-I'm going to show that city girl
how to suck cock.

[Bell rings]

[Dramatic music] [Applause]

-Comeon, tongue.

That's the way to get her.

Nice, nice.

-Look at her go down on that boy.

-The bout appears to be even right now.

Tammy the tongue has literally swallowed
the nation's imagination

with her titillating tongue techniques.

It's rumored she was a trumpet player
in high school and then learned to use

her tongue
in such a fascinating fashion,

to use it to get these men off.

Her tongue is moving
at an incredible hundred miles an hour.

- Come on, tongue, you can do it.
- Come on.

- Great, get the hands underneath.
- All right, keep the tongue moving,

jaw loose.

Nice move, nice move.

-Going over to Linda lonestar,

Linda lonestar is known
as the ice cream queen in Texas.

She's rumored to have wads of rocky road
hidden up in her cavernous oral cavity.

-Have you ever seen anybody get
a tongue lashing on his swinging sirloin

like that before?

-Buck, it don't look like
she's getting him very hard.

-No. It don't look like
she's getting him very hard.

What the hell is wrong?

- All right, Tammy.
- Go, Tammy.

Lonestar, she ain't even getting him up.

Piece of cake. Come on, tongue.

- What are we going to do?
- I'll tell you what we're going to do.

I'm getting in there.

- I want to have some head.
- Wait, what's this? What's this?

Linda lonestar's manager has jumped in,
has pulled down his pants,

and he's placing his devious dong
in Linda's oral cavity.

-Hey, wait a minute.

They can't bring the manager in.
That's a foul.

- Hey, that's not fair.
- What's going on here?

-Yeah,
I'm going to protest to the referee.

-Don't worry about them, darling.

Suck it.

That's it.

- Go, Linda.
- Go, Linda, go. Get him.

- Go.
- Come on, Tammy.

- Com on, you can do it.
- Come on, Tammy.

Let's go, let's go.

[Crosstalk]

[Cheenng]

-They can't get away with that.

-What do they think they're doing?

- I don't know.
- What kind of bullshit is this?

[Applause]

-Get him, buck.

-I believe he has cum, yes.

He has spread his jism
all over Linda lonestar's face.

[Cheenng] [Booing]

-I think we won, darling.

-I didn't even have a chance.

She was good.

-She wasn't good.

That was her boyfriend.

I know they're going to call it a foul.

Just wait a second.
I know the judges will see it that way.

-Tammy the tongue has returned
to her corner and she's crying.

Buck and Linda lonestar raising their arms
in the sky as if they have won victory.

I wonder.

We're going to have to get
some official word on this,

because I have never seen
this happen before in the ring.

I just really can't tell you for sure
whether or not this is in the rule books.

Ladies and gentlemen,
yes, here comes Don head.

Here comes Don head.

He should be able to clear
all this up for us.

-Linda lonestar used her manager
as her stud.

The rulebook, on page six,

section nine, states that familiarity
brings the refinements in style.

Or in other words, she's probably sucked
on his Texas longhorn many times before.

She is then disqualified.

The new winner is Tammy the tongue.

-Yes, baby. We did it.

[Cheers]

-Yes, Don head
just disqualified Linda lonestar,

and Tammy the tongue is the winner
by unanimous disqualification.

-How the hell are we going to pay
for that limousine now?

[Cheers]

-Get out. Get out of here.

That's a courageous decision
by Don head, and I got to hand it to him.

One of the few courageous men
in this rather sleazy business.

-I'm telling you, the world's record
is seven minutes, 23 seconds.

-Indoor or outdoor?

-What's the difference?

-Wind resistance.

[Applause]

-Here comes Patti cakes.

Patti cakes with her manager,
Wayne savage.

-Not one of my favorite people,
but obviously an effective manager

to get Patti here in the finals.

[Applause]

-Patti cake's obvious advantage
is she's been a professional dancer

in Las Vegas for a number of years,
and her neck extension is beyond belief.

It's an obvious advantage
in cock sucking.

- [Crosstalk]
- Could that be...

That could be what everybody,
ladies and gentlemen, is waiting for.

The black Princess of prick polishing,

Cynthia silkthroat.

[Applause]

That's the reigning champion,
Cynthia silkthroat.

The dragon, the veritable Princess
of blackness, of dick devouring,

and her manager, Jake the snake davido.

Silkthroat! [Cheers]

-I saw this silkthroat bitch
at the '83 tampa suck-off.

She's the rat's ass.

-If your wife blows better than she does,
she's finished.

- What?
- How would you know how my wife blows?

[Bell rings]

[Applause]

-There's the bell and the bout has begun.

Patti cakes and silkthroat
on the center ring

and both sink to their knees.
These girls choose their own stud cocks.

They choose them obviously for their size
and rapidity in cumming.

These girls have different techniques.

Patti cakes uses her strong
thigh muscles, developed from years

of professional dance training.

Her mouth moves back and forth.

Her tongue tonguing the underside
of the cock.

She likes to play with balls a lot.

-Look at that. Look at the way
she takes them all the way down.

Look at them.

It's like she's just fucking
with her mouth.

It's unbelievable.

-Now, silkthroat's bodacious ta-tas
obviously give her incredible lung power,

and look at her head move back and forth.

She has staying power like nobody else
in this business

and I think that's going
to make her last so long.

[Moody music]

- All right, baby, way to go.
- Fifty grand and bora bora,

here I come.

Tammy, baby. Sweetheart,
what's the matter?

[Applause]

-What do you mean
you're not going back out there?

-I can't Jeff.

I'm just not good enough.

- Are you kidding?
- You're the best.

You just won, didn't you?

-Yeah, I won.

No, Jeff, I can't go back out there.

-Tammy.

-The organ is growing in tumescence.

