Squadra antigangsters (1979) - full transcript

An ex policeman, now working for Interpol, and his ex assistant find themselves caught up in a Mafia war. With the help of a large dose of luck, two sexy women and the timely arrival of fellow agents, they take on the Mafia at their own game.

Pardon, do you want to buy a Japanese
radio? It picks up all the stations.

-Get out.
-Radio Mexico, Radio Brazil…

This guy prefers "Radio Rear End".

Are you interested in a Japanese radio
that also makes coffee?

-No.
-Hey. Hey, you. Come here.

Interested in this bargain?
Japanese radio, 300 stations. 15 dollars.

-Forget it.
-Let's make it 10, no problem.

-Why do you want to sell it?
-Guess. I need money.

-I'd even be willing to work.
-What are you able to do?

Everything. I can sing, dance,
and I can cook spaghetti.

Could you throw out those two
who are bothering my girls?



-I can try, but then will you hire me?
-Let's see how you do.

OK.

-Nice chocolate.
-Come here.

-Come.
-Come on.

Hey, look but don't touch.

-Did you hear this bat?
-You again. What a pain in the ass!

Careful, I could give you a real pain
in the ass. You won't be able to fix it.

Get out!

-Happy, boss?
-You broke the bones of two clients,

-and I should be happy?
-Wait, you told me to throw them out.

-Now you take it back?
-A real bouncer

first throws the customer out
on the street and then starts punching.

That's true. You have a point.
It's not good in front of the artists.

Can I start at 20 dollars a night?



Twenty dollars? Go hang yourself.

-All right, 10 dollars.
-I told you to hang yourself.

-You want the radio for 15 dollars?
-Get out, loser!

You and your damn radio.

Mine is a first class club.

You know what? Fuck you and those whores
you have in here. Piece of shit.

-Hey, you.
-Are you interested in the radio?

Not at all, young man.

I saw how you dealt with those two.
Want to come with me?

I don't like men.

No, it's about a job.
Credit collection, a lot of it.

I'll give you a list of names
and you have to get the money.

How you do it, it's up to you.
You get a percentage of the earnings.

The more you collect, the more you earn.

Next to each name you'll find the amount
everyone must pay back.

Naturally, increased by a small interest.

-38%.
-The toughest is this Salvatore Esposito.

My name is Sam Fierro.
The address is written here. Agreed?

All right, Mr. Fierro.
My name is Nico Giraldi.

If you are a loan shark,

I don't care.

But if you are being protected
by the Holy Mother Mafia, it can be done.

Don't worry. I see you understand.

OK, yeah?

Give me the list
and I'll start immediately.

OK.

-But on one condition.
-What?

You buy this Japanese radio
for 15 dollars.

-Only 15?
-Yes, I stole it, anyway.

OK, OK.

-Now you won't steal anymore.
-No, you steal for both of us.

It's hopeless.
They don't want to give me the license.

There are too many restaurants in Little
Italy. They told me to bribe someone.

Who can I pamper when, compared to me,
even a beggar is a Rockefeller?

Salvatore, you're drowning in debt.
If you don't pay, the hitters will come.

Peppino, every time you speak,
you give me bad news.

Why don't you go to the hospital?
Amelia, you are my rare cousin.

-Is my mother a steak or what?
-Be quiet.

What am I supposed do for you?
I've already sold everything for you.

I've also been a slut for you.

You did that before. Nobody knows
who the father of your son is.

I'm the son of a bitch,
but at least we used to eat before.

Shut up, leech.
All you do is eat, eat, eat.

I wish he'd eat the promissory notes,
at least.

Who is it? Oh my God.
Someone's knocking. Who could it be?

-Dall'Orto, the bad guy.
-Saint Marinella.

He's Oreste Ciaramella's thug.
I owe him 10,000 dollars.

Together with Firra, they want me dead!
They want me dead!

Count me out. I'm going to the cellar.

Always brave, Uncle Peppino.
Suddenly he walks fast.

Come. Only my death can save us.
Help me die.

Get me up here. Tell him I have collapsed.

Put me on the table.

-Cry.
-We've been crying for a lifetime.

Open.

-Salvatore!
-Don't spit in my face.

Salvatore, don't leave us. Salvatore.

What happened? Why are you crying?

-I want to talk to your uncle.
-I wish you could talk to him.

Uncle Salvatore
can no longer talk to anyone.

He was so good. He was so good.

A life full of suffering.

Why didn't you leave him with us?

-Salvatore.
-When did it happen?

-One month ago.
-What?

A month ago… he started feeling badly.

An hour ago he collapsed.

That's life. Better him than us.

-But I came here to collect.
-Oh, my God.

Here you can only collect my uncle.

We don't even have money for the funeral.

Not even that.

A funeral for someone like him?
Just throw him in the trash.

-He's gone.
-In the trash? You're crazy.

-Throw him in the trash.
-One moment.

Get down.

You need to know that the death
of Salvatore Esposito

doesn't extinguish his debt.

I'll report to Don Oreste Ciaramella.

Salvatore, you died in vain.

Wasn't his head on the other side?

No, what are you saying?
The deceased only has one head.

And it's on this side. Salvatore.

Salvatore, why did you die?

You had bread and wine.

-There was salad in the garden.
-I'll accompany you.

And you had a home.

-He's out.
-He's gone?

-Enough. I can't do this anymore.
-Me neither.

I can't always die.
I can't go on like this.

If I don't get the license,
I'll kill myself.

-Give me a knife.
-What do you want to do?

