Sorry, Thanks (2009) - full transcript

[light music]

[projector clicking]

[projector stops,
film reel flaps]

[creaking]

[man and woman laughing]

[man] All right, you ready?

[woman] Yeah. Do it.

[man] You really ready?

[woman] Do it, do it.

[light clicks]

-[man quacks]
-[woman laughs]



[man quacks]

[woman] I don't know.
Is it a duck?

[man] Yes, it's a duck!

[laughing] That's excellent!

Do you feel like
you're lakeside?

-[woman] It actually looks a lot
like your hand.
-[scoffs]

[woman]
Oh, no, no, it's a great duck,
it's a great duck.

[man] Come on,
that's ultrarealistic.

I don't know if I
can do this one.

[woman snorts]
Okay, this is...

What is that?

[man laughs] Guess.

[woman] Uh, a princess with
a crown riding...

-[man] What?
-...out into the sunset?



[man laughing] Why would I make
a princess?

That's the most unsexy thing
that I could possibly make.

[woman]
And the duck is real sexy.

Is that, is that your plan
for pulling in the ladies?

[man]
No. No, I usually do a tiger,
but tonight's special.

[laughs]

[woman] Look. I'm Prince.

[man laughing] You're Prince?

-[woman laughing] I am.
-Oh, you're a prince.

[woman] You know, my horse is
riding the wrong way.

-[man] That's lame.
-[male voice] Don't you want me
to save you, darling?

[man imitates female voice]
Come on, save me. Come on,
bring it!

[woman imitates male voice]
Do I, do I get something for it?

-[man in normal voice] Yeah,
I got something for you.
-[laughs]

[man] Come on, princey.

[laughing]

[man] Is he eating her?

[woman in normal voice]
I don't know.

[man] Uh... Well...

-[woman laughing]
-Okay.

[light clicks]

[children shouting in distance]

Hey.

[clears throat]

Hey.

Do you want to come
lock the door?

-Hmm?
-Do you want to... Do you want
to lock the door behind me?

Uh... No, it... It locks
automatically.

Okay.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Hey
-[man whistling tune]

♪ What's that on your collar?

♪ Don't you know you ought to

♪ You ought to, you ought to
Ought to be ashamed
Of yourself? ♪

♪ You ought to

[whistling continues]

♪ Hey

♪ What's that on your sleeve?

♪ Don't you know you need to
You need to, you need to ♪

♪ Really need to keep yourself
A little cleaner? ♪

♪ I think I need to play
More shows ♪

♪ So I can buy more clothes

♪ So I can look like them folks
Who buys clothes ♪

♪ You know
I would if I could ♪

♪ 'Cause rock
Is just worthless ♪

♪ You look real good
Looking down your nose ♪

♪ Hey

♪ A horse is a horse
Of course, of course ♪

♪ A horse is a horse
Of course ♪

♪ A horse is a horse
Of course, of course... ♪

[car horn honks]

[honks]

[rapid honking]

-[honking stops]
-[woman on recording]
...has much to discuss.

[recording repeats in French]

[recording in English]
Saturday, I went to the park

and had a picnic with my
mother-in-law, who is a widow.

[recording repeats in French]

[driver] I can't believe
we're doing this again.

What?

Chauffeuring.

What, you were already
going this direction.

[driver]
Uh, now I'm going this direction

'cause I circled back
two miles to get you.

[man] Well... Thank you.

[driver]
It's painful to me, Max.

[Max] Are you always this nasal?

[driver] Are you always
this "cocksuckity"?

How about a bus?
Could take one of those home.
How does that grab you?

How about a bike?
You could get a bike.
You ever think about that?

[Max]
Okay, for one, it's raining.

For two, um, there's some
really steep and hilly terrain
in this city,

if you haven't noticed,
and, uh, have you seen my quads?

I haveseen your quads,
man... regrettably.

I've seen them in your shiny
short shorts that you like
to wear.

Okay, well, that's not true,
because they stopped making
Umbros before I met you.

-What the fuck does that mean?
-They stopped selling 'em
in '98, I'm serious.

Did they, did they recall them?
What does that mean?

I don't know what happened.
It was a mystery.

-What happened to yours?
-There was a great Umbro fire
in 1998.

No, I'm just saying my, my quads
are limited... okay?

So, you put me on a bike and you
get me up one of these hills,

and just picture me flying
backwards on a bicycle into,

like, I don't know,
like a field trip of, uh,
schoolchildren,

and there's-- and you know,
dead children.

Just imagine that. It's sad.

You're a sad character.

I'm thinking about dead
schoolchildren now,
which is nice.

-Sorry.
-That's a nice way to start
the day for me. I'm sensitive.

You are taking
the bus home, I'm sorry.
That is the way it is.

[Max] Fuck, if I had a car,
I would totally drive you
places.

[driver]
I look forward to that day.

-Get out of my car.
-Fine, whatever.

[seatbelt clicks]

Thanks.

Have a good day.

Look, I don't, I don't want to,
you know,

rain on your parade or hurt,
you know, hurt your idealism.

I think it's really noble.
I know you guys are probably
here for a good reason.

Um, I'm just giving it
to you straight.

Job in four easy parts,
as I've come to know it.

First step, I want you to admit

that you're a person of
compromised ideals, right?

Second step, uh... reconcile
that with your inner idealist.

You know, let 'em shake hands
with one another.

And then three, you know,
watch that inner idealist die.

Um, step four is easy.

That's the, the easy part.

Just do the job, which is mostly

just answering the phone, right,

and, um, filing stuff.

Really simple.

Um... [clears throat]

[clicking pen]

Um, also... Oh, good.

This helps me sometimes.

Uh... If you take a notebook...

Use 'em to write stuff down.

I also like to draw
occasionally.

You know, I... I find it
helps quench the rage.

Most of the time.
I like to draw criminally
conservative republicans,

you know, with crazier-than-
normal eyes, and also, you know,

you make their hairlines recede
five or ten inches.

-It's my thing. Yeah?
-Max.

There's still an issue
with coffee.

Okay, uh, could Kathy maybe
take a look at it since she's
right next to it?

Kathy's still on honeymoon.

Congratulations, Kathy.

Um, I'll get right on it
after I deal with the new hires.

And so, absolutely.

I'll take care of that.

-Okay.
-Thank you.

Um, I guess do either
of you guys have any questions
so far?

Uh, is there a certain way
you want us to answer
the phones?

Answering phones,
the way you do it, yes,
bravo, excellent.

Uh, when you answer the phone,
do it when it, you know, rings,

and just say "Thank you
for calling Senator Walker's
office,"

and they'll start talking,
and then you just sort of match
the issue, you know,

whatever they're trying to
persuade you about,

to one of our categories
that we've got.

So you're gonna categorize
everything.

Like if they're calling about

the Lagunitas Watershed
Initiative,

that would go
in "county issues."

-Okay.
-Any other questions or...?

Yeah, are you gonna be here
when we get here,

or do you always come in
at, like, noon?

Um, I'm in between cars
right now, so my commute
is kind of in flux.

But, um, I'll get back to you
with a solid answer

once I've got a car again,
which will be very soon.

Um... Yeah, so you know what?
Since the phone's not ringing
right now,

let's just go through
a simulated phone call, right?

-So, uh, Stephanie?
-Mm-hmm.

Right? I want you to ring.

-Okay.
-Like a phone.

Um, ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

-Okay, why aren't you
answering the phone?
-Oh.

-Go ahead and answer.
-Uh, yes, thank you for
calling Senator Walker's office.

-How may I help you?
-[imitating woman's voice]
Uh... Yes,

I'm a poorly informed
but very active voter

with shitloads of free time
on her hands, and...

[clears throat] I'm calling to
complain about the fact

that my taxpayer dollars
are being used

to save some stupid bird

instead of making me richer
and richer and richer.

Okay, uh, yes, ma'am.

Thank you for calling.

We'll get on that and, uh,

we'll get the senator informed.

Okay. Pretty good.

But during the course of that,
also get her full name

and her district
and her phone number,

and you guys are pros!

Welcome to the team, guys.

I'd give you a group hug,
but it's prohibited.

[birds chirping]

Pixies.

Um...

Actually...

-That's it?
-There you go. Yeah.

[man sighs]

[woman]
Are you doing some new stuff?
That's really nice.

No, that's, that's not mine.
That's, uh, that's my friend
April's.

-Oh, okay.
-Yeah. I'm still just doing
the same thing.

-It's cool.
-Mm-hmm.

You want to get this, uh,

this other stuff out of
the closet and whatnot?

[woman sighs]

-This, this sleeping bag?
-No, that's not mine.

-That's not you?
-The tent. The tent's mine.

