Step Over the Edge (1976) - full transcript
(water crashing)
- [Voiceover] My diary began with a grudge,
a half-hearted smile, and a broken pencil.
I had never written a diary before.
How many guys do?
At first, I scribbled down general descriptions
of the landscape and our activities.
But gradually, I began to turn inward.
I began to examine me, and once inside,
where I could face my own motivations and failures,
I realized how shallow I had become.
August 25th, I was awakened by the music of wind and waves.
The sheer beauty of everything around me
caused my inward thoughts to culminate
in a silent prayer to God.
All too often in the past I have confused
fellowship with worship,
but being isolated in the wilderness
I found the real meaning of a personal
relationship with the Lord.
Who am I?
Where am I going?
Why am I here?
Living on this kind of gut level
forces the true colors out of a person.
And I'm discovering that my colors
aren't the colors of a true Christian.
(pensive instrumental music)
(calm acoustic music)
I guess the best place to start would be at the beginning.
It was on a bus, heading for Northern Wisconsin,
where I'd take part in the Vanguard Wilderness program.
I've said a fond goodbye to family and friends,
and a reluctant hello to the good ol' outdoors,
and ten total strangers.
(honking)
(calm acoustic music)
- Yee-ha!
- [Girl] What are we supposed to do now?
- [Girl] I don't know.
- [Man] How you doin'?
- [Girl] Hi.
- [Man] Well, let's get going.
We got a short little jog ahead of us.
Show you a bit of Wisconsin on the way.
(upbeat instrumental music)
- [Girl] Whoo!
(upbeat instrumental music)
(screaming)
(laughing)
- Don't laugh at me!
Wait.
(upbeat instrumental music)
- Okay, I suppose the first question you have
is why we took the scenic route today, right?
- [Girl] (laughs) Yeah, totally.
- By going through that swamp,
you guys have made a type of commitment,
a commitment to the next three weeks of this program.
- [Voiceover] Commitment, you've gotta be kidding.
How can you measure commitment by tearing through a swamp?
Commitment is individual, personal,
and not dictated by some boy scout leader.
- Now, you're gonna start to run into some problems now.
Problems that Mom and Dad,
or even your checkbook can't help you out with.
But that's the purpose of Vanguard's.
To help you mature.
Now, you're gonna be spending a lot of time
in self examination looking inside yourself
to find out what makes you tick,
where your strengths are,
where your weaknesses are,
and how to handle them.
And by the time you're through with the program,
well, it's our desire that you become
a more total person,
a more complete individual.
- This program is a challenge.
There's gonna be lots of times,
well, sometimes pain and fatigue,
times when you just feel like you wanna quit,
just throw the whole thing away.
But remember too that there's gonna be
some times of great joy.
And those are worth waiting for.
When this program was started,
it was started with love,
the kind of love that realizes how important it is
to help you get out of the affluence
and the materialism of our society,
and get you back and apply yourself to the basics.
- And that's gonna include your food too, I'm afraid.
You're gonna find your food is gonna be a bit limited.
And Ernie, that means your candy bars too.
They're gonna have to be out for the next three weeks.
(laughing)
- Okay, why don't we call it a night tonight?
We gotta get up early in the morning for a good start.
- [Group] Amen.
(insects buzzing) (fire crackling)
- [Boy] Come on, we can make 10.
Alright, there.
Slower! Pull.
- [Girl] Come on gang!
- [Boy] Hold it!
Alright, down.
- [Girl] Remember easy.
- [Man] Easy.
- Let it down easy!
- [Man] Easy.
- Slower, now pull!
- [Girl] I wonder how many we can do?
- Hold it!
Alright down, down fast until the end.
Slow her up, slow her up.
- [Voiceover] Last week at this time,
I slept till noon.
Having taken our watches away,
they got us up at sunrise.
It was time for what they called personal
and group initiative.
Meal times aren't any better.
Both the food and the conversation
leave a lot to be desired.
- Ta-da!
- [Group] Hey!
- Hold your horses.
- [Boy] Maybe we should pray, Jed?
- Why bother?
- Amen.
- [Boy] Aye, chicken?
- That ain't chicken, no way.
- How'd you ever get it to lay down
long enough to cook it?
- Ernie, what is that?
- Spam legs, I formed it into chicken legs
around tree branches.
- It looks like that possum carcass
we saw outside of camp this morning.
- They don't look so bad,
we're better eat them.
This is all we're getting.
- [Boy] I supposed you formed them
with your own two little hands.
- Yep.
- Thanks, but no thanks.
I'll try to find something else to eat.
- But I washed my hands.
- Hello, Pizza House, I'd like to place a takeout order.
- They don't look that bad, Ernie.
- I don't think the flies seem to mind them too much.
(laughing)
- [Voiceover] It wasn't long before I started
climbing the walls, literally.
14 feet of smooth pine,
with nothing to help us over but each other,
which, when I thought about our little crew,
still added up to nothing.
I began to realize just what kind of kids
I was gonna be spending the next three weeks with.
First, there were the girls.
Tiffany, cute with a permanent set of the giggles.
All she needs now is some brains.
Ellen keeps saying she feels inferior,
and for once in her life, she's right.
Carrie McKay, self-appointed den mother to our group.
Always busy handling everyone else's problems but her own.
And finally, our resident cheerleader,
winner of the Miss Popularity award, Jennifer Larkin.
As for the guys, there's some hope with Mike.
He's coordinated at least,
if he could just cut the comedy.
Jed is funny man number two.
He's okay, but he's rather sleep than anything else.
Loser number one is CJ, a real mama's boy.
It's a wonder he can tie his own shoes.
Loser number two is Ernie,
big, dumb, and like CJ, filled to the top with self pity.
What a mess? Three losers, three clowns,
a mother hen and a pom pom girl.
Well, I guess somebody's gotta lead this pack.
And I'm elected.
It's gonna take us all.
- [Jed] Alright.
Alright, you think you can be at the bottom?
- [Jennifer] Yeah, sure.
(slow instrumental music)
(mid-tempo instrumental music)
(group shouting playfully)
- We're gonna get into camp pretty soon,
I'll show you a map.
- [Voiceover] I had done all of this before.
Backpacking, camping, but I can't see what
it has to do with anything spiritual.
And I can't pretend to have feelings
for these kids that I don't have.
A happy-go-lucky group that never faces
their true feelings about each other
is not my idea of testing values
and reaching maturity.
I thought we were supposed to be
really getting into God's word.
Well, you can't get into God with a good time.
If this Vanguard program is your will,
I'll do it Lord,
but I reserve the right to fell about it as I wish.
(calm instrumental music)
(laughing)
(calm instrumental music)
August 12th, after another one of these
low calorie breakfasts,
we set out in canoes early in the morning
in search of the rapids.
It will be an experience I will long remember.
- CJ you comin'?
- Just wanna finish this chapter.
- Alright, I'll meet you down there.
- [CJ] Mmm-hmm.
- Well look, I don't want him either.
- Hey, look who's comin'.
- Hey guys, I'm ready.
- Oh well, come on, we've gotta make some decision.
- Let's flip a coin.
