South Park the Streaming Wars Part 2 (2022) - full transcript

- Please state your
name for the record.

-Stan Marsh.

- And, uh, Mr. Marsh,
you were involved

in the streaming
wars, is that correct?

We made stuff for
streaming services, yes.

And how do you know the
defendant in this case?

She's the mother of
my f... acquaintance.

When you made your deals
for streaming services,

you sort of leveraged them
against each other, didn't you?

That is correct.

And now the streaming
bubble has burst



and your own father is in
hiding, isn't that correct?

My dad is missing,
that is correct.

What exactly was your
job in making these

little Popsicle stick boats
for streaming services?

Um, my job was to
eat the Popsicles.

And the people who paid you
didn't care what you made?

Well, if you look at it, only
about a fourth of what's on

most streaming services
is really worth a shit,

so... Oh, sorry.

Do you know what an
exclusive deal is?

Yes, I know what an
exclusive deal is.

So, if you make an exclusive
deal with a streaming service,

you can't make an exclusive deal

with another streaming
service, can you?



It's not our fault that the
streaming wars happened!

So, then why not just
give back the money?

- We can't!
- Why not?!

'Cause the money is all
in Cartman's fucking tits!

-♪ ♪

- Ms. Cartman, you and
your son live in a hot dog,

is that correct?

Yes, Eric, you know
that's correct.

And your son wanted you

to get fake tits so
that the rich guy

across the street would
let you live with him

but you refused, is that right?

That's right.

So when I said, "If you
don't get fake tits I will,"

you just told me to go ahead.

Yes, because I'm sick of
you doing extreme things

to get your way.

So you refused even though tons

of women get fake
breasts all the time.

Your Honor, I'd like to
introduce Exhibit D...

Tons of women with fake tits.

Tom, I'm standing outside the
courthouse where the judge

has just thrown out the
Cartman v. Cartmancase.

The judge said, quote, "You're
all a bunch of shitheads.

Get out of my courtroom."

Just proof once again, Tom,

that streaming services
have made everything suck.

♪ In the beginning ♪

♪ You really loved me, oh ♪

♪ I was too blind ♪

♪ I could not see, now ♪

♪ But now that you left me ♪

♪ Oh, how I cried,
I keep crying ♪

♪ You don't miss your water ♪

♪ Till your well runs dry ♪

'Kay, Mom, well, I hope
you learned your lesson.

So, maybe now, will
you get fake tits

so I can get these
stupid things out?

No, Eric! No!

♪ I never thought, no ♪

Can I get a Frosty?

♪ I never thought
you'd ever leave me ♪

♪ But now that you've left me ♪

♪ Good Lord, good
Lord, how I cried ♪

♪ You don't miss your water ♪

♪ You don't miss your water ♪

♪ Till your well runs dry ♪

♪ Ooh, you don't
miss your water ♪

♪ You don't miss your water ♪

♪ Till your well runs dry ♪

♪ I miss my water, I keep
missing my water... ♪

- Oh, shit, it's Karen!
- What?

Come on. Go, kids, go.

What... what happened?

- Wow, it's the real thing.
- We gotta go!

There! You see?
Karen is right there!

Okay, okay, everyone
back... Just stay back!

All right, Karen. We
don't want any trouble.

Huh?

It doesn't have to be like this,
Karen. Let us get you some help.

Can-can someone please
tell me what's going on?

Is there, like, a manager
I can speak to somew...

Karen's clear!

Move in!

♪ ♪

Just relax.

I need to know what
you remember, Karen.

I started a streaming service...

to compete with the weed
farm across the street.

And some guy died.

That's right.

Do you know where the owner
of Credigree Weed is now?

No.

The steaming wars
got out of hand.

Your rival here somehow got

ManBearPig to work for him
and murder the competition.

You... went down to the Colorado
State Water Commission's office.

You asked to speak
with the manager.

And then you went
full nuclear Karen.

Full nuclear Karen?

You went ballistic on everybody.

Okay...
- Call the cops, goddamn it, if you don't like me over here.

- Fucking call 'em!
- - Okay. Karen.

Motherfucker!

