Speak Your Mind (2019) - full transcript

I mean, honestly, why
should you even care about me?

You've suffered through enough

of these stories, haven't you?

Privileged, upper
middle class man-child

goes on emotional journey
of self-discovery.

God, I'm sick of
this shit myself.

It's like, dude, you don't
have any real problems,

so you made some up.

I guess if there's
one saving grace,

one reason you
should hear me out,

it's that there's been
no self-discovery.



It's just been me taking
a Molotov cocktail

and burning down what could've
been a pretty good life,

and that's always
fun to watch, right?

I know you wanna hear
how I fucked it all up

as long as it's not
happening to you.

Now, you're probably wondering

how the money-maker
went out of business,

so why don't we get
that out of the way.

So we gather these coconuts

and we fasten them to the
long bamboo poles, right,

and we created this
makeshift pontoon boat,

and with that we were able
to kinda navigate our way

through the cove
and the channel,

and there's these
amazing sea turtles



that came up to the boat,

but we had to get
back to the island,

'cause you know,
some guys were hurt.

Two double Jack and Coke's.

Oh, I'm fine with my vodka.

Take the drink.

I'm being nice.

Okay, thanks.

Today, buddy.

Oh, did you mistake
me for the bartender?

And here, I mistook you for
the guy warming my seat.

You're the guy she's
been talking about.

The one she's never
met anyone like.

I hear that and I think,
that sounds like a challenge.

Yes, I am the
Bowser, the Big Boss,

the Lancelot atop
his shining horse

that you must joust for
her hand in marriage.

You're right, this
dude's weird as hell.

I like it.

Aha, she likes it.

Looks like you've
lost this round

my honorable sparring partner.

Time to give up the throne.

Are you serious?

You're gonna go home
with this clown?

Okay, you're no
fun anymore, dude.

I want my seat back
and my date back.

Don't think so homes.

She told me you two just met.

That means this
piece is fair game.

This piece, the
fuck you just call me?

Oh, lovely Sierra, it's
not this gentleman's fault

his mommy never
taught him how to talk

to such a fine piece of
ass such as yourself.

You think you're clever, huh?

You think you got this
sorted out, don't you bruh?

Yeah bruh, kinda
looks like I do.

I think you need to get
the fuck out of my face.

I think you need to take
a time out at another table

and think about the hurtful
things you've said here today.

We should find him
a friend though,

or he's gonna look a little
silly sitting all alone

all red in the face like
that with his eyes quivering.

- How do you do that?
- I am serious, bro.

Oh, yeah, I can tell
and that's your issue.

You need to lighten
you load, man.

All these unresolved anger
issues and excess testosterone

are driving you nuts,
no pun intended.

I mean they say the male
menstrual cycle doesn't exist,

but walk a mile in another
man's jockstrap and then speak.

You know what I'm saying?

You need to find a place
to put all this passion,

blow off some steam.

Personally, I
recommend getting laid,

but not looking
great for you, is it?

I have a number for a great
therapist you could call.

Oh, man, I really
didn't see that coming.

That whole
thing you were doing.

I thought you were constipated.

Is he fucking serious?

Is he high?

Hey, do you mind if we
exchange insurance info though.

My face is kind of
how I make my living,

and I think you might've
set me back a bit here.

Should teach you to keep
your mouth shut, you dumb fuck.

Later, bro.

Oh, hey, my place or yours?

Rain check?

Bye, Felicia.

Yeah, it seemed
funny at the time,

but now I'm actually
screwed for work.

I mean, I could try and book
roles as an MMA fighter,

or a professional
whack-a-mole player

who only plays with his face,

or someone who thought
giraffes looked cuddly,

but didn't account for their
enormous kicking power,

but these are all
very niche roles,

and the making a living thing

is just the tip of the iceberg.

So, before you get
inside my head,

lets take it back to
the start of the week,

and talk about how we got here.

Noted, so
the primal scream works,

but the cold water in your
face isn't a personal favorite.

What are you gonna do next,

put a horse mask covered in
fake blood under the sheets?

Fake blood?

Oh my God, it's day
four of this shit,

I think we're past
the theatrics.

Can't you just
whisper sweet nothings

into my ear or something?

Baby, I wanna give you a
special gift this morning

for being such a
good boy and doing

a proper morning
routine with me.

Are you ready for it?

It's the gift of Jazzercise.

Come on, buddy.

Come on, keep up.

But like I said, she
doesn't understand

because she just sits
in an office all day,

so she thinks I have it
made going to New York,

or London, but what
she doesn't get is

that I'm in the hotel
working on my presentation,

or I'm in the boardroom,
and I only get like 72 hours

max to explore the city
and just have some me time,

so it's just, it's not what
people think it is, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

That's why I'm so happy
the culture is changing,

you know, it used to be
all yoga, spinning classes,

but now it's so
common to see these

pure meditation classes just
creeping into the curriculum.

Like, it's the perfect way
to just get some silence,

- clear your mind...
- Yeah, yeah.

And it's a dream in the
morning 'cause the only thing

you can hear are the
sound of the sparrows.

Or are those Blue Jays?

Don't open your
eyes though mister,

that'll defeat the whole point.

I didn't open my
eyes or my mouth.

Then who said that, hm?

Not me, must have
been a Blue Jay.

Okay really, stop talking now,

you're messing with my focus.

Have a nice day at work.

You too, big guy!

First day, so exciting!

Don't think I'm
going easy on you

just 'cause your mom
got you this job.

It's true this business
is filled with nepotism,

but even the best of them
got to where they got

from tongue-tickling
the golden frenulum,

if you know what I mean?

It's hard to not
know what you mean.

Don't interrupt
me, all right kid?

I'll lose my train of thought.

What I'm saying is, feel lucky
I'm willing to take you on

and actually compensate you.

There's plenty of schmucks
out there trying to learn

the business that
would do this for free.

My mom said you
weren't paying me.

I am paying you in
the invisible currency;

exposure, access to my contacts.

I spend a decade building
my entire network

and you just get to
hop on the gravy train?

You're welcome.

- Thanks.
- Yeah, no problem.

Look, you scratch my back, I'll
scratch wherever you'd like.

I'm a generous guy.

Did you bring the stuff?

Stuff?

The stuff, the
fuckin' stuff I told you

to bring on your first day!

Yeah, sorry, for
a second I thought

we were doing a
drug deal, you know?

You asking if I brought
the stuff, the alley...

Why are you still talking?

Why?

Show me what you got.

Yeah, um, I got the
Moleskine, a pack of HB pencils,

a roll of quarters,

- and a lighter.
- Nice.

And a copy of Hemingway's
"A Moveable Feast."

All right, good start
my little scavenger.

Light me up.

Let's go.

Good start.

I promised myself, the moment
I get my own assistant,

I ain't lighting
my own cigarettes.

That's peasant shit.

You're probably wondering
about the other stuff.

It's a little cryptic.

Jacob, I'm the last of
a dying breed, all right?

I'm not a publicist
who sits in his office

and diddles his phone all day.

I'm out in the streets.

Smelling the constant

turnover of youth
like a bloodhound.

But I am not a six-headed Hydra.

I need someone taking notes.

That's what your pencil
and Moleskine are for.

Oh, I mean, I have an iPhone.

It has a notepad.

You know at the four star
sushi restaurants in Japan,

when a sushi chef
is in training,

he only gets to make egg sushi
for the first three years

before he touches any fish.

So Jacob-san, you
are now in training,

and your little iPhone
is the fishy, no touchy.

Which brings me to the roll
of quarters in your pocket.

Oh, that, no, I'm
just happy to see you.

No, but you will be.

So any time you need
to make a phone call,

you find a phone booth
and you use your quarters.

Yes, sir.

Ah, don't call me
sir, all right, buddy?

We're friends now, all right?

We're teammates.

Get off me, Jesus, you
actors are all such queers.

I actually have a girlfriend.

Yeah, I have a
beard, you are a beard.

Okay, uh, speaking of which,

you never explained
the Hemingway.

Oh, give me that, yeah.

I couldn't find it
at the bookstore,

so I was just hoping you would.

Good job, grasshopper.

All right.

By the way, is there like
a set schedule for this job

or do we just go until whenever?

'Cause I have a commercial
shoot in a few hours.

You're a PA too?

You're trying to make a career
out of being an assistant?

No, actually, I'm the talent.

Yeah, and I'm Paris Hilton.

- What is...
- No, you never watched it?

- What is?
- Her and like whatever.

They used to do that
"My Simple Life."

- Paris Hilton.
- No?

Ah, forget it you're you.

Hi Jacob, welcome.

Like we talked about, this
is for the new cafe section.

Today we're just focusing
on store brand cookies.

You think you can handle that?

Yeah, I think so.

Good, okay, we're
gonna start with a wide,

so just keep it
nice and natural.

We'll be shooting MOS,
so I'm gonna be talking

to you while we're
rolling, all right?

- Sounds good.
- Camera rolling?

Rolling.

So Jacob, just go ahead
and walk out of frame.

Come back in, open the cupboard,

and take a bite out of the
cookie, nice and natural.

Go ahead.

Uh, hang on.

What was that?

What?

The look that you made
on your face right now.

What, what was that?

You said to act natural,

so I was just doing
what felt natural.

What?

Well, if I came home and
there was nothing in my cupboard

except for a single plate
with a cookie on it,

I'd be confused but also
pleasantly surprised, so I...

Yeah, no, no, no, no.

What I mean to say is,
he's extremely relaxed.

He's just a guy after a
long day eating a cookie.

He's not over thinking it.

Yeah, there's no emotional
journey that he goes on

because of this cookie.

He just eats it.

Exactly.

- Okay.
- Let's try it again.

- Camera rolling.
- Yeah, rolling.

Action.

Cut!

Delete that last take.

Delete both of those
takes, actually.

Jacob, if I were to use that
last take in the commercial,

what kind of a message do
you think that's gonna send?

I have no idea.

It says, "eating
this cookie makes

"me wanna blow my brains out."

