South Beach Academy (1996) - full transcript
What do you do when the future of your school, your family, and your fortune all rest on the performance of the school's all-female volleyball team? It's up to two brothers and a steamy student body to save the day.
♪♪
♪ EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN
♪ I WANT GIRLS AND MONEY
AND A LOUD GUITAR ♪
♪ WHEN IT'S ALL OVER AND DONE
♪ THEY'LL TELL YOU I'M THE ONE
WHO ALWAYS WENT TOO FAR ♪
♪ I WANNA SOAR LIKE A SEA GULL
LIVE LIKE A KING ♪
♪ ALL I WANT IS EVERYTHING
♪ UNDER THE SUN
♪ SUMMER DAYS
AND IT SEEMS ♪
♪ THE WORLD'S AT MY COMMAND
♪ I RIDE THE WAVES
AND BUILD MY DREAMS ♪
♪ LIKE CASTLES IN THE SAND
♪ EVEN WHEN THE TIDE
COMES CRASHIN' ♪
♪ TEARIN' AT THE CASTLE WALLS
♪ EVEN THROUGH LIFE'S
CHAIN REACTION ♪
♪ YOU WON'T SEE ME FALL
'CAUSE I WANT ♪
♪ EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN
♪ I WANT GIRLS AND MONEY
AND A LOUD GUITAR ♪
♪ WHEN IT'S ALL OVER AND DONE
♪ THEY'LL TELL YOU I'M THE ONE
[ Loudly ]
WELCOME TO BEACH ACADEMY.
ARE YOU A CADET HERE ?
♪ LIVE LIKE A KING
MOVE IT !
♪ ALL I WANT IS EVERYTHING
UNDER THE SUN ♪
♪ SUDDENLY I REALIZED
♪ LIFE CAN BE SO STRANGE
♪ WHEN I LOOKED INTO YOUR EYES
♪ I FELT THE WHOLE WORLD
CHANGE ♪
♪ NOW THE THING I DREAM ABOUT
♪ IS LYIN' WITH YOU
ON THE BEACH ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE WRAPPED UP
IN MY ARMS ♪
♪ NOTHIN'S OUT OF REACH
♪ 'CAUSE I GOT EVERYTHING
UNDER THE SUN ♪
♪ I DON'T NEED NO MONEY
OR A FANCY CAR ♪
♪ BABY, I KNOW YOU'RE THE ONE
♪ 'CAUSE YOU MAKE ME FEEL
JUST LIKE A MOVIE STAR ♪
♪ I CAN SOAR LIKE A SEA GULL
AND LIVE LIKE A KING ♪
♪ 'CAUSE, GIRL
YOU GIVE ME EVERYTHING ♪
♪ UNDER THE SUN
♪ 'CAUSE I GOT EVERYTHING
UNDER THE SUN ♪
♪ I DON'T NEED NO MONEY
OR A FANCY CAR ♪
♪ AND BABY
I KNOW YOU'RE THE ONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU MAKE ME FEEL
JUST LIKE A MOVIE STAR ♪
HARD BODY HEAVEN.
EACH ONE HOTTER
THAN THE NEXT.
YOU GOTTA LOVE IT.
[ Man Narrating ]
BUT TODAY I HAD MORE IMPORTANT
THINGS ON MY MIND.
I NEEDED TO GET BELOW
WITHOUT BEING SEEN.
[ Laughing ]
[ Man Narrating ]
JOHNNY STACCATO
WAS A HIGH-LIVIN' LOWLIFE.
IF I DIDN'T GET WHAT I CAME FOR,
HE'D BE LIVIN' EVEN HIGHER
OFF THE MILLIONS...
HE'D SCAMMED
FROM MY WEIRD UNCLE GENE.
THE TWO OF THEM HAVE BEEN
MORTAL ENEMIES FOR A DECADE NOW,
AND IT WAS MY JOB
TO SAVE MY UNCLE'S BUTT.
HI. HI.
DO ME A FAVOR
AND... DO ME ?
- PARDON ME ?
- START WITH MY LEGS...
AND WORK YOUR WAY UP.
DO I KNOW YOU ?
UH, THE NAME'S SPENCER.
HARRY SPENCER.
SPENCER ? YOU MUST
BE A... PRIVATE EYE.
NO, I'M NOT A P.I.
ACTUALLY, I'M A TEACHER.
A TEACHER !
BORING. HUH ?
LISTEN, PAL.
ALL MY FRIENDS TEACH.
TANIA, OVER THERE,
HAS THE PHYSICS DEPARTMENT
AT YALE.
AM I BOTHERING YOU ?
EXTREMELY.
- SO, ARE YOU AN EDUCATED GIRL ?
- HARVARD.
UH.
TELL ME, HARRY,
WHERE DID YOU GO TO SCHOOL ?
WELL, I MANAGED TO GRADUATE
FROM THE NORTH DAKOTA TEACHER'S
AND PIPE FITTER'S...
JUNIOR MAIL-ORDER COLLEGE.
THEN I MANAGED TO GET
A TEACHING GIG OVER
AT THE BEACH ACADEMY.
WOW. THE BEACH ACADEMY ?
BITCHIN'.
[ Kiss ]
[ Groans ]
BABES JUST SEEM TO DIG
THE ACADEMY.
LOOK, I HATE TO KISS
AND RUN, BUT I GOTTA
SAVE MY GIRL. THANKS.
[ Harry Narrating ]
ON MOST DAYS,
I WOULD GO WITH THE FLOW.
IN FACT, I HAD TAUGHT A FEW
CLASSES IN IT AT THE ACADEMY.
BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY; THIS
WAS DEFINITELY NOT MOST DAYS.
EVERYTHING I WANTED OUT OF LIFE
DEPENDED ON WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IN THE NEXT HOUR.
FRANK.
WHERE IS JOHNNY ?
[ Man Whooping ]
YEE-HOO !
[ Laughing ]
[ Whooping Continues ]
[ Harry Narrating ]
STANDING AT THE FOOT OF THE BED,
MENACING SHANNON, THE ONLY
WOMAN I WOULD EVER LOVE,
WAS A TOTAL,
MEGA-PSYCHO DIRTBAG--
ONE JOHNNY STACCATO--
A REALLY BAD, GOODFELLOW,
WISE GUY, GANGSTER-TYPE DUDE.
TICKLE, TICKLE !
AND HIS PARTNER RICO
WAS EVEN WORSE.
OH, HEH. HI, HARRY.
HOW YOU DOIN', HUH ?
NICE OF YOU TO DROP BY.
HEY, JOHNNY.
SO WHERE'S RICO ?
RICO ? HELL,
LONG GONE, MAN.
WOULD YOU STAY PARTNERS WITH
SOME SCUM-SUCKIN' SLIMEBALL
WHO WOULD BAD-MOUTH YOU,
STEAL FROM YOU
AND TRY TO SCREW YOUR WIFE ?
- NO, I GUESS NOT.
- NEITHER DID RICO.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Laughing ]
I GOT HIM.
- YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE
ABOUT YOU, JOHNNY ?
- UH, WHAT ?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
HEY.
YOU SOME KIND OF A WISE GUY
OR SOMETHING ?
I'M GONNA STAY UP NIGHTS
MAKIN' SURE THAT YOU
SCREW THIS ONE UP.
LOOK, JOHNNY.
I JUST TOOK A LITTLE BREAK,
THOUGHT I'D COME BY,
RESCUE MY GIRL, YOU KNOW ?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
GONNA DO FOR YOU ?
DROP DEAD RIGHT HERE
ON THE FLOOR ?
NO. MICHAEL JACKSON.
[ High-Pitched Voice ]
♪ WHOA
♪♪ [ Whistles ]
♪ OOH, OOH, BOO, BOO
♪ AHH ♪
I GUESS YOU'RE WONDERING
HOW I GOT INTO THIS MESS.
WELL, IT ALL BEGAN
AT THE BEACH, ONE WEEK AGO.
[ Harry Narrating ]
SOUTH BEACH, FLORIDA:
HIP, HOT, HAPPENIN'.
SUN, SAND, SURF
AND... SKIN.
THE SKY: AN UNREAL AZURE BLUE.
THE FOAM ON THE WHITECAPS:
SPARKLING LIKE THE SHIMMERING,
COOL SURFACE...
OF A PERFECT MARGARITA.
IT WAS THE DAY BILLY THE KID
CAME TO TOWN.
WE BOTH GREW UP IN A NOWHERE
TOWN WHERE THE BUSES DON'T RUN.
I'D BEEN DOWN HERE
FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS
ON THE CASE. BUT BILLY ?
BILLY WAS TOTALLY TURNED ON
BY THE WHOLE MIAMI SCENE.
THE MOMENT HE SAW HER, HE FELL
INSTANTLY, TOTALLY, IN LUST.
BILLY DECIDED TO GIVE UP
ON THE MAXIMUM EXCITEMENT
OF ANOTHER 20-BELOW WINTER...
IN NORTH DAKOTA
AND FOLLOW ME INTO THE SUN.
WHOA !
HEY, CHICK !
"HEY, CHICK" ?
IT WAS THE BEST THING
I COULD THINK OF.
LISTEN. I, UH--
I, UM--
I, UM--
I, UM-- I, UH--
OH. "HEY, CHICK,"
FOLLOWED THROUGH
WITH THE CLASSIC, "I, UH."
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
WHERE ARE YOU FROM ?
WELL, ACTUALLY,
WHAT I WANTED WAS
TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.
I WAS WONDERING
IF MAYBE--
NO. I KNOW. YOU'RE WONDERING
IF WE COULD GO OUT ON A DATE,
RIGHT ?
YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE.
UH... I WAS
WONDERING IF MAYBE...
THERE WAS A POSSIBILITY--
NO OFFENSE OR ANYTHING,
'CAUSE I CAN TELL YOU'RE
NOT FROM AROUND HERE,
BUT I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
JUST A LITTLE HIGHER
ON THE FOOD CHAIN.
LISTEN, WHAT I WANTED TO KNOW
IS IF YOU KNOW MY BROTHER.
HIS NAME IS HARRY SPENCER.
HARRY SPENCER ?
FROM THE BEACH ACADEMY ? YEAH.
[ Laughs ]
YOU'RE HIS BROTHER ?
YEAH.
[ Laughing ]
I AM SO SORRY.
SOMETIMES A GIRL GETS HIT ON
SO MUCH SHE GETS PUNCHY.
NO, HARRY'S A GOOD FRIEND
OF MINE. MY NAME'S HARLEY.
HI, HARLEY. NICE TO MEET YOU.
MY NAME'S BILLY SPENCER.
HOW ARE YOU ?
A PLEASURE.
A PLEASURE.
UH, LISTEN.
MAYBE THERE IS A CHANCE
WE COULD, LIKE,
HAVE LUNCH.
NO. NO.
NO. WELL, I DIDN'T
THINK SO, ACTUALLY.
I DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO.
BECAUSE I HATE LUNCH.
BECAUSE IT FILLS YOU UP
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY.
YOU CAN'T EXERCISE.
NO SWIMMING.
IS LUNCH ANYTHING LIKE DINNER ?
ACTUALLY, IT'S EXACTLY
LIKE DINNER. UM--
BUT IT COSTS MORE.
BUT I CAN AFFORD IT.
NO PROBLEM.
YOU WANNA GO TO DINNER ?
[ Laughing ]
OKAY. IT'S A DATE, THEN.
A DATE ? COOL.
'CAUSE I WAS ON MY WAY
TO THE GYM...
BEFORE YOU ALMOST KILLED ME
IN YOUR CAR.
LET ME SEE. I HAVE THIGHS
AT NOON, BUNS AT 3:00.
SHE SAID
BUNS.
HA.
BUNS ARE COOL.
I WAS THINKIN' MAYBE I COULD
SQUEEZE YOU IN THE MIDDLE.
I LOVE TO BE SQUEEZED
IN THE MIDDLE. THAT'S, LIKE,
ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS.
OKAY, IT'S A DATE, THEN.
WAIT. WHY DON'T YOU
COME CATCH MY ACT ?
YOU HAVE AN ACT.
DOESN'T EVERY GIRL ?
I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
YES.
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL SEE YOU THERE.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
[ Sighs ]
TOTO, I DON'T THINK
WE'RE IN KANSAS ANYMORE.
[ Harry Narrating ]
THE BEACH ACADEMY.
[ Horn Honks ]
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Shouting Aggressively ]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
ARE YOU A CADET HERE ?
I'LL SEE YOU LATER !
MOVE IT OUT !
[ Harry Narrating ]
A SURF-SIDE SCHOOL
FOR BEACH BUMS AND BABES...
TO LEARN SWIMMING, SURFING,
JET SKIING, BEACH VOLLEYBALL.
WELL, YOU GET THE PICTURE.
THE SCHOOL IS FULLY ACCREDITED,
AND SINCE ITS OPENING THIS VERY
YEAR, HAS BROUGHT TOP STUDENTS
FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD.
IT'S A GROWING LITTLE GOLD MINE
OWNED ENTIRELY
BY MY WEIRD UNCLE GENE.
OR AS HE IS AFFECTIONATELY
KNOWN BY THE STUDENTS,
"DEAN GENE."
HE'S A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER,
DEAN OF THE BEACH ACADEMY
AND SOLE PROPRIETOR...
OF THE INFAMOUS BAJA BEACH CLUB.
[ Spectators Cheering ]
[ Spectators Cheer ]
[ Harry Narrating ]
THE BOYS WERE GOOD.
THEY SHOULD BE; I TAUGHT THEM.
DAMN ! AFTER ALL THESE YEARS,
IT FELT FINE TO BE A WINNER.
EVEN IF OUR OPPONENTS
WERE A LITTLE... EFFEMINATE.
[ Cheers ]
[ Harry Narrating ]
IT WAS THEN I SAW HER
FOR THE FIRST TIME.
THE CLOSER SHE GOT,
THE BETTER SHE LOOKED.
I WOULD COME TO KNOW AND LOVE
THIS EXCEPTIONAL LADY.
TO ME, SHE WAS THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD.
YOU GUYS ARE GREAT. IF YOU
WANT TO GIVE 'EM A POINT
OR TWO, YOU CAN DO THAT.
SERIOUSLY,
YOU GUYS LOOK GREAT.
GO DO WHAT YOU'RE DOIN' !
[ Harry Narrating ]
SHE WAS HEADED RIGHT ON PAST
THE GAME AND OUT OF MY LIFE,
WHEN--
SHE TURNED AND SMILED AT ME,
AND SUDDENLY THE WORLD
WAS FILLED WITH SINGING,
LIGHT, HOPE, MAGIC.
I JUST LOVE A WINNER.
[ Harry Narrating ]
AND, INDEED, IN THAT BRIEF
SHINING MOMENT,
I TRULY BELIEVED MYSELF
A WINNER.
THIS HEAVENLY CREATURE
ACTUALLY SMILED AT ME.
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG ?
HEY, YOO-HOO !
BIG DUMMY !
[ Laughs ]
WELL, YOU STILL
REMEMBER YOUR NAME.
AIN'T THAT SOMETHIN' ?
LISTEN, ANOTHER 50K
ON MY BAD BOYS.
GLAD TO TAKE YOUR MONEY,
OLD FART.
"OLD FART" ?
YOU LARGE LUMP
OF STEROID LEFTOVER.
MY NEPHEW'S TEAM
WILL BEAT THE SHORTS
OUT OF YOUR TEAM !
UNCLE GENE, YOU'RE WINNING.
JUST BE NICE AND TAKE
THE MAN'S MONEY.
DON'T LET THIS
GET OUT OF CONTROL.
AND YOU, STOP TAKING BETS !
YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE
IN HELL OF WINNING.
THIS IS MASOCHISTIC.
MASS O' WHAT ?
YOU'RE DISSIN' ME, DUDE.
"MASS O' WHAT ?
MASS O' WHAT ?"
THIS GUY'S A MORON.
A MORON-SKI !
A "MORON-SKI" ?
I'M AN AMERICAN !
LET ME LET YOU IN
ON A LITTLE SECRET.
I DON'T LIKE YOU, HARRY.
I DON'T LIKE YOU
A WHOLE LOT.
TELL YOU WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
FIRST I'M GONNA
BEAT YOUR TEAM.
THAT'S PUBLIC.
THAT'S BUSINESS,
AND THAT'S FOR JOHNNY.
THEN I'M GONNA BEAT YOU UP,
DOWN AND REPEATEDLY.
AND THAT'S PLEASURE;
THAT'S PRIVATE.
THAT'S FOR ME.
I SEE.
ALL RIGHT.
SATURDAY NIGHT.
ON THE BEACH.
YOU AND ME.
WHY WAIT 'TIL SATURDAY ?
[ Sniffs ]
I JUST WANT IT TO BE CLOSER
TO YOUR SHOWER NIGHT.
EXCUSE ME.
ATTA BOY, GUYS !
HA !
SMASH 'EM !
[ Laughs ]
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
I APPRECIATE
YOUR CONFIDENCE,
BUT YOU'VE ALREADY
GOT $200,000 ON THE GAME
AS IT IS.
LISTEN, WINNING IS GREAT.
WINNING IS AMERICAN !
MM-MM ! AND WINNING
IS WHAT I LIKE TO DO.
[ Laughs ]
NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT,
DUDE.
YEAH, I GOT THE FEVER.
I AM DEAD.
ISN'T THIS GREAT,
HARRY ?
YES, THIS IS TRULY GREAT.
CAN I TRAIN 'EM,
OR CAN I TRAIN 'EM ?
I THINK I UNDERBET.
IT'S ONLY A GAME.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
BET THE FARM.
NO, NO, NO.
LIFE
IS ONLY A GAME.
THIS IS GAMBLING.
IT'S NOT JUST WINNING.
IT'S FOR ME TO GET THE CHANCE
TO KICK THAT RAT-ASS...
JOHNNY STACCATO
ONCE AND FOR ALL !
AS FOR THAT FINK,
MUNG-COVERED SLIME,
PIECE OF MAGGOT-EATING FLESH,
I WANT TO GRIND HIS FACE
INTO THE SAND !
I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO TAKE HIM
FOR EVERY DAMN DIME HE'S GOT !
I WANT TO
TOTALLY
HUMILIATE HIM !
I GET THE POINT.
BUT WILL YOU PLEASE
JUST DO IT NEXT GAME ?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME ?
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU,
CHILD ?
IF THERE'S A FINK LIKE THIS
AND A BIG ONE LIKE THIS,
YOU THINK THERE'S
GONNA BE A
NEXT
GAME ?
COME ON, FELLA.
I MEAN, JOHNNY STACCATO !
HE MAY BE A DEGENERATE MURDERER,
BUT HE'S NOT STUPID.
HMM ? DID I TELL HIM ?
ANOTHER 200K ON THE ACADEMY,
YOU BIG DUMMY.
[ Laughs ]
YOU'VE GOT A HELL OF A LOT
OF CASH TO BURN, BALDY.
NO MORE BETS, OKAY ?
OKAY, I PROMISE.
COME ON !
ANY MORE BETS ?
OKAY, THAT'S IT, GENTLEMEN.
NO MORE BETS.
HOW ABOUT IT, GENIE-WIENIE ?
ONE FINAL BET ?
[ Laughs ]
♪ I DREAM OF GENIE
WITH A HEAD FREE OF HAIR ♪♪
IT'S NOT A BALD SPOT.
WHEW. ALLIGATOR BREATH.
[ Laughing ]
IT'S A SOLAR PANEL
FOR A SEX MACHINE.
HONEY CHILD,
EVEN ON A DESERT ISLAND,
THE BEST IS GONNA
GET THE MOST.
[ Laughs ]
[ Laughs ]
ERIKA !
OKAY, GIRLS.
LET'S KICK SOME BUTT NOW.
YEAH. LET'S GO !
COME ON !
[ Harry Narrating ]
SUDDENLY MY UNDEFEATED TEAM
WAS BEING HUMILIATED...
RIGHT BEFORE MY VERY EYES.
IT WAS DOWN TO ONE POINT.
SUDDEN DEATH.
- HEY, BLONDIE !
- [ Clunk ]
YOU BETTER HAVE THE MONEY
READY IN THE MORNING.
JOHNNY'S NOT A PATIENT MAN.
BE READY.
[ Laughs ]
[ Harry Narrating ]
I WAS IN DEEP, DEEP TROUBLE.
NOT ONLY HAD MY TEAM LOST,
BUT UNCLE GENE,
WHO HAD SO MUCH FAITH IN ME,
HAD LOST A SMALL FORTUNE.
-I HAD LET EVERYBODY DOWN.
- LIKE I SAID,
I LOVE A WINNER.
AND LOST MY DREAM GIRL.
BUT THEN I HAD AN IDEA.
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME !
LOOK, UH,
WAS THAT AN ACCIDENT ?
WHAT ?
THAT FANTASTIC THING YOU DID
WITH THE VOLLEYBALL.
HOW DID YOU DO IT ?
PRETTY WELL, I THOUGHT.
WHAT I MEAN IS, WHERE DID YOU
LEARN TO HIT A BALL LIKE THAT ?
ARE YOU A PROFESSIONAL ?
CLOSE.
I WAS THE LEADER
OF THE WOMEN'S OLYMPIC
VOLLEYBALL TEAM.
BUT I WATCHED THOSE GAMES.
I NEVER SAW YOU.
THE NIGHT I WAS SUPPOSED
TO LEAVE FOR BARCELONA,
SOMETHING HAPPENED
THAT MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE
FOR ME TO GO.
BUT I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING.
I GOTTA RUN.
IT'S A LONG STORY.
BUT NOT OUT OF MY LIFE,
I HOPE. I'M HARRY SPENCER.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU, HARRY.
I'M SHANNON McSORLEY.
HI. I'M BREASTIE--
I MEAN, BILLY !
I'M BILLY SPENCER !
HI.
JESUS !
WHAT'S UP, BRO ?
