St. Bernard Syndicate (2018) - full transcript
Subversive satirist Mads Brugger's latest is an odd-couple comedy about the pitfalls of striking out into the economic frontier; it charts two hapless Danes' scheme to sell Saint Bernards to China's middle class.
What's in fashion now is...
- to have a purebred dog.
- How?
Breed dogs. They are very expensive.
- Is that so?
- They cost between 22,000 and 28,000.
You're gonna have to excuse me,
I need to go to the bathroom.
Sure. Come back.
if you want more information.
- You want a St. Bernard?
- They're crazy about them.
I'm looking for a million
for this to take off.
Blondie.
I have a business opportunity for you.
The Chinese market is booming.
China Yes.
The middle class has quadrupled.
200 to 800 million in 10 years.
- They're swimming in money.
- Yes, everyone wants...
I want to found
a breed dog business in China.
- Raising dogs. Saint Bernard.
- I see.
Every time they see a Saint Bernard,
they go crazy.
I call it the Western Panda.
Investors
are dying to participate.
They want to invest in this business,
but I give them long,
because I need the right investor.
And I think it's you.
You wouldn't have to do anything.
I just need an investment
and I know your father died.
Yeah, that's right.
I'm sure there's an inheritance.
Yeah, yeah, sure. How much do you need?
- No more than 2 million.
- I'll think about it.
Rasmus, what was the purpose
of the Herlufsholm School?
- Friendship.
- No, not at all.
Business connections.
Herlufsholm: "We enrich each other.
I don't know much about dogs and...
You don't have to.
I'll take care of everything.
I'm the one with the contacts.
Look, if it's because I abused you.
at school, I beg your pardon.
Believe me, this is a great opportunity.
Think about it. I'm going to make a call.
- Oh, yes, of course.
- Okay, yeah.
- I'll make a call, too.
- Okay.
Hi, Mom.
Not a thing.
Could you ask
more small sheets from this collection?
- Yes, it is.
- Grey. The shelves are empty.
- I'll do it later.
- No, I would like you to do it now.
- Now?
- Yes .
- Did you have a good weekend?
- Yes.
I was
at my old school, Herlufsholm.
Herlufsholm?
- Yes, it is.
- Did you go there?
Yes.
- But it's an elite school.
- Yes.
Okay. [Chuckles]
Don't be so surprised, Mohamed.
And you've worked here ever since?
I've also worked in other places.
- Yes, it is.
- Where?
IKEA.
You've come to the land of dreams.
Yes.
I always say, ''We don't sell beds,
"We sell dreams.
Yeah, good boy.
You're a good boy.
What's this? What's this? Yes, a cookie.
Good boy.
You want another cookie?
Dad, if you look at page 8,
I don't know if you've reached it,
but you'll see
that market analyses suggest
that interest in expensive things
in China, like St. Bernard,
grows between 5 and 8% in the middle class
and that the middle class is growing,
is exponential growth.
What is estimated
is that in five years there will be
a gain of five times the investment.
That's 500%. It is unique.
We're familiar
with breeding techniques.
- We will put that experience into practice.
- Okay.
If you're an investor,
you can assist in that, too.
What's the matter with you now? Come on.
Yeah, that's right.
What I'm asking is
a small investment of two million.
It's all very solid.
That sounds fantastic. Good job.
And the numbers look good.
But we've been like this before,
Frederik. You don't have a gift.....
for business.
But you do, don't you, Dollar?
You do have a gift for business.
What's this? What's this?
Dad, at least leave
to take me to Dollar at the exhibition.
- Are you out of your mind?
- Okay.
- You know where the exit is.
- Yes.
See you, Frederik.
Well...
- This office is new, isn't it?
- Not really.
Rasmus, we asked you to come.
for the results
of the tests we did on you.
Yes.
Rasmus, I don't think you're well.
- But I feel good.
- Yes.
Have you ever heard
of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis?
