Someone I Touched (1975) - full transcript
A woman learns that her husband has been unfaithful and that he has acquired a venereal disease. Then she learns that, after years of trying, she is finally pregnant.
Whoa.
GIRL: Oh.
TERRY: I'll get it.
Hi.
You Terry Wayne?
-TERRY: Yeah.
-Can I talk to you
for a minute?
Uh, can it wait?
It's 12-all.
It won't take long.
That medical exam you took
for your job last week,
in certain cases
we get the results.
Is there something wrong
with me?
No, it's nothing
that can't be fixed.
I'm afraid you got yourself
a case of VD.
You're putting me on.
Infectious syphilis,
first stage.
Uh, well, that's no big deal,
I mean, nowadays, is it?
FRANK: No.
No big deal.
At this stage,
it's not even dangerous
unless you're pregnant.
No, no chance.
Okay, but you will have to
get treatment.
And I'll need a complete list
of all your sexual contacts
for the last six months.
-Oh, wow.
-Not right now.
Just call me
the first chance you get
at this number.
It's County Health,
Frank Berlin,
like the city,
you won't forget?
-No.
-One more thing,
if you don't get
treated right away,
it can be a bad scene.
I mean, for you,
for anybody you're with.
You're extremely contagious.
Yeah.
MAN: Come on, Terry.
Where you going?
[LAUGHING]
Whoa.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
You work in the weekend?
[SIGHS] A deadline.
This has to be
at the printer
by Tuesday.
DAVE: You know what
my father used to say
about career girls?
The next thing they'll want
is the vote.
And louse up the country?
Ridiculous.
-[LAURA SHRIEKING]
-[SAM GRUNTING]
LAURA: Oh, no, no, no.
-You cannot.
-SAM: I can.
-LAURA: I'll get you
right there.
-Oh, no.
No! No!
[SPLUTTERING]
Oh, you lunatic.
-Your hair looks great.
-Oh, thank you.
One of these days
I'm going to
get my act together.
I'm going to change my hair
and lose about 10 pounds
and buy myself
a string bikini.
Oh, you and Sam,
he bought me one last month.
Not in my wildest dream.
Why not?
With a body like yours,
you can wear one of
those things now.
SAM: Dave,
can I borrow your son?
Oh, there he is.
BOY: More, more.
Hey, hey,
that's a great idea.
I know. Why doesn't
everybody stay for dinner?
I'll get some steaks,
we'll barbecue.
Sam, I don't think
we can tonight.
Oh, why not tonight?
We're not doing anything.
I made other plans.
SAM: Oh.
Big mouth husband goose,
organized wife,
embarrassed.
There you go, slugger.
Well, we got to go anyway.
I must have forgotten
to tell him.
Now, if you were serving
veal piccata, I'd stay,
but steaks?
Well, you're all
invited for dinner
six weeks from next Tuesday.
We free that night?
[WAILING]
MAN OVER PA: Okay.
Print that take and
let's do one more.
MAN 2: Camera reloading.
MAN: Cathy, how long
did that scene run?
CATHY: Two minutes,
12 seconds,
it looked great.
[ALARM RINGING]
JOHN: Twelve extras.
Larry, 12,
yeah, eight men, four women,
summer wardrobe, right?
Yeah, later, huh?
Hey, this is crazy.
You've got a five-day spread
on Meg.
She's cheap, man,
another deuce is all.
Plus 2.8.
Hey, is John Eddie here?
Oh, sure,
right around the corner.
Bad timing, babe.
I've got to talk to you.
Make it quick.
Can't we go someplace?
No chance.
My director's on his way.
Well, come, on.
What's the big crisis?
Why didn't you tell me?
All you had to do was call.
Call about what?
You gave me
a case of VD.
Oh, come off it.
Okay, listen.
Scene 13 to 12...
John.
I've got syphilis
and you gave it to me.
And you're out of your gourd.
They just told me, John.
Hey, I'm not arguing
with what you've got,
but you didn't get it from me.
No way.
-How do you know?
-Because when we made it,
-I'd just gotten
back from location.
-Shh.
And when I get back,
I always get a checkup,
you know what I mean?
And I was clean, baby.
If you're looking to
hang it on somebody,
what about that dude Tommy
that cut out on you.
No, it was you.
Sorry.
MAN: Hey, Big John,
time to go.
Coming.
You know, it's funny.
Here I didn't call you again
because I figured
you were too...inhibited.
Now, it turns out maybe
you hung a deuce on me.
You stink, Big John.
JOHN: Yeah.
Well, give me a ring
when you're back in action.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
WOMAN OVER PA:
Produce department
is now having
a special on cantaloupes.
MAN OVER PA: No waiting
on check stand number two.
No waiting on
check stand number two.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
MAN: The express lane
is open for shoppers
with 10 items or less.
[CASH REGISTER RINGING]
Can I have your
driver's license, please?
MAN: We also have
a special on navel oranges,
10 pounds per dollar.
Check on six, please.
[CASH REGISTER RINGING]
I'm sorry,
I have to close for a minute.
WOMAN: Produce department
is now having a special
on cantaloupes.
You had some tips.
Could I see that?
CLERK: What for?
I just want to see.
CLERK: You want to go out
tonight after work?
Huh?
CLERK: You and me
tonight after work?
Can I take a rain check,
I've got something to do.
[LAUGHS]
Dumb.
Am I dumb?
"I made other plans."
"What other plans?"
I'm sorry, honey.
Oh, there's no need
to apologize.
You'd think after
almost four years,
I'd at least have felt it.
It's fertility time again.
Basal thermometer goes up
and hope springs eternal
for Sam and Laura Hyatt.
You know, one of these times,
it's gonna take.
And you're gonna
blow up like a blimp
and I'm gonna have to...
-Oh.
-...wheel you around...
Oh, now...
In a wagon.
Not only dumb but wrong.
We already made it.
This isn't a seduction.
It's a celebration.
How far along?
Four months.
Four?
Why didn't you say something?
Oh, I like keeping secrets.
Damn you, baby.
You'd blab it all over town
and then in case
I lost it again...
-You're not gonna lose it.
-Oh, I know.
I went to Klemperer today
and I'm normal,
"normal" normal.
Now, let's celebrate.
And just for once, make love
just for the hell of it.
Hmm?
You've got a date
after my special dinner.
-Mmm. Mmm.
-Mmm-hmm.
Oh, for once, you know,
before I die,
I'd like to see my wife,
my well-organized wife,
just go wild,
let it all hang out.
I'm having enough trouble
just hanging in.
[CHUCKLES]
[ENGINE STARTING]
[DRILLING MACHINE WHIRRING]
[PHONE RINGING]
-Hello?
-Hey, Big Mama.
I had a thought,
take a pregnant lady to lunch.
[LAUGHING] Cut it out.
SAM: Well, how about it?
I can pick you up
in 20 minutes.
Oh, honey, I'd love to,
but I'm feeling
a little peculiar.
Peculiar? Oh.
Oh, nothing to worry about,
like the flu, you know,
coming on or something.
Anyway, I want to
work on this book.
You know I have this
five month deadline.
It's more like three now.
I'm not letting you work
those last two months.
Oh?
Well, we'll see.
Thanks for the offer.
Anyway, see you tonight?
-Okay.
-Okay.
You told him?
-Last night.
-And?
-And...
-So?
-...everything's super.
-Good.
Yeah.
It really is, boss,
as good as it's been
in a long time.
Well, I don't know
what I'm feeling
so good about.
I'm going to be losing
the best associate editor
I ever had.
Oh, you'll survive.
Oh, yeah?
Was that a lunch date
you were turning down
just now?
Oh, I'm gonna work on
getting Pecksniff out of the
land of the hobble gobbles.
Oh, yeah.
Well, just a quick bite
downstairs?
[MIMICKING PECKSNIFF]
How about
a quick bite upstairs?
[MIMICKING PECKSNIFF] Hmm.
Of course, my dear.
Oh, Paul,
I'm really gonna be
sorry to leave.
That's mutual, lady.
Sometimes I think
working here has done
more to keep me
in one piece
than a couple of those
$50-an-hour professionals
I have consulted.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, and who am I
going to consult with
to save my 50-an-hour,
would you tell me that?
Because you maybe
the sanest one around here.
Oh, yeah, come on.
No, I mean it.
Think about it for a minute.
Harvey, with his
terminal athlete's foot?
Militant Mary,
with her crew cut?
Her latest book is
Patrick and the Police Person.
I won't believe that.
Not to mention Daryl,
who's been working on that
elephant book so long,
he's beginning
to act like one.
Yeah, all those peanut shells.
Oh, worse.
I said something
to him yesterday and
he trunked at me.
-Daryl trunked at you?
-Yeah, he did.
He went...
[IMITATING ELEPHANT
TRUMPETING]
I said, "Daryl,
what does that mean?"
-He said,
"What does what mean?"
-[PHONE RINGING OUTSIDE]
-See?
-Oh.
See that's what
I'm talking about, lady.
You're an absolute
oasis of sanity
in a madhouse.
It's mad here.
