Spooky House (2002) Movie Script

[soft gentle music]

[Announcer] And now,

direct from the successful,

world tour, ladies and gentlemen

the Great Zamboni!

[audience cheering]

[tense music]

Thank you.

It's good to be back.

[magical music]

Be prepared to have

your illusions...

Shattered!

[glass shattering]

-[logo whooshing]

-[audience cheering]

[ominous upbeat music]

[audience cheering]

[tense fantastical music]

[gentle music]

Ladies and gentlemen,

my partner on stage and

in life, Dawn Starr.

[audience cheering]

Legend has it that Dawn

Starr was ready to be born

a human being when an evil

spirit saw how beautiful she was

and decided to take

her as his wife.

But the ancient spirits of

the sky and the earth said no.

He could not have her.

So the evil spirit took her,

and hid her

inside a star.

Trapped inside the star,

Dawn Starr cried constantly.

The spirit of the moon,

heard her cries

as he crossed the night sky.

In the early hours

of the morning,

as the spirit of the moon

began to descend in the west,

he could not bear the sound

of her crying any longer.

He looked upon the star,

and blew with all his might!

[explosion booms]

[soft music]

Dawn Starr found herself

walking on the Earth.

[audience cheering]

[audience whispering]

[seagulls squawking]

[upbeat music]

♪ Oh, oh, at Spooky House

♪ Yeah

♪ If you're watching closely

♪ You'll see someone ghostly

♪ A spooky kind of guy

♪ He's a little creepy

♪ Always acting freaky

♪ Everybody wonders why

♪ Yeah

♪ When you're walking

by his Spooky House ♪

♪ You get a funny feeling

♪ That somebody's

watching you ♪

Look!

It be the spooky guy.

[children screaming]

♪ Spooky House

♪ Have you heard the rumors

♪ Everybody's talking

about the Spooky House ♪

♪ Spooky House

♪ No one's gonna save you at

the Spooky House tonight ♪

♪ Spooky

♪ All right

♪ Spooky

♪ Yeah

♪ Spooky

♪ Meet you there at midnight

♪ Gonna be a big fright

♪ You won't believe your eyes

♪ A figure in the window

♪ Creeping through the shadows

♪ A master of disguise

Here you go, okay.

one fifth plain cheese,

one fifth with everything

for guess who?

one with everything

but anchovies for Max,

one with pepperoni, and

one with caviar for Zoe.

Let's dig in.

It's be nice, thank you.

You're welcome, Yuri.

Not even in Russia, Yuri

see so much a spooky guy.

I bet there isn't another

one in the whole world.

The whole universe.

Hey, mom, Prescott,

Yuri, and I wanna go

to the clubhouse, so can

you watch Max and Zoe?

I wanna go to the clubhouse.

Me too, I wanna go with Beans.

Hey, come on, it's our

clubhouse, it's for big kids.

It's not fair, it's ours too.

And besides, Princess is

there and I have to feed her.

I wanna go too 'cause

they're taking me away soon.

I was hoping you'd

spend some time

with me, Max, before you go.

Maybe you two can help fill

salt and pepper shakers.

Pepper makes me sneeze.

Come on, guys, give me a break.

I gotta start hanging

around with kids my own age

before I start sucking

my little thumb again.

I don't suck my thumb anymore.

You guys work it out.

Please!

Yeah, please.

There's nothing you can say

that will make me

change my mind, no.

How about if we give you

half our candy on Halloween?

[Zoe] Yeah!

All right, deal.

[upbeat rock music]

[suspenseful music]

[Dave] Hey, can anybody live

next to a graveyard anyway?

Even a spooky guy.

Best neighbors you can

have, they never complain.

[Mike chuckles]

I don't get it.

What are you laughing at, man?

[scoffs] Push me.

Hey, listen, lard brain, let's

just see what we can boost

in the van and split before

the spooky guy gets back

and eats us or turns

us into cat food

or whatever he does

to humans, all right?

Okay, whatever, stupid.

There's a dead guy in here.

I know, it's full.

Hey, does Boss buy

dead bodies and stuff?

There's nothing

Boss doesn't buy.

Open it.

-Open it?

-Yeah, come on,

just open it.

Well, I don't feel

like opening it.

I'll open it.

Yeah, I'll open

it, I'm not a wuss.

I'm no wuss either, man.

I'll do it.

Why don't you both do it, huh?

Okay then.

What are you waiting

for, Halloween?

Let's do it, come on, let's go.

[suspenseful music]

Well, it don't look used,

Boss'd probably get

big bucks for this.

Okay, does anyone have a match?

W-what would we need

a match for?

Duh.

God, I don't know what I

would do without you two.

Try this with an adult.

Get that outta here,

come on, let's go!

This is illegal, hurry up!

[light suspenseful music]

[Boss coughing]

-[Boss laughing]

-[dogs barking]

[Boss] Ahem.

Hmm.

You should really

quit smoking, Boss.

Never interrupt me when

I'm writing my memoirs.

[typewriter clacking]

And don't call me Boss.

Call me Madam Boss.

Do you find me droll, young man?

Um, d-droll, ah, we,

y-yeah, you know,

I mean, well I-I no.

No?

You don't find me droll?

Well, uh, well, th-that

that depends on uh,

on what you want me to say.

[Boss] Given the fact that the

entire contents of your mind

could be chiseled on

the head of a pin,

my suggestion to you is

the less said, the better.

[suspenseful music]

I saw that.

Boys and girls, I

have a job for us.

[all groaning]

Oh, if there's one thing I

loathe, it's lack of enthusiasm.

Allow me to remind you,

ladies and gentlemen,

that you came to me and

when you approached me,

you approached a pro,

someone who has taken

the relatively low

business of thievery

and raised it to the

level of high art.

If per chance you are

beginning to regret the having

weighted in so far,

you cannot now go back.

What can I say but

tough kazookies?

[crows cawing]

♪ When you feel

like you've fallen ♪

♪ And the whole

world is stalling ♪

♪ It's okay

♪ When you're losing your grip

♪ And you're starting to slip

♪ It's okay

♪ When the crowd has gone home

♪ And you feel all alone

♪ And you're beating

head to the wall ♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪ It happens to us all

♪ When life's passing you by

♪ That you just wanna cry

♪ It's okay

-[Beans] Hey, magic boy.