BILLY !
WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME,
TELL ME YOU WERE COMING ?
IT WAS A SPERM OF THE MOMENT
DECISION. WHOO !
I-I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
I'M ALSO GLAD YOU MISSED
THE GAME I JUST COACHED.
WE GOT CREAMED.
HEY, IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.
YOU WERE SET UP.
SET UP ?
WAKE UP.
TRUST ME, THOSE BABES
ARE ALL RINGERS.
YEAH, I GUESS IT SEEMS
PRETTY OBVIOUS NOW.
DAMN, AM I A SCHMUCK.
I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY IT,
BUT SINCE YOU CAME OUT WITH IT,
I'M PRETTY HAPPY ABOUT THAT.
LOOK, WE COULD ALL
GO SOMEWHERE.
MAYBE HAVE SOME COFFEE ?
SORRY, I'M OFF CAFFEINE.
OR... A BITE TO EAT ?
I DON'T DO LUNCH, AND
I HAVE ANOTHER APPOINTMENT.
IF I'M GETTING IN THE WAY,
I CAN JUST LEAVE. 'CAUSE I
SENSE A DRAMATIC THING HERE.
YOU WERE MESHING, AND NOW
YOU'RE NOT. SO I'LL LEAVE.
I CAN JUST BLEND INTO THE CROWD.
I'M GONE.
JUST ASSUME ME HISTORY, GONE.
NO ? STAY ?
FINE. I WILL.
VERY GOOD. SO ?
SO ?
SO WHERE DO WE
MEET LATER ?
OH, UH-- THE MARINA.
SLIP F-18.
SEE YOU AT 6:00.
SLIP F-18.
OKAY. 6:00.
BYE.
BYE-BYE.
WELL, BRO. I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN.
IT AMAZES ME.
I THINK I WANNA
DO SOMETHING USEFUL,
PUT MY SKILLS TO WORK.
I WANNA HELP
IN WHATEVER WAY I CAN...
TO RESTORE THE VIBRANCY
OF THE BEACH ACADEMY.
THAT'S INTERESTING, CONSIDERING
YOU CAN'T SURF, SWIM, PLAY
VOLLEYBALL, BUILD A SAND CASTLE.
HEY ! I RESEMBLE THAT REMARK.
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I HAPPEN TO BE...
ONE OF THE WORLD-RENOWNED
SAND CASTLE BUILDERS.
ALL RIGHT. HOW ABOUT
IF WE START YOU OUT HELPING
WITH BEGINNER VOLLEYBALL ?
OH ! NOW, THERE'S SOMETHING
INTERESTING. I THINK NOT.
THAT'S SOMETHING I WOULD BE
COMPLETELY BORED WITH.
BUT, HEY ! I WAS THINKING,
LIKE, SOMETHING GOOD.
YOU KNOW ? SOMETHING
I COULD SINK MY TEETH INTO.
SOMETHING LIKE, UH...
ADVANCED SUNTAN OIL
APPLICATION 101.
HOW DOES THAT SOUND ?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING ?
WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ?
I THOUGHT THAT WAS GOOD.
I HAPPEN TO BE--
I HAVE A CERTIFICATE.
BUT I THOUGHT OLYMPIC
ATHLETES WEREN'T SUPPOSED
TO GET INVOLVED IN THAT.
RIGHT. BUT MY TEAMMATES
AND I DIDN'T KNOW THE REAL
DEAL UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE.
THIS CROOKED GAMBLER SUCKED US
INTO WHAT WE THOUGHT
WAS A CHARITY ATHLETIC PROGRAM,
AND, UH... THE ONLY CHARITY
TURNED OUT TO BE THE SLIMEBALL'S
OFFSHORE BANK ACCOUNT.
WOW. SORRY.
NOT AS SORRY AS I AM.
THE HEAT FELL ON ME
AND ON MY COACH, SEAN.
SEAN, YOUR BOYFRIEND ?
NO.
HUSBAND.
BROTHER.
MY KID BROTHER.
THE SCAM KILLED MY OLYMPIC
CHANCES, AND, UM,
IT PUT SEAN IN JAIL.
I UNDERSTAND THAT.
KEEPING MY KID BROTHER
OUT OF TROUBLE...
USED TO BE MY FULL-TIME JOB.
SO, THE OTHER TEAMMATES.
YOU EVER TALK TO 'EM ?
YEAH, ALL THE TIME.
THEY'RE MY BEST FRIENDS.
I SUPPOSE THEY LIVE
ALL OVER THE COUNTRY,
THOUGH, HUH ?
WELL, ORIGINALLY, YEAH.
BUT AFTER THE LONG OLYMPIC
TRAINING, WE JUST GREW SO CLOSE,
WE ALL SETTLED HERE.
HERE IN THE MIAMI AREA ?
MIAMI, PALM BEACH,
LAUDERDALE.
YEAH. WE LOVE IT DOWN HERE.
YEAH. WELL,
WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE ?
YEAH. WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE ?
SO, YOU EVER GET THE URGE
TO GET THE OLD TEAM
BACK TOGETHER AGAIN ?
YEAH. EVERY DAY.
BUT DON'T GET ANY IDEAS.
I GOT BURNED TOO BADLY.
I'M OUT OF THE GAME FOR GOOD.
I UNDERSTAND.
I BELIEVE THAT, HARRY.
I REALLY DO.
YOU SEEM TO BE
A SENSITIVE AND DECENT GUY.
SO WHAT AM I
GONNA DO WITH YOU ?
KEEP ME CLOSE
'TIL YOU FIND OUT.
SO THIS IS WHERE YOU LIVE ?
YEAH. THIS IS HOME,
SWEET HOME.
[ Harry Narrating ]
BILLY WAS LOST LIKE A KID
IN A CANDY STORE.
OR BETTER YET, IN A PLACE
THAT WE KNOW AND LOVE
CALLED CLUB MADONNA.
♪ SHE'S
♪ MY LITTLE CANDY GIRL
♪ OOH, IT'S SO SWEET
♪ MY BABY RULES THE WORLD
♪ AND WHEN SHE LOOKS
INTO MY EYES ♪
♪ OOH, THEY HYPNOTIZE ME
♪ I SAY OOH
♪ YOU ARE MY LOVER
♪ BABY
♪ SHE'S MY
♪ MY LITTLE CANDY GIRL ♪
SO WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'
NOW THAT YOU'RE
NOT PLAYIN' VOLLEYBALL ?
NOTHIN' MUCH.
JUST SORT OF HANGIN' OUT.
YOU KNOW, THIS
ISN'T REAL CHAMPAGNE.
REAL CHAMPAGNE
TICKLES MY NOSE.
YEAH ? WELL, THIS STUFF
EATS IT AWAY.
YEAH.
DO YOU HAVE TO GO ?
DEFINITELY.
EVENTUALLY.
OH, YEAH. ONE MORE BOTTLE
OF CHEAP CHAMPAGNE, COMIN' UP.
SOLD.
REACH !
[ Grunts ]
REACH. COME ON,
GIRLS !
REACH !
[ Grunts ]
THAT'S IT.
HERE, BOY.
YOU GET BACK HERE !
COME HERE !
GET OVER HERE.
GET OVER HERE !
[ Whimpering ]
[ Grunts ]
REACH !
REACH. REACH. REACH.
NO ONE'LL KNOW, BABE.
YOU'RE MY ACE IN THE HOLE.
HI. HI, THERE.
HI. HI.
HELLO. HI, THERE.
[ Laughs ]
VERY GOOD.DOS.
YOU KNOW,
IF A GUY CAN'T
GET LAID IN THIS TOWN,
HE MIGHT AS WELL
JUST CUT OFF HIS WIENIE.
MAYBE I'M THINKIN' OF
SOMEONE ELSE, BUT I THOUGHT
YOU WERE STILL A VIRGIN.
[ Screeches ]
OH ! A VIRGIN ! AHA !
A VIRGIN !
I'M A VIRGIN.
OH, I'M A VIRGIN.
[ Sputters ]
YEAH, RIGHT.
[ Softly ]
OF COURSE I'M A VIRGIN.
SHUT UP, WOULD YOU ?
GOD. I DECIDED
I HAVE A PLAN.
I'M GONNA JUST BUILD
ONE HUGE SPERM BANK...
AND SPREAD IT ALL OVER
SOUTH FLORIDA.
ALL RIGHT, BEFORE YOU
GO NUTS OUT HERE, TAKE IT
FROM YOUR BIG BROTHER.
THERE'S A LOT OF FUN IN NUMBERS,
BUT NOTHING SUBSTANTIAL.
IF YOU FIND ONE
GOOD RELATIONSHIP,
CLING TO IT.
IT'S WORTH A HUNDRED
SUPERFICIAL ONES.
THAT'S FINE. I'M THE GUY
WHO'D GO FOR THE HUNDRED
SUPERFICIAL ONES.
I LIKE BREASTS.
FAKE BREASTS.
I MEAN-- YOU KNOW.
THEY DO IT FOR ME.
YEAH. I KNOW.
LISTEN, FOR SOME ODD REASON,
HARLEY SEEMS TO DIG YOU.
OOH, THAT'S ODD.
YEAH, THAT'S STRANGE.
CAN'T FIGURE THAT ONE OUT.
BUT I WAS JUST WONDERING,
WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HER ?
IS SHE LIKE, YOU KNOW,
SMOOTH RIDE ?
OR IS IT KIND OF ROUGH
AROUND THE EDGES ?
ROCKY ? GOOD AND BAD,
BASICALLY, IS WHAT
I'M ASKING YOU.
WHATEVER HAPPENED BETWEEN
HARLEY AND ME IS STRICTLY
BETWEEN HARLEY AND ME.
YOU SHOULD TAKE HER OUT.
GET TO KNOW HER A LITTLE BIT
ON YOUR OWN.
BUILD SOMETHING.
YEAH. YEAH !
NO, THAT SOUNDS
LIKE TOO MUCH WORK.
IT IS. IT'S A LOT OF WORK,
BUT IT'S WORTH IT IN THE END.
IN THE END.
♪♪ [ Rock ]
♪ OH
♪ WHAT A GREAT TIME
TO BE ALIVE ♪
♪ I GOT MY CHIPS CASHED IN
FROM MY 9:00 TO 5:00 ♪
♪ NEVER GIVE UP
NEVER GIVE IN
NEVER GET OLD ♪♪
YOU BEHAVE YOURSELF,
YOUNG MAN.
OKAY, YOU GOT IT.
♪♪
YEAH. CHECK HER OUT,
MAN.
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME
DAMN !
CHECK HER OUT, MAN.
♪ I'M ANOTHER NUMBER
IN THE CROWD ♪
SHE'S LOOKIN' FINE.
♪ ANOTHER FACE WITHOUT A NAME
♪ BUT I'M GONNA GET TO YOU
SOMEHOW ♪
♪ I CAN PLAY YOUR GAME
GOTTA GET ME
SOME OF THAT.
♪ UNTIL YOU SEE
♪ WHAT I GOT
♪ YOU'RE ONLY WASTIN' TIME
♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE ONE
YOU WANT ♪
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE
FOUND ME ♪
BILLY BOY !
UNCLE GENE !
ALLEY-OOP !
BETTY BOOP !
POPEYE !
HEY ! HEY !
WHEN DID YOU GET
INTO TOWN, BILLY ?
A FEW HOURS AGO. HEY !
NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN.
HE'S ALREADY GOT A LITTLE THING
GOIN' WITH HARLEY.
OH, THAT'S A HELL
OF A GAL. AHA !
[ Laughing ]
HEY !
GETTIN' PRETTY YOUNG
FOR HIS OLD AGE, HUH ?
UNCLE GENE, I'D LOVE
TO PLAY, BUT I GOTTA GO
WATCH MY GIRL. OKAY ?
GOOD BOY. GOOD BOY, BILLY.
LISTEN, I GOTTA TELL YOU THIS.
IF WE HAD HAD THAT GIRL SHANNON
IN THE GAME TODAY,
WE WOULD HAVE WON BIG !
THAT MIGHT BE SO, UNCLE GENE.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO TAKE
ADVANTAGE OF THIS GIRL.
SHE'S DEFINITELY
MARRIAGE MATERIAL.
OF COURSE, THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I WAS THINKIN'.
YEAH.
[ Harley ]
♪ JUST NEED THE CHANCE
TO PROVE IT ♪
♪ I KNOW YOU'LL FIND
THAT I'M THE ONE YOU WANT ♪
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE
FOUND ME ♪
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
IT'S PAYOFF TIME, BALDY.
I WILL TAKE CARE OF THAT SLIME
JOHNNY IN PERSON.
WHEN ?
WHEN I'M GOOD AND READY.
NO. TOMORROW.
OKAY, MORON-SKI.
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
WHAT ?
MORON-SKI ?
ISN'T THAT A COUNTRY
IN EUROPE ?
♪ NOW THAT YOU FOUND ME
[ Laughs ]
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
BABY ♪
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
YEAH ♪
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME
YEAH ♪
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT ♪
[ Applause, Cheering ]
[ Harry Whispering, Indistinct ]
HE'S HERE. JUST-- JUST
DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID.
YEAH, YOU HEARD ME: 500,000
ON BANANAS ON TOP.
HEY, GENE, BABE.
HOW YOU DOIN' ?
JOHNNY, YOU'RE A LIAR,
A CHEAT
AND A TOTAL SLEAZEBAG.
- AND YOU KNOW WHAT
THAT'S GONNA GET YOU ?
- MY OWN TALK SHOW.
FUNNY !
[ Laughs Sarcastically ]
THE HATRED OF THOUSANDS
OF INNOCENT PEOPLE.
PROMISE ? YOU KNOW,
THAT'S A GREAT BONUS.
HEY. YOU KNOW,
YOU WANNA PLAY
DOUBLE OR NOTHIN' ?
WHAT ?
DOUBLE OR NOTHIN'.
YOU GOT NOTHIN'
AND I... GOT DOUBLES.
[ Laughs ]
I LIKE YOU, GENE.
YOU GOT THE HEART AND SOUL
OF A REAL GAMBLER,
AND YOU GOT MONEY,
SO I'M GONNA GIVE YOU
A SECOND CHANCE--
- A REMATCH AT PENROD'S
NEXT SATURDAY.
- ON THE BEACH ?
OF COURSE.
AND YOUR NEPHEW HERE,
HARRY BOY,
HE CAN USE
HIS OLD TEAM TO PLAY
OR ANY TEAM TO PLAY.
OH.
[ Chuckles ]
YEAH. AND WHEN WE WIN ?
IF
YOU WIN.
IF YOU WIN,
I'LL FORGIVE
YOUR OLD DEBT...
AND GIVE YOU TWO MILLION
BUCKS ON TOP OF IT.
HOW'S THAT, HUH ?
AND I GET YOUR YACHT
AND YOUR CLUB.
HEY. YOU GOT
CAJONES
THE SIZE OF KUWAIT.
AND IF YOU LOSE,
YOU SIGN THE BEACH ACADEMY
OVER TO ME.
NO. NO WAY. THE BEACHFRONT
SCHOOL GROUNDS ARE ASSESSED
AT OVER $12 MILLION.
PLUS THE BUILDINGS.
THE PROFIT POTENTIAL
IS HUGE. NO.
ALL RIGHT !
IF YOU DON'T WANT THE DEAL,
THEN JUST GIVE ME BACK
THE MONEY YOU OWE.
YOU'LL HAVE YOUR CASH
IN THE MORNING.
AH. YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT
YOU WERE A REAL BETTOR.
BUT YOU'RE NOTHING
BUT A WIMP.
DAMN YOU.
YOU WANT A BET
LIKE THAT ?
I DIDN'T THINK
YOU WERE THAT STUPID.
WELL, YOU GOT A DONE DEAL !
GENE !
[ Whistle Blows ]
OUT OF THE WATER !
OUT OF THE WATER !
LET'S MOVE IT !
COME ON ! COME ON !
COME ON !
MOVE IT ! MOVE IT !
MOVE IT !
COME O-O-O-ON !
WHAT ARE YOU SMILING AT ?
HUH ?
YOU THINK THIS IS FOR FUN ?
HUH ?
ALL RIGHT. HIT THE BEACH !
SHELL DETAIL.
HIT THE BEACH !
GET MOVIN' !
COME ON, COME ON !
[ Whistle Blows ]
GOOD SHOT.
TOUGH ONE. YOU'VE NOT
ONLY LOST THE ACADEMY,
YOU'VE LOST YOUR MIND.
WE DON'T HAVE A TEAM.
TRANSLATION: WE DON'T
HAVE A PRAYER.
BUT WE DO ! HARRY,
LISTEN TO THIS.
I FOUND OUT
THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND...
IS AN OLYMPIC-CLASS
VOLLEYBALL PLAYER,
AND ALL HER FORMER TEAMMATES
LIVE IN THE MIAMI AREA !
I ALREADY KNOW THAT,
AND I ALSO KNOW THAT
SHE HAS NO INTENTION...
OF GETTING BACK INTO THE
LIMELIGHT-- ESPECIALLY
NOT WITH VOLLEYBALL.
AW, GENE. DON'T TELL ME
YOU WERE COUNTING ON HER
AND HER FRIENDS PLAYING.
[ Laughs ]
NO, BOOBY. HA.
I WAS COUNTING
ON YOU AND CHARM, BOY.
NEVER FAILS !
[ Chuckles ]
I CAN VOUCH FOR THAT.
GENE, YOU'RE MY UNCLE.
I CARE ABOUT YOU.
I RESPECT YOU.
YOU'RE MY FAVORITE UNCLE.
BUT YOU HAVE GONE SERIOUSLY
NORTH OF NORMAL ON THIS, OKAY ?
NOW, WHAT PART OF "SHE WON'T
PLAY" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ?
NOT EVEN FOR YOU ?
HELL, NO !
IF SHE'S NOT GONNA
PLAY TO SAVE HER CAREER,
SHE'S NOT GONNA PLAY
FOR SOME STRANGERS.
BUT AT LEAST--
HARRY !
I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION
THAT-- THAT-- I MEAN--
YOU'RE MORE THAN A STRANGER !
A LOT MORE.
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.
SHE'S NOT SOME BIMBO
TO BE SWEET-TALKED.
LOOK. I MEAN, IF WE WIN,
I'LL GIVE THE BIMBO--
OOH.
SORRY. I SLIPPED.
I-I-I--
I'LL LET THE LADY'S TEAM
SHARE ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
GENE, I WOULD DO ANYTHING
FOR YOU,
AND I DON'T NEED A MILLION
OR EVEN A HUNDRED MILLION
DOLLARS TO DO IT.
WHAT I NEED FOR YOU
TO UNDERSTAND IS THAT
I REALLY CARE ABOUT SHANNON...
AND I WON'T EXPLOIT HER--
NOT FOR MONEY, NOT FOR ANYTHING.
HARRY, YOU GOT TO DO IT
FOR ME, HARRY.
I'M GENE, YOUR--
YOUR FAVORITE UNCLE.
HUH ?
RIGHT ? HUH ?
YOU GOTTA DO IT FOR ME.
IF YOU DON'T, HARRY--
HARRY, I'M-- I'M FINISHED !
KAPUT !
JUST ONCE.
ONCE, HARRY.
PLEASE ?
HUH ?
I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
[ Harry Narrating ]
I WAS A MAN WITH A PROBLEM--
A BIG PROBLEM.
IF I TOLD SHANNON THE REAL DEAL,
SHE WAS GONNA TOTALLY
FREAK OUT ON ME.
I KNEW SHE WAS NOT GONNA PLAY
SOME BEACH BALL GAME...
JUST SO THAT UNCLE GENE COULD
INDULGE IN HIS GAMBLING PASSION,
AND SHE WAS NOT A GIRL
MOVED BY MONEY.
[ Whistle Blows ]
LINE IT UP !
FACE FRONT !
WHAT ARE YOU
LOOKING AT ?
ALL RIGHT, GIRLS.
THIS IS YOUR RAFT !
THIS IS YOUR FRIEND.
YOU LOVE YOUR RAFT,
IT WILL LOVE YOU !
LET'S SHOW YOUR RAFT
A LITTLE AFFECTION, GIRLS !
COME ON. LET'S GO.
CHEST UP. CHEST UP.
BUTT OUT. BUTT OUT.
LET'S GO !
SHOW YOUR RAFT
A LITTLE AFFECTION !
IT LOVES YOU.
YOU LOVE IT.
YOU COULD BE OUT TO SEA
ONE HUNDRED MILES OR MORE,
AND WITHOUT YOUR RAFT,
YOU'RE SHARK BAIT !
DO YOU UNDERSTAND ?
I'VE SEEN PEOPLE
EATEN BY SHARKS BEFORE,
BECAUSE THEY FORGOT
THEIR RAFT WAS THEIR FRIEND.
ALL RIGHT !
ABOUT-FACE !
ALL RIGHT. HIT THE WAVES !
HIT THE WAVES !
[ Whistle Blows ]
MOVE IT ! MOVE IT !
MOVE IT !
REAL CHAMPAGNE...
IN A PLASTIC CUP.
I'M IMPRESSED.
SO YOU MUST THINK
I REALLY RATE.
NO.
I MEAN, YES.
OF COURSE YOU RATE, BUT--
BUT DON'T TELL ME.
THIS IS GONNA EAT AWAY
MY NOSE TOO ?
NO. I MEAN YOU.
YOU'RE THE REAL THING.
LOOK.
CAN I GET A BIT PERSONAL
WITH YOU FOR A MOMENT ?
YOU CAN GET VERY, VERY
PERSONAL FOR AS MANY MOMENTS
AS YOU WANT.
I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU
THAT THE REASON I'M GOING OUT
WITH YOU IS BECAUSE OF YOUR--
- MY BODY. IT'S COOL.
- YES. BUT ONLY PARTIALLY.
- BRAINS.
- UH, NO, NOT EXACTLY.