No.
Also called ELA.
Do you know who Stephen Hawking is?
- Yes, it is.
- He has ALS.
Okay. [Chuckles]
So...
But is it very serious?
- It's serious.
- Is it?
It's serious, Rasmus.
It affects your muscles.
You lose muscle mass.
At some point
you'll have difficulty walking.
You'll be limited
in a wheelchair,
with difficulty swallowing,
it will cost you to walk and...
I believe that Stephen Hawking
has lived too long with this disease.
DAD: "WHERE THE HELL IS THE DOLLAR?
Hello, Kaj. I'm just calling to tell you
that there will be some retreats
from my account in the next few months.
Yeah, that's right.
If you could remove
the blockade, that would be great.
My card wasn't stolen by a Chinaman.
who was partying in China.
It's not about that.
Yeah. I know that.
I'm doing business here,
so I'll use every penny of it.
I'll do it. I'll do it. Take care of yourself in Denmark.
Okay, bye.
''Dear Mr. Xi Jinping.
I hope your St. Bernard, Comrade....
is okay.
Cordial greetings. "Mr. Jorgensen.
J-O-R...
G-E-N...
S-E-N.
I'm sorry about all this.
This is where you hid.
- I'm in the middle of something.
- Of what?
From a job interview.
Nice to meet you.
Our new employee.
I am Rasmus. Welcome aboard.
- It's great...
- I'm sorry. Please ignore it.
She's not hired yet.
It's a job interview.
- So if...
- I'm sorry.
- Rasmus, can't you...
- Where do we sit? Here?
I'm sorry, I'm going to speak Danish.
- Can you go somewhere else?
- What?
- It's not right that...
- I would like to be in the interview.
It's just for...
drivers and secretaries.
Nothing important.
No, I just want to be
from the beginning on this.
I'm gonna sit down.
This is our investor, Rasmus.
He'll be in the interview.
I'm sorry you weren't notified.
I didn't know either, I'm sorry.
- To finish..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
- It's all right.
I'm dictating a letter.
"CEO, St. Bernard's Syndicate.
- How old are you, Beyond?
- I am twenty-two years old.
- Twenty-two.
- You are not old.
- Do you know the San Bernardo breed?
- Yes, I know it.
Yeah, it's a Swiss dog.
They are big dogs.
This company sells these dogs.
We breed them
and we sell them
as pets to rich customers.
Beyond, can I give you a dictation?
- Yes, it is.
- Ready?
"Dear Mr. Xi Jinping.
I hope your dog,
Comrade, be well.
Thanks for the orchid...'' Are you all right?
"that you sent to my mother
for his birthday last month.
Cordial greetings.
Frederik Jorgensen.
- And Mr...
- No. It's from me.
- The letter is mine because I'm the CEO.
- Yes, but it is also mine.
This is an exercise,
Rasmus, middle management.
Could you wait outside?
Because we're going to interview
some drivers
who only speak the local dialect.
- All right? [Chuckles] Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
Frederik?
She's hired.
This is a company, not a brothel.
But we should also have fun.
- Where is...?
- Stay here while I...
They get the wrong idea.
They should know who the boss is.
- I should stay here.
- Yes, please.
Ask him who he thinks the boss is.
Who's the boss?
- Why is that? I don't know.
- That's good.
It has the...
Looks like the boss.
What do you know,
when you see us, who's the boss?
Who's the boss?
Him.
Why is that? I don't know.
Who do you think the boss is?
Okay, thank you.
He also thought I was the boss.
What else is there to do today?
Today? I'm rolling an ad down here.
Okay. [Chuckles] That's a little expensive.
We made one at Comfort Beds.
that was broadcast on local television.
It cost a fortune.
I'd like to see the budget.
I have a lot of experience with that.
Dollar! Look at this!
You want to take a picture of him? Sure.
Photo!
Dollar, look!
Okay. [Chuckles]
It's perfect.