-[frog croaking]

Look what I got

for you, a froggy.

You can have it.

[frog croaking]

Come on, Max, pouting isn't

gonna make you feel any better.

[Max] Go away.

♪ Don't be afraid

♪ It happens to us all

♪ It's all part of

the journey ♪

Hey, you want some

peanuts, Max, eh?

Take a look, whoa!

Look at that.

Look at this, this a nose

or what?

Look at that,

using that body eh!

Ah, oh, look at this,

this if you move

up and down, the mouth

will move, try, try.

It's not fair, why

do I have to go

to the orphanage the

day after Halloween?

♪ when you just wanna

fly to the stars in the sky ♪

♪ It's okay

Max, I wish you could

live with us forever.

I want you to live with

us forever, too, Max.

It be stupid rule must be

having big American house

and big capitalist

dollars for adopt.

[mellow music]

[Max] I wanna name

him Sir Lancelot.

Be careful, frogs pee

when you hold 'em.

Not this one, he's empty.

♪ someone

dear in your arms ♪

♪ And you say

♪ It's all part of the journey

♪ When you feel life

is turning away ♪

♪ You may not understand it

♪ And never believe

♪ But we've all had

our backs to the wall ♪

It's just you and me, Shadow.

♪ It happens to us all...

[doll clicking]

♪ Hey, don't be afraid

♪ It happens to us all

[bright music]

Hail to the blind cigarette.

And hot Cuban cigars, children,

observe the skill,

observe the style,

observe the charisma of a pro.

[man coughing]

Hey, lady, are you all right?

[man inhales]

[man coughing]

[Boss coughing]

[Boss laughing]

Whoa, that CPR stuff

sure works. [coughs]

[bright music]

[car creaking]

[Shadow snarling]

[Max] I'm gonna name

him Sir Lancelot.

Looks more like Sir Lancelittle.

Well, it's time for his nap nap.

You know, walking is

hard work. [laughs]

I'm supposed to be

home before dark.

Me too, I have worrying mother.

At least you have a mother.

It's okay, Max.

You can share our mother

anytime you want, big guy.

Yeah, mine too.

Me too.

Thanks, guys.

No problem, buddy.

[upbeat rock music]

[bright music]

Oh no!

[suspenseful music]

Hey, dipwad, where'd you

get the goat on a rope?

Oh, they don't like us.

[Dave]Hey, yeah, why don't

you guys like us anyway?

'cause your sociopaths.

[Dave] Well, thank you.

I bet you don't know

what that means.

It means I'm gonna

give you a fat lip--

Hey, what's the big deal,

man, he already has a fat lip.

Yeah, he's got fat everything.

Shut up, pea-brain.

Hey, Dave, chill, all right?

I have better stuff in store

for these little dorks.

[Max] I don't like you.

[Mona] Hey!

Watch it, yo-yo boy.

And I asked you where

you got the goat.

The goat's mine.

Duh, well, what's his name?

Princess.

She's a he, Zoe, you

can't call a guy Princess.

That's gonna be one screwed

up goat when it grows up.

It's my goat and it's a girl,

-and that is that.

-All right, whatever.

Well, you know, she's

right, you know--

You know, there's a reason

why they call you,

specifically, Dumb Dave.

Hey, yeah, I was thinking

about that one, why is that?

Never mind, ju-just

leave us alone.

-[Zoe] Go away.

-[Princess bleats]

Hey! All I wanted to do

was pet your little

goat, all right?

But if you're gonna be

like that about it,

-Fine!

-[Zoe] Princess!

-[kids shouting]

-[Zoe screaming]

[Zoe] Princess, no!

[Princess bleating]

[Yuri retching]

You threw up rubber puke,

man, how'd you do that?

Yo, I think you must've eaten

like a lot of junk

food or something.

[kids screaming]

[dramatic music]

[somber music]

[seagulls squawking]

[Zoe] Princess!

[All] Princess, Princess!

[Zoe] Princess!

All right.

Princess!

-Hey, Princess!

-[Zoe] Princess!

-[All] Princess, Princess!

-[thunder rumbling]

Zoe, we cannot keep doing

this, we have to go home.

Princess!

Please!

[all] Princess! Princess!

[Princess bleating]

That's it be.

Princess!

-[rat squealing]

-[cat meows]

[Princess bleating]

-[Beans] Oh no!

-[Zoe] Princess is going

into the Spooky House!

[dramatic music]

[Beans] No, no, no, Max,

wait, wait, wait,

Max, don't go in there, the

spooky guy might get you.

I don't care.

He's been feeding

little kids to his lion.

Yeah, and he's got

this big private

graveyard just to

bury the bones.

[Zoe] Yeah, and he never sleeps.

[Prescott] He's

really a vampire.

And he's be 2,000 years old.

[Beans] Yeah, and the

house is full of snakes.

[Prescott]The kind that kill

you by poisoning you.

Then they wrap around you

a hundred times and

squeeze you to death.

And then the jaws open up like

this and swallow you alive.

[Beans] And it takes a whole

month to swallow you.

I know somebody it happened to.

He told me about it.

[Zoe] And the house is haunted.

There are ghosts probably

in the hallways at night,

just waiting for

little kids to scare.

True, duck you.

Real ghosts, spooky ghosts,

spookier than the spooky guy.

I know all that stuff.

[Beans] So why do you wanna

go in there, Max?

'cause I have nothing

to live for anyway.

Max, you're our friend.

We love you.

Come on, guys, we're not afraid

of that old spooky guy, are we?

Are we, yeah, no?

[suspenseful music]

[eerie music]

Well, come on.

My mom says no one's ever been

inside the Spooky House, Max.

Nobody that lived.

She says nobody goes

there, not even to clean.

Nobody knows what is in there.

And nobody knows what he does.

[gong bangs]

[tense dramatic music]

[Prescott] He's not home.

[Yuri] Therefore,

we can go home.

[Zoe] We have to get Princess.

[Yuri] What is about watch lion?

What if he eats Princess?

[Beans] No, don't

worry, I got an idea.

How about we all go in

there, catch Princess,

and get out quickly,

yeah, maybe?

[Zoe] Princess!

[all] Princess!

[Zoe] It's mommy, come here!

[dramatic music]

[All] Princess!

[Zoe] Princess!

