Space Milkshake (2012) - full transcript

[Silence]

[***]

[Alarms start wailing]

[Squeaks]

[Power ramping up]

[Over intercom]:
Antarctica shuttle 9,

this is orbital
traffic control,

your flight plan
has not been registered.

Please respond.

[Static crackling]

Antarctica shuttle 9,



you are heading towards
an active debris field.

Orbital sanitation station
8518 Regina,

are you expecting any shuttles?

[Reply]:
Station Regina here.

Shuttle 23 just dropped off
an engineer

to repair our mainframe.

[Antarctica ground control]:
Never mind.

The shuttle just disappeared
off our radar screens.

[Station regina]:
Must be a sensor glitch.

[Station captain]: Do you
have fruits, vegetables,

or other food products?

[Engineer on shuttle]: No.

Fever, stuffy nose,
cold symptoms?

No.



[Door hisses open]

[Luggage clattering]

Hi.

Are you, uh...
Captain bal...

Bal... venie?

Call me Anton.

We're very informal
around here.

[Station systems chug and whirr]

Jimmy Anderson,
united spaceworkers
orbital 108 since 2147,

allergic to pollen.

Whoa...

Certified level nine rating?

Do you want me to go back?

We got you up here,

I'll put you to work.

Because this is my first
orbital assignment, so...

Well, let me clue you in.

Up here, the work never stops.

The orbital debris
is always piling up,

and someone has to be
in every sector

with a line of sight

to keep
the launch vectors clear.

Do you follow me?

You got it, chief.

I'm not a chief,

I'm the captain.

Sorry.

Just make sure you finish
by 0800 zulu.

I'm not signing
any overtime forms.

Oh, and by the way,

can you fix mess hall
food dispensers?

Uh, well, maybe.

What seems to be
the problem with it?

It's only giving us sandwiches.

That's your next job
after the mainframe.

[Tone chimes]
[Gentle female computer voice]:
Two minutes until calisthenics.

Repeat, two minutes
until calisthenics.

[Tone chimes]

Sorry.

That's the terminal
that's broken there.

That is lieutenant
tilda genero.
You don't need to talk to her.

-Okay.
-And the coffee machine
isn't working.

Can you fix that?

Well, I don't know.
I'm going to have to
take the mainframe--

[mumbles mockingly]

Just fix it.

[Scoffs]

What's his problem?

I said, "what's his problem?"

Yeah, you can't hear me
'cause of your earphones.

I can hear you.

Okay.

[Panting]

I'm putting in
for a transfer.

Not this again, val.

There's always something
on deep-space transports.

You know?

A chance
to see the galaxy.

It's all the same.

Well, then,

maybe I'll realize
what I'm missing,

and come back.

But what about us?

What about me?

Is this because of
the other night?

I've already told you,

that was
an egg sandwich.

You know I shouldn't
eat eggs.

That wasn't it.

Is it the sex?

No, the sex is fine.

So, what's
your problem?

[Chuckles ruefully]

[Ground control]:
Sanitation station Regina,

we have the unregistered
Antarctica shuttle

on our screens again,

heading towards you.
We have an alarm

indicating a high probability
of debris collision.

-Ground control, we're not
reading any debris here.
-Regina, please check again.

[Tilda]: It's probably
a sensor glitch.

[Ground control]:
Negative,

the debris appears to be
between class 2 and class 3.

Destroy it with a proton beam.
-It is too big for
a proton beam if it's class 3.

You know that.

-What do they want now?
-There's a cargo drone
coming in.

They've got a collision alarm.

Hmm...

Looks too small
for a laser sweep.

Yeah, it's probably
just a false alarm.

What do you want me
to tell them?

You guys want me
to check the sensors?

-'Cause I don't mind.
-No.

I want you
to go back to work.

Okay.

[Beeps intercom on]
This is captain balvenie
of the sanitation station 8518.

Who the hell

is trying to tell
my operations officer

how to do her job?

[Ground control]: Captain, i-
-you have to get
someone else.

Our main computer
is down for service.
-Hold on...

Antarctica station
now tells me

it's a priority one
situation.

That is not our problem.

The book says it's
too small for a laser sweep.

So it's too small
for a laser sweep.

Why don't you check
your book?

Why am I even
dealing with this?

Where's Valentina?
It's her shift.

[Beeps intercom]

Valentina to the control room
immediately!

That's Valentina
to the control room

immediately!

[Sighs heavily]

[Ground control]:
Why don't you take out a pod
to pick it up?

Because we don't
take pods out

for class two debris!

This is sanitation
station Regina out.

[Beeps off intercom]
Morons.

Did they just ask for a pod
for class 2 debris?

[Jimmy]:
Do you guys know

where I could get, like,
a sandwich or something?
I'm kind of hungry.

Oh, would you
like a sandwich?

You know what
i would like?

I'd like
my computer fixed.

So fix it.

Oh.

Sure thing, Anton.

That's captain balvenie to you.

[Alarms wail]

What is that?
Is everything okay?

Collision detected.

Secondary explosion.

We're reading a class six
debris field out there.

Lots of it.

Are there any
salvage crews in the sector?

[Ground control over intercom]:
Salvage teams delta one

and tango three
to sector four immediately!

They must really want that pod.

Think there's
something good in there?

That is my bet.

Then I'm calling it.

Match the orbit
and position for pod launch.

Run the checklist!

Tell Valentina
to meet me in airlock two.

We are going fishing.

[Tilda, over intercom]:
Valentina,

report to airlock two
for salvage pod launch.

On that subject,
how does it work
with the salvage thing?

Do you guys, like,
split it amongst the crew?

Or...

Three-way split.

'Cause it should be
four ways now 'cause I'm here,
and I'm the fourth guy--

you didn't sign in.
You're not crew.

Well, where's
the sign-in sheet?

Yeah.
I'll sign in later.

