Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988) - full transcript

Three frat boys sneak into the Tri-Delt sorority to witness the initiation of new pledges and are caught. The pledges must go to the local bowling lane and steal a trophy, aided by the unwanted frat boys. An accident causes the trophy to break, releasing an evil imp who then begins wreaking havoc with the teens, who begin suffering an attrition problem.

[wind whooshing]

[bats chirping]
[wings flapping]

[ominous synth music]

♪ Ooooh yeah

♪ Uh-huh

♪ Here in the darkness

♪ Here in the darkness

♪ Here in the darkness

♪ Here in the darkness

♪ Oh yeah

♪ Here in the darkness



[ominous orchestral music]

[victims screaming]

- Hey, baby what a pair.

You got it all.

- Jesus, he's gonna be going
to the bathroom any minute now.

- Take a hike, Jimmie.

- Just watch out for
the staples, man.

[laughing]

- Ha ha, advice from
the fat Don Juan.

- Hey, at least I've had
more than a magazine, dude.

- Yeah, yeah I've seen her.

A real K-9 cutie.

- [Jimmie] What does that mean?

- Hey, at least I don't pick
up my girls from the dog pound.



- Jerk off!

- [Keith] Hey come
on, you gonna give me

one of those brews or what?

- [Jimmie] No way.

- Oh come on, you're gonna
suck them all up by yourself?

- Sure, why not, they're mine.

- [Keith] Come on,
let me have one.

- What's it worth to you?

- Well, I know where
the Tri Delta sorority's

having their initiation tonight.

- Yeah, Felt-a-Delta?

- And you just might
be able to watch.

I think that's worth
a brewski or two.

- You better not be
jerking me around, dude.

- Hey, it's all true, I
heard it starts at midnight.

And I've got the
perfect window to watch.

- What are they gonna do?

- I don't know, but Babs
Peterson's in charge.

And you know she's gonna
have them bending over.

- I'd like to bend her over!

- [Keith] You and me both.

- This is gonna be
great, man, let's go.

- Calm down, I said
it starts at midnight.

- So, I got out
the peanut butter,

pulled out my gentile
miss and did the deed.

[rock music]

- Babs, do I have
to wear this hood?

- Yes.

- But why?

I mean really,

it's gonna make an absolute
mess out of my hair.

- Your hair is already a mess.

It's part of the ritual,
come on you know that.

- Ritual huh, you
make it sound like

we're devil worshipers
or something.

- Well, maybe we are.

- [Frankie] Come on, Babs.

- This robe.

It itches something awful.

I can't imagine what
it's doing to my skin.

I don't see why we have
to wear these things

for some stupid
initiation ceremony.

- Rhonda, how many times
do I have to tell you?

It's a tradition, all right?

The women at Tri Delta have
worn these ropes for years.

Besides, it's gonna put fear

in the hearts of our initiates.

- [Rhonda] I think you just
like paddling girls' fannies.

- Yeah, we'll just have to
call her Babs the Dominatrix.

- For sure, a pain freak.

- You guys, it's a
tradition, come on.

- You like it too much for
it to be just a tradition.

- Really, what
gives with you Babs?

- Honey, it's better
to give than receive.

[laughing]

Right?

[girls imitating sizzling]

- [All] Oooh.

- Hey Calvin.

You want in on this?

Calvin?

Hey, Calvin?

- What the heck
are you guys doing?

- [Jimmie] You want to go?

- Go where?

- To the Felt-a-Delta
initiation.

- No thanks, I'm
watching a movie.

- Jeez, what a dork.

- I can't believe this man,

the guy's finally turned
himself into a vegetable.

We gotta save him.

[people screaming]

- What are you doing?

- I'm checking for a pulse.

- Come on, you can watch
this crap any time.

We got something better.

- Not likely.

- What's the matter,
don't you want to see

some cute babe's butt up in the
air while Babs whacks on it?

- Oh oh, sounds really enticing,
Jimmie, really it does,

really does, oh boy.

- Last year there was this
girl with great boobs.

And Babs makes her wear
a bra full of worms.

And then do push-ups,
deep push-ups.

[laughing]

- That's disgusting.

- You're sitting there
watching zombies eating people.

That's disgusting, man.

- It's not a zombie,
it's a succubus.

And anyway it's just a movie.

- So, this is real
life, it'll be great.

- Look guys, sadomasochism
just doesn't appeal to me.

- [Jimmie] It's naked girls.

[chuckling]

- Well, that
appeals to me, yeah.

- Glad to hear it.

Give him a beer,
it can only help.

- Um.

[sighing]

[laughing]

- [Jimmie] It'll put hair on
your chest, man, don't worry.

- Mmm, mmm.

[suspenseful music]

- [Calvin] Hey guys.

Uh.

Wow.

- [Jimmie] God, you're
such a goob, come on.

- [Taffy] What
are we doing here?

- We're joining a sorority.

- Thanks for clearing that up.

I mean why are we
putting up with this?

- You want to get somewhere
in this college, don't you?

This is the sorority to join.

- So what?

Who said humiliation is the
only way to join a sorority?

- I think it's supposed
to build character

and create a bond of sisterhood.

- I think it's
institutionalized sadism.

[chuckling]

- Initiates were not
given permission to speak.

That infraction will
require punishment.

Assume the position!

[suspenseful music]

- What is your problem, retard?

