Spirited (2022) - full transcript

Do people really change?

I mean, real, lasting, positive change.

I sure hope so,

because we are in the business of change.

Please. Please.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry. I won't yell

at the neighbor's kids anymore.

I'll take back the claim

against the Johnsons,

even though that tree house

is a flagrant violation...

I'm sorry! No! Please! I can change.

I promise! Please. Please, I...

Please give me another chance.

I can change!

Don't worry about her. In

a few minutes, she'll wake up in her bed.

Dry, rested and hopefully

a whole new person.

All right! She's back in bed.

Could I get a coffee over here?

Coffees flying in.

You see,

this is just a supernatural simulation.

And these are my colleagues,

The Ghost of Christmas Past,

- Christmas Yet-to-Come…

- No doubt.

Oh, boy. That looks good. Thank you.

And that's me. Mr. Brad Pitt.

No. No, I'm kidding.

I'm The Ghost of Christmas Present.

I'm not Brad Pitt.

So, you think she changed?

I mean, I don't know.

This one was a serious tight-ass.

Of course she's changed.

I brought her face-to-face

with her mortality,

and that's when I close the deal

every time.

Anyone can point to a headstone.

Everyone agrees with me.

- Guys, please.

- You know what?

I do way more than just point at it.

That hurts me.

Yet-to-Come is a wrap.

Inform Mr. Marley

our perp will awaken in two minutes.

Copy that.

Marley-san, Marley-san!

- Already?

- Yeah.

Excellent. Thank you, Kazuko.

Very exciting.

Spirits, gather up, one and all!

Research, Locations,

Costume Department!

This is our dedicated staff

of support ghosts.

They work so hard to make us look good.

Okay. We are walking.

New recruits, I know you're freshly dead,

but let's look alive.

You've enlisted at the perfect time.

They're on their way to find out

if the person we've haunted

is really going to change.

Can we go see that?

No. Come on.

And this is the moment

we worked all year for.

- No, honey, don't go in her yard!

- We don't want her calling the police.

It's okay. I can get it.

Sorry, Ms. Blansky.

We'll take the game down the street.

We don't want any trouble today.

What day is this?

It's Christmas Day.

- The ghosts did it all in one night.

- Are you okay?

Do you need us to call someone?

Or do you wanna play?

Me?

Sure. If you want to.

After all the times I've reported you

to the HOA or called the police

or stolen your packages?

You did what?

Go ahead. Give it a try. It's fun.

Yeah!

Congratulations, Ms. Blansky.

I did it? You mean it's really...

You're a different person now, Karen.

Go make amends, and make us proud.

I will. I promise you, I will!

Attagirl, Karen!

Appreciate it so much.

All the way in the b...

Could I join in?

So, that's what we do.

We haunt someone,

change them into a better person,

and then we sing about it.

You wait for the day

You prep for a year

And when the big day is finally here

You take a jerk and work

To turn 'em around

Why are they singing?

Because this is a musical.

What is?

All of this. The afterlife.

Yay! I had a feeling.

Come on. Really?

You show them their life

And you hope for the switch

And when it goes off without a hitch

This Christmas train is party-bound

Bring on the Chili of Positive Outcome!

We're giddy with a holiday

Goodwill gleam

'Cause helping out is sweeter

Than eggnog cream

We might be dead

But we're living that Yuletide dream

We're full of that

Christmas morning feeling

Is there a morning more appealing?

The magical mood when being merry

Is very necessary

We're changing all mankind

We planted the seeds

And joy is blooming

Now we got one less hateful human

We're doing the world a world of good

Putting some nice

Into the neighborhood

Playing our parts, changing hearts

One by one

We got that Christmas morning feeling

And damn, is it fun

Fa-la-la-la-la, fa-la-la-la-la

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Dude, I can't dance like this. Are you

gonna be able to keep up with all this?

I mean, if I start dancing, I'm gonna shut

it down, man. Everybody gonna look bad.

We're full of that

Christmas morning feeling

The tingle when

Jingle bells are pealing

Everything's super holly-jolly

It's like we're all on Molly

But it's a natural high

Everything shines a little brighter

I'm feeling warm as apple cider

We're doing the world a world of good

Feels like a kick-ass Christmas should

Playing our parts, changing hearts

One by one

Hey, does somebody clear out

our search history after we die?

Fa-la-la-la-la, fa-la-la-la-la

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Excuse me, sir.

Hey, Margo. I was just avoiding you.

Yes, sir. I get it.

But, you know, it is my job

to review your file after each haunt.

So, you have been eligible for retirement

for 46 seasons.

- Yeah.

- And you're still here.

Like, all the time.

Well, I believe the work we do here

is very important.

Yeah.

But don't you want another crack at life?

God, I miss drinking.

I used to go so hard

with my girls back in Tampa.

Wait, aren't you in HR?

I have a tramp stamp

on the front and the back.

We were crazy.

We stole a cruise ship one time.

Look, HR, I don't know

if that's the right area for you...

Figgy pudding.

Wh... I'm sorry, what?

It says in your file

that you liked figgy pudding.

Don't you wanna try it again?

Don't you wanna go back on Earth

and do person stuff again?

Yeah, I guess so.

I mean, I died

before there was indoor plumbing, so I...

Well,

it's been fun chatting and everything,

but, there's, like,

a whole party going on, so…

Okay, but I feel like

you started the conversation.

Anyway, 46 seasons. Crazy.

Just saying. Maybe it's time.

Maybe she has a point.

Is it time to find out if I'm

Meant for more

Than just a Christmas morning feeling?

I could go back to Earth

Retire, just peace out

Another chance at the life

I've been dreaming about

Maybe I buy

a quaint little house on a quiet street.

I meet a nice gal,

and we get married and start a family.

And then,

at the end of each day after work,

we have a loving embrace and one of

those newfangled, modern mouth kisses.

That'd be nice.

Is it time to find out if I'm

Ready to reach beyond

A Christmas morning feeling?

To be human again, alive once more

Take some swings

At the things I missed out on before

And there's me in the backyard

goofing around with my two kids

who share the same first initial.

Little Rebecca and her brother,

Reggie or Robert or...

Rar... I don't know.

I'll think of a good "R" name.

But what if I screw up my life again

Like I did the first time through

Could I really be someone better

Someone kinder, someone new?

But no, no, no

I've gotta make more

Of a difference here

There's so much left to do

With all the trolls

And a-holes out there

Well, am I doing the world

A world of good?

And have I given it my all?

Or am I just full of it?

Am I just full of sh...

Hey. Come on now, potty mouth.

Bit inappropriate for the day.

I know, old friend.

This is just your usual

post-haunt comedown, yeah?

It's more than that, Jacob.

Look at this place, mate.

Every single one of them's a soul

that we've redeemed. Together.

So, fret not, sunshine.

For in two weeks' time,

we scout next season's perp,

and I've seen the file on this one.

- Manages a fancy hotel in Vancouver.

- Uh-huh?

Right vile little bastard.

You're gonna love him.

Just what you need

to get back up on that horse.

So, come on now.

Stiff upper. Big-boy pants.

Hey. Hey. Hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey. You.

- Walter.

- No one cares what your name is,

and no one should have a mustache

on their lip and forehead.

Why are you crossing

through my grand lobby?

These Christmas Tree conventioners

pay top dollar to be here,

so they don't have to look at

or think about people like you,

you walking plunger.

So, did I tell you?

Abusive, stingy, self-centered.

I like that he goes

against the Canadian stereotype.

Yeah. It's weird to see a Canadian

without mittens.

I mean, yeah.

He's an absolute turd in a suit. Right?

But, I'm just wondering... Hear me out.

This guy... And he's terrible...

But if we change him, does he create

enough ripples to make a real difference?

- That's all I'm saying.

- Make a real difference?

Four-hundred people work for him.

Bit sad, isn't it?

Disgruntled, yeah?

Taking it out on their kids.

Yes, Senator.

It's designed to be offensive.

Outrage is a drug.

Listen to me,

the second you tweet that word,

CNN is no longer talking about

how you just boned the teachers' union.

Trust me, Senator. Post it.

I don't know.

Our guest today

manages PR for AT&T and the NFL.

He's helped senators, governors,

even presidents get elected.

All due respect, Marty,

we're on our butts here.

This trade group can't afford to hire

some fancy New York media consultant.

Got that right.

Here he is.

Let's give him a real good welcome.

From the Briggs Media Group, Clint Briggs.

Thank you, Marty. Always a pleasure.

And it is true,

I do charge comically enormous fees,

which will probably bankrupt

your entire organization,

but, you know, last week,

over 300 million families

took down their Christmas trees.

Eighty-one percent of which were fake,

plastic trees.

Yeah.

I don't know why you're acting surprised.

I hit one button on Amazon,

and a shiny, new tree is on my porch

by the end of the afternoon.

Easy-peasy.

Yeah. People,

they used to insist on authenticity.

Have people changed?

Now, that's the good news.

Now, people never change.

But you know something?

Real trees are trending downward.

Your sales continue slipping.

They destroyed your bottom lines

With plastic pines and same-day shipping

Well, you've got the better product.

But if you wanna win

You gotta study human nature

All those interested, lean in

People are, one, lazy

We only care about ourselves

Your competition knows this

So their crap flies off the shelves

But we're also, two, desperate

To feel good and smart and right

And that's what you have to harness

If you wanna win this fight

See, what you're really selling

Is the way things ought to be

So your pitch becomes compelling

Selling more than just a tree

It's a symbol of your values

It's your ethics and your cause

You can either be fake

Like the trees they make

Or take a stand for Santa Claus

We're bringing back Christmas

We're bringing back cheer

We're bringing back cozy nights

Those twinkly lights

The glow of yesteryear

Now, it's some slight manipulation

But it's what we've gotta do

See, we need some confrontation

Or your message won't get through

We're bringing back decency

We're bringing back Christmas

And that means the piney scent

Of a real authentic tree

They're literally eating out of his hand.

It would be, sure, simple

To boost your market share

We'd rebrand you as nostalgic

Tell your customers you care

But the world is, what? Tribal

So if you want your sales to soar

It's not enough for folks to love you

They gotta hate your rivals more

As an expert my advice is

Feed that hate, 'cause hate is strong

Folks will gladly pay your prices

To prove those Christmas-killers wrong

We're bringing back Christmas

-And all the joy that we've lost

-We're bringing it back

Give me some peace on Earth

A virgin birth

And grandpa getting sauced

Wow!