-Salvatore, don't do it!
-I'm cutting a piece of cheese.

-Get lost!
-Give it here.

It's closed.

For me, it's always open.

-Hey, what are you doing?
-I told you it's closed.

I'm looking for Salvatore Esposito
on behalf of Sam Fierro.

My goodness! Sam Fierro.

What do I care about Fierro?

-You know you're a piece of shit?
-Lot of people told me that. So?

They are right.

-Play dead, Salvatore!
-I'm sick of playing dead!

-Samson dies with the Philistines!
-Who?

Hoodlum, I'll kill you!

Nico! How are you?

-I plod along.
-Why did you say Fierro sent you?

I wanted to scare you.

-What a pleasure. Look at you.
-Nico Giraldi.

Mrs. Amelia. Always drunk, huh?
She likes that stuff.

This is Salvatore's buddy,
and that's my son Antonio.

I see, the son of "Half a liter"?
Then he's a quarter.

The Trouble family. I thought
you were with the police back in Rome.

-Special squad.
-I resigned.

No more police. And since
I can only be a thief or a cop,

I switched to the other side.

-I get it.
-Do you have something…

To eat? Of course. We'll make a plate
of Neapolitan spaghetti.

-I'll boil the water for the pasta.
-Great.

In Naples I was running out of savings,

and she wrote to me that there was
a place for rent here.

I took it, hoping to turn it into
a beautiful Neapolitan restaurant.

Instead, we've been waiting
three months for the…

-The license.
-Yeah, that one.

You know? So we are now
25,000 dollars in debt.

Twenty-six-thousand and thirty cents.

The jinx spoke.

They keep sending me thugs, but I know
them, so I always try to trick them.

I hide, I run away,
I do this, I say that…

-You were lucky today, too.
-Why?

-Because they sent me.
-Luckily.

-But you have to do something.
-Should I kill myself? You tell me.

Bleach, iodine, a gun. What do you think?
How should I kill myself?

Listen to me, Salvatore.

Here in New York…

-only one person can help you.
-Who is it?

The most powerful mafia boss of all.
We know him well.

Don Girolamo Giarra.

I know. You're preaching to the choir.
He was really fond of me, but he died.

-He's dead?
-Only his daughter is still there.

-What's her name?
-Maria Sole. Damn, she was so ugly.

-Salvatore.
-Yeah.

She was in love with Nico.
She inherited everything.

-Everything.
-She's rich.

Then you're the only one who can save me.
Please. She was in love with you.

-No, no. Stop, stop.
-Why?

Do you remember how ugly she is?

Maybe she's gotten prettier.
A mask, some surgery…

No way to fix her, Salvatore.

-A sacrifice.
-My friend, do me this favor.

-I can't do it.
-A little effort.

A tiny effort, come on.

All right then. OK.

I'll only do it for you.
But that's what I'm going to do.

-What?
-If I go to Maria Sole,

I can't just say,
"Maria Sole, give me 25,000 dollars."

-What do I give her in return?
-I don't know.

You don't know? She'll want to screw me.

-Wake up.
-Hey! You slapped me?

You pretend you don't understand.
Instead of 25,000, I'll ask for 30,000.

Great.

So I get 5,000
and I tell Sam Fierro to fuck himself.

That's what you're going to do?
Great! Attaboy!

See how Nico helps me?
He's like a brother to me.

-He's Italian.
-I'll kiss your hands.

-Long live Italy. Cheers.
-Long live Italy!

Maria Sole, this is my son Jimmy.
I wanted you to see him.

-Say hello to your aunt.
-Honey.

-What do you say to your auntie?
-Ugly! Ugly!

Jimmy.

-Look how beautiful it is.
-Shut up, Salvatore.

Don't be mad. He who eats snails
must shit antennas.

You're eating snails
and I'm shitting antennas.

That's just a detail. My goodness.

There's the gorilla.
I bet we need an invitation.

Saint Margherita Ligure.

Don't worry. This is Forte dei Marmi.
I'll handle it.

Watch out, no trouble.

Billy, run home to your wife.
She's expecting a baby.

-Thank you.
-Salvatore. Let's go.

A baby? But…

My name isn't Billy.
And I don't have a wife.

Nico!

-You look like the king of gypsies.
-You're more beautiful than before.

Yes, because I had a cosmetic treatment
in Colorado.

-Colorado, huh? I'm losing my colors.
-Maria Sole, do you remember me?

Yes, my beloved father loved you so much.

Nico, did you just arrive from Italy?

Sweet Italy, beloved shores.

-It's always sunny in Italy, right?
-Sometimes it rains there, too.

Come. It's my engagement party.
Meet my future husband. Come.

She's engaged. Now what?

We'll shit antennas without eating snails.

How stupid. I forgot that Vito Sarpieri,
my future husband,

has a business meeting upstairs.
Come, please. Get comfortable.

Let's get comfortable.

One billion dollars.

After laundering, it can become

one billion, one hundred million.

In two months,
when I give you the account number

and the code of the deposit
at the Geneva Schneider bank…

it will have gone up to
one billion and 250 million

of completely clean money.

After it goes through
the casinos in the Bahamas

owned by the international bank
of Luxembourg.

This is my business.

As of now,
I am responsible for all your money.

In two months, when I give it back to you,

it will have been laundered
in the bank that I told you.

But nobody, and I mean nobody,
must ever ask me

how I do it, and what is my system. Clear?

Don Mimi, Gitto is right.

We are the heads
of the Cosa Nostra families.

We have to respect and be fond
of one another. All of us.

