Someone Great (2019) - full transcript

["Int'l Players Anthem (I Choose You)"]
♪ I typed a text to a girl I used to see ♪

♪ Sayin' that I chose this cutie pie
With whom I wanna be ♪

♪ And, I apologize
If this message gets you down ♪

♪ Then I CC'ed every girl
That I'd see-see 'round town ♪

♪ Hate to see y'all frown
But I'd rather see her smilin'... ♪

[woman]
Who was your favorite artist tonight?

[man] You know, I liked ASAP Rocky.

[woman] Was that your first time
at Neon Classic?

[man] Uh, no.

Alright. I was about to say
you're welcome.

[man laughs]



[man] That was my first time with you.

[music continues in background]

-[woman] You're the best.
-Mm-mm.

Yes! Time for drinks!

-[man] Yes, it is.
-[car horn]

[woman] Cuidado. Cuidado, mi amor.

Be careful.

[music continues in background]

-[man] You know what I wanna do?
-Huh?

[man] Get on your back.

[woman] You always wanna get on my back.
Come on, squat time. What up, dude!

[loud music playing]

[woman] Excuse me, permiso.

Beautiful man down my back,
I have to deliver him to...



[woman 2] No one can smoke in here!

[woman shouts] What up, bitches?

-What up, girl?
-What up?

-Drinks, what are we thinking?
-Ooh!

-Whiskey ginger, please.
-You spoke up real quick.

-Uh, vodka soda-- Ketel soda.
-[man] All right.

-[man murmurs]
-I don't want a hangover.

Can we talk about
Postal Service's set tonight?

-Why is that guy so sad?
-What?

He literally looks like somebody
put glasses on a slice of Wonder Bread.

You talking about that dude
from Postal Service?

-[Erin] Yeah!
-It's accurate.

-[woman] Baby, not you, too.
-Thank you.

All right, toast
to another successful Neon Classic.

-[man whooping]
-Yes, best year yet!

[instant camera clicks]

-For your cray-ass kids.
-What?

-You gotta shake it!
-Baby, don't shake it, that's a myth.

It's not a myth.

-Look.
-Oh.

[woman] Look at us. We were so happy.

Idiots.

I don't know if you know this, man,
but love is a lie.

Bitch, please.

I'm sorry.

It's just tonight was terrible.

Me and my man broke up, of nine years.
No big deal.

I'm moving to San Francisco,
'cause I got my dream job.

Career girl over here,

-doing the damn thing. Getting it done.
-Okay.

-You know?
-Yeah. Time's up.

And he just didn't want
to do long distance.

-Wow!
-I know.

Really? With FaceTime?

-With everything.
-And high-speed internet?

-That's what I said.
-I mean, that's fucked up.

Thank you, that's what I said.

Why he leave you like that?

[cracking] He didn't even wanna try.

Why he won't try? Look at you
with your pretty teeth and shit.

Thank you, I told him I have pretty teeth!

Oh, my God! What man
don't wanna put his dick in your mouth

with those pretty teeth 
chomping on that dick?

-[sobbing] Thank you.
-[sighs]

You know, I got to stop
going to Craigslist to find dick.

-You do.
-I do!

-You're beautiful.
-Am I?

Come on, girl.

I feel like we're before-and-after
pictures right now.

Huh! When's this train coming?

I'm kinda over this conversation
to be honest.

What the fuck just happened?

[train approaching]

♪ In my head ♪

♪ I play a supercut of us ♪

♪ All the magic we gave off ♪

♪ All the love we had and lost ♪

♪ And in my head ♪

♪ The visions never stop ♪

♪ These ribbons wrap me up ♪

♪ But when I reach for you
There's just a supercut ♪

[laughing]

♪ In your car, the radio up
In your car, the radio up ♪

♪ We keep trying to talk about us ♪

♪ But it's just a supercut of us ♪

-[indistinct chatter]
-[laughter]

♪ Supercut of us ♪

♪ So I fall ♪

♪ Into continents and cars ♪

♪ All the stages and the stars ♪

-Boo!
-[yelps]

♪ I turn all of it ♪

♪ To just a supercut ♪

♪ 'Cause in my head ♪

♪ In my head, I do everything right ♪

♪ When you call ♪

♪ When you call
I'll forgive and not fight ♪

♪ Because ours ♪

♪ Are the moments I play in the dark ♪

♪ We were wild... ♪

You just always fucking walk away.
Really-- Real grown-up.

♪ I'll be your quiet afternoon crush ♪

♪ Be your violent overnight rush ♪

♪ Make you crazy over my touch ♪

♪ But it's just a supercut of us ♪

♪ Supercut of us ♪

♪ Oh it's just a supercut of us ♪

♪ Supercut of us ♪

♪ It's in my head
In my head I do everything right ♪

[song fades]

What the fuck?

[groans]

[cell phone pings]

[sighs]

Fuck, I can't do this.

Why?

Oh, that was super misleading, right?

Like, I want to do this, it's just
I have mad appointments today.

I'm showing this brownstone in Cobble Hill
for three million dollars.

God bless the middle-aged whites.

Keeping a bitch paid,
it's like reparations, you know?

[laughs]

I would love for you to meet
some of my friends.

How would you feel about that?

Mm. Kissing you is nice,

but it doesn't absolve you
from answering me.

-Fuck it. We can talk later.
-Mm-hmm.

[door shuts]

Dude... I just went to pet a Chihuahua
outside our building,

and it was a fucking rat.

Oh, my God, I need coffee.

Coffee, coffee, please.

Please, love me right!

