Standing Up (2017) - full transcript

[Street sounds]

- Okay, here's the cover story.
- [Narrator] Here is the cover story?

If people ask, we're
shooting a video for my Yeshiva.

We're having a fundraiser,
so we're making a video.

That's the cover story, okay?

[Applause]

Did you ever feel like
you're in the wrong place?

[Audience laughing]

I'm totally Jewish, by the way.

I'm an orthodox Jew.

I feel like you guys
don't appreciate how cool I am.



[Audience laughing]

Take my hat, for example,
the brim is supposed

to be bent down,
but I'm wearing it bent up.

[Audience laughing]

I fight the system.

[Audience laughing]

Now I'm going
to go to the stand,

mainly I always joke
about the Swastika

that I want to try out
because that's always

a hilarious topic
I think, the Swastikas.

In New York, there's
like a million open mics.

There's public transportation
it's like really easy.

I could do five mics in one day.

I get pretty
nervous at open mics though.



I'm always very scared that
the jokes aren't going to work

and when they
don't work, I start sweating,

like I'm done, my armpits
are just bags of sweat.

But you can't just
stand in front of a mirror.

There's really no way
to get good at comedy without

actually doing it in
front of a real audience.

Open mics, that's where all comics start,
something that anyone can do.

Here I is...

[David] You could be a comedian,
you could be some crazy guy off the street.

Comedians are crazy guys
off the street.

You see
the same people every time

doing the same jokes
over and over and over.

We see each other every day,
we all know each other

and it's just
something we do together.

Our favorite Orthodox Jew,

ladies and gentlemen
David Finklestein.

I enjoy being nervous as I perform,
I love the feeling on stage,

it's like a rush,
then later at night you get all depressed because

your jokes didn't work,
but I enjoy that also because then you can write new jokes

and you come back the next day
and you do it all again.

Sometimes people
think that I'm Amish.

[Audience laughing]

Do you guys ever get that?

[Audience laughing]

[city sounds]

[comedian] Ready? We started from the bottom,
in the subway right now,

bring it up to the rest of
the world. Don't hold it down.

Alright, alright New York City Union Square subway at Christmas time,

it's about to get crazy
for New Years. Telling jokes

for you ladies and gentlemen
right here.

This is actually where
the Apollo got relocated to.

This is also what graduating
from college can do to you.

[Man laughing]

[Sara] Originally I'm
from Missouri City, Texas.

Growing up, people will call me
and say: "I just called you

because I knew
that you would make me laugh."

Give it up for Sarah Parks.

In the interview, guess what, I'm turning white.
That's what I got to do to get it.

I know stocks and hedge funds
like nobodies' business.

[Audience laughing]

My upbringing gives
me a unique perspective.

My mom, she's basically
a white lady, but black.

We went to all white churches,
went to Celtic churches.

I ended up thinking
I was part Irish, so...

I felt like I had to master two personalities,
and now a lot of my comedy

is based on how
people express themselves.

Your voices were amazing
tonight, the white voice.

[Laughs]

[woman] You know what
I forgot...

You got to finish by 11:45.

It doesn't matter
how messy it is.

I hate this bathroom.

It's going to be the nastiest.

Oh God, oh my God.

Shit.

This is bullshit, man.

[Sara] This cleaning job
is very monotonous.

It feels like
a dead-end job, but I don't

give myself
a choice to do anything else.

I'm very determined to
be a comedian and I would not

do well if my entire
life I just had a regular job.

I'm serious about living here
and I want to be successful,

so it's
really no funny business.

[Laughs]

Slay me.

- [Sara] What's up, Idriss?
- [Idriss] Sarah, what's up?

[Sara] How you feeling?
- How you feeling, how you been?

- How's everything?
- It's all right, man.

Comedy is going well,
you're doing good?

Yeah, you know like, man,
I got a couple jokes to keep it all flat.

- Give me a joke, give me a joke.
- Alright.

I grew up in the south.

One thing I love about the south
is southern white ladies.

A white lady will
introduce themselves

with too much information,
I love it:

"My name is Debbie.
If you can't remember that,

it's like a
little lady on a cupcake box,

just say her name.
And my husband Jerry

It's like he's famous like
Jerry Springer, but he's not.

He's just my husband
and I love him.

- You know like--
- Yeah.

That's my joke and
people like the voice change.

- It needs more.
- It needs more?

Yeah, the accent is like
the cherry on the top.

- Alright
- You know what a premise is?

Do you know what
it means, premise?

Yeah, like the subject of
the whole thing or the setup?

For comedy, premise
means an insightful opinion.

- Right.
- It's not always something funny.

Hold on but, people relate
to it because he means it.

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Copy machine printing]

[Raafat] Do you have the judge's
order on the Jiménez case?

This guy slipped in the shower

and he was standing
on the soap dish thing

and he wanted to sue the city because the porcelain was too slippery.

I say this with
not an ounce of pride,

I'm a personal injury attorney.

I defend people
against evil, doctors

and drivers and
landlords and city workers.

I'm a whore.

I'm selling my body
and my brain for money.

[Sighs] Hey, how are you?
How's everything?

[Raafat]
Do I like helping people? No.

I'm basically a whore.

But that's all lawyers.
We're hired guns.

- We are whores.
- Potato, potato.

There's only a few good
years you have left in you.

What do you do with your life?
You just don't know.

That's why you're in law school
because you have no idea.

And that's why we don't
think about these questions.

- But that's not--
- Because people are too--

They're too terrified
of those kinds of questions.

The questions has been
haunting me my whole life.

That's what Picasso said
successful work is,

is when your work and your life
just blend together,

when you can't wait to get up in the morning and do what you're doing

and not just
look begrudgingly at your day.

I mean, you know, you've used
all of your vacation time.

That can't be possibly true.

Yep, used it all.

How about if an uncle died?

- Yeah, you already told me--
- Hold on a second.

Just getting
a little emotional here.

Raafat is a unique attorney.

Sometimes when he shouldn't be making a joke,
he still does it.

[Raafat]
Raafat in Arabic, means mercy.

I think I am merciful
in a sense.

Sort of like when God
takes out our parents

he's sort of being merciful

in some way
that we can't quite grasp.

[Raafat] A couple of months ago,
there was this paralegal in the office,

she kept telling me
I could be a stand-up comedian.

She was: "Oh, they got
open mics everywhere."

I said: "Great, sign me up."

Do you think
I can go far with my name.

Do you think I could be
like a famous like comedian?

"Raafat Toss"
do you think that's funny?

