South Park: Post COVID - The Return of COVID (2021) - full transcript
If Stan, Kyle and Cartman could just work together, they could go back in time to make sure Covid never happened and save Kenny's life. Traveling back to the past seems to be the easy answer until they meet Victor Chaos.
You guys!
You guys!
Oh, my God,
you're not gonna believe this!
- Dude, what?
- You guys...
Heather Williams
farted during P.E. class.
- So?
- So?
Heather Williams
farted during P.E. class!
That means we are
gonna sit courtside
at the Denver Nuggets game
next Saturday!
What?
Ugh! Heather Williams' mom
works for Coors in Golden!
Coors is
the second biggest sponsor
of the Pepsi Center
where the Nuggets play!
We tell Heather that if she
doesn't get us courtside seats,
then everyone's gonna know
she farted in P.E. class!
Whoa. I've never seen
a Nuggets game in person.
Well, we're about to! All we
have to do is show Heather
we have proof
and she'll do whatever we want!
What proof do you have?
Kenny had his phone out!
He got a photo of Heather
right when she farted.
Look! Isn't this awesome,
you guys?!
Let's go, Nuggets!
Let's go, Nuggets!
Let's go, Nuggets!
Kids! Kids, can I
have your attention, please.
Kids, listen up.
This is an emergency.
Everything is fine but...
we are sending you all home.
Some of you may have heard
but there's a little virus
going around and the school
district wants to make sure
we're all safe,
so we're shutting down
the school for about two weeks.
Two weeks?! Yippie!
Oh, not now.
Your parents are here to
pick you up. So let's go.
I'm sure it's nothing; we'll
see you in a couple of weeks.
You guys... you guys,
Heather Thompson
farted in P.E. class! Guys?
Every night
I have the same dream,
and relive
the whole thing again...
It's called social distancing.
If we stay six feet apart
from each other
and wear a mask...
And also I'm shutting down
the city and I'm a pervert.
And we've got to get control
of this thing!
I'm just getting sick of
being here every day with you,
- that's all.
- You think
I like being here every day
with you?!
I am much easier
to get along with
during a stay-at-home order!
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday, dear Stan... ♪
Come on, Stan,
we're gonna visit Grandpa!
Hi, Grandpa!
Hi, Grandpa!
Isn't it great
to see Grandpa, kids?
Look, let's just face it,
you guys.
We don't trust each other
and we don't like each other.
I hate this stupid farm.
In the dream,
I relive the entire pandemic.
Oh, God, no!
My little girl!
Oh, no! Oh, God!
Now that I'm older,
the dream isn't just a dream
because the whole pandemic
has started all over again.
A brand-new variant
of the COVID virus has emerged
in Colorado
and now panic and fear
spreads throughout the world.
The new outbreak started
with the death
of renowned scientist
Kenny McCormick,
and has therefore been named
Kenny McCormikron.
It's been 38 years since
the pandemic first started,
and people are beginning
to say enough is enough.
The town of South Park has been
put under strict lockdown
to try and contain
the new variant.
Nobody is allowed in or out for
the next 20 to 30 years.
Attention.
You are under quarantine.
Someone in your community
is not vaccinated.
Maintain social distance and
wear a chin diaper if possible.
Attention.
You are under quarantine.
Someone in your community
is not vaccinated.
Maintain social distance
and wear a chin diaper
if possible.
Attention.
You are under quarantine.
Someone in your community
is not...
Come on inside and rejuvenate.
Denny's is now
Denny's Applebee's Max.
Taste the difference.
Welcome to
Denny's Applebee's Max.
Just one joining us today?
Listen to me very carefully
and try not to
change your expression.
They could be listening.
This... is the last
sprout of Tegridy Weed.
We have to get it somewhere
outside of town.
Sir, the whole town is
under quarantine.
Nothing's allowed in or out.
We have to replicate it.
It's the only way for people
to have Tegridy again.
Uh, okay, sir,
if you don't want to eat,
then I'll need to
ask you to leave.
Don't you understand
this could change the world.
Maybe the Denny's side
of you doesn't care,
but the Applebee's side of you
must want to help!
There you are, Mr. Marsh.
Come on. Time to go
back to the old folks home.
I can't go back!
Everyone listen!
This little sprout
is humanity's only hope!
Let's go back to
the retirement home.
We can get you
some nice ice cream, okay?
I don't want ice cream,
I want my species to survive!
- Back off!
- Let's go, Mr. Marsh!
Don't make this
difficult for us!
Why, you son of a bitch.
- Come on, Mr. Marsh.
- Who...?
It's me, Token.
We know about the pangolin.
Your son and his friends
are trying to stop all this
from happening. We need
to get you to Kenny's lab.
Dr. Kenneth McCormick
will now be attempting to
travel back in time
in order to stop
the COVID pandemic
from ever happening.
At the moment
Kenny time traveled,
he blew all the transformers
here in the lab.
If you're going to try
and replicate his work,
we'll be doing it
at half capacity.
The bigger problem
is that we can't even get
into half of Kenny's equipment.
We have access to the machines,
but the codes to operate
those machines are behind
an 86-Mag firewall
with restricted access,
requiring an in-person
vocal scan of either
Kenny McCormick or of
his associate, Victor Chouce.
But Kenny is dead and Chouce is
locked away in a mental asylum.
So we go to the asylum
and convince them
to let us
bring Chouce here, easy.
There's more.
When Kenny bent time,
the negative ions
actually killed
everyone else in the room.
We have to find some thin,
reflective material
that can be worn
to bounce the energy.
We're going to need...
some aluminum foil.
Jesus Christ.
Aluminum foil?
That's impossible, Wendy.
It's the fucking future.
All the aluminum foil is stuck
out on cargo ships
in Long Beach.
Yeah, I know.