-Rough night?
-Oof.

Popped by Casablanca
to meet up with Sasha and Rory, right?

You know, before I went to Leah's
or whatever.

And Sasha's dating this 22-year-old
femme goddess.

Seriously, you gotta check her Instagram.
Oh, my favorite mug.

You love me so much.

I think it's very cute
that you have a girlfriend.

You guys have been together
for like four months now, right?

I don't have a girlfriend.

Leah...

is a girl, who is my friend, who I see...

on consecutive nights,
and whose company I enjoy

more than anyone else's
in the whole entire world.

Whatever. Kindly leave your
heteronormative labels

in a motherfucking box,
to the motherfucking left.

-Thank you!
-You love her.

Whatever.

[man] Morning, ladies. [chuckles]

Wow, did I sleep late or what?

-Mm.
-Morning.

-Sorry, morning breath.
-[both chuckle]

I'm gonna...

[laughs]

[clears throat]

-Yes?
-You're gonna break up with him, or...

[scoffs]
We are just settled into a routine.

We don't have to be all over each other
to prove that we're in love.

Sure, lit, but also you hate him, so...

Remember when we talked about
cleaning your room? Did you not hear me?

Or were you like,
"I'm not gonna do that anyway."

[in German accent]
Now, what can I make you for breakfast?

[both] Mwah!

Ooh.

[both] Mwah!

-Oh-ho. That's good.
-Mm-hmm.

-[Erin] Two of 'em.
-I just creamed my pajamas.

[Erin] Right in them pajamas.

There's my breakfast.

[Erin] Oh, there it is.

-Get that. Get that brekkie.
-[man] Mm.

[whispers] That's all I need.

I love you.

[chuckling] Love you.

[man] Off to the market!

Shut up.

-Go clean your room.
-Um, go clean my room?

-A little bit.
-I love you. Let me just...

-[makes kissy noises]
-Get outta here.

Mm. [kissy noises]

[Erin giggles]

[sighs]

[Erin] Holy fuck!

What?

-Ow, shit. Your room!
-[music playing on cellphone]

-Is that Jenny's Instagram?
-Mm-hmm.

No, you don't think.

I mean, I don't know, the last time
she was listening to this joint

was when Matt broke her heart, 
senior year.

Maybe she's just listening to it.
Probably nothing.

-[Erin] Yeah, totally.
-[dog snarls]

No. There's no way
that her and Nate broke up.

[laptop chiming]

-Fuck.
-Fuck.

[laptop chiming]

Okay.

[together] Hey!

-Cool, cool, cool. You saw my story.
-How are you?

Who I gotta kill?

You okay?

We broke up last night, but I'm 100% fine.

Like, we-- we were together for,
like, nine years, right?

Like, and now we're not.

Anyway, Nate sucks.

And he should fucking die.

-[Erin] Jesus.
-[Blair] What?

[laughing] I'm just kidding, you guys

No, I'm not.

[nervous chuckle] Oh, boy.

Hold onto your nips
because I have some epic news.

[trills]

I have two words for you:

Neon Classic.

We haven't been to the festival
in three years.

It was just announced that Neon Classic
is doing

a pop-up show at Sony Hall,

and it is going to be fucking awesome.
Okay?

Secret show, secret headliner.

I got us three all-access passes,
courtesy of the Rolling Stone.

Yes, you do, bitch!

You know crowds make me uncomfortable
in this political climate.

-Ow! That hurt.
-[Jenny] Putitas!

Basically, I want you to call your work
and tell them you have your period

and come over to my apartment.

-Done.
-I can't do that. I'm sorry.

-Blair!
-I'm sorry. I'm running point

on a very important tastemakers' brunch
next week,

I'm presenting my Instagram
strategy today,

and I can't miss the hashtag roll-out.

Everything you said just like... sucked.

Did you mean the roll-out of the hashtag,
or did you just hashtag the word roll-out?

Fine. I will just come over
after your meeting for lunch.

-Erin, can you get some OJ for mimosas?
-Yup.

Oh, we also need champagne though.

Because all I got is this, and it may not
be here by the time you get here.

[laughing] You know what I'm saying?

Okay, I love you both. I love you, bye!

-Bye-ee.
-Love you, bye-ee!

You know the beginning
of a disaster movie,

like, right before the girl
who looks like me dies,

and, like, right when the girl
who looks like you walk outside

and be like, "Oh, my God,
look how crazy the sky looks!"?

This feels like that.

["Truth Hurts" playing]

♪ Why men great
'Til they gotta be great? ♪

♪ Woo! ♪

♪ I just took a... ♪

[Jenny sings along] ♪...DNA test
Turns out I'm a 100% that bitch ♪

♪ Even when I'm crying crazy ♪

♪ Yeah, I got boy problems,
That's the human in me ♪

♪ Bling bling, then I solve 'em
That's the goddess in me ♪

♪ You could've had a bad bitch,
Non-committal ♪

♪ Help you with your career
Just a little ♪

♪ You're 'posed to hold me down
But now you're holding me back ♪

♪ And that's the sound
Of me not calling you back ♪

[shouting] Ow!

♪ Why men great
'Til they gotta go, yeah! ♪

♪ Don't text me
Tell it straight to my face ♪

Hey! Yup! Yup!

[track changes to "Mansard Roof"]
♪ I see a mansard roof through the trees ♪

What is this song? Do I know this song?

♪ I see a salty message
Written in the... ♪

Winter break,

junior year.

♪ The ground beneath my feet... ♪

Fuck that.

-You want me...?
-Let it play.