[Valentina]:
So, what are we saying
a three-way split on salvage?

Absolutely.
There's no way
I'm cutting in that new guy.

Uh, that's the good space suit.

Well, I was here first,
and you can
handle the heat better.

Fine, fine.

There's nothing wrong with
the other suit anyway.

I don't care.

I just took a bath.

I said fine.

[Sighs]

[Activating pod]

Why are we even
bothering with this?

This could be the haul
we've been waiting for.

They are going crazy

about whatever was on
that cargo drone.

Well, what is it?

I don't know,

but it's got to be
something good.

Looks like there's
something over there.

Oh, yeah, I see it.

Line us up.

[Ground control]:
Sanitation pod,

do not approach
the debris field.

The area will be salvaged
by an authorized crew.

Do not approach
the debris field.

This is now a secure sector--

ground control,
this is our sector,

and we need to keep
this space clear.

We got all sorts of transports
coming through today.

[Ground control]:
Negative! Stand down--
-you see? They really want

whatever was in
that shuttle.
This is going to be a good one.

Did you bring
one for me?

Veggie?

Is there ham?

You got the good space suit.

Take the ham.

Mm.

[Sighs]

That's a lot of buttons.

I have to manage
this salvage operation.

You know, I'm just going to
go back over here,
so I'll talk to you in a bit.

[Anton, over intercom]:
Okay, almost full.

Let's dump this load
and we might get back
for another one.

Got it.
Securing the hatch.

Hatch secure.

Oh.

Looks like there might be
an active energy source in
there.

Yeah, it's all right.
We'll need to skip
the safety check.

Look, we've got
about two minutes.

If we can get this
onboard, it's ours.

[Debris clatters]

[Boom]

Are they
shooting at us?

I don't know.
Hold on.

All the sensors
are down.

Where's
the debris field?

Where's everything?

[Anton, over intercom]: Tilda,
can you get in touch
with ground control?

Ground control, come in.

Ground control?

It's not the sensors.

Something's wrong.

Okay, something's happened.

We're heading back in.

You know, it sounds like

he's holding the microphone
way too close to his mouth.
-Do you think so?

Yeah, he should be, like,
three to four inches--

I used to work
at a supermarket, um,
and they told me that

when I was making
the aisle announcements--

new guy?

Shut up.

Okay.

[Pod powering down]

[Door hisses open]

-Any luck with ground control?
-No response.
On any channel.

Did you guys see
that bright flash of light?

Yeah, I'm still
seeing spots.

-Was it a solar flare?
-Yeah, maybe.
I don't think so.

Good salvage?

-Who said you could
take a break?
-Uh, nobody.

Are you guys okay?

Yeah.
Can you go see
what our salvage is?

You guys want me
to do anything, or...

And report to me in 10.

Arse.

[Engine chugging]

[Electricity crackles]

Who the hell are you?

[Distant screaming]

[Machine whines]

Tilda?

[Gasps]

Oh! Uh... I'm-I'm sorry.

Is this the laundry room?
'Cause I was looking for
the rec room,

and then I heard a scream,
so I came in here,
but I'm sorry--

really sorry if I startled you.
I didn't mean to.

I didn't see anything.
So, anyway, I'm just going to
go back to the rec room--

oh!

I'm really sorry about that.
I didn't...

What's the matter?

[Drops boots]

Hey--

hey, you forgot your...

Boots.

[Exhales anxiously]
Wendi?

[Gentle female computer voice]:
Hello, Jimmy.
-Where's the laundry room?

Deck c.

Does tilda have a boyfriend?

[Anton, over crackly intercom]:
Jimmy! How are the repairs
coming?

Jimmy?

Get on the intercom, Jimmy!

Anton?

You'd better be getting all
over this mainframe problem!

I want hourly reports
every half hour!

I can't really
understand--

just get on it, god damn it!

Copy that.

-[Sighs]
-[Alerts surge and blare]

[Computer voice stammers
as power dies]

Wendi?

[Valentina]:
This is the western alliance

sanitation station Regina,

in orbit,

does anyone
receive this message?

Please respond.

This is the sanitation station
Regina, please respond--

what are you doing?

I'm trying to figure out
what you're doing wrong.

[Jimmy kicks bulkhead]

Did you fix
the mainframe yet?

Yeah, here's the thing
about that,

it's taking me
a little bit longer
than I anticipated, so...

And also, I've got to call down
for some parts.

-There's nothing out there.
-I don't see how
that can be true.

It must be
a communications problem.

We're having
a communications problem

right now.

I am telling you
there is nothing out there.

We need wendi to do
a full analysis.

Hold on a second.

Are you saying
there's nothing out there?

Why didn't anybody tell me?

I mean, I got to
get back to earth.

Well, that's not going to happen
any time soon.

So, what, we're stranded?

[Tone chimes]

[Computer voice]: Two minutes
until scrabble.

Repeat, two minutes
until scrabble.
[Tone chimes]

That's not even
a word.

-Do I have to play?
-Yes.

We need to stick
to a schedule.

Schedule says scrabble.
How's your sandwich?

It's not very good.
It's just like...

Yeah?
Well, that's all there is
until breakfast tomorrow.

-What's for breakfast?
-Sandwiches.

[Drops sandwich, sighing]

Tell me
something, Jimmy,

is there someone special
waiting for you back on earth?

I-i have a girlfriend.

Do you actually
have a girlfriend?

There's a girl
that I'm friends with,

and I was going to ask her out.

Are you actually friends?

We know each other.
I know her.

Sort of...
Sort of know each other--

[thumps table]
Times up.
Minus one point.

[Distant clattering]

[Anton]: Hey, tilda.
Do you want a sandwich?

We kept you the pickled
onion and cheese.

What are you
looking for?

What's she looking for?

Fifteen seconds overtime.

Make a word.
-I'm making a word.

[Sighs huffily]

Just make a decision.