- Go back to Mexico.
- - Listen. I said...

I said "excuse me."

Go. Go back wherever
you're from!

- You traveled all over
the state and demanded to

- see everyone's managers.
- He's the one... he's the one that went off.

Oh, God...

- I don't have a right to be here?!
- Outside the State office

in Denver, you caused
a 20-car pileup.

- Huh?! Call a manager now!
- Five people were severely injured.

And then you
attacked the airport.

I want the manager of
the fucking airport here!

Who's tellin' me to...

I want the manager
of the airport here!

And then the same thing
happened in Madrid.

Who is the manager of
this fucking shithole?!

In Bangladesh...

And in the mountains of Tibet.

And I'm sorry, Karen, but...

I'm afraid all of
this has become

the most watched
videos on YouTube.

No.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Tolkien...

What are you doing here?

I'm looking for
something, all right?

- Looking for what?
- Anything.

I don't know! People are saying
that my dad caused all this.

That he's hiding because
he knows he's guilty.

I know that's not true.

What does that have to
do with the rich guy

who lived here moving away?

The guy who lived here didn't
move away. He was killed.

What?

I know that my dad
wouldn't just run and hide!

What if he needs me right now?

Tolkien, I wanted the guy
who lived here to be my dad.

Who would have killed him?

♪ ♪

Okay, I'm done.

All right, then put
your plate in the sink

and march right on upstairs!

Maybe the next time you decide
to pit streaming services

against each other and cause
a drought, you'll think twice.

I want no playing, no reading
and no thinking about fun stuff.

You are being grounded.

It's not my fault streaming
services paid people more

than was sustainable
in any business model.

-Butters.

Shh! Butters, stop.

Eric! You can't be in
here, I'm grounded.

We've been set up, Butters.

- What?
- The whole streaming wars!

The whole thing was a lie!

Eric, is that a real gun?

Fuck yes, it's a real gun.
Butters, listen to me.

Someone bought up all the water

and murdered anyone
who got in their way.

- No...
- Yes, Butters.

Someone worked with the
Colorado water commissioner

and cheated the
system. The same person

who is now using climate
change to make a profit!

Who?

It didn't make sense to me.

Why my mom was
being so stubborn.

Why she wouldn't
do what I asked.

But then I saw Tolkien
across the street

and I figured it out...

Tolkien is fucking my mom.

Tolkien?!

I wanted my mom to get fake tits

so she could marry the
rich guy across the street.

Now that guy is dead and
my mom is acting strange.

The only explanation is
that she's fucking Tolkien

and they don't want me to know!

But, Eric, Tolkien was making
the boats with us, he...

Butters, Butters.
My eyes are up here.

Stop staring at my tits.

Oh, sorry.

There's a bad guy out
there getting away

with murder, Butters.
And we have to catch him.

♪ ♪

Good people of Denver,

we are living through
a horrible time.

This drought, i-it
affect everybody.

It affect me. My waterpark.

But I have a plan to not
only reopen my waterpark,

but also help all of Colorado
with their water supply problem.

So, if you don't mind, I'd
like to show you my deck.

- Oh, Christ.
- No.

This is the business
proposal deck

for the Pipi streaming service!

- Oh...
- Oh, that's okay.

In just a few days I
will reopen my waterpark

which will now run on 100% pee!

And then we can collect
half of the pee every day

and send it out to
the people of Denver

and all over Colorado
for their daily use.

I'm sorry, Mr. Pipi,

but I really don't think we'll
be able to get people to invest

in your streaming service.

No, no, no, it's okay!

Because I got the
biggest celebrities

who made a commercifor crypto

to make the commercifor me!

We are living in
a severe drought.

There simply isn't
a choice anymore,

we have to find alternate
sources for water.

Hi. I'm Matt Damon.

You've heard me talk
about the wonders of

cryptocurrency, and
now there's a company

who can give us that new source.

Pipi water.

Pee can be used for
almost anything.

We can water our lawns with it.

We can also use urine
for our shower water.

Fortune favors the brave.

And a brave person knows

that pasta cooked in pee
water tastes just fine.

Okay, hold on.

Fortune favors the brave.

