Spinners: Izzy Lyon - The Unspun Truth (2018) - full transcript
We owe our very existence
to what is essentially sign
spinning.
I am Mordecai Frederick son ton
III,
Professor of Spinthropology here
at the Tuskegee Institute of
Technology.
The essence of sign spinning
is in our very own DNA,
from the colorful dance
of the bird of paradise,
to the common male bullfrog
inflating its vocal sack.
These are the sign spinners
of the evolutionary world.
Spinning is life for me.
I can't think of anything
else I'd rather do.
When I'm up there on stage,
I feel like I'm spinning
for the whole world.
Maybe even the universe.
Or maybe I'm standing still
and the universe is spinning for
me.
It's dope.
Doper than dope.
In 1987, one man changed the
world.
His name was Izzy Lyon
and he was the greatest
sign spinner of all time.
Join us as we take a look behind
the sign
at the forgotten legend who
disappeared
and took the sport of
sign spinning with him.
And cut.
All right, did you like that
one?
There's definitely something
here.
Okay, that's lunch.
Run a half.
Remember, there's no
shame in using cue cards.
Thank you.
Did I look like I
needed cue cards, Rick?
- Yeah, it did actually.
- Thanks, Rick.
Energy people, energy.
This is gonna be great.
Sign spinning is huge.
You nail this,
we're gonna talk about that
spoken word porn doc next.
Good, Rick, we're good.
Yeah.
Great.
♪ You keep it ♪
♪ Spinnin' round, round, round ♪
♪ Everything you do just spins
me round ♪
♪ You keep it spinnin', wow ♪
Mr. Steinbergstein.
Are you Heather?
I am.
Thank you for coming.
Thank you for meeting me here.
I like to think of this place
as my home away from the car.
Let's just get right to it
and maybe just start off
by telling us a little bit
about yourself.
Well, my name is Shecky
Steinbergenstein
and I'm Izzy Lyon's manager.
I have been since day
one and I still am today,
even though I have no idea where
he is.
- When did you first?
- Oh joy.
Mr. 3% tip is here.
Darla.
What'll it be today?
Oh geez, I must have
left my wallet at home.
No, you know what?
We got this.
So, have whatever you think.
Well, in that case,
I'll take the bagel with nova
lox.
Make that in everything
bagel, grilled, not toasted.
And,
are you Jewish?
No.
And then round a bacon for the
table.
I kind of feel guilty
when I don't keep kosher,
but when in Rome.
And a Diet Coke.
I first met Izzy in 1987.
I had just bought a
beautiful brand new used car.
So I'm driving around and I see
this kid
with a very geometrical hair fro
spinning a sign in front of a
shop.
And get this, there was
a massive crowd of people
around him, tossing nickels and
dimes.
So I get outta my car,
I toss a hat in front of him.
I start doing a little barking.
He made $150 in the first hour.
That's when I ran into
his brother, Marcus.
No, that crazy old
man didn't run into me.
He drove into me.
My name is Marcus Lyon,
Lyon with a Y.
And I'm also the brother
of the world's greatest
sign spinner, Izzy Lyon.
Those were the good old days,
right?
My brother would be spinning
signs and I'd be rolling dimes.
That's like slang for picking up
the tips,
'cause he would get a lot of
tips.
But they weren't actually dives.
They were quarters.
Got a silver dollar one time.
I kept that.
You gotta understand,
what Izzy was doing back
then was stuff that nobody
had ever seen before.
I mean he was just, just raw
talent.
You know what I'm saying?
Talent?
Did you say talent?
Then you must be talking about
me.
Oh boy, here comes trouble.
Trouble, I'll give you trouble.
In your ass.
I'm Li'I Marcus Lyon,
the puppet of the brother
of the world's greatest
sign spinner, Izzy Lyon.
After Izzy, you know,
disappeared,
I found myself drawn to comedic
puppeteering performance
with this guy.
And we've had a fair amount of
success.
A five pound block of
government cheese.
It's a good crowd.
Rolling room only.
Izzy schmizzy, I'm tired
of talking about Izzy.
Hey, come on man.
You know what I got to Izzy
don't?
What?
Your hand up my ass.
I'm sorry about him.
He tends to get a little
excited when he has an audience.
Especially when that audience
is a sexy blonde reporter lady.
You ever had a hand up your...
Okay, that's enough.
I'm sorry, that's really
inappropriate.
Everything that we're talking
about,
it all started right here at
Lyon Signs.
Signs.
Growing up, we didn't have much.
We were so
poor, we couldn't pay attention.
You weren't even there.
My pops made a decent living
making signs for local
businesses.
Anybody who needed a
sign, he would make it.
Although some of his work
was considered controversial.
Some of it?
Hm.
Pop liked to work
subtle political references
into his signs.
Wasn't nothin' subtle about it.
Yeah.
Pops used to like to
think that he invented
the black power fist.
Come on, Marcus.
- Do I have to?
- Mm hm.
Izzy's father spent
years teaching the boys
the family business, but
Izzy wasn't interested.
Are you gonna eat that?
No, I kinda lost my appetite.
Well you need some nutrition.
- Oh no.
- Here,
just take a little bite of that.
Look, the airplane into the
hangar.
Come on.
- You're kidding.
- Just a bite.
- That's a big piece of bacon.
Just a little bite, just a tad.
This is like being at the deli.
Izzy didn't wanna be making
signs.
He was too busy spinnin' 'em.
Yeah, but that did
not sit well with Pops.
He didn't like that Izzy
didn't wanna be part
of the family business,
but Mom, on the other hand,
she actually dug it.
Mom had been a majorette in high
school.
That's white
peoples for baton twirler.
And she taught him everything
she knew.
Yeah, like how to abandon a
family.
So after I signed him to my
agency,
I hired him to spin at my car
wash.
Business went bonkers.
The kid was gold.
What would you say was
Izzy's breakout moment?
Feed the children.
From the Poker King Lounge,
the second annual Feed
da Children's telethon,
where I'm told we got
the best entertainers
south of 95th and Pulaski.
The first time I saw
Izzy, it was on the TV.
My name is Mary-Ellen Bower.
I am the founder and president
of the official Izzy Lyon fan
club.
I am also the author of
the ultimate fans guide
to Izzy Lyon.
I was making homes hot venison
stew.
I had just separated the hind
quarters from the carcass
and I saw something that
would forever change my life.
Izzy Lyon.
Welcome back to Chicago's
Feed da Children telethon.
And without further ado, Izzy
Lyon.
When I saw that sign spin around
like a halo of light from the
heavens,
I realized my calling in life.
That was the beginning of the
fan club.
This guy is spin-tacular.
And these phones, they're
ringing off the hook.
Keep calling, send some
money for the kids.
We need to feed the kids.
I knew at that moment,
everything was gonna change.
Izzy was so
incredible at that telethon
that everybody wanted a piece.
You want a piece?
I got a piece.
Where, in your pants?
Don't take my goddamn jokes.
Sorry.
Before I knew it,
I had Izzy booked on every
major news and radio program
in the state of Illinois.
Well, it just
went up and now it's down.
He's caught it and he's still
spinning.
Wow, we wanna spin.
Forget Beatlemania, it's
Izzymania.
Last night sold out
performance was canceled
when fans broke through the
venue's revolving doors.
No one was injured,
although many reported
severe boats of dizziness.
Now at that point,
things got so crazy that Shecky
decided to hire some muscle.
Did Mr. Lyon need protection?
Well,
he did when I was around.
I'm Antoine St. Poupon,
former celebrity protection
specialist to Izzy Lyon.
Hey, that's my crayon.
Just one second.
Dolores, if you keep that up,
you're going to lose your
crayon privileges for a week.
Excuse me.
- What?
Did Dolores take her meds?
Don't worry about it.
- Okay, let me see.
- No, no, no, no.
Stop that.
Stop!
She's new.
He was on television.
Did you ever go on television?
Think about that.
An eternity of boring sausage.
Thank you, Izzy Lyon.
Thank Meatshire Farm.
Meatshire Farm, set your inner
meat free.
I'm not afraid to admit
that I shoved a few of these
in my mouth over the years.
This one here is the
Izzy signature sausage.
So would you consider
sign spinning a sport?
We consider sign spinning
an athletic art form.
My name is Phil Alden.
I'm the historian and curator at
the...
And custodian.
At the Spinternational Hall of
Fame.
They didn't have another
available office.
Right, mother?
On the one hand,
you have muscle and endurance
and rhythm,
complicated moves, precise
balance.
And on the other hand,
you have a beautiful
representation of light and love,
joy and freedom.
See, that's what Izzy Lyon did
as the first superstar of
this international world.
Um, excuse me.
Oh yes, can I help you?
My daughter is just the
biggest sign spinning fan.
Oh, is that so?
Mm hm.
Oh, wow.
How wonderful.
She loves Izzy Lyon.
I love the Lyon king.
Course you do.
Where is his exhibit?
- Oh.
- Good point.
Does he have his own wing or?
Izzy is not represented here.
It's tragic.
But I can talk about it.
But, I wanna see Simba.
Well there's no question Izzy
Lyon
was an incredible spinner,
but it's the official
stance of the Hall of Fame
that he's far too controversial
to be represented here.
My name is Brian Culero,
and I'm the founder and CEO
of the Spinternational Hall of
Fame.
Those bastards will do
anything to keep his name out.
Keeping Izzy out of the hall
of fame is a total injustice,
you know.
Years before I founded the
Hall of Fame,
the business side of spinning
was like the Wild, Wild West.
I, for a time,
did financial deals for
several of the top spinners,
including Mr. Lyon.
I never trusted that guy.
Well, we had a bit of a
falling out,
but I harbor no ill will toward
Izzy
whatsoever.
Can you give me more specific
reasons
for omitting Izzy from the Hall
of Fame?
Well, where to begin?
A long history of drug and
alcohol abuse,
bizarre and questionable
spinning techniques,
behavioral problems.
Look, our organization is for
families.
For the children.
We strive to maintain a
wholesome image.
There's no question that
Izzy was and always will be
the greatest sign spinner of all
time.
It's obvious they don't like
him.
If he gets in, they all move
down a notch.
But you've been
attempting to get him inducted.
Is that correct?
Yeah, you're damn right.
Me and Mary-Ellen.
Why is it so
important to you personally?
Oh, it's everything to me.
I know this may sound weird to
you,
I am who I am because of Izzy.
I know I only met him once,
but it was the best day of my
life.
I will honor him until the day
I die forever and ever, amen.
After Izzy disappeared,
Mary-Ellen and I spent all
of our time and her money
trying to find him.
We had a search party and
everything.
Pretty damn good party too,
but it wasn't enough.
Eventually, we ran outta
resources.
Now over here, we have the
map of every Izzy sighting.
Like right here, this is the
last place someone saw Izzy.
You think he's in there
somewhere?
Are you kidding me?
Take a close, very, very close
look.
Do you see it?
I'm not sure what I'm looking
for,
to be honest.
- Don't touch it.
This right here, his high top
fade.
I'd know it anywhere.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Tonight on Unresolved
Mysteries, where Izzy?
Hi, Chuckie.
It's my last show.
Good luck, Izzy.
I hope you don't
disappear after your show.
Don't worry, I won't disappear.
Forever.
If you have any information
on the whereabouts of Izzy Lyon,
please call our toll free
number.
You know,
you go through a lot of emotions
when someone you love and
respect flies off into the night,
never to be seen again.
Izzy was pure
and innocent.
So many big time celebrities
are in it for the money.
Not Izzy.
No.
It was all about the art.
By 1989,
Izzy was spinning for some of
the world's largest companies.
Tost Products introduced Izz-O's
cereal.
He had his own Spintendo
game called Spinstar
and was the new face of Quick
Cuts,
the national chain of hair
salons.
Spinning is life.
I can't think of anything
else I'd rather do.
When I'm up there on stage,
I feel like I'm spinning
for the whole world.
Maybe even the universe.
Or maybe I'm standing still
and the universe is spinning for
me.
♪ I want you ♪
Izzy Lyon had become one
of the wealthiest spinners
in America and he wasn't
afraid to show it.
Welcome to another edition
of Rich People and the Way They
Live.
Join me as we take a
look into the lavish life
of the hottest sign
spinner in North America.