Oh.

-A little heavy.
-I got it.

Um... And, yeah, I don't know
about these, these clothes
right here.

I don't know
if they're going to,
going to Goodwill or what.

-Mm...
-I wasn't, I wasn't sure
what you want to do with those.

Well, I don't really need
any of this stuff.

Mm...

Aww.

[chuckles] I drew that.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'll take it.

All right.

Oh, you know... I wanted
to look at these books.

[man] All right.

Mm...

I think this is my
Pattern Recognition.

-Really?
-Yeah.

-I don't think so. Uh-uh.
-Mm...

I don't know.
I think I let you borrow my copy

when you were reading it.
I don't know.

Uh, I don't know.
I'm not sure.

I... I'm gonna go
to the bathroom.

Yeah, I'm gonna take it.

[door closes]

[bed thuds]

[sighs]

[traffic passing]

-[mellow music]
-Shot and a beer.

-Winner buys a shot and a beer
for the other, okay?
-That's fine. That works.

Um, before I do this, do you
maybe want to step outside

and... smoke a little cigarette?

I don't have my cigarettes.

-You don't have
your cigarettes?
-No, I don't.

I left them with my yoga mat.

You... [chuckles] You left
your cigarettes with your
yoga mat?

Yup. It's really good.
You should try it sometime.

Like, right after yoga,
where you're just, your body's
available.

That makes sense.
I get it. Yeah.

Did you, um, did you end up
going to that place
over by the...

I did go
to the place by Revolution.
It's great. I like it.

No, yeah, it's really good.

Did you happen to see a
kind of a controlling, uh,

Asian woman with piercings
in her face?

No, but I really wasn't
looking for one.

Any reason in particular?

That would be my
ex-girlfriend.

Also known as the reason I
no longer go to the mission.

-The ex?
-It's like the valley
of my exes.

Every little store contains
an ex.

-Around every corner.
-So, I mean, you do know

we're... currently in
the mission, right?

-This is not the mission.
-This is outer mission.

We are so in the mission.
So, what do you do?

I don't understand.
Like... You're missing out
on a lot.

Well, you know the formula?
Like, it's been twice,
it's been almost twice as long

as we were together,
so I'm probably
getting pretty close

-to where I can go back.
-Oh, the formula.

I don't know...
Twice as long.

No, it's definitely half
the time, for sure.

-Half the time?
-Half the time, totally.
Half the time.

Well, I guess I'm
all good then.

-'Cause I'm set.
-Well... Yeah, I don't know,
I'm pretty fucked.

Means I have like another three
and a half years or something.

Before you're-- you think you
have three and a half years
before you're over it?

-Yeah, it's half the time.
-I guess that's right.

That was a seven-year
relationship.

-It's ridiculous.
-That's absolutely ridiculous.

I think that you should
just completely forget
about the formula

and go get with people.

Well, I actually had

a little bit of an adventure
the other night.

-Adventure?
-A little adventure.

So it was kind of a, you know,
hook-up thing.

-It was a little weird.
-A little one of those
"whatever" things?

It was weird. It was like
my first time doing that.

-Your first time ever?
-It was my first time.

-It was really...
-Well, welcome to the club.

-Right, thank you.
-It's a disgusting place.

No, I mean, it was nice.
I mean, I had to wake up
at seven in the morning.

-I was a little weirded out.
-Little walk of shame,
wake-up, kind of?

Little, like, creeping out.
Not like...

Usually those things are
pretty gross, in my experience,

and I have a lot of, uh,
experience with stuff
like that, so...

-Well, I don't-- gross and...
-Just, you know, awkward.

[laughs]
I'm getting into my thing.

It's not every... Hi, guys.

-[woman] Hey!
-Hey!

-What's up, Simon?
-Hey, dudes.

-Hey!
-[woman] We're taking off.

-Okay.
-[man] You need a ride?

You know...

We just started.

Think I'm gonna stay.

-All right.
-Okay.

-Then we'll see you soon.
-Bye-bye!

-Okay, man, good seeing you.
-Keep it real, homes.

-It was great to see you.
-You too.

-All right, break it already.
-All right.

-I'm gonna break it, all right.
-Or "begin losing" would be
another way to put it.

I don't think you really
know about my skills.

-You're not...
Not really ready for me.
-Let's see.

-Uh... [laughs]
-That was one of the best
breaks I've ever seen.

[elevator dinging]

Well, Kira, your copy editing
test was great and your resume
is very impressive, obviously.

Um, I noticed that you moved
around a lot as a kid.

Are you an army brat,
or did you...?

-No, my parents are,
uh, professors.
-Oh, professors, that's great.

And it looks like you traveled
a lot for your last job
in sales and marketing.

You know, this being an
editorial job, there's a lot
of differences

but a lot of similarities,
so can you kind of fill me in

on what kind of skills
you could bring
from your past job?

Yeah, well, traveling has
given me a lot, and, and,

clearly, you know, I have
a pretty great grasp on
the metric system.

So that's, you know, cool.

But, um, I am detail-oriented,

very meticulous, and can think
outside of the box, so...

-[man] Okay.
-That all sounds really good.

This is a very "nuts and bolts"
position.

I see from your resume that
you've had a lot of breadth

and depth in your work
and a lot of creativity.

Um, would you be comfortable
with something as regimented
as copy editing?

I mean, it's got some
flexibility-- there's style
guides and stuff-- but...

Yeah, it's a, it's a departure
from the work that I do now,

but you know, juggling
a bunch of different clients

as well as traveling
to different locales

leaves something to be
desired as far as the amount of
work, um, quality that you get,

so I see this as kind of like
an expansion of things.

I mean, you're literally
taking text and figuring out

if the "T" in the abbreviation
for "tablespoon" is uppercase
or lowercase.

Yeah, but we should be clear.
It's not--

-We're talking about commas...
-It's not completely
uncreative, though,

you know,
and I do think that--

I mean, I think that
the point really is, though,

that, you know, there is not
a lot of creativity in this job,

and this can't be a situation
where someone comes in

and uses this position
as a stepping stone to be
in this company,

and, and I-- you know,
a more creative position

that they perhaps,
um, hope to move on to later.

It's really something where the
person needs to have a passion
for copy editing,

and that's kind of where it
begins and ends.

Well, I, I... You know,
having been at Zaslaw-Dugan
for five years, um...

I, I'm definitely...
I put a hundred percent
into anything I do,

and, and really,
this is something

that I'm, I'm very dedicated
and, and passionate about, so...

[man] Great.

[train rumbling]

[line ringing]

-[woman over phone] Hey.
-Hey, Rach.

What are you up to?

[indistinct chatter]

Yeah, I didn't, uh,
forgot to respond. Sorry.

-Was it any good?
-It was lame anyway.

[laughs]

-Um, so--
-What are you up to?

Nothing.
Um, just wanted to see
what you were doing.

Are you busy?

[indistinct chatter]

Yeah, let's meet up.

Um, where you want to,
where you want to meet?

[indistinct chatter]

Yeah. Anywhere close is good,

so, yeah, The Attic is great.

I just... Just don't want
to be home.

All right.

All right, let me just
grab some stuff.

Bye.

-No, I mean...
-Come on, give me the juice,
give me the juice.

I dunno... Jamie's actually
supposed to be hooking me up

with a friend of his.

-Which one?
-Marcus.

-I love Marcus.
-Really?

He's so sweet,
he's totally sweet.

That's great.
It'll be really fun.

All right, because I'm
a little nervous, you know?

It's been... Well...
It's my first date ever.

I was gonna say it's been
a long time, but...

Actually I've never
really been on a date.

[gasps] You haven't?

-No.
-Like, ever?

-Ever. No.
-Wow. How cute.

Is it really? I should say
that during the date?

No, you definitely,
definitely, don't want to say
that during the date. [laughs]

[laughs] Okay, all right.
I won't say it.

Um... What was I gonna say?

-The other day I talked
to Shawnlee...
-Really?

Yeah, I called her up
and... I haven't talked to her
in a long time.

She was telling me that she's,
um, working on this radio show,

-and she has a new love
interest, of course. Always.
-Always.

What happened to that guy
from Berkeley?

-You know, I don't remember...
-[cell phone rings]

Oh, I'm sorry, hold on,
it's Jamie.

Um, hey, love, what's up?

Um, just hanging out
at The Attic with Kira.

Yeah... What's going on
with you?

Oh, you should come by.
Who are you with?

All right, well, we're gonna be
here for... an hour?

More than an hour.
You guys should come by.

All right... See you later. Bye.
Um, he said he might come by

with some people from
the training that he was at
in a little bit.

They're out in Oakland,
so, I don't know-- probably
take BART.

