Sophomore (2012) - full transcript
The great Miss Helen Keller once said, "Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing." The sophomores live by these words. It's time to make a little history of their own. Sophomore year is here. Whether they're being caught with their pants down, or shirt off, being dragged across an intersection, or leaping out of windows, they're out to make the most of life. Whether sophomore, "Strummer," teacher, or parent, one thing's for sure, they're not freshmen anymore.
*
- Welcome to
the first day of truth.
Up until this point,
they've been feeding you
patriotic, watered-down,
white, American history book
bullshit.
Not anymore.
You're all grown up.
You're sophomores now.
Congratulations.
Time to face the many
harsh realities of our past.
Time to unlearn what
you've learned.
Welcome to American History
for the first time.
My name is Cap.
- * I'm sipping
on some sunshine *
* I'm gonna leave it for
the morning and the afterlife *
- You a freshman?
You a freshman?
Freshman?
You a freshman?
- Me?
No, no, no.
I'm not a freshman.
I'm the janitor.
- Two days, freshman.
- Did we look that young
last year, dude?
- You did.
- I can't wait for two days.
- See you Friday, freshman.
- All these years and now
it's only two days away.
Yes.
- Can't hit me this year,
douche.
- You don't have to sleep at
my house this year, Sam.
- I've been getting it since
grade school from this idiot.
It's Freshman Friday, homo.
- I remember in seventh grade,
this big goo bag through an egg
at me from across the street.
It was like Satchel Paige,
dude, when that shit me.
- I remember that guy.
He was crazy.
- Luckily, that egg missed
by 20 feet.
- I got it worse in junior high
than I got it last year.
- Not anymore, dudes.
Not anymore.
Not anymore.
- Hi, guys.
- Not anymore.
- Hi.
- Not anymore.
Not anymore.
I didn't want to leave you out.
- Thank you.
- Can we still get your mom's
car on Friday?
- I think so.
- She's been driving
longer than me.
- She's been driving that car
since she was like,
12, man.
- Another couple of years and
you'll finally get your license.
- What's a license?
- Hey.
Is that your dad, Jeremy?
- Yeah.
- Your dad's the janitor?
- Yeah.
- That sucks, dude.
- He got de-hired
at the brokerage house.
This pays pretty good, he said.
- Your dad rules.
- Hey, guys.
Hey, Jeremy.
First day back, huh?
- Yeah.
It's pretty soon, Mr. McKee.
I can see the school is going
to be extra clean this year.
- Oh, I don't know, Eddie.
I'm not that good.
Hey, guys, take it easy on
the freshman Friday, will you?
I'll be up all night
scraping eggs
and whipped cream
off the lockers.
- Don't worry, Mr. McKee.
I don't miss.
- I'm so sorry!
- What do you guys got next?
- I have math
with Miss Hutz.
- Same here.
- That's what I have.
- Nice.
- I heard she's rough.
- Oh, God.
- When I was in 10th grade,
she broke a chair
over my head.
- Lionel loves
the math teachers.
- What do you got next, Blank?
- Economics.
- Yeah, but what
are you going to?
- Freshman English.
- Every year, this idiot
goes in the wrong classroom
on the first day of school
just 'cause he knows
he can get away with it.
- That's funny, dude.
- Jacob Abbotts?
- Here.
- Tiffany Barrons?
- Present.
- Mary Bere?
- Um, it's "Ba- ray", ma'am.
- Bere, okay.
Thomas Chatham?
- Here!
I'm here, ma'am.
Thomas Chatham.
- I'm Thomas Chatham.
- Nice try, kid.
Thomas Chatham, ma'am.
Messing with the teacher
on the first day of school?
Show some respect.
Larry.
- I'm Thomas Chatham!
- I'm sorry, ma'am.
I apologize for his
obvious poor judgment.
- Lago.
- Here.
- Eulich.
- Here.
- Serenski.
- Here.
- All right.
We have a lot to cover this year
and plenty of time to get
to know one another.
Let's just get started.
Please open your textbooks
to chapter one.
We'll begin with problem nine.
Five minus x plus...
Is there a problem?
- Oh. Oh, no, ma'am.
- Lionel loves math, ma'am.
- Well.
Then I'm sure he wouldn't mind
walking us through
the next few problems.
Would you, Mr. Brubaker?
*
- (gasps)
- I just started seventh grade
and you can be there
for Freshman Friday,
it's bullcrap.
That's what you get
for being smart, Ronny.
- Brubaker,
we're in junior high.
They're not going
to mess with you.
It's the ninth graders
they want.
- Yeah, right.
This is so bogus.
Walk to this other class here?
There's plenty of room.
They're going to make me
walk over there?
- Your brother and sister
will protect you.
- I'm so freaking dead.
- Girls know we love that shit.
It's so sweet.
Oh yeah.
- Hey, Lionel,
do you think girls know
we look down their shirts
when they bend over
and they slooze.
- I don't know.
- They don't know.
- How old is
your brother again, Sam?
- 20.
- Man, I hope I'm 20
when I'm a senior.
- You're on your way.
- He's a smart guy,
though, right?
- You don't know that story?
When he was little,
he was in a coma for two years.
- No way.
- Yeah, dude.
No one knows why.
Most people just think
he went to sleep.
- Diarrhea in the house!
- He's going to start
seeing Francine.
- Really?
- He says he wants to date
every Asian girl
in 10th grade.
No sophomore girls ever go out
with sophomore guys.
It's always seniors.
- That's 'cause you dudes
don't put out.
- It's 'cause you can't get
a girl in your own grade,
you faggot.
- Add them up.
- (scoffs) Yeah.
- Except for Honey.
- She said any time, Blank.
- Sa-weet!
- Lionel Brubaker.
Your sister's so hot, dude.
- Shut up, man.
- What happened to you?
- I know.
I look like a nerd
but I'm not smart.
What good am I?
- You're cute.
- Thanks, Eddie.
- No one likes the kids
in their own grade.
It's always some other grade,
some other school.
It's why I like
hanging out with you guys.
- You better not fucking
hit me on Friday.
- How's Hutz?
- Can't even get one day with
a math teacher who likes me.
- She caught this kid
smoking once.
She picked him up,
hung him on a stop sign.
I know where she lives.
This big house,
all by herself.
She's a lonely woman.
Maybe you should stop in
for a visit, Eddie.
- You know what you should do?
You should sneak into her house
while she's home
and take a shit in her toilet.
- You mean like,
right on her table?
- No.
That's not funny,
that's gross.
Shit right in her toilet
where it belongs.
She'll come in there
afterwards and be so confused.
And you'll always know
that about her.
No matter how
authoritative she seems,
she had a moment because of you
that scared and confused
the hell out of her.
- That'd be funny.
*
- Hi, I'm a seventh grader.
Not a freshman.
Seventh grade. Yep.
Just gotta go to my class.
- Hey, Lionel,
isn't that your brother?
- Yeah. He's gotta go to class
over here once a week.
- On Fridays?
- Oh, he's dead.
He knows.
*
- Yo, freshman!
- Ahh!
- Well, here we are.
Freshman Friday.
Sophomore's most looked forward
to day,
when you can finally do unto
others what's been done to you.
Since this is supposed to be
a history class,
can anyone tell me
when this yearly ritual
of Freshman Friday began?
- In the Bible?
(class chatters)
- God the sophomore
wreaking havoc
on the freshmen of mankind.
Yeah, well,
some would argue.
I don't know where
it started either.
It's a common problem with us.
We have this tradition
that persists year after year
and no one knows why.
Everyone participates
but no one's bothering
to find out when
and where it came from.
It's as if it was
handed down by God.
As if it's always been here.
See, this is where history class
has failed us.
History is right now.
And we can make of it
whatever we choose
and that's the way
it's always been.
And what becomes
history book history
often took those who lived it
by surprise.
But the books
don't make that clear.
Which is why they're garbage.
Someone makes a decision,
he chooses to act
in a certain way
and it becomes history.
Simple.
Somehow we've forgotten
that over the years.
In this class,
we won't be memorizing dates
or who won some battle
in some war
'cause who gives a shit.
If you want to know
those things, fine, go.
Find out on your own.
You don't need me
for that.
This is about
discovering meaning.
Somehow, we have come
to imagine that learning history
is memorizing some great story
with characters like
George Washington
and Abraham Lincoln,
who always did the right thing.
These legendary,
flawless men.
(scoffs)
This is all bullshit.
Learning history is supposed
to help us with our lives.
Now.
Or what's the point?
Remember these people
were just like us.
They could have
made the wrong decisions.
They could have made
better decisions.
The whole thing could be
completely different
because these people,
these patriotic icons...
...they were human beings.
They were people.
People who farted
just like you and me.
(laughing)
*
- * Nothing is more inspiring
* Than a beautiful woman
- Oh my God.
She's staring at me.
She's looking at me.
Hey, Honey.
Hey.
- She's watching the serve, Bob.
- No, man.
She's looking at me.
Honey Brubaker.
Oh.
It's our last chance.
She graduates this year.
- I don't think it's going
to happen again, Bob.
- It was like a dream.
- What are you guys
talking about?
Oh, there's no way it's going
to happen again
'cause it never
happened in the first place.
- What are you talking about?
I'm not going to lie about
the greatest moment ever.
The night I saw Honey Brubaker
sleepwalk through
her living room
without a shirt on.
- Liar.
- Whatever we do,
can't let Lenny know
or he'll never
let us sleep over.
- It's going to have to be
warm outside
or she'll sleep in
a sweatshirt or something.
- Yeah.
But when it is warm outside,
she doesn't sleep in anything
but her beautiful self.
- Stop it, Bob.
I have to poop.
- It's gonna happen
and we're gonna be inside
with her.
I can feel it.
- Freshmen!
- Oh!
(screaming)
- Freshmen!
- Seventh grade, assholes.
- Sorry.
- (bell rings)
*
- (chuckles)
(gong bangs)
- (bell rings)
- Yes.
*
- (groaning)
(all screaming)
* Let's bail, let's bail
* Let's bail *
* Agitate the gravel
* Let's bail
* Saddle up and travel
* Let's bail, let's bail
* Let's bail
* This is the most
boring place I know *
* Like a mashed potato sandwich
with mayo on white *
* Chance are that fun
is somewhere else *
* So let's go there
* And leave this mess alone
* Let's bail *
- Meet me at my house, Lionel?
- Where are you going?
- Mom's making me walk
Lenny and his friends home.
- Aw, shit.
- I know.
- Good luck.
(screaming)
*
- Time to make
a little history, boys.
- Hopefully legends, dude.
So big, the history books
won't even have to lie about us.
- Where are we going?
- Let's head over
to Chomsky Street.
There's always a mess of kids
walking home there.
- Make a mess of them.
(screaming)
- I know a shortcut
to Sam's house.
You guys already got hit?
- Gym class.
- * Just like Bill and Ted
I was running so fast *
* I was seeing red
* There were mobs of children up
and down the street *
* Cars all speeding
to beat the heat *
- You guys ready?
- Yeah.
- It's on, dude!
- * Suddenly out of the blue
* They had me surrounded,
I didn't know what to do *
* I was trapped,
he got me there *
- Oh my gosh.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
(sobbing)
- Come on.
- Right here, right here!
Right here!
Did you see them all?
There's so many of them.
They think they're home free.
- Go get 'em, Sammy.
Here they come.
- Yeah! Whoo!
- All right!
(laughing)
- Freshman!
(laughing)
(whispers)
- Sophomore.
- That sucks, dude.
- It's bullshit.
- You made it.
- Couple close calls, man.
- Got your boys,
though.
- No, they got that in school.
- Gym class.
- What's up, Strummers?
- Poor Sam.
- What happened?
- Got hit.
- Oh, shit.
- I met you before.
What's your name again?
- Jeff.
- No, that wasn't it.
It was like Todd
or something.
- No. It's always been Jeff.
