State Fair (1962) Movie Script

Wayne, be careful! Slow down.

How do you like the sound

of that engine? I hate it.

Why, Betty Jean, that's the most

beautiful noise I ever heard in my life.

I never want to hear it again.

Now, Betty Jean, you know

I've worked on this car.

I've built it from the ground up,

piece by piece, with my own hands.

Wayne Frake, I believe you love that

car five times as much as you love me!

Now, honey, you know

that's not true.

It's just that, well, this year all

that hard work's gonna pay off.

I'm gonna win that race.

Forget the race.

Betty Jean, this is the Gold

Cup... the official Gold Cup.

What's so good about

an official way to get killed?

Now you're being dramatic.

I'm bein' practical!

We're gonna be married. Okay.

Where's the practical come in?

The honeymoon is no fun if the

bridegroom's dead. That's where it comes in.

Betty Je... Oh, go on.

Get your old cup!

It's not the cup.

It's Red Hoerter.

You saw what he did to

me last year. I certainly did.

I had him beat till the last lap. He slipped that

wheel under me and bumped me off the track.

And he'll do it to you again

this year. Oh, no, he won't.

Well, I'm not gonna be there

to watch it happen.

You'll be sorry when I

come back with that cup.

Please, come back alive.

Cut that out, Wayne!

Twenty-two years of love and

care, and what do we raise?

A piston farmer.

If he keeps that up,

he'll ruin Blue Boy's digestion.

It's all right, baby.

Eat your breakfast.

You know something, Sime?

Yes, sir.

Blue Boy has got the one thing

a champion has got to have.

I know. Pride.

No, sir.

Well, that's what you said

last night. Well, I was wrong.

Pride ain't enough.

Arrogance.

He's gonna go to that state fair and

stand there like Genghis Khan...

and not only think

he's Genghis Khan...

He's gonna know

he's Genghis Khan.

He'll win that prize so easy,

there'll be a Senate investigation.

Well, they're investigatin'

everything else.

- Wayne!

- Yeah, Dad?

Tell your mother to call the vet and give him

what for. He should've been here by now.

Hey, Mom. Dad wants you to

call Dr... I know. I heard him.

Doc Cramer will be here

when he gets here.

Fix a label for this jar,

will you, honey? Mmm.

Um, you want your name Mrs.

Melissa Frake or Mrs. Abel Frake?

Oh, Melissa Frake, I think.

Abel's entered Blue Boy,

and the judges are liable to get

him mixed up with my mincemeat.

Dad sure is set on winning

that ribbon. Ribbon, my eye.

He won't really be happy until

that hog shows up in Who's Who.

Got enough straw in there?

Six inches of it, and it's fresh!

That ought to be soft enough

with this spread.

Put it on top.

Abel, you sure Miz Frake won't

mind? It's got her initial on it.

Spread it over the straw.

Al right. You're the boss.

But if I was a woman,

I wouldn't want no hog

riding around on my initial.

Better give that sister

of yours a nudge.

Hey, Marge!

Hey, Candy-eyes!

No answer, Mom.

Where is that girl?

Margy!

Yes, Mother?

- Are you finished packing?

- Almost.

Almost? What's got

into you lately?

All you do is sit around

and mope. Now, hurry.

What has got into me anyway?

Hey, Margy! Hey, Margy!

Hey, Margy. I've got some

great news, honey. What?

I'm not gonna be able

to go to the fair.

There's this almost-new

cream separator I got a lead on,

and I might get it

on a trial offer for 89.50.

Now, what do you say to that?

All I can think of is "Hooray!"

Honey, I'm doing it for us.

Be practical, Margy.

Times like these, a man's

gotta count pennies. Uh-huh.

And I've heard this year they've

raised prices on everything at the fair.

I know. Even the Ferris

Wheel. That's right.

Why, they're asking

25 cents for a ride.

A man's gotta be crazy

to squander money like that.

Have a little fun, and... it's gone.

I guess that's

the trouble with fun.

I's gone. Right.

Now, you take this darn scooter.

Did I buy it for fun?

No, ma'am. I bought it because it's

supposed to give me 40 miles to the gallon.

Only it doesn't.

38.3... not a scrap more.