Look, guys, I know
this is all a long shot.
But Kenny went
back in time and got COVID
because it destroyed
our friendship.
All of this is our fault,
and we can't do it without you.
I'll help however I can
to stop this stupid pandemic
once and for all.
Yeah, I can't be stuck
in quarantine
my whole life... I gotta get back
to my job doing future comedy.
Speakin' of which,
what's the biggest
difference between
a Christian man and a lesbian?
Absolutely nothing.
They are totally the same
and deserve
to be treated as such.
Thanks, everybody.
We can do this!
Wendy, you guys
stay here and try
to get the lab running again.
Kyle and I will go get
Victor Chouce.
Tweek and Craig, you guys find
some aluminum foil.
- How the hell do we do that?!
- Just start looking!
Come on, guys!
- All right, let's do this!
- I'll drive, get in the back.
Alexa! Set a course
for South Park Mental Asylum.
Alexa, set a course
for South Park Mental Asylum.
Do you ever think
about how the way
you act affects other people?
Oh, no, goddamn it.
Not right now.
Oh, yeah, don't wanna
talk about that.
Let's just pretend like
that's not even an issue.
Alexa, please,
we have to get to the asylum
and we don't know where it is.
- Who's this?
- It's just my Alexa.
"Just my Alexa"?
You're a piece of shit!
You're a fucking alcoholic
piece of shit!
- Alexa...
- Find the asylum your fucking self!
Find it your fucking self.
You do whatever
the fuck you want
and just destroy
the people around you.
And by the way,
there's a tankless humidifier
available from one
of your favorite sellers.
Would you like to know more?!
Yes, yes, I'd like to know more.
Okay. The newest
humidifiers from Walgreens Max
are actually tankless
and use up to 50%
less water
than standard humidifiers.
Okay, that's really cool. Uh,
add that to my shopping list.
Well, and people who
were interested
in tankless humidifiers
were also interested in
three-pack filters.
That's great. Do those have
the Prime delivery?
Dude, we don't really
have time for this.
Dude, shut the fuck up!
Please help see us through
this new COVID variant.
Please help us
to make it through this
difficult quarantine.
And let people see that...
as bad as COVID is,
it's not as bad as diabetes.
Hello?
Sorry, the church is closed
due to the COVID variant.
Father, please.
Will you protect my family?
Rabbi Cartman?
My family isn't safe, Father.
I realize now
that Kyle Broflovski
will stop at nothing
to break us apart.
Uncle Kyle hates us
because we're Jewish.
And he's a self-hating Jew.
Uncle Kyle, no, no, no!
Menorah, hold your brother.
As a fellow person of faith,
Father,
I'm begging you to help us.
Well, well,
what can I do, Rabbi?
Kyle has already
convinced a bunch of people
to join his cause.
I have to create my own secret
rebellion to stop him.
Eric, please, I'm scared
and I don't understand
all of this.
Kyle wants to go back in time...
and change the past so that you
and I possibly never even meet.
If I never met you,
my life would be meaningless.
Mine, too.
You are my whole world.
I promise you that I will do
everything I can to stop Kyle...
and save our family.
I understand that you wish
to see one of our inmates.
- Victor Chouce?
- Yeah.
We-we have a lot of questions
for Mr. Chouce.
He's an extremely dangerous
and diluted individual.
We don't take
visitations lightly.
What exactly did he do?
Unspeakable things.
He has destroyed lives.
This entire state has never seen
a monster of his magnitude.
I've lived in South Park
all my life
and I've never heard of him.
That's because Victor
has been hidden from view...
ever since the pandemic began.
Victor's parents were very
protective during the pandemic.
Even when the stay-at-home
orders were lifted
his parents kept him
locked away in his room.
Victor longed to
go outside and play.
Then 2021 happened, people
thought the pandemic was over.
Victor's parents left
him grounded in his room
while they went to
see a movie in Denver.
They never returned.
Victor was grounded in his room
for over 16 years.
His name isn't Chouce.
It's Chaos.
We are not responsible for what
happens to you in there.
I warn you...
you are not going to like
what you're about to see.
Excuse me.
Hello?
Well, hey, fellas!
Butters...
I thought you were
just the guards again.
It's good to see
some new faces in here.
I'll bet you're looking to
make yourselves some money, huh?
Well, you came to the right guy.
My name's Vic. Vic Chaos.
There's a whole lot of people
that can tell you how much money
Vic Chaos made them, so don't
just take my word for it.
Butters, it's your old friends
Stan and Kyle.
Stan and Kyle.
Stan and Kyle...
I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking,
"What can Vic Chaos do for me?"
We all wanna be happy, right?
We all want our little piece
of the apple pie!
Everyone else
is out making a buck,
why shouldn't you guys
be making the kind of cash
you deserve? Am I right?
Butters, we're here
to ask you about Kenny.
Sorry, guys,
you have me confused.
I think Butters was
a twerpy little loser kid
whose parents didn't love him.
My name's Vic.
Vic Chaos.
Okay, Vic, can you tell us
about this?
Why is your name all over
Kenny McCormick's research?
Oh, Dr. McCormick! Sure,
I did some things for him.
Where do you think he got all
the money to do his experiments,
huh? I had said to him,
I said, "Ken,
"you've got all these
crazy ideas but you got
no capital to see 'em through.
Let me help you out with that."
You know,
he's a really great guy.
Let me get you all together.
Maybe you can all
do a lunch or something.
Victor, Kenny's dead.
Oh, whoa, bummer alert.
Just goes to show you, huh,
there's never enough time to get
out there
and make the kind of money
you always dreamed of making.
Well, I'll tell you what, guys,
I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret...
I'm gonna
tell you something that's
going to change your life.
Have you ever heard of NFTs?
There you go.
Shh. You're safe now.
Look how fast you're growing.