- Well, who's got a coin.
- Come on CJ, let's go.
- Tell you what, let's do this.
I'll put the rock in my hand.
If you can guess which hand I've got the rock in,
then I'll take him, otherwise, you get him.
- Okay, good, that one.
- You lose.
- [Ellen] Morning guys.
- Hi Ellen.
- The Lord works in mysterious ways.
(soft instrumental music)
- Jenny?
- What?
- Are you feeling okay? - Yeah.
- Do you mind if ask you a personal question?
- No, go ahead.
- What's it like to be popular?
- You have friends.
- Yeah, but my mom never let me wear much makeup.
I never get invited to parties.
I just feel left out.
- Ellen, I--
- You know, one thing I always prayed for
was to be popular.
(sentimental instrumental music)
(lively instrumental music)
(slamming) - Owe!
- What are you doing, Ernie?
- I'm sorry.
- [Boy] You're sorry?
- [Ernie] I was just havin' some fun.
- Ernie, fun is not ramming canoes on the river, okay!
Do you mind getting my paddle?
- [Carrie] We'll get it Trevor.
- Yeah, we'll get it. - Alright.
(slow instrumental music)
Why can't you do anything right?
- Well Trevor, how is a guy supposed to improve
if people are puttin' him down all the time?
- Alright, you wanna know what's wrong?
I'm gonna tell you what's wrong.
Some people use their God-given abilities.
You use your own personal weaknesses.
You use them as a crutch!
- Well, how am I supposed to use my abilities
if I'm being judged by others all the time.
- [Trevor] And whose fault is that, Ernie?
- Well, I'm not Trevor Thomas, I'm not Mike Guthrie,
I'm me, Ernie Strasbourg.
- You're not tellin' me anything, Ernie!
- Well, where's the hope for being a Christian,
if your own brothers in Christ
can't accept you for being a human being.
- I don't wanna talk about it anymore, okay.
(sentimental instrumental music)
- [Carrie] Trevor?
Can I talk to you?
- Well, I really was gonna go--
- Don't Trevor, don't go, okay.
I've been wanting to talk to you for a long time.
- Okay.
- You're sort of aloof.
- (laughs) Kids in high school used to say that.
- [Carrie] Oh really?
- See, what it is is, it's confidence.
I have it, some of these kids here could use it.
- I don't wanna put a dent in your confidence,
but don't you think it's our responsibility
to encourage them?
- What happens if we encourage them
to become something they're not?
- I guess I was thinking more on terms of love.
- [Trevor] Nope.
- What?
- I said no, I can't except the fact
that what we need here is love.
You start thinking that way,
and this whole thing will digress
into some namby-pamby church social.
Spiritual growth in my book is where
everyone concerned pulls their own weight.
- But sometimes our brothers in Christ need encouragement.
- How? By feeling sorry for people who don't even try?
- But Ernie and Ellen are trying, so is CJ,
and all they're getting for their efforts is ridicule.
- That's precisely what I mean.
What do you they think life is gonna be like?
If they can't make it here,
they're never gonna make it in the real world,
it's that simple.
- I was just reading in Acts this morning
that part of being really Christian
is to help those who are weak.
- (sighs) All Christianity needs
is to have more incompetent people elevated
to positions they weren't meant to have.
The church is full of people who'd be better off
sweeping the nursery floor
than holding down jobs they can't handle.
- I don't wanna discuss your personal
grudges with Christianity.
I simply want you to reach out
with a little concern for three people.
One, especially, who don't have your confidence,
and thank God, your ego.
- My ego?
- Yes, your ego, you big bozo.
(laughing)
- You know, this is the first time I've gotten to talk
to anybody since I've been on this trip.
It feels kind of good if you know what I mean.
- I'm sure Ernie would feel the same way
if someone would talk to him.
- Cute, cute, clever in fact, but uh-uh.
- The trouble with you, Trevor Thomas,
is you haven't the capacity to care!
(water trickling)
- Okay, look, it's no problem.
We skip these falls, we drop in there,
and we shoot the center rapids.
- I dont know, Trevor, it doesn't look very safe.
- We'll kill ourselves
- No, you're not gonna kill yourselves.
We've got life preservers on,
we've been canoeing all day.
I mean, this is what we've been trying to find
is white water, now we found it.
You don't wanna back out now.
- Where do you suggest we put in.
- [Trevor] Down there by that pool.
- Couldn't we portage over it?
- If we portage over these,
then we're gonna start portaging over everything we come to.
I don't wanna carry my canoe all the way back.
I wanna canoe it.
- Are you sure it's safe?
- No problem.
Alright?
Alright, CJ'll do it.
Now, come on, what do you say?
Let's do it, alright.
No sweat.
(intrepid instrumental music)
(upbeat instrumental music)
(screaming)
(upbeat instrumental music)
- You alright?
It's okay!
CJ it's alright!
Get in the canoe!
(screaming)
(bold instrumental music)
(screaming)
(upbeat instrumental music)
(slow instrumental music)
- Hey, nice job.
You did a nice job. - That scared me.
- I brought some water.
I thought maybe we could have something hot to drink.
- Yeah, fine.
- Mike, can I talk to you?
- CJ, I really don't feel like talking.
- I just wanted to say that, well,
I'm sorry for what happened on the river today.
- I'm goin' to bed.
Look CJ, we lost our food,
we don't get any new provisions until tomorrow night.
If it hadn't been for Ernie,
Tiffany'd gone down the rapids.
- Mike, it's never an easy thing to say that you're sorry.
- You know, your only problem is CJ
that people forgive you too easy.
It's one thing to forgive sin,
it's another thing to forgive stupidity.
- All I'm askin' is that--
- You've been pampered all your life,
and now you want everybody to feel sorry for you.
- That's not true.
- The next thing you're gonna do is run home to your mother.
- Mike! If your father were dead, who would you go to?
- I didn't mean it like that.
(ruminative instrumental music)
- [Ernie] Let's take a break, I'm beat.
- [Trevor] Alright, everybody take five.
(ruminative instrumental music)
- [Man] How you doing?
- Good.
Tired, that's all.
At least we're dry today, right.
- I didn't get a chance to ask you
what you thought about the rapids yesterday.
- Alright.
I mean, a little too rough and rocky,
especially for some of the unexperienced kids, but alright.
- You know, we could have gone another way.
We could have portaged.
- Yeah, I know, we talked about it,
but decided to go through.
- Was it a group decision?
- I mean, it looked to me like you
kind of pushed for what you wanted.
- No, it was a group decision.
I mean, I was leading that day,
and you know, I put in my opinion,
but we all decided.
- So, you don't feel any type of responsibility
about what happened or anything?
- No, I mean, why should I?
Besides, everybody had the same chance.
I made it.
So did CJ, until he blew it.
That's CJ.
- [Man] How's that?
- How's what?
- What do you mean that's CJ?
- He's been pulling stunts like that this whole trip.
He walks around with his nose in his bible,
and his mind on everything but what it's supposed to be on.
The kids just a loser,
it's that simple.
- It seems to me you felt the same way about Ernie
before the rapids yesterday.
- Yeah, I guess so.