- No, dude,
give me a second.
It'll come to me.
- Hey, Sam.
- Sam, you almost
got me killed today.
- What the fuck
is this kid's name?
- So stupid.
Why do people do this?
I mean, I'm not going to do this
when I'm a sophomore.
- Yeah, nice try, Bob.
You'll do it.
- No, I won't.
Somebody's gotta resist.
When did this stupid thing
even start anyway?
- In the Bible.
- (groans)
- What, I washed 'em.
- Not with soap, dude.
- You told me to wash them!
- Your dad's
hating it right now.
- Yeah, that sucks.
- His dad's the janitor.
- Oh, that stinks.
- Hey, Elroy.
Mom still laying your clothes
out for you in the morning?
- Yeah.
- You kids are set.
I've seen some of the girls
at Guthrie.
You're so set.
- Eh, they're okay.
- You're nuts, Bob.
- They're all flat.
- Come on.
You're not ready
for boobies yet.
Besides, we can't
all be good-looking.
We wouldn't get any work done.
If everyone was good-looking,
we'd just have sex all day long.
Seriously,
wouldn't be productive.
Thank God for the ugly people.
Keeps the economy stable.
You kids are
fucking sophomores!
Holy shit.
Are you ready for
the craziest year of your life,
'cause you better be.
- Hey, Blank, when do we get
to go to a party?
- Mm, you boys wanna
go to a party, huh?
- I can't.
- Are you ready for that?
- I'm ready.
*
- * Since I was born
* They couldn't hold me down
- Freshmen?
- No. Sophomore.
- * I didn't play by the rules
* And I never
really cared *
* My nasty reputation
takes me everywhere *
* I look
and see it's not only me *
* So many others have stood
where I stand *
* We are the young
so raise your hands *
- Hey, Lionel,
there's your sister.
- You boys are looking
a little peaked.
- Thank you.
- * I like it this way
* I like it that way
* Everybody gather around
gonna light the day *
* You're gonna watch us dance
* Now you're gonna
hear us sing *
- Where's Willie?
- Where's my hot dog?
Who the fuck took my hot dog?
- I never seen anybody
eat a hot dog like that kid.
- Loves hot dogs.
- You guys missed the fight.
- Aww.
- Just kidding.
- You know, if I had a party,
I'd invite
all these same people.
I really would.
I like them all.
- What about that guy?
- Go, go, go, go, go!
- I would also invite
Thomas Chatham.
- I think I'm gonna
get myself a hot dog.
- You should invite Cap, dude.
- You take my fucking hot dog?
This guy fucking
took my hot dog.
- Yo, man, what's up?
- He's a drunken idiot, Blank.
- This fucking guy
took my hot dog!
- Dude, you ate it.
You're still chewing it.
- I'm gonna be watching you,
hot dog.
Fucking guy steals my hot dog.
- Willie was starting
shit outside.
- No.
- No, this drunken idiot
was stumbling all over himself.
- That's what being
drunk does to you.
It makes you stumble.
- I can't manage my drinks
either, man.
It's not really
a drinking problem though.
It's more of a math problem.
I can't count that high.
- What a loser.
- You can't count to three?
- Little wobbly over here.
- You could have been somewhere
touching boobs right now,
but you had to go
and make a joke.
- I was just kidding.
- * No hell below
- Know what I love?
I love it when little kids
are at the urinal
and they pull their pants
all the way down to their ankles
to take a pee.
I love that shit.
- You walking?
- Yeah, I'm cool.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
- Yo, buddy, gotta go.
- I'm sleeping, dude.
- I can't tell anybody that.
Except for you.
You have nice legs!
I just wanna touch 'em.
I just wanna lick 'em!
- (vomits)
- I guess I did eat
that hot dog.
- What is cool?
Anyone care to participate?
Mr. Blank.
- Beer?
- Same answer your brother
gave in his day.
- (growls)
- Pam.
- Um. Just being yourself?
- Why is it then that
so many people in this school
just want to fit in?
- A lot of kids don't like
to think for themselves.
They just like
to follow the herd.
It's easier.
- Knowing what's in style
is cool.
I don't like girls
that are out of date.
Or pale.
It's unappealing.
- So, cool isn't timeless.
- That's a phony cool.
- What do you think is cool,
Miss Lucille?
- Um. Ani Difranco.
She's a singer.
She's just really cool.
- You'll have to let me
borrow some of her music.
- Any time.
- (bell rings)
- All I'll ask
of you tonight, class,
is look around you,
observe things
and decide whether or not
someone is trying
to sell you cool.
Eat this, drink this,
wear this, and you'll be cool.
Ask yourself,
am I the one really deciding
what I'll spend my money on
or have I been seduced
by the power of cool?
Have a nice day, Willie.
- You too, Cap.
- Hey, I'd like to hear
some of that music.
- Cool.
You should come over some time.
- Sure.
That would be nice.
- Hi. I'm running for
student government
and I'd like your support.
- Are you trying to seduce me
with your power of cool?
- No.
I'm seducing you with
my compassionate integrity.
- Oh. Okay.
- Pathetic.
Pathetic.
It's a miracle you can even
write your name, Mr. Jermine.
Very disappointing.
I offer you kids extra tutoring
after school,
but does anybody bother to show?
Well, Mr. Brubaker.
By this latest effort, you can
hardly afford to be tardy.
- Sorry, ma'am,
I was in the lavatory.
- That's on your time, not mine.
- Sorry.
- You disgust me.
Every year
there's someone like you.
Someone who shows no regard
for anyone other than
themselves!
Selfish little child.
Get out of here.
Get out of my face!
Maybe you'll learn
that there are other people
who share this classroom
with you
who believe that
their education is valuable.
- I do, ma'am.
- She loves math
and you hate it.
It'll never work out
between the two of you.
- (sighs)
- I got her address.
- You did?
- My brother said he had it.
Well, he had it.
Wanna scope it out?
There it is.
- She lives there all alone?
- She keeps her dead mother
upstairs, dude.
- Is it on?
- It's on.
*
- The preceding program
was made possible
by the James and Patricia
Sandman Foundation,
the Thane- McIntire Foundation
and contributions from--
- She's in there.
- How are you going to get in?
- Through the front door.
- 6:59...
... P.M.
Just what I thought.
Getting ready
to watch "The Math Whiz."
She'll be locked there
for a half an hour.
You got one?
- I think so.
- You gotta take
a picture of it.
- That is nasty.
- It's memory, dude.
It's a reminder for Lionel.
He'll always remember
how confused she was.
- Bingo.
- That equals minus four
plus 4 minus,
square root of 16, minus 240,
plus 240 minus, times minus,
equals plus.
All over two,
when you multiply
and take the square root--
- He's in.
- Billy from Clairmont.
Billy, go ahead
with your question.
- How's Hutz doing?
- She's gone!
- Ahh!
What are you doing?
What is that?
And what is that?
- That was an accident.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
- What's going on?
- That scream didn't sound good.
(camera shutter clicks)
- My name is Dorothy Hutz
and I--I have an intruder
in my house.
Please help me.
- There he is!
- This doesn't
look good, fellas.
- What am I gonna do?
She locked me in.
- Holy shit.
- Toss your backpack.
Can you climb down?
- There's nothing.
- The leaves.
- Yeah, hang on, Lionel,
hang on.
(police sirens approach)
- Oh shit.
- Come on, Lionel,
you can do it.
- Come on, Lionel!
- Come on, Lionel.
- Come on, Lionel.
- Come on, man.
- Come on.
*
- Lionel.
Lionel?
Lionel.
- I got the picture.
(chattering)
- Well, it looks like
he's gone, ma'am.
Did you get a good look at him?
- No.
Not really.
- You think she's gonna show?
Think she'll show?
Lionel.
Lionel?
- * Could have been anything
* But I decided to be me *
(door opens)
- Sorry I'm late, class.
I'm not setting
a very good example, I know.
Now can we please take out
last night's homework
and we'll get started.
- (musical sputtering)
- * Take me riding in the car
* Car, take me riding
in the car *
* Car, take you riding
in my car, car *
* I'll take you
riding in my car *
(musically sputtering)
* Click clack,
open up the door, girls *
* Click clack,
open up the door, boys *
* Front door,
back door, clickity clack *
* Take you riding in my car
*
(musically sputtering)
* Climb,
rattle on the front seat *
* Spree, I spraddle on
the backseat *
* Turn my keys,
step on the starter *
* Take you riding in my car *
- Hey, man.
Wanna go shoot some air balls
over at Eddie's?
Pam's driving.
- No, I think I'm going
to work on some homework.
- Cool.
Cool.
*
- There's just so much
to choose from.
I don't know where to start.
- Whatever you think's good.
- In this one song,
she says,
"They criminalize the symptoms
while they spread the disease."
- Yeah, they're always thinking
crazy stuff like that.
- Yeah.
I think I'll play you
this one first.
It's the first one I ever heard.
It's called
"Little Plastic Castle."
That's the name
of the album too.
- Cool.
*
This sounds really cool.
- She's such
a good guitar player.
She doesn't sound like
anybody else.
It makes me want to get really
good at something, you know?
- Yeah. You should try guitar.
- Yeah, right.
I could never play.
- This is awesome.
Did you bring anything
in to Cap yet?
- No. I'm still
making him a mix.
- Cool.
- She just has
so many good things to say
that I think he'd like.
She has so much courage.
She sings and it's just,
I don't know,
you have to hear her say it.
I can't say it as good.
- * If they're happy
* But they don't
seem much to mind *
- So awesome.
- * From the shape
of your shaved head *
* I recognized
your silhouette *
* As you walked out of the sun
* And sat down
* And the sight
of your sleepy smile *
* Eclipsed all
the other people *
* As they paused to sneer
* At the two girls
from out of town *
* I said look at you
this morning *
* You are by far *
- Come on, Johnny.
You gotta come, John,
it's a tradition.
- I don't know, Larry.
- All right.
Just tell the little woman
you gotta pull an all-nighter.
Faculty cleaning.
All staff has a slumber party.
- Been a while since
I had a night like that.
- All the more reason
to be there.
It's a blast, come on.
You're dying for a night
like this, aren't you?
You're gonna see some lushes
we got working around here.
- Coach Howard,
this is getting kind of ugly.
- Be right with you, tiger.
You with me?
- Cap?
- Miss Lucille.
- I made this for you.
It's all Ani Difranco.
- Thank you.
- I just thought
you said you'd like to hear it.
- I do. I do.
- Well, I really hope
you like it.
Make sure you pay attention
to number four.
She says,
"The money multinationals
"have monopolized oxygen
so it's as easy as breathing
for us all to participate."
- Yes, we can't help
but participate
in their tyranny.
We're going to change that,
aren't we?
- Yes, we are.
- (sighs)
- Miss Hutz?
- What is it?
- Are you still giving
extra tutoring after school?
I'd like some.
- Have a seat, Mr. Brubaker.
- Thanks.
- Oh, dude, what is that?
- It's Lionel's.
- Sick.
You- - What- -
You're fucking crazy, dude.
- Yeah, it was stupid.
- You're fucking crazy!
(engine starts)
- School sucks,
it's so boring.
- Yeah, I know.
- It's so boring, Mom.
- Eat your dinner,
Jeremy.
- Oh, honey, this Friday,
the school is having
an overnight cleaning party.
I guess it's a tradition where
the whole faculty gets together
and they clean the school.
- All night?
We're supposed to get
a blizzard this weekend.
- I heard it's a beer bash.
- Don't worry,
it's fine.
Not going to happen again.
- Do you know how much money
that ended up costing us?
- I know.
- $3,000.
You hear that, Jeremy?
You ever get caught doing
something like that,
it'll cost you a year
of community college.
- Don't worry,
I learned my lesson.
- All right, now, remember,
you have to finish all 18 holes
to be declared the drink king.
So pace yourselves.
Y'all have your maps
of this year's course.
Par is 74 again.