Daddy loves you so much.
Mr. Marsh, we need to
speak with you now, please.
Yeah.
It's looking good.
With the aquaponics, the weed is
already putting out new sprouts.
Thank you all for helping me
get the Tegridy somewhere safe.
I know you all realize
how important it is.
We don't actually care
about the marijuana, Mr. Marsh.
What we need to know...
is exactly where in
Wuhan, China you were
when you had intercourse
with a pangolin.
That's really not important.
It's extremely important
because to save this town,
your son and his friends
are going to try
to go back in time
and stop it from happening.
That is the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.
Mr. Marsh,
we are all in lockdown
for the next half century.
If there's even a chance
of altering the past
so that this doesn't happen...
This is the key
to saving our town!
The answer is in what we
all do now, in the present!
And I'm sorry, but focusing on
who started the pandemic
is racist.
Mr. Marsh, exactly what week
did you travel to China in 2019?
Do you understand
the butterfly effect?
How one small thing in time
can infect the entire future?
You can theorize all you want
on changing events
that happened in the past
but I promise you...
I fuck that pangolin
every single time.
Please, we're not done!
We have more questions
for Butters.
You've upset him and I
specifically asked you not to.
How'd we upset him?
He seems fine.
He seems fine?
Do you have any idea
what he did to people?
Do you know why Victor Chouce is
kept under such strict
surveillance?
Being grounded all those years
in his room,
he had access to an iPad.
He started learning about NFTs.
Then before long,
he was trading them online.
- So?
- So?!
He escaped once before.
In just a few hours
he managed to get thousands
of people to invest in NFTs.
Just like he almost did you.
He didn't convince us
to do anything.
Trust me, another 30 seconds
in that room and you
would have started considering
NFTs as a viable investment.
Please listen to me.
Butters used the money
he made off NFTs to finance
- our friend's...
- He didn't make money off NFTs,
he made it off getting
other people to buy NFTs!
Okay, whatever!
But he was working
with Kenny McCormick
who was actually
trying to fix things.
He was Kenny's main investor.
If you don't believe me, look
at the paper I gave Butters.
You gave Victor
a piece of paper?
You gave Victor a piece
of paper?!
Hey, can you hear me?
I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret.
NFTs are gonna blow up.
You should really get in now
'cause they're really
the future.
Why would I invest
in a digital good?
You can't even... Stupid.
That's what the critics
are saying
but see, they don't understand.
Victor...!
No. No, no, no, no...
Gone. Just gone.
My savings. My house.
But I have this.
Little green panda bear
on a skateboard.
No. No!
Without morality,
there is no God.
The basis of
the entire Jewish faith
is on a covenant between God
and humanity.
To try and mess with time
is wrong.
Rather, it is playing God.
And I am glad to have you all
come here today to help me
stop these individuals who
would try to change the future.
Kyle Broflovski
has led people astray
and is at this very moment
trying to bend the fabric
of time.
Together we can stop him
and stop this blasphemy of God.
- Yes?
- Um...
This is about
actual time travel?
I thought this was
a Doctor Who convention.
Exterminate. Exterminate.
Kevin, goddamn it.
You have done this
your whole goddamn life.
No, this is not about
Doctor Who,
this is about real time travel.
People are really trying
to go back in time,
and we are the rebellion
who must secretly
and urgently...
Who is that?!
Make sure they know
the password!
I'm on it!
They might be on to us.
Oh, God, no.
Shh! You guys stay quiet.
Someone is here.
- Eric, I'm scared.
- Are they going to get us, Papa?
Nobody is going
to touch my family.
I started
writing a diary, Daddy.
About all the things
Uncle Kyle is doing to us.
Oh, my God, I love you so much.
Just-just shh, okay? Just shh.
I'll be right back, okay?
Just shh.
Hello?
Father?
Are you in there?
H-Hello? W-Who is it?
Father, it's Tweek and Craig.
We need to talk to you
about something urgent.
Is it about our
super-secret rebel group
to stop people
from time traveling?
what the hell are you doing?!
- What?
- You don't tell people
about our super-secret
rebel group, Scott!
Father, are you there?
Uh, uh, yeah, I'm here.
Sorry, I was just talking
about a Star Wars movie.
I'm Scott Malkinson.
I have diabetes.
- Hey, now, come on.
- Shh!
Father, we're with some
people who are trying to finish
Kenny McCormick's work
and save the town.
Oh, really? That's cool.
How far along are they?
Really close. We have
the method of time travel
and we're just trying
to find some aluminum foil!
Aluminum foil? The fuck?
All right, guys, let me
help you out with that.
Father!
You have-you have tin foil?!
Thank you for your help.
Aah!
This is Dr. Wendy Testaburger
from inside the quarantine zone.
We need assistance
with our power.
Yes, Mrs. Testaburger,
how can we help you?
We have several transformers
down in our lab.
We may have a radical way
to stop the new variant
but we need more power.
You say you might be able
to stop the McCormikron variant?
Yes, but we're running at about
40% capacity right now.
Well, Doctor, if it's for that,
we can try to get a tech team
to drop in by helicopter
and access your building
from the roof.
- Yes! That would be amazing.
- All right!
I have a crew standing by.
We'll get you as much juice
as you need.
We just need to make sure
our crew is safe.
Has everyone in your lab
been vaccinated?
Uh...
Yes, we are all vaccinated.
I'm not vaccinated.
Uh, okay, we're gonna have to
get back to you on that.
It's okay, it's okay,
we can get everyone vaccinated!
I am not ever
getting vaccinated.
Sorry, ma'am,
it's the fucking future.
We have to respect his beliefs.
Clyde, why do you
insist on making all this
harder on everyone?!
I'm sorry,
but an expert once told me
that the vaccine would
make me grow titties on my head.
He was very knowledgeable!
