St. Bernard Syndicate (2018) - full transcript
Subversive satirist Mads Brugger's latest is an odd-couple comedy about the pitfalls of striking out into the economic frontier; it charts two hapless Danes' scheme to sell Saint Bernards to China's middle class.
What's in fashion now is...
- to have a purebred dog.
- How?
Breed dogs. They are very expensive.
- Is that so?
- They cost between 22,000 and 28,000.
You're gonna have to excuse me,
I need to go to the bathroom.
Sure. Come back.
if you want more information.
- You want a St. Bernard?
- They're crazy about them.
I'm looking for a million
for this to take off.
Blondie.
I have a business opportunity for you.
The Chinese market is booming.
China Yes.
The middle class has quadrupled.
200 to 800 million in 10 years.
- They're swimming in money.
- Yes, everyone wants...
I want to found
a breed dog business in China.
- Raising dogs. Saint Bernard.
- I see.
Every time they see a Saint Bernard,
they go crazy.
I call it the Western Panda.
Investors
are dying to participate.
They want to invest in this business,
but I give them long,
because I need the right investor.
And I think it's you.
You wouldn't have to do anything.
I just need an investment
and I know your father died.
Yeah, that's right.
I'm sure there's an inheritance.
Yeah, yeah, sure. How much do you need?
- No more than 2 million.
- I'll think about it.
Rasmus, what was the purpose
of the Herlufsholm School?
- Friendship.
- No, not at all.
Business connections.
Herlufsholm: "We enrich each other.
I don't know much about dogs and...
You don't have to.
I'll take care of everything.
I'm the one with the contacts.
Look, if it's because I abused you.
at school, I beg your pardon.
Believe me, this is a great opportunity.
Think about it. I'm going to make a call.
- Oh, yes, of course.
- Okay, yeah.
- I'll make a call, too.
- Okay.
Hi, Mom.
Not a thing.
Could you ask
more small sheets from this collection?
- Yes, it is.
- Grey. The shelves are empty.
- I'll do it later.
- No, I would like you to do it now.
- Now?
- Yes .
- Did you have a good weekend?
- Yes.
I was
at my old school, Herlufsholm.
Herlufsholm?
- Yes, it is.
- Did you go there?
Yes.
- But it's an elite school.
- Yes.
Okay. [Chuckles]
Don't be so surprised, Mohamed.
And you've worked here ever since?
I've also worked in other places.
- Yes, it is.
- Where?
IKEA.
You've come to the land of dreams.
Yes.
I always say, ''We don't sell beds,
"We sell dreams.
Yeah, good boy.
You're a good boy.
What's this? What's this? Yes, a cookie.
Good boy.
You want another cookie?
Dad, if you look at page 8,
I don't know if you've reached it,
but you'll see
that market analyses suggest
that interest in expensive things
in China, like St. Bernard,
grows between 5 and 8% in the middle class
and that the middle class is growing,
is exponential growth.
What is estimated
is that in five years there will be
a gain of five times the investment.
That's 500%. It is unique.
We're familiar
with breeding techniques.
- We will put that experience into practice.
- Okay.
If you're an investor,
you can assist in that, too.
What's the matter with you now? Come on.
Yeah, that's right.
What I'm asking is
a small investment of two million.
It's all very solid.
That sounds fantastic. Good job.
And the numbers look good.
But we've been like this before,
Frederik. You don't have a gift.....
for business.
But you do, don't you, Dollar?
You do have a gift for business.
What's this? What's this?
Dad, at least leave
to take me to Dollar at the exhibition.
- Are you out of your mind?
- Okay.
- You know where the exit is.
- Yes.
See you, Frederik.
Well...
- This office is new, isn't it?
- Not really.
Rasmus, we asked you to come.
for the results
of the tests we did on you.
Yes.
Rasmus, I don't think you're well.
- But I feel good.
- Yes.
Have you ever heard
of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis?
No.
Also called ELA.
Do you know who Stephen Hawking is?
- Yes, it is.
- He has ALS.
Okay. [Chuckles]
So...
But is it very serious?
- It's serious.
- Is it?
It's serious, Rasmus.
It affects your muscles.
You lose muscle mass.
At some point
you'll have difficulty walking.
You'll be limited
in a wheelchair,
with difficulty swallowing,
it will cost you to walk and...
I believe that Stephen Hawking
has lived too long with this disease.
DAD: "WHERE THE HELL IS THE DOLLAR?
Hello, Kaj. I'm just calling to tell you
that there will be some retreats
from my account in the next few months.
Yeah, that's right.
If you could remove
the blockade, that would be great.
My card wasn't stolen by a Chinaman.
who was partying in China.
It's not about that.
Yeah. I know that.
I'm doing business here,
so I'll use every penny of it.
I'll do it. I'll do it. Take care of yourself in Denmark.
Okay, bye.
''Dear Mr. Xi Jinping.
I hope your St. Bernard, Comrade....
is okay.
Cordial greetings. "Mr. Jorgensen.
J-O-R...
G-E-N...
S-E-N.
I'm sorry about all this.
This is where you hid.
- I'm in the middle of something.
- Of what?
From a job interview.
Nice to meet you.
Our new employee.
I am Rasmus. Welcome aboard.
- It's great...
- I'm sorry. Please ignore it.
She's not hired yet.
It's a job interview.
- So if...
- I'm sorry.
- Rasmus, can't you...
- Where do we sit? Here?
