Spud (2010) - full transcript

It's South Africa, 1990. Two major events are about to happen: The release of Nelson Mandela and, more importantly, it's Spud Milton's first year at an elite boys only private boarding school. John Milton is a boy from an ordinary background who wins a scholarship to a private school in Kwazulu-Natal, South Africa. Surrounded by boys with nicknames like Gecko, Rambo, Rain Man and Mad Dog, Spud has his hands full trying to adapt to his new home. Along the way Spud takes his first tentative steps along the path to manhood. (The path it seems could be a rather long road). Spud is an only child. He is cursed with parents from well beyond the lunatic fringe and a senile granny. His dad is a fervent anti-communist who is paranoid that the family domestic worker is running a shebeen from her room at the back of the family home. His mom is a free spirit and a teenager's worst nightmare, whether it's shopping for Spud's underwear in the local supermarket, or sneaking food into her handbag at school functions. Armed with only his wits and his diary, Spud takes us from illegal night swimming to the red-hot furnace of the cricket pitch, from ghostbusting to a catastrophic family vacation. He also invites us into the mind of a boy struggling to come to terms with a strange new world, a boy whose eyes are being opened to love, friendship and complete insanity.

I'm awake.


I'd been feeling bad.

My heart beats like a bongo drum.

Dad tries to beat neighbor
dog to death with insecticide.

Mother do not think it is a good idea.

Maybe it's not so
bad to go to boarding school.

I had hoped,
that we would fit.

But it feels like,
the circus has come to town.

He is a real little cricket star
and has received a scholarship.

And he sings like an angel.
Is not that right, honey?

- Choirmaster.
- I like choirboys.

Look here!

That's fine, what?

My new home. It smells like
foot odor and floor polish.

Calm down!

I'll never fit.

I am after all not the only one.

There are many blacks here.

Quiet, please.

Good morning, boys and your parents.
I am president ...

- Rector. Nicknames "Glock".
- My name is mr. Glockenspheel.

- It is not something to laugh at.
- I love you so much!

Lie never be anything.

Even the Queen must
damn once a day.

Goodbye, darling!
I will miss you.

Tomorrow it begins.

Perhaps I die during the night,
and get rid of it.

Turn off the light!


What have we here? It looks like
one silkworms with eating disorder.

It looks like a potato,
a small spud!

Everybody has a nickname.

My is Spud. My dick is small,
and my nuts are not dropped.

If I have to survive here,
I have become friends with the other.

Especially with Robert Black - "Rambo",
dormitory self-proclaimed king.

He gangs in every sentence-

- and demands to be
respected and honored.

I have become friends with Rambos
gang, for example, Charlie Hooper ...

... "The mad dog". His hobby
is destruction and death.

Or should I be sports star
as Simon Brown - "Simon Brown".

Or I can get my hands on a lot
prohibited girlie-

- as Al Greenstein - "barrel".

He is a sexgalning,
which I think is a good thing.

Or should I beat
school farting record.

held by
Sidney Sibeko-Scott - "Cool".

Thanks for Henry Barker
- "Gekko".

Vern Blackadder - "Rain Man".
Otherwise, they bullied me.

My new home is like a war zone.

I'd been an uncomfortable feeling
that soon it's my turn.

- All calls us "The crazy eight".
- What's going on here?!

Who started it?

- What's your name?
- John Milton.

- John Milton, sir!
- John Milton, sir.

U d with language.

I really do not know.

As you will ...

From now on, all
your privileges revoked.

Next time I'm not so indulgent.
Go with him to the doctor.

It was not your fault.

It was not good to be seen with
Gekko, the school's most stupid guy.

It's a madhouse.

There is always someone who is
after you or mock you.

Do not you think Milton?

This better be serious.

Thank you, Milton.


Check them right there!

I do not recall,
to have invited you, Spud.

He could not tear it off for so
he had tweezers and magnifying glass.