Every Facebook-loving boomer

Wants to fight a culture war

So tell your core consumer

What the hell they're fighting for

A fight for morality

A fight for morality

We're bringing back Christmas

And it's not coming back

With some manufactured tree

I want a complete breakdown on him.

I'm talking a living tree

in your living room.

As I reach up to place the angel on top,

I look out my window and I see

my neighbor, Doug, across the street,

snapping together his artificial tree.

He's like the perfect combination

of Mussolini and Sea crest.

Easy-peasy, poor, lazy, deplorable Doug,

who cares more about convenience than

the happiness and respect of his town,

of his country, of our sacred holiday!

Clint Briggs.

Grew up in Saint Paul, Minnesota.

Middle child of three to a single mother.

His older sister, Carrie,

passed away five years ago.

Her daughter, Wren, is now being raised

by Clint's younger brother, Owen.

Clint's company specializes

in creating controversy, conflict,

and disinformation

for the benefit of his clients worldwide.

Oh, my God. He's perfect.

It's not enough to want it.

You gotta get mad. You have to fight.

You have to fight for the traditions

we hold dear.

So persuasive.

Kinda makes you wanna push

an old lady down a flight of stairs.

I'm talking nativities

And sweet baby Jeez

Fat honey hams, Mariah Carey jams

Feliz Navidad and the birth of our God

Gathered 'round with our families

We're bringing back Christmas

We're bringing back Christmas

Plus a ton of cash

From some good old-fashioned trees

The cozy glow of yesteryear

All those twinkly lights

And all the cheer

We're bringing back Christmas

We're bringing back Christmas

Thank you.

Yeah!

Yes!

That's our man.

I'm sorry, this is not our man.

Wait. What? Hold on. Why not?

Jacob, the guy causes division for a job.

- And he's...

- Insanely hot.

Is that not what you were gonna say?

What? I've been dead for 40 years,

and I'm not made of wood.

The man's attractive.

- No, he's smoking hot.

- Smoking hot.

And more importantly,

he's got his hands all over everything.

Yeah. I wish.

- Maude, are you texting HR?

- No.

Jacob, I'm telling you. He could be

our greatest haunt ever. The whale.

If we change him, imagine the ripples.

Great.

That is a flagrant breach

of established protocol.

So, we're stuck with creepy,

convention boss guy, then?

Yep. No hot-girl Christmas for you.

Okay. Hang on.

He's not an unredeemable

because he drowns puppies.

He's only stamped because he's

"dogmatically committed to the belief

that people never change."

"Never change"?

Now I do want a piece of this guy.

Jacob, I'm telling you.

I know what makes this guy tick.

We won't fail. Come on.

I can take this guy.

Besides, you know it's been done before.

Once. Barely.

And you know that was different.

- What did he say?

- But with the state the world is in now,

I'm not about to risk a whole year

of ripples on a lost cause. I'm sorry.

We go with the rat-bastard hotel manager.

In that case, I would like to collect

my retirement package.

He said retire.

- Wait, you can't retire.

- Now, settle down, spirits.

- He's bluffing.

- Sorry, did you say retire?

Do I look like I'm bluffing?

Actually, you do. Yes.

All right, then.

All you have to do is take it

and you're retired.

Back on Earth.

Living, breathing and offering opinions

on things you know nothing about.

Right. Earth.

You know what?

We don't have to do this right now.

There is no shame in your dedication

to the betterment of mankind.

- Now, if you'll excuse me.

- Jacob, please.

I can't explain it,

but if I could just change this guy,

- maybe I'll...

- What? Maybe you'll what?

Oh, no. No. There's no need

for a whole big number here. No.

No spotlight. Gary, kill the spot...

Every day I wake up

With a single dream

Running through my head

Look, I have another meeting

I'm actually late for.

To throw a tiny stone

Into a mighty stream

And watch the ripples as they spread

Redeeming an unredeemable

is nearly impossible.

But if you'll promise to stop singing,

you can have your perp.

Really? Great. Thank you.

That's quite reasonable.

Thanks, Gary. We're good.

You were right on the cue.

Guys, he said yes. Let's get to work.

Yes!

Do you wanna hear the rest of my song?

And so it begins.

A full year of research and preparation.

Painstakingly recreating

one man's past, present and future.

Why do we work so hard?

We do it for the ripples.

Damn!

See, it's a documented fact

that one person's kindness

can have a ripple effect.

Spreading goodwill like a pandemic...

No. Scratch that. Sorry.

You know, like...

You know when people at a football stadium

do the wave? Like that. More like that.

Now, finally,

I have a perp with global reach.

If we can redeem this unredeemable,

imagine just how far

these ripples could go.

Briggs Media Group. One moment please.

Watch how far the ripples go

Watch how far the ripples go

Go

Ripple

Look how far the ripples go

Okay. The Billie Eilish-

Ed Sheeran beef has been approved

by management on both sides.

Ed will post the insensitive comment

on Tuesday and then apologize on Sunday.

Okay, let's push the apology back

to the day of the VMAs to maximize buzz.

And your niece is here.

Apparently, she'd like your help with

something, but Owen didn't say what it is.

She get the phone I sent?

Hoverboard?

It's just...

I got a really busy day going here.

No problem.

I'll just go tell your late sister's

only kid you're too busy.

Top-notch guilt trip, Kimberly.

The way you emphasize "late."

Proud of you.

So, Uncle Clint,

I was thinking that maybe I would run

for Student Council President.

So, maybe you could help me. Something.

Wow. That's... I mean, you know, that

requires someone who's very...

You've always struck me as someone who's

more of an inside-voice type of person.

So, what makes you want to run

for Student Council President?

- Go ahead.

- Well, I think I can make the school

- way better…

- 100%.

…If they pick me.

- But they probably won't.

- Probably not.

- 'Cause Josh Hubbins is running, so…

- Josh Hubbins?

Jo... He sounds like a,

- you know, a legend at…

- Yeah.

…whatever school you go to.

Never mind. It was a stupid idea.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have bothered you.

It's all right.

I have bad ideas sometimes.

Clint, you promised Carrie if Wren

ever needed anything, you would help her.

- You remember that?

- Yes. Yes, I remember. I…

You've already won. You already won.

Hey. Come here. Sit. Sit, please.

You got this in the bag,

but you're gonna get your hands dirty.

You're gonna say and do things

that you will not be proud of.

Hey, wait a minute, Clint...

Please hold your indignation,

'cause it's gonna get worse.

So, this Josh Hubbins,

what are his grades like?

He gets straight A's.

- So do I.

- Yeah. That's good for him,

- but for you, I prefer C's.

- She's never gotten less than...

I would love a D in there,

so you're gonna tank your midterms,

you're gonna bank some detentions,

and boom.

You're a woman of the people.

We cast Josh as a snot-nosed elite.

You get?

I don't know about this,

'cause he's actually super nice.

- Yeah, he's a great kid, really.

- Okay. I will put you over my knee.

And his parents have their own non-profit.

Trust me, he's hiding something.

Everybody is.

Kimberly's gonna do some oppo research.

That means digging up dirt.

And Kimberly is the best.

She is a stone-cold killer.

Opposition research on an eighth-grader?

Sure.

- Okay.

- You hungry? You want a juice box?

- I'm okay.

- Want a Negroni?

You know what? I'm just gonna stay on her,

just in case this turns into an important

story thread that we may wanna follow.

Well, okay.

Yeah, I'm gonna stay and watch him

put ponytail man over his knee.

Hey, Mom.

Boy, we have similar jobs, don't we?

Digging up dirt on people.

What do we have here?

When your parents make you eat Christmas

dinner with homeless people. Gross.

Oh, Josh. What did you post?

You're sunk, kiddo. You are so sunk.

I'm doing oppo research on a child.

The big corner office

The 12-person team

A slick leather chair

The American Dream

My mom used to clean

Ritzy places like these

With their overpriced art

And their walls of degrees

Well, now it's all mine

With my name on the door

A big, fancy desk on the 38th floor

Look at the girl who did right

At the height of a hard-won career

What could surpass

Giant windows of glass

Framing miles of blue

That's the view from here

That's the view from here

They say, "Climb the ladder

No matter the cost"

But nobody tells you

How much can get lost

That decent and hopeful

Young woman you were

Well, you wake up one day

And you wonder

"What happened to her?"

That woman was made

To see good in each heart

But now she gets paid

To pull people apart

And, I mean, hey, look at me

MVP, employee of the year

Well, maybe I guess

That this looks like success

But it doesn't feel true

That's the view from here

That's the view from here

I could keep doing oppo

Keep digging up dirt

Pretend I don't care

When nice people get hurt

Block out the guilt

That I'd have to ignore

For a raise as I rise

To the 39th floor

Or I can walk out this door

And defiantly quit

There's a line you can't cross

And I think this is it

Maybe I haven't lost sight

Of what's right

No, it's perfectly clear

- That was quick.

- Go ahead. Tell him how you feel.

You found something good, didn't you?

See, you can always tell by

the self-loathing expression on her face.

- Well, actually…

- Yeah. Come on. You can do it.

…I came here…

To say you quit your job,

but you want ample severance.

- …to say, I…

- Yeah.

…found something that should do the trick.

Yes, you did. Let's go see. Come on.

At the end of the day

Words are easy to say

But it looks like the walking away

Is a little bit harder to do

That's the view

From here

Well, Josh's family runs a Christmas Day

dinner at a homeless shelter.

He'll be humble bragging

the crap out of that.

But, two years ago, he posted

and quickly deleted this on TikTok.

When your parents

make you eat Christmas dinner

with homeless people. Gross.

I am outraged.

I told you Kimberly was the best.

Once Josh is done trumpeting

his annual good deed, Wrenny,

you post that video, start writing your

acceptance speech, and Bob's your uncle.

- Actually, I'm your uncle, so…

- This is two years ago.

- Time to go.

- He's a kid. He's in sixth grade.

Wait, Clint, please. Can we just hang on

and talk about this for a second?

We only get one elevator a day.

So, let's catch this one. Bye, guys.

- Like ya.

- Do it again.

Yeah.

It's official. I'm a terrible person.

No, you're not.

Excuse me?

What? Can she see you right now?

Have we met?

Can she see me?

Hey!

- This is crazy.

- I don't think so.

No.