That's why they
use to make fun of me in school,

you know,
they always call me Rat Fat.

[Friends laughing]

It's not that funny.

[Colleague] Yeah, it is though.

[Raafat] Do I sign up here?

Yes, you do. Uh...

Thank you.

I want to make people laugh and maybe just trying to do stand-up

is me trying
to be a little brave in my life.

- Usually it's pretty busy.
- Oh really?

[Raafat] Oh lord,
these guys are going to be gooder than me, I can tell.

Do like a stick...

See, look at that. Any type
of head to the groin joke

is going
to be funnier than mine.

Uhm, I'm just checking
on the jokes.

[Raafat] What is this ridiculous
of e law Korean,

I can't even begin to
figure what I meant by that.

[Comedian] I've done a lot
of dating. I notice that,

you know there's some
red flags with dating.

I think the ultimate red flag would be if a girl's a communist.

[Audience laughing]

Please clap your hands
for Raafat Toss.

So uhm, show of hands,
any other orphans here?

Any orphans?

Uhm, so I'm an attorney.

I uh, practice the lowest rung
of the legal profession.

I'm a personal injury attorney.

I not only chase ambulances,
I tend to catch them.

We're a sad lot, attorneys are,
we don't find joy in our professions,

so we try to do something else,
which is what I'm trying to do.

And if we're miserable, we try
to spread our misery around

so we hire interns,
we don't pay them any money.

They're actually slaves
and we call them interns.

The south should
have used that phrase.

Instead of calling people slaves,
they should've called people interns.

Thank you very much, thanks.

- [Audience] Yay!
- [Audience clapping]

[presenter]
Next up! Next up! Adam Newman!

Can you keep that attorney job,
can you keep that?

You might want to
keep that attorney job.

[Audience laughing]

Not because of you, fine.

Open mic, none of us are
going to do you good,

even if they're laughing,

I'm just saying that
it's gonna be less painful

for the rest of your life if you just stay at the attorney job.

[Audience laughing]

I wish I could go back,

I know I could be an attorney and I
know it would've been easier than this

and I know that like
the word diarrhea

would be such
a small term in my life.

[Mouths]

Why?

[Piano music]

- [friend] Yo, what's up man?
- Hey, what's up, Peter.

Shabbat man, day of rest.

Oh I see, you
look well rested, you know.

Thank you, I try.

[Presenter] Welcome back.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and I wonder what bacon tastes like.

[Laughing]

It's not kosher, so I
never brought home the bacon.

[Audience laughing]

What are your goals?

Stand-up comedy.

Would it be to like
at a television show?

I don't know what
television shows are out there.

- You want me to do one more thing?
- [Jessica] Sure.

Okay, this is something
I haven't done yet really, uhm.

So I, uhm--
I live at home with my mother

and my mother, she's like a warrior,
she's a very nervous person.

And a lot of friends of mine,
they're not happy that I'm doing comedy

and she's not happy,
but her problem is she thinks I'm going to get killed.

She tries to hide it,
like I'll be going to do a show

and she's like:

"Oh is it a-- What neig--
Is it a Jewish neighborhood?"

[Laughter]

"Are you doing it at
a Jewish neighborhood?"

I'm like, "No, ma, it's an
Al-Qaeda's training camp."

[Audience laughing]

Okay, cool. Good job.

[Applause]

Uh, the dry thing
with just no smiling.

I mean, it just is unbelievable.

You never go away
from the character.

This is just for me to know,
I'm just curious,

but why would they get
upset that you're doing comedy?

Okay. First of all,
I'm hanging out with you guys,

- so I might be influenced by you.
- [Jessica] Right.

Another thing is speech is something that we're very careful about,

like we're not supposed to ever make
fun of someone or say anything vulgar

- or even eluding to vulgarity.
- Right.

And comedy is. I mean,
I'm in clubs all day listening to the worst stuff on Earth.

Right. That's why it's so
fascinating, what you do.

It's really the antithesis
of being a comedian.

I feel like it's like a woman
going up in a burqa doing jokes.

[Jessica] Do you know what I'm saying?
It's really amazing to me.

[Piano music]

The executive branch. Okay,
yeah, think I'll look at you.

- [Chuckles]
- Alright

[David] In my community,
we have a lot of things that we do that are a bit different,

so I keep kosher,
I pray three times a day.

Friday and Saturday I can't do
comedy because of the Sabbath.

I can't eat pigs which I really want to do,
and I can't eat them.

Growing up Orthodox, the boys
and girls are kept separate.

I wasn't allowed
to have a television,

no movies,
no listening to the radio.

For most of my life, I grew up,
I knew really nothing about popular cult--

Pop culture stands
for popular culture, right?

- [Interviewer] Yeah.
- Yeah, popular culture,

so comedy is something that's
not really done in my circles.

We don't really do comedy... ever,
so I haven't been telling people.

Yeah, I'm not doing it to rebel,
that's the thing. I'm not like:

"Oh, I want to stop being
religious." That's not--

I want to do comedy
and my goal is to do both.

[Comedian] I was so gay,
when I was in school, t he teacher said to me:

"Recite the Martin Luther King I Have a Dream speech."
So, I did.

"I have a dream.

I dream about you, baby.

It's gonna come true, baby."

I'm about to do my first
open mic at a gay bar,

so I have some reservations
performing for a gay audience,

because a lot of them probably know that
we don't really have openly gay people

in our community and you can't
be an Orthodox Jew and be gay.

But I'm doing it mainly
because I want to know

that I could
perform for any audience.

[Comedian] Ah, when my brother,
who's an iron worker,

found out that
I was a gay comic,

he was like:
"You're a gay comic?

What do you do, tell jokes
about Strawberry Shortcake?"

[Audience laughing]

Which would
have been really funny

if it weren't for the fact

that I actually have a joke
about Strawberry Shortcake.

I think I'll
just get off on that.

- Thank you guys.
- [Applause].

[Presenter] Come on. Turn it up
everybody for David Finkelstein.

Uhm... It's great to be here.
I feel like I fit right in.

[Audience laughing]

This is how I've dressed
every single day my entire life.

You guys know
what jeans are, right?

- [Man] Yeah, yes.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I've never owned a pair.

- There's a Jewish holiday where we dress up in costumes.
- [Man] Right.

So one year I wore jeans.
That was my costume.

[Audience laughing]

Everyone's like: "Hey, David,
what are you supposed to be?"

- "I'm supposed to be normal."
- [Audience laughing]

No, actually, I'm not
allowed to touch a girl.

You guys know that men and
ladies are not allowed to touch.