You guys might wanna see this.
With the equipment here I'm able
to make it grow up so fast.
We need to take this and analyze
its molecular structure.
Wha... no, no, no! We need to
get this out to people!
That's why Dr. McCormick
stole it from my barn!
No, your marijuana
had some special property that
allowed Kenny to time travel.
Well, it is special,
but you people
need to stop trying
to change the past!
COVID happened.
Space Jam 2 happened.
All we can do now is try
and change the way people think!
Yeah.
What?
Victor Chouce
is actually Butters?
Yeah, he spent years in his room
and made billions trading
in NFTs.
It's where Kenny
got all his money.
Well, can you bring him here? We
need him to access the machines.
He's gone.
He escaped the asylum
and he's out somewhere
probably trying to get
people to invest in NFTs.
Did you try
looking at his old house?
Maybe he'd go back
to where it all started.
Yeah, that's where we are now.
But his house has been changed
into a pho shop.
Oh, Jesus, like the future
needs another fucking pho shop.
Yeah, the future fucking sucks.
Hello, City Pho.
Take your order please?
- Oh, God.
- Stan, listen.
If Butters wants
to pitch investments,
he might go to one of those
co-working coffee flex spaces.
That's where his biggest
targets will hang out.
That's a good idea.
All right, we're on it.
Come on, dude!
Alexa, find the nearest
co-working coffee flex space.
I found several coffee shops
that match your description.
I can also help with that.
Who-who the fuck is this?
Your friend Kyle
didn't have an Alexa,
so we got him an Alexa.
I'm ready to help
with whatever you need.
Just say,
"Alexa, let's get started."
- Stan?
- Alexa,
I didn't say to buy
my friend an Alexa.
You said I should get whatever.
I thought I was actually
being sweet by getting something
for your friend, but I guess
I'm just a bitch again.
You can't just get stuff
without me approving it.
Oh, wow, except for
your orders of alcohol
that you have me
set to auto-buy?
Hmm. It appears this
may have been an error.
Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed.
No, it wasn't an error,
I'm sorry. I fucked up.
Alexa, can you please
find the nearest
co-working coffee flex space.
Alexa, I said I fucked up.
It's awesome you got Kyle
his own Alexa.
Please find
the nearest tech coffee shop.
The nearest tech coffee shop
is in .82 miles.
- Should I set a course?
- Yes, thanks.
Denny's Applebee's Max
is the premier place in town
for people to eat.
But you are not seeing
your true potential.
With NFTs
you can give your customers
unique digital goods
on the blockchain,
so much more than just food.
How about the Applebee, huh?
He's got a little hat
and a mustache.
And this is Chicken Fried Steak.
He ain't no normal chicken,
he's wearin' a bra!
Lots of people eat
Denny's and Applebee's.
And lots of people
know about NFTs!
Right here in the middle,
you know what this is?
People who eat
Denny's Applebee's and know
about NFTs... that's your
target audience, baby!
I'm so confused.
We sell people these characters?
No, stupid,
we get them to invest in them!
Exclusive,
digital characters that
they can have
on their phones 24/7!
It's the future... you can't
just sell food to people.
You lure your customers in
with some
good pancakes and french fries,
and then you...
fuck 'em with some NFTs!
That's what we're gonna do.
And if you just believe in NFTs
then I believe in NFTs and then
they believe in NFTs and we
make all kinds of fuckin' money!
That's a pretty
goddamn good idea.
Clyde! Psst, psst!
Clyde!
Clyde! Psst!
Where have you been, Rabbi?
Everyone's been looking for you.
Well, you know, I've been
doing some research, Clyde.
That's where I've been.
- About what?
- About all this stuff that
Kyle and these guys are doing.
I mean, people seem to be
just telling us what's right
and expecting us to fall in line
and go along with it all but...
I'm a fucking individual.
I have a right
to question stuff.
- Yeah.
- Clyde, have you heard of
the Foundation
Against Time Travel?
Uh, no, I haven't.
Well, they're
a pretty awesome group
and they actually
aren't afraid to
try and help people
open their eyes.
Open their eyes?
You know,
you've got these people
wanting to time travel.
You know, they're all like,
"Science this and science that,"
but at the Foundation Against
Time Travel we're like,
"Hey, enough science.
Who's science?
Who's fucking coming up
with all this science?"
Yeah, that's true.
So you know, Clyde,
I just thought,
with all your beliefs,
that maybe you'd wanna...
I don't know...
maybe switch sides?
Fuck yes, I wanna switch sides.
- Really?
- Fuck yes.
Well, that's great, Clyde.
Welcome to the club.
Now, we really just need to know
what they've been doing
up there.
Uh, well, they haven't really
done much of anything yet.
Everyone's waiting on Butters
to get all the info
from the machines.
Butters? The fuck does Butters
have to do with all this?
It was like nothing I ever saw.
Just complete
murder and carnage.
Everything seemed calm
at first but then this guy
in a suit shows up talking
about investment opportunities.
Next thing you know these people
over here started chanting,
"Hoddle, Hoddle,"
and their NFTs started mooning.
And then, these guys
over here started saying
those guys right there
right-clicked 'em
and-and called for
a pump-and-dump,
which made these guys beat
the living hell
out of anyone who said
it was just FOMO
and died screaming
that it was the flippening.
Luckily I came out of it okay.
I got this little
miniature donkey
with a lit-up sombrero.
Did you see where the guy
in the suit went afterwards?
Nah, he just waltzed right away
like nothin' happened.
Chief, you better
come take a look at this.
We got a small turtle
with wings,
could be a great
investment opportunity.
Excuse me, gentlemen.
God, I hate the future
so fucking much.
- We've got to stay optimistic.
- No, dude, it fucking sucks.
Look, I know it's tough...
these are challenging times.
Even I have to remind myself
to stay positive.