Izzy Lyon has become Hollywood's
wealthiest celebrity.
Welcome aboard, Mr. Lyon.
Hey Jack.
Whether
he's relaxing by the pool
at his Hollywood estate
or the jacuzzi in his Chicago
penthouse,
there can be no shortage
of leisure for Izzy Lyon.
Oh, everybody recognized Mr.
Lyon.
Wow.
I'm the one that had to teach
him the art of the disguise.
Check this out.
Hello?
Hello.
Still me.
The more the changeability,
the better that disguise.
Do you know what I mean?
You look, you look confused.
Hello?
You don't know.
Because of Izzy,
sign spinning became bigger
than the NBA and ALS combined.
Spinning was the newest craze.
And this surge of spinthusiasm
paved the way for new talent
from all over the world.
The British spinvasion
was an incredible migration
of spinners from the UK.
They flooded into the American
scene.
The most notable of which
was of course the
illustrious Ritchy Round.
Are you serious?
You've never heard of me?
Have you been living
under a bloody crumpet?
I just need you to say it once
for the documentary, please.
My name is Ritchy Round
and I am the greatest
sing spinner of all time.
In the world.
Ever.
Although Ritchy Round
was Britain's top spinner,
here in the states, Izzy was
number one.
But as Ritchy's popularity grew,
so did a rivalry between the two
spinners.
Ha.
That's like saying there's a
rivalry between spotted dick
and Godzilla.
Well I'm Godzilla and I
eat dick for breakfast.
Of course there were
many other famous spinners
you probably don't remember.
Oh my God, there were so
many, there was Wyatt Slurp.
He stood in an enormous
vat of soda while he spun.
You had the Spin Twins, the
Spinster.
Spinderella.
Rotating Ron.
Bruce Spinsting.
Then of course there
was the Four Fingered Sam,
who then became Three Fingered
Samantha.
I really like Spaghetti
Hot Brown Spinetti.
He was Italian.
Spinergy.
Don't forget Spincest.
Oh, right, right.
They were a family act.
Kinda.
The Spin Minion.
There were 10 of them.
Spinni Vanilli, but they were
fakes.
Jokers.
In 1990, while performing
at a music festival
in Memphis, Tennessee,
Izzy met Rhonda Jackson,
a backup dancer for
hip hop artist MC Hammer.
So at first he was like uh huh,
and then I was like nuh uh,
and then he was like uh huh,
and then I was like mm.
And then he was like, uh huh.
And I was like, aight.
I'm Rhonda Jackson-Lyon.
I was married to Izzy.
I don't know what he saw in her.
I know other women who would've
been much better for him.
Did I think that Rhonda
was the right woman for Izzy?
Well, not really.
But she made him happy,
so I went along with it.
Rhonda wasn't nothing
but a gold-diggin' ho.
♪ Give me your love ♪
♪ I can't keep givin' you all my
love ♪
So this one time Izzy
took us all the Milan.
It was something stupid, like
celebrating his birthday.
Anyway, I saw this cute pair
of solid gold diamond plated
Versace sunglasses.
And Marcus, that selfish prick,
he gon' say she don't need
another pair.
Can you believe that?
The woman's got some issues.
Bitch is out her mind.
I'm sorry about that.
So I told Izzy if I
can't have those Versaces,
I better get something almost as
good.
Big ass ring.
Wow.
And you're still wearing it.
Would you give back this bling?
A mere six months after meeting,
Izzy and Rhonda were married in
Chicago.
It was an event like no other.
The tabloids,
they went nuts with it.
It was not that over the top.
I mean, not like they made it
out to be.
It was way over the top.
Who doesn't have little
people holding up their tables.
Come on.
I gave 'em a break.
Well, one.
I was so young.
I just don't think that
I was ready for all that.
Attention.
Tyrone, don't make me put
you back in the house.
Back then, let me tell you,
Izzy was making a lot of money.
Those early deals I made for
Izzy
should have made him rich
for a very long time.
Sadly,
didn't work out that way.
His debts were mounting,
and it was all happening
in the public eye.
That must have been very hard
for Izzy.
Izzy blew all our money
and then that mouth of his
got him into some big trouble.
Man, do you remember this?
I said it, I am bigger
than Michael Jordan.
But I appreciate the fact
that you have the courage
to admit it.
I mean, my hair's
better than his, right?
Yeah, even I couldn't
get behind him on that one.
The same reporters
that loved Izzy before,
well, they turned on him.
He let his
ego get the best of him.
You show me someone who's great
who doesn't have an inflated
ego.
Look, Izzy had his faults.
Sure.
But is that a reason to keep
out of the hall of fame?
No.
- No.
At the Los Angeles Coliseum,
on September 9th, 1992,
Izzy made history when he
introduced
the helicopter.
Oh, the helicopter
was something special.
Get this, instead of spinning
one sign, Izzy spun two.
And he got him spinning so fast,
he levitated three inches off
the stage.
It was like Jesus rising from
the grave.
Well, if Jesus would've
been a sign spinner.
The fans went bonkers.
He told me he was working on a
new trick.
The man defied gravity.
Amateur and professional
spinners from all over the world
tried to mimic the helicopter,
but no one could pull it off.
But then a young boy named
Bobby Freeze
seriously injured himself
attempting the helicopter.
He got impaled on his sign.
Left him seriously handicapped
for life.
He lost some of his biggest
endorsement contracts.
That's when we separated,
I had had enough.
I had to move back into
our four bedroom penthouse
in Chicago.
And that thing only had one
jacuzzi in it.
It was horrible.
But it's getting better.
Izzy is an international threat.
His helichopper move is
killing our children.
Have you seen that little boy?
He looks like a monster.
Mr. Lyon, what
about this controversy?
Look, those mad moves you see
me doin'
like the helicopter, those
are for professionals.
Kids can't be trying that.
It's way too dangerous.
Okay?
No further questions.
Thank you, thank you.
Even though Izzy spoke out
against untrained spinning,
the controversy over what
became known as the heli-chopper
would forever damage his
reputation.
Naturally, people were very
upset.
There was a huge backlash from
his fans.
Down with Izzy.
Down with Izzy.
Down with Izzy.
Geez, I thought it was
tough guarding Izzy before.
You ever try protecting
someone from being mutilated
by an angry mob?
Not as easy as it sounds.
We have confirmed famed
sign spinner Izzy Lyon
has been shot during his
performance
at Madison Square Garden.
I saw it on the TV.
I just leaned over and barfed.
It was the saddest day of my
life.
Jesus.
I didn't even hear the shot.
The crowd was so loud.
My ears were ringing
for days afterwards,
which was particularly odd
'cause I wasn't even at the show.
Izzy Lyon has been brought
to Rush St. Luke hospital in
Manhattan.
Oh, wait a minute.
We understand his condition is
stable.
The shooter has not been found,
but this surveillance photo
clearly shows the assassin
taking aim moments before the
fatal event.
That clown's not looking for
any laughs.
Is he?
Too soon, Mona.
Too soon.
Oh yeah, that was bloody awful.
So Sad.
Is that the word?
Sad.
There were plenty of suspects,
but without any hard leads,
the police were useless.
It could have been anybody, even
me.
It wasn't.
It could have been, it
wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't.
Well, I said it could have been
anybody.
I'm anybody.
I'm not nobody, I'm, I'm me.
Now he's the one
that's supposed to be
guardin' Izzy, right?
But supposedly he's off playing
patty cake
with some floozy somewhere.
As I remember it,
she had just finished showing me
the tattoo on her prosthetic
arm.
When I heard what I would
normally call
the sound of unemployment.
As fate would have it,
Izzy was spinning a
titanium sign that night.
Deflected the bullet.
So who do
you think is responsible?
To quote the great Remington
Steele,
follow the money.
So is it just a coincidence
that you took out a $10
million life insurance policy
about a week before Izzy was
shot?
Hell yeah.
It don't mean nothing.
My friend Mercedes bought
her a new Hyundai Sonata
with the platinum package.
Got it insured.
Wrapped it around a pole same
day.
Is she guilty of murder?
I don't think so.
Oh, CSI up in here.
After the attempt on his life,
Izzy spent time in a New Jersey
hospital,
recovering from the emotional
and physical trauma.
While there he met Barbi
Fratelli,
an 18 year old Jersey girl
who quickly became his
close friend and confidant.
Yeah, so I was in the hospital
with the
irritated booty sickness.
IBS, right?
Hi, my name is Barbi Fratelli,
owner of Barbi's Barking
Beauties.
I'm a canine cosmetologist.
And I am a former best
friend of Izzy Lyon.
Friend.
So anyways, I see across the
hall this man
and I says, oh my God,
I've seen that man on TV.
I gotta meet him.
So I go across the hall and it's
Izzy.
And forget about it.
After that, it was like
peas and meat sauce.
And look at this, voila, Italian
ice.
Yeah, they got real close.
Little too close, if you ask
Rhonda.
Shit, was all up inside
her, like you up in me.
Only it wasn't his hand.
Come on, man.
You know, Rhonda and Izzy
were separated at the time,
but she didn't even come to
visit him in the hospital.
Someone tried to kill him,
for criminy Pete's sake.
Why didn't you go to visit Izzy
when he was in the hospital?
Visit him?
Separated or not,
how would you feel if your
man spent all his time
with an 18 year old hussy?
Just because he almost got
killed,
that doesn't make it okay.
I was in Cancun anyway.
No, we was not like
together in like a sexual way.
We was just friends.
Oh my God, that looks good.
Very pretty, come here.
It's my interview, Marisa.
Their relationship was
all over the tabloids.
And then Rhonda filed for
divorce.
It was awful.
It really broke Izzy's
fragile little heart.
Did you date Ritchy
Round to get back at Izzy?
Yes I did.
And let's just say they
grow 'em real small
in Great Britain.
It didn't last.
Rhonda.
Did I shag a Rhonda?
Oh yes.
Rhonda Lyon.
She was a treasured conquest.
Ritchy wanted everything Izzy
had.
I'm glad he never came from me.
Izzy ran off to Las Vegas
with that Barbi woman.
Hussy.
Thank you.
I mean, I thought I was
helping him, you know?
I mean, don't get me wrong,
we had a lot of good times,
but you know, I could
tell he was very sad.
A lot of people don't know,
Izzy was very tender and
emotional.
But you know, sign spinners,
they got feelings too.
People forget that.
Beautiful, look at this one.
This one is a tribute
to Monet's Water Lilies.
You wanna come around,
do the camera like 360
around the dog?
No, okay.
Izzy's career was on life
support.
Fans wondered if he'd ever
return to the spotlight.
For the 18th time,
Brian Culero is unavailable.
Have a spinderful day.
If we could just talk to
Brian, maybe we'd have a chance.
All we want them to
do is to hear us out.
Show 'em the book, Mary-Ellen.
I've been
preparing this for years.
This is my Izzy Bible.
It has every amazing
achievement,
every award, every honor,
every act of goodwill.
We even have a presentation
all planned out.
With music and
fireworks and laser lights
and dancing pigs.
How are we ever gonna afford
all that?
We got music.
Sheldon Steinbergenstein.
Shecky, this is Marcus.
Hi, Marcus.
- What's up?
- We think it's time
to go back to the Hall of Fame
and give 'em the what for.
Again?
This time we've got a
documentary crew coming with us.
Woohoo!
Holly weird, here we come.
Ta da.
We're back.
Can I help you?
We don't mean to bother you,
but...
Oh yes we do.
We want to talk to Brian.
I can't help you.
Brian is unavailable.
What do you mean, unavailable?
Unavailable as in not available.
Oh really?
Hey, you can't go up there.
Ritchy.
Hello, darlings.
Why, you blimey son of
sheckle-less...
Shecky, you old geezer, is
that you?
You know it is.
Bloody hell, mate.
You look
old.
Like Old Testament old.
The years have not been kind to
you.
Oh, by the way, my good
side is on my right.
Well hello, little bird.
And who might you be?
Who, me?
I'm Mary-Ellen.
Look at you
with your little glasses and
your colorful windbreaker.
You're like a magnificent
peacock with all your feathers
just.
Erect.
Oh my.
All right, can we get to the
point here?
Yes, let's.
What can I do for you fine
people?
We're here to see Brian.
Right, right.