Remember, when you're finished,
sign your scorecards.
You know what,
I should just ahead
and give this to Tug right now.
(laughing)
Hey, Johnny,
I'm so glad you could make it.
We've got you paired up
with Miss Beasley, Tug, and me.
- What's going on here?
- We're golfing.
Listen, don't worry about trying
to win this thing, all right?
'Cause, uh, Tugger's a lock.
Starting on the back nine
of the gym.
You ready?
*
Okay.
Starting off easy.
Par three.
All we need to do is one shot.
You can do two
for a birdie and so on.
But you should probably
pace yourself.
Red are for the ladies.
A little less potent.
- Larry, I really
shouldn't be doing this.
- Come on, John,
it's Jell-O.
Ladies first.
Oh, right down
the middle of the fairway.
Number 12.
Here we have a 573-yard
dog leg left with a pond.
Par 5.
As usual, Tug's honors.
Whoa.
Let's see if McKee
can keep up
his respectable even par pace.
Whoa.
Whoa, McKee!
Throwing his pace
right out the window.
A hole in one at the 18th!
- Woo-hoo! Yeah!
- At the end of nine,
John McKee!
Leading the field with
the ridiculous 11 under par!
- Nine?
I thought that was 18.
- No, we started on
the back nine.
- * Joy to the world
* The Lord is come,
let earth *
- How do you do it, Cap?
I mean, how do-- how-- how--
how do you keep them
from getting to you?
- They're sophomores.
It's the year
they all grow up.
Sort of.
They have so many
new experiences
and new truths revealed to them,
Dorothy.
Their heads are spinning,
trying to figure out
which way to go.
Remain a child,
become an adult.
I'm not too sure
which way to go either.
- You know, this is about
the only crazy thing
that I do in my life.
You don't know what I'd give
to have them look at me
the way that they look at you.
- Nah.
History gives me so many ways
to break the rules.
Mathematics
isn't so easy for that.
- (sighs)
I hate these tests.
I hate teaching for these tests.
That's no way to get them
to see the magic.
- I know. I know.
Mm.
Makes you feel young.
- (sputters)
*
- We reach the final hole!
We have a new champion!
(clapping)
- Well done.
Well done.
- * Oh the weather outside
is frightful *
* But the fire is delightful
* And since
we've no place to go *
- Hi, hi, hi,
uh, hi there, Officer.
Hi, Officer.
No, I haven't had
anything to drink.
No, Officer,
I don't drink anymore.
I used to.
Whoo, I used to.
I just had a couple of beers.
And a shot.
It's a nice night
we're having, Officer.
Looks like a couple flurries.
- * When we finally
kiss goodnight *
* How I hate going out
in the storm *
- Made it!
Made it!
- * All the way home
* I'll be warm,
the fire is slowly dying *
- What am I doing?
Can't go in there.
- * But as long as
you love me so *
* Let it snow let it snow
* Let it snow,
let it snow *
- Oh, shoot.
Oh, shoot.
- * Just hear
those sleigh bells jingling *
* Ring-ting-tingaling too
* Come on,
it's lovely weather *
* For a sleigh ride
together with you *
* Outside the snow is falling
* And friends
are calling yoo hoo *
* Come on, it's lovely weather
- Oh my God.
- * For a sleigh ride
together with you *
- Oh my God.
- * Giddyup, giddyup, giddyup,
let's go *
- Oh my God.
- * Let's look at the show
- (screaming)
- * We're riding in
a wonderland of snow *
- Mom, is Dad home yet?
- No, he must be having
the time of his life over there.
- * We're gliding along with
a song of a wintry fairy land *
* Our cheeks are nice and rosy
and comfy cozy are we *
- Did you get the paper?
- Not yet.
- * Let's take
that road before us *
* And sing a chorus or two
- Hey, Mom,
Dad's car's out here.
- What, honey?
- The key!
The key!
The key!
- Dad?
- * Farmer Gray,
it'll be the perfect ending *
* Of a perfect day
- Dad!
- The keys.
- Dad!
- The keys.
- What?
- The keys.
Start the car.
Turn the heat up.
- * There's a happy feeling
nothing in the world can buy *
- What happened?
- Turn the heat up.
The heat.
Shut the door.
Shut the door.
(air blows)
Hey, kiddo.
- Hey, Dad.
- I won that golf tournament.
- How you doing?
- Good.
- You're parked on
the front lawn.
- I know.
Love you, son.
- I love you too, Dad.
- Careful.
Careful!
Careful.
(groaning)
(groaning)
How's it look?
- Pretty good.
Do you want me to park the car
in the driveway?
- Sure.
- Sweet!
- Just put her in reverse
and back her up slowly.
- (engine revs)
- Easy. Easy.
Not too much gas.
Just enough to get her going.
- Okay.
- * Come on,
it's lovely weather *
* For a sleigh ride
together with you *
* Outside the snow is falling
* And friends
are calling yoo hoo *
* Come on,
it's lovely weather *
* For a sleigh ride
together with you *
- How are things
going with Lucille?
- Really good.
She's really cool, Dad.
- You don't mind having me
at school there with you,
do you?
- No. It's kinda nice.
- It's nice getting to see
my boy growing up.
Missed too much over the years.
- It's nice
having you around.
- We probably shouldn't tell
your mother about this.
Not just yet anyway.
- Okay, Dad.
- There's my pants.
What's for breakfast?
- Mom, Dad's home.
- It's about time.
- Oh, looks great, hon.
- Place should be spotless
after a whole night of cleaning.
What happened to your face?
- I threw up in the car
and fell asleep and it froze
and stuck me
right to the window.
- Oh, John, that's gross.
It's good to see you
finally learned your lesson.
I hope it wasn't too hard
to resist your new friends
at the school.
- You know me, hon, I'm a rock.
- Yeah, you're a rock,
all right.
- * Don we now
our gay apparel *
* Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
* Troll the ancient
yuletide carol *
* Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la *
- I like rice.
I bet you like rice too.
- Oh, that is nasty.
But still kind of funny.
Are you going to give it
to Lionel?
- No, he doesn't
need it anymore.
- One plus two is...
- Three.
- 12 minus three is...
- Nine.
- They all lead back to nine.
- Try 50.
- Five and zero is five.
50 minus 5 is 45.
Four and five is nine.
- That's so strange.
- It works with every number.
- But what does it mean?
- What does that mean?
That's exactly what
I want to teach the most.
- Thanks, Miss Hutz.
I always hated math until you.
- 55! 56!
57!
58!
- See you guys on Monday.
- You got
your uncle's ID?
- Nine.
- Shut up, dude.
- Do they even proof you?
- Not every time.
- I'm going to be 21
in six months.
I'm making
a 15-year-old kid get the beer.
- It's cool, babyface.
- I'll put in
once we stop at the ATM.
- Cool. I'm going
to pick up Willie,
and we'll all meet back here.
You sure you're cool
with your mom's car?
- Oh yeah,
she's working till six.
We should get going though,
Puffy's in the car.
- Puffy?
- My dog, he was lonely at home,
so I thought
we'd take him with us.
- Puffy's crazy, man.
He humps more legs
than you, Blank.
- Let's get going!
- Easy there, cowboy.
- I want to drink!
*
- * It's the most
wonderful time of the year *
(cheering)
* With the kids jingle belling
and everyone *
- You know, a dog taking a poop
is the funniest thing to me.
- (laughing)
That is funny.
- Yo.
- Let's put the keg back here.
I don't want my mom
to smell it.
- Puffy should
take care of that.
- * Holiday greetings
and gay happy meetings *
* When friends come to call
- Hey, Puffy.
* It's the happiest season
of all *
- Ooh, Puffy got worms.
- * Marshmallows for toasting
and caroling out in the snow *
- Here comes another one!
* Scary ghost stories,
and tales of the glories *
* Of Christmases long,
long ago *
* It's the most wonderful time
of the year *
- Oh, shit.
- It was an accident!
I held on too long!
- You kids are dead!
- Look at that guy.
- * Caroling out in the snow
* There'll be
scary ghost stories *
- They probably hit him
with a snowball.
- * And tales of the glories
* And of Christmases long,
long ago *
* It's the most
wonderful time of the year *
- You're fucking dead!
- * There will be much
mistletoeing and hearts-- *
- It was an accident.
- Come on, guys.
- So Willie told me
to pick him up
at his aunt's house,
but you're saying it's not
really his aunt's house?
- He doesn't want
anyone to know,
but him and his family
moved to Clairmont,
so he had to start
faking his address
so he could keep going
to school with us.
- I'm gonna mess with Willie.
*
- Excuse me,
can you help me with this?
- Sure.
- I'm going to need
some plastic cups too.
The red ones, preferably.
(register beeps)
- 62.30.
- Would you like
to see some ID?
- That's okay, sir.
- * I went to the window
* And I saw something there
* The kids all have off
from school *
* That's 'cause he's here
- Hey, Eddie!
- I'm not Eddie.
I'm Uncle Jose.
- Oh, sorry.
I thought you were someone else.
- That's okay.
We're going to be
at Blank's house.
- Nice.
- Okay. Here we go.
(grunting)
- Put it there.
- I'm good right here.
Hold on a second.
There we go.
- His parents are dentists,
right?
- Yep.
- Willie's little secret.
(tires skidding)
- Whoa!
Sorry, it's totally icy.
- That's okay.
(growls)
- I gotta get some money.
- Take your time.
- Oh, Puffy, are you okay?
- * A house
at the top of a hill *
- (groans)
Sorry, guys.
(ATM beeps)
- * Snow dear,
my moon's come a shine *
* Through pine,
holly moon hawks sleep *
* Let her scrap
through the failure *
- Puffy, you locked the doors.
Ugh.
Puffy locked the doors.
Can you climb through
and unlock them?
- I don't think so.
You want me to call
the auto club?
- I can't believe this.
I'm so sorry.
- That's okay.
- You're the best, Eddie.
God.
* Every trail
leads to your heart *
* It's time marry
(engine revs)
* From your side
I'll never part *
* Every trail
leads to your heart *
Eddie, why are
the wheels spinning?
- I think you have the car
in drive.
- Oh my God! Oh my God!
Oh my God!
(screaming)
(screaming)
- Hi, I'm locked inside a car
and it's beginning
to drive itself.
Yes, I'll hold.
- Eddie! Eddie!
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
Eddie!
(screaming)
Oh my God!
Eddie!
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
Eddie!
Oh my God!
- * I've been hitting
some hard rock mine *
* And thought you knows *
- Oh, my God, Eddie!
Eddie!
Oh, my God!
- Hey, Willie.
- Hey, Blank.
- I'm glad you go
to school with us.
- Me too.
- You know, our mom
can talk to your aunt.
You could probably live with us
if you want.
- Thanks, Blank.
- Any time, Willie.
- Okay, here's my situation.
- (gasps)
- Did you get them?
- All set, Pammy.
Where should he meet you?
- Oh my God,
someone's coming!
- Um, yes.
She has a red jacket
and she'll be ducking
behind some bushes.
- Oh, look, Gilbert,
there's a puppy in there.
Hey, little fella.
- It looks like he drove
this car into the bushes.
- Are you scared?
Did you lose control
of your automobile?
- (inhales)
- Oh, the poor little guy
is locked in there.
- Well, I guess we should go
call the police.
- How's it going?
- (gasps)
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Thank you.
Thank you.
- Is that your car?
- Yeah.
- How old are you?
- I'm 17.
- Come on.
I was driving my parents' car
when I was 14 too.
- I'm 15.
(inhales)
Unless my mom finds out
about this.
- I hear you.
- Be careful.
- Hey buddy.
How's it going back there?
- Pretty good. Thanks.
- Oh my God.
Oh my God!
Thank you, thank you.
Oh, thank you so much!
Oh!
Thank you!
- Want me to push you out?
- You're awesome.
Come on, Puffy!