Did you know frozen pee can make
for a delicious summer treat?

Okay.

Fortune favors the brave.

And pee water actually
pairs really well

with an Impossible Burger.

Fortune...

Fortune favors the brave.

Fortune favors the br...

Go pee!

With Pipi+.

MATT DAMON for water.

- Hi. I'm Matt Damon.
- Dad?

You've heard me talk about
the wonders of cryptocurrency,

and now there's a company who
can give us that new source.

Pipi water.

- You okay?
- Pee can be used for almost anything.

- What have I become, Stan?
- We can water our lawns with it.

- How did I just sit by and let the world sink to this?
- We can also use urine

for our shower water.

I used to be a scientist.
Do you remember that?

I was the one who warned
the town about a volcano.

I warned them about
the day after tomorrow.

And then... it all
become about weed.

When did that happen, Stan?

I guess we all just
got greedy, Dad.

I wanted to be a
scientist because

scientists solve problems.

Do you even know what kind
of geologist I was, Stan?

No.

I was a "fluvial
geomorphologist."

Someone who studies the
changes in streams and rivers.

And when the town
needed me most...

I was just out bitching
because all I cared about

was getting high and rich.

I can't even
remember the old me.

♪ ♪

♪ There was a boy
I used to know ♪

♪ With dreams as big as
the fire in his heart ♪

♪ He grew to be a man
of such good will ♪

♪ Always so patient ♪

♪ Always so smart ♪

♪ He had so much but
he threw it away ♪

♪ Somewhere along
he got off track ♪

♪ But today he's making
the change for good ♪

♪ And now that man
is coming back ♪

♪ Oh, we missed you, Randy ♪

♪ Where have you been? ♪

♪ It seems such a long time ♪

♪ Since we've seen
our old friend ♪

♪ Everyone needs you, Randy ♪

♪ Where did you go? ♪

♪ It's like you just
became a one-note ♪

♪ Overwrought part of the show ♪

♪ Here I am trying
to make it right ♪

♪ Gonna take my life back
with my baby tonight ♪

♪ Oh, we missed you, Randy,
we missed you, Randy ♪

♪ Where have you been? ♪

♪ I've been acting like a fool ♪

♪ It seems such a long time ♪

♪ Since we've seen
you, old friend ♪

♪ We've all been waiting
for this day to come ♪

♪ We're all so happy about
the things you've done ♪

♪ 'Cause you're
going back to Randy ♪

♪ I'm going back to Randy ♪

♪ We missed you, Randy ♪

♪ I missed me, Randy ♪

♪ It's so good to
have you back now ♪

- ♪ Our dear friend ♪
- ♪ We missed you, Randy ♪

♪ Our dear friend, Randy ♪

- ♪ I'm Randy ♪
- ♪ Randy ♪

- ♪ Randy, Randy ♪
- ♪ I'm Randy. ♪

- All right, I've
got eyes on him.

Looks like he's in
the basement bathroom.

- I didn't even know Tolkien
had a basement bathroom.

- Yeah, neither did
I. Sneaky bastard.

Seems like he's
looking for something.

Oh, nope, he's
turning back around.

He's pulling down his pants.

Oh, I think he's
gonna take a shit.

Mark down: "- 35,
started taking shit."

What the fuck are you doing?

-Oh, shit. Go, go, go.

-♪ ♪

Hello?! Where are...
Eric, I can see you!

CARTMAN There's no
way he can see us.

Just stay still.

I see you behind
the fucking tree!

Don't come another step
closer or I shoot Butters.

What?!

Let's go. Move. Move!

Do you wanna tell me
what's going on, Tolkien?

- I have no idea!
- Sure!

We're all supposed to believe
that streaming services

were all our fault.

I remember that day
at school, Tolkien.

You were the one who said
I should build the boats.

Because I felt bad for you!

You felt bad for me?

Or maybe is it that you wanted
the drought to... Butters,

will you please stop
staring at my tits.

I'm sorry.

We've been doing
research, Tolkien.

Somebody manipulated the system.

All the water
rights, water laws,

there's a big
chain of corruption

and the whole thing
stinks like your wiener

after fucking my mom.