Well, the thing about that
is Brian's a bit occupied.
He's always occupied.
A man can't be occupied forever.
Depends on
what he's occupied with.
All right, this is bullshit,
Ritchy.
He can't just keep avoiding us.
What's going on out there?
You have some visitors.
I know, I can hear them.
Who is it?
It's that Shecky guy and...
Oh good Lord.
They have a camera crew with
them.
I told them that you weren't
here, but they won't leave.
Are you coming out?
Why are you whispering?
Wait.
Am I on speaker?
Yes you are.
I'll be right out.
He'll be right out.
Well, I'll be a bobtailed
bastard.
Shecky Sheckenbergenstein
It's Steinbergenstein.
And you brought your friends.
Is that Marcus Lyon?
This is.
And this bubbling
cauldron of smelted ore
is miss Mary-Ellen.
Why haven't you returned my
calls?
Calls?
I don't remember getting any
calls.
It is so hard to get good help
these days.
Now, what can I do for you?
We wanna get Izzy Lyon
in the Hall of Fame.
Sheckles, how many times
have we been through this?
Hey guys.
The man has been dead for 20
years.
Hey, he is not dead.
Yeah, don't say that.
Look, we're all well
aware of how controversial
Izzy's career was.
I cannot in good faith.
Good faith, my ass.
That's right, it's downright
wrong
not to include the greatest
sign spinner that ever lived.
Apparently you haven't seen
my display in the main hall.
You are not,
and you never were the greatest.
- Oh really?
- Yeah.
Well, that accomplished nothing.
I told you guys, you should
let me bring Li'I Marcus.
We can't talk here,
but I have some info
that may be very valuable
for your efforts.
Why are you whispering?
Can we meet somewhere more
private?
Why sure, just gimme your
number.
Don't you know, those
things can be traced.
Think!
What the hell are you doing?
That's.
- Excuse me.
- Did you just?
I'm at work, I can't talk
right now.
I can't believe you did this.
It's about the size of a plum.
No, moderate swelling.
It's more burny than stab by.
I don't know, how much is a lot
of blood?
I'll get you a specimen.
Okay, I gotta go.
I love you too, Mother.
Alrighty, bye bye.
What?
Sorry about that.
Meet me here tonight.
What's your name?
I've said too much already.
Don't think so.
You really haven't said
anything.
Hey, I hope you plan on paying
for this.
This is an expensive phone.
I think his mother's a doctor.
Oy vey.
Are you sure this is
where he said to meet him?
This is my kind of place.
Oh, there he is.
Hi.
Yoo hoo.
This is a nice place.
Are you a regular here?
No.
Lookin' good, Phil.
Who exactly are you, man?
My name is Phil Alden, I'm
the curator and custodian
at the Spinternational Hall of
Fame.
Okay.
Well, Phil Alden, you said
you had something for us.
I can get you into a meeting
with Brian Culero next week.
Is that so?
Yes.
Wednesday night.
The entire board will be there,
not just Brian and Ritchy.
It sounds important.
Oh, it is.
It's very important
because that's the night
they'll be voting in the new
inductees.
I'm not buying it.
They put you up to this.
No, I can't stand them.
They make me clean the toilets.
But more importantly, I
love Izzy and I want in.
In what?
Your little circle.
All right, you're in.
Before you say no,
let me just say I was never able
to spin
because of an inner ear
infection.
Actually, he said that you're...
But I devoted my life to this.
And to see those two, pardon my
French,
standing in the way of Izzy's
induction,
it's just wrong.
We would love your help.
If I could just have
a little peace and res...
Shut up and listen!
You're in!
Oh my God, really?
Why would we even think
they'd listen to us?
I happen to know that a
couple of the board members
are big Izzy fans.
Oh, maybe we have something
here.
Quit sulking.
I'm not sulking.
I'm just saying having a
performance
without the most talented
member of the group
doesn't make sense.
Li'I Marcus would kill.
Look at that.
Our friend Speed Racer
actually came through.
Our friend Speed Racer actually.
All in favor of wasting
a great deal of money
to hire a full-time custodian
when we have a truly fantastic
one
sitting right here in the room.
- Hi.
- Phil.
You're not on the board.
Legally, I could stab you right
now.
We talked about this.
Sounds like they're already
voting.
I will come to your house
and I will kill your family.
Brian.
I will kill your
mother while you watch.
You know, I'm a board member.
Are you ready?
You're darn tootin' I am.
I've been waiting my whole life
for this.
You talk again, and I
will kill your family.
And, having nothing further to
discuss,
we move on.
♪ It's somebody's birthday ♪
But nobody here.
Listen, mate, you're not
allowed to barge in here.
We're in the middle of a
very important meeting.
I invited them.
You are the people who decide
who gets inducted into the Hall
of Fame,
and these fine, intelligent,
dedicated, devoted.
Fuck's sake, get on with it,
man.
They just want Izzy
Lyon in the Hall of Fame.
I'm not gonna stand for this.
It's crooked, it's backhanded.
I don't like it.
Precisely.
This meeting is adjourned.
- Wait.
I'd like to hear what they have
to say.
I agree.
All right, all right.
Get on with it.
Hit it, Marcus.
♪ Izzy Lyon, number one ♪
♪ World's greatest spinner
signer, made for sun ♪
♪ Skill, charm, high top fade ♪
♪ We really wish he would a
stayed ♪
♪ Oh wicky wicky wicky ♪
♪ Izzy Lyon ♪
♪ Number one ♪
♪ Skill, charm, high top fade ♪
Oh no.
♪ Izzy should be in the Hall of
Fame ♪
Okay then, all in favor of the
motion
to nominate Isaac Tiberius Lyon
to the Spinternational Hall of
Fame.
- Aye.
- Aye.
Neither of you has a vote.
Aye.
Aye.
I raised my hand by accident.
All opposed.
Nay.
Nay, I guess.
I vote nay as well.
The motion is denied.
The matter is settled.
I told you this would've gone
better
If we used Li'I Marcus.
God dammit.
Brian, you cannot intimidate
people
into voting the way you want
them to.
I can, and I just did.
This is ridiculous.
I quit.
Fine, is that all?
No.
As a matter of fact, it's not
all.
I hate cleaning your toilets.
Your cologne makes me sick
and I don't wanna be your
punching bag anymore.
And I hated shining your shoes.
And my office is in a
closet, for the love of God.
Look here, Philip,
you've got balls after all.
You got anything else to tell
us?
I'm gay.
- Yeah.
- See.
Of course.
We know you're gay.
We all knew that.
I think this meeting
has been most informative.
Phil, you're free to
collect your belongings.
As for the rest of you,
this meeting is adjourned.
I think we've all had
enough drama for one day.
Hey, hey, hey,
this is not over.
I think it is.
Thanks, man.
I don't even know why I
keep getting my hopes up.
Me neither.
I knew it wasn't gonna work.
Maybe now is a good time
to seek professional help.
You mean like a psychiatrist?
I mean a lawyer.
We can fight this.
Lawyer?
We don't have any money.
Somebody better have some money.
You ain't paid your tab.
What about Izzy's royalties?
Marcus, you must get some money.
We ain't get shit.
All right, I've had enough of
this.
Shecky?
This whole thing is perverse!
Better relax, old man.
Who you calling old man?
Shecky, whatever you're
thinking, don't do it.
Come at me.
I'll show you, you giant
chunk of ostrich pink.
Eat wood, bonehead.
Ouchie.
Oh my.
Look, to be honest,
Izzy is not getting
into that Hall of Fame.
They can't do this.
They must be doing something
illegal.
It ain't illegal to be an
asshole.
When you hit rock bottom
and life just beats the heck
outta ya,
you've got to fight back.
The special thing about rock
bottom,
there's only one place
to go, forward and up.
I will tell you,
I always thought Shecky
was a little bit crazy,
but he had some good ideas.
I sure did.
The show was called
Spintacular, Spintacular.
I said, look, Izzy, if we
want to get back in the game,
you better show the world
you're still the best.
It was a one night only
event at Soldier Field
back in Chicago.
80,000 tickets sold out within
an hour.
Parking was extra.
I was very honored.
Izzy allowed me to design
his costume for that show.
I mean, it was sparkly and
fabulous
in an understated sort of way.
You came from nothing.
This kid from the south side,
no money, no connections.
And look at you now.
What is it like to be you?
It's dope.
Doper than dope.
It was a security nightmare.
I was on pins and needles.
Scratch that, I was,
I was on pills and needles.
I love Izzy, and I don't
care what anyone thinks!
He's gorgeous.
He's gorgeous.
He's got a beautiful nose.
Clearly the fans were anxious
to see him
after he'd been gone for so
long.
And no one knew where he was.
You'd think after almost being
killed,
that would be enough to stop a
bloke.
But no, he has to come back.
Have you ever felt like this
about anybody before?
No.
And that's what so crazy about
it.
I have to admit his performance
was pretty phenomenal,
especially for someone who
so clearly past his prime.
Everyone agreed it was
the most beautiful thing
they'd ever seen.
It's like Izzy was a divine
being.
I mean, the audience,
they went crazy for him.
They gave him a perfect 10.
You know what I give him?
I give him a fuckin' two,
that's what I give you,
Izzy, a two.
Or if you're from America, one
of these.
I'm not sticking around, I'm
going.
This is bullshit.
Yeah, I remember right
before Izzy left the stage,
he turned to the audience,
you know, this was after
his third encore, he said,
thanks for standing by me
through the good times and the
bad.
It was a miracle.
I'd seen him levitate before,
but I had no idea that kid was
gonna fly.
It's true.
I have had clients croak on
me, but never just vanish.
Is my job done?
Nope.
Not until I'm fired or they're
dead.
That was the last time we ever
saw Izzy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I never got any closure.
That's why I hold onto of this
stuff.
What have we got there?
This is my most prized
possession.
Sorry, Boba.
Yeah.
This is something Izzy gave me
right before he went on
stage for his final show.
It's the last thing he ever gave
me.
Or anybody else, for that
matter.
Have you ever watched it?
Watched it?
No.
Toshecky?
Probably Japanese hentai porn.
Give me some good old
shoot 'em up any day.
I'm more into like gun play porn,
you know?
Do it.
Um, Mr. Poupon, I don't
think that says Toshecky.
I think you were supposed
to give it to Shecky.
Could I borrow that?
What?
Can I borrow that?
Oh, I don't think so.
No!
This means the world to me!
Antoine, what the hell's goin'
on, man?
Calm the heck down.
I mean, what is the deal?
I mean, look at you.
Is your brain impacted too?
What are you doing?
Wearing Joe's security jacket
again?
Joe died.
How long is this goin' on, man?
You know, he ain't had his meds
today.
No, it's okay.
He was just talking to
me about his videotape.
Videotape.
What are you doing with the
videotape?
You know you ain't supposed to
have
no unauthorized videotapes here,
Antoine.
He's not?
You give it up.
Let me have it.
- Closure.
Let me have it.
- Well, how about this?
- Let me have it.
What if I held onto it
and kept it safe for you?
It means a lot to me.
I know, and I won't
let it outta my sight.
I could keep it real safe.
Take good care of it.
- What's the deal?
Let me have it.
Yeah, here we go.
Keep it up, keep it up.
We may have to lobotomize your
crazy,
cross-eyed Deputy Dawg ass, huh?
Guess what I got in your meds
tonight?
Shecky, I'm sorry, but I'm out.
Last night, I got a visit
from a dude in a horse mask,
and you know how much I hate
horses.
And no, this was not another
one of my nightmares.
This was real.
This horse wants me gone,
said he'd come after my
family, said he'd come for you.
Scared me shit less.
It's gotta be the same guy
that tried to get me in Madison
Square.
But I ain't stickin' around to
find out.
Nope.
There was one other thing, I
recognize voice.
He kept calling me mate,
said he was the greatest evil
mass bloke in the world ever.
So we're gonna leave, Sheck.
Maybe you could find a
way to make things right.
Tell Marcus I love him.
Tell my cars I love them.
They've been like a father to
me.
And you know I love you
too, you smelly bastard.
Oh my.
Well.
This means Izzy may still be
out there.
Of course he is.
Yes, and he's implicating.
Yeah, I know who he's
implicating.
There's only one person in the
world that talks like that.