-Um, what were we saying?
-About Shawnlee.

You know, I actually really like
this scarf-- it's really pretty.

Oh, thank you.
It was my little attempt at,
like, being a classy person.

I got it in Barcelona and I was
like, "All right, I'm gonna wear
scarves,"

but then, being the klutz
that I am, I, like, tore a hole
in it.

-It's all, like, delicate.
-If you're, like, a juvenile,
it works, but I don't know.

As an adult, it's kind of weird,
don't you think?

-[woman] No, totally, I totally
know what you mean.
-Yeah.

The main character just kind
of lacked a moral center for me.

I mean, I just thought it got
kind of boring after a while.

-I don't know, I kinda thought
it was pretty funny.
-You did?

To me, it was
kind of hysterical.

-So, what do you do?
-Uh, well, I, I work with
heroin-addicted schizophrenics.

Wow, that's...
I don't know, what is it?
I don't know.

It's cool-- I mean, some
are just one or the other,

sometimes they're both,
and that's when it gets
kinda interesting.

-Yeah.
-It's cool, it's good.

It's pretty intense, no?

Yeah, no, it can be. Yeah.
Definitely, for sure.

-I think I want another drink.
Hang on.
-Okay.

Hey, buddy. Hey.
Do you want another drink?

[Max] Yeah.

Hey.

Hey.

You guys know each other?

-Yeah, actually.
-Yeah... Yeah.

Uh, we met at Anika's...

-Anika's birthday party.
-Yeah, birthday party.

-Anika's?
-Yeah.

Oh, I was out of town.

I wanted to go to that.

Good party, it was good.

Cool... So, what do you want?

Uh, I think I want tequila,
but I can't,

because I've already been
to Russia, so...

You can't do two countries
that if they had a war
with one another...

Okay, like, vodka is from Russia
and tequila is from Mexico,

so imagine a war
between Mexico and Russia.

Total devastation.

You can always have beer,
though, beer is fine,

-I'll have a beer.
-Beer is fine.

Actually, no, I want tequila.

-Are you sure?
-Yeah.

-Okay, tequila.
-Yeah.

Would you like anything?

Yeah, actually, could I get
a Stella?

-Yeah, no problem.
-Yeah, all right.

Oh, don't worry about it.
I got it.

Oh, thank you.

That's really nice.

[music playing in bar]

-Hey.
-Hey.

You totally just made
my girlfriend buy you a drink.

She offered and...

Small world, huh?

Pretty small... and it's
getting smaller and smaller.

Actually, no, I think most
scientists are saying that
the universe is expanding.

Right, right.

So you do have a girlfriend?

Yeah, I have a girlfriend.

Yeah, you do, okay.

I was just... I don't know,
I just kind of thought
that maybe,

you know, you didn't.

Okay. Yeah, it's-- of course...

Hey, you have my wallet.

Oh, uh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry...

-Here you go.
-Thank you, be back.

-[Kira] Okay.
-Actually, I'm gonna, uh,
help you carry.

[music continues
in background]

[pigeon cooing]

[light music]

Wait, whose turn is it?

I think it's me,
and I have a question.

This is a ten of spades,
so I could put down a spade,

I could put down a ten,
and I could put down
anything over a ten.

-Jack, king...
-No, no...

Have you been playing like that?

You can put down
the same number,
the same suit,

or you can put down an eight--
what have you been
doing so far?

Wait, what game have you been
playing?

'Cause we... This is, like,
the third game...

This looks okay, but it sounds
like you've been cheating.

-No, I don't cheat-- let's go.
-You don't cheat now.

-Now that we're watching you.
-Mason cheats.

What was the name of that girl
that you had the shenanigans...

-Who are you talking to?
-You.

Me? I don't cheat.

I made a pact with myself
when I was 18...

To selectively forget
bad things that he's done.

Remember she was super cute
and she had some weird thing
about me... for some reason.

-That's Natalie.
-Yeah, she said I was
holding you back.

That was a very complicated
situation, and...

Natalie ultimately determined
that I did not...
have her heart,

and so, as a result,
I was cuckolded, but thanks
for remembering it wrong.

I guess I just assume
when anything bad happens,
it's probably your fault.

That's sweet of you.

It's your turn.

-Is it?
-Yeah.

Clubs. That's a "crazy eight."

Ooh, I like the way
you think...

Do you think I'm a...

Would you say I'm generally
a, a good person, Mason?

Do you think I'm a good guy?

Do, do you think you're
a good person?

Why don't you
lay out the argument for me?

Oh, that's brilliant, yeah.

Lay down the argument,
like, pro and against.

Bullet points.
What's your first bullet point?

I think... Honestly, I think
you're kind of an asshole, Max.

-[laughs]
-What are you talking about?

I'm not an asshole.

You're not?

I'm an asshole?

A little bit.

Am... Is my...

Am I not trying hard enough?

-I mean,
is my general effort bad?
-With Sara?

No, not, not with Sara--

I'm just talking about
my life, you know?

-Am I not...?
-Do you want to have
this conversation?

I think you're an asshole.
I think you're backsliding
pretty significantly and it's...

somewhat appalling, and,
you know, like... Sara is a...

I'm not talking about Sara.

I'm talking about...

Applying myself or...

-Being more...
-More what?

[stammers] Improvement.

Well, maybe you should become
a big brother or something.

-Do they still do that?
-I don't know. Feel free
to play at any time.

Maybe you should become
a little brother.

Adopt a puppy?
What level of responsibility do
you think you can handle, Max?

Do you wanna... Do you wanna
save a kitten from the tracks?

-Could I...
-Maybe you can harbor
a stick insect.

Could I go with you to,
like, a, a meeting,

like, an AA meeting, maybe?

Are you an alcoholic?

I'm pretty sure I'm not.

Do you understand
why that's offensive?

Sorry.

Okay.

So...

I'm sleeping with Mark again.

-Your ex?
-Yeah.

-[Max] The bad one?
-Mm-hmm.

I'm a moron.
[laughing] Oh, God...

Ryan, you just don't
understand the rules again.

-It's just like with this game.
-I know. I keep bending them.

-So with the ex,
I'm supposed to...?
-I couldn't help it, though.

-I really couldn't help it.
-No? Why? What happened?

[Ryan] I was burglarized.

He burglarized you?!

No... Dude, you don't know
this?

I came home Sunday night,
all my shit's everywhere,

the window's open
the full night.

And I'm like, "I can't sleep
here tonight,

where can I sleep,
where can I sleep? I know."

[clicks tongue]

-Don't...
A] don't point at me...
-[Ryan laughs]

b] that doesn't make
any sense...

Um, yeah, so I was, you know,
DJing raves and house parties

-And stuff like that
when I was younger.
-Right.

Late teens, early 20s, and...

-Cool.
-...spinning, like,

break beats and some hip hop,

and some ambient, psy trance,

minimal techno, and, you know...

Uh... you're familiar with...

No, what is minimal
techno?

Um, minimal techno
is like regular techno.

-Okay.
-But it's really small.

-It's, like, shrunk down...
-Right.

on little turntables
and little mixers.

Right, right. It's minimal,
I get it, yeah, yeah.

-It's, yeah...
-Okay, funny.

-So when you're not...
-[chuckles]

When you're not minimalizing,

-techno-sizing...
-Yeah?

...what do you,
what do you enjoy?

-Like, what do you do?
-I'm actually a journalist.

-I don't play music at all
anymore, I...
-Okay.

...write, uh, for magazines
and do music reviews.

I was... Just in the last few
months,

started to, uh, be able
to give it a little more...

Given a little more leeway,
and so, yeah, I'm pretty stoked.

I'm... Feel like I'm
kind of making it.

What about you?
You were telling me
that you, um...

travel a lot
for your job, and...

-Sorry.
-You okay?

-Yeah, I'm good.
No, I was just...
-Bad?

-I thought it was tuna.
It wasn't.
-You okay?

-No, no, I'm good, I'm good.
-It's okay.

Yeah, no, I...
Traveling, I love it.
I travel a lot for my job and...

Um, it's actually, you know,
kinda the part of it that I
really love. So it's good. Um...

Have you become fluent
in any languages, or have you
learned to speak any?

Yeah... Not really, um...

-I mean...
-Not so much.

I should be better at it,
you know, but there's...

-Because you travel
a lot of the time.
-Right, but there's, you know,

at least I know how to say
"bathroom"

in a million
different languages,

which is really all you need,
right?

-Yeah. Wo ist
die badezimmer bitte?
-You speak German!

-I know that one. Oh, yeah?
-I speak a little bit.

I mean, I, I learned...

I took four years
in high school, so...

I don't ever
get a chance to use it.