Harry, let's not start wallowing

around in decimal points again.

You're not going to

the fair, and that's that.

Right. Well, I better be goin'.

You have yourself a high old time

at the fair, you hear?

Come on back home with a

bundle of kisses for old Harry.

I've saved a sackful already.

Like it, baby? Nothing

but the best for you!

What kept you, Marge? Your

father wants to leave by noon.

I was just talking to Harry.

Do you suppose she's in love with that

bread-head? Mind your own business.

Mom, you're a girl.

Oh, thank you.

Now, tell me honestly.

Do you find that Harry exciting?

I certainly do.

I think Harry's about as exciting

as watching grass grow.

Ready, Melissa?

Right on schedule!

Well?

Flat. It's the very

best I ever made.

You left something out. I'm not gonna

load my mincemeat with brandy.

If you're gonna leave something

out, leave out the mincemeat.

It's got no backbone.

Honestly, Melissa! Can't

you slip in a little vertebrae?

I'm not going to advertise the

drunken preferences of this family...

all over the state of Texas.

Suit yourself.

Humph.

Hey. You'd better start a fire under that daughter

of yours if we ever want to get out of here.

"My kids" when they're late...

"Your kids" when they're on time.

I'll throw these aboard

and get hooked up. Yeah.

Throw those aboard

and get hooked up.

Come on, Marge.

Hurry up, Melissa.

Come on, Marge.

Let's go, honey.

Howdy, Abel.

Here's your hog pills.

Well, you sure took your time

gettin' here, Doc,

considering Blue Boy's

your prize patient.

Abel Frake, what is that hog

doing on my special bedspread?

Say, that's a special hog.

I don't like hogs.

Maybe hogs don't like you either.

But you don't hear Blue Boy...

And, yes, you do hear Blue Boy.

Maybe Blue Boy isn't

particular, but I am.

You'd better take this, Melissa.

Abel's got an uncanny knack...

to always losin' my bills.

Twelve dollars?

For that big sack of fat?

It's those new miracle drugs. To calm

him down in case he gets shook up.

Oh, sure.

A hog's psychology

is important, Melissa.

Naturally. The whole family

may end up in rags,

but we can't afford

to have a traumatic pig.

Blue Boy's gonna

make you famous, Doc.

Personal physician

to the grand champion.

Don't count on it, Abel. A little trouble's

a good thing to bank on, you know?

Honestly, Doc. Why do you

always have to be a wet blanket?

Even if Blue Boy wins, something

else'll probably happen.

What, for instance?

He might catch

the pneumonia, hog cholera,

or you might even catch

the pneumonia.

You left out

hurricanes and floods.

- Or something might happen to Wayne

or Margy. - Oh, for heaven sakes.

Come on, before Doc decides to put

an end to the world right this minute.

Be willin' to bet on it.

Okay, Doc.

Five dollars says we go to the fair,

Blue Boy wins...

and nothing bad happens to Wayne

or Margy or any of the rest of us.

Deal?

You've got a deal, Abel.

Mark my words now.

Something'll go wrong.

Wake up!

Wake up, everybody!

There's Dallas.

Dallas? Yes, Dallas.

I think this is the same trailer

we had last year.

I'm sure it is.

The shower still leaks.

Wayne, come back

here and eat your breakfast.

Just a minute, Mom.

Hurry up, Abel.

I better not take time

for breakfast. But it's all ready.

I'll get some coffee

down at the swine pavilion.

Honestly. You'd rather

be with that hog than eat.

Hey, he's got to be curried. And

manicured and mollycoddled.

All right. You go ahead.

I'll see you down there.

You know something?

You're a very nice woman.

I know, I know. And next to

Blue Boy, you love me the most.

How can you tell? Good-bye now.

Come on, Margy. Let's go, Wayne.

These eggs are getting cold.

Have to skip it, Mom.

Got to get over to the track.

Wayne!

This is all I want.

It is not all.

Now, you come back here

and eat your breakfast.

Please, Mom. I'm not hungry. I want to

get to the fair before it gets too crowded.

You can't run around all day

on an empty stomach.

Please, Mom?

All right. Go ahead.

But be careful now.

I will!

And you know what I mean by that.