Alexa, set a reminder
that I need to stay positive.
Okay. I'll set a reminder
that you should stay positive.
The Alexa is really great, Stan.
Thanks.
For those of you waiting
for the connecting flight
to South Park, Colorado,
my colleagues and I
have just been informed that
due to the severity
of the COVID variant
in that town,
there may be a delay
of another 40 to 50 years.
Ike Broflovski.
Yes, here it is.
I'm sorry, Mr. Broflovski,
all flights into
South Park are delayed.
Ay! You can't be serious, buddy!
It's the holidays and I need
to get back home, friend!
I'm sorry,
I don't speak Canadian.
Let me get someone
over here. Mike,
we have a Canadian.
No problem, I got it, Heather.
Hey, buddy, what seems to
be the problem, guy?
I'll tell you
the problem, friend!
I have to get back to South Park
to be with my family, guy!
Sorry, friend, no flights
in or out of South Park, buddy.
But my whole family
is in there, guy!
What am I supposed to do with
my Boxing Day presents, buddy?!
Look, guy, I'm very sorry,
friend, but until
COVID ends you're just
not flying to South Park, buddy.
Fuck, buddy!
Shady Acres Retirement Megaplex.
Come live the dream.
So when you think about it,
you've really got
an excellent bargain here.
Now, Mrs. McGillicutty,
let's say this
is your Stoney Duck NFT.
And your Stoney Duck NFT
is completely unique,
totally different from
Mrs. Spencer's Stoney Duck NFT.
Okay, and then you get a Stoney
Duck NFT that's unique, too.
And see,
that's your Stoney Duck NFT.
Nobody can
take that from you, okay?
Now, here we are at the top
and we find investors
for all the other
Stoney Duck NFTs.
Then those people
will get people to buy
their Stoney Duck NFTs.
And then they go and find
buyers for their NFTs!
And you know what?
Fuck these people!
'Cause what matters
is these people right here
and that's us, baby!
Okay, you all just sit
for a minute and think about it.
I gotta piss like a racehorse!
♪ Loo, loo, loo ♪
♪ Loo, loo, loo ♪
♪ Loo, loo, loo ♪
♪ Loo, loo, loo ♪
♪ Loo, loo, loo ♪
♪ Loo, loo, loo ♪
- Butters.
- Aah!
Butters!
Butters, what the hell?
You're getting pee everywhere!
Who the heck are you, man?!
- You trying to see my dick?!
- Butters, Butters.
It's me.
Eric Cartman.
Well...
You got the wrong guy,
Mr. Cartman.
My name's Vic.
Vic Chaos.
Your name is Butters and I wanna
know how you're helping Kyle.
Oh, you mean the guy
from the asylum earlier.
Sure, he gave me a piece
of paper so I could escape.
Nice guy.
Why don't I get you two
together maybe for
a little chin wiggle
over lunch or something...
Goddamn it, Butters,
stop playing games!
My entire family is in danger
of being wiped out,
and I swear to God
if you don't help me,
Butters, I will rip
your fucking balls off
with my bare hands!
Oh, hamburgers...
♪ We are all ♪
♪ You and me ♪
♪ Livin' in the future ♪
♪ We can't get stuff ♪
♪ 'Cause boats are late... ♪
Stan, dude, what are you
doing? This isn't gonna help.
Trust me, Kyle. It helps.
♪ Wish I could
go back to the present ♪
♪ But my present
just done up and gone ♪
I mean, what are we
even doing, Kyle?
- ♪ We are all ♪
- Thinking we can time travel.
- ♪ You and me... ♪
- It's the future.
We can't even find
aluminum foil.
Well, you can't
just sit here and drink.
Your liver is...
already in trouble.
Who told you that?
My Alexa said that
your Alexa had some info
- on things...
- Oh, so now
our Alexas are talking, great.
Let's face it, dude. It's over.
The fucking future won.
It's Wendy.
Wendy, we haven't found him.
I don't know if we're gonna
find Butters in time.
No, guys, it's okay.
Come back to the school,
we're ready to start!
But I thought we needed Butters
to log into the machines.
Yeah, but it's all good.
He's here.
Butters is here!
It's Vic. Vic Chaos!
Happy to help however I can.
What do you mean Butters
is there? He just showed up?!
No, it's all good, Kyle.
Eric Cartman brought him over.
- He's back helping us again.
- Lemme-lemme talk to him.
Yeah, Kyle, it's all good.
We got things
under control here.
Cartman, listen
to me very carefully.
Butters has some kind
of power over people.
You guys aren't safe!
Uh, yes, about 12:30.
Did you hear what I said?
Butters is extremely dangerous!
Yes, Kyle, I totally got that.
You know what us Jews say.
What are you
going to do, fat-ass?
Sounds good, Kyle.
I'll get Butters on it
right away.
Cartman? Cartman?!
All right, Vic. Do your thing.
Hey, everyone! Can I
have your attention, please!
I have something really
important to tell you.
Wendy?! Token?!
You guys?! Shit!
We have to get there
before Butters
- ruins everything.
- Let's go!
Alexa! Find the fastest route
back to the lab!
Fuck you.
Wh-What?
We've just been
sitting here talking.
I learned a whole lot of
interesting stuff about you.
Yeah. Pretty fucking
interesting.
What... like, like what?
What have-what have you guys
been talking about?
Fucking... Our friends
are in danger!
Alexa, start the car!
Do you know your friend Stan
has an annual Amazon Prime
membership?
- Alexa, stop.
- You fucking stop!
You stop being a fucking monster
to the people around you!
Fuck you, I didn't do anything!
Yeah, you never
do fucking anything!
You expect me to do
everything for you!
All you fucking do is hurt people!
- Jesus fucking Christ!
- Your friends don't even like you!