[Beans] Oh my gosh!

[all screaming]

[kids crashing]

[Beans] Go find the light,

go find the light.

[laptop clicks]

[eerie music]

[eerie whispering]

[Beans] Go, go find the light

switch, go find it.

[Prescott] It's right there.

[Beans] There.

[metal squeaking]

[all sigh]

Hey, Sir Lancelot, it's

a room full of dummies.

And I'm not one of

them. [chuckles]

[lightning crashing]

[door knob squeaking]

[door creaking]

[clock ticking]

[eerie music]

[clock yelling]

[kids screaming]

Guys, guys?

[bright music]

[Sir Lancelot croaking]

Hey, Sir Lancelot, come back.

[wood creaking]

Ow, my head's stuck.

[Sir Lancelot croaking]

[suspenseful music]

Help me, help me!

Scared of little

spiders, can't get away.

Come back.

[couch yells]

-[couch burps]

-[Shadow snarls]

[Max] I have to get

outta here. [groaning]

[Princess bleating]

[Zoe] Princess?

There you are, Princess.

[eerie music]

[Princess bleating]

It's okay, Princess,

mommy is here.

[Princess bleating]

[lightning crashing]

[Prescott grunting]

[Zoe screaming]

[Beans shuddering]

Oh boy, oh boy.

[Prescott screaming]

[Princess bleating]

-[thunder rumbling]

-[lightning crashing]

[Zoe] Princess.

Where are you?

[Max] Prescott, is that you?

[Zoe] Princess!

Hey, Max.

[house creaking]

[couch rumbling]

It's a haunted couch.

Uh, there's someone in this

house that shouldn't be here.

Who?

Me.

[couch creaking]

[all sigh]

Hello.

[Zoe] Hello.

[doll laughing]

What's be happen next?

[lightning crashes]

[shelf creaking]

[ominous music]

I wish I hadn't come, I'd

rather be getting a shot.

I'd rather be in gym class.

[Sir Lancelot croaking]

Sir Lancelot, Lancelot!

-Max!

-Lancelot!

[Beans] Max, Max, come back here

Man, I'm gonna regret this.

[Yuri] It's be dark in there.

[Max] Sir Lancelot.

[Beans] Uh, guys, let me know

if you see an ugly red guy,

pitchfork, tail, horns,

ghost, witch, vampire,

anything out of the

ordinary, just let me know.

[Yuri] What if there

is be flying rat?

[Zoe] You mean a bat.

[Yuri] Okay.

[Max] Sir Lancelot.

[Prescott] If a bat lands in

your hair, you won't be able

to get it out, you have

to cut all your hair off.

[Zoe] You're lying,

that's not true.

[Beans] It is true, ask anybody.

They get some kinda

glue on their feet.

[Max] Sir Lancelot,

Sir Lancelot, come on.

Where are you?

Come on, Sir Lancelot,

Sir Lancelot.

Hold my candle while

I get Sir Lancelot.

[eerie music]

Hello, Sir Lancelot.

[coffin hisses]

[people laughing]

[lightning crackling]

-[people laughing]

-[people groaning]

[lightning crackling]

[lightning crashes]

[Zamboni thuds]

[soft music]

Boo.

[angelic music]

[coffin whirring]

Fingers.

[coffin whirring]

[soft music]

[hand thudding]

[Max grunts]

[dramatic music]

[door rumbling]

[soft music]

[dramatic music]

[wand clatters]

[Zamboni sighs]

-I like your stuff.

-It's not stuff,

this wand that you just dropped

was a part of the

private collection of Houdini.

-Hou who?

-Stuff.

Looks like stuff to me.

Great stuff, like great toys.

[Zamboni] You know what

trespassing means?

Yes.

Yes, yes, so what does it mean?

[Princess bleating]

It means when you're somewhere

where you're not supposed to be.

Exactly, take the goat with you.

[Princess bleats]

-Were you the Great Zamboni?

-I am the Great Zamboni.

You're not to tell anyone

about this room or me.

A magician never reveals

his tricks or himself. Now go.

This place is wasted.

This is a great place

for a kid to live

with all the cool costumes

and really great toys.

G-O, go.

[somber music]

[people chattering]

[suspenseful music]

I found it.

There are articles about

him in "Time Magazine,"

"The New York Times,"

and even "The Enquirer."

Well, that means he was famous.

[Max] But how did he

make his wife disappear?

Maybe it was real magic.

[laptop beeps]

Here, this is the actual

footage of when she disappeared.

As the spirit of the moon

began to descend in the west,

he could not bear the sound

of her crying any longer.

He looked upon the star and

blew with all his might.

-[explosion booms]

-[all] Woah!

Dawn Starr found herself

walking on the Earth.

But wait a minute,

where did she go?

She disappeared.

[Prescott] The police said he

might've murdered her.

He wouldn't do that.

[tree creaks]

Hi, would you show

me a magic trick?

No.

Why, are you scared

real magic might happen?

There's no such

thing as real magic.

What about your wife then?

[Zamboni] She ran away.

Ow, I cut my finger.

[Zamboni groans]

Get you a bandage.

[soft music]

Stay there.

[door thuds]

[dog barking]

[door thuds]

Thank you.

Why would she run away?

[door thuds]

[people chattering]

[seagulls squawking]

[Somber music]

Hi, it's me, Max.

I got this new magic

trick, Yuri gave it to me.

Can you show me how to make

the little ball disappear?

Thanks again for the bandage.

Hey, look, my

finger's much better.

-How's your lion?

-Jaguar.

Did you name her

from the kind of car?

No, I did not.

I know how it's supposed to work

but when I do it, it

doesn't look right.

[bag thuds]

Watch.

Red ball.

Red ball in hand.

Close cup.

Red ball in hand,

red ball in hand.

[blows] Red ball disappear.

Knock knock.

-That was great!

-Yeah, you have to hold the

cup like this, you see.

To disguise the illusion.

It's not the trick

that's important,

it's how you perform it.

Empty.

Red ball in hand.

[blows] Disappear.

[All] Whoa.

Hey, where did it go?

[gasps] Excellent.

[all clapping]

Reappears in Zoe's ear.

[all gasp]

Oh my gosh.

I don't believe it,

that is a great trick.

It's not the trick

that's important,

it's how you perform it.