-Du sprichts deutsch?
-Um... So-so.

Nicht so gut?

Yeah, not so much.

But, uh, you know,
my ex-boyfriend,

he speaks German.

-He studied it.
-Oh, yeah?

Yeah, and we've been to
Germany a few times, and...

-Really, a nice place. Yeah.
-Yeah?

A couple of times, yeah.
It was good.

[footsteps approach]

-Hey.
-How's everything tonight?

Oh, yeah, everything
was great.

Everything
was really good, yeah.

T-hank you very much.
-[Kira] Thank you.

Awesome, thank you.

So... You wanna just go halves?

Yeah, that's...
No, that's fine--
let's go halves.

-50/50?
-Yeah. All right.

-That sounds good.
-Halves it is, halves is good.

You know what? I don't have
any cash, though.

-What's the total?
-It's $53.62.

-Okay, so what is that?
Like, 30 bucks apiece?
-Yeah.

-You don't have any cash?
-No, but, um, if I could put it
on my card

and then you could
maybe spot me the cash,
that would be good?

-Yeah, totally. There you go.
-Thanks.

-Uh... Right, okay.
-Does that cover it?

You know, actually, there,
there was, uh, the beer you got,
which, I mean...

-Oh...
-...is a little more than,
than what you gave me.

Yeah, what was it?
Like, five bucks?

-Yeah, I think five.
-I'm sorry about that.

-I... I didn't
even think about it.
-Actually I had more...

A lot more sushi.
Don't worry about it,
it's okay.

-Well, cool.
-It's okay.

Thank you, that's sweet.

Well... Ich denke, ich muss mich
kurz entschuldigen.

-Thanks.
-You're welcome.

-So, it was nice.
-Yeah, no, it was nice.

-Yeah.
-Food was good.

It was good.

So, what are you up to?

Um, I'm gonna go,
I'm just gonna head home.

-Okay.
-Go to bed, hit the sack.

-Got a long day tomorrow.
-Okay.

Okay, um, do you need a ride?

-I drove here, so...
-No, I...

-You live far or...?
-Just up the hill.

-You sure?
-Yeah, it's good.
I'll walk, walk off the sushi.

-I had extra, remember?
-Oh, that's right.

-You did have extra sushi.
-I did, I had extra.

All right.
Well, I guess...

-Hug each other now?
-Yeah, okay, all right.

-Okay. All right.
-Okay.

[dog barking in distance]

Hi.

You still up?

Hey. I didn't know
you were coming over.

[muffled chatter]

What?

[music playing
through headphones]

Mouth full of meringue.

Meringue?

Chocolate chip meringues.

They were on the counter.

I put them in the fridge
'cause the ant problem in here

-is kind of getting severe.
-Oh, yeah, sorry.

I need to, I need to
put some... stuff down.

What do you do for that?
I don't know.

-Meringues?
-Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Mmm...

I had, like, two of them.

Well, like, five. Seven.

But they're really small.

They're really good.

My neck has been
killing me lately.

-I feel, like, geriatric
or something.
-I'm sorry.

It's okay.

What are you gonna do?

[crunching meringue]

Do you, you want, like,
a back rub or something?

You kind of suck
at those. [laughs]

I do not!
I give excellent back rubs.

[clears throat]
All right.

Sit up straight.

Okay.

Um, wait, is it on the left
or the... Okay.

Left, right there.

Like here?

Yeah. A little lower.

Okay.

-Ow!
-Oh, sorry.

Here, wait, come back.

Okay.

Hey, that's good.

Yes, great.

-Yeah?
-Yes, perfect. Thank you.

-See, I told you.
-[chuckles]

-[muffled]
These are really sweet.
-Yeah.

[Sara clears throat]

So, hey, sex copter?

Uh... Please don't
call me that.

I noticed you painted a lion
on the wall here.

Yeah, it's actually a tiger.

-It's a lion.
-It's a tiger.

-It's got stripes.
-Eh.

You've totally
changed your hair.

-Yeah. A couple of days ago.
-Yeah, you put...

-Yeah... Oh... Really?
-Yeah.

-Huh... Well, it looks awesome.
-Thank you.

Yeah, it's like a straight,
kind of a straight, swoopy...

-Yeah.
-Yeah, I got shorter bangs.

That's hot.
You look like a model.

-Thanks. [laughs] Thank you.
-You look really hot.

It really suits you.
You look great.

Thanks.

[chuckles]

[clears throat]

Ah, shit! We gotta go.
Let's go.

Where?

Oh, fuck, dinner.
I'm sorry, um...

[Max] It's really impressive.
I don't know how to braid hair.

Boys don't learn
stuff like that.

And it's too bad, too,
because it's a useful skill.

You could make ropes,
you could braid things together.

I don't know...

You could act like Rapunzel,
let your hair down.

That's right.

I'd have to grow a bunch
of hair first, though.

[Sara] My aunt wants to take
a picture of us.

[girl] Be right back.

-[Max] Okay.
-[Sara] So let's clean you up
a little bit.

-I'll help you clean up.
-No, I'll help you clean up.

You've got pie on your forehead.

-Oh, shit.
-[both laugh]

-Fuck.
-How did you do that?

-Um...
-Jesus.

Enthusiasm for pie?

-[Sara laughs]
-[aunt] Okay, Max, honey.

I don't have any picture
of you guys together.

Well, let's get a picture.

Si.

Okay, you smile, get together.

I don't feel like you're
smiling enough.

-I am smiling-- stop it.
-[aunt] Okay.

-Let's see how it comes out.
-Let me see.

So do we look totally adorable
or absolutely totally adorable?

I think maybe
absolutely totally...

-Oh, wow!
-Absolutely totally adorable.

Oh... Yeah...
This is cute.

-That's so cute.
-It's pretty cute.

We don't have any cute
pictures of us like that.

Ah... Yeah...

[Sara] The food was amazing.

-It was really amazing.
-It was delicious.

It's probably the best food
I've ever had in my entire life.

-What you got?
-[girl] It's a shell.

Oh, that's beautiful.

-Yup.
-From a big snail
or something.

-Could have been a crab, too.
-Really? Okay.

-Okay, listen to it
really closely.
-Okay.

Tell me what you hear.

A... multi-level parking garage?

-[Sara chuckles]
-No...

-What am I supposed to hear?
-You can hear whales,
the ocean, fish, dolphins...

Yeah. Yeah, I can actually.

Kind of like magic.

It's just like magic.

-Thank you.
-[aunt murmuring]

So, Max, how long
have you been...

Meet you... Since I met you?

-Three... three years.
-Three years.

And you still live, uh,
separate? You live together?

Oh, yeah, yeah,
we still live separately.

-Keeps him charming.
-It keeps me charming.

That's good.
So you are working,
you studying?

I work.
I still work at the same
senator's office I used to.

Oh... Is that what you
like to do?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, you happy doing that?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah.

Um, no plans? No?

Well... Yeah, I guess...

La gente no se casa ahora
tan joven,

las mujeres tienen
mas opciones.

-[Sara] Mm-hmm.
-Yeah, well...

-What did she say?
-Well, she... Um...

She was saying how women today
have just more options.

They don't really...

They don't get into marriage

right away like they used to.

-Like I did.
-Yeah, that's great.

That's good.

You have options now...

Special for womans,
so... it's good.

-[Sara] Yeah.
-[Max] Yeah.

[Sara] I like it that way.

-[chuckles]
-[aunt] Yeah...

Me too.

That's good.

[traffic passing]

I like that, by the way.
"Animal companion" is great.

It's better than "pet."

Yeah, they are
our companions, yes.

So, I'm noticing you haven't
put down, uh, your preference

for what kind of pet
you'd like to have.

I mean, I guess I thought
that you guys were gonna
do that.

Well, do you, do you want
a dog or a cat?

Um... See, I guess the problem
is I don't really have

a whole lot
of pet experience yet.

-Uh-huh.
-So, I don't really know.

I mean, what do you...

What do you think would be best?

Well... Sorry, sir,
but I don't... I don't know you,

-so, um...
-I guess, um, what I'm saying

is, like, I guess dogs need
a lot of, uh, exercise

-and Frisbees and, you know,
park time...?
-They...

Dogs need, you know,
they have to be walked

a couple times a day.
You have to walk them, yeah.

Yeah, I don't think that
would work super great for me

because I don't really have
a super active lifestyle.

I'm kind of more...

[blows long, slow raspberry]

You know, so... I wouldn't want
to mesh badly

with an active
animal's temperament.

So maybe, like, an old dog?

A slow dog? Or a cat?
I think a cat.

-Actually, go ahead and...
-[copier beeps]

-I'm sorry...
Um, put, put "cat."
-Okay.