Well, I wouldn't
say it that harsh.

But yeah, that's kinda
what we're seeing here.

Jacob, do you
even like cookies?

Yes, I like cookies.

Good, because for a second
I thought we hired someone

for a cookie commercial who
doesn't like fucking cookies.

I'm sorry Jacob, she's
just really passionate.

Why don't we try to find
something in between.

Can we get a new
hero cookie please?

This is just for the wide.

This is gonna be a long day.

Thanks for seeing me
so much later than usual.

Oh, I've only been
up 16 hours, what's

I'm right there with you.

Cassie was in Full Metal Jacket
mode this morning, day four.

You actually went
through with that!

Well, I for one think
it's a good thing.

Join us in the land
of the living, Jacob.

A little vitamin
D won't kill you.

Are you kidding me?

Look at this skin, I'm a direct
descendant of Count Dracula.

No, you are a
direct descendant of

enough to pay for your therapy.

Oh, thanks, mom!

Yeah, I guess it's a
fair trade for the unpaid

internship she got me.

Oh, right!

How was the first day?

Oh, let's see.

Fine gentleman named
Anthony made me pay

for his mid-afternoon
beer because he

forgot his wallet, listened
to him make sexual overtures

to his female clients
on speakerphone

and read him Hemingway out loud

between calls for inspiration.

Okay, let's come back to that.

How are you and Cass?

I don't even think I'm
on her radar anymore.

It's like I've dissolved
into nothingness.

Is that what it's like with
you and your girlfriend?

No.

No, most lesbians I know
are pretty drama-free.

Jacob, that's nonsense.

We're like any other couple.

We just work through our stuff

and we're there for each other.

We don't just ignore each other.

Like Cassie ignores me.

Well, yeah.

I'm sorry, but you've been
coming here every week

for what, three months?

You obviously wanna
make a change with her,

but I keep hearing the
same thing every time.

That's what you get paid
the big bucks for, to listen.

No, I get paid the
entry-level bucks to listen

and then provide solutions.

Well, then let's
go, Dumbledore,

bewitch me with your wisdom.

Are you calling me
Dumbledore because he's gay?

Oh my God, spoiler alert.

Look, you tell
me about your life,

and you actually open up.

And that's more than I get
from most of my clients.

But I want you to
go a step further.

I want you do something
about your problems.

Yeah, and what is that?

Just tell me what to
do, and I'll do it.

I'm not gonna silver
spoon you, Jacob.

You get enough of that from
the other women in your life.

Low blow.

All right, fine, you're right.

I'll get outta here,
you get some sleep.

Really?

You're setting me free early?

Yes, but I'm booking you
for a couple days from now

so we can talk about
some solutions together.

Coffee's on me.

Deal.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, don't move.

Oh, yeah, be my statue, Jakey.

I've known her
since we were kids,

and she has the attention
span of a squirrel monkey,

which is perfect because
now she'll be surrounded

by them in the jungle.

She thinks she can just fly
the coop whenever she wants,

but now she's
almost out of money

and she's stuck in Costa Rica.

That sounds nice actually.

With her brother.

And it's just weird
because they're like

beyond attached at the hip.

It's like they're
the same person.

She even says, "Aaron
and I are the same soul,"

and they're just
so touchy-feely.

Like, I'm not saying there's
anything going on there,

but I think there's
something going on there.

You would know.

What, how would I know?

I kissed my cousin once, I
tell you that in confidence

and now you're making
chippy little comments.

What, no.

You would know about Sylvia
because you grew up with her.

Right?

Speaking of which,
last night, amazing.

Like, really, really good.

But you know how you
told me to tell you

if I ever wanted
anything like different?

Yeah.

Well, sometimes I just
find when I'm getting close

to the edge, it helps if
I can just concentrate.

That makes sense.

Like, I really just need
to be able to get in my zone.

Pass the arugula.

Sure Kanye, so, spit it out.

What do you need from me?

Well, if you could
just like not talk,

and when I close my eyes, don't
ask me to look at you, okay?

I think in order for
me to really get there,

I just, I need total
silence from you.

- And total darkness?
- I know,

you like to keep the lights on.

I mean, I don't blame you,

but just like, for me.

Why don't we just do a
role play where I put on

a Morphsuit and we can
pretend I'm a human dildo?

Would you be into that?

Would you be into that?

I don't know,
just spit balling.

Good evening, folks.

Let's get down to it, shall we?

That fact that you were
accepted into this course,

means you already
have some experience

in the industry as an actor.

But if you really want to catch

a casting director's
attention, you're going to need

to tap into other
parts of yourselves.

Young lady, I wonder if you
would hop into the hot seat.

Kendall, when I came
in I noticed that you

and your classmates
were sitting in silence.

So I'm sure you had
plenty of time to think.

I'm gonna turn the camera
on and ask you to tell me

what you were thinking about.

That's a bit personal.

Acting
is a bit personal.

Okay, um, but
I can't remember.

Take a moment to
think if you like,

and share only what you
feel comfortable sharing.

I, I was thinking
what a privilege

it was to sit next to
actors who obviously

take their craft very seriously

or else they wouldn't be here,

and how great it is that we can

work together towards
succeeding together.

Okay.

Very nice, Kendall.

Thank you.

Jason, you're up.

Jason, you seem like a
thoughtful young man.

Perhaps you can tell me
what you were thinking

just before I walked
into the room.

I don't know.

Nothing much, just observing.

But I can tell you what's
going through my mind now.

Oh, please.

I heard you were very
experimental, but honestly,

I don't know what the hell
this has to do with acting,

and what I do know is that
we're a third of the way

through our hour with
you and it feels like

you're just burning the clock.

Very nice, thank you, Jason.

Jacob, you're up.

Go ahead.

Well, what was I thinking?

I was thinking, well
I was feeling like

I was having an
existential crisis.

This knot in the pit
of my stomach like,

it's so confounding to me.

If I want something
to work this badly

why can't I just be relaxed?

Why do I have to have a
nervous breakdown every time

I'm able to do something
about the thing

that I care about most?

I was thinking, why
are we all so quiet?

What is this, the first
day of math class?

Why can't someone
just speak up and say,

"Hey, what's your name,"
or "How was your day?"

Why can't I be that person?

I mean even if I'm not able
to say anything right in my

regular life, you'd think
I'd be able to take advantage

of the first five seconds
of meeting someone new,

where they've give me the
benefit of the doubt, but no.

Sorry.

No, that's quite all right.

Thank you, Jacob.

There are countless
actors just like you,

who can book bit roles
or commercial gigs.

But you want to carry a
film on your shoulders

and be seen by audiences,
not just art houses.

- Correct?
- Yes, please.

If you want to be sought
after with consistency,

you have to embody
something greater

than your selfish aspirations.

Okay, you're getting way
too metaphysical for me here.

Plus you couldn't even
get a sound proof room?

There's been a crane
outside all day.

Look, if you're honestly
not happy with the course,

please feel free to take
advantage of the refund policy.

All right, carry on.

If you want to be riveting,

you must radiate a certain aura.

You must vibrate at
the frequency of truth.

Truth is like a lightning bolt,

shocking an audience out of
its slumber and into a fervor.

Give them truth and they'll
hang onto every word you speak,

follow every flick of your eye.

But an artist cannot convey
what he does not possess.

Audiences, producers,
casting directors,

they will sense it from
you and want more of it,

even if they can't put
their finger on why.

Speaking of why, why haven't
we done any scene work yet?

I mean, that was a brilliant
speech, don't get me wrong,

but how are we expected to learn

if we can't get any
hands-on training...

The exercise we did earlier
was the beginning of that.

And look, if you can't bring
that kind of honesty to bear

in a class of three people,

you're never going to
be able to do it on set

with 30 crew members
staring at you.

I feel you.

Jake, what you
showed us earlier,

is that something that
comes naturally to you?

The oversharing?

No, no, um, I guess, I guess
being in this environment

and around other actors
brings it out of me.

It's like a safe space for me.

Hey, don't make
fun of safe spaces.

I, I wasn't.

- I was being sincere.
- Yeah, I'm sure.

My, sparks flying.

For next class, I want you
to prepare a monologue,

any subject so long as it's
about you and your life.

You're gonna have to work
on developing your own

voices before you do
any character work.

Okay?

Jacob.

Robert.

I'd sooner you
called me Mr. Williams.

At least for the moment.

I really hope we
can get to the point

where I can call you Robbie.

I'm sure you would.

Snide little bastard
came after me, didn't he?

Jacob, how can I put this
without, what do the kids say,

gas lighting you?

Gassing me up?

That's the phrase.

Listen, I can see
you have that quality

I spoke of during class, but
I've taught myself to see it.

To the untrained eye,
you're just more kindling

for the headshot bonfire.

So, how
do I get there?

How badly do you want it?

It's all I care about.

Then take drastic measures
to deepen yourself as a person,

and it will come through
clearly in your performance.

But don't wait.

The whole journey thing is
just bullshit in this game.

You either radiate the
X factor, or you don't.

Okay, Simon Cowell, thank you.

I knew I shouldn't have
worn this gray T-shirt.

Who's your favorite Beatle?

Enough.

Or I'll make you deliver your
monologue in a posh accent.

Let's explore that further,

this self preservation instinct.

Were you always like that?

No, no, as far as I can
remember, I was a calm kid.

But one day when I was like 11,

my dad sat me down and said,

"Son, you're gonna
be a man soon,

"and that means it'll be
your job to be the rock,

"and that means never
showing you're scared,

- "even when you are."
- Oh boy, that'll do it.

And I wasn't scared,
I was just a dumb kid.

But he looked past me and said,

"Jake, there's nothing
to be afraid of, anyway.

"You need to pick
your fears apart

"until they have
no power over you.

"Go ahead and tell me
something you're afraid of."

And I didn't want to disappoint
him so I made something up.

Right, yeah.

I said, global warming.