Eric, I swear, I have no clue
what you're talking about.

Then read it.

Read about how none of the
streaming services had any

chance of lasting but paid out
thousands of dollars anyway.

Read about how the water
commissioner of Colorado

knew about it the entire time!

Eric, where did you get this?

Tolkien, my eyes are up here,

please stop staring
at my titties.

I am staring you
dead in the eye.

Where did you get this?

♪ ♪

Hi. I'm Gwyneth Paltrow.

I got women everywhere excited
about investing in crypto.

And now there's something
even better to invest in.

Uh... uh... um...

Fortune favors the brave.
Fortune favors the brave.

Go pee!

With Pipi+.

My fellow Coloradoans,

today we will try to put an end

to the drought that
has crippled our state.

It's my pleasure to announce
that the city of Denver

will be investing heavily in
the Pipi streaming service.

And we encourage
you all to "Go pee."

Oh, thank you!
Thank you, Denver!

It is a my honor to give you
all of the pee that I can.

And so, as of today,
we are all going

- to live in...
- RANDY Wait!

Hold on!

- Who is that?
- Excuse me!

Please, I have to
get to the front!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry,
everyone, please.

-Please, I have an announcement.

Everyone, my name
is Dr. Randy Marsh

and I am...

-a scientist!

The damage that has been
done to our fresh water

due to the streaming wars
is irreversible, yes.

But I believe I have a plan.

And if you don't mind,

I'd like to show my deck to
each and every one of you.

Whip it out, bro!

The answer...

is an ocean water
desalinization plant.

When all of you hear about
droughts in our country,

don't you ever think, "Wait,
the Earth is 75% water.

What the fuck? How can we not
have enough water, right?"

The only thing
stopping us from not

being able to use seawater
for our daily use is the salt.

I have a plan to pipe the water

from the oceans up to
the Continental Divide.

From there, we separate
the salt from the water,

giving our entire country
enough clean water forever.

And we ship the salt off to
Arby's and KFC where it belongs.

Dr. Marsh, you have all
the funding you need.

Randy Marsh has the better deck!

♪ ♪

♪ She's only 17... ♪

Ever since I can remember,

I've wanted two things.

My own waterpark and
to only have to pay

for one streaming service.
And what I didn't know...

was that my own employees

would try to fuck me!

And fucking ruin my life!

Who is this guy talking about
a desalinization plant?!

How did we miss him?!

He's just some scientist,
h-he came out of nowhere.

I asked you to take care of
anybody who might get in my way!

I just wanna be a lifeguard.

"I just wanna be a lifeguard."

You just wanna fuck Pipi!

You're all a bunch of
stinky poopy babies!

All of you! You
little pussy bitches!

Oh, you don't like that, huh?

I told you, I told
you kill anyone

in the mountains who
could be a problem!

You a little ManBear-bitch,
that's what you are!

You wanna fuck with Pipi, huh?

Don't forget what I have on you.

Sit down, ManBearBitchy!

I want that
desalinization plant gone

and I want the scientist dead!

There can only be one
streaming service.

And it's going to be Pipi+!

♪ ♪

It was-15 on Thursday night.

The people were all excited
about the possibility

of a new desalinization plant.

But I had a lingering
uneasiness in my gut.

And then, just like that,
in walked the nicest pair

of knockers I'd ever
seen in my life.

Detective, we need
to talk to you.

Aw, fuck, not you again.

Get out of here kid, I'm not
going to arrest your mom.

You might think differently when
you hear what we have to say.

- Go ahead, Tolkien.
- Sir,

we think the person who
killed Robert Cussler

actually had a bigger plan:
to make the drought happen.

Your father killed
Robert Cussler.

And what makes you think
he had a bigger plan?

Wait a minute. Did he tell
you his business plan?

Did he show you his deck?!

No.

My uncle Larry showed
me his dick once.

My dad isn't capable
of killing anyone.

Well, I'm sure that's true.

And that's why your father
had ManBearPig do it for him.

You see, your dad used
ManBearPig to get rid

of the competition in
the streaming wars.

Butters, please.