Wait, wait.
So Ritchy tried to kill Izzy?
And was a clown and a horse
and was an evil, murderous clown
horse.
What does that even mean?
Hey.
Ow.
Keep it together, man.
Eyes on me.
Ritchy is a dead man.
Now Shecky, don't go crazy.
Don't go crazy?
You're telling me not to go
crazy?
I won't go crazy then.
You know what, pissed off,
I'm a little irritated,
and a little, and you know what
else
I'm gonna go a little of?
All right, all right, no!
We all can't go crazy.
She's right.
Everybody needs to calm down.
We need to handle this the right
way.
The right way, huh?
- Yeah.
- All right.
Wait.
Hey, hey, hey, I'm going with
Marcus.
Hey, Marcus, wait!
Look, some guy making
accusations on a videotape
from 20 years ago isn't much to
go on.
Are you serious?
I'm trying to take this
as seriously as I can,
but without hard evidence,
there's really not much we can
do.
This way, then.
That was fun.
What did you expect?
This whole thing was a waste of
time.
What the hell are you doin'
bringing that dummy in there?
- Shecky.
- Don't you talk
about Marcus like that.
So what'd they say.
They're not gonna do anything.
I'll show them hard evidence.
Those stuffed, possum-lipped
pieces of frak.
Hey.
It's time we took matters
into our own hands.
Meaning what?
Meanin' we need to kick
Ritchy's ass.
- Yeah!
- No!
That won't solve anything.
If they want proof, we
gotta give him proof.
Believe me.
I want to take that Ritchy
and throw him to the ground
and then hog time and then
stick a gag ball in his mouth
and then do shots of
tequila from his navel,
and then take a bunch of oil
and then swirl it around.
- Hey!
- Phil's right.
We need hard proof to get him
arrested.
And how are we gonna get that?
Well, we could, uh.
Well.
I got a plan.
But we're gonna need disguises.
I like that.
All right, tell me
the plan one more time.
It's pretty damn simple.
We get in there and we bust open
his head.
Can we comb through
that motherfucker's house
until we find some proof he
was responsible for this mess?
Shecky?
What are you wearing?
Well, this is the only
disguise I own.
What, did I overaccessorize?
We're gonna nail this sucker.
Holy moly.
It's huge.
I haven't said that in years.
Whoa, you don't believe it
until you're standing
right in front of it.
Stupid asshole's got a castle.
You got it from Derek
Smalls in the '90s.
Wow.
Oh my.
Is it illegal if we break in
without getting permission?
What the hell is wrong with
you people?
Hey, how do you know how to
pick locks?
I know how to do a lot of
things.
- What?
- It's Ritchy.
He's naked.
Whoa.
What the hell?
This is some
Game of Thrones bullshit.
Aw, nuts.
You guys, I think we
may need to split up.
Marcus,
join me in the bedroom.
I'm good.
Hey, you and Mary-Ellen head
upstairs,
see if y'all can find anything.
- 10-4.
- 10-4.
Come with me.
I'm listening to a fricking
puppet.
He's mine.
No, he's mine.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Isn't it wrong to kick somebody's
when they're unconscious?
Good point.
Let's wake him up so we can feel
it.
Oh my God.
He's more obsessed than I am.
This is much more twisted
than I ever imagined.
Who could do such a thing?
Oh, cupcake.
Is that you?
Yeah.
Yeah, you know I like it rough.
That's my cheesecake.
Oh my God.
This guy is sick.
In my ass?
I'll never eat a sausage again.
Marcus, we got the tape.
Can you get me the combination?
How the hell are we supposed
to do that?
Persuade him somehow.
Use your charm.
Over.
Wait a second.
Why don't you invite your
friends over
and I'll give you whatever you
want.
Yeah, nah, I don't think so,
man.
No, this has gotten way outta
control.
I got this.
What?
I knew this day would come.
What day?
The day that I had to
carry your sorry ass.
Oh, you know you like it.
You know you do.
- No, no, no.
Shh.
Just remember, you're doin' this
for Izzy.
Doing what?
- For Izzy.
- What?
For Izzy.
No, no, no, no, no.
For Izzy!
Oh no.
You're goin'
where no man's gone before!
- So disgusting.
- Oh God.
Look at this.
What?
And this.
That's an odd prop for a clown.
Mary-Ellen.
Clowns don't use guns.
No.
Look.
Oh my God, we actually did it.
We did it.
- We did it.
- We did it.
Sergeant Decker, please.
Hey guys, I got the combination.
It's 381.
It was unlocked.
And also empty.
What?
Look what we did find.
We got you, you son of a bitch.
Yeah, you bastard.
What's wrong with Shecky?
Hang on a sec.
Do I know you?
Where's Li'I Marcus.
Li'I Marcus?
Where?
Li'I Marcus?
Oh God.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
You okay?
No!
Oh, Marcus.
No!
No!
Marcus, is that you?
It's so cold.
Just hang on, man.
Just hang on.
I don't feel so good.
No, shh, shh!
Save your strength.
It's okay, you're gonna be all
right.
Tell Ritchy
he's an asshole.
No!
No!
No!
No, no, no, no, no.
Marcus, he's gone.
No, he's not.
This is the police.
We have you surrounded.
It's the police.
Nobody panic!
The police.
I'm not goin' back to prison.
Come out with your hands up.
Lay down your weapons.
Hey.
Hey, don't take it so hard mate.
I mean, it's not like it's the
first time
you've lost someone.
That probably hurt.
That is for Li'I Marcus.
And this is for Izzy.
For your own
safety, please exit the castle.
No, no, no.
No, I didn't actually kill
anyone.
I didn't kill, I tried to kill
someone.
Of course.
No, no, no, we can make a deal.
We can make a deal.
I know things.
- Let's make a deal in here.
I know things.
I know things.
I'm the greatest sign spinner in
the world
ever!
In a bizarre turn of events,
formally famed sign spinner
Ritchy Round
was taken into police custody
today
in connection with the unsolved
1994 assassination attempt
on Izzy Lyon.
I'm Ritchy Round.
Number one in the world.
Ever.
During the arrest, Mr.
Round was very vocal.
Implicating Brian Culero,
President and CEO of the
Spinternational Hall of Fame
in an elaborate multimillion
dollar embezzlement scandal
involving royalties
belonging to Izzy Lyon.
So we never did get Izzy
into the Hall of Fame.
Or find him, for that matter.
But we won't stop looking.
That's right.
And now, maybe since Ritchy
is out of the picture.
I thought if I'm going down,
Brian is going down with me.
One minute you're the CEO
of a respected establishment,
next,
you're making toilet wine
to accompany the grilled cheese
sandwiches
you've made on an ironing board.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a 2:30 game with
Dirty Mike and the boys.
This here is Big Bone.
Turns out he's a massive Izzy
Lyon fan.
Massive.
After he beat me all to shit,
we've become close friends.
Yeah, I did get
a pretty good settlement.
And I got my 20%, plus interest.
In the end though,
we decided to honor
Izzy by doing something
that would give back to the
community.
Thank you.
Thank you.
And welcome.
You know, for the past year,
my camera crew and I have
followed
this extraordinary
committee on their journey
to restore the legacy of a
forgotten hero,
Isaac Tiberius Lyon.
Join me in giving them
a round of applause.
The Sheckster is back.
Have you ever seen a more
beautiful candy apple blue?
Looks like old
Shecky made out pretty good.
Looks like my Li'I
Marcus days are behind me.
It hasn't been easy.
I mean, I know I'm never gonna
forget him,
but at some point you
gotta move on, you know?
And I'm proud to say that I
finally found a new hobby.
Because today is the opening
of the Izzy Lyon
Spinstitution of Signery Arts.
So, I'm gonna be teaching two
classes.
It's so exciting.
Fan Club Leadership 101,
obviously.
And also I am gonna be
training a whole new generation
of private investigators to find
Izzy.
And who knows who else?
This is Izzy Searchology 101.
My name is Proof Mary-Ellen
Bower.
Now we're all here for the
same reason, to find Izzy,
wherever he may be on this
world.
Ladies and gentlemen,
say hello to the first and
only sign spinning school
in America!
Spin Signo Veritas!
Spin Signo Veritas!
I used to think that my
best years were behind me,
but now I realize that
these are my best years.
You are so strong.
Mm.
I feel like a royal.
In the final analysis,
perhaps sign spinning's
almost mystical ability
to gather people together
is what makes it so fascinating.
So compelling.
So singular.
Everyone watched our Izzy doc.
You guys, you're a hit.
We're a hit.
I know.
And this is a small
token of our appreciation.
Handcrafted.
She's got a special gift.
Thank you for sharing our story.
It made a world a difference
to all of us.
Of course.
I mean, you really shouldn't
have,
'cause you know, it's
beautiful?
Is that a real gun?
- Yeah, don't touch it.
You gotta open the card first.
Of course.
Thanks guys.
This is Heather.
There's a Mr.
Lyon
waiting in the lobby for you.
Mr. Lyon?
There ain't but one Mr. Lyon.
♪ Tell me why your sign's not
spinnin' ♪
♪ Doper than dope ♪
♪ It gave us such hope ♪
♪ Hombres kept it real ♪
♪ Sayin' where have you been ♪
♪ The original spin ♪
♪ What was the big deal ♪
♪ Why you just ♪
♪ Chime in, chime in ♪
♪ Spin spin ♪
♪ Grind it, grind it ♪
♪ Adios to your old life ♪
♪ My friend says ♪
♪ He believe it ♪
♪ Hot lies ♪
♪ Beat it, beat it ♪
♪ No more holdin' dice ♪
♪ But you ♪
♪ You keep it spinnin' round ♪
♪ You keep it ♪
♪ Keep it spinnin' round, round,
round ♪
♪ Everything you do just spins
me round ♪
♪ Everything you do just spins
me round ♪
♪ I can't read the lines
on the cardboard signs ♪
♪ You won't slow it up or spin
it around ♪
Did Izzy, in that moment.
Show me what it's like to
transcend beyond the material
trappings
of the corporeal world
and learn to appreciate
what is truly beautiful?
Maybe.
I don't know.
It's about staying focused.
Brian, you know, I've told you
many times
what my secret is.
What's your secret?
Clean livin'.
Are these cute?
Look it.
They keep 'em cool.
This one, his owner is a crony,
he's got like a fetish, but
that's where I don't judge.
If you bring me a dog,
I give you back a pony.
Now this, I know it's not
politically correct, you know,
'cause it's on a white
mannequin, but I wanted his,
you know, his high top and his
sunglasses to really pop out.
And then the halo,
because Izzy's an angel.
I don't think that's healthy.
Ah, old guy ain't so bad.
When I'm 200, I hope I can
throw a punch like that.
It was just so
touching
and moving.
You could tell Izzy
was in it for the meat.
Put your back into it.
Oh yeah.
Oh.
Ooh.
I loved Izzy.
I loved him like a brother,
like an adopted black brother.
It's funny.
Everybody always wants
to blame the bodyguard
when somebody gets shot.
Let me tell you something,
I was nowhere near Mr.
Lyon when it happened!
Were you there?
Get that off me!
♪ You kept it, kept it, kept it,
kept it ♪
♪ Spinnin' ♪
♪ You keep it, keep it, keep it,
keep it ♪
♪ Spinnin' ♪
♪ Spinnin' ♪
♪ You keep it, keep it, keep it,
keep it ♪
♪ Spinnin' ♪
♪ Spinnin' ♪
♪ You keep it, keep it, keep it,
keep it ♪
♪ Spinnin' ♪
♪ Spinnin' ♪
♪ You keep it spinnin' ♪
♪ Spinnin' ♪
♪ Round, round, round ♪
♪ Everything you do just spins
me round ♪
♪ Everything you do just spins
me round ♪
♪ I can't read the lines
on the cardboard signs ♪
♪ 'Cause you never slow it
up to touch the ground ♪
♪ You keep it ♪
♪ Spinnin' ♪
♪ Round, round, round ♪
♪ Everything you do just spins
me round ♪
♪ Everything you do just spins
me round ♪
♪ I can't read the lines
on the cardboard signs ♪
♪ 'Cause you never slow
it up or spin it around ♪
♪ You won't slow it up or spin
it around ♪
♪ Yeah, you never slow it
up to touch the ground ♪
to what is essentially sign
spinning.