I don't rush in

and make stupid,
inexplicable decisions,
like some people!

Leaving you
is not a rash decision.

It's totally inexplicable!

-You guys need a minute,
so I'll just--
-no, just sit down.

We're playing scrabble.

[Crashing]

What was that?

[Alerts beep]

That was an impact.

Pressure nominal.

Check the cnw3, Jimmy.

Uh... okay.

Not quite sure
what I'm looking at,
though, uh--

orbital position, Jimmy.

Orbital position is...

Other console, Jimmy.

Right, uh...
Okay, got it.

The fail-safe thrusters
have kicked in.

Orbit is stable.

Collision checklists?

Working on it.

Let's see where it hit us.

What is it?

An asteroid would have
done more damage.

It looks like a...

I don't know.

It's small.

And yellow.

[Latch snaps]

[Beeping console]

[Doors hiss shut]

He's almost there.

He's got it.

Is that...

Your rubber duckie?

Well, it looks like it.

It was dented
into the outer hull.

Well, how did this
get into space?

Exactly.

Why don't you tell me, hmm?

[Stammering]:
Where are you going?

[Sighs]

It's kind of weird.

How many of these things
do you have?

Just the one.

Hmm.

Funny that.

Because they're identical.

[Sucks his teeth]

Why would you deny
that it's yours?
-Because it's not.

Hey!

They're not identical.

One says "v + g,"

the other one says "g + v."

Where'd you get this?

It was a gift.

[Ducks squeak]

What is it, tilda?

-Do you know something
about this, tilda?
-Has she said anything today?

Not to me.

-She's acting weird.
-[Noncommittally]: Eh?
I hadn't noticed.

[Tone chimes]
[Computer voice]:
Two minutes until bedtime.

Repeat, two minutes
until bedtime.
[Tone chimes]

[Computer voice]:
Two minutes until breakfast.

Repeat, two minutes
until breakfast.
[Tone chimes]

[Grunting steadily]

Your shift
starts in ten minutes.

[Sighs]

[Beeps console,
dispenser whirrs]

[Hand-grip rattles with tension]

[Grunting with effort]

[Typing commands]

Hi, tilda.

How long you been
in orbit?

Yeah.

I'm still getting
used to it, myself.

It's not as...

Exciting as I thought
it was going to be.

But then again, I guess
that's a good thing, right?

After what happened
to earth and all.

What do you think
happened to earth?

You know,
I'm testing the circuits

coming off the recursive
logic decoupler

for a memory leak--

[tilda kicks console]

[Power surges back on]

[Console chirps]

Wow.

Why don't you ever
say anything?

Anton?
I fixed the computer.

[Anton, over intercom]:
On our way.

Hey, listen, um...

I know you're
looking for something,

and I can help you,
if you just tell me what it is.

-You fixed it.
-Yeah--

-it's about time.
-Finally!

Wendi?
-Oh, uh, it's just
rebooting, so just give it...

A moment.
[Clears throat]

Wendi, respond.

[Wendi, in British male voice]:
Good morning, captain.

Why is she talking
in a man's voice?

I like the old
voice better.
Fix it.

Wendi, status report.

Several systems
are sub-nominal,

including communications
and vector processing.

Logs show that
a collision has occurred.

Yeah, that was
a rubber duck.

Well done, Jimmy.
-Wendi, can you reach
ground control?

[Wendi]:
No communications.

Relay stations
are not responding.
Initial analysis is negative.

Wendi, what
happened to us?

[Wendi powers down]

[Scoffs in disgust]

-Fix it.
-You know, I think
tilda can help.

Sure.
She's no good to me.

Tilda, help Jimmy.

Or just go.
You know,
that's fine, too.

You know, you need to work on
that attitude, tilda.

Am I the only one
who's trying to hold things
together on this station?

I'm telling you, Jimmy,
it's lonely at the top.

[Muttering]

Hey, tilda.

You have trouble sleeping?

You want to play scrabble?

What's happening
to us, tilda?

What's with
the rubber ducks?

Anton,

he thinks
you're space-crazy.

I mean, to be honest,
sometimes, you do seem
kind of distant.

But you know, I think
you're just
dealing with things

in your own way.

[Rapidly arranging tiles]

[Gasps in fright]

God...

You have to
connect the words.

Did I scare you, Jimmy?

Hmm?

'Cause I'm everywhere,

and I've got my eye on you.

Is that my jumpsuit?

Who said you could wear
my jumpsuit?

-I didn't pack anything else.
-You have to earn that uniform.

You can't just put it on.

[Dispenser whirrs]

Take it off,
and wash it,

carefully.

And you,

shape up.

What is so special
about that rubber duck?

Why do you
keep it around?

Fond memories.

Hmm.

"Fond."

Yeah.
Is there something
wrong with that?

Well,

are they more fond
or less fond

than memories of me?

It's not all about you, Anton.

I want to get off this station.

I have wanted to
get off this station

since before
we were stranded.

I need a change
of scenery.

I'm sick of this place!

So, whoever gave you
this rubber duck

has nothing to do with
this change of heart?

It has nothing to do with Gary.

Oh, so now we have a name.

Gary.

So who is this Gary, hmm?

What's Gary up to
these days, eh?

Do you keep in contact
with Gary?

I haven't spoken
to him in years,
and we were just friends.

Ah!

You just happen to have
a growing collection

of his bath toys.

It's none of your business.

You and I,

we're separated.

We are?

Since when?

[Power surges on]

[Computer warbles]

Wendi?

Can you identify me?

[Wendi, still male-voiced]:
You are station engineering
specialist Jimmy Anderson.

You are a libra.

Your favorite color is blue.

Your favorite food
is chocolate cake.
-Well, looks like

your social interface
program is back online.

Yes, Jimmy, it is.

I am pleased that you noticed.

Why do you have a man's voice?

I am operating on default
human interface settings.