YOUR INTEGRITY.
YOU'RE A REALLY SOLID
GUY. I REALLY THINK
I CAN TRUST YOU.
ALL RIGHT, BEFORE YOU GIVE ME
ANY MORE UNDESERVED PRAISE,
I-I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO ASK YOU THIS.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
NEVER AT A LOSS FOR WORDS.
I WAS ONCE.
TALKED MY WAY OUT OF IT.
WELL, LET ME SAVE YOU
THE AGONY. YOU WANT ME
TO PLAY VOLLEYBALL...
SO YOU CAN BET ON THE GAME
AND SCAM A LOT OF MONEY,
RIGHT ?
- YOU KNEW.
- THE EXPENSIVE CHAMPAGNE
WAS A TIP-OFF,
BUT I WAS HOPING I WAS WRONG !
THE REASON FOR THE CHAMPAGNE
HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.
I-I ADMIT IT.
I NEED YOUR HELP BADLY.
MY UNCLE'S IN A BIND;
I'M IN A BIND, AND THE TRUTH IS,
I'D LOVE YOU TO PLAY.
- NO WAY IN HELL.
- OKAY. LOOK.
UNCLE GENE CAN OFFER YOU
AND YOUR TEAMMATES SHARE IN A
MILLION DOLLARS OF PRIZE MONEY.
DO I LOOK LIKE
MINNESOTA FATS TO YOU ?
I'M SOME CHEAP HUSTLER ?
IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK
I'M ABOUT ? MONEY ?
NO.
IF ALL I CARED ABOUT
WAS MONEY,
I WOULDN'T HAVE WORKED SO HARD
AS AN AMATEUR ATHLETE !
HARRY, I DON'T
TAKE MONEY FOR MY SPORT.
I DON'T DO ENDORSEMENTS.
AND I DON'T GAMBLE !
AND FRANKLY, PAL, I'M NOT
THE BIGGEST FAN OF THOSE WHO DO.
ALL RIGHT. LOOK.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE OPENED
MY FAT MOUTH. OKAY ?
I TOLD UNCLE GENE
THIS WAS IMPOSSIBLE.
YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE. I THOUGHT
WE HAD SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL.
WE DO.
YEAH ? OR IS OUR RELATIONSHIP
BASED ON ME MAKING YOUR WEIRD
UNCLE RICH ?
FIRST OF ALL,
HE'S MY WEIRD UNCLE
GENE.
MY WEIRD UNCLE RICH BETS
ON PLANKTON RACES IN THE RIVER.
IT'S A WHOLE OTHER STORY.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE.
SHANNON, OUR RELATIONSHIP
IS BASED ON ONE THING.
LOVE. I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU.
IF YOU DON'T WANNA PLAY,
I UNDERSTAND.
IT'S NOT GONNA CHANGE
HOW I FEEL.
YOU KNOW, HARRY, TO ME,
THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS
IN LIFE THAN MONEY.
I AGREE.
IT'S BELIEFS LIKE THAT
THAT MAKE ME CRAZY ABOUT YOU.
COME ON.
[ Harry Narrating ]
BILLY ALWAYS DID TEND TO LET HIS
IMAGINATION RUN A LITTLE WILD.
♪ I WANT YOU TO MOVE
♪ I WANT YOU TO GROOVE
♪ AND GROOVE WITH ME
♪ I WANT YOU TO MOVE
♪ I WANT YOU TO GROOVE
♪ AND GROOVE WITH ME
♪ AND I DON'T CARE
♪ WHAT YOU SAY
♪ OR WHAT YOU DO
♪ AND I DON'T CARE
WHAT YOU SAY ♪
♪ OR WHAT YOU DO
♪ COME ON
MOVE A LITTLE CLOSER ♪
♪ LET YOUR BODY LOSE CONTROL ♪
YOU KNOW, YOU DESERVE TO KNOW
WHY I WON'T PLAY.
NO. NO, IT'S
NOT IMPORTANT.
YES, IT IS.
REMEMBER THAT BUSINESS DEAL
I TOLD YOU ABOUT ?
YEAH.
WHAT I DIDN'T TELL YOU
WAS THAT, UH...
JOHNNY STACCATO GOT ME
INVOLVED IN IT.
HE FRAMED MY TEAMMATES
AND ME, AND WE LOST
OUR OLYMPIC CHANCES.
WELL, THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE
WE HAVE IN COMMON:
OUR MISTRUST
OF JOHNNY STACCATO.
OH, I TRUST JOHNNY,
ALL RIGHT.
I TRUST HIM TO LIE, STEAL
AND CHEAT FROM ANYBODY
WHO'LL LET HIM.
BUT YOU KNOW SOMETHING, HARRY ?
WE'RE NOT GONNA LET THAT
SON OF A BITCH GET AWAY
WITH ANYTHING ANYMORE.
YOU'RE GONNA PLAY.
- WE'RE GONNA PLAY TO WIN.
- YOU ARE THE GREATEST.
MM. WAIT.
WAIT. WE ONLY HAVE ONE WEEK
TO GET THIS MIRACLE TOGETHER.
LET'S SAVE IT
FOR THE VICTORY CELEBRATION.
OKAY ?
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
I WON'T TOUCH YOU.
I-I WON'T EVEN TALK TO YOU.
IT'LL BE LIKE WE'VE BEEN
MARRIED FOR 30 YEARS.
YEAH, RIGHT.
[ Woman ]
OKAY. COME ON, GIRLS.
SULK'S IN.
YOU LOVE THAT CAMERA.
YOU WANT THAT CAMERA.
IT IS YOUR FRIEND.
YOU MAKE LOVE
TO THAT CAMERA.
OKAY, COME ON. HIGH ENERGY.
YOU LOVE THAT CAMERA.
THAT CAMERA IS YOUR FRIEND.
YOU LOVE IT. MM-MMM.
KISSES, KISSES.
OKAY. SEXY. SEXY.
I WANT SEXY.
I WANT SEXY !
I WANT YOU TO WANT THAT CAMERA.
EVERYBODY WANTS YOU, THE SEXIEST
THING THAT EVER LIVED.
OKAY, LEGS. LEGS, LEGS, LEGS.
HIGHER, HIGHER, HIGHER.
OKAY. SEXY LEGS.
THE RIGHT LEG. SEXY.
OHH, LOOK AT MY LEGS !
OKAY. VERY GOOD.
SOPHISTICATED, SOPHISTICATED.
OH, OH. POUTING LIPS.
POUTING LIPS. OH, I'M SO SAD.
COME HERE AND VISIT ME.
THAT'S WHAT I WANT YOU
TO SAY TO THIS CAMERA.
YOU'RE HAVING FUN !
YOU'RE HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY !
HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY !
CUT !
OKAY. OKAY.
NOW, A FIVE-MINUTE BREAK.
I WANT YOU TO MAKE-UP,
GET FRESHENED UP, AND THEN WE'RE
GONNA DO THE CENTERFOLD. OKAY ?
YOU GUYS.
YOU NEED TO WORK ON THIS.
JUST NEED A LITTLE
MORE ENERGY.
SHANNON ! HEY !
GOOD ! IT'S GREAT
TO SEE YOU.
HOW YOU DOIN' ?
GREAT.
ASHLEY, MILLICENT,
MEET MY FAVORITE DRILLMASTER,
THE LEADER OF OUR
OLYMPIC TEAM, SHANNON.
HI. LOOK AT YOU.
YOU LOOK GREAT.
HEY, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
A FRIEND OF MINE.
THIS IS HARRY.
HOW YOU DOIN' ?
PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
ENJOYING THE SHOOT ?
MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.
LISTEN, UH, I--
WE
HAVE TO ASK YOU A FAVOR.
I KNOW YOU'RE REALLY BUSY.
BUT, UH--
WE REALLY NEED YOU TO PLAY
A VOLLEYBALL GAME WITH US.
VOLLEYBALL ? SURE, NO PROB.
MY FAVORITE GAME.
WHEN AND WHERE ?
HOW ABOUT...
THURSDAY AT 11:00 ?
NO, WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT A SERIOUS GAME.
LIKE, WE HAVE TO PRACTICE
EVERY DAY. WE'RE, UH--
WE'RE PLAYING ERIKA
AND HER BALL BUSTERS.
HEY, BE A GREAT GAME.
THEY'RE AS GOOD AS WE ARE.
ALMOST.
LOOK, SHANNON.
I'D LOVE TO. IT'D BE
A HELL OF A LOT OF FUN
KICKING THEIR BUTTS,
BUT I JUST CAN'T AFFORD
ALL THAT TIME OFF.
I'M BOOKED SOLID
FOR THE NEXT THREE MONTHS.
LOOK, JOHNNY STACCATO'S
BET EVERYTHING HE OWNS
ON ERIKA'S TEAM.
DAMN. I'D LOVE TO SEE
THAT BASTARD LOSE.
THERE'S A MILLION BUCKS
FOR THE WINNING TEAM.
YOU CAN DIVIDE IT FIVE WAYS.
[ Scoffs ]
ISN'T THAT ABOUT--
WHAT ? $200,000 ?
I BET YOU CAN MAKE THAT
IN JUST A FEW WEEKS.
IF YOU GO BACK TO WORK,
PLEASE ?
I'LL THINK IT OVER.
WHY DON'T YOU AND YOUR FRIEND
COME OUT TOMORROW ? WE'RE
HAVING A CHARITY CAR WASH.
OKAY. WE'LL SEE YOU THEN.
OKAY. BYE.
BYE.
BYE-BYE.
WE'LL SEE.
I DON'T KNOW.
LOOKING GOOD, SOLDIER.
HELLO, SHANNON.
WOULD YOU AND YOUR FRIEND
LIKE A TABLE UP CLOSE ?
NO, THANK YOU.
HARRY, THIS IS WEED.
HE RUNS THE PLACE.
[ Harry ]
HOW YOU DOIN' ?
WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE ?
- WE'RE HERE TO SEE GINGER.
- NOBODY SEES GINGER.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?
SHE'S A FRIEND OF MINE.
THAT'S NICE. IT'S MY CLUB.
SHE'S WORKING.
WHAT'S IT ABOUT,
ANYWAY ?
WE NEED HER TO PLAY
A VOLLEYBALL GAME
NEXT WEEKEND.
[ Laughs ]
VOLLEYBALL ?
OKAY, FINE !
WHEN SHE'S NOT WORKIN'
SHE'LL PLAY VOLLEYBALL.
WE MEAN A SERIOUS GAME.
SHE NEEDS TO TRAIN
EVERY DAY.
IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.
SHE WORKS FOR ME EVERY
DAY. YOU KNOW WHY ?
I LENT HER A LOT OF MONEY,
AND SHE PAYS ME BACK
BY DANCING.
YOU UNDERSTAND ?
NO.
IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO HER,
YOU CAN ALWAYS GO BACKSTAGE,
PUT ON A SEXY OUTFIT;
I'LL GIVE YOU A JOB.
- WORKING HERE WOULD BE
MY SECOND MOST FAVORITE THING.
- WHAT'S THE FIRST ?
THROWING A BOWLING BALL
UP IN THE AIR AND CATCHING IT
WITH MY TEETH.
CUTE. WELL, I GOTTA
BRING ON THE NEXT DANCER.
TWO-DRINK MINIMUM.
THANKS A LOT.
WHAT A JERK. MAN.
THE BOWLING BALL THING
WAS FUNNY.
[ Sighs ]
HEY, THERE'S GINGER.
HI.
HI.
HOW YOU DOIN' ?
CAN I GET YOU
SOMETHING TO DRINK ?
DO YOU SERVE
PHONE NUMBERS HERE ?
NO, WE DON'T
SERVE PHONE NUMBERS HERE.
OH. UH.
WELL, YOU'RE AN AWFULLY
FINE-LOOKIN' CHICK.
WHAT'S YOUR SIGN ?
SCORPIO.
COOL. I'M A CANCER.
KEEP SMOKIN' AND YOU'LL
HAVE CANCER REAL SOON, BUD.
THANKS. THAT'S
VERY NICE OF YOU
TO SAY.
UM... YOU COME
HERE OFTEN ?
I WORK HERE.
OH.
BUT IT'S OKAY,
'CAUSE YOU'RE KIND OF CUTE.
HEY, BABY. HOW WE DOIN' ?
[ Slap ]
I TOLD YOU,
DON'T EVER TOUCH ME.
FINE.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
DON'T I KNOW YOU
FROM SOMEWHERE ?
YOU'RE THE GUY THAT COMES
IN HERE AND BOTHERS THE GIRLS.
THAT'S YOU, ISN'T IT ?
NO, NO. I THOUGHT
I KNEW YOU FROM HOME.
FROM NORTH DAKOTA.
I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE,
THOUGH. I DON'T KNOW--
I OWN THIS CLUB.
THIS IS MY PLACE.
I OWN THIS PLACE.
OH, SORRY.
SO YOU, LIKE, TALK TO
THE GIRLS AND STUFF ?
THEY WORK FOR ME.
COOL. YOU GET TO,
LIKE, FEEL THEM ?
GET OUT OF MY FACE.
COOL.
PUTZ.
I... THINK SOMETHING BAD
IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN.
BEACH ACADEMY TRAINING ?
NO. CALL IT INSTINCT.
I CAN HANDLE THIS.
HEY, WATCH OUT !
[ Grunts ]
COME ON. COME ON.
I'M IMPRESSED.
OH. THANKS A LOT.
- DOM ?
-SHAN.
HOW YOU DOIN', GIRL ?
HI !
HEY, THAT WAS VERY COOL...
HOW YOU DEFENDED YOUR WOMAN
LIKE THAT.
OH, THANKS. WELL,
SHE'S NOT REALLY MY WOMAN.
YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER ?
THIS IS DOMINIQUE ANICA--
THE FORMER SISTER MARY
HOLLY PICTURE.
SHE'S YOUR TYPICAL
LEATHER-LOVIN' EX-NUN,
BIKER-CHICK DOMINATRIX.
FRESH OUT OF THE CONVENT,
HEADIN' STRAIGHT TO HEAVEN
ON A HARLEY.
OH. ANOTHER ONE
OF THOSE.
SO WHAT'S GOIN' ON, SHAN ?
WELL, I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET HARRY.
HOW YOU DOIN' ?
HI.
- DOM, WE NEED YOUR HELP.
- COUNT ON IT.
I GOT MY GUITAR
AND SOME HOT NEW SONGS.
YOUR GUITAR.
ON THE LETTERMAN SHOW,
WAYNE, GARTH AND I GET NAKED
AND SING "IT'S A SMALL WORLD
AFTER ALL,"
BACKED BY IKE TURNER
AND THE COMBINED VATICAN
AND MORMON CHOIR...
DOIN' THE MELANESIAN
FROG-WORSHIPING FERTILITY DANCE.
HUH. THAT SOUNDS LIKE
A GREAT GIG, DOM.
BUT WHAT WE REALLY NEED IS
FOR YOU TO PLAY VOLLEYBALL
NEXT SATURDAY.
WE'RE PLAYING MAH-JONGG
AND HER BALL BUSTERS.
WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME.
HELL, LETTERMAN CAN WAIT.
VOLLEYBALL ? I LIVE
FOR THE GAME.
GREAT !
WE PRACTICE TOMORROW MORNING,
8:00 A.M. SHARP ON THE BEACH.
- I'LL BE THERE.
- THANKS.
SEE YA.
WELL, IT'S NICE
TO KNOW MIAMI...
IS LETTING THEIR PSYCHOS
DIRECTLY INTO THE COMMUNITY.
- I HEARD THAT.
- SORRY.
[ Engine Starts ]
UNCLE GENE.
OH ! YOU FRIGHTENED ME
TO DEATH. WHAT IS IT ?
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE ?
WHAT AM I DOING HERE ?
ISN'T IT OBVIOUS ?
I'M DOING A FIELD STUDY,
YOU SEE ?
I'M HERE FOR THE AMERICAN
SOCIOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION.
AND, UH, WHAT I'M DOING IS...
I'M STUDYING
THE POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS
ON THE MALE SEX...
WHILE WATCHING
A NUDE FEMALE DANCE.
THAT SOUNDS IMPORTANT.
YEAH. IT IS.
IT IS. YEAH.
IT'S WHAT WE CALL...
ADULT EDUCATION.
[ Laughs ]
YEAH. WELL, I'M SURE
YOU SHOULD GET AN A+.
ACTUALLY...
I'M TAKING A MASTER'S CLASS.
[ Laughs ]
EXCUSE ME, SWEETIE.
WHAT ? OH !
GENE, HOW ARE YOU DOIN' ?
YEAH.
HERE'S YOUR USUAL.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
THANK YOU, PRETTY PHYLLIS.
THANK YOU.
YOUR USUAL.
YES.
SO THAT MEANS
YOU COME HERE
ALL THE TIME.
WELL, ARCHAEOLOGISTS
HAVE TO DIG, DON'T THEY ?
AND ZOOLOGISTS
HAVE TO OBSERVE ANIMALS.
RIGHT ! YES.
AND FROM A STUDY
LIKE THAT...
SHH. SHH.
YOU SHOULD BE GETTING
A Ph.D. !
THIS IS THE BEST PART.
WATCH THIS. WATCH THIS.
[ Laughs Loudly ]
YOU'RE SPILLIN' ON ME.
SO ANYWAY, I GO
INTO MY SISTER'S ROOM.
YOU REMEMBER SHELLEY.
UH--
HER NAME'S SHELLEY.
SHELLEY, SHELLEY.
RIGHT. FAT GIRL.
GLASSES. TEETH MISSING.
- PLAYED WITH DOLLS.
- AND HER NOSE.
SHE USED TO PICK HER NOSE.
SO SHE WAS PICKIN' HER NOSE;
SHE WAS IN THE CORNER.
I WALK IN.
I OPEN THE CLOSET DOOR.
ALL THIS CANDY
STARTS FALLIN' OUT.
GREAT. I CAN TELL MOM THAT
SHE'S PICKIN' HER NOSE...
AND CANDY'S FALLIN'
OUT OF HER CLOSET.
SO I GO IN THERE,
AND SHE'S GOT THIS BUCKET
OF ROCK CANDY.
SO I'VE GOT 25 CAVITIES;
I'M EATING ALL THIS ROCK CANDY
I'M STEALIN' FROM SHELLEY.
SHANNON ! AAAH !
WAIT, THIS
IS THE BEST PART.
GUYS, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
PINA KOLLATA.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
SHE WAS AT COLUMBIA
WHEN I WAS THERE.
YOU'RE DRINKING
A PINA COLADA ?
NO, DUMMY. THAT'S MY NAME.
- OH, I LOVE YOUR DRINK.
-[ Shannon ]
SO WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO ?
THE TANGO. HMM.
I HAD TO MAKE ENDS MEET.
I JUST AIN'T GOT THE GUTS
TO CARRY ON WITH THAT
ENGLISH TEACHER GIGS NO MORE.
YOU KNOW, THE MONEY.
IT AIN'T SO GOOD.
WELL, WE MAY BE
ABLE TO HELP OUT.
GREAT. 'CAUSE ROMAN,
MY LAST TANGO PARTNER,
JUST RIPPED ME OFF,
AS YOU KNOW.
IT TAKES TWO.
RIGHT. AY.
TRUTH BE KNOWN, SHAN,
AFTER THE SCANDAL AT THE
OLYMPICS, I JUST BOTTOMED OUT,
FELL COMPLETELY APART.
NOT YOU, PINA.
YOU WERE ALWAYS
THE STRONGEST OF ALL OF US.
SAME OLD STORY.
LIVING ON THE BACK SEAT
OF MY BIKE,
SELLING SECONDHAND ANCHOVIES
DOOR-TO-DOOR.
HEY, IT COULD BE WORSE.
I STAY IN TOUCH
WITH THE OTHERS, AND AFTER
NOT GOING TO THE OLYMPICS,
IT JUST DESTROYED
THEIR ENTIRE LIVES.
I MEAN, WE'RE TALKING DIVORCE
AND BANKRUPTCY,
MASSIVE DEBT, BEING ALONE
AND SICK AND FRIENDLESS.
STOP TRYING TO CHEER ME UP.
THIS MIGHT CHEER YOU UP
A LITTLE BIT.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO PLAY
A VOLLEYBALL GAME NEXT WEEK
AGAINST JOHNNY STACCATO'S TEAM.
AND THERE'S A COOL MILLION
IN IT FOR THE WINNERS.
WOULD I HAVE TO GIVE UP
MY ANCHOVY ROUTE ?
YEAH, BUT THE PROFIT
FOR YOU COULD BE
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD OF...
OH-- $200,000 DOLLARS !
AND ALL THE ANCHOVIES
I CAN EAT.
AND YOU COULD FINALLY GET EVEN
WITH JOHNNY STACCATO.
COUNT ME IN,
BEACH DUDES.
[ All Laugh, Cheer ]
[ Billy ]
WELCOME ABOARD.
WELCOME TO BE HERE.
GLAD TO BE
HAVING YOU.
SO, WHAT HAVE YOU
DECIDED ?
I'LL BE THERE.
GREAT !
YES !
THANK YOU.
WE DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME.
THAT MEANS PRACTICE EVERY DAY
ABOUT FIVE HOURS.
SO ARE YOU READY ?
[ All ]
YEAH ! NO PROBLEM
WE GOT SHIRTS.
YEA !
ALL RIGHT !
[ All Chattering ]
HONEY, I LOVE YOU.
I JUST LOVE YOU.
THANK YOU.
OH, I AM LOVING IT.
ALL RIGHT.
A HUNDRED PERCENT COTTON,
BABY.
YEAH ?
ALL RIGHT.
WE ARE AN OFFICIAL TEAM.
GOT TO LOVE IT.
CHECK IT OUT.
LOVE TO LOVE YOU, BABY.
[ Harry ]
SHARP.
GUYS, ARE WE NOW OFFICIAL
BEACH ACADEMY TEAMMATES ?