- And he's changed that much in one day?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, he did something.
You know, he saved Tiffany from going over the falls.
He proved himself.
It's a lot more than CJ's done.
It's a lot more than CJ's ever gonna do.
Excuse me.
(mid-tempo instrumental music)
- [Tiffany] Yeah, it reminds me
of somewhere else we've been.
(mid-tempo instrumental music)
- [Man] Let's check this one first.
- [Jennifer] This is it, huh?
- [Mike] This is your joint for the night.
- [Carrie] That's where you're wrong.
- [Trevor] Yeah, they're more over there.
- [CJ] Let's go look at those.
- Let's check 'em out.
Hey, I think I've got it.
(upbeat acoustic music)
(cheering)
- [Tiffany] Look!
- [Mike] What's the rope for?
- [Ernie] It's for you!
Eat up or else.
- [Tiffany] Corn, oatmeal.
- [Trevor] Instant breakfast.
- [Tiffany] Beef stroganoff!
- [Trevor] Come on, let's sort it out,
somebody go make a campfire, and let's eat.
- [Tiffany] Cheerios!
- [Trevor] Alright, now help me get this back on.
Let's take it outside.
(mid-tempo instrumental music)
- [Ernie] Oh wow, look at that view.
- [Carrie] Isn't that pretty?
- [Mike] Okay, let's stop here and camp.
Hey, can we stay here tonight?
- [Ernie] Do you want to?
- [Carrie] Yeah.
- [Mike] Oh wow, what a view.
- [Jennifer] This is alright!
- [Man] Hey, Trev, not too close to the edge.
We'll get a chance at that tomorrow.
- [Mike] What's that supposed to mean?
- [Jennifer] A chance at what?
- [Woman] You'll find out.
- [Mike] We're gonna throw you off.
- [Man] You guys camping here then, huh?
(slow instrumental music)
(soft singing)
♪ Is better than life
♪ My lips shall praise thee
♪ Thus will I bless thee
♪ I will lift up my hands unto thy name
- [Man] Does anybody wanna take some time for some prayer?
- Oh Father, I feel so close to you up here,
and it just makes me realize that
when there are times when I feel far away,
it isn't you who've moved, God, it's me.
Thank you for loving each one of us so much,
and for making me realize through this
that there are no greater or lesser members
of the body of Christ.
But that we need each other.
- Okay.
How many of you guys know what repelling is?
- Yeah, I do.
- Well, what it is is going over
that cliff over there with a few ropes.
- Who's goin' over?
- We going over that cliff.
- Yeah, you're right.
(laughing)
- It's safe, it really is.
As long as you can put your trust
in the guy holding the ropes.
And that's what repelling is all about.
It's an agreement between two people.
The guys holding the ropes,
now, he's called the belayer.
And the person repelling,
that's the person going down the cliff.
Well, the second you say, "Belay on,"
a contract is formed between the belayer and the repeller.
And that contracts not to be broken until you say,
"Belay off," and that's when you reach the bottom.
- I think what that illustrates in our lives
as Christians is pretty obvious.
Now, you may feel some fear when you go over there,
but remember that it is safe,
and you're each gonna be responsible for each other,
and that's all apart of what this group is about,
trusting each other and being responsible for each other.
(suspenseful instrumental music)
- Zach?
(suspenseful instrumental music)
- [Zach] Lean back...
And steady.
- [Woman] Whoo!
(bright instrumental music)
- [Zach] Straighten your legs.
Good, good.
Okay, you've got it, that's the hardest part.
Okay, if you're slacken up on your right hand,
you'll fall quicker, that's it, good.
Now, the further out you hold your right arm,
the faster you'll go, good, good.
(suspenseful instrumental music)
- Like this? - That's right.
Now, start repelling.
(suspenseful instrumental music)
- [Ernie] Help.
(panicked breathing)
- Go ahead and start.
(calm instrumental music)
- [Zach] You alright?
- Alright CJ, you're next.
Tie in.
- [Zach] No, the other way, yeah.
Just over there, to your left.
- Up, around, and through.
Tighten it off.
You tighten it off, you pull it through like this.
You grip, grab onto that.
Alright, now, pull.
Again.
Alright, now, tie this off.
- [Zach] Okay, so you're set.
Remember how this goes in?
- [CJ] Mmm-hmm, yeah.
- [Zach] And you slip that through like that.
- [Trevor] CJ, you forgot to call.
- [CJ] Oh, uh...
- [Trevor] What is this rope?
- [CJ] Oh, on belay.
- [Trevor] Belay on.
- Now, how do you break yourself?
Yeah, right, right into the crotch.
And when you wanna go faster,
you just let your arm out.
- [CJ] Okay.
- Okay?
You're all set.
- [Trevor] What's the call, CJ?
- Repelling.
- [Trevor] Repel on.
- Just walk gently.
You're doin' fine.
Okay, now, lean back into it.
That's it, good.
Okay, just keep walking, you got it, great.
Just inch your way over.
Fine, you're fine.
- I, I don't think I can make it.
- [Zach] You're just about there, keep goin'.
- [Trevor] What do you mean you can't make it?
Of course you can make it, CJ, come on.
- I can't.
- [Zach] Yes you can, go back a little further,
you're almost there CJ.
Keep on going. - Meathead can't cut it!
You know, the girls made it CJ.
- I can't make it.
I just can't.
- Your left foot, right, great.
Inch your way down, you got it, no sweat.
- I can't.
- What are you gonna do, quit?
- Hey, would you just cool it?
Okay, why don't you take a couple minute break,
and watch somebody else do it, alright.
- CJ, what did you come on this trip for?
Your mother wanna get you out of the house?
- [CJ] Please don't, Trevor.
- Maybe she didn't like you around either.
- [CJ] Don't.
- You know, guys like you make me wanna throw up?
You set Christianity back 50 years!
You are a man, CJ, in case you haven't found out by now!
- That was cruel, Trevor.
You don't realize it, do you?
- Come off it, will you?
You've been on my back this whole trip.
- All he wanted was a little encouragement,
and all you did was write him off
with some garbage about being a man.
- Look, he could've made it if he tried.
- Stop judging everyone else by your standards!
People don't have to be like Trevor Thomas to be accepted.
In fact, they shouldn't be!
You call yourself a Christian,
but your spiritual life is a void.
I've watched your cruelty and your ego.
You're empty, and I can't help you!
You can't even help yourself.
(dramatic instrumental music)
- [Zach] Good.
Alright, good, you're there now.
(dramatic instrumental music)
(wistful instrumental music)
Nice.
Good work!
- [Trevor] Off belay!
(lightning and thundering)
- [Carrie] Hey Ernie, where's CJ?
- I dont know.
- [Carrie] I thought he came with you guys.
- I haven't seen him since the cliff.
- He must too ashamed to come into camp,
we better go look for him.
- [Ernie] Okay.
(lightning and thundering)
- [Ernie] Hey, have you guys seen CJ?
- No.
- No, I thought he was with the girls.
- [Carrie] Nobody's seen him since the cliff.
- I suppose you think that's my fault.
- [Carrie] I'm not blaming you,
I just think somebody should go look for him.