I'm sorry, I'm going to speak Danish.
- Can you go somewhere else?
- What?
- It's not right that...
- I would like to be in the interview.
It's just for...
drivers and secretaries.
Nothing important.
No, I just want to be
from the beginning on this.
I'm gonna sit down.
This is our investor, Rasmus.
He'll be in the interview.
I'm sorry you weren't notified.
I didn't know either, I'm sorry.
- To finish..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
- It's all right.
I'm dictating a letter.
"CEO, St. Bernard's Syndicate.
- How old are you, Beyond?
- I am twenty-two years old.
- Twenty-two.
- You are not old.
- Do you know the San Bernardo breed?
- Yes, I know it.
Yeah, it's a Swiss dog.
They are big dogs.
This company sells these dogs.
We breed them
and we sell them
as pets to rich customers.
Beyond, can I give you a dictation?
- Yes, it is.
- Ready?
"Dear Mr. Xi Jinping.
I hope your dog,
Comrade, be well.
Thanks for the orchid...'' Are you all right?
"that you sent to my mother
for his birthday last month.
Cordial greetings.
Frederik Jorgensen.
- And Mr...
- No. It's from me.
- The letter is mine because I'm the CEO.
- Yes, but it is also mine.
This is an exercise,
Rasmus, middle management.
Could you wait outside?
Because we're going to interview
some drivers
who only speak the local dialect.
- All right? [Chuckles] Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
Frederik?
She's hired.
This is a company, not a brothel.
But we should also have fun.
- Where is...?
- Stay here while I...
They get the wrong idea.
They should know who the boss is.
- I should stay here.
- Yes, please.
Ask him who he thinks the boss is.
Who's the boss?
- Why is that? I don't know.
- That's good.
It has the...
Looks like the boss.
What do you know,
when you see us, who's the boss?
Who's the boss?
Him.
Why is that? I don't know.
Who do you think the boss is?
Okay, thank you.
He also thought I was the boss.
What else is there to do today?
Today? I'm rolling an ad down here.
Okay. [Chuckles] That's a little expensive.
We made one at Comfort Beds.
that was broadcast on local television.
It cost a fortune.
I'd like to see the budget.
I have a lot of experience with that.
Dollar! Look at this!
You want to take a picture of him? Sure.
Photo!
Dollar, look!
Okay. [Chuckles]
It's perfect.
- Yes, you can touch it.
- How old is he?
- Five years.
- Five?
The first time someone
sees a St. Bernard, changes his life...
They are nice, good...
Like the slogan: "Big Real Bonito.
It's a big change.
Great. Thank you so much.
I'm sorry, I didn't know you didn't drink.
I can finish it for you.
As you know, I come from a family
of dog breeders.
We've been doing it
for four generations,
so we know a lot about this.
What I want you to do
in St. Bernard's Syndicate
is to make buying a dog easier.
I want you to establish
a closer relationship with the client.
It can become
in subscriber of the services
that our company offers.
You can buy
a subscription for dog food,
for vaccines, to visit the vet,
you know, that kind of thing.
that make you have
a dog is a pain in the ass.
Yeah, create a new lifestyle.
Yeah, if you create a new lifestyle,
You can make money out of it.
We need a Chinese investor.
I think we'd need about 15 million.
Maybe our model should be
of four square meters.
Okay. [Chuckles]
It's better, because when I need
investors, they'll have to see it.
Very nice.
Lovely.
Much better now.
I'm building a kennel
for St. Bernard's dogs.
I want a kennel map that shows
the facilities where the dogs live.
When you see it, you should think,
''Here's room
for half a million dogs.
Where are you from?
I'm from Shanghai.
- I'm from Denmark.
- Denmark
Denmark. What do you do?
- A little bit of everything.
- Good.
People don't want trouble.
They just want the good stuff.
of having a dog,
the company and all that shit.
If you take the problems out of the equation,
it'll be a lot easier for people to say,
"I want a dog.
In fact, I'm going to present
this business soon.
If you want to know more,
- is welcome.
- Perhaps.
If you have time,
it'd be great to see him around.
It's been a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Ling.
- Cheers.
- Health.
Can I have another, please?
Do you want another one?
- Yes, it is.
- Make that two more.
Can you sleep at night?
Yes, I can.
It's hard to adapt to Chinese time.
Well, that's the way it is.
I'm tired all the time.
- And the bed is too soft.
- Hello, good to see you.
Hey, girls.
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you.
- Good morning, sir.
- You look very pretty.
In the name of the San Bernardo Syndicate,
I mean, I'm very excited.
Welcome on board
and let the rocket take off.
Beyond, I think the number one priority
is to translate the web page,
then take a questionnaire
for market analysis
and contact residences.
Marketing residences?
I'm talking about institutions
for the elderly, like nurseries.
They could buy a dog
and have him as a companion animal.
Both in Denmark
as in China there is a big problem
with people who suffer from dementia.
Do you know what dementia is?
"I don't remember anything.
Why did I take my pills?
You know, people who don't remember
who they are or who their families are.
They usually run away.
And it's a very...
Finding them is very expensive.
You have to call helicopters
and sometimes they're in a ditch
or a lake swimming.
But they have dogs at home,
that will considerably reduce
the number of people who get lost.
So, could you call
to the most prestigious residences
and talk to them
about buying a dog?
Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah.
- Jenny, social media strategy.
- Okay.