Howdy, folks.

This is Big Tex.

We all are happy

to have you all with us.

It's the greatest state fair

in the world.

All right now. Here we go. For a

year's supply of Sunburst shampoo,

see if you can complete

the next line of this song.

Yes, well, what do the deer

and the antelope do?

On!

That's it. Now...

Sing.

Almost, by golly. Thank you very

much, and do come back again.

Better luck next time.

Well, let us try a, uh...

Well, let's try that old cowpoke

right down here. That's right.

You in the yellow dress,

young lady.

Right this way, ma'am.

Well, well. We have something

mighty pretty here.

In a little closer, fellas. Do you mind

if we take a close-up of you, dear?

It's part of my plan to beautify

the living rooms all over Texas.

Yes, sir.

I mean, thank you, sir.

Oh, cut out that sir business.

Just call me Jerry.

Jerry.

Sure. Good.

Say, where do you come from?

Bet you're homegrown.

Banning.

Banning?

I guess not too many folks

have heard of it.

Why, everybody knows of Banning.

It's right next to South Banning, isn't it?

Uh, well,

we're a little short of time.

Let's see if you can finish the second

line of this famous French song.

That's not

French. No. No, it's not.

But it's all about love,

and a young thing like you...

should know something about love.

Well, it's time to wrap it up,

folks. We'll see you a little later.

Teddy, take it over for a while. Sell

something, will ya? Come right this way.

Thanks, Jerry. And now, ladies, I

have a clue about songs for you.

Now, uh, I'm gonna need

your name and address. Ooh?

It's for a consolation prize. I have

to have some place to send it.

You mean there's

a consolation prize?

Well, sure. Play your

cards right, it might be me.

Margy Frake.

That's Banning, Texas,

Route 3.

Thirty-six, 24, 36.

I wear a size 10 dress,

if that's what you mean.

Ay, caramba! Oh, that means

"'good morning" down in Mexico.

I guess in this business

you must travel a good deal.

Oh, well, 1 do a lot

of network stuff, you know...

Paris, London... Maybe you caught

the war I covered in Algeria.

Well, I certainly read about it.

Oh, well, reading about it is one thing,

but being there... C'est la vie.

After wars and all,

a state fair's rather tame stuff.

Don't go knockin' the hayshakers. Your

state fair's the biggest in the whole world.

Otherwise they wouldn't have, uh, sent

me all the way from Rome to cover it.

Rome, Italy?

Yeah, that's the one.

Is he movin' in again?

Yeah.

A little young, isn't she?

If she believes him, she is.

Well, look, I'm due

to wrap up about 8:00.

If you're still around, we could grab a

bottle, cut up a steak and have a few laughs.

Oh, I really don't think so. I'm

gonna be terribly busy. Oh.

I have a date. Figures.

You booked solid?

Beg your pardon? I mean,

what's playing tomorrow?

Well, tomorrow, Mother's in mincemeat.

Oh, you don't want to blow that.

Well, in case you change

your mind, just check the tube.

Big Daddy's never

too far away. See ya.

On the home turn, car number six,

driver, Wayne Frake.

Car number six, Wayne Frake, driving a

modified engine with a locked rear end...

time, 26:07.

The three fastest qualifiers

in the time trials...

Eckhardt, Hoerter and Frake.

Please come to the judge's stand

for publicity pictures.

Eckhardt, Hoerter and Frake,

report to the judge's stand.

You know, it's amazing what you farm

boys are doing with Erector sets these days.

It's enough car to run you

into the ground, Red.

Like last year?

You taught me a lesson.

Why don't you go around

and look at the front end?

You'll see enough

of the rear end in the finals.

Hi, Mal.

All right, fellas. We can't sell

any papers with your kissers.

On deck, honey.

Hi, fellas. Hi.

Honey, over here.

Ready, fellas?

All right.

Let's zero in.

Fine. Next!

Congratulations.

Now, listen. Really

lean into this one. Okay.

Don't treat him like a runner-up. Make

him feel like a winner. Okay, boys?

Hey!

Okay. Next.

Right. Here we go.

Uh, we gotta mix "em up.

No kissin' this time.

Hand him the flowers.

These are for you.