(sighs)
*
- * I want to wake you
from your dream *
* I want to know
just who you're talking to *
* When you're singing
in your sleep *
* I want to find out
what it means *
* Do you love me?
(cheering)
* A thousand words
I want to say *
* But it's impossible
to spit 'em out *
* I can barely make a sound
* Do you love me,
love me? *
* Now we're fine, all right *
- What-cha doing, boys?
- Jeez, you scared me.
- Just watching Honey Brubaker
play tennis.
- It is a sight to behold.
- Check out that dude.
It's so funny how dudes
can walk around
without their shirts on.
Look at this guy,
bare-chested.
It's funny.
- There's places where girls
can do that too.
- Where?
- There's some places, dude.
You'll be surprised.
- Why can't it be like that
around here?
Yeah.
Shit, you know?
- I know.
- We gotta go in.
- Getting too hot out here
for you, boys?
- Said we'd
meet Lenny in the library.
- Out here looking at
his sister, huh?
- See you.
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
*
- Man, we're running out
of time.
She's gonna graduate soon.
- You're not talking about
that again.
- We still have the summer.
- It's gotta happen
before school ends.
I can feel it.
- I'd like to take this one out,
Miss Kleppy.
- Oh, "A Wrinkle in Time".
This is a great book.
It hasn't been signed out
in years.
Oh, you forgot to sign the card.
- Oh, sorry.
Oh my God.
- Hm?
- Look.
Honey Brubaker was the last
person to take this book out.
- So?
- That's the sign.
It's gonna happen.
Miss Kleppy, do you know
what the weather's
supposed to be like
this weekend?
- Oh, they say very warm.
- Thanks.
- That's stupid.
- You're stupid.
It's this Saturday,
I feel it.
- Hey, uh, Lenny, what-cha doing
this weekend?
- Probably playing
board games with my family.
- You wanna sleep over?
These two are.
- Sure, that'd be cool.
- Cool.
Saturday?
- Sure.
- Um, maybe we should sleep
at your house instead, Lenny.
It's a lot more fun than Bob's.
No offense, Bob.
- No, no, that's cool with me.
- I'll have to ask my parents,
but it should be fine.
- Cool.
*
- Um, pumpkin.
- I have that one.
- Me too.
- Crud.
- Okay.
It looks like Bob
is the big winner.
- He's always so lucky.
(door opens)
- Oh, Honey's home already.
- Hey, everybody.
- Hi, Honey.
- Hi, Honey.
- Did you have fun?
- Yeah, it was okay.
- Care to join us?
- I think I'm gonna go to bed.
Have fun though.
Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
- What's next?
- (yawns)
I'm kind of tired myself.
- Oh, yeah, me too.
Think I'm gonna hit the hay.
- Me too.
- What are you guys
talking about?
- I just think we could all
use a little extra rest.
It's good for our bones.
- What the hell
are you talking about?
- Just wait 'till
you're our age, Lenny.
You'll know what Bob's
talking about.
- I guess that's it then.
- You guys are so weird.
*
- Don't you guys
wanna stay up all night?
We can sneak out into
the streets and run around.
- I'm really tired, Len.
- You guys are so gay.
(door opens)
- Jeff, Jeff!
She's, she's- -
- Huh?
- She's-- She's out there.
- No way!
- Shh.
She's out there.
- Come on, guys.
Don't you wanna go do something?
- He's talking in his sleep.
*
(bangs)
- Sorry.
- I can't believe it.
- Oh my God.
Oh my God.
- Bob.
- Get back over here.
- Come on.
- Bob, no, no.
(screaming)
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Mind if I join you?
- Um, no.
Go ahead.
- How are you?
- Pretty good.
- Did you like what you saw?
- I guess.
A little.
- I always wondered
if I slept walk.
Sometimes I'd wake up
at the wrong end of the bed.
- You didn't know
that you did it?
- Do you think I'd sleep
without a shirt on then?
- Probably not.
It's pretty cool that you
made it all the way down here.
- Yeah, it's so weird.
- It's c-c-cool.
Sorry.
I stutter around beauty.
- What were you trying to do?
Kiss me?
- I did kiss you,
couldn't help it.
You looked so good.
- It's okay, Bobby.
- You're really nice, Honey.
- Are you going to tell Lenny?
- I don't think he'd ever
let us sleep over again.
- You know, Bob,
you're really cute.
I'm sure you've thought about
girls in a funny way.
Probably thinking
some are sexy and that's fine.
But people are so much more
than that too.
Even you guys deserve to be
treated as whole people.
I know sometimes it's hard
and you start feeling horny,
but I hope you can remember
that other people's feelings
are really,
really important, okay?
- Sure.
I'm reading "A Wrinkle in Time."
- I love that book.
- Yeah, it's really good.
- Time for bed, huh?
- Yeah, I think I'm going
to stay down here for a while.
- Okay.
It was nice talking to you, Bob.
- You too, Honey.
- Hey, Bob...
sweet dreams.
- * I wanna wake you from
your dreams *
- See you guys.
Try not to be
such lame-os next time.
- See you, Lenny.
- See you guys.
- See you, Lionel.
- What happened?
- Where'd you go?
- Stayed in the basement
for a while.
- Can't believe
she didn't wake up her parents
and have your balls chopped off.
- She came back downstairs.
- Yeah right.
- She did.
- No way.
- What'd she say?
- Some cool stuff.
She's really nice.
- Her tits were so nice.
- Don't say that.
- What do you mean?
- Just don't say that,
she's a person, you know?
You gotta respect people.
- Sorry.
- That's okay.
She did look really good.
- Yeah, she did.
*
- Well, class, this is it.
I always hated
the last day of school.
Oh, boy.
- We're going to miss you, Cap.
- By the end of the day,
you'll no longer be sophomores.
How does that feel?
I'm sure you've been through
quite a lot this year.
Been some crazy adventures
out there.
I hope it's been
as entertaining in here.
- Um, Cap, I just wanted
to say thank you
for teaching us
to question things.
I feel a lot smarter now.
Now I'm never just going to
follow what someone else says,
no matter how much pressure
there is from them.
- Thank you, Jeremy.
And thank you for the music.
Miss Lucille introduced me
a little folk singer.
I am forever grateful.
Oh serpentine.
Now she's a patriot.
Fighting the good fight.
Now, class, what are we
going to do with ourselves?
How are we going to fight
the good fight?
Each of us has something to do.
Time to make a little history
of our own.
Let's learn
the lessons of our past
and let's make things better.
We're living here now.
This is our adventure.
So I ask you, class,
what's your idea?
How would you like
to benefit mankind?
What would you like to change?
Sam.
- You know what
I want to change?
I want to make it so girls
can walk around
with their shirts off.
Really, I'm serious.
Guys can do it
wherever they want.
There shouldn't be a law that
forbids girls from doing it.
Girls are beautiful.
- Don't sit around
and think things
are going to happen
on their own.
They're not.
You have to take charge.
Figure out how you'd like things
to be and then go forward.
See, you all have a vision
of how the world could be
and you need to set
your sights high.
Who cares if history tells us
it can't be done.
Maybe it hasn't been done yet
because history's
been looking for you.
Everything starts with an idea.
- We have to take action!
- Right, Jeremy,
action.
Lucille, how are you going
to implement your vision?
- I was just thinking I'd start
a newsletter with good lyrics
and I was thinking I might
try to learn guitar myself.
And share a little.
- Perfect.
See, there's no standard way
to achieve something
'cause there's
no standard person.
Sam.
How do you plan on achieving
your goal?
- I was thinking I might just
stand on the roof of the school,
raise my arms and it'll happen.
- Brilliant.
(sighs)
Oh, class,
we're all here at this time,
living our lives
trying to figure out
where to go with them.
As our dear
Miss Helen Keller said,
life is either
a daring adventure
or nothing at all.
It is awe-inspiring for me to be
sharing this life with you
and the more you inspire me,
the more I want
to pass it on.
I hope I pass some of that
on to you this year.
So when you
go out there into that world,
you make it better out there.
- * This is goodbye
* Oh this is goodbye *
- Hey, man.
- Hey, guys.
- Last day with Hutz?
- Lionel becomes
a freaking math whiz.
Maybe you can get on that show.
- This is freaking weird.
- Mr. Blank,
ready to graduate?
- Weird.
- What are you going to do
with yourself?
- I don't know.
Live with Willie.
- What?
- Thomas Chatham!
You're a good kid.
Don't you ever forget it.
After today,
you're a sophomore.
- Where did you get that?
- Hey, Jeremy,
I heard your dad's not going
to be here next year.
- No, he's going back
to the brokerage house.
I guess this year
was enough for him.
Says he's going to cut back
his hours though.
He's not going
to slave for the man anymore.
I think I might try out for
the baseball team next year.
Needs some time
to cheer on his boy.
- There's your boy.
- Yep. There's my boy.
- X equals 2x times 4...
- (bell rings)
- ...minus 14.
Well, that's it.
Hope everyone has a good summer.
- You too, Miss Hutz.
- Hopefully you feel prepared
for the final.
I'd be happy
to answer any last questions.
So long.
(bell rings)
(cheering)
- Miss Hutz?
- Hm?
Hi, Lionel.
- I never said
I was sorry for--
- I know.
You said it.
- Okay.
I'm nervous about the test.
- You'll be fine.
- Okay.
Have a good summer.
- You know,
if I didn't catch you
and I found that in my toilet,
I would have been
so confused.
It wouldn't
have been quite the shock
but it would have been
really confusing
for a very long time.
- I guess things
kind of work out then.
- I guess they do.
- Just like math.
When you do it right.
- Have a good summer.
- You too.
You're a great teacher.
- Hey, Sam.
What are you doing tonight?
- I don't know.
You wanna do something?
- Sure.
- Hey, Lionel.
- I know, Sam.
- Yeah.
- Hey, Pammy.
Want to take a victory lap
in your mom's car later
to celebrate?
- Um, I think I'm retired.
- No.
- She spent her nine lives,
dude.
- We all gotta learn our lesson
sometime, right?
- I got the key!
- No way!
- Yeah, my dad's
quitting anyway.
- Let's go!
- Who you waving to?
- Your sister.
- Hey, I want you guys
in on this.
*
(humming "The Ants Go Marching")
- * We are finally
out of classes *
* And we're
walking out the door *
* It's a miracle that we will
not repeat the grade before *
* Well they tried to fill
our heads up *
* With the lies
the teachers told *
* But the truth is marching on
* Glory, glory, hallelujah
* We are finally
out of school, yeah! *
* Going to the summer with
the freedom and the wonder *
* The truth is marching on
- * Glory glory hallelujah
* We are finally
out of school, yeah! *
* Going to the summer with
the freedom and the wonder *
* The truth is marching on *
*
- * Now we're coming apart
* It's only a day away
* I'm looking forward
to the rest of our lives *
* But I couldn't
be happier today *
* I wanna sing out
* Whenever I'm alone
* Always here,
always there *
* When the day ends
* Another begins
* Always something more
we have to do *
* So go out,
have some fun *
* You're gonna ride your bike
around the sun *
* And when the leaves
are turned to stone *
* You can just
roll and roll and roll *
* 'Cause when the day comes
to an end *
* Another one begins again
* So if you're thinking
you've had enough *
* There's always more
and more to come *
* Well that's that
* That's life,
that's life *
* That's life
* Well that's life
* That's life
* So it's coming again
* An opportunity
has shown its head *
* And I'm looking pretty good
* Because I think
I've understood *
* That when I sing out
* Whenever I'm alone
* I realize it's only one
* When the day ends
* Another begins
* Always something
more to come *
* So go out
* Have some fun
* You're gonna ride your bike
around the sun *
* And when the leaves
are turned to stone *
* You can just
roll and roll and roll *
* 'Cause when the day comes
to an end *
* Another one begins again
* So if you're thinking
it's not enough *
* There's always more
and more to come *
* So go out,
have some fun *
* And realize that
you're the one *
* Play the game
* As each one comes
* Until we ride into the sun
* Well that's life
* That's life,
that's life *
* That's life
* That's life
* Well that's life
* That's life *
- Welcome to
the first day of truth.