- I can't believe it,
he's drunk on one beer.

- I'm not drunk.
- Shut up.

- Quiet.

- Look at that.
- Now, this is it, this is it.

- Initiates, are you
prepared to enter

the Tri Delta sorority?

- Yes.
- I hope so.

- Then let us begin.

[suspenseful synth music]

[initiates grunting]

[grunting]

[grunting]

- Amazing.

- It's fantastic.

- Wow, what channel is this?

- It's not TV, jerk.

- We've got to
get a better view.

- I don't want to leave here.

- Inside.

We'll go around
the back, come on.

- Wait for the commercial.
- It's not TV!

[suspenseful music]

[girls grunting]
[paddle smacking]

- [Keith] Shhh!

- He's drunk on a can of beer.

[paddle smacking]
[girls grunting]

- I think it's time for
whipped cream delight.

- Whipped cream?

- That oughta cool them off.

[girls squealing]

[giggling]

- Okay, up to the
shower, then cleanup.

And then we'll have the
last part of the initiation.

- Bye, girls.

- Rhonda, come here.

I think I'll be deciding the
final part of the initiation,

you understand?

- This robe is murder, I feel
like I've been initiated.

Will you just just
look at my hair, huh?

So what's with the
scare tactics, Babs?

You sounded pretty
evil back there.

- I'll say, didn't you
get enough of your jollies

with your paddle?

I mean, they took
more than we ever got.

- Honey, I haven't begun.

[laughing]

- Whoo, look out!

You know, you really should
consider prison work, babe.

Brutal Babs, the Wicked Warden.

[laughing]

[upbeat pop music]

♪ Sex

♪ Sex

- What do you think
Babs has planned for us?

- I don't know.

I didn't like the
sound of her voice,

oooh, she gives me the creeps.

- I don't mind
the whipped cream,

but I'm not gonna giver
her another chance

to whack me around.

- We have to do what she wants

or we won't get
into the sorority.

- I'm not putting up with
any more torture from Babs.

No sorority's worth that.

- Look.

We'll stick around and
see what she has planned.

It might not be so bad.

- [Woman] Okay.

♪ Sex

♪ Girls and boys and the joys

♪ Makes the world go 'round

♪ Sex

♪ Duty to the race

♪ And a big chase

♪ That's what it's all about

♪ Oh, oh

♪ Everybody wants
a little blow ♪

♪ Some of us just
can't get out there ♪

♪ A little romance

♪ Can go a long long way

♪ But don't be afraid
to love, my baby ♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪ Sex

♪ Girls and boys
and all the joys ♪

♪ Makes the world go 'round

♪ Oh, oh

♪ Sex

♪ Duty to the race

♪ And a big chase

♪ It's what it's all about

[paddle smacking]

[screaming]

[laughing]

- Busted.

What am I gonna do
with the three of you?

- We've taken up enough of
your time, we'll just be going.

- Shut up and sit down!

You know, I could kill you all.

It'd be very easy.

We'd claim self-defense.

Three deranged rapists
broke in our house.

[laughing]

- Isn't that a little severe?

- Yeah, we were only looking.

- And admiring.

- Can she really kill us?

- Don't be stupid.
- And don't push your luck.

You know, you're lucky the
cops aren't here already,

you perverts,

- Yes, Madame de Sade.

- I've just decided on the
third part of our initiation.

Lisa and Taffy.

You're gonna break
into the bowling alley

at the mall tonight.

And bring me back some
kind of souvenir as proof

that you were there.

A trophy should do.

And you three will join them.

- What is this?

I mean come on, you catch
us breaking in here,

so for punishment
you're gonna make us

go break in somewhere else?

- Shut up, motorhead.

We'll be alone in a
deserted bowling alley

with two frightened,
gorgeous girls

needing male companionship.

- Oh hey, you know, let the
punishment fit the crime.

- Wait a minute, no way.

- Alone with these sleaze bags?

- Forget it, no not a chance.

- Girls, it's a tradition.

Either you do it or you're
gonna find another sorority.

- We don't have much choice.

- Lisa, I'm not going anywhere
with these sex maniacs.

- I don't like it
any more than you do,

but please, we have to pass
this initiation, oh please.

- Oh no.

- We'll do it.

- Good, then it's set.

You'll break into
the bowling alley,

you'll bring back a trophy here.

Then you'll be part
of the sorority.

Well, for a probationary
period at least.

You better get going.

[quirky orchestral music]

Perverts.
[girls chuckling]

Rhonda, Frankie.

- You've got more planned
than you're letting on, Babs.

I can see it all over your face.

- Honey, did you forget?

Daddy owns the mall.

- That's right.

- We can get in so easily.

We'll watch our victims
on the security cameras.

And when they're
not ready for it

we'll scare the
shit out of them!

[laughing]

- Babs, you're absolutely evil.

- And, if Lisa and Taffy
don't come back with a trophy,

which they won't
if I can help it,

I'll think of some other kind of

painful punishment.

[laughing]

[upbeat pop music]

♪ You said it

♪ You said it to me

♪ I really don't get it

♪ I wanna be free

- [Taffy] How are we gonna
get into the bowling alley?

- No problem, I'll
pick the lock.

Do you have a bobby pin?

- Oh, who are you kidding, man?

That only works in the movies.

We're gonna need a crowbar, duh.