Tell you what, let's do,
let's have me
order up lunch
and we can blue-pencil
the first chapter of
Pecksniff together.
Remember I made you
a promise?
You will give birth
to your first book before
you deliver your first child.
That's final.
Okay, but just some
crackers, though.
I'm feeling... [SCATTING]
[ENGINE STARTING]
ENID: Mrs. Brill?
This is the State Bright
Cleaning Company.
You have been chosen as
one of the lucky winners
of our mid-week special.
We will clean all the
drapes in your house
for only half...
Same to you, kiddo.
Terry?
I'm late for work.
Yeah, you're three hours late.
Where have you been?
Don't worry,
I switched shifts with Bonnie.
That doesn't
answer my question.
I had something to do.
ENID: Well, I figured
that much out for myself.
Terry, you were
out of this house
at 8:30 this morning
dressed real nice
for a change.
I wanna know
where you went.
I went downtown.
Look, Mom, I think
I'm entitled to some privacy.
I pay my share
of the rent around here.
Don't use that
tone of voice for me.
I get enough of that
on the phone.
All right.
You know that steno school
you've been bugging me about?
Well, that's where I went.
You did not.
Oh, Mom,
what good does it do
to tell you anything?
You never believe me.
If you went there,
you would have told me
right away.
Well, I decided
not to do it.
Terrific.
See?
I knew you'd be mad.
I make more money
at the market.
We've got a union.
Yeah, all you meet
are married men and bums.
Tommy wasn't a bum.
ENID: Tommy dropped.
No, he didn't.
All I'm trying to say
is that with your looks,
if you got a job
as a secretary
or a receptionist
even in some fancy office,
then you'd have a chance to...
I don't wanna
get married, Mom.
Oh, sure.
Wait.
What for?
You're 20 years old,
you got plenty of time.
Wait.
Wait till you get pregnant
or till you fall in love
with some twerp
from the supermarket
then you'll get married.
-Mama, will you please.
-And then you'll have kids
and then when your looks go,
because they don't last,
believe me,
-then he'll run out on you.
-I'll see you later.
Then you can get a job
calling up frauds who
hang up on you all day.
I wish you'd pick up
your messages.
Oh, don't nag.
General Western called.
Beams will take eight weeks.
Cancel it, we're laminating.
And there's a man
in your office and...
News flash.
Laura's pregnant.
Sam, that's marvelous.
Oh.
When?
How long?
Four cotton picking months.
She's healthy as a horse.
Me, I'm such a sucker.
That was a long haul.
[BOTH LAUGH]
I'm so happy.
If at first
you don't succeed...
Who is it?
Oh, said he wanted
to talk about a remodel.
I told him we don't do
remodels anymore,
but he wanted to wait.
Okay.
Sam Hyatt.
Sorry to have
kept you waiting.
Frank Berlin,
like the city.
Hear me out, Mr. Hyatt.
Oh, that syphilis was
a thing of the past.
FRANK: It's just the opposite.
Right now,
it's an epidemic.
We can cure it,
but there's no vaccine
to prevent it.
So, the pill,
more available sex,
VD is out of control.
About half a million people
in this country are infected
with it today
and many of them
don't even know it.
A one night stand
with a kid who was
barely out of her teens.
I don't even remember
her name.
She did you a favor,
Mr. Hyatt.
Why, because she didn't
give me cancer?
Because she gave us your name.
See, in the early stages
of syphilis,
the symptoms disappear
without treatment,
but the disease
is still there.
So when it does
come back years later,
you're in real trouble
and in the meantime
you go on infecting
other people.
I'm in real trouble now,
mister. I'm married.
Look...
We're not even there yet.
You may not even
test positive.
My wife is not
very strong emotionally.
And if I told her
that I had syphilis...
Well, she's already had
one miscarriage,
I'm not gonna
risk another.
Your wife is pregnant?
How far along is she?
What are you saying?
Well, how far along?
Well, just tell me.
Get it out.
[SIGHS] In first
or second stage of syphilis
there's no danger
except to an unborn baby.
Well, what harm can it do?
Will you tell me?
Miscarriage, still birth,
brain damage, deformities
and sometimes even
blindness or deafness
around 10 or 11.
Oh, my God.
But you don't have to worry
if your wife just found out.
She's four months along.
Can you get
a blood test today?
We can supply the doctor
if you don't have one.
It's strictly confidential.
I got a doctor.
How much time do we have?
Not much.
Up to 16 or 18 weeks
the baby is protected.
If your test
does prove positive,
your wife will have
to be told.
No.
She'll have to be treated.
Now, look,
it's easy, isn't it?
A couple of shots
while I'm gonna talk
to her doctor, her OB.
Why does she have to know?
See, from our point of view,
that poses a problem.
I don't like
saying this, but...
What if your wife
has had other contacts?
Laura?
Oh, that'd get me
off the hook, wouldn't it?
No, I'm sorry,
I'm afraid I meant...
Well, what about the question?
If the doctor's willing,
that's your prerogative.
I'm asking about you.
Are you gonna blow it?
You know, we're in
the business of trying
to look a disease,
not breaking up marriages.
No one knows
why I came here,
not even your secretary.
And no one will know
unless you tell them.
Believe it or not,
I'm on your side.
-Okay.
-But I'm not gonna
lie for you.
So don't put me
in that position.
I'll call the doctor.
-Oh, yeah,
one last thing.
-[SIGHS]
You mentioned
the one girl.
Were there any others
in the last six months?
No.
Just that one.
PAUL: How about Harold Hyatt?
-Now, Harold goes with...
-DAVE: No, no, no.
How about Henry Eddie
Eva Hilda Harriet Hyatt?
Well, that's pretty good.
How about Henry Hank Hyatt
Harvard Hathback?
-Yeah, I like that.
-Yeah?
Oh, thank you.
Hey, you know what something,
babies names are
harder to pick up
than book titles?
What's the matter
with Jim?
Jim is great.
What happens if it's a girl?
-Bill.
-Yeah.
WOMAN: I have a thing for
Old Testament names like...
PAUL: And Nebuchadnezzar.
WOMAN: Zebediah.
LAURA: I'll tell you folks,
after several hundred attempts
and one miscarriage,
I'd just be happy
to see the little fella.
What the hell's going on?
Sam?
Oh, Sam.
Paul invited us to supper
to celebrate.
But I called you at the office
and you'd already gone.
Your wife is
a very shy person.
[LAUGHS]
Four months.
I couldn't keep
a secret like that
for 15 minutes.
You know,
I told her this morning
and she went right to work
and produced
this beautiful dinner.
Pregnant women who work
shouldn't be expected to cook.
Congratulations.
DAVE: Sam, you need a drink.
Let me fix you a drink.
Hi, Sam.
Hey, I just thought,
no more leaving Fridays
in a moment's notice, right?
I bet you're gonna be
one of those awful people
who only gain about 15 pounds.
-Hmm.
-Remember me
with Mathew?
-Mmm.
-I was like a horse.
They were at our place
for dinner once
and Laura, she comes
downstairs with this
expression on her face,
"Temperature's up,
signal's on."
They were gone in,
like, 10 seconds.
Hey, look at her,
she's blushing.
Dave, why don't you
get out of the locker room?
Hey, don't tell me you don't
know just 'cause you got a
wife with a bun in the oven.
SAM: Haven't heard that
since junior high.
Sam?
Oh. [SIGHS]
I'm sorry.
It's been a lousy day.
Hey, I know what this is.
This is masculine hysterical
pregnancy symptoms.
Sure.
You know,
it happens all the time
the woman gets pregnant,
the man has this
psychological reaction,
morning sickness, edginess,
strange cravings,
want a pickle, Sam?
-No, no, Paul, I...
-[PAUL LAUGHING]
I think I'll wash up.
Well, I think I'd like
to propose a toast,
to Laura.
First, because I am
a selfish businessman,
I hope you produce
a children's book
that's a best-seller,
but much, much,
more important than that,
in five months' time
may you go to the hospital
and give birth to
a healthy, happy,
strapping, squalling baby.
DAVE: To Jim
PAUL: To Jim.
SAM: I said I'm sorry.
I'll call everybody tomorrow
and apologize.
Sam, I know
in many ways
I'm not
an ideal wife for you.
You're the only wife
I want.
I like goofing
when I'm depressed.
Good news scares
the hell out of me.
Two different shrinks
could switch it around.
You know,
that's a waste of time,
you're perfectly all right.
I'm unreliable in bed.
That's not true.
Well, unpredictable.
And I'm sorry
because I know you.
You need for things
to be dependable
the way you are.
Like a good
architectural drawing,
beautiful, uncluttered,
no wasted motion,
no bending under pressure.
You're pure steel.
I need that,
I need your strength.
I'm human
like everybody else, Laura.
But you...
You can handle things
even when you're not on top.
Oh, yeah, sure,
like when I
walked out on you
two years ago.
Well, that was my fault.
After I lost the baby.
A miscarriage
isn't anybody's fault.
No, I meant after that.
And when we split up?
I've never felt
so helpless
in my whole life.
You never told me that.