- Even if he had a map.
- Balls feel lonely.

It is not fair.
Even Gekko has got hair on.

I wonder when I can
begin to tear it off?

- I wonder how suicide feels?
- This is my seven tenders:

- Mr. Wilson, our teacher.
- 1 I must obey the authorities.

- "rib."
- 2 You must not behave indecently.

Rambo told that a lion bed
half of his shoulder by.

doctors had to use a
ribs to make it.

5th I do not play with yourself
or with each other.

- 6 I can not play darts.
- There is no dart boards.

7th Consider not even
To do this ...

You must not jump into the water at night.

school starts. I have no idea
where things are.

I become terrified when
call. I do not know what to do.

I felt a lump in my throat,
and was about to start crying.

- PJ Luthuli, our teacher.
- Do not run here.

This is the first time I've been
orders from a black man.

- I'm lost.
- This road.

Dad would have reconsidered,
the wallet was still there.

Good God.

Oh horror, oh horror!

The heart can not understand it ...
you are quite dumb ...

Let the trumpets speak!

These vocal messengers-

- Of blood and death!

With me, study the literature.

Not the anemic nonsense-

- A self-absorbed literary gay.
Example 1:

Henry James.

Example 2:
Virginia Woolf and Agatha Christie.

Frustrated and sex-mad lesbians
with underarm hair.

Not get me wrong, boys.
I have nothing against lesbians.

I would personally
give them a swing.

Mr. Edly - "Head". He is as
mad as my family, maybe more.

Either way, I get to
teach you smelly suri cat

- How to become men.
You will learn about women and sex.

If I do it well, you become the
kind of men that you envy-

- And the kind of men
that women can not resist.

Literature is my favorite.

Just Head teaches me to score girls
as mrs. Wilson, rib wife.

nickname "Eve"
since Eve came from Adam's rib.

I got almost goosebumps.
I was about to pee in my pants!

- Yes, Robert?
- You lost your pencil.

Thursday is movie night. Today,
"Pretty Woman" with Julia Roberts.

She plays a sexy prostitute.

After school, I would drive around and
look for prostitutes.

You can watch the movie later.

President F. W. de Klerk
opened parliament-

- with what is described
, an epoch-making speech.

Among other things, increased ban
against African National Congress.

Father says that the ANC's communists.
I'm terrified of them.

government has decided
to release mr. Mandela.

I wonder if
Mandela was a Spud?

There goes the country!

Pike, the school bully.

P. J. Luthuli is my new idol.

I suddenly bad
guilty about being white.

My quest for sporting success
do not go so well.

Your defense game is just as
through the hole like a whore panties.

In the worst players,
I have been unfortunate enough to train.

I have a greater chance of being
pregnant than being cricketers.

It's time for lunch,
so get with you.

Rain Man and Spud,
rode my bed.

Spud, do you want all at school
must think you're a sissy?

It did not expect to.

And therefore I with a mission.

It becomes dangerous.
It gets crazy.

We can be kicked out of school.
We may even die.

Who is on a prohibited
completely mad dip?

I will not.

But Gekko,
there must be no witnesses.

One for all, all for one.

- Spud?
- No witnesses.



We did it!

Guys! Where's Cool?

Guys ...

Try to get him free.

Good grief! We get kicked out.

Shut up! We will not be thrown out.

Do not be such a sissy.

Rambo saved the day.

He said that Fede was stuck because
he would visit the Holy Spirit.

It's a miracle!

- Well done.
- Establishing!

I know exactly
what I had last night.

What do you think? We were sleeping.
Ask anyone of us.

Okay? Is it true Milton?

A boy was close to death!

Train in a dip, or did not you?

Six strokes for each of you,
when I come back after the weekend.

Take care,
I will think of you.

Super ... Thank you, Spud.

The 158 km long trip home
felt infinite

- and fattened breath smelled of fish.

did nothing,
I was on my way home.