Up until this point,
they've been feeding you
patriotic, watered-down,
white, American history book
bullshit.
Not anymore.
You're all grown up.
You're sophomores now.
Congratulations.
Time to face the many
harsh realities of our past.
Time to unlearn what
you've learned.
Welcome to American History
for the first time.
My name is Cap.
- * I'm sipping
on some sunshine *
* I'm gonna leave it for
the morning and the afterlife *
- You a freshman?
You a freshman?
Freshman?
You a freshman?
- Me?
No, no, no.
I'm not a freshman.
I'm the janitor.
- Two days, freshman.
- Did we look that young
last year, dude?
- You did.
- I can't wait for two days.
- See you Friday, freshman.
- All these years and now
it's only two days away.
Yes.
- Can't hit me this year,
douche.
- You don't have to sleep at
my house this year, Sam.
- I've been getting it since
grade school from this idiot.
It's Freshman Friday, homo.
- I remember in seventh grade,
this big goo bag through an egg
at me from across the street.
It was like Satchel Paige,
dude, when that shit me.
- I remember that guy.
He was crazy.
- Luckily, that egg missed
by 20 feet.
- I got it worse in junior high
than I got it last year.
- Not anymore, dudes.
Not anymore.
Not anymore.
- Hi, guys.
- Not anymore.
- Hi.
- Not anymore.
Not anymore.
I didn't want to leave you out.
- Thank you.
- Can we still get your mom's
car on Friday?
- I think so.
- She's been driving
longer than me.
- She's been driving that car
since she was like,
12, man.
- Another couple of years and
you'll finally get your license.
- What's a license?
- Hey.
Is that your dad, Jeremy?
- Yeah.
- Your dad's the janitor?
- Yeah.
- That sucks, dude.
- He got de-hired
at the brokerage house.
This pays pretty good, he said.
- Your dad rules.
- Hey, guys.
Hey, Jeremy.
First day back, huh?
- Yeah.
It's pretty soon, Mr. McKee.
I can see the school is going
to be extra clean this year.
- Oh, I don't know, Eddie.
I'm not that good.
Hey, guys, take it easy on
the freshman Friday, will you?
I'll be up all night
scraping eggs
and whipped cream
off the lockers.
- Don't worry, Mr. McKee.
I don't miss.
- I'm so sorry!
- What do you guys got next?
- I have math
with Miss Hutz.
- Same here.
- That's what I have.
- Nice.
- I heard she's rough.
- Oh, God.
- When I was in 10th grade,
she broke a chair
over my head.
- Lionel loves
the math teachers.
- What do you got next, Blank?
- Economics.
- Yeah, but what
are you going to?
- Freshman English.
- Every year, this idiot
goes in the wrong classroom
on the first day of school
just 'cause he knows
he can get away with it.
- That's funny, dude.
- Jacob Abbotts?
- Here.
- Tiffany Barrons?
- Present.
- Mary Bere?
- Um, it's "Ba- ray", ma'am.
- Bere, okay.
Thomas Chatham?
- Here!
I'm here, ma'am.
Thomas Chatham.
- I'm Thomas Chatham.
- Nice try, kid.
Thomas Chatham, ma'am.
Messing with the teacher
on the first day of school?
Show some respect.
Larry.
- I'm Thomas Chatham!
- I'm sorry, ma'am.
I apologize for his
obvious poor judgment.
- Lago.
- Here.
- Eulich.
- Here.
- Serenski.
- Here.
- All right.
We have a lot to cover this year
and plenty of time to get
to know one another.
Let's just get started.
Please open your textbooks
to chapter one.
We'll begin with problem nine.
Five minus x plus...
Is there a problem?
- Oh. Oh, no, ma'am.
- Lionel loves math, ma'am.
- Well.
Then I'm sure he wouldn't mind
walking us through
the next few problems.
Would you, Mr. Brubaker?
*
- (gasps)
- I just started seventh grade
and you can be there
for Freshman Friday,
it's bullcrap.
That's what you get
for being smart, Ronny.
- Brubaker,
we're in junior high.
They're not going
to mess with you.
It's the ninth graders
they want.
- Yeah, right.
This is so bogus.
Walk to this other class here?
There's plenty of room.
They're going to make me
walk over there?
- Your brother and sister
will protect you.
- I'm so freaking dead.
- Girls know we love that shit.
It's so sweet.
Oh yeah.
- Hey, Lionel,
do you think girls know
we look down their shirts
when they bend over
and they slooze.
- I don't know.
- They don't know.
- How old is
your brother again, Sam?
- 20.
- Man, I hope I'm 20
when I'm a senior.
- You're on your way.
- He's a smart guy,
though, right?
- You don't know that story?
When he was little,
he was in a coma for two years.
- No way.
- Yeah, dude.
No one knows why.
Most people just think
he went to sleep.
- Diarrhea in the house!
- He's going to start
seeing Francine.
- Really?
- He says he wants to date
every Asian girl
in 10th grade.
No sophomore girls ever go out
with sophomore guys.
It's always seniors.
- That's 'cause you dudes
don't put out.
- It's 'cause you can't get
a girl in your own grade,
you faggot.
- Add them up.
- (scoffs) Yeah.
- Except for Honey.
- She said any time, Blank.
- Sa-weet!
- Lionel Brubaker.
Your sister's so hot, dude.
- Shut up, man.
- What happened to you?
- I know.
I look like a nerd
but I'm not smart.
What good am I?
- You're cute.
- Thanks, Eddie.
- No one likes the kids
in their own grade.
It's always some other grade,
some other school.
It's why I like
hanging out with you guys.
- You better not fucking
hit me on Friday.
- How's Hutz?
- Can't even get one day with
a math teacher who likes me.
- She caught this kid
smoking once.
She picked him up,
hung him on a stop sign.
I know where she lives.
This big house,
all by herself.
She's a lonely woman.
Maybe you should stop in
for a visit, Eddie.
- You know what you should do?
You should sneak into her house
while she's home
and take a shit in her toilet.
- You mean like,
right on her table?
- No.
That's not funny,
that's gross.
Shit right in her toilet
where it belongs.
She'll come in there
afterwards and be so confused.
And you'll always know
that about her.
No matter how
authoritative she seems,
she had a moment because of you
that scared and confused
the hell out of her.
- That'd be funny.
*
- Hi, I'm a seventh grader.
Not a freshman.
Seventh grade. Yep.
Just gotta go to my class.
- Hey, Lionel,
isn't that your brother?
- Yeah. He's gotta go to class
over here once a week.
- On Fridays?
- Oh, he's dead.
He knows.
*
- Yo, freshman!
- Ahh!
- Well, here we are.
Freshman Friday.
Sophomore's most looked forward
to day,
when you can finally do unto
others what's been done to you.
Since this is supposed to be
a history class,
can anyone tell me
when this yearly ritual
of Freshman Friday began?
- In the Bible?
(class chatters)
- God the sophomore
wreaking havoc
on the freshmen of mankind.
Yeah, well,
some would argue.
I don't know where
it started either.
It's a common problem with us.
We have this tradition
that persists year after year
and no one knows why.
Everyone participates
but no one's bothering
to find out when
and where it came from.
It's as if it was
handed down by God.
As if it's always been here.
See, this is where history class
has failed us.
History is right now.
And we can make of it
whatever we choose
and that's the way
it's always been.
And what becomes
history book history
often took those who lived it
by surprise.
But the books
don't make that clear.
Which is why they're garbage.
Someone makes a decision,
he chooses to act
in a certain way
and it becomes history.
Simple.
Somehow we've forgotten
that over the years.
In this class,
we won't be memorizing dates
or who won some battle
in some war
'cause who gives a shit.
If you want to know
those things, fine, go.
Find out on your own.
You don't need me
for that.
This is about
discovering meaning.
Somehow, we have come
to imagine that learning history
is memorizing some great story
with characters like
George Washington
and Abraham Lincoln,
who always did the right thing.
These legendary,
flawless men.
(scoffs)
This is all bullshit.
Learning history is supposed
to help us with our lives.
Now.
Or what's the point?
Remember these people
were just like us.
They could have
made the wrong decisions.
They could have made
better decisions.
The whole thing could be
completely different
because these people,
these patriotic icons...
...they were human beings.
They were people.
People who farted
just like you and me.
(laughing)
*
- * Nothing is more inspiring
* Than a beautiful woman
- Oh my God.
She's staring at me.
She's looking at me.
Hey, Honey.
Hey.
- She's watching the serve, Bob.
- No, man.
She's looking at me.
Honey Brubaker.
Oh.
It's our last chance.
She graduates this year.
- I don't think it's going
to happen again, Bob.
- It was like a dream.
- What are you guys
talking about?
Oh, there's no way it's going
to happen again
'cause it never
happened in the first place.
- What are you talking about?
I'm not going to lie about
the greatest moment ever.
The night I saw Honey Brubaker
sleepwalk through
her living room
without a shirt on.
- Liar.
- Whatever we do,
can't let Lenny know
or he'll never
let us sleep over.
- It's going to have to be
warm outside
or she'll sleep in
a sweatshirt or something.
- Yeah.
But when it is warm outside,
she doesn't sleep in anything
but her beautiful self.
- Stop it, Bob.
I have to poop.
- It's gonna happen
and we're gonna be inside
with her.
I can feel it.
- Freshmen!
- Oh!
(screaming)
- Freshmen!
- Seventh grade, assholes.
- Sorry.
- (bell rings)
*
- (chuckles)
(gong bangs)
- (bell rings)
- Yes.
*
- (groaning)
(all screaming)
* Let's bail, let's bail
* Let's bail *
* Agitate the gravel
* Let's bail
* Saddle up and travel
* Let's bail, let's bail
* Let's bail
* This is the most
boring place I know *
* Like a mashed potato sandwich
with mayo on white *
* Chance are that fun
is somewhere else *
* So let's go there
* And leave this mess alone
* Let's bail *
- Meet me at my house, Lionel?
- Where are you going?
- Mom's making me walk
Lenny and his friends home.
- Aw, shit.
- I know.
- Good luck.
(screaming)
*
- Time to make
a little history, boys.
- Hopefully legends, dude.
So big, the history books
won't even have to lie about us.
- Where are we going?
- Let's head over
to Chomsky Street.
There's always a mess of kids
walking home there.
- Make a mess of them.
(screaming)
- I know a shortcut
to Sam's house.
You guys already got hit?
- Gym class.
- * Just like Bill and Ted
I was running so fast *
* I was seeing red
* There were mobs of children up
and down the street *
* Cars all speeding
to beat the heat *
- You guys ready?
- Yeah.
- It's on, dude!
- * Suddenly out of the blue
* They had me surrounded,
I didn't know what to do *
* I was trapped,
he got me there *
- Oh my gosh.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
(sobbing)
- Come on.
- Right here, right here!
Right here!
Did you see them all?
There's so many of them.
They think they're home free.
- Go get 'em, Sammy.
Here they come.
- Yeah! Whoo!
- All right!
(laughing)
- Freshman!
(laughing)
(whispers)
- Sophomore.
- That sucks, dude.
- It's bullshit.
- You made it.
- Couple close calls, man.
- Got your boys,
though.
- No, they got that in school.
- Gym class.
- What's up, Strummers?
- Poor Sam.
- What happened?
- Got hit.
- Oh, shit.
- I met you before.
What's your name again?
- Jeff.
- No, that wasn't it.
It was like Todd
or something.
- No. It's always been Jeff.
- No, dude,
give me a second.
It'll come to me.
- Hey, Sam.
- Sam, you almost
got me killed today.
- What the fuck
is this kid's name?
- So stupid.
Why do people do this?