RIGHT !
[ Whistle Blows ]
♪ SUN IS SHININ'
AND THE GIRLS ARE HOT ♪
♪ WHEN I WANNA FLY
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT !
MOVE IT !
RIGHT.
♪ BABY, LET'S BREAK
♪ WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN
WE COME AFTER YOU ♪
♪ WE RUN YOU DOWN UNTIL YOU'RE
THROUGH THAT PLAY ♪
♪ BABY, LET'S PLAY
♪ YOU CAN'T BEAT US
♪ DON'T YOU SEE
♪ WE'RE THE BEACH ACADEMY
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR !
MOVE IT !
♪ KEEP THE SUN IN YOUR FACE
♪ THIS IS OUR TIME
YOU KNOW THAT'S RIGHT ♪
♪ GET OUT OF THIS PLACE ♪
HELLO.
YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS ?
I HAVE A CLUB.
YOU SHOULDN'T BE DOIN' THIS.
YOU SHOULD BE DOIN' THIS
AND THIS AND MAYBE THIS.
WE GOTTA GO.
COME ON.
I DON'T THINK SO.
HEY, BUZZ OFF !
ESTUPIDO !
[ Clunk ]
FINE !
THE GIRLS WERE EXHAUSTED
BY THE END OF THE DAY,
BUT THEY WERE STARTING TO GET
THE OLD MAGIC BACK.
I KNOW WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO TOUCH EACH OTHER
WHILE WE'RE TRAINING,
BUT HOW'D YOU LIKE TO GO
SOMEPLACE TOGETHER AND GET
TO KNOW EACH OTHER A BIT ?
I THINK I'D LIKE THAT.
GREAT.
PERHAPS WE CAN SAIL
TO MY FRIEND'S PLACE ON
FISHER ISLAND. HE'S GONE.
WE CAN HAVE THE WHOLE PLACE
TO OURSELVES.
SOUNDS GOOD.
BUT I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.
OH, YEAH ? WHAT'S THAT ?
WELL, I NOTICE
YOU'RE A MUSIC LOVER.
OH, YEAH.
MUSIC'S MY LIFE.
SO I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU,
MR. HARRY SPENCER,
TO A VERY SPECIAL CONCERT
TONIGHT. GREAT.
SHALL WE SAY MY PLACE
AT 9:00 ?
WE SHALL.
HEY. HI.
THIS IS A NICE PLACE.
WEALTHY FAMILY ?
YEAH.
MY DAD'S BRENT McSORLEY,
THE FAMOUS CIRCUS CLOWN.
THE GUY IN ALL
THE USED CAR ADS ?
YEAH, THAT'S HIM.
WELL, YOU LOOK INCREDIBLE.
I'LL BE THE ENVY OF EVERY GUY
AT THE CONCERT.
WELL, I HOPE SO,
HARRY, 'CAUSE YOU'RE
THE ONLY GUY I INVITED.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I KNOW.
AND THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS
I LIKE ABOUT YOU. IT'S THAT
CONSTANT BEWILDERED LOOK.
THE CONCERT'S HERE ?
BINGO.
AND IT ISN'T EXACTLY
ROCK AND ROLL.
COME ON.
OKAY.
♪♪ [ Cello ]
SURPRISE.
[ Groans ]
I'M SORRY. I KNOW
I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU,
BUT I JUST COULDN'T RESIST.
DOES THAT, UH,
MAKE ME A BAD GIRL ?
YES, IT MAKES YOU
A VERY BAD GIRL.
WELL, ARE YOU GONNA
MAKE ME FACE THE MUSIC ?
IF IT'S ORCHESTRATED
THAT WAY.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE, UM,
FIDDLE AROUND ?
♪♪ [ Classical ]
OKAY.
OKAY.
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD PUT
A DIVING BOARD IN THAT POOL.
TELEPHONE, MA'AM.
AW, DON'T ANSWER IT.
I HAVE TO.
HELLO ?
YES. I SAID I WOULD,
AND I WILL.
GOOD-BYE.
THANK YOU.
WHAT'S WRONG ?
WHO WAS THAT ?
THAT WAS... NOBODY.
YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY STARTING
TO DIG CLASSICAL MUSIC.
JUST CLASSICAL MUSIC ?
NO.
[ Sighs ]
WE SHOULD WAIT 'TIL
TOMORROW, AFTER THE GAME.
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I GUESS I SHOULD GET GOIN'.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
BYE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN MY HOUSE ?
I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME HERE.
HEY, BABE. I GOTTA
KEEP TABS ON MY INVESTMENT.
IS THAT WHAT I AM TO YOU,
JOHNNY ? AN INVESTMENT ?
[ High-Pitched Voice ]
OH, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'D
REALLY CARE, HONEY !
HEY. YOU ARE WHATEVER,
WHENEVER... WHEREVER...
I WANT YOU TO BE.
GET IT ?
[ Phone Ringing ]
GET IT.
[ Softly ]
I SAID GET IT.
- HELLO ?
- HEY. IT'S HARRY.
LOOK, I KNOW THE BEST WAY
TO LOSE SOMEONE IS TO TRY
TO RUSH THINGS.
BUT I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT,
UM, I'M PRETTY SURE
I'M FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU.
I-I CAN'T WAIT 'TIL WE CAN
SPEND A LOT MORE TIME TOGETHER.
HARRY--
HEY.
GIVE IT TO ME.
NO !
NO ? YOU DON'T WANT
TO SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER ?
HARRY, I CAN'T TALK TO
YOU NOW. THIS IS REALLY--
I SAID GIVE IT TO ME.
- WHO IS THAT ? ARE YOU OKAY ?
- ARE YOU DEAF
AS WELL AS BEING DUMB ?
JOHNNY, NO !
PLEASE.
WHAT THE HELL IS JOHNNY STACCATO
DOING IN YOUR HOUSE ?
YEAH, I LOVE YOU TOO,
SWEETHEART.
SHE'S OKAY.
SHE'S REALLY,
REALLY OKAY.
[ Slapping ]
[ Laughs ]
SHE'S THE HOTTEST--
JOHNNY, PLEASE !
[ Johnny ]
HEY.
DID YOU HEAR THAT ?
SHE BEGGED.
I JUST LOVE IT
WHEN SHE BEGS.
IT HEATS ME UP.
[ Johnny Laughing ]
JOHNNY, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOIN' THERE ?
I JUST DROPPED BY
FOR A REFRESHING SHOWER
AND TO CHECK ON MY WOMAN.
SHE'S IN HEAT
FOR A REAL MAN.
YOU LISTEN TO ME,
YOU SON OF A BITCH.
IF YOU HURT HER,
I'LL KILL YOU. YOU PUT HER
BACK ON THE PHONE, NOW.
OH, MY GOSH !
WHATCHA GONNA DO ?
SOME OF THAT KARATE STUFF ?
[ Imitates Karate Grunts ]
PUT HER BACK ON THE PHONE !
NOW !
- LISTEN, MAN.
SUCKER.
- STOP IT ! HARRY ?
- HAS HE HURT YOU ?
DID HE HURT YOU ?
- NO.
AND I DIDN'T
MEAN TO HURT YOU.
- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ?
- [ Imitating Violin Whining ]
LISTEN. WHEN I BEAT YOU
IN VOLLEYBALL,
AND PIGIRON DRAGS
YOUR ASS UP AND DOWN
MY
BEACH ACADEMY,
I'M GONNA TAKE SHANNON
HERE BACK TO NEW YORK.
OR SHALL IT BE BARCELONA,
DARLING, THIS TIME ?
HUH ?
[ Kissing ]
CIAO,
SWEETHEART.
SHANNON ? SHANNON !
[ Dial Tone ]
[ People Cheering, Applauding ]
ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE HERE.
JUST DO WHAT WE DID IN PRACTICE.
WE'RE GONNA BE FINE.
ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN. HERE WE SIT.
WE GOT A WONDERFUL GAME
ABOUT TO COMMENCE.
WE HAVE, OF COURSE,
THE WONDERFUL, GREAT,
DYNAMIC, FABULOUS--
THEY'RE GONNA BE COMING
REALLY STRONG UP FRONT.
YOU GOTTA STAY AND HANG TOUGH
TO BLOCK. RIGHT ?
THE TEAM WITH SOUL !
HEY, YOU GONNA
WIN THE PURSE ?
EVERYBODY.
GIVE IT UP !
[ Spectators Cheering ]
GIVE IT UP FOR THAT
BEACH ACADEMY !
[ Erika ]
OKAY, GIRLS.
LET'S KICK THEIR BUTTS.
WE HAVE, LIKE,
THE REALLY HORRIBLE TEAM
WITH BIG BREASTS--
WE GIVE THEM THAT--
BUT NO TALENT.
GIVE IT UP
FOR THEIR BREASTS !
[ Scattered Applause ]
KICK THEIR BUTTS.
AND YOU,
DON'T GET ANY IDEAS.
MAN !
DON'T WORRY ABOUT SHANNON !
LET'S JUST FOCUS ON THE GAME.
DOM, YOU GOTTA BE TOUGH
UP FRONT. RIGHT ?
YEAH ! YEAH !
TOUGH IS MY NAME.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU GOTTA BLOCK.
SOLITAIRE, REMEMBER ?
BLOCK ?
LET'S JUST PLAY
SOME VOLLEYBALL !
[ Teammates Whooping ]
[ Man ]
GO, BEACH ACADEMY !
[ Spectators Groan ]
[ Billy ]
LOOK AT THAT SPIKE !
GOD, THAT WAS NASTY.
THAT'S WHAT IT'S
CALLED, RIGHT ?
A SPIKE ?
YEAH.
[ All Cheering ]
YEA !
COME ON, GINGER !
[ Billy ]
OKAY.
OHH !
[ Crowd Groans ]
I'M SORRY !
I HAD GAS !
I ATE BURRITOS
FOR LUNCH !
[ Man ]
GO, BEACH ! GO, BEACH !
[ Crowd Cheers ]
TOUCHDOWN.
OH, YEAH !
[ Yelling ]
THAT WAS A TOUCHDOWN.
IT'S NOT FOOTBALL !
I KNEW THAT.
I KNEW THAT.
THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT !
PINA, THAT'S IT. SMASH IT !
THAT WAS A GOOD SHOT.
STAY PUT.
HARRY, I NEED
TO TALK TO YOU.
WHEN WE FIRST MET, I DIDN'T
JUST HAPPEN TO BE WALKING
DOWN THE BEACH...
WHEN ERIKA HIT THAT BALL.
IT WAS ALL A SETUP
TO GET YOUR UNCLE
TO FORFEIT THE ACADEMY.
AFTER LAST NIGHT, THAT PART
WAS PRETTY EASY TO FIGURE OUT.
WANNA PLACE ANOTHER BET,
BALDY ?
OH, IT'S MR. ALLIGATOR BREATH.
[ Laughs ]
SEE ? NOW, THAT'S
WHAT I EXPECT.
WHAT DID WE GET ?
TWENTY-FIVE POINTS ?
NO--
THE SCORE NOW
IS 357 TO 95.
NO.
NO ? OH.
UH, 32-- 32 TO 64 ?
42 TO 33 ?
WATCH THE GAME.
WHAT ESCAPES ME IS WHY
YOU WENT ALONG WITH IT.
WAS IT BECAUSE OF YOUR
GREAT LOVE FOR JOHNNY ?
LOVE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
I HATE THAT PATHETIC
EXCUSE FOR A MAN,
TRUST ME.
YOU REALLY EXPECT TRUST
AT THIS POINT ?
HARRY. I TOLD YOU
THAT JOHNNY SET UP
THAT OLYMPIC SCAM.
BUT I DIDN'T TELL YOU
THAT MY BROTHER IS IN JAIL
FOR THE NEXT TEN YEARS...
IF JOHNNY
GIVES FALSE EVIDENCE.
[ Sighs ]
WHICH HE'S PREPARED TO DO,
OF COURSE,
IF YOU DON'T GO ALONG
WITH HIS VOLLEYBALL SCAM.
THAT'S RIGHT.
ANOTHER 50K, MORON-SKI.
YOU GOT IT.
THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT.
SCORE. I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT !
WHAT ABOUT YOU TWO
ROMANTICALLY ? DID YOU
HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM ?
WELL, IF YOU CAN CALL
ONE DATE A RELATIONSHIP.
ESPECIALLY ONE THAT ENDED
WITH ME SWIMMING BACK HOME
FROM THE YACHT.
NO, NO.
OVER THE NET !
NOT UNDER THE NET.
OVER THE NET.
NO, THEY'RE WONDERFUL.
THE BEST I'VE EVER SEEN.
[ Crowd Whoops ]
VERY NICE. NO !
NO, THAT WASN'T GOOD.
THAT WASN'T ON OUR SIDE,
WAS IT ?
NO.
SORRY, WE WON'T
TAKE THAT POINT.
ALL RIGHT. I CAN FEEL IT.
WE'RE GONNA MAKE
A BIG TURNAROUND NOW.
IT'S A BIG CHANCE.
ALL WE NEED
IS ONE FIELD GOAL,
AND WE'RE THERE, MAN !
[ Whispers ]
I KNEW THAT.
ALL WE NEED IS ONE,
UM, THING OVER THE THING.
HARRY, SCREW THE PRESSURE.
I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU DOWN.
OKAY.
LET'S PLAY SOME BALL.
THAT'S IT, SOLITAIRE !
YES !
OKAY.
HERE WE GO, HARRY.
[ Crowd Cheering ]
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO SEE !
COME ON !
YOU GOTTA HELP EACH OTHER OUT !
COME ON !
YOU GUYS ARE LOOKING GREAT,
BUT YOU GOTTA GET IT TO DOM
UP FRONT. SHE'S OUR POWER.
HELP ! HELP !
HARRY,
THEY KIDNAPPED SHANNON ! WHAT ?
THE WAY I LOOK AT IT,
WE REALLY GOT A SHOT.
ALL RIGHT,
YOU'RE THE COACH NOW.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
THE COACH.
WE'RE WAY AHEAD. JUST
DON'T LET GENE DOWN !
[ Together ]
THE COACH ? AAAH !
TAKE THE MIKE !
WISH ME LUCK.
I MEAN IT !
GOOD LUCK.
GOOD LUCK !
I NEED LUCK !
YOU GOT IT !
YOU CAN DO THIS.
I CAN BE A MAN.
GOOD LUCK, BILLY.
ALL RIGHT, HARLEY.
[ Chuckles ]
OH, MY GOD.
THE COACH.
ATTENTION, LADIES.
THERE'S A NEW COACH IN TOWN,
SO DON'T FRET.
HERE'S THE NEW PLAN.
FROM NOW ON I WANT
A LOT OF FIELD GOALS
AND TOUCHDOWNS.
YOU'RE GONNA-- YOU'RE GONNA
PUT HOLES IN ONE.
[ Chuckles ]
WHAT'S THAT THING
WHEN YOU GO OVER THE NET ?
SPIKE IT.
SLAM DUNK.
SLAM DUNK.
SLAM DUNK.
OH, YES.
SLAM DUNK, SLAM DUNK.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, LISTEN.
PAY ATTENTION !
HEY ! IS NOBODY PAYING
ATTENTION TO ME HERE ?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COACH ?
YOU GOTTA--
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
CATCH
THE BALL !
CATCH THE BALL
WHEN IT COMES TO YOU.
DON'T RUN AWAY FROM IT.
WHAT ARE YOU, GIRLS ?
[ Laughs ]
ALL RIGHT !
LOOK AT ME. NO !
DON'T LOOK AT ME !
LOOK AT THE BALL.
LOOK AT THE BALL.
LISTEN. GET IN THERE.
FEEL THE BALL.
BECOME PART OF THE BALL.
BE ALL OVER THE BALL.
JUST FOLLOW IT ALL THE WAY
WITH YOUR EYES.
YOU CAN'T MISS
IF YOU HAVE A BIG BAT
IN YOUR HAND.
SHE LOVES ME.
SHE LOVES ME NOT.
SO, YOU SEE, SHANNON
IS PURE AS A LAMB.
YOU KNOW
THAT OLYMPIC SCAM ?
WELL, I DONE IT AND
BLAMED IT ON HER BROTHER.
THAT WAY, SHE--
PRETTY LITTLE DAME--
WILL DO ANYTHING I TELL HER.
AND NOW YOU'RE
GONNA LOSE, AND I GET
ALL OF THE BEACH ACADEMY...
AND A PIECE OF DESSERT.
[ Grunts ]
OH !
THERE ! THAT WAY
IT'S NOT IN YOUR WAY.
PRETEND THAT BALL
WAS BOTHERING YOU.
JUST GET IT OUT OF THE WAY.
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS !
YOU GUYS SUCK !
YOU DON'T LISTEN !
DON'T LISTEN ? OKAY !
I TOLD YOU TO MAKE
A FIELD GOAL--
[ All Arguing ]
[ Harry ]
LOOK WHO'S BACK !
[ All Cheering ]
[ Sighs, Laughs ]
[ Billy ]
YOU GUYS, DON'T
GIVE AWAY ANYTHING !
[ Harry ]
LET'S PLAY SOME VOLLEYBALL !
[ All Cheering ]
TOUCHDOWN !
THAT'S IT !
[ All Cheering ]
UNCLE GENE !
UNCLE GENE !
WHAT HAPPENED ?
WE WON !
WELL, GO AND COLLECT
THE MONEY !
♪♪ [ Rock ]
UNCLE GENE, THERE'S ONE THING
I DON'T SAY OFTEN ENOUGH.
I THINK YOU'RE REALLY GREAT.
HARRY, THERE'S ONE THING
I
DON'T SAY OFTEN ENOUGH.
NO, GENE. THERE'S NOTHING
YOU DON'T SAY OFTEN ENOUGH.
[ Laughs ]
WE ALL LEARNED A LOT
FROM THIS, HUH ?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
I LEARNED: ALWAYS
DO THE RIGHT THING.
WELL, UNLESS YOUR CONSCIENCE
TELLS YOU TO DO OTHERWISE.
[ Laughs ]
I THINK THOSE ARE WORDS
TO LIVE BY.
LISTEN. YOU KNOW
THAT BOAT OF YOURS ?
IT'S ALL RIGHT WHEN YOU'RE
A BACHELOR, BUT NOT IF YOU
TWO KIDS, UH, YOU KNOW--
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
JOHNNY'S BOAT, HUH ?
THAT'S WHY YOU'RE
MY FAVORITE UNCLE.
I JUST WISH THERE WAS
SOMETHING WE COULD DO
FOR MY BROTHER.
OH, I THINK THERE IS.
WHAT ?
BACK ON THE YACHT,
I SECRETLY TAPED
JOHNNY'S ADMISSION OF GUILT.
THAT MEANS THAT JOHNNY
IS NOT ONLY GOIN'
TO THE POORHOUSE--
HE'S GOIN'
TO THE BIG HOUSE !
[ Laughs ]
WITHOUT A FRONT PORCH.
[ Laughs ]
UNCLE GENE, WE'LL
TALK TO YOU LATER, OKAY ?
YEAH. ALL RIGHT.
GOOD. GOOD. HAVE FUN,
AND WATCH THE GRASS STAINS.
[ Laughs ]
I BET ALL MY OWN MONEY.
JOHNNY SAID WE COULDN'T LOSE.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT,
PIGIRON. I'LL GET YOU
A LITTLE JOB AT THE ACADEMY.
YOU CAN WASH MY BOAT.
[ Laughing ]
[ Exhales ]
ARE YOU BEING
A BAD GIRL AGAIN ?
MAYBE.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO
ABOUT THIS ?
[ Sighs ]
BILLY.
YEAH.
I THINK
I'M FALLIN' IN LOVE.
[ Chuckles ]
I THINK I ALREADY FELL.
COME ON.
CONGRATULATIONS
ON YOUR VICTORY.
NICE PARTY YOU'RE HAVING HERE.
SHAME YOU GOTTA LEAVE EARLY.
YOU GOTTA WORK !
REMEMBER ? DANCING ?
NO !
CUSTOMERS ?
AGH !
GET HIM !
OH, I JUST
CLEANED THESE CLOTHES !
HONEY ? THIS IS TO
ONE GREAT VACATION.
I'M GLAD I CAME OUT HERE
AND, OF COURSE,
SAVED THE DAY...
AND HELPED BEACH ACADEMY
REMAIN WHAT IT IS.
NOW A LITTLE TREAT
FOR YOU AND ME.
[ Pop ]
YES.
CHEERS.
CHEERS.
CLOSED-CAPTIONED BY
CAPTIONS, INC. LOS ANGELES
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME
♪ I'M ANOTHER NUMBER
IN THE CROWD ♪
♪ ANOTHER FACE WITHOUT A NAME
♪ BUT I'M GONNA GET TO YOU
SOMEHOW ♪
♪ I CAN PLAY YOUR GAME
YEAH ♪
♪ UNTIL YOU SEE WHAT I GOT
♪ YOU'RE ONLY WASTIN' TIME
♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME
♪ WELL, I KNOW YOU'VE HEARD IT
ALL BEFORE ♪
♪ I KNOW YOU'VE
NEVER SEEN MY KIND ♪
♪ I CAN GIVE YOU SO MUCH MORE
♪ LET ME EASE YOUR MIND
♪ YEAH
♪ UNTIL YOU'VE SEEN
WHAT I GOT ♪
♪ YOU'RE ONLY WASTIN' TIME
♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME
♪ TONIGHT I FEEL
LIKE I COULD SHINE ♪
♪ JUST NEED THE CHANCE
TO PROVE IT ♪
♪ I KNOW YOU'LL FIND
♪ THAT I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
YEAH ♪
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME
YEAH ♪
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
YEAH ♪
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME
YEAH ♪
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
♪ BABY, I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
YEAH ♪
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME
YEAH ♪
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT ♪
♪ EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN
♪ I WANT GIRLS AND MONEY
AND A LOUD GUITAR ♪
♪ WHEN IT'S ALL OVER AND DONE
♪ THEY'LL TELL YOU I'M THE ONE
WHO ALWAYS WENT TOO FAR ♪
♪ I WANNA SOAR LIKE A SEA GULL
LIVE LIKE A KING ♪
♪ ALL I WANT IS EVERYTHING
♪ UNDER THE SUN
♪ SUMMER DAYS
AND IT SEEMS ♪
♪ THE WORLD'S AT MY COMMAND
♪ I RIDE THE WAVES
AND BUILD MY DREAMS ♪
♪ LIKE CASTLES IN THE SAND
♪ EVEN WHEN THE TIDE
COMES CRASHIN' ♪
♪ TEARIN' AT THE CASTLE WALLS
♪ EVEN THROUGH LIFE'S
CHAIN REACTION ♪
♪ YOU WON'T SEE ME FALL
'CAUSE I WANT ♪
♪ EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN
♪ I WANT GIRLS AND MONEY
AND A LOUD GUITAR ♪
♪ WHEN IT'S ALL OVER AND DONE
♪ THEY'LL TELL YOU I'M THE ONE
[ Loudly ]
WELCOME TO BEACH ACADEMY.