[somber music]

[birds chirping]

-[door creaks]

-[door thuds]

Nice tree.

Thanks.

I thought it had character

and would fit in here.

Character, huh?

I dug it up myself.

I think it needs to

be watered a lot.

Thanks.

[soft music]

Would you teach me

another magic trick?

[Zamboni] Maybe some other time.

It has to be before

November 1st.

'cause that's when they're

taking me to the orphanage.

I'd like to know

some tricks by then

so I can make the other

kids there like me.

[door creaks]

[door thuds]

[seagulls squawking]

[gentle music]

[suspenseful music]

[Princess bleating]

Princess!

Mommy, mommy!

[Max] I bet Mr.

Zamboni can help us

find Princess 'cause

he's very smart.

[Prescott] He just knows

how to disappear things.

[Beans] And they

never come back.

Come on.

[Beans] Max, what are you doing?

[gong bangs]

[soft music]

[Beans] What are you doing, Max?

Maybe he's home but he

won't answer the door.

Maybe he has a reason.

[Beans] He does, he hates us.

No, he doesn't, he's

not used to people.

[Prescott] That's

an understatement.

What is this understatement?

It means what you mean, is

less than you mean to mean.

Oh no, the jaguar's

tail is stuck

in the couch and it's

really hurting her.

[Shadow snarling]

[dramatic music]

-Oh.

-Oh no.

[Beans] No, you gotta be kidding

[Prescott] I'm not going

in there near that.

[Max] Well, I'm not afraid.

Animals always know

when you're helping them

and they're nice to you.

I'm going in.

[Beans] Oh brother.

Here comes dinner.

Guys, I don't think

this plan will work.

If we let it out,

it could reach us.

And eat us.

She won't eat us,

she's friendly.

[Zoe] The spooky guy's coming!

[all yelling]

[Shadow snarling]

[Max] I'll help you.

Nice kitty, nice kitty.

Uh-oh.

[Shadow snarling]

I'm really tired, Shadow.

Really tired of it all.

[couch creaks]

[couch clatters]

[Max] Help, I have to

pee, help, I have to pee,

please, I have to pee,

let me out, hello,

who's out there, help, I have

to pee, let me out, hello!

Shadow.

[Max] Help, I have to pee,

hello, help, I have to pee.

Help, I have to pee,

hello, help, I have to pee.

Let me out, help, I

have to pee, let me out.

I have to pee, let me out.

Who's out there?

Hello, help, I have

to pee, I have to pee,

I have to pee, I have to pee!

I have to pee.

Be right back, the

pee's about to mount.

[bright music]

You're gonna wind up

in a reform school,

not an orphanage if you

keep breaking into my house.

I looked inside the window

to see if you were home.

We just came to visit.

It's not nice to look

into people's windows.

I know that, I'm sorry.

Still doesn't give you the

right to break in, again.

But Shadow's tail was

stuck in this couch.

Shadow's in the hallway,

she looks fine to me.

Um, excuse me,

sir, Shadow's tail

was caught on the couch,

and Max did save her.

What is this?

Will you go, all of

you, would you just go?

I don't wanna see any

of you near my house!

So go!

[footsteps thudding]

[soft music]

So the evil spirits took her

and hid her inside a star.

[voice distorts]

Hey Prescott, what you doing?

Look.

[laptop whirring]

He says something just

before she vanishes.

But I can't make it out.

So can't you just try

to make it louder?

I hate children, I hate

children, I hate children.

I hate children, I hate

children, I hate children.

I hate children, I hate

children, I hate children.

I hate children,

I hate children.

[dramatic music]

[Beans] Max.

[Zoe] Max.

[somber music]

[Zamboni] What are you gonna

show me, Shadow?

[Shadow snarls]

What do you wanna show me, hey?

This?

[Zoe sniffles]

[uplifting music]

[bright music]

[bike screeches]

Nice wheels.

[rock music]

-[Max groans]

-Let's go, come on.

Let go, let me go!

Ow.

Aw, did you wittle

baby hurt yourself?

I'm not a baby.

You don't hear me

crying, do you?

What did you do that for?

[Dave] Trying to make

the little dweeb cry.

Well, now we can't get

any money for it, can we?

Hey, what's this

he's got in his hand?

-Oh.

-Gimme that.

[Dave] What's that in his hand?

[Max] Just a stick!

Give it to me!

No, it's mine, it was Houdini's.

Who's Houdini?

I don't know, give it back!

Looks like real silver.

Boss could probably get

good bucks for this.

It's a magic wand

and there's a curse

on anybody who steals it.

Yeah, and I'm the tooth fairy.

You're not the tooth

fairy, 'cause my mom's

the tooth fairy, 'cause

one time I caught her

and she was like putting

the money under my pillow.

Shut up, Dave.

Ow.

Leave him alone!

Stop it!

[Mona] Let's split.

Stop it!

Oh, hun, are you all right?

They stole my magic wand.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Are you okay, Sir Lancelot?

[Sir Lancelot croaks]

They stole the magic wand.

[Max] Who's Houdini?

[Zamboni] Houdini,

he was one of the

most famous magicians ever.

He had a hard life.

But he always kept

going, he overcame

everything they

could throw at him.

[Max] Kinda like us, huh?

[Zamboni] Not always.

[water splashing]

Have you ever been

picked on by bullies?

Yeah, my whole life.

Then why are you a bully?

Me?

I'm not a bully.

You hate children.

Who told you I hate children?

You did, it was the

last thing you said

to your wife before

she disappeared.

[Zamboni] Quite the magician

yourself, aren't you?

[Max] We saw it on the computer.

Well, bless modern technology,

your nose is fixed,

you better go.

But you said you

would fix my bicycle.

Right.

I did, didn't I?

Why did you say

you hated children?

Sit down.

[Zamboni sighs]

There's me, okay.

On the back row.

You were an orphan too?

I spent my whole

childhood in an orphanage.

Always felt different

from the other kids.

Did you know magic then?

No.

That's why I want you to

teach me some magic tricks.

You would be better off

if I taught you a

good right cross.

My momma, before she got sick,

she used to tell me not to

fight so nobody ever wins.

Well, I never knew my mother,

so I'm not as lucky as you,

there was nobody there

to tell me not to fight.

Because all the other

kids always picked on me,

I got into a lot of fights,

I had a great right cross.