♪ ...now the tops of buildings
I can see them, too ♪

[drum rhythm]

-What is this song?
-I love this song.

♪ I see a mansard roof... ♪

Blair, did you do drugs with
the study-abroad kids in the bathroom?

No. Maybe.

[Erin laughs]

[man] No one connects anymore.

They hook up and move on,
but what happened to finding a soulmate?

You're only as valuable
as your profile picture now.

You sound like an idiot, dude.

You sound like an idiot.

Hey, we can't all crush puss like you do.

You know the reason why
you're having a problem with girls?

Why?

-You say shit like "crush puss."
-[both laugh]

You know people can see
that you're doing that.

Ah! It's just, when it grows back in,
it just all grows towards each other.

I'm such a pendeja. Guys.

Matt's probably not even gonna be here.
What am I even doing here?

I BBM'd him two days ago
and still hasn't read it,

but he went on BBM today,
changed his name, bang,

it's like I'm supposed to be like
a dumbass?

Are you acting like I don't see
that you're active?

-What the fuck?
-Right?

Well, at least y'all got prospects.

-What about that girl right down there?
-No.

[Nate] She's been looking
at you all night.

No, undergrad girls are lame.

On OkCupid I put my stuff for forty-up.

[Paul] Older women get me, man.

It's like they're fucking
their son's hot friend.

[exhales sharply]

-You stay away from my mother.
-Yeah, yeah.

[Jenny chuckles]

Okay.

-Did he just-- Did he just hear me?
-Yeah, he did.

-[Blair] Now he's coming over here.
-Is he?

-He's walking over here.
-[Jen] Who's walking over here?

The guy who...

[Nate] The guy who...

Smoked... crayons.

[Erin] Yellow... crayons.

I don't know.

Nice save, Blair.

Oh, that's some strong, prolonged
eye contact,

-so we're gonna bounce.
-Yep.

Nate.

Hi. Jenny. Nice to meet you--

[Nate] Oh, I get it.

That's the guy that
you came here to meet originally, huh?

What? No, I don't-- I don't care. 
I don't know-- I don't--

Psh! I do not know...

who that is.

Who is he? I'm so convinced right now
by what you're doing. [laughs]

[sighs]

You know what?
Fuck that guy you don't know.

All right? Me and you, let's dance.

Let's make him a little jelly.

Yes, girl!

["Saturdays" playing]

♪ This could be the last time ♪

♪ That could be the fault line
Slipping away ♪

♪ This could be the last time ♪

♪ Care about everything you say ♪

-[she squeals] My armpit!
-You're taking too long.

[Jenny laughs]

♪ Nothing's real... ♪

[Jenny moans]

-You smell good.
-Yeah?

That's great
'cause I didn't shower today.

-That's what I'm talking about.
-Yes!

♪ Saturdays ♪

♪ When we dance in the dark
In the room where it all gets real ♪

♪ I know you know how it feels ♪

-[Jenny moans]
-[Nate] You got anything?

-What, like condoms? Or AIDS?
-[laughs]

I don't think I've ever heard "AIDS"

said to me while I was making out.

You're welcome.

♪ If it's my face you remember ♪

♪ From all the Sundays
In the summer... ♪

-[Jenny laughs]
-Praise the Lord.

♪ More than a spark ♪

♪ Enough to make me run
And follow you even 'til ♪

♪ Saturdays ♪

♪ When we dance in the dark
In the room where it all gets real ♪

[Jenny moans]

♪ Saturdays... ♪

[Jenny] Mm.

[Jenny] Holy shit.

[both moan]

[Nate moans]

Holy fucking shit!

[Nate laughs]

[both gasping]

Oh.

Wow!

Give me these.

[Jenny moans]

[moans softly]

[cell phone rings]

Oh.

Hey, Jared, what's up?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, nope.

No worries. It's totally cool.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, I am super excited
to get out there as well.

[chuckles]

Yeah.

Yeah, okay, cool, great.

-Bye-bye-bye.
-Ha!

Ah! You just quoted NSYNC.

Fuck!

-Fuck, fuck, fuck!
-What?

[Sighs] The list for Neon Classic
is tapped out.

Well, look, dude. It's fine. It's okay.

We could just sit here and chill
and drink.

What? No, no, we're going.

We're going to the show, okay?

I leave in a week.

And then I turn 30, and then I die,
probably, and I...

can't stop moving,
or else I think about, um...

[clicks tongue]

I can't leave New York City like this.

This is the end of an era.

You, me, Blair, we've all been caught up
in our own shit.

I need one last epic day with my girls.

We owe it to the city.

Yes, queen.

Trying to make me feel feelings
like a motherfucking Pixar movie.

-I'm not doing it.
-Okay, so I'm gonna go get dressed,

and you are gonna email
everybody that you know

that could get us on that list.

All right.

Uh, Jenny, I don't-- I don't know nobody.

I don't... I would email you.

-I don't know anybody.
-Okay, new plan.

We need all hands on deck.
We're gonna go to Blair's office,

and tell them that her mom died
so she can leave.

Jesus Christ!

Okay, fine, her aunt.

I'm afraid you don't understand
what's fucked up about this suggestion,

-but...
-You scour Craigslist for tickets.

We need more booze for today.
We should get some Molly for tonight.

And then we go to Neon Classic.
We're gonna go mobile!

And I'm gonna get dressed.

[elevator bell dings]

Loving this look, BT-dubs.

It's like Liz Lemon fucked
the Salvation Army.

-Thank you.
-Mm-hm.

-Today, I'm free.
-Yeah.

