Space Dogs: The Musical (2022) - full transcript

SPACE DOGS is an epic new musical that tells the mind-blowing true story of Laika and the Chief Designer - a stray dog and the top-secret Russian scientist who sent her to space during the Cold War. Written and performed by actor-musicians Van Hughes and Nick Blaemire, it is a sweeping, kaleidoscopic tale of invention, betrayal, international political intrigue, and the immortal friendship that exists between man and dog, as they journey together to the stars.

(crowd cheering and clapping)

(drumroll)

(crowd cheering and clapping)
(eerie outer space music)

- These were their names.
- These were their names.

- They were dogs.
- They were dogs.

(peppy drumbeat)

(everyone claps rhythmically)
- Come on!

Here we go!

Yeah!

(everyone clapping rhythmically)

Tsygan!



- Dezik!

- Siskin!

- Zhulba!

- Zib!

- Scamp!

- Neva!

- Joke!

- Comet!

- Blackie!

- Brave!

- Spotted!

- Ginger!

- Fox!

- Panther!



- Rita!

- Linda!

- Bulba!

- Redhead!

- Little One!

- Little Lady!

- Little Fox!

- Little Gnat!

- Little Bee!

- Little Star!

- Little Piece o' Coal!

- Little Whitey!

- Little Bear!

- Little Fly!
- Cheetah!

- Byelka!

- Strelka!

- And...
- And...

(Van and Nick rhythmically tap pedestal)

- Laika.
- Laika.

- The cutest face.
- The cutest face.

(audience cheers and claps)

(inspiring electronic music)

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(steady rock music)

♪ The space dogs of the Cosmodrome ♪

♪ The space dogs of the Cosmodrome ♪

♪ The space dogs of the Cosmodrome ♪

♪ The space dogs of the Cosmodrome ♪

♪ Four-legged astronauts ♪

♪ On missions that seem unbelievable ♪

♪ Connecting all the dots ♪

♪ Between us and what seemed unreachable ♪

♪ I didn't, I didn't know
history was changed by dogs ♪

(dog barks)

♪ They flew with helmets on ♪

♪ For reasons that are
kinda questionable ♪

♪ Do we deserve their trust ♪

♪ But they taught us who we are ♪

♪ We needed them to scout the stars ♪

♪ And now they're why
we're playin' our guitars ♪

♪ I didn't, I didn't know
dogs went up there all alone ♪

♪ I didn't know ♪

♪ The space dogs of the Cosmodrome ♪

♪ Because humans want
more, we always want more ♪

♪ Yeah, the lure of the sky ♪

♪ Is what we live for ♪

♪ So we don't have to stop breathin' ♪

♪ Yeah, we're into breathin' ♪

♪ We don't wanna die ♪

♪ That's why we want the sky ♪

♪ That's why we had to try ♪

♪ That's why we had we to lie ♪

♪ But why but why but
why but why but why ♪

♪ The spaces dogs of the Cosmodrome ♪

♪ They were saints ♪

♪ The space dogs of the Cosmodrome ♪

♪ They ain't nobody's bitch ♪

♪ The space dogs of the Cosmodrome ♪

♪ They were here ♪

♪ The space dogs of the Cosmodrome ♪

♪ They were there ♪

♪ And now they're history ♪

♪ Feel the weight, son ♪
(dog barks)

♪ The dogs agree ♪
(dog barks)

♪ I feel the ♪

- Wait.
(both gasp)

Sun!
- Sun!

♪ Think-a the years ♪

♪ Think-a the tears ♪

♪ Think-a the fears ♪

♪ Think-a the cheers ♪

♪ Think-a the years,
the tears, the fears ♪

♪ I didn't know ♪
♪ The cheers, the fears ♪

♪ History was changed by dogs ♪
♪ The tears, the fears ♪

♪ The cheers, the fears ♪
♪ I didn't know ♪

♪ Think-a the ♪

♪ The space dogs ♪

♪ We're the space dogs of the Cosmodrome ♪

(Van and Nick howl)
(dog barks)

(audience cheers and claps)

- Hi.

- Hello there!

- I'm Nick.

- I'm Van.

- And we wrote this.

- Well, it was already a
bonkers, obscure part of history.

We just wrote it down
in this particular way.

- In the 1950s, dogs were sent into space,

and very few people knew the whole story.

- Because it was classified until 2002.

(audience murmurs and giggles)

- Secrets.
- Secrets.

(audience chuckles)

- Secrets.
- Secrets.

(audience chuckles)

- Secrets!
- Secrets!

- History is tactile.

It's here with us right now.

Feel it? (Van inhales) Breathe it in.

Scratch history's ears.

- Mm. This?

Now it's history.

- So's this.
- So's this.

- So's this.
- So's this.

Eh?

- Anyway, we just think the
whole thing's fascinating,

a story of political intrigue,

science non-fiction,

best friendship
(Van and Nick pat each other)

and heartbreak.

And we thought you might think so, too.

- But you don't have to
think so as much as we do.

- No, no, it's not a competition.

- Oh, it's not?

- No, it's not a competition.

- Oh.

It's not.

(whistle blows)

(militaristic music)
♪ Life is a competition ♪

♪ Life is a game ♪

♪ Life is choosing sides ♪

♪ Life is husbands, brides ♪

♪ Life is where you're born ♪

♪ Life is a cosmic lottery ♪

♪ And what you decide to do ♪

♪ To construct a definition of yourself ♪

(Van and Nick grunt)

Enter the Chief Designer.

- The Chief Designer of
the Russian Space Division.

♪ Of the Cosmodrome ♪

- He was a military scientist
'round about World War II.

But he didn't wanna use rockets for war.

- No!

I want to use rockets to reach the stars.

- He was a serious dude.

Methodical.

Cold, even.

He is Russian, after all.

And he was kept a secret.

- Secret.

- The public did not
learn his real name until

after he died.

- So we're not gonna tell you either.

- But what we will tell you is...

- He was driven by a void...
- He was driven by a void...

- In the center of his chest.
- In the center of his chest.

- Will he ever fill it?
- Will he ever fill it?

(old phone rings)

(mischievous guitar riff)

- Hello?

- Comrade, your mother will
be out for a long while.

(phone rings again)

- Hello?

- Comrade, your father is dead.

(ominous orchestral music)

(Chief Designer begins breathing heavily)

(phone rings again)

- Hello?

- Comrade, you are arrested
for treasonous acts

against Stalin.

(Chief Designer whimpers fearfully)

(phone rings)
(Chief Designer yelps)

- Hello?

- Comrade, you are sent
to Gulag in Siberia.

Say goodbye to your wife and daughter.

(prison door clanks shut)

(water dripping)

- In the Gulag.

Tried,

sentenced,

tortured for six years.

For 2,190 lonely days.

For what?

A false accusation of treason,

for slowing down research
by Stalin himself.

But, I am surviving.

I write many appeals.

I am persistent.

I am also very hungry and
borderline hallucinating.

I must escape this prison.

I need...

Space! (Chief Designer's voice echoes)

(morose electronic music)
♪ Stuck here ♪

♪ It's terrible, I'm here ♪

♪ But not for long ♪

♪ It's terrible here ♪

♪ But not for ♪

(steady beat begins)
♪ Long ♪

♪ No, not for long ♪

♪ No mama, no papa ♪

♪ Life is hardly a life ♪

♪ So I became capable ♪

♪ I even married a wife ♪

♪ And declared my life's mission ♪

♪ Overcoming the fleeting
human existence ♪

♪ We all vanish without a trace ♪

♪ But not if I start a race ♪

♪ I start a race ♪

♪ Whoa-Oh ♪

♪ I start a race ♪

♪ But not if I start a race ♪

♪ I start a race ♪

♪ Whoa-Oh ♪

♪ I start a race ♪

♪ I'll make it exist ♪

♪ What doesn't exist yet ♪

♪ I'll take exploration ♪

♪ Over detonation ♪

But how can a human withstand
the flight to space safely?

How?