[SIGHS]
Well, I'm telling you now
because I want you
to understand
that I am not
pure steel
or pure anything.
And I give under stress
same as you do.
Welcome to the club.
Sam.
The baby,
it just moved.
There it is again, oh.
No, no, it's too early.
No, I felt it.
I felt life.
Give me your hand.
Sam?
MAN: Yeah, Tommy took off.
Didn't he tell you?
TERRY: After school was over
we decided to
cool it for a while,
so I haven't seen him.
He's up in Oregon somewhere.
Wanted to thumb for a while,
climb some rocks.
Any special reason?
Get his head straight.
Could have been you,
you know.
Can I call him?
Now, how do you call
a mountain?
Just stay loose.
He'll be back in
a couple of weeks
for registration.
SAM: You're aware
of Laura's condition,
her medical history.
I'm sure you know
how much this baby
means to her.
I don't know
whether she told you,
but several times
during the last eight years
she's been in therapy.
Your serum
is definitely positive?
SAM: Well, I just came
from my doctor.
I told you.
Yes, first stage.
But Laura hasn't
displayed any symptoms?
Well, none.
Yesterday she said
she felt peculiar,
like maybe she was
coming down with the flu
or something.
Have you noticed any swelling
in the lymph nodes
here or in the groin?
No, no, nothing.
Doctor, she must have had
a blood test when she
found out she was pregnant,
wouldn't that have
shown up there?
That was three months ago,
she could have been incubated.
She'll have to have
another test immediately.
Yes.
Yes, of course she will.
But do you have to
tell her what it's for?
Absolutely.
Didn't you hear
what I just told you?
She may not be able
to handle this.
That's your estimate.
I'm her husband.
Let me explain something
to you, Mr. Hyatt.
My practice is based
on mutual respect
between me and my patients
for one another
and for the truth.
That's why
they come to me.
Doctor, we're not talking
about your bedside manner.
We're talking
about the risk of
injuring a patient.
Oh, are we?
Now, are we talking
about saving you from
an unpleasant scene at home?
That's not my intention.
Look, even the public health
people agree.
This kind of thing isn't new
to me, Mr. Hyatt.
I see it day in
and day out.
Half my patients are women
in their mid-30s.
Frightened women,
worried about stretch marks
and scars,
about whether or not
they'll be satisfactory sexual
partners after the baby.
And why?
Because their husbands are out
pumping up
their sagging masculinity,
proving their virility
with girls half their age.
I'm only concerned
about the patient, Mr. Hyatt,
who in this case
happens to be your wife.
Okay.
I'll tell her.
Sam?
Talk to you for a minute.
-I'm kind of in a rush.
-No, no, about
last night, Sam.
Look I had
a bug up my nose.
I'm sorry.
Laura?
Let's get out of here.
I have something
to talk to you about.
I think you said
enough last night.
Laura, please.
I have work to do.
Can't just leave it.
This is important.
Oh, so, is my work.
Although you never
thought so.
This isn't the time
to get into that kind of
ridiculous nonsense stuff.
-Oh.
-You wanted...
Forgive me,
I forgot.
You're the one who picks
the time and places.
Will you let me know when
it's time for me to tell you
what's bothering me?
Get your purse.
I want to leave.
Yeah, you told me that.
You always tell me
and I always listen.
"Let's wait to have children
so we'll have time for
just the two of us, Laura."
Remember that?
Fine, Sam,
whatever you say.
Oh, brother.
"We're gonna buy
a house, Laura."
"Oh, wonderful, Sam."
"We're going to Europe."
"Terrific."
"Now, it's time
to have babies."
"Aye, aye, sir."
Well, I did it.
I did what you said.
I'm having a baby
and it's too late for you
to change your mind.
I haven't changed my mind.
I've lived my whole life
according to
somebody else's...
Laura, for God's sakes,
will you listen to me?
And I'm sick and tired
of punching your
particular time clock.
You wanna talk to me?
You talk to me at home.
[SIGHS]
So what's the good news?
Let's have it,
ex-communication,
bankruptcy, dandruff?
Is it something simple
like another woman?
You want a divorce?
Tell me what it is, Sam.
I can't stand the
merry-go-round anymore.
I didn't wanna
tell you here.
Please, Sam.
One thing... No, two things.
Whatever else,
I love you very much
and I want our baby.
Tell me the "whatever else."
I've...
Yes, "I've?"
I've got syphilis.
It was a fluke,
a one night stand
with a girl whose name
I don't even remember.
It happened
after we struck out for...
I don't know,
it seemed like
the millionth of time.
I was unsure,
looking down the barrel
at my 40th birthday.
Afraid. I don't know,
it just happened.
It's a scream.
It's this reader
at the office, Mary...
Used to tell stories
about her husband,
who went on a youth kick,
how he had a hair transplant,
went on those fanatic diets,
used to spend more time
in front of the mirror
than she did.
She used to do
imitations of him.
She had everybody screaming.
And she went home
one afternoon
and found him having
a meaningful relationship
with the babysitter
who was junior
in high school.
Isn't that a knee slapper?
No.
Oh, yeah?
Where's your
sense of humor, huh?
Where's yours?
I lost it at the Astor
or the office
or in Omaha.
[SIGHS] Here I am
digging into
what passes
for my psyche.
Should be thinking
about my child.
Our child.
You are thinking
about our child,
so am I.
That's why we're seeing
the doctor right now.
Do you want me
to go up with you?
[DOOR CLOSES]
I'll wait right here.
No, Sam,
don't wait for me.
What's with you?
I said what's with you?
All day or something,
you go on strike again?
Terry?
I don't feel good.
Same with me,
I don't feel so hot either,
but you don't catch me
lying on my back
in the middle of the day.
Won't go to steno school.
I suppose you don't wanna be
a supermarket checker either.
How about a duchess?
Hey, Ma,
what do you think of me?
ENID: [SCOFFS]
What kind of question is that?
I just wonder.
Well...
You're my daughter,
what am I supposed
to think of you?
Come on.
Better watch out,
I might tell you.
[SIGHS] Oh, forget it.
Well...
You've been boy crazy
since you were 12 years old.
You don't help
around the house.
You never listen
to anything I say.
What else is new?
Well, I mean...
When you had me
and you thought about
what I might be like,
are you proud of me
or ashamed?
Terry, honey,
what is it?
[SNIFFLES]
It's happened already,
hasn't it?
Got yourself in trouble.
Steno school, dummy.
Who was it?
That college kid?
The one that you're
so crazy about?
I suppose
he won't marry you?
It's okay.
Take it easy, sugar.
Come on, it's not
the end of the world.
We can get it fixed.
You know those things
aren't so hard these days.
He didn't give me a baby,
Mama.
Well, then, what?
He gave me syphilis.
Tramp!
You got syphilis?
I'm not a tramp.
I'm not a...
I'm not a...
I'm not a tramp.
I'm not a tramp.
Oh, God.
Oh, no.
Oh.
I know, Mama.
I know.
2:00, I'll be there.
Doctor, uh, baby...
You sure?
Yes, very lucky.
Thank you.
-Want a refill?
-I'm fine.
Was that Sam?
Sam, who?
You're really something.
Your husband's out
in the wind some place
and you're cleaning the oven
as if nothing's going on.
Amazing.
I'm just your
average American housewife
who's pregnant
on top of holding down a job
at the same time,
considering having
a nervous breakdown.
Just a little one.
You're really laughing.
I can't get over it.
[LAUGHING]
Well...
You meddling old harridan,
what are my options?
What would you do if you found
Dave was playing around?
Dave?
My Dave?
Oh, what's so special
about him?
He's got eyes
and hands.
Remind me to tell you about
last Christmas' party.
No, he just likes
to go through the motions.
He talks a good game.
Oh, what would you do
if he did, for sure?
Oh, that's easy. I'd...
I'd throw things,
scream at him,
threaten to take him
to the cleaner's.
Mmm-hmm,
and you'd take him back?
Yeah, all day long.
And the last thing I would do
would be to leave him.
Besides,
I can't quite see myself
hanging out in single's bars.
[CHUCKLES]
Where did Sam
stay last night?
I don't know.
He didn't stay here.
JEAN: 6:30, you need me
for anything?
No.
Go on home.
Sam, whatever it is,
can I help?
It'll work out.
You look like
you could stand a drink.
Good idea.
I'll fix it,
it's all right.
You want one?
Why not?
Valley Vista Motel?
It was the first one
I came to last night.
It's got mirrors
and water beds.
[SIGHS]
Cheers.
Have you called Laura?
I phoned
a couple of hours ago.
Nobody was home.
I shouldn't have
called anyway.
Yeah, she needs time
to sort things out.
Why don't you
come home with me?
I'll cook you dinner.
Oh, no, um...
I'm really not hungry.
Strong.
How come you never got
married again, Jean?
Nobody ever asked me.
Somebody's missing
a good bet.
You're a nice lady.
No, I'm not.
My boss has a fight
with his wife
and I invite him
to my apartment,
that's not nice.
That's transparent.
And very flattering.
Yeah.
I can see you
burning up with passion.
It's tempting.
The offer still stands.
Place to crash,
like the kids say.