Well, Anton hates it.

Would you like to select
a different interface protocol?

No, no,
you can keep it this way.

Oh, hey, can you show me
the station video monitors?

What is tilda doing?

Tilda is accessing

the English human language
simulator array.

-Why are women so complicated?
-That is not in my database.

Have you ever been
in love, wendi?

I love being the Regina's
mainframe computer.

You haven't fixed
the voice yet.

It's, uh, stuck that way.

What's the male
version of wendi?

Winston?

Walter? Walter.

Hey, you know,
i knew a guy named wendi.

Well, his real name
wasn't wendi, I don't think.

We just called him wendi.

His actual name
was wendall.

That's probably
the male for "wendi."

'Cause it's not "e,"

it's "ll".

Finished?

-Yeah.
-Mm-hmm.

Wendi, we will be calling you
"Walter" from now on.

That's Walter.

Walter, respond.

My name is wendi.

Hey, uh, listen,

I don't think
these power converters

are going to hold,
and we don't have any spares--
-take a look in the salvage bay,

you'll probably find
something in there you can use.

Salvage bay, got it.

Now.

Oh. Oh.

My name...

Is wendi.

Where did you come from?

[Sighs]

Wendi,
what do you have on Valentina's
work history?

-All records are online.
-Did she ever work with
someone called "Gary?"

Valentina interned
with professor Gary pinback

of the Antarctica

quantum transportation
research station.

And who is this Gary pinback?

Professor pinback
was a leading expert

in transdimensional
transportation theory--
-okay, okay, all right. Good.

But what I mean is,
who is he?

You know, has he had
a lot of girlfriends?

What does he look like?
Is he handsome?

Have you got vital statistics?

Medical records?

Photographs?
Have you any photographs of him?

With his shirt off.

At the beach maybe?

Or-or data on his...

Anatomy?

[Console warbles]

Oh, god.

He's hung like a donkey.

[Sighs]

Is he athletic?

Is he more athletic than me?

Professor pinback theorized

that it was possible
to transport life forms

between dimensions
of time and space

to parallel realities.

Well, that doesn't
sound glamorous, does it?

Doesn't sound sexy.

Sounds like a lot of math.

Professor pinback's theories

may in fact explain

the absence of human life
outside the station.

How long did val and Gary
work together?

Approximately three years.

Did they go
on any trips together?

That information
is not on file.

You know something, wendi,

you're completely useless.

You are completely useless
and utterly stupid.

I am sorry, captain.

[Muttering]: Yeah, well.

It's easy to be sorry,
isn't it, wendi?

[Duckie squeaks]

[Feedback whines over intercom]
Valentina!

[Anton shouts]: Valentina!
-Hello? Anton?

[Anton]: Break room,
immediately!

[Computer voice]:
Two minutes until lunch.

Repeat, two minutes
until lunch.

[Crash echoes]

How's it going,
tilda?

Since these strange
events started,
you haven't said a word.

You haven't eaten.

Now, I've noticed,
'cause I notice things,

'cause I'm the captain.

You haven't slept,

and I can see that
you're deeply troubled

by what's going on.

And frankly, tilda,

I'm a little disappointed

you haven't
held it together.

I mean, you're
a trained officer.

I know things are
a bit tough just now,

but, you know,

I've been through
a lot worse situations.

All you need is
a positive attitude.

Try a smile
once in a while.

Can you do that, tilda?

Let a smile be
your umbrella.

I don't hear
an answer, tilda.

You've found
the time cube.

Wow.

I-is that what that is?

What's a time cube?

We have to make sure
this never activates.

Uh, w-what do you mean by
"activate?"

'Cause it was on
when I found it.

I didn't--
i didn't do anything.

What the hell
is going on?

All life on earth just ended.

I thought all life on earth
ended yesterday.

[Scoffs in disgust]
Great, Anton.

Is she blaming me for this?

Yeah.

How is this my fault?

Why didn't you tell me
that she's speaking now?

And why is she talking to you
and not me?

Calm down.

[Angrily]: I am calm.

Look, why are you
angry with me?

Because you're excluding me.

Well, maybe if you spent
more time in the control room

and less time in your bath,

you'd know
what was going on.

And, by the way,

I know
that you and this Gary
were more than just friends.

How would you know that?

Wendi told me.

[Scoffs]

[Whispering in shock]: That is
an invasion of my privacy.

So it's true!

I knew it.

You filthy cow.

-What is it?
-This is a chronotronic

quantum flux transfer
event generator.

Really?

It is the most dangerous
machine ever created.

Oh.

It's beautiful.

Just like you.

[Squeaking]

Let's forget about
this Gary thing

for a second.

Maybe you were with him,

maybe you were just friends,
it doesn't matter.

What matters is

you're over him,
and you're with me now.

So, let's stop
all this stupid fighting, eh?

You're right, Anton.

Good.

What's the point
of fighting

with a shit for brains,

whiny little control freak
with no balls,

stupid, stinky suck
with no sense
of style, charm,

or personal hygiene?

Your feet stink,

and they are inhumanly hairy,

and sweaty.

You rub them
up against me at night,

and it's like
a stray cat.

It's like
a phlegm-covered fur ball.

And you pass a lot of gas
when you sleep.

It's like being
in a chamber

full of
poo particulates,
and I'm suffocating.

And you're a mouth-breather.

And you...
You grunt a lot
when you go to the bathroom.

The entire ship
can hear you.
-Good.

It's like you're
passing a death star
through your ass, Anton.

I would rather
shit myself publicly

than be stuck on this station
with you.

I can see you don't
want to talk just now.

That's fine.

I'm just going to go
and get changed.
[Sighing]

Get myself a coffee.

Come and see me
when you're ready.

[Tilda]: I'm a robot.

You're a what?

[Electricity zaps, Jimmy yelps]

Ow.

[Zapping]
Ow! Ow!