(wistful guitar solo)

♪ Stuck here ♪

♪ It's terrible, I'm here ♪

♪ But not for long ♪

♪ It's terrible here ♪

♪ But not for long ♪

♪ No, not for long ♪

♪ Check it out ♪

♪ Accused of treason ♪

♪ Because of Stalin ♪

♪ I'm thrown into prison ♪

♪ After six years of beatings ♪

♪ I'm allowed to go free and ♪

♪ With my body still aching ♪

♪ My loyalty to this nation ♪

♪ My loyalty is unshaken ♪

♪ I'm focused on what I'm makin' ♪

♪ And where I'll go ♪

♪ I'm focused on what I'm makin' ♪

♪ And where it goes ♪

♪ I'll make it exist ♪

♪ What doesn't exist yet ♪

♪ I'll make an example ♪

♪ This dog as a sample ♪

♪ My rocket is ample ♪

♪ To send her to orbit ♪

♪ To send her to orbit, yeah ♪

♪ It's not so terrible ♪

♪ Anymore ♪

♪ Stuck here but it's not so terrible ♪

♪ Anymore ♪

(guitar fades out)

(audience cheers and claps)

- Wow.
- Wow.

- That was...
- That was...

- Like-a dream.
- Like-a dream.

- Huh.

What a cute little doggy
in my dream about space.

(phone rings)

(mischievous guitar riff)

Hello?

- [Russia] Comrade, you
are released from Gulag.

Sorry, not sorry for the torture.

(Chief Designer laughs in relief)

(phone rings)

(mischievous guitar riff)

- Hello?

- [Russia] Comrade, you
are reinstated to military.

- The military? But why?

- [Russia] Because we are still at war.

- But it is 1946.

The war is over.

(Russia laughs disparagingly)

- [Russia] Yes, of course.

It is.

(edgy dance music)

- Mutual assured destruction!
- Mutual assured destruction!

- M. A. D.
- M. A. D.

- MAD.
- MAD.

(audience laughs)

- Here in this corner,

the capitalists!
(audience cheers and claps)

It's the United States of
America, baby, give it to me!

Oh, yeah!
(audience roaring)

- And in this corner,

the Commies!

The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics.

Let me hear you!
(audience booing)

Okay. Okay.
(audience laughs)

- The Soviet Union is the focus of evil

in the modern world, man.

(audience booing)
Boo, yeah.

- When we hang the capitalists,

they will sell the rope we use.

(audience booing)
That is a real quote.

- We're the most powerful country

because we have the missiles.

- We're the most powerful country

because we have the missiles!

- We're the most powerful country!

- We're the most powerful!
- We're the most powerful!

- We're the most!
- We're the most!

- Better not.
- Better not.

- 'Cause if you...
- 'Cause if you...

- I swear to god...
- I swear to god...

- I will get...
- I will get...

(America and Russia grunt)

- Mad.
- Mad.

(atom bomb detonates)

- And thus a new war begins...
- And thus a new war begins...

- Only this war only...
- Only this war only...

- Took place behind...
- Took place behind...

- Closed doors.
- Closed doors.

- I'm gonna get you.

- I'm gonna get you, bro.

- One of these days, I will get you.

- I'm gonna get you the day before that.

- Mutual assured destruction.

M. A. D.

MAD.

- The Chief Designer coined the phrase.

- Use of nuclear weapons

by two opposing sides

would cause the annihilation
of both attacker and defender.

Not to mention, everyone in between.

Hopefully, the threat of
these weapons will prevent

the enemy's use of these same weapons.

Hopefully.

(phone rings)

(mischievous guitar riff)

- Hello?

- Comrade, so, military
posting or back to Gulag?

- No! Please!

No more Gulag!

But I don't want to use rockets for war.

I want to use rockets to reach the stars.

Hello?

(audience laughs)

- Comrade, your request is granted.

You will lead your own
science team on mission

to reach the stars.

- Really? You mean it?

A chance at exploration?

To know the ultimate unknown?

- Yes.

On one condition.
(ominous drumbeat)

We must be first.

- First?

- To space.

(suspenseful music)
If we win the race,

we win the world.

Power,

influence,

communism.

If we lose, America will
blow us up and we all die.

Your decision?

Yes or no?

- Yes.

We will be first.

- Khorosho.

You will heretofore be known

by the code name Chief Designer.

You will live in absolute secrecy.

After all, the fate of
your nation's history

is in your hands.

- Send a man

into space...

But how?

How?

(dreamy music)
(music abruptly stops)

- Hey, Van, we should go to the dogs now.

That's what the people want.

(audience cheers and claps)
- Is that right?

(audience continues cheering)

Okay, great.

(suave piano chord)
♪ The dogs ♪

(audience cheers)

(steady cymbal drumbeat)

- The dog's longstanding
disposition towards man,

intuitiveness, patience,
obedience for its entire life

and sometimes even with joy,

serves the experimenter.

- Thanks, Pavlov.
(Van dings concierge bell)

- You're welcome.

- Dogs were made for us.

Literally. Eugenics.

Inbred to possess the traits we want,

to love us, be loyal.

"Sit, stay," and they do it.

- By the way, feel free to
say sit, stay, roll over

and we'll do it.
(both laugh)

- [Person In Audience] Roll over!

- Oh.

- Two, three, four!

(heavy guitar chord)
♪ The dog, the dog, the dog ♪

♪ Was the first species chosen ♪

♪ To be domesticated ♪

♪ Ah-ooh, ah-ooh ♪

♪ For their behaviors ♪

♪ Genus Canis ♪

♪ They're part of the wolf-like canids ♪

♪ The most widely abundant
terrestrial carnivore ♪

♪ The dog ♪

♪ And the extant gray wolf ♪

♪ Are sister taxa ♪

♪ Ah-ooh, ah-ooh ♪

♪ Dogs need a family ♪

♪ Just-a-like a wolf pack of ♪

♪ Unconditional love ♪

♪ Just-a-like a wolf pack of ♪
♪ We feeded each other ♪

♪ Unconditional love ♪
♪ We needed each other ♪

♪ Just-a-like a wolf pack of ♪
♪ We feeded each other ♪

♪ Unconditional love ♪
♪ We needed each other ♪

♪ The dog, the dog, the dog ♪

♪ Was the first species chosen ♪

♪ To be domesticated ♪

♪ Ah-ooh, ah-ooh ♪

♪ For their behaviors ♪

♪ The dog, the dog, the dog ♪

♪ Has a human emotion ♪

♪ So, so, sophisticated ♪

♪ Ah-ooh, ah-ooh ♪

♪ Dogs are our saviors ♪

♪ Food and security ♪

♪ We gave dogs happily ♪

♪ And that led dogs to be ♪

♪ For us uniquely ♪

♪ And that led us to be ♪

♪ Reliant on dogs ♪

♪ When we help each other think ♪

♪ We evolve, our brains will link ♪

♪ When we help each other ♪
♪ Relyin' on dogs ♪

♪ Think ♪

♪ We evolve ♪
♪ Spyin' on dogs ♪

♪ Our brains will link ♪

♪ When we help each other ♪
♪ Relyin' on dogs ♪

♪ Think ♪

♪ We link ♪

♪ Selectively bred over and over ♪

♪ Over and over ♪

♪ Dogs have many looks ♪

♪ Shapes, size, and colors ♪

♪ Dogs have many jobs ♪

♪ Such as hunting ♪

♪ Herding ♪

♪ Pulling loads ♪

♪ Protection ♪

♪ Trackers ♪

♪ Garbage disposals ♪

♪ Hot water bottles ♪

♪ Playmates and guardians ♪

♪ Aiding disabled people ♪

♪ In therapeutic roles ♪

♪ Man's best friend ♪

♪ We're man's best friend ♪

♪ The dog, the dog, the dog ♪
(dogs barking)

♪ Was the first species chosen ♪
(dogs barking)

♪ To be domesticated ♪
(dogs barking)

♪ Ah-ooh, ah-ooh ♪
(dogs barking)

♪ For their behavior ♪
(dogs barking)

♪ And a couple other things ♪

♪ The dog, the dog, the dog ♪

♪ Has a human emotion ♪

♪ So, so, sophisticated ♪

♪ Ah-ooh, ah-ooh ♪

♪ Dogs are our saviors ♪

(drumroll brings song to an end)

(audience cheers and claps)

- In the winter of 1950,

the Chief Designer orders
Russian research scientists

to take 40 stray dogs
off the Russian streets,

and put them into an intense
six-month training program.

- Okay, give us the dogs back.

- Yep, we're gonna need 'em back.

(audience boos)
- I know it's sad,

but it's history, people.

It's history.

Right in here. You can do it.

Nice shot, Lebron.

- I have a net on this side.

- Wow, wow, wow.
- Go ahead and chuck 'em

in here.

- Oh, my god (Nick laughing).

- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

(Nick sighs loudly)

- Oh, the rage of the throws.
- Wow.

- It's just so...

I get it.

- You know, we can see you
on the MCC security cam here.

(audience laughs)

No keeping any dogs out there.

No fun to be had.
- Somebody...