Thanks.
Really, thanks,
but I think I'll pass.
Laura,
this is Mr. Berlin of the
Public Health Department.
I don't understand.
What is he... What are you
doing here?
I have to ask you
a few questions, Mrs. Hyatt.
Is this your idea of keeping
professional secrets?
It's out of my hands.
When you're finished,
I'll give you a shot.
I'm sorry.
Don't be hard
on the doctor.
It's a state law.
Our department's informed
of all positive blood tests.
I don't see the reason
for this.
I'm being treated
for the disease.
I know where I got it
and that's all
there is to it.
I'm afraid not.
But I don't want
to talk to you.
Mrs. Hyatt, please.
I arranged to meet you here
because it's
absolutely confidential.
Your name will
never be mentioned.
But I have to have
the names of the people
you had sexual contact with
during the past six months.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
I got it
from my husband.
He got it
from some girl.
I don't think so.
[SIGHS]
Excuse me.
You have secondary syphilis,
Mrs. Hyatt,
and your husband
has the disease
in its first stage.
What does that mean
as far as my baby's health
is concerned?
Nothing. You and your baby
will be fine.
What it does mean is that
you've had the disease
longer than your husband.
So it's...
It's virtually impossible
that he infected you.
[SIGHS]
It's a mistake.
They make mistakes
all the time.
Doctors, hospitals,
laboratories, everybody.
Would you like to see
the lab report?
I don't need to see it.
I know what it says.
Mrs. Hyatt,
VD spreads like
no other disease on earth.
It infects someone
in the United States alone
every 15 seconds.
Now, in your case,
this particular person
may not know.
He may go on
infecting other people.
There's no other person.
You yourself
could get re-infected.
I told you
it's a mistake.
-Mrs. Hyatt, please.
-And I don't have
to talk to you.
That's right, you don't.
But let me
tell you something.
[SIGHS]
I spend every working day
of my life
talking with people
who've been exposed to VD.
And if you're lying to me,
sooner or later,
I or somebody else
in my department
is going to talk
with the contact
and your name is
gonna be mentioned.
And when that happens,
I'll be back.
It's a mistake,
mistake.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Hi.
-Hi.
-Hey, you know, something,
Pecksniff stuff is terrific.
I showed it to Shirley.
-She wants it to take it
home to her kid.
-Oh.
I'm glad you called.
We... We can talk.
Yeah. We've always been
able to talk.
You find me attractive,
intelligent
and even think
I have talent.
Why didn't you tell me
you had syphilis?
I almost told you.
A hundred times.
But...
After what we've had,
I just couldn't seem
to get the words out.
Or have a track record
at the Ellis, right?
I'm a sensitive person,
volatile,
protect me from shock
at all costs,
was that your rationale?
Oh, I read up on the VD
and I found out
that all newly pregnant women
get a routine blood test,
so I...
I waited.
We hadn't been together
for six months, so...
I assumed that
if you had it,
it would show up.
When you didn't say anything,
I figured you...
We were lucky.
You endangered my child,
mine and Sam's.
My God.
You'd think I was singing
in a church choir
at the time it happened
or that I got it through
an interoffice memo
from Paul to Laura,
enclosed "please find one case
of syphilis" paragraph,
"You're hereby absolved of
any responsibility per se."
Why aren't you laughing?
It's just another lousy joke.
Please
make me understand
how you could remain silent
and jeopardize
a human life?
Laura, I swear to God...
Were you ashamed
of what we did,
that you kept telling me
not to feel guilty about it?
Laura, what's the sense
of recriminations now?
Because I want to understand
why I feel so guilty now.
It's not your fault.
Well, whose fault
was it, then?
-Mine.
-Oh.
No, it wasn't.
It was mine, too.
[SIGHS]
All those excuses that were
so compelling to me then...
[SIGHS]
This feels so tacky now.
I'll tell you something.
Our love together
is very important to me.
It was everything an affair
is supposed to be,
romantic, tender, lyrical.
Except, of course, turns out
you gave me the pox.
Is the baby okay?
Yes.
No thanks
to either of us.
And you're all right.
Does Sam know?
About us?
No.
My husband...
My husband
is still under the impression
that he infected me.
And you know something?
I can't wait
to tell him he didn't.
Laura...
Laura, Laura...
I see.
Let him just go on thinking
he was the one.
That would certainly keep
the moral advantage with me,
wouldn't it?
I mean, I meant that...
I know what you meant.
Let it ride.
Don't make waves.
Maybe it will get
better by itself.
Maybe you won't have
to face it.
God.
Simple as that.
And I could have given birth
to a baby with no arms.
You might have to
face it after all.
I told the public health
people about you.
I had to.
They'll wanna know
all your sexual contacts
the past year
and you'll have
to tell them.
TERRY: So horrible.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it's too bad,
but some people have to be
scared out of their minds
before they'll do
anything about it.
Hey, I hope I didn't get you
out here on a Saturday
just because of me.
I couldn't get off last night.
No, it's okay.
I had some things
to mop up anyway.
So what can I do you for?
Well, you know the names
of those guys that I gave you
that I had been with?
Well, I left somebody out.
Okay.
Shoot.
His name is Tommy,
Thomas, I guess, Chadwick.
I don't know his home address
'cause he was in Michigan,
but he does go to UCLA
and I guess he's at
one of the dorms there.
All right.
We'll find him.
I didn't give you his name
before because I figured that
he wasn't involved, you know.
Listen, I really
appreciate this.
It's important that
we find everyone.
You see, it was probably him.
You know, Terry,
most of the people
that we talk to here
wanna know
where they got it from,
but we have a rule
and I'm not allowed to tell
even if I did know.
I mean, what's important
is getting people
treated anyway.
The person who
gave you the disease
most likely didn't mean to.
Just as you didn't mean
to give it to anyone else.
That's the problem of VD.
The bug doesn't care
whether you love
the guy or not.
It just goes
about its business
in making people sick.
Anyway, thanks for telling me.
I guess
you're kinda surprised
that they weren't
more than three guys.
I mean, you probably figured
a girl like me...
I didn't figure anything.
Well, I just want you to know
that one of those guys,
probably the guy
who gave it to me in fact...
Well, it wasn't just physical.
I mean...
I mean maybe
the bug didn't care,
but I did.
[RINGING]
I'm cleaning up my office.
Sorry.
You're sorry?
About last night. I...
I didn't tell the
public health people
about you.
Well, I wanted
to see you squirm.
You succeeded.
I'm telling them.
-Oh, there you go.
-[SIGHS]
You're leaving
before the book's finished.
Well, I don't think
I can handle more than
one birth at a time.
-Who do you think
you're kidding?
-Yeah.
You could do both and
skip rope at the same time
and never miss a beat.
So I lie a little.
You know, that month
we were together last year
meant a lot to me too.
It still does.
Yeah, I know.
It's one of the real reasons
I'm leaving.
Thanks for the
straight answer.
Oh, I'm full of
straight answers today.
You know,
you realize of course that
you and I are
much more alike
than you and Sam.
Oh, of course.
That's why
he's righter for me.
Uh-huh.
[MIMICKING PECKSNIFF]
Well, here's looking
at you, sweetheart.
[MIMICKING PECKSNIFF]
Same to you, sweetheart.
Well, don't be mad if you
find that I'm with
some other publisher
next season.
I'll think it's a terrible
waste if you aren't.
You're taking boarders?
Only if they help
with the chores.
I'm trying to think
of some new and original way
of saying what I said before.
Honey.
I've been doing
exactly the same thing.
I must have
missed something.
Only think of an original way
to say what you said before.
About me and the girl?
Well, a variation
on that theme.
How's your drink?
Well, it's just fine.
Yeah.
[SIGHS]
Let me put it this way.
You know where Paul lives,
my boss.
You've pointed out
the building once.
Well, he lives
in an apartment
up near the top.
Chic apartment,
Barcelona chairs,
paisley sofa.
All the stuff you hate.
Plus he had this
great art collection
including an original
Matisse drawing,
not a litho,
an original
that hangs over the bed.
You see, this disease,
this bug that we thought
went clockwise
turns out to have
gone the other way.
It's funny because
next week we're publishing
a children's book
of brushing your teeth
and the importance
of keeping clean.
Talk about
heavy-handed irony.
[SIGHS] Why can't
I say it straight out
the way you did?
Maybe because you knew
what it would do to me.
I guess so.
[SIGHS] Have you got
any other good news,
flood, plague
or is that it?
That's about it.
Except that
I quit my job today
after deciding
I was Pecksniff
and how to get myself
out of the land of
the hobble gobbles.
And, oh, yeah...
I think we're gonna have
the toughest kid
on the block.
This will only take
a few minutes.
-Terry.
-Hi.
Now, maybe this isn't
very important to you, but...
Well, when that
public health guy told me,
I was sure
I got it from you.
Yeah. I gotta
go back to work.
It was the
other way around,
you got it from me.
And I'm sorry.
Well, like I said before,
maybe it doesn't matter,
but I thought
you should know.
Oh, no,
you're wrong.
It does matter,
a hell of a lot.