We need big numbers here, okay?
If they don't have an M by their name,

I don't want to see them.

[Erin] Ugh!

She's doing that thing where she stands
with her shoulders back.

Good posture is so pretentious.
It's like, alright, whatever, we get you.

You did ballet 'til you
were like in the ninth grade.

At least we're gonna have to really do...

She sees us.

[Erin] She look pissed?

Ooh...

Yeah.

And that would be... um...

[Blair's speech continues indistinctly]

Ah, fuck it.

[glass rattles]

Hey, Blair, can I talk to you for a sec?

It's an emergency.

Your aunt died.

Oh, my God.

Blair.

Was it Aunt Camille or Aunt Denise?

Oh, don't tell me, it's too devastating.

I'm so sorry.

If you guys could just excuse me

for a moment.

[voice wavers]
So sorry, I'll be right back.

Go. Um,  and I'm gonna pick it up
on page, um...

five of the presentation.

So, let's talk a little bit about

visual merchandising
on Instagram specifically.

[Blair] What are you doing here?

And why did you just tell my office
that my aunt died?

Oh, wait...

Did Aunt Camille die?

AC is chillin'.

Jenny, on the other hand,
is in horrible shape.

She needs us.

Our bestie is out there drinking
champagne from a bottle of green juice

that still has green juice in it.

[quietly] Oh, fuck.

Wait, it's like a green-juice mimosa.

-That's kinda genius.
-She made me try it.

It's fucking disgusting.
I am drowning out here.

I need you. She needs you.

Okay, okay.
Of course, yes, I'm gonna come.

I just... Shit. I need to tell my office
that I'm gonna...

plan a funeral?

-That's really fucked up.
-Love you. Meet you downstairs.

-I hate you. Get out of my office.
-Mm-hmm. Love you, boo.

Love you.

[quietly] Damn it.

[Jen] Why haven't we heard
from the Craigslist guy yet?

Hey, let's focus on the positive, okay?

I am so amped for you and this new job.
You're about to slay it.

Aww. It's crazy, y'all.
They gave me a staff of people, like...

How did I convince them that I should have
that much responsibility?

Fuck that modesty shit.
You are the dopest writer we know.

-A hundred percent.
-Aww.

You have this really unique way
of describing music that's very special.

-You believe that?
-Yeah.

[cell phone rings]

-Oh, shit.
-Her pants, though.

-I have to take this. I'm so sorry.
-Yeah, go on.

Go for Blair.

-[cell phone rings]
-Oh, shit.

-Now my boss is... calling me.
-Hey, text me when you're done.

-I'm gonna go for a walk.
-Okay.

-[Erin] Hey, Martha.
-[Jenny sighs]

[Erin coughs] Yeah, I feel better.
What up, doll?

You get those numbers
I sent you?

[indistinct chatter]

[Jenny] Okay.

It's done.

-Done?
-Yep.

-Alright, let's see it.
-I mean, it's super rough,

-and it's probably gonna be shit...
-Let's see it.

But it's not gonna be--
but there are mad different little... Oh!

All right.

Okay.

[chuckles]

Wow.

This is really fucking good, Jen.

That dude would be crazy not to hire you.

Yeah.

You mean that?

-Yes.
-Thank you.

I mean, I do feel confident about it.
I definitely think it's in a better spot.

And he said that if he liked it,
then he would start publishing me ASAP.

And it's only 20 bucks a post,
but fuck it, right?

Because I'll... I'll be able to write
about the music I wanna write about.

I'll be able to introduce you to people,
and this is the first step.

I can freelance now, and then after
I graduate, I get on staff,

become an editor, and, I don't know,
maybe I can run my own thing one day.

You're amazing, Jen.

Fucking amazing.

It's insane.

I mean, you know what you want to do,
you're putting your all into it,

and you just going forth
and doing it. It's...

Um... I don't know
what the fuck I wanna do.

-Hey! No, uh-uh.
-What?

No, no, no. Don't do that.
Come on, you'll figure it out.

Yeah, maybe. I don't know.

You wanna be super corny with me
real quick?

-What?
-Can we make this our spot?

-Hell, yeah!
-Hell, yeah?

In fact, this is our spot.

-Everybody, you, you! This is our spot!
-Baby! Shh!

No, fuck that. You know what? You want
to know how we can do it? I should, uh...

-Mark it. I'm gonna mark it down.
-What?

[gasps] Vandalism?

Ooh, I love it
when you're dangerous, baby.

[Nate] Put a little happy face here.

[uplifting pop music playing]

[Nate] Forever!

[Jenny laughs]

[uplifting pop music continues]

[Jenny] Hey, ladies.

-[Erin] Hey, good walk?
-Yeah.

-Oh, Craigslist bro just texted back.
-Yeah?

Three VIP wristbands.

-Woo!
-"Come by anytime after three. No dudes."

-He wrote "no dudes"?
-Mm-hmm.

[Jenny] Oy!

Wait, he's selling them for $500?

Don't worry. I got an advance
from Rolling Stone for my moving,

and I'm going to share

-with the two of you.
-Yes.

I got your tickets. I got your tickets.
I got it.

I feel like this might be
an irresponsible choice.

I really want us to think about
the choices we're making today,

because it seems irresponsible.

Says the woman who spent $400
on mink eyelashes.

-I'm just saying.
-These are real.

-I don't believe you!
-I'm gonna miss this so hard! Ah!

You did not just find that in your pocket
right now.

I did, and I have no idea how long
it's been there.

That seems safe.

It's fine.

Blair, calm down.

-Weed is like ketchup, it doesn't go bad.
-Yep.