And he goes, "Jake, that's
just something that politicians

"made up to push their agendas,

"and just because small
things might happen

"like the San Andreas
fault line cracking

"and California
falling into the ocean,

"it doesn't matter 'cause
you're safe here in Canada."

And I told him "Dad, I
wanna move to California

"to become an actor."

And he said, "Well, Al Gore
is winning in the polls

"right now and he cares very
much about global warming

"so either way you'll be fine."

Hm, how inconvenient.

Ha.

And then goes, "Jake, I'm on
a roll, give me another one."

So, I said, "Well I've heard
a lot about STD's lately,

"so I think I'm gonna
wait until I'm married

- "before I kiss anyone..."
- Aw.

I was 11, shut up.

And he says, "Jake,
that's just a bunch

"of right-wing propaganda.

"We never used
protection in my day

"and I left plenty
of orgies unscathed."

Wait, you were 11
when he said this?

Yeah, he doesn't sugarcoat.

Then he goes, "I've
done my research,

"and there's nothing
you can catch down there

"that you can't get rid of,
except for herpes and warts,

"but there are special
groups where you

"can date other
people who have those,

"so either way it's nothing
to lose sleep over."

So I take it you and
Cassie use protection?

Every time.

Yeah, I guess that talk
was a turning point for me,

because by trying to
help me not be scared,

pops passed along his own
neuroses of playing out

every possible
best-worst case scenario.

And you've been walking
on eggshells ever since.

Sometimes I think you
must hate listening to me.

It takes so long to dig
through my fragile male psyche.

No, actually, I find guys
are straightforward in therapy.

They just repress all
day and come in here

- and gush it all out.
- Really?

- Mm hm.
- Huh.

Well, I'm gonna work on
my straightforwardness,

and maybe one day I could
be one of your guy friends.

More straightforwardness
would be good.

For you, not for me.

I mean, for me too.

But mostly for you.

Yeah, you're probably right.

I'm dying out
there with Anthony.

This guy actually makes
me light his cigarettes

and hold an umbrella to
shield him from the sun.

Oh, when you clearly
need it more than him.

No, no, no, you
don't understand.

Listen to this.

So, he tells me he's
gonna show me what

it's like to really get
access to the best clients.

So, we wait outside
an audition room

and prey on girls as
they come outside.

I mean, he literally said,
"Jakey, Sandra is the casting

"director for this project
and she's a total bitch,

"so they're all gonna be a mess
by the time they come out."

Hm, good guy.

And sure enough, one
by one he picks them off

and smooth talks these
poor actresses into giving

me their Facebook info so
he can introduce them around

at some industry party
later that night.

Oh, well, at least
he's a generous creeper.

That's the thing, he told
me after they'd all left

that he was just gonna ditch
them as soon as he got inside,

and that he's only using
them to get past the bouncer.

I'm sorry, remind me why
you're working for him again?

My mom says he knows a lot
of people in the industry,

and he promised to introduce me

to his contacts if
I proved myself.

Mm hm, just like
he's going to introduce

those girls to his contacts?

Ah, good point.

You are definitely
going to have

to assert yourself more, Jacob.

That's what all the
signs are pointing to.

Maybe.

Maybe it'll help me
come up with a monologue

for my next Advanced
Acting class.

Oh, right, how'd that go?

With that Robert
Williams guy, right?

He basically just told us
we were all good enough actors

already and in order to level up

we needed to emit
an aura of truth.

Maybe what he's getting
at is that if you can be

more honest with yourself
you stop creating stress

inside yourself and would
come across better on camera.

Okay, but how to do that?

I mean, everything you ask me,

I just you what I'm
really thinking.

Isn't that what you mean?

Yeah, but that's here.

You need to extend that
to the rest of your life.

Solutions, remember?

Solutions, yeah.

But what are you saying?

Well, if you can say
what's on your mind

in the rest of your
life, maybe this aura

will just come to you.

I can't just speak my mind.

Half the things I think
are batshit crazy.

No, that's fine.

There is actually a school
of thought that's becoming

popularized in the
psychotherapy community

called the mindspeaking
method, where you,

well, its what it sounds like,

you just speak your
mind at all times.

That's terrifying.

Solutions, Jacob.

I don't want you to
need therapy forever.

Just think of it as
playing a character.

A character, I can
play a character.

And except the
character is you.

Wait, wait a minute.

Look, you have
nothing to worry about,

you're so diplomatic.

It's like telling a
quiet person to be loud.

In their mind, suddenly
they're shouting,

but to you they
finally sound normal.

Okay, but I'm gonna think
about how to approach this

and I'll start in a week.

Jacob, come on.

My anniversary dinner
with Cassie is tonight!

And I got a callback for
a decent role for once,

it's in a couple of days.

Then that's the perfect
opportunity to tell Cassie

all the things you
tell me about her.

And congrats on the callback.

Thank you.

It's now or never, Jacob.

That's pretty much
what Robert said too.

Oh, that's how you know.

Okay, fuck it.

If this is what it
takes to be the actor

that I need to be,
then I will do it.

One week of this
mindspeak thing.

What is it again?

You just say whatever
you're thinking all the time,

to whoever you're with,
no matter the consequence.

Oh shit!

Come on, you're too nice.

Swing the pendulum.

I don't think you could take
it too far if you tried.

Iris, if I have one strength,

it's that when I commit to
something, I commit all the way.

I've never seen
this side of Jacob.

Have a nice dinner
with your girlfriend,

and remember, you're
just playing a character,

in the movie of your life.

Oh, my God,
Jacob, this is so lovely!

I only did it
'cause I'm too cheap

to pay for a restaurant.

And is this all vegan, too?

Oh gosh, Jakey,
you tried so hard.

This is so cute!

You know me, Captain Tryhard.

Um, but if you don't mind,
I'm just going to, sorry.

Your cooking is
always so flavorless.

Have a seat.

Oh, okay.

I'm just not used to
you making an effort.

I got a little flustered there.

I don't make an effort?

Well, not one that I can see.

So if you do make one, it's
like, an invisible effort.

Maybe we have different
definitions of effort.

What do you mean?

It's the little things.

Like, I know you don't like
making a scene in public,

so I decided to have our
anniversary dinner at home.

Oh, my God, Jacob.

Finally.

Scarlet said she thinks
you never asked just

'cause like your parents are
so screwed up and you were

too scared to settle down,
but I knew it was coming.

And look, I don't know if
I can say yes right away,

'cause there's still a lot
you're gonna need to work on,

but let's just say
I'm open to it.

Oh.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry,
I ruined your big moment.

Go ahead, ask!

I live for moments like these.

You live for getting dumped?

What?

We're done.

I mean, after you hear
what I have to say

you probably won't wanna
stay together anyway.

So, let's just pretend
you're dumping me.

Jacob, I don't know what
happened to you today,

but it's not fair for
you to take it out on me,

- especially tonight...
- You're not listening.

You never do.

You're supposed to be
the person I'm closest to

and sometimes I
wonder if we've ever

had a real moment together.

So to be real, I've grown
to kind of hate you.

And don't get me wrong, I love
the you that took pity on me

in high school and loved me
even when I was a total dork.

But somewhere along the
way I became your bellboy,

your chauffeur, your
social media consultant,

and I hate everything
about our relationship now.

I hate those matching sweatsuits

you bought us without asking,

I'm not a prop for your selfies.

I hate the way you grow out
your armpit and leg hair

every November to
protest my mustache.

My charity mustache.

I hate when you open your mouth

really wide to put on mascara.

I hate when you stick your
hands literally down my pants

to warm them up when we
get inside during winter.

You make my penis hate
you, is that what you want?

- Jacob, stop...
- No, I'm not done.

I hate the way you cover
your boobs with your hair

and sing songs from
"The Little Mermaid."

That's not cute.

I hate when I try to
have sex with you,

you tell me you're too
tired and then I wake up

in the middle of the night
to the sound of your vibrator

and you telling me you needed
to masturbate to fall asleep.

That's happened five
times in the last month.

I hate when you call
me sport, or dude,

or bro, or buddy, or
any variation of what

my guy friends call me.

You're not my guy friend,
you're my girlfriend.

Or you were and now you're not.

Good luck finding
another girl like me.

Oh, I hope I don't.

You can sleep on
the couch tonight.

That's where you'll find
me till the end of the month

if you have any accounting
or social media inquiries.

These avocados are too salty.

I already salted them.

You just added more.

Yo, this guy has no
pull, no pull whatsoever!

And I swear if he takes
another one of my clients,

I will personally,
personally make sure

that his name is
worthless in this town,

and he can go back to
Bucharest or whatever shit hole

that inbred came
crawling out of.

Anyway, let me call you back.

- Hiya boss.
- You're late.

And you're a sad little man.

'Bout time you learned
to talk some smack.

Or else this business will
chew you up like dog food.

Are you gonna bark
all day, little doggie,

or are you gonna bite?

Are you auditioning
for the "Reservoir Dogs"

stage play or something?

Nope, but sometimes
I wonder if you are.

All right relax, I wear
a suit like once a week.

I'm talking about
Sopranos wiseguy accent.

You said you grew up in Toronto,

where the hell did
that come from?

I did, but I'm from
Woodbridge all right?

Woodbridge is the Jersey
Turnpike of the GTA.

Grab your Moleskine out.

Ah, shoot, I left it at home.

Well then go back home
and get it you clown.

There's a lot of valuable
information in there.

Yeah, like all the Facebook
names of the actresses

you're trying to fuck?

- What?
- You shouldn't trust me

with such valuable
information, Tony.

I don't know if someone
spiked your soda water

or your balls finally dropped.

I bet you that's what it is.

- Here, let me cop a feel...
- Keep your hands to yourself,

you little pervert.

Whoa, I'm just having
fun, this is fun.

Where the hell do you get
off talkin' to me like that?

- You're a fucking bum.
- Wow.

I, I, I don't know what's
crawled up your ass

but I'm willing to
give you the benefit

of the doubt for the moment.

Believe me, your
mom's gonna be hearing

every single word about
this and I'm gonna...