We need to have a presence
in social media in China.
- Curious facts.
- Curious data.
Curious facts about dogs.
You learn something and also...
Do you know what that is? It's very popular
in Europe, newspapers do.
Everybody does it. It's like...
Five things
that you didn't know about the St. Bernard.
Five things you didn't know
you wanted to know.
Did you know that St. Bernard
originated in Austria and Switzerland?
It's a mountain dog.
Chongqing is the mountain city, isn't it?
Mountain dog in the city mountain.
- Yes, it is.
- It's a great slogan.
It's a very good slogan.
''Mountain dog
in the mountain city.
- Take the dog to the children's house.
- That's what we're doing.
What happens before and after that?
At the beginning of history...
This is the real beginning
of this story.
The Danish person, the Danish person, the Danish person, the Danish person, the Danish person, the Danish person, the Danish person, the Danish person, the Danish person, the Danish person, the Danish person, the Danish person, the Danish person, the Danish person.
takes the puppy to this family.
- And who are we?
- You?
The company's businessmen.
- So we play ourselves?
- Yes.
Okay. [Chuckles]
Ready! Action!
- Shall we stop here?
- Stop. Cut.
You're right behind him.
Not like this, if not...
The mother who doesn't grab
the scarf so strong.
This... in the room...
Action!
This is a Saint Bernard.
It'll protect you for the rest of your life.
I think it was perfect.
This is a Saint Bernard.
It will protect you for the rest of your life.
The San Bernardo Syndicate
will provide you with everything you need,
including vaccinations, registration,
dog food and anything else you want.
Call us and we'll come.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Perfect, good.
- Yeah.
- You are...
- Am I exaggerating?
- Overreacting.
- Overreacting.
- You should be nice.
- Kind, okay.
Yes, kind, polite, happy.
- But not too much...
- Okay, no...
- I didn't do it that way.
- A little bit, yes.
- It was very...
- A little bit.
The San Bernardo Syndicate
will provide you with everything you need,
including registration,
vaccines, dog food...
Call us and we'll come.
Cut!
Great. Did you see me?
Actually, I see some...
- Yeah? Did you like it?
- Yes.
- Very good performance.
- Especially when you sign.
- He was very nervous.
- It was professional.
- Professional?
- Yes.
When people were walking through the Alps.
between Germany and Switzerland,
when they got lost in the snow,
the monks of St. Bernard
that these dogs had, they ran
through the snow and rescued people...
No! No! No! No!
Dear friends of Chongqing,
dear business leaders,
and, last but not least,
dear future investors.
As CEO
of the San Bernardo Syndicate,
It's a great pleasure.
to welcome you all
to this presentation.
that marks the entrance
of the San Bernardo Syndicate
in the Chinese pet market.
The demand for new breeds of dogs
is growing by leaps and bounds.
This is an emerging market
and a great possibility of investment
for investors like yourselves.
You can ask me any question,
and please don't cut yourselves.
Dollar will walk among you,
so if you want to take a picture
or smoke a cigarette while watching it,
I think it's the best way to see
if a dog is right for you.
Have a seat. Have a cigarette.
Watch the dog. Look into his eyes.
Then you'll be free to do it.
Look out! Look out! There's a dog behind you.
I'll take your wife.
I'll take her.
Hello, Mr. Ling.
Hello.
- Hi. [Chuckles]
- He has come. I'm so glad to see you.
- Nice speech.
- Thank you.
- Do you like what you see?
- Yes.
- Yes, it is.
- Good development.
It's too big.
We hope to build it here.
We're right here right now.
You enter through these French gardens
and you get to this model
of Amalienborg Castle in Denmark.
This is where the King and Queen live.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
I hope I didn't stain it.
- Thanks for today.
- It was a pleasure to see you, Mr Ling.
You have my card, I hope to see you soon.
You've seen what we're doing.
It has been a pleasure. Take care of yourself.
- Drive carefully.
- And you.
Thank you. [Chuckles]
Thank you.
Hi, Mom.
Nothing special.
I just wanted to see how you were doing.
I'm in China.
Yes, there's little coverage. I just wanted...
I saw the doctor
just before I left. And I...
Okay, I'll call you later.
It's all right. It's all right. Yes. Goodbye
Yes, Beyond, I'm here.
I'm next to the cars.
Yes, I have the key, but I can't...
None of them open.
Okay, they're all open.
No, I think all the cars
are open.
Try what?
Try to close it?
I can't go one by one.
seeing which one's closed, Beyond.
Why is that? I don't know.
If you were here,
I think you'd understand.
We should have gone out at school.
You're right, we should have.
Too bad we didn't.
Thank goodness we are now in China.
Has anyone called? Investors or...
- No, I'm not.
- Have you sent an e-mail or...?
Oh, wow!
You always hit very well.
DAD
Hello, Beyond. I'm Rasmus.
Your boss. Yes.
Yeah, one of your bosses.
Yeah, well, he's very busy.
Actually, he has diarrhea.
I need your help.
We need an investor
for the St. Bernard's Syndicate.
You could arrange a meeting with me.
and with a possible investor.
Yeah. No, no, no.
No, like a businessman.
The richest man in Chongqing.
Lord how? Lord Liu?
What kind of cakes? Cookies?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, perfect.
I love you.
Wait. No, no.
No... What?
No, I said, "A hug.
I don't know why I said that.
Yeah, it's something they say.
in Denmark. You just have to say...
a hug.