- Yes, you can touch it.
- How old is he?
- Five years.
- Five?
The first time someone
sees a St. Bernard, changes his life...
- to have a purebred dog.
- How?
Breed dogs. They are very expensive.
- Is that so?
- They cost between 22,000 and 28,000.
You're gonna have to excuse me,
I need to go to the bathroom.
Sure. Come back.
if you want more information.
- You want a St. Bernard?
- They're crazy about them.
I'm looking for a million
for this to take off.
Blondie.
I have a business opportunity for you.
The Chinese market is booming.
China Yes.
The middle class has quadrupled.
200 to 800 million in 10 years.
- They're swimming in money.
- Yes, everyone wants...
I want to found
a breed dog business in China.
- Raising dogs. Saint Bernard.
- I see.
Every time they see a Saint Bernard,
they go crazy.
I call it the Western Panda.
Investors
are dying to participate.
They want to invest in this business,
but I give them long,
because I need the right investor.
And I think it's you.
You wouldn't have to do anything.
I just need an investment
and I know your father died.
Yeah, that's right.
I'm sure there's an inheritance.
Yeah, yeah, sure. How much do you need?
- No more than 2 million.
- I'll think about it.
Rasmus, what was the purpose
of the Herlufsholm School?
- Friendship.
- No, not at all.
Business connections.
Herlufsholm: "We enrich each other.
I don't know much about dogs and...
You don't have to.
I'll take care of everything.
I'm the one with the contacts.
Look, if it's because I abused you.
at school, I beg your pardon.
Believe me, this is a great opportunity.
Think about it. I'm going to make a call.
- Oh, yes, of course.
- Okay, yeah.
- I'll make a call, too.
- Okay.
Hi, Mom.
Not a thing.
Could you ask
more small sheets from this collection?
- Yes, it is.
- Grey. The shelves are empty.
- I'll do it later.
- No, I would like you to do it now.
- Now?
- Yes .
- Did you have a good weekend?
- Yes.
I was
at my old school, Herlufsholm.
Herlufsholm?
- Yes, it is.
- Did you go there?
Yes.
- But it's an elite school.
- Yes.
Okay. [Chuckles]
Don't be so surprised, Mohamed.
And you've worked here ever since?
I've also worked in other places.
- Yes, it is.
- Where?
IKEA.
You've come to the land of dreams.
Yes.
I always say, ''We don't sell beds,
"We sell dreams.
Yeah, good boy.
You're a good boy.
What's this? What's this? Yes, a cookie.
Good boy.
You want another cookie?
Dad, if you look at page 8,
I don't know if you've reached it,
but you'll see
that market analyses suggest
that interest in expensive things
in China, like St. Bernard,
grows between 5 and 8% in the middle class
and that the middle class is growing,
is exponential growth.
What is estimated
is that in five years there will be
a gain of five times the investment.
That's 500%. It is unique.
We're familiar
with breeding techniques.
- We will put that experience into practice.
- Okay.
If you're an investor,
you can assist in that, too.
What's the matter with you now? Come on.
Yeah, that's right.
What I'm asking is
a small investment of two million.
It's all very solid.
That sounds fantastic. Good job.
And the numbers look good.
But we've been like this before,
Frederik. You don't have a gift.....
for business.
But you do, don't you, Dollar?
You do have a gift for business.
What's this? What's this?
Dad, at least leave
to take me to Dollar at the exhibition.
- Are you out of your mind?
- Okay.
- You know where the exit is.
- Yes.
See you, Frederik.
Well...
- This office is new, isn't it?
- Not really.
Rasmus, we asked you to come.
for the results
of the tests we did on you.
Yes.
Rasmus, I don't think you're well.
- But I feel good.
- Yes.
Have you ever heard
of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis?
No.
Also called ELA.
Do you know who Stephen Hawking is?
- Yes, it is.
- He has ALS.
Okay. [Chuckles]
So...
