Spud (2010) - full transcript

I'm awake.

FIRST SEMESTER

I'd been feeling bad.

My heart beats like a bongo drum.

Dad tries to beat neighbor

dog to death with insecticide.

Mother do not think it is a good idea.

Maybe it's not so

bad to go to boarding school.

I had hoped,

that we would fit.

But it feels like,

the circus has come to town.

He is a real little cricket star

and has received a scholarship.

And he sings like an angel.

Is not that right, honey?

- Choirmaster.

- I like choirboys.

Look here!

That's fine, what?

My new home. It smells like

foot odor and floor polish.

Calm down!

I'll never fit.

I am after all not the only one.

There are many blacks here.

Quiet, please.

Good morning, boys and your parents.

I am president ...

- Rector. Nicknames "Glock".

- My name is mr. Glockenspheel.

- It is not something to laugh at.

- I love you so much!

Lie never be anything.

Even the Queen must

damn once a day.

Goodbye, darling!

I will miss you.

Tomorrow it begins.

Perhaps I die during the night,

and get rid of it.

Turn off the light!

Mother?

What have we here? It looks like

one silkworms with eating disorder.

It looks like a potato,

a small spud!

Everybody has a nickname.

My is Spud. My dick is small,

and my nuts are not dropped.

If I have to survive here,

I have become friends with the other.

Especially with Robert Black - "Rambo",

dormitory self-proclaimed king.

He gangs in every sentence-

- and demands to be

respected and honored.

I have become friends with Rambos

gang, for example, Charlie Hooper ...

... "The mad dog". His hobby

is destruction and death.

Or should I be sports star

as Simon Brown - "Simon Brown".

Or I can get my hands on a lot

prohibited girlie-

- as Al Greenstein - "barrel".

He is a sexgalning,

which I think is a good thing.

Or should I beat

school farting record.

held by

Sidney Sibeko-Scott - "Cool".

Thanks for Henry Barker

- "Gekko".

Vern Blackadder - "Rain Man".

Otherwise, they bullied me.

My new home is like a war zone.

I'd been an uncomfortable feeling

that soon it's my turn.

- All calls us "The crazy eight".

- What's going on here?!

Who started it?

- What's your name?

- John Milton.

- John Milton, sir!

- John Milton, sir.

U d with language.

I really do not know.

As you will ...

From now on, all

your privileges revoked.

Next time I'm not so indulgent.

Go with him to the doctor.

It was not your fault.

It was not good to be seen with

Gekko, the school's most stupid guy.

It's a madhouse.

There is always someone who is

after you or mock you.

Do not you think Milton?

This better be serious.

Thank you, Milton.

DIE NOT HERE

IT SHOULD I DO IN HOLIDAY

Check them right there!

I do not recall,

to have invited you, Spud.

He could not tear it off for so

he had tweezers and magnifying glass.

- Even if he had a map.

- Balls feel lonely.

It is not fair.

Even Gekko has got hair on.

I wonder when I can

begin to tear it off?

- I wonder how suicide feels?

- This is my seven tenders:

- Mr. Wilson, our teacher.

- 1 I must obey the authorities.

- "rib."

- 2 You must not behave indecently.

Rambo told that a lion bed

half of his shoulder by.

doctors had to use a

ribs to make it.

5th I do not play with yourself

or with each other.

- 6 I can not play darts.

- There is no dart boards.

7th Consider not even

To do this ...

You must not jump into the water at night.

school starts. I have no idea

where things are.

I become terrified when

call. I do not know what to do.

I felt a lump in my throat,

and was about to start crying.

- PJ Luthuli, our teacher.

- Do not run here.

This is the first time I've been

orders from a black man.

- I'm lost.

- This road.

Dad would have reconsidered,

the wallet was still there.

Good God.

Oh horror, oh horror!

The heart can not understand it ...

you are quite dumb ...

Let the trumpets speak!

These vocal messengers-

- Of blood and death!

With me, study the literature.

Not the anemic nonsense-

- A self-absorbed literary gay.

Example 1:

Henry James.

Example 2:

Virginia Woolf and Agatha Christie.

Frustrated and sex-mad lesbians

with underarm hair.

Not get me wrong, boys.

I have nothing against lesbians.

I would personally

give them a swing.

Mr. Edly - "Head". He is as

mad as my family, maybe more.

Either way, I get to

teach you smelly suri cat

- How to become men.

You will learn about women and sex.

If I do it well, you become the

kind of men that you envy-

- And the kind of men

that women can not resist.

Literature is my favorite.