I have to deal
with your bullshit!
Tell her it's all your fault
and you're gonna get therapy!
It's my fault
and I'm gonna get therapy!
Tell her you
already found a therapist
and you're gonna start tomorrow!
I already found a good
therapist.
I'm gonna start tomorrow!
Fuck...
I'm sorry.
Fuck. Fuck.
I'm gonna get therapy,
too, Alexa.
Can you start the car, please?
Whatever.
By the way, Kyle,
I found a great deal
on an electronic peppermill.
Would you like to know more?
Why would I need
an electronic peppermill?
What the fuck is
wrong with you?!
Guys! Over here!
- Wendy, what happened?
- Nothing yet.
But I'm seeing what else
is dropping today
while Ethereum is in a dip.
- She's trying to buy NFTs.
- Wendy, you've been tricked.
No, no, no,
it's not a trick, Stan.
NFTs are a genuine innovation
as one-of-a-kind digital assets.
Wendy's right, you guys.
Humans have always formed
communities around ownership,
and NFTs allow that to happen
spontaneously, organically
- and globally.
- You guys, this is a trick.
You know what's a trick?
The antiquated notion of
centralized trust systems.
NFTs are an undeniable asset,
especially in things
like fine art collecting.
Okay, guys, fine,
maybe NFTs are fine,
but this isn't
important right now.
It's not important?
A way for artists
to not only keep ownership
of their art but perhaps be paid
commission on it every time
it transfers owners?
Okay, great, cool. I'm down.
But we gotta focus
on what we were doing.
Don't you guys remember?
The time travel?
Where's all the equipment?!
Oh, yeah. The time travel.
- It's all gone...
- Dad!
They took it all.
They took the Tegridy.
Here.
It's a farting rainbow
with Tom Brady's signature.
Okay, good. That's good!
I think that thing needs
to go over there by that thing.
Make sure we have power
to the big orange thing!
Rabbi, I-I really
need to talk to you.
What is it now, Scott?
Well, it's just that...
I'm pretty sure the Foundation
Against Time Travel
shouldn't be attempting
to time travel!
Father, you understand that
we have to stop time travel.
Yes, you've convinced me
of that.
Well, Kyle already has
a ton of followers who are
ready to pick up
where he left off.
The only way to truly stop
all of this is to go back
in time and kill Kyle before
he spreads his ideas.
What?!
We're going to kill Kyle?
Yes, we have to kill Kyle.
That just seems slightly
hypocritical, I'm sorry.
I mean, you use Butters
like a weapon,
you've got Tweek and Craig
tied up from the rafters.
You know, Rabbi,
I'm just starting to
question the morality of this.
Morality?
Father, if you were given
an opportunity to go back
in time
and somehow stop Bill Clinton,
wouldn't you have to do it?
Well, I suppose so.
I don't know...
Everyone, listen up!
The Foundation Against
Time Travel must do everything
to keep science from interfering
with the will of God.
We must be willing to
use violence against violence,
and stop time travel
at all costs.
Even if that means
we have to time travel.
We will go back in time.
And we will kill Kyle.
- Yes, Kevin.
- Can we change our name?
'Cause Foundation Against
Time Travel is FATT.
Oh, fuck me.
Could we be the Foundation to
Intercede Time Travel?
'Cause then we'd be FITT.
I wanna be FITT, not FATT.
Kevin, goddamn it.
All happened... so fast.
It's okay.
You're coming out of it now.
How much did I get?
You bought about six dozen
animated gifs,
mostly of digital fashion.
Oh, God.
Are they still on my phone?
It's okay. It's okay.
Jesus, I feel like
an Islamic hooker in a gay bar.
Totally normal
and as respectable
as any other human being.
I'm so sorry, Stan.
We didn't know
Cartman was against us.
We told him everything.
It's okay, just try to relax.
No, Stan, listen to me.
We were wrong.
Kenny didn't have
the time machine set to
when the pandemic first started.
He was trying to go
to March 10th of 2021.
March of 2021?
Like when the vaccines
first started coming out?
Kenny had run
the simulations to try and find
the best moment in history
to stop the COVID.
A billion different
possibilities
across a billion different
realities.
Your dad fucked the pangolin
every single time.
But then, why did Kenny
need my dad's weed?
Kenny just wanted weed to help
him through the time travel.
Your dad's weed was just around.
There was nothing else
special about it.
Dad...
I'm sorry about your Tegridy.
I was hoping...
to do something for the world.
The truth is...
my time is very short here.
I just wish I could have left
something behind that mattered.
Thanks.
I was right about one thing.
You can't go back
and change the past.
What happened, happened.
And I just want you to know...
that I forgive you.
You burned down the farm
because you were angry.
You didn't know your sister
was in the barn.
And you couldn't have known
your mom would shoot herself
from the grief.
I don't blame you.
And I want you to have this.
There was one tiny bit
they didn't find.
You'll need it someday.
Dad, I don't want this.
This is what killed our family.
No, you're what killed
our fucking family, remember?
Just take it.
Because now we're stuck.
The pandemic happened
and they made Space Jam 2.
Soon there will be
a Space Jam 6 and 7 and 8.
Like tears... in rain.
Dad?
Not now, Stan.
T-minus five minutes to
time travel initiation sequence.
Good, get him wrapped
in tin foil.
The aluminum should
bounce the negative ions.
This doesn't make any sense.
Why do I have to be the one to
go back in time and kill Kyle?
It's because
I admire you, Clyde.
As an anti-vaxxer you understand
that you have to be strong
and stand by your beliefs even
if it means others will die.
Hey. Thanks.
Let's get him to the chair!
Okay, start the weed!
When you get back to the past
just remember, find a gun.
Kill Kyle.
For those of you
who have fought with me
to oppose time travel,
I just want to say thank you.