Good. Fine. Thanks

a lot, honey. Bye-bye.

Let's go, fellas.

Miss! You may as well take

these back. I don't need 'em.

I'm sorry it had to be flowers.

Oh. Well, even

if it had been the other,

I guess I'd want

to give that back too.

Well, that sounds like

a compliment.

No! It's just that,

well, you're...

you're plain old

apple-orchard pretty.

Now, haven't you ever seen

a girl in shorts before?

Sure!

But you are the first one

I ever saw that,

well, looked so, uh,

sort of custom-built.

You farm boys kill me.

You don't make a pitch.

You just shy your way into position.

Hey, how'd you know

I came from a farm?

Didn't you mention it?

I don't think so.

I guess you were never on a farm.

Closest I ever got to one

was Morristown, New Jersey.

We had a window box

in the kitchen.

How's it feel to be a farmer?

Never stopped to think. Good, I

guess. At least I've never felt bad.

You know something?

If I thought that it'd work for me,

I'd go out right now

and buy a plow.

Why'd you decide to be a farmer?

I don't think you decide.

One day, you're a little boy

out feeding chickens.

Next thing you know, you're an

old man out feeding chickens.

That's how you become a farmer.

Well, partner, this here looks like

a partin' of the ways.

Uh...

I was just thinking, if, uh...

if you're gonna be around the fair here for

a while, maybe we could see each other.

For a hamburger or something?

Well, I wish you'd asked a

smart girl, but since you didn't,

I'll be around

the outdoor show tonight.

Don't worry. I won't, uh,

shy you into anything.

That's for the flowers.

Think nothing of it.

Yeah! That's for me.

Hey! Where's your father?

Abel, what kept you?

I waited lunch till 3:00.

I'm not hungry! Give me a hand

with this blamed thing, will you?

Isn't my blanket good enough

for him? This is for me.

Oh? Planning on

spending the night here?

If I have to.

You don't have to.

We can hire a hog-sitter.

Don't get so smart,

Melissa. This is serious.

Did you give him

one of Doc's new pills?

Now, I ask you, does that hog

need calmin' down?

I don't know, dear.

Maybe he's just homesick.

How can a hog get homesick?

People get homesick.

Maybe they do too.

Look at him...

all that hog turned chicken.

Doc Cramer must've had

a premonition.

Honey, is there

anything I can do?

I wish I knew. Honestly,

I've tried everything.

I have nagged him.

I've begged him.

I've bribed him

with sugar and sorghum.

I've promised him everything

but a trip to Honolulu.

It's just plain,

utterly hopeless.

Well, at least he won't go

into that ring overconfident.

Oh, honey. I'm sorry.

Don't fret about it.

Look, something will happen.

There'll be a change in the weather,

or he'll get used to it here...

some little thing... and all of a

sudden, he'll be strutting around...

like Aly Khan or whoever

it is you want him to be.

I sure hope you're right.

Do you mind if I stay here alone?

At least I have one consolation.

If I were Ava Gardner, you'd still

spend the night in this hog pen.

God bless.

Blue Boy, baby, you gotta think

positive.

Tell yourself you're wonderful.

Try a soft sell at first.

Then work up.

No, I ain't gonna do that.

No, I'm not!

What'll people think?

We'll both look foolish.

All right. Maybe one

chorus.

But I ain't gonna do it loud.

Friend,

you're more than just a friend.

Loyal, loving...

till the end.

Now I've seen everything.

You miserable lump of lard!

Abel Frake!

Well, if it ain't George Hoff er.

Well, if it ain't, his clothes sure

fit me. How are you, Abel?

Man, I'd have to feel

better to die.

Say, that's a good-looking

sow you got there, George.

Ain't she just the best-looking

fat lady you ever saw?

I never could breed

a good rear end until this year.

Zsa Zsa, say hello

to Mr. Frake.

She's a beauty, George.

What's you folks got working?

I got a prime Hampshire boar.

But the way he's actin', I'll have

to enter him as a garter snake.

Say, I gotta meet the old lady over

in rabbits. I've gotta get some lunch.

I'll see you later, Abel.

Good luck to you, George.

Soo-ee!

Other friends may drift away.

Tell me that you'll always stay.