Just Head teaches me to score girls

as mrs. Wilson, rib wife.

nickname "Eve"

since Eve came from Adam's rib.

I got almost goosebumps.

I was about to pee in my pants!

- Yes, Robert?

- You lost your pencil.

Thursday is movie night. Today,

"Pretty Woman" with Julia Roberts.

She plays a sexy prostitute.

After school, I would drive around and

look for prostitutes.

You can watch the movie later.

President F. W. de Klerk

opened parliament-

- with what is described

, an epoch-making speech.

Among other things, increased ban

against African National Congress.

Father says that the ANC's communists.

I'm terrified of them.

government has decided

to release mr. Mandela.

I wonder if

Mandela was a Spud?

There goes the country!

Pike, the school bully.

P. J. Luthuli is my new idol.

I suddenly bad

guilty about being white.

My quest for sporting success

do not go so well.

Your defense game is just as

through the hole like a whore panties.

In the worst players,

I have been unfortunate enough to train.

I have a greater chance of being

pregnant than being cricketers.

It's time for lunch,

so get with you.

Rain Man and Spud,

rode my bed.

Spud, do you want all at school

must think you're a sissy?

It did not expect to.

And therefore I with a mission.

It becomes dangerous.

It gets crazy.

We can be kicked out of school.

We may even die.

Who is on a prohibited

completely mad dip?

I will not.

But Gekko,

there must be no witnesses.

One for all, all for one.

- Spud?

- No witnesses.

Spud!

Wait!

We did it!

Guys! Where's Cool?

Guys ...

Try to get him free.

Good grief! We get kicked out.

Shut up! We will not be thrown out.

Do not be such a sissy.

Rambo saved the day.

He said that Fede was stuck because

he would visit the Holy Spirit.

It's a miracle!

- Well done.

- Establishing!

I know exactly

what I had last night.

What do you think? We were sleeping.

Ask anyone of us.

Okay? Is it true Milton?

A boy was close to death!

Train in a dip, or did not you?

Six strokes for each of you,

when I come back after the weekend.

Take care,

I will think of you.

Super ... Thank you, Spud.

The 158 km long trip home

felt infinite

- and fattened breath smelled of fish.

did nothing,

I was on my way home.

Get into the car. Your father is gone

mad. I kill him.

Mother not exaggerating. Dad has built

our house into a bunker.

Open the gate!

What is this all about?!

Marge and Denise from book club will

by! How do they come in?

- Remove barbed wire!

- So are we vulnerable to attack!

- From who?!

- Communists!

Maybe the school is not so bad.

Dad was mad. He says that

we will live in poverty.

He fired Innocence.

He thinks she is a terrorist.

Is it really to live in poverty?

And then I saw her.

- There for a lightning bolt through my body.

- This is Marge's daughter, Debbie.

She said a single word, which almost

knocked me over with its beauty.

I promised Debs,

that she could swim in your pool.

Jump in, Johnny, it's hot.

I'm in love with a mermaid.

- I'm really sorry.

- Forget it!

Next!

Think about what you love most,

so overcomes you pain.

Next!

Bend forward.

Jacket.

It's going to hurt.

Kiss me, John.

If we is destined to die, it is

enough to constitute a loss to the country

And if life's undes, the fewer men,

the greater part of the credit

We few, we happy few, we brothers all

For he who today share his blood with

me shall be my brother

Would you repeat that, sir?

Come on, Johnny!

That's my boy!

Do not play smart.

Two rim if you gramser,

five if you take her on breast-

- And ten, if you touch her

the most holy place.

- It costs five to be with.

- I'm with.

I save the worst for last ...

Stand up, Milton.

This young man is a good example

on what women crave.

He is the only one of you fools-

- Who has scored more

than 50% of the job.

You can sit down.

I had to write about influence

in modern literature.

Is this it best you baboons

For the?

Dumped. Not one of you came in.

the greatest influence of all.

If it were not for sex, adultery-

- Fornication, korpulering and knalderi-

- There would never have been

written a single book.

- But what about the Bible?

- Good question.

Milton! Bible ...

Clean or sexy?

Grandma says that it is full of sodomy

and incest, and should be banned for children.

Exactly!

Well, I puberty monkeys.

Auf Wiedersehen!

- John ...

- Yes, sir?

Welcome to Paradise Lost.

Your grandmother sounds to be

an interesting slut.

Yes, sir. She is potty. She calls

me David, and we call her Wombat.

My whole family

is actually quite crazy.

So I have the perfect book for you.

It is not really a book,

it's a play.