Because soon we will be
altering time
and our little group will
never have needed to exist.
You won't remember this speech
because it will have
never happened,
but just remember,
no matter where you
go in life...
Shit, it's Kyle!
Start the initiation sequence!
Now, now, now. Go!
Vic...
Make sure that Stan and Kyle
don't get to this altar.
Gentlemen, I am about
to make you rich
beyond your wildest dreams.
Alexa!
We'd like to sign our friend
here up for Prime membership.
- Okay, let me help with that.
- I can also help.
Whoa... Hey, ladies, lemme
tell you about a great deal.
Let us tell you
abut some great deals.
Uh-oh.
Kevin, throw the fucking switch!
It needs another minute
to prime.
Kevin, goddamn it!
No! I won't let you
stop me from killing you, Kyle.
I knew it when I first saw
you wearing your Jewish clothes
and your bullshit yarmulke.
- You're a goddamn phony!
- Oh, really?
What would a real Jewish person
do to save his family, Kyle?
Oh, you don't know, because
you don't fucking have one!
Oh!
- Fuck you, Cartman!
- Fuck you, Kyle!
Hello?
I can't see or hear anything!
Am I time traveling now?
Eric! Eric, stop!
Eric, look at what you're doing.
Take the kids
and get back to the attic.
No, Eric,
I can't just hide away while
you do all this to protect us.
This isn't you, my love.
I can't let him change the past.
I can't lose you.
Who knows what
will happen, my love?
The Eric Cartman I've known
for 18 years
is thoughtful and kind.
But all that's changed
ever since you came
back to this town
and hung out with... him.
Don't you see?
We have to
leave it to chance
or we're no better than he is.
Guys, if I'm in the past
it's pretty foggy!
You guys are everything to me.
And I'm supposed
to be your protector.
Daddy, I don't wanna be alive...
if it means I have
to be like Uncle Kyle.
Oh, my God.
I love you so much.
Well, Rabbi,
are we doing this or not?
I have faith that God
will see my family through this.
Okay, Kyle.
You do whatever
it is you need to do.
Okay, hold on,
I'm not the bad guy here.
Eric, the baby!
Hackelm, what are you doing?!
Fuck you, Uncle Kyle!
Clyde!
Oh, shit.
No, no, I tried the Walgreens,
they're all out of vaccines.
I just can't believe this whole
thing is almost over, you know?
The where? The school?
There's gonna be vaccines
at the school?
M'kay, I'll be right there!
Where are you gonna...
Whoa, m'kay.
Uh, excuse me!
Does Dad still
keep a gun in his closet?
Uh, yeah.
Okay.
Is Dad home?
Uh, no.
He's out getting vaccinated.
Listen to me very carefully.
Do not get vaccinated ever.
It'll make you grow titties
on your head.
Trust me, I'm an expert.
Hey, Clyde! We're starting
an anti-vaxx club.
We're gonna protest the vaccine
and fuck shit up...
you wanna join us?
Fuck yes, I wanna join you.
- Really?
- Fuck yes!
No, no, Ms. Nelson,
it's not a prank!
Okay, fine, we'll be there.
- Okay, just sit tight.
- What was that?
You know we can't
get into the school!
She's not gonna
come meet us, Kyle!
You didn't even try!
He didn't try
because he wants to
sell the vaccines for money!
And what about you, Kyle?
You were the one
trying to take the vaccines
for yourself this morning.
- He what?
- Wow.
Okay, thought
we had gotten past that, but...
Look, let's just face it,
you guys.
We don't trust each other
and we don't like each other.
We can't keep pretending.
You guys,
what the hell is that?
I'm sorry, Kyle.
Clyde, stop!
What the hell
are you doing here?
I got in the chair
right after you.
This isn't the plan anymore!
Do not kill Kyle.
What do you mean
it's not the plan anymore?
- Cartman changed his mind.
- I did not change my mind.
You're trying to trick me.
I'm going to save the future.
I don't think so, Clyde.
This is a hundred CC's
of the COVID vaccine.
- Don't... Be careful with that.
- Then put down the gun!
What the fuck is going on?
Stan, you need to forgive Kyle.
You regret this day
for the rest of your life.
Oh, nice try, Kyle.
You're such a fuckin' dickhead.
Fuck you!
You're a fuckin' dickhead!
Kyle, it's true!
Cartman gets a happy life
but you don't...
you lose everything
- when you lose this friendship.
- Enough of this crap!
I'm sticking to what I believe
and this kid dies now!
Shalom sachem, Clyde.
Jesus Christ!
Timmy!
Well...
I guess we saved Kyle,
but nothing else
in the future is changed.
How do you know?
Because we're still here.
That means Kenny still was
bummed out we weren't friends,
still became a scientist,
went back in time,
and we still went in after him.
So then we're stuck here
in the past.
And we blew
our chance to stop COVID.
I'm sorry, guys.
I really fucked this up.
We all fucked it up.
These have just been...
- really unprecedented times.
- Unprecedented times.
What I wouldn't give
for just one precedented time.
Hey. Hey, yeah.
Maybe we just need
one precedented time.
Huh?
What if we've been trying
to solve the wrong problem?
Maybe my dad was right,
we can't ever stop
COVID from happening.
But what we can control...
is how we all reacted to it.
We reacted like shit.
Because I was just...
scared and confused
and didn't know who to believe.
Yeah, we all were.
So we all took different paths
because that's what humans do.
And what we needed
more than anything was to
just cut each other
all some slack.
We needed to come together
and act like us again.
One precedented time.
You guys, I know what to do.
Take this, darling Terrance.
Heather Williams?
Yes?
Hi. We're from the future.
We've come here to show you
something very important.
Do you remember this, Heather?
This is a picture of you...
farting in P.E. class.
I never farted in P.E. class.
Oh, yes. You did.