- Alright.
(lightning and thundering)
(pensive instrumental music)
Listen Ernie, we're gonna have to split up.
I'll cut over about 100 yards,
and then well both head north, alright.
- Okay.
(pensive instrumental music)
(lightning and thundering)
(pensive instrumental music)
- CJ!
- CJ!
(pensive instrumental music)
CJ!
CJ!
CJ!
- [Ernie] Hey Trevor!
- Ernie, come on down.
Have you seen him?
- [Ernie] No.
(pensive instrumental music)
CJ!
- [Trevor] CJ!
CJ!
C...
It's not even solo yet, CJ.
You don't even have your whistle with you.
- I'm surprised you'd cared enough to look.
- Look, why don't we talk about this
when we get back to camp, okay.
CJ?
- I never realized till today how much you don't like me.
You don't even like Ernie.
- I do like you.
- You never liked him till after the rapids.
- Look, what are we gonna do,
stand out here in the rain and discuss who likes who?
- He had to prove himself to be a useful member of the gang.
- Do you know what he's talking about?
- I know what you're talking about CJ.
- Come on, what is this?
- I'm afraid he's right Trevor.
- Alright, alright, I admit, I don't like failure.
- What you mean is you don't like people who fail.
- Okay, I don't like quitters.
And that's what you both struck me as.
- If someone had loved us a little more
and criticized us a little less--
- No, I won't accept that.
- Trevor, what's it like to be gray?
You're the grayest Christian I know.
I mean, the Christian life is not some lousy football game
where you bench the weaker brothers
just because they don't tackle problems the way you do.
- And it's not an escape from reality either.
- We're not saying that it is.
But our whole lives are shaped by people who love us
or who refuse to love us. - No, no, no.
Your whole life is shaped by what you do.
I mean, figuring out your own faults
and your own weaknesses and then fixing those.
That's something I can't do anything about.
- Did it ever occur to you that the faults
that are so obvious in us may be only half as big
as the one that you're hiding in yourself?
(sentimental instrumental music)
- Come on, let's go.
(sentimental instrumental music)
(water sloshing)
- Everything that's been happening to you guys
the last couple weeks is to prepare you
for the next three days.
We call the time Solo,
because you're gonna be by yourself,
and nobody's gonna be around.
You're gonna be by yourself to think, to pray,
and to read your bibles.
- You're not gonna have any food for the next three days.
And as far as gear and equipment,
you just take along the bare minimum, that's all.
But you'll have your journal, your bible,
and you'll have your thoughts.
- You see, the whole idea about solo
is to be by yourself and alone.
To begin putting it all together for yourself.
To think back about the last couple weeks.
To think about what you've done,
or what you haven't done.
To begin asking yourself...
Questions like who am I...
What are my goals, my ambitions?
What's my relationship with the Lord like?
How well do we communicate?
And if I've learned anything these last couple weeks,
how can I begin applying it to the real world out there?
- Hey, this is gonna be your time all to yourself,
do what you want, just you and the Lord.
(water sloshing)
- Trevor?
You know...
No matter how right or how wrong
we think we've been treated,
a Christian never has to right to act the way I did
up there on the cliff.
If I wanna get anything from the Lord out of Solo,
I just wanted to make amends.
I'm really sorry, Trevor.
(reflective instrumental music)
♪ Will our worlds
♪ Ever be the same
♪ Yours is so big and yet I'm apart of it
♪ Mine is so small yet I leave you out of it
♪ Will our worlds ever be the same
♪ Will our worlds ever be the same
♪ Will they ever
♪ Be the same
(reflective instrumental music)
(water sloshing)
(waves crashing)
(reflective instrumental music)
♪ Lord I see
♪ Creation's harmony
♪ Every small part it all fits together
♪ Except in my heart
♪ Oh Lord make it better
♪ Will our worlds ever be the same
♪ Will our worlds ever be the same
♪ Will they ever
♪ Be the same
(slow piano music)
♪ Will our worlds
♪ Lord will they ever be the same
♪ Make our worlds
♪ Make our worlds the same
♪ Will our worlds ever be the same
♪ Will they ever
♪ Ever be the same
(reflective instrumental music)
- [Trevor] My diary is filled with thoughts and feelings
that I never knew existed, or at least,
never paid any attention to.
Alone and stripped of life's luxuries,
I began to turn inward,
I began to examine me.
It's one thing to be athletic and successful,
but it's quite another to think you have everything
when you really don't have anything at all,
at least not without God.
♪ Will our worlds
♪ Lord will they ever be the same
♪ Make our worlds
♪ Make our worlds the same
♪ Will our worlds ever be the same
♪ Will they ever
♪ Ever be the same
- Well, what did you think?
- It was great, really good. - Was it?
You just spent three days out there,
was it worth it?
- Yeah.
- You know, in the last three weeks
we've all learned a lot.
We've learned a lot as individuals,
but I think that as a group too we've learned a lot
sharing what we've learned,
and how to work together as a group.
I think it would really be nice
if we could all share with each other
the things that we learned,
that you learned on Solo.
- Well, the three days helped me to realize
that failure isn't a weakness,
and it isn't something to be ashamed of.
But it's a tool God can use in my life
to help me to learn lessons,
and to give me confidence.
- Well, being by myself for so long,
I started looking at myself how God looks at me
instead of compared to others.
And I'm realizing that God made me special.
And it doesn't matter so much if people like me,
or how I am compared to them.
Because God loves me,
and I can really love and help other people
because he loves me and that's enough.
- I have to say that, well, you know,
after the first day there wasn't a lot to do.
It took me almost the whole first day
just to get everything built and put together.
But after that, I had two good days
of no place to go, no appointments to meet,
you know, nothing planned,
but just having to sit there, no one to talk to,
perform for, you know, cut up with.
Just me and God.
And it was really something because I learned
that I've been moving so quick
that it's been difficult for the Lord to talk to me,
and for me to listen,
for me to hear anything when he did talk,
and I'm glad he slowed me down this way
instead of maybe some other way to have to talk to me.
I think I just realized that I'm gonna have to listen
if I want some answers and some changes,
and if I want him to work some real miracles in my life.
- Well, when I was reading through the Old Testament,
the Lord showed me how I had kind of been like Jonah.
I'd given a lot of problems to the gang,
and I'd run away from some pretty big challenges,
and I had gone off and sulked,
but he took those three days,
and he showed me that I can never realize
my full potential for him
unless I have an honest relationship with Jesus.
- I guess I'd like to say...
First of all that, well, something akin to an apology
to all of you for the problems,
and the pain I've caused just about all of you.
Someone here told me that...
I was cruel,
and that I wasn't even aware of it,
and they were right.
While I was on Solo,
I finally realized that...
That I don't have to prove myself to anyone,
and certainly no one else does.
That God accepts all of us the way we are,
and that I have to accept everyone else the way they are,
and certainly accept myself.
It's funny that...
That God would...
Use someone like Ernie and CJ...
To show me my own shortcomings,
and my own faults, and my own weaknesses,
so that I could accept those in other people.
If I've learned anything here,
it's that I still have a long, long way to go.