So I spent a lot of

time in the basement.

Huh, magician came to

visit the school once.

I didn't see the show 'cause

I was in the basement.

But I saw him throw away

a lot of stuff in the garbage,

so later on, I

fished it all out.

There were some, you

know, special cards

and tricks and stuff.

I played with them till

I figured them out.

Then I began to make

up my own tricks.

Did you have any friends

in the orphanage?

Luther, he was a rat.

I bet you like animals

more than people.

Most people.

Animals like Luther and Shadow,

they have no pretensions.

They are what they are.

[Zamboni scoffs]

When I was in the

orphanage, I promised myself

I would not have children

'cause kids could be so cruel

but all Dawn Starr wanted

to do was to have children,

she wanted children more than

anything else in the world,

she was a real earth mother,

I could see in her heart

it was her destiny to have

children, maybe that's why

she was given to me by

whomever, I don't know.

People used to tell me I'd

make a good father,

but I screwed it all up.

I don't understand

this parenting thing.

Maybe it's 'cause I

never had parents.

All I had when I was

a kid was a staff,

people who went home after

work to be with their kids,

people who got Christmas

and Thanksgiving off

so they could be

with their families,

it was a punishment to have

to spend the holidays with us.

Were they mean to you?

Ah, they weren't mean,

really, most of them anyway.

Just that I always thought I

was a job to them, not a child.

I remember I missed

feeling part of somebody.

I'm afraid.

I don't wanna go

to the orphanage.

[Tools clatter]

I was selfish, I told Dawn

I needed her to be my assistant.

I used to say, "How can I saw

a pregnant woman in half?"

The truth is I could get

any number of assistants.

But she was the only one

woman I ever wanted as a wife.

[Zamboni] What I said to her

that night was the cruelest

thing I could ever say.

That's why I think she ran away.

♪ You got the good

thing that I want ♪

♪ So gimme, gimme, gimme,

gimme what you got ♪

♪ Oh, you got the sweet

stuff I like a lot ♪

♪ So gimme, gimme, gimme,

gimme what you got, baby ♪

[Girl] Wait up!

[Man] Here you go, kids.

[Woman] All right.

♪ Oh, you've got

the sugar, honey ♪

♪ But you won't let it go

♪ You give me candy

♪ Now I'm needing it so

♪ Here I am begging

with my hand out again ♪

[doorbell rings]

♪ You keep me guessing

♪ But I'm a never,

never gonna win ♪

♪ Oh, you got the good

thing that I want ♪

♪ So gimme, gimme, gimme,

gimme what you got ♪

♪ Oh, and you got the sweet

stuff that I like a lot ♪

♪ So gimme, gimme, gimme,

gimme what you got ♪

[Child] Trick or treat.

[doorbell rings]

[Mona] Trick or treat.

There you go, hun.

[Mona] Do you think you can

get me a glass of water?

I don't feel very good.

[Woman] Oh, sure thing.

Why don't you come inside?

You have a seat and I'll go

and bring you your water.

Be right back.

♪ Baby, please, let it be me

[Mona] Go, go, go, go, go.

Hurry up, hurry up

♪ Tell me what you need

♪ You got the good

thing that I want ♪

♪ So gimme, gimme, gimme,

gimme what you got ♪

♪ Oh, you got the sweet

stuff I like a lot ♪

♪ So gimme, gimme, gimme,

gimme what .... ♪

There you go, hun.

Thank you, I'm so sorry,

ma'am but,

as soon as you left

to go get my water,

these two boys came in and

they stole all your candy.

And I tried to stop

them but I couldn't.

Oh, that's all right,

dear, it's not your fault.

You know, the same thing

happened last year.

Some poor girl, she looked so

sweet in her angel costume.

She was so upset.

Well, it's a shame there's

kids like that out there.

It's not fair to the other kids.

No, it's not.

Oh, thank you so

much for the water.

You're welcome.

Happy Halloween.

Same to you.

[soft music]

[Child] Trick or treat!

That's it, I've had

it, I've got a hard

trick or treating itch, you

gotta walk up to every house,

some have steps, and

then you have to wait,

look cute and say, "Trick

or treat!" at each house.

Do you realize how many

houses we've been to tonight?

Do you realize how hard it

is to be cute at my age?

[suspenseful music]

Look.

There they are.

There goes Halloween.

Let's follow 'em and see

where they hide their stash.

A kid's work is never done.

[Dramatic suspenseful music]

Candy. [laughs]

They're bringing me candy.

[dramatic music]

You've got to think bigger!

You've got to think bolder!

You stride up to a door.

If no one is home and

the door is locked,

you go in through the window.

The most obscure and unobtuse

window you can find,

break it if you have to,

try not to.

Once inside, you open

your capacious handbags,

you place inside them everything

marked sterling silver

that will fit.

Next you turn your

attention to the jewelry,

I trust you've developed an

eye for the real thing by now.

[Boss] When by and by

your bags are completely full,

you blithely skip out

through the same window

you came in and

hurry on home to me.

Get it?

[Mona] Got it.

-Yeah, I get it.

-Got it.

-You got it.

Get it.

I fondly hope so.

[drum bangs]

[dramatic music]

[suspenseful music]

Now, which house

here do you think

would be the obvious

house to start with?

-[Max] There is the magic wand.

-[Dave] Definitely that one.

That is a garage.

It's very obvious,

this is a test.

-That one.

-And why that one, Mona?

Guys, guys, that's

my house though.

[Boss] That's

immaterial, why that one?

[Princess bleats]

[Zoe] Princess!

[glass clatters]

It's the brats, go, go.

[Mona] What, what, what, what?

Don't just stand

there, go after them!

[dramatic music]

-[kids screaming]

-[Princess bleating]

-My legs are hurting.

-My everything is hurting.

[Dave] I'm gonna get you.

[Beans] All right guys, come on,

it's now or never, let's go!

[kids screaming]

[banging on door]

Aren't you supposed to

say, "Trick or treat"?

[All] Trick or treat!

Oh, you must do it with style.

[air twinkling]

You found it.

Yeah, and a whole lot

of other stolen stuff,

all hidden at the

coughing lady's place.

You found it.

[energetic music]

[Mona] We have to go

through the graveyard.

Shh, get real low.

Okay, oh.