Well, then how do you know

how terrible I may or may not be?

Why can she see you?

I don't know.

Well, I've always been

a good judge of character.

- It's kinda baked into my job.

- Do you work here?

- We have to kill her now, right?

- No!

I'm here on a project.

- For Briggs?

- What are you doing?

Well, it involves Mr. Briggs.

Get out of this.

You're going to get us in trouble.

Really? Which project?

Make something up. Make something up.

Abort.

- I'm The Ghost of Christmas Present.

- What are you doing?

Yeah,

we'll be haunting him this Christmas,

- in hopes we can change him into being…

- You got to be kidding me.

…a more positive force for humanity.

Clint?

Clint. Yeah.

I'm Kimberly.

Roberto.

C. Fishman.

Pratt. Roberto C. Fishman Pratt.

Well. Thanks for the laugh, Roberto.

And the compliment.

I needed both of them right about now.

Like the outfit.

Thank you.

You know, I think deep down, you wanted

her to see you because you're into her.

I'm not into her.

Roberto C. Fishman Pratt?

- Okay, it's a bad name!

- It's too many names.

And as if we didn't have enough

to fight about at Christmas dinner,

the kind of Christmas tree you have

is now a battle on social media.

It is. Lots of anger on both sides.

Apparently, if you have a real tree,

you're a judgmental elitist hipster.

But if you have a fake tree,

you're an enemy of Santa Claus,

Jesus, and Mariah Carey. And that's...

You don't wanna

bring out Mariah's bad side.

Hey. I'm watching it right now.

Yeah.

Let's have our influencers hit it hard.

#ChristmasTreeWar. And remind Wren...

Rafi, these are amazing.

Remind Wren not to post the video

of the kid

until after he posts

from the homeless shelter...

Holy bejeebus.

The suit is amazing.

Wow, Beth.

Are you guys…

Beth?

Oh, damn. That's not good.

All right,

whoever's filming me, I'm impressed.

Oh, Jesus!

This chain I forged in life

is girded of my own free will.

Link by link

with each soul I made to suffer.

Very convincing. Okay, who...

Oh, f...

Ye shall find no sleep tonight

Okay, I'm dreaming.

No, this is not a dream

God, you're ugly.

Many wrongs have ye to right

Dark deeds ye must redeem

You keep singing, I'm gonna stand up.

Your past, your present

And your future

Ye shall soon behold

This is very, very weird.

The story of your life

Shall now

Unfold

Feel my chain!

Can I not?

The story of your life

The truth you're scared to hear

I...

The story of your life

A tale of reckoning and fear

I just have one thing you really need to...

I'm so sorry.

I'm stuck on the first thing there.

The... You said, "Past, present, future."

Like A Christmas Carol? The Dickens story?

The Bill Murray movie

with Bobcat Goldthwait?

Yes. Like the Dickens book

and the Bill Murray movie

and every other adaptation

nobody asked for.

Now, please, if you would just

let me get this out. Sit.

Here?

Okay.

You might rewrite

The story of your life

Before it's all too late

What is it?

Again, I'm so sorry.

So, out of all the people on the planet...

Murderers, racists,

people who do gender-reveal parties...

I'm the guy you're gonna haunt?

If you would shut up and let me finish,

you might understand...

- Yes, sir.

- You know what?

Forget it. It's not worth the trouble.

Three ghosts coming to save you.

Bit more consideration for them

than you did for me maybe, yeah?

- Noted.

- Good. All right, then. Cheers.

I told you.

The guy is a level 20 pain in the ass.

You got this.

Yeah. No sweat.

All right, team, last looks. I'm going in.

Go get 'em, girl. Knock 'em dead.

Oh, come on.

Hello, Mr. Briggs.

I'm The Ghost of Christmas Past.

Your past.

Hi. Wow.

Good. You're not what I was expecting.

No? How so?

I mean, you're lovely.

Yeah, I know.

- But still, it is nice to hear it.

- I bet.

Thank you. But we should just...

We should go.

I just... If you don't mind...

Would you mind if I have a quick shower?

- I just would love to freshen up a skosh...

- Shower? Right now?

The last ghost was a little musky,

and I touched his chain.

Yeah. Then definitely.

You should shower if you're feeling dirty.

- Thank you. Okay.

- Well, no.

I mean, wait. No.

We should just...

We have to go. There's a lot to see.

Right. Of course. Yeah.

Soft. Jinx.

Owe me a beer.

- Yeah. We should go.

- Yeah.

Hey, Chief.

- You got a sec?

- Yeah. What's up?

Look, man. I'm tired

of being just the guy who points at stuff.

Right. Well, look, hey,

I wouldn't underestimate the pointing.

- Yeah.

- I mean, the way you do it,

it's chilling. Hit me with it again.

Boom!

Okay. You're very good at it.

Yeah, I appreciate that, but I've got

some catchphrases I wanna try out.

Check these out.

"Welcome to the bone zone."

"Bone appétit."

Or my favorite,

"You've been Christmas Caroled, bitch."

I don't know what to say.

Every year during the haunt,

you try to talk and nothing comes out.

Yeah, and why is that? It's just not...

Dude, it's not up to him.

He doesn't make the rules.

Excuse me. Why aren't you on the haunt?

Yeah. Well, get a load of this.

Yeah, I'm waiting.

So, flying him back

to his childhood in Minneapolis.

- Uh-huh.

- And he's holding my hand.

And he can't help himself,

he starts flirting with me.

One thing led to another, and you know.

Please tell me you're kidding.

- I am…

- Okay.

…not kidding.

- What?

- I know.

- Here we go.

- It was unprofessional, but, you know,

it's been a very long time since

anyone's tried to get up in my beeswax.

So, Mama did something for herself

for a change.

Okay. Well, did Mama consider the stakes?

He's an unredeemable!

He redeemed himself a little bit.

- Good for you!

- Just saying.

Okay. Now I feel like he's judging me.

No, I'm not judging you.

I don't even know what to think.

Hold on. Where is he now?

He's fine. He's in his

childhood bedroom in the '80s.

We'll talk about this later.

I need you to get back out there

and take him through his past.

Right. Yes, okay. But, hey,

could you do it? Cover my shift?

I mean, I feel like it's gonna

be awkward. He's really into me.

All right.

Don't you come back

with the same story she did.

My Alex P. Keaton action figure.

Hey, ghost girl.

When I was a kid, this thing...

Hello, Mr. Briggs.

Hello. Where's the other one?

Are you also a...

Wow. This dream makes zero sense.

This is not a dream, Mr. Briggs.

- And can you stop touching my face?

- For sure.

I'm your Ghost of Christmas Present.

Present? What are you doing in my past?

See? Dream.

Well, your haunt got off

to a bit of a "humpy" start.

Yes, it did.

So, I will be handling both past

and present this evening.

- Of course.

- This isn't my usual gig,

so I just need to get a lay of the land,

if you don't mind?

Sure.

Yeah. This should do. Okay.

Hey, I'm haunting you.

You can't just run away from me

when I'm haunting you. Hello?

- Hey, hotshot…

- Geez.

…you know, it's totally understandable

if you're scared

that you won't be able

to defend your choices.

- Look, Colonel Sanders…

- I haunted him, yes.

The proper way

to do that technique is, you...

Am I right? I said, am I right?

- Carrie.

- Carrie!

- Mom said we can open one present tonight.

- Cool.

Let's start with that green one.

You got me a puppy?

You've only been asking me for a puppy

for about, what, a thousand years?

Where is he?

He's sleeping in the kitchen.

- Sparky?

- Sparky?

Oh, Clinty, wait till you see him.

He's got the most adorable

little white paws and... Oh, my God.

How many times have I told you to close

this kitchen door when you come back in?

If it doesn't click when you close it,

then it lets all the heat out,

and apparently,

adorable little puppies too.

Oh, geez, this is a Christmas tragedy.

Clint, no, she's lying.

There is no puppy.

She got you a dog dish

to make you think that there was a puppy.

That's ridiculous.

Then why aren't we looking for it?

You know, if you spent a nickel on it,

we would be out looking all night.

That is it.

You're ruining Christmas!

Yeah, you keep on running, missy.

Hey, where do you think you're going?

Sparky?

I see it now.

- Sparky?

- I see the...

I see the...

The chain of events that led me to be

the monster that I am.

- Sorry. That was too much.

- You're faking. Very nice.

What do you expect when you misread

the situation so egregiously?

That was the single best Christmas gift

that she or anyone else has ever given me.

Hold on. A lie about a nonexistent puppy?

No.

The solid-gold lesson that people will

believe anything if they wanna believe it.

I wanted a puppy so bad

that it was better to believe

I had a lost dog than no dog at all.

That lesson made me so rich,

I could buy a million puppies.

Plus I never left the door open again,

so you know, win-win.

Okay, smarty-pants.

- Thank you.

- No.

- That's not for you. It's for her.

- Who's her?

Yeah, I heard of this.

It's where people use that...

- That pound or ha shy thing, right?

- Yeah. Yep, I'm telling you,

a year from now,

this is gonna be on all of your phones.

I don't know.

Do people really wanna talk about

everything they've ever done

- with every idiot they've ever met?

- Yes. Yes, they do, new girl.

- They really do.

- Really? It's Nora.

Nora. Yes, every thought, every meal.

Boy, that Nora was a keeper.

Wonder how it all works out with her.

Ho, ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas.

Ho, ho, ho.

Good. Christmas shopping.

- Hey, that's Clint right there.

- Hey, Clint.

- Hi, Nora.

- Hi.

Oh, my God, I love your boots.

-Hey

-Hey, Owen.

I'm sorry.

The level of detail is astounding.

Is that a Sephora?

- Yeah.

- Those didn't exist.

Good eye. Yeah, that wasn't here.

We have a deal with them.

There's my baby boy.

Mom invited herself, so…

- Here we...

- Hi, hon.

Good, you're drunk.

Well, it's 8 a.m. somewhere.

God, I used to love this mall.

Hey.

And I see you brought

this one again. Very lovely.

- It's nice to see you, Wendy.

- Yeah, I'll bet it is.

Hey,

if anyone's looking for a gift for me…

What?

- Shut up.

- What?

I'm gonna be an uncle?

Uncle Owen? Like Star Wars?

Oh, my God. That's amazing.

- What? How? With who?

- With me.

I'm done waiting around for a good man.

I want a baby.