ARE YOU A CADET HERE ?
♪ LIVE LIKE A KING
MOVE IT !
♪ ALL I WANT IS EVERYTHING
UNDER THE SUN ♪
♪ SUDDENLY I REALIZED
♪ LIFE CAN BE SO STRANGE
♪ WHEN I LOOKED INTO YOUR EYES
♪ I FELT THE WHOLE WORLD
CHANGE ♪
♪ NOW THE THING I DREAM ABOUT
♪ IS LYIN' WITH YOU
ON THE BEACH ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE WRAPPED UP
IN MY ARMS ♪
♪ NOTHIN'S OUT OF REACH
♪ 'CAUSE I GOT EVERYTHING
UNDER THE SUN ♪
♪ I DON'T NEED NO MONEY
OR A FANCY CAR ♪
♪ BABY, I KNOW YOU'RE THE ONE
♪ 'CAUSE YOU MAKE ME FEEL
JUST LIKE A MOVIE STAR ♪
♪ I CAN SOAR LIKE A SEA GULL
AND LIVE LIKE A KING ♪
♪ 'CAUSE, GIRL
YOU GIVE ME EVERYTHING ♪
♪ UNDER THE SUN
♪ 'CAUSE I GOT EVERYTHING
UNDER THE SUN ♪
♪ I DON'T NEED NO MONEY
OR A FANCY CAR ♪
♪ AND BABY
I KNOW YOU'RE THE ONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU MAKE ME FEEL
JUST LIKE A MOVIE STAR ♪
HARD BODY HEAVEN.
EACH ONE HOTTER
THAN THE NEXT.
YOU GOTTA LOVE IT.
[ Man Narrating ]
BUT TODAY I HAD MORE IMPORTANT
THINGS ON MY MIND.
I NEEDED TO GET BELOW
WITHOUT BEING SEEN.
[ Laughing ]
[ Man Narrating ]
JOHNNY STACCATO
WAS A HIGH-LIVIN' LOWLIFE.
IF I DIDN'T GET WHAT I CAME FOR,
HE'D BE LIVIN' EVEN HIGHER
OFF THE MILLIONS...
HE'D SCAMMED
FROM MY WEIRD UNCLE GENE.
THE TWO OF THEM HAVE BEEN
MORTAL ENEMIES FOR A DECADE NOW,
AND IT WAS MY JOB
TO SAVE MY UNCLE'S BUTT.
HI. HI.
DO ME A FAVOR
AND... DO ME ?
- PARDON ME ?
- START WITH MY LEGS...
AND WORK YOUR WAY UP.
DO I KNOW YOU ?
UH, THE NAME'S SPENCER.
HARRY SPENCER.
SPENCER ? YOU MUST
BE A... PRIVATE EYE.
NO, I'M NOT A P.I.
ACTUALLY, I'M A TEACHER.
A TEACHER !
BORING. HUH ?
LISTEN, PAL.
ALL MY FRIENDS TEACH.
TANIA, OVER THERE,
HAS THE PHYSICS DEPARTMENT
AT YALE.
AM I BOTHERING YOU ?
EXTREMELY.
- SO, ARE YOU AN EDUCATED GIRL ?
- HARVARD.
UH.
TELL ME, HARRY,
WHERE DID YOU GO TO SCHOOL ?
WELL, I MANAGED TO GRADUATE
FROM THE NORTH DAKOTA TEACHER'S
AND PIPE FITTER'S...
JUNIOR MAIL-ORDER COLLEGE.
THEN I MANAGED TO GET
A TEACHING GIG OVER
AT THE BEACH ACADEMY.
WOW. THE BEACH ACADEMY ?
BITCHIN'.
[ Kiss ]
[ Groans ]
BABES JUST SEEM TO DIG
THE ACADEMY.
LOOK, I HATE TO KISS
AND RUN, BUT I GOTTA
SAVE MY GIRL. THANKS.
[ Harry Narrating ]
ON MOST DAYS,
I WOULD GO WITH THE FLOW.
IN FACT, I HAD TAUGHT A FEW
CLASSES IN IT AT THE ACADEMY.
BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY; THIS
WAS DEFINITELY NOT MOST DAYS.
EVERYTHING I WANTED OUT OF LIFE
DEPENDED ON WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IN THE NEXT HOUR.
FRANK.
WHERE IS JOHNNY ?
[ Man Whooping ]
YEE-HOO !
[ Laughing ]
[ Whooping Continues ]
[ Harry Narrating ]
STANDING AT THE FOOT OF THE BED,
MENACING SHANNON, THE ONLY
WOMAN I WOULD EVER LOVE,
WAS A TOTAL,
MEGA-PSYCHO DIRTBAG--
ONE JOHNNY STACCATO--
A REALLY BAD, GOODFELLOW,
WISE GUY, GANGSTER-TYPE DUDE.
TICKLE, TICKLE !
AND HIS PARTNER RICO
WAS EVEN WORSE.
OH, HEH. HI, HARRY.
HOW YOU DOIN', HUH ?
NICE OF YOU TO DROP BY.
HEY, JOHNNY.
SO WHERE'S RICO ?
RICO ? HELL,
LONG GONE, MAN.
WOULD YOU STAY PARTNERS WITH
SOME SCUM-SUCKIN' SLIMEBALL
WHO WOULD BAD-MOUTH YOU,
STEAL FROM YOU
AND TRY TO SCREW YOUR WIFE ?
- NO, I GUESS NOT.
- NEITHER DID RICO.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Laughing ]
I GOT HIM.
- YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE
ABOUT YOU, JOHNNY ?
- UH, WHAT ?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
HEY.
YOU SOME KIND OF A WISE GUY
OR SOMETHING ?
I'M GONNA STAY UP NIGHTS
MAKIN' SURE THAT YOU
SCREW THIS ONE UP.
LOOK, JOHNNY.
I JUST TOOK A LITTLE BREAK,
THOUGHT I'D COME BY,
RESCUE MY GIRL, YOU KNOW ?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
GONNA DO FOR YOU ?
DROP DEAD RIGHT HERE
ON THE FLOOR ?
NO. MICHAEL JACKSON.
[ High-Pitched Voice ]
♪ WHOA
♪♪ [ Whistles ]
♪ OOH, OOH, BOO, BOO
♪ AHH ♪
I GUESS YOU'RE WONDERING
HOW I GOT INTO THIS MESS.
WELL, IT ALL BEGAN
AT THE BEACH, ONE WEEK AGO.
[ Harry Narrating ]
SOUTH BEACH, FLORIDA:
HIP, HOT, HAPPENIN'.
SUN, SAND, SURF
AND... SKIN.
THE SKY: AN UNREAL AZURE BLUE.
THE FOAM ON THE WHITECAPS:
SPARKLING LIKE THE SHIMMERING,
COOL SURFACE...
OF A PERFECT MARGARITA.
IT WAS THE DAY BILLY THE KID
CAME TO TOWN.
WE BOTH GREW UP IN A NOWHERE
TOWN WHERE THE BUSES DON'T RUN.
I'D BEEN DOWN HERE
FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS
ON THE CASE. BUT BILLY ?
BILLY WAS TOTALLY TURNED ON
BY THE WHOLE MIAMI SCENE.
THE MOMENT HE SAW HER, HE FELL
INSTANTLY, TOTALLY, IN LUST.
BILLY DECIDED TO GIVE UP
ON THE MAXIMUM EXCITEMENT
OF ANOTHER 20-BELOW WINTER...
IN NORTH DAKOTA
AND FOLLOW ME INTO THE SUN.
WHOA !
HEY, CHICK !
"HEY, CHICK" ?
IT WAS THE BEST THING
I COULD THINK OF.
LISTEN. I, UH--
I, UM--
I, UM--
I, UM-- I, UH--
OH. "HEY, CHICK,"
FOLLOWED THROUGH
WITH THE CLASSIC, "I, UH."
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
WHERE ARE YOU FROM ?
WELL, ACTUALLY,
WHAT I WANTED WAS
TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.
I WAS WONDERING
IF MAYBE--
NO. I KNOW. YOU'RE WONDERING
IF WE COULD GO OUT ON A DATE,
RIGHT ?
YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE.
UH... I WAS
WONDERING IF MAYBE...
THERE WAS A POSSIBILITY--
NO OFFENSE OR ANYTHING,
'CAUSE I CAN TELL YOU'RE
NOT FROM AROUND HERE,
BUT I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
JUST A LITTLE HIGHER
ON THE FOOD CHAIN.
LISTEN, WHAT I WANTED TO KNOW
IS IF YOU KNOW MY BROTHER.
HIS NAME IS HARRY SPENCER.
HARRY SPENCER ?
FROM THE BEACH ACADEMY ? YEAH.
[ Laughs ]
YOU'RE HIS BROTHER ?
YEAH.
[ Laughing ]
I AM SO SORRY.
SOMETIMES A GIRL GETS HIT ON
SO MUCH SHE GETS PUNCHY.
NO, HARRY'S A GOOD FRIEND
OF MINE. MY NAME'S HARLEY.
HI, HARLEY. NICE TO MEET YOU.
MY NAME'S BILLY SPENCER.
HOW ARE YOU ?
A PLEASURE.
A PLEASURE.
UH, LISTEN.
MAYBE THERE IS A CHANCE
WE COULD, LIKE,
HAVE LUNCH.
NO. NO.
NO. WELL, I DIDN'T
THINK SO, ACTUALLY.
I DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO.
BECAUSE I HATE LUNCH.
BECAUSE IT FILLS YOU UP
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY.
YOU CAN'T EXERCISE.
NO SWIMMING.
IS LUNCH ANYTHING LIKE DINNER ?
ACTUALLY, IT'S EXACTLY
LIKE DINNER. UM--
BUT IT COSTS MORE.
BUT I CAN AFFORD IT.
NO PROBLEM.
YOU WANNA GO TO DINNER ?
[ Laughing ]
OKAY. IT'S A DATE, THEN.
A DATE ? COOL.
'CAUSE I WAS ON MY WAY
TO THE GYM...
BEFORE YOU ALMOST KILLED ME
IN YOUR CAR.
LET ME SEE. I HAVE THIGHS
AT NOON, BUNS AT 3:00.
SHE SAID
BUNS.
HA.
BUNS ARE COOL.
I WAS THINKIN' MAYBE I COULD
SQUEEZE YOU IN THE MIDDLE.
I LOVE TO BE SQUEEZED
IN THE MIDDLE. THAT'S, LIKE,
ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS.
OKAY, IT'S A DATE, THEN.
WAIT. WHY DON'T YOU
COME CATCH MY ACT ?
YOU HAVE AN ACT.
DOESN'T EVERY GIRL ?
I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
YES.
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL SEE YOU THERE.
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
[ Sighs ]
TOTO, I DON'T THINK
WE'RE IN KANSAS ANYMORE.
[ Harry Narrating ]
THE BEACH ACADEMY.
[ Horn Honks ]
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Shouting Aggressively ]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
ARE YOU A CADET HERE ?
I'LL SEE YOU LATER !
MOVE IT OUT !
[ Harry Narrating ]
A SURF-SIDE SCHOOL
FOR BEACH BUMS AND BABES...
TO LEARN SWIMMING, SURFING,
JET SKIING, BEACH VOLLEYBALL.
WELL, YOU GET THE PICTURE.
THE SCHOOL IS FULLY ACCREDITED,
AND SINCE ITS OPENING THIS VERY
YEAR, HAS BROUGHT TOP STUDENTS
FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD.
IT'S A GROWING LITTLE GOLD MINE
OWNED ENTIRELY
BY MY WEIRD UNCLE GENE.
OR AS HE IS AFFECTIONATELY
KNOWN BY THE STUDENTS,
"DEAN GENE."
HE'S A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER,
DEAN OF THE BEACH ACADEMY
AND SOLE PROPRIETOR...
OF THE INFAMOUS BAJA BEACH CLUB.
[ Spectators Cheering ]
[ Spectators Cheer ]
[ Harry Narrating ]
THE BOYS WERE GOOD.
THEY SHOULD BE; I TAUGHT THEM.
DAMN ! AFTER ALL THESE YEARS,
IT FELT FINE TO BE A WINNER.
EVEN IF OUR OPPONENTS
WERE A LITTLE... EFFEMINATE.
[ Cheers ]
[ Harry Narrating ]
IT WAS THEN I SAW HER
FOR THE FIRST TIME.
THE CLOSER SHE GOT,
THE BETTER SHE LOOKED.
I WOULD COME TO KNOW AND LOVE
THIS EXCEPTIONAL LADY.
TO ME, SHE WAS THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD.
YOU GUYS ARE GREAT. IF YOU
WANT TO GIVE 'EM A POINT
OR TWO, YOU CAN DO THAT.
SERIOUSLY,
YOU GUYS LOOK GREAT.
GO DO WHAT YOU'RE DOIN' !
[ Harry Narrating ]
SHE WAS HEADED RIGHT ON PAST
THE GAME AND OUT OF MY LIFE,
WHEN--
SHE TURNED AND SMILED AT ME,
AND SUDDENLY THE WORLD
WAS FILLED WITH SINGING,
LIGHT, HOPE, MAGIC.
I JUST LOVE A WINNER.
[ Harry Narrating ]
AND, INDEED, IN THAT BRIEF
SHINING MOMENT,
I TRULY BELIEVED MYSELF
A WINNER.
THIS HEAVENLY CREATURE
ACTUALLY SMILED AT ME.
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG ?
HEY, YOO-HOO !
BIG DUMMY !
[ Laughs ]
WELL, YOU STILL
REMEMBER YOUR NAME.
AIN'T THAT SOMETHIN' ?
LISTEN, ANOTHER 50K
ON MY BAD BOYS.
GLAD TO TAKE YOUR MONEY,
OLD FART.
"OLD FART" ?
YOU LARGE LUMP
OF STEROID LEFTOVER.
MY NEPHEW'S TEAM
WILL BEAT THE SHORTS
OUT OF YOUR TEAM !
UNCLE GENE, YOU'RE WINNING.
JUST BE NICE AND TAKE
THE MAN'S MONEY.
DON'T LET THIS
GET OUT OF CONTROL.
AND YOU, STOP TAKING BETS !
YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE
IN HELL OF WINNING.
THIS IS MASOCHISTIC.
MASS O' WHAT ?
YOU'RE DISSIN' ME, DUDE.
"MASS O' WHAT ?
MASS O' WHAT ?"
THIS GUY'S A MORON.
A MORON-SKI !
A "MORON-SKI" ?
I'M AN AMERICAN !
LET ME LET YOU IN
ON A LITTLE SECRET.
I DON'T LIKE YOU, HARRY.
I DON'T LIKE YOU
A WHOLE LOT.
TELL YOU WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
FIRST I'M GONNA
BEAT YOUR TEAM.
THAT'S PUBLIC.
THAT'S BUSINESS,
AND THAT'S FOR JOHNNY.
THEN I'M GONNA BEAT YOU UP,
DOWN AND REPEATEDLY.
AND THAT'S PLEASURE;
THAT'S PRIVATE.
THAT'S FOR ME.
I SEE.
ALL RIGHT.
SATURDAY NIGHT.
ON THE BEACH.
YOU AND ME.
WHY WAIT 'TIL SATURDAY ?
[ Sniffs ]
I JUST WANT IT TO BE CLOSER
TO YOUR SHOWER NIGHT.
EXCUSE ME.
ATTA BOY, GUYS !
HA !
SMASH 'EM !
[ Laughs ]
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
I APPRECIATE
YOUR CONFIDENCE,
BUT YOU'VE ALREADY
GOT $200,000 ON THE GAME
AS IT IS.
LISTEN, WINNING IS GREAT.
WINNING IS AMERICAN !
MM-MM ! AND WINNING
IS WHAT I LIKE TO DO.
[ Laughs ]
NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT,
DUDE.
YEAH, I GOT THE FEVER.
I AM DEAD.
ISN'T THIS GREAT,
HARRY ?
YES, THIS IS TRULY GREAT.
CAN I TRAIN 'EM,
OR CAN I TRAIN 'EM ?
I THINK I UNDERBET.
IT'S ONLY A GAME.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
BET THE FARM.
NO, NO, NO.
LIFE
IS ONLY A GAME.
THIS IS GAMBLING.
IT'S NOT JUST WINNING.
IT'S FOR ME TO GET THE CHANCE
TO KICK THAT RAT-ASS...
JOHNNY STACCATO
ONCE AND FOR ALL !
AS FOR THAT FINK,
MUNG-COVERED SLIME,
PIECE OF MAGGOT-EATING FLESH,
I WANT TO GRIND HIS FACE
INTO THE SAND !
I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO TAKE HIM
FOR EVERY DAMN DIME HE'S GOT !
I WANT TO
TOTALLY
HUMILIATE HIM !
I GET THE POINT.
BUT WILL YOU PLEASE
JUST DO IT NEXT GAME ?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME ?
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU,
CHILD ?
IF THERE'S A FINK LIKE THIS
AND A BIG ONE LIKE THIS,
YOU THINK THERE'S
GONNA BE A
NEXT
GAME ?
COME ON, FELLA.
I MEAN, JOHNNY STACCATO !
HE MAY BE A DEGENERATE MURDERER,
BUT HE'S NOT STUPID.
HMM ? DID I TELL HIM ?
ANOTHER 200K ON THE ACADEMY,
YOU BIG DUMMY.
[ Laughs ]
YOU'VE GOT A HELL OF A LOT
OF CASH TO BURN, BALDY.
NO MORE BETS, OKAY ?
OKAY, I PROMISE.
COME ON !
ANY MORE BETS ?
OKAY, THAT'S IT, GENTLEMEN.
NO MORE BETS.
HOW ABOUT IT, GENIE-WIENIE ?
ONE FINAL BET ?
[ Laughs ]
♪ I DREAM OF GENIE
WITH A HEAD FREE OF HAIR ♪♪
IT'S NOT A BALD SPOT.
WHEW. ALLIGATOR BREATH.
[ Laughing ]
IT'S A SOLAR PANEL
FOR A SEX MACHINE.
HONEY CHILD,
EVEN ON A DESERT ISLAND,
THE BEST IS GONNA
GET THE MOST.
[ Laughs ]
[ Laughs ]
ERIKA !
OKAY, GIRLS.
LET'S KICK SOME BUTT NOW.
YEAH. LET'S GO !
COME ON !
[ Harry Narrating ]
SUDDENLY MY UNDEFEATED TEAM
WAS BEING HUMILIATED...
RIGHT BEFORE MY VERY EYES.
IT WAS DOWN TO ONE POINT.
SUDDEN DEATH.
- HEY, BLONDIE !
- [ Clunk ]
YOU BETTER HAVE THE MONEY
READY IN THE MORNING.
JOHNNY'S NOT A PATIENT MAN.
BE READY.
[ Laughs ]
[ Harry Narrating ]
I WAS IN DEEP, DEEP TROUBLE.
NOT ONLY HAD MY TEAM LOST,
BUT UNCLE GENE,
WHO HAD SO MUCH FAITH IN ME,
HAD LOST A SMALL FORTUNE.
-I HAD LET EVERYBODY DOWN.
- LIKE I SAID,
I LOVE A WINNER.
AND LOST MY DREAM GIRL.
BUT THEN I HAD AN IDEA.
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME !
LOOK, UH,
WAS THAT AN ACCIDENT ?
WHAT ?
THAT FANTASTIC THING YOU DID
WITH THE VOLLEYBALL.
HOW DID YOU DO IT ?
PRETTY WELL, I THOUGHT.
WHAT I MEAN IS, WHERE DID YOU
LEARN TO HIT A BALL LIKE THAT ?
ARE YOU A PROFESSIONAL ?
CLOSE.
I WAS THE LEADER
OF THE WOMEN'S OLYMPIC
VOLLEYBALL TEAM.
BUT I WATCHED THOSE GAMES.
I NEVER SAW YOU.
THE NIGHT I WAS SUPPOSED
TO LEAVE FOR BARCELONA,
SOMETHING HAPPENED
THAT MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE
FOR ME TO GO.
BUT I DIDN'T HEAR ANYTHING.
I GOTTA RUN.
IT'S A LONG STORY.
BUT NOT OUT OF MY LIFE,
I HOPE. I'M HARRY SPENCER.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU, HARRY.
I'M SHANNON McSORLEY.
HI. I'M BREASTIE--
I MEAN, BILLY !
I'M BILLY SPENCER !
HI.
JESUS !
WHAT'S UP, BRO ?
BILLY !
WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME,
TELL ME YOU WERE COMING ?
IT WAS A SPERM OF THE MOMENT
DECISION. WHOO !
I-I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
I'M ALSO GLAD YOU MISSED
THE GAME I JUST COACHED.