Yeah, it's like "take care of yourself.
Yes, exactly, yes.
Okay, a hug.
Okay. Hug?
When we go to Mr. Liu's house,
I want you to do
a joke on my part.
- The dog will be with me.
- Okay.
I'd like
to tell him the following,
''This is Dollar,
but since we're in China,
you can call him Renminbi.
- Okay. Shall I say it now?
- Yes, I'd like to hear it.
- Like this?
- Yes. It's perfect.
It's great for breaking the ice.
Mr. Liu.
- Is that Mr. Liu?
- Yes.
It's called a dollar,
but since we're in China,
you can call him Renminbi.
Hi. I'm Rasmus Homburg.
Nice to meet you.
Did you get the joke?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Okay. That's good.
- Maybe we could...
- Perfect.
- Shall we open the window?
- Yes.
Okay, that's it.
He's so strong.
You can give him a kiss.
This is amazing. Did he build it?
- Yes, it is.
- Did it occur to you in your sleep?
Did it occur to you in a dream?
Yeah, think about it all the time.
He's got it in mind.
- Meatballs.
- Meatballs? Yes.
Let me tell you.
The situation of dogs in the world
is almost the same as that of humans.
A dog can overthrow a government.
Dogs have a lot of power.
Do you know why presidents
from the U.S. and Russia want dogs?
- A dog is a kind of symbol.
- It is a symbol of power.
Putin needs a dog.
Without a dog
he couldn't maintain his power.
The dog is man's best friend.
Dogs have political power.
Shinzo Abe gave Putin an Akita.
Your partner will betray you,
but a dog will never do that.
A dog isn't just an animal.
It is like the soul of a man.
- Is it a man's soul?
- Yes.
Could you tell him
that Mr. Jorgensen would appreciate
what he's saying about dogs?
And that I would love
to introduce you to Mr. Jorgensen.
- Introducing you to Mr...
- Introduce him to Frederik.
- Yeah, I know. I know.
- Because today he has diarrhea.
He couldn't make it today because of the diarrhea.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Forgive me.
What the hell is wrong with me?
Yes, hello, Mr. Jorgensen.
I'm your partner, Rasmus Homburg.
I'd like to invite you to dinner tonight.
We have something to celebrate.
So I'll see you around.
at 34 Jaffron Bay,
to tell you everything
about our new future.
That's all there is to it. 34 Jaffron Bay.
If you don't come, you miss it.
- What's this? What's this? It's the fish.
- Yes, one of the two fish.
Okay. [Chuckles]
I took a walk in the city today.
It's interesting in many ways.
And I went through some sort of
of an amusement park.
A Chinese man named Liu
built it from a vision.
And he loves dogs.
- He loves dogs.
- Very much so.
He adores Dollar.
- What do you do for a living?
- He is a confectioner.
I told him you had diarrhea.
and that's why you couldn't go.
That you have a weak stomach.
Where did I put my beer? It's over there.
- Have you tasted the fish?
- No.
What do you think, Beyond?
Do you like Liu-san?
Yes, he understands Dollar very well.
- Do you understand Dollar?
- Yes
I'd like to meet him.
I think you should meet him.
- Good work, Beyond.
- Yes, well...
I was the one who spoke the most, but...
- Beyond translated.
- That's the deal.
Look at his calendar and mine,
and we'll set up a meeting.
That's a dildo!
It's a Danish joke.
- It's not funny.
- It's like in English ''deal though.''
- Dildo?
- Yeah, it's like ''deal though.''
But it is...
- It's because it sounds like dildo.
- Yes.
He thinks it's funny, but I don't.
This is my partner,
Mr. Jorgensen and Dollar.
- Hey! Hey!
- Hello.
You can smile.
Come on, take a picture!
This is a chick and this is her father.
Mr. Liu builds castles
and has a bakery.
- First the bakery...
- And then the castle.
We'll sit here
and we'll wait until...
We'll wait for Mr. Liu, yes.
Do you like it when I do this?
Yes, you like it when I do it.
Isn't it?
Salivas a lot.
Salivas a lot. Yes, you do.
- What the fuck are you doing?
- What?
- What the fuck are you doing?
- I'm stroking Dollar.
- Leave the dog alone, Rasmus.
- But he wants to talk to me.
Can't you just leave him alone?
I think he needs
leave the dog alone.
But the dog wants to talk to me.
The first thing is to raise capital
to get an installation
that will allow us to start raising
dogs here and sell them.
Build a breeding facility
it's not too hard.
Although it's better to build,
for example, a cookie factory,
but Dollar being the main theme.
Let me get this straight.
First, do we promote Dollar
like a cookie dog
and then we started selling dogs
who want a cookie dog?
- Yes, I do.
- I'm going to explain this to Frederik.
so he'll understand.
- Frederik...
- I understand.
I understand perfectly.
What is our role in all this?
- Because I raise dogs.
- It's a cookie company.
It's a cookie factory.
who also sells dogs.
You can choose between buying
dogs or cookies.
We need people to worship Dollar,
for the dog to sell cookies.
- Yes, it is.
- Yes.
- I don't have time for that shit.
- That's a good idea.
No, I have things
the most important things to do.
I know it's a tough business, but...
So you're not interested?
- You sell dog food.
- Yes.
But you're an interior decorator?
I don't do breeding anymore.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
I think they'd be great.
some slides.
I have to leave you.
Yeah, we have a meeting now.