- Oh, oh yeah, yeah,
so we use a crowbar.

We might as well invite
the police to help us.

- What about a burglar alarm?

I mean a place like this
is gonna have one, right?

- Uh-huh.

- Well I think I can
bypass the alarm system

with the use of a
common coat hangar.

- You say that in a movie, too.

- Listen, Einstein, I
don't see any bright ideas

coming from you.

Oh, we'll use a crowbar.

- Guys.
- Oh yeah?

Saw a couple of movies and
you're James Bond already, huh?

Don't worry girls, my 007
fountain pen will open any door.

- Guys.
- Listen, fat guy--

- I'm listening, geek!

- I'm gonna heave.

- Ew, jeez.

- Come on, now.

[Calvin retching]

What's the matter with him?

- He drank a beer tonight.

- A beer, only one?

Just look at him.

- Pathetic, isn't it?

- [Both] Yes.

[suspenseful synth music]

- Babs, can I see your compact?

- Rhonda.

- Oh, Frankie, you
screw up everything.

- [Babs] Oh wait.

We're in, come on.

Frankie!

- [Frankie] All right,
all right, I'm coming.

- [Babs] Oh Rhonda,
you and your compact.

- [Frankie] Wait for me.

[suspenseful synth music]

[all chattering]

Wait, wait for me.

- If my daddy only
knew we were here.

Oh I can't wait to see
these nerds in action.

[shouting]

- [Rhonda] She told me she
went all the way with him.

- You mean to tell me
that Taffy gave it up

to some dude from
the Planet Geektron?

- Yeah.

[laughing]

- Poor girl must been desperate.

- Dang, how'd that happen?

Maybe I left a window out there

and there's a
draft or something.

Whoo, dang.

Well, better get out of here.

[door rattling]

Shit, it's stuck.

God damn.

[upbeat pop music]

- [Calvin] Oh, I'm
gonna blow chunks.

[Calvin retching]

- So, what now, oh master thief?

[chuckling]

- Give me a minute.

Help me look for
wires to the alarm.

[scoffing]

[laughing]

[suspenseful orchestral music]

- Jeez, this place is weird.

- [Taffy] Did anybody
bring a flashlight?

- [Keith] Uh, no.

- [Jimmie] It's a nice place
for a murder, I'll say.

Boo!

- Oh, clever.

- Gives me the wim-wams.

- Gives you the what?

- You know, the wim-wams,
the willies, the creeps,

the heebie-geebies.

Scares me.
- Shhh, listen.

[thudding]

- Ow, come on, that hurt.

- Do that again I'll put a
stake through your heart.

- I was only joking!
- Well, I'm not.

Let's just find a trophy
and get out of here.

- [Lisa] I'm with Taffy, there's
something about this place

that gives me a bad feeling.

- [Keith] What do you mean,
it's just a bowling alley.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

[laughing]

- This should be a breeze,
they're spooking themselves.

[laughing]

- Okay, okay, look.

The trophy case has got to
be somewhere around in here.

- You know this might go a
little faster if we split up.

- Okay, so uh, which
one of you lucky ladies

wants to go with me?

- Uh-uh we'll go this
way, you two that way.

[sighing]

- Poor girls,

they just can't trust
themselves with us.

[Jimmie humming]

[upbeat synth music]

- Hi, do you come here often?

- Jesus Christ.

- Sorry, I didn't
mean to startle you.

- You stay there pal, or I'll
lay you right the fuck out.

- Oh hey, I'm not gonna
hurt you or anything.

- Damn straight, you're not.

You're no security guard.

- Oh no, I'm just, um I'm just--

- That's close enough.

- What's going on?

- What is it?

- [Jimmie] Calvin, is
this is a friend of yours?

- Sort of.

[laughing]

- Yeah, dream on, toad.

What is this, midnight
wimp bowling league?

- What are you, the
bride of Dracula?

- Oh, jump back, prom
queen's on the loose.

Or is it high school hookers?

- Well, this is Lisa,
and this is Taffy.

- Taffy?

Jesus.

- [Taffy] What's the
matter with Taffy?

- Oh, well if you don't know,
Taffy, you deserve the name.

- Anyway, Lisa and Taffy

are being initiated
into a sorority.

- Oh, coeds, figures.

- And in order to
get into the sorority

they have to steal
a bowling trophy.

- Oh, naughty, that's illegal.

- Yeah, so what are you
doing here, mopping up?

- Yeah, and I'm almost done,

so let's cut the shit
and get out of here.

- Maybe we should go.

- Sure, let's grab the
trophy and we're gone.

- You know, you really
shouldn't be doing that.

- Times are tough, pal.

- Calvin.

You can call me Calvin.

If you need any money I
could loan you a dollar.

- Hey shithead, I'm
robbing the fucking place.

Do you understand?

- Yeah, sorry, I just thought...

- Hey man?
- Yeah?

- Are those fucking
glasses for real?

[suspenseful synth music]

- Come on, man.

- I'm working on it,
will you cool your jets?

- Maybe we this is a bad idea.

Maybe we shouldn't
even steal this.

- Shh!

We're not stealing it,
we're borrowing it.

We'll bring it back
and drop it off.

Anonymously.

- And besides they'll probably
blame it on that bitch.

- Maybe they'll
blame it all on us.

- Only if we're caught.

Come on man, you're
taking all night.

- Shut up.