It's growing in readiness and I think
silkthroat is coming to a victory.

-Don't look at silkthroat.

- Don't look at her.
- Go, go, go.

-Yes, he is.

-Yes, can you believe
that silkthroat bitch?

She's the best.
She's outstanding.

- It ain't over yet.
- What?

I don't believe this guy, man.

[Dramatic music]

[Applause]

- The winner...
- Bullshit.

Is Cynthia silkthroat.

[Applause]

-You know, that silkthroat is pretty good,
but in the last bout, that little blonde,

Tammy the tongue,
she's always been my favorite.

Reminds me of me in my youth.

-I'm going to put my money
on the little blonde.

Tammy the tongue.

-You're crazy.

-I'm a hundred dollars crazy.

You on?

- You got it.
- All right.

-I can't and I won't.

-That's it?

I just stand here in a rented tuxedo

and you tell me
you're not going back out there?

So this is how it all ends.

All those months, all those hours,
all that training.

[Crowd chants, "Tammy"]

-Where's the tongue?

- I don't know.
- Shit.

[Crowd chants, "Tammy"]

-Goddammit. Go to a commercial.

-You want to know what I think?

I think you were planning this all along.

I think you're throwing
this for Jake the snake.

- No, that's not true.
- Oh, I see it all now.

You get a percentage and make me
look like a fool,

and throw it to that cunt, silkthroat.

-How can you say that?

[Crowd chants, "Tammy"]

-What's your percentage, Tammy?

Twenty, thirty percent?

Hold out, honey.
I think you can do better.

-Jeff, please.

All those months you trained me
and pushed me,

you really made me think I was the best.

Listen to me! And I loved you for that.

Goddammit, I'm going to go prove it
to you right now.

[Dramatic music]

[Applause]

-Tammy, yeah!

-Sit down, tongue. Have a seat.

- Stay calm. Just relax.
- Ladies and gentlemen,

and now for our final event, for champion

of the fourth annual world
championship suck-off.

The semifinalists are...

In this corner, once again, we have
Tammy the tongue.

[Cheers and boos]

-Cynthia silkthroat, huh?

Better call her sandpaper tongue.
Believe me, I know.

-In the next corner,
we have the reigning champion herself,

Cynthia silkthroat.

[Cheers and boos]

-I saw her against lonestar.

No problem,

just get in there and take her out fast.

[Bell rings]

-Go get her, kid.

[Applause]

-I'm going to mess you up.

-Go for it.

[Cheers]

-Come on, tongue. Come on, nice. Nice.

[Dramatic music]

[Cheers]

- Come on, Tammy.
- Come, the tongue.

You can do it, you can do it.

- Go, Tammy, come on.
- Way to go, good technique.

[Crosstalk]

[Cheers]

- This is unbelievable.
- A total newcomer, Tammy the tongue,

is actually giving the Princess
of darkness,

Cynthia silkthroat, a run for her money.

-We're almost there, baby.

Almost. Come on.

We still got time.

-It looks like her tonsillectomy
has paid off.

She has totally cleared her throat
of any oral appendage

other than the world-famous tongue.

[Dramatic music]

-Oh, baby, come on.

Come on.

[Dramatic music]

[Applause]

-Yes, silky's tiring off.

She's fading, girls.

[Dramatic music]

[Cheers]

-This is by far thee...

[Dramatic music]

-Come on, baby.

[Dramatic music] [Cheers]

-Yes, we did it.

-Overflowing jism.

[Crosstalk] [Cheers]

- It looks like we have a new winner.
- It's Tammy the tongue.

- I love that.
- Look at her suck that dick.

[Applause and cheers] -Please, stay back,
stay back. Move back, stay back.

-The new champion of the fourth annual
suck-off event

is none other than Tammy the tongue.

[Triumphant music] [Cheers]

- This is absolute bedlam.
- This is absolute bedlam.

I've never seen anything like this.
We got a new champion.

[Cheers] [Triumphant music]

-Take one.

- Can I get you something else?
- I want to see this thing.

-What?

- I want to see this thing.
- Can I get you anything?

- No.
- [Chuckles]

-Once again, bartender,
pick up your glass.

-Cue, marker.

-Yeah!

-I want to see this thing,
can I get you anything else?

-Pick up, take three.

-I think it's time we checked
this broad out.

[Laughs]

- What the hell happened?
- Don't talk to me. [Laughter]

-Cut.

-Okay, ladies, come on out.

Hold it there.

No, Julie.
Back to your corner, Julie.

[Cheers]

-She's the rat's ass.

- Get out of here.
- She blows better than your wife does.

-You did it wrong.

-Why don't we come back
in a couple of days.

Ten to one, both of those...

Fuck, one again. Fuckers.

-[Laughs]

- Sorry.
- Together. Keep together.

- Okay, okay. There we go.
- Settle down.

-You don't mind, do you?

- No, not at all.
- What time... [laughs] I'm sorry.

- Cut.
- There's the bell and Patti cake's...

[Bleep] There's the bell
and Patti cakes and sweet...

-Hoo-hah!

- [Laughs] You got it.
- On your knees and give us a big smile.

-I want you to lick it, darling,
like a cow licks a salt lick.

-Yes.

-I'm gonna do everything I have to do...

[Beep] All I know is, no one
is getting in the way of...

[Beep] All I know is, no one's getting
in the way of...

-Oh, shit.

-You see, everybody
in the name's got a business.

-[Laughs]

- You're fucking...
- Oh, shit.

- I can't look at him.
- Look at him. [Laughter]

-Yeah.

[Birds chirping]

- Beautiful.
- [Bird chirps]

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

- Look in the camera.
- All right, go get them.

- [Crash]
- Oh, shit.

-Wonderful.

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.