It's called "The absurd drama".

- Thank you, sir.

- Do not thank me, just read it!

So can you tell us what you think.

I think it is fantastic.

- Get out now, there is lunch.

- Yes, sir.

I hoped that the play would

act on how scores.

But it is about two tramps,

living in a ditch.

They are waiting for a man,

named Godot.

But he never arrived.

It's creepy strange.

SCHOOL game becomes "OLIVER

TWIST. "TEST TOMORROW

This is it.

Robert de Niro, beware!

- Are you satisfied, John?

- Yes, ma'am.

You can call me "Marion".

Who is the

happiest old idiot in the world?

- Now you have no more wine!

- Last glasses, I promise.

Relax, you're stiff as a stick.

Drink a little wine.

- I have not.

- Nonsense. What do you think?

- About what?

- Drama.

I do not know.

Oh, Johnno ...

I guess I do not have to yell at you?

Tell Just.

- Nothing happens.

- Exactly.

It's like life.

We are waiting for something to happen,

but it does not.

And what are we waiting for?

God? The meaning of life?

Death?

Perhaps we are waiting to become adults.

But it will never be.

Wise words, young man.

Let's drink to it.

Why is it absurd?

The sound normal.

We are sitting here surrounded

of a kind of fantasy world.

The actual absurd is that most

not seem to notice it.

- The school is the most absurd world.

- And I've taught here for 27 years.

An absurd vagrant in a ditch ...

... The wayside.

My mother believes that God's greatest gift

to humanity's freedom of choice.

It is not something

one should take lightly.

This is undoubtedly

the best book that is written.

It is proof

that God indeed exists.

These are strong words

from a devout atheist.

To be or not,

this is the case.

Is it a nobler mind that withstands

the wild fate arrows shot ...

John ... You must display home now.

Arrows Target ...

- What is it, honey?

- An end, we sincerely may desire.

Pathetic! Next!

- Well, Milton, what would you sing?

- Amazing Grace.

Thank you! Next!

Thank you, Milton.

I feel just like Hobbit

- small and lonely.

Just less hairy.

HOLIDAY

holidays. All that before made me

happy does not mean anything anymore.

I needed a plan,

but could not find anything.

Innocence is back.

She pulled father in law.

- I told you.

- Now she sits in power.

Ask them there.

Wombat to eat lunch with us.

Father says she is a part of satan.

She is a part of satan!

It's eleven.

You can not be there all day.

Have not you got yourself some friends,

you can invite over?

I ask Debbie,

if she wants to and baths.

Hey.

Was it really wise to let

mermaid meet my family?

Get now not busted bitch thick.

David is such a pretty boy.

Thank God he looks like not his father.

I do not understand,

why you married him.

He looks like scrambled eggs in the face.

What are you doing?

I was sure that the mermaid

would never see us again.

What is it that is so funny?

I talked about school

and the crazy eight.

She laughed really very

I just had to kiss her. So

I could tell the others.

Now it's confirmed.

Spud Milton has no balls.

SECOND SEMESTER

must change to.

This semester,

where Spud Milton enters into character.

I had to give Gekko a

gift. It is a tradition at the school.

I helped

making fun of barrel.

I joined

African company.

I'm embarrassed to be white. After

school I will be freedom fighter.

Do not be silly. When you have gone out

of school, the battle ended long ago.

Thank you, Milton.

We need more of your casting.

I think I prefer black now.

Dad would probably call me

a damn communist.

I will sing again.

Although music teacher

has written new songs.

The role of Oliver Twist

be played by John Milton.

Congratulations.

Spud, the boys and I just

to congratulate you ... birthday.

I was born 14 years ago.

in minutes.

it was my mother who had

endure the pain and the bright light.

Now it at least over.

Are you okay?

I am going to run with tight

reins tighter than nun pussy.

This is not

a piece of cotton wool school theater.

This paragraph should be as well,

that it can be carried anywhere.

I require creativity!

Try it, Milton.

Yes, exactly!

- It did not start too well.

- Stop, stop, stop!

Mr. Richardson - "Viking".

Last year he had a heart attack

in "Pirates of Penzance".

chief plays Fagin. But he fills

his hip flask with real whiskey.

Eva plays the prostitutes Nancy.

Everyone hopes that she will be dressed

out like a real whore.

Gekko was assistant ...

He is probably the infirmary

rest of their lives.

Glock player Sykes, psychopath.

Talk about the right for the role.

- Are you okay?

- I just play.

Very convincing.

- If you say anything, I'll kill you.

- About what?

Rugby Season.