Get into the car. Your father is gone
mad. I kill him.

Mother not exaggerating. Dad has built
our house into a bunker.

Open the gate!
What is this all about?!

Marge and Denise from book club will
by! How do they come in?

- Remove barbed wire!
- So are we vulnerable to attack!

- From who?!
- Communists!

Maybe the school is not so bad.

Dad was mad. He says that
we will live in poverty.

He fired Innocence.
He thinks she is a terrorist.

Is it really to live in poverty?

And then I saw her.

- There for a lightning bolt through my body.
- This is Marge's daughter, Debbie.

She said a single word, which almost
knocked me over with its beauty.

I promised Debs,
that she could swim in your pool.

Jump in, Johnny, it's hot.

I'm in love with a mermaid.

- I'm really sorry.
- Forget it!


Think about what you love most,
so overcomes you pain.


Bend forward.


It's going to hurt.

Kiss me, John.

If we is destined to die, it is
enough to constitute a loss to the country

And if life's undes, the fewer men,
the greater part of the credit

We few, we happy few, we brothers all

For he who today share his blood with
me shall be my brother

Would you repeat that, sir?

Come on, Johnny!

That's my boy!

Do not play smart.

Two rim if you gramser,
five if you take her on breast-

- And ten, if you touch her
the most holy place.

- It costs five to be with.
- I'm with.

I save the worst for last ...
Stand up, Milton.

This young man is a good example
on what women crave.

He is the only one of you fools-

- Who has scored more
than 50% of the job.

You can sit down.

I had to write about influence
in modern literature.

Is this it best you baboons
For the?

Dumped. Not one of you came in.
the greatest influence of all.

If it were not for sex, adultery-

- Fornication, korpulering and knalderi-

- There would never have been
written a single book.

- But what about the Bible?
- Good question.

Milton! Bible ...

Clean or sexy?

Grandma says that it is full of sodomy
and incest, and should be banned for children.


Well, I puberty monkeys.
Auf Wiedersehen!

- John ...
- Yes, sir?

Welcome to Paradise Lost.

Your grandmother sounds to be
an interesting slut.

Yes, sir. She is potty. She calls
me David, and we call her Wombat.

My whole family
is actually quite crazy.

So I have the perfect book for you.

It is not really a book,
it's a play.

It's called "The absurd drama".

- Thank you, sir.
- Do not thank me, just read it!

So can you tell us what you think.
I think it is fantastic.

- Get out now, there is lunch.
- Yes, sir.

I hoped that the play would
act on how scores.

But it is about two tramps,
living in a ditch.

They are waiting for a man,
named Godot.

But he never arrived.
It's creepy strange.

SCHOOL game becomes "OLIVER

This is it.
Robert de Niro, beware!

- Are you satisfied, John?
- Yes, ma'am.

You can call me "Marion".

Who is the
happiest old idiot in the world?

- Now you have no more wine!
- Last glasses, I promise.

Relax, you're stiff as a stick.
Drink a little wine.

- I have not.
- Nonsense. What do you think?

- About what?
- Drama.

I do not know.

Oh, Johnno ...

I guess I do not have to yell at you?
Tell Just.

- Nothing happens.
- Exactly.

It's like life.

We are waiting for something to happen,
but it does not.

And what are we waiting for?
God? The meaning of life?


Perhaps we are waiting to become adults.

But it will never be.

Wise words, young man.
Let's drink to it.

Why is it absurd?
The sound normal.

We are sitting here surrounded
of a kind of fantasy world.

The actual absurd is that most
not seem to notice it.

- The school is the most absurd world.
- And I've taught here for 27 years.

An absurd vagrant in a ditch ...

... The wayside.

My mother believes that God's greatest gift
to humanity's freedom of choice.

It is not something
one should take lightly.

This is undoubtedly
the best book that is written.

It is proof
that God indeed exists.