And ManBearPig will
just go right on doing

whatever Tolkien's father
says because he's afraid.

ManBearPig is afraid? Of what?

Afraid for the safety...
of its wife and child.

Not many people know about
PigBearGirl and Chuck Chuck,

but your father must have
threatened ManBearPig

that he would tell
people they exist.

And if everyone knew that
climate change had a child,

they'd go after it.

Okay, whatever, but
you have no proof

that it was my dad
who did anything.

Don't I?

I happen to know for a
fact that while the rest

of the state is suffering,

your dad has been
out living it up.

Surveillance camera
caught him enjoying

his time at a waterpark.

The waterpark.

♪ ♪

Hello, I'm Larry David.

When I made my Superbowl
commercial for crypto,

I didn't even really
know what it was!

But thanks to the money
I made, I now can enjoy

my favorite beverage every day!

Go pee!

With Pipi+.

Hello?

Where the fuck am I?

Hello?!

- Well, I don't know, but it
needs to be a-fixed, okay?

Maybe we have some
kind of intruder, huh,

that's doing the
sabotage, you know!

We looked everywhere, sir.

We didn't find anything.

- Well, look harder,
you stupid fuck!

Something going on down here!

Who are you? Did
you bandage me up?

Chuck Chuck!

Come on! Something's happened

to the outtake valves again!

Okay, that's great, guys.

Keep the pipe on
the downward slope.

- How's it all going?
- Oh, thanks, honey.

It's good. Fast.

I think we can have this
thing up and running

- for tests in a week.
- That's amazing.

You're not so bad
yourself, babe.

Oh, and hey, Sharon?

Sorry about the
whole "weed thing."

It's okay, Randy.

All right, Nelson, I've
updated the engineering.

I've accounted for the elevation

but I still can't
figure out the pipeline.

The problem is actually
getting enough pressure

to get the saltwater
up here to the plant.

It almost seems impossible.

I don't know how
you get saltwater

up here without a
tremendous amount of energy.

Yeah, well, let's
just keep working.

There has to be an answer.

Science always has an answer.

Randy, it's good
to have you back

at the U.S. Geological Survey.

Thanks, Nelson.

Oh, and hey, Nelson?

Sorry about the
whole "weed thing."

That's okay, Randy.

♪ ♪

Hi, my name is Naomi Osaka.

And I enjoy crypto
just like I enjoy

fresh piss on my organic greens.

Fortune favors the brave.

- Fortune favors the brave.
- Fortune favors the brave.

Fortune favors the brave.

Go pee!

With Pipi+.

♪ She's a summertime girl ♪

ANNOUNCER Welcome
to Pipi's Waterpark!

Where the thrills and
fun are all 100% urine.

We hope you have a magical
day and if you need to

use the restroom, just let it
go in one of our many pools.

Your pee will be
collected and harvested

for Denver's water
supply. Go pee, Colorado.

♪ She'll take you... ♪

Boy, oh boy, what a
great day for a swim!

Can't wait to hit
that fresh pool!

Blackhawk, this is
Browneye. I am in position.

Copy, Butters. Do you see
the slide we're looking for?

That's a negative,
Blackhawk. Got nothin' here.

What about over by the
funnel cakes, Eric?

♪ She's a summertime girl... ♪

I don't see the
slide that matches

the one in the picture, Tolkien.

I'm afraid this could
be a dead end, guys.

- Wait. Oh, my God.
- What?

There's a guy here who's just
totally staring at my tits.

Hey, do you mind, sir?
My eyes are up here.

Eric, we're trying not to
draw attention to oursel...

Stop looking at my
tits! Yes, you are!

Eric, do you...

These people are all
staring at my fucking tits!

They're such perverts!

Little boy, we're just a
bit shocked to see that.

Yeah, 'cause you're on the itty
bitty titty committee, bitch!

Just focus on the
fucking plan, Eric!

Hey, fellas, I think I got it!

I found the slide where
the photo was taken!

And there's some kind of bunker
entrance right next to it.

♪ ♪

Hello, ma'am. I'm sorry

but I need to speak with
you about your husband.

- Is he dead?
- Not yet.