I am Mordecai Frederick son ton
III,
Professor of Spinthropology here
at the Tuskegee Institute of
Technology.
The essence of sign spinning
is in our very own DNA,
from the colorful dance
of the bird of paradise,
to the common male bullfrog
inflating its vocal sack.
These are the sign spinners
of the evolutionary world.
Spinning is life for me.
I can't think of anything
else I'd rather do.
When I'm up there on stage,
I feel like I'm spinning
for the whole world.
Maybe even the universe.
Or maybe I'm standing still
and the universe is spinning for
me.
It's dope.
Doper than dope.
In 1987, one man changed the
world.
His name was Izzy Lyon
and he was the greatest
sign spinner of all time.
Join us as we take a look behind
the sign
at the forgotten legend who
disappeared
and took the sport of
sign spinning with him.
And cut.
All right, did you like that
one?
There's definitely something
here.
Okay, that's lunch.
Run a half.
Remember, there's no
shame in using cue cards.
Thank you.
Did I look like I
needed cue cards, Rick?
- Yeah, it did actually.
- Thanks, Rick.
Energy people, energy.
This is gonna be great.
Sign spinning is huge.
You nail this,
we're gonna talk about that
spoken word porn doc next.
Good, Rick, we're good.
Yeah.
Great.
♪ You keep it ♪
♪ Spinnin' round, round, round ♪
♪ Everything you do just spins
me round ♪
♪ You keep it spinnin', wow ♪
Mr. Steinbergstein.
Are you Heather?
I am.
Thank you for coming.
Thank you for meeting me here.
I like to think of this place
as my home away from the car.
Let's just get right to it
and maybe just start off
by telling us a little bit
about yourself.
Well, my name is Shecky
Steinbergenstein
and I'm Izzy Lyon's manager.
I have been since day
one and I still am today,
even though I have no idea where
he is.
- When did you first?
- Oh joy.
Mr. 3% tip is here.
Darla.
What'll it be today?
Oh geez, I must have
left my wallet at home.
No, you know what?
We got this.
So, have whatever you think.
Well, in that case,
I'll take the bagel with nova
lox.
Make that in everything
bagel, grilled, not toasted.
And,
are you Jewish?
No.
And then round a bacon for the
table.
I kind of feel guilty
when I don't keep kosher,
but when in Rome.
And a Diet Coke.
I first met Izzy in 1987.
I had just bought a
beautiful brand new used car.
So I'm driving around and I see
this kid
with a very geometrical hair fro
spinning a sign in front of a
shop.
And get this, there was
a massive crowd of people
around him, tossing nickels and
dimes.
So I get outta my car,
I toss a hat in front of him.
I start doing a little barking.
He made $150 in the first hour.
That's when I ran into
his brother, Marcus.
No, that crazy old
man didn't run into me.
He drove into me.
My name is Marcus Lyon,
Lyon with a Y.
And I'm also the brother
of the world's greatest
sign spinner, Izzy Lyon.
Those were the good old days,
right?
My brother would be spinning
signs and I'd be rolling dimes.
That's like slang for picking up
the tips,
'cause he would get a lot of
tips.
But they weren't actually dives.
They were quarters.
Got a silver dollar one time.
I kept that.
You gotta understand,
what Izzy was doing back
then was stuff that nobody
had ever seen before.
I mean he was just, just raw
talent.
You know what I'm saying?
Talent?
Did you say talent?
Then you must be talking about
me.
Oh boy, here comes trouble.
Trouble, I'll give you trouble.
In your ass.
I'm Li'I Marcus Lyon,
the puppet of the brother
of the world's greatest
sign spinner, Izzy Lyon.
After Izzy, you know,
disappeared,
I found myself drawn to comedic
puppeteering performance
with this guy.
And we've had a fair amount of
success.
A five pound block of
government cheese.
It's a good crowd.
Rolling room only.
Izzy schmizzy, I'm tired
of talking about Izzy.
Hey, come on man.
You know what I got to Izzy
don't?
What?
Your hand up my ass.
I'm sorry about him.
He tends to get a little
excited when he has an audience.
Especially when that audience
is a sexy blonde reporter lady.
You ever had a hand up your...
Okay, that's enough.
I'm sorry, that's really
inappropriate.
Everything that we're talking
about,
it all started right here at
Lyon Signs.
Signs.
Growing up, we didn't have much.
We were so
poor, we couldn't pay attention.
You weren't even there.
My pops made a decent living
making signs for local
businesses.
Anybody who needed a
sign, he would make it.
Although some of his work
was considered controversial.
Some of it?
Hm.
Pop liked to work
subtle political references
into his signs.
Wasn't nothin' subtle about it.
Yeah.
Pops used to like to
think that he invented
the black power fist.
Come on, Marcus.
- Do I have to?
- Mm hm.
Izzy's father spent
years teaching the boys
the family business, but
Izzy wasn't interested.
Are you gonna eat that?
No, I kinda lost my appetite.
Well you need some nutrition.
- Oh no.
- Here,
just take a little bite of that.
Look, the airplane into the
hangar.
Come on.
- You're kidding.
- Just a bite.
- That's a big piece of bacon.
Just a little bite, just a tad.
This is like being at the deli.
Izzy didn't wanna be making
signs.
He was too busy spinnin' 'em.
Yeah, but that did
not sit well with Pops.
He didn't like that Izzy
didn't wanna be part
of the family business,
but Mom, on the other hand,
she actually dug it.
Mom had been a majorette in high
school.
That's white
peoples for baton twirler.
And she taught him everything
she knew.
Yeah, like how to abandon a
family.
So after I signed him to my
agency,
I hired him to spin at my car
wash.
Business went bonkers.
The kid was gold.
What would you say was
Izzy's breakout moment?
Feed the children.
From the Poker King Lounge,
the second annual Feed
da Children's telethon,
where I'm told we got
the best entertainers
south of 95th and Pulaski.
The first time I saw
Izzy, it was on the TV.
My name is Mary-Ellen Bower.
I am the founder and president
of the official Izzy Lyon fan
club.
I am also the author of
the ultimate fans guide
to Izzy Lyon.
I was making homes hot venison
stew.
I had just separated the hind
quarters from the carcass
and I saw something that
would forever change my life.
Izzy Lyon.
Welcome back to Chicago's
Feed da Children telethon.
And without further ado, Izzy
Lyon.
When I saw that sign spin around
like a halo of light from the
heavens,
I realized my calling in life.
That was the beginning of the
fan club.
This guy is spin-tacular.
And these phones, they're
ringing off the hook.
Keep calling, send some
money for the kids.
We need to feed the kids.
I knew at that moment,
everything was gonna change.
Izzy was so
incredible at that telethon
that everybody wanted a piece.
You want a piece?
I got a piece.
Where, in your pants?
Don't take my goddamn jokes.
Sorry.
Before I knew it,
I had Izzy booked on every
major news and radio program
in the state of Illinois.
Well, it just
went up and now it's down.
He's caught it and he's still
spinning.
Wow, we wanna spin.
Forget Beatlemania, it's
Izzymania.
Last night sold out
performance was canceled
when fans broke through the
venue's revolving doors.
No one was injured,
although many reported
severe boats of dizziness.
Now at that point,
things got so crazy that Shecky
decided to hire some muscle.
Did Mr. Lyon need protection?
Well,
he did when I was around.
I'm Antoine St. Poupon,
former celebrity protection
specialist to Izzy Lyon.
Hey, that's my crayon.
Just one second.
Dolores, if you keep that up,
you're going to lose your
crayon privileges for a week.
Excuse me.
- What?
Did Dolores take her meds?
Don't worry about it.
- Okay, let me see.
- No, no, no, no.
Stop that.
Stop!
She's new.
He was on television.
Did you ever go on television?
Think about that.
An eternity of boring sausage.
Thank you, Izzy Lyon.
Thank Meatshire Farm.
Meatshire Farm, set your inner
meat free.
I'm not afraid to admit
that I shoved a few of these
in my mouth over the years.
This one here is the
Izzy signature sausage.
So would you consider
sign spinning a sport?
We consider sign spinning
an athletic art form.
My name is Phil Alden.
I'm the historian and curator at
the...
And custodian.
At the Spinternational Hall of
Fame.
They didn't have another
available office.
Right, mother?
On the one hand,
you have muscle and endurance
and rhythm,
complicated moves, precise
balance.
And on the other hand,
you have a beautiful
representation of light and love,
joy and freedom.
See, that's what Izzy Lyon did
as the first superstar of
this international world.
Um, excuse me.
Oh yes, can I help you?
My daughter is just the
biggest sign spinning fan.
Oh, is that so?
Mm hm.
Oh, wow.
How wonderful.
She loves Izzy Lyon.
I love the Lyon king.
Course you do.
Where is his exhibit?
- Oh.
- Good point.
Does he have his own wing or?
Izzy is not represented here.
It's tragic.
But I can talk about it.
But, I wanna see Simba.
Well there's no question Izzy
Lyon
was an incredible spinner,
but it's the official
stance of the Hall of Fame
that he's far too controversial
to be represented here.
My name is Brian Culero,
and I'm the founder and CEO
of the Spinternational Hall of
Fame.
Those bastards will do
anything to keep his name out.
Keeping Izzy out of the hall
of fame is a total injustice,
you know.
Years before I founded the
Hall of Fame,
the business side of spinning
was like the Wild, Wild West.
I, for a time,
did financial deals for
several of the top spinners,
including Mr. Lyon.
I never trusted that guy.
Well, we had a bit of a
falling out,
but I harbor no ill will toward
Izzy
whatsoever.
Can you give me more specific
reasons
for omitting Izzy from the Hall
of Fame?
Well, where to begin?
A long history of drug and
alcohol abuse,
bizarre and questionable
spinning techniques,
behavioral problems.
Look, our organization is for
families.
For the children.
We strive to maintain a
wholesome image.
There's no question that
Izzy was and always will be
the greatest sign spinner of all
time.
It's obvious they don't like
him.
If he gets in, they all move
down a notch.
But you've been
attempting to get him inducted.
Is that correct?
Yeah, you're damn right.
Me and Mary-Ellen.
Why is it so
important to you personally?
Oh, it's everything to me.
I know this may sound weird to
you,
I am who I am because of Izzy.
I know I only met him once,
but it was the best day of my
life.
I will honor him until the day
I die forever and ever, amen.
After Izzy disappeared,
Mary-Ellen and I spent all
of our time and her money
trying to find him.
We had a search party and
everything.
Pretty damn good party too,
but it wasn't enough.
Eventually, we ran outta
resources.
Now over here, we have the
map of every Izzy sighting.
Like right here, this is the
last place someone saw Izzy.
You think he's in there
somewhere?
Are you kidding me?
Take a close, very, very close
look.
Do you see it?
I'm not sure what I'm looking
for,
to be honest.
- Don't touch it.
This right here, his high top
fade.
I'd know it anywhere.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Tonight on Unresolved
Mysteries, where Izzy?
Hi, Chuckie.
It's my last show.
Good luck, Izzy.
I hope you don't
disappear after your show.
Don't worry, I won't disappear.
Forever.
If you have any information
on the whereabouts of Izzy Lyon,
please call our toll free
number.
You know,
you go through a lot of emotions
when someone you love and
respect flies off into the night,
never to be seen again.
Izzy was pure
and innocent.
So many big time celebrities
are in it for the money.
Not Izzy.
No.
It was all about the art.
By 1989,
Izzy was spinning for some of
the world's largest companies.
Tost Products introduced Izz-O's
cereal.
He had his own Spintendo
game called Spinstar
and was the new face of Quick
Cuts,
the national chain of hair
salons.
Spinning is life.
I can't think of anything
else I'd rather do.
When I'm up there on stage,
I feel like I'm spinning
for the whole world.
Maybe even the universe.
Or maybe I'm standing still
and the universe is spinning for
me.
♪ I want you ♪
Izzy Lyon had become one
of the wealthiest spinners
in America and he wasn't
afraid to show it.
Welcome to another edition
of Rich People and the Way They
Live.
Join me as we take a
look into the lavish life
of the hottest sign
spinner in North America.
Izzy Lyon has become Hollywood's
wealthiest celebrity.