All right?
Yeah, fine.
Ah.
[LAURA LAUGHS]
It fluttered.
GIRL: Oh.
TERRY: I'll get it.
Hi.
You Terry Wayne?
-TERRY: Yeah.
-Can I talk to you
for a minute?
Uh, can it wait?
It's 12-all.
It won't take long.
That medical exam you took
for your job last week,
in certain cases
we get the results.
Is there something wrong
with me?
No, it's nothing
that can't be fixed.
I'm afraid you got yourself
a case of VD.
You're putting me on.
Infectious syphilis,
first stage.
Uh, well, that's no big deal,
I mean, nowadays, is it?
FRANK: No.
No big deal.
At this stage,
it's not even dangerous
unless you're pregnant.
No, no chance.
Okay, but you will have to
get treatment.
And I'll need a complete list
of all your sexual contacts
for the last six months.
-Oh, wow.
-Not right now.
Just call me
the first chance you get
at this number.
It's County Health,
Frank Berlin,
like the city,
you won't forget?
-No.
-One more thing,
if you don't get
treated right away,
it can be a bad scene.
I mean, for you,
for anybody you're with.
You're extremely contagious.
Yeah.
MAN: Come on, Terry.
Where you going?
[LAUGHING]
Whoa.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
You work in the weekend?
[SIGHS] A deadline.
This has to be
at the printer
by Tuesday.
DAVE: You know what
my father used to say
about career girls?
The next thing they'll want
is the vote.
And louse up the country?
Ridiculous.
-[LAURA SHRIEKING]
-[SAM GRUNTING]
LAURA: Oh, no, no, no.
-You cannot.
-SAM: I can.
-LAURA: I'll get you
right there.
-Oh, no.
No! No!
[SPLUTTERING]
Oh, you lunatic.
-Your hair looks great.
-Oh, thank you.
One of these days
I'm going to
get my act together.
I'm going to change my hair
and lose about 10 pounds
and buy myself
a string bikini.
Oh, you and Sam,
he bought me one last month.
Not in my wildest dream.
Why not?
With a body like yours,
you can wear one of
those things now.
SAM: Dave,
can I borrow your son?
Oh, there he is.
BOY: More, more.
Hey, hey,
that's a great idea.
I know. Why doesn't
everybody stay for dinner?
I'll get some steaks,
we'll barbecue.
Sam, I don't think
we can tonight.
Oh, why not tonight?
We're not doing anything.
I made other plans.
SAM: Oh.
Big mouth husband goose,
organized wife,
embarrassed.
There you go, slugger.
Well, we got to go anyway.
I must have forgotten
to tell him.
Now, if you were serving
veal piccata, I'd stay,
but steaks?
Well, you're all
invited for dinner
six weeks from next Tuesday.
We free that night?
[WAILING]
MAN OVER PA: Okay.
Print that take and
let's do one more.
MAN 2: Camera reloading.
MAN: Cathy, how long
did that scene run?
CATHY: Two minutes,
12 seconds,
it looked great.
[ALARM RINGING]
JOHN: Twelve extras.
Larry, 12,
yeah, eight men, four women,
summer wardrobe, right?
Yeah, later, huh?
Hey, this is crazy.
You've got a five-day spread
on Meg.
She's cheap, man,
another deuce is all.
Plus 2.8.
Hey, is John Eddie here?
Oh, sure,
right around the corner.
Bad timing, babe.
I've got to talk to you.
Make it quick.
Can't we go someplace?
No chance.
My director's on his way.
Well, come, on.
What's the big crisis?
Why didn't you tell me?
All you had to do was call.
Call about what?
You gave me
a case of VD.
Oh, come off it.
Okay, listen.
Scene 13 to 12...
John.
I've got syphilis
and you gave it to me.
And you're out of your gourd.
They just told me, John.
Hey, I'm not arguing
with what you've got,
but you didn't get it from me.
No way.
-How do you know?
-Because when we made it,
-I'd just gotten
back from location.
-Shh.
And when I get back,
I always get a checkup,
you know what I mean?
And I was clean, baby.
If you're looking to
hang it on somebody,
what about that dude Tommy
that cut out on you.
No, it was you.
Sorry.
MAN: Hey, Big John,
time to go.
Coming.
You know, it's funny.
Here I didn't call you again
because I figured
you were too...inhibited.
Now, it turns out maybe
you hung a deuce on me.
You stink, Big John.
JOHN: Yeah.
Well, give me a ring
when you're back in action.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
WOMAN OVER PA:
Produce department
is now having
a special on cantaloupes.
MAN OVER PA: No waiting
on check stand number two.
No waiting on
check stand number two.
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
MAN: The express lane
is open for shoppers
with 10 items or less.
[CASH REGISTER RINGING]
Can I have your
driver's license, please?
MAN: We also have
a special on navel oranges,
10 pounds per dollar.
Check on six, please.
[CASH REGISTER RINGING]
I'm sorry,
I have to close for a minute.
WOMAN: Produce department
is now having a special
on cantaloupes.
You had some tips.
Could I see that?
CLERK: What for?
I just want to see.
CLERK: You want to go out
tonight after work?
Huh?
CLERK: You and me
tonight after work?
Can I take a rain check,
I've got something to do.
[LAUGHS]
Dumb.
Am I dumb?
"I made other plans."
"What other plans?"
I'm sorry, honey.
Oh, there's no need
to apologize.
You'd think after
almost four years,
I'd at least have felt it.
It's fertility time again.
Basal thermometer goes up
and hope springs eternal
for Sam and Laura Hyatt.
You know, one of these times,
it's gonna take.
And you're gonna
blow up like a blimp
and I'm gonna have to...
-Oh.
-...wheel you around...
Oh, now...
In a wagon.
Not only dumb but wrong.
We already made it.
This isn't a seduction.
It's a celebration.
How far along?
Four months.
Four?
Why didn't you say something?
Oh, I like keeping secrets.
Damn you, baby.
You'd blab it all over town
and then in case
I lost it again...
-You're not gonna lose it.
-Oh, I know.
I went to Klemperer today
and I'm normal,
"normal" normal.
Now, let's celebrate.
And just for once, make love
just for the hell of it.
Hmm?
You've got a date
after my special dinner.
-Mmm. Mmm.
-Mmm-hmm.
Oh, for once, you know,
before I die,
I'd like to see my wife,
my well-organized wife,
just go wild,
let it all hang out.
I'm having enough trouble
just hanging in.
[CHUCKLES]
[ENGINE STARTING]
[DRILLING MACHINE WHIRRING]
[PHONE RINGING]
-Hello?
-Hey, Big Mama.
I had a thought,
take a pregnant lady to lunch.
[LAUGHING] Cut it out.
SAM: Well, how about it?
I can pick you up
in 20 minutes.
Oh, honey, I'd love to,
but I'm feeling
a little peculiar.
Peculiar? Oh.
Oh, nothing to worry about,
like the flu, you know,
coming on or something.
Anyway, I want to
work on this book.
You know I have this
five month deadline.
It's more like three now.
I'm not letting you work
those last two months.
Oh?
Well, we'll see.
Thanks for the offer.
Anyway, see you tonight?
-Okay.
-Okay.
You told him?
-Last night.
-And?
-And...
-So?
-...everything's super.
-Good.
Yeah.
It really is, boss,
as good as it's been
in a long time.
Well, I don't know
what I'm feeling
so good about.
I'm going to be losing
the best associate editor
I ever had.
Oh, you'll survive.
Oh, yeah?
Was that a lunch date
you were turning down
just now?
Oh, I'm gonna work on
getting Pecksniff out of the
land of the hobble gobbles.
Oh, yeah.
Well, just a quick bite
downstairs?
[MIMICKING PECKSNIFF]
How about
a quick bite upstairs?
[MIMICKING PECKSNIFF] Hmm.
Of course, my dear.
Oh, Paul,
I'm really gonna be
sorry to leave.
That's mutual, lady.
Sometimes I think
working here has done
more to keep me
in one piece
than a couple of those
$50-an-hour professionals
I have consulted.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, and who am I
going to consult with
to save my 50-an-hour,
would you tell me that?
Because you maybe
the sanest one around here.
Oh, yeah, come on.
No, I mean it.
Think about it for a minute.
Harvey, with his
terminal athlete's foot?
Militant Mary,
with her crew cut?
Her latest book is
Patrick and the Police Person.
I won't believe that.
Not to mention Daryl,
who's been working on that
elephant book so long,
he's beginning
to act like one.
Yeah, all those peanut shells.
Oh, worse.
I said something
to him yesterday and
he trunked at me.
-Daryl trunked at you?
-Yeah, he did.
He went...
[IMITATING ELEPHANT
TRUMPETING]
I said, "Daryl,
what does that mean?"
-He said,
"What does what mean?"
-[PHONE RINGING OUTSIDE]
-See?
-Oh.
See that's what
I'm talking about, lady.
You're an absolute
oasis of sanity
in a madhouse.
It's mad here.
Tell you what, let's do,
let's have me
order up lunch
and we can blue-pencil
the first chapter of
Pecksniff together.