But he will be as soon as I
can find him. Can I come in?

Your husband is a
very dangerous man.

We now believe that he caused
the whole drought to happen.

- Do you mind?
- Yes.

Great.

Now, obviously, your
husband had some kind

of bigger business plan.

He might have it all
explained somewhere.

Does your husband have a deck?

Of course my husband has a dick.

Well, I'd like to see it,
if that's okay with you.

How am I supposed to show
you when I don't even know

- where he is?
- All right. If you want to

be difficult,
ma'am, that's fine.

But you know where
your husband is

and so does your little boy.

I'm sure that you've
both seen his deck

and I'm sure it's
pretty massive.

Detective, my husband
is a good man.

Well, I'm sure he
was at one point.

But then he started
a streaming service

and became the monster
that he is today.

Okay, well, I think
you should leave now.

All right, fine.

But just so you know, when
I find your husband...

And I will find him...
I'm gonna shoot him.

And then I'll check
out his deck later.

♪ ♪

This must be where all the pee

is collected for Pipi's
streaming service.

Sure is a lot of pee!

This place is massive.
They had to have

been working on this
place for years!

Yeah, looks like someone
has been planning

on fucking my mom
for a long time!

Everyone spread out and
see what you can find.

What exactly are we looking for?

Documents, contracts, condoms,
whatever you can find.

Get a picture of
anything unusual.

People would be very
interested to see

how far along this all is.

Hey, there's some little
brown chocolates on the floor.

Chunk!

Whoa!

It's okay. It's okay.
We're not gonna hurt you.

Chuck Chuck?

The fuck is that?

What are you doing down here?

Are you lost?

Chuck Chuck.

You guys, seriously,
the fuck is that?

It's like a little bear pig...

They don't know you're
down here, do they?

Chuck Chuck.

Hey, stop right there!

Yeah, we did it! We did it!

Tell the boss we caught 'em!

We finally caught
the little buggers

that've been messing with
the equipment down here.

♪ ♪

I'm Reese Witherspoon.

I think crypto is a great idea

but there's one investment
that's even smarter.

That's why when my family is
enjoying festive party games,

we do it in pee.

Go pee!

With Pipi+.

Oh, hey, honey.

- Any luck?
- No.

The plant is almost ready to
go and I still can't figure out

how to get the saltwater to it.

The elevations are
just too extreme.

Hey, what are the kids doing?

Mm, they're just in
their rooms, hanging out.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

How about we round them
up and go take a nice walk

- or something.
- You sure?

Yeah, I need a break and
they need a dad. Come on.

Oh, hang on a
second, it's Nelson.

Hey, Nelson! How's
it going up there?

Randy! Randy!

The plant!

It's all wrecked!

What are you talking about?

It was climate change, Randy!

It ripped apart the
watershed and took

a huge shit in the
conversion tanks!

No.

It just started
tearing through people.

But, Randy, it seemed like
it was looking for something.

I'm scared it might have
been looking for you.

Randy, what's going on?

What's going on, Dad?

Take the kids to the
basement and lock the door.

Randy, what are we...

Just do it, baby, please!

Randy, I'm not gonna hurt you.

What the fuck are
you doing here?!

I need your help, Randy.
I can't go to the police.

Yeah, no shit, 'cause
you're a murderer!

I didn't kill anyone!

Look, I know we've
had our differences.

But I need you to
trust me right now.

I don't care about
Credigree Weed anymore.

I just want to fix the drought.

You're not going
to fix it because

Pipi controls everything!

Pipi?

He used the water
commissioner to get us

to start our streaming
war against each other.

No.

He used us, Randy.

Pipi tried to have me killed
but some little beaver thing

saved me. Please.

My wife said Tolkien
and his friends

went to look for me
at the waterpark.

Credigree and Tegridy
have to work together.

Tegridy took over my life

and completely
ruined my character.

Don't you get it?

We aren't the ones who are
ever gonna help anything.

We're the ones who
make everything worse.

It's no use, we can't
hack through the bars.

Hey. Hey there.

Chuck Chuck.

Hey.

Are you down here
looking for your dad?