Okay, good.

Go ahead and tell her.

Tell her everything, Tony.

Matter of fact, take this.

Write down everything
I'm about to say,

I don't wanna be misquoted.

- Watch what you say next.
- Or what?

- 'Cause I'm make sure...
- You're gonna what?

Fire me?

It's kinda hard to fire me
from an unpaid internship,

isn't it, Tony?

Especially when you haven't
gathered any documentation,

a social insurance
number, nothing.

You know what, I've been
trying to figure out

what's the most appalling thing

about this little
arrangement of ours.

It could be watching you
yell into your cell phone

and then brag about your
mastery of technology

in the same breath.

Or the way you fake smile
to every potential client

and turn around and talk
to me like I'm a shit stain

on the bottom of your shoe.

You'd never have the balls
to talk to anybody like that

in any other scenario, so
I'm pretty sure you just

hired me so you could feel
like you have some power

in your life since
you clearly have none.

Or maybe it's the fact
you're a closet homosexual,

which I mean, I'm actor,
I get it, it's fine.

What I'm not fine with is
you implying the only way

to get ahead in my
career is by doing people

like you sexual favors, or
playfully grabbing my cock

and balls, all the while
hitting on actresses,

whoa, excuse me,
potential clients,

trying to live up to
some macho self image.

Or maybe the worst part
is hearing you rant

about doing business your
way, outside the box,

when the reality is,
you're a fuckin' failure,

and the only reason I can
come up with to tell myself

why I've spent this long
as your little bitch

is so that I can learn
what to never, ever do.

Very nice.

You ungrateful prick.

You can see yourself
to the door.

The door of your
nonexistent office?

Or was that coming, like
my cell phone privileges?

- Leave.
- Okay, here I go.

Oh, gotta take this.

Keep walking!

Hey, can you tell my mom I'm
not gonna be home for dinner?

Yeah, just write it down
with all the other stuff.

Day two!

Okay, this is just
store brand coffee,

so it shouldn't take nearly
as long as last time.

Can we turn the lights down?

My eyes kinda hurt.

Jacob, that sense of humor
of yours, is quite lively,

but it's not why we hired you.

We just want to keep it natural.

Keep it generic.

Are we gonna go for a take,

or can I squeeze in a power nap?

Okay, camera rolling?

Um, yeah, rolling.

Jacob, whenever you're ready.

Mm, this coffee looks
so deliciously generic.

I'd love to try some but I
should probably get a lid

like a normal person
so it doesn't get cold.

Cut.

Jacob, this is not
the time or place

to practice your line reading.

Just drink the coffee.

Jake, there's
no lid on the cup

because we wanna use the
actual coffee in the shot.

So, can we just do it
again, and this time for me,

just take a sip and
put it back down.

See, that's how you
talk to the talent.

Please roll right now, Jim.

Camera rolling?

- Yeah, rolling.
- Action.

Cut, I liked it.

- Are we good?
- Better.

But, Jacob, we need you
to be a bit more natural.

Yeah, you mean
the way he brought

it up to his mouth, right?

- Yeah, let's do it again.
- Yeah.

This time more smooth.

But wait, let me
think about this.

How do I drink coffee
when I'm by myself?

Is it like this?

No, I think it's
more like this.

No I, I just sort
of turn at the elbow,

I don't, I don't
raise my whole arm.

- It's a little more...
- All right.

- Yeah.
- Mm hm, mm hm.

- It's just, yeah.
- Hm, um.

Coffee's getting cold, guys.

- Wait.
- Uh, yes, okay.

For this take, let's just do
whatever feels most natural.

Whatever feels natural?

- Yes.
- You sure about that?

Well the client seems to think

there was something wrong
with that last take.

They're looking for something
a little more authentic.

I'll try my best.

Great, okay.

Action.

Tell the client that's
what came naturally.

Oh, and hang on, I got this.

If I had, excuse me, I'm
working on my line delivery.

You're fired, you're fired.

God, I can't stand that guy,
but he's so fun to imitate.

Goodbye, Jacob.

Oh, it's okay, I've decided
commercials aren't for me.

I hope you can sleep at night

after pulling a stunt like that.

Thanks!

I think I'll sleep like a baby.

Can you keep it down?

I'm trying to sleep.

Oh, sure, but thanks to you
my body clock is programmed

to wake up in four
hours to do a hybrid

jiu-jitsu, Jazzercise, and
Buddhist chanting class,

so I don't wanna
hear any complaints.

Good night, love.

Monologues, who
would like to go first?

I'll get it over with.

Wonderful, thank you, Kendall.

So, months ago I found out
that these Syrian refugees

were coming to like,
resettle here or whatever,

but then like I...

Can you stop saying
like every two seconds,

it's just super distracting.

Okay, thank you, Jacob.

So, as I was saying, I
wanted to do something good

for the Syrian
refugees, but then like,

sorry, then I totally
forgot about them.

I mean, because I guess
I never really met any...

Yeah, not 'cause you're
a bad person or anything.

Are you saying
I'm a bad person?

No, no, I never met any either

and I totally forgot
about them, too.

Right.

Then I saw a family of them
of them on the subway...

- How do you know they were...
- And then there was this...

Syrian, you just assumed?

No, I didn't just assume that,

I didn't just assume.

There was a guy who was calling
them a bunch of terrorists

and they were telling him
that they were trying to flee

the terrorists where
they come from, in Syria,

and then that made me think

these are the people
that I wanna help,

that I wanna give a
voice to as an artist.

The people who are
under-represented

So you got up
and told that guy

to shove it and
take a hike, right?

No, that's what
I was getting to,

that I felt like
I let them down,

because I didn't do anything,

and how that made me wanna help
them even more in this work,

and that's what I was trying
to say in my monologue.

Which I guess I'm done now.

Thank you Kendall, very good.

Jason, you're up.

Please, Jason.

Um, I didn't have to
dig too deep for material,

because uh, since
the first class

I've been having a
rough couple of days.

Oh Lord, tell
me about it bruh.

Um, I've been having a
real hard time at auditions,

and trying to hold my tongue

at the notes they're giving me,

especially how ridiculous
these roles are getting.

Yo, so, just tell
'em to stuff it, fam.

I did that last night
at a commercial shoot.

It felt amazing.

That's cool man.

So, next time just ask
yourself, what would Jacob do?

So, what, you think
you're Jesus now?

I dunno dude, but there
is a Jacob in the Bible,

maybe the Jason
part got cut out.

Okay, as I was saying,
it just used to be that

the casting calls for
a young black male was

for some stupid role
like the token black guy

or two episodes as the gay
soccer player on Degrassi...

Yo, you went
out for that, too?

I mean, I kissed my guy
friend to prep for that,

I didn't even get a call back.

Yeah, Jacob, this is
meant to be a monologue,

- not a dialogue.
- Sorry.

So, as I was saying, it just
seems that they're getting

real aggressive with
the stereotypes,

and now they call me to
audition for a drug dealing,

rapping, football
player with dreadlocks...

Yo, let's be real though.

That sounds like a
dope character though.

Not if it's the only thing

you're getting called
out for though!

So, find a way to show
'em you can do more, dude.

Yo, I peeped your demo last
night, that shit was tight.

See, that's easy
for you to say.

You look like you were built in

the lab by the ghost of Hitler...

Oh, okay, enough, boys.

Enough.

Jacob, batter up.

I'm not even blonde.

Please spit your
gum out before

- you begin, Jacob.
- Oh, sorry, I'm not.

I just, I pretend to chew
gum when I'm nervous, so.

Little bit of mime work.

Yeah, um, okay.

The truth is, I've
completely lost my way.

I feel like one lie you
tell yourself piles on

and becomes a thousand
and before you know it,

you're the type of person
you once hated the most.

Completely unrecognizable
to yourself

in the blink of an eye.

But the evils that have
overcome me are insidious

because they're not obvious.

I not an abuser, a serial
killer, or a rapist...

Uh, excuse me?

What?

Can I get a trigger
warning next time?

- Are you serious?
- Yes, completely.

I didn't know people
said that in real life.

Um, what I mean is,
I'm not a bad person.

I just let a bunch of
little things add up

and become this
clusterfuck where there

used to be some clarity.

I focus on looking cool
instead of being cool.

I shut my heart
because I tell myself

there's no sense
in getting hurt,

and I'm completely dismissive
and ignorant towards

people that I have nothing
to lose by doing so.

Normal, human sins
you could argue,

but I'm better than that,

and yet I let it get
the better of me.

And I have no idea
where to go from here.

There you have it.

There you have it.

Wonderful.

Thank you, Jacob.

Ah, let me get that.

I don't want you to
throw out your back.

Do I really look
as old as I feel?

Do I really look like I
was made in a science lab?

No, you're not that handsome.

Good thing, too, or that's
all you'd be known for.

I wanted to ask you, do
you have any advice for me?

Yes, be better.

Try harder.

I do scene work every day,

and I have a huge callback
in a couple hours.

I don't mean as an
actor, I mean as a person.

Ah.

Look, you're already
one of the most talented

actors I've taught in years,
but that isn't enough.

People have to feel a
difference when they meet you.

They have to see
it in your eyes.

They won't cast you tonight
because you tick their boxes,

they'll cast you
because it feels right.

And then they'll change
whatever their boxes say

so they can persuade themselves
that you ticked them.

ickity-tina-the-tinese-tickin'...

No, Jacob, it's great
that you're expressive,

but sometimes you make me
feel that you've snorted

a line of Adderall
before you came in here.

An actor can only
command attention

if he can command himself.

Yeah, okay, but have
you ever considered

you're maybe taking this
a little too seriously?

I mean, I wanna play
dress-up for a living, man.

And you know, I'd love
to think it's as deep

and meaningful as you
try to tell me it is,

'cause it makes me
feel so special, but...

Yes, but you want to
make a decent living

from playing
dress-up, don't you?

Have an actual career instead
of a two-year hot streak?

Support a family?