Okay, okay, okay,
stop, please.

I run on electricity.

Do it again.

[Zaps]
Ow!

God, it's like
a socket.

[Zaps]
Ah! Oh, man...

That's just awesome.

[Typing at console]

[Dispenser whirrs]

Oh, hey,
tilda is a robot.
-No, she's not.

-Yeah, she is--
-nice to see you're
speaking again, tilda.

I haven't spoken before today.

Where I come from,
we don't need to speak.

-We've all heard you speak.
-I've come from
a parallel universe.

Since when?

It's okay, tilda,
tell them what you told me.

Someone has been traveling
across alternate
dimensions,

creating destruction
on a galactic scale.

Our earth is almost
completely destroyed.

We discovered
that this station

is the nexus point
of all damaged realities.

We only had
one chance--

to bring me here
to replace your tilda,

and make sure this time cube
was never activated.

My station

is the nexus point?

We've never
activated anything.

Did you turn it on?

-Look, there's a keypad here
that I haven't figured out yet--
-put down the time cube.

-Okay.
-Did you turn it on?

No!
Okay? I...

Here-here's exactly
what happened...

I found it,
and it was on.

And that's it.
Now, when I dropped it,

which, it was...
I mean, that could happen
to anyone.

It fell, I picked it up,
it was fine.

Like, it was exactly
the way it was when I found it,
so the fall is irrelevant.

But it was still
activated,

so the answer
to the question is no.

I didn't do anything.

[Alerts beeping]
-Wendi, what's the problem?

[Wendi]: I have detected
a dangerous power fluctuation
in the control room.

-Jimmy, I thought
you fixed that?
-Yeah, I did.

This must be something new.
-Val, why don't you
go take a look?

-Why me?
-You wanted
to be involved,

go get involved.
-Fine. Keep an eye on the robot.

[Stammers futilely]

I'm sorry.

[Alerts beeping]

[Punching commands, alerts stop]

Nominal, nominal,
five by five.

[Beeps intercom]
Anton?
[Goo squelches]

[Anton, over intercom]:
Go ahead, val.

-Looks like it was
a false alarm.
-Okay, thank you.

False alarm,
just as I thought.

What the hell
is this?

[Duckie]: Please...
Don't run.

My legs are short,
and it hurts.

Valentina...

It hurts to exist.
[Voice breaking]:
I shouldn't be here.

What the f...

I'm stuck
in a transdimensional rift

across the 12th
dimension.

[Squeaking]

[Gasps]

Don't run away.

What do you want?

I need to get back
to my dimension.
I need my time cube.

Valentina, it's me.

Gary.

My god, you're beautiful.

Gary?

Yes.
It's me.

[Anton]: You were saying...

You came here
to replace our tilda,

to stop someone from
using this time cube,
but he isn't here.

And what happened
to our tilda?

There was an accident.

And is she
around here?

Somewhere?

No.

So, you can see
why I'd be concerned to hear

that a member of my crew
has gone missing.

Things didn't go
according to plan.

I couldn't explain this
to your tilda.

Professor pinback isn't here

like he is
supposed to be.
-Yeah, you mentioned that.

Wait a minute.

Professor Gary pinback?

-Yes.
-That's who's supposed
to be on this station?

Yes.

Son of a bitch.

[Valentina]:
How did this happen, Gary?
-It was an accident.

The cube was activated
in my escape,

and I was shunted through
a dimensional vortex

into this stupid body.

But I was on my way here
for you.

For me?

I promised you
that one day I'd give you
the world.

I came here
to keep that promise.

I can take you away
from all of this.

Gary, that was
years ago.

Until I activate
the time cube,

I will continue to bleed
across the dimensional
boundary.

I don't know what I'll become.

Sounds painful.

It's very painful!

I need your help, Valentina.

There isn't much time.

[Alerts blare]

[Whispers urgently] Gary?

[Alarms blaring]

-What the hell
is going on now?
-This is how it begins.

I'm already too late.

Right.
I'm going to the control room.
You keep an eye on...

The robot.
I'm telling you,

if that son of a bitch
is on my station,

I'm going to find him.

You two,

stay put.

[Power surging]

Hey, hey, hey,

what's the matter?

The time cube
has been activated,

and there's nothing
i can do to stop it.

Infinite universes
will be destroyed.

A week ago, I never thought
I'd be in orbit.

People said, "that Jimmy,
he doesn't have the stomach.

"He doesn't have the training.

He doesn't have the cajones."

But I got myself together

and I paid a guy
150 bucks

to forge
my certification forms,

and now look at me.

I made the impossible possible.

The other tilda,

I didn't mean to kill her.

I know.

Let's go use wendi's cameras,
and let's find this Gary.

Okay.
[Electricity zaps, Jimmy yelps]

[Screaming in pain]

You're nice.

I'm really glad
you can talk.

There's something that
i couldn't tell you before.

What is it?

We can't trust
Valentina.

-What's happening?
-I don't know.

All the control relays
are offline.

Gary is on this station.

What?

Have you talked to him?

No.

Wendi,
are there any other men
on this station besides myself?

[Wendi]: Jimmy Anderson
is onboard the station.

Besides Jimmy?

[Wendi]: No, Anton.

Where the hell is he hiding?

What are you two up to?

Get off my case, Anton.

I have no idea
what you're talking about.

Who says Gary's onboard?

Tilda.

[Laughs derisively]

She also says
she's a robot.

Do you believe everything
everyone tells you?

Gary gave you
the second duck.
Admit that.

If you want answers,
go grill the robot.

Fine, we'll start
with that.

She's probably the one

who blew
the control systems.

And another thing,

we shouldn't
leave them alone

with the cube anymore.

What's so special
about this cube?

[Rumbling]

[Anton, over intercom]: Jimmy?
Take tilda to the computer room

and see if you can get
the control system back up.

Yeah, we're
in the computer room now.