Loo, I'm doing the
best I can, okay?

Damn it, it won't work.

- [Spider] Hey, one side.

- [Calvin] Gently,
gently, gently.

- Assholes.

- You know, she's got a
real attitude problem.

- [Jimmie] Forget her.

Well.

Pick a trophy.

Eeny, meeny, miny,

ah.

Oh, he's a big one.

Let's do it.

[suspenseful synth music]

- They've got the trophy,
we better do something.

- Well what about
that punk dyke?

- I can handle her.

[laughing]

[upbeat dance music]

- What's your name?
- Spider.

- That's neat.

What's your real name?

- Spider.

- Oh.

Come on, no one's parents
would name them Spider.

- I don't have any parents.

- Oh, sorry.

If you don't mind me asking,
what happened to them?

- I ate them.

- Come on, Calvin, let's go.

- Say goodnight to your
girlfriend, Calvin.

- You people really annoy me.

Why don't you just leave
the little jerk alone?

Now get out of here
and leave me alone.

Or I'll stuff this trophy
so far up fat boy's ass,

you'll see it every
time he opens mouth.

- Let's go.

Calvin?

[eerie ambient music]

- Too cool.

- Ow, it's about time, too.

[chuckling]

- Holy shit.

- No, unholy shit.

- Babs, did you plan this?

- I don't even know
what's going on.

- Oh baby, it was
really cramped in there.

It put a definite
crimp in my style, too.

[bones cracking]

Ah, that's better.

Well well well.

Howdy do, boys and girls.

Oh, your little faces are
just so full of surprise.

Well, I'm just as happy
to be here as you are.

What are you staring at?

This ain't no freakshow.

Oops, uh, old Uncle Impie's
just a little bit cranky.

It's no fun being
locked up like that.

Especially in a bowling trophy.

- I don't believe this.

- Are you for real?

- Why, of course I'm for real.

As real as you are.

My my my, whose
little girl are you?

And another one, just as pretty.

I'll bet all the boys are glad

we have these pretty girls
in the audience today.

Aren't you, boys?

Ain't you glad, boys?

- Too cool.

- Such a sour face.

- Stuff it, you little prick.

- Now is that any way to talk
to your good old Uncle Impie?

And just when I was
gonna granted a wish

to each and every one
of you boys and girls.

- A wish, who are you kidding?

- Well, what kind of wish?

- Why, any wish you want.

Who's the sweetheart
who sprung Uncle Impie

from the nasty bowling trophy?

- Me, I did that.

- Hey, I did.

- Yeah, but I picked the trophy.

- Take turns, there's
a wish for every one.

- What a bunch of shit.

- Uncle Impie will
ignore that remark,

but he'll remember it.

Okay, Porky, you first.

What can Uncle Impie
do for you, babe?

- I can wish for anything?

- [Uncle Impie] Anything your
fat little heart desires.

- Wait a minute, Jimmie.

- What for, what
have I got to lose?

- You don't know what
you're dealing with.

I mean, maybe the
wishes can come true

and then go bad on you.

I don't know, I hear
that's happened sometimes.

[scoffing]

- What are you talking about?

- Maybe you better
listen to Calvin, fats.

- Thanks, Spider.

- Maybe you should
shut up, both of you.

- Indeed, I'm shocked, shocked
to find so much distrust

from one so young.

Don't matter to me.

Either you want the
rish or you don't.

- I want it, I want it.

- [Uncle Impie] Good!

What do you want?
- Don't, Jimmie.

- Uh, gold, I want gold.

Lots of it.

- Then gold it is.

[gold thudding]

[laughing]

- I'm rich!

Thank you.

Thank you.

I can get my nails
done I can do my hair.

Gee, I could go out
and buy a Porsche!

I'm gonna get two or three
Porsches, this is great.

Do you see this?

[laughing]

- Nothing to it.

- It's for real.

- Oh my god, they're
getting wishes.

- Babs, we've got
to get down there.

- This can't be happening.

I mean, how can
this be happening?

- Ah man, I'll get a Masarati,
ah, no I'll get a Ferrari.

A Ferrari and a
Lamborghini, and then,

[laughing]

this is great.

- I bet a I know what
you want, four eyes.

Come here, kid.

I bet you want to pork that
little bitch in the sweater.

I bet you want to pork her butt

from here to Pocano, don't you?

- Yeah, that's for me.

- You got it.

[sexy synth music]

- Hey.

- Oh, thank you
thank you thank you.

- Mm-mmm!

- Well, uh, yeah.

Um, we'll see you guys later.

- Keith, how dare you,
Lisa don't go with him.

- I've got a bad feeling.

- How bad?

- Real bad.

In fact, maybe we should be--

- No leaving yet,
the fun's just begun.

[electricity crackling]

[grunting]

- Fuck, it's stuck tighter
than an ant's cunt.

[grunting]

Best thing to do is not panic,

there's nobody out
there that can hear you.

So just don't
panic, just be calm.

God damn it, I want
out, let me out!

I want out, somebody,
god damn it!

[light pop music]

- [Keith] Easy baby, easy.

- [Lisa] You drive me wild.

- [Keith] Lisa, Lisa, wow.

Uh, Lisa?

- Oh, yes.

So great.

Oh, yes.

- Yeah.

Look, Lisa, whoa whoa.

Lisa, wait, hold
on, wait a minute.