[David] That's doing great, man.

That's why I'm here.

[Audience laughing]

[David]
Alright, thanks a lot, guys.

[Presenter] Very funny!
And I had no expectations, David, none at all.

That was great.
Let me here it one more time for David Finkelstein.

I kind of get it.

[Audience laughing]

[music]

Are you guys ready for it?

Bring your hands together
for Sarah Parks.

[Applause]

Thank you
for coming out, everybody.

I have an awesome family,
but we're all financially like terrible with money.

You would think that growing up in my house would be better because

everything is always about money,
even stuff that don't relate to it.

[Audience laughing]

[Sara] Right now I live in Staten Island with my New York mother.

She takes care of
me like I am her own.

I live in her apartment,
I sleep on the couch.

This is my third year with her.

I tried doing laundry,
I try to clean for her.

I try to pay her every month.

Sometime I can't do it.

It's really, really
hard and frustrating.

And sometimes embarrassing
because I don't want to say

I can't pay you. And I don't
want to take advantage of her.

I need to find
a place to live and be stable.

This is-- Don't want to pay
$40 for a metro-card.

I'm trying to slow down.
I did that whole thing in five, in four or five minutes.

I got seven minutes.

[Chattering]

Great, I'm on the escalator gliding like a motherfucker.
This nigga--

[audience laughing]

Nigga take the steps, nigga
don't you see me floating?

Sweet James is kind of
like a social veteran

and Tahim Commodore he hosts
this very popular comedy night.

[Sara] Sweet James
is going to be my first

real live show in
front of an audience.

I'm very nervous. I don't know
how it's going to go.

I grew up in
a very traditional home.

I didn't know about 2Pac,
I didn't know about Biggie.

I knew Stravinsky.

I knew Tchaikovsky.

So it was very like--
I couldn't relate.

Where I was like:
"Fuck you, bitch. Ma--

[audience laughing]

The difference
between performing

for a black audience
and a white audience

is that, white audiences are
a little bit easier to please.

So you performing for Sweet
James will be very difficult

because that's an all
black audience and some Spanish.

So they could
be pretty judgmental.

And you're kind of not their friend [laughs] when you get on stage.

Give it up for my first comedian right now y'all,
coming to the stage, man, Sarah Parks.

So clap it up,
clap it up, clap it up.

What? What?
I'm so hype, I'm good.

Don't let those cameras fool you, man.
I'm still poor and broke.

I grew up in a very
conservative household.

It was so conservative
I didn't know I was black

until I went other places. You
know, we went to a white church.

It was a mess,
but when you get to New York you get such a wake-up call.

Like I wasn't even
American when I got here.

I was Ethiopian, I was Egyptian.

So I learned how to use
all of this to my advantage.

I've seen some cats walk
up to the street meat truck.

The halal truck and walk away with no transaction.
So I thought I should try it.

They asked me if I'm from their country-- Guess what, today, yes.

You know, I walked up
to them and I was like:

Assalamu alaikum. Marhaban,
sir, how are you doing.

[In foreign accent] I'm so tired.
I have been walking all day, look at my shoes.

Oh my goodness."

Am I hungry? All the time,
I'm so hungry, sir.

I'm so hungry, may I
have something to eat, please?"

I go to a church now in
Staten Island, they will say...

Say it's a lot
of Africans in my church.

And they are
thankful for everything.

Everything, everything we wake up for like:
"Oh lord, I thank you

for the air I'm so happy to be breathing because without breath, Lord

if it would not be for you,
but I'm so happy that my knees are with me today.

Oh I'm so glad
that I can bend my knees today.

I'm so happy I can
bend my elbows today, Lord.

I'm so happy for the extra skin
on the back of my eye, Lord.

Oh my god,
pass the plate already.

Oh my goodness.

Thank you so much, guys,
for your time.

I really
appreciate you, Sweet James.

[Applause]

Give it up for Tahim!

[Music playing]

Thank you.

You were so funny.
I enjoyed [inaudible].

You enjoyed me? You know,
that means so much to me.

[Laughs]

Keep on writing, keeping
the fate every day you can.

Alright, I do though.
I try that every day.

- Every day.
- I was scared because those jokes,

This performance really
helped build my confidence.

If I fall on my face every time,
I know I'll be able to get back up.

So I'm ready.

Let's go comedy.

[Laughs] Let's go.

[Laughs]

[music]

So, uhm... Any, uh...

Show of hands,
any other orphans here?

Oh, god help us. Any Orphans?

I thought it would be easy.
Any orphans?

When I first wrote
the jokes down, I was like:

"Okay, yeah.
This is going to be hilarious."

And I was horrible.

I'm a personal injury attorney.

People just look at me.

I don't look like
a personal injury attorney.

I look like I need a personal
injury attorney right here.

Uh, thank you very much, thanks.

Maybe the name Rafaat Toss
is a very non-comedic name.

Especially with
someone who comes on who is fat.

You know.

Growing up my parents
wouldn't let me do anything

this frivolous,
as stand-up comedy.

They were born in Egypt and they immigrated here in the late '60s.

They wanted me to be a lawyer.

I should have just
been brave and just said

this is what I want to do
and just gone into it.

So it's-- You come through.

It's like
a spare bedroom down here,

and it's four fireplaces.

So--
Doesn't that sound horrible?

It's like I'm bragging
of four fireplaces.

[Raafat] What do white people
call this thing in the back?

Is it a porch
or a patio or a deck?

Deck I believe
is what you call it.

[Raafat] I've been very--
Thank God, very happy life.

I have a great wife.

But I just feel
frustrated because I think

all my creative juices
are being siphoned by my job.

Slip and falls
and car accident cases.

Everyone has about 100 cases
and there's just so much to do.

It's a process that
takes three to four years,

five years and its minutia.

It's lawyers arguing about authorizations,
for medical records.

I'm looking forward to the end of the day,
every day, so my life can start.

That's not a good way to live.

[Tyler] Why aren't you too
cocky? I'm too nice.

A lot of guys would walk around the city,
they play this sex game

where they just pick
out who they'll have sex with.

They'll be like:
"Oh yes, I'll have sex with her,

I'll have sex with her.

I've looked at her,
I like doing a thing with her."

But I like to
play a different game.

I like to play
a game where I pick out

the girls who
would have sex with me.

So I walk around,
I'm like: "No, no, no,

no, no, no, no,
definitely not, no."

- [Raafat] I'm a lawyer.
- [Tyler] Okay.

I hate my job.

I want to get into stand-up.