Welcome aboard, Mr. Lyon.
Hey Jack.
Whether
he's relaxing by the pool
at his Hollywood estate
or the jacuzzi in his Chicago
penthouse,
there can be no shortage
of leisure for Izzy Lyon.
Oh, everybody recognized Mr.
Lyon.
Wow.
I'm the one that had to teach
him the art of the disguise.
Check this out.
Hello?
Hello.
Still me.
The more the changeability,
the better that disguise.
Do you know what I mean?
You look, you look confused.
Hello?
You don't know.
Because of Izzy,
sign spinning became bigger
than the NBA and ALS combined.
Spinning was the newest craze.
And this surge of spinthusiasm
paved the way for new talent
from all over the world.
The British spinvasion
was an incredible migration
of spinners from the UK.
They flooded into the American
scene.
The most notable of which
was of course the
illustrious Ritchy Round.
Are you serious?
You've never heard of me?
Have you been living
under a bloody crumpet?
I just need you to say it once
for the documentary, please.
My name is Ritchy Round
and I am the greatest
sing spinner of all time.
In the world.
Ever.
Although Ritchy Round
was Britain's top spinner,
here in the states, Izzy was
number one.
But as Ritchy's popularity grew,
so did a rivalry between the two
spinners.
Ha.
That's like saying there's a
rivalry between spotted dick
and Godzilla.
Well I'm Godzilla and I
eat dick for breakfast.
Of course there were
many other famous spinners
you probably don't remember.
Oh my God, there were so
many, there was Wyatt Slurp.
He stood in an enormous
vat of soda while he spun.
You had the Spin Twins, the
Spinster.
Spinderella.
Rotating Ron.
Bruce Spinsting.
Then of course there
was the Four Fingered Sam,
who then became Three Fingered
Samantha.
I really like Spaghetti
Hot Brown Spinetti.
He was Italian.
Spinergy.
Don't forget Spincest.
Oh, right, right.
They were a family act.
Kinda.
The Spin Minion.
There were 10 of them.
Spinni Vanilli, but they were
fakes.
Jokers.
In 1990, while performing
at a music festival
in Memphis, Tennessee,
Izzy met Rhonda Jackson,
a backup dancer for
hip hop artist MC Hammer.
So at first he was like uh huh,
and then I was like nuh uh,
and then he was like uh huh,
and then I was like mm.
And then he was like, uh huh.
And I was like, aight.
I'm Rhonda Jackson-Lyon.
I was married to Izzy.
I don't know what he saw in her.
I know other women who would've
been much better for him.
Did I think that Rhonda
was the right woman for Izzy?
Well, not really.
But she made him happy,
so I went along with it.
Rhonda wasn't nothing
but a gold-diggin' ho.
♪ Give me your love ♪
♪ I can't keep givin' you all my
love ♪
So this one time Izzy
took us all the Milan.
It was something stupid, like
celebrating his birthday.
Anyway, I saw this cute pair
of solid gold diamond plated
Versace sunglasses.
And Marcus, that selfish prick,
he gon' say she don't need
another pair.
Can you believe that?
The woman's got some issues.
Bitch is out her mind.
I'm sorry about that.
So I told Izzy if I
can't have those Versaces,
I better get something almost as
good.
Big ass ring.
Wow.
And you're still wearing it.
Would you give back this bling?
A mere six months after meeting,
Izzy and Rhonda were married in
Chicago.
It was an event like no other.
The tabloids,
they went nuts with it.
It was not that over the top.
I mean, not like they made it
out to be.
It was way over the top.
Who doesn't have little
people holding up their tables.
Come on.
I gave 'em a break.
Well, one.
I was so young.
I just don't think that
I was ready for all that.
Attention.
Tyrone, don't make me put
you back in the house.
Back then, let me tell you,
Izzy was making a lot of money.
Those early deals I made for
Izzy
should have made him rich
for a very long time.
Sadly,
didn't work out that way.
His debts were mounting,
and it was all happening
in the public eye.
That must have been very hard
for Izzy.
Izzy blew all our money
and then that mouth of his
got him into some big trouble.
Man, do you remember this?
I said it, I am bigger
than Michael Jordan.
But I appreciate the fact
that you have the courage
to admit it.
I mean, my hair's
better than his, right?
Yeah, even I couldn't
get behind him on that one.
The same reporters
that loved Izzy before,
well, they turned on him.
He let his
ego get the best of him.
You show me someone who's great
who doesn't have an inflated
ego.
Look, Izzy had his faults.
Sure.
But is that a reason to keep
out of the hall of fame?
No.
- No.
At the Los Angeles Coliseum,
on September 9th, 1992,
Izzy made history when he
introduced
the helicopter.
Oh, the helicopter
was something special.
Get this, instead of spinning
one sign, Izzy spun two.
And he got him spinning so fast,
he levitated three inches off
the stage.
It was like Jesus rising from
the grave.
Well, if Jesus would've
been a sign spinner.
The fans went bonkers.
He told me he was working on a
new trick.
The man defied gravity.
Amateur and professional
spinners from all over the world
tried to mimic the helicopter,
but no one could pull it off.
But then a young boy named
Bobby Freeze
seriously injured himself
attempting the helicopter.
He got impaled on his sign.
Left him seriously handicapped
for life.
He lost some of his biggest
endorsement contracts.
That's when we separated,
I had had enough.
I had to move back into
our four bedroom penthouse
in Chicago.
And that thing only had one
jacuzzi in it.
It was horrible.
But it's getting better.
Izzy is an international threat.
His helichopper move is
killing our children.
Have you seen that little boy?
He looks like a monster.
Mr. Lyon, what
about this controversy?
Look, those mad moves you see
me doin'
like the helicopter, those
are for professionals.
Kids can't be trying that.
It's way too dangerous.
Okay?
No further questions.
Thank you, thank you.
Even though Izzy spoke out
against untrained spinning,
the controversy over what
became known as the heli-chopper
would forever damage his
reputation.
Naturally, people were very
upset.
There was a huge backlash from
his fans.
Down with Izzy.
Down with Izzy.
Down with Izzy.
Geez, I thought it was
tough guarding Izzy before.
You ever try protecting
someone from being mutilated
by an angry mob?
Not as easy as it sounds.
We have confirmed famed
sign spinner Izzy Lyon
has been shot during his
performance
at Madison Square Garden.
I saw it on the TV.
I just leaned over and barfed.
It was the saddest day of my
life.
Jesus.
I didn't even hear the shot.
The crowd was so loud.
My ears were ringing
for days afterwards,
which was particularly odd
'cause I wasn't even at the show.
Izzy Lyon has been brought
to Rush St. Luke hospital in
Manhattan.
Oh, wait a minute.
We understand his condition is
stable.
The shooter has not been found,
but this surveillance photo
clearly shows the assassin
taking aim moments before the
fatal event.
That clown's not looking for
any laughs.
Is he?
Too soon, Mona.
Too soon.
Oh yeah, that was bloody awful.
So Sad.
Is that the word?
Sad.
There were plenty of suspects,
but without any hard leads,
the police were useless.
It could have been anybody, even
me.
It wasn't.
It could have been, it
wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't.
Well, I said it could have been
anybody.
I'm anybody.
I'm not nobody, I'm, I'm me.
Now he's the one
that's supposed to be
guardin' Izzy, right?
But supposedly he's off playing
patty cake
with some floozy somewhere.
As I remember it,
she had just finished showing me
the tattoo on her prosthetic
arm.
When I heard what I would
normally call
the sound of unemployment.
As fate would have it,
Izzy was spinning a
titanium sign that night.
Deflected the bullet.
So who do
you think is responsible?
To quote the great Remington
Steele,
follow the money.
So is it just a coincidence
that you took out a $10
million life insurance policy
about a week before Izzy was
shot?
Hell yeah.
It don't mean nothing.
My friend Mercedes bought
her a new Hyundai Sonata
with the platinum package.
Got it insured.
Wrapped it around a pole same
day.
Is she guilty of murder?
I don't think so.
Oh, CSI up in here.
After the attempt on his life,
Izzy spent time in a New Jersey
hospital,
recovering from the emotional
and physical trauma.
While there he met Barbi
Fratelli,
an 18 year old Jersey girl
who quickly became his
close friend and confidant.
Yeah, so I was in the hospital
with the
irritated booty sickness.
IBS, right?
Hi, my name is Barbi Fratelli,
owner of Barbi's Barking
Beauties.
I'm a canine cosmetologist.
And I am a former best
friend of Izzy Lyon.
Friend.
So anyways, I see across the
hall this man
and I says, oh my God,
I've seen that man on TV.
I gotta meet him.
So I go across the hall and it's
Izzy.
And forget about it.
After that, it was like
peas and meat sauce.
And look at this, voila, Italian
ice.
Yeah, they got real close.
Little too close, if you ask
Rhonda.
Shit, was all up inside
her, like you up in me.
Only it wasn't his hand.
Come on, man.
You know, Rhonda and Izzy
were separated at the time,
but she didn't even come to
visit him in the hospital.
Someone tried to kill him,
for criminy Pete's sake.
Why didn't you go to visit Izzy
when he was in the hospital?
Visit him?
Separated or not,
how would you feel if your
man spent all his time
with an 18 year old hussy?
Just because he almost got
killed,
that doesn't make it okay.
I was in Cancun anyway.
No, we was not like
together in like a sexual way.
We was just friends.
Oh my God, that looks good.
Very pretty, come here.
It's my interview, Marisa.
Their relationship was
all over the tabloids.
And then Rhonda filed for
divorce.
It was awful.
It really broke Izzy's
fragile little heart.
Did you date Ritchy
Round to get back at Izzy?
Yes I did.
And let's just say they
grow 'em real small
in Great Britain.
It didn't last.
Rhonda.
Did I shag a Rhonda?
Oh yes.
Rhonda Lyon.
She was a treasured conquest.
Ritchy wanted everything Izzy
had.
I'm glad he never came from me.
Izzy ran off to Las Vegas
with that Barbi woman.
Hussy.
Thank you.
I mean, I thought I was
helping him, you know?
I mean, don't get me wrong,
we had a lot of good times,
but you know, I could
tell he was very sad.
A lot of people don't know,
Izzy was very tender and
emotional.
But you know, sign spinners,
they got feelings too.
People forget that.
Beautiful, look at this one.
This one is a tribute
to Monet's Water Lilies.
You wanna come around,
do the camera like 360
around the dog?
No, okay.
Izzy's career was on life
support.
Fans wondered if he'd ever
return to the spotlight.
For the 18th time,
Brian Culero is unavailable.
Have a spinderful day.
If we could just talk to
Brian, maybe we'd have a chance.
All we want them to
do is to hear us out.
Show 'em the book, Mary-Ellen.
I've been
preparing this for years.
This is my Izzy Bible.
It has every amazing
achievement,
every award, every honor,
every act of goodwill.
We even have a presentation
all planned out.
With music and
fireworks and laser lights
and dancing pigs.
How are we ever gonna afford
all that?
We got music.
Sheldon Steinbergenstein.
Shecky, this is Marcus.
Hi, Marcus.
- What's up?
- We think it's time
to go back to the Hall of Fame
and give 'em the what for.
Again?
This time we've got a
documentary crew coming with us.
Woohoo!
Holly weird, here we come.
Ta da.
We're back.
Can I help you?
We don't mean to bother you,
but...
Oh yes we do.
We want to talk to Brian.
I can't help you.
Brian is unavailable.
What do you mean, unavailable?
Unavailable as in not available.
Oh really?
Hey, you can't go up there.
Ritchy.
Hello, darlings.
Why, you blimey son of
sheckle-less...
Shecky, you old geezer, is
that you?
You know it is.
Bloody hell, mate.
You look
old.
Like Old Testament old.
The years have not been kind to
you.
Oh, by the way, my good
side is on my right.
Well hello, little bird.
And who might you be?
Who, me?
I'm Mary-Ellen.
Look at you
with your little glasses and
your colorful windbreaker.
You're like a magnificent
peacock with all your feathers
just.
Erect.
Oh my.
All right, can we get to the
point here?
Yes, let's.
What can I do for you fine
people?
We're here to see Brian.
Right, right.
Well, the thing about that
is Brian's a bit occupied.