So I went to a clinic

and all I know about the daddy

is that he's getting his master's

in marine biology and I helped pay for it.

I love sea turtles.

- I get knocked up on Thursday.

- Congratulations.

Honey. Aren't you happy for your sister?

No. Not really, no.

Come on, Clint.

Come on, Carrie. I love you,

but you have no clue how to be a mom.

- Come on, dude. Not cool, man.

- What are you talking about?

Your sister was always really good to you,

wasn't she?

It's okay. I understand how he feels.

- I really do.

- See?

Okay, I don't. You are incapable

of putting anyone ahead of yourself

and I'm... Oh, my God, I'm so done with it.

No. Nora. Hey. Come on.

- Don't do this. Don't. Come on.

- You know what?

Hey, it's Christmas. It's Christmas.

It's my fault, all right?

I thought that I could change you

and only a fool would think that. Goodbye.

All right. Bye, hon.

- Suck it, Wendy.

- Okay, you too.

You know... So I was a little pigheaded.

Weren't you ever in your 20s?

It's not about me.

You know what? Why not?

Why isn't it about you?

I don't get to know anything

about my accusers?

Hey. You watching this?

Senator, will you be resigning?

Clint, you fabricated a scandal.

La, la, la, la

I'm not watching

your dramatic "reencrapment"

until you tell me something about you.

- You're acting like a child.

- I can't hear you.

It's not crappy either.

- It's very accurate. Hold CPM-104, please.

- I can't hear you.

All right.

Nice.

I'll answer one question about me.

Okay, five questions.

- Two.

- Eight. Final offer.

But we'll close at three. Okay.

Question one, were you ever alive?

- Yes.

- When?

Well, I've been dead nearly two centuries.

What? Oh, my God.

And you've been doing the same job

the whole time?

No. No, I was…

First ten seasons, I was in research.

- And then our GC Present retired.

- GC?

- GC... Ghost of Christmas Present…

- Ghost...

- Yeah. Of course.

- …retired, and…

- I was called up to the show.

- Oh, my God.

You know that first save?

- Incredible rush.

- Huge.

Felt like

I was really making a difference.

Was making a difference.

But you're not anymore?

Okay, you know what?

I've answered your three questions.

And you just answered my fourth.

Why do you feel like that

you're not making a difference anymore?

- What the hell is wrong with you?

- Me?

I have never once had to put up

with this level of bullshit from a perp.

- A perp?

- We are walking around in your past.

Most people are too freaked out

to crawl up my ass

with a bunch of stupid,

irrelevant questions.

Stop it. Shut your dumb face

and just watch the scene.

Resume CPM-104, please.

Clint, you fabricated a scandal.

I didn't fabricate...

I suggested a scandal

that the public and the media ran with.

- And it's gonna get our client elected.

- You destroyed that woman's life.

We talked about these tactics.

I didn't build this company

so I wouldn't be able to look my kids

in the eye.

Okay, I have put this off

long enough, but...

Are you about to fire me?

Clint, you're the brightest guy I know.

You're gonna land on your feet.

No, I'm not gonna land on my feet,

Dan, I'm gonna land on you.

When I take all of your clients with me.

You have a non compete clause.

Which you will not enforce

because you so fear what I can do

using these tactics which are beneath you.

Merry Christmas, Dan.

He built this company with honor

and integrity, and you destroyed it.

Well done. Come on.

Now hold on a second. Wait.

You're taking me all out of context.

Wait, watch what happens next.

Hey, Kimberly. I'm starting my own firm.

I see greatness in you,

and it's being squandered here.

I'm gonna make you an executive VP,

I will double your salary,

but you gotta decide right now,

are you in or are you out?

I...

I guess I'm in.

Great. Grab your coat.

Let's go build a dream.

Nobody gives you credit for that, do they?

Believing in people.

- Helping them live their best life.

- Best life?

- Yes.

- Is that what you think?

- 100%.

- All right.

You know what?

Can you cue up DS-261

from a couple days ago?

261? I cut that part.

I realize it's a deleted scene.

I'm calling an audible. Okay, Bonnie?

All right. God.

Has he said anything about me?

- No.

- Okay, but, like, what's his vibe?

I have no idea.

Right. I know this is gonna sound weird,

but trust me,

- it's strictly business.

- What?

Can you smell his hair

and describe it to me?

No.

Hi. This is Margo from HR.

I just wanna say,

everything is HR approved, totally okay.

- Just go ahead with whatever you wanna do.

- Fine. Cotton candy.

Oh, my God. That's so sexy.

Now can you re-cue the scene, please?

Right. 261 coming at ya.

Audible, I remember.

So this boy Wren's running against,

Josh Hubbins?

Well,

Josh's family runs a Christmas Day dinner

- at a homeless shelter…

- This was, like, two days ago.

I mean, I remember what ha...

…quickly deleted this on TikTok.

When your parents

make you eat Christmas dinner

with homeless people. Gross.

I am outraged.

I told you Kimberly was the best.

Once Josh is done trumpeting

his annual good deed, Wrenny,

you post that video,

start writing your acceptance speech,

and Bob's your uncle.

Okay, you're right.

I mean, he's just a kid…

Do I regret saying, "Bob's your uncle"?

Yeah, I do. But I made the choice,

and I gotta live with it.

Look, I just ask that you respect me

and my family's privacy.

What happened?

What was that? My face is burning.

- Can we slow down and talk about...

- Can't believe we get one elevator a day.

Gotta catch this one. Bye, guys. Like ya.

See? Now, does that look like

someone who's living her best life?

It's official. I'm a terrible person.

No, you're not.

Excuse me?

Hold on a second. What? Wait. Hold on.

- Hold on 261.

- Have we met?

We're all good.

Yep, make it go away. Thank you.

What were you doing in this?

How was she talking to you?

I don't know.

I was scouting you,

and then she looked right at me.

And we just...

We just started talking, and it's...

Actually, never mind.

The point is that Kimberly's

a really good person, all right?

- And you're just...

- Are you allowed to interfere

- in the lives of the people that you...

- I'm trying to show the effect

- your choices have...

- Not really answering my question.

- I'm done dicking around with you, pal.

- Wow, sugar mouth.

- Cue up CPM-163. Yes. Now.

- Not CPM-163, no.

No. I can't...

Hey, guys.

Hey, Wrenny. Look what Uncle Clint got ya.

- Cool.

- Yeah.

Mom, can I donate it to the sick kids?

That would be really nice, sweetheart.

- There's a bin down in the lobby, okay?

- Yeah, give it away. Glad we wrapped it.

It's next to the teddy bear, okay?

Have Martha help you.

Well, you're certainly looking brighter

than you were before.

Clint, don't.

Before she comes back, listen.

It's time that I made some arrangements.

Okay... Stop it.

I need to ask you a favor.

And it's a doozy.

- No, we're not doing this.

- When I'm gone...

No.

- This is a key moment... Mr. Briggs.

- No...

Mr. Briggs!

We got a runner!

We got a runner!

What are you so afraid of?

I'm afraid of you

telling her to tank her grades.

And hurt another kid.

And she's listening to you.

I never said

this was gonna be the easy way.

She wanted to win.

And that means you have to play hardball.

Yes, Clint, but she has a good heart…

Señor, por favor.

No. Señor.

Señor!

We've got a breach.

- Mr. Briggs.

- Non.

Je ne peux parler français. Non.

Je m'excuse.

Nuts.

Everything's cool. Back to work, everyone!

Hey, that memory in the hospital.

That's what we call a kicker.

It's a key moment

that has to be faced in order to,

you know, effect any real change.

What are all these pictures

of my executive VP doing up here?

Just, you know, research.

Did you Photoshop yourself into this one?

- Did I? I don't think so.

- You did.

Look,

I may have pushed you into your kicker,

you know,

before you were really ready for it.

And I just wanna say… I'm sorry.

Oh, no. I'm sure that you gotta go big

if you're trying to redeem

an unredeemable.

Listen… That doesn't have to be true.

Does it? I really believe

you can be a positive force for mankind.

Like you? How's that going for ya?

You've been at this 200 years.

Is mankind getting any man-kinder?

More genial? United?

Wanna know what mankind really is?

Read the comments below.

That's who we really are.

And you know what, I accept that.

'Cause I gotta live in it, pal.

I don't have the luxury

of sitting up here,

judging everybody

like some kind of cosmic social worker.

- Is that what you think I am?

- Yes, I do. And we are done here.

What? What's with the dramatic look? You...

Do you think I'm gonna be all intrigued

by what's behind the door? I...

Forget it.

Not even a little bit curious?

Actually, no. I'm really not.

- Clint?

- Yes?

- Clint! Let's go. Right now.

- Damn it.

This is yours.

Come here, you little blighter!

You asked if I was ever alive.

Yeah.

What, the kid?

That's you?

Yes?

Mr. Scrooge, I'm Woodrow, sir.

Well, I have nothing for you,

boy. So good afternoon.

There's no call

for that kind of language, sir.

I said, good afternoon.

Shame on you, sir.

Saying such a thing to a child.

A good afternoon to you, madam.

So you're telling me the Dickens story is…

- Please, sir.

- …Is based on you?

- What is it, boy?

- Yeah.

Me and my father work at the mill.

The one you just shut down.

Yes. And?

The mill is still quite profitable, sir.

But a thousand people

have been put out of work.

And at a time

they ought to be making merry.

Making merry? Humbug!

When your father

fails to make his mortgage

and I buy your home for a pittance,

that will make me most merry indeed.

Good afternoon!

Okay, yes. You were a huge dick.

Wow.

The only other unredeemable

to go through the program.

So I do understand the weight you carry.

Sooner or later,

it becomes unbearable.

I don't think she can see us.

Right.

Madam.

All right, then. Hold your horses.

Whatever.

There we go.

Thank you.

Cheers.

Oh, my God.

That is man piss.

- Isn't that nice?

- It's warm.

- It's almost hot.

- It's perfect.

So, I just wanna fully understand this.

You were Scrooge.

The ghost changed you,

but you never relapsed.

The rest of your life,

not one single humbug ever again.

The rest of my life.

How long was it?

The rest of your life, I mean.

- Roughly three-and-a-half weeks.

- Years.

- What?

- Yeah.

- You're kidding?

- No.

- Really?

- Uh-huh. Yeah.

Sorry. What finally did it?

- Like, what got you?

- Nothing fancy.