- Oh, sorry.
- [Laughs]

How do you get brave enough
to constantly go back.

I'm afraid of failure.
I'm afraid of being--

Then don't call it a failure.
Just call it-- It's the process.

You'll see those people
who aren't doing well

and then something
will just click.

- All the time.
- Really. Okay.

I'll see somebody
who is not getting laughs.

You know, maybe you could tell
they have something

and then you see them a year
later and they are incredible.

- What's that something?
- You don't know what it is.

Really all it is, you got to be positive.
You got to keep working.

Get up as much as you can
and you'll find it.

I'm working on a bunch of jokes.

Every time I get a funny idea,
I write it down

and I sort of work the line
into what's hopefully a bit.

[Keyboard typing] Why
do strippers even go through

the education of
learning how to use a pole?

It's not like
the fat guy in the front

is judging her on balance

or dexterity.

Like, I think that's funny.

[Doorman] More. Free comedy show, guys,
free comedy show. That's right.

Port side
downstairs, downstairs.

[Mick] I got hit in the face
with the pigeon the other day.

- [Man] You don't say?
- Yeah.

Pigeons, they can course correct in under six inches of space in the air.

They're the smartest
birds in the world.

That's important for you to know so
you can agree with me when I tell you

it was the pigeon's fault.

- Yeah.
- [Laughing].

[Friend] You doing anything right now?
You got a thing going on?

- [David] Nothing.
- Do you want to grab a bite?

Uhm, It's not kosher,
probably, so...

They can scrounge up
a little thing kosher, right?

If it's a restaurant that's
non-kosher, I can't eat anything

- except for the water.
- Like nothing in the restaurant?

Do you think comedians are like different people than other people?

Do you think like we're a different breed?
I don't-- I find I relate--

Like we think differently?
Absolutely.

I relate-- To me it's
so refreshing because like

in my community, we're all
about perfecting ourselves.

Like religious-- There's a role supposed to be like striving to be a person.

- So we don't admit our flaws to each other.
- Right.

Like mental illness,
it's not discussed.

No one talks about like, if
you have depression, anxiety?

You don't talk, you don't
tell anyone. It's a secret.

Well, what do you do? How do
you-- You just bottle it? Like--

I'd bottle the fears, yeah I do.
I didn't tell anyone.

- Have you ever had panic attacks?
- I say every day,

- if I go outside, I have daily panic attack.
- Really?

Normally, I would have been, I mean,
nervous about sitting here right now.

- I have severe social anxiety.
- Sure, yeah.

Like, you're making me
really nervous now just being,

being here With you. I'm sweating,
I'm in pain, I'm just secreting things, I am--

- Oh yeah, there's just fluids all over the place, yeah.
- Yeah.

[David] Before I started doing stand-up,
the way my life basically was

I was studying
the Torah all day.

I was in the Shiva for--

Should I act like translate these words,
or it doesn't matter?

I was in Jew school.

It's a very strict schedule.

And we get up 7:30 in
the morning and start studying.

And then just go as long
as you could, it's rhythmic.

Focusing on God's will as I consider the most noble profession.

I felt fulfilled,
I definitely felt fulfilled.

To me, that was pretty happy
at times, but I don't know.

I always like felt like I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing.

Like I always felt
like something was missing.

I got into
a very deep depression...

for I guess about a year.
I was just home doing nothing, staring at the wall.

You know I had
a lot of emotional problems.

It was always hard for me
being in front of people.

I would get terrible panic attacks whenever I was out in public.

And so I got
a laptop with Internet.

That was like
the first rule that I broke.

And I started watching like
TV-shows and I saw Louis CK.

- It's not like everything.
- That was the first time I heard stand-up comedy.

Some people,
they want you to do things when they die with their like:

"I want you to take
my ashes and sprinkle--

Fuck you, I'm not
doing none of that shit.

You're dead,
I'm not going to run errands for you after you're dead."

[Audience laughing]

[David] I couldn't stop
watching him. He was so honest.

[David] I've always been brought up that even if you feel a certain way,

you don't say
what you're really feeling.

It's something. This is
a whole new way of thinking.

You don't matter anymore.

[David] Louis would just feel
like say everything you think.

That way I knew
that's what I should do.

I Googled how to be a comedian,
it said you got to do open mics.

My first open mic, I had
to reserve through an email.

That was
the first email I ever sent.

It was also the first time that I'd ever gone on the subway by myself.

My shirt was
drenched with sweat.

[Music]

[clapping and cheering inside]

Is it weird that the first time
I saw a picture of a naked lady,

it was in the Holocaust Museum?

[Audience laughing]

That's not a Holocaust joke,
that's about a young man becoming an adult.

[Audience laughing]

[David] That's was probably the best therapy to get over social anxiety,

just go on stage and bare your soul in front of people you don't know.

It was definitely
giving me confidence,

it's definitely gotten over--

helped me getting, got, getting, gotten,
gitten-- like gitten over my anxiety.

I still get anxious
in like social situations, but

I haven't had a single panic attack since I started doing comedy.

I'm sorry, I can't
shake your hand, I'm so sorry.

[Sara] Free comedy show tonight
at eight downstairs at 101 Pub.

I promise it's funny,
I wouldn't lie to you that hard.

Eight o'clock,
come with the homies,

come with the friends,
kick it for a minute.

Hi guys, there's a comedy show here tonight,
it's free, at eight o'clock.

If you guys
wanted to see it was cool.

When they hear free,
sometimes they think,

- Oh it's just bullshit comics.
- Right.

It's probably nobody.

[Laughs]

[Sara] You did it well. Like
she wanted a date like that.

I'm going to change my voice
and see if that helps.

Hey guys, there's
free comedy tonight downstairs

at 8:00, if you want to come.

It's going to be so awesome,
you should definitely come by.

See how you spoke to me?

If I was white,
my life would be easier.

It's extremely exciting to start
to get on the bar show scene.

[Sara] A bar show is a lot better than going to an open mic,

because you have a real audience
to gaze the material with.

If people like what they see,

they can invite you
to do birthday parties,

or host basketball games or community events,
and you make money.

Oh, shoot.

[Man on stage] Welcome to the--

You guys might
want to record this

and then,
photoshop some people in.

Welcome. Don't you go now, don't
be afraid, don't be afraid.

This is a comedy show.

You're looking for the bathroom.

I'm sorry, I--

No, it's totally fine.

Just walk across my stage.

You know how mad I'd be.

[Mom]
Well, you have to get over it.

Don't take it personal.

You know what? This--

[mom] Just keep your mind
on your goal.