These are strong words
from a devout atheist.

To be or not,
this is the case.

Is it a nobler mind that withstands
the wild fate arrows shot ...

John ... You must display home now.

Arrows Target ...

- What is it, honey?
- An end, we sincerely may desire.

Pathetic! Next!

- Well, Milton, what would you sing?
- Amazing Grace.

Thank you! Next!

Thank you, Milton.

I feel just like Hobbit
- small and lonely.

Just less hairy.


holidays. All that before made me
happy does not mean anything anymore.

I needed a plan,
but could not find anything.

Innocence is back.
She pulled father in law.

- I told you.
- Now she sits in power.

Ask them there.

Wombat to eat lunch with us.
Father says she is a part of satan.

She is a part of satan!

It's eleven.
You can not be there all day.

Have not you got yourself some friends,
you can invite over?

I ask Debbie,
if she wants to and baths.


Was it really wise to let
mermaid meet my family?

Get now not busted bitch thick.

David is such a pretty boy.
Thank God he looks like not his father.

I do not understand,
why you married him.

He looks like scrambled eggs in the face.

What are you doing?

I was sure that the mermaid
would never see us again.

What is it that is so funny?

I talked about school
and the crazy eight.

She laughed really very

I just had to kiss her. So
I could tell the others.

Now it's confirmed.
Spud Milton has no balls.


must change to.

This semester,
where Spud Milton enters into character.

I had to give Gekko a
gift. It is a tradition at the school.

I helped
making fun of barrel.

I joined
African company.

I'm embarrassed to be white. After
school I will be freedom fighter.

Do not be silly. When you have gone out
of school, the battle ended long ago.

Thank you, Milton.
We need more of your casting.

I think I prefer black now.

Dad would probably call me
a damn communist.

I will sing again.

Although music teacher
has written new songs.

The role of Oliver Twist
be played by John Milton.


Spud, the boys and I just
to congratulate you ... birthday.

I was born 14 years ago.
in minutes.

it was my mother who had
endure the pain and the bright light.

Now it at least over.

Are you okay?

I am going to run with tight
reins tighter than nun pussy.

This is not
a piece of cotton wool school theater.

This paragraph should be as well,
that it can be carried anywhere.

I require creativity!

Try it, Milton.

Yes, exactly!

- It did not start too well.
- Stop, stop, stop!

Mr. Richardson - "Viking".

Last year he had a heart attack
in "Pirates of Penzance".

chief plays Fagin. But he fills
his hip flask with real whiskey.

Eva plays the prostitutes Nancy.

Everyone hopes that she will be dressed
out like a real whore.

Gekko was assistant ...

He is probably the infirmary
rest of their lives.

Glock player Sykes, psychopath.

Talk about the right for the role.

- Are you okay?
- I just play.

Very convincing.

- If you say anything, I'll kill you.
- About what?

Rugby Season.

I wonder if "Oliver Twist"
get the same response?

Not like the response to my team.

But it may be that coach
is mr. Lilly, visual arts teacher.

He does not believe in tackles.

Much better! More pressure from the rear.

They have arrived!

I'll probably all say hello
girls from St. Catherine welcome.

Quiet! - Amanda.

Amanda plays Beth.
- John Milton plays Oliver.

Amanda Lawrence,
too beautiful to have a nickname.

I am totally scared of her.

I know your dirty little minds,
and I do not accept it.

Neither flirting, gramseri, petting,
kissing or worse.

- It is the best book I have read.
- Wonderful!

What book! More exciting
than a bed full of blondes.

- I would ask for another book ...
- I've gotten a monster loose!

- "Prophecies" of Nostradamus.
- I know who wrote it.

What is this all about? You try well
not to impress private school chick?

I saw how you looked at her.

I can not let worse.

If she read such nonsense,
Do you try to avoid her.

If you do not smoke in bed with at least
half, it is too slack of you.

- I can not.
- Why not?