Here is my hundred million.

Let's thank Vito Sartieri

for having hosted this meeting

in the home of his future bride.

-My duty, Don Mimi.
-Vito.

-Yes?
-This wedding had to be done.

I know, the girl is not Raquel Welch,

but the assets of the families
couldn't be dispersed.

-You understand, right?
-Sure, Don Mimi.

-That's why I obeyed.
-You're a good fellow.

Gitto, I'll help you.

-Thank you.
-Let's go down to the garage.

-I'll drive you with my car.
-Good.

-Where did you leave your plane?
-I landed in New Jersey.

You know I won the Little Italy trophy?

-The bike race?
-No, the tango contest.

-Great.
-You know how to dance the tango?

-I get by.
-Wonderful! Make room!

Guys, please. In honor of my handsome
gypsy, "Violino Tzigano".

Nico. If you hold me like this,
you'll upset me. I'm a betrothed lady.

Maria Sole. I came here to marry you.

But fate, darn you… I meant "darn it",

promised you to another man.

I'll make of you my mistress.

Like Madame Bovary,
when he takes her in the haystack?

So I can put some hay on your face.

Nico. You've always been
my true great love.

You too. In Rome, while looking
at sarcophagi and ruins,

I always thought of you.

Even if I'm betrothed to Vito Sartieri,
I will give you my virginity.

No, that wouldn't be fair.
Give that to him.

Stop that. I'm going to throw up.
Thanks.

What type of guy is Maria Sole's fiancé?

Don Vito? He's a respectable man.

As they say, a man of consequence.

What does that mean?

They called him "The Brooklyn Castrator".

-Was he a vet?
-What? No, he castrated people.

If anyone wronged the families,
he'd take care of them.

That's when he was a younger,
as a young man of honor.

Then he became a boss.
These days he doesn't do it anymore.

Good. He understood things like that
shouldn't be done.

-He gets others to do it.
-People still do that job?

What's wrong with it?
I do it too, if need be.

Excuse me.

Nico, my love, you got it?
Tomorrow I'll pick you up at nine

and I'll drive you to my apartment.

Hey. She's listening.

Don't worry, she's American.
She doesn't understand Italian.

You know, all my girlfriends
have an apartment.

They take their boyfriends there
to do "you know what".

I bet that nobody ever goes
to your apartment.

It's true. Yet I love doing
"you know what".

Listen, Maria Sole, what do you mean
exactly by "you know what"?

You know, I'm to shy to say certain words.

Nico. Think about it.
Tomorrow morning I will be yours.

Yeah, I'm thinking about it.

If you knew how much it bugs me.

But Nico, we must be cautious.

I'm engaged. I must not get pregnant.

Remember, before doing "you know what",

you must put a raincoat
on your "you know what".

Of course, otherwise we'll get it up
our "you know what".

-So, are we on, tomorrow morning?
-Yes, we're on.

Who are you?

I used to be with Miss America,
and now I'm with Miss Universe.

-Where do you come from?
-Chicago.

Really? Good idea.
I'm going there too. Excuse me.

Here's my love nest,
where we can do "you know what".

Let's hope my "you know what"
will work properly.

I'm so excited. I feel itchy.

-Not scabies, by any chance?
-Don't turn around until I tell you.

Surprise.

My goodness. Mama cat.

Have you gone crazy? Are you out of it?

What are you doing?

You're so handsome. Handsome. Handsome.

Handsome, huh?
Handsome and the beast.

-Come.
-Listen, I need to talk to you.

I'm sorry, but first comes duty
and then pleasure.

Come here where it's warm.
It's so ugly outside. Come.

It's ugly outside? Same goes for you.

-Nico.
-Maria Sole, we need to talk first.

Come here. Here. Sit. Sit. Here.

-Listen.
-Pupuppidoo.

-"Puppi" what?
-Remember the Marilyn Monroe movie?

Maria Sole, I'm not here
to talk about the movie.

I… I have a problem, Maria Sole.

-I…
-What is it, Nico?

I'm sad, and I can't do anything
when I'm sad.

I can't get a hard on.

You know that a "you know what"
doesn't want any worries.

-I don't get it. What does it mean?
-That my dick doesn't want worries.

What are your worries, my love?

-Maria Sole, I have a friend…
-Yes.

I love him like a brother.
It's that little bald guy.

-Salvatore, who worked with your father.
-Yeah.

He's been trying to open
a pizzeria in Little Italy.

He's in deep shit up to here.

He can't pay his debts. You understand?

If he doesn't pay his debts,
they'll kill him.

But Nico. That's what I'm here for.

I'll give you everything I have.

You don't have to give me everything,
just what I need.

All of it. Nico, all I have is yours.

Here. Look. Here is 38 dollars.
Here. It's all yours.

Maria Sole, are you kidding me?

That's all I have, Nico.

The organization manages
the money Dad left me.

It's blocked until my wedding.

They give me 50 dollars a week.
Nico, let's love each other anyway.

We don't care about money. Pupuppidoo.

-Who is it?
-My God! It must be Vito.

He's the only one with a key.
Nico, hide, quick.

In here. Quick. Oh, God.

-Maria Sole, are you there?
-Yes.

I saw your car downstairs.
Why are you here?

I was in the area

and thought I'd come up here
to give some air to this poor furniture.

Furniture doesn't need air.
Go to the kitchen and make us coffee.

-Yes, Vito.
-Don't come back unless I call you.

It's a bit cold, here.
In this closet there's a sweater.

Vito!

-What is it?
-No, I wanted to ask you

how you want your coffee.