Somebody did try and, uh, we
started a Gulag in the back.

They're, they're still back there.

- So, they thought that
strays would be tougher

than regular house pets.

Knew they would do better in
the rough conditions required.

- Kidnapped...
- Kidnapped...

- For a greater...
- For a greater...

- Purpose.
- Purpose.

(truck rumbling)

(lonesome synth chord)

- Dear diary,

I'm in the back of a truck
on my way out of Moscow

with a dozen other dogs.

They keep looking at me.

Scary.

Or scared, maybe.

So, I stay quiet.

But it is warmer in
here than on the street,

and they did give us some
well-cooked sausage to eat.

You know, come to think of it,

it's kind of like a dream I had.

Yeah.

I can't help but feeling
like, uh, like, uh,

like I dreamed this before.

A home,

a family,

some well-cooked sausage.

Strange.

But somehow...

♪ I made it exist ♪

♪ What didn't exist yet ♪

♪ I got transportation ♪

♪ A secret vacation ♪

(expansive synth music)

♪ And taken to the Cosmodrome ♪

♪ And taken to the Cosmodrome ♪

(groovy bass beat)

(airy electronic music)

- Hello.

My name is Oleg Gazenko and
welcome to my place of work.

The Cosmodrome is a
660-square mile facility

in the village of Kapustinya.

- That's Kazakhstan now.

Still the most active
space center in the world

to this day.

- It had to be close to the equator

where there is less gravity.

- Don't ask me how, but it's true.

- It also had to be as far
as could be from people.

- In case anything blows up.

- The Cosmodrome's
location in Kapustinya had

to be kept secret.
- Secret.

You get it.

- So, we used the code name
Baikonur on all communications.

- Which is the name of an
entirely different mining town

200 miles away.

- Baikonur is basically the arctic steppe.

Some days, it gets down to 67 below.

Celsius.

- The dogs had to stay close to each other

to keep warm.

♪ They trained like astronauts,
astronauts, astronauts ♪

♪ They're canine cosmonauts,
cosmonauts, cosmonauts ♪

(dogs barking)
(audience laughs)

(Little Gnat sucks cigarette)
(Little Gnat coughs)

(Little Gnat sucks cigarette)
(Little Gnat sighs)

- What name they give you?

- Uh, like, uh, like,

uh, Laika.

- You don't seem so sure.

- I'm not.

I'm a street mongrel.

Possibly part husky,
(dog barking)

part terrier.

So, I don't really know my name.

No mama, no papa.

But someone just called me Laika,

so I guess that's me now.

- Yep.

That happens here.

Identity crises and whatnot.
(Little Gnat sucks cigarette)

Little Gnat, with a G.

- Oh. (Laika grunts)
(audience giggles)

- Collie pug mix.

And these are the other girls.

All of us are female here.

Did ya notice?

On purpose-like.

No room in the rockets to cock a leg.

Therefore, real healthy lesbian community.

(audience laughs)

Here's Byelka.

- Hey!
- Yip!

- Strelka.

- Hi.
- Yip!

(Little Gnat clears throat)

- They're humpin', pretty sure.

Got a nose for these things
(Little Gnat laughs).

And here's Fashionable.

- 'Sup?
- Yip!

- Little Piece o' Coal.

- You're the top!
- Yip!

- And Little Fly.

- Hi!
- Yip!

Hi. Hi.

Hi, everybody.

- Uh, Laika.

What ya lookin' around for?

- Scared I'll be kidnapped again.

I never knew my parents,

so I have trouble with trust.

- Aw.

These humans are all right.

No kicks or deprivations.

We got free food and cigarettes.

And look, you got a name now.

That's worth a little
kibble of trust, ain't it?

- I guess.

- And you're not scared of

where your next meal
might come from, are ya?

No, you're doin' somethin'

with your godforsaken aimless days.

(Little Gnat sucks cigarette)

- But what if we don't
make it out of this alive?

- Is that what you're yippin' about?

Death?

(Little Gnat laughs hoarsely)
(audience laughs)

That's always lurkin' behind our tails.

What's important is that we're alive now,

and bein' well fed.

(Little Gnat sucks cigarette)
(bell rings)

Oop! Almost time to go to the lab.

- What's important is being alive now?

And being well fed?

I don't know about this.

- This is a flight simulator,

and you will each try it out.

Now.

(Laika sniffing)

- No way.

I'm not going in that thing.

Doesn't look fun at all.

- Come here.

(Laika whimpers)
Sit!

(Laika whimpering)
Stay!

(Laika whimpering)
(Laika glisses down piano)

Stop! Do as I tell you!

You must be trained!
- No way!

Trained for what?

- I can't understand your barking.

(Chief Designer sighs)
(Laika growls)

- Stop growling at me.
(Laika continues growling)

Stop it.
(Laika continues growling)

Stop it.

(Laika's growling trails off)

Gah! Bozhe moi!

- That's right.

(Laika hits high-pitched piano keys)

- What the hell am I supposed to...

(Laika hits high-pitched piano keys)

(Chief Designer sighs)

(Laika growls)

Calm down.

Calm down.

(Laika's growl grows quieter)

Little doggie...

(Laika sniffs)

Eh?

(Laika bangs on piano)

(Laika sniffs)

Trust me.

I will not let you fall.

(Laika taps piano key)

♪ Might be scared ♪

♪ Might be proud ♪

♪ Can I be of service
to my country or a man ♪

♪ All we shared ♪

♪ Not out loud ♪

♪ I became so friendly once
you touched me with your hand ♪

♪ Once you touched me with your hand ♪

♪ Using it so gently that
I followed your command ♪

Engage the flight simulator!

(spaceship revving engine)

♪ I've never been up this high before ♪

♪ I'm beginnin' to wonder why I'm sore ♪

♪ Strapped into this fragile cannon ♪

♪ All because of this human's plannin' ♪

If there was ever a tasty morsel of meat,

I would always give it to Laika!

♪ Ruff! ♪

♪ He's givin' me sweet and salty treats ♪

♪ Room temperature water ♪

♪ Tasty meats ♪

♪ I'm a well-taken care of pup here ♪

♪ Though I'm unaware why I'm up here ♪

♪ They're gettin' me high ♪

♪ Woo ♪

♪ They're gettin' me high ♪

(jazzy piano riff)

Vibration, thrust, weightlessness,
atmosphere, radiation.

Five invisible enemies.

How do they affect our bodies in space?

Who can withstand the pressure?

Re-run the calisthenics!

♪ They're preppin' 14 of us for flight ♪

♪ Running secret experiments at night ♪

♪ We're sealed in a real tight cabin ♪

♪ One million horsepower engine ♪

♪ They're gettin' me high ♪

♪ They're gettin' me higher than the sky ♪

♪ Is it too high to be
higher than the sky ♪

- Dear diary,

we've been in space camp 59 days now.

I can't write in English,
or Russian, for that matter,

so I'm just kinda scratchin'
this into the dirt

while I bury my poo.

Feels good to get it down.

It's scary when we whip
around in circles real fast

in the simulator, they call it.

But it sure does beat the cold.

And when the humans are happy,

I'm suddenly happy.

I don't know why.

I just, like, am.

Like, I'm really doing something

with my godforsaken aimless days.

♪ Might be scared ♪

♪ Might be proud ♪

♪ I might be of service
to my country or a man ♪

♪ Ill-prepared for a mushroom cloud ♪

♪ All I know's I'm friendly
once you touched me ♪

♪ With your hand ♪

♪ Once you touched me with your hand ♪

♪ Using it so gently that
I followed your command ♪

♪ Bridge ♪

♪ If I open the window ♪

♪ Then I die ♪

♪ If I open the skylight ♪

♪ Then I fly ♪

♪ Out over this great big bauble ♪

♪ That causes us so much trouble ♪

♪ Woof ♪

♪ I planted a chip inside her neck ♪

- Ow!
♪ So I could still find her ♪

♪ In a wreck ♪

♪ I dunno what I'm doin' up here ♪

♪ We're a couple of trapped-up pups here ♪

♪ So what if I die ♪

♪ What if I fall out of the sky ♪

♪ Out of the sky ♪

♪ Should I ask why ♪

♪ We go higher than the sky ♪

(anxious jazzy piano riff)

♪ Ay ♪

(anxious jazzy piano riff)

♪ Ay ♪

(anxious jazzy piano riff)

♪ Ay ♪

(confident piano chord ends song)

(audience claps and cheers)

(mysterious synth chord)
- 22 July, 1951.

4:00 AM.