[cat meows]

-Idiot.

-Shut up

[Mona] Okay.

[Mike] Hey, check it, the

basement window's broken.

[Mona] Really,

really quiet, shh.

[owls hooting]

[Dave] Oh hey, are you sure

that you wanna go in there,

I mean, you know, what

about the leopard thing?

[Mona] It's not a leopard, Dave,

leopards have spots.

[Dave] Okay, I guess

it's safe to go in then.

Oh hey, Mona, Mona, what

if it's like a tiger?

[Mike] Hey, you can

go home to mommy

if you don't wanna come.

[Dave] What makes you think I

don't wanna come, Michael?

You first, Davey.

[eerie music]

[Dave screaming]

What are you waiting for?

[Dave groaning]

[Mike screaming]

-Get off me!

-Guys.

[Mona] Come on.

[Mona] Ew.

[Dave] Oh, I'm not going

up there, I hate spiders.

[Mike] It's only spiderwebs.

-[Mona] They're cobwebs.

-[Dave] Well, I hate cobs too.

[Mike] All right.

[Mona] Ew, these things

are really sticky.

Huh, Mike, Mike!

[mumbling]

[Mike] What are you

talking about?

[Dave] Well, you know

when you're like

sitting around, uh,

never mind.

Hey, guys, let me know

if you see any cobs.

[door rattling]

It's disgusting.

Go.

[clock ticking]

-[all screaming]

-What was that?

It's just a cuckoo clock.

[clock groaning]

-That's one nasty cuckoo.

-Get off!

[Mona] Go.

[suspenseful music]

[Beans] Whoo.

[Mona] Get him!

[door thuds]

-[Mike] It won't open.

-[Dave] It locked!

[Mike] What's that?

♪ Spooky thang, spooky

thang, spooky thang ♪

♪ I'm just a spooky guy

♪ I'm not groovy

♪ I'm just a spooky guy

♪ I'm not groovy

♪ You better run

or I'ma eat you ♪

♪ And all your little

friends that came with you ♪

♪ I know your mama told you

about stick and stones ♪

[teens screaming]

[Beans laughing]

Yes!

[Mona] Get back here, you jerks!

[kids blowing raspberries]

Get 'em!

Come get me. [laughs]

♪ You better get your move on

♪ 'Cause I'm gonna

get my groove on ♪

Get off of me.

♪ Spooky thang, spooky thang

♪ I'm not groovy

♪ I'm just a spooky guy

You guys, come on

out, I've got one.

Oh yeah, she's got one.

[cupboard clattering]

Hello, Prescott, darling,

how are you this evening?

You guys!

Get in here!

[Mike] Where's here?

[groans] Surrounded

by imbeciles.

In the here, you jerk!

[ominous music]

It's the little dweeb Prescott.

Ch-ch-chill, much better

ideas in store as usual.

[ominous music]

[Mona] Right, huh, huh, okay.

One, two.

[Dave screaming]

Hello, would you

like blood cocktails?

[Dave panting]

[Dave screaming]

[Zamboni laughing]

-Okay.

-All right.

[bright music]

What?

[door creaks]

[Shadow snarling]

[Mike gasps]

[Dave screaming]

[Shadow snarls]

[Mike yelling]

[Mike] Ow, get it off, get

it off, get it off, ouch, ah.

Everything they say about

spooky guy is true, man.

I saw Dracula and he

was drinking blood.

Grow up, Dave.

[bright music]

[Mona] That's it,

you little snot rag.

[eerie music]

[footsteps thuding]

[Mona] All right, you sniveling

little weasel brain.

I'm gonna give you five

seconds to come out.

I'm gonna get you anyway,

so just come on out.

-[laughing]

-[Mona screaming]

[Mike yelling]

[Mona] Get off me!

I didn't do anything, stop it!

Get off me!

[Mona groans]

[soft music]

Hm, It's a nice comfy bed.

[mirror creaks]

Cool ceiling too, I like it.

It's a great room

for a kid to have.

[mirror creaks]

You wanna go to jail?

-[Mike] I wanna go home.

-You guys are the biggest wimps

I've ever seen in

my entire life.

I can't believe you'd fall

for all that hocus pocus,

you're so gullible.

[Dave] Huh, I think I saw

that book one time.

What book?

"Gullible's Travels."

[Mona] Shut up, Dave.

[Mike] My butt hurts.

We're not leaving till we've

taken care of those kids.

[Dave] But I really

gotta pee, come on.

[Mona] Then go to

the bathroom, Dave.

[Dave] I'm scared though.

Hey, Mike, you

wanna come with me?

[Mike] No.

Yeah.

I'll be back.

[Shadow snarls]

Why is Shadow so good, why

doesn't she bite people?

I don't know really,

I found her

on my doorstep one night,

and [chuckles] I thought

she was a shadow at first.

I did all I could to find

out where she came from

but nobody claimed her, nobody

knew anything about her.

So I nursed her

back to health, and

she's been

with me ever since.

[Zoe] Dave's going

to the bathroom.

-[Princess bleats]

-[Max] The bathroom?

Yeah.

[Mike yelps]

[Mike] I don't wanna watch you--

Hello, Dave, I'm sorry

mate, this one's taken,

I have to catch

up on my reading.

[bright music]

Nice meeting you.

I've forgotten how much

fun illusion can be.

[both grunting]

What are you doing?

[Mona] What's your problem?

The wall.

[Mona] Okay, get that door

open and go, go, go!

Open up!

[Mona yelling]

[all yelling]

[upbeat music]

♪ Black hand, magic wand

♪ Now you see it

♪ Now it's gone

♪ Must be the magic

♪ It's playing tricks on me

♪ It's magic

♪ What else could it be

♪ It lifts me off the ground

♪ Magic

♪ Keeps spinning

round and round ♪

♪ Spinning, spinning, spinning

♪ It's the magic

[all yelling]

[doll laughing]

[Shadow snarling]

No, Mona, Mike, do

something, help!

[Zamboni] I hit the jackpot

tonight. [laughs]

All these victims delivering

themselves into my house.

Can't believe this, no,

no, no, can't believe this,

no, no, no, can't

believe this, no, no, no.

[Zamboni laughing]

[Dave] I really have to pee.

[Beans] This is not happening,

this is not happening, no!

How would you like to

stretch out for a while?