Remember I made you
a promise?
You will give birth
to your first book before
you deliver your first child.
That's final.
Okay, but just some
crackers, though.
I'm feeling... [SCATTING]
[ENGINE STARTING]
ENID: Mrs. Brill?
This is the State Bright
Cleaning Company.
You have been chosen as
one of the lucky winners
of our mid-week special.
We will clean all the
drapes in your house
for only half...
Same to you, kiddo.
Terry?
I'm late for work.
Yeah, you're three hours late.
Where have you been?
Don't worry,
I switched shifts with Bonnie.
That doesn't
answer my question.
I had something to do.
ENID: Well, I figured
that much out for myself.
Terry, you were
out of this house
at 8:30 this morning
dressed real nice
for a change.
I wanna know
where you went.
I went downtown.
Look, Mom, I think
I'm entitled to some privacy.
I pay my share
of the rent around here.
Don't use that
tone of voice for me.
I get enough of that
on the phone.
All right.
You know that steno school
you've been bugging me about?
Well, that's where I went.
You did not.
Oh, Mom,
what good does it do
to tell you anything?
You never believe me.
If you went there,
you would have told me
right away.
Well, I decided
not to do it.
Terrific.
See?
I knew you'd be mad.
I make more money
at the market.
We've got a union.
Yeah, all you meet
are married men and bums.
Tommy wasn't a bum.
ENID: Tommy dropped.
No, he didn't.
All I'm trying to say
is that with your looks,
if you got a job
as a secretary
or a receptionist
even in some fancy office,
then you'd have a chance to...
I don't wanna
get married, Mom.
Oh, sure.
Wait.
What for?
You're 20 years old,
you got plenty of time.
Wait.
Wait till you get pregnant
or till you fall in love
with some twerp
from the supermarket
then you'll get married.
-Mama, will you please.
-And then you'll have kids
and then when your looks go,
because they don't last,
believe me,
-then he'll run out on you.
-I'll see you later.
Then you can get a job
calling up frauds who
hang up on you all day.
I wish you'd pick up
your messages.
Oh, don't nag.
General Western called.
Beams will take eight weeks.
Cancel it, we're laminating.
And there's a man
in your office and...
News flash.
Laura's pregnant.
Sam, that's marvelous.
Oh.
When?
How long?
Four cotton picking months.
She's healthy as a horse.
Me, I'm such a sucker.
That was a long haul.
[BOTH LAUGH]
I'm so happy.
If at first
you don't succeed...
Who is it?
Oh, said he wanted
to talk about a remodel.
I told him we don't do
remodels anymore,
but he wanted to wait.
Okay.
Sam Hyatt.
Sorry to have
kept you waiting.
Frank Berlin,
like the city.
Hear me out, Mr. Hyatt.
Oh, that syphilis was
a thing of the past.
FRANK: It's just the opposite.
Right now,
it's an epidemic.
We can cure it,
but there's no vaccine
to prevent it.
So, the pill,
more available sex,
VD is out of control.
About half a million people
in this country are infected
with it today
and many of them
don't even know it.
A one night stand
with a kid who was
barely out of her teens.
I don't even remember
her name.
She did you a favor,
Mr. Hyatt.
Why, because she didn't
give me cancer?
Because she gave us your name.
See, in the early stages
of syphilis,
the symptoms disappear
without treatment,
but the disease
is still there.
So when it does
come back years later,
you're in real trouble
and in the meantime
you go on infecting
other people.
I'm in real trouble now,
mister. I'm married.
Look...
We're not even there yet.
You may not even
test positive.
My wife is not
very strong emotionally.
And if I told her
that I had syphilis...
Well, she's already had
one miscarriage,
I'm not gonna
risk another.
Your wife is pregnant?
How far along is she?
What are you saying?
Well, how far along?
Well, just tell me.
Get it out.
[SIGHS] In first
or second stage of syphilis
there's no danger
except to an unborn baby.
Well, what harm can it do?
Will you tell me?
Miscarriage, still birth,
brain damage, deformities
and sometimes even
blindness or deafness
around 10 or 11.
Oh, my God.
But you don't have to worry
if your wife just found out.
She's four months along.
Can you get
a blood test today?
We can supply the doctor
if you don't have one.
It's strictly confidential.
I got a doctor.
How much time do we have?
Not much.
Up to 16 or 18 weeks
the baby is protected.
If your test
does prove positive,
your wife will have
to be told.
No.
She'll have to be treated.
Now, look,
it's easy, isn't it?
A couple of shots
while I'm gonna talk
to her doctor, her OB.
Why does she have to know?
See, from our point of view,
that poses a problem.
I don't like
saying this, but...
What if your wife
has had other contacts?
Laura?
Oh, that'd get me
off the hook, wouldn't it?
No, I'm sorry,
I'm afraid I meant...
Well, what about the question?
If the doctor's willing,
that's your prerogative.
I'm asking about you.
Are you gonna blow it?
You know, we're in
the business of trying
to look a disease,
not breaking up marriages.
No one knows
why I came here,
not even your secretary.
And no one will know
unless you tell them.
Believe it or not,
I'm on your side.
-Okay.
-But I'm not gonna
lie for you.
So don't put me
in that position.
I'll call the doctor.
-Oh, yeah,
one last thing.
-[SIGHS]
You mentioned
the one girl.
Were there any others
in the last six months?
No.
Just that one.
PAUL: How about Harold Hyatt?
-Now, Harold goes with...
-DAVE: No, no, no.
How about Henry Eddie
Eva Hilda Harriet Hyatt?
Well, that's pretty good.
How about Henry Hank Hyatt
Harvard Hathback?
-Yeah, I like that.
-Yeah?
Oh, thank you.
Hey, you know what something,
babies names are
harder to pick up
than book titles?
What's the matter
with Jim?
Jim is great.
What happens if it's a girl?
-Bill.
-Yeah.
WOMAN: I have a thing for
Old Testament names like...
PAUL: And Nebuchadnezzar.
WOMAN: Zebediah.
LAURA: I'll tell you folks,
after several hundred attempts
and one miscarriage,
I'd just be happy
to see the little fella.
What the hell's going on?
Sam?
Oh, Sam.
Paul invited us to supper
to celebrate.
But I called you at the office
and you'd already gone.
Your wife is
a very shy person.
[LAUGHS]
Four months.
I couldn't keep
a secret like that
for 15 minutes.
You know,
I told her this morning
and she went right to work
and produced
this beautiful dinner.
Pregnant women who work
shouldn't be expected to cook.
Congratulations.
DAVE: Sam, you need a drink.
Let me fix you a drink.
Hi, Sam.
Hey, I just thought,
no more leaving Fridays
in a moment's notice, right?
I bet you're gonna be
one of those awful people
who only gain about 15 pounds.
-Hmm.
-Remember me
with Mathew?
-Mmm.
-I was like a horse.
They were at our place
for dinner once
and Laura, she comes
downstairs with this
expression on her face,
"Temperature's up,
signal's on."
They were gone in,
like, 10 seconds.
Hey, look at her,
she's blushing.
Dave, why don't you
get out of the locker room?
Hey, don't tell me you don't
know just 'cause you got a
wife with a bun in the oven.
SAM: Haven't heard that
since junior high.
Sam?
Oh. [SIGHS]
I'm sorry.
It's been a lousy day.
Hey, I know what this is.
This is masculine hysterical
pregnancy symptoms.
Sure.
You know,
it happens all the time
the woman gets pregnant,
the man has this
psychological reaction,
morning sickness, edginess,
strange cravings,
want a pickle, Sam?
-No, no, Paul, I...
-[PAUL LAUGHING]
I think I'll wash up.
Well, I think I'd like
to propose a toast,
to Laura.
First, because I am
a selfish businessman,
I hope you produce
a children's book
that's a best-seller,
but much, much,
more important than that,
in five months' time
may you go to the hospital
and give birth to
a healthy, happy,
strapping, squalling baby.
DAVE: To Jim
PAUL: To Jim.
SAM: I said I'm sorry.
I'll call everybody tomorrow
and apologize.
Sam, I know
in many ways
I'm not
an ideal wife for you.
You're the only wife
I want.
I like goofing
when I'm depressed.
Good news scares
the hell out of me.
Two different shrinks
could switch it around.
You know,
that's a waste of time,
you're perfectly all right.
I'm unreliable in bed.
That's not true.
Well, unpredictable.
And I'm sorry
because I know you.
You need for things
to be dependable
the way you are.
Like a good
architectural drawing,
beautiful, uncluttered,
no wasted motion,
no bending under pressure.
You're pure steel.
I need that,
I need your strength.
I'm human
like everybody else, Laura.
But you...
You can handle things
even when you're not on top.
Oh, yeah, sure,
like when I
walked out on you
two years ago.
Well, that was my fault.
After I lost the baby.
A miscarriage
isn't anybody's fault.
No, I meant after that.
And when we split up?
I've never felt
so helpless
in my whole life.
You never told me that.
[SIGHS]
Well, I'm telling you now
because I want you
to understand
that I am not
pure steel
or pure anything.
And I give under stress
same as you do.