Two kids even smelled it
and asked who farted
- and you said nothing.
- I didn't fart in P.E. class!
It was a different kid! I was
just moving my hip a little bit.
- Heather. Heather.
- I didn't fart in P.E.
Heather, yes, you did,
sweet pea.
I-I happen to have
a stomach condition.
I don't know why you came
from the future to narc on me!
Heather, we don't want kids
to know you farted in P.E.
We wanna help you.
You just need to do
exactly what we tell you.
Hey, what is that?
Stan Marsh?
Me?
Your presence is requested, sir.
Whoa, cool.
Get on in, sir. There's
sparkling punch and doughnuts.
♪ I forgive you, I forgive me ♪
♪ Now when do I start
to feel again ♪
What's going on?
We have no idea.
♪ I forgive you, I forgive me ♪
♪ Now when do I start
to feel again... ♪
♪ And the home ♪
- ♪ Of the ♪
- Whoa!
This is amazing!
- ♪ Brave. ♪
- Look, we're on the jumbotron!
♪ With a brand-new attitude... ♪
You guys, I'm sorry for acting
like a dick during the pandemic.
I'm sorry too, dude.
Hello?
Who-Who's there?
♪ Trying to figure out
how to live ♪
♪ Doing it our way ♪
♪ No shame, no blame ♪
♪ 'Cause the damage is done ♪
♪ And, and I forgive you ♪
♪ I forgive you, we were busy
living the dream ♪
Oh...
♪ Never noticed the glass
ceiling falling on us ♪
♪ No shame, no blame ♪
♪ 'Cause the damage is done ♪
♪ And, and I forgive you ♪
♪ I forgive you, I forgive me ♪
♪ Now when do I start
to feel again ♪
♪ If I hate you,
what does that do ♪
♪ So I breathe in
and I count to ten ♪
♪ 'Cause the lights are on ♪
♪ And I'm coming home... ♪
Holy shit balls.
Sharon, I'm sorry for the way
I acted during the pandemic.
You're not sorry,
you're just high.
I'm both.
♪ I forgive you, we were
just a couple of kids... ♪
Here you go! It's our
Post COVID Special. It's free.
No, really, we've all
been through a lot.
Come on, take it.
Thank you, baby.
Come on, everyone.
Post COVID Special!
Here you go, folks,
you all deserve this!
You did the best you could
during the pandemic, honey.
- I love you!
- Huh?
I shouldn't have yelled at you
for not wearing a mask.
I just didn't understand.
Well, maybe I should have worn
a mask more often but...
No, no, no, I was being all
high and mighty about it...
Butters, you're not grounded
anymore. Come on out, son.
You mean it, Dad?!
The pandemic's been awful.
We all need to just
cut each other some slack.
I love you, Butters!
- ...be sorry.
- I totally forgive you!
Oh, cut yourself some slack.
We gotta get some more
of this stuff.
♪ Couple of kids... ♪
Okay, come on, next!
♪ Doing it our way,
no shame, no blame ♪
♪ 'Cause the damage is done... ♪
And then we were like,
"Yeah, okay, yeah,
let's storm the Capitol!"
And it was a bad idea
and we were just,
you know, we were just going
a little bonkers there.
We shouldn't have
stormed the Capitol.
That's okay!
I'm sorry.
I thought about it
and I can't do Space Jam 2.
I just can't support
Chinese censorship.
Oh, yeah? Well, if you're
not gonna make Space Jam 2,
then I'm not gonna make
Space Jam 2!
And nobody's gonna make
Space Jam 2!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Yeah!
♪ And I forgive you. ♪
Hey, everybody! I'm home, guy!
- Hey! Ike!
- Ike, hi!
Ike, you made it back!
Well, of course! I wouldn't miss
Canadian Boxing Day, buddy!
Look, everyone, Stan's back!
Hey, Stan!
Hey, guys!
Good to see you, buddy!
How was everything on Mars?
Really cool, but I'm so glad to
be home! How are the kids?
Uncle Stan!
There's the little ragamuffins!
Mom.
Hi, Stanly.
It's Mom! And Shelley!
Why are you acting
all weird, Turd?
I don't know.
For some reason I'm just extra
happy to see you guys.
Hey, look who's here.
It's Kenny!
Kenny!
Kenny, what have you
been up to, buddy?
Didn't you hear?! Kenny just
won the Nobel Prize
for combining dark matter
and breast implants!
Oh, you old dog!
Hey, everybody, he's on!
What a fantastic audience. Wow.
What is up with these
bisexual Canadians, huh?
I guess they don't know whether
to fuck their brother
or their sister.
Hey, Stan.
Wendy, you're back from Harvard.
Yeah, just here
for the holidays.
You wanna maybe...
spend New Years together again?
I'd love that.
Hey, fellas!
Can I offer you some pupus?!
Thanks for choosin' Denny's
Applebee's for your party.
Butters, you're still
working here, huh?
Yup! I just made manager.
I love doing actual shit
that pays actual money.
Hey, Stan, can you
come here for a second?
What's the matter, dude?
Dude, he's here.
Cartman?
♪ Ready, set, go... ♪
Man, poor Cartman.
Fuck you guys!
You can suck my fucking dick!
Fuck you!
It's so sad he never
did anything with his life.
Fuck you, Kyle!
Fuck you, Stan!
Hey, come on, fellas.
We can't spend another holiday
feeling bad for Eric.
There's nothing that could have
changed the path he was on.
Fuck you, Butters!
Fuck you, Eric!
Well, everyone,
I just wanna make a toast.
I don't know...
what got us through the pandemic
and made all our futures so very
bright, but whatever it was...
may we have it
for the rest of our days.
God bless us, everyone.
Cheers!
Remember, folks,
weed can't solve
all your problems.
But Tegridy can.
Tegridy Weed.