He's always occupied.
A man can't be occupied forever.
Depends on
what he's occupied with.
All right, this is bullshit,
Ritchy.
He can't just keep avoiding us.
What's going on out there?
You have some visitors.
I know, I can hear them.
Who is it?
It's that Shecky guy and...
Oh good Lord.
They have a camera crew with
them.
I told them that you weren't
here, but they won't leave.
Are you coming out?
Why are you whispering?
Wait.
Am I on speaker?
Yes you are.
I'll be right out.
He'll be right out.
Well, I'll be a bobtailed
bastard.
Shecky Sheckenbergenstein
It's Steinbergenstein.
And you brought your friends.
Is that Marcus Lyon?
This is.
And this bubbling
cauldron of smelted ore
is miss Mary-Ellen.
Why haven't you returned my
calls?
Calls?
I don't remember getting any
calls.
It is so hard to get good help
these days.
Now, what can I do for you?
We wanna get Izzy Lyon
in the Hall of Fame.
Sheckles, how many times
have we been through this?
Hey guys.
The man has been dead for 20
years.
Hey, he is not dead.
Yeah, don't say that.
Look, we're all well
aware of how controversial
Izzy's career was.
I cannot in good faith.
Good faith, my ass.
That's right, it's downright
wrong
not to include the greatest
sign spinner that ever lived.
Apparently you haven't seen
my display in the main hall.
You are not,
and you never were the greatest.
- Oh really?
- Yeah.
Well, that accomplished nothing.
I told you guys, you should
let me bring Li'I Marcus.
We can't talk here,
but I have some info
that may be very valuable
for your efforts.
Why are you whispering?
Can we meet somewhere more
private?
Why sure, just gimme your
number.
Don't you know, those
things can be traced.
Think!
What the hell are you doing?
That's.
- Excuse me.
- Did you just?
I'm at work, I can't talk
right now.
I can't believe you did this.
It's about the size of a plum.
No, moderate swelling.
It's more burny than stab by.
I don't know, how much is a lot
of blood?
I'll get you a specimen.
Okay, I gotta go.
I love you too, Mother.
Alrighty, bye bye.
What?
Sorry about that.
Meet me here tonight.
What's your name?
I've said too much already.
Don't think so.
You really haven't said
anything.
Hey, I hope you plan on paying
for this.
This is an expensive phone.
I think his mother's a doctor.
Oy vey.
Are you sure this is
where he said to meet him?
This is my kind of place.
Oh, there he is.
Hi.
Yoo hoo.
This is a nice place.
Are you a regular here?
No.
Lookin' good, Phil.
Who exactly are you, man?
My name is Phil Alden, I'm
the curator and custodian
at the Spinternational Hall of
Fame.
Okay.
Well, Phil Alden, you said
you had something for us.
I can get you into a meeting
with Brian Culero next week.
Is that so?
Yes.
Wednesday night.
The entire board will be there,
not just Brian and Ritchy.
It sounds important.
Oh, it is.
It's very important
because that's the night
they'll be voting in the new
inductees.
I'm not buying it.
They put you up to this.
No, I can't stand them.
They make me clean the toilets.
But more importantly, I
love Izzy and I want in.
In what?
Your little circle.
All right, you're in.
Before you say no,
let me just say I was never able
to spin
because of an inner ear
infection.
Actually, he said that you're...
But I devoted my life to this.
And to see those two, pardon my
French,
standing in the way of Izzy's
induction,
it's just wrong.
We would love your help.
If I could just have
a little peace and res...
Shut up and listen!
You're in!
Oh my God, really?
Why would we even think
they'd listen to us?
I happen to know that a
couple of the board members
are big Izzy fans.
Oh, maybe we have something
here.
Quit sulking.
I'm not sulking.
I'm just saying having a
performance
without the most talented
member of the group
doesn't make sense.
Li'I Marcus would kill.
Look at that.
Our friend Speed Racer
actually came through.
Our friend Speed Racer actually.
All in favor of wasting
a great deal of money
to hire a full-time custodian
when we have a truly fantastic
one
sitting right here in the room.
- Hi.
- Phil.
You're not on the board.
Legally, I could stab you right
now.
We talked about this.
Sounds like they're already
voting.
I will come to your house
and I will kill your family.
Brian.
I will kill your
mother while you watch.
You know, I'm a board member.
Are you ready?
You're darn tootin' I am.
I've been waiting my whole life
for this.
You talk again, and I
will kill your family.
And, having nothing further to
discuss,
we move on.
♪ It's somebody's birthday ♪
But nobody here.
Listen, mate, you're not
allowed to barge in here.
We're in the middle of a
very important meeting.
I invited them.
You are the people who decide
who gets inducted into the Hall
of Fame,
and these fine, intelligent,
dedicated, devoted.
Fuck's sake, get on with it,
man.
They just want Izzy
Lyon in the Hall of Fame.
I'm not gonna stand for this.
It's crooked, it's backhanded.
I don't like it.
Precisely.
This meeting is adjourned.
- Wait.
I'd like to hear what they have
to say.
I agree.
All right, all right.
Get on with it.
Hit it, Marcus.
♪ Izzy Lyon, number one ♪
♪ World's greatest spinner
signer, made for sun ♪
♪ Skill, charm, high top fade ♪
♪ We really wish he would a
stayed ♪
♪ Oh wicky wicky wicky ♪
♪ Izzy Lyon ♪
♪ Number one ♪
♪ Skill, charm, high top fade ♪
Oh no.
♪ Izzy should be in the Hall of
Fame ♪
Okay then, all in favor of the
motion
to nominate Isaac Tiberius Lyon
to the Spinternational Hall of
Fame.
- Aye.
- Aye.
Neither of you has a vote.
Aye.
Aye.
I raised my hand by accident.
All opposed.
Nay.
Nay, I guess.
I vote nay as well.
The motion is denied.
The matter is settled.
I told you this would've gone
better
If we used Li'I Marcus.
God dammit.
Brian, you cannot intimidate
people
into voting the way you want
them to.
I can, and I just did.
This is ridiculous.
I quit.
Fine, is that all?
No.
As a matter of fact, it's not
all.
I hate cleaning your toilets.
Your cologne makes me sick
and I don't wanna be your
punching bag anymore.
And I hated shining your shoes.
And my office is in a
closet, for the love of God.
Look here, Philip,
you've got balls after all.
You got anything else to tell
us?
I'm gay.
- Yeah.
- See.
Of course.
We know you're gay.
We all knew that.
I think this meeting
has been most informative.
Phil, you're free to
collect your belongings.
As for the rest of you,
this meeting is adjourned.
I think we've all had
enough drama for one day.
Hey, hey, hey,
this is not over.
I think it is.
Thanks, man.
I don't even know why I
keep getting my hopes up.
Me neither.
I knew it wasn't gonna work.
Maybe now is a good time
to seek professional help.
You mean like a psychiatrist?
I mean a lawyer.
We can fight this.
Lawyer?
We don't have any money.
Somebody better have some money.
You ain't paid your tab.
What about Izzy's royalties?
Marcus, you must get some money.
We ain't get shit.
All right, I've had enough of
this.
Shecky?
This whole thing is perverse!
Better relax, old man.
Who you calling old man?
Shecky, whatever you're
thinking, don't do it.
Come at me.
I'll show you, you giant
chunk of ostrich pink.
Eat wood, bonehead.
Ouchie.
Oh my.
Look, to be honest,
Izzy is not getting
into that Hall of Fame.
They can't do this.
They must be doing something
illegal.
It ain't illegal to be an
asshole.
When you hit rock bottom
and life just beats the heck
outta ya,
you've got to fight back.
The special thing about rock
bottom,
there's only one place
to go, forward and up.
I will tell you,
I always thought Shecky
was a little bit crazy,
but he had some good ideas.
I sure did.
The show was called
Spintacular, Spintacular.
I said, look, Izzy, if we
want to get back in the game,
you better show the world
you're still the best.
It was a one night only
event at Soldier Field
back in Chicago.
80,000 tickets sold out within
an hour.
Parking was extra.
I was very honored.
Izzy allowed me to design
his costume for that show.
I mean, it was sparkly and
fabulous
in an understated sort of way.
You came from nothing.
This kid from the south side,
no money, no connections.
And look at you now.
What is it like to be you?
It's dope.
Doper than dope.
It was a security nightmare.
I was on pins and needles.
Scratch that, I was,
I was on pills and needles.
I love Izzy, and I don't
care what anyone thinks!
He's gorgeous.
He's gorgeous.
He's got a beautiful nose.
Clearly the fans were anxious
to see him
after he'd been gone for so
long.
And no one knew where he was.
You'd think after almost being
killed,
that would be enough to stop a
bloke.
But no, he has to come back.
Have you ever felt like this
about anybody before?
No.
And that's what so crazy about
it.
I have to admit his performance
was pretty phenomenal,
especially for someone who
so clearly past his prime.
Everyone agreed it was
the most beautiful thing
they'd ever seen.
It's like Izzy was a divine
being.
I mean, the audience,
they went crazy for him.
They gave him a perfect 10.
You know what I give him?
I give him a fuckin' two,
that's what I give you,
Izzy, a two.
Or if you're from America, one
of these.
I'm not sticking around, I'm
going.
This is bullshit.
Yeah, I remember right
before Izzy left the stage,
he turned to the audience,
you know, this was after
his third encore, he said,
thanks for standing by me
through the good times and the
bad.
It was a miracle.
I'd seen him levitate before,
but I had no idea that kid was
gonna fly.
It's true.
I have had clients croak on
me, but never just vanish.
Is my job done?
Nope.
Not until I'm fired or they're
dead.
That was the last time we ever
saw Izzy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I never got any closure.
That's why I hold onto of this
stuff.
What have we got there?
This is my most prized
possession.
Sorry, Boba.
Yeah.
This is something Izzy gave me
right before he went on
stage for his final show.
It's the last thing he ever gave
me.
Or anybody else, for that
matter.
Have you ever watched it?
Watched it?
No.
Toshecky?
Probably Japanese hentai porn.
Give me some good old
shoot 'em up any day.
I'm more into like gun play porn,
you know?
Do it.
Um, Mr. Poupon, I don't
think that says Toshecky.
I think you were supposed
to give it to Shecky.
Could I borrow that?
What?
Can I borrow that?
Oh, I don't think so.
No!
This means the world to me!
Antoine, what the hell's goin'
on, man?
Calm the heck down.
I mean, what is the deal?
I mean, look at you.
Is your brain impacted too?
What are you doing?
Wearing Joe's security jacket
again?
Joe died.
How long is this goin' on, man?
You know, he ain't had his meds
today.
No, it's okay.
He was just talking to
me about his videotape.
Videotape.
What are you doing with the
videotape?
You know you ain't supposed to
have
no unauthorized videotapes here,
Antoine.
He's not?
You give it up.
Let me have it.
- Closure.
Let me have it.
- Well, how about this?
- Let me have it.
What if I held onto it
and kept it safe for you?
It means a lot to me.
I know, and I won't
let it outta my sight.
I could keep it real safe.
Take good care of it.
- What's the deal?
Let me have it.
Yeah, here we go.
Keep it up, keep it up.
We may have to lobotomize your
crazy,
cross-eyed Deputy Dawg ass, huh?
Guess what I got in your meds
tonight?
Shecky, I'm sorry, but I'm out.
Last night, I got a visit
from a dude in a horse mask,
and you know how much I hate
horses.
And no, this was not another
one of my nightmares.
This was real.
This horse wants me gone,
said he'd come after my
family, said he'd come for you.
Scared me shit less.
It's gotta be the same guy
that tried to get me in Madison
Square.
But I ain't stickin' around to
find out.
Nope.
There was one other thing, I
recognize voice.
He kept calling me mate,
said he was the greatest evil
mass bloke in the world ever.
So we're gonna leave, Sheck.
Maybe you could find a
way to make things right.
Tell Marcus I love him.
Tell my cars I love them.
They've been like a father to
me.
And you know I love you
too, you smelly bastard.
Oh my.
Well.
This means Izzy may still be
out there.
Of course he is.
Yes, and he's implicating.
Yeah, I know who he's
implicating.
There's only one person in the
world that talks like that.
Wait, wait.