I think a cat would actually
probably be best...

-All right.
-...for my lifestyle.

So if it's gonna be a cat,

there are still
some more questions.

I like you.

To be completely honest,
though, I, uh...

You're not quite as cute
as I thought you were gonna be.

[music playing faintly]

[Kira moaning]

Mmm... This feels good.

Let's have sex
in the bathroom. [chuckles]

[Kira] No.

It's a bathroom.

[Simon] I know.

It'd be hot.

[music continues]

I just...

I don't want things
to change, okay?

[knock on door]

-So you're Amy's friend
or David's friend?
-I know Amy.

-Oh, yeah?
-I know David.

-Oh, okay,
-How do you know Amy?

I know her from a class
from a really long time ago.

-Do you remember me
from class?
-What class?

Black glasses class?

-Oh, right.
-[both laugh]

-What's your prescription?

-I... Bad?
-We should see
if we're the same.

[Kira] Oh!

Oh, hey... Kira!

Hi, how are you?

Hi! When did you get here?

And it's Simon.

-Wow.
-Hi. How are you?

Good. What's up, man?

How's the, uh, future senator

from the great state
of California doing?

-I'm this close.
-[Kira] Oh, yeah.

-How are you?
-Very well, thank you.

-Working on it. And you?
-Hey, yeah.

Hey, I'm gonna go say hi
to Amy-- you want to come?

Okay. No, you know,
I'm gonna... Let's get a beer?

-Okay. Oh.
-Let's get a beer.

-Okay, I'll see you.
-We'll catch up.

-[Kira] All right.
-[music continues]

I'm not trying to daddy you
right now...

You're getting a little speechy.

You know me, I'm speechy.

-[imitating speaking gibberish]
-Because...

-Okay. No, we're done.
But one more thing.
-Yeah.

-Uh-huh.
-We're done,
but one more thing.

-Okay.
-Be careful with Simon,
please.

Oh, now you're
getting serious.

No, I am serious,
'cause I really think...

I... He likes you.

Did he say...
Wait a minute.

What... He did not say
anything to you.

-No, he didn't say anything,
he just...
-No...

-I know him,
he's my friend and...
-Right, right.

...he likes you and just be
careful with him, okay?

Okay, I'm listening.
I am-- serious.

-All right.
-Okay.

How's work?

Mmm... It's over.

Did you get the incredibly
pathetic job

that you're
overqualified for yet?

Mmm... Fuck you.

I am perfectly qualified.

-You are! You're... Yes.
-You know what I'm saying?

Yes, they could hire
a high school student
for that, so, yeah.

-Dude! Come on.
-No, I...

-I am enjoying, you know...
-Doing copy editing.

-Working towards my goal.
-Which is what?

-Head copy editor?
-Which is checking people's
information for copying errors.

-That's fun.
-Well, that's something else.

Yeah, I know-- this is
the thing, like...

-Hey.
-I'm going on a beer run.

-Oh. Okay.
-I'll be back.
Hold down the fort.

Man on a mission.
Do your thing.

-All right. Be right back.
-Bye.

-Get beer, get beer.
-He's serious-- you see that?

That's... You're drinking.

That guy's getting beer.

-He is.
-Beer it up.

Yeah. All right.

-Your work is now
copy editing.
-No.

You know what, though?
Seriously...

I think you should have stayed
with the other place

because then you have perks:
you have the world miles
or whatever,

-the Visa thing...
-No. No, no, no.

-[overlapping dialogue]
-Didn't they give you...

Five seconds-- shut up.

-All right.
-Let me just tell you,
all right?

I've been at that place
for five years...

You had your serious moment,
I'm having mine.

I'm fucking tired of it,
you know?

Last week someone mistook me
as the other Black girl.

For real,
this shit is fucked up.

I don't want to be there
anymore, all right?

-That ispretty fucked up.
-Yeah, it is.

-Thank you.
-Well, fuck it.

-Copy editor! That's... I'm in!
-Yeah. Yeah.

I support... Yes.
Salud.

Salud.Yeah.
So what's up, you know?

-What's up with you?
-What's up with me?

You want to take a little
bathroom action in there?

-Man, I already did.
-I got... No!

First of all,
no, you didn't...

-[Ryan] Is it wet?
-[Mason] Uh, usually.

Often, yeah. Often.

[Ryan]
Does it fit inside of a toaster?

[Mason] A toaster oven
or a bread slice toaster?

Uh, toaster oven.

-Toaster oven, yes.
-[Max] What's up?

Uh... okay, cool.

Would it burn if I had it
in there at, like, 350 degrees?

For how long?
Thank you, Sara.

-For how long?
-Yeah.

No, I mean, like, could it
ever possibly burn?

-Anything can burn.
-Oh, my gosh...

All objects can burn
if you apply enough heat.

What are you guys
talking about?

Uh, it's 20 questions.
It's not a vegetable...

-We're at 18.
-Right, but it might be produce.

-Is it a frog?
-Boom! I love this man!

-[Ryan] What?!
-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to
mess up your game.

-No, it is not a frog!
-I don't know how he does it
on one question.

No, it cannot be a frog.
That's not allowed.

It's green, it's organic
and it grows...

-You really
want to get physical?
-That is not a frog.

You don't know how to play
this game.

You don't know how to play...
I'm the guy who knows...

-[overlapping dialogue]
-We're so late.

It was not us, it was all
this woman.

-[Kira] Sorry.
-She couldn't find her pants
anywhere.

It's true.
I couldn't find my pants.

I don't know-- it wasn't that
big of a deal, but... I'm Kira.

I'm Ryan, nice to meet you.

-Rachel.
-Jamie.

-Nice to meet you.
-[Kira] Yeah, I forgot.

I thought they were
at the cleaners or
the laundromat.

-I couldn't really tell.
-[Ryan] Actually, I think
I know you from the cleaners.

From, um, Ming Family Cleaners,
right?

Oh, yeah, they're on my,
my corner.

Oh, no, shit.
Where do you live?

-22nd and Church.
-Oh, Christ, you live on

-that really steep block?
-Yeah, it is steep, it is.

Oh, your block is
totally terrifying.

-Oh, I like my block.
-Oh...

[man] Excuse me.

So, where'd you find
your pants?

You know, I don't normally
hang them in the closet

and that's exactly where
they were, so...

Next time we convene
the pants society,

-I want to... nominate you...
-[Kira] Thank you.

-...to join.
-[laughter]

You guys want to stand out here
and talk about pants?

-[Kira] No, I'm sorry.
-[Ryan] Not really.

[Jamie] Let's go, let's go.

Medium popcorn
with the nutritional yeast.

-It's right here.
-I've been thinking about it
all day.

-Three dollars.
-Yeah, I know.

[music from theater]

Hey.

-[cashier] Thanks, guys.
-[man] Thank you.

Hey, what can I get for you?

[Kira] Sorry, I'm just
trying to decide.

Red Vines or Junior Mints?

-Are you asking me?
-Yeah.

Um, I think Raisinets.

No, my sixth-grade boyfriend,
I don't know...

He used to get Raisinets
and, I don't know...

He left me for a girl
with a hyper color t-shirt.

It's really traumatic.
So, Red Vines or Junior Mints?

Ah-uh...
Junior mints?

Mmm, okay...

Can I get the Red Vines?

And a medium popcorn and...

-Water's good.
-Six dollars.

[Max] Um, I was just thinking,

you actually left some earrings
at my house.

-Oh, yeah? Okay.
-A earring.

-And it's silver.
-Oh, okay.

I don't need it, it's okay.

-You sure?
-Yeah, it's a cheap pair.

I'm, you know, semi-allergic
and I'm...

thinking of working
on being more classy.

-Oh...
-Yeah, yeah-- I'm gonna do
real gold, real silver.

Pants all the time.

Wow, okay, man...

All the time?
I say 75% of the time.

I know, I haven't really
thought it through,

but pants
a lot of the time.

If you say so.
Well, I like the earrings
that you've got on now.

-The new ones.
-Oh, these? Oh, yeah...

I got them from some stoners
on Telegraph.

-Really?
-Mm-hmm.

Well... Excellent choice.

They, uh, really bring out
your facial features.

Your cheekbones...

You got great cheekbones.

-Is that weird? I'm sorry.
-No... I don't know.

You trying to turn this into,
like, a skeezy candy line thing?

-No, absolutely not.
-No?

-I don't know what you're
talking about.
-Okay.

-[cashier] Here you go.
-Thank you.

Thank you.

What can I get for you?

I will have
two boxes of Dots.

Okay, that's, uh,
three dollars.

[water running]

[water stops]

[Sara] I'm exhausted.