WE GOT CREAMED.
HEY, IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.
YOU WERE SET UP.
SET UP ?
WAKE UP.
TRUST ME, THOSE BABES
ARE ALL RINGERS.
YEAH, I GUESS IT SEEMS
PRETTY OBVIOUS NOW.
DAMN, AM I A SCHMUCK.
I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY IT,
BUT SINCE YOU CAME OUT WITH IT,
I'M PRETTY HAPPY ABOUT THAT.
LOOK, WE COULD ALL
GO SOMEWHERE.
MAYBE HAVE SOME COFFEE ?
SORRY, I'M OFF CAFFEINE.
OR... A BITE TO EAT ?
I DON'T DO LUNCH, AND
I HAVE ANOTHER APPOINTMENT.
IF I'M GETTING IN THE WAY,
I CAN JUST LEAVE. 'CAUSE I
SENSE A DRAMATIC THING HERE.
YOU WERE MESHING, AND NOW
YOU'RE NOT. SO I'LL LEAVE.
I CAN JUST BLEND INTO THE CROWD.
I'M GONE.
JUST ASSUME ME HISTORY, GONE.
NO ? STAY ?
FINE. I WILL.
VERY GOOD. SO ?
SO ?
SO WHERE DO WE
MEET LATER ?
OH, UH-- THE MARINA.
SLIP F-18.
SEE YOU AT 6:00.
SLIP F-18.
OKAY. 6:00.
BYE.
BYE-BYE.
WELL, BRO. I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN.
IT AMAZES ME.
I THINK I WANNA
DO SOMETHING USEFUL,
PUT MY SKILLS TO WORK.
I WANNA HELP
IN WHATEVER WAY I CAN...
TO RESTORE THE VIBRANCY
OF THE BEACH ACADEMY.
THAT'S INTERESTING, CONSIDERING
YOU CAN'T SURF, SWIM, PLAY
VOLLEYBALL, BUILD A SAND CASTLE.
HEY ! I RESEMBLE THAT REMARK.
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I HAPPEN TO BE...
ONE OF THE WORLD-RENOWNED
SAND CASTLE BUILDERS.
ALL RIGHT. HOW ABOUT
IF WE START YOU OUT HELPING
WITH BEGINNER VOLLEYBALL ?
OH ! NOW, THERE'S SOMETHING
INTERESTING. I THINK NOT.
THAT'S SOMETHING I WOULD BE
COMPLETELY BORED WITH.
BUT, HEY ! I WAS THINKING,
LIKE, SOMETHING GOOD.
YOU KNOW ? SOMETHING
I COULD SINK MY TEETH INTO.
SOMETHING LIKE, UH...
ADVANCED SUNTAN OIL
APPLICATION 101.
HOW DOES THAT SOUND ?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING ?
WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ?
I THOUGHT THAT WAS GOOD.
I HAPPEN TO BE--
I HAVE A CERTIFICATE.
BUT I THOUGHT OLYMPIC
ATHLETES WEREN'T SUPPOSED
TO GET INVOLVED IN THAT.
RIGHT. BUT MY TEAMMATES
AND I DIDN'T KNOW THE REAL
DEAL UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE.
THIS CROOKED GAMBLER SUCKED US
INTO WHAT WE THOUGHT
WAS A CHARITY ATHLETIC PROGRAM,
AND, UH... THE ONLY CHARITY
TURNED OUT TO BE THE SLIMEBALL'S
OFFSHORE BANK ACCOUNT.
WOW. SORRY.
NOT AS SORRY AS I AM.
THE HEAT FELL ON ME
AND ON MY COACH, SEAN.
SEAN, YOUR BOYFRIEND ?
NO.
HUSBAND.
BROTHER.
MY KID BROTHER.
THE SCAM KILLED MY OLYMPIC
CHANCES, AND, UM,
IT PUT SEAN IN JAIL.
I UNDERSTAND THAT.
KEEPING MY KID BROTHER
OUT OF TROUBLE...
USED TO BE MY FULL-TIME JOB.
SO, THE OTHER TEAMMATES.
YOU EVER TALK TO 'EM ?
YEAH, ALL THE TIME.
THEY'RE MY BEST FRIENDS.
I SUPPOSE THEY LIVE
ALL OVER THE COUNTRY,
THOUGH, HUH ?
WELL, ORIGINALLY, YEAH.
BUT AFTER THE LONG OLYMPIC
TRAINING, WE JUST GREW SO CLOSE,
WE ALL SETTLED HERE.
HERE IN THE MIAMI AREA ?
MIAMI, PALM BEACH,
LAUDERDALE.
YEAH. WE LOVE IT DOWN HERE.
YEAH. WELL,
WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE ?
YEAH. WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE ?
SO, YOU EVER GET THE URGE
TO GET THE OLD TEAM
BACK TOGETHER AGAIN ?
YEAH. EVERY DAY.
BUT DON'T GET ANY IDEAS.
I GOT BURNED TOO BADLY.
I'M OUT OF THE GAME FOR GOOD.
I UNDERSTAND.
I BELIEVE THAT, HARRY.
I REALLY DO.
YOU SEEM TO BE
A SENSITIVE AND DECENT GUY.
SO WHAT AM I
GONNA DO WITH YOU ?
KEEP ME CLOSE
'TIL YOU FIND OUT.
SO THIS IS WHERE YOU LIVE ?
YEAH. THIS IS HOME,
SWEET HOME.
[ Harry Narrating ]
BILLY WAS LOST LIKE A KID
IN A CANDY STORE.
OR BETTER YET, IN A PLACE
THAT WE KNOW AND LOVE
CALLED CLUB MADONNA.
♪ SHE'S
♪ MY LITTLE CANDY GIRL
♪ OOH, IT'S SO SWEET
♪ MY BABY RULES THE WORLD
♪ AND WHEN SHE LOOKS
INTO MY EYES ♪
♪ OOH, THEY HYPNOTIZE ME
♪ I SAY OOH
♪ YOU ARE MY LOVER
♪ BABY
♪ SHE'S MY
♪ MY LITTLE CANDY GIRL ♪
SO WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'
NOW THAT YOU'RE
NOT PLAYIN' VOLLEYBALL ?
NOTHIN' MUCH.
JUST SORT OF HANGIN' OUT.
YOU KNOW, THIS
ISN'T REAL CHAMPAGNE.
REAL CHAMPAGNE
TICKLES MY NOSE.
YEAH ? WELL, THIS STUFF
EATS IT AWAY.
YEAH.
DO YOU HAVE TO GO ?
DEFINITELY.
EVENTUALLY.
OH, YEAH. ONE MORE BOTTLE
OF CHEAP CHAMPAGNE, COMIN' UP.
SOLD.
REACH !
[ Grunts ]
REACH. COME ON,
GIRLS !
REACH !
[ Grunts ]
THAT'S IT.
HERE, BOY.
YOU GET BACK HERE !
COME HERE !
GET OVER HERE.
GET OVER HERE !
[ Whimpering ]
[ Grunts ]
REACH !
REACH. REACH. REACH.
NO ONE'LL KNOW, BABE.
YOU'RE MY ACE IN THE HOLE.
HI. HI, THERE.
HI. HI.
HELLO. HI, THERE.
[ Laughs ]
VERY GOOD.DOS.
YOU KNOW,
IF A GUY CAN'T
GET LAID IN THIS TOWN,
HE MIGHT AS WELL
JUST CUT OFF HIS WIENIE.
MAYBE I'M THINKIN' OF
SOMEONE ELSE, BUT I THOUGHT
YOU WERE STILL A VIRGIN.
[ Screeches ]
OH ! A VIRGIN ! AHA !
A VIRGIN !
I'M A VIRGIN.
OH, I'M A VIRGIN.
[ Sputters ]
YEAH, RIGHT.
[ Softly ]
OF COURSE I'M A VIRGIN.
SHUT UP, WOULD YOU ?
GOD. I DECIDED
I HAVE A PLAN.
I'M GONNA JUST BUILD
ONE HUGE SPERM BANK...
AND SPREAD IT ALL OVER
SOUTH FLORIDA.
ALL RIGHT, BEFORE YOU
GO NUTS OUT HERE, TAKE IT
FROM YOUR BIG BROTHER.
THERE'S A LOT OF FUN IN NUMBERS,
BUT NOTHING SUBSTANTIAL.
IF YOU FIND ONE
GOOD RELATIONSHIP,
CLING TO IT.
IT'S WORTH A HUNDRED
SUPERFICIAL ONES.
THAT'S FINE. I'M THE GUY
WHO'D GO FOR THE HUNDRED
SUPERFICIAL ONES.
I LIKE BREASTS.
FAKE BREASTS.
I MEAN-- YOU KNOW.
THEY DO IT FOR ME.
YEAH. I KNOW.
LISTEN, FOR SOME ODD REASON,
HARLEY SEEMS TO DIG YOU.
OOH, THAT'S ODD.
YEAH, THAT'S STRANGE.
CAN'T FIGURE THAT ONE OUT.
BUT I WAS JUST WONDERING,
WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HER ?
IS SHE LIKE, YOU KNOW,
SMOOTH RIDE ?
OR IS IT KIND OF ROUGH
AROUND THE EDGES ?
ROCKY ? GOOD AND BAD,
BASICALLY, IS WHAT
I'M ASKING YOU.
WHATEVER HAPPENED BETWEEN
HARLEY AND ME IS STRICTLY
BETWEEN HARLEY AND ME.
YOU SHOULD TAKE HER OUT.
GET TO KNOW HER A LITTLE BIT
ON YOUR OWN.
BUILD SOMETHING.
YEAH. YEAH !
NO, THAT SOUNDS
LIKE TOO MUCH WORK.
IT IS. IT'S A LOT OF WORK,
BUT IT'S WORTH IT IN THE END.
IN THE END.
♪♪ [ Rock ]
♪ OH
♪ WHAT A GREAT TIME
TO BE ALIVE ♪
♪ I GOT MY CHIPS CASHED IN
FROM MY 9:00 TO 5:00 ♪
♪ NEVER GIVE UP
NEVER GIVE IN
NEVER GET OLD ♪♪
YOU BEHAVE YOURSELF,
YOUNG MAN.
OKAY, YOU GOT IT.
♪♪
YEAH. CHECK HER OUT,
MAN.
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME
DAMN !
CHECK HER OUT, MAN.
♪ I'M ANOTHER NUMBER
IN THE CROWD ♪
SHE'S LOOKIN' FINE.
♪ ANOTHER FACE WITHOUT A NAME
♪ BUT I'M GONNA GET TO YOU
SOMEHOW ♪
♪ I CAN PLAY YOUR GAME
GOTTA GET ME
SOME OF THAT.
♪ UNTIL YOU SEE
♪ WHAT I GOT
♪ YOU'RE ONLY WASTIN' TIME
♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE ONE
YOU WANT ♪
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE
FOUND ME ♪
BILLY BOY !
UNCLE GENE !
ALLEY-OOP !
BETTY BOOP !
POPEYE !
HEY ! HEY !
WHEN DID YOU GET
INTO TOWN, BILLY ?
A FEW HOURS AGO. HEY !
NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN.
HE'S ALREADY GOT A LITTLE THING
GOIN' WITH HARLEY.
OH, THAT'S A HELL
OF A GAL. AHA !
[ Laughing ]
HEY !
GETTIN' PRETTY YOUNG
FOR HIS OLD AGE, HUH ?
UNCLE GENE, I'D LOVE
TO PLAY, BUT I GOTTA GO
WATCH MY GIRL. OKAY ?
GOOD BOY. GOOD BOY, BILLY.
LISTEN, I GOTTA TELL YOU THIS.
IF WE HAD HAD THAT GIRL SHANNON
IN THE GAME TODAY,
WE WOULD HAVE WON BIG !
THAT MIGHT BE SO, UNCLE GENE.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO TAKE
ADVANTAGE OF THIS GIRL.
SHE'S DEFINITELY
MARRIAGE MATERIAL.
OF COURSE, THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT I WAS THINKIN'.
YEAH.
[ Harley ]
♪ JUST NEED THE CHANCE
TO PROVE IT ♪
♪ I KNOW YOU'LL FIND
THAT I'M THE ONE YOU WANT ♪
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE
FOUND ME ♪
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
IT'S PAYOFF TIME, BALDY.
I WILL TAKE CARE OF THAT SLIME
JOHNNY IN PERSON.
WHEN ?
WHEN I'M GOOD AND READY.
NO. TOMORROW.
OKAY, MORON-SKI.
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
WHAT ?
MORON-SKI ?
ISN'T THAT A COUNTRY
IN EUROPE ?
♪ NOW THAT YOU FOUND ME
[ Laughs ]
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
BABY ♪
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
YEAH ♪
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME
YEAH ♪
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT ♪
[ Applause, Cheering ]
[ Harry Whispering, Indistinct ]
HE'S HERE. JUST-- JUST
DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID.
YEAH, YOU HEARD ME: 500,000
ON BANANAS ON TOP.
HEY, GENE, BABE.
HOW YOU DOIN' ?
JOHNNY, YOU'RE A LIAR,
A CHEAT
AND A TOTAL SLEAZEBAG.
- AND YOU KNOW WHAT
THAT'S GONNA GET YOU ?
- MY OWN TALK SHOW.
FUNNY !
[ Laughs Sarcastically ]
THE HATRED OF THOUSANDS
OF INNOCENT PEOPLE.
PROMISE ? YOU KNOW,
THAT'S A GREAT BONUS.
HEY. YOU KNOW,
YOU WANNA PLAY
DOUBLE OR NOTHIN' ?
WHAT ?
DOUBLE OR NOTHIN'.
YOU GOT NOTHIN'
AND I... GOT DOUBLES.
[ Laughs ]
I LIKE YOU, GENE.
YOU GOT THE HEART AND SOUL
OF A REAL GAMBLER,
AND YOU GOT MONEY,
SO I'M GONNA GIVE YOU
A SECOND CHANCE--
- A REMATCH AT PENROD'S
NEXT SATURDAY.
- ON THE BEACH ?
OF COURSE.
AND YOUR NEPHEW HERE,
HARRY BOY,
HE CAN USE
HIS OLD TEAM TO PLAY
OR ANY TEAM TO PLAY.
OH.
[ Chuckles ]
YEAH. AND WHEN WE WIN ?
IF
YOU WIN.
IF YOU WIN,
I'LL FORGIVE
YOUR OLD DEBT...
AND GIVE YOU TWO MILLION
BUCKS ON TOP OF IT.
HOW'S THAT, HUH ?
AND I GET YOUR YACHT
AND YOUR CLUB.
HEY. YOU GOT
CAJONES
THE SIZE OF KUWAIT.
AND IF YOU LOSE,
YOU SIGN THE BEACH ACADEMY
OVER TO ME.
NO. NO WAY. THE BEACHFRONT
SCHOOL GROUNDS ARE ASSESSED
AT OVER $12 MILLION.
PLUS THE BUILDINGS.
THE PROFIT POTENTIAL
IS HUGE. NO.
ALL RIGHT !
IF YOU DON'T WANT THE DEAL,
THEN JUST GIVE ME BACK
THE MONEY YOU OWE.
YOU'LL HAVE YOUR CASH
IN THE MORNING.
AH. YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT
YOU WERE A REAL BETTOR.
BUT YOU'RE NOTHING
BUT A WIMP.
DAMN YOU.
YOU WANT A BET
LIKE THAT ?
I DIDN'T THINK
YOU WERE THAT STUPID.
WELL, YOU GOT A DONE DEAL !
GENE !
[ Whistle Blows ]
OUT OF THE WATER !
OUT OF THE WATER !
LET'S MOVE IT !
COME ON ! COME ON !
COME ON !
MOVE IT ! MOVE IT !
MOVE IT !
COME O-O-O-ON !
WHAT ARE YOU SMILING AT ?
HUH ?
YOU THINK THIS IS FOR FUN ?
HUH ?
ALL RIGHT. HIT THE BEACH !
SHELL DETAIL.
HIT THE BEACH !
GET MOVIN' !
COME ON, COME ON !
[ Whistle Blows ]
GOOD SHOT.
TOUGH ONE. YOU'VE NOT
ONLY LOST THE ACADEMY,
YOU'VE LOST YOUR MIND.
WE DON'T HAVE A TEAM.
TRANSLATION: WE DON'T
HAVE A PRAYER.
BUT WE DO ! HARRY,
LISTEN TO THIS.
I FOUND OUT
THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND...
IS AN OLYMPIC-CLASS
VOLLEYBALL PLAYER,
AND ALL HER FORMER TEAMMATES
LIVE IN THE MIAMI AREA !
I ALREADY KNOW THAT,
AND I ALSO KNOW THAT
SHE HAS NO INTENTION...
OF GETTING BACK INTO THE
LIMELIGHT-- ESPECIALLY
NOT WITH VOLLEYBALL.
AW, GENE. DON'T TELL ME
YOU WERE COUNTING ON HER
AND HER FRIENDS PLAYING.
[ Laughs ]
NO, BOOBY. HA.
I WAS COUNTING
ON YOU AND CHARM, BOY.
NEVER FAILS !
[ Chuckles ]
I CAN VOUCH FOR THAT.
GENE, YOU'RE MY UNCLE.
I CARE ABOUT YOU.
I RESPECT YOU.
YOU'RE MY FAVORITE UNCLE.
BUT YOU HAVE GONE SERIOUSLY
NORTH OF NORMAL ON THIS, OKAY ?
NOW, WHAT PART OF "SHE WON'T
PLAY" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ?
NOT EVEN FOR YOU ?
HELL, NO !
IF SHE'S NOT GONNA
PLAY TO SAVE HER CAREER,
SHE'S NOT GONNA PLAY
FOR SOME STRANGERS.
BUT AT LEAST--
HARRY !
I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION
THAT-- THAT-- I MEAN--
YOU'RE MORE THAN A STRANGER !
A LOT MORE.
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.
SHE'S NOT SOME BIMBO
TO BE SWEET-TALKED.
LOOK. I MEAN, IF WE WIN,
I'LL GIVE THE BIMBO--
OOH.
SORRY. I SLIPPED.
I-I-I--
I'LL LET THE LADY'S TEAM
SHARE ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
GENE, I WOULD DO ANYTHING
FOR YOU,
AND I DON'T NEED A MILLION
OR EVEN A HUNDRED MILLION
DOLLARS TO DO IT.
WHAT I NEED FOR YOU
TO UNDERSTAND IS THAT
I REALLY CARE ABOUT SHANNON...
AND I WON'T EXPLOIT HER--
NOT FOR MONEY, NOT FOR ANYTHING.
HARRY, YOU GOT TO DO IT
FOR ME, HARRY.
I'M GENE, YOUR--
YOUR FAVORITE UNCLE.
HUH ?
RIGHT ? HUH ?
YOU GOTTA DO IT FOR ME.
IF YOU DON'T, HARRY--
HARRY, I'M-- I'M FINISHED !
KAPUT !
JUST ONCE.
ONCE, HARRY.
PLEASE ?
HUH ?
I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
[ Harry Narrating ]
I WAS A MAN WITH A PROBLEM--
A BIG PROBLEM.
IF I TOLD SHANNON THE REAL DEAL,
SHE WAS GONNA TOTALLY
FREAK OUT ON ME.
I KNEW SHE WAS NOT GONNA PLAY
SOME BEACH BALL GAME...
JUST SO THAT UNCLE GENE COULD
INDULGE IN HIS GAMBLING PASSION,
AND SHE WAS NOT A GIRL
MOVED BY MONEY.
[ Whistle Blows ]
LINE IT UP !
FACE FRONT !
WHAT ARE YOU
LOOKING AT ?
ALL RIGHT, GIRLS.
THIS IS YOUR RAFT !
THIS IS YOUR FRIEND.
YOU LOVE YOUR RAFT,
IT WILL LOVE YOU !
LET'S SHOW YOUR RAFT
A LITTLE AFFECTION, GIRLS !
COME ON. LET'S GO.
CHEST UP. CHEST UP.
BUTT OUT. BUTT OUT.
LET'S GO !
SHOW YOUR RAFT
A LITTLE AFFECTION !
IT LOVES YOU.
YOU LOVE IT.
YOU COULD BE OUT TO SEA
ONE HUNDRED MILES OR MORE,
AND WITHOUT YOUR RAFT,
YOU'RE SHARK BAIT !
DO YOU UNDERSTAND ?
I'VE SEEN PEOPLE
EATEN BY SHARKS BEFORE,
BECAUSE THEY FORGOT
THEIR RAFT WAS THEIR FRIEND.
ALL RIGHT !
ABOUT-FACE !
ALL RIGHT. HIT THE WAVES !
HIT THE WAVES !
[ Whistle Blows ]
MOVE IT ! MOVE IT !
MOVE IT !
REAL CHAMPAGNE...
IN A PLASTIC CUP.
I'M IMPRESSED.
SO YOU MUST THINK
I REALLY RATE.
NO.
I MEAN, YES.
OF COURSE YOU RATE, BUT--
BUT DON'T TELL ME.
THIS IS GONNA EAT AWAY
MY NOSE TOO ?
NO. I MEAN YOU.
YOU'RE THE REAL THING.
LOOK.
CAN I GET A BIT PERSONAL
WITH YOU FOR A MOMENT ?
YOU CAN GET VERY, VERY
PERSONAL FOR AS MANY MOMENTS
AS YOU WANT.
I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU
THAT THE REASON I'M GOING OUT
WITH YOU IS BECAUSE OF YOUR--
- MY BODY. IT'S COOL.
- YES. BUT ONLY PARTIALLY.
- BRAINS.
- UH, NO, NOT EXACTLY.
YOUR INTEGRITY.
YOU'RE A REALLY SOLID
GUY. I REALLY THINK
I CAN TRUST YOU.