Tsygan and Dezik are dressed
in tiny, handmade flight suits

and put into the
hermetically sealed cabin.

(Nick imitates rocketship lifting off)

One million horsepower engine.

Lifted to a height no living
thing had ever reached,

110 kilometers off the Earth.

That's far.

That's...

68 miles.

That's like from here to Croton Harmon.

- The pressure was tremendous.

The dogs can barely keep their heads up.

Their body weights increase five-fold.

Then, the engine stops.

- Breathing, pulse rates normalize.

- And the dogs

experience weightlessness.
- Experience weightlessness.

- Now, they didn't quite make it to space,

or even out of the
atmosphere, for that matter.

- But, the flight showed that
an animal could withstand

rocket conditions.

♪ Success ♪

♪ Nonetheless ♪

I was the first to look into the cabin.

Tsygan and Dezik...

Were alive! (Chief Designer laughs)

(audience cheers and claps)

I gave them sausage and water.

I grabbed Tsygan and ran around the yard.

(Chief designer chuckles)

I was mostly such a serious person.

- Wow, you made it back!

- Yeah, we made it back!

- Wow!

- Celebrate with a cigarette,
kids! (Little Gnat inhales)

(Little Gnat sighs loudly)

- Well, Van, we're doing the show.

- Here we are, Nick.

- Holy shit.

- What's up, New York City?

- Hey, everybody!

- Yeah!
(audience cheers and claps)

Yeah, this is the show.

This is the show.

So I got a question for you.

Does anyone out there
have any Cold War facts

of your own, that you would like to share

with us in this moment?

We're obviously obsessed with this stuff.

We could talk about it forever,

but just wanna make sure
I can open up the floor

to all of you.

Oh, I see a hand back there.

- [Anna] During the Cold War,

people were told to
hide under their desks,

students, just in case
there was a nuclear bomb.

They thought that would save them.

- Oh, interesting.

- Duck and cover, right?

- Duck and cover, yeah.

What's your name?

- [Anna] My name's Anna.

- Give it up for Anna...
- Anna!

- Everybody!
(audience cheers and claps)

Now, Anna's really onto something here.

It's true. It's true.

Uh, the government did
actually write a song

promoting getting under your desk to kids

as if it was this, like, fun thing to do.

And the song goes something like this.

♪ There was a turtle by the name of Bert ♪

♪ And Bert, that turtle, was very alert ♪

♪ When danger threatened him ♪

♪ He never got hurt ♪

♪ He knew just what to do ♪

♪ He'd duck and cover ♪

♪ Duck and cover ♪

Hey!

So yeah, that's a real song,

and it does not work, just
in case you're wondering.

But thank you, Anna.

Thanks for that.
(Van laughs darkly)

Um, so, piggybacking off
of, uh, that wonderful fact,

we've learned quite a bit of information

in our extensive research on Wikipedia.

The People's Encyclopedia.

Just on the context for the Space Race,

you know, why do these two
countries come together

in this way, and that
really begins in earnest

when, Van?

- 1940.

The Great Purge.

Stalin was paranoid that
everybody wanted to kill 'im,

which they did.

So he was like, "Gather up
anybody who might even seem

"like a traitor."

One million people were killed.

Five million went to prison,

including the Chief Designer.

♪ Stuck here ♪

♪ It's terrible ♪

Remember that song?

- I do.
(audience laughing)

- All right!

- I do, Van.
(audience claps)

Uh, so while the Chief
Designer was in the Gulag,

writing songs about dogs,

World War II was raging, right?

And in 1941, the
significance of that year,

amongst many things,

is that Russia and America
started out on opposite sides.

But in June of '41, the Nazis
fucked over the Soviets,

which led the Russians to
run back to the Allied forces

with their tails between their legs.

- Now, we go to 1945, when?

The Allies win the war!

- Hey!
(audience cheers and claps)

- USA, 450,000 casualties.

USSR,

24 million casualties.

America thrives.

Russia is broken.

- Mad.
- Mad.

- These two allies start
seeing things differently.

They both want control of the world.

- And thus, a new war begins.
- And thus, a new war begins.

- Only this war only...
- Only this war only...

- Took place behind...
- Took place behind...

- Closed doors.
- Closed doors.

- Now we go to 1951, where we
get the first weightless dogs.

I just did that part.

I was standing right here.

We remember that, right?

- Yeah.
(audience claps)

Tsygan and Dezik.

- How are we feeling about our context

for the Space Race now?

Little better?
- Yeah.

(audience cheers and claps)
Nice.

- Love to hear it.

Love to hear it.

- Okay, well, here we go.

Meanwhile, in America.

(Nick dings concierge bell)
(patriotic music)

(audience laughs)
(patriotic music)

(country-style guitar riff)

♪ Free American flags ♪

♪ Only 2.99 ♪

- Welcome to Cape Canaveral,

a.k.a, the Celestial Trailer Park.

I'm Lyndon Baines Johnson,
Senate Majority Leader

and head of the National Advisory
Committee for Aeronautics.

- NACA, NACA, NACA!
- NACA, NACA, NACA!

While the Russkies freeze
their balls off in Baikonur,

we're sweatin' to the oldies here...

- In Florida!
- In Florida!

- The race to space!
- The race to space!

- Monday nights at 9:00 on...
- Monday nights at 9:00 on...

- ABC.
- TBS.

- Characters welcome.
- We know drama.

(audience laughs)

- Race?

D- did you just say race?

- Yeah.

- Well, hell, there ain't no race.

'Cause we already won it!

(Nick laughs)

America's number one,

with a W!

(audience laughs)

- The 1950s.

A time of great prosperity in America.

(casual guitar music)
After winning World War II,

the citizens are certain it
will stay this way forever.

Cocky dicks.

Up next, the Blaemire/Hughes composition,

"Blessed by Two Great Oceans," in E Major.

I'm David Bianculli,

in for Terry Gross.

(mellow guitar music)

♪ From Connecticut to California ♪

♪ We are lucky to be stuck
here in the middle of ♪

♪ America, America ♪

♪ We are blessed by two ♪

♪ Great oceans ♪

♪ We can trade with any
country on the Earth ♪

♪ And when we do, you'll surely
gets your money's worth ♪

Hi, Shirley.

♪ Oh, America, America ♪

♪ We are blessed by two ♪

♪ Great oceans ♪

(confident guitar music)

♪ Go to space ♪

♪ Win the race ♪

♪ Bring it back ♪

♪ So that everyone can see ♪

♪ That we're the best ♪

We're the best, Shirley.

♪ Swear to me ♪

♪ Please believe ♪

♪ I do it for you ♪

♪ You, you, you, you, you, you ♪

♪ U-S-A ♪

♪ Whoa, oh-oh ♪

(mellow guitar music)

♪ Whoa, oh-oh ♪

This is peachy-keen, jellybean.

- Sure is.

♪ We will take your house ♪

♪ And then we'll take your wife ♪

♪ Through commercials made ♪

♪ To make you want a better little life ♪

♪ Oh, Ameri-'cause our
guns are fuckin' bigger ♪

♪ We are blessed by two ♪

♪ Great oceans ♪

♪ Our finger's on the trigger ♪

♪ We are blessed by two ♪

♪ Great oceans ♪

♪ That means we're coming quicker ♪

♪ We are blessed ♪

♪ By two ♪

♪ Great oceans ♪

♪ Take it home, babe ♪
♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Trust me, babe ♪

♪ Honest Abe ♪

♪ I'll be here ♪

♪ In all your magazines ♪

♪ I'm a Kennedy ♪

- I'm a Kennedy, Shirley.

♪ Show them all ♪

♪ Pray they'll fall ♪

♪ For me ♪

♪ Me, me, me, me, me, me, me ♪

♪ Me-S-A ♪

♪ Whoa, oh-oh ♪

- Oo, I almost lost it.

♪ Whoa, oh-oh ♪

- I don't think they noticed.
(audience laughs)

♪ Whoa, oh-oh ♪

- I do feel better now.

- Me, too.

♪ Whoa, oh-oh. ♪

♪ Ooo ♪

♪ Why-ya-yai ♪

(audience cheers and claps)

- The 1950s.

A time of great prosperity in America.

But not much progress.

The American government is more interested

in producing cars, toasters and families

than they are space exploration.

- Well, we don't have to
talk about that, do we?

Why does the US press have to go

and expose all our mistakes?

When the Russians only seem to
get their good news reported?

"Oo, they got up 68 miles.

"They're in the lead!"

Dagnabbit!

What are the reds doing so right?