- [Sara] Yes, ma'am. -Keep planning,
and keep seeking help and there'll be a way.

- Yeah.
- It'll be a way.

Well, we'll work it out.

It'll be a way.

It will be a way.

[Sara] Ugh, gosh.

I couldn't buy two fares,
to and back to the city,

so I had to walk everywhere today because
I didn't have enough in any account.

[Boat horn]

[boat horn]

[chatter]

[sighs]

[Sara] Ouf, I hate being broke.

I want to get an apartment,
but every time I get some money

something comes up,
I owe this and I owe that.

This time I really had to do it.

I'm going to go home and reset.

[Sighs]

[sobbing quietly]

[soft music]

I--

Yeah, I get it.

- What are you--
- Why did you come--

I don't know what you're doing.

- Like this, stop.
- Yeah.

[Laughing]

- It's that simple.
- Is it?

You really want to do that?
Alright.

Trust me, you don't know how
my head works, definitely.

[Presenter] Let's Welcome our
next comic to the stage,

I think you know this guy,
David Finklestein!

[Clapping and cheering]

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Was it hot today
or am I wearing too much stuff?

[Audience laughing]

I can never tell.

[Audience laughing]

So, uhm... Alright, I'm done with this guy,
I'm done with the hat.

[Woman in audience] Ooh! Uh-oh!

- [Audience cheering].
- [Woman] Yeah!

Now I look like you guys, right?

[Laughter and whistling]

I got Jew called today.

[Laughter]

You guys know what that is?

Jew called
is like getting cat called.

Okay, it's like when someone very Jew-y is walking down the street.

[Laughter]

And other people,
they yell out Jewish words.

I'll be walking down the street
and people will just scream out:

"Hey, shalom."

[Laughter]

[speaking Hebrew]

[laughing loud]

[speaking Hebrew]

As long as I was
wearing the hat,

I always felt that
I wasn't part of it.

Everyone would be like: "Hi come
on, David, let's go hang out,"

and I'd always turn them down,

I would just-- I would do
the mic and I would go home.

I always thought that-- because I was
religious and brought up a certain way,

I didn't think
the same way as other people.

Like I could never be friends with them,
I could never have a conversation with them.

[David] I've actually never
hung out in a bar before.

[Doorman] There's no rules.
It's the simplest--

How do you-- There's no menu,
is there...

Well, if you're used to go into
bars, you don't need a menu.

So right now
what are we going to get?

- OK, so there's like beers on tap.
- Yeah, what does that mean?

Which is something like a well

- where they can pour beer...
- Well?

...out of something for you.

Like a guy with a bucket

going for the well?

[Music in the background]

Do I just leave it like that or do I...
is there something I do?

Push it inside
if you want to, yeah.

- Like that?
- Perfect.

And I just drink it.

- Cheers.
- Oh, like in the movies. Right.

Never seen you drink, you drink?

- Now I do, yeah.
- You got lime in there.

- Yeah, I asked the guy for lime because I thought that--
- Yeah, that's Budweiser.

- I just saw--
- [coughing]

That's what happens when you're
not used to drinking beer.

It's the lime,
there's too much lime in there.

[Friend]
So how is that working out?

We're allowed to talk,
if I need to talk, I could.

If I'm driving and the lady's
like crossing in front of me,

I can say: "Hey, get out
of the way." You know I can--

[laughing]

[friend] Next time we go out,
I want to see you talk to a girl at a bar.

- I'll pay for your first drink.
- I would like to see that.

- Yes.
- I won't be able to touch. I'm not gonna touch her.

You don't need to touch her.
If you just went up to her and touch her

without,
yeah, without saying anything,

- that's even worse.
- That's not allowed, right?

That's not how it works.

You ever do a show that
you kill and then afterwards--

- Open mic?
- No, a show.

- A show?
- And afterwards you feel horrible?

Because of the high and then
you lose it all of a sudden.

I think it's because I'm
just sick of the material I do.

I have my joke where I say:
"I don't know if you guys

could tell, right now I'm dressed casually" right?
I always wear the white shirt

and the black pants
and people never say to me:

"Hey, David
you look nice today."

- Because this is how I looked yesterday.
- You're sick of that joke.

I don't find it funny because this is how I dress,
it's not funny to me.

And I mean in that case too,
it's like you become the joke,

it's not the joke itself,
they're laughing at you

- more than the joke, yes, I get you.
- But my Jewish stuff,

I don't feel good making
people laugh at that.

[Music]

I don't want part of the joke to be that: "Oh, look,
he's an orthodox Jew

and he's still makes jokes,
he's still funny."

I don't want people to think
that, I want people just to say:

"Oh, this guy's funny."

I want to be
a universal comedian,

but uhm, I don't know-- Like you know,
I've never been to McDonalds.

I don't know happy meal,
like I don't know what these things are.

I don't know
how to use them for jokes.

Like I would have to use my--
our thing, you know:

"Hey I'm like, your
Thursday night challenge, right.

But no one would know
what I'm talking about.

So there is I guess a certain-- it is a bit hard for me sometimes.

[Background chatter]

[David] I hate when people say that Jews are greedy,
that gets me so annoyed.

One time I saw
a penny on the ground,

one of my non-Jewish friends, he's like: "Hey, David,
aren't you going to pick it up?"

And I knew that he was just kidding around,
but I still got very upset

because now
I couldn't pick it up.

[Audience laughing]

- You're much more--
- Wait a sec, it's my mother.

- Hi David's mom.
- Hold on, mom.

- Yeah, hi What's up?
- Oh, where we are? We are in a bar in the East Village.

- No.
- Some place where Jews should never be.

- A drunk person is screaming.
- Doing...

- Stop.
- ...regular people stuff.

- Yeah, I'm probably coming home soon.
- - There are naked girls

walking around.
What's up, Destiny?

You want to hug David?

David Finklestein,
nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, David.

It's weird because
you don't shake hands.

- Yeah, it's just weird.
- I'm Puerto Rican.

It's like shaking hand is just
where it starts, baby.

We start kissing and hugging.

- We don't do that.
- You don't hug?

Guys, we hug guys.

- Guys hug guys.
- You only hug guys? Okay.

Well, I could see how a hug could get like misinterpreted

as you know,
just a bitch smashing her tits against your chest.

- That's great to know.
- You're funny.

- Thank you. I think you've very funny.
- Thank you.

Here's the thing, you grew up
different than me like...

- What makes you say that? Because my hair is not blue?
- Yeah, that.

This comes from
being Puerto Rican.

- I'm sorry, did I touch you at all one more time?
- Slightly.