- Oh, yes.

- Oh, Lisa, we gotta talk.

- You're next.

You helped get Uncle Impie
out, didn't you sweetheart?

- Yes.

- Good, and what do
you want to wish for?

- I don't know.

- Oh, it's hard, isn't it?

So much to wish for
and only one wish.

Come here, baby.

You're a pretty
girl and I like you.

Now don't tell the others,
but you can have one wish now

and one wish later.

- Can I?

- Would I lie to you?

All right, isn't there
something you always wanted

and never got?

- Well, all through school,

I always wanted to
be queen of the prom.

- And it never happened?

Oh shit, what a shame.

But we'll fix that.

[chiming music]

Quit looking at me and turn
around, you knuckleheads.

A vision, beautiful, beautiful!

[carnival music]

- Am I really?

- Am I really, am I really?

I'm getting the
hell out of here.

- Go ahead, be a party pooper.

You'll be sorry.

- Eat shit!

- OK for you, Uncle Impie
will use all your wishes up.

No fair sneaking and peeking.

Come out, come out,
wherever you are.

[electricity crackling]

[girls moaning]

[groaning]

[grunting]

[upbeat electronic music]

- Babs?

- Another party pooper,
can't have that.

[electricity crackling]
[grunting]

- Shit, it's a trap.

- Yeah, it's starting.

We better tell the others.

- [Spider] Damn!

[suspenseful synth music]

- My dress, what
happened to my dress?

- This isn't gold.

This isn't gold!

It's painted wood, it's fake.

- What happened to my dress?

- Oh my gold, oh my
dress, oh boo-hoo-hoo.

- What's the idea?

- Boo-ya, joke's on you.

[Taffy screaming]

- I've had enough of this shit.

- Street fighting, no fair.

- Eat shit and die!

- Come on, Spider.

- [Spider] Damn it.

- Run run run, Uncle
Impie's gonna get you!

Fun fun fun!

[suspenseful synth music]

[grunting]

Have a nice trip,
see you next fall.

Ha ha, I crack me up.

- Wait, wait.

Remember what happened to Babs.

- Yeah, maybe only because
that little prick was there.

- Yeah, but you don't
know how powerful he is.

He could have the whole
place sealed off like that.

- Only one way to find out.

[electricity crackling]

- Are you okay?
- Damn it.

Yeah I'm fine, forget it.

[Jimmie screaming]

- Jimmie?

- Get away, get away from me!

[screaming]

- Who's got a quarter?

- Oh, I think we can
manage that, Rhonda dear!

[laughing]

[machine whirring]

- Holy fuck.

[Jimmie screaming]
[Rhonda laughing]

[grunting]

[Jimmie screaming]

Move!

Move!

[upbeat electronic music]

- Oh no.

Whoa.

- The way you make me feel.

- Oh, it's nothing
like the way I feel.

- Good, you feel it too.

- Oh yeah.

- Hold me closer.

- If I moved any closer
I'd be behind you.

- Oh, you're so witty.

- No no no, I stole
that line, honestly.

- So hot, oh and
you're so honest too.

- Oh geez.

Oh my god.

Wonder how the other
guys are doing.

[suspenseful orchestral music]

- [Uncle Impie] And now
one of our hostesses

will demonstrate her
perfect bowling form.

She steps up, she
wiggles her fanny.

And, oh perfect
form, lovely form.

This could be a strike,
it could be a strike.

Oh no, it looks like it's
gonna be a gutter-head.

Well, thank you, fat boy,

it's been a pleasure
having you on the show.

- [Calvin] Wait,
I'm gonna heave.

- Come on, you can't stop
now, they're right behind us.

Come on!

- No, I'm gonna toss.

[Calvin retching]

- Would you hold the noise down?

- [Calvin] I feel
like I'm dying.

- Not yet, you're not.

- [Calvin] Spider, I
thought we were gonna die.

- [Uncle Impie] Yes,
it's late at night

in the spooky old mall.

What can happen next?

[laughing]

Could be a boogie-boogie
monster coming around the bend.

[laughing]

[light rock music]

- [Rhonda] Taffy.

Taffy?

Taffy?

Taffy.

Taffy.

Taffy.

Ah, come on.

- Keith.

Oh, Keith.

- Ah, Lisa?

Oh boy, oh boy.

Uh.

Whoa, um,

yeah.

Wait, wait a minute.

- Wait?

What for?

- Um, I think we're going
a bit fast, just a bit.

- We're not going fast at all.

- Wait wait, whoa, what
are you doing there, ow ow!

[Calvin retching]

- Come on.

Sit, sit.

Ah, shit.

- Blanky.

- [Frankie] Calvin,
where are you?

- Oh, shit.

- Don't be afraid.

It'll only hurt
for a little while.

I promise you.

Come out, Taffy.

Keep me company.

Taffy!

[suspenseful orchestral music]

[hissing]

You'll never be a Tri
Delta girl now, Taffy!

[laughing]

[grunting]

[suspenseful orchestral music]

Taffy?

That wasn't very
nice now, was it?

[laughing]

- Why don't you die?

Why don't you die?

- [Rhonda] Maybe
I'm already dead.

[laughing]

- We've really got to talk.

- There's nothing to say.

I'm yours.

- No no, see, that's exactly
what we got to talk about.

Ow, oh, no.

I think you're doing this

because of some sort of spell.