We talked, Jason.
Hey, girls.
We're having a housewarming party.
on Wednesday from 16:00 to 18:00.
I just confirmed it with Jason.
It's a new beginning,
so I've invited everyone.
We have to think
in a couple of hours of fun.
I think we should start
the night with a speech of mine.
- We should show Dollar.
- With some balloons.
- Yeah, balloons and confetti.
- Yes.
- Do you know what confetti is?
- No.
It's in a tube and it bursts.
It comes out and it rains confetti.
Yeah, that's right. And also balloons.
Maybe they can hang from the ceiling.
What budget
do we have for all this?
The sky is the limit.
I think that's...
- I don't know if the sky is the limit.
- We have to have a good party.
- It can't be simple.
- Okay.
You can tell the story of the cat!
- Your mother's friend's cat.
- At the housewarming party?
- Yes, it is.
- The end of the story
it could be that that's why you have to buy
a dog and not a cat.
The dog doesn't jump out the window.
Okay, unfortunately we have to go,
- do we all know what to do?
- That's perfect.
Yeah, come on! Get in!
Who let the dogs out?
Who let the dogs out?
Who let the dogs out?
Who let the dogs out?
Tell them we have this room.
until 4:00 and they're not ready yet,
that we're sorry we're late,
but we'll start soon.
- Where are the guests?
- Beyond?
Maybe you can bring in people from the street
to see the show,
because no one's coming.
I'll fire the confetti cannon.
and then we'll get started. Okay?
Okay, we have to go.
There's only one.
Just a microphone? Okay.
Yeah, let's get started.
Who let the dogs out?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't let the dogs out.
Who let the dogs out?
Turn off the music.
- Jenny will take care of the music.
- Okay. Jenny?
Jenny, turn the music off.
Yeah. You go.
Are you ready?
- Yes, it is.
- Okay.
Can you...? Hey, get off the stage.
Get off. We paid for this room.
Get off the stage.
Yes.
Offstage.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Are you ready? All right, let's get started.
Confetti? No?
How'd you do that?
Dear friends, family
and business partners
of the San Bernardo Syndicate.
Welcome to this cheerful
and entertaining night...
- that we celebrate...
- It's all right.
with all the best
that our two cultures offer us.
More than 100 years ago,
the monks of the Monastery of San Bernardo
discovered a breed of dog
that would protect travelers
and rescue those who were lost.
in the snow.
That dog was a Saint Bernard.
and today, I also brought one
to keep me safe on my journey.
Please salute Dollar.
He hit me in the balls.
Thank you for your time.
and now let's welcome him.
to the amazing dancers
of the San Bernardo Syndicate,
ladies and gentlemen.
Who's ahead?
Who's ahead?
Why did you stay behind?
You should be here.
Let's welcome the dancers.
of the St. Bernard's Syndicate!
That's it?
Beyond? Where the hell is he?
Let's give him a big round of applause. Beautiful.
After this performance we could...
We could all use it.
a cup of tea, don't you think, Beyond?
So, please,
let's welcome a tea artist.
Unbelievable!
Why are you so useless...
...Frederik?
You can't even do that...
Maybe you're a liar?
Maybe you hit your kids. Yeah?
You slap them?
Or maybe they don't live with you.
Maybe they're in boarding school.
Thank you. [Chuckles]
I'd like to do
a toast to you. Here you go.
Thank you. [Chuckles]
To the Chinese.
A toast. I want to make a toast.
Will you raise your glasses with me?
Cheers. I came to China to make money.
I came here even though my father
he told me he wasn't gonna make any money.
Do you understand me?
I made money, I made a lot of money.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you say so.
Screw all of you.
Hey, Dad. I'm Frederik.
Yes.
What? I don't know.
Where's Dollar?
Dad, listen. Let's start over.
Can we start over?
I'll call you back, okay? Hello?
I'll call you and I'll say, "I'm Frederik.
and you'll answer,
"Hi, how are you?
Listen to me.
Hello? I'm sorry.
I'm Frederik.
No, you have to ask me
how I'm doing. Let's try again.
Hey, Dad. I'm Frederik.
Yeah, yeah. I killed your dog.
He's dead.
He's dead. The dog is dead.
You'll never see him again. He is dead.
They ate it.
He's hanging off a hook.
They ate it, Dad.
He's dead. I couldn't do anything.
Stop yelling.
It's very annoying.
You're very angry.
and disappointed, Dad.
Did you report me to the police?
Do you think China
is part of Interpol?
Good heavens.
Someone had a great time yesterday.
With alcohol and everything.
What's missing
is a sexy girl by your side.
Maybe he just left.
Did anyone call you? Investors or...
What do you think?
What the hell do you think? Tell me, what do you think?
- After our failure.
- I don't think it was so...
You can't be so clumsy.
Are you so useless and silly
that you still think someone
will give us a million after yesterday?
- You think it was that bad?
- Of course it was.
I met my father...
Did you do your part?
Blowing your balls off
and running around like an asshole, right?
No.
What are you doing here?
I'm here to do business.
- Get out of here.
- Okay.
I'll see you later.
You're very pretty.
I'm very lonely here in Chongqing.
Are you alone in Chongqing too?
- Okay. [Chuckles]
- No?
You sit here.
Are you alone in Chongqing too?
I don't understand you.
Okay. [Chuckles]
I sell beds in Denmark,
but I'm a businessman here.