I shouldn't even have gone
to that movie tonight.

I think I can brush
faster than you.

I think I'm faster than you.

Ow... Kind of hurts.

Yeah, don't hurt yourself.

-[spits]
-[runs water]

Is that bad if your gums bleed
when you brush your teeth?

It means you need
to floss more.

It doesn't mean
I'm dying or anything?

No, it means you might be
getting gingivitis.

I don't think I like
the sound of that.

When's the last time you went
to the dentist?

-I don't know.
-You don't know?

-I don't remember.
-That's kind of a bad sign.

My teeth are
pretty yellow, though.

Did you have, uh, braces
when you were a kid?

-Mm-mm.
-Me either.

Lucky us.

Wow... Mad dog!

[both growl]

Can you do this?

Um... No.

-Oh, my God.
-What?

I don't think I can go out
with you anymore.

Why? Because I can't do that?

-Yeah.
-I can go like this.

How about the other way?

-Oh, man, I used to be able to.
-Can you do your...

How about the eyebrows?

[chuckles]

You're way better
at it than I am.

You want to see my frog face?

[chuckles]

That's pretty good.

You wanna see my monkey face?

I don't know if I can do it.

I'm not looking at it
right now?

-[laughs]
-Thanks.

What's your monkey face?

I'm not showing you now.

-Oh...
-You lose.

Morning.
I'm gonna get out of here, okay?

-Okay.
-All right.

Are you, are you
wearing my shirt?

I am... And your pants, too.

-Those are my pants?
-They are.

I don't understand
how they fit you so well.

-You're pretty skinny.
-You think so?

-Yeah, I do.
-I'm kind of skinny-fat.

Uh-huh... Like?

Well, like I'm skinny in some
places and fat in others.

[laughs] Okay.

Like, muffin top?

Oh, that's cute.

[tires squeal in distance]

-[Kira] Well...
-[man] Why don't we just
not paint it?

Okay, first of all, you have
to love the place you live in.

-I guess so.
Yeah, yeah, I guess so.
-Right?

And also, you know, I kinda
got my landlord to agree

that if he likes the color,
then I don't have to
paint it back.

-I like that.
-See, I'm smart.

-You have a way with men.
-I do.

Speaking of which,
have you, uh, have you
talked to Zach lately?

Oh... Yeah, I had to get
some stuff at the house.

-I picked up my tent.
-Was that weird for him?

I don't know-- everything
about us is weird for me,
you know?

I don't know.

I... It just... Like, I realized
that we probably just can't

ever, like, communicate anymore,
you know?

-It's really fucked up, but...
-It's not really fucked up.

-It is-- I mean...
-You shouldn't be in touch!

You shouldn't be in touch
with your ex!

Do you know that I looked
in my inbox the other day
and I realize...

I realize, like, 90%
of the people in my inbox,

emailing me,
are ex-girlfriends.

-Wow, that's...
-This means to me,
that I spend all of my time

trying to maintain
relationships with people

who, at some point in the past,
I realized, you know,

I can't maintain a relationship
with this person.

-That's fucked up, right?
-I mean, this is the thing,
like, you know,

I love his family
and really, like, next time
I have a boyfriend, just...

remind me not to get
close to the family, you know?

Have you decided there's
gonna be a next time?

'Cause I thought most
recently your proclamation was,

"I'm never gonna be
in a relationship again--

I've loved
one too many times." [laughs]

[laughs] You know what?

I... You're right.
No boyfriends for me?

-No boyfriends for you.
-Nope, no boyfriends for me.

-Except for the fact that you
have a boyfriend.
-What?

Except the relationship
you're currently in
with my friend.

I'm not currently
in any relationship.

-Yes, yes.
-No, no.

Basically, when you're having
sex with somebody for weeks at
a time, uh, that is a boyfriend.

-What else is it?
-See, that's why Granny needs
to mind her business, because...

-Am I Granny in this situation?
-You're Granny, you are so
Granny right now, okay?

-I'm Granny...
-I don't have a boyfriend

if what you say is true, 'cause
we're not having sex, so...

-You aren't having sex?
Oh, you're kidding, right?
-Ooh...

We are doing other creative
and, um, adult things.

Well, you think that that
somehow makes a difference?

I think it completely
makes a difference.

-What's the difference?
-The difference is...

-Are you kissing?
-Yeah, we're kissing.

Do you take your clothes off?
Do you give each other orgasms?

I'm sorry, do you really need
to be all up in my business...

-No, I mean...
-...about the clothes
and the orgasms?

I'm sorry, I just think
it's a little ridiculous

that you think because the "P"
doesn't go in the "V"

that that somehow you guys
aren't sleeping together.

You're so sleeping together.

I think you'd make
a great grade school teacher.

I think you would make
a great grade school student,

-with your small ideas of sex.
-You know what, though?
I'm dating. Okay?

-That's true, you're dating.
-I'm dating other people,

so... I don't even know...

-[scoffs] So, it's not,
you know...
-That's fine.

-Oh, yeah, you're...
-It's just not as serious.

...maintaining
an ongoing flirtation
with that one-night stand

who has a girlfriend
as well, so...

-I remember that, too.
-It's really harmless emailing,

so I... don't wanna
hear your shit, okay?

Look, I have this publishing
thing-- do you want to come
with me tonight?

-Wow, yeah, that sounds
really fun.
-Stop!

I can't. I've got a fundraiser
I have to go to.

You should come with me
to my fundraiser, though,
'cause that...

[affected accent]
that's gonna be a party.

I don't want to come
to your fundraiser.

-[normal voice] You come
to my fundraiser.
-Fine.

-Are you gonna shake on it?
Shake on it.
-Uh...

Shake on it.
Okay, okay...

And you should bring Simon...

Your boyfriend.

[Simon in funny accent]
But they must be
enchanted rubies.

[in funny accent]
Only if you bring the Scepter
of Sorrow...

The Scepter of Sorrow was left
in my apartment, unfortunately.

I demand that you
bring the scepter!

Well, we'll see, we'll see
what can be done.

Maybe I can bring a conjuring
spell, maybe I can

get the Mor-Lorc to come
and conjure.

-Participate, participate!
-I don't want to.

[normal voice] Simon here
used to play football.
High school football.

Now he is a revolutionary,
but he used to be a quarterback.

[normal voice]
I was on the football team
to, kind of,

freak everybody out, whatever.
They all hated me.

-It wasn't like a real thing.
-They all hate you now...

Here's the man I came to be
seen with. Wade! How are you?

-Glad you could make it.
-Wade, this is my friend Simon.

-Hi, Simon, Wade.
-Hi, Wade, nice to meet you.

-Wade.
-Kira.

-Hi, nice to meet you.
-Yeah, good to meet you.

[Wade] And you guys have to
help us out here

for the initiative
for the bike lanes.

-Wade... Not them.
-No, they live in
San Francisco...

What are you talking about?
I ride a bike.

No, I'm here to support it.
We're gonna, like,
sign and all that stuff.

[Wade] Speaking of which,
not to break up the party,
but we do have

some deep pockets
we need to hit, so...

You can watch from
a distance as he works his magic

and I'll have him back
in one piece in 45 minutes max,
all right?

-Okay.
-Right, you guys have fun.

-No offense, guppies.
-All right, see ya.

Later.

[classical music playing]

Yeah, but I mean,
if you look at it a little bit
closer,

there's kind of
this ordered chaos.
Yeah, lean in, really.

There's the colors at the top
and the bottom that anchor it,

-you know...
-I, I don't... I don't see it.

And the white lines
for symmetry?

I don't see it-- I'll take
your word for it, though.

I think it's pretty interesting.
I mean, there's a lot of depth
to it, looks...

Oh, hey, do you want to come
to Santa Cruz with me
this weekend?

-This weekend? Um...
-Yeah.

'Cause I'm going anyways
to see my friends and I thought,

you know, we'd have a place to
crash and everything.

It'll be great.
It'd be really fun.

Maybe... You know where I
really want to go? Italy.

-Italy. Okay, sure.
-Yeah, Italy.

I was thinking maybe, like,
for a year--

what if I went
to Italy for a year?

Oh, you, you mean, like...
Like, move to Italy?

-Yeah. Move to Italy.
-Oh.

Why not, you know?
I think that's amazing.

Like, there's all sorts of stuff
to do in Italy:

drinking wine,
riding around the countryside,

you know, gelato...

You can do all that stuff
in North Beach, really,
honestly.

You could, but Italy's
a completely different...

You know, like, there's nothing
really keeping me here, like,

yeah, North Beach is great,
but Italy is Italy.

I don't know--
I think it's a great idea.

Well, I could just
pack my bags up.