The leading cause of death back then

was January.

No.

But how did you...

How did you even know that you changed?

I mean, you know, anybody

can be good for three weeks, right?

I mean...

Hey,

why did all those people get offended?

You know, when you said, "Good afternoon"?

Well, in the 1800s,

"good afternoon" was a sick burn.

- No.

- Yes. More or less meant "F you."

- Really?

- Extremely graphic.

Yeah, why don't you try it?

You know, bust one out on somebody.

I think it'll make you feel better.

- No.

- None of this is real.

I... Clint, I appreciate

what you're trying to do, but I'm fine.

Now, fellow, here you are

In a shitty British bar

With a frothy little frown

Upon your lips

Another pint for me friend, extra warm

Your accent blows.

Well, I beg to differ.

As you're drowning in that ale

You're feeling like a fail

You're sorrier

Than soggy fish and chips

But you don't have to sit and pout

Just let your inner Scrooge come out

'Cause why should any other jerk

Enjoy his day?

When ya down in the dumps

And need some cheering upsies

Turn and tap a hapless chap

And sweetly say

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon

Well, I never.

Just let one fly

And you'll be smiling pretty soon

Like this Good afternoon

- I beg your pardon?

- You pompous arse.

It's like "piss off"

But with a little touch of class

Oh, two little words

Can totally change a tune

- Good afternoon.

- Good afternoon!

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

I'm sensing no.

So you've done nothing wrong

In so very, very long

And I get

It's an important point of pride

It's part of my job.

But come on, now don't stay quiet

You know you wanna try it

Better to never let all of the bitter

Be bottled up inside

Oi! Out of the road, dingus.

Oh, come on, bub.

He's got it coming. You know you want to.

Come on. It's right there.

Just let it…

- Good afternoon!

- Yes!

-Good afternoon

-The hell you say?

Sir, you're a wankerous

Cantankerous buffoon

What's all this, then?

Good afternoon

You smell of shite

Now we didn't say good morning

Or good night

- That's right!

- Get back here!

Yes, two little words

Can totally change a tune

-Good afternoon

-Good afternoon

Good afternoon

- She clogged the loo.

- Good afternoon.

- He diddled your wife.

- Good afternoon.

It meant not a thing,

I swear upon my life.

Good afternoon.

- He has the plague.

- Good afternoon.

- She called you a whore.

- Good afternoon.

I'm an orphan.

Please, sir, may I have some more?

Good afternoon.

Hello, Governor.

Good afternoon.

- Pardon his French.

- Good afternoon.

Just deplore them with decorum

Like you're Judi bloody Dench

- Wait. Was that Judi Dench?

- Oh, my God. She's a national treasure.

- I love her in everything.

- I loved her in that Chocolate.

- Chocolat.

- Chocolat.

While we're strutting

Through the streets of London town

The quickest little pick-me-up

Is kicking people down

That's for you. Yeah.

Good afternoon!

Good afternoon

It's tons of fun

And if you're shocked

Then you can kiss my Dickens, son!

Kiss it.

- No. Stop!

- Son! Eve... What?

No, it's Charles Dickens.

It's a fun little thing.

- Yes, thank you. But there is a baby...

- None of this is real.

There's a baby.

Madam.

- I am so sorry.

- He should be.

And ma'am…

Good afternoon!

Good afternoon

Our favorite swear

Just let a little vile

Fill the village square

A pin to pop some prick's balloon

And nobody is immune

For giving a man

A kick in the pantaloon

Oh, two little words

Can totally change a tune

-Good afternoon

-Good afternoon

Good afternoon

Good afternoon, good afternoon

Good afternoon

Good afternoon, good afternoon

Good afternoon, good afternoon

That's... He's dead.

- Yeah, he's definitely... No, he's fine.

- No. He's good.

- Well, none of it's real, anyway.

- Wow, he's squirrelly.

How did you know all that?

- I didn't. I was just following you.

- You were following me?

- Yeah.

- I messed up in the middle there.

- Yeah, tap is new for me.

- A little. Yeah.

- It's a very expressive medium though.

- And they all knew too.

- A word, please.

- Right, just…

Okay. Hear me out.

I know what you're gonna say.

But I was losing him, okay?

And I just thought if he could see

that I was an unredeemable too...

So, you thought it might be a fine idea

to take him on a little field trip

into your own past?

I should've made you take

your retirement package

when you asked for it,

rather than risk everything

on this unredeemable.

- No. Hey.

- No, of course not.

I may not be getting with your program,

but it's not for his lack of trying.

- This guy has been busting my balls.

- Back to bed, Mr. Briggs.

"Back to bed." I...

And you. From now on,

I want everything on script. Understand?

- Jacob, I was just trying...

- On script!

Okay. On script.

Say it a few more times next time.

Good afternoon.

Excuse me?

What was that?

Good afternoon.

It wasn't me. I heard it too.

I don't know what that was.

Hey, Clint.

- Hey, Charlie. What's up?

- Hey. First of all, love the look.

- Thank you. What do you want?

- GQ Santa.

That rumor about

artificial Christmas trees off-gassing.

- Right.

- Genius.

- Thank you.

- Brilliant. Look at this. It's trending.

That's... It's...

Will you excuse me? I'm gonna figure out

what the hell that's all about.

What what's all about?

Come in and know me better, man.

What in the hell is this?

- I am The Ghost of Christmas Present.

- Your boss chews you out

- and now you're going full Dickens on me?

- Look, I gotta go by the book now.

Can I have one of these? What do

they mean by your retirement package?

Clint, please.

Why do you want to retire?

I only threatened to retire as leverage

to get him to approve you

as this year's perp.

Retire to where?

Where does a ghost retire to?

For the last time, Mr. Briggs,

this isn't about me.

Now we're back to Mr. Briggs and a perp.

You know what,

I'm gonna get back to my guests.

And you can stay up here

- in your giant toilet of food.

- No. Clint, Clinty. Hold on.

All right. If I tell you…

Will you cut the crap and just come along?

Sure.

Fine. You're killing me.

Good.

All right. My retirement package,

if I were to choose to collect it,

is a gold watch, a Sephora gift card,

and the chance to return to Earth and

live out the rest of my life as a mortal.

And you want that.

You know, what I want is for you

to shut up and let me do my job.

That's what I want.

Great. Do your job.

- Grab my hand.

- We're doing this?

We're doing it.

It's gonna be quite a ride.

Oh, my God.

Bonnie.

Remember, the key word is "quite a ride."

Here we are. Our first stop.

We were just here.

Listen,

I have a whole department of people

who work very hard on these transitions.

Whatever. Doesn't matter.

I know exactly what's going on.

- Do you?

- Yes, I do.

I mean, I love Clint. He's great.

I consider him a friend.

See? A friend.

I mean, as much as anyone can be friends

with Clint.

Have you tried

telling him about your personal life?

See how long it takes

for his eyes to glaze over.

Oh, my God. They're shit-whispering me.

Yes, they are shit-whispering you.

- You're talking about Clint?

- Yeah.

Yeah. He can be a little self-absorbed,

but here's the thing

that you guys should understand

about Clint.

As a kid, he was alone a lot.

And he learned

the only person that he could count on

was himself.

So, you know, don't be too hard on him.

He's good inside. I should know.

He's my big brother.

Wow. Yeah, I love him.

Well, if it isn't

The Ghost of Christmas Present.

Kimberly, hey. Hi.

You must be here to haunt Clint.

So she can see you.

Does she know about all of this?

No. Not really.

- I love your costume. Rudolph.

- Thank you.

You look adorable.

Always with the compliments.

Now I'm actually kinda glad I came.

Yeah.

Me too.

I knew it. You let her see you

because you're into her.

But, I mean, who throws a work party

on Christmas actual Eve?

Only Clint, right?

Son of a...

It's a power move.

Now you guys are shit-whispering me too.

Let's go. Come on. What's next?

Sorry. I was actually on my way out.

Yeah. Okay.

I thought

we were gonna do things by the book.

It was great seeing you, though.

Yeah.

You too.

- It's okay. Just the one tonight.

- Whoa!

Wow, I love it.

Yeah. Ex-girlfriend, I get it.

- Family I could've had.

- Thanks, Mommy.

Honestly, I... I'm...

I'm really happy for Nora.

Why can't you just admit

that you let Kimberly see you?

I didn't let her see me. She just...

Oh, come on.

I see the way you look at her.

I really think that you wanna retire.

- You don't know me.

- You don't know you.

You think you're better off than that guy?

- Thanks, honey.

- Look, you think this'll tempt me?

Something cozy? Something stable?

Stuck on some suburban street with...

Is that meat loaf on the table?

See, you'll claim this is my dream

But we both know that's not true

So let's shift the conversation

'Cause this dream

Belongs to you

- Tear into 'em.

- Right?

- You don't have to save the paper.

- Yeah.

Yeah,

or maybe I put the greater common good

above my own personal fulfillment.

But you wouldn't understand that,

would you?

So being human again would be

personally fulfilling for you, then?

The story of your life

A whole new narrative

- I'm tired.

- Me too.

The story with the wife and kids

You clearly want to live

You almost had your shot at love

Until, you know, you died

But I can help you have it

Be your wing man, be your guide

You might rewrite

The story of your life

Have to make sure you're in bed

when Santa comes.

The one you've been denied

I could help you with Kimberly. I mean,

you guys were really vibing back there.

- Really? Do you really think so?

- Yes.

- Her eyes are so adorable when she laughs.

- They are.

Wait.

I know what you're trying to do. Come on.

All right, that's a firm grip. All right.

You're just extraordinary. You know that?

Are we going to Narnia?

Wait. No. What are you doing?

What are y... Hey!

The story of your life

The dream you dare to chase

Get off the table, please.

The story of your life

Watch the pieces all fall into place

You haven't felt a woman's touch

In so very...

Stop it!

Wha... Wow. Not a duet.

Are you five years old?

Get down from there.

- This is a homeless shelter.

- They can't see us.

- I'm trying to help you.

- I don't want your help.

I'm here to help you.

So stop it and pay attention.

Fine. Whatever.

Am I supposed to know this kid?

- That's Josh Hubbins.

- Here you go. Merry Christmas.

Wren's opponent

for student body president.

Whose life you told your niece to cancel.

I sent you a great pic.

You should post it.

- Might be a vote-getter.

- Might not be.