Yes.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't understand you.
I know that feeling. Cheers.
I'm going to die.
It's called ELA.
But don't worry about it,
it's been nice meeting you.
- Cheers.
- Health.
These shackles on my feet sink me
I no longer need you
So I'll show you the output
You meant more than you'll know
Brilliant as much as a crystal
Why don't you face it now?
It's over, honey
So keep your pride on your side
And I...
I calm down without pain
But remember
We'll always have Chongqing
If you're gonna be at the meeting,
no alcohol.
What are you talking about? What are you talking about?
Don't drink alcohol at the meeting.
I barely drink alcohol.
- Then it won't be a problem.
- I will decide when I drink...
- Can't you stay still?
- It's the dog!
This is a Saint Bernard.
It will protect you for the rest of your life.
- Call us and we'll come.
- Shall I sign here?
Look, he's Dad.
This is Mom and this is me, Lele.
You'll call yourself Dollar.
This is a gift for dad.
and this one's for mom.
I want to surprise them.
Dad, when are you coming home?
Hello, son. I'm on my way home.
Don't go out.
- Mommy! Mommy!
- Hi, sweetheart.
- I'm waiting for you.
- Mommy will be home soon.
It's too late.
Do you think they are lost?
Let's go find them.
This is Chongqing. It is your home.
We're gonna be friends forever.
Yes.
Did you like it?
What do you want from me?
We're looking for a Chinese investor,
someone who can
make our company grow
and take it to the level we'd like it to be.
I think we'd need
about 15 million in investments, but...
When I was a kid, my dad told me
who would know the white dragon,
to Pai Lung, in the future.
Okay. [Chuckles]
The white dragon is the king of water.
Water, in China,
means a lot of money.
And today is the day.
We have Pai Lung here.
- Me? I don't know.
- You, my friend.
Pai Lung is you.
Because I'm a white dragon or...?
- Yes, it is.
- Yes.
Thank you very much.
I feel like a dragon too.
Inside, I feel like a dragon.
You know, flying through the air,
seeing all the citizens
the little town... towns,
and, you know, throwing fire on them.
Sometimes I scare the hell out of them.
Yes.
That's enough.
The problem is
that you're too personal.
Fire them. Use my people.
- Consider them fired.
- One more thing.
Prepare 250,000 renminbis.
to start this business.
- Okay. [Chuckles]
- Well, we have Pai Lung here.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Okay. [Chuckles] See you soon, Pai Lung.
- Thank you. [Chuckles]
- See you soon.
This is pretty good.
That's 14 million.
You have to prepare 16 cigarettes
for Mr. Ling.
- We have to buy what?
- Sixteen.
- Sixty what?
- Cigarettes.
- Sixty?
- Yes, sixteen.
- Sixteen?
- Sixteen packs of cigarettes.
- For Mr. Ling.
- How many? Sixteen or sixty?
- Sixteen.
- Sixteen cartons of cigarettes.
- Yes, as a gift.
- As a gift.
Okay, perfect.
Yes, we'll buy it.
Consider it done. Yes.
Yeah, I get it.
- Was it sixteen or...?
- Sixty.
It makes no sense
Tell where you used to work
It makes no sense
Say how much you used to earn
It makes no sense
Tell what you used to do
This is the face
Of Fu Manchu
We brought you here because...
- we have an investor.
- An investor?
Yes, an angel fallen from heaven,
Mr. Ling.
He is the founder of the Dugongo Group.
Yes, we have to fire them, both of them.
Yeah, unfortunately.
we no longer need your services.
It's nothing personal,
is because he already has staff,
and he thinks we can use
and not have to pay someone else.
Maybe it's a good thing,
because before
we had a professional relationship...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- And now we can...
have a date instead of...
Because you can't have
a date with your boss.
But now...
It's a joke. You don't have to answer.
- It wouldn't be a problem anymore.
- But you just fired them.
- I'm trying to make this positive.
- Sure, but for whom?
I'm trying to convert
the situation into something positive.
- I know. I know. I know.
- And the positive...
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
That was very unprofessional.
Obviously, you shouldn't have
a date with Rasmus.
I think that's ridiculous.
Unless you want to.
Okay. [Chuckles]
I don't think that's a good idea.
that you're already going for the second.
Why not? I love coconut.
- Produces poop.
- I've never heard that before.
- You don't?
- No, and I always eat it at home.
I drink it and eat it. I put shredded coconut
at breakfast. Have you heard of him?
Oh, sure.
And bits of coconut in the cereal.
Rasmus, I know it looked like
that I wasn't glad you were here.
I just want to say
I'm glad you came.
- Thank you. [Chuckles] That's great.
- I think...
I think things are going well.
and that you've contributed a lot.
I'm glad you think so.
I almost didn't come.
At first I was a little skeptical,
but I felt like...
I went to the doctor before I came.
That's a good idea. I always do that.
Check blood pressure
and stuff like that.
It wasn't a checkup like that.
I've had some tests.
Y...
I was diagnosed with ALS...
right before I came.
- What? I don't know.
- I was diagnosed with ALS.
What's that? What's that?
That's what Stephen Hawking has.
Muscular dystrophy.
Muscles weaken.
Then you die.
You should take some medication.
- Die? What do you say?
- There is no medication.
That's why I did this.
For God's sake, Rasmus...
- Yes, it is.
- But why...?
Why aren't you in a hospital?
Shouldn't you be in bed?