I told you to stay put!

Okay.
[Beeps intercom off]

Do you know
what's going on here?
-I don't know.

But I don't think
we have much time.

How much time is not much time?

Hours.

[Rumbling]

-Anton...
-There is definitely
something wrong.

Check the air pressure.
-Anton!

-What?
-Um...

Okay, so i-i haven't been
totally honest.

Oh.

Gary is onboard.

Where is that bastard?
And how did he get
on my station?

Actually, you brought him on.

-I brought him on?
When did I bring him on?
-He just needs his time cube,

then he can go back
to his dimension
and set things right.

Oh, of course.

All he wants is his time cube.

He's got no interest
in you whatsoever.

He's the only one
who can send us home.

[Gary wheezing]

[Squeaking]

What the hell is that?

Anton...

Anton, please.

You're going to scare him.

Him?

[Grumbling softly,
squeaking]

[Whispering] Hey!

Hello, little guy.

No, no,
don't be afraid.

We're not going to hurt you.

What the hell
is that thing?

That's Gary.

That's Gary? That thing?

Right.
[Powering weapon]
-Anton, no!

[Weapon splutters and dies]
That's weird.

Must be the battery
or something.
I should have--

you should have charged it,
i told you that!
"Charge it up," I said.

"Val, I'm taking my blaster,
charge it up."

Jesus, is it too much to ask?

Charge up the blaster?

[Snarling]

[Muffled shouts]

[Screams]

[Screaming]

[Stammering]

Where did it go?

He's really strong
for a little guy.

I told you to be careful.

Look, why didn't you
just tell me about him?

I tried to tell you.

[Wincing] Ah!

How is your head?

It hurts!

Look, did you know
what that thing was

before we brought it onboard?

No, of course not.

-Look what he did to me.
-He was frightened.

Whose side are you on?

[Stumbling movement]

Do you see him?
-No.

Whoa, Anton, wait!

Look,

I'm not going
to hurt him too much.

I'm just going to subdue him.

That's all right.

That's fair, isn't it?

[Both screaming]

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

[All screaming]

What happened to
your head?

I was attacked
by a rubber duck!

[Tone chimes, computer voice]:
Two minutes until lunch.

-What?
-Repeat, two minutes
until lunch.

[Tone chimes]

[Dispenser whirrs]

So it's some kind of animal?

Yup.
And it's getting bigger.

-How big is it?
-About the size of a small dog.
Like, a pug, maybe.

And it bites.
Hard. What have you got?

Butter. Carrot.

Okra.
-God help us.

-Ham.
-Ham?
I'll take the ham.

All right, well,
we checked with wendi.

It doesn't seem like
this Gary's onboard.
So, that's good, right?

Gary is the duck.

-How?
-Oh, I think Valentina's
got something

she'd like to share with us.

I don't know all the facts.

[Muffled by sandwich]
No, go on, please!

The time cube
brought him here
through the duck.

It was an accident.
-Okay, hold on,
this is the Gary

that tilda said
destroyed the earth.

He's the duck?

Yes,
and he's on
this station.

He's part man,
part rubber duck,

part something else,

I don't know what.

And I'm going to kill him.

How is that going to help?

'Cause he tried
to suck my face off!

He's going through
a lot of changes.

He's not thinking
straight.

He's the only one
who can set things right,

if we give him
the time cube.

He is not here to help us.

Oh, and I suppose
you are?

I'm with tilda on this
for the time being.

What?

Yeah, me too.

Nobody asked you, Jimmy.

Okay.

I'm sorry, val.

Plan a,

we get control of Gary.
-Yes.

-We have to assume he's going
to keep smashing things.
-Totally.

Jimmy, you and tilda,

go and work on wendi.

-I love it.
-If we can get
eyes on him,

we can close doors remotely,
and we can trap him--
-yes!

Val and I will go
and look for the duck.
Are you with me?

No.

You said yourself
he's not thinking straight.

I'm not going to
give him the time cube.

That's how we got
into this problem
in the first place.

Oh, hey, do we have weapons?

-Everybody, take one.
-Don't we have
real weapons?

Like, like lasers
or something?

The laser's broke.

Just, uh, make do.

And I'll take this.

[Whispering] Gary?

Gary?

[Gasps, startled]

-Did you see him?
-No.

What are you going to do
with him, Anton?

Well, first, I'm
going to ask him

to stop smashing up
my space station.

I mean, that's reasonable,
isn't it?
-Yeah.

And then I'm going to kill him
just as hard as I can.

[Squeaking]

[Rumbling]

[Kicks debris]

[Shouting in panic]

[Shouting in panic]

[Plastic knife clatters]

Jimmy, wait.

[Electricity crackling]

-[Gasping in shock]
-Jimmy... Jimmy, are you okay?

Whoa. Yeah.

Whoa...

[Gasping]

That was...
That was just... crazy.

-Jimmy.
-I have a headache,

but it's not a...

It's not a bad headache.
It's like a good headache,

and it's in my whole body,
not just in my head.

I'm sorry.

No, it's okay.

In my dimension,
we have ways of showing
our affection for each other,

and they're really different,

but equally
as interesting.

If you ever want me
to show you those ways,

I would be happy to.
Even, like, right now,
if you want to.

[Rumbling]

Jimmy,
we don't have time.
-Yeah, you're right.

[Grunting and squeaking]
[Dispenser whirrs]

[Slathering]

[Dispenser whirring,
Gary snacking lustily]

[Gargling and belching]

[Beeps console]
[Power whines on]
The power system is still up.

We've got to locate
the damaged circuits,
somehow.

They could be anywhere
between here
and the control room.

Gary must have
done something.
-I'll talk to wendi.

What are you going to do?

Turn around.

Okay.

No peeking.

What-what are you doing?

I'm accessing
wendi's backup system.

No, I mean, what are you doing
with the rs232 cable?