The dishes are all stacked, Mother.

Is it all right if I go now?

I never saw so much fuss and feathers

just to walk around the midway.

The midway's

very dressy this year.

Wayne!

I want you to take your sister out

tonight and show her some fun.

Tonight? Ma,

I-I can't tonight.

I... I've got a tricky

carburetor. He's right.

A tricky carburetor's one of the worst

things you can have. That's right!

Besides, there's this girl.

I met her at butter sculpture.

She's very shy, and I told her I'd

walk around the midway with her.

It's sort of my duty.

Yeah. All right.

But be sure you're home

at a decent hour.

Oh, that's why

I'm startin' so early.

Well, what happened?

Blue Boy kick you out?

You're such a smart aleck,

I shouldn't even tell ya.

Genghis Khan rides again.

He's a cinch.

Well, I'm glad

somebody's gonna win.

My mincemeat won't.

Class double.

It's my fault for getting two

firsts in pickles last year.

Winning in sweets was all right, but

repeating in dills was just plain gaudy.

What's wrong with double "A"?

Oh, Abel. It puts me up

against Belco and Fremont...

not just housewives,

but big canneries.

Honey, the only thing

those big companies have...

is a bunch of nice labels.

You've got the kitchen.

Too bad you're not a judge.

What's he so happy about?

Oh, he's going out to fix

a tricky carburetor. Huh.

I'll get you some dinner.

Hurry! Hurry!

It's the biggest,

the brightest...

and the best state fair on earth.

You'll love every minute,

and you'll have

the time of your life.

And here is Bart Emerson,

the pride of Deaf Smith County,

who is going to try to break

the old heavyweight record

for the military press.

Now, uh, he's got to press

better than 260...

in order to better

Leo Center's old mark.

Bart is just about ready and,

uh, is walking up to the weights.

Bends down, picks up...

up to the shoulder.

Looks like... Looks like

he's gonna make it.

And he's made it!

That's great.

Congratulations, Bart.

That's about all the time we have for now,

but we'll be back again twice tomorrow.

In the meantime, here's a word from Spike,

the aftershave lotion that gives you a lift.

Thank you.

Thank you, Jerry.

Well, men, maybe you

can't lift 265 pounds,

but I know about something that'll give

you a real lift... Spike aftershave lotion.

You see, fellows,

it's specially made...

to give you that

" can do anything" feeling.

So why don't you throw away those weak,

puny lotions you've been using and get yourself...

I'll be right back, and then we'll

grab that beer. All right? Great!

Hey, guys. I'll see you

in the morning, all right?

Hey, punch up

camera two, will ya?

Thanks, Pappy.

And of course we're back

twice tomorrow.

So we'll see you then on KTVT.

Thank you very much, and good night.

Hey! How about that beer?

Never touch the stuff.

Thank you.

Buy tickets to

the dancing girl show.

Hey! Hey!

Get back in line!

Now that we're introduced, how about

snapping up some groceries with me?

I've already had supper.

All right. A drink.

I know a place you'll just love. In fact,

they serve the best olives in town.

Good evening.

I... I like the way your hair

bounces when you walk.

Everybody's hair bounces when

they walk. Well, mine doesn't.

What'll it be, sir?

How do you take your vodka?

Vodka? Ah, Big

Daddy'll take care of it.

Uh, vodka and tonic...

dos, por favor.

Can I see your driver's license

or I.D. card, ma'am?

Um...

Uh, I don't think

I have it with me,

but I'm sure that... Forget it. Just

bring the lady a lemon Squirt...

and make my vodka a double.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

Oh, that's all right.

You don't have

to file a brief on it.

Say, you look worried

about something.

Oh, no. I was just thinking about,

well, how different you are...

from a man that...

from all the men back home.

The way you talk...

Well, how do I talk?

Oh, how you say, "They serve the best

olives in town," instead of "martinis."

Nobody back home

would ever think of that.

Oh, I guess that comes

from traveling.

I don't mean Dallas. I mean

the real places out in the world,

like, uh, Copenhagen

and Vienna and Paris...

and Rio-Paris...

I gotta tell you about a little

stripper I met in Paris one time.

Now, you know the Place Pigalle.

Everybody knows that.