What a shitty question to ask.

Coffee is coffee. Go.

Yes.

-So, Vito, what happened?
-Go. Go.

Why didn't you come by my office
instead of having me come here?

No, no. No office. Neither mine nor yours.

Certain matters require a place like this.

The flat is in Maria Sole's name,
and nobody knows about it.

The FBI has been tapping our phones.

I receive my calls here,
from phone booths.

-You worry me.
-Don't worry, attorney.

This hit will be worth a billion dollars.

-A billion?
-Yes, sir.

All the mafia money

that Gitto Cardone will launder
and transfer to Switzerland.

To Switzerland? And so?

Since Gitto received one hundred million
from each of us,

nobody knows, not even the air,

where he keeps it hidden.

But I tricked Gitto into telling me.

Since he owns
the biggest funeral home in Miami,

you know what he does?
He can send money wherever he likes,

by sending home fake bodies.

But this time I'll have
the loot sent here,

to my safe,
and then I'll clean it up on my own.

Gitto Cardone will know it was you,

because you're the only one
who knows where the money is hidden.

But poor Gitto will not belong
to this world anymore.

Did you assign the job
to one of your henchmen?

Attorney, do you really take me
for a fool?

I hired a professional for the job.

A guy who came from Europe for this.

Nobody knows him, not even me.

He should call me here
from a phone booth in two minutes.

Hello? Merello speaking.

We must carry out the job tonight,
because tomorrow we go back to Europe.

OK. Everything is already set up.

Go to 273 of Chinatown's Main Street.

You'll find the shop of a Chan Chu Kai.

Talk to him.

To be recognized, you must say this word:
"Sumatra".

He will give you an envelope
and you can fix Gitto Cardone tonight.

OK. I remind you of our deal.

It's 50,000 dollars upfront
and 50,000 dollars once the job is done.

Agreed.

50,000 dollars upfront

and 50,000 when I read in the paper
the news of Gitto Cardone's death.

You will find him in a club
called "Hurricane",

where his mistress Fiona works.
An Indian singer.

Yes, Chan Chu Kai never closes.

He says it will take him three hours
from New Jersey to Chinatown.

It's faster to get to Europe
with the Concorde.

Maria Sole, we are going.

-Your coffee?
-You drink it. It's good for your skin.

-How many mothballs did you put?
-Nico. They left.

Now we are all alone with our passion.

Nico. Let's play a fun game.
I undress you and you undress me.

Wait. Listen. Look.

-I know a better game.
-Yes?

-You go to the bathroom over there.
-Yes.

-Get undressed.
-Yes.

-And go under the shower. OK?
-What game is this?

It's called "Screwing in the rain".

-I'll undress here and join you.
-I saw it done in the movies.

Go. Great.

Nico, my love.
Come and make "you know what". Nico.

I don't get it. You're crazy.

You want to take the place
of two professional gangsters?

Salvatore, I know the password
and that's enough.

These people mean business. If those
who phoned show up, what do we do?

We have a two and a half hour advantage,
but if you keep walking like that

we'll never get there. Maria Sole
wanted to give me 38 dollars.

-It's 35,000 liras. Is that enough?
-We can't do anything.

-Let me kill myself!
-Come here, you idiot!

-I want to be run over by a car.
-This guy will give us 50,000 dollars.

We split it, and that's it.
Come on, we've arrived.

-Good morning.
-May I help you?

Is "Chan what a great ass" here?

-Chan Chu Kai is my brother.
-Yeah.

-There he is.
-What can I do for you?

Sumatra.

Sumatra is very lovely. I really like it.

And I really like your sister.

Ischia is also beautiful,
where you sing, dance and whistle.

-Where are you from?
-From Java.

Where you sing, you dance and screw.

-Here you go.
-Thank you.

-Chang pan den chi.
-I don't understand you.

-The 50,000?
-What 50,000? I was ordered

to give you tickets for Miami.

-Is this a joke?
-Sir, I mind my own business.

Eusebio Navarro will give you
the 50,000 dollars in Miami.

-Eusebio Navarro?
-The address is on the sheet.

-Here?
-Yes, sir. Fuckchin.

Fuck off.

This is hopeless.
Everything is going wrong.

Don't be so negative, Salvatore.
Everything will be fine.

Should I give the creditors
tickets for Miami?

We'll go to Miami. Salvatore,
we'll take the 50,000 and return here.

-We have a two and a half hour headstart.
-No, there's no hope.

No, just let me die.
Let me get run over by a car.

-You're not holding me back?
-Kill yourself, if that's what you want!

-So I'll keep all the money.
-I said it so to speak.

-Move, Salvatore. Move.
-You expected me to kill myself?

I spoke to Chan.
He has nothing to do with it.

He had orders to deliver the envelope
to whoever said the password.

Those two said it to him.

Two hours later, the others arrived.
Merello, and…

OK, OK. Close matters with Merello.
Give him a refund.

How could those two know the password?

Who could have told them? Damn.

Calm down, Vito, that's not the point.

What we need to know
is what those two want to do.

Clearly, someone intercepted my phone call
and heard the password.

What if it was the police?
Or worse, the organization?

Quick, call Navarro in Miami.
Tell him to stop them, to kill them.

Then leave immediately with Krochinsky.

La Carreta restaurant. Yes, sir.

Of course, it will be done, sir.

-Asunción.
-Yes?

Get Emanuel and Octavio on the phone.

-Why?
-Because I say so, damn.

It's so hot in Miami.
It's cold in New York.