No, no, please, please.

[mumbles]

He's begging to go

back to Russia now.

Shut up!

Nobody leaves this house

in one piece. [laughs]

[Yuri yelling]

[Beans] No, no, please,

I'll do anything!

I'll let you have all

my Halloween candy.

I'll let you have my allowance.

Mona, Mike, do something, help!

-[Beans yelling]

-[Zamboni laughing]

Stay, whoa.

[all yelling]

[Dave] Please let me go pee.

I said get back, oh.

Somebody needs a manicure.

[laughs] Too much, who's next?

Can I go to the bathroom,

I'll just come right back.

He's next, do him next,

do him, do him.

[Beans] No, no, my feet, no,

my feet. [screaming]

Ew, ew!

Tinkle, tinkle. [laughs]

No, no, no, my feet!

Shadow, keep your distance.

Oh, disgusting boy.

Shadow.

-[all yelling]

-[Beans] Oh, no, no, my feet.

[Shadow snarling]

[laughs] Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

Hey, hey, hey.

[all laughing]

[Beans] All right,

now let me out.

Hey.

Did I do okay?

Did you do okay?

You were all terrific, you

should've seen their faces.

This is the best

Halloween I've ever had.

Yeah, me too.

-[all screaming]

-[upbeat music]

They're in the room.

♪ I've got something

to tell you ♪

♪ I've got news for you

♪ Gonna put some

wheels in motion ♪

♪ Get ready 'cause

we're comin' through ♪

♪ Comin' through,

comin' through ♪

♪ Hey now, hey now,

hear what I say now ♪

♪ Happiness is just

around the corner ♪

♪ Hey now, hey now,

hear what I say now ♪

♪ We'll be there for you

♪ The Vengabus is coming

♪ And everybody's jumping

♪ New York to San Francisco

♪ An intercity disco

♪ The wheels of

steel are turning ♪

♪ And traffic

lights are burning ♪

♪ So if you like to party

♪ Get on and move your body

[Zamboni] Now that we've

put a different spin on things.

Let's call the police

on those bullies.

Where's Max?

[Boss] Put the phone down,

please.

[Boss] Good evening.

[phone clicks]

Got a headache,

too bad,

it's going to get worse

before it gets better.

Put your hands up

where I can see them.

My hands, oh yes, my hands.

[air whooshes]

Whoa!

[Boss coughing]

-[gun fires]

-[glass shatters]

Oops.

I never thought

he'd be so fragile.

[Zamboni] Glad I haven't

lost the touch.

[gun clicking]

Take cover.

[Boss] You don't really

think that you can

shoot me with that

thing, do you?

[Zamboni] This thing

uses black powder,

it can blow the

roof off this house.

So, ma'am, hand it over.

[Boss] Mm-mm.

America won the revolutionary

war with these things.

You're a stunning woman.

It would be a pity

to damage that face.

Shucks, good job you didn't

make me fire this thing.

These things can be lethal if

you're allergic to daisies.

Oh!

[bright music]

[Boss yelling]

[Zamboni] Whoa, whoa.

Ha.

[dramatic music]

Hey, Zamboni, catch!

Thanks, Max.

[swords whooshing]

En garde.

[weapons clanking]

[both yelling]

You picked the wrong sword.

[energetic music]

-[Boss yelling]

-[Zamboni grunting]

[kids laughing]

[Boss laughs]

[keys clacking]

[Boss] I was born with

the knack for picking pockets.

It's a genuine art.

I was born with a knack

for performing magic.

It's a genuine gift.

[cards whooshing]

A wise young friend taught me

that when you

fight, nobody wins.

[bullets clattering]

[Zamboni] These used to belong

to the Great Houdini,

a clever person can

escape from them.

[Boss] How did you do that? [mut

Give me 30 seconds.

She can't do it,

she's not clever.

60, 60 seconds, I'll

be out of these.

60 seconds, she

will not get out.

Minute and a half.

[Dave and Mike grunting]

-[bright music]

-I'm gonna puke.

All my training down the drain.

[Zamboni whispering]

The Great Zamboni wants his

manacles back, excuse me.

[Zamboni chuckles]

Here, why don't you

play with these?

[handcuffs clicking]

How did you do that?

Magic!

Young man, you have

the makings of a pro.

Here, take my card, call me.

In about five years.

Yeah, more like five to 10.

Here, take one of my cards.

Great, Max.

[car rumbling]

[All] Bye!

[Yuri] Do svidaniya.

[footsteps thudding]

Don't wait for me!

Will you come to the

orphanage and do a magic show?

[Zamboni] I don't do

magic shows anymore.

You did tonight.

Yes, I did.

We did.

We were a good team.

I'll miss you, Max.

[footsteps thudding]

[door creaks]

[door thuds]

[lightning rumbles]

♪ Oh pray

♪ For the child

♪ Give him love

♪ And a dream to hold

♪ He is the future

♪ Of this land

♪ Give him your all

♪ And a dream to hold

♪ Oh pray

♪ That one day

♪ Love and compassion

♪ Will come to all

♪ Let greed and hatred

♪ Come to pass

♪ Till then no man

♪ Shall be free

♪ Oh pray

♪ Oh

♪ Pray

Who's finished their homework?

It's be me you call.

You come here, I got

a little job for you.

I want you to--

[knocking on door]

[somber music]

[door creaks]

[in Russian] Spasiba.

You're welcome.

[Zamboni chuckles]

[children chattering]

[Beans] Look, there he is.

Hey, Max, Max!

[bright music]

-[audience gasps]

-[audience applauding]

[audience applauding]

I can tell you, I,

I'm glad to be back.

[audience applauding]

He's my friend.

Sure.

Got a black handkerchief,

what a wave of change.

But this is a surprise.

[dove cooing]

[audience applauding]

There you are.

How many of you like cats?

[audience applauding]

Oh sorry, love cats?

[Audience] Yes!

[audience applauding]

Yeah, me too.

-[cat meows]

-[audience applauding]

Now, this little thing

is called Buster.

[Buster meows]

[audience laughing]

Now, you would not want

to watch her eating.

Because her table

manners would shock you.

If any of you have

kittens at home,

be careful, please,

what you feed them.

-[Shadow snarls]

-[audience gasps]

[audience cheering]

The jaguar is my friend

too, her name is Shadow.