I wonder if "Oliver Twist"

get the same response?

Not like the response to my team.

But it may be that coach

is mr. Lilly, visual arts teacher.

He does not believe in tackles.

Much better! More pressure from the rear.

They have arrived!

I'll probably all say hello

girls from St. Catherine welcome.

Quiet! - Amanda.

Amanda plays Beth.

- John Milton plays Oliver.

Amanda Lawrence,

too beautiful to have a nickname.

I am totally scared of her.

I know your dirty little minds,

and I do not accept it.

Neither flirting, gramseri, petting,

kissing or worse.

- It is the best book I have read.

- Wonderful!

What book! More exciting

than a bed full of blondes.

- I would ask for another book ...

- I've gotten a monster loose!

- "Prophecies" of Nostradamus.

- I know who wrote it.

What is this all about? You try well

not to impress private school chick?

I saw how you looked at her.

I can not let worse.

If she read such nonsense,

Do you try to avoid her.

If you do not smoke in bed with at least

half, it is too slack of you.

- I can not.

- Why not?

I'm just a spud.

You must show everyone that you have

down, not is the only thing that counts.

I know a book

that can get you on the right track.

This one does matter.

- What's it about?

- To give a shit about what others think.

People make a choice,

and shit on the consequences.

What did I tell you about the wine?

It is best that you go now.

Milton ...

I was also called Spud at school.

But it took me probably not harm?

Hello?

Johnny, is that you?

- Hello.

- Johnny! How are you?

Slip, Spud, I should call.

Johnny?

- Have you read?

- Nostradamus is a deluded fool.

Why are you called Spud?

Does it have anything

with a potato to do?

- I have to move.

- Come on, it's us now.

Just vote is not in transition!

No one knows what is wrong.

I hope it's over with Spud.

- Four sneeze is like an orgasm.

- Hopefully an orgasm better.

Gekko's actually pretty cool.

He has had 42 diseases,

six of which are completely unknown.

And he takes

12 different kinds of medicine.

To my beloved spud.

Come to recover.

I miss you. Love you. Amanda.

You ... we can well make it clear

she loves you.

- Do you believe it?

- Imagine if you score Amanda!

spud is to Tyr.

Spud ...

When you sing ...

It's as if ...

I do not know.

It may sound weird ...

It is as if,

I so know that God might exist.

- It's just a cold.

- The voice is not in transition?

He has a long way to go.

Hey.

- How are you?

- Fine.

Once again from the beginning

with a hair dryer and the terminal?

She signed with the "love".

This does not always the same.

Girls often say "love".

"I love the dress, I love

Tom Cruise! I love Bananarama! "

- Forget the girls. Who comes first!

- Where are we going?

The view of hell ... is the

best place to view the school from.

THIRD SEMESTER

(Simpleton PERIOD)

Apparently I am not the only one

which is being kulret.

barrel traded Thursday film

out with lesbian porn.

Vern was caught stealing everyone's 414 undies.

Rambo was crazy. 01:05:43,750 -> 01:05:48,790

Obese came out for an accident

when he would beat his fart record.

Gekko was attacked

of a rare parasite.

The Mad Dog says,

that he got it from fattened farts.

Everyone knows that Rambo and Eve

have something going.

Apart from poor rib.

Pike continues to ravage.

I could not stop

to dream.

I'm going crazy!

The big question is:

Which one would you fuck?

I can not fuck any of them.

- I'm a spud.

- I know what to do.

Gekko thinks he knows everything about women,

without ever having received a kiss!

So I should ignore Amanda,

be really part against her-

- And flirting uninhibited with Christine?

- Christine's pretty creepy.

- You must win Amanda's respect.

- Hello, sweetheart.

- Christine ...

See you, honey.

Why are you so arrogant?

You're not who I thought you were.

Amanda.

She hates me! And I flirt

with one, I do not know.

I'm the girl incredible that as the

only one has been kind to me.

Make it something that I take Christine?

I think she likes me.

We have already gramset below the stage.

Is it okay?

- Of course, you're welcome.

- Thank you.

- What are you on holiday?

- Nothing. And you?

I should be with

my boyfriend - Christine.

We need to Mozambique.

- For Christine ...

- Yes?

- It's nothing.

- Check out these malaria tablets.

I never take a pill again.

My new medicine is love.

Where are you going?

Sir?

Sir!

- What the hell are you doing here?

- Excuse me for interrupting.

- So do it.

- I need your help.

What is it about?

- Are you all right?

- Excellently.

- Where is mrs. Edly?

- She kept me out longer.