I'm looking for my dad, too.

Oh, God, that's so cheesy.

You don't have to
be afraid of people.

I can tell you why.

Chuck Chuck.

Yes. Good, Tolkien, I
think you're starting

-to reason with it.

So!

You're the little "sabotagis"

that's been messing
with my stuff, huh?

Uh, no, we actually just
got here recently, sir.

- Where is my dad?
- Your dad?

-Oh...

You the boys that make-a
the little boats-a. No?

Oh, you help Pipi so much!

You probably made a
lot of money, huh?

We didn't know
what we were doing.

Yeah, well, who does, huh?

That's doing
business in America.

You just get in,

fuck everything up, pay
people money you don't have,

and try to get a big
market evaluation, yes?

So you sped up climate change

and then you fucked
my mom, is that it?

Scusi?

No, see, what he did was

he paid people too much money

while actually
devaluing the artists,

creating a streaming business
that was driving content

instead of content
driving the business.

So now he's got a huge company
but all he's delivering is piss.

And now I'm about to have
the only streaming service

in the world.

You see, I have all
the celebrities here.

Everybody to be in one big
final commercitogether!

And when that commercigoes out,

everybody gonna want
to invest in Pipi.

And you boys, well... I'm
afraid you might meet up

with a little accidente, eh?

The pee-pee gonna come down

and it gonna wash you
boys away down a drain-ee.

Come on! We gotta
make-a the commerci!

♪ ♪

I'm sorry, guys. I got played.

We all got played, Dad.

The whole state.

I really thought I could
make a difference this time.

Well, you can't, Randy.

But there is someone who can.

Somebody who can go
down to that waterpark

and demand to be heard.

We need Karen back, Dad.

What?

No. No!

You have to, Dad.

Karen is the only one
that can get past security

and insist to see
the management.

Karen is gone. Okay?

I'm never going back.

Then Pipi does win.

And we all go without fresh
water for the rest of our lives.

Come on, Karen, please.
My friends are down there.

It doesn't work like that.

I didn't just become
Karen overnight.

First I smoked weed.

Then I smoked too much weed.

Then I started a weed farm
and then I got entitled

and did everything I
could to protect it!

But the weed is all gone now.

Not all of it.

The Thanksgiving Day
Special? You saved this?

I-I made this, like,
three years ago.

Yeah. I think it's the
best special you ever made.

♪ ♪

If I smoke this... I
won't remember any of you.

It will be like none of the
past few days ever happened.

We have to have water, Karen.

♪ ♪

What the hell is he doing?

He looks ridiculous.

Just-just let him do it, kids.

♪ ♪

♪ We missed you, Karen ♪

♪ Where have you been? ♪

Someone's been fucking
with my Tegridy!

- Yeah!
- Yeah, Dad!

Thank you!

Thank you, everyone, for coming

to be a part of filming
my new commerci.

This is gonna be the best
commerciwe ever make-a!

Okay, now everyone look
like you're having fun!

Background action! And
action, Matt Damon-a!

Hi. I'm Matt Damon.

Me and all my Hollywood friends
have a little secret to share.

We love being in pee.

Are you in?

Okay, that's good, that's good.

Now you all play in
the pee a little bit.

You laughing, you having fun.

You splash-a the
pee on each other.

Good, good. You love the pee.

Now maybe, Matt
Damon, you splash pee

on Reesie Witherspoon.

And then, Reesie, the
pee... The pee make you

so happy that-that you cry.

I cry?

Yes, Reesie, you so happy
in the pee, it make you cry.

And when you cry...
you cry the pee.

I can't cry pee.

Oh, come on, Reesie.

You slut yourself
out for crypto,

now just be a slut for Pipi.

Go on, cry, Reesie. You're
all a bunch of sellouts.

Cry for the commerci.
Come on, cry.

I'm sorry, folks, the
waterpark is closed

for a commercial shoot.

We'll let you know as soon as
we get things back open again.

♪ ♪

It's Karen!

I want in your
waterpark right now!

The park's closed, they're
filming a commercial.

I wanna speak to your...

manager!

Good. Good.