(waves crashing)
- [Voiceover] My diary began with a grudge,
a half-hearted smile, and a broken pencil.
I had never written a diary before.
How many guys do?
At first, I scribbled down general descriptions
of the landscape and our activities.
But gradually, I began to turn inward.
I began to examine me, and once inside,
where I could face my own motivations and failures,
I realized how shallow I had become.
August 25th, I was awakened by the music of wind and waves.
The sheer beauty of everything around me
caused my inward thoughts to culminate
in a silent prayer to God.
All too often in the past I have confused
fellowship with worship,
but being isolated in the wilderness
I found the real meaning of a personal
relationship with the Lord.
Who am I?
Where am I going?
Why am I here?
Living on this kind of gut level
forces the true colors out of a person.
And I'm discovering that my colors
aren't the colors of a true Christian.
(pensive instrumental music)
(calm acoustic music)
I guess the best place to start would be at the beginning.
It was on a bus, heading for Northern Wisconsin,
where I'd take part in the Vanguard Wilderness program.
I've said a fond goodbye to family and friends,
and a reluctant hello to the good ol' outdoors,
and ten total strangers.
(honking)
(calm acoustic music)
- Yee-ha!
- [Girl] What are we supposed to do now?
- [Girl] I don't know.
- [Man] How you doin'?
- [Girl] Hi.
- [Man] Well, let's get going.
We got a short little jog ahead of us.
Show you a bit of Wisconsin on the way.
(upbeat instrumental music)
- [Girl] Whoo!
(upbeat instrumental music)
(screaming)
(laughing)
- Don't laugh at me!
Wait.
(upbeat instrumental music)
- Okay, I suppose the first question you have
is why we took the scenic route today, right?
- [Girl] (laughs) Yeah, totally.
- By going through that swamp,
you guys have made a type of commitment,
a commitment to the next three weeks of this program.
- [Voiceover] Commitment, you've gotta be kidding.
How can you measure commitment by tearing through a swamp?
Commitment is individual, personal,
and not dictated by some boy scout leader.
- Now, you're gonna start to run into some problems now.
Problems that Mom and Dad,
or even your checkbook can't help you out with.
But that's the purpose of Vanguard's.
To help you mature.
Now, you're gonna be spending a lot of time
in self examination looking inside yourself
to find out what makes you tick,
where your strengths are,
where your weaknesses are,
and how to handle them.
And by the time you're through with the program,
well, it's our desire that you become
a more total person,
a more complete individual.
- This program is a challenge.
There's gonna be lots of times,
well, sometimes pain and fatigue,
times when you just feel like you wanna quit,
just throw the whole thing away.
But remember too that there's gonna be
some times of great joy.
And those are worth waiting for.
When this program was started,
it was started with love,
the kind of love that realizes how important it is
to help you get out of the affluence
and the materialism of our society,
and get you back and apply yourself to the basics.
- And that's gonna include your food too, I'm afraid.
You're gonna find your food is gonna be a bit limited.
And Ernie, that means your candy bars too.
They're gonna have to be out for the next three weeks.
(laughing)
- Okay, why don't we call it a night tonight?
We gotta get up early in the morning for a good start.
- [Group] Amen.
(insects buzzing) (fire crackling)
- [Boy] Come on, we can make 10.
Alright, there.
Slower! Pull.
- [Girl] Come on gang!
- [Boy] Hold it!
Alright, down.
- [Girl] Remember easy.
- [Man] Easy.
- Let it down easy!
- [Man] Easy.
- Slower, now pull!
- [Girl] I wonder how many we can do?
- Hold it!
Alright down, down fast until the end.
Slow her up, slow her up.
- [Voiceover] Last week at this time,
I slept till noon.
Having taken our watches away,
they got us up at sunrise.
It was time for what they called personal
and group initiative.
Meal times aren't any better.
Both the food and the conversation
leave a lot to be desired.
- Ta-da!
- [Group] Hey!
- Hold your horses.
- [Boy] Maybe we should pray, Jed?
- Why bother?
- Amen.
- [Boy] Aye, chicken?
- That ain't chicken, no way.
- How'd you ever get it to lay down
long enough to cook it?
- Ernie, what is that?
- Spam legs, I formed it into chicken legs
around tree branches.
- It looks like that possum carcass
we saw outside of camp this morning.
- They don't look so bad,
we're better eat them.
This is all we're getting.
- [Boy] I supposed you formed them
with your own two little hands.
- Yep.
- Thanks, but no thanks.
I'll try to find something else to eat.
- But I washed my hands.
- Hello, Pizza House, I'd like to place a takeout order.
- They don't look that bad, Ernie.
- I don't think the flies seem to mind them too much.
(laughing)
- [Voiceover] It wasn't long before I started
climbing the walls, literally.
14 feet of smooth pine,
with nothing to help us over but each other,
which, when I thought about our little crew,
still added up to nothing.
I began to realize just what kind of kids
I was gonna be spending the next three weeks with.
First, there were the girls.
Tiffany, cute with a permanent set of the giggles.
All she needs now is some brains.
Ellen keeps saying she feels inferior,
and for once in her life, she's right.
Carrie McKay, self-appointed den mother to our group.
Always busy handling everyone else's problems but her own.
And finally, our resident cheerleader,
winner of the Miss Popularity award, Jennifer Larkin.
As for the guys, there's some hope with Mike.
He's coordinated at least,
if he could just cut the comedy.
Jed is funny man number two.
He's okay, but he's rather sleep than anything else.
Loser number one is CJ, a real mama's boy.
It's a wonder he can tie his own shoes.
Loser number two is Ernie,
big, dumb, and like CJ, filled to the top with self pity.
What a mess? Three losers, three clowns,
a mother hen and a pom pom girl.
Well, I guess somebody's gotta lead this pack.
And I'm elected.
It's gonna take us all.
- [Jed] Alright.
Alright, you think you can be at the bottom?
- [Jennifer] Yeah, sure.
(slow instrumental music)
(mid-tempo instrumental music)
(group shouting playfully)
- We're gonna get into camp pretty soon,
I'll show you a map.
- [Voiceover] I had done all of this before.
Backpacking, camping, but I can't see what
it has to do with anything spiritual.
And I can't pretend to have feelings
for these kids that I don't have.
A happy-go-lucky group that never faces
their true feelings about each other
is not my idea of testing values
and reaching maturity.
I thought we were supposed to be
really getting into God's word.
Well, you can't get into God with a good time.
If this Vanguard program is your will,
I'll do it Lord,
but I reserve the right to fell about it as I wish.
(calm instrumental music)
(laughing)
(calm instrumental music)
August 12th, after another one of these
low calorie breakfasts,
we set out in canoes early in the morning
in search of the rapids.
It will be an experience I will long remember.
- CJ you comin'?
- Just wanna finish this chapter.
- Alright, I'll meet you down there.
- [CJ] Mmm-hmm.
- Well look, I don't want him either.
- Hey, look who's comin'.
- Hey guys, I'm ready.
- Oh well, come on, we've gotta make some decision.
- Let's flip a coin.
- Well, who's got a coin.