I mean, I'm not going to do this
when I'm a sophomore.
- Yeah, nice try, Bob.
You'll do it.
- No, I won't.
Somebody's gotta resist.
When did this stupid thing
even start anyway?
- In the Bible.
- (groans)
- What, I washed 'em.
- Not with soap, dude.
- You told me to wash them!
- Your dad's
hating it right now.
- Yeah, that sucks.
- His dad's the janitor.
- Oh, that stinks.
- Hey, Elroy.
Mom still laying your clothes
out for you in the morning?
- Yeah.
- You kids are set.
I've seen some of the girls
at Guthrie.
You're so set.
- Eh, they're okay.
- You're nuts, Bob.
- They're all flat.
- Come on.
You're not ready
for boobies yet.
Besides, we can't
all be good-looking.
We wouldn't get any work done.
If everyone was good-looking,
we'd just have sex all day long.
Seriously,
wouldn't be productive.
Thank God for the ugly people.
Keeps the economy stable.
You kids are
fucking sophomores!
Holy shit.
Are you ready for
the craziest year of your life,
'cause you better be.
- Hey, Blank, when do we get
to go to a party?
- Mm, you boys wanna
go to a party, huh?
- I can't.
- Are you ready for that?
- I'm ready.
*
- * Since I was born
* They couldn't hold me down
- Freshmen?
- No. Sophomore.
- * I didn't play by the rules
* And I never
really cared *
* My nasty reputation
takes me everywhere *
* I look
and see it's not only me *
* So many others have stood
where I stand *
* We are the young
so raise your hands *
- Hey, Lionel,
there's your sister.
- You boys are looking
a little peaked.
- Thank you.
- * I like it this way
* I like it that way
* Everybody gather around
gonna light the day *
* You're gonna watch us dance
* Now you're gonna
hear us sing *
- Where's Willie?
- Where's my hot dog?
Who the fuck took my hot dog?
- I never seen anybody
eat a hot dog like that kid.
- Loves hot dogs.
- You guys missed the fight.
- Aww.
- Just kidding.
- You know, if I had a party,
I'd invite
all these same people.
I really would.
I like them all.
- What about that guy?
- Go, go, go, go, go!
- I would also invite
Thomas Chatham.
- I think I'm gonna
get myself a hot dog.
- You should invite Cap, dude.
- You take my fucking hot dog?
This guy fucking
took my hot dog.
- Yo, man, what's up?
- He's a drunken idiot, Blank.
- This fucking guy
took my hot dog!
- Dude, you ate it.
You're still chewing it.
- I'm gonna be watching you,
hot dog.
Fucking guy steals my hot dog.
- Willie was starting
shit outside.
- No.
- No, this drunken idiot
was stumbling all over himself.
- That's what being
drunk does to you.
It makes you stumble.
- I can't manage my drinks
either, man.
It's not really
a drinking problem though.
It's more of a math problem.
I can't count that high.
- What a loser.
- You can't count to three?
- Little wobbly over here.
- You could have been somewhere
touching boobs right now,
but you had to go
and make a joke.
- I was just kidding.
- * No hell below
- Know what I love?
I love it when little kids
are at the urinal
and they pull their pants
all the way down to their ankles
to take a pee.
I love that shit.
- You walking?
- Yeah, I'm cool.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
- Yo, buddy, gotta go.
- I'm sleeping, dude.
- I can't tell anybody that.
Except for you.
You have nice legs!
I just wanna touch 'em.
I just wanna lick 'em!
- (vomits)
- I guess I did eat
that hot dog.
- What is cool?
Anyone care to participate?
Mr. Blank.
- Beer?
- Same answer your brother
gave in his day.
- (growls)
- Pam.
- Um. Just being yourself?
- Why is it then that
so many people in this school
just want to fit in?
- A lot of kids don't like
to think for themselves.
They just like
to follow the herd.
It's easier.
- Knowing what's in style
is cool.
I don't like girls
that are out of date.
Or pale.
It's unappealing.
- So, cool isn't timeless.
- That's a phony cool.
- What do you think is cool,
Miss Lucille?
- Um. Ani Difranco.
She's a singer.
She's just really cool.
- You'll have to let me
borrow some of her music.
- Any time.
- (bell rings)
- All I'll ask
of you tonight, class,
is look around you,
observe things
and decide whether or not
someone is trying
to sell you cool.
Eat this, drink this,
wear this, and you'll be cool.
Ask yourself,
am I the one really deciding
what I'll spend my money on
or have I been seduced
by the power of cool?
Have a nice day, Willie.
- You too, Cap.
- Hey, I'd like to hear
some of that music.
- Cool.
You should come over some time.
- Sure.
That would be nice.
- Hi. I'm running for
student government
and I'd like your support.
- Are you trying to seduce me
with your power of cool?
- No.
I'm seducing you with
my compassionate integrity.
- Oh. Okay.
- Pathetic.
Pathetic.
It's a miracle you can even
write your name, Mr. Jermine.
Very disappointing.
I offer you kids extra tutoring
after school,
but does anybody bother to show?
Well, Mr. Brubaker.
By this latest effort, you can
hardly afford to be tardy.
- Sorry, ma'am,
I was in the lavatory.
- That's on your time, not mine.
- Sorry.
- You disgust me.
Every year
there's someone like you.
Someone who shows no regard
for anyone other than
themselves!
Selfish little child.
Get out of here.
Get out of my face!
Maybe you'll learn
that there are other people
who share this classroom
with you
who believe that
their education is valuable.
- I do, ma'am.
- She loves math
and you hate it.
It'll never work out
between the two of you.
- (sighs)
- I got her address.
- You did?
- My brother said he had it.
Well, he had it.
Wanna scope it out?
There it is.
- She lives there all alone?
- She keeps her dead mother
upstairs, dude.
- Is it on?
- It's on.
*
- The preceding program
was made possible
by the James and Patricia
Sandman Foundation,
the Thane- McIntire Foundation
and contributions from--
- She's in there.
- How are you going to get in?
- Through the front door.
- 6:59...
... P.M.
Just what I thought.
Getting ready
to watch "The Math Whiz."
She'll be locked there
for a half an hour.
You got one?
- I think so.
- You gotta take
a picture of it.
- That is nasty.
- It's memory, dude.
It's a reminder for Lionel.
He'll always remember
how confused she was.
- Bingo.
- That equals minus four
plus 4 minus,
square root of 16, minus 240,
plus 240 minus, times minus,
equals plus.
All over two,
when you multiply
and take the square root--
- He's in.
- Billy from Clairmont.
Billy, go ahead
with your question.
- How's Hutz doing?
- She's gone!
- Ahh!
What are you doing?
What is that?
And what is that?
- That was an accident.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
- What's going on?
- That scream didn't sound good.
(camera shutter clicks)
- My name is Dorothy Hutz
and I--I have an intruder
in my house.
Please help me.
- There he is!
- This doesn't
look good, fellas.
- What am I gonna do?
She locked me in.
- Holy shit.
- Toss your backpack.
Can you climb down?
- There's nothing.
- The leaves.
- Yeah, hang on, Lionel,
hang on.
(police sirens approach)
- Oh shit.
- Come on, Lionel,
you can do it.
- Come on, Lionel!
- Come on, Lionel.
- Come on, Lionel.
- Come on, man.
- Come on.
*
- Lionel.
Lionel?
Lionel.
- I got the picture.
(chattering)
- Well, it looks like
he's gone, ma'am.
Did you get a good look at him?
- No.
Not really.
- You think she's gonna show?
Think she'll show?
Lionel.
Lionel?
- * Could have been anything
* But I decided to be me *
(door opens)
- Sorry I'm late, class.
I'm not setting
a very good example, I know.
Now can we please take out
last night's homework
and we'll get started.
- (musical sputtering)
- * Take me riding in the car
* Car, take me riding
in the car *
* Car, take you riding
in my car, car *
* I'll take you
riding in my car *
(musically sputtering)
* Click clack,
open up the door, girls *
* Click clack,
open up the door, boys *
* Front door,
back door, clickity clack *
* Take you riding in my car
*
(musically sputtering)
* Climb,
rattle on the front seat *
* Spree, I spraddle on
the backseat *
* Turn my keys,
step on the starter *
* Take you riding in my car *
- Hey, man.
Wanna go shoot some air balls
over at Eddie's?
Pam's driving.
- No, I think I'm going
to work on some homework.
- Cool.
Cool.
*
- There's just so much
to choose from.
I don't know where to start.
- Whatever you think's good.
- In this one song,
she says,
"They criminalize the symptoms
while they spread the disease."
- Yeah, they're always thinking
crazy stuff like that.
- Yeah.
I think I'll play you
this one first.
It's the first one I ever heard.
It's called
"Little Plastic Castle."
That's the name
of the album too.
- Cool.
*
This sounds really cool.
- She's such
a good guitar player.
She doesn't sound like
anybody else.
It makes me want to get really
good at something, you know?
- Yeah. You should try guitar.
- Yeah, right.
I could never play.
- This is awesome.
Did you bring anything
in to Cap yet?
- No. I'm still
making him a mix.
- Cool.
- She just has
so many good things to say
that I think he'd like.
She has so much courage.
She sings and it's just,
I don't know,
you have to hear her say it.
I can't say it as good.
- * If they're happy
* But they don't
seem much to mind *
- So awesome.
- * From the shape
of your shaved head *
* I recognized
your silhouette *
* As you walked out of the sun
* And sat down
* And the sight
of your sleepy smile *
* Eclipsed all
the other people *
* As they paused to sneer
* At the two girls
from out of town *
* I said look at you
this morning *
* You are by far *
- Come on, Johnny.
You gotta come, John,
it's a tradition.
- I don't know, Larry.
- All right.
Just tell the little woman
you gotta pull an all-nighter.
Faculty cleaning.
All staff has a slumber party.
- Been a while since
I had a night like that.
- All the more reason
to be there.
It's a blast, come on.
You're dying for a night
like this, aren't you?
You're gonna see some lushes
we got working around here.
- Coach Howard,
this is getting kind of ugly.
- Be right with you, tiger.
You with me?
- Cap?
- Miss Lucille.
- I made this for you.
It's all Ani Difranco.
- Thank you.
- I just thought
you said you'd like to hear it.
- I do. I do.
- Well, I really hope
you like it.
Make sure you pay attention
to number four.
She says,
"The money multinationals
"have monopolized oxygen
so it's as easy as breathing
for us all to participate."
- Yes, we can't help
but participate
in their tyranny.
We're going to change that,
aren't we?
- Yes, we are.
- (sighs)
- Miss Hutz?
- What is it?
- Are you still giving
extra tutoring after school?
I'd like some.
- Have a seat, Mr. Brubaker.
- Thanks.
- Oh, dude, what is that?
- It's Lionel's.
- Sick.
You- - What- -
You're fucking crazy, dude.
- Yeah, it was stupid.
- You're fucking crazy!
(engine starts)
- School sucks,
it's so boring.
- Yeah, I know.
- It's so boring, Mom.
- Eat your dinner,
Jeremy.
- Oh, honey, this Friday,
the school is having
an overnight cleaning party.
I guess it's a tradition where
the whole faculty gets together
and they clean the school.
- All night?
We're supposed to get
a blizzard this weekend.
- I heard it's a beer bash.
- Don't worry,
it's fine.
Not going to happen again.
- Do you know how much money
that ended up costing us?
- I know.
- $3,000.
You hear that, Jeremy?
You ever get caught doing
something like that,
it'll cost you a year
of community college.
- Don't worry,
I learned my lesson.
- All right, now, remember,
you have to finish all 18 holes
to be declared the drink king.
So pace yourselves.
Y'all have your maps
of this year's course.
Par is 74 again.
Remember, when you're finished,
sign your scorecards.
You know what,
I should just ahead
and give this to Tug right now.
(laughing)
Hey, Johnny,
I'm so glad you could make it.