I don't think you
would be doing this

under normal circumstances.

- Does it matter?

- Yes, it does, it
matters, it matters to me.

And I think it
would matter to you.

- It doesn't matter.

- Oh my god.

- Keith, I have your pants.

[suspenseful synth music]

- Find a weapon.

What am I supposed to
do, clean her to death?

Come on!

This ought to do it.

Wonder what they
clean with this.

[grunting]

- She's getting in.
- Shit!

[grunting]

[gun firing]

[grunting]

- Holy, just like
John Wayne, pow!

- Yeah, right.

- Yeah, that's beautiful, I
never seen anything like it.

- Would you just look
for more bullets.

Shit.

Damn it.

What does it take?

[gun firing]

Stay dead, damn it!

[gun clicking]

- That's not gonna stop
her, let's get out of here.

- I've gotta go.
- Go?

Go where?

- To get a drink of water.

- Water, at a time like this?

- Did I say water?

No, I mean ice, ice cubes, yeah.

Lisa, Lisa.

Have you ever done
the ice cube trick?

- No, what's that?

[suspenseful synth music]

- Ah, shit.

Oh, fuck!

Damn, sucker's gonna be
the size of a donkey's dick

come daylight.

Guess I'll just have to
learn to scratch my balls

with t' other hand.

Good thing I love my work.

[light chiming music]

[suspenseful synth music]

[light chiming music]

[sighing]

- Darn, this is never
going to clear up.

[suspenseful synth music]

- [Rhonda] Keith.

- Lisa, is that you?

Lisa?

- Surprise, it's Rhonda.

[Keith screaming]

- Crispy critters.

- Would you stop that?

- Why?

- It's giving me the creeps.

What a sound.

You shouldn't do that, either.

- Who are you, my mother?

- It's bad for you.

- God damn it.

How the fuck did I
get stuck with you?

- I wonder how the
others are doing.

Hope they're all right.

- Let them take
their own chances.

First, we got to
find some weapons.

The snack bar, there should
be some knives there.

- What good are knives?

A gun hardly slowed Rhonda down.

- It's better than nothing.

- What's funny?

- Nothing.

I was just thinking.

The first time you saw me,

you said "Hi, do you
come here often?"

- That's what Jimmie
said you should say.

- [Spider] He did?

- Stupid, I know.

- Yeah, it was, very stupid.

[laughing]
[sentimental synth music]

How the fuck are we gonna
get out of here alive?

- [Taffy] Keith, thank goodness.

Keith?

Where's Lisa, is she all right?

Keith?

Keith?

[Taffy screaming]

[screaming]

[laughing]

- Got you, Taffy.

- No, no!

[bones cracking]

No!

[Taffy screaming]
[Rhonda laughing]

[bones cracking]
[Taffy screaming]

- Oh god.

Oh god!

[sobbing]

What's happening?

Oh god.

- The rest of her is over here.

- I think I'm gonna be sick.

- You have nothing
left to throw up.

And we don't have the time
to waste for you to try.

Damn it, nothing here
but plastic forks.

- [Calvin] Sorry.

- This oughta do it.

[suspenseful orchestral music]

- [Uncle Impie] Where
are you going, my pretty?

- Oh god.

- Not leaving so soon, are you?

- Damn you.

- Already done, I'm afraid.

- Who are you?

Why are you doing this?

What did you do with
Rhonda and Frankie?

- Please, so many questions.

Let's take them one at a time.

I'm an imp.

One of the many imps to be sure.

But not without certain powers
and magical capabilities,

as you have seen.

Rhonda and Frankie
have been made over

into demons of a sort.

Demonic stamina but without
spell-casting powers.

Inept, the both of them.

My own fault for choosing
such unpromising material.

Coeds, really.

[gasping]

What I am doing
is tormenting you.

That is what imps do, goofy!

And I do take pride in my work.

[laughing]

But then I pull the
wings off of flies.

- Please, stop this.

- You don't understand.

I have to do this, I must.

- No.

No.

- A nasty lesson
for a nasty girl.

[laughing]

- Hello, Babs.

- Company's arrived.

[grunting]
[suspenseful synth music]

[laughing]

Uh-oh.

- No, no!

No!

[ball thudding]

- Yeah yeah yeah, oh beautiful!

Oh, great.

- Hey.

It might not be over yet.

Come on, let's check her.

- Yeah.

[laughing]

- [Spider] Give me that.

- Here.

Is she dead?

- There's no pulse.

Would a demon have a pulse?

- I don't know.

Any other time she would
have come up after us.

You beat her.

She's dead.

One dead demon.

[Babs laughing]

- Hey, who's in there?

- Lisa, is that you?

- Come on.

Come on!

[laughing]

- She's dead.

Did you hear that?

We can beat you.

- What do I care, you're
gonna take her place.

[suspenseful synth music]

- Let's find the others.

[suspenseful synth music]

- If a demon's in there,

close the door fast.

- [Calvin] Got it.

- Do you believe this?

[Janitor snoring]

Hello?

Hey, wake up, hey!

Hey, hey wake up!

Wake up, you old fuck.

- Who's talking, who?

What's going on, who are you?

You kids shouldn't be
in here, we're closed.

- Oh yeah, no shit.

- We're trapped in here.

- What?

- We're trapped in here!

- Wait a second, I got to
get this thing turned on,

what'd you say?