ALL RIGHT, BEFORE YOU GIVE ME
ANY MORE UNDESERVED PRAISE,
I-I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO ASK YOU THIS.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
NEVER AT A LOSS FOR WORDS.
I WAS ONCE.
TALKED MY WAY OUT OF IT.
WELL, LET ME SAVE YOU
THE AGONY. YOU WANT ME
TO PLAY VOLLEYBALL...
SO YOU CAN BET ON THE GAME
AND SCAM A LOT OF MONEY,
RIGHT ?
- YOU KNEW.
- THE EXPENSIVE CHAMPAGNE
WAS A TIP-OFF,
BUT I WAS HOPING I WAS WRONG !
THE REASON FOR THE CHAMPAGNE
HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.
I-I ADMIT IT.
I NEED YOUR HELP BADLY.
MY UNCLE'S IN A BIND;
I'M IN A BIND, AND THE TRUTH IS,
I'D LOVE YOU TO PLAY.
- NO WAY IN HELL.
- OKAY. LOOK.
UNCLE GENE CAN OFFER YOU
AND YOUR TEAMMATES SHARE IN A
MILLION DOLLARS OF PRIZE MONEY.
DO I LOOK LIKE
MINNESOTA FATS TO YOU ?
I'M SOME CHEAP HUSTLER ?
IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK
I'M ABOUT ? MONEY ?
NO.
IF ALL I CARED ABOUT
WAS MONEY,
I WOULDN'T HAVE WORKED SO HARD
AS AN AMATEUR ATHLETE !
HARRY, I DON'T
TAKE MONEY FOR MY SPORT.
I DON'T DO ENDORSEMENTS.
AND I DON'T GAMBLE !
AND FRANKLY, PAL, I'M NOT
THE BIGGEST FAN OF THOSE WHO DO.
ALL RIGHT. LOOK.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE OPENED
MY FAT MOUTH. OKAY ?
I TOLD UNCLE GENE
THIS WAS IMPOSSIBLE.
YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE. I THOUGHT
WE HAD SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL.
WE DO.
YEAH ? OR IS OUR RELATIONSHIP
BASED ON ME MAKING YOUR WEIRD
UNCLE RICH ?
FIRST OF ALL,
HE'S MY WEIRD UNCLE
GENE.
MY WEIRD UNCLE RICH BETS
ON PLANKTON RACES IN THE RIVER.
IT'S A WHOLE OTHER STORY.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE.
SHANNON, OUR RELATIONSHIP
IS BASED ON ONE THING.
LOVE. I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU.
IF YOU DON'T WANNA PLAY,
I UNDERSTAND.
IT'S NOT GONNA CHANGE
HOW I FEEL.
YOU KNOW, HARRY, TO ME,
THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS
IN LIFE THAN MONEY.
I AGREE.
IT'S BELIEFS LIKE THAT
THAT MAKE ME CRAZY ABOUT YOU.
COME ON.
[ Harry Narrating ]
BILLY ALWAYS DID TEND TO LET HIS
IMAGINATION RUN A LITTLE WILD.
♪ I WANT YOU TO MOVE
♪ I WANT YOU TO GROOVE
♪ AND GROOVE WITH ME
♪ I WANT YOU TO MOVE
♪ I WANT YOU TO GROOVE
♪ AND GROOVE WITH ME
♪ AND I DON'T CARE
♪ WHAT YOU SAY
♪ OR WHAT YOU DO
♪ AND I DON'T CARE
WHAT YOU SAY ♪
♪ OR WHAT YOU DO
♪ COME ON
MOVE A LITTLE CLOSER ♪
♪ LET YOUR BODY LOSE CONTROL ♪
YOU KNOW, YOU DESERVE TO KNOW
WHY I WON'T PLAY.
NO. NO, IT'S
NOT IMPORTANT.
YES, IT IS.
REMEMBER THAT BUSINESS DEAL
I TOLD YOU ABOUT ?
YEAH.
WHAT I DIDN'T TELL YOU
WAS THAT, UH...
JOHNNY STACCATO GOT ME
INVOLVED IN IT.
HE FRAMED MY TEAMMATES
AND ME, AND WE LOST
OUR OLYMPIC CHANCES.
WELL, THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE
WE HAVE IN COMMON:
OUR MISTRUST
OF JOHNNY STACCATO.
OH, I TRUST JOHNNY,
ALL RIGHT.
I TRUST HIM TO LIE, STEAL
AND CHEAT FROM ANYBODY
WHO'LL LET HIM.
BUT YOU KNOW SOMETHING, HARRY ?
WE'RE NOT GONNA LET THAT
SON OF A BITCH GET AWAY
WITH ANYTHING ANYMORE.
YOU'RE GONNA PLAY.
- WE'RE GONNA PLAY TO WIN.
- YOU ARE THE GREATEST.
MM. WAIT.
WAIT. WE ONLY HAVE ONE WEEK
TO GET THIS MIRACLE TOGETHER.
LET'S SAVE IT
FOR THE VICTORY CELEBRATION.
OKAY ?
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
I WON'T TOUCH YOU.
I-I WON'T EVEN TALK TO YOU.
IT'LL BE LIKE WE'VE BEEN
MARRIED FOR 30 YEARS.
YEAH, RIGHT.
[ Woman ]
OKAY. COME ON, GIRLS.
SULK'S IN.
YOU LOVE THAT CAMERA.
YOU WANT THAT CAMERA.
IT IS YOUR FRIEND.
YOU MAKE LOVE
TO THAT CAMERA.
OKAY, COME ON. HIGH ENERGY.
YOU LOVE THAT CAMERA.
THAT CAMERA IS YOUR FRIEND.
YOU LOVE IT. MM-MMM.
KISSES, KISSES.
OKAY. SEXY. SEXY.
I WANT SEXY.
I WANT SEXY !
I WANT YOU TO WANT THAT CAMERA.
EVERYBODY WANTS YOU, THE SEXIEST
THING THAT EVER LIVED.
OKAY, LEGS. LEGS, LEGS, LEGS.
HIGHER, HIGHER, HIGHER.
OKAY. SEXY LEGS.
THE RIGHT LEG. SEXY.
OHH, LOOK AT MY LEGS !
OKAY. VERY GOOD.
SOPHISTICATED, SOPHISTICATED.
OH, OH. POUTING LIPS.
POUTING LIPS. OH, I'M SO SAD.
COME HERE AND VISIT ME.
THAT'S WHAT I WANT YOU
TO SAY TO THIS CAMERA.
YOU'RE HAVING FUN !
YOU'RE HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY !
HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY !
CUT !
OKAY. OKAY.
NOW, A FIVE-MINUTE BREAK.
I WANT YOU TO MAKE-UP,
GET FRESHENED UP, AND THEN WE'RE
GONNA DO THE CENTERFOLD. OKAY ?
YOU GUYS.
YOU NEED TO WORK ON THIS.
JUST NEED A LITTLE
MORE ENERGY.
SHANNON ! HEY !
GOOD ! IT'S GREAT
TO SEE YOU.
HOW YOU DOIN' ?
GREAT.
ASHLEY, MILLICENT,
MEET MY FAVORITE DRILLMASTER,
THE LEADER OF OUR
OLYMPIC TEAM, SHANNON.
HI. LOOK AT YOU.
YOU LOOK GREAT.
HEY, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
A FRIEND OF MINE.
THIS IS HARRY.
HOW YOU DOIN' ?
PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
ENJOYING THE SHOOT ?
MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.
LISTEN, UH, I--
WE
HAVE TO ASK YOU A FAVOR.
I KNOW YOU'RE REALLY BUSY.
BUT, UH--
WE REALLY NEED YOU TO PLAY
A VOLLEYBALL GAME WITH US.
VOLLEYBALL ? SURE, NO PROB.
MY FAVORITE GAME.
WHEN AND WHERE ?
HOW ABOUT...
THURSDAY AT 11:00 ?
NO, WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT A SERIOUS GAME.
LIKE, WE HAVE TO PRACTICE
EVERY DAY. WE'RE, UH--
WE'RE PLAYING ERIKA
AND HER BALL BUSTERS.
HEY, BE A GREAT GAME.
THEY'RE AS GOOD AS WE ARE.
ALMOST.
LOOK, SHANNON.
I'D LOVE TO. IT'D BE
A HELL OF A LOT OF FUN
KICKING THEIR BUTTS,
BUT I JUST CAN'T AFFORD
ALL THAT TIME OFF.
I'M BOOKED SOLID
FOR THE NEXT THREE MONTHS.
LOOK, JOHNNY STACCATO'S
BET EVERYTHING HE OWNS
ON ERIKA'S TEAM.
DAMN. I'D LOVE TO SEE
THAT BASTARD LOSE.
THERE'S A MILLION BUCKS
FOR THE WINNING TEAM.
YOU CAN DIVIDE IT FIVE WAYS.
[ Scoffs ]
ISN'T THAT ABOUT--
WHAT ? $200,000 ?
I BET YOU CAN MAKE THAT
IN JUST A FEW WEEKS.
IF YOU GO BACK TO WORK,
PLEASE ?
I'LL THINK IT OVER.
WHY DON'T YOU AND YOUR FRIEND
COME OUT TOMORROW ? WE'RE
HAVING A CHARITY CAR WASH.
OKAY. WE'LL SEE YOU THEN.
OKAY. BYE.
BYE.
BYE-BYE.
WE'LL SEE.
I DON'T KNOW.
LOOKING GOOD, SOLDIER.
HELLO, SHANNON.
WOULD YOU AND YOUR FRIEND
LIKE A TABLE UP CLOSE ?
NO, THANK YOU.
HARRY, THIS IS WEED.
HE RUNS THE PLACE.
[ Harry ]
HOW YOU DOIN' ?
WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE ?
- WE'RE HERE TO SEE GINGER.
- NOBODY SEES GINGER.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ?
SHE'S A FRIEND OF MINE.
THAT'S NICE. IT'S MY CLUB.
SHE'S WORKING.
WHAT'S IT ABOUT,
ANYWAY ?
WE NEED HER TO PLAY
A VOLLEYBALL GAME
NEXT WEEKEND.
[ Laughs ]
VOLLEYBALL ?
OKAY, FINE !
WHEN SHE'S NOT WORKIN'
SHE'LL PLAY VOLLEYBALL.
WE MEAN A SERIOUS GAME.
SHE NEEDS TO TRAIN
EVERY DAY.
IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.
SHE WORKS FOR ME EVERY
DAY. YOU KNOW WHY ?
I LENT HER A LOT OF MONEY,
AND SHE PAYS ME BACK
BY DANCING.
YOU UNDERSTAND ?
NO.
IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO HER,
YOU CAN ALWAYS GO BACKSTAGE,
PUT ON A SEXY OUTFIT;
I'LL GIVE YOU A JOB.
- WORKING HERE WOULD BE
MY SECOND MOST FAVORITE THING.
- WHAT'S THE FIRST ?
THROWING A BOWLING BALL
UP IN THE AIR AND CATCHING IT
WITH MY TEETH.
CUTE. WELL, I GOTTA
BRING ON THE NEXT DANCER.
TWO-DRINK MINIMUM.
THANKS A LOT.
WHAT A JERK. MAN.
THE BOWLING BALL THING
WAS FUNNY.
[ Sighs ]
HEY, THERE'S GINGER.
HI.
HI.
HOW YOU DOIN' ?
CAN I GET YOU
SOMETHING TO DRINK ?
DO YOU SERVE
PHONE NUMBERS HERE ?
NO, WE DON'T
SERVE PHONE NUMBERS HERE.
OH. UH.
WELL, YOU'RE AN AWFULLY
FINE-LOOKIN' CHICK.
WHAT'S YOUR SIGN ?
SCORPIO.
COOL. I'M A CANCER.
KEEP SMOKIN' AND YOU'LL
HAVE CANCER REAL SOON, BUD.
THANKS. THAT'S
VERY NICE OF YOU
TO SAY.
UM... YOU COME
HERE OFTEN ?
I WORK HERE.
OH.
BUT IT'S OKAY,
'CAUSE YOU'RE KIND OF CUTE.
HEY, BABY. HOW WE DOIN' ?
[ Slap ]
I TOLD YOU,
DON'T EVER TOUCH ME.
FINE.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
DON'T I KNOW YOU
FROM SOMEWHERE ?
YOU'RE THE GUY THAT COMES
IN HERE AND BOTHERS THE GIRLS.
THAT'S YOU, ISN'T IT ?
NO, NO. I THOUGHT
I KNEW YOU FROM HOME.
FROM NORTH DAKOTA.
I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE,
THOUGH. I DON'T KNOW--
I OWN THIS CLUB.
THIS IS MY PLACE.
I OWN THIS PLACE.
OH, SORRY.
SO YOU, LIKE, TALK TO
THE GIRLS AND STUFF ?
THEY WORK FOR ME.
COOL. YOU GET TO,
LIKE, FEEL THEM ?
GET OUT OF MY FACE.
COOL.
PUTZ.
I... THINK SOMETHING BAD
IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN.
BEACH ACADEMY TRAINING ?
NO. CALL IT INSTINCT.
I CAN HANDLE THIS.
HEY, WATCH OUT !
[ Grunts ]
COME ON. COME ON.
I'M IMPRESSED.
OH. THANKS A LOT.
- DOM ?
-SHAN.
HOW YOU DOIN', GIRL ?
HI !
HEY, THAT WAS VERY COOL...
HOW YOU DEFENDED YOUR WOMAN
LIKE THAT.
OH, THANKS. WELL,
SHE'S NOT REALLY MY WOMAN.
YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER ?
THIS IS DOMINIQUE ANICA--
THE FORMER SISTER MARY
HOLLY PICTURE.
SHE'S YOUR TYPICAL
LEATHER-LOVIN' EX-NUN,
BIKER-CHICK DOMINATRIX.
FRESH OUT OF THE CONVENT,
HEADIN' STRAIGHT TO HEAVEN
ON A HARLEY.
OH. ANOTHER ONE
OF THOSE.
SO WHAT'S GOIN' ON, SHAN ?
WELL, I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET HARRY.
HOW YOU DOIN' ?
HI.
- DOM, WE NEED YOUR HELP.
- COUNT ON IT.
I GOT MY GUITAR
AND SOME HOT NEW SONGS.
YOUR GUITAR.
ON THE LETTERMAN SHOW,
WAYNE, GARTH AND I GET NAKED
AND SING "IT'S A SMALL WORLD
AFTER ALL,"
BACKED BY IKE TURNER
AND THE COMBINED VATICAN
AND MORMON CHOIR...
DOIN' THE MELANESIAN
FROG-WORSHIPING FERTILITY DANCE.
HUH. THAT SOUNDS LIKE
A GREAT GIG, DOM.
BUT WHAT WE REALLY NEED IS
FOR YOU TO PLAY VOLLEYBALL
NEXT SATURDAY.
WE'RE PLAYING MAH-JONGG
AND HER BALL BUSTERS.
WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME.
HELL, LETTERMAN CAN WAIT.
VOLLEYBALL ? I LIVE
FOR THE GAME.
GREAT !
WE PRACTICE TOMORROW MORNING,
8:00 A.M. SHARP ON THE BEACH.
- I'LL BE THERE.
- THANKS.
SEE YA.
WELL, IT'S NICE
TO KNOW MIAMI...
IS LETTING THEIR PSYCHOS
DIRECTLY INTO THE COMMUNITY.
- I HEARD THAT.
- SORRY.
[ Engine Starts ]
UNCLE GENE.
OH ! YOU FRIGHTENED ME
TO DEATH. WHAT IS IT ?
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE ?
WHAT AM I DOING HERE ?
ISN'T IT OBVIOUS ?
I'M DOING A FIELD STUDY,
YOU SEE ?
I'M HERE FOR THE AMERICAN
SOCIOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION.
AND, UH, WHAT I'M DOING IS...
I'M STUDYING
THE POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS
ON THE MALE SEX...
WHILE WATCHING
A NUDE FEMALE DANCE.
THAT SOUNDS IMPORTANT.
YEAH. IT IS.
IT IS. YEAH.
IT'S WHAT WE CALL...
ADULT EDUCATION.
[ Laughs ]
YEAH. WELL, I'M SURE
YOU SHOULD GET AN A+.
ACTUALLY...
I'M TAKING A MASTER'S CLASS.
[ Laughs ]
EXCUSE ME, SWEETIE.
WHAT ? OH !
GENE, HOW ARE YOU DOIN' ?
YEAH.
HERE'S YOUR USUAL.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
THANK YOU, PRETTY PHYLLIS.
THANK YOU.
YOUR USUAL.
YES.
SO THAT MEANS
YOU COME HERE
ALL THE TIME.
WELL, ARCHAEOLOGISTS
HAVE TO DIG, DON'T THEY ?
AND ZOOLOGISTS
HAVE TO OBSERVE ANIMALS.
RIGHT ! YES.
AND FROM A STUDY
LIKE THAT...
SHH. SHH.
YOU SHOULD BE GETTING
A Ph.D. !
THIS IS THE BEST PART.
WATCH THIS. WATCH THIS.
[ Laughs Loudly ]
YOU'RE SPILLIN' ON ME.
SO ANYWAY, I GO
INTO MY SISTER'S ROOM.
YOU REMEMBER SHELLEY.
UH--
HER NAME'S SHELLEY.
SHELLEY, SHELLEY.
RIGHT. FAT GIRL.
GLASSES. TEETH MISSING.
- PLAYED WITH DOLLS.
- AND HER NOSE.
SHE USED TO PICK HER NOSE.
SO SHE WAS PICKIN' HER NOSE;
SHE WAS IN THE CORNER.
I WALK IN.
I OPEN THE CLOSET DOOR.
ALL THIS CANDY
STARTS FALLIN' OUT.
GREAT. I CAN TELL MOM THAT
SHE'S PICKIN' HER NOSE...
AND CANDY'S FALLIN'
OUT OF HER CLOSET.
SO I GO IN THERE,
AND SHE'S GOT THIS BUCKET
OF ROCK CANDY.
SO I'VE GOT 25 CAVITIES;
I'M EATING ALL THIS ROCK CANDY
I'M STEALIN' FROM SHELLEY.
SHANNON ! AAAH !
WAIT, THIS
IS THE BEST PART.
GUYS, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
PINA KOLLATA.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
SHE WAS AT COLUMBIA
WHEN I WAS THERE.
YOU'RE DRINKING
A PINA COLADA ?
NO, DUMMY. THAT'S MY NAME.
- OH, I LOVE YOUR DRINK.
-[ Shannon ]
SO WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO ?
THE TANGO. HMM.
I HAD TO MAKE ENDS MEET.
I JUST AIN'T GOT THE GUTS
TO CARRY ON WITH THAT
ENGLISH TEACHER GIGS NO MORE.
YOU KNOW, THE MONEY.
IT AIN'T SO GOOD.
WELL, WE MAY BE
ABLE TO HELP OUT.
GREAT. 'CAUSE ROMAN,
MY LAST TANGO PARTNER,
JUST RIPPED ME OFF,
AS YOU KNOW.
IT TAKES TWO.
RIGHT. AY.
TRUTH BE KNOWN, SHAN,
AFTER THE SCANDAL AT THE
OLYMPICS, I JUST BOTTOMED OUT,
FELL COMPLETELY APART.
NOT YOU, PINA.
YOU WERE ALWAYS
THE STRONGEST OF ALL OF US.
SAME OLD STORY.
LIVING ON THE BACK SEAT
OF MY BIKE,
SELLING SECONDHAND ANCHOVIES
DOOR-TO-DOOR.
HEY, IT COULD BE WORSE.
I STAY IN TOUCH
WITH THE OTHERS, AND AFTER
NOT GOING TO THE OLYMPICS,
IT JUST DESTROYED
THEIR ENTIRE LIVES.
I MEAN, WE'RE TALKING DIVORCE
AND BANKRUPTCY,
MASSIVE DEBT, BEING ALONE
AND SICK AND FRIENDLESS.
STOP TRYING TO CHEER ME UP.
THIS MIGHT CHEER YOU UP
A LITTLE BIT.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO PLAY
A VOLLEYBALL GAME NEXT WEEK
AGAINST JOHNNY STACCATO'S TEAM.
AND THERE'S A COOL MILLION
IN IT FOR THE WINNERS.
WOULD I HAVE TO GIVE UP
MY ANCHOVY ROUTE ?
YEAH, BUT THE PROFIT
FOR YOU COULD BE
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD OF...
OH-- $200,000 DOLLARS !
AND ALL THE ANCHOVIES
I CAN EAT.
AND YOU COULD FINALLY GET EVEN
WITH JOHNNY STACCATO.
COUNT ME IN,
BEACH DUDES.
[ All Laugh, Cheer ]
[ Billy ]
WELCOME ABOARD.
WELCOME TO BE HERE.
GLAD TO BE
HAVING YOU.
SO, WHAT HAVE YOU
DECIDED ?
I'LL BE THERE.
GREAT !
YES !
THANK YOU.
WE DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME.
THAT MEANS PRACTICE EVERY DAY
ABOUT FIVE HOURS.
SO ARE YOU READY ?
[ All ]
YEAH ! NO PROBLEM
WE GOT SHIRTS.
YEA !
ALL RIGHT !
[ All Chattering ]
HONEY, I LOVE YOU.
I JUST LOVE YOU.
THANK YOU.
OH, I AM LOVING IT.
ALL RIGHT.
A HUNDRED PERCENT COTTON,
BABY.
YEAH ?
ALL RIGHT.
WE ARE AN OFFICIAL TEAM.
GOT TO LOVE IT.
CHECK IT OUT.
LOVE TO LOVE YOU, BABY.
[ Harry ]
SHARP.
GUYS, ARE WE NOW OFFICIAL
BEACH ACADEMY TEAMMATES ?
RIGHT !
[ Whistle Blows ]
♪ SUN IS SHININ'
AND THE GIRLS ARE HOT ♪
♪ WHEN I WANNA FLY
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT !
MOVE IT !