Well, there's a stripper there...

cute, but strictly for the flypaper.

Anyhow, she gives me the office

while she's working.

She's wearing

this cellophane skirt,

and she comes over to my table, sits herself

down, and what do you think she does?

Gives me a pair of

pinking shears.

So help me! Yes.

Gracias. Thank you.

Here. It saves

a lot of arguments.

Now, you get wet, and I'm gonna tell you

about a geisha party I was to one time.

There was this girl... She backed into

an electric fan, got her sash caught in it.

- You know what happened?

- Sukiyaki!

May I ask for

your ticket, please?

Hi, Emily. Boy, oh, boy.

When you walked out on that stage, I was the

most surprised man since Moses had the mumps.

Well, I wish the critics felt that way.

What'll we do?

Tell you what, we could, uh... we

could take a look around the fair.

That's what I like, darling...

real far-out stuff.

There they go. A tug-of-war...

between a tractor and these

finely matched Percherons.

Looks like these proud horses are

no match for a well-made carburetor.

It must make them sad, if horses

ever get sad... beaten by a tractor.

Not another horse. A machine.

They're no worse off than we are.

Over at the commerce exhibit they've got

I.B.M. machines that are smarter than people.

If they keep that up, in a couple of

years they can do away with all of us.

They can run a whole state

fair with just a few machines...

and a can of axle grease.

You know, you're the first

mint-flavored girl I've ever kissed.

Or maybe it's wintergreen.

I'm not sure.

It's a new perfume called

"Catastrophe."

No, I didn't mean the perfume.

I meant, uh, everything.

You see, it's what you seem like-like

a patch of mint out by the back porch.

Back porch? I thought you

only went to exciting places.

Okay, how 'bout a...

a patch of mint by the Casbah?

I know. I know. Your mother's in

mincemeat, and it's gettin' late.

Please, it's... it's not

fair. Not fair to who?

Any of us.

You got a boy back home?

Not exactly.

Harry's... We've been

going together a long time.

- You, uh, gonna get married?

- I guess so.

Everybody else in Banning does.

Sure sounds like a swingin' town.

Come on.

What's he like?

Well, Harry's nice, only...

I hope you won't misunderstand,

but... every time it rains, Harry always

says, "It's fine weather for ducks."

Harry's funny too isn't he?

Come on, baby.

Remember those I.B.M. machines. Let's

get at it before people go out of style.

Mmm.

Here you are.

Smile.

Oh, it's blurred.

They're always blurred.

Hi, Red.

Shouldn't you be restin' up?

I'll be in shape. Don't

worry. You sure?

A little while with her, you won't want to

climb in a racer. You'll need an iron lung.

That just happens to be the

wrong way to talk about a lady.

She doesn't mind.

Why should you?

I suggest you take

that back right now.

You'd better run along.

Come on, Wayne. Let's go.

Now, wait a second. I want an

apology, or I'm gonna powder this guy.

Pack up, son. Put

up or shut up, Red.

You better take your boyfriend

home and put him to bed.

Come on, Wayne. Back up, Emily.

Baby! Baby!

What'd he do? Quit? Yes, darling.

Guess I forgot to duck.

I'd have nailed him with my

one-two punch...

If he'd just waited a while.

Ooh, my shoulder. That's all right. We'll

get some liniment at my apartment.

How's butter sculpture?

Uh, oh, just fine.

Shows you how silly I am.

I'd have sworn it was a boyfriend.

How did you know it was a boy?

Honey, where you're going

we've already been.

How serious is it?

Oh, Mother, it's so confusing.

He kept tryin' to kiss me, only

I wouldn't let him... exactly.

That's what I like... guts.

Every 10 feet, he wanted to

stop and kiss.

Right then, I knew I had to

make a decision. Oh, absolutely.

So I decided not

10 see him again. I said no...

plain, flat "no."

Just like that.

Exactly.

I haven't told him yet, but that's

exactly the way I said it to myself.

I'm right,

don't you think?

I'm not so sure.

Mmm.

You know something, Emily?

Your hands are as soft as

the bottom of a baby duck.

Really? You go around feeling

duck bottoms much?

This sure is swell of you, Emily.