So Ritchy tried to kill Izzy?
And was a clown and a horse
and was an evil, murderous clown
horse.
What does that even mean?
Hey.
Ow.
Keep it together, man.
Eyes on me.
Ritchy is a dead man.
Now Shecky, don't go crazy.
Don't go crazy?
You're telling me not to go
crazy?
I won't go crazy then.
You know what, pissed off,
I'm a little irritated,
and a little, and you know what
else
I'm gonna go a little of?
All right, all right, no!
We all can't go crazy.
She's right.
Everybody needs to calm down.
We need to handle this the right
way.
The right way, huh?
- Yeah.
- All right.
Wait.
Hey, hey, hey, I'm going with
Marcus.
Hey, Marcus, wait!
Look, some guy making
accusations on a videotape
from 20 years ago isn't much to
go on.
Are you serious?
I'm trying to take this
as seriously as I can,
but without hard evidence,
there's really not much we can
do.
This way, then.
That was fun.
What did you expect?
This whole thing was a waste of
time.
What the hell are you doin'
bringing that dummy in there?
- Shecky.
- Don't you talk
about Marcus like that.
So what'd they say.
They're not gonna do anything.
I'll show them hard evidence.
Those stuffed, possum-lipped
pieces of frak.
Hey.
It's time we took matters
into our own hands.
Meaning what?
Meanin' we need to kick
Ritchy's ass.
- Yeah!
- No!
That won't solve anything.
If they want proof, we
gotta give him proof.
Believe me.
I want to take that Ritchy
and throw him to the ground
and then hog time and then
stick a gag ball in his mouth
and then do shots of
tequila from his navel,
and then take a bunch of oil
and then swirl it around.
- Hey!
- Phil's right.
We need hard proof to get him
arrested.
And how are we gonna get that?
Well, we could, uh.
Well.
I got a plan.
But we're gonna need disguises.
I like that.
All right, tell me
the plan one more time.
It's pretty damn simple.
We get in there and we bust open
his head.
Can we comb through
that motherfucker's house
until we find some proof he
was responsible for this mess?
Shecky?
What are you wearing?
Well, this is the only
disguise I own.
What, did I overaccessorize?
We're gonna nail this sucker.
Holy moly.
It's huge.
I haven't said that in years.
Whoa, you don't believe it
until you're standing
right in front of it.
Stupid asshole's got a castle.
You got it from Derek
Smalls in the '90s.
Wow.
Oh my.
Is it illegal if we break in
without getting permission?
What the hell is wrong with
you people?
Hey, how do you know how to
pick locks?
I know how to do a lot of
things.
- What?
- It's Ritchy.
He's naked.
Whoa.
What the hell?
This is some
Game of Thrones bullshit.
Aw, nuts.
You guys, I think we
may need to split up.
Marcus,
join me in the bedroom.
I'm good.
Hey, you and Mary-Ellen head
upstairs,
see if y'all can find anything.
- 10-4.
- 10-4.
Come with me.
I'm listening to a fricking
puppet.
He's mine.
No, he's mine.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Isn't it wrong to kick somebody's
when they're unconscious?
Good point.
Let's wake him up so we can feel
it.
Oh my God.
He's more obsessed than I am.
This is much more twisted
than I ever imagined.
Who could do such a thing?
Oh, cupcake.
Is that you?
Yeah.
Yeah, you know I like it rough.
That's my cheesecake.
Oh my God.
This guy is sick.
In my ass?
I'll never eat a sausage again.
Marcus, we got the tape.
Can you get me the combination?
How the hell are we supposed
to do that?
Persuade him somehow.
Use your charm.
Over.
Wait a second.
Why don't you invite your
friends over
and I'll give you whatever you
want.
Yeah, nah, I don't think so,
man.
No, this has gotten way outta
control.
I got this.
What?
I knew this day would come.
What day?
The day that I had to
carry your sorry ass.
Oh, you know you like it.
You know you do.
- No, no, no.
Shh.
Just remember, you're doin' this
for Izzy.
Doing what?
- For Izzy.
- What?
For Izzy.
No, no, no, no, no.
For Izzy!
Oh no.
You're goin'
where no man's gone before!
- So disgusting.
- Oh God.
Look at this.
What?
And this.
That's an odd prop for a clown.
Mary-Ellen.
Clowns don't use guns.
No.
Look.
Oh my God, we actually did it.
We did it.
- We did it.
- We did it.
Sergeant Decker, please.
Hey guys, I got the combination.
It's 381.
It was unlocked.
And also empty.
What?
Look what we did find.
We got you, you son of a bitch.
Yeah, you bastard.
What's wrong with Shecky?
Hang on a sec.
Do I know you?
Where's Li'I Marcus.
Li'I Marcus?
Where?
Li'I Marcus?
Oh God.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
You okay?
No!
Oh, Marcus.
No!
No!
Marcus, is that you?
It's so cold.
Just hang on, man.
Just hang on.
I don't feel so good.
No, shh, shh!
Save your strength.
It's okay, you're gonna be all
right.
Tell Ritchy
he's an asshole.
No!
No!
No!
No, no, no, no, no.
Marcus, he's gone.
No, he's not.
This is the police.
We have you surrounded.
It's the police.
Nobody panic!
The police.
I'm not goin' back to prison.
Come out with your hands up.
Lay down your weapons.
Hey.
Hey, don't take it so hard mate.
I mean, it's not like it's the
first time
you've lost someone.
That probably hurt.
That is for Li'I Marcus.
And this is for Izzy.
For your own
safety, please exit the castle.
No, no, no.
No, I didn't actually kill
anyone.
I didn't kill, I tried to kill
someone.
Of course.
No, no, no, we can make a deal.
We can make a deal.
I know things.
- Let's make a deal in here.
I know things.
I know things.
I'm the greatest sign spinner in
the world
ever!
In a bizarre turn of events,
formally famed sign spinner
Ritchy Round
was taken into police custody
today
in connection with the unsolved
1994 assassination attempt
on Izzy Lyon.
I'm Ritchy Round.
Number one in the world.
Ever.
During the arrest, Mr.
Round was very vocal.
Implicating Brian Culero,
President and CEO of the
Spinternational Hall of Fame
in an elaborate multimillion
dollar embezzlement scandal
involving royalties
belonging to Izzy Lyon.
So we never did get Izzy
into the Hall of Fame.
Or find him, for that matter.
But we won't stop looking.
That's right.
And now, maybe since Ritchy
is out of the picture.
I thought if I'm going down,
Brian is going down with me.
One minute you're the CEO
of a respected establishment,
next,
you're making toilet wine
to accompany the grilled cheese
sandwiches
you've made on an ironing board.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a 2:30 game with
Dirty Mike and the boys.
This here is Big Bone.
Turns out he's a massive Izzy
Lyon fan.
Massive.
After he beat me all to shit,
we've become close friends.
Yeah, I did get
a pretty good settlement.
And I got my 20%, plus interest.
In the end though,
we decided to honor
Izzy by doing something
that would give back to the
community.
Thank you.
Thank you.
And welcome.
You know, for the past year,
my camera crew and I have
followed
this extraordinary
committee on their journey
to restore the legacy of a
forgotten hero,
Isaac Tiberius Lyon.
Join me in giving them
a round of applause.
The Sheckster is back.
Have you ever seen a more
beautiful candy apple blue?
Looks like old
Shecky made out pretty good.
Looks like my Li'I
Marcus days are behind me.
It hasn't been easy.
I mean, I know I'm never gonna
forget him,
but at some point you
gotta move on, you know?
And I'm proud to say that I
finally found a new hobby.
Because today is the opening
of the Izzy Lyon
Spinstitution of Signery Arts.
So, I'm gonna be teaching two
classes.
It's so exciting.
Fan Club Leadership 101,
obviously.
And also I am gonna be
training a whole new generation
of private investigators to find
Izzy.
And who knows who else?
This is Izzy Searchology 101.
My name is Proof Mary-Ellen
Bower.
Now we're all here for the
same reason, to find Izzy,
wherever he may be on this
world.
Ladies and gentlemen,
say hello to the first and
only sign spinning school
in America!
Spin Signo Veritas!
Spin Signo Veritas!
I used to think that my
best years were behind me,
but now I realize that
these are my best years.
You are so strong.
Mm.
I feel like a royal.
In the final analysis,
perhaps sign spinning's
almost mystical ability
to gather people together
is what makes it so fascinating.
So compelling.
So singular.
Everyone watched our Izzy doc.
You guys, you're a hit.
We're a hit.
I know.
And this is a small
token of our appreciation.
Handcrafted.
She's got a special gift.
Thank you for sharing our story.
It made a world a difference
to all of us.
Of course.
I mean, you really shouldn't
have,
'cause you know, it's
beautiful?
Is that a real gun?
- Yeah, don't touch it.
You gotta open the card first.
Of course.
Thanks guys.
This is Heather.
There's a Mr.
Lyon
waiting in the lobby for you.
Mr. Lyon?
There ain't but one Mr. Lyon.
♪ Tell me why your sign's not
spinnin' ♪
♪ Doper than dope ♪
♪ It gave us such hope ♪
♪ Hombres kept it real ♪
♪ Sayin' where have you been ♪
♪ The original spin ♪
♪ What was the big deal ♪
♪ Why you just ♪
♪ Chime in, chime in ♪
♪ Spin spin ♪
♪ Grind it, grind it ♪
♪ Adios to your old life ♪
♪ My friend says ♪
♪ He believe it ♪
♪ Hot lies ♪
♪ Beat it, beat it ♪
♪ No more holdin' dice ♪
♪ But you ♪
♪ You keep it spinnin' round ♪
♪ You keep it ♪
♪ Keep it spinnin' round, round,
round ♪
♪ Everything you do just spins
me round ♪
♪ Everything you do just spins
me round ♪
♪ I can't read the lines
on the cardboard signs ♪
♪ You won't slow it up or spin
it around ♪
Did Izzy, in that moment.
Show me what it's like to
transcend beyond the material
trappings
of the corporeal world
and learn to appreciate
what is truly beautiful?
Maybe.
I don't know.
It's about staying focused.
Brian, you know, I've told you
many times
what my secret is.
What's your secret?
Clean livin'.
Are these cute?
Look it.
They keep 'em cool.
This one, his owner is a crony,
he's got like a fetish, but
that's where I don't judge.
If you bring me a dog,
I give you back a pony.
Now this, I know it's not
politically correct, you know,
'cause it's on a white
mannequin, but I wanted his,
you know, his high top and his
sunglasses to really pop out.
And then the halo,
because Izzy's an angel.
I don't think that's healthy.
Ah, old guy ain't so bad.
When I'm 200, I hope I can
throw a punch like that.
It was just so
touching
and moving.
You could tell Izzy
was in it for the meat.
Put your back into it.
Oh yeah.
Oh.
Ooh.
I loved Izzy.
I loved him like a brother,
like an adopted black brother.
It's funny.
Everybody always wants
to blame the bodyguard
when somebody gets shot.
Let me tell you something,
I was nowhere near Mr.
Lyon when it happened!
Were you there?
Get that off me!
♪ You kept it, kept it, kept it,
kept it ♪
♪ Spinnin' ♪
♪ You keep it, keep it, keep it,
keep it ♪
♪ Spinnin' ♪
♪ Spinnin' ♪
♪ You keep it, keep it, keep it,
keep it ♪
♪ Spinnin' ♪
♪ Spinnin' ♪
♪ You keep it, keep it, keep it,
keep it ♪
♪ Spinnin' ♪
♪ Spinnin' ♪
♪ You keep it spinnin' ♪
♪ Spinnin' ♪
♪ Round, round, round ♪
♪ Everything you do just spins
me round ♪
♪ Everything you do just spins
me round ♪
♪ I can't read the lines
on the cardboard signs ♪
♪ 'Cause you never slow it
up to touch the ground ♪
♪ You keep it ♪
♪ Spinnin' ♪
♪ Round, round, round ♪
♪ Everything you do just spins
me round ♪
♪ Everything you do just spins
me round ♪
♪ I can't read the lines
on the cardboard signs ♪
♪ 'Cause you never slow
it up or spin it around ♪
♪ You won't slow it up or spin
it around ♪
♪ Yeah, you never slow it
up to touch the ground ♪