And it's not just about
avoiding the factory line.

It's about spiritual
life and death.

Okay.

You know what, I'll try
to do what you said,

I'll try and push myself.

You know what, I'm gonna
start right now by going

to the liquor store and
then to my callback.

I don't see the connection.

Oh, you will, Robbie.

Nope, we're not there yet.

Sir Williams III.

Drastic measures, Jacob.

Already on it, chief.

I remember you, director guy.

Very important
that I impress you.

Blow you away.

Not blow you, although
I've been told

that's a great way to get ahead.

A head,.

Nice to see you again, Jacob.

It's Aldrin, by the way,
for future reference,

and this is my casting
director, Sandra.

Hello.

Wait, Sandra the
casting director?

Oh, my God, I feel like I'm
meeting a living legend!

Your reputation precedes you.

No, no, no, people
are terrified of you.

I suppose I've
earned that reputation.

Jacob, don't mind
what you've heard.

I told Sandra how impressed I
was with your first audition.

She's gonna give you
all the time you need.

Yep.

Please, make yourself
comfortable in the space.

I'm plenty comfortable, Aldy.

I appreciate the confidence.

I'm going to
read as your wife.

- Are you ready?
- Yeah.

Well, please begin.

How long have you
been waiting up?

Long enough to read all the
emails you sent this week,

make myself tea, and write
20 pages of the manuscript.

Yeah and were the
emails as boring for you

as they were for me?

They were, and that's
what I don't get.

How you've made it
this far up the ladder

in only six months
just by sending emails

to organize after work drinks.

Maybe it's because no one in
politics uses email anymore.

Or like, anyone under 50.

Well, that conveniently rules
out most of your colleagues.

But they're not the
ones I'm worried about.

You're the one who
told to use my talents

to make up for my
lack of experience.

I never told you I wanted
you to fuck your interns.

You're fucking ridiculous.

Oh.

Look, Carrie, I need a
teammate in this, okay?

I need someone in my corner
patching up my wounds,

because it's a free-for-all
if we go on from here.

They're gonna tear me apart,
every bad decision I ever made,

every joint I smoked in high
school, they'll dig it up.

So the last thing I need
is for you to be playing

the role of paranoid housewife.

You're better than that.

You're the one pulling
the strings here.

I'm just the fucking mouthpiece.

I'm nothing without you.

I need you to trust me.

I need you because no one
will trust me if you don't.

When will you stop drinking?

How can I trust anything
you say anymore?

Come to bed.

The audit starts tomorrow,
I can't stay up any longer.

Cut.

Frankly, Jacob, I figured
you had that kind of range

and I was already leaning toward
you, but I had to be sure.

And normally we would discuss
this and get back to you,

but I wanna use the opportunity
with you here to speed up

the process and
discuss some details.

Yes, I must say,
I'm impressed.

You didn't overplay
the drunkenness.

He's a practiced alcoholic,

so he's not gonna be
staggering and slurring,

so you really nailed that
part of the character.

Thank you.

It probably helps
I'm actually drunk.

Jacob, we're gonna have
to find a way to get you

to tone down that
dark humor on set.

I doubt that'll happen.

And I'm serious, I'm
completely shitfaced right now.

I find that a little
hard to believe.

Oh, my darling, beautiful,

but understandably
mistrustful wife,

my sweet, sweet Carrie.

Believe it.

He's not lying.

I'll let you take it from here.

Jacob, why?

I need something tactile
to help me drop in.

If it says I'm wearing a
suit, I'd be wearing a suit.

If it said a cigar,
I'd have a cigar.

It says I got drunk,
so I got drunk.

Yeah, okay, but this
is network television.

There's a standard
of professionalism.

You can't show up
drunk to an audition.

Oops.

I'm willing, we're
willing to let this go,

as long as you can
promise me that you

will never show up drunk again.

I can't promise that.

Jacob, you are head
and shoulders above

any of the other guys
we've seen for this.

Okay, you just have this
thing, that they don't.

But this will never fly
on a professional set,

and we are sticking our
necks out for you here

by telling you that
we will let this go.

So just tell me that you will
never show up drunk again.

I really wanna lie to
you and tell you that.

But it's part of my
process to commit 100%.

And part of that, for me,

is doing everything
the character would do.

Well, what if your
character is a murderer?

Then I would go hunt
a deer or something.

I mean, I really
wouldn't want to...

Then why don't you drink
some apple cider vinegar

before coming to work and
pretend it's a Jack Daniels?

Because it's
about how it feels.

It's easy to sit on the other
side of the table and shout,

but emotions take time.

And if this guy's an
alcoholic, I'm gonna be drunk.

Drinking, maybe not
drunk all the time.

I'm not unreasonable.

Jacob, I'm sorry, I can't
bring you on for this.

If you change your
mind about your method,

send us an email, fast.

Not gonna change my
mind, it's how I work.

It was a pleasure
working with you.

You don't have
to lie to me, Aldy.

All right then.

It was a profound
disappointment working with you.

That's what I'm talkin' about.

- Cheers, Sandra.
- You know, most actors

would kill for an
opportunity like this one.

But would they kill a deer?

Didn't think so, but I would.

Best of luck, hot shot.

You know, I don't care what
they say about you, Sandy.

You're all right.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, how about
the ass on that one, bruh?

- I guess.
- What you mean, you guess?

Bruh, I would let that
thing suffocate me to death.

It's just weird to
me that bums are such

a point of sexual fixation.

I mean, you sit on them,
they collect germs all day,

you shit out of them, you
can't have sex with them

without copious amounts of lube.

It's like the asshole
is literally screaming

"Please, don't fuck me, please!"

But yeah, I mean,

butts, that's what
gets me going.

That's such a, such a
white boy thing to say.

You're white.

You don't know me bruh.

I'm 1/8 Trinidadian.

I'm sure your
great grandmother is

Super random, but I just
broke up with my girlfriend,

and I don't wanna
sleep on her couch.

Can I stay at your house?

Shit.

I just quit my job and
there's nothing on Kijiji.

Do you have any options
for gainful employment?

Anything.

Oh, my God, dude,
you are so handsome.

I mean, you probably have
a great personality too,

which kinda sucks
'cause people must have

a hard time seeing that
through your looks.

Well thank you,
you're far too kind.

No, no, I gotta
call it like I see it.

Well, I'm free right now,

how would you like
to go for a drink?

Ah, I'm straight, actually.

And wasn't that your boyfriend?

Oh, no, just a friend,

and I dunno if you're straight.

That was quite the
compliment you gave me.

No, I swear, I just broke
up with my girlfriend.

And had a sexual awakening?

No!

I, I can appreciate a
man's attractiveness,

it doesn't have
to be a gay thing.

A gay thing?

You know you're in the
gay village, right?

I am?

Weird, I sort of
randomly wandered here.

Randomly wandered
into the gay village

and started
complimenting random men.

Sounds pretty gay to me.

No, I'm just a bit drunk.

Drunken words
are sober thoughts.

There was no thought
to what I said,

it was just pure gut instinct.

You're not helping your case.

I blurt things
out sometimes, okay?

I'm trained to, I'm an actor...

You're really not
helping your case.

How can I prove
to you I'm not gay?

I think the question is,

how can you prove to
yourself that you are?

Oh God, I'm so confused.

Exactly, goodbye.

Okay, goodbye,
beautiful stranger.

Hello, sir.

Will you take me to California?

Aw.

Hey, yo, girl, you
probably got a nice butt.

Sorry, what?

But I ain't seen it yet,
'cause you ain't passed me!

So, go on sugar, show us
what your workin' with.

You're funny.

I'm really not trying to be.

I just, I need to
validate my sexuality

and I have no idea
how to hit on a girl.

Yeah, that's not how.

That's like a bad impression
of how guys try to pick me up.

Yes, I was doing
an impression of this

1/8 Trinidadian
man who taught me

everything I know about women.

Wow, he sounds like a keeper.

Do you wanna introduce us?

Probably should,
since I have no idea

why you're still talking to me.

- Stop messing with me.
- I'm not.

I'm not, I just have
no idea where I am,

but all these beautiful
creatures keep

I just, I feel this need
to acknowledge the beauty.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

What's your name?

Lil' Jakey.

It's my 1/8
Trinidadian rap name.

Hello Jakey, I'm Sierra.

That's my real name.

I feel like I'm gonna die soon

and I have the sudden
urge to procreate

to ensure the continuation
of our species.

- Oh really?
- Yeah.

Completely unrelated but,
do you wanna get a drink?

- Sure.
- Then go get one.

You are messing with me.

I'm not, I'm not.

I'm just, I'm a
closeted asshole.

By that, I mean my
inner asshole comes out

of the closet when I'm drunk.

By inner asshole I
don't mean sphincter.

I wanna make that very clear,
mostly for my own sake.

You're so
digging a hole here.

Yeah, let's go get a drink.

It's so secluded in here.

Yeah, nobody ever
comes down here.

It's my favorite spot.

One vodka water, my lady.

Where's yours?

Oh, drinking is bad for you.

I thought you
said you were drunk.

Yes, yeah, but I wanna
sober up for what comes next.

And what comes next?

You do.

Does that mean what
I think it means?

What do you think it means?

That you think I'm
gonna go home with you

because I agreed to a drink.

Oh, my God, can we drop
this little charade please?

- What?
- Do you find me attractive?

I guess.

- Sexually?
- Maybe a little.

Okay, so, as long as I
don't make you uncomfortable

or do anything
completely psychopathic,

why don't we just acknowledge
where this is going,

so we can get to know
each other as people.

Wow, when you put it like
that, I guess I can't say no.

But you can say
no at any point,

and I'm totally
gonna respect that.

For now though, let
me just say that you

are ridiculously fucking hot,

and I'm gonna try to blow
your mind even though

I've only ever been
with one woman.

- You married?
- No, but my girlfriend

is sleeping at home in bed,

so we should probably
go to your place.

Yeah, I should probably go.

Ex-girlfriend, ex.