- I'm sorry. I do that.
- Slightly. You slightly--

[laughing]

Okay, alright. I was like--
No I'm not gonna--

[David] Right now my family is probably
assuming that I'm at some synagogue

just studying the Torah.

They don't know that I'm
in the basement of some bar.

- Aah!
- [Man] It's Christmas.

I don't want them to find out because from where they're coming from,

it's self-destructive.
It is as if I'm doing heroine.

It's against everything I was taught,
so I guess I feel guilty about that.

My friends are
all married and have families.

I like being around comics
much more than my own friends.

[Music]

I hate Starbucks uhm,
because they force you to speak a different language.

[Audience laughing]

Like: "I want a medium
or I want a large,"

and every time I say:
"I want a medium or a large,"

they're always back with:
"Oh, you do mean the Venti?

Oh, do you mean the Grande?"
You're not going to trick me, we're in America,

we're not in some little cafe in
an island in Tuscany somewhere.

That's me. Thanks.

[Raafat] Writing comedy,
I think I can do it.

But I don't think it's
beyond me, I just think if I

put in the time enough,
I can be successful.

[Presenter] Alright Toss
Let me hear it one more time.

Growing up my parents
just told me how great I was.

They never like
rewarded the effort.

So I think I never learned
to work, really, really hard.

Stand-up comedy requires you
to sacrifice time and hours.

It requires a lot more
than a passing fancy.

- Are you there?
- [Man] Yeah, yeah, what's up?

I want to show you something.

By the way,
I'm going to pretend to care.

- How's school?
- It's--

Okay, very good now. So...

These are my
beautiful red shoes,

these are my wife's beautiful
brown shoes and these are?

Baby shoes. What?

Are you pregnant?

No, she is pregnant,
I am just fat.

- That's great.
- There is a difference.

Is that the expi--
Not the expiration, the--

The due date, they call it.

Yes, the expiration now.
It's the-- Wow.

[Background chatter]

So Steven, my boss,
he does some bluegrass.

He was kind enough to let
me do an open mic today.

He said: "Just don't
embarrass us. Be funny."

There are
people here from the office who

don't know how miserable
I am as a standup comedian.

I don't want everyone to say: "Oh, man,
you should not do this thing."

I usually eat when I'm nervous.

As you can tell,
I spent most of my life being extremely nervous

or in some state of anxiety that
doesn't bring me as much success

as Woody Allen had
with his anxieties.

[Colleague]
You're going to kill them dead.

You're going to be awesome.

You're fucking hilarious.

That shit you do with us,
do that shit with the mic.

[Presenter] Please clap it for
the very funny, ironist Toss.

[Clapping and cheering]

Oh, Lord, help me.

If I were Al Qaeda, and I know
some of you are thinking:

"I thought you were Al Qaeda"

but If I were Al Qaeda and I wanted to hide my most secret plans

with absolute certainty
that no one would ever see it,

I'd put that at the end of any
porno that's ever been created.

[Laughing]

Because no one has ever sat through a porno to the role of credits.

[Laughing]

The problem we know today is
children having children,

young people, still
freshmen in high school.

So I've come up with a program that I
think we should attach to Obamacare.

The name I'm running with is:
"Anal till Graduation."

- Yeah.
- [Claps].

If people can--
Thank you very much.

That will be
a highly effective program.

Thank you very much.

Back to the show.

[Cheering and clapping]

The problem is that he tries too hard to be funny,
he needs to be natural.

- Cause he's funny when he's natural.
- Right, I totally agree.

- When he's just telling a story.
- [Woman] When he's not trying to be funny

- he's funniest.
- Right. Exactly.

[Raafat] Alright, hold on, hold on.
What did you think? In honesty.

Uh, I mean I feel like
I enjoyed it bec--

Like a good chunk of the reason I enjoyed it is because I know you.

Yeah, that's what
someone was saying, it's like

you have to have a voice, and
I don't have the voice yet, so.

I was born with
a litigation file in my hand.

If you guys are going to do a piece on comedy,
find someone funny.

[Laughs]

Do I look like Lil Wayne yet?

- Yeah.
- A man purse.

- I'm putting on my buttlock.
- You look better than Wayne, babe.

Don't insult yourself.

[Rafael] On the floor,
you put your thing on the floor?

It's not on the flo-- Oh my god.

First lady I've seen do that.

What?

[Rafael] Oh, my god.
- [Sara] Hey, you're hilarious.

Oh, my God.

[Laughs]

Oh my god.

[Sara] I just started
seeing this guy, Rafael.

We're constantly joking around.

He's kind of like me,
you know, we're both bums.

Basically,
he lives on a couch too.

That it's too funny.

Alright, that's how you feel?

That's why I like you,
because you come back with it.

Babe, let's do your dance.

We gotta do the dance.

- It's free comedy.
- Free comedy?

[Laughs]

Free comedy show.

[Sara] I still have to
find a place to live.

We don't have any choice.
We just don't have a place to go right now.

I'm very worried about that.

I'm proud of these protests.
If I don't see you up for the protests,

I'm really
glad all bros coming together.

We got Koreans, black people, Jews,
everybody's coming together for that.

That's awesome,
but once again, my white guys

got a little too much:
"Fuck yes" in you.

Too much turning over trash cans
and kicking customers like:

"Wait, Kevin, no. Let's take the bar,
what are we doing?" [Laughs]

"Get out of there,
we're not kicking cops.

We're just". They're like: "Fuck yes,
black power." Calm the fuck down.

- [Rafael] Come here. Well, you did a good job, kid.
- Thank you for coming, man.

- What would you drop? Drop one of the jokes--
- The soap one.

Like that's the thing. The last time I did this soap joke,
they loved that joke,

but they didn't like it here,
so I'm like, "Okay, alright".

- I might just drop it here.
- You kept all your--

Don't be shy.
It depend on the audience, Baby.

- It's just you know what I mean, it's like buying drugs, man.
- What?

You know what I'm saying?
It's like buying drugs. You get a good batch,

- and you get a bad batch. You know what I'm saying?
- That's hilarious that you

- compare that to--
- It's what it is, it's the truth.

Do you have to
compare it to drugs?

- Holy shit!
- Whoa!

- Finklestein.
- What the fuck happened?

I'm Rocking in Jeans.

[Friend] Is that what
you call it? You're Rocking.

Do I look dumb or do I fit it?

I don't know what I was doing
when I picked it out.

Is this gay?

Gay?

Do I look gay right now?

Is this hipster? Am I hipster?