But is it very serious?
- It's serious.
- Is it?
It's serious, Rasmus.
It affects your muscles.
You lose muscle mass.
At some point
you'll have difficulty walking.
You'll be limited
in a wheelchair,
with difficulty swallowing,
it will cost you to walk and...
I believe that Stephen Hawking
has lived too long with this disease.
DAD: "WHERE THE HELL IS THE DOLLAR?
Hello, Kaj. I'm just calling to tell you
that there will be some retreats
from my account in the next few months.
Yeah, that's right.
If you could remove
the blockade, that would be great.
My card wasn't stolen by a Chinaman.
who was partying in China.
It's not about that.
Yeah. I know that.
I'm doing business here,
so I'll use every penny of it.
I'll do it. I'll do it. Take care of yourself in Denmark.
Okay, bye.
''Dear Mr. Xi Jinping.
I hope your St. Bernard, Comrade....
is okay.
Cordial greetings. "Mr. Jorgensen.
J-O-R...
G-E-N...
S-E-N.
I'm sorry about all this.
This is where you hid.
- I'm in the middle of something.
- Of what?
From a job interview.
Nice to meet you.
Our new employee.
I am Rasmus. Welcome aboard.
- It's great...
- I'm sorry. Please ignore it.
She's not hired yet.
It's a job interview.
- So if...
- I'm sorry.
- Rasmus, can't you...
- Where do we sit? Here?
I'm sorry, I'm going to speak Danish.
- Can you go somewhere else?
- What?
- It's not right that...
- I would like to be in the interview.
It's just for...
drivers and secretaries.
Nothing important.
No, I just want to be
from the beginning on this.
I'm gonna sit down.
This is our investor, Rasmus.
He'll be in the interview.
I'm sorry you weren't notified.
I didn't know either, I'm sorry.
- To finish..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
- It's all right.
I'm dictating a letter.
"CEO, St. Bernard's Syndicate.
- How old are you, Beyond?
- I am twenty-two years old.
- Twenty-two.
- You are not old.
- Do you know the San Bernardo breed?
- Yes, I know it.
Yeah, it's a Swiss dog.
They are big dogs.
This company sells these dogs.
We breed them
and we sell them
as pets to rich customers.
Beyond, can I give you a dictation?
- Yes, it is.
- Ready?
"Dear Mr. Xi Jinping.
I hope your dog,
Comrade, be well.
Thanks for the orchid...'' Are you all right?
"that you sent to my mother
for his birthday last month.
Cordial greetings.
Frederik Jorgensen.
- And Mr...
- No. It's from me.
- The letter is mine because I'm the CEO.
- Yes, but it is also mine.
This is an exercise,
Rasmus, middle management.
Could you wait outside?
Because we're going to interview
some drivers
who only speak the local dialect.
- All right? [Chuckles] Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
Frederik?
She's hired.
This is a company, not a brothel.
But we should also have fun.
- Where is...?
- Stay here while I...
They get the wrong idea.
They should know who the boss is.
- I should stay here.
- Yes, please.
Ask him who he thinks the boss is.
Who's the boss?
- Why is that? I don't know.
- That's good.
It has the...
Looks like the boss.
What do you know,
when you see us, who's the boss?
Who's the boss?
Him.
Why is that? I don't know.
Who do you think the boss is?
Okay, thank you.
He also thought I was the boss.
What else is there to do today?
Today? I'm rolling an ad down here.
Okay. [Chuckles] That's a little expensive.
We made one at Comfort Beds.
that was broadcast on local television.
It cost a fortune.
I'd like to see the budget.
I have a lot of experience with that.
Dollar! Look at this!
You want to take a picture of him? Sure.
Photo!
Dollar, look!
Okay. [Chuckles]
It's perfect.
- Yes, you can touch it.
- How old is he?
- Five years.
- Five?
The first time someone
sees a St. Bernard, changes his life...