It's full of old people, here.
Saint Calla Beach.

-Drink an egg, it's good for you.
-I don't feel like it!

-Come on!
-No!

Excuse me.

-Eusebio Navarro?
-Yes, here to serve you.

-How are you?
-Fire?

No.

Thank you. Do you want food?

No, we didn't come to eat.

Listen.

We…

come from New York.

Because we have to collect from you,
for the mission,

a big envelope

with money inside.

Did you understand?

Here is the message

from… You know who.

Guys, this is the man from New York.

What does it mean?

-Are they your friends?
-Yeah, man.

Let's run. Things aren't looking good.

It's obvious, Salvatore.
Vito Sartieri caught on.

From New York he called Navarro
to set a trap and get rid of us.

Then there's nothing we can do.
I must get hit by a car.

No, stop that. I told you I'd find
the money, and I will.

Thank you for your kindness,
but where is this money?

Here. See the poster, with that babe?

Fiona Strike, you see?

She sings in a nightclub
where Gitto Cardone always goes.

He's a local mafia boss.

-Holy mama.
-Yes, exactly that.

The New York killers were supposed
to kill him in the club,

because he goes there every night.

But if we pay him a visit
and tell him everything,

we'll save his life. Don't you think
he'll give us 30,000 dollars for that?

For him it's nothing.
You think he wouldn't give it to us?

You're right, you're a genius.
Now we need to find this Fiona.

First we have to change clothes,
to go to the club.

-We must find cool clothes.
-Where?

We'll find them. Americans never sleep.
Everything is always open here.

Oh, yeah. Look at that "guapo".

Damn! What a guapo.

Sorry. Look at that drunkard.

-Come this way, sir.
-Go away.

-Take him away.
-I have two huge balls.

-Everyone here knows me.
-Go with him.

-Come.
-Just look at that.

Double whiskey.

Beautiful.

She's beautiful, but dangerous.

I love you

You always win

I love you

I love you

She's so beautiful. I would marry her.

-She is Cardone's woman.
-So?

She was forced to do this,
but she's clearly a good girl.

-Sure. She went to a Catholic school.
-Really?

-Yes.
-You can tell. So beautiful.

Please, come out. We need to have a chat.

Remember, Nico? We met this gentleman

-at Maria Sole's house in New York.
-Sure. Hi.

Let's not make a fuss. No funny games.

Come outside.
There are too many people here.

I like the performance of this singer.

You don't get it.
I like the singer too, but now I want you.

Come on, Lilliana. What a place.

I will never come back
to this shitty club.

What's happening?

Stop drinking. It hurts your head.

Hey, man, is this car yours?
Could you lend it to us a moment?

I'll bring it back right away.

You are handsome.
Travolta is shit. You guapo.

-Thanks, very kind of you.
-A kiss.

Salvatore, get inside.

-Yes, yes.
-Take it.

Take everything. Shit car. Take it all.

Out of the way. I'll drive.

Sons of bitches.

Saint Anna, Saint Barbara
and Saint Elizabeth.

Save us from lightning, thunder,
and from people cutting us off on a bike.

That guy's tough. He must be a pro.

Careful, Nico. Careful!

They're going to the airport.

His head!

-Make sure you do a clean job.
-All right.

Careful, there are roadworks!

We can't see anything now!

Goddamnit!

-Stop. Where are you going?
-He who stops is lost.

-Are you going in reverse?
-At least I can see.

I'll get a stiff neck.

My goodness.

Be careful. We'll end up in the morgue.

Saint Cortina d'Ampezzo.

-Careful.
-Shut up.

-The light is red.
-Better stop.

-I'll cross anyway.
-Jesus.

I heard thunder. Maybe there's a storm.

A storm? Mr. Ford is going senile.

Must be the tenant on the first floor
who flushed.

Must be my father
coming back drunk as usual.

-Yes, Charlie. He should stop drinking.
-He drives without a license.

The administration should do something
about the parking problem.

There are too many cars, in my opinion.

Miami is extraordinary and adorable

because it is so quiet and peaceful.

-Where have we ended up?
-How would I know?

Why did you do that?
Who are those two to you?

Nothing, but I thought
of your interests first.

The other two are Vito Sartieri's men,
your friend from New York.

I see, Vito. Did you recognize them?

Yes. One is called Lou Adonadis
and he was a bouncer

at the Mocambo in New York
when I was working there three years ago.

Last night, he accompanied
two patrons out of the club,

and not to go looking for shells
on the beach.

If Vito Sartieri sent his thugs
to give a lesson to someone

in a territory controlled by you,
he should have informed you.

Bullshit. What do we care
if Sartieri has an account to settle

with someone we don't even know? Thanks.

Anyway, try to figure out who were

the two men that Sartieri
was trying to get.

You are right. You know, you are…

You are more than a lover to me.

You are my best advisor.

You're the right kind of woman
for a man like me.

Gitto, listen, do you want me
to take care of it?

You know, it wouldn't be
so official and noisy.

OK, agreed.

I can't decide
if you're prettier or smarter.

How do you prefer me?

Naked.

I don't get it.
Why didn't we go to the hotel instead?

-Because this is the safest place.
-Why?

-Did you forget I was a policeman?
-So?

I know these people. They have no mercy.

They brush their teeth
with sulfuric acid.

My goodness. You got involved
with such people because of me?

What a friend. How can I pay you back?

-How can I?
-Kiss my foot.

-Of course. You deserve it.
-Get out.

-What should we do, then?
-We'll wait

until we get in touch with Cardone.