- They're using dogs, actually.

- Dogs?

Well, that's horrible.

They're man's best friends.

Those commie devils.

We would never do that.

- And yet, they're almost
out of the atmosphere.

As for us, we are no where.

- But,

not

for long.

Mark my words, Bianculli.

America will...

(eerie synth sounds and beeping)

(Nick dings concierge bell)

- Meanwhile, in Russia.
- Meanwhile, in Russia.

- I've intercepted an American communique.

- Oo! Well, translate it.

My English not so good.

- My English not so good.

But I'll try.

- Eh, heh.

- [LBJ] Not for long,
mark my words, Bianculli.

America will...

- 3 October, '57.

"Mark my words, Bianculli."

- Huh? Eh? Hmm.

- "America will

"launch a satellite

"into orbit

"tomorrow."

- Tomorrow!

But I thought they were farther behind!

- Apparently not.

We must get a module into
orbit before they do!

- But we've been busy training the dogs!

We do not have a module to put into orbit!

- Well, we better make one!

(ominous bass beat)
- In 24 hours?

Without renderings?

And only the Sputnik ball completed?

There are no legs for stabilization!

- Do you want Stalin to
send us back to the Gulag?

(Chief Designer shrieks)
Me neither.

We must try.

- Impossible!

Morale is low.

It is cold.

Hours are long, days are
short, wages are cheap!

Oleg!

We need funding, focus, time!

Funding, focus, time!

- No time!

Think!

- Wait.

Don't think.

Instink.
(confident bass music)

♪ Fill the void ♪

♪ Fill the void you can't avoid ♪

♪ Fill the void ♪

♪ Fill the void you can't avoid ♪

♪ Assess the situation ♪

♪ Mass is gravitation,
accept no imitation ♪

♪ Accept no limitation,
except more innovation ♪

♪ Effects and causation ♪

♪ Endless imagination of mine
all for my nation to shine ♪

♪ Pulses elation into the spine ♪

♪ My reputation walking the line ♪

♪ Guesses, equation, vodka is fine ♪

♪ Economic inflation combine ♪

♪ The touches of chrome,
a sensational shrine ♪

♪ To us and our location, co-sign ♪

How to balance the controls?

Flagpoles!

- Flagpoles?

Those won't work.

- Well, maybe they'll redistribute.

- You can do it, Chief.

♪ Fill the void ♪

♪ Fill the void you can't avoid ♪

♪ My inclination is
exploration over detonation ♪

♪ Over devastation ♪

♪ Over deportation ♪

♪ Make an indentation on a generation ♪

♪ Information inspiration
for a future space station ♪

♪ Effects and causation ♪

- Come on, baby.

- There's no way he'll make it in time.

- You can do it, Chief.

- Let's see here.

(disappointing synth decrescendo)

It's not working. (Chief sighs)

(dog barks)
(inspiring synth crescendo)

♪ Fill the void ♪

♪ Fill the void you can't avoid ♪

Can I get a countdown?

- [Everyone] Ten, nine...
- My inclination is

exploration over detonation...
- [Everyone] eight, seven...

- Over devastation...
- [Everyone] six...

- Over deportation...
- [Everyone] five, four...

- Make an indentation...
- [Everyone] three...

- On a generation!
- [Everyone] two, one!

- Wait!
(audience laughs)

- Right before it went up,

this is not a lie,

the Chief Designer pissed on Sputnik.

- For luck.
(audience guffaws)

The road to the stars

is now...

(whining whirring music)
Open!

(slow bass music)

♪ I was so wrong ♪
I did it!

♪ About him ♪

♪ Yes, he did ♪

♪ He fucking did ♪

♪ Flow state, baby ♪

♪ Turned all that presh
into a successful sesh ♪

♪ He's gettin' me high ♪
♪ Fill the void ♪

♪ You can't avoid ♪
♪ He's gettin' me high ♪

♪ He's gettin' me high ♪
♪ Fill the void ♪

♪ Fill the void ♪
♪ He's gettin' me high ♪

♪ You can't avoid ♪
♪ He's gettin' me hi-yi-yi-yi ♪

Man, that Gulag really paid off.

- Like-a dream.
- Like-a dream.

(magical synth riff)
(audience cheers and claps)

(old newsreel music)

- 4 October, '57.
- 4 October, '57.

- Sputnik rises higher...
- Sputnik rises higher...

- Than heaven.
- Than heaven.

- The satellite spoke in blips and beeps

and sparked the world's imaginations.

- A force to be reckoned
at 4 kilometers per second.

- A 96-minute trip around the planet.

- "The long-legged spider."

- "The simplest fellow traveler."

- The very first object
to orbit the Earth.

- Made with the care of
an artist's handiwork.

- Transmitting god-damn
data from space, Vasily.

- Hmm.
- Huh.

- That fateful USA communique...

- Put the USSR...
- Put the USSR...

- In the stars...
- In the stars...

- The very next day.
- The very next day.

- And changed the world...
- And changed the world...

- Forever.
- Forever.

But,

Nick...

Oo, Butnick.
(Nick and audience laugh)

That fateful USA communique

didn't actually say America

will a launch a satellite tomorrow.

- It was misread.
- It was misread.

- It actually said...
- It actually said...

America will begin

planning to launch a satellite tomorrow?

- Oh, shit.

- Oh.

- My bad.

My English not so good.

- A tiny clerical error.
- My English not so good.

I am Russian.

English is my second language.
- A tiny clerical error.

A clerical error.
- My second language, okay?

- Wait!

Holy shit!

That means...
- That means...

- We got there first!
- We got there first!

(Nick dings concierge bell)

- Meanwhile, in America.
- Meanwhile, in America.

- Sputnik in space?

Already?
(audience chuckling)

Well, shit.

What the hell do we know, David Bianculli?

- Uh, congratulate them?

- Never!

We don't lose.

We're America.

To lose is to die.

Space technology in the wrong hands

spells disaster for the world,

and the Russkies are the wrong hands.

(ominous synth music)

♪ Their rockets clear the atmosphere ♪

♪ Our rockets fall apart ♪

♪ Their rockets can drop atom bombs ♪

♪ On the place I know by heart ♪

♪ Fallin' from our skies ♪

♪ I can hear our children's cries ♪

♪ Dagnabbit ♪

♪ The launches they're stagin' ♪

♪ Their way of life's enragin' ♪

♪ Dagnabbit ♪

♪ Even in arts and education ♪

♪ They are wagin' nuclear war ♪
(atom bomb detonates)

(wind humming from bomb impact)

- Gettin' chilly in here.
(audience laughs)

- Gettin' mad.
- Gettin' mad.

We can't let them commie do-shitters have

that kind of power over us!

For god's sake, and for Pete's sake, too,

the fate of the free world is at stake.

Our scientists ain't cuttin' it.

Well, get some different scientists.

How 'bout them Germans?

They're unemployed, ain't they?

(audience laughs)

- Well, yes.

But they're also war criminals.

- The whole world is laughin' at us.

We need the best.

So get me the best.

(Van dings concierge bell)

Meanwhile, in Russia,

enter Nikita Khruschev.

(recorded applause plays)

(audience laughs)

- Stalin chose the path of repression

and physical annihilation,

not only against actual enemies,

but also against individuals
who did not commit any crimes

against the Communist Party
or the Soviet government.

- It's true.

It happened to me.

- But not from me.

I am nicer.

Chief Designer, I just
love what you've done

with this space.

- Thank you, Prime Minister.

It is a great honor to
explore our final frontier.

- Yes, of course.

And our Sputnik is flying
high above us as we speak.

Now, how about getting a man into space?

We must be first, yes?
- Yes.

Though we cannot yet
guarantee the safety of a man.

- Ah.

- I do have this one crazy idea.

♪ The dogs ♪

- Oo.

They will be mascots of the Motherland,

an advertisement for the USSR.

So, the first to go up,
she must be perfect.

Only the cutest, calmest,
most capable doggie will do

with a brightly colored
fur that will show up well

on film.

After all...

♪ Propaganda is art ♪
(dog barks)

(deep drumroll)

♪ It's a Russian canine
beauty pageant, hooray ♪

(confident pizzicato music)
(audience claps and cheers)

♪ Here and only here ♪

♪ On your only channel ♪

♪ Watch as one dog is chosen ♪

♪ To be the first among the stars ♪

♪ The stars ♪

♪ The cutest face in the USSR ♪

And here's our three finalists now.

♪ Hi, my name is Byelka ♪

♪ I'm cute and cuddly ♪

♪ You're welka ♪

Well, quite the confident dog, eh?