And now, Larry David, you come
up with the pee in your mouth.

And then you just, you just
spit the pee on Gwyneth Paltrow.

There you are!
What's going on?

You wanna tell me what
the fuck is going on?!

Scusi, who let you in?

I let myself in because
it's a free country

and I'll stand where
I fucking want!

Get him out of here!

Don't you fucking touch me!

Don't any of you
fucking touch me!

Okay, we obviously have a bit
of a Karen here, let's, uh...

You can call me Karen
all you fucking want!

Motherfucker!

Why don't you tell everyone
what you've been doing?!

I want to speak to
someone in charge! No!

No, 'cause clearly
you're not in charge!

- What's going on up there?
- You don't even know what the fuck you're doing!

Do you?!

-Hello? Who's there?

Who's there? Goddamn it,
I-I'm the fuckin' lifeguard.

Whoa.

No, you-you all
need to get a life!

I'm not wasted, you're wasted!

Okay, fine, if you don't leave,
I'm gonna call the police.

Fuckin' do it!

Fucking call the police!

Bring 'em right here!
Why don't you go back

to your own fucking country?!

- Oh, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Oh, whoa.

Tom, it looks like after
several days of nothing,

a new Karen video has finally
appeared on the Internet.

A livestream caught
Karen spewing the usual

entitled hateful bullshit,

and more and more
viewers are tuning in!

You probably don't even have
a fucking green card, do you?!

Okay. Please leave, okay?

No! You leave! I'm an American!

I pay taxes!

- Okay, please-please leave.
- No! You're a piece of shit

who started the
streaming wars on purpose

to-to cause the drought!

Okay-okay, that's it.

Everybody, we're sorry
for the disturbance.

Yeah, and then you pay
celebrities to get people

to invest in your dumb shit

'cause you know
it's fucking dumb!

Somebody get this
Karen out of my face-y!

Oh, you fucked now, Karen.

Oh, look out! ManBearPig!

Dad? Dad!

Dad, you're okay!

Tolkien? Tolkien!

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Where did you come from?!

We were busted out
by our new friend.

It's okay, you can come out.

Chuck Chuck.

What the fuck is that thing?

I think I can explain it all.

You see, for Pipi's
plan to work,

he needed to control
climate change.

And the only way to control
anything, is by fucking its mom.

But what Pipi didn't count on,

was that a child
will stop at nothing

to find out who is
fucking their mom.

Chuck Chuck.

See? I-I keep them safe, uh-huh.

Whoa, whoa. Hold on a
minute, ManBearBitchie.

We have a great team, no?

You no wanna hurt Pipi. Look
at everything we've done!

I give you half of
the company, huh?!

What do you say,
ManBearBitchie?!

We can own the only streaming
service in the world together!

- It's over. We did it!
- We did it, Dad!

Randy. Thank you so much.

Randy? What are you staring at?

Oh, here we go again.

No, wait.

Mr... Mr. Marsh?

My eyes are up... Dude!

How to get saltwater to
the desalinization plant.

Saltwater... saline.

Saline in the plant.

Saline implant! Holy fuck!

Today we try for
a new beginning.

You know, in police work, we
don't always get it right.

I wanted a deck in my hands
so bad that I didn't care

whose deck it was.

But I'm happy to be
standing here now

with our new test subject.

Thank you. I just want
to say to my mom...

Mom, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I can't always
be the son that you need.

Because right now you need
a son that can stay firm

and teach you a lesson.

But unfortunately,
duty calls. I'm ready.

Okay, hit it.

♪ ♪

Okay, it works.
Bring in the rest!

♪ ♪

We got Matt Damon
to tell every woman

with fake tits to be brave!

Look at all of them.

It's working!

Hey, everybody! Look!

ManBearPig is leaving with
PigBearGirl and Chuck Chuck.

Chuck Chuck!

Hey, wait.

If that little thing

is gonna be climate
change someday,

shouldn't we, like... kill it?

I think what we should do

is try to reach out to it,

see what it needs
and see if it can

be different from its father.

Yeah, but that all
sounds really hard.

We have enough water for
the summer now. Fuck it.

Let's smoke some weed!

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