I don't know. I don't want people to think

I'm only doing this to win the election.

- Proud of you, buddy.

- Uh-huh.

But I think it'd be fine to post it.

See? He doesn't want to post about it.

Maybe he's a good, humble kid who just...

And he posted it.

With a humblebrag. Shocking.

Wanna show me some more stuff

I'm right about? It's getting fun again.

- Quiet.

- Hey.

You ever just stare in the mirror

and think,

- "Does this wreath make me look like a..."

- Okay. No more questions.

- No more questions?

- No more questions. Wait here.

I'm just getting started with the quest...

That's just fun to watch.

Can you please tell Bonnie

or whoever's in charge of transitions

- that this is getting ridiculous?

- Uncle Owen.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah.

How do you never get better at this?

How are you so good at this?

We only do it once a year.

Your brother's such a good man.

- You want some cocoa?

- Sure.

You know I pay for everything, right?

You're gross.

Yeah, he is.

All good.

Looks like Wren's trying to decide

whether to take her uncle's advice.

She's probably not even gonna post it

because she takes after my sister...

And she posted it.

You wanna see some more things

you're wrong about?

You know, I'm happy for her. If you

wanna make your school a better place,

you're gonna have to accept

certain uncomfortable truths, and that's…

- Enjoy.

- Thank you, dear.

No. Oh, no. No.

Look, this is...

This is good.

There's a lesson in there, you know?

If you're gonna run for office,

your past is fair game.

He posted that when he was in sixth grade,

you butt crack.

- Look, I...

- He was 11.

I don't want

anything to happen to the kid, okay?

I'm not a monster.

Look, what about all the people

that took the clickbait?

What about those people?

- Good. Yes. Good.

- All right. This is on them.

- What's good?

- This inner turmoil. Let that get in you.

- Come on. This where real change begins.

- No.

Can we re-cue CPM-163, please?

- What's CPM-163?

- No, I know it's very unusual.

Please, we need to go back

to Christmas Past's Memory 163.

What is that?

Thank you, Bonnie. No,

I don't wanna hear about it right n...

Thank you, Patrick.

Stay with me, Clint. Stay in it.

Oh, come on. Don't do this.

No, it's okay. I'm here with you.

Please don't do this. Come on, man. I...

You can do it. Come on.

I'm here with you the whole way.

Hey, guys. Hey, Wrenny.

Look what Uncle Clint got ya.

Cool.

Mom, can I donate it to the sick kids?

That would be really nice, sweetheart.

- There's a bin down in the lobby, okay?

- Yeah, give it away.

Glad we wrapped it.

It's next to the teddy bear, okay?

Have Martha help you.

Well, you're certainly looking brighter

than you were before.

Clint, don't.

Before she comes back, listen.

It's time that I made some arrangements.

Okay. Stop it.

I need to ask you a favor,

and it's a doozy.

When I'm gone, I'd like you to take Wren.

Okay.

Okay, stop. You're not gonna go anywhere.

You know, even if you did,

which you're not.

Okay, I'm not the dad type.

I'm really not. You know, I'm crazy busy

and I'm, you know… selfish.

Clint, you don't fool me.

I know who you are underneath all of that.

That's where you've always

been wrong about me.

I really am this selfish.

Bad news, Carrie.

They were out of vegan stuff downstairs

so I just got you a chicken noodle.

But I picked out all the chicken bits,

so it should be good.

- Hey, Owen.

- Hey.

Our sister has something

that she wants to ask you. It's a favor.

I think, if you could just hear it

with an open mind and make me proud, okay?

- Yeah.

- I'm sorry.

Hey, Carrie.

What do you need?

Anything in the whole wide world.

- We're family. I'll do anything for you.

- Thank you, Owen.

Hey. I know that wasn't easy.

But you faced it and that took guts

and I'm proud of you. Come here.

Yeah.

Ease up. That's enough.

You're gonna get ectoplasm all over me.

All right.

Your final ghost will be right with you.

Now, he's a little imposing.

Doesn't say much. Mostly points at stuff.

Wait. Hold... That's it? You're leaving?

Well, yeah. My part of the haunt is over.

But don't worry. You're gonna do great.

No. Hold on.

You don't get to make me relive

the worst moment of my life

and then just F-O. What about you?

I faced my kicker. Now it's your turn.

Clint, how many times

do I have to tell you? It's not about me.

Oh, well, then good afternoon.

Uh-uh. Oh, no.

You know I find that triggering.

- That's why I said it.

- Take that down a notch.

Who are you to tell anyone

how to live their life

when you're busy running away

from your own? Just admit it.

All right. No, that'll do.

Not another word.

- Let's get you back to the office before...

- No shame in admitting you're afraid.

Oh, yeah? What is it I'm so afraid of?

You're afraid of that one question.

What's he on about?

I don't... I have no idea.

Sure you do.

It's the question

that keeps you up at night.

Keeps you working here

year after year, after year,

when you could be alive again.

Oh, no. There is no call

for singing. Now come on. Let's...

Doesn't matter how many people you change,

no matter how much good you do.

You still don't know the answer.

The answer to what?

Am I forever

Unredeemable?

Why, that's preposterous.

You were redeemed. I was there.

But can I ever overcome

All the wrongs I'm running from?

That was all so long ago.

You've more than made up

for all that by now.

Can my worst be left behind

And do I deserve to find

There's a soul

Who could see any good in me

Or will I only ever be

Unredeemable?

There's only one way to find out, boys.

He takes his retirement right now.

All right. That's enough. Back to bed.

Oh, no.

Spent every waking minute

Taking all that I could take

Never stopped to reckon

With the ruin in my wake

With all the bridges that I burned

The wounds I didn't mend

All the worth I thought I earned

It turned worthless in the end

What's going on?

What was it for?

Well, is it possible

I'm meant for something more?

Am I forever unredeemable?

Can I be a man who breaks

From a lifetime of mistakes?

Can my worst be left behind

And do I deserve to find

A kind of love that I can lean on

Every day

Or will I learn I have to stay

Unredeemable?

Listen well, Ebenezer.

Unredeemable

You will be visited by three spirits.

You're wasting your time, Jacob.

Are you sure?

Come on, big guy.

We have to believe

Inside the worst of us

-There is some decency there

-Decency there

You know that you can achieve

Something miraculous

If you'd only dare

-If you dare

-If you dare

I have to go, I have to try

That's how I'll know

Know if I'm

-Forever unredeemable

-Unredeemable

If I'll ever be someone

Who makes up for all they've done

- Or is all I am unlovable?

- Unlovable

Am I someone someone can forgive?

Can I take the leap and live?

There's a lot I leave behind

But I gotta go and find if it's true

-That there is truly good in me

-Truly good

And maybe see that I won't always be

-Unredeemable

-Unredeemable

Am I unredeemable?

Can you redeem the unredeemable?

Unredeemable

What is this?

- What's what?

- Wait, am I…

I think so.

You're warm.

Yes! I'm warm.

What's wrong?

- Itch.

- What?

- Itch. I got... Do you mind?

- Okay.

- Okay. All right.

- Yeah. To the right?

Pajamas are made of burlap.

Can you get into my sleeping gown?

- Just...

- No. God, I would rather not.

Please, I beg of you.

- Oh, yes! Oh, that's terrific.

- Okay. There we go. That's it.

- Oh, mommy.

- Okay.

- That feels so good.

- Yep.

I forgot what it's like

to scratch an itch.

I forgot what it was like to feel this way

about my hand.

Thank you.

Wow. Why am I so heavy?

- Gravity.

- Yeah.

Oh, my…

- You have…

- Indoor plumbing.

- Could I?

- You may.

Careful.

This is amazing!

I have always wondered what this

would be like and it does not disappoint.

Hey! What's conditioner?

Well, you wanna use that on your head.

Too late!

- Can I do this every month?

- Sure.

Look out, New York City.

This guy showers once a month!

Your clothes are really too tight on me.

I feel silly.

No, you look fine. Come on.

Hey, look at this guy!

Jacket. Slacks. Little pocket square.

No, don't. Put that back, please.

Thank you. He can...

- He can see me. You can see me.

- Yes, he can.

- Yeah, I can see you.

- He can see you very well, I think.

You're gonna wanna get used to that.

Really you are.

- Everyone can see me.

- Yes.

Hello! You can see me!

- You're gonna wanna get used to that too.

- Man.

Are you okay?

- Think so. He's fine.

- I think so. Yeah.

- You look stupid.

- You look stupid.

No. Hey, Dave, back off.

- Okay. Will you just get it together?

- Well, no, he looked stupid.

- There she is. Let's go talk to her and...

- Oh, no. That's her.

You know what? Here's the thing.

Let's just put a pin in it, okay?

I don't know what to say to her.

What do you mean?

You were doing great before.

Just do more of that.

Yeah, but that's when she was

a fantasy. And now she's real.

I'm gonna screw it up.

Look, I think I made a big mistake, okay?

I'm not ready for any of this.

I used way too much water in the shower.

I mean, is that who I am here?

The guy who hogs all the hot water?

- Hey, check it out.

- What?

That was fantastic.

Yeah. Get it together.

Enough with the buyer's remorse.

Hey, you made the right decision.

Don't think. Deep breath.

Go get her. Now.

Before she gets away. Trust me.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- I will slap your head off.

- No. I'll go talk to her.

I will. I promise.

The next ghost…

The future's always in flux.

I don't know what you're gonna see,

but just hear the guy out. All right?

- I mean, you asked me why I chose you.

- I know why you did.

Because I can be a positive force

for mankind, or whatever.

No. Well, yes. At first.

But then when I found out

you were unredeemable, like me,

I thought, "If I can change this guy,

maybe there's hope for me too."

Yeah.

Kimberly?

Hey. You're back.

And in a boldly tight suit.

Yeah. It is a little snug.

No, I like it. It's kind of

a Euro-fit. And I like it on you.

Yeah, it is a Euro-fit,

because I buy all my clothes in Germany.

- Yeah.

- I can see.

Sorry, but would you...

Would you wanna go somewhere

and maybe, I don't…

- No, you don't even have to answer...

- No, I would love to... Yeah.

- I would love to.

- Great. Really?

- Totally. I love "somewhere."

- Yeah, me too. Oh, my gosh.

What?

What is it? An itch?

Here, let me help you.

- Where? Right there?

- Yeah.

That's a choice.

That is heaven on a stick.

Thank you.