- We're trapped in,
we're trapped in here!

- Ain't no reason for you
to yell, I can hear you.

What do you mean
you're trapped in here?

- Just tell him the
story, he'll love it.

- Well, there are some demons
that are murdering my friends.

- Demons murdering your friends?

I gotta tell you both, kids.

Drugs are not the answer.

What you gotta do you, gotta
do like it says on the TV,

you gotta learn to say no.

- Hey, don't interrupt
him, it gets better.

- Well, I'll start
at the beginning.

It was an initiation,
initiation?

It was and initiation we
had to help these two girls

get into a sorority.

To get in they had to
steal a bowling trophy.

- What, steal a bowling trophy?

- [Calvin] A bowling trophy.

- What bowling trophy?

- It was a large one.

It opened up.

- You didn't open it
up though, did you?

- Well, I didn't, no, but,

yeah, yeah it got opened.

[sighing]

- My god.

My god, my god.

My god, do you
know what you done?

You done let the imp out.

- You know about it?

- 30 years he's been in
there and you let him out.

[sighing]

How many is dead?

- [Spider] Three
that we know of.

- Well, two of the
girls turned into demons

and we had to kill one of them.

And then one of
them is still loose.

And then there are
two of our friends

who are still missing.

So...

[sighing]

- 30 years.

- Hey, if you know something
about this, you better tell us.

Because that imp has this
whole damn place sealed up.

And the only way
out is by dying.

- Ain't lying.

It was 30 years,
I ought to know,

I've been here that long.

I've been here at this bowling
alley almost all my life.

- Here we go.

- Matter of fact
it was March, 1956.

You see, there was a
feller named Dave McCabe

used to come in
here all the time.

He loved a bowl but he
was just terrible at it,

don't you know, I
mean just awful.

Every time he picked up the ball

it would end up in the gutter.

Well, folks they,
they laughed at him

and they they made fun of him.

Then one day McCabe came in
and he bowled a perfect game.

And he kept right on a-doing
it, every one of them perfect.

Strike every time.

He even won the league
tournament that year.

And that's when all the terrible
things started to happen.

Everybody who'd ever
ever made fun of

or laughed at old Dave, I
mean even just a little bit,

they started turning up dead,

and I mean awful dead,
all ripped apart.

It was a terrible thing to see.

- [Spider] Enough, pops.

- Yeah, you're right,
they did call the cops.

And the cops figured
old Dave done it

and they took him away.

Poor fella.

He died that very year
in the gas chamber,

just two days before Christmas.

- Sounds like an awful mess.

- No no, he never
did confess, no sir,

right up until the very end
he said he never done it.

Said he used black magic to
call up some sort of imp.

You know, to help him out and
be a better bowler and all,

and then he said things
just got out of hand,

and this imp just starting
killing everything in sight.

- That is really the most stupid
damn story I've ever heard.

- No no no, it wasn't a bird,
it was an imp, an imp you see.

No, Dave told me that
and I believed him,

because I was there,
I seen them bodies.

Oh, it was terrible
terrible terrible.

- But how'd the imp
get in the trophy?

- What?

- How'd the imp
get in the trophy?

- Oh that, well McCabe
told me about that

just before he got
arrested, you see,

he trapped him in there.

It seems, an imp, when
he gets trapped up

in close places like that,

he loses all these powers,

you know like ol'
King what's his name?

Solomon, you know,

that bottled up all the
genies like you read about.

- And you just left him
on a shelf for 30 years.

- Hey, I ain't gonna
mess with no black magic,

besides everything
was fine till you kids

let him out.

[chuckling]

- What are we
supposed to do now.

- What?

- What are we
supposed to do now?

- Well, you trap him,
like McCabe did, I guess.

You do what ol' King
Sol would've done.

- Right.

We just get him in a headlock,

kick him in the butt,

and put the little shit
right back into the trophy.

It really sounds like
no problem to me.

I'm sure you can
handle it, Calvin.

- I hear tell something
about turning magic

against itself, but I
don't know how you do that.

I think what you
gotta do is probably

get him in a headlock
and kick him in the butt

and then stuff the little
shit back in the trophy.

- [Spider] Great suggestion.

- Well, at least we know
what we're up against

so probably the best thing to do

is go find the others, huh?

- Okay, let's do that.

Now listen, I want
you to wait here,

you lock the door

and listen for us please.

- I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

This dang thing's gone
on the blink again.

- Here.

I said you wait here,

lock the door,
and listen for us.

- Ah, still ain't workin'.

I'll tell you what I better do.

I think I better wait right
here and lock the door

and then listen for you.

- Oh, great idea.

Good idea, yes.

Come on.

[humming]

[suspenseful orchestral music]

- Oh, gee.

What took you so long?

I've been waiting.

[gasping]

[suspenseful synth music]

- We haven't tried here yet.

Shhh.

[screaming]

[suspenseful orchestral music]

[groaning]

Oh god damn
she-demons, I hate 'em.

Oh.

- Shut up, hey.

I saw a first-aid kit
in the storage room.

- Yeah yeah yeah yeah.

Ah, she-demons.

Damned if you do,
damned if you don't.

- Just come on!

[eerie ambient music]

- Oh, Babs.

- No, Lisa.

- No, Babs, please.

- Time to continue
the initiation.

- Please, Babs.

- Oh.

Oh, nowhere to run to.