Ketchup goes bad.

Mm. Then you should definitely
not use our ketchup.

Can we at least move out of the middle
of the street if we're gonna smoke weed?

-Stoop, stoop, stoop!
-Did you just say "we"?

Does Bad Blair want to come out and play?

No, Bad Blair does not
want to come out and play. It is noon.

Blair, please, this dooby just literally
came from the heavens.

This could be one of our last times ever
doing this together.

-Amen.
-I mean, when are we gonna have this...

opportunity to do this.

I am alone.

I got my ass broken up with.

-Oh, my God.
-I'm gonna leave to California.

I'm not gonna see y'all.

[voice cracks] I mean, really, this is
a memory that you're gonna pass up?

-Oh, Jesus!
-Okay, yay.

A memory. A memory.

That was a great performance.

-Thank you.
-I'm sorry.

These are real tears though.

-Yes!
-[coughing]

Bad Blair! Bad Blair!
Bad Blair! Bad Blair! Bad Blair!

Blair, boo-boo.

Boo, watching you take down
all these carbs

has been the highlight 
of my whole, entire life.

I hate you. Both of you.

Me? What I do? I didn't do nothing.

[door bell jingles]

How is Matt Lasher in this
motherfucking restaurant right now?

[Matt] Well.

Oh, my God, look who it is.

Jenny, wow, it's been a while.

Blair, you look great. Erin!

You still hate me. That's fine.

So, what's up?
You girls going to Neon Classic?

Yes. Yes, we are.

You know, my team's doing the event.
You got list?

It's like pretty crazy. Everyone
and their mother is trying to get in.

Like, my mom literally texted me.

Left her unread.

I actually just got a job with
Rolling Stone, so I think we're good.

We got like channels that we can
go through.

Cool, if you have any problems
or something, just, you know,

slide into my DMs.

[Blair] Oh, good Lord.

Bye. Good seeing you, Jen.

What the fuck, dude?

You need to get some lubricant,
and slide into his motherfucking DMs.

What if the Craigslist tickets
fall through?

What? We're fine. We're gonna be fine.
It's gonna be fine.

[makes popping noise] Got it.

You need to fuck Matt.

He's kinda the perfect rebound.

It's only been a day. You need to grieve.

What you need is someone
to fuck the Nate out of you.

Grief is an emotion best served
with a side of stiff dick.

-Erin...
-[Jen laughs]

I love you, but you've never even been
in a long-term relationship.

Blair.

I love you,

but you and Will are not exactly
the second coming of Oprah and Gayle.

You know what I'm saying?

You need to get fucked more than she does.

-Me?
-Uh-huh.

I fuck!

[quietly] I fuck, okay? Definitely.

You don't even fuck yourself.

Tried to use your Rabbit the other day.

That shit is dusty
and the batteries are dead.

That's disgusting.
I feel very attacked right now.

Would someone uptight give you the money
to get the good Molly from the guy

that lives above the McDonald's
near the bridge?

[both] Hype Molly?

Yes, Hype Molly for us all,
courtesy of your loosest friend.

No.

Yeah, I heard it as I said it. Top grade.

[Erin] Ah.

What up, you got stress-rhea?

That was one time.

I think it's a stretch calling
an entire year of college one time.

[Jenny] If anyone's gonna have
stress diarrhea, it's me.

Let's make this fast and get to Hype's.

[Blair] I'm putting my keys
in-between my fingers.

Just in case this guy tries
any funny business.

[Erin] Yes, bitch.

You shank that motherfucker
with our mail key.

[laughter]

[shouting] Hey, yo! What up?

-It's like Supreme shat out an apartment.
-[man] Welcome, welcome!

Come on in.

[hip-hop in background]

Hey, I'm Mikey, by the way,
and y'all are...

-Jenny, Blair, Erin.
-[Mikey] Jenny, Blair.

Erin, wassup?

Welcome to my crib, come on in.

You can smoke anything on the table
that you want.

Everybody always asks,
"How do you afford this place?"

My parents got it for me two years ago

before I broke off contact with them
completely.

Oh, I got pasta over there, by the way,
if you want some.

No, we just ate a really big lunch.

Blair, I mean, you can't say no
to a plate.

That's the spirit.
Hey, what Harry Potter house are y'all?

And don't lie.

-I think we're all Ravenclaw.
-Bitch, please. I'm Hufflepuff.

-[Jenny scoffs]
-Blair low-key Slytherin.

Technically, I identify as a Slytherin
with a Ravenclaw moon.

[Mikey] Yo, that is such a Slytherin thing
of you to say.

I'm Gryffindor, by the way.

Nobody asked, but... [laughs]

[Jenny] Wait. Whoa.

-This ain't what I think it is.
-No, it is.

[gasps]

Ooh-wee!
This is the ace of spades of weed, y'all.

Beyoncé shmokes this weed.

That is, deadass, the best weed
in the game right there.

I got that shit from Mike Dean's dude.

I only smoke shit that rappers do.

I also got some shit that will give
you a seizure, so be careful.

It's mild, like the flavor of the weed.

The seizure's not mild, it's very strong.

-[women] Oh!
-Oh, my goodness, a dog!

-Come back to me. Who is that?
-[Mikey] Hey!

[Mikey] This is... Barbra Streisand.

Hey! The cutest little baby in the game.
[laughs]

You named your dog "Barbra Streisand"?

Oh, yeah. Why would I not name him
"Barbra Streisand"?

She's a legend, you know?
And I love female directors, for real.

because I truly do believe,
like, Time Is Up.