Why is that? I don't know.
You can't... It has to be a mistake.
You pick up the Chinese all the time.
It can't be muscular dystrophy.
I've had symptoms. Here too.
I felt as if my tongue...
fell down my throat.
and made it hard for me to breathe.
I feel like I'm drowning.
I'm not happy about that.
Rasmus.
Yes, hello, Kaj. What is it?
Yeah, I told you I'd withdraw money.
Okay, how big
is the discovered?
Yeah, but I already explained to you
who was doing business in China.
Yes, Kaj, but the millions
they'll start arriving soon,
so you're gonna have to extend
my line of credit.
Listen to me, Kaj!
You have to spend money
to make money.
That's right.
Maybe I should find another bank
when he starts making millions, Kaj.
But for now...
No, no, Kaj.
- Quite a view, isn't it?
- Yes.
That bridge...
See that building? The tall one.
Next week
it'll say "St. Bernard's Syndicate.
- Really? An ad?
- Yes, isn't it great?
- It's the tallest building in town.
-Really?
I have to pay for it,
so if you can transfer the money to me...
Can't your father lend it to you?
- No, I doubt it very much.
- It's just that I'm broke.
Kaj called me. I have a discovery.
My card has been blocked.
Is this a joke? Did Kaj call you?
- Yeah, my financial advisor.
- Your advisor called you.
- To tell me I have a discovery.
- But that's impossible.
- No, I...
- No, no. It can't be true.
- You said you had 3 or 4 million.
- I didn't say that.
- You only had $84,000?
- A little more than that.
You're an idiot!
What the hell are you thinking?
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
- Get the fuck out of here.
- I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
- Clean yourself up.
- My hands are full of mud.
What about Mr. Ling's cigarettes?
It's an obligation.
You have to call Kaj.
Yeah, I'll call Kaj and tell him
I need money for cigarettes.
Don't tell him it's for tobacco.
Just tell Kaj you need money.
And give him something to back it up.
I can't imagine what...
- I have...
- Yes.
Mr. Ling, I'm glad to see you.
- Your dragon is here.
- Hello, Mr. Ling.
Mr. Ling, we brought you cigarettes.
Don't smoke them all at once.
- Passport, please.
- That's right.
Here you go.
Here you go.
Why did he need the passports?
To register the new company.
It's just a formality.
- I get it. I get it. The government...
-It's like how much you...
- I get it. I get it.
- Okay.
Now I need Dollar.
What? I don't know.
I need Dollar. Pai Lung knows.
To secure our investment.
I forgot to mention it, Frederik.
You need Dollar for...
- No, no, no, no, no.
- What?
No, I'm so sorry. That will not happen.
- We have to give a guarantee.
- He's not taking the dog with him.
- They're not taking the dog.
- You mean that old dog?
- You'll get it back.
- He's not taking the dog.
They're going to invest 14 million.
Dollar is the guarantee.
- Come on, Frederik.
- Shut up, Pai Lung.
You know you're talking
with a dragon, right?
Can you stop that dragon shit?
- Is there a problem?
- No, no, no. Not at all.
It's just...
Frederik is
very fond of the dog
and wants to say goodbye to him.
I know. I know. I know.
- See? He understands perfectly.
- Okay.
- Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah. All right.
- Okay.
Of course.
who can take the dog.
- Did you know all this?
- What?
- Did you know he'd keep the dollar?
- He told us.
- What's next?
- A photo, Pai Lung.
The picture! Wherever you go...
And since we're in China,
we have to take a picture.
Yes.
I know. I know. I know.
- Smile, Frederik.
- Yes.
And the thumb up.
Or do like this.
Called Mr. Ling.
You cannot answer the phone
at this moment.
Leave a message.
Maybe he went on vacation.
And I ran out of money.
- Come on. You need some help?
- Just...
- It's two-star.
- Two stars?
- Overlooking the sea.
- It starts at three o'clock.
No, start at one o'clock.
It's eight dollars a night.
Hello, Mr. Ling.
I'm Mr. Jorgensen.
We'd love to hear from you.
Call me as soon as you can.
how I heard this message.
Hello, Mr. Ling.
It's Mr. Jorgensen again.
- Mr. Ling?
- Mr. Ling!
- Mr. Ling!
- Mr. Ling!
Mr. Ling, when you hear
the message, call me, please.
I'm Mr. Jorgensen again.
We are very worried, so...
we'd love to hear from you.
Call us as soon as possible.
Oh, damn it.
What the hell are you doing in there?
I needed to think.
It's a weird place to think.
I called Mr. Ling again.
He still hasn't answered.
- Maybe it's disconnected.
- Draw your own conclusions.
We've been swindled, Rasmus!
They were only interested in money,
gifts, cigars
and take us
our passports and Dollars.
Maybe he's had an accident.
This isn't a fucking novel!
It's not a love story.
with a happy ending.
What gods did you talk to
when you came up with the brilliant idea
to give him our money, passports.
and Dollar to a complete stranger?
When? I don't know. Yes, yes.
Yeah, I'll tell him.
Mr. Jorgensen immediately.
Yes, of course.
that Pai Lung will be there.
Oh, yes, of course I do.
I'm the white dragon.
All right, Mr. Ling.
All right, I'll see you soon. Goodbye
- It was Mr. Ling.
- What?
It was Mr. Ling.
He called me to set up a meeting.
- Fucking...
- We have a meeting.