Give me a break.

Now, for my last

illusion of the evening.

-[Audience] Aww.

-Aww oh oh.

So, I need a volunteer

from the audience.

[Child] Oh me, me, me.

To put their head inside

my jaguar's mouth.

[Zamboni] Just kidding, just

kidding, just kidding.

I see somebody umping

up and down waving,

a small person with great

dignity and courage.

Yes, sir, you, yes you,

come on, come on down.

[audience applauding]

Yeah.

Why don't we tell these nice

ladies and gentlemen your name?

The Great Max!

[audience applauding]

[ominous music]

Now, I want you to watch very

carefully as my new assistant,

the Great Max, picks

one of these rockets.

That one.

Yes, the blue one!

[audience cheering]

Wave goodbye, wave goodbye.

-Bye!

Now, yes, I need

another astronaut.

[Shadow growling]

[audience applauding]

My special volunteer, Max, is

in the one on my left, right?

[Audience] No!

That one!

He's in the one on

my right, right?

[Audience] Yes!

-You ready for liftoff?

-[Audience] Yes!

-[Zamboni] ten,

-[All] Nine, eight, seven, six,

five, four, three, two, one!

[rockets banging]

[audience cheering]

[rockets whirring]

So, our Great Max, he's

on this side, right?

[Audience] No!

He's in the blue rocket,

he got in the blue one!

No, that doesn't help

me, see, I'm colorblind,

but I kept my eye on this one,

and I know it was this one.

The jaguar is in that one!

Oh well, we're just gonna have

to take a look

and see, won't we?

We'll just have to

take a look and see.

[rocket clacking]

[audience cheering]

Take a bow, take a bow.

Ladies and gentlemen, you

probably thought that I just,

picked Max out

of the audience by chance

but I had a special

reason for picking him.

You see, Max is a friend

of mine and this afternoon,

before coming to the theater,

I signed the official

adoption papers

that give me the great privilege

of becoming Max's father.

[Audience] Aww.

Max, we're a family.

-[uplifting music]

-[audience cheering]

Oh, we mustn't forget Shadow,

a big hand for Shadow.

[audience cheering]

[soft music]

[uplifting music]

[audience applauding]

[people chattering]

Max, Max, wait!

Hey, Max!

Hey, Max, Max!

You forgot something.

[Max] Thanks.

No biggie.

-[Sir Lancelot croaks]

-You know what?

See you at your house tomorrow.

My house.

That's right, buddy.

Bye.

See you later.

-Bye.

-See ya.

-Bye.

-Bye, Max.

-Bye.

[Yuri] Bye, Max.

[Beans] Nice family.

[Max] Bye Yuri,

bye Zoe, bye Beans.

[Yuri] See you tomorrow.

[Max] Okay, bye.

[car rumbling]

[Prescott] Look, look,

look, look!

Look what I found in

Dawn Starr's rocket.

[collar whirring]

Whoa.

[all gasp]

I knew it was real magic.

[angelic music]

[upbeat music]

♪ Spooky House

♪ Hands up

♪ So fun

♪ We got what you want

♪ Don't stop

♪ Let's rock

♪ You know the party's

about to jump ♪

♪ When you're in

the Spooky House ♪

♪ Party people everywhere

♪ Put your hands

up in the air ♪

♪ We don't know

and we don't care ♪

♪ What you did or

what you wear ♪

♪ As long as you

can feel the beat ♪

♪ Come on get up out your seat

♪ Let the rhythm

move your feet ♪

♪ Put them up, no

time to sleep ♪

♪ To all those boys and girls

♪ Party people round the world

♪ Hands up

♪ So fun

♪ We got

♪ What you want

♪ Don't stop

♪ Let's rock

♪ You know the party's

about to jump ♪

♪ When you're in

the Spooky House ♪

♪ As I look around I see

so many possibilities ♪

♪ There's so much

violence, so much greed ♪

♪ It's taking all

us in the knees ♪

♪ Oh, I'm begging,

begging please ♪

♪ All this hatred's

got to cease ♪

♪ Bring out the matches

to the streets ♪

♪ Put 'em up one

time for peace ♪

♪ To all those boys and girls

♪ Party people round the world

♪ Hands up

♪ So fun

♪ We got

♪ What you want

♪ Don't stop

♪ Let's rock

♪ You know the party's

about to jump ♪

♪ When you're in

the Spooky House ♪

♪ Hands up

♪ So fun

♪ We got

♪ What you want

♪ Don't stop

♪ Let's rock

♪ You know the party's

about to jump ♪

♪ When you're in

the Spooky House ♪

♪ Welcome to the Spooky House

♪ Make you scream,

make you shout ♪

♪ Suck you in, turn you out

♪ That's what

horror's all about ♪

♪ Feel the fear, don't you run

♪ Taste the thrill that

you know you want ♪

♪ Adrenaline rush

to your brain ♪

♪ You're in the

Spooky House again ♪

♪ Hands up

♪ Hands up, hands up

♪ So fun

♪ Don't you fight it

♪ We got

♪ What you want

♪ Don't stop

♪ Let's rock

♪ You know the party's

about to jump ♪

♪ When you're in

the Spooky House ♪

♪ Hands up

♪ So fun

♪ We got

♪ What you want

♪ Don't stop

♪ Let's rock

♪ You know the party's

about to jump ♪

♪ When you're in

the Spooky House ♪

♪ Hands up

♪ So fun

♪ We got

♪ What you want

♪ Don't stop

♪ Let's rock

♪ You know the party's

about to jump ♪

♪ When you're in

the Spooky House ♪

♪ To all those boys and girls

♪ Party people round the world

♪ Hands up

♪ So fun

♪ We got

♪ What you want

♪ Don't stop

♪ Let's rock

♪ You know the party's

about to jump ♪

♪ When you're in

the Spooky House ♪

♪ Hands up

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ So fun

♪ We got

♪ What you want

♪ Don't stop

♪ Let's rock

♪ You know the party's

about to jump ♪

♪ When you're in

the Spooky House ♪

♪ Hands up

♪ So fun

♪ We got

♪ What you want

♪ Don't stop

♪ Let's rock

♪ You know the party's

about to jump ♪

♪ When you're in

the Spooky House ♪

[woman laughing]

Spooky House (2002) - full transcript