♪ Yip, yip ♪

♪ You're welka, you're welka ♪

♪ From... ♪

♪ Byelka ♪

- Free T-shirt.

- Okay.
(audience cheers and claps)

Up next.

♪ I am Dezik, my friends ♪

♪ I've been up once, I can do it again ♪

♪ And again and again ♪

♪ And again ♪

♪ I don't comprehend risk ♪

Whoa.
- Oh.

- Whoa.
- Oh!

- Uh-oh.
- Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

Whoa!

- Hey!
- Hey!

Dezik, everybody!
(audience claps)

Good job.

And last but not least, uh, Lay-ka?

- Um, it's Laika.

- Oh, yes, Laika.

Anything to say? Anything at all?

Little sound byte for the people at home?

♪ I'm just a-Laika to be alive ♪

♪ I've been alone all of my life ♪

♪ Guess I'm lookin' for a family ♪

♪ I'm just lookin' for a family ♪

♪ Anybody ♪

♪ Me ♪

♪ No mama, no papa ♪

♪ Life is hardly a life ♪

♪ The fuzziest, loneliest dog ♪

♪ In the world ♪

- Laika wins!
- Laika wins!

- The cutest face.
- The cutest face.

- Okay, what's winning?

- No, bullshit.

- Nah, dogshit.

Yip!

♪ It's a Russian canine
beauty pageant, hooray ♪

(audience cheers and claps)

- Congratulations, Laika, on your big win.

- Yip!
(Chief laughs)

Aw, thanks Chief.

So what's up next?

- A special mission

for the Motherland. (Chief laughs)

Where you go up in a big
rocket. (Chief laughing)

Okay. (Chief laughing)

And then you orbit this great
planet. (Chief laughing)

Okay.

And then you will come back
and we will have steak.

Have you ever had steak?

- No.

Is it good?

- Yes, it's great!
(Laika and Chief laugh)

- Okay, well, you seem
excited, so I'm excited.

Just give me clear,
one-syllable directions

and I'll do whatever you say.

(Nick strums guitar)

♪ I stay here ♪

♪ You go ♪

♪ There ♪

(Nick strums guitar)

♪ Looking through a portal
at your mortal down below ♪

♪ Chart the stars, map the air ♪

♪ I'm a tiny speck and you're high-tech ♪

♪ Just watch you go ♪
(voice echoes)

♪ But I will still be with you
through my space-age radio ♪

(bouncy guitar and glockenspiel music)

♪ On a trip with my friend ♪

♪ My best friend ♪

♪ Beggin' for attention with my barks ♪

♪ Or with my bites ♪

♪ Ruff ♪

♪ Fill my bowl, play pretend ♪

♪ I will still be lurkin' while
you're workin', side by side ♪

♪ Side by side ♪

♪ We will be remembered for
this journey far and wide ♪

♪ And we know ♪

♪ We can always look up high ♪

♪ 'Cause your story led me to the sky ♪

♪ That's why we fly babies to time ♪

♪ I see ♪

♪ Colorblind, black and white ♪

♪ I ♪
(Laika sniffs)

♪ Fear ♪

♪ Don't be scared on the ride ♪

♪ Who cares where we're goin', I ♪

♪ Will still be right here ♪

♪ Now we know ♪

♪ That we don't know how to read ♪

♪ But we know how to read your eyes ♪

♪ We're babies ♪

♪ To time ♪

♪ All the time ♪

♪ And we know ♪

♪ We can always look up high ♪

♪ When our inspiration has run dry ♪

♪ That's why we fly babies to time ♪

(cute glockenspiel notes twinkling)

♪ That's why we fly ♪

♪ Babies to time ♪

(cute glockenspiel notes twinkling)

♪ Might be scared ♪

♪ Might be proud ♪

♪ I might be of service
to my country or a man ♪

(audience claps)
(Chief laughs)

Oh! (Chief laughign)

Okay! (Chief laughing)

(Khruschev claps)
Oh.

- Congratulations, Chief Designer.

Your little doggies were a brilliant idea.

- Thank you, Chairman Khruschev.

- USSR PR.
- USSR PR.

- Eh.

And congratulations as
well to little Laika.

So sweet and obedient.
(Khruschev laughing)

- Yes, I've grown very fond of her.

- And so will the nation.

She will fly well.

A canine cosmonaut for communism

to commemorate the 40th anniversary

of the Bolshevik Revolution.

Yes.

- The 40th anniversary?

But that is only four weeks away.

- Aw.
(clock begins ticking)

You did it with Sputnik I.

Now, do it with Sputnik II.

The Motherland is depending on you.

- But we're not nearly ready!

We need funding, focus, time.

Funding, focus, time.

- We do not have the luxury

of time.

(clock ticking)
America is on our tail.

They have hired their own secret scientist

who gains on us with every passing day.

USSR must prevail.

I will hold you personally responsible,

Chief Designer,

if the first man in space is from US.

(clock ticking)
(audience laughs)

(clock ticking)

- We will prevail.
(Nick dings concierge bell)

- Meanwhile, in America.
- Meanwhile, in America.

(catchy dance music)

♪ Wernher von Braun ♪

♪ He's a pawn in a bigger game ♪

- After World War II, President
Truman made it illegal

to hire Nazis,

but when we found out we
were losing the Space Race,

surprise, we did it anyway.

- Eugenics!

The science of improving a
population by controlled breeding

to increase the heritage of
desirable characteristics.

Now, where have I heard that before?

- Hitler's dog's name was Blondi.

Really?

It's kind of on the nose.

Anyway.

(groovy techno beat)

♪ After World War II, we hired a Nazi ♪

♪ We hired a Nazi ♪

♪ After World War II, we hired a Nazi ♪

♪ We hired a Nazi ♪

♪ In 1946 ♪

♪ It's '57 now ♪

♪ He'd been working for
America the whole damn time ♪

♪ Wernher von Braun, damn ♪

♪ Wernher von Braun ♪

♪ He's a pawn in a bigger game ♪

♪ Secrets, secrets ♪

♪ Russia's not the only one ♪

♪ With secrets ♪

- Wernher was the preeminent
German aerospace engineer

during World War II.

After the war, he was moved to the USA,

along with 1,600 other
German scientists, engineers,

and technicians.

The top secret mission was called...

♪ Operation Paperclip ♪
(audience laughs)

But Wernher was not happy
with how NACA was being run.

♪ Ve have a chance to beat the Soviets ♪

♪ But our pride is in the vay ♪

♪ Ve must test animals vith no regrets ♪

♪ If ve vanna vin the day ♪

♪ If ve vanna go down ♪

♪ In history-ee-aa-ya-ya-yah ♪

♪ Animals ♪

♪ Huh ♪

♪ Yah ♪

♪ History ♪

♪ Huh ♪

♪ Yah ♪

♪ Wernher von Braun ♪

♪ He's a pawn in a bigger game ♪

♪ All in the name of progress ♪

♪ Progress, progress ♪

Oscar, a black bear!

It's put into a high-speed sled.

(crash ensues off-camera)

Now he's dead!

Dagnabbit!
(dark music)

Alberts I and II,

a pair of monkeys.

Launched...

(monkey one crashes into water off-screen)

(monkey two crashes into water off-screen)

Into the ocean blue!

(Van sobbing) What to do?

What are you doin'?

We're losin'!

(wistful guitar music)
♪ Trust me, babe ♪

♪ Honest Abe ♪

♪ I'm reborn in your
golden fields of corn ♪

♪ I'm Amerikan ♪

♪ Go to space ♪

♪ Win the race ♪

♪ With me ♪

♪ Dagnabbit ♪

♪ Boy, does America feel stupid now ♪

♪ Does America feel stupid now ♪

♪ Oh-Oh ♪

♪ Wernher von Braun ♪

♪ He's a pawn in a bigger ga-aa-ay-ay-me ♪

♪ America lies then they
try to cover up the shame ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ We will do this over and over ♪

♪ Over and over ♪

♪ It will never change ♪

♪ We like being strange ♪

♪ And it's all ♪

♪ In the name ♪

♪ Of progress ♪

(audience cheers and claps)

(concierge bell dings)

- Ah, we don't have enough time!

Where are those fuel cases?

Dah, fine, I will get it myself!

Ah, Bozhe moi!

(Chief grunts and swears in Russian)

And where is the Sputnik II module?

- It's coming.

- Shit, shit, shit.

(Chief moans anxiously)

Why are their bowls empty?

- Chief Designer, we are
busy with preparations!