As a matter of fact, Time Been Up.

You know? We're late.

And Lady Bird? I love that shit.

I loved Lady Bird.

[Mikey] You would love Lady Bird.

That's so her, right?

I feel like I know y'all, like...
Y'all are so-- I love you guys.

For real, like, y'all want something
to drink?

I'm drinking this expensive-ass tequila,
but you gotta douse this shit in Sprite,

because it low-key tastes like booty.

No offense to the ass-eating community.

No, thank you.
Uh, we just really want the tickets.

[Mikey] Right!

[laughs] The tickets...

Um, so...
It's, like, really funny, actually.

My boy, Victor, came through earlier,

and I gave him the tickets,

and then y'all came, and I was like,

"Oh, hold up," like,
"They kinda cute," like,

"Let's see where this goes,
maybe we can smoke a little something,

drink a little something, you know,
like maybe, we can fuck on each other."

-[Jenny laughs]
-[Mikey] Right.

[Jenny laughs hysterically]

[Mikey laughs] Right.

-You ain't got no tickets.
-Yeah, no, I ain't got the tickets.

-[hysterical laughter]
-[Mikey laughs] No.

-Let me at him! one minute! Let me just--
-Stop! Stop!

[Blair] No!

No, you can't play like that, man.
I got early-onset osteoporosis.

Look. Look at my wrist.
I ain't got no bones in my wrist, man.

I was born with no bones in my left wrist.

[shouting] I'm taking this, okay?

I woulda gave it to you if you asked.

But if you want to live your life
by violence,

go ahead.

Weirdo! Ugh!

-Yo.
-Hm?

I stole the Beyoncé weed, too.

-Oh, Bad Blair!
-She back.

[Jenny] Ah, fuck it. I'm DMing Matt.

[Erin] Uh-huh.
And if that doesn't work, we could

reach out to...

What's that one dude's name...

-What is this? Okay, we are...
-[Jenny whimpers]

[Erin] What are you doing?

Hannah!

Oh, shit!

Nate's cousin, Hannah?

Fuck! I bet you she loves
that we broke up.

Oh, she's always calling me,
"sweetie, sweetheart."

-She's coming.
-No, she's not. She's-- Oh, yeah, she is.

-Okay.
-Erin?

-[laughs] What up, girl?
-Hi!

What's happening?

Jenny, is that you?

No. Huh? What?

Hannah?

I have not seen you in such a long time.

Girl, how have you been? That's so weird.
I didn't even see you.

What are you wearing?

It's so 90s.

So... [inhales sharply]

...chic.

We're doing a piece at Vogue,
and you're just, like, killing it.

It's about people who don't care
what they look like.

Amazing. Amazing.
You're, like, nailing the exact aesthetic

I've been trying to convey
to the photographer.

Oh, my God, so funny running into you.
I was just about to text Nate

about when you guys are going
to Neon Classic.

I mean, I wasn't even gonna go,
but Kim was like,

"Oh, you know, you never
fucking come out anymore,

and Kanye wants to see you, so..."

Oh, my God, shit!
That was supposed to be a surprise.

I'm sorry, you were saying that Nate--

-Wait. Kanye's the--

-Kanye's the secret headliner?
-Shh!

That's insane!

-And a problematic choice.
-Fix your hair so we can text Nate a pic.-

We broke up, yesterday, uh, last night.
And, um, yeah.

It's over.

Oh! [Hannah murmurs]

Oh, it's okay.

No, it's gonna be okay.

Everything's gonna be okay.

[Hannah] Mm.

That's really crunchy.

It's like-- Is that new denim?

You know, if you need anything from me,

just do not hesitate to contact
my assistant.

Text is better.

You'll get me faster.

Thank you.

Be well. It's so good to see you.

-Okay, take care.
-[Blair] Be well.

Uh... J-Bug.

[cell phone pings]

She was saying something
about Nate and Neon Classic.

You wanna, like, talk about that?

Bam! Matt got us three wristbands.

What you know about that?
And a tongue emoji. He sucks.

And what Hannah said, I...

I don't even know
what she's talking about.

But who cares, right?
Who cares about Nate?

The only thing that matters is us
living our best life, right?

Living our best life.

So, onto pressing matters,

who wants to go to booty-hole Brooklyn
to get these wristbands?

-I will rock-paper-scissors--
-I can do it.

-You're a really good friend.
-[Blair chuckles]

-And I love you, dude.
-I love you.

Hey, Blair.

I really do find it a bit tedious

that you just couldn't put us on the list
for these wristbands.

[Matt] I hate to break it to you,
but there's no list.

That's not true. There's always a list.

So, you decided to come alone?

Nobody else wanted to come
to this weird office.

What do you even do here, Matt?

Literally nothing.

[Blair] Hm.

You look really good.

No.

Don't do that.

Oh, come on, you wouldn't even be here
if you didn't want me to, you know...

do that.

Does Jenny know about us?

There is nothing to know.

Funny.

[softly] Not how I remember it.

I remember...

a drunken night like...

When was it?

Two years ago? That I...

[whispering] ...honestly have not
been able to stop thinking about since.

You looked so incredible in those tights.

-[Blair breathes heavily]
-They were so easy to rip off.

[Blair pants]

Lock the door.

This means nothing.

Whatever you say.

[gasps]

We shouldn't. We shou--

I mean, if you really want me to stop,
I'll stop.

[sighs] Don't stop.

[knocking on door]

Coming, my darlings!

Coming!

-Hi!
-Hi!

-Come in.
-[Jenny] Woo-woo!

[Erin] Wassup!