Totally fine.

I guess that means you're

emotionally
unavailable right now.

Yes, yes I am extremely
emotionally unavailable.

In fact, the only
thing I'm available for

is for the pleasure
of your company,

on this specific night only.

I'm lonely, I'm broken,

I'm not even sure I'll be
able to perform in bed,

and I doubt we'd be
compatible as friends,

so I can't believe you're
still here but, here you are.

You're interesting, Jacob.

Thank you.

Ah, see, I feel better already.

I do very well with praise.

Can you tell me something else?

All right, you're
probably the most honest guy

I have met in, ever.

- It's a little suspicious.
- Suspicious?

Oh no, what if I have
an ulterior motive,

like to have sex with you?

Oh, no, wait,

we've already established I do.

Yeah, it's refreshing.

You know what is refreshing?

Ice cold showers.

We should take one together
until our organs are freezing

and we have to clutch
each other's bodies

That's so weird.

But it's also kinda hot and
it just makes me wonder what

other kinky tricks you've
got up your sleeve.

Legitimately zero.

I didn't even think
that sounded hot,

I just thought it would be cool

to create some mutual
suffering as like,

as a team-building
exercise before sex.

No, you are so
playing with me again.

'Cause I can tell you're
this little lion man,

the way you snarled
at me on the street.

Nope.

My sexual spirit animal
would be more like a penguin.

'Cause penguins are
little perverts, right?

No, because penguins have
sex standing straight up,

wearing a tuxedo like
a virgin on prom night

getting busy for the sole
purpose of procreation

with their lifelong mate.

Wow, you're so poetic.

That just rolled off
your tongue so perfectly.

I am a cunning linguist.

I'll bet.

And you're funny, and honest,

and I can tell you're just
gonna be a handful later.

Doubt it.

I've only ever been
with my girlfriend,

and she would always make
me lie perfectly still

like a mannequin
with an erection.

Oh, my God, that's kinda hot.

If I ever moved, she'd
slap me in the face.

Can I do that too?

Sure.

I'm gonna go stare in
the bathroom mirror

and question my life decisions.

Okay, promise me
you won't run off.

I won't.

All right, 'cause you've
got this thing about you,

this vibe.

I've never felt
anything like it.

So, don't stare
for too long, okay?

Are you serious?

You're going home
with this clown?

I mean, I could give you a
number for a great therapist.

Oh, hey, my place or yours?

Rain check?

Oh, bye, Felicia.

So yeah, that's everything
that's happened since last time.

That's, wow.

Come on, don't go
speechless on me now.

Give me something.

I'm sorry, Jacob,
it's almost midnight.

The only reason I got your
text is because my last patient

was suicidal and I've
been working three hours

longer than I expected.

And then I texted you
saying it was an emergency.

And I felt kind
of obligated, yes.

Well, I can go.

No.

No, you're here, we
should talk this through.

Thanks.

Yeah, I just, feels
like I bit off more than

I could chew with
this mindspeak thing,

dumping everything
in my life at once.

- Yeah.
- And having to suffer through

these special acting classes
with these special actors

who need fuckin'
trigger warnings.

I mean one of them
is just ridiculous.

Her name's Kendall, she's
the walking embodiment

of the thought police,
and you can't say anything

right around her, and I just
don't get that, you know?

Why can't you just
talk about things,

have a healthy discussion, lay
it out on the table instead

of trying to shut everybody
down into your little box.

All right.

And then screwing
up my audition tonight.

Yeah.

And then getting
my face knocked in.

I mean, if this swells up and
fucks up my face permanently

it could seriously
damage my career,

and I don't have any
other skills besides this.

I mean, I could go into
manual labor but look at me,

I'm like Popeye before
he eats spinach.

- Jacob...
- What?

I don't know, nothing.

I should probably
get some sleep.

Oh, God.

Yeah, I'm so fucking
self-absorbed.

Larissa is probably
worried about you.

That's the thing.

What?

Don't tell me you
guys broke up too.

- I, uh...
- Yeah, you have seemed

kinda off tonight.

If that's what it is,
you can tell me, okay?

I don't expect you to be
on for me all the time.

- Jacob.
- What, what is it?

I have a confession to make.

What?

I feel like I've misled
you about a couple of things.

How is that even
possible, you barely speak,

you just placate me
while I blather on.

Well, let's
start with Larissa.

What's with the air quotes?

Have names been changed
to protect the innocent?

No, I made her up.

Well if fabricating
a fake girlfriend

is the worst of your sins,
you are absolved, my child.

Jacob, I'm straight.

And I'm single.

Okay, yep, you're gonna
have to explain this one.

I've had male patients
in the past who have seemed

a little distracted
during our sessions,

and some have even asked me out,

which doesn't really create
a professional environment

that's conducive to the work.

Okay.

So I decided a while ago
to sidestep the whole issue

and told myself that if
a patient ever asked,

I'd tell a white lie.

I'd say I was a lesbian
with a girlfriend.

Was the lesbian
part really necessary?

Yeah.

Saying you have a
boyfriend just registers as

an inconvenience in the
minds of certain men.

So yes, it was necessary.

Okay, you said
a couple things.

Well, since I wanna get
people out the door for good,

I prescribe a lot of newer
methods of treatment,

some of them controversial,

but most of the time they work.

But with you, I
guess I didn't really

exercise the best judgment.

Wait, what do
you mean exactly?

I mean I seriously
underestimated your capacity for

embodying the
mindspeaking method.

I have never seen
a client undergo

a transformation this extreme
in such a short period.

I told you that I
was committing to it,

and that when I commit to
something I go all out.

I told you that.

I know, but Jacob,
you have to understand.

When I hear these
sorts of resolutions,

it's mostly lip service.

I thought it would
help you speak up about

the things that
are bothering you.

I had no idea you'd cut off

every aspect of
your life like this.

And I sort of feel
responsible, but,

I mean, my brain is fried.

I have no idea what else
to tell you right now.

What?

How about the
fucking truth then?

I'm supposed to be able to
trust you, I did trust you,

I did exactly what
you told me to do

and now my entire
life has gone to shit.

I know, I'm sorry.

You're sorry, are you
fuckin', that's not good enough.

You treated me
like a guinea pig,

and now you're gonna sit
there like a wounded animal

expecting me to forgive you?

Like, oh, she didn't mean
to pose as a professional

and dispense terrible
advice to someone

in a position of trust and ruin

their entire fuckin'
life in the process.

Okay, gosh, I'll just go home.

What are you gonna cry now?

Are you fuckin' serious?

Did you need a trigger warning?

'Cause if so, just hug a
fucking kitten and stay indoors.

I spill my guts out to
you every week in here

and you can't even
talk straight.

- That's fuckin' great.
- Stop!

No, how am I supposed to
trust you if you know everything

about me and I
don't know a single

fuckin' thing about you, huh?

Look at you, sitting in your
throne playing puppet master

with every one else's
lives 'cause what,

it suits your hero complex?

Fine.

Fine, Jacob.

I'll tell you the
truth about myself.

I exist because of a lie.

My mother was a social
activist in the UK

and the government suspected
her group of terrorist activity

even though she was
completely peaceful.

And they assigned
undercover police officers

to infiltrate her
community and my father,

well he was one of them.

And she fell in love
because she thought

he believed in their cause,
and he got her pregnant.

And then testified
against my mother

for being complicit
in a violent protest

and she gave birth
to me in prison.

So, I am the product
of rape by deception,

and my father was acquitted
because he was a cop

while my mother
rotted away in a cell.

So, yes, maybe I need a
fucking trigger warning.

And no, no, I am not
comfortable laying it on

the table and creating a
dialogue with anyone who asks.

You know, I used to tell
myself that I got into

therapy because I wanted to
make the world a better place,

one person at a time.

But now I realize I started
because I was trying

to understand how
my father could feel

what he did was justified and...

I don't understand.

I don't possess the gene
to do that to someone.

He didn't pass that one along.

And I mean sure, yeah, you
totally fucked your life up,

but that's a recent development.

I was born with this
hollow feeling in my chest

and it has never gone away.

So, good for you.

Good for you Jacob, you
learned to speak your mind.

You might need to think about

the other person
for once, first.

I'm sorry.

It's my professional
recommendation

you stop practicing the method.

And I need you to leave.

Fuck me, I, I...

Please, please get out Jacob.

Now!

You
can leave it open.

Shouldn't you
be at work by now?

I'm working from home
for the rest of the month.

Oh.

You know, I never really
appreciated this place

until I knew I was leaving.

- You're leaving?
- First of the month.

I thought you'd
want me to leave.

Well, this place
is so Brooklyn.

I mean, it's cute, but
I belong in a condo.

No one belongs in a condo.

Oh, Jacob.

- You just don't get it.
- No, I really don't.

No, you never got me.

I don't wanna do this.

I'll let you get back to work.

I'm not mad.

Are you sure?

'Cause you seem mad.

And I mean, you have every right
to be after I ambushed you.

It wasn't an ambush.

What happened to your face?

It's a long story.

Look, Cass, just talk to me.

I'll hear you out, all right?

Have a seat.

Jacob,

who were you in high school?

Your boyfriend?

No, no, no, I mean,
before we started dating.

I don't know.

Normal, I guess.

I definitely wasn't
the quarterback.

Exactly, you weren't
the quarterback.

You were the drama kid.

But you might as well
have been the quarterback.

What do you mean?

Well, when you were in
your musical theater bubble,

all of the girls were
talking behind your back,

trying to figure out
how to ask you out

or get you to prom.

Because you were that
one funny, handsome guy

that didn't know how
attractive he was

because he wasn't
getting any hero worship

on the football field.

He was practicing glottal stops

and Cockney accents
in a dark room.

This is all news to me.

Of course it is.

So, when I just walked
straight up to you

and asked you out without
any of the note-passing,

fifth grade bullshit, a lot of
the other girls were jealous

but they backed off.

And I guess I had you where
I wanted you ever since.

As your invisible man-servant?