[Computer beeps]
[Wendi]: Hello, tilda.

Hello, wendi.

The central
logic processor is up.

All systems are online.

The control interface
has been deactivated.

It was the duck.

Gary.
Well, what did he do?

Look.

Our orbit
has been altered.

We're going to hit
the atmosphere.

-How much time do we have?
-About 28 minutes.

-[Beeps intercom] Anton?
-The intercoms
have been locked out.

We have to get
to the control room.

Yeah. You're right.

You know, you are really
-[Unzipping]

Going to have to
explain that later.

-[Electricity crackles]
-[Wincing] Ah! Oh...

Oh, Jimmy,

you don't have
a static discharge buffer.

You're completely made of meat.

Meat that loves you, tilda.

Gary?

[Whispering] Gary!

Where the hell are you?

Gary?

[Sighs]

Come on, Gary, please.

We need to talk.
[Yelps in fright]

[Bones crunch,
Jimmy groans in pain]
What are you doing?

Ow!

You scared the crap out of me.

Ow.

-Where's Anton?
-We split up.

What are you doing here?

We're falling out of orbit.

Gary's done something
to the guidance systems.

Have you found him?
-No. He's not between here
and engineering.

Well, there's only one place
he could be, then.

[Trips on bulkhead]
[Groans] Ah! Ow...

[Whispers] Anton!

-[Gasps in fright]
-[Whispering]
Anton, it's over here.

-Hold that.
-It's horrible.

[Squeaking and squelching]

Stay back.

-Whoa-ho!
-Where is the time cube?

-What time cube?
-Where is the time cube?

Wait a minute.

You come onto my space station,

you try to steal
my girlfriend,

you turn the place upside down,

and now you're demanding
time cubes!

Who do you think I am?

[Roaring a war cry]

[Blows squeak
against Gary's body]

Ah, you big rubber dick!

[Blows squeaking]

[Roaring in pain]

That's it.

Let's grapple!

Sharp!

Sharp! Teeth!

[Gary roaring]

[Anton screams]

[Screaming]

[Blows thudding]
[Screams echo]

I need a first-aid kit.

Oh, he's leaking.

Valentina,

where's the first aid kit?

Valentina?

Gary?

Why are you doing this?

For you.

You realize
you'll kill me, too,

if this station
falls out of orbit.

Are you
with this Anton guy now?

I was for a while.

I don't know.

He fights like a girl.

Do you think he'd cross
alternate dimensions for you?

I travelled through
time for you.

I know.

You're mutating
faster and faster.

I could put everything back
the way it was.

Would you want that?

Would you want to
keep living

on this rusted
space dumpster

forever?

With this Anton guy?

You didn't have to
hurt him, Gary.

Come with me.
We will return to earth,
to the dawn of man.

There we will lay
the foundations

of a million-year
dynasty,

and rule an empire
over all space and time.

We will dominate
the galaxy together.

Once I have
the time cube,

the universe is ours.
Valentina,

I came here for you.

I did this all for you.

That's so sweet.

[Gasps]

[Anton coughs,
breathing hard]

[Groans in pain]

-[Muttering in uncertainty]
-[Wincing in pain]

Jimmy, our orbit
is still decaying.

You must stop
our descent.

You have to go
to the control room.

Are you going to be okay?

Yes.

[Coughs and gasps]

[Rumbling]

[Wincing in pain]

Where did you go?

Anton is hurt
pretty badly.

[Gary, over intercom]:
Attention, crew of
the sanitation station Regina,

prepare to be incinerated.

Incinerated...

[Beeping console]

He's in the storage bay.

[Console whirring]

[Beep]

Ha ha!

Gotcha.

[Roaring]

[Tentacle squeaks]

All right, he's locked in,
but we have to hurry.

Help me figure out
the thruster controls.

[Beeping commands rapidly]

[Jimmy groaning in pain]

Ow. Oh...

[Beeping commands rapidly]

What are you doing?

I'm out of here, Jimmy.

I'm done.

Where are you going?

[Heavy thud]

Thanks, tilda.

[Wincing]
[Beeps console]
Oh, no.

She let Gary out.

[Groaning]

[Tentacles squeaking]

[Shuddering and rumbling]

Just give Gary the time cube.

He'll help us.
He'll save us.

He's a monster.

It's just a phase!

It's getting hot in here.

-Yes.
-Why?

We are entering
the upper atmosphere.

Is that bad?

We have 15 minutes.

Fifteen minutes?

That's not enough time
to fix all the damage.

Maybe we should make a deal.

A deal? With Gary?

[Rumbling]

No.

We can't allow Gary
to have total control
over time and space.

[Tilda beeping commands]

[Power surges]

Wendi's online.

Wendi, we're falling.

Correct our orbital position.

[Wendi]:
I am sorry, Jimmy.

There was a break
in my control path
to the thrusters.

Rebooting and initialization
will take approximately
three hours.

Well, we have
14 minutes.

Leave wendi to me.

What? How?

[Unzipping]
Oh. Sorry.

[Cable clicks]

We are entering
the mesosphere.

It's pretty ugly down here.

[Ripping tape]

I can't find
where the break is.

Networking.

[Wendi]: Hello, tilda.

Hi, wendi.

[Rumbling]

How's it going up there?

Try bank 5,
unit lbj425.

Uh... here?

No, one circuit over.

What about... here?

No, but you're getting closer.

[Rumbling]

Here's the problem.

The mid-range data processor
is totally fried.

We need it to control
the thrust vector.

-You can't fix it?
-Yeah, I can fix it,
but I don't have the parts.

Oh, no, where's val?

The time cube!

[Zipping]

We're dead.

No, we're not.

I need your wire cutters.

Oh! God, I wish
you'd warned me

if you were going to do
something like that.

Oh...

Okay, one second.

Try this.

Don't you need this?

I have two.

Let me plug this in.

[Wincing]

Almost there.