- Come on CJ, let's go.
- Tell you what, let's do this.
I'll put the rock in my hand.
If you can guess which hand I've got the rock in,
then I'll take him, otherwise, you get him.
- Okay, good, that one.
- You lose.
- [Ellen] Morning guys.
- Hi Ellen.
- The Lord works in mysterious ways.
(soft instrumental music)
- Jenny?
- What?
- Are you feeling okay? - Yeah.
- Do you mind if ask you a personal question?
- No, go ahead.
- What's it like to be popular?
- You have friends.
- Yeah, but my mom never let me wear much makeup.
I never get invited to parties.
I just feel left out.
- Ellen, I--
- You know, one thing I always prayed for
was to be popular.
(sentimental instrumental music)
(lively instrumental music)
(slamming) - Owe!
- What are you doing, Ernie?
- I'm sorry.
- [Boy] You're sorry?
- [Ernie] I was just havin' some fun.
- Ernie, fun is not ramming canoes on the river, okay!
Do you mind getting my paddle?
- [Carrie] We'll get it Trevor.
- Yeah, we'll get it. - Alright.
(slow instrumental music)
Why can't you do anything right?
- Well Trevor, how is a guy supposed to improve
if people are puttin' him down all the time?
- Alright, you wanna know what's wrong?
I'm gonna tell you what's wrong.
Some people use their God-given abilities.
You use your own personal weaknesses.
You use them as a crutch!
- Well, how am I supposed to use my abilities
if I'm being judged by others all the time.
- [Trevor] And whose fault is that, Ernie?
- Well, I'm not Trevor Thomas, I'm not Mike Guthrie,
I'm me, Ernie Strasbourg.
- You're not tellin' me anything, Ernie!
- Well, where's the hope for being a Christian,
if your own brothers in Christ
can't accept you for being a human being.
- I don't wanna talk about it anymore, okay.
(sentimental instrumental music)
- [Carrie] Trevor?
Can I talk to you?
- Well, I really was gonna go--
- Don't Trevor, don't go, okay.
I've been wanting to talk to you for a long time.
- Okay.
- You're sort of aloof.
- (laughs) Kids in high school used to say that.
- [Carrie] Oh really?
- See, what it is is, it's confidence.
I have it, some of these kids here could use it.
- I don't wanna put a dent in your confidence,
but don't you think it's our responsibility
to encourage them?
- What happens if we encourage them
to become something they're not?
- I guess I was thinking more on terms of love.
- [Trevor] Nope.
- What?
- I said no, I can't except the fact
that what we need here is love.
You start thinking that way,
and this whole thing will digress
into some namby-pamby church social.
Spiritual growth in my book is where
everyone concerned pulls their own weight.
- But sometimes our brothers in Christ need encouragement.
- How? By feeling sorry for people who don't even try?
- But Ernie and Ellen are trying, so is CJ,
and all they're getting for their efforts is ridicule.
- That's precisely what I mean.
What do you they think life is gonna be like?
If they can't make it here,
they're never gonna make it in the real world,
it's that simple.
- I was just reading in Acts this morning
that part of being really Christian
is to help those who are weak.
- (sighs) All Christianity needs
is to have more incompetent people elevated
to positions they weren't meant to have.
The church is full of people who'd be better off
sweeping the nursery floor
than holding down jobs they can't handle.
- I don't wanna discuss your personal
grudges with Christianity.
I simply want you to reach out
with a little concern for three people.
One, especially, who don't have your confidence,
and thank God, your ego.
- My ego?
- Yes, your ego, you big bozo.
(laughing)
- You know, this is the first time I've gotten to talk
to anybody since I've been on this trip.
It feels kind of good if you know what I mean.
- I'm sure Ernie would feel the same way
if someone would talk to him.
- Cute, cute, clever in fact, but uh-uh.
- The trouble with you, Trevor Thomas,
is you haven't the capacity to care!
(water trickling)
- Okay, look, it's no problem.
We skip these falls, we drop in there,
and we shoot the center rapids.
- I dont know, Trevor, it doesn't look very safe.
- We'll kill ourselves
- No, you're not gonna kill yourselves.
We've got life preservers on,
we've been canoeing all day.
I mean, this is what we've been trying to find
is white water, now we found it.
You don't wanna back out now.
- Where do you suggest we put in.
- [Trevor] Down there by that pool.
- Couldn't we portage over it?
- If we portage over these,
then we're gonna start portaging over everything we come to.
I don't wanna carry my canoe all the way back.
I wanna canoe it.
- Are you sure it's safe?
- No problem.
Alright?
Alright, CJ'll do it.
Now, come on, what do you say?
Let's do it, alright.
No sweat.
(intrepid instrumental music)
(upbeat instrumental music)
(screaming)
(upbeat instrumental music)
- You alright?
It's okay!
CJ it's alright!
Get in the canoe!
(screaming)
(bold instrumental music)
(screaming)
(upbeat instrumental music)
(slow instrumental music)
- Hey, nice job.
You did a nice job. - That scared me.
- I brought some water.
I thought maybe we could have something hot to drink.
- Yeah, fine.
- Mike, can I talk to you?
- CJ, I really don't feel like talking.
- I just wanted to say that, well,
I'm sorry for what happened on the river today.
- I'm goin' to bed.
Look CJ, we lost our food,
we don't get any new provisions until tomorrow night.
If it hadn't been for Ernie,
Tiffany'd gone down the rapids.
- Mike, it's never an easy thing to say that you're sorry.
- You know, your only problem is CJ
that people forgive you too easy.
It's one thing to forgive sin,
it's another thing to forgive stupidity.
- All I'm askin' is that--
- You've been pampered all your life,
and now you want everybody to feel sorry for you.
- That's not true.
- The next thing you're gonna do is run home to your mother.
- Mike! If your father were dead, who would you go to?
- I didn't mean it like that.
(ruminative instrumental music)
- [Ernie] Let's take a break, I'm beat.
- [Trevor] Alright, everybody take five.
(ruminative instrumental music)
- [Man] How you doing?
- Good.
Tired, that's all.
At least we're dry today, right.
- I didn't get a chance to ask you
what you thought about the rapids yesterday.
- Alright.
I mean, a little too rough and rocky,
especially for some of the unexperienced kids, but alright.
- You know, we could have gone another way.
We could have portaged.
- Yeah, I know, we talked about it,
but decided to go through.
- Was it a group decision?
- I mean, it looked to me like you
kind of pushed for what you wanted.
- No, it was a group decision.
I mean, I was leading that day,
and you know, I put in my opinion,
but we all decided.
- So, you don't feel any type of responsibility
about what happened or anything?
- No, I mean, why should I?
Besides, everybody had the same chance.
I made it.
So did CJ, until he blew it.
That's CJ.
- [Man] How's that?
- How's what?
- What do you mean that's CJ?
- He's been pulling stunts like that this whole trip.
He walks around with his nose in his bible,
and his mind on everything but what it's supposed to be on.
The kids just a loser,
it's that simple.
- It seems to me you felt the same way about Ernie
before the rapids yesterday.
- Yeah, I guess so.
- And he's changed that much in one day?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, he did something.