We'll get the money,
and go back to New York.

-Hello.
-Who is having appendix surgery?

-Him.
-Him.

Hurry up. The doctor is waiting.

I already had surgery four years ago.

There is only one appendix.

It's true.
So you're having appendix surgery.

-And you have hemorrhoids surgery.
-Correct.

-What? No hemorrhoids!
-Salvatore.

Let's go or they'll turn your ass
into a bagpipe.

-Let's go from the window.
-They'll really give me hemorrhoids.

-Look who's there.
-Guys, where do you think you're going?

Fiona. My Fiona.

Why don't you do my surgery?

Come on. Come with us, quick.

Where do we go? Why did you dress
like this? What do you want?

I saved your skin once,
and I will save you again.

-Come on, let's go.
-Who are all these people?

Listen, girl, why don't you just relax?

Let's go.

Quiet.

It's not them. They screwed us. Come!

Tell me, last night did you come
to the Hurricane with a plan?

We had to talk to Don Gitto Cardone.
Important information

that we value around 30,000 dollars.
Will he give it to us?

If the information is worth that amount…

Actually, it's worth even more.

No problem, then. For Gitto Cardone
writing a 30,000 dollar check

is like spitting out the window.

And we are the passers-by
who get the spit on our head.

So, what's this information about?

No, no, no. You'd like to know, huh?
Are you being a smartass with us?

Nico. How dare you talk like that?

She is being a smartass and I shouldn't
tell her? She's a smartass. Look at her.

You're wrong. Fiona is a proper girl.
She has that soap-and-water look.

Soap and water, huh?
This one is whiskey and screwing.

They're following us. It's Sartieri's men.

-Damn. They found us right away.
-I'll be damned. It's all my fault.

Don't start. Shut up a minute.

Listen. They want you two.
Run, we'll cover you.

Don't waste any time. Go towards
the canal. There are boats. Get one.

-In the swamp?
-Yes, go. Hurry up.

They're running away. Let's chase them!

-Can you drive this thing?
-I'm learning now.

Saint Benedetto del Tronto, help us.

-Shut up or they'll catch us.
-Where are we going?

I have no idea. When you run, you run.

Holy Virgin of Civitavecchia.

Saint Nicola from Tolentino,
get us out of this mess.

Saint Pancrazio and Saint Modesto,
free me from this pain in the ass.

What's in this swamp?

-Nettles, frogs and shit.
-That's where we'll end up.

Hey. These sons of bitches are shooting!

Saint Teresa from Gallura.

-I can't go on like this.
-Hang on, Salvatore.

-Let's get to them.
-Hey, Jerry, quick! Over there!

Now I'll screw them.

What do you want to do, Nico?

A giant slalom. They called me
"the Terminillo Avalanche".

And I was the "Shitpants of Marechiaro".

-Now we're fucked.
-What do you mean?

-We're out of gas, Salvatore.
-What do you mean?

Salvatore, I mean we're out of gas.
This thing needs gasoline to go.

-What happens if it runs out of gas?
-It stops.

-Right.
-What are we going to do?

-Get out and push.
-But there's water.

-The water is low, you can stand.
-Are you sure?

-I'm positive.
-Look at these things.

-Croc…croc…
-Coconuts?

Coconuts? You want to start
picking coconuts? Are you crazy?

What coconuts? It's crocodiles.

Crocodiles. Look. Holy smokes.

Ugly beast.

-We're done. We'll end up starving.
-It's all my fault.

Why don't you let me kill myself?
Can't you do me this favor?

Salvatore. Jump. Damn you!

Jump! Kill yourself! You always want
to kill yourself! Do it!

-Feed those poor animals.
-I said it so to speak.

-What shall we do? I don't want to die.
-Should I die, then?

-Wait, wait.
-What happened?

If it's not a crocodile farting,
it's an engine coming.

Put your ear there. On the water.

-Damn!
-What's happening?

A crocodile. It was going to eat my ear.

-It was a crocodile.
-Nico!

-Be quiet.
-Nico!

Look.

Nico, it's me, Maria Sole.

Maria Sole! We are here!

Nico, I'm coming!

Finally I found you.

-How did she find us in the swamp?
-The power of love.

Nico! My darling, I'm here.

Do you realize she freaked out
the crocodiles too?

Nico, treat her well, she came to save us.

Nico, my love.

-Miss Maria Sole, God bless you.
-I've been following you.

I had lost you, but the explosion
put me back on the right track.

Thank you. We ran out of gas.

Nico, my love,
I have fantastic news to tell you.

Can you imagine,
I left Vito and joined you

to come live with you forever.

Are you happy? You're not speaking?

-Great joy takes your breath away.
-Sure, as you say.

But now show yourself to the crocodiles,
so they'll faint and we can leave.

-Yes, let's go.
-Come on.

In New York I heard Vito Sartieri
on the phone,

so I was able to track you down.
He's so evil. He wants to kill you.

He's jealous of you.
He must have read my diary.

-You have a diary, too?
-Yes. I even draw in it.

I drew us while we were doing
"you know what".

-What did she draw?
-I'll explain later. So?

Nico, look. This is our kingdom.

We'll always live here, like Tarzan.

I'm Tarzan, and you're Cheetah.

No, I'm Jane. He will be Cheetah.

-Me Cheetah?
-Yes, he looks like a monkey.

-Look who's talking.
-Nico, look at this hut.

Nobody knows it exists.
We will stay here forever.

We will live off hunting,
fishing and "you know what".

-What is this "you know what"?
-I'll explain later. Great idea.