But I wish we could have

walked around he midway more,

you know, seeing

the fair together.

Darling, if anybody ever asks you, "Did

your dear friend Emily ever see a state fair?"

You tell 'em, "My dear friend Emily

sure has seen a lot of state fairs."

I'm sorry, Emily. Don't be. We were

running out of liniment anyway.

You know, I feel wonderful. I-I think

it's because you're so wonderful, Emily.

You're the most exciting girl

I've ever known.

I mean it. There was never

anybody in Banning like you.

Darling, are you sure that this

is the right place for you to be?

I don't understand. What do you

mean? That I've been here before.

In this room?

The number's different,

but I've been here.

Does that mean you're...

uh, you're a-a bad girl?

No. But I wouldn't want

10 run a Gallup poll on it.

The point is, you better

know the rules. Rules?

Show business... Always leave

'em laughing. Nothing serious.

If that's the way you want things.

Honey, that's not what / want.

We've got a very strong union, darling,

and they fine us if it gets serious, dig?

I understand, Emily.

I hope so.

Now, this time don't tell me

you forgot to duck.

Oh, please, darling.

Let's count to 10...

or five at least.

It's fun.

Don't miss the greatest

state fair of all,

Well, here we go. Miles and miles of jams

and jellies, cakes and pies and pickles...

and anything and everything to woo the

inner man, and all in open competition.

Yes, sir, ladies and gentlemen, these are

the Olympic Games, pot and pan division.

Right now, the judges

are winding up in pickles.

Stay tuned for, uh,

mincemeat, comin' up next.

Oh, I'm so nervous. This is

the last time I'll enter anything.

It just isn't worth it. You

say that every year.

Look, Mom, the Belco people.

How's it look, Sam? Pretty good. We

just scored a clean sweep in olives.

I don't think it's fair, Mother. Those

big companies have all the advantage.

And before we get to mincemeat, here's a word

about Sunburst shampoo. Carl, it's all yours.

Thank you, Jerry. Hey,

Mr. Burdick, what brings you out?

Little switch in plans.

Is anything wrong?

Oh, no. You're doin' a fine job.

In fact, we want you to cover

the auto races. Auto races?

You think you can handle

it? I can handle anything.

Well, I hope you're right. We're feeding

your coverage closed-circuit to Chicago.

You're kiddin'?

Now, just do a good job, son.

I've got confidence in you... almost

as much as you've got in yourself.

Oh, dear. There's that Mr. Hipplewaite

from last year's pickles.

- He's beginning to be a pickle. - Ladies and

gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?

We are now ready

for the finals in mincemeat.

Any chance of my duckin'

squash next year?

There should be

an openin' for you in jellies.

Wilson just doesn't

have the buds for it anymore.

What do you think?

I don't know.

That little guy looks like he

got some kinda nervous tic.

Mmm?

Ladies and gentlemen,

now for the mincemeat results.

Pardon me, just a moment.

What about the plaque?

By all means.

Your attention, please.

Silence.

Quiet!

As you know,

we occasionally give a plaque...

for distinguished achievement.

This plaque

is given in certain "care cases"...

"rare races."

It was "umanisly'-

"'unanisly-muh-ly"...

voted at this year's fair...

to the tangiest mincemeat

the judges have ever tasted.

The winner of this year's

first prize and the special plague...

is Mrs. Melissa "Fran"

of "Baking"...

Making... Branning... Brink...

Mrs... this lady here.

I think I'm gonna cry.

I honestly do.

Congratulations, Mrs. Frake,

and a great big handshake...

from the makers of Sunburst

shampoo. Oh, thank you.

May I have the plaque?

Thank you. Here you go.

Now, could you tell us a word or two about

your recipe? Oh, it was my grandmother's.

Well, what would you say was her

secret? She believed in plenty of lemon.

Plenty of lemon. Wonderful. Thank you very

much, Mrs. Frake. Oh, thank you. Thank you.

And now we'll get a rundown from our

judges. Mr. Hipplewaite, just a word, please.

I'd be happy to, young man.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Yes. Thank you, Mr. Hipplewaite.

If you'll follow us this way, we have a

wonderful selection of dried Fig Newtons...

State Fair (1962) - full transcript