There's a place

called "Heaven on a Stick."

- It serves corn dogs, but, I mean, it…

- Okay.

- It's food, right?

- It's delicious.

- Hey, Sydney.

- Hey, Clint.

Hey, how you doin'?

- Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.

Hey, Stuart.

Come on!

This is beautiful.

So, you just decided one day

that you're gonna quit your job,

leave it all behind, and move here?

Well, every year I'd say,

"It's time to move on."

And then every year, I chose to stay.

And our choices make us who we are,

don't they?

Yeah. Guess they do.

So this year, I chose something else.

Honestly,

I'm worried I made a huge mistake.

But, I mean, if I hadn't,

I wouldn't be here with you.

Is that okay?

The city is sparkling

With twinkling lights

It's one of those magic

"Manhattan-y" nights

Can't tell what comes next

He's sure taking it slow

But he's holding my hand

And he's not letting go

He's goofy, he's tall

He's got a good heart

But I don't wanna fall

And have it all fall apart

I look in his eyes

And they keep saying

"Leap and the net will appear"

So why not dive in

'Cause a brand new beginning

Feels long overdue

That's the view from here

That's the view from here

They said it's supposed to snow tonight.

Really? Doesn't feel cold enough.

Not cold at all.

How wet are my armpits?

How red is my face?

When I used to date

Holding hands was third base

I think there's a spark

Could this thing become real?

Could it possibly be

That she might feel like I feel?

This woman's as kind

As a human could be

So why would she wind up

With someone like me?

And what if we find out, in time

Maybe I'm that same jerk like I fear?

'Cause the man that I see

Could so easily be

Just a Scrooge déjà vu

That's the view from here

That's the view from here

Maybe I haven't lost sight

Of what's right

'Cause tonight it's so perfectly clear

Somehow I see who I could be

Just being with you

That's the view from here

That's the view from here

I don't really buy all my clothes

in Germany.

All in favor?

The motion is carried.

- Well, this is great.

- Community volunteer work will be…

She did it.

She looks presidential up here.

Look at her go with her little gavel.

Next order of business is that all student

fund raising will be overseen by an in…

…will be overseen by an independent…

Did you see this?

What's going on?

What is it? What does it say?

What's this supposed to be?

Wait. What are you telling me? The kid?

Because of a little online dust up?

How was I supposed to know

that he would do something like this?

Wait a minute. Hold on.

It's just shadows of things to come.

I mean,

these haven't actually happened yet.

I'm not gonna turn my life upside down

for you people,

but this is an easy one.

I can fix this one.

Let's just cut the tour short, all right?

You don't speak? You just point at things?

Why don't you point to the way out, huh?

Is that it? Right there?

Old me.

I don't wanna know!

Come on.

Yes!

Yes, I've seen the movies.

I know the drill.

Here. Here it is.

Right here. The...

- 93. Not bad.

- I got him.

Yeah, he jumped ahead to YTC-407.

Pretty sure he was looking for me. Sorry.

- Hey, it's you.

- Yeah.

Listen, can you please help me

get the hell out of here?

Don't get all clingy, okay?

I'm at work right now.

I knew you'd get too attached.

I knew this...

Here he is. Hey, over here.

You good?

Yes, dude, I see it.

It's so disturbing.

I'm so sad. Are we done? Can I go?

- You all right?

- Are you trying to talk?

It's so sad.

Look what you've driven him to.

You ruined everything!

Oh, my God, you did it.

That's what he sounds like?

- You made my best friend quit!

- Yeah!

No! I did not. That was his choice.

And frankly, I'm proud of him.

That's why I'ma kick your ass.

You been Christmas Caroled, bitch!

I'm back. What time is it?

4:15.

4:15. Good. Thank God.

There's still time. I gotta find my phone.

Where's my phone?

Hey, I think I have

moderate to severe Crohn's disease.

No, you don't. Stop watching that.

God, you look like hell.

I know. It's just, I...

Wait, did you see your future?

- Did it change you?

- No!

No. There's just one little wrinkle

I need to iron out.

- Where the hell is my phone?

- You mean this phone?

No, I don't know her number.

Like I know anyone's number.

- It's 12 blocks. We're gonna walk.

- Wait. What's going on?

- What... What'd you see?

- Nothing. It's fine.

I just think it's better if Wren

doesn't post the video, that's all.

What happens if she posts it?

- Something bad?

- Oh, come on!

What... What'd ya… see?

Oh, God. That's still kinda thrilling.

Clint, wait up.

You don't have to come.

You seem very passionate about this.

Are you sure you haven't changed?

No, I didn't.

Will you quit asking me that?

Clint, please slow down!

Oh, boy! Did your head make that clang?

That was so loud.

That's gotta be a concussion.

- No.

- Okay. Here we go. All right, easy.

Are we going back up?

Did you forget something?

No? Okay.

- I don't know.

- All right.

Sir, could we please

speed it up a little? Thank you.

Hey, what's going on?

Did you see something in your future?

It's no big deal. I...

Hey, how did it go with Kimberly?

Terrible.

We walked all over Manhattan

and talked and connected and…

We even kissed. On the lips.

How is this ter... That sounds amazing.

It was. She is.

She just doesn't know who I am.

Oh, my God.

Will you quit with the unredeemable crap?

You just haven't dated

in a few hundred years.

Driver!

This is a matter of life and death here.

- Can we kick it in the ass?

- You got it.

"Life and death"?

I thought you said it was no big deal.

Hey, good afternoon, gentlemen.

- You wanna go, wise ass?

- No, I...

Hey! It doesn't mean that anymore! Hey!

- Sorry!

- Hey!

- Sorry!

- Jesus!

You know, when they were doing my future,

there was this little sick kid.

- What did they call him?

- It was Tiny Tim.

- No. Sweet kid. One crutch.

- No.

- Little Larry.

- No. Tiny Tim.

- Pretty sure it was Little Larry. Anyway…

- Pretty sure it was Tiny Tim.

…In my future, Little Larry was dead,

and it was my fault.

Cratchit needed money for an operation,

and I was just too stingy.

It was Tiny Tim!

You killed Tiny Tim, okay?

Micro Michael? Super-small Steve.

Holy sh...

I like tiny. Teensy Tim?

Wait. Itsy Witsy Isaac.

Here you go. Merry Christmas.

Where is she? Come on.

Sh... Wrenny?

There.

Uncle Owen! Are you okay?

How do you never get better at this?

She posts it right after he fell.

You should post it.

Might be a vote-getter.

- Clint.

- I need to talk to Wren.

Wait. Before you talk to her, just...

This is important.

Right in the concussion.

Clint, come on. She's posting.

Come on.

No.

Oh, Kimberly, you have no idea

what you've just done.

I did what I should've done the minute

you asked me to dig up dirt on a child.

I told Wren that her choices

make her who she is.

And you know what? So do mine.

'Cause the decent and honest

Young woman

Well, she's still part of me

It's taken me years but I finally quit

There's a line you can't cross

And guess what? This is it

No, Clint

I haven't lost sight of what's right

'Cause it's perfectly clear

Kimberly! I'm sorry to interrupt,

because you are killing it right now.

But did Wren post the video or not?

No, I didn't. I'm sorry. Are you mad?

- I mean, Kimberly...

- Hold on, you didn't post it?

- No.

- She didn't post it!

Because you're good like your mom.

You...

- Yeah.

- I don't do hugging very well.

Oh, screw it. Come here, Kimberly.

Thank you. You have no idea

the good that you've done.

- Great, are we doing hugs? Come here.

- Owen. Okay, listen...

Hold on, just let me get this out first,

okay?

Look, I know I don't say this enough,

and you don't have to say it back…

I love you, too.

That's it. That's what I was gonna say.

- Bring it in. Okay.

- Yeah.

Okay. You win the hug.

Good stuff. That was fun.

Oh, boy, that's a relief.

Okay. Get ready.

Get ready.

'Cause something very special's

about to happen.

Just hang on.

No. You guys won't be able to see it.

Only he can see it.

I wish you could see it!

- Only he can see it. Yeah.

- That would be amazing.

You know what,

just excuse us for just one second.

- Love it. Love it, right?

- Okay. Hey. What is going on?

I don't know why this isn't happen...

I mean, you've changed.

There's supposed to be singing.

It's the big climax.

- Marley!

- I told you, I didn't change.

Marley?

I just took back one dick move.

No.

You were about to prove

that unredeemables really can change.

You rushed down here to help a kid.

You told your brother that you loved him.

- I love you so hard, man.

- Thank...

If you say it too much, it loses its…

Why isn't this happening? Come on.

Probably 'cause I'm gonna go back

to work next week

and I'm gonna keep doing what I do.

I'll feel guilty for a couple of days,

but then I'll rationalize it.

I'm really good at that.

I have a talent for it.

I'm sorry, but it's not like

I wasn't aboveboard about all this.

- Roberto!

- He's having a weird day, all right?

I'm gonna go get him.

We'll rent some skates and stuff

and we'll have a good time.

- Right back.

- You do know I quit, right?

Hey! Where ya going?

I gotta go back.

Back? Can you even go back?

Clint, just let me go.

You don't wanna be around for this.

What do you mean by that?

Hey. Hold on a second.

What are you gonna do? Are you crazy?

It's still Christmas. There's still time.

I'll go back and

we'll figure something out,

and you'll change.

People don't change.

This isn't about me anymore.

This is about you running away

from your life again.

All right.

Look, you're here, you're human.

Hey. Besides,

I thought that we were really becoming…

- Becoming what?

- I thought we were becoming,

you know.

- Bros?

- Yeah.

I was gonna say friends, but bros.

Yeah. I just...

Look, if you're not feeling that, and th...

No. I am. I...

I mean,

I didn't wanna assume or make it weird.

It's not weird.

Yeah, I feel it. A lot.

I've never had a bro.

Well, you got one now.

And your bro is telling you to calm down

and come go ice-skating

with your new girlfriend.

She thinks I'm good.

Maybe you are.

- So now people do change?

- No, I don't know.

I don't know.

Maybe there's no magical quick fix.

Maybe you gotta put in the work,

you ever think about that?

You gotta wake up each day,

get out of bed and decide,

"How 'bout today

I don't wish anyone a good afternoon?"

Come on.

Hey! No!

What did you do?

I don't know.

Yes! See?

This is what I was talking about.

No. Wait. No. Wait, no.