Ah! I just got out of the shower,
so don't mind me.

-You smell delicious. It's been so long.
-Well, you never call me!

I mean, what,
you don't do drugs anymore or what?

We can't afford your shit.
You know that already.

-[Hype] Please.
-You got diamonds on your weed.

Child, you know I love and miss you.

-You messy bitch!
-[giggles]

[Hype] Now, don't tap, don't tap, baby.
That makes 'em real mad.

Oh! Are these baby sharks?

[Hype] Yes, they're baby sharks!

Yes, they're so tiny!

I feel like they're my children.

I got 'em illegally, so don't tell nobody.

-Okay?
-[Erin] Nobody to tell.

Acting like anybody's gonna care
if they come up here with all your drogas.

Come on, now. Baby sharks
is the least of your worries.

[Jenny gasps] Hey, princesas!

-What?
-Uh-huh.

They just do this for you.

[Hype] Yeah, they stay perched.

-So you going to the big show tonight?
-You know it.

Lotta people been through here today.

I'm sure. Neon Classic!

What's with this outfit?

I mean, you look crazy,

but at the same time, you look real sexy.

-Ow!
-Yeah, you look good. I love it.

Your girl is having a day.

Can you just not? Can we not do that?
Not right now.

-Nate broke up with her last night.
-No!

Girl!

Oh, my God, he's so hot.

Aw, baby.

Are you devastated?
Girl, 'cause I would be devastated.

I'm okay.

No, you're not.

I can see the sadness in your eyes.

You know what?

-[Erin] Shit!
-[Jenny] Oh, my goodness!

-Jesus!
-I thought you pulled out another puppy.

-Oh, my goodness. Look at this.
-[Hype laughs]

Ah! It's the holy grail of joints.

How? How do you even roll something
like this?

-Well, it takes a strong will.
-Mm.

-And three papers, baby.
-[Erin] Oh.

Now, that's happy medicine
right there, girl.

-Yes!
-[Jenny] Oh, Lord have mercy.

[Hype] Yes.

-Yeah, baby, this pimp shit easy.
-[Erin giggles]

Just exhale.

Let it all go away

and think about happy times.

[Jen] Oh, you wanna order Chinese?

[Nate] That sounds like a good idea.

You're smart.

-Oh! Why, thank you, baby.
-[Nate laughs]

Let me see, let me see.

Gimme all the food. All the food.

Mixed vegetable with bean curd.

What is bean curd?

-I just want to know.
-[chuckles]

Like, I need to know

what it is. Okay.

¿Que tu quiere, papa? Dime-lo.

[speaking Spanish]

[speaking English]
Practice that Spanish of yours.

What?

I love you.

-I...
-[stuttering] I was just...

That was stupid.

-[Jen] No.
-I shouldn't have said that, no.

-I don't love you.
-What?

I do-- I do love you. I don't love...

Ah, shit.

No, that was amazing, and I... and...

And that was amazing,
and you are really...

and I just don't know...

um... what to say back.

No, that's cool. It's all right.

It's okay. I mean... Yeah.

Aw, I fucked it up, didn't I?

[Nate] No, baby, no, it's fine.
Like, I'm...

Well, is it okay? Is that okay?

-Yeah, it's totally fine, yeah.
-You're doing the funny dance.

[chuckles nervously]
I'm just-- I gotta... pee.

And take a shower, 'cause I smell like...

[affects fake Asian accent]
Kung Pao chicken.

Chinese! Woo!

[Nate snaps fingers]

It's fine, baby.

[quietly] It's fine. Hm.

[whispers] Why didn't I just say it!
Why didn't I just say it!

[shower water running]

[sound of shower gets louder]

[Nate] Come here, girl.

Oh, you wanna play kitty-cat, don't you?
I can play that.

Say, uh, what are you doing later, baby?

-I love you!
-[Nate shouts]

-Oh, shit!
-Ahh!

-Oh, no, close your eyes! Close 'em!
-Ahh!

What are you doing?

[Jenny laughing]

Ah It burns! It burns!

Come here. I need to--
I need to find you.

You stupid ass.

Get in the nose! Don't get in the nose.
[laughs]

I love you.

I like saying it.

I love you.

-I lurve you.
-I love you too, baby.

I love ya, baby.

I love you so much, baby.

I love you.

-I'll never put you in harm's way.
-[squeals]

-[both laugh]
-[Jen squeals]

[sighing]

Can I use your bathroom?

Gimme the joint first.

-Oh, you right.
-It's the door on the left down there.

All right.

[Hype] So what you gonna do?

Because I can feel so much love
in your eyes.

Girl, this just can't be where it ends.

Trust and believe.

I'm also clairvoyant.

Ain't that ghosts?

[chuckling] It's everything.

And I know,

I know in my heart of hearts

that you want your man back.

So, girl, you gon' go get your man.

Aight, homie, we gotta go
get these Neon Classic outfits.

Okay.

[in formal voice] I would like three
of your finest Hype Mollys, please.

How much?

Forty.

And one free for sad Jenny.

-Yay.
-[Erin] Hey.

-Prizes for being sad.
-[Hype] Hm.

Oh, thank you, Hype.

Thanks, Hype.

[Jenny] Erin!

I wanna go to Leah's store.

-[Matt] That was good.
-That was not good.

I have a boyfriend, and my best friend
used to like you.

Yeah, in college.

Oh, come on, Blair. You can't possibly
be using the friend thing on me right now.

Jenny hates me.

Yeah, she hates you, which means
the feelings might still be there.

Should I give her a call?

Oh, my God.