There's... not a lot going on--
it would be great.

Well, hey, if you don't go
to Italy, um... I don't know,

I'd be kind of curious to see,
you know, where this is going,
me and you.

I don't know, I think we
have kind of a good thing.

Want to take me with you?
[chuckles]

I would totally go.
I, you know, I got nothing else
going on, be honest with you.

I don't know.
I think... you're a little big.

You might not fit
in my suitcase.

-You raise a good point.
-Yeah.

Kind of...

-[door rattles]
-[knocks]

[man] Just a second.

[laughing]

-Are you stalking me?
-No, I'm not stalking you!

My friend does this
kind of work.

-What are you doing here?
-Uh, well, I do too, I guess.

-Sorry.
-That's okay.

I work in Senator Walker's
office.

Yeah, yeah.
Like an intern coordinator.

[woman]
Sorry, need to get through.

-[Kira] Wow.
-Hi.

-Hey.
-[both chuckle]

-Is that a dimple?
-[chuckles]

No, it's not a dimple.

Fake dimple.

You have real dimples.

Got a lot of hair in your face.

It's intentional.

That's better.

Sorry.

[unzips zipper]

[Max sniffs]

So... kind of hungry.

-You have any...
-Oh, yeah, I've got food.

I've got, um... What have I got?

I've got eggs.

Um, cereal's good,

if you just have cereal.

Cereal's not great right now.

I'm usually a cereal eater.

Um, it's a problem right now

because I was ordering
Count Chocula from Vancouver

because they discontinued it
in the States,

and I love Count Chocula.

I love the character.
I love the flavor.
I'm a big fan.

So I was ordering it,
and it was a lot of trouble--

-You have a cat?
-[cat meows]

-No.
-No, you don't have a cat.

[Max] Yeah, I have a cat.

Um, this is not my cat.

I need to start sleeping
with the windows closed.

[car horn honking outside]

[door closes]

So...

So, yeah, so no,
no cereal right now.

But usually I'm Mr. Cereal.

I think I might have a potato.

Hey, I've actually got a...

No, never mind.

[water dripping slowly]

[water running]

[water stops]

[files nails]

[gentle music]

[man] ♪ Pass me a pacifier

♪ All that I was
Is winding down ♪

♪ All around

♪ Out in a field of mines

♪ Apples are hard to find

♪ Walking around

♪ Red on the ground

♪ Poor baby doll ♪

♪ I've told you before

♪ The more you don't want

♪ The more I want more

♪ If heartache is love ♪

♪ Heaven is war

[music ends]

[Mason] Maximillian?

What?

What is this door doing here?

[clattering]

Why are you fucking
my stuff up?

-I don't have a cassette player.
-Ah, motherfucker...

-This is what?
-Oh, hey, it's a cassette
player.

That's right. Okay.
This is good news because
you know what I have?

-It's not a mix tape, is it?
-No, well... It, it, no.

-Um...
-What the fuck is that?

This was given to me a year
ago as like a... joke gift,

but for you, not so much a joke,
you know?

-Uh, we can get paper...
-Fuck you.

...pencil.

[drawer closes]

-Take a seat.
-No.

Come on! Come on!
You were gonna sit down anyway.

You're not gonna eat
standing up, giraffe.

-Why are you such a dick?
-Fine.

Fine, play your fucking tape.

[button clicks]

[man on tape] I'm really glad
you decided to press on

and turn the tape over.

[chimes ring]

Let's start with a simple
checklist.

I think it'll help us make
a beeline to the root

of your problematic thinking.

[Mason] And this is
the part to write down.

How many of these have you
heard in your head?

"If I don't easily meet
every moral

and ethical benchmark I make,
I'm a bad person."

No, I'm okay with messing up.
I'm not a perfectionist, Mason.

-This isn't...
-Will you listen for one second?

"...and failure is the most
unbearable result of all."

That part is more me than you,
but the next one

-is super you, super you.
-You're failing right now.

-Shh.
-"I'm not willing to say 'oops'
and move on.

I am worthless if I don't learn
how to do it perfectly
after my first mess-up."

[chuckling] That's...
You got to, you got to admit

that that's so fucking
applicable to you!

-You don't hear that at all?
-No, Mason, I'm not
a perfectionist.

-This is really stupid and...
-None of that registers
with you?

Where's your new bike?

It's in the hallway closet.

Don't mess it up.

[Mason] Can't hear you.

[bicycle gears clicking]

Please don't ride it
inside my fucking apartment,
Mason.

Mason, if you break something,
I'm gonna charge you for it.

This is trash.
I'm putting it away.

It's also kind of beat up.

Looks like there's a face
in the seat.

Um... There's one thing I want
to say to you, though.

-[silverware thuds]
-Hey! Um, seriously, don't
throw shit in my kitchen.

Why don't you get a fucking
dartboard so I don't have to?

What do you think about that?

Uh, because I don't
want darts in my face.

-[Sara] Hi.
-[Mason] That's what the board
is for.

-How are you guys?
-Good. Good.

-Hi, Mason. How are you?
-Hi.

-Good. How are you?
-Good.

-Have you seen my flats?
-Your what?

My flats. You know?

I don't know what flats are.

-I'm sorry.
-Flat shoes.

Oh, um... I don't know.
Did you look under the bed?

[Sara] Maybe. Yeah, okay.

I'm sorry that, uh...

That I threw silverware
in your house.

Flats.

Bye. [kisses] Love you.

Taste like peanut butter.

[chair scrapes]

[Mason clears throat]

Sorry. [sniffles]

-[birds chirping]
-[distant traffic]

[touch tones beeping]

[clears throat]

[Kira over phone] Hello?

Kira. Hey, it's Max.

-Hey, Max.
-Hey.

-What are you doing?
-[phone beeps]

Mm, Max, can you hold on
a second?

-Uh, yeah, I can hold on
for many seconds.
-Thanks.

Hey, this is Kira.

Hey.

Yeah, no, it's not pork.

It's page 36, dumplings.

Um... Oh, the first line.

Uh, I think it reads
"The recipe's pedigree
informs its flavor."

So just make sure
that they're not putting
an apostrophe on "its,"

'cause they kind of seem
to keep forgetting.

Okay? Thanks. Bye.

Hey. Sorry about that.

[woman knocks on counter]

Yeah, yeah, pork.

I love pork.

Pork's kind of heinous
for me.

[Max speaking indistinctly]

No, no, it's okay.
What's going on?

Um, Margot asked for some
title ideas for the flambe book.

-Yeah.
-So I wrote up a couple.

-Okay.
-Wait. Hello?

Flambe: Little Flame,
Big Heart.

Number two: Romantic Glow.

Hey, Kira, can you hear me?

I think my phone's messing up.

Three: Simply Flambe,
Flambe Simply.

And number four is
You're Fired! A Guide
to Flambe.

I'm gonna, um, I'm gonna try
and maybe switch sides or...
angles.

Maybe the... I'm not pointing
at the satellite or...

Number five is actually
not so great, but I came up
with the four.

[Kira] I'll give it to Margot.
Thank you, Penny.

Sure.

Hey, you still there?

Yes, yes, I'm absolutely
still here.

-Are you at work?
-No, no.

Uh, national holiday.
I work for the government,
so I get everything off.

Somebody sneezes,
I get to go home.

Mm, I don't... I don't know,
do we want to be, you know,
talking on the phone?

Um... Yeah, I don't know.

I guess, guess maybe
you're right.

No, I mean, I'm not saying,
you know... I, I...

You know what? Forget it.

Um... It's stupid.

No, it's okay. I'm, I'm sorry.

I get, I get confused.

It happens sometimes.

[distant chatter]

[Mason] It's a good start.
It's a good start.

-Should I be concerned?
-Should be inspired.

I got a... I discovered
my shower rod works

as like a chin-up bar,
pull-up bar.

Pretty cool.
Just trying to tone up a little.

Your shower bar?
That sounds really dangerous.

-You notice the difference
at all?
-No.

Why are you all fired up
about getting healthy
all of a sudden?

Well... I don't know.

I feel like intellectuals
too often think of the muscle
of the mind

and then kind of lose track
of the fact that it's all
connected and...

You got to build a house
for that to live in.

Do we know some
intellectuals?

What's going on with,
uh, you and Sara?

Sara's doing really good.

She just got a haircut.

She got her bangs cut.

It looks really good.

See that cloud over there?

It kind of looks like a bear
eating a fish eating a fox.

Looks like a fox eating
Michael J. Fox.

[stammers] I don't think
you're right.

I don't think foxes
eat their own.

They're not like that.

The, uh, bench is free, man.
Let's take the bench.

How's your kitty cat?
Kevin or whatever.