I'm just a spud.

You must show everyone that you have
down, not is the only thing that counts.

I know a book
that can get you on the right track.

This one does matter.

- What's it about?
- To give a shit about what others think.

People make a choice,
and shit on the consequences.

What did I tell you about the wine?

It is best that you go now.

Milton ...

I was also called Spud at school.

But it took me probably not harm?


Johnny, is that you?

- Hello.
- Johnny! How are you?

Slip, Spud, I should call.


- Have you read?
- Nostradamus is a deluded fool.

Why are you called Spud?

Does it have anything
with a potato to do?

- I have to move.
- Come on, it's us now.

Just vote is not in transition!

No one knows what is wrong.
I hope it's over with Spud.

- Four sneeze is like an orgasm.
- Hopefully an orgasm better.

Gekko's actually pretty cool.

He has had 42 diseases,
six of which are completely unknown.

And he takes
12 different kinds of medicine.

To my beloved spud.
Come to recover.

I miss you. Love you. Amanda.

You ... we can well make it clear
she loves you.

- Do you believe it?
- Imagine if you score Amanda!

spud is to Tyr.

Spud ...

When you sing ...

It's as if ...

I do not know.
It may sound weird ...

It is as if,
I so know that God might exist.

- It's just a cold.
- The voice is not in transition?

He has a long way to go.


- How are you?
- Fine.

Once again from the beginning
with a hair dryer and the terminal?

She signed with the "love".

This does not always the same.
Girls often say "love".

"I love the dress, I love
Tom Cruise! I love Bananarama! "

- Forget the girls. Who comes first!
- Where are we going?

The view of hell ... is the
best place to view the school from.

(Simpleton PERIOD)

Apparently I am not the only one
which is being kulret.

barrel traded Thursday film
out with lesbian porn.

Vern was caught stealing everyone's 414 undies.
Rambo was crazy. 01:05:43,750 -> 01:05:48,790

Obese came out for an accident
when he would beat his fart record.

Gekko was attacked
of a rare parasite.

The Mad Dog says,
that he got it from fattened farts.

Everyone knows that Rambo and Eve
have something going.

Apart from poor rib.

Pike continues to ravage.

I could not stop
to dream.

I'm going crazy!

The big question is:
Which one would you fuck?

I can not fuck any of them.

- I'm a spud.
- I know what to do.

Gekko thinks he knows everything about women,
without ever having received a kiss!

So I should ignore Amanda,
be really part against her-

- And flirting uninhibited with Christine?

- Christine's pretty creepy.
- You must win Amanda's respect.

- Hello, sweetheart.
- Christine ...

See you, honey.

Why are you so arrogant?

You're not who I thought you were.

She hates me! And I flirt
with one, I do not know.

I'm the girl incredible that as the
only one has been kind to me.

Make it something that I take Christine?
I think she likes me.

We have already gramset below the stage.
Is it okay?

- Of course, you're welcome.
- Thank you.

- What are you on holiday?
- Nothing. And you?

I should be with
my boyfriend - Christine.

We need to Mozambique.

- For Christine ...
- Yes?

- It's nothing.
- Check out these malaria tablets.

I never take a pill again.
My new medicine is love.

Where are you going?



- What the hell are you doing here?
- Excuse me for interrupting.

- So do it.
- I need your help.

What is it about?

- Are you all right?
- Excellently.

- Where is mrs. Edly?
- She kept me out longer.

What do you want?

It is about the book ...

- It is strange and gives no answers.
- Just like life.

I have problems with some girls.

I do not know what to do.

You need to get some advice about women from a
man whose wife just left him.

Honesty, sincerity, honesty ...
Avoid it at all costs.

Lie as often as you can.
If you are lucky, so will you.

If you do not make it,
you can always mad-

- And develop a drinking problem.

It's worse than expected.
I look like complete a sheep!

We've got a new family
- Blacky.