- No.
- No. No, you don't want to.

You're almost black actually.

What does this represent,
this underwear?

It's not underwear, this
is actually a bullet-proof vest.

It looks weird.
It's like a Long Johns.

- If your rabbi saw you like this, would he get mad?
- Yes.

Yeah, like you're
breaking major rules right now?

It's not really a rule,

it's more of a gray,
it's more of a gray area.

- You still go to church? What do you call your church?
- Synagogue, yeah.

- You still go to Synagogue?
Dressed like this?

No, when I'm home
I don't dress like this.

What is the real you? Is this
the real you or that just--

No, it's the battle between
the dark, the evil, dark and--

- Alright.
- What's the opposite of dark? Light?

- Yeah.
- The dark and the light.

[Music]

[door squeaks]

[David] Oh wow, nice.

What's going on is I'm in
a dressing room and it's mine.

That's basically what's going on
and I have my own dressing room.

There's a star on the door.

This is a star
so that you know when you

walk in and you know
that you're a star.

You got
a 20 minute spot upstairs.

It's my first time
dressed in civilian clothing.

Jeans and...
what do you call this?

I don't know
what this is called.

This, I'm wearing jeans and
this sort of my coming out of

the closet show where I'm
showing my new image to people.

It's going to be an experiment.

Can I be
a mainstream comedian or

Am I always going to be stuck in this box of,
you know being the Orthodox comedian.

[Presenter] Welcome to
the Metropolitan Room.

As a courtesy to our
performers tonight,

may I ask you to please take a moment to silence your cellphones.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
that charismatic

powerhouse fireball,
David Finklestein!

[Cheering and clapping]

Thank you, thank you.

I'm a charismatic fireball.

[Laughing]

This is my humor, guys.

This is basically
how it's gonna be.

[Laughing]

Enjoy your two drink minimum.

[Laughing]

I don't know how
to tell if people are gay.

I don't-- What's that
thing called? Gaydar?

Then again, I don't have it.

I don't have that technology.

I think all of you look gay.

[Laughing]

I think I look gay.

I don't have gaydar.

Obviously, if I see
two guys making out,

I know that they are gay

unless they
also have bad gaydar.

[Audience laughing]

I have this fear of becoming
like completely paralyzed

and the only way I could
communicate is by blinking.

[Soft laughing]

And then just when
things can't get worse,

I get an eyelash in my eye.

[Audience laughing]

My friend's like:
"Would you shut up already?"

[Laughing]

Thank you, guys.

[Cheering and clapping]

You're not dirty, you're funny.

[Speaking Hebrew]

I think you did great.
Very good.

I try not to, no,
I don't think so.

So, as you can tell,
I love fast food.

My all-time favorite
is Popeye's chicken.

It's crispy and spicy and juicy.

The only thing I don't like about Popeye's is their cashiers,

it's the only
place I go to where

the cashiers are
greasier than the chicken.

Uhm, I think that
because you as an attorney

have to be careful
about what you say,

you have to be strategic
with everything you say,

doing standup comedy is your
outlet of doing the opposite.

You're doing material
edgy and kind of mean and fresh

and you just want to
be perceived as a jerk.

But I want you to really
imagine your life less defended,

because your material
will be less contrived.

So your cancer bit
is about losing your mom,

but you don't want to be transparent with how you feel about it.

- So do uhm, from the top.
- Okay.

So I hate cancer survivors...

[chuckles]

...because one,
my mom wasn't one of them.

[Laughing out loud]

Number two,
they seem to-- Maybe that's why we like cancer survivors.

That is it, that is exactly it.

They think they've sort of
conquered the universe

because they had a,
you know malignant skin tag taken off their ass or something

and now they can sit there
and give me advice like:

"Seize the day and every moment counts
and look your children in the eye,"

and all this bullshit just because they survived a polyp or something.

[Laughing] You know, I think
that is the quickest turnaround

of advice and feedback,
and see how easy it was?

- It was.
- Not everything has to be midget, you know.

- It'll just be--
- It'll just be me.

Yeah, and it's scary,
it's scary.

Bzzzz...

Who's eating my feet?
Who's eating my feet?

Who's eating my feet?

Daddy is eating your feet.

[Kissing] Eating your feet.

Who's eating my feet? [Laughing]

[making silly sounds]
Nah, don't worry.

I get jealous of mommy. She
makes her laugh all the time.

Can you believe that?

[Raafat] I had no doubt
that I would be a good father.

Ugga, ugga, ugga.

I was never worried about it,
while everyone else was.

Emery's parents
were worried about it.

Her father was like:
"So are you going to be in the room when the child is born?"

So I'm like: "Why do I ha--". I said:
"The doctor's going to be fine,

I'm not gonna be on,
I don't need to do anything."

And I said:
"But I do want to be there to eat the placenta." I said.

[Laughing]

And he didn't know what to say.

[Raafat]
That's Priscilla, isn't it?

That's the name.

Hey, Priscilla.

Sometimes I don't even
think she knows who I am.

She knows her mother
really well.

"Who's this big fat guy
who sometimes comes in the home

and talks
to me in strange voices?"

Here you go making your
world appearance on the stage.

[Whispering]
Here you go, here you go.

[Raafat] I want to encourage my
daughter to be anything but an attorney.

I don't want her to be a lawyer
unless she wants to go work

in Egypt helping them, you know,
get past their wave of fascism.

I don't want her to hold back,
I want her to give it

everything that she has within
her to whatever she wants.

[Laughing]

Hey, this is so janky.

It sounded like a hotel.

I mean we used to be like:

- "A real hotel."
- A real hotel man.

You know that hotel, man.
We're straight, man.

And then when we got there,
we were like: "Oh, shit, this shit's prison."

No, but it was alright, you
know. It's what you make it.

You know, it is what it is.

[Sara] I have to see how I cope with being homeless for a while.

If I could take it,
we'll just take it because

the idea is to
make it no matter what.

This is a temporary
holding that's actually

helping us to get our own place.
It's like a dorm.

You know, you have a hall bathroom,
you all use a community kitchen.

We have a curfew, we have to be
in by ten o'clock every night.

It is what it is.

Same.

Nothing better
than that, I'm telling you.

[Comedian] Hey, everybody,
so you didn't get booked

on the show Saturday night,
hopefully not.

The premise is my identity.

It doesn't
make sense to go back and say:

"My identity has always been
fucked up because my mother,

she always treated us
like we were white."

[Laughs] It's true.

You've had a Triscuit?
See what I'm saying? It's a real wise dub.