We are scientists, not dogsitters.

- I expressly ordered
that their water bowls

always be filled with
room temperature water.

Not too hot, not too cold.

- We are exhausted!

We are working overtime!

- What happens when you need water?

You get it!

They cannot.

They need us and we made it
that way, so we help them out.

Do you see?

- Yes, I see.

It will be done.

- And now back to Sputnik II.

(clock ticking)

The clock is ticking, I know, I know.

Sputnik I's core showed an
acceptable orbital lifespan, so

the telemetry system
should be able to transmit

without disconnecting
from the sustainer module.

(clock ticking)
The clock is ticking.

(clock ticking)
This is the decision.

And now, Laika.

I need Laika.

- Right here, Chief.

- I wouldn't go with him, if I were you.

- Yip! Why not?

- Don't trust the humans.

They're actin' shifty.

Shift-eyed, ya notice?

Like they're always
lookin' over your shoulder

when they're talkin' like they
got somethin' else planned.

- But you said the humans were all right,

no kicks or deprivations.

- That was before.

Now?

Somethin' shifty is goin' on.

Shifty, I tell you.

I can smell it. (Little
Gnat sniffs the air)

- Oh, they're just fluster and bluster.

They're inherently good at heart.

- At heart?

(Little Gnat guffaws hoarsely)
(audience laughs)

These animals don't have hearts.

That's why they have us.

- Not the Chief Designer.

He loves me.

- Oleg!

Solder those wires, goddammit!

- [Oleg] I'm trying!

(clock ticking)

- Don't you see?

That's what he wants you to think.

They're getting you high.

Now (Little Gnat sucks cigarette),

if I were you,

I would run for the hills tonight,

make a break for it.

- But you're not me.

Are you?

- No, I'm not.

And I'm glad.

'Cause I'm stayin' right here.

- Laika!

Laika!

- [Laika] Yip!

- Where are you?

- [Laika] Right here!

(Chief laughs)

Oh, there you are.
(Laika and Chief laugh)

Oh. Okay, Laika.

Okay, okay.
(Laika and Chief laughing)

- What's up, Chief?

- Do you remember the special
mission I told you about?

- Oh, yeah.

♪ You stay here ♪

♪ I go there ♪

- Yes!

Well, it's happening today.

- Whatever you say.

♪ My best friend ♪
(Laika laughs)

- Mine, too.

With your curly ears and your
floppy tail (Chief laughs).

- Wait, what's wrong?

You know I can read your eyes?

- Nothing's wrong.

I'm going to put you
inside this tiny ship.

Just like the flight simulator.

And you are going to fly up, up, up,

way up high,

just like we talked about.

- And when I come back, we're
gonna have steak, right?

- It is my deepest desire

that you come back safely.

- Okay. Then I will.

(clock ticking)
(machine hissing and beeping)

- Ready for launch sequence.

Launch sequence engage.

Five,

four,

three,

two,

one.

(rocket launching)
(epic orchestral music)

(rocket grows quiet)

(graceful piano music)

♪ Sometimes I feel ♪

♪ I have no rights ♪

♪ 'Cause I gave them all away ♪

♪ Sometimes I think ♪

♪ I'm the answer ♪

♪ To a question humans ask but never say ♪

♪ Just a thing to feed and love ♪

♪ While they freeze and work and drink ♪

♪ I parachute down from above ♪

♪ After flying to the brink ♪

♪ Guess I'll sit and have a think ♪

♪ With the wall against my back ♪

♪ Think about when I come back ♪

♪ Think about when I come back ♪

- Captain's log.

Up pretty high right now.

Air is

very bad.

But view is very good.

Big, blue bauble.

I wish I wasn't alone.

But if I had to do it again,

I still would.

Anything for my Chief.

(graceful piano music)

♪ Sleep on the street ♪

♪ And you'll see why I would
rather take this chance ♪

♪ People you meet ♪

♪ Taunt and scare you ♪

♪ Every day's a fairly
awful circumstance ♪

♪ Then one day ♪

♪ There is a truck ♪

♪ That smells a lot like food ♪

♪ Now there's humans ♪

♪ Oh, my luck ♪

♪ That's what puts me in the mood ♪

♪ I improve my attitude ♪

♪ Guess I'll go home with this dude ♪

♪ Now I'm trainin' day and night ♪

♪ But they feed me, I'm all right ♪

♪ When I was homeless ♪

♪ I had no hair ♪

♪ When I was homeless ♪

♪ I had no bone ♪

♪ All of the people ♪

♪ Everywhere ♪

♪ But I spend my time alone ♪

♪ The fuzziest, loneliest dog ♪

♪ In the world ♪

I got an itch...

I'm society's bitch.

(graceful piano music)

♪ Sometimes you trust ♪

♪ Just to see trust ♪

♪ When you don't what it is ♪

♪ Sometimes you just ♪

♪ Gotta be thrust into space ♪

♪ There is no interrupting ♪

♪ This ♪

(old newsreel music)
(audience claps and cheers)

- Good evening.

Today is 3 November, '57, in Kapustinya.

Just one month after the launch
of the Sputnik satellite,

up goes Sputnik II,

the first with a living being on board.

Muttnik!
(audience laughs)

(groovy rock music)
- And the sky dog survives!

(audience cheers and claps)
- Happy 40th anniversary,

Bolshevik Revolution!

(groovy rock music)

♪ Our dog ♪
(dog barks)

♪ Her resting heart rate
found equilibrium in space ♪

♪ She took a lap like a god girl ♪

- Good girl.

- God, girl.

♪ Now our ♪

♪ First Sputnik is not
lonely in its space travels ♪

♪ They're both circling the world ♪

♪ The world ♪

♪ Life has shown ♪

♪ It was the Soviet Sputniks ♪

♪ Which were ahead in the ♪
♪ Van ♪

♪ Life has shown, life has shown ♪

♪ It was the Soviet Sputniks ♪
♪ Life has shown ♪

♪ Which were ahead in the van ♪
♪ Life has shown ♪

♪ It was the Soviet Sputniks ♪

♪ Which were ahead in the van ♪

♪ A-Laika, Laika ♪

♪ We found a place in the human heart ♪

♪ The cutest face ♪

♪ We win the race ♪

♪ USSR PR ♪

♪ Dogs have their face
on the human heart ♪

♪ Heart ♪

♪ No matter what you say ♪

♪ Propaganda is art ♪

♪ Propaganda is ♪

♪ We found a place in the human heart ♪

♪ The dog, the dog, the dog ♪

♪ We win the race ♪

♪ Their rockets fall apart ♪

♪ Dogs have their face
on the human heart ♪

♪ Heart ♪

♪ No matter what you say ♪

♪ Propaganda is art ♪

♪ Propaganda is ♪

♪ We are ♪

♪ Waitin' for American Sputniks ♪

♪ To appear ♪

♪ And make a commonwealth of Sputniks ♪

(bass guitar rings into the air)

(audience roars and claps)

- Laika...

Changed the world.

She achieved 8,600
kilometers in 17 minutes.

8 kilometers a second.

A velocity more powerful
than the force of gravity.

(Chief breathes heavily)

And...

With just a few more flight tests,

we will indeed get a
man into space safely.

In fact, we must.

We must...

Invent,

create,

explore the stars.

If we do not try,

then what are we living for?

Progress.

Progress.

Progress!

And vodka.
(audience laughs)

(phone rings)

(mischievous guitar riff)

Hello?

- Comrade.

You suffer heart attack.

(Chief cries out)
(eerie synth music)

But, you survive.
(bouncy synth chord)

- Oh.
(audience laughs)

- You continue to lead Space Division.

We need you now more than ever.