Okay, I acknowledge I've
treated you differently

than I would like to
treat a boyfriend.

But I could never
really relax just 'cause

I always thought
you'd figure out that

you could do better
than me and leave.

So, I guess I just tried
to demoralize you a bit.

Insult and belittle me
in every conceivable way?

Okay, yeah, that.

Yeah, you were
really good at that.

But that's the thing,

I was too good at it, and
that confident happy guy I met

in high school just let me
suck the life right out of him.

And it got to the point where
I was trying to drive you

crazy so you'd either
just man up or leave.

I guess you didn't
figure I'd do both at once.

I'm sorry?

Well, I'd like to think that
I left because I manned up.

I've got my shit together now.

I'm in an advanced acting class,

- I just had a huge callback.
- Okay, yep.

And let me guess,
you found some way

to fuck them up already?

Easy.

All right, I deserved that.

Jacob, your dream
is unrealistic.

You say that you want
it, but do you really?

You're not practical about it.

You just go on
spinning your wheels,

talking about your
favorite actors

and their incredible
performances.

Like, you don't
even have an agent.

I'm not gonna settle
for some crappy agent.

Whatever, something is
better than nothing to start,

and you refuse to
take small jobs

because you say that
it's beneath you,

when you know that's what you
need to get started, but no.

You're all talk, dude.

You know, sometimes I
think I must be crazy,

because I loved you.

Maybe I still love
you, I don't know.

But I must be crazy if I
can love someone who can be

cut down to size by
a casting director

who hasn't had their
morning coffee.

I haven't had
my morning coffee.

You never drink
coffee in the morning.

Yeah, I'm just trying to
figure out how to leave.

Okay, run along then.

The truth cuts both
ways, doesn't it?

Seems so.

It's sad,

because I think you actually
believe that someone

is just gonna come find
you and put you on a show

just because you're
just so good.

And I've realized that
this, this is for the best.

Because I could never be with
someone who thinks like that.

I'll get out of
your way, then.

I'm glad we talked.

You, how'd you find me here?

It wasn't hard,
you're always in

the same two-block radius.

Ah, it's where
the magic happens.

And you're David Blaine,
always on the streets,

giving the people
what they want.

All right, I'm done
being insulted by you.

- Take a walk.
- It was a compliment.

The man can levitate.

Look, I came to make amends.

For some Polysporin?

Looks like someone
beat me to the punch.

Yeah, look, Anthony.

I wanted to thank you
for the opportunity.

I have realized there's
probably lots I could've learned

from you and I'm sure
you had good intentions.

I had good intentions,
and good advice.

You just had shit in your ears.

Yeah, maybe.

I know I was pretty
careless with what I said,

but I was just going
through some stuff.

And mostly it's that I
was being an asshole.

But still, I don't
understand why you

had to be so condescending.

Jakey, your mommy got
you this job, right?

Sure.

So, you have enough
disposable income

to take an unpaid gig
like this in your 20s

and still pursue a
career as an actor.

Yeah, I guess.

Therefore you have no
idea what it means to work.

Not to go to work, but to work.

You coast through life
thinking it's just all

gonna happen 'cause
you're a spoiled twerp.

I saw that and I was
trying to help you.

Yeah, maybe I was a bit
harsh, but that was the point.

Yeah, well, it backfired
because now I'm disgusted by

whatever it is you do,
your side of the business.

Jacob, this is the business.

This is life.

You work for someone and
they treat you like shit,

you pay your dues, then you
get to be the guy that puts

everyone else
through the ringer.

I was just trying to
speed it up for you

like my bosses did for me.

I get what you
were trying to do,

but I'm pretty sure your
strategy failed seeing as,

you know, here we are.

Did you want me to
coddle you like your mommy?

Bullshit you and tell
you that everyone

in this business is up front
and that you don't have

to tell a few white
lies to get ahead?

Why is it one or
the other though, huh?

Why can't you work
me hard but also

treat me with a little respect?

Respect is earned, Jacob.

- Why?
- What?

Why is respect earned?

Why can't you just give it
to me and continue to give it

to me until I do
something to screw it up?

I don't know, all right?

Respect is earned.

That's what my bosses told me,

and that's what I'm
here to tell you.

Figure it out.

I think you just
figured it out for me.

Oh,
I'm so fucking glad

I helped someone out today.

Hallelujah.

Thank you, Anthony.

- Really.
- You're welcome.

Fuck.

Oh, look, the golden
child has made his entrance.

Whoa, what happened
to your face?

Hi guys, I'm sorry I'm late.

Jacob, we were
just about to launch

into a scene with
Jason and Kendall.

An actual scene, like acting?

Robert, I don't buy it.

That sounds great,
but if you guys don't mind,

I'd like to say something first.

- Of course you do.
- I'll make it fast.

Look, I feel like the
first couple classes

we got off on the wrong foot.

Okay, I got off
on the wrong foot.

I was pretty rude to both of
you and I'm sorry for that.

- That's all?
- What am I missing?

You were rude?

That's a great way to let
yourself off the hook.

Okay, enlighten me then.

The last few days have been a
blur, but I'm listening now.

Okay.

You came in here, you put on
this whole little act like,

ooh, I'm such a
nervous bumbling dork'

so that we would
let our guards down,

and then you treat safe
spaces and trigger warnings

like they're a complete joke,

which apparently gave you
the grounds to interrupt our

performances and assert your
dominance over the entire room.

That's an interesting
interpretation.

Kendall is entitled to
her interpretations, Jacob.

I never said she wasn't...

Okay, you know what, Robert,
you are not any better here.

You're allowing his
behavior to slide

because he's your favorite
and then having your little

after school boys club,
like we wouldn't notice.

Yeah, that shit's getting
pretty obvious, you guys.

We're not hiding anything.

We're just talking.

It's not my fault
if you're not able

to make friends or network.

Why wouldn't I be able to?

Because you're insufferable.

Oh, my God, and you just
apologized for being rude.

I'm not saying that
you are insufferable.

I'm saying that
would be a reason

why you wouldn't be able to...

Okay, I'm just so done
with your little mind games.

Can we just do the scene?

This is better than any
scene you could be doing.

Okay, you know what, Robert,
I think I want my money back.

It's too late now.

Look, Kendall,
I'm actually sorry

and if you have something
you wanna say to me,

just say it normally.

Oh, wow, of course
you would say that.

Of course.

You're just trying to
control my emotions,

trying to make me sound crazy.

I'm not doing that.

Such typical
white male behavior.

Is that what this is about?

I'm the enemy because
I have a penis?

Because of the color of my skin?

Which by the way, is
the same color as yours.

No, you became my
enemy when you decided

to act like a typical
entitled white guy.

You didn't have to, but you did.

So yeah, that's exactly
what this is about.

You know what,
Robert, hold the refund,

this is getting really good.

Okay, so, you have to hide
behind your identity politics

and shame me because I don't
act expect how you expect,

whatever that even looks like.

I mean, sure, you have
every right to criticize

my behavior, because
it was fucked up,

but does it have to come
with the entire weight

of collective social guilt?

Yes, it does, that's
the whole point!

You have it so easy, and
you don't even realize it.

None of you do.

You will only imagine
what it's like

to be a woman or a minority.

You will never know what
it's like to experience it.

You just get to
coast through life

and doors fling
themselves open for you.

- That's not true.
- Okay, well if they don't,

it's not because of
your gender or color.

Shit just isn't as
serious for you, dude.

So yeah, when it comes
down to making you

the butt of a joke, or
making an example out of you,

it's your job to grin and bear
it, because you can take it.

And because it will never
compare to what we go through.

- Right?
- What?

Don't bring me into this.

Look, Kendall, I
don't wanna pick a side,

but when you pin me up
against the wall and you say,

"You're with us or
you're against us,"

what am I supposed to do
in that scenario, huh?

Just throw in all
my cards and say,

"Yep, I wholeheartedly agree
with everything you say

"and I'm on your side now?"

Isn't that how
cults are started?

Okay, I feel you.

And Kendall, I feel you also.

But Jacob my man,
it's not like we wanna

play identity politics,

but the way how the
system is set up,

people only relate to us

based off of our
color, or our gender.

So, until society
can make a shift,

we have to take a
stance on the basis

of how we're being
treated, being identified.

Yes, exactly.

I mean, how else are
we supposed to do it?

Just agree with people
who want to harm us

and take advantage of us?

I'm not willing to compromise
when my side is right

and the other side
is just wrong.

Okay, see you know what?

I can't get on board with that.

Well, then you're
just as bad as he is.

What?

No, see, that is
straight up childish.

You can't pigeonhole
someone just because

they don't agree with
everything you say.

See that's the thing,
perfect reasonable attempts

for fighting for equal
rights get hijacked

and turned into something
that they're not

by people who talk like you.

And then make the rest of
us seem like we're radicals.

- But I'm an ally!
- Yeah?

Then maybe you should act
like it and educate the man

instead of shutting him down.

- Thanks bruh.
- Okay, you know what?

Now that we're on this subject,

you need to cut that shit out.

What shit?

Saying dope, fam,
bruh, all that shit.

It's like you say it
like it's some kind of

ironic joke with
your white buddies.

"Oh, that's diggity dope, fam,"

but then you're stone cold
serious when you say it with me.

Man, you can't get that
shit past me, bruh.

Aight.

I mean, all righty.

Yeah, get used to it.

Talking real proper around me
because that's how I have to

sound just so that
I don't get casted

as the token black guy.

There's progress though.

I'm seeing better roles
open up for minorities.

Yeah, well, I'm still
waiting for a couple

more black people
to win an award

for something other
than playing a slave.

Okay, that's something
I don't understand.

With the awards thing,
shouldn't it be...

What, based on merit?

Yeah, tell that to
the old white guys

voting for the awards.

Hey, easy on old white guys.

No, I was going to say
proportionate to demographics.

Aren't like one in 10 people
in North America black?

So, if there's five actors
in an awards category,

isn't it fair if there's...