- Oh, thank goodness.
- In two days he will tell us the address.
What'd I tell you?
I don't care. I don't care. We have to celebrate.
We'll celebrate with a good meal.
I'll do the shopping.
- Do you have any money?
- I'll manage.
Crash!
That's great.
You should open up.
Food can wait.
- Hi. [Chuckles]
- Hi.
I don't have any money on me.
- No, I already paid for the suit, so...
- Okay.
- It's my suit. Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Okay, bye.
- Goodbye.
Rasmus! Look what just arrived.
Welcome back. I will accompany you
to Mr. Ling.
- Thank you
- Ni hao.
- Are you Mr. Ling's wife?
- Mr. Ling. Good to see you.
Thank you so much.
We're so glad you called.
It's good to see you again.
I suppose you're hungry.
- Yes, it is.
- I'm hungrier than a dragon.
Okay, let's have dinner.
What's your name?
- My name is Lisa.
- Nisse.
- Lisa. Lisa?
- Okay.
- I'm Eeeh.
- Eeeh?
- Yeah, Eeeh.
- Eeeeeh?
- Yes, it is.
- Eeh.
- Have you ever been to Europe, Nisse?
- Okay. Hello.
Hi. Okay.
I have a story to tell you.
It's not mine.
It's a very funny story.
The cat of the friend
of Jenny's mother.
One day, I was sitting at the window,
and, from the 16th floor, he went out the window.
- 19.
- From the 19th floor, it's true.
And he fell.
He fell to the ground and died on the spot.
He was crushed on the sidewalk.
The cat. Meow. It stayed that way.
It's a story
funny and sad at the same time,
but also a lesson
to learn from.
- I said...
- It doesn't matter. Cheers.
- Cheers.
- Health.
- Can I tell you a scary story?
- A scary story?
Yes.
Then let's get a little closer.
You must.
- It's so scary.
- We are all hugging now.
I have a friend in secret.
If you want someone to tell you the truth,
all you need is a toothbrush.
I don't get it. What would you use
a toothbrush?
Is this an interrogation?
Actually, it's some kind of torture.
- Okay, a toothbrush.
- What do we do with it?
You put it between your fingers
and you turn it around. Thank you.
You turn it, you turn it and you turn it.
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- It burns, okay?
Then people will tell you
everything you want to know.
It's torture.
- The worst torture.
- It is, my friend.
How do you know this story,
Mr. Ling? It's very strange.
- I have too many friends.
- He has many friends.
Mr. Ling, can I make you
a quick question?
I would like to know...
if I can pick up one of your girls.
- You don't have to ask.
- What?
Let's go! Let's go! You are Pai Lung.
- I can do anything.
- Sure.
All right, all right, all right.
This is very good.
Frederik? We need to talk.
Get out of here, man!
Frederik, none of this is real.
None of this apartment is real.
Mr. Ling is a phony.
You listen to me. Listen to me.
Rasmus, she was a man before.
I have never done this before.
Mr. Ling? Mr. Ling,
I need your attention.
Where's Dollar?
Where is my money?
I'm talking to you.
This is all a set.
Would you like to play with me?
This is just a game, I get it.
This is just a game to you,
but I want to play too.
The doggie.
Who took the bone from him?
Did the doggie take his bone?
You know that game?
Doggy, who's got your bone?
Exactly, that's what we're playing.
It's not the dungeon master anymore, you know?
This is like poker.
Call the others.
Whoever loses,
toothbrush, okay?
It's not me.
It's time for torture,
of the toothbrush.
I want to do it again.
Once again, it's a lot of fun.
- Yeah, it's hilarious.
- Let's laugh, shall we?
Laugh, damn it.
It's time to laugh.
Play or we'll quit.
Play or leave it, Rasmus.
Don't take it out on her.
Put the toothbrush on his back.
I want to play this game one more time.
Yes.
All right! All right, you win!
Now we torture you.
- No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Take it.
- No, I don't want this.
- Yes, you do.
- No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Are you ready?
No? You don't want to play?
I don't want to play this.
Okay, so he has to drink.
Let's take a little bit of baijiu.
Do you know what it is? It's a Chinese drink.
- He has to drink, okay?
- All right.
Okay, let's drink.
Mr. Ling, tell me, where is Dollar?
Yeah, where's Dollar?
Where's Dollar?
You have to answer me, Mr. Ling.
Where is Dollar?
Let's have some fun, girls.
Let the party begin.
I told you he was a liar.
What? I don't know.
Chin-chin.
Yes.
- Do you want to go?
- Go to the bedroom.
I'll take this one.
Mr. Ling?
Mr. Ling, you should go to bed.
Hello.
- Rasmus.
- What?
- Rasmus.
- Yes.
Frederik...
Frederik. I cannot move.
Frederik. What are you doing? I'm awake.
- I can't move.
- You killed him.
What? Do you hear me? I can't move.
- Shut the fuck up. He's dead.
- What?
Be quiet. Shut up. Stay still.
- That's all I can do.
- Get up.
Listen to me, Frederik.
I cannot move.
I can't move. Frederik...
Dollar. Dollar.
Dollar? Dollar.
Dollar?
Dollar.
Dollar? Dollar?
Dollar!
Don't make a sound.
Shut the fuck up.
Dollar, stop pulling!
ACCOUNT TURNOVER: 2,400,000 DOLLARS
ARE NOW AT YOUR DISPOSAL.