You know, he saved Tiffany from going over the falls.
He proved himself.
It's a lot more than CJ's done.
It's a lot more than CJ's ever gonna do.
Excuse me.
(mid-tempo instrumental music)
- [Tiffany] Yeah, it reminds me
of somewhere else we've been.
(mid-tempo instrumental music)
- [Man] Let's check this one first.
- [Jennifer] This is it, huh?
- [Mike] This is your joint for the night.
- [Carrie] That's where you're wrong.
- [Trevor] Yeah, they're more over there.
- [CJ] Let's go look at those.
- Let's check 'em out.
Hey, I think I've got it.
(upbeat acoustic music)
(cheering)
- [Tiffany] Look!
- [Mike] What's the rope for?
- [Ernie] It's for you!
Eat up or else.
- [Tiffany] Corn, oatmeal.
- [Trevor] Instant breakfast.
- [Tiffany] Beef stroganoff!
- [Trevor] Come on, let's sort it out,
somebody go make a campfire, and let's eat.
- [Tiffany] Cheerios!
- [Trevor] Alright, now help me get this back on.
Let's take it outside.
(mid-tempo instrumental music)
- [Ernie] Oh wow, look at that view.
- [Carrie] Isn't that pretty?
- [Mike] Okay, let's stop here and camp.
Hey, can we stay here tonight?
- [Ernie] Do you want to?
- [Carrie] Yeah.
- [Mike] Oh wow, what a view.
- [Jennifer] This is alright!
- [Man] Hey, Trev, not too close to the edge.
We'll get a chance at that tomorrow.
- [Mike] What's that supposed to mean?
- [Jennifer] A chance at what?
- [Woman] You'll find out.
- [Mike] We're gonna throw you off.
- [Man] You guys camping here then, huh?
(slow instrumental music)
(soft singing)
♪ Is better than life
♪ My lips shall praise thee
♪ Thus will I bless thee
♪ I will lift up my hands unto thy name
- [Man] Does anybody wanna take some time for some prayer?
- Oh Father, I feel so close to you up here,
and it just makes me realize that
when there are times when I feel far away,
it isn't you who've moved, God, it's me.
Thank you for loving each one of us so much,
and for making me realize through this
that there are no greater or lesser members
of the body of Christ.
But that we need each other.
- Okay.
How many of you guys know what repelling is?
- Yeah, I do.
- Well, what it is is going over
that cliff over there with a few ropes.
- Who's goin' over?
- We going over that cliff.
- Yeah, you're right.
(laughing)
- It's safe, it really is.
As long as you can put your trust
in the guy holding the ropes.
And that's what repelling is all about.
It's an agreement between two people.
The guys holding the ropes,
now, he's called the belayer.
And the person repelling,
that's the person going down the cliff.
Well, the second you say, "Belay on,"
a contract is formed between the belayer and the repeller.
And that contracts not to be broken until you say,
"Belay off," and that's when you reach the bottom.
- I think what that illustrates in our lives
as Christians is pretty obvious.
Now, you may feel some fear when you go over there,
but remember that it is safe,
and you're each gonna be responsible for each other,
and that's all apart of what this group is about,
trusting each other and being responsible for each other.
(suspenseful instrumental music)
- Zach?
(suspenseful instrumental music)
- [Zach] Lean back...
And steady.
- [Woman] Whoo!
(bright instrumental music)
- [Zach] Straighten your legs.
Good, good.
Okay, you've got it, that's the hardest part.
Okay, if you're slacken up on your right hand,
you'll fall quicker, that's it, good.
Now, the further out you hold your right arm,
the faster you'll go, good, good.
(suspenseful instrumental music)
- Like this? - That's right.
Now, start repelling.
(suspenseful instrumental music)
- [Ernie] Help.
(panicked breathing)
- Go ahead and start.
(calm instrumental music)
- [Zach] You alright?
- Alright CJ, you're next.
Tie in.
- [Zach] No, the other way, yeah.
Just over there, to your left.
- Up, around, and through.
Tighten it off.
You tighten it off, you pull it through like this.
You grip, grab onto that.
Alright, now, pull.
Again.
Alright, now, tie this off.
- [Zach] Okay, so you're set.
Remember how this goes in?
- [CJ] Mmm-hmm, yeah.
- [Zach] And you slip that through like that.
- [Trevor] CJ, you forgot to call.
- [CJ] Oh, uh...
- [Trevor] What is this rope?
- [CJ] Oh, on belay.
- [Trevor] Belay on.
- Now, how do you break yourself?
Yeah, right, right into the crotch.
And when you wanna go faster,
you just let your arm out.
- [CJ] Okay.
- Okay?
You're all set.
- [Trevor] What's the call, CJ?
- Repelling.
- [Trevor] Repel on.
- Just walk gently.
You're doin' fine.
Okay, now, lean back into it.
That's it, good.
Okay, just keep walking, you got it, great.
Just inch your way over.
Fine, you're fine.
- I, I don't think I can make it.
- [Zach] You're just about there, keep goin'.
- [Trevor] What do you mean you can't make it?
Of course you can make it, CJ, come on.
- I can't.
- [Zach] Yes you can, go back a little further,
you're almost there CJ.
Keep on going. - Meathead can't cut it!
You know, the girls made it CJ.
- I can't make it.
I just can't.
- Your left foot, right, great.
Inch your way down, you got it, no sweat.
- I can't.
- What are you gonna do, quit?
- Hey, would you just cool it?
Okay, why don't you take a couple minute break,
and watch somebody else do it, alright.
- CJ, what did you come on this trip for?
Your mother wanna get you out of the house?
- [CJ] Please don't, Trevor.
- Maybe she didn't like you around either.
- [CJ] Don't.
- You know, guys like you make me wanna throw up?
You set Christianity back 50 years!
You are a man, CJ, in case you haven't found out by now!
- That was cruel, Trevor.
You don't realize it, do you?
- Come off it, will you?
You've been on my back this whole trip.
- All he wanted was a little encouragement,
and all you did was write him off
with some garbage about being a man.
- Look, he could've made it if he tried.
- Stop judging everyone else by your standards!
People don't have to be like Trevor Thomas to be accepted.
In fact, they shouldn't be!
You call yourself a Christian,
but your spiritual life is a void.
I've watched your cruelty and your ego.
You're empty, and I can't help you!
You can't even help yourself.
(dramatic instrumental music)
- [Zach] Good.
Alright, good, you're there now.
(dramatic instrumental music)
(wistful instrumental music)
Nice.
Good work!
- [Trevor] Off belay!
(lightning and thundering)
- [Carrie] Hey Ernie, where's CJ?
- I dont know.
- [Carrie] I thought he came with you guys.
- I haven't seen him since the cliff.
- He must too ashamed to come into camp,
we better go look for him.
- [Ernie] Okay.
(lightning and thundering)
- [Ernie] Hey, have you guys seen CJ?
- No.
- No, I thought he was with the girls.
- [Carrie] Nobody's seen him since the cliff.
- I suppose you think that's my fault.
- [Carrie] I'm not blaming you,
I just think somebody should go look for him.