She's as beautiful as she is smart.

You had a great idea, Maria Sole.
But we need food.

Oil, flour…
Should we eat crocodile broth?

Wait here. Salvatore and I
will go buy some food.

No, no, no, no.

In New York you seduced me and abandoned
me. I won't fall for it again.

You'll either be mine or no one else's!

Maria Sole, I am yours,
no doubt about that.

Let's go shop for food together.
How about that?

See this? If you don't keep your promise,
I'll shoot you in the "you know what".

-What is that?
-A dick, Salvatore! Got it, now?

-Finally.
-Calm down, I'm careful.

I'm Catholic, apostolic, Roman, you know?

I can't desire the woman of another man.
It's a sin. You were engaged.

You're right, but now I've left Vito.

We can love each other in a holy way.

Yes, in a holy way, but if you wait here,
Salvatore and I will go buy some food!

No, Salvatore will go. Alone.

While the two of us
will stay here for eternity.

What? Are you kidding?
I'm not going to leave my friend here!

-Hey, what are you doing?
-You're shooting?

I want to stay with you.
Drop the gun, you bitch.

Come here. I'll carry you
inside the house in my arms.

Yes, my love.

Gorgeous. I'll carry you in my arms
into our nest as newlyweds do.

Close your eyes. Close them, my love.

Help!

Help!

Nico! What will I do here all by myself?

Hold on to the "you know what"!

Nico, are you really determined
to kill a man?

-Salvatore, have you paid off your debt?
-No.

If I don't kill Cardone, he'll kill you.

I prefer saving a friend
and killing a son of a bitch.

I'll kill Cardone and get the money
from Sartieri, but you must help me.

Me? I don't know how to do anything.

-Can you take pictures at least?
-Yes, I can.

-That's enough. Wait here.
-OK.

-Who is it?
-Friends.

It's closed, sir.

It's closed. No, you can't enter.

You can't enter, sir.

I don't want to get in.

I want to know where Sartieri is.

I don't know, sir.

Listen. You must tell me the number…

and where you're calling from
to talk to Sartieri,

since the police has his phone tapped.

I don't know anything, sir.

I have to prepare the bananas, please.

-All these bananas?
-Yes, all of them.

-Do you like bananas?
-Yes, sir, a lot.

Let's say then, if you don't tell me
what I asked you…

-I'll make you eat them all.
-I don't know, sir.

-You don't know?
-No, sir.

Then eat all these bananas.

Come on.

-Start.
-Yes, sir.

Come on.

Hurry up, though. Come on.
I have no time to lose.

Quick, OK?

Come on. Another one.

Quick, I said.

The more you eat, the tastier they get.

Take bigger bites, or we'll be here
six months. Another one.

Come on.

Good.

-Hurry up.
-Wait, my mouth is full.

Don't worry, those that don't fit
in your mouth I'll shove somewhere else.

So? Are you going to give me the number?

Be good, or else,
after these nine bananas,

I'll make you eat the peels too.

No, please. Not the peels.

-Not the peels, please.
-Give me the number, then.

You must call from a public phone

number 68…

683.

-68683.
-Between 9 and 10.

Between 9 and 10.

-And between 5 and 6.
-And between 5 and 6.

I can't take it anymore.

You did a good job, you know?

As a reward, I'll give you a gift.

Here. Eat this banana.

Good boy.

Hello?

We are the ones who took the commission
from the Chinese.

I don't know what you're talking
about. I don't know you.

I want to tell you something else.

Despite your tricks,
shootings and all that,

we will finish the job regardless.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Let's make one thing clear, though.
An hour before the funeral,

I will be sitting in a green car
outside Coconut Grove

reading the Miami News.

Got it? Either you send someone,

or you come personally
with one hundred thousand notes.

Otherwise all the "families"
will know what you're up to.

I repeat, I don't know
what you're talking about.

Do you understand
if I tell you to fuck off? Over and out.

-Do you think he'll come?
-I'm sure.

He'll come and he'll spill the beans.

He phoned to tell me
that he wants to talk to you.

As far as I know,
it's just a matter of money.

Did you promise him some?

Yes, as much as he wants.

Good job. Always make generous promises,

especially if you don't plan
on keeping them.

-One moment, please.
-What happened?

What do you want?

Here they are.
He's the tall one in the tracksuit.

What? He looks like he's homeless.

-I have nothing.
-Hey, my friend.

-The guapo of my heart.
-Look who's back.

-No, no, no.
-Mr. Spit.

-He's my beautiful friend.
-How's it going?

Did you like my car?

It's great, but I bumped it a bit.

Do you want a drink? Or food?

-Maybe half a liter.
-Let's go.

If he wanted to talk to me,
why didn't he come to my table?

Maybe he's waiting for me to leave.

Then go. Go to your dressing room.

I don't feel like waiting all this time.

A kiss.

Easy. Wait.

-Where are you?
-Here.

I'm here. Handsome.

-Excuse me, do you have a cage?
-No.

-You're here without a cage?
-I don't need one.

I have an animal. A jumper.

-I'm afraid it'll run away.
-What is a jumper?

It's biting. A rare animal. The zoo
will pay a lot if I sell them one.

Watch. Closer.

Nico Giraldi. Is that you?

-Mr. Cardone.
-In person.

You took your time. Please.

So… May I?

Here.

Thank you. Very nice.

Fiona told me
you have something explosive for me

-which will certainly strike me.
-Sure.

They killed Gitto Cardone!

Close all the exits!

Advise the lawyer
and then book our seats on the plane.