Tiger. I don't know.

I, I think he's taking a hiatus
from me or something.

I haven't seen him since
like Tuesday or Wednesday.

Oh, man.
Is he underwhelmed by your
caretaking skills?

Your cat is lost.
Did you put up a sign or...?

-No.
-Just haven't seen him?

-No.
-Cats get run over by cars,
for starters.

All right, and Sara?

I don't really have a plan.

You know, I'm just kind of
hoping that if I wait,

things are gonna work
themselves out.

Mm-hmm.

That's, that'll probably happen.

That's probably exactly
what'll happen.

Uh, my cell phone is broken,
uh, probably forever.

Uh... It was kind of a piece
of crap anyway.

Um, so, got a landline plugged
in right now, so just, uh...

If you call that old number,
that's why it's not working.

Um, all right, well, I hope
to hear from you soon, and,
all right, take it easy.

All right, bye.

[dial whirring]

[voicemail]
Hey, this is Kira.

Leave me a message
and I'll give you a call back.

[female voice] At the tone,
please record your message.

When you've finished recording,
you may hang up or press 1
for more options.

To leave a callback number,
press 5.[beeps]

Hey, Kira, it's Max again.

Uh, I'm... stupid.

I forgot to give you the...
the new number.

Uh, it is... 9-5-7... Uh...

7-8-9-2, so, uh, yeah.

It's a totally antique phone.
It's probably older than I am,

so... when you call, it's gonna
be like brrring, brrring!

It's kind of awesome.
Uh... All right.

Oh, God, you know, I, I just
remembered what you said

about us not talking
on the phone, so...

Never mind. No big deal.

Uh, I'll talk to you soon.
Not on the phone.

All right, bye.

[copier whirring]

[copier beeps]

[electric stapler thuds]

[copier beeps, whirring]

[copier beeps]

[stapler thuds]

Hey, you know, you don't
have to staple those
all individually.

I mean, the copier will
staple 'em for you.

-No, it won't.
-Yeah, yeah.

Uh, it's got like this
function on it.

You just take the sheets
you want stapled together...

-Is this the third page?
All right.
-Yeah.

So then you just
put 'em together, put 'em
in the tray.

All right, then tell it to
collate, staple top left...

-[copier beeps]
-...and then run it.

[copier beeps, whirring]

-[copier beeps]
-See?

All stapled for you.

You've got a seriously, uh,
bright future here.

Hey, thanks.

Hey, have you gotten
to the point yet

where you're trying to
file stuff and you forget

what letter comes before what?

Like N before M or O before Q?

Not, not really.
I mean, it's just the alphabet:

L-M-N-O-P-Q-R-S.

Yeah, well, you will.

[phone rings]

Thank you for calling
Senator Walker's office.

How can I help you?

[caller hangs up, dial tone]

Oh, hey, I'm gonna get
started on that second box.

[Max] Right.

-What are you working on?
-Um, it's not for work.

It's a card for my girlfriend's
birthday, which is tomorrow.

Oh, a handmade card?
That's a good idea.

-Girls love that kind of thing.
-They do.

Are you gonna write a poem
or something?

I mean, I don't want to
get too personal, but I was
a creative writing major,

so if you need me to read over
something, I'd be happy to.

Um, no, Jon, I really don't
think that's necessary.

I don't know that my girlfriend
would necessarily respond
to rhymes.

Oh, oh, come on, it's easy.
Just give me a word
that describes her.

-You know, anything.
-Hey, Max, here's those
letters we were talking about.

-Mm-hmm.
-Just need you to make sure you
go through each of 'em

and make sure they're
all signed before you send
'em out, okay?

-Okay
-All right, thanks.

Uh, how 'bout "pretty"?

Pretty, pretty...

Man, I can't think of anything
that rhymes with "pretty."

Yeah, me neither.

[clattering]

[Max panting]

[clattering]

[traffic passing]

[cable car bell rings]

[cable car clanking]

[louder clanking and whooshing]

[Max groans softly]

[running water]

[door closes in distance]

-[Sara] Max?
-Hey!

-Hi!
-Hey.

I hurt myself.

What happened?

It hurts.

Oh, my God, baby,
what happened?

Fell off my bike.

-You fell off your bike?
-Uh-huh.

-You actually rode it?
-Well, yeah, you know,
that's why I got it.

And I'm getting older.
Got to work out
so I don't get fat.

[both chuckle]

[blows]

Well, it looks kinda bad now,

but I think you're gonna
be okay.

-Okay.
-Did you break anything?

Um... don't think so.

[chuckles] Cute.

[English accent] We are
still in full possession

-of our faculties.
-[laughs]

[English accent] Your subjects
will be pleased.

-We hope so.
-[laughs]

[normal voice]
Aw... Do you have Band-Aids?

-[normal voice] I don't know.
-You don't know?

-I don't know.
-You should always have
Band-Aids on hand

-for emergencies like this.
-Okay.

-You're ridiculous.
-Okay.

-Go to the kitchen, please.
-Okay.

Go on.

Is this lavender soap?

Uh... I don't know.

Hey, we haven't had sex
in the shower in a long time.

[soap clatters]

[water shuts off]

[sighs]

[sniffling and sighing]

[opens and closes drawers]

How did you fall?

I don't know.

I got bad night vision.

I think I hit a crack
or something

and the bicycle kinda
started rocking,

and then it just jackknifed
real fast.

We should really get plane
tickets for Ohio tonight.

The prices go up
after the two-week mark.

It's kind of pretty, actually,
if you look at it.

I mean, it's gross, but it's
kind of strangely beautiful.

It sort of looks like ribbing.

Hey, you think, uh,
if the eventual scab

looks like the Virgin Mary
that we might be able

to make a profit off of it?

[chuckles]

I'm a lucky fucker.

I could have broken
my neck or something.

[package tears]

What?

I was just thinking
about the time...

that we met
at the airport last year.

I was so happy... to see you.

I was happy to see you too.

And you had to drive us home
in your parents'
ridiculous truck.

I fucking hate that truck.

[chuckles]

And your mom was screaming
the whole time.

She was like, "Sharp corners!
Cornfields! No moon!"

Like it all meant
we were gonna die.

And you were yelling back at
her, very... undiplomatically.

You were kind of a dick,
actually.

[chuckles]

But it was kind of cute.

It was really cute.

I took a little camera video
of the whole thing.

Did I ever show it to you?

I don't know,
I don't think so.

It's really funny.

I'm sure it is.

[guitar music]

♪ Show me
The best that you got ♪

♪ And I'll show you
One better ♪

♪ Show me your reddest rose

♪ And I'll show you
One redder ♪

♪ Tell me a dirty joke

♪ And I'll laugh it off
Lightly ♪

♪ If I tell you
A dirty joke ♪

♪ You might not like me

♪ Everyone gets to make

♪ One big mistake

♪ And if you're waitin' on me

♪ Well, I guess you're gonna
Have to wait ♪

♪ Ti-time-timing
Is everything ♪

♪ If you've got nothin'
But time ♪

♪ I got nothin' but time

♪ And a lie
Don't mean nothin' ♪

♪ If nobody knows
When you're lyin' ♪

♪ Lie when you lie

♪ So lie when you do

♪ Lie when you don't

♪ Lie when you didn't
Lie till you lie ♪

♪ Lie, lie, lie

♪ They're wonderin'

♪ If anybody else is lyin'

♪ Everyone gets to make

♪ One big mistake

♪ And if you're waitin' on me

♪ Well, I guess you're gonna
Have to wait ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm savin' mine up

♪ For a very
Very special day ♪

♪ When I can fuck it all up

♪ In the most spectacular way

♪ Everyone gets to make

♪ One big mistake

♪ And if you're waitin' on me

♪ Well, I guess you're gonna
Have to wait ♪

♪ And wait, and wait
And wait, and wait, and wait ♪

♪ Everyone gets to make

♪ One big mistake

♪ Mistake, mistake, mistake

♪ Mistake, mistake, mistake
Mistake, mistake ♪

♪ And if you're waitin' on me
Well, I guess you're gonna
Have to wait-ait-ait-ait ♪

♪ You're gonna have to wait

♪ 'Cause I'm savin' mine up

♪ For a very
Very special day ♪

♪ It doesn't even matter
If it don't even matter ♪

♪ When I can fuck it all up

♪ In the most spectacular way

♪ Show me
The best that you got ♪

♪ And I'll show you
One better ♪

♪ Show me your reddest rose

♪ And I'll show you
One redder ♪

♪ Tell me a dirty joke

♪ And I'll laugh it off
Lightly ♪

♪ If I tell you
A dirty joke ♪

♪ You might not like me

[music ends]