- Alright.
(lightning and thundering)
(pensive instrumental music)
Listen Ernie, we're gonna have to split up.
I'll cut over about 100 yards,
and then well both head north, alright.
- Okay.
(pensive instrumental music)
(lightning and thundering)
(pensive instrumental music)
- CJ!
- CJ!
(pensive instrumental music)
CJ!
CJ!
CJ!
- [Ernie] Hey Trevor!
- Ernie, come on down.
Have you seen him?
- [Ernie] No.
(pensive instrumental music)
CJ!
- [Trevor] CJ!
CJ!
C...
It's not even solo yet, CJ.
You don't even have your whistle with you.
- I'm surprised you'd cared enough to look.
- Look, why don't we talk about this
when we get back to camp, okay.
CJ?
- I never realized till today how much you don't like me.
You don't even like Ernie.
- I do like you.
- You never liked him till after the rapids.
- Look, what are we gonna do,
stand out here in the rain and discuss who likes who?
- He had to prove himself to be a useful member of the gang.
- Do you know what he's talking about?
- I know what you're talking about CJ.
- Come on, what is this?
- I'm afraid he's right Trevor.
- Alright, alright, I admit, I don't like failure.
- What you mean is you don't like people who fail.
- Okay, I don't like quitters.
And that's what you both struck me as.
- If someone had loved us a little more
and criticized us a little less--
- No, I won't accept that.
- Trevor, what's it like to be gray?
You're the grayest Christian I know.
I mean, the Christian life is not some lousy football game
where you bench the weaker brothers
just because they don't tackle problems the way you do.
- And it's not an escape from reality either.
- We're not saying that it is.
But our whole lives are shaped by people who love us
or who refuse to love us. - No, no, no.
Your whole life is shaped by what you do.
I mean, figuring out your own faults
and your own weaknesses and then fixing those.
That's something I can't do anything about.
- Did it ever occur to you that the faults
that are so obvious in us may be only half as big
as the one that you're hiding in yourself?
(sentimental instrumental music)
- Come on, let's go.
(sentimental instrumental music)
(water sloshing)
- Everything that's been happening to you guys
the last couple weeks is to prepare you
for the next three days.
We call the time Solo,
because you're gonna be by yourself,
and nobody's gonna be around.
You're gonna be by yourself to think, to pray,
and to read your bibles.
- You're not gonna have any food for the next three days.
And as far as gear and equipment,
you just take along the bare minimum, that's all.
But you'll have your journal, your bible,
and you'll have your thoughts.
- You see, the whole idea about solo
is to be by yourself and alone.
To begin putting it all together for yourself.
To think back about the last couple weeks.
To think about what you've done,
or what you haven't done.
To begin asking yourself...
Questions like who am I...
What are my goals, my ambitions?
What's my relationship with the Lord like?
How well do we communicate?
And if I've learned anything these last couple weeks,
how can I begin applying it to the real world out there?
- Hey, this is gonna be your time all to yourself,
do what you want, just you and the Lord.
(water sloshing)
- Trevor?
You know...
No matter how right or how wrong
we think we've been treated,
a Christian never has to right to act the way I did
up there on the cliff.
If I wanna get anything from the Lord out of Solo,
I just wanted to make amends.
I'm really sorry, Trevor.
(reflective instrumental music)
♪ Will our worlds
♪ Ever be the same
♪ Yours is so big and yet I'm apart of it
♪ Mine is so small yet I leave you out of it
♪ Will our worlds ever be the same
♪ Will our worlds ever be the same
♪ Will they ever
♪ Be the same
(reflective instrumental music)
(water sloshing)
(waves crashing)
(reflective instrumental music)
♪ Lord I see
♪ Creation's harmony
♪ Every small part it all fits together
♪ Except in my heart
♪ Oh Lord make it better
♪ Will our worlds ever be the same
♪ Will our worlds ever be the same
♪ Will they ever
♪ Be the same
(slow piano music)
♪ Will our worlds
♪ Lord will they ever be the same
♪ Make our worlds
♪ Make our worlds the same
♪ Will our worlds ever be the same
♪ Will they ever
♪ Ever be the same
(reflective instrumental music)
- [Trevor] My diary is filled with thoughts and feelings
that I never knew existed, or at least,
never paid any attention to.
Alone and stripped of life's luxuries,
I began to turn inward,
I began to examine me.
It's one thing to be athletic and successful,
but it's quite another to think you have everything
when you really don't have anything at all,
at least not without God.
♪ Will our worlds
♪ Lord will they ever be the same
♪ Make our worlds
♪ Make our worlds the same
♪ Will our worlds ever be the same
♪ Will they ever
♪ Ever be the same
- Well, what did you think?
- It was great, really good. - Was it?
You just spent three days out there,
was it worth it?
- Yeah.
- You know, in the last three weeks
we've all learned a lot.
We've learned a lot as individuals,
but I think that as a group too we've learned a lot
sharing what we've learned,
and how to work together as a group.
I think it would really be nice
if we could all share with each other
the things that we learned,
that you learned on Solo.
- Well, the three days helped me to realize
that failure isn't a weakness,
and it isn't something to be ashamed of.
But it's a tool God can use in my life
to help me to learn lessons,
and to give me confidence.
- Well, being by myself for so long,
I started looking at myself how God looks at me
instead of compared to others.
And I'm realizing that God made me special.
And it doesn't matter so much if people like me,
or how I am compared to them.
Because God loves me,
and I can really love and help other people
because he loves me and that's enough.
- I have to say that, well, you know,
after the first day there wasn't a lot to do.
It took me almost the whole first day
just to get everything built and put together.
But after that, I had two good days
of no place to go, no appointments to meet,
you know, nothing planned,
but just having to sit there, no one to talk to,
perform for, you know, cut up with.
Just me and God.
And it was really something because I learned
that I've been moving so quick
that it's been difficult for the Lord to talk to me,
and for me to listen,
for me to hear anything when he did talk,
and I'm glad he slowed me down this way
instead of maybe some other way to have to talk to me.
I think I just realized that I'm gonna have to listen
if I want some answers and some changes,
and if I want him to work some real miracles in my life.
- Well, when I was reading through the Old Testament,
the Lord showed me how I had kind of been like Jonah.
I'd given a lot of problems to the gang,
and I'd run away from some pretty big challenges,
and I had gone off and sulked,
but he took those three days,
and he showed me that I can never realize
my full potential for him
unless I have an honest relationship with Jesus.
- I guess I'd like to say...
First of all that, well, something akin to an apology
to all of you for the problems,
and the pain I've caused just about all of you.
Someone here told me that...
I was cruel,
and that I wasn't even aware of it,
and they were right.
While I was on Solo,
I finally realized that...
That I don't have to prove myself to anyone,
and certainly no one else does.
That God accepts all of us the way we are,
and that I have to accept everyone else the way they are,
and certainly accept myself.
It's funny that...
That God would...
Use someone like Ernie and CJ...
To show me my own shortcomings,
and my own faults, and my own weaknesses,
so that I could accept those in other people.
If I've learned anything here,
it's that I still have a long, long way to go.
(waves crashing)