RIGHT.
♪ BABY, LET'S BREAK
♪ WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN
WE COME AFTER YOU ♪
♪ WE RUN YOU DOWN UNTIL YOU'RE
THROUGH THAT PLAY ♪
♪ BABY, LET'S PLAY
♪ YOU CAN'T BEAT US
♪ DON'T YOU SEE
♪ WE'RE THE BEACH ACADEMY
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR !
MOVE IT !
♪ KEEP THE SUN IN YOUR FACE
♪ THIS IS OUR TIME
YOU KNOW THAT'S RIGHT ♪
♪ GET OUT OF THIS PLACE ♪
HELLO.
YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS ?
I HAVE A CLUB.
YOU SHOULDN'T BE DOIN' THIS.
YOU SHOULD BE DOIN' THIS
AND THIS AND MAYBE THIS.
WE GOTTA GO.
COME ON.
I DON'T THINK SO.
HEY, BUZZ OFF !
ESTUPIDO !
[ Clunk ]
FINE !
THE GIRLS WERE EXHAUSTED
BY THE END OF THE DAY,
BUT THEY WERE STARTING TO GET
THE OLD MAGIC BACK.
I KNOW WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO TOUCH EACH OTHER
WHILE WE'RE TRAINING,
BUT HOW'D YOU LIKE TO GO
SOMEPLACE TOGETHER AND GET
TO KNOW EACH OTHER A BIT ?
I THINK I'D LIKE THAT.
GREAT.
PERHAPS WE CAN SAIL
TO MY FRIEND'S PLACE ON
FISHER ISLAND. HE'S GONE.
WE CAN HAVE THE WHOLE PLACE
TO OURSELVES.
SOUNDS GOOD.
BUT I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.
OH, YEAH ? WHAT'S THAT ?
WELL, I NOTICE
YOU'RE A MUSIC LOVER.
OH, YEAH.
MUSIC'S MY LIFE.
SO I WOULD LIKE TO INVITE YOU,
MR. HARRY SPENCER,
TO A VERY SPECIAL CONCERT
TONIGHT. GREAT.
SHALL WE SAY MY PLACE
AT 9:00 ?
WE SHALL.
HEY. HI.
THIS IS A NICE PLACE.
WEALTHY FAMILY ?
YEAH.
MY DAD'S BRENT McSORLEY,
THE FAMOUS CIRCUS CLOWN.
THE GUY IN ALL
THE USED CAR ADS ?
YEAH, THAT'S HIM.
WELL, YOU LOOK INCREDIBLE.
I'LL BE THE ENVY OF EVERY GUY
AT THE CONCERT.
WELL, I HOPE SO,
HARRY, 'CAUSE YOU'RE
THE ONLY GUY I INVITED.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I KNOW.
AND THAT'S ONE OF THE THINGS
I LIKE ABOUT YOU. IT'S THAT
CONSTANT BEWILDERED LOOK.
THE CONCERT'S HERE ?
BINGO.
AND IT ISN'T EXACTLY
ROCK AND ROLL.
COME ON.
OKAY.
♪♪ [ Cello ]
SURPRISE.
[ Groans ]
I'M SORRY. I KNOW
I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU,
BUT I JUST COULDN'T RESIST.
DOES THAT, UH,
MAKE ME A BAD GIRL ?
YES, IT MAKES YOU
A VERY BAD GIRL.
WELL, ARE YOU GONNA
MAKE ME FACE THE MUSIC ?
IF IT'S ORCHESTRATED
THAT WAY.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE, UM,
FIDDLE AROUND ?
♪♪ [ Classical ]
OKAY.
OKAY.
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD PUT
A DIVING BOARD IN THAT POOL.
TELEPHONE, MA'AM.
AW, DON'T ANSWER IT.
I HAVE TO.
HELLO ?
YES. I SAID I WOULD,
AND I WILL.
GOOD-BYE.
THANK YOU.
WHAT'S WRONG ?
WHO WAS THAT ?
THAT WAS... NOBODY.
YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY STARTING
TO DIG CLASSICAL MUSIC.
JUST CLASSICAL MUSIC ?
NO.
[ Sighs ]
WE SHOULD WAIT 'TIL
TOMORROW, AFTER THE GAME.
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I GUESS I SHOULD GET GOIN'.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
BYE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN MY HOUSE ?
I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME HERE.
HEY, BABE. I GOTTA
KEEP TABS ON MY INVESTMENT.
IS THAT WHAT I AM TO YOU,
JOHNNY ? AN INVESTMENT ?
[ High-Pitched Voice ]
OH, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU'D
REALLY CARE, HONEY !
HEY. YOU ARE WHATEVER,
WHENEVER... WHEREVER...
I WANT YOU TO BE.
GET IT ?
[ Phone Ringing ]
GET IT.
[ Softly ]
I SAID GET IT.
- HELLO ?
- HEY. IT'S HARRY.
LOOK, I KNOW THE BEST WAY
TO LOSE SOMEONE IS TO TRY
TO RUSH THINGS.
BUT I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT,
UM, I'M PRETTY SURE
I'M FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU.
I-I CAN'T WAIT 'TIL WE CAN
SPEND A LOT MORE TIME TOGETHER.
HARRY--
HEY.
GIVE IT TO ME.
NO !
NO ? YOU DON'T WANT
TO SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER ?
HARRY, I CAN'T TALK TO
YOU NOW. THIS IS REALLY--
I SAID GIVE IT TO ME.
- WHO IS THAT ? ARE YOU OKAY ?
- ARE YOU DEAF
AS WELL AS BEING DUMB ?
JOHNNY, NO !
PLEASE.
WHAT THE HELL IS JOHNNY STACCATO
DOING IN YOUR HOUSE ?
YEAH, I LOVE YOU TOO,
SWEETHEART.
SHE'S OKAY.
SHE'S REALLY,
REALLY OKAY.
[ Slapping ]
[ Laughs ]
SHE'S THE HOTTEST--
JOHNNY, PLEASE !
[ Johnny ]
HEY.
DID YOU HEAR THAT ?
SHE BEGGED.
I JUST LOVE IT
WHEN SHE BEGS.
IT HEATS ME UP.
[ Johnny Laughing ]
JOHNNY, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOIN' THERE ?
I JUST DROPPED BY
FOR A REFRESHING SHOWER
AND TO CHECK ON MY WOMAN.
SHE'S IN HEAT
FOR A REAL MAN.
YOU LISTEN TO ME,
YOU SON OF A BITCH.
IF YOU HURT HER,
I'LL KILL YOU. YOU PUT HER
BACK ON THE PHONE, NOW.
OH, MY GOSH !
WHATCHA GONNA DO ?
SOME OF THAT KARATE STUFF ?
[ Imitates Karate Grunts ]
PUT HER BACK ON THE PHONE !
NOW !
- LISTEN, MAN.
SUCKER.
- STOP IT ! HARRY ?
- HAS HE HURT YOU ?
DID HE HURT YOU ?
- NO.
AND I DIDN'T
MEAN TO HURT YOU.
- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ?
- [ Imitating Violin Whining ]
LISTEN. WHEN I BEAT YOU
IN VOLLEYBALL,
AND PIGIRON DRAGS
YOUR ASS UP AND DOWN
MY
BEACH ACADEMY,
I'M GONNA TAKE SHANNON
HERE BACK TO NEW YORK.
OR SHALL IT BE BARCELONA,
DARLING, THIS TIME ?
HUH ?
[ Kissing ]
CIAO,
SWEETHEART.
SHANNON ? SHANNON !
[ Dial Tone ]
[ People Cheering, Applauding ]
ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE HERE.
JUST DO WHAT WE DID IN PRACTICE.
WE'RE GONNA BE FINE.
ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN. HERE WE SIT.
WE GOT A WONDERFUL GAME
ABOUT TO COMMENCE.
WE HAVE, OF COURSE,
THE WONDERFUL, GREAT,
DYNAMIC, FABULOUS--
THEY'RE GONNA BE COMING
REALLY STRONG UP FRONT.
YOU GOTTA STAY AND HANG TOUGH
TO BLOCK. RIGHT ?
THE TEAM WITH SOUL !
HEY, YOU GONNA
WIN THE PURSE ?
EVERYBODY.
GIVE IT UP !
[ Spectators Cheering ]
GIVE IT UP FOR THAT
BEACH ACADEMY !
[ Erika ]
OKAY, GIRLS.
LET'S KICK THEIR BUTTS.
WE HAVE, LIKE,
THE REALLY HORRIBLE TEAM
WITH BIG BREASTS--
WE GIVE THEM THAT--
BUT NO TALENT.
GIVE IT UP
FOR THEIR BREASTS !
[ Scattered Applause ]
KICK THEIR BUTTS.
AND YOU,
DON'T GET ANY IDEAS.
MAN !
DON'T WORRY ABOUT SHANNON !
LET'S JUST FOCUS ON THE GAME.
DOM, YOU GOTTA BE TOUGH
UP FRONT. RIGHT ?
YEAH ! YEAH !
TOUGH IS MY NAME.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU GOTTA BLOCK.
SOLITAIRE, REMEMBER ?
BLOCK ?
LET'S JUST PLAY
SOME VOLLEYBALL !
[ Teammates Whooping ]
[ Man ]
GO, BEACH ACADEMY !
[ Spectators Groan ]
[ Billy ]
LOOK AT THAT SPIKE !
GOD, THAT WAS NASTY.
THAT'S WHAT IT'S
CALLED, RIGHT ?
A SPIKE ?
YEAH.
[ All Cheering ]
YEA !
COME ON, GINGER !
[ Billy ]
OKAY.
OHH !
[ Crowd Groans ]
I'M SORRY !
I HAD GAS !
I ATE BURRITOS
FOR LUNCH !
[ Man ]
GO, BEACH ! GO, BEACH !
[ Crowd Cheers ]
TOUCHDOWN.
OH, YEAH !
[ Yelling ]
THAT WAS A TOUCHDOWN.
IT'S NOT FOOTBALL !
I KNEW THAT.
I KNEW THAT.
THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT !
PINA, THAT'S IT. SMASH IT !
THAT WAS A GOOD SHOT.
STAY PUT.
HARRY, I NEED
TO TALK TO YOU.
WHEN WE FIRST MET, I DIDN'T
JUST HAPPEN TO BE WALKING
DOWN THE BEACH...
WHEN ERIKA HIT THAT BALL.
IT WAS ALL A SETUP
TO GET YOUR UNCLE
TO FORFEIT THE ACADEMY.
AFTER LAST NIGHT, THAT PART
WAS PRETTY EASY TO FIGURE OUT.
WANNA PLACE ANOTHER BET,
BALDY ?
OH, IT'S MR. ALLIGATOR BREATH.
[ Laughs ]
SEE ? NOW, THAT'S
WHAT I EXPECT.
WHAT DID WE GET ?
TWENTY-FIVE POINTS ?
NO--
THE SCORE NOW
IS 357 TO 95.
NO.
NO ? OH.
UH, 32-- 32 TO 64 ?
42 TO 33 ?
WATCH THE GAME.
WHAT ESCAPES ME IS WHY
YOU WENT ALONG WITH IT.
WAS IT BECAUSE OF YOUR
GREAT LOVE FOR JOHNNY ?
LOVE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
I HATE THAT PATHETIC
EXCUSE FOR A MAN,
TRUST ME.
YOU REALLY EXPECT TRUST
AT THIS POINT ?
HARRY. I TOLD YOU
THAT JOHNNY SET UP
THAT OLYMPIC SCAM.
BUT I DIDN'T TELL YOU
THAT MY BROTHER IS IN JAIL
FOR THE NEXT TEN YEARS...
IF JOHNNY
GIVES FALSE EVIDENCE.
[ Sighs ]
WHICH HE'S PREPARED TO DO,
OF COURSE,
IF YOU DON'T GO ALONG
WITH HIS VOLLEYBALL SCAM.
THAT'S RIGHT.
ANOTHER 50K, MORON-SKI.
YOU GOT IT.
THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT.
SCORE. I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT !
WHAT ABOUT YOU TWO
ROMANTICALLY ? DID YOU
HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM ?
WELL, IF YOU CAN CALL
ONE DATE A RELATIONSHIP.
ESPECIALLY ONE THAT ENDED
WITH ME SWIMMING BACK HOME
FROM THE YACHT.
NO, NO.
OVER THE NET !
NOT UNDER THE NET.
OVER THE NET.
NO, THEY'RE WONDERFUL.
THE BEST I'VE EVER SEEN.
[ Crowd Whoops ]
VERY NICE. NO !
NO, THAT WASN'T GOOD.
THAT WASN'T ON OUR SIDE,
WAS IT ?
NO.
SORRY, WE WON'T
TAKE THAT POINT.
ALL RIGHT. I CAN FEEL IT.
WE'RE GONNA MAKE
A BIG TURNAROUND NOW.
IT'S A BIG CHANCE.
ALL WE NEED
IS ONE FIELD GOAL,
AND WE'RE THERE, MAN !
[ Whispers ]
I KNEW THAT.
ALL WE NEED IS ONE,
UM, THING OVER THE THING.
HARRY, SCREW THE PRESSURE.
I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU DOWN.
OKAY.
LET'S PLAY SOME BALL.
THAT'S IT, SOLITAIRE !
YES !
OKAY.
HERE WE GO, HARRY.
[ Crowd Cheering ]
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO SEE !
COME ON !
YOU GOTTA HELP EACH OTHER OUT !
COME ON !
YOU GUYS ARE LOOKING GREAT,
BUT YOU GOTTA GET IT TO DOM
UP FRONT. SHE'S OUR POWER.
HELP ! HELP !
HARRY,
THEY KIDNAPPED SHANNON ! WHAT ?
THE WAY I LOOK AT IT,
WE REALLY GOT A SHOT.
ALL RIGHT,
YOU'RE THE COACH NOW.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
THE COACH.
WE'RE WAY AHEAD. JUST
DON'T LET GENE DOWN !
[ Together ]
THE COACH ? AAAH !
TAKE THE MIKE !
WISH ME LUCK.
I MEAN IT !
GOOD LUCK.
GOOD LUCK !
I NEED LUCK !
YOU GOT IT !
YOU CAN DO THIS.
I CAN BE A MAN.
GOOD LUCK, BILLY.
ALL RIGHT, HARLEY.
[ Chuckles ]
OH, MY GOD.
THE COACH.
ATTENTION, LADIES.
THERE'S A NEW COACH IN TOWN,
SO DON'T FRET.
HERE'S THE NEW PLAN.
FROM NOW ON I WANT
A LOT OF FIELD GOALS
AND TOUCHDOWNS.
YOU'RE GONNA-- YOU'RE GONNA
PUT HOLES IN ONE.
[ Chuckles ]
WHAT'S THAT THING
WHEN YOU GO OVER THE NET ?
SPIKE IT.
SLAM DUNK.
SLAM DUNK.
SLAM DUNK.
OH, YES.
SLAM DUNK, SLAM DUNK.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, LISTEN.
PAY ATTENTION !
HEY ! IS NOBODY PAYING
ATTENTION TO ME HERE ?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO COACH ?
YOU GOTTA--
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
CATCH
THE BALL !
CATCH THE BALL
WHEN IT COMES TO YOU.
DON'T RUN AWAY FROM IT.
WHAT ARE YOU, GIRLS ?
[ Laughs ]
ALL RIGHT !
LOOK AT ME. NO !
DON'T LOOK AT ME !
LOOK AT THE BALL.
LOOK AT THE BALL.
LISTEN. GET IN THERE.
FEEL THE BALL.
BECOME PART OF THE BALL.
BE ALL OVER THE BALL.
JUST FOLLOW IT ALL THE WAY
WITH YOUR EYES.
YOU CAN'T MISS
IF YOU HAVE A BIG BAT
IN YOUR HAND.
SHE LOVES ME.
SHE LOVES ME NOT.
SO, YOU SEE, SHANNON
IS PURE AS A LAMB.
YOU KNOW
THAT OLYMPIC SCAM ?
WELL, I DONE IT AND
BLAMED IT ON HER BROTHER.
THAT WAY, SHE--
PRETTY LITTLE DAME--
WILL DO ANYTHING I TELL HER.
AND NOW YOU'RE
GONNA LOSE, AND I GET
ALL OF THE BEACH ACADEMY...
AND A PIECE OF DESSERT.
[ Grunts ]
OH !
THERE ! THAT WAY
IT'S NOT IN YOUR WAY.
PRETEND THAT BALL
WAS BOTHERING YOU.
JUST GET IT OUT OF THE WAY.
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS !
YOU GUYS SUCK !
YOU DON'T LISTEN !
DON'T LISTEN ? OKAY !
I TOLD YOU TO MAKE
A FIELD GOAL--
[ All Arguing ]
[ Harry ]
LOOK WHO'S BACK !
[ All Cheering ]
[ Sighs, Laughs ]
[ Billy ]
YOU GUYS, DON'T
GIVE AWAY ANYTHING !
[ Harry ]
LET'S PLAY SOME VOLLEYBALL !
[ All Cheering ]
TOUCHDOWN !
THAT'S IT !
[ All Cheering ]
UNCLE GENE !
UNCLE GENE !
WHAT HAPPENED ?
WE WON !
WELL, GO AND COLLECT
THE MONEY !
♪♪ [ Rock ]
UNCLE GENE, THERE'S ONE THING
I DON'T SAY OFTEN ENOUGH.
I THINK YOU'RE REALLY GREAT.
HARRY, THERE'S ONE THING
I
DON'T SAY OFTEN ENOUGH.
NO, GENE. THERE'S NOTHING
YOU DON'T SAY OFTEN ENOUGH.
[ Laughs ]
WE ALL LEARNED A LOT
FROM THIS, HUH ?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
I LEARNED: ALWAYS
DO THE RIGHT THING.
WELL, UNLESS YOUR CONSCIENCE
TELLS YOU TO DO OTHERWISE.
[ Laughs ]
I THINK THOSE ARE WORDS
TO LIVE BY.
LISTEN. YOU KNOW
THAT BOAT OF YOURS ?
IT'S ALL RIGHT WHEN YOU'RE
A BACHELOR, BUT NOT IF YOU
TWO KIDS, UH, YOU KNOW--
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
JOHNNY'S BOAT, HUH ?
THAT'S WHY YOU'RE
MY FAVORITE UNCLE.
I JUST WISH THERE WAS
SOMETHING WE COULD DO
FOR MY BROTHER.
OH, I THINK THERE IS.
WHAT ?
BACK ON THE YACHT,
I SECRETLY TAPED
JOHNNY'S ADMISSION OF GUILT.
THAT MEANS THAT JOHNNY
IS NOT ONLY GOIN'
TO THE POORHOUSE--
HE'S GOIN'
TO THE BIG HOUSE !
[ Laughs ]
WITHOUT A FRONT PORCH.
[ Laughs ]
UNCLE GENE, WE'LL
TALK TO YOU LATER, OKAY ?
YEAH. ALL RIGHT.
GOOD. GOOD. HAVE FUN,
AND WATCH THE GRASS STAINS.
[ Laughs ]
I BET ALL MY OWN MONEY.
JOHNNY SAID WE COULDN'T LOSE.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT,
PIGIRON. I'LL GET YOU
A LITTLE JOB AT THE ACADEMY.
YOU CAN WASH MY BOAT.
[ Laughing ]
[ Exhales ]
ARE YOU BEING
A BAD GIRL AGAIN ?
MAYBE.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO
ABOUT THIS ?
[ Sighs ]
BILLY.
YEAH.
I THINK
I'M FALLIN' IN LOVE.
[ Chuckles ]
I THINK I ALREADY FELL.
COME ON.
CONGRATULATIONS
ON YOUR VICTORY.
NICE PARTY YOU'RE HAVING HERE.
SHAME YOU GOTTA LEAVE EARLY.
YOU GOTTA WORK !
REMEMBER ? DANCING ?
NO !
CUSTOMERS ?
AGH !
GET HIM !
OH, I JUST
CLEANED THESE CLOTHES !
HONEY ? THIS IS TO
ONE GREAT VACATION.
I'M GLAD I CAME OUT HERE
AND, OF COURSE,
SAVED THE DAY...
AND HELPED BEACH ACADEMY
REMAIN WHAT IT IS.
NOW A LITTLE TREAT
FOR YOU AND ME.
[ Pop ]
YES.
CHEERS.
CHEERS.
CLOSED-CAPTIONED BY
CAPTIONS, INC. LOS ANGELES
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME
♪ I'M ANOTHER NUMBER
IN THE CROWD ♪
♪ ANOTHER FACE WITHOUT A NAME
♪ BUT I'M GONNA GET TO YOU
SOMEHOW ♪
♪ I CAN PLAY YOUR GAME
YEAH ♪
♪ UNTIL YOU SEE WHAT I GOT
♪ YOU'RE ONLY WASTIN' TIME
♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME
♪ WELL, I KNOW YOU'VE HEARD IT
ALL BEFORE ♪
♪ I KNOW YOU'VE
NEVER SEEN MY KIND ♪
♪ I CAN GIVE YOU SO MUCH MORE
♪ LET ME EASE YOUR MIND
♪ YEAH
♪ UNTIL YOU'VE SEEN
WHAT I GOT ♪
♪ YOU'RE ONLY WASTIN' TIME
♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME
♪ TONIGHT I FEEL
LIKE I COULD SHINE ♪
♪ JUST NEED THE CHANCE
TO PROVE IT ♪
♪ I KNOW YOU'LL FIND
♪ THAT I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
YEAH ♪
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME
YEAH ♪
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
YEAH ♪
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME
YEAH ♪
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT
♪ BABY, I'M THE ONE YOU NEED
YEAH ♪
♪ SO YOU CAN STOP
YOUR LOOKIN' AROUND ♪
♪ NOW THAT YOU'VE FOUND ME
YEAH ♪
♪ I'M THE ONE YOU WANT ♪