(spaceship zooming)
(electronic Russian dance)

♪ My dear Chief Designer ♪

♪ Head back to Baikonur ♪

♪ Order your workers to
fire on all cylinders ♪

♪ Next up, Sputnik 3 ♪

♪ The smartest satellite ♪

♪ Three flights to zero ♪

♪ Another win is in sight ♪

♪ Sputnik 4 flew a human-size dummy ♪

♪ A victrola, a snake, and some mice ♪

♪ The dummy wore a space suit
and the dummy had a name ♪

♪ Ivan Ivanovich ♪

♪ We also keep sending
up dozens of doggies ♪

♪ But we don't say a word about that ♪

♪ 'Cause it's all in
the name of progress ♪

♪ I am delirious ♪

♪ I do not sleep much ♪

♪ I am at war with myself ♪

♪ We are all at war ♪

♪ All with each other ♪

♪ Puppets on strings ♪

♪ Brother killing brother ♪

♪ Stuck here ♪

♪ It's terrible, I'm here ♪

♪ But not for long ♪

♪ It's terrible here ♪

♪ But not ♪

♪ For long ♪

(soldiers marching)
♪ Is it all ♪

♪ In the name ♪

♪ Of progress ♪

♪ This war only took place
behind closed doors ♪

♪ All ♪

♪ In the name ♪

♪ Of progress ♪

♪ Mad secrets USSR PR ♪

♪ History is written by the winners ♪

♪ Which is me, which is me ♪

♪ We're the most powerful country ♪

♪ We're the most, we're the most ♪

♪ We have the, we have the ♪

♪ We, we, we, we're mad ♪

♪ Life is competition, life is a game ♪

♪ More faster, more win ♪

(Chief breathing heavily)
(eerie percussive beat)

♪ Chief Designer ♪

♪ Where's my human rocket ♪

♪ America is on our tail ♪

♪ USSR must prevail ♪

♪ All ♪
(Chief groans)

♪ In the name of progress ♪

♪ Progress, progress, progress, progress ♪

♪ I need space ♪
♪ Progress ♪

(quiet synth music)

♪ Fill the void ♪

♪ Fill the void you can't avoid ♪

♪ Assess the situation ♪

♪ Not a simulation put a man on vacation ♪

♪ In a space station using innovation ♪

♪ Using resignation ♪

♪ Isolation, information, inspiration ♪

♪ Eternal damnation ♪

♪ Effects and causation ♪

♪ Laika ♪

♪ A-Laika, Laika ♪

♪ I lied ♪
♪ The dog, the dog ♪

♪ She is history ♪
♪ The lie of Laika ♪

♪ Feel the weight, son ♪
♪ The lie of Laika ♪

♪ Feel the weight ♪
♪ The lie ♪

♪ Fill the void ♪

♪ Fill the void you can't avoid ♪

♪ Fill the void ♪

♪ Because humans want more ♪

♪ They always want more ♪

♪ The lure of the sky ♪

♪ Is what we live for ♪

♪ Fill the Mother Russian void ♪

♪ So we don't have to stop breathing ♪

♪ Yeah, we're into breathing ♪

♪ We don't wanna die ♪

♪ That's why she had to die ♪

- Hi, Chief.

- Laika?

How can this be?

An apparition, come to haunt me?

Or save me?

- Where am I, Chief?

- What do you mean?

- You said I was coming back.

That we would have steak.

But I'm all alone.

Why am I all alone?

- You died, Laika.

You died up there.

We...

We... (Chief sobs)

Never even made the
technology to get you home.

The radio station celebrated your success,

but, but we knew you
were never coming back.

- You knew?

The whole time?

I was never coming back?

- And I will be sorry...

Forever.

- But you said it was your deepest desire

that I come back safely.

- It was!

Oh, it was.

I wanted so badly to
take you home with me.

- So why didn't you?

- Uh...

I had to be loyal to my country.

Or so many more would die.

You...

Are a martyr.

A hero!

Because of you, we get
a man into space safely.

Because of you, Laika!

You...

Lit a fire under our asses.

And the Americans, also.

Do you see now?

Competition creates progress.

- Yes, I see.

(Chief sighs sadly)

Hey, Chief.
- Yes?

- Was it worth it?

- We're all going to die one day.

It might as well mean something.

- You mean something.

To me.

(Chief gasps)

Like-a dream.

- Laika! (Chief sobbing)

Don't go!

Wait!

(Chief gasps in pain)

(phone rings)
Wait!

(Chief groans)

Ah.

(Chief groans in pain)

(Chief coughs)

(Chief groans)

(rocketship zooming)

(phone ringing)

♪ I didn't know ♪

♪ I can't take back all the mistakes ♪

♪ I didn't know ♪

♪ History doesn't use the brakes ♪

♪ I didn't know ♪

♪ No one ever wins a race ♪

♪ I didn't know ♪

♪ Know-Oh-Oh-Oh ♪

♪ Outer space is an inner place ♪

(Chief breathes heavily)

♪ I didn't know ♪

♪ That's why we are goin' down ♪

(Chief gasps)

(machines whirring and hissing)

(pensive piano music)

(pensive piano music)

♪ A night so black ♪

♪ That we can see ♪

♪ A shining light ♪

♪ Up above our city ♪

♪ So high ♪

♪ It parts the sky ♪

♪ Cold and bright-like ♪

♪ Sunrays far away ♪

♪ How very small am I ♪

♪ To feel such a weight ♪

♪ So heavy on my chest ♪

♪ If we can learn why ♪

♪ We want the sky ♪

♪ We ♪

♪ Can learn how to
change our world again ♪

♪ Like a veil ♪

♪ Sky is parted ♪

♪ Everyone ♪

♪ Will want to touch it ♪

♪ Only few can say ♪

♪ They felt it ♪

♪ Only few will dare ♪

♪ To say they will invent it ♪

♪ 40 dogs have lived it ♪
(triumphant guitar music)

(gentle piano music)

(dog barks distortedly)

♪ I'm far from home ♪

♪ Please come back, girl ♪

♪ I'm far from home ♪

♪ Please come back among me again ♪

♪ How small am I ♪

♪ Carry on, my smart and pretty girl ♪

♪ If I could just learn why ♪

♪ Continue work ♪

♪ If we could just learn how ♪

♪ We'll continue working toward the sky ♪

♪ But why, buy why ♪

♪ We want the sky ♪

♪ Humankind tries to
make the most of time ♪

♪ And out comes history ♪

♪ Feel the weight, son ♪

♪ My story ♪

♪ I feel the ♪

♪ Wait ♪

♪ Sun ♪

♪ Only few can say ♪

♪ They've felt it ♪

♪ Only few can say ♪

♪ They dreamt it up one day ♪

♪ To say they have ♪

♪ Invented it ♪

A-Laika, Laika.
- A-Laika, Laika.

(epic closing guitar chord)

(audience claps and cheers)

(upbeat music)
(audience roars and claps)

♪ The space dogs of the Cosmodrome ♪

♪ They were saints ♪

♪ The space dogs of the Cosmodrome ♪

♪ They ain't nobody's bitch ♪

♪ The space dogs of the Cosmodrome ♪

♪ They were here ♪

♪ The space dogs of the Cosmodrome ♪

♪ They were there ♪

♪ Think-a the ♪

♪ The space dogs ♪

♪ We're the space dogs of the ♪

♪ Cosmodrome ♪

(Van and Nick howl)
(audience cheers and claps)

♪ Ah-ooh, ah-ooh ♪

♪ For their behaviors ♪

♪ The dog, the dog, the dog ♪

♪ Has a human emotion ♪

♪ So, so, sophisticated ♪

♪ Ah-ooh, ah-ooh ♪

♪ Dogs are our saviors ♪

♪ Food and security ♪

♪ We gave dogs happily ♪

♪ And that led dogs to be ♪

♪ For us uniquely ♪

♪ And that led us to be ♪

♪ Relyin' on dogs ♪

♪ When we help each other think ♪

♪ We evolve, our brains will link ♪

♪ When we help each other ♪
♪ Relyin' on dogs ♪

♪ Think ♪

♪ We evolve ♪
♪ Spyin' on dogs ♪

♪ Our brains will link ♪

♪ When we help other ♪
♪ Relyin' on dogs ♪

♪ Think ♪

♪ We link ♪

♪ Selectively bred over and over ♪

♪ Over and over ♪

♪ Dogs have many looks ♪

♪ Shapes, size, and colors ♪

♪ Dogs have many jobs ♪

♪ Such as hunting ♪

♪ Herding ♪

♪ Pulling loads ♪

♪ Protection ♪

♪ Trackers ♪

♪ Garbage disposals ♪

♪ Hot water bottles ♪

♪ Playmates and guardians ♪

♪ Aiding disabled people ♪

♪ In therapeutic roles ♪

♪ Man's best friend ♪

♪ We're man's best friend ♪

♪ The dog, the dog, the dog ♪
(dogs barking)

♪ Was the first species chosen ♪
(dogs barking)

♪ To be domesticated ♪
(dogs barking)

♪ Ah-ooh, ah-ooh ♪
(dogs barking)

♪ For their behaviors ♪
♪ And a couple other things ♪

♪ The dog, the dog, the dog ♪

♪ Has a human emotion ♪

♪ So, so, sophisticated ♪

♪ Ah-ooh, ah-ooh ♪

♪ Dogs are our saviors ♪