- Who is going to feed it?!
- Me.

And I give it just what I want!

Innocence is in trouble again.
father took her from selling booze.

But when he discovered that he
could earn 50 cents per bottle

- he decided
that he, after all, like black.

mermaid come to visit.

Her breasts have grown.
They are huge!

You have a good pair of melons.
Use them wisely.

We went for a walk in the park
and she touched me with her breasts.

My dick felt weird.

- What is it?
- A mood ring.

Do you think we get married and have children
and things like that together?

Girls! The sure path to madness.

Therefore, Blacky with father
vet and have removed the buns.

Like me
- either boy or man.

last semester and life sailing.

- The boss is not the same.
- Not now, Milton.

Eva has made it over with Rambo.

Rain Man is Pike's new punching bag.

Gekko discovered that Christine had
lavished with Smith, Greg Anderson

- Scott Emberton
and half of the rugby team.


I'm sorry about Christine ...

Someone said that she and
with the gramset on you.

Shall we go up the hill and see
how many snakes we can find?

Look what I bought in Mozambique.

I bought this for you.

It is abelort.
It is crazy rare.

Thank you, Gekko.


- Is he okay?
- We must have him over to the doctor.

Good God ... Get him in here, quick!

- Where is Gekko?
- We had to drive him to the hospital.

- Is he okay?
- He has malaria.

It's very serious.

I'm scared.

What are you talking about?
You'll be back in a week.

In addition, planning Rambo
a new swimming.

You do not always have to do
as Rambo says.

That does not mean everything in the world
to impress him.

Can not you sing something for me?

Sir, I just want to talk with you
on our task:

Another time, Milton.

I just wanted to say that Dickens ...

... Is a boring old fart,
which is unable to write.

His books can not even
used as toilet paper.

Listen right here! It is one of the finest
works from the Victorian era.

There was obviously
not much of the time.

Be careful, or I'll force you to
read Enid Blyton high public!

I have been a terrible
stiff sticks, have not I?

Women! You can not live with them, and
you can not send them to Zimbabwe.


- Why drink you?
- It keeps the wolves away.

I just get upset,
when I drink.

The more you drink, the more sad
you become. So you drink even more.

- It is a paradox.
- You're right in.

- Shoe polish. Eat, and you get a tier.
- Come on, Fatty!

- Never.
- Do not be a chicken.

Spud, imitate an animal.

- I do not want to.
- "I do not want to."

Stop it!

Milton! Come with me.

Gekko has passed away.
He died half an hour ago.

Doctors fought,
but he was too ill.







Death, be not proud.

You'll get over it eventually.

And it makes you stronger.

With time.

In the meantime ...

Keep reading.

A book never die from one.


For all the new
and the opportunities it brings.

Milton, are you there?

May I?

I will have to go.

That's my boy!

Where is the wig?


That's my boy! An Oscar winner!

- Who were you?
- Oliver.

- Johnny, you were fantastic!
- You look beautiful.

- What is it?
- Nothing.

We gotta go. I promised Marge,
that Debbie would be home before nine.

- When I see you again?
- Soon.

It was beautiful!

Who was it?

No. Just an ex-boyfriend.

She still likes you.

You were pretty good.


We slip.

Kiss me, sir Spud.

But what about what you said?

It does not matter.


I can not.

I'm sorry ...

What is it, Johnny?

Should I not show you
around the school?

We gotta go.

I think we can
be late tonight.

Come here!

He's back!

Well done!

The slut was hot!

She was hot!

You know what I think?

A swim!


I'd been kept me away from the hill,
since Gekko dead.

last chance to
take a look at the valley.

An opportunity to see and remember.

I had forgotten how beautiful it is here.
Everything is so vibrant and colorful.

I can see the manager's house.

I remember that he said that
God's greatest gift is freedom of choice.

But in some cases
God gives us no choice.

He shares the cards out,
and we play the hand.