Welcome to the club.
Sam.
The baby,
it just moved.
There it is again, oh.
No, no, it's too early.
No, I felt it.
I felt life.
Give me your hand.
Sam?
MAN: Yeah, Tommy took off.
Didn't he tell you?
TERRY: After school was over
we decided to
cool it for a while,
so I haven't seen him.
He's up in Oregon somewhere.
Wanted to thumb for a while,
climb some rocks.
Any special reason?
Get his head straight.
Could have been you,
you know.
Can I call him?
Now, how do you call
a mountain?
Just stay loose.
He'll be back in
a couple of weeks
for registration.
SAM: You're aware
of Laura's condition,
her medical history.
I'm sure you know
how much this baby
means to her.
I don't know
whether she told you,
but several times
during the last eight years
she's been in therapy.
Your serum
is definitely positive?
SAM: Well, I just came
from my doctor.
I told you.
Yes, first stage.
But Laura hasn't
displayed any symptoms?
Well, none.
Yesterday she said
she felt peculiar,
like maybe she was
coming down with the flu
or something.
Have you noticed any swelling
in the lymph nodes
here or in the groin?
No, no, nothing.
Doctor, she must have had
a blood test when she
found out she was pregnant,
wouldn't that have
shown up there?
That was three months ago,
she could have been incubated.
She'll have to have
another test immediately.
Yes.
Yes, of course she will.
But do you have to
tell her what it's for?
Absolutely.
Didn't you hear
what I just told you?
She may not be able
to handle this.
That's your estimate.
I'm her husband.
Let me explain something
to you, Mr. Hyatt.
My practice is based
on mutual respect
between me and my patients
for one another
and for the truth.
That's why
they come to me.
Doctor, we're not talking
about your bedside manner.
We're talking
about the risk of
injuring a patient.
Oh, are we?
Now, are we talking
about saving you from
an unpleasant scene at home?
That's not my intention.
Look, even the public health
people agree.
This kind of thing isn't new
to me, Mr. Hyatt.
I see it day in
and day out.
Half my patients are women
in their mid-30s.
Frightened women,
worried about stretch marks
and scars,
about whether or not
they'll be satisfactory sexual
partners after the baby.
And why?
Because their husbands are out
pumping up
their sagging masculinity,
proving their virility
with girls half their age.
I'm only concerned
about the patient, Mr. Hyatt,
who in this case
happens to be your wife.
Okay.
I'll tell her.
Sam?
Talk to you for a minute.
-I'm kind of in a rush.
-No, no, about
last night, Sam.
Look I had
a bug up my nose.
I'm sorry.
Laura?
Let's get out of here.
I have something
to talk to you about.
I think you said
enough last night.
Laura, please.
I have work to do.
Can't just leave it.
This is important.
Oh, so, is my work.
Although you never
thought so.
This isn't the time
to get into that kind of
ridiculous nonsense stuff.
-Oh.
-You wanted...
Forgive me,
I forgot.
You're the one who picks
the time and places.
Will you let me know when
it's time for me to tell you
what's bothering me?
Get your purse.
I want to leave.
Yeah, you told me that.
You always tell me
and I always listen.
"Let's wait to have children
so we'll have time for
just the two of us, Laura."
Remember that?
Fine, Sam,
whatever you say.
Oh, brother.
"We're gonna buy
a house, Laura."
"Oh, wonderful, Sam."
"We're going to Europe."
"Terrific."
"Now, it's time
to have babies."
"Aye, aye, sir."
Well, I did it.
I did what you said.
I'm having a baby
and it's too late for you
to change your mind.
I haven't changed my mind.
I've lived my whole life
according to
somebody else's...
Laura, for God's sakes,
will you listen to me?
And I'm sick and tired
of punching your
particular time clock.
You wanna talk to me?
You talk to me at home.
[SIGHS]
So what's the good news?
Let's have it,
ex-communication,
bankruptcy, dandruff?
Is it something simple
like another woman?
You want a divorce?
Tell me what it is, Sam.
I can't stand the
merry-go-round anymore.
I didn't wanna
tell you here.
Please, Sam.
One thing... No, two things.
Whatever else,
I love you very much
and I want our baby.
Tell me the "whatever else."
I've...
Yes, "I've?"
I've got syphilis.
It was a fluke,
a one night stand
with a girl whose name
I don't even remember.
It happened
after we struck out for...
I don't know,
it seemed like
the millionth of time.
I was unsure,
looking down the barrel
at my 40th birthday.
Afraid. I don't know,
it just happened.
It's a scream.
It's this reader
at the office, Mary...
Used to tell stories
about her husband,
who went on a youth kick,
how he had a hair transplant,
went on those fanatic diets,
used to spend more time
in front of the mirror
than she did.
She used to do
imitations of him.
She had everybody screaming.
And she went home
one afternoon
and found him having
a meaningful relationship
with the babysitter
who was junior
in high school.
Isn't that a knee slapper?
No.
Oh, yeah?
Where's your
sense of humor, huh?
Where's yours?
I lost it at the Astor
or the office
or in Omaha.
[SIGHS] Here I am
digging into
what passes
for my psyche.
Should be thinking
about my child.
Our child.
You are thinking
about our child,
so am I.
That's why we're seeing
the doctor right now.
Do you want me
to go up with you?
[DOOR CLOSES]
I'll wait right here.
No, Sam,
don't wait for me.
What's with you?
I said what's with you?
All day or something,
you go on strike again?
Terry?
I don't feel good.
Same with me,
I don't feel so hot either,
but you don't catch me
lying on my back
in the middle of the day.
Won't go to steno school.
I suppose you don't wanna be
a supermarket checker either.
How about a duchess?
Hey, Ma,
what do you think of me?
ENID: [SCOFFS]
What kind of question is that?
I just wonder.
Well...
You're my daughter,
what am I supposed
to think of you?
Come on.
Better watch out,
I might tell you.
[SIGHS] Oh, forget it.
Well...
You've been boy crazy
since you were 12 years old.
You don't help
around the house.
You never listen
to anything I say.
What else is new?
Well, I mean...
When you had me
and you thought about
what I might be like,
are you proud of me
or ashamed?
Terry, honey,
what is it?
[SNIFFLES]
It's happened already,
hasn't it?
Got yourself in trouble.
Steno school, dummy.
Who was it?
That college kid?
The one that you're
so crazy about?
I suppose
he won't marry you?
It's okay.
Take it easy, sugar.
Come on, it's not
the end of the world.
We can get it fixed.
You know those things
aren't so hard these days.
He didn't give me a baby,
Mama.
Well, then, what?
He gave me syphilis.
Tramp!
You got syphilis?
I'm not a tramp.
I'm not a...
I'm not a...
I'm not a tramp.
I'm not a tramp.
Oh, God.
Oh, no.
Oh.
I know, Mama.
I know.
2:00, I'll be there.
Doctor, uh, baby...
You sure?
Yes, very lucky.
Thank you.
-Want a refill?
-I'm fine.
Was that Sam?
Sam, who?
You're really something.
Your husband's out
in the wind some place
and you're cleaning the oven
as if nothing's going on.
Amazing.
I'm just your
average American housewife
who's pregnant
on top of holding down a job
at the same time,
considering having
a nervous breakdown.
Just a little one.
You're really laughing.
I can't get over it.
[LAUGHING]
Well...
You meddling old harridan,
what are my options?
What would you do if you found
Dave was playing around?
Dave?
My Dave?
Oh, what's so special
about him?
He's got eyes
and hands.
Remind me to tell you about
last Christmas' party.
No, he just likes
to go through the motions.
He talks a good game.
Oh, what would you do
if he did, for sure?
Oh, that's easy. I'd...
I'd throw things,
scream at him,
threaten to take him
to the cleaner's.
Mmm-hmm,
and you'd take him back?
Yeah, all day long.
And the last thing I would do
would be to leave him.
Besides,
I can't quite see myself
hanging out in single's bars.
[CHUCKLES]
Where did Sam
stay last night?
I don't know.
He didn't stay here.
JEAN: 6:30, you need me
for anything?
No.
Go on home.
Sam, whatever it is,
can I help?
It'll work out.
You look like
you could stand a drink.
Good idea.
I'll fix it,
it's all right.
You want one?
Why not?
Valley Vista Motel?
It was the first one
I came to last night.
It's got mirrors
and water beds.
[SIGHS]
Cheers.
Have you called Laura?
I phoned
a couple of hours ago.
Nobody was home.
I shouldn't have
called anyway.
Yeah, she needs time
to sort things out.
Why don't you
come home with me?
I'll cook you dinner.
Oh, no, um...
I'm really not hungry.
Strong.
How come you never got
married again, Jean?
Nobody ever asked me.
Somebody's missing
a good bet.
You're a nice lady.
No, I'm not.
My boss has a fight
with his wife
and I invite him
to my apartment,
that's not nice.
That's transparent.
And very flattering.
Yeah.
I can see you
burning up with passion.
It's tempting.
The offer still stands.
Place to crash,
like the kids say.
Thanks.
Really, thanks,
but I think I'll pass.