[Computer chirps]

[Power surges]

It's working!

[Power dies]

It's not working.

Thruster control
is on another different circuit.

It's still offline.

-But it should work.
-No, there's another break
in the control path.

Are you okay?

I'll be okay.

But there's only one way
to target the thrusters.

How?

Manually.

You mean outside.

Yes, Jimmy, outside.

Take this.

You fixed it.

I think so.

We only have ten minutes,

and then the entire
outer hull
is going to burn away.

Hurry.

Drop your cocks
and sell your stocks.

[Muttering] Sharp teeth...

Who's there?

Valentina?

It's over, Anton.
We're leaving.

You can't trust someone
who wants to eat you.

Gary loves me.

He loves me in ways
you can't possibly understand.

I thought we had
some good times.

[Door hisses shut]

[Panting nervously]

[Jimmy, over intercom]:
I'm outside the station.
-[Sighs nervously]

[Shudders]
This spacesuit
smells like corn chips.

[Squeaking]

Gary?
I will kick your ass.

Gary, I have the time cube.

So, before we go,
one last thing.

What?

Kill him!

You big, twisty jobbie.
[Groans]

If you want me dead,
you come and do it.

I want to see you kill him.

Gary...
We don't have to do this.
We can just leave.

Valentina...

If this guy's
going to make you happy,

then go ahead.

I understand.

-Do it.
-Just give me a second, Gary.

Hurry up.
Kill him now.
-Just...

-Kill him.
-Just give me a second, Gary.

-Kill him!
-Can you give me a second!
Gary!

Kill him.

I don't like
being bossed around.

[Parts wrench and detach]

[Rumbling]

Keep going, Jimmy.

We have to align and fire
the thruster in 90 seconds,

or we will implode.

Okay, no problem.

[Roaring]

[Blow squeaks]
Ow!

So, that's how it is.

[Groans]

H'yah!

[Blows squeak, Gary winces]

Oof!

Oh!

Yeah?

So, you want to dance,
little man?

Ah, got you now.

Ah!

Ow, my tentacle!

Anton!

I'm almost there.

Tilda?

Tilda?

[Alerts beeping]

[Roaring]

[Beeping commands]

Come on...

How the hell does this work?

I am the master
of time and space!
I cannot be defeated!

[Frenzied roaring]

[Tilda]: Hey!

Huh?

[Weapon surging]

That's good.

-Is that my blaster?
-Jimmy fixed it.
-Thank you, tilda.

Where is Jimmy?

[***]

[Gasping]

Jimmy, you did it!

Orbit's stabilizing.

Jimmy?

Jimmy, where are you?
Come in!
[Air hissing]

Oh, crap.

[Tilda]: We're okay!

You did it!

* do a sold-out show
and then I hit the road *

* in my starship limousine...
-Whoa...

-Jimmy?
* get so damn tired
and uninspired *

* doing all these
one-night stands *

* it's a giant leap
for rock and roll *

* but it's too much
for just one man... *

[***]

* I'm a spaceship superstar!

-Thanks, sweet-pea.
-You're twice the man
Gary ever was.

I know.

* ...I'm at the top
of all the charts on Mars *

* got a solar-powered
laser-beam guitar *

* I'm a spaceship superstar...

[Door hisses open]

Jimmy.

-Are we okay?
-We're okay.

You did it.

[Sighs in relief]

[Electricity crackles,
Jimmy groans and winces]

[Tone chimes]
[Computer voice]:
Two minutes until lunch.

Repeat,
two minutes until lunch.

Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm.

You know something?

I could get
another one of these.

Chicken?

The ham.

The ham. Okay.

Ham.

Okay, I think we're ready.

Yeah?

[Beeps intercom]

Control room, are you ready?

[Anton, over intercom]:
Ready when you are, Jimmy.

Okay, we're activating it.

[Power surges]

[Humming]

Wendi, status report.

Wendi, what's going on?
Is it working?

[Wendi]: Time cube
interface activated.

Maybe I should, uh--

[energy pulse surges]

[Anton, over intercom]:
Jimmy! Jimmy, is everything
okay?

Yeah, uh,
we're okay here.

How are you?
[Valentina]:
We're fine up here.

[Voices crackle over radio]

[Transmissions crackling]

[Ground control]:
Sanitation station Regina,
come in.

This is ground control.
We have a level two
debris warning here.

Earth.

The time cube worked,
because that's earth.

Sanitation station Regina,
are you going to
atomize the debris,

or do we have to call
the spaceworkers' union rep?

Oh, yeah, yeah,
the debris thing.

Get the debris.

[Beeping console]

[Valentina]: Wait a minute,
isn't that Gary's shuttle?

Looks like
class ten debris to me.

[Targeting beeps accelerate]

[***]

[***]

[***]

* turning back
with their feet on fire *

* but it's not that hot
around here *

* children running
with ice in their shoes *

* while the child
cries alone with the fear *

* cheap faces shining
on the TV tonight *

* but there's not
a lot of light around here *

* six of seven numbers
i pray to appear *

* but my god
just don't wanna hear *

* oh...

* and it still goes on

* oh...

* and the world still turns

* it's turning and turning
and turning around *

[***]

* it's turning around...

* it's turning around...

* it's turning around

[***]

* five was my number
at Caesar's and son *

* made all my money
I'm done *

* same season blowing
through this desert each day *

* what happens in the city
should stay *

* weak politicians
with light in your face *

* and leaders'
ultimate disgrace *

* two start swinging
someone's lost her head *

* I wanna be left for dead

* oh...

* and we know it's wrong

* oh...

* and it still goes on

* and the world still turns

* it's turning and turning
and turning around *

[***]

* it's turning around...

* it's turning around...

* it's turning around

* it's turning around

* it's turning around...

[***]

[Gags and splutters]

[Holding back a retch]

[Coughs and gags]

[Retching]