Really, you got it all wrong. I was just...

No.

You just jumped in front of a bus

to save someone you care about.

My bro.

Your bro.

It was just a reflex. I did... Wait. Did I?

Are you sure?

We've been doing this a long time,

Mr. Briggs.

We're quite sure.

Okay, then. Let's get some chili!

Yes!

We're doing another one?

Is that entirely nec...

No, it's fine. Go ahead. Okay, go ahead.

I used to think that I was sure

Of what made people tick

You strip 'em down right to their core

And find a self-centered prick

I thought when the push

Came to the shove

I knew just what I'd do

I'd put me before you

- But you didn't.

- Guess I didn't.

You can be a cynic and a sinner

Who can only see the flaws

But even if you lost your way

You don't have to stay a lost cause

So can we do a little good?

Maybe give a little more?

Work a little harder than we did

The day before

It only takes a little good

And some doing what you can

Taking every chance to make the choice

To be a better man

So do a little good

Well, I have spent each Christmas Day

Obsessed with wrong and right

You thought change

Could only work one way

It had to happen in one night

But now you know, oh, now you know

The line of good and bad

Is not so clean

And what we are

Is something in between

It's an everyday decision

-Two steps forward

-One step back

But if you try to do what's right

You're on the right track

So try to do a little good

Maybe give a little more

Work a little harder than you did

The day before

Work a little harder

It only takes a little good

And some doing what you can

Taking every chance to make the choice

To help your fellow man

-So do a little good

-Hey

Just a little, just a little

Just a little

Maybe there's no magic wand

Maybe there's no switch to flip

Some days you may soar beyond

Some days you may soar beyond

And some days you start to slip

You can give the world some good

In the daily give-and-take

With every ripple, ripple, ripple

That you make

-Do a little good

-Do a little good

-Maybe give a little more

-Give a little more

Work a little harder than you did

The day before

Doing the world a little good

-It only takes a little good

-Just a little good

-And some doing what you can

-Do what you can

Taking every chance to make the choice

To help your fellow man

Yeah

-And whether it's Christmas Day

-Christmas Day

-Or a random day in May

-Or a day in May

You're gonna wanna say

That you tried the best you could

And a little is enough

-A little is enough

-A little is enough

To do a little good, hey!

Do a little good

Do a little good

Do a little good

Do a little good, give a little more

Some days you may soar beyond

-Hey

-Hey

Do a little good

- Tiny Tim.

- Thank y...

Clint.

Clint!

Damn it, that hurt.

What the hell?

Is it over?

Sure felt like a finale to me.

No.

Hey.

You gotta be kidding me.

Why is everyone standing around?

Wanna do some CPR or something?

Why are they just standing there?

It's a little beyond CPR, I think.

I mean, I'm not even sure what's left

to blow into.

But we were just...

We were singing and dancing.

We just became bros.

No, I understand, I do.

But your sacrifice would have no meaning

if it had no consequence.

Okay, I get that. But this ending sucks.

It's not the end, Clint.

I'm so proud of you.

It's okay. Don't be scared.

Wait.

- Hold on.

- No. Go to the light.

- No. Just one second.

- Go to the light. Be with sis.

- Here's the thing. Little idea.

- Wrap it up.

It's a little out of left field.

Hear me out.

Thank you.

Have Margie in Research

set a meeting with Morality

to go over this business

with the prime minister.

And I want all new Heartstrings

by end of day.

- You got it, Captain.

- Let's get after it.

Hey, yo, Chief,

I'm gonna hit the food truck.

You want a street taco?

- Yes, please and thank you, buddy.

- No doubt.

Excuse me, Clint. What is all this?

- Which one is this year's perp?

- Well, they all are.

You're not reading my memos, are ya?

We're expanding, Jake.

Ghost of Ramadan Past,

Ghost of Hanukkah Yet-to-Come.

- It's a whole thing. You're gonna love it.

- We don't have the personnel for all this.

We're meeting later

about the ongoing self-care program.

I'd love you to stop by.

- Yes. Okay. All right.

- Good.

- I'll stop in.

- Okay, I look forward to it.

- Nice to see you, big sister.

- Hey, Clint. And then...

Boo.

What you working on?

This perp file is driving me nuts.

I just can't find a Heart string

we can grab onto.

Mind if I take a peek?

- Please.

- Great.

Just don't use it as an excuse

to come home late tonight.

Well, that hurts.

I will be early.

No, no, no, no, no.

You're a ghost. Let's get going.

Kim, this place looks amazing.

Clint, you know I can't see you. Can you…

I always forget. Sorry.

Hi.

- Nice to see ya.

- Nice to see you.

Well, come on in.

He's out back with the kids.

- Is it ready yet?

- Yeah, it's not ready yet.

- Is it done?

- But I can't build it,

if I keep dropping the damn screws

in the grass!

Hey, Ronny. Ronny, put that down. Ronny!

Ronald J. Fishman Pratt, put it down!

- Okay.

- That was bad.

Sorry, kids.

I didn't mean to shout. All right?

- Come on, bring it in. Come on.

- Uncle Clint!

Bring it in.

That never gets old. Okay. Hey.

He still comes out from time to time.

That's okay. Hey, I'm sorry to barge in.

I'm having a little trouble

with this file.

- You mind putting your eyes on it?

- No, not at all.

- Okay. Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Great. Thanks.

- Yeah. Yeah, sure.

Ronny! There's a bathroom inside.

You see that Wrenny

got into the master's program at Stanford?

Oh, yeah.

Owen texted me as soon as she got in.

I'm sure proud of that kid.

Told ya. This perp is a tough nut

to crack, isn't she?

Yeah. But wait, look. Look right there.

See that tiny flutter in her exposure?

- Butterflies.

- Butterflies. She was in love.

- No! Come on.

- Yeah.

- We've looked everywhere. When? With who?

- Well, you didn't look there.

In her early 20s. I don't know.

We have to find out with who.

With who. With "whom"?

Right. "With whom."

- Yeah, I think that sounds educated.

- With whom.

Yeah, sure.

- I hear that.

- I do too.

- It's a reprise?

- That... It's... Yeah, the... a reprise.

- Is it reprise?

- It's reprise.

- Or... It's reprise.

- Yes.

You wait for the day

You prep for a year

And when the big day is finally here

You take a jerk and work

To turn 'em around

You show 'em their life

And you hope for the switch

And when it goes off without a hitch

This Christmas train is party-bound

A puppy!

We're giddy with a holiday

Goodwill gleam

'Cause helping out is sweeter

Than eggnog cream

We might be dead

But we're living that Yuletide dream

We're full of that

Christmas morning feeling

Is there a morning more appealing?

-The magical mood when being merry

-Is very necessary

We're changing all mankind

We planted the seeds

And joy is blooming

Now we got one less hateful human

We're doing the world a world of good

Putting some nice

Into the neighborhood

Playing our parts

Changing hearts, one by one

We got that Christmas morning feeling

And damn, is it fun

Fa-la-la-la-la, fa-la-la-la-la

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

We're full of that

Christmas morning feeling

Feels like my soul went snowmobiling

-Saving a perp from certain peril

-We're like A Christmas Carol

In perfect harmony

If we're jacked up on joy

And cheer, it's

'Cause we're insanely awesome spirits

Doing the world a world of good

Cause that's our after-livelihood

Bringing…

Couple of 'em ghosts was twerking

over there, if you look closely.

- I saw. Yeah. I noticed.

- You did?

That's why you wanna clear

your browser history.

And that Christmas morning feeling

Has only just begun

Fa-la-la-la-la, fa-la-la-la-la

-Begun

-Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la…

Good afternoon!

Guys, do you wanna hear

the rest of my song?

Every day I wake up

With a single dream

Running through my head

Look, I have another meeting

I'm actually late for.

To throw a tiny stone

Into a mighty stream

And watch the ripples as they spread

Well, we fall in line

Follow every rule

But is that something

We should really take pride in?

'Cause we're treading water

In the kiddie pool

When there are oceans

We could turn the tide in

If you wanna make a ripple

If you wanna make a wave

Playing safe and thinking small

Doesn't move the ball at all

There's humanity to save

Can we really make a ripple

With our feet up while we float

Too afraid to rock the boat

If we never test the waters

We'll never know

Just how far the ripples go

Do you wanna make

A ripple, ripple, ripple?

I think you wanna make

A ripple, ripple, ripple

Consider the consequences.

Consider the possibilities.

Now, if we choose this dude

One goes to two then four

And then it jumps from four to eight

Ripple, ripple, ripple

Yes!

Soon, you guys

It multiplies to thousands more

Can you hear it reverberate?

Ripple, ripple, ripple

Then to millions and to billions

And it never ends

And all across the world

The change is gaining some traction

Reaching other planets

Maybe aliens

From one man we began a chain reaction

Ripple, do you wanna make a ripple?

Do you wanna make a ripple?

Ripple, ripple, ripple, ripple

If we wanna make a ripple

That could turn into a wave

Time to be what we're about

Gotta turn this mother out

-Friends, it's just called being brave

-It's just called being brave

We need more than just a ripple

Make the choice to take a chance

Let's put on our big boy pants

If we only skim the surface

We'll never know

Just how far the ripples go

Do you wanna make

A ripple, ripple, ripple?

Do you wanna make

A ripple, ripple, ripple?

Do you wanna make

A ripple, ripple, ripple?

Do you wanna make

A ripple, ripple, ripple?

- Can we redeem the unredeemable?

- Is he redeemable?

Can we just risk it all

And find a way?

- Can we accomplish the impossible?

- Is it impossible?

Well, it's impossible to say

But I have to believe

Inside the worst of us

There is some decency there

Decency-cy-cy-cy-cy

I know that we can achieve

Something miraculous

-If we only dare

-Do we dare, do we dare?

-Damn right, I dare

-Yes, we dare

If we wanna make a ripple

Ripple out to make a wave

Then let's fry some bigger fish

Ask forgiveness, not "permish"

There's humanity to save

Can't resign yourself to ripples

'Cause you'll barely make a dent

Giving 99 percent

Go for broke

Because it's time that we finally know

Just how far the ripples go

Okay, Mr. Ray Maddison,

elevators are right down the hall,

and here's the key card to your suite.

Hang on, don't look left, eyes on me.

There's a problem

and I will address it immediately.

Do not look left.

I'm gonna murder a man in the grand lobby.

Oh, no.