-Take care of the flowers.
-OK.

-A three and a half meter wreath.
-Fine.

-All red roses.
-All right.

Hello, Don Mimi, it's Sartieri.

Did you read it? Ah, Jesus.

I am literally shocked.

Also about the shipment
he should have sent.

Shall we talk in Miami at the funeral?

All right. Goodbye.

-What happened?
-Easy! Don't get close.

-I'll be damned. This is a mannequin.
-It's incredible.

He looks alive.

-Who is she?
-His lover.

-What about his wife?
-She's in Sicily with his children.

-Who could it have been?
-We will find out.

Do we know anything about our capital?
Did you take care of it already?

We'll find that out too.

Friends, a vile and sacrilegious hand

has put an end to the noble existence
of our brother Cardone.

There are no words
to describe the kindness,

honesty and loyalty that he had.

I repeat, my friends, there are no words.

Who did this?

I did it, Your Excellency.

-Why?
-Why?

Because my ass itches and my heart beats.

That's why.

I don't like it when good things are said
about people who are dead.

We must say good things about people
when they are alive. You know?

And that guy is a big son of a bitch.
Or was.

Because he lived as a son of a bitch.

To prove that he was a son of a bitch,

he died as a son of a bitch.

Now you are saying he was kind,
generous and honest at his funeral.

You make him look like a real jerk.
What was the point of his life, then?

Who is this madman? Who let him in?

I came in alone.

And I came because I have more right
than anyone else to be here,

-because I shot him.
-What?

Vito, let him talk.

So, you…

Ordered by this gentleman.

-Look how handsome he is.
-Do you believe this moron?

Now you call me a moron?

Damn you. You owe me 100,000 dollars
for the job, and you call me a moron?

You paid me with a machine gun, instead.
And I'm the moron?

It's insane. It's absurd.

Oh well… Listen. Satisfy my curiosity.

Do you wash your face
in the sink or in the bidet?

-What are you saying?
-You have the face of an ass.

Can you prove your allegations?

Salvatore!

This is evidence number one.

Show them.

The man shooting is Johnny Milazzo.
He's one of yours.

I don't know anything.
Maybe he acted on his own initiative.

I didn't give him any orders. Why would I?

Look. Look at Gitto Cardone.

What?

Where am I?

What happened?

Where the hell am I?

-What is it?
-This is proof number two.

It was a joke, then. Nothing but a joke.

What are you saying?
Now there is proof number three.

Wait.

The truth is, Your Excellency,
he wanted to kill Cardone.

I had him believe that I would kill him.

He shot those bullets that make you sleep,
the ones they use on animals in Africa.

So what did Vito Sartieri think?

"I'll kill Cardone, and get the loot."

Don Mimi, and the rest of you…

I don't know what he's talking about.
This man is crazy.

I'm crazy, but he sent Milazzo after me.

Where's the money?

If he didn't touch it,

it must be there.

Now I'll open evidence number four.

Jesus, Joseph and Mary,
bring it to my home.

As you can see, everything is in order.
Our money is still here.

-Is this your money, then?
-Sure, Fiona, why are you asking me?

Why are you so interested?

I'm not interested, but the FBI is.

And Interpol.

-All freeze!
-Nobody move!

-You're all under arrest, gentlemen.
-Respect the place.

What are we accused of?

Currency trafficking, tax evasion,

association in crime.

And acute bullshitism.

-So, are you giving me this shirt?
-Do you like it?

-To die for.
-Keep it.

-Thanks.
-But I have to tell you something.

You could have told me
you were with Interpol.

I couldn't tell the first jerk I found.

You're right. But how can I get back
to New York with my debts?

-They will kill me.
-Salvatore.

I said I was going to pay them.
Easy. I'll get them paid.

-Thank you.
-There she is.

Look at those legs.

Look at her turning around.
The other leg is the same.

If I fix my troubles, I'll marry her
even if she is a policewoman.

That's a big fox, Salvatore. Trust me.

I don't think so. She's a good girl.
You don't understand her.

No, she didn't understand me.
Forget it. Now I'll go tell her.

-Really?
-Wait up.

Listen. Will you tell her about me?
Put in a good word.

-Don't worry.
-You are a real friend. Do it for me.

Well?

Didn't they teach you to knock
before entering at the Interpol?

Don't they teach you to keep
your commitments, at the FBI?

What are you talking about?
Listen. We kept all of our commitments.

OK? One, the gun in the flowerpot.

Two, the fake drunkard
who helped you at "Hurricane".

Three, the intervention
at the Funeral house. OK?

-What's missing?
-Who will pay… Salvatore's debts?

The Italian chapter of Interpol
should pay them.

-Isn't that so?
-Nobody wants Italian money anymore.

You can't even exchange it
for Coca-Cola caps.

I'm sorry. I'll provide immediately, then.

Give me the phone.

Bitch.

-Bitch.
-Hello?

Marshal Giraldi.

Do you have any other orders for me?

Bitch.

Bitch.

-Nico. So?
-Your debts have been paid! Don't worry!

Good to hear. Thank you.
Remember to put in a good word.

-I'm putting in all that I can.
-Good. Thank you. Thanks a lot.

You're a real friend.

I have doubts.

Nico.

What? You told me to wait outside
and then you do this to me?

To me.

I saved your life.

To me.

We shared joys and sorrows.

We are like brothers.

Like blood brothers. To me.

Nico.

Nico, listen to me. Stop screwing.
Show some respect.

Taxi.

To the airport.

What are you doing here?

Nico. My love.