[Laughs]

What's goodie, what's goodie?

Yo, I'm from Texas, man.

So I've been here
for like three years right now

and I've been realizing that I had to use some things to my advantage.

You know, in Texas, my mother,
she treated us like we were white.

Like I grew up on
Triscuits and cheddar cheese

with almonds on the outside

and [indistinct] seeds
if you know what that is,

you know
I grew up like I was white.

[Laughing]

Here, if I need money,
I have to get a job,

so I got to put my
white girl potential to use.

As soon as I sit in that chair:

[in white girl accent] "I know
that my resume looks weak,

but I can do so many things.

You have no idea, like I worked
for my dad for like ever."

[Audience laughing]

I could get
that job the day I got in.

[Laughing]

You all have been great.
Thank you.

[Cheering and clapping]

[presenter] Parks!

[Sara] Nerve wracking.

I think about you,
that's for you.

I have considered
leaving New York,

but there's just not
the same opportunity

as there is anywhere else
in the world, there is here.

I'm just picking up as many jobs as I can,
learning how to save my money.

I'm reading Susie Women books.
Who does that, for real?

- So I think we're good.
- You bet.

You get chuckles
in a room like this.

I think the show will go...

- I'm gonna go home.
- Alright, see you later.

The rhyme never stops, baby.

- All day.
- All day.

[People clapping]

This next comedian
is a good friend of mine

that a lot of people don't believe he's an actual friend of mine.

[Audience laughing]

Because we look
like nothing alike.

- He's an Orthodox Jew.
- [In the audience] What?

- And I'm a black dude.
- What?

Please welcome to the stage,
my good friend, David Finklestein, everyone.

[Clapping]

Thank you.
Thank you for everything.

[Audience laughing]

Actually, my black friends get upset
that I refer to them as my black friends.

[Audience laughing]

They're like, "We're not your black friends,
we're just black."

[Audience laughing]

"D Finks", come on over.

Come on over. How are you doing?

I have this thing to ask you,
but I want you to think about it.

I got this show.

We got a bunch of
great comedians on it.

Jon Laster is going to be on it.

- Hannibal might be there.
- You're serious?

- Yes.
- [Man] Hannibal Buress.

Alright, awesome.

We need to have you on it.
Okay, it's on a Friday.

I'm just gonna drop the
F-bomb on you, it's on a Friday.

Well, I don't do Friday nights,

but thanks for rubbing it in,
I appreciate that.

No, I want you
to think about it.

You're not hurting anybody.
You're just telling jokes on a Friday.

What's the big deal?

[Music playing]

I think where I am in comedy,
I've reached a point

where I can't be religious
anymore, but I'm not ready.

Religiously,
I'm not ready for that yet.

I don't really
want to lose my identity.

The Sabbath is not something
that's really negotiable.

You know Friday nights and Saturdays, those are,
that's the main time for comedy shows.

If I want to go on the road,

right? I'm gonna-- I can't
like only travel during the week

but not on
Fridays and Saturdays.

You know, so I definitely, I feel kind of jealous,
you know, of other comics.

What's keeping me religious?
I mean--

My whole life
I've been that way.

You know, it definitely
satisfies something in me.

You know,
it gives me some direction.

I'm very comfortable
being religious.

It's something that I'm
used to and I've been doing

you know, all the time.
It's scary to not do what you've always done.

[Soft music]

[Raafat] Tonight I'm trying
out some new material.

It's a little more personal.
I'm nervous just because it's

you know,
talking about my wife or my mom,

but if people don't laugh,
that'd be sort of doubly hurtful.

Actually,
this last Thanksgiving was

the 20th anniversary
of my mom's death.

Everyone left their Thanksgiving dinners and came over to our house.

So my dad gives me
like $200 and says:

"Go and get the food".
I come across this Kentucky Fried Chicken.

You know, so I get
through the drive through

and the person's like:
"Can I help you, please?

- Happy Thanksgiving."
- [Audience laughing]

'Cause it was that really--
"Yeah, you know my mom died."

The guy was like:
"Is that a number nine?"

[Audience laughing]

[Raafat] I do standup,
I think I've been humbled.

It's probably
the scariest thing I do.

Hang in there, Raafat.

Open mics force me to be
truthful and do something

more creative and braver with my life than sitting there litigating.

[Phone ringing]

In The Room Audio, this is
Sara, how may I help you?

I'm an intern right here,
in The Room Audio,

trying to become a recording engineer
because that's what my degree is in

so I can make the paycheck.

Begin a new apartment.

- Because you can chop it.
- Okay.

So you can make
option decision. Yeah.

- Oh, shoot, that's right.
- Chop it, chop it like that.

It's not odd to be
struggling in New York City.

It's not odd to see
rats eating more than you.

It's not odd to be
jealous of the rats, you know.

"Where did you get that burger at?"
[Laughs] I can't afford a burger.

[Background music]

Finklestein! Welcome back, man.

Back on the grid, guys.

I'm back on the grid.

You're two days off. Back to--

Sun goes down and I'm back out.

Got your new outfit,
so now you're...

- Got my new outfit.
- Cocky now, you got swag now?

Yeah. Pick up chicks.

Bro, we got a new first
experience for you, strip club.

For you, regular person,
why not got to the strip club?

- Regular people go to strip clubs?
- All the time.

- You should do it.
- Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna do it, but--

- Why not?
- I'm not-- That's not my cup of tea.

They have kosher
strippers over there.

- They have kosher strippers?
- They have kosher...

- Really?
- How would you get a stripper to be kosher?

I have no idea. Probably she
would be wearing clothes?

That would be the first step.
She had to have her clothes on.

- That's not a stripper, no.
- That'll be a--

That's a kosher,
a kosher stripper.

No, Well, you guys enjoy
and have fun, and yeah,

get one for me, whatever
it is that you do there.

Well, Alright.

[David] I'm always doing comedy.
It's not something I just do when I'm on stage.

You know, it's like medication,
for me, basically.

Comedy is like
my medicine, I have to do it.

Even praying, when I'm praying,
like sometimes I'll start laughing

in the middle of my prayers,
and I hope God's laughing too.

[Music]

Is shat cursing?

- That's past tense of shit.
- So sh--

- I just cursed, was that shat?
- Shat's a curse.

I can't say shat?

I thought I did a loophole
I found, like I can just say--

There are words you
can say to get around it.

- I say crapped.
- Crapped?

Which is huge for me.
I never say crapped before I started doing comedy.

I say crap now, I've said uhm,
I've said dick.

I figured it's like someone's names so you could-- It's not that bad.