I'm kidding!

Oh, my God, Blair, you seem like you
would be a total nightmare to date,

but I'm head-over-heels
for your fucking crazy mind. Take these.

-I have no idea how to respond to that.
-It was a compliment.

-Don't think that was.
-Well, it was.

Don't smile at me.

You have a very...

very nice smile and it makes me feel
fucking confused.

-All right. See you later, Blair.
-Fuck you.

Oh, uh, one more thing.

Those wristbands are just GA.

I couldn't really swing
anymore VIP, but...

I put you guys on the list for the party.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I'm afraid not.

That was not GA intercourse.

[chuckles]

You're the woman of my dreams.

Bye, Blair.

[quietly] Oh, my God.

[sighs]

["Should I" playing]

Why are you spinning out right now?

Me? [scoffs]

I'm not. This is great.

I'm happy to see her. It's fine, you know?

Hey. I didn't think I'd see you today.

Leah, 911, an emergency.
I just need my whole shit fixed.

Breakup discount.
Thirty off the whole store.

Go nuts.

Oh, oh, oh!

[Erin] No sweatpants, bitch.

I like that you're wearing my shirt.

You know, it's a good shirt.

You know, in keeping with my promise
from this morning,

you still owe me an answer.

I thought I would make it easy on you.
Brunch this Sunday.

Jaclyn, Keelie, and Amanda
are already alerted.

They're very excited to meet you.

Oh...

-Jaclyn, Keelie, and Amanda.
-Uh-huh.

The trifecta. Squad... The squad goals.

Um, uh...

Sunday... Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.

Sunday. What day is Sunday?
I gotta check my schedule.

You know you don't have a schedule.

Erin.

-Can you help me in the dressing room?
-Yes.

Yes I can, girl. Mm-hmm.

I gotta go.

-You gotta go?
-Help her in the dressing room.

[Leah] Okay, great. I bet you do.

Jesus.

What, are you gonna
try on the whole store?

-Ow! Ow! The double?
-The double.

You deserve that.

What are you doing out there?

Why are you being weird with Leah?

I dunno. Sometimes a bitch
don't feel like brunchin'.

[in mocking tone] Ooh.

That is deadass the craziest shit
I've ever heard you say.

You are a brunch queen.

I call lies. Lies-ah Minnelli.

♪ Mentirosa ♪

It's none of your business.

I was just trying to help.

[Erin] Don't.

I love you and I know you're going through
it today, but there's nothing to fix here.

All right?

[sighs]

[sighs]

[Nate] That was embarrassing.

[Jen] You screaming at me in front of
an entire party was embarrassing for you?

I wasn't even looking at my phone
that much.

Literally, every time I turned around
and looked up, you were looking down.

[Jenny] Am I supposed to ignore my editor?

[Nate] I'm trying to get you to meet 
the people I work with, and the whole time

-you looking at your phone.
-Do you think I like being the shitty,

fucking downer girlfriend?

-Fuck it, let's go home.
-No, no, no, no, no.

I don't want to go home.

I want to go out.

I'm fun, okay?

Let's go back to the party.
I want to talk to everybody.

I want to be exactly what you want, Nate.

I could be 20-year-old Jenny again
with no responsibilities.

Then maybe you'll still love me, huh?

Don't fucking laugh at me! Fuck you!

Since when do you give a shit about
the people you work with?

You gonna get all close
to these new fucking worker friends?

[Nate] Don't change the subject.

You tell me I don't love you when
you're the one moving across country.

[Jen] If you can't make that work,
what does that say about us?

Wow, you turn it around on me.

I did not turn this around on you!
You attacked me!

-I attacked you?
-Yes, you fucking did.

Why do you keep saying "fucking" to me?

-Fuck!
-Fuck!

-Fuck!
-Fuck!

-Fuck!
-Fuck you, Nate!

See, your insecurities are manifesting
themselves in a really ugly way right now.

This isn't working.

[Nate] See, you need some sleep.

-No, don't do that shit.
-That's what you need. I'm not doing shit.

I am a grown-ass woman, all right?

I don't need you.

Yeah, you never do.

You never fucking do.

["Your Best American Girl" playing]

♪ If I could, I'd be your little spoon ♪

[Jenny sighs]

♪ And kiss your fingers
Forever more ♪

[makes chirping noise]

♪ But big spoon
You have so much to do ♪

♪ And I have nothing ♪

♪ Ahead of me ♪

-I...
-[sighs] I know.

♪ Don't wait for me  ♪

♪ I can't come  ♪

♪ Your mother wouldn't approve ♪

♪ Of how my mother raised me ♪

[moaning]

♪  I say that I do ♪

[Jenny moans]

[Jenny] Oh, baby.

[Nate grunts]

[Nate pants]

♪ Your mother wouldn't approve ♪

♪ Of how my mother raised me ♪

-♪ But I do, I think I do... ♪
-[Nate panting]

-I want water. Do you want water?
-Yeah.

[Jenny sighs]

[Jenny shudders]

[Nate] Hey.

♪ Big spoon
You have so much to do ♪

♪ And I have nothing... ♪

-I love you so much.
-I love you, too.

You're my person.

Forever.

Oh.

[yells] Who farted?

Oh, shoot! Baby, you okay?

-I'm sorry. Oh, can I help?
-Shit!

-Do you want me to get the stain-stick?
-Yes, get the stain-stick, Will, please.

[huffs]

Oh, I'm so sorry. I was just goofing
around. [laughs]

Ooh.

I'm sorry, I was just here cleaning up
a little bit

'cause I know how busy you've been