Laura,
this is Mr. Berlin of the
Public Health Department.
I don't understand.
What is he... What are you
doing here?
I have to ask you
a few questions, Mrs. Hyatt.
Is this your idea of keeping
professional secrets?
It's out of my hands.
When you're finished,
I'll give you a shot.
I'm sorry.
Don't be hard
on the doctor.
It's a state law.
Our department's informed
of all positive blood tests.
I don't see the reason
for this.
I'm being treated
for the disease.
I know where I got it
and that's all
there is to it.
I'm afraid not.
But I don't want
to talk to you.
Mrs. Hyatt, please.
I arranged to meet you here
because it's
absolutely confidential.
Your name will
never be mentioned.
But I have to have
the names of the people
you had sexual contact with
during the past six months.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
I got it
from my husband.
He got it
from some girl.
I don't think so.
[SIGHS]
Excuse me.
You have secondary syphilis,
Mrs. Hyatt,
and your husband
has the disease
in its first stage.
What does that mean
as far as my baby's health
is concerned?
Nothing. You and your baby
will be fine.
What it does mean is that
you've had the disease
longer than your husband.
So it's...
It's virtually impossible
that he infected you.
[SIGHS]
It's a mistake.
They make mistakes
all the time.
Doctors, hospitals,
laboratories, everybody.
Would you like to see
the lab report?
I don't need to see it.
I know what it says.
Mrs. Hyatt,
VD spreads like
no other disease on earth.
It infects someone
in the United States alone
every 15 seconds.
Now, in your case,
this particular person
may not know.
He may go on
infecting other people.
There's no other person.
You yourself
could get re-infected.
I told you
it's a mistake.
-Mrs. Hyatt, please.
-And I don't have
to talk to you.
That's right, you don't.
But let me
tell you something.
[SIGHS]
I spend every working day
of my life
talking with people
who've been exposed to VD.
And if you're lying to me,
sooner or later,
I or somebody else
in my department
is going to talk
with the contact
and your name is
gonna be mentioned.
And when that happens,
I'll be back.
It's a mistake,
mistake.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Hi.
-Hi.
-Hey, you know, something,
Pecksniff stuff is terrific.
I showed it to Shirley.
-She wants it to take it
home to her kid.
-Oh.
I'm glad you called.
We... We can talk.
Yeah. We've always been
able to talk.
You find me attractive,
intelligent
and even think
I have talent.
Why didn't you tell me
you had syphilis?
I almost told you.
A hundred times.
But...
After what we've had,
I just couldn't seem
to get the words out.
Or have a track record
at the Ellis, right?
I'm a sensitive person,
volatile,
protect me from shock
at all costs,
was that your rationale?
Oh, I read up on the VD
and I found out
that all newly pregnant women
get a routine blood test,
so I...
I waited.
We hadn't been together
for six months, so...
I assumed that
if you had it,
it would show up.
When you didn't say anything,
I figured you...
We were lucky.
You endangered my child,
mine and Sam's.
My God.
You'd think I was singing
in a church choir
at the time it happened
or that I got it through
an interoffice memo
from Paul to Laura,
enclosed "please find one case
of syphilis" paragraph,
"You're hereby absolved of
any responsibility per se."
Why aren't you laughing?
It's just another lousy joke.
Please
make me understand
how you could remain silent
and jeopardize
a human life?
Laura, I swear to God...
Were you ashamed
of what we did,
that you kept telling me
not to feel guilty about it?
Laura, what's the sense
of recriminations now?
Because I want to understand
why I feel so guilty now.
It's not your fault.
Well, whose fault
was it, then?
-Mine.
-Oh.
No, it wasn't.
It was mine, too.
[SIGHS]
All those excuses that were
so compelling to me then...
[SIGHS]
This feels so tacky now.
I'll tell you something.
Our love together
is very important to me.
It was everything an affair
is supposed to be,
romantic, tender, lyrical.
Except, of course, turns out
you gave me the pox.
Is the baby okay?
Yes.
No thanks
to either of us.
And you're all right.
Does Sam know?
About us?
No.
My husband...
My husband
is still under the impression
that he infected me.
And you know something?
I can't wait
to tell him he didn't.
Laura...
Laura, Laura...
I see.
Let him just go on thinking
he was the one.
That would certainly keep
the moral advantage with me,
wouldn't it?
I mean, I meant that...
I know what you meant.
Let it ride.
Don't make waves.
Maybe it will get
better by itself.
Maybe you won't have
to face it.
God.
Simple as that.
And I could have given birth
to a baby with no arms.
You might have to
face it after all.
I told the public health
people about you.
I had to.
They'll wanna know
all your sexual contacts
the past year
and you'll have
to tell them.
TERRY: So horrible.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it's too bad,
but some people have to be
scared out of their minds
before they'll do
anything about it.
Hey, I hope I didn't get you
out here on a Saturday
just because of me.
I couldn't get off last night.
No, it's okay.
I had some things
to mop up anyway.
So what can I do you for?
Well, you know the names
of those guys that I gave you
that I had been with?
Well, I left somebody out.
Okay.
Shoot.
His name is Tommy,
Thomas, I guess, Chadwick.
I don't know his home address
'cause he was in Michigan,
but he does go to UCLA
and I guess he's at
one of the dorms there.
All right.
We'll find him.
I didn't give you his name
before because I figured that
he wasn't involved, you know.
Listen, I really
appreciate this.
It's important that
we find everyone.
You see, it was probably him.
You know, Terry,
most of the people
that we talk to here
wanna know
where they got it from,
but we have a rule
and I'm not allowed to tell
even if I did know.
I mean, what's important
is getting people
treated anyway.
The person who
gave you the disease
most likely didn't mean to.
Just as you didn't mean
to give it to anyone else.
That's the problem of VD.
The bug doesn't care
whether you love
the guy or not.
It just goes
about its business
in making people sick.
Anyway, thanks for telling me.
I guess
you're kinda surprised
that they weren't
more than three guys.
I mean, you probably figured
a girl like me...
I didn't figure anything.
Well, I just want you to know
that one of those guys,
probably the guy
who gave it to me in fact...
Well, it wasn't just physical.
I mean...
I mean maybe
the bug didn't care,
but I did.
[RINGING]
I'm cleaning up my office.
Sorry.
You're sorry?
About last night. I...
I didn't tell the
public health people
about you.
Well, I wanted
to see you squirm.
You succeeded.
I'm telling them.
-Oh, there you go.
-[SIGHS]
You're leaving
before the book's finished.
Well, I don't think
I can handle more than
one birth at a time.
-Who do you think
you're kidding?
-Yeah.
You could do both and
skip rope at the same time
and never miss a beat.
So I lie a little.
You know, that month
we were together last year
meant a lot to me too.
It still does.
Yeah, I know.
It's one of the real reasons
I'm leaving.
Thanks for the
straight answer.
Oh, I'm full of
straight answers today.
You know,
you realize of course that
you and I are
much more alike
than you and Sam.
Oh, of course.
That's why
he's righter for me.
Uh-huh.
[MIMICKING PECKSNIFF]
Well, here's looking
at you, sweetheart.
[MIMICKING PECKSNIFF]
Same to you, sweetheart.
Well, don't be mad if you
find that I'm with
some other publisher
next season.
I'll think it's a terrible
waste if you aren't.
You're taking boarders?
Only if they help
with the chores.
I'm trying to think
of some new and original way
of saying what I said before.
Honey.
I've been doing
exactly the same thing.
I must have
missed something.
Only think of an original way
to say what you said before.
About me and the girl?
Well, a variation
on that theme.
How's your drink?
Well, it's just fine.
Yeah.
[SIGHS]
Let me put it this way.
You know where Paul lives,
my boss.
You've pointed out
the building once.
Well, he lives
in an apartment
up near the top.
Chic apartment,
Barcelona chairs,
paisley sofa.
All the stuff you hate.
Plus he had this
great art collection
including an original
Matisse drawing,
not a litho,
an original
that hangs over the bed.
You see, this disease,
this bug that we thought
went clockwise
turns out to have
gone the other way.
It's funny because
next week we're publishing
a children's book
of brushing your teeth
and the importance
of keeping clean.
Talk about
heavy-handed irony.
[SIGHS] Why can't
I say it straight out
the way you did?
Maybe because you knew
what it would do to me.
I guess so.
[SIGHS] Have you got
any other good news,
flood, plague
or is that it?
That's about it.
Except that
I quit my job today
after deciding
I was Pecksniff
and how to get myself
out of the land of
the hobble gobbles.
And, oh, yeah...
I think we're gonna have
the toughest kid
on the block.
This will only take
a few minutes.
-Terry.
-Hi.
Now, maybe this isn't
very important to you, but...
Well, when that
public health guy told me,
I was sure
I got it from you.
Yeah. I gotta
go back to work.
It was the
other way around,
you got it from me.
And I'm sorry.
Well, like I said before,
maybe it doesn't matter,
but I thought
you should know.
Oh, no,
you're wrong.
It does matter,
a hell of a lot.
All right?
Yeah, fine.
Ah.
[LAURA LAUGHS]
It fluttered.