We've got you paired up
with Miss Beasley, Tug, and me.
- What's going on here?
- We're golfing.
Listen, don't worry about trying
to win this thing, all right?
'Cause, uh, Tugger's a lock.
Starting on the back nine
of the gym.
You ready?
*
Okay.
Starting off easy.
Par three.
All we need to do is one shot.
You can do two
for a birdie and so on.
But you should probably
pace yourself.
Red are for the ladies.
A little less potent.
- Larry, I really
shouldn't be doing this.
- Come on, John,
it's Jell-O.
Ladies first.
Oh, right down
the middle of the fairway.
Number 12.
Here we have a 573-yard
dog leg left with a pond.
Par 5.
As usual, Tug's honors.
Whoa.
Let's see if McKee
can keep up
his respectable even par pace.
Whoa.
Whoa, McKee!
Throwing his pace
right out the window.
A hole in one at the 18th!
- Woo-hoo! Yeah!
- At the end of nine,
John McKee!
Leading the field with
the ridiculous 11 under par!
- Nine?
I thought that was 18.
- No, we started on
the back nine.
- * Joy to the world
* The Lord is come,
let earth *
- How do you do it, Cap?
I mean, how do-- how-- how--
how do you keep them
from getting to you?
- They're sophomores.
It's the year
they all grow up.
Sort of.
They have so many
new experiences
and new truths revealed to them,
Dorothy.
Their heads are spinning,
trying to figure out
which way to go.
Remain a child,
become an adult.
I'm not too sure
which way to go either.
- You know, this is about
the only crazy thing
that I do in my life.
You don't know what I'd give
to have them look at me
the way that they look at you.
- Nah.
History gives me so many ways
to break the rules.
Mathematics
isn't so easy for that.
- (sighs)
I hate these tests.
I hate teaching for these tests.
That's no way to get them
to see the magic.
- I know. I know.
Mm.
Makes you feel young.
- (sputters)
*
- We reach the final hole!
We have a new champion!
(clapping)
- Well done.
Well done.
- * Oh the weather outside
is frightful *
* But the fire is delightful
* And since
we've no place to go *
- Hi, hi, hi,
uh, hi there, Officer.
Hi, Officer.
No, I haven't had
anything to drink.
No, Officer,
I don't drink anymore.
I used to.
Whoo, I used to.
I just had a couple of beers.
And a shot.
It's a nice night
we're having, Officer.
Looks like a couple flurries.
- * When we finally
kiss goodnight *
* How I hate going out
in the storm *
- Made it!
Made it!
- * All the way home
* I'll be warm,
the fire is slowly dying *
- What am I doing?
Can't go in there.
- * But as long as
you love me so *
* Let it snow let it snow
* Let it snow,
let it snow *
- Oh, shoot.
Oh, shoot.
- * Just hear
those sleigh bells jingling *
* Ring-ting-tingaling too
* Come on,
it's lovely weather *
* For a sleigh ride
together with you *
* Outside the snow is falling
* And friends
are calling yoo hoo *
* Come on, it's lovely weather
- Oh my God.
- * For a sleigh ride
together with you *
- Oh my God.
- * Giddyup, giddyup, giddyup,
let's go *
- Oh my God.
- * Let's look at the show
- (screaming)
- * We're riding in
a wonderland of snow *
- Mom, is Dad home yet?
- No, he must be having
the time of his life over there.
- * We're gliding along with
a song of a wintry fairy land *
* Our cheeks are nice and rosy
and comfy cozy are we *
- Did you get the paper?
- Not yet.
- * Let's take
that road before us *
* And sing a chorus or two
- Hey, Mom,
Dad's car's out here.
- What, honey?
- The key!
The key!
The key!
- Dad?
- * Farmer Gray,
it'll be the perfect ending *
* Of a perfect day
- Dad!
- The keys.
- Dad!
- The keys.
- What?
- The keys.
Start the car.
Turn the heat up.
- * There's a happy feeling
nothing in the world can buy *
- What happened?
- Turn the heat up.
The heat.
Shut the door.
Shut the door.
(air blows)
Hey, kiddo.
- Hey, Dad.
- I won that golf tournament.
- How you doing?
- Good.
- You're parked on
the front lawn.
- I know.
Love you, son.
- I love you too, Dad.
- Careful.
Careful!
Careful.
(groaning)
(groaning)
How's it look?
- Pretty good.
Do you want me to park the car
in the driveway?
- Sure.
- Sweet!
- Just put her in reverse
and back her up slowly.
- (engine revs)
- Easy. Easy.
Not too much gas.
Just enough to get her going.
- Okay.
- * Come on,
it's lovely weather *
* For a sleigh ride
together with you *
* Outside the snow is falling
* And friends
are calling yoo hoo *
* Come on,
it's lovely weather *
* For a sleigh ride
together with you *
- How are things
going with Lucille?
- Really good.
She's really cool, Dad.
- You don't mind having me
at school there with you,
do you?
- No. It's kinda nice.
- It's nice getting to see
my boy growing up.
Missed too much over the years.
- It's nice
having you around.
- We probably shouldn't tell
your mother about this.
Not just yet anyway.
- Okay, Dad.
- There's my pants.
What's for breakfast?
- Mom, Dad's home.
- It's about time.
- Oh, looks great, hon.
- Place should be spotless
after a whole night of cleaning.
What happened to your face?
- I threw up in the car
and fell asleep and it froze
and stuck me
right to the window.
- Oh, John, that's gross.
It's good to see you
finally learned your lesson.
I hope it wasn't too hard
to resist your new friends
at the school.
- You know me, hon, I'm a rock.
- Yeah, you're a rock,
all right.
- * Don we now
our gay apparel *
* Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
* Troll the ancient
yuletide carol *
* Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la *
- I like rice.
I bet you like rice too.
- Oh, that is nasty.
But still kind of funny.
Are you going to give it
to Lionel?
- No, he doesn't
need it anymore.
- One plus two is...
- Three.
- 12 minus three is...
- Nine.
- They all lead back to nine.
- Try 50.
- Five and zero is five.
50 minus 5 is 45.
Four and five is nine.
- That's so strange.
- It works with every number.
- But what does it mean?
- What does that mean?
That's exactly what
I want to teach the most.
- Thanks, Miss Hutz.
I always hated math until you.
- 55! 56!
57!
58!
- See you guys on Monday.
- You got
your uncle's ID?
- Nine.
- Shut up, dude.
- Do they even proof you?
- Not every time.
- I'm going to be 21
in six months.
I'm making
a 15-year-old kid get the beer.
- It's cool, babyface.
- I'll put in
once we stop at the ATM.
- Cool. I'm going
to pick up Willie,
and we'll all meet back here.
You sure you're cool
with your mom's car?
- Oh yeah,
she's working till six.
We should get going though,
Puffy's in the car.
- Puffy?
- My dog, he was lonely at home,
so I thought
we'd take him with us.
- Puffy's crazy, man.
He humps more legs
than you, Blank.
- Let's get going!
- Easy there, cowboy.
- I want to drink!
*
- * It's the most
wonderful time of the year *
(cheering)
* With the kids jingle belling
and everyone *
- You know, a dog taking a poop
is the funniest thing to me.
- (laughing)
That is funny.
- Yo.
- Let's put the keg back here.
I don't want my mom
to smell it.
- Puffy should
take care of that.
- * Holiday greetings
and gay happy meetings *
* When friends come to call
- Hey, Puffy.
* It's the happiest season
of all *
- Ooh, Puffy got worms.
- * Marshmallows for toasting
and caroling out in the snow *
- Here comes another one!
* Scary ghost stories,
and tales of the glories *
* Of Christmases long,
long ago *
* It's the most wonderful time
of the year *
- Oh, shit.
- It was an accident!
I held on too long!
- You kids are dead!
- Look at that guy.
- * Caroling out in the snow
* There'll be
scary ghost stories *
- They probably hit him
with a snowball.
- * And tales of the glories
* And of Christmases long,
long ago *
* It's the most
wonderful time of the year *
- You're fucking dead!
- * There will be much
mistletoeing and hearts-- *
- It was an accident.
- Come on, guys.
- So Willie told me
to pick him up
at his aunt's house,
but you're saying it's not
really his aunt's house?
- He doesn't want
anyone to know,
but him and his family
moved to Clairmont,
so he had to start
faking his address
so he could keep going
to school with us.
- I'm gonna mess with Willie.
*
- Excuse me,
can you help me with this?
- Sure.
- I'm going to need
some plastic cups too.
The red ones, preferably.
(register beeps)
- 62.30.
- Would you like
to see some ID?
- That's okay, sir.
- * I went to the window
* And I saw something there
* The kids all have off
from school *
* That's 'cause he's here
- Hey, Eddie!
- I'm not Eddie.
I'm Uncle Jose.
- Oh, sorry.
I thought you were someone else.
- That's okay.
We're going to be
at Blank's house.
- Nice.
- Okay. Here we go.
(grunting)
- Put it there.
- I'm good right here.
Hold on a second.
There we go.
- His parents are dentists,
right?
- Yep.
- Willie's little secret.
(tires skidding)
- Whoa!
Sorry, it's totally icy.
- That's okay.
(growls)
- I gotta get some money.
- Take your time.
- Oh, Puffy, are you okay?
- * A house
at the top of a hill *
- (groans)
Sorry, guys.
(ATM beeps)
- * Snow dear,
my moon's come a shine *
* Through pine,
holly moon hawks sleep *
* Let her scrap
through the failure *
- Puffy, you locked the doors.
Ugh.
Puffy locked the doors.
Can you climb through
and unlock them?
- I don't think so.
You want me to call
the auto club?
- I can't believe this.
I'm so sorry.
- That's okay.
- You're the best, Eddie.
God.
* Every trail
leads to your heart *
* It's time marry
(engine revs)
* From your side
I'll never part *
* Every trail
leads to your heart *
Eddie, why are
the wheels spinning?
- I think you have the car
in drive.
- Oh my God! Oh my God!
Oh my God!
(screaming)
(screaming)
- Hi, I'm locked inside a car
and it's beginning
to drive itself.
Yes, I'll hold.
- Eddie! Eddie!
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
Eddie!
(screaming)
Oh my God!
Eddie!
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
Eddie!
Oh my God!
- * I've been hitting
some hard rock mine *
* And thought you knows *
- Oh, my God, Eddie!
Eddie!
Oh, my God!
- Hey, Willie.
- Hey, Blank.
- I'm glad you go
to school with us.
- Me too.
- You know, our mom
can talk to your aunt.
You could probably live with us
if you want.
- Thanks, Blank.
- Any time, Willie.
- Okay, here's my situation.
- (gasps)
- Did you get them?
- All set, Pammy.
Where should he meet you?
- Oh my God,
someone's coming!
- Um, yes.
She has a red jacket
and she'll be ducking
behind some bushes.
- Oh, look, Gilbert,
there's a puppy in there.
Hey, little fella.
- It looks like he drove
this car into the bushes.
- Are you scared?
Did you lose control
of your automobile?
- (inhales)
- Oh, the poor little guy
is locked in there.
- Well, I guess we should go
call the police.
- How's it going?
- (gasps)
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Thank you.
Thank you.
- Is that your car?
- Yeah.
- How old are you?
- I'm 17.
- Come on.
I was driving my parents' car
when I was 14 too.
- I'm 15.
(inhales)
Unless my mom finds out
about this.
- I hear you.
- Be careful.
- Hey buddy.
How's it going back there?
- Pretty good. Thanks.
- Oh my God.
Oh my God!
Thank you, thank you.
Oh, thank you so much!
Oh!
Thank you!
- Want me to push you out?
- You're awesome.
Come on, Puffy!
(sighs)
*
- * I want to wake you
from your dream *
* I want to know
just who you're talking to *
* When you're singing
in your sleep *
* I want to find out
what it means *
* Do you love me?