- No, Babs, no!

- Still wanna join
the sorority, Lisa?

- No.

Babs.

No, no, Babs.

[gas dripping]

- Calvin, hey.

Calvin, hey, come on
come out of it, hey.

Come on.

- What?

What?

What happened?

- You passed out on me.

- Oh.

[groaning]

Jeez.

- Hey, it's nothing.

It's mostly a bunch of blood.

I found something when
you were zonked out.

Figure if we can't
beat 'em to death,

we can burn them.

Now you're gonna
do the lighting,

I'm gonna do the throwing

and we better get it
right the first time.

[sighing]

Unless we find more bottles.

Can you make it?

- Yeah yeah.

- My hero.

- Do you ever say anything
that isn't sarcastic

or is it just some one of
these habits you can't break?

- It's a way of life.

[ominous synth music]

- [Uncle Impie] Oh.

Where's miss lumpy-face?

[laughing]

- Maybe you better give
me that lighter back.

- [Calvin] I can handle it, see?

- Yeah.

- [Calvin] There.

[suspenseful orchestral music]

- Come to play?

Bet you don't have
as much as Lisa did.

- Calvin, the bottle.

- [Calvin] I'll get it.

[laughing]

[grunting]

- Come on, honey.

Just you and me.

[grunting]

[laughing]

Ooh,

I'm starting vibrate.

[screaming]

Come on.

[grunting]

Go ahead.

Throw it.

Throw it.

[laughing]

Ooh.

Starting to enjoy this
as much as I am, huh?

- Not half as much as
I will in a second.

- Oh yeah?

- Yeah, Babs.

- Babs, how 'bout a cocktail?

[screaming]

[ominous orchestral music]

[sighing]

- Nice catch, nice throw.

- Thanks.

What a stench, huh?

[coughing]

- It's too bad we
had to kill her.

- Why?

- I really liked the
outfit she had on.

[ominous synth music]

[knocking on door]

[hissing]

- Goddamn that fuckin' imp.

[grunting]

- I found Lisa.

- Dead?

- Yep.

- Uh.

- Sorry.

- It's okay.

- Those look pretty mean.

Want me to get a first-aid
kit from the office.

- No, forget it.

I'm okay.

Let's just get the old guy

and get out of here.

- You make it sound pretty easy.

I mean, you still got
the imp to deal with.

[chuckling]

- We'll just stuff
that little bastard

back in the trophy,

"Just like ol' King
Sol would've done."

- Well, McCabe must use some
mean black magic on him.

- I don't know,

I don't care.

Let's just fucking do it.

- All right.

[sighing]

Look all right to me.

[door knob rattling]

Still locked.

- It's quiet.

I wonder why she's
not trying to get out.

- I don't know.

- What happened to your man?

I wonder why he hasn't shown up.

[eerie ambient music]

Fuckin' didn't lock the door.

[ominous orchestral music]

- [Calvin] Oh shit.

[hissing]

Jesus.

- [Spider] Fucking run!

[suspenseful synth music]

[hissing]

[hissing]

[hissing]

[grunting]

[ax thudding]

[electricity crackling]

[eerie ambient music]

- Magic against itself.

- Calvin, get the car.

[suspenseful synth music]

[engine revving]

- Surprise.

It's Rhonda.

[gagging]

- Monster in the backseat.

The oldest trick in the book.

[laughing]

[gagging]

[laughing]

[gagging]

[tires screeching]

- No way out,

except by dying.

[laughing]

[gagging]

[chuckling]

- Stuff it, you little prick.

[gagging]

[tires screeching]

[car crashing]

- Calvin!

[light synth music]

[groaning]

Calvin, are you okay?

- [Calvin] Wait, am I dead?

- Not yet, pal.

[grunting]

[groaning]

- The imp, where is he?

- Over there.

- That's what stopped Rhonda.

The imp loses its power
when it's trapped.

- So it's finally over.

- Come on, Calvin, we gotta go.

- Why?

- Someone must've heard this

and the cops will
be on their way.

- Who cares?

- You wanna explain eight
mutilated bodies laying around?

- The imp did it.

- Yeah, right.

You wanna open the
can and prove it?

Come on, you coming
with me or not?

- Where are we going?

- My place.

- [Uncle Impie] Here,
where you going?

Come on, don't leave me here.

Let me out of here.

Get me out of this can.

I'll be a good little imp.

I promise I will.

Don't leave me under here.

It's all dark and dank and musty

and smells like tobacco.

I'll be good.

I promise.

I'll be a good little
imp, believe me.

Hey, you in the front row.

You got a wish?

[laughing]

[upbeat synth music]

♪ Oh yeah, oh oh

♪ Here in the darkness

♪ Here in the darkness

♪ Here in the darkness

♪ Here in the darkness

♪ Oooh yeah

♪ Here in the darkness

♪ Here in the darkness

♪ Here in the darkness

♪ Here in the darkness

♪ Here in the darkness

♪ Here in the darkness

♪ Here in the darkness

♪ Here in the darkness

♪ Oooh yeah

♪ Oooh yeah

♪ Ooooh yeah

♪ Uh-huh

♪ Uh-huh

♪ Mmmm

♪ Yeah

♪ Mmmm

♪ Mmmm

♪ Oh oh

♪ Here in the darkness

♪ Here in the darkness

♪ Here in the darkness