Half a black person?

Uh, I don't know.

So, I guess Gary
Coleman would be

nominated every year, huh?

Hey, don't make
fun of little people.

I'm not, nobody is.

And why does it matter anyways?

- Gary Coleman ain't here.
- Gary Coleman's dead.

Rest in peace, Gary Coleman.

Oh, my God, you laughed.

There's a person
in there somewhere!

Fuck you, Jacob.

Okay, I'm sorry.

I don't mean to be a dick,
but I don't think everything

has to be a fight.

Not everyone is your enemy.

Why can't we all be allies?

Because that's
not how it works.

Not everybody believes
in the same things.

I mean, most people
will never fight

for equality or justice.

Most people will
just make fun of it

because they can afford to.

Okay, but some people
are willing to learn.

Like me.

Look at me, Kendall.

Look at me, I mean it.

If you just assume
I'm against you,

how could I ever
be for you, huh?

Help me help you to help me.

What, I'm confused now.

Fuck, so am I.

Aren't you exhausted
fighting all the time?

Put down the sword when
you don't need it, man.

Not everything is so serious.

I can have fun, just
not when the people

around me are ignorant.

Really?

Because until a second
ago I wasn't even sure

you were capable of laughter.

You're probably the type
of person who can't enjoy

"The Sound of Music"
because it normalizes Nazism

through musical
numbers or something.

Actually, I can't stand it
because it doesn't do justice

to the persecution of the
real Von Trapp family.

See, that's what I mean.

Whatever, it's a
goddamn musical.

It's the entertainment
equivalent of a puff pastry,

anyone could enjoy it if they
just shut their brain off,

but of course you
can't if you're looking

for the injustice in everything.

I bet you the actual Von Trapp's

would love "The Sound of Music."

Okay, I will
give it another go.

But I'm not letting
you off the hook, man.

Good, I don't wanna
be off the hook.

Stay on top of me and
my white privilege

and my patriarchal
hegemony like a hawk.

But please, if
I'm acting fairly,

give me the benefit
of the doubt.

I can do that.

Thank you.

Truce?

- Truce.
- All right, truce.

Let's do the damn scene.

Later guys, I'm just
gonna hang back and...

Yeah, yeah, we know, we know.

Good class, friends.

Well, that was interesting.

I'm surprised you
didn't stop us sooner.

Why would I?

It was all going
according to plan.

What, you were trying
to make us fight?

No, I was trying to
create an atmosphere

where you would all
let go of appearances

and embody your personal truths.

You're an evil genius.

No, I'm an aging
acting teacher

who's taught you
everything he knows.

You're ready for
the wild, Jacob.

Don't let me go, Robbie.

I don't wanna go.

Jacob, seriously.

I heard about your
audition last night,

your drunken rampage.

That's was a plum job.

Did you really show up drunk?

How'd you
hear about that?

Sandra is an old
friend of mine.

She's very disappointed in you.

Well, I'm sorry mommy
and daddy don't approve

of my method, but like
I said, that's just...

No, that's just the
way you do things, is it?

Are you sure?

Like I told you, Jacob, it's
about spiritual life and death.

I don't want you
to end up like me.

You're successful.

Oh, to a degree.

But I never really pursued what

I wanted in the proper way.

And that's not just with gusto,

that's with a measure
of tact as well.

So, what are you suggesting?

I'm having coffee
with Sandra tonight,

and I'll tell her
that you will meet

with her and her colleague,
sober as a priest in church,

ready to make it up to them.

Thanks.

Don't screw it up.

You know, I always thought
white guys getting jobs

'cause other white guys called
in favors was just a myth,

but now I'm starting to
think Kendall has a point.

Maybe you should
apologize to her.

I did.

Apologize again.

You can never
apologize too often.

Hey, uh, I really needed to
talk to somebody right now.

If you get this, call me back.

I'm done for the night.

Okay, but can I apologize?

Just come in for a minute.

What were you
like as a teenager?

I was a total loner.

I can see that.

You're not very
good at apologizing.

I'm just trying to ask
you some questions for once.

No, that's my job.

Can tonight be off the clock?

I am off the
clock, I told you.

Did being a loner
affect your career choice?

Okay, now you're
just procrastinating.

You do that a lot, you know.

Well, that's what
therapy is, right?

- Talking in circles?
- This isn't therapy.

This is you apologizing.

Right.

I think it's time you
found a new therapist.

Somehow this feels
more like a breakup

than my actual breakup.

Iris, I'm sorry for
blaming you for everything.

And I'm sorry for
treating you like

a sounding board instead
of a human being,

because even if
that is your job,

you're still a human being.

You're the last stop on my
apology tour because to me,

you're the most important.

Don't say that.

Why would you say that?

Because it's true.

Because you're the only person

that I've ever been
my true self around.

With everyone else I'm
either pushed inside

or I push out and try too hard.

But with you, I can just be.

That's part of
being a therapist.

Creating a sense of
understanding and

No, it's more than that.

Look, when I was a kid I
used to feel this sense

of clarity and of
depth and like,

like everything
was gonna be okay

and I was going exactly
where I was supposed to.

But now I almost never feel
that way, so when I do,

I just enjoy it while it lasts.

I think of it as some kind
of spiritual Alzheimer's.

I know that when I wake up
that feeling will be gone

and I'll be back in my head
distracted by something stupid.

Yeah, welcome to
adult life, Jacob.

You don't really
believe that, do you?

That's just something
you're supposed to say,

I know you know what
I'm talking about,

because the times
that I feel like that

are when I'm here with you,
and I know you feel it too.

Maybe I know what you mean,

but that's an
occupational hazard.

People don't get that
sense of openness

and understanding
in their real lives,

so they project that
feeling on to me.

So you're calling me crazy?

No, you know I
would never do that.

Sure, yes, I feel it too.

- But that's only because...
- Because you're not

actually gay or
in a relationship?

Stop, that has
nothing to do with it.

Then maybe it's because
you're extremely emotionally

available, you've felt alone
at least since your adolescence

and you've spent the
entirety of your adult life

keeping people at arm's length,

but now you're finally
ready to open up

and experience intimacy.

You're flipping
the script, eh?

What are your rates, doc?

Oh, you couldn't afford me.

You're probably right.

You said I'm the last
stop on your apology tour.

What did I miss?

Well, I guess I
realized that my version

of the mindspeaking method
was just me projecting

my frustrations on to
everyone else without stopping

to consider their perspective.

And I'm sorry, too, for
giving you such terrible advice.

No, no, you're good.

It actually worked out.

I learned a lot of stuff
about Cass I never knew.

Really, are you two
getting back together?

No, that's not happening.

- Why do you care?
- I don't.

Okay.

Yeah, even Anthony
and my classmates

seemed to open up a bit.

It wasn't all sunshine and
roses, but it's a start.

And see, that's it.

There's nothing wrong
with speaking your mind

as long as you take the
other person into account.

Couldn't you have told
me that off the start?

- I thought it was obvious.
- No.

I'm sorry, I'm joking.

I don't know, I wasn't thinking.

You, me, your classmates,
we're all fucked up.

We're all just trying our best.

Is that even true though?

Everybody always says that
"everyone is just doing

"the best with what they have,"

but there's plenty of times when

I know I could be doing better,

but I just choose not
to 'cause I'm lazy,

'cause "Game of Thrones" is
on, and that's not my best.

So, if that's true for me,

its gotta be true
for other people.

I don't know, it's not binary.

We all just have our basic
human nature with all

its carnal drives and we have

to do our best to
transcend that.

You can't transcend
human nature.

- It's human nature.
- Oh, you can't?

A couple centuries ago they were

burning people for witchcraft.

A few decades ago women
couldn't even vote.

All of our so-called
natural drives to oppress

and be violent to each
other have taken a back seat

because we are evolving as a
society; mentally, spiritually.

There's no reason that
trend can't continue.

You should meet
this girl I know.

Her name is Kendall, I think
you guys would get along.

Is that the safe spaces girl?

Yup.

Well I know you
don't like her,

does that mean you hate me too?

My personal feelings
have no bearing

on our professional
relationship.

We have no professional
relationship.

I fired you, remember?

Oh, yeah.

I guess that leaves us no
choice but to be friends.

Friends?

I think you just
want free therapy.

Oh, I think I've learned
everything I can from therapy.

Oh, I think you
are incredibly cocky.

Tell me what you really think.

I think I'm about to pass out.

Well, let's go get a coffee.

Uh, are you crazy?

It's after midnight.

I know a place
that's still open.

That's not what I
meant and you know it.

They have the best decaf.

Best decaf is an oxymoron.

Let's go.

Okay, but this is not a date.

Who said anything
about a date?

No one said the word date.

You're the first
person who said that.

Okay, come on, let's go.

- So, it's like more honest.
- Okay.

Even though I know it's not.

I know it's like a...

I know what you're
thinking, and it's not a date.

I mean that's what she said,
so let's just go with that.

And maybe she's right,
maybe I am projecting.

I have a hard time trusting
a crush on my therapist

since I've fantasized
about dating my therapist

since I was 12.

What kind of 12
year old does that?

Anyway, I guess I'm
my own therapist now,

and it's got me thinking.

My relationship to
love is a lot like

my relationship to life.

I mean, in the back of my
mind I knew my girlfriend

and I could break up and it
was easier to play it cool,

so if we did it
wouldn't feel like

I was losing anything too major.

But at least with love
there's the chance

that it'll work out and
stand the test of time,

so some people go all in,

whereas the difference
is with life,

it's a guarantee
you're gonna die.

So, you hold back, you
let your fear consume you

so that when it's over
you can tell yourself,

"eh, it wasn't that great,
it was no big deal."

You know, people always say
"live life to the fullest,

"take in every moment,"

but if you do that,
then when it ends

it'll be completely devastating.

The loss of something
you've experienced so purely

would feel so unbearable
your soul might implode.

But hey, that's probably
me just being dramatic.

You gotta give it your
best shot anyway, right?