(cheering)
* A thousand words
I want to say *
* But it's impossible
to spit 'em out *
* I can barely make a sound
* Do you love me,
love me? *
* Now we're fine, all right *
- What-cha doing, boys?
- Jeez, you scared me.
- Just watching Honey Brubaker
play tennis.
- It is a sight to behold.
- Check out that dude.
It's so funny how dudes
can walk around
without their shirts on.
Look at this guy,
bare-chested.
It's funny.
- There's places where girls
can do that too.
- Where?
- There's some places, dude.
You'll be surprised.
- Why can't it be like that
around here?
Yeah.
Shit, you know?
- I know.
- We gotta go in.
- Getting too hot out here
for you, boys?
- Said we'd
meet Lenny in the library.
- Out here looking at
his sister, huh?
- See you.
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
*
- Man, we're running out
of time.
She's gonna graduate soon.
- You're not talking about
that again.
- We still have the summer.
- It's gotta happen
before school ends.
I can feel it.
- I'd like to take this one out,
Miss Kleppy.
- Oh, "A Wrinkle in Time".
This is a great book.
It hasn't been signed out
in years.
Oh, you forgot to sign the card.
- Oh, sorry.
Oh my God.
- Hm?
- Look.
Honey Brubaker was the last
person to take this book out.
- So?
- That's the sign.
It's gonna happen.
Miss Kleppy, do you know
what the weather's
supposed to be like
this weekend?
- Oh, they say very warm.
- Thanks.
- That's stupid.
- You're stupid.
It's this Saturday,
I feel it.
- Hey, uh, Lenny, what-cha doing
this weekend?
- Probably playing
board games with my family.
- You wanna sleep over?
These two are.
- Sure, that'd be cool.
- Cool.
Saturday?
- Sure.
- Um, maybe we should sleep
at your house instead, Lenny.
It's a lot more fun than Bob's.
No offense, Bob.
- No, no, that's cool with me.
- I'll have to ask my parents,
but it should be fine.
- Cool.
*
- Um, pumpkin.
- I have that one.
- Me too.
- Crud.
- Okay.
It looks like Bob
is the big winner.
- He's always so lucky.
(door opens)
- Oh, Honey's home already.
- Hey, everybody.
- Hi, Honey.
- Hi, Honey.
- Did you have fun?
- Yeah, it was okay.
- Care to join us?
- I think I'm gonna go to bed.
Have fun though.
Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
- What's next?
- (yawns)
I'm kind of tired myself.
- Oh, yeah, me too.
Think I'm gonna hit the hay.
- Me too.
- What are you guys
talking about?
- I just think we could all
use a little extra rest.
It's good for our bones.
- What the hell
are you talking about?
- Just wait 'till
you're our age, Lenny.
You'll know what Bob's
talking about.
- I guess that's it then.
- You guys are so weird.
*
- Don't you guys
wanna stay up all night?
We can sneak out into
the streets and run around.
- I'm really tired, Len.
- You guys are so gay.
(door opens)
- Jeff, Jeff!
She's, she's- -
- Huh?
- She's-- She's out there.
- No way!
- Shh.
She's out there.
- Come on, guys.
Don't you wanna go do something?
- He's talking in his sleep.
*
(bangs)
- Sorry.
- I can't believe it.
- Oh my God.
Oh my God.
- Bob.
- Get back over here.
- Come on.
- Bob, no, no.
(screaming)
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Mind if I join you?
- Um, no.
Go ahead.
- How are you?
- Pretty good.
- Did you like what you saw?
- I guess.
A little.
- I always wondered
if I slept walk.
Sometimes I'd wake up
at the wrong end of the bed.
- You didn't know
that you did it?
- Do you think I'd sleep
without a shirt on then?
- Probably not.
It's pretty cool that you
made it all the way down here.
- Yeah, it's so weird.
- It's c-c-cool.
Sorry.
I stutter around beauty.
- What were you trying to do?
Kiss me?
- I did kiss you,
couldn't help it.
You looked so good.
- It's okay, Bobby.
- You're really nice, Honey.
- Are you going to tell Lenny?
- I don't think he'd ever
let us sleep over again.
- You know, Bob,
you're really cute.
I'm sure you've thought about
girls in a funny way.
Probably thinking
some are sexy and that's fine.
But people are so much more
than that too.
Even you guys deserve to be
treated as whole people.
I know sometimes it's hard
and you start feeling horny,
but I hope you can remember
that other people's feelings
are really,
really important, okay?
- Sure.
I'm reading "A Wrinkle in Time."
- I love that book.
- Yeah, it's really good.
- Time for bed, huh?
- Yeah, I think I'm going
to stay down here for a while.
- Okay.
It was nice talking to you, Bob.
- You too, Honey.
- Hey, Bob...
sweet dreams.
- * I wanna wake you from
your dreams *
- See you guys.
Try not to be
such lame-os next time.
- See you, Lenny.
- See you guys.
- See you, Lionel.
- What happened?
- Where'd you go?
- Stayed in the basement
for a while.
- Can't believe
she didn't wake up her parents
and have your balls chopped off.
- She came back downstairs.
- Yeah right.
- She did.
- No way.
- What'd she say?
- Some cool stuff.
She's really nice.
- Her tits were so nice.
- Don't say that.
- What do you mean?
- Just don't say that,
she's a person, you know?
You gotta respect people.
- Sorry.
- That's okay.
She did look really good.
- Yeah, she did.
*
- Well, class, this is it.
I always hated
the last day of school.
Oh, boy.
- We're going to miss you, Cap.
- By the end of the day,
you'll no longer be sophomores.
How does that feel?
I'm sure you've been through
quite a lot this year.
Been some crazy adventures
out there.
I hope it's been
as entertaining in here.
- Um, Cap, I just wanted
to say thank you
for teaching us
to question things.
I feel a lot smarter now.
Now I'm never just going to
follow what someone else says,
no matter how much pressure
there is from them.
- Thank you, Jeremy.
And thank you for the music.
Miss Lucille introduced me
a little folk singer.
I am forever grateful.
Oh serpentine.
Now she's a patriot.
Fighting the good fight.
Now, class, what are we
going to do with ourselves?
How are we going to fight
the good fight?
Each of us has something to do.
Time to make a little history
of our own.
Let's learn
the lessons of our past
and let's make things better.
We're living here now.
This is our adventure.
So I ask you, class,
what's your idea?
How would you like
to benefit mankind?
What would you like to change?
Sam.
- You know what
I want to change?
I want to make it so girls
can walk around
with their shirts off.
Really, I'm serious.
Guys can do it
wherever they want.
There shouldn't be a law that
forbids girls from doing it.
Girls are beautiful.
- Don't sit around
and think things
are going to happen
on their own.
They're not.
You have to take charge.
Figure out how you'd like things
to be and then go forward.
See, you all have a vision
of how the world could be
and you need to set
your sights high.
Who cares if history tells us
it can't be done.
Maybe it hasn't been done yet
because history's
been looking for you.
Everything starts with an idea.
- We have to take action!
- Right, Jeremy,
action.
Lucille, how are you going
to implement your vision?
- I was just thinking I'd start
a newsletter with good lyrics
and I was thinking I might
try to learn guitar myself.
And share a little.
- Perfect.
See, there's no standard way
to achieve something
'cause there's
no standard person.
Sam.
How do you plan on achieving
your goal?
- I was thinking I might just
stand on the roof of the school,
raise my arms and it'll happen.
- Brilliant.
(sighs)
Oh, class,
we're all here at this time,
living our lives
trying to figure out
where to go with them.
As our dear
Miss Helen Keller said,
life is either
a daring adventure
or nothing at all.
It is awe-inspiring for me to be
sharing this life with you
and the more you inspire me,
the more I want
to pass it on.
I hope I pass some of that
on to you this year.
So when you
go out there into that world,
you make it better out there.
- * This is goodbye
* Oh this is goodbye *
- Hey, man.
- Hey, guys.
- Last day with Hutz?
- Lionel becomes
a freaking math whiz.
Maybe you can get on that show.
- This is freaking weird.
- Mr. Blank,
ready to graduate?
- Weird.
- What are you going to do
with yourself?
- I don't know.
Live with Willie.
- What?
- Thomas Chatham!
You're a good kid.
Don't you ever forget it.
After today,
you're a sophomore.
- Where did you get that?
- Hey, Jeremy,
I heard your dad's not going
to be here next year.
- No, he's going back
to the brokerage house.
I guess this year
was enough for him.
Says he's going to cut back
his hours though.
He's not going
to slave for the man anymore.
I think I might try out for
the baseball team next year.
Needs some time
to cheer on his boy.
- There's your boy.
- Yep. There's my boy.
- X equals 2x times 4...
- (bell rings)
- ...minus 14.
Well, that's it.
Hope everyone has a good summer.
- You too, Miss Hutz.
- Hopefully you feel prepared
for the final.
I'd be happy
to answer any last questions.
So long.
(bell rings)
(cheering)
- Miss Hutz?
- Hm?
Hi, Lionel.
- I never said
I was sorry for--
- I know.
You said it.
- Okay.
I'm nervous about the test.
- You'll be fine.
- Okay.
Have a good summer.
- You know,
if I didn't catch you
and I found that in my toilet,
I would have been
so confused.
It wouldn't
have been quite the shock
but it would have been
really confusing
for a very long time.
- I guess things
kind of work out then.
- I guess they do.
- Just like math.
When you do it right.
- Have a good summer.
- You too.
You're a great teacher.
- Hey, Sam.
What are you doing tonight?
- I don't know.
You wanna do something?
- Sure.
- Hey, Lionel.
- I know, Sam.
- Yeah.
- Hey, Pammy.
Want to take a victory lap
in your mom's car later
to celebrate?
- Um, I think I'm retired.
- No.
- She spent her nine lives,
dude.
- We all gotta learn our lesson
sometime, right?
- I got the key!
- No way!
- Yeah, my dad's
quitting anyway.
- Let's go!
- Who you waving to?
- Your sister.
- Hey, I want you guys
in on this.
*
(humming "The Ants Go Marching")
- * We are finally
out of classes *
* And we're
walking out the door *
* It's a miracle that we will
not repeat the grade before *
* Well they tried to fill
our heads up *
* With the lies
the teachers told *
* But the truth is marching on
* Glory, glory, hallelujah
* We are finally
out of school, yeah! *
* Going to the summer with
the freedom and the wonder *
* The truth is marching on
- * Glory glory hallelujah
* We are finally
out of school, yeah! *
* Going to the summer with
the freedom and the wonder *
* The truth is marching on *
*
- * Now we're coming apart
* It's only a day away
* I'm looking forward
to the rest of our lives *
* But I couldn't
be happier today *
* I wanna sing out
* Whenever I'm alone
* Always here,
always there *
* When the day ends
* Another begins
* Always something more
we have to do *
* So go out,
have some fun *
* You're gonna ride your bike
around the sun *
* And when the leaves
are turned to stone *
* You can just
roll and roll and roll *
* 'Cause when the day comes
to an end *
* Another one begins again
* So if you're thinking
you've had enough *
* There's always more
and more to come *
* Well that's that
* That's life,
that's life *
* That's life
* Well that's life
* That's life
* So it's coming again
* An opportunity
has shown its head *
* And I'm looking pretty good
* Because I think
I've understood *
* That when I sing out
* Whenever I'm alone
* I realize it's only one
* When the day ends
* Another begins
* Always something
more to come *
* So go out
* Have some fun
* You're gonna ride your bike
around the sun *
* And when the leaves
are turned to stone *
* You can just
roll and roll and roll *
* 'Cause when the day comes
to an end *
* Another one begins again
* So if you're thinking
it's not enough *
* There's always more
and more to come *
* So go out,
have some fun *
* And realize that
you're the one *
* Play the game
* As each one comes
* Until we ride into the sun
* Well that's life
* That's life,
that's life *
* That's life
* That's life
* Well that's life
* That's life *