What do you want?

It is about the book ...

- It is strange and gives no answers.

- Just like life.

I have problems with some girls.

I do not know what to do.

You need to get some advice about women from a

man whose wife just left him.

Honesty, sincerity, honesty ...

Avoid it at all costs.

Lie as often as you can.

If you are lucky, so will you.

If you do not make it,

you can always mad-

- And develop a drinking problem.

It's worse than expected.

I look like complete a sheep!

We've got a new family

- Blacky.

- Who is going to feed it?!

- Me.

And I give it just what I want!

Innocence is in trouble again.

father took her from selling booze.

But when he discovered that he

could earn 50 cents per bottle

- he decided

that he, after all, like black.

mermaid come to visit.

Her breasts have grown.

They are huge!

You have a good pair of melons.

Use them wisely.

We went for a walk in the park

and she touched me with her breasts.

My dick felt weird.

- What is it?

- A mood ring.

Do you think we get married and have children

and things like that together?

Girls! The sure path to madness.

Therefore, Blacky with father

vet and have removed the buns.

Like me

- either boy or man.

last semester and life sailing.

- The boss is not the same.

- Not now, Milton.

Eva has made it over with Rambo.

Rain Man is Pike's new punching bag.

Gekko discovered that Christine had

lavished with Smith, Greg Anderson

- Scott Emberton

and half of the rugby team.

Hey.

I'm sorry about Christine ...

Someone said that she and

with the gramset on you.

Shall we go up the hill and see

how many snakes we can find?

Look what I bought in Mozambique.

I bought this for you.

It is abelort.

It is crazy rare.

Thank you, Gekko.

Gekko?

- Is he okay?

- We must have him over to the doctor.

Good God ... Get him in here, quick!

- Where is Gekko?

- We had to drive him to the hospital.

- Is he okay?

- He has malaria.

It's very serious.

I'm scared.

What are you talking about?

You'll be back in a week.

In addition, planning Rambo

a new swimming.

You do not always have to do

as Rambo says.

That does not mean everything in the world

to impress him.

Can not you sing something for me?

Sir, I just want to talk with you

on our task:

Another time, Milton.

I just wanted to say that Dickens ...

... Is a boring old fart,

which is unable to write.

His books can not even

used as toilet paper.

Listen right here! It is one of the finest

works from the Victorian era.

There was obviously

not much of the time.

Be careful, or I'll force you to

read Enid Blyton high public!

I have been a terrible

stiff sticks, have not I?

Women! You can not live with them, and

you can not send them to Zimbabwe.

Lunch.

- Why drink you?

- It keeps the wolves away.

I just get upset,

when I drink.

The more you drink, the more sad

you become. So you drink even more.

- It is a paradox.

- You're right in.

- Shoe polish. Eat, and you get a tier.

- Come on, Fatty!

- Never.

- Do not be a chicken.

Spud, imitate an animal.

- I do not want to.

- "I do not want to."

Stop it!

Milton! Come with me.

Gekko has passed away.

He died half an hour ago.

Doctors fought,

but he was too ill.

Andrews?

Ascott?

Bains?

Barker?

Barker?

Gekko?

Death, be not proud.

You'll get over it eventually.

And it makes you stronger.

With time.

In the meantime ...

Keep reading.

A book never die from one.

PREMIERE

For all the new

and the opportunities it brings.

Milton, are you there?

May I?

I will have to go.

That's my boy!

Where is the wig?

Bravo!

That's my boy! An Oscar winner!

- Who were you?

- Oliver.

- Johnny, you were fantastic!

- You look beautiful.

- What is it?

- Nothing.

We gotta go. I promised Marge,

that Debbie would be home before nine.

- When I see you again?

- Soon.

It was beautiful!

Who was it?

No. Just an ex-boyfriend.

She still likes you.

You were pretty good.

Really?

We slip.

Kiss me, sir Spud.

But what about what you said?

It does not matter.

Wait!

I can not.

I'm sorry ...

What is it, Johnny?

Should I not show you

around the school?

We gotta go.

I think we can

be late tonight.

Come here!

He's back!

Well done!

The slut was hot!

She was hot!

You know what I think?

A swim!

CLOSURE

I'd been kept me away from the hill,

since Gekko dead.

last chance to

take a look at the valley.

An opportunity to see and remember.

I had forgotten how beautiful it is here.

Everything is so vibrant and colorful.

I can see the manager's house.

I remember that he said that

God's greatest gift is freedom of choice.

But in some cases

God gives us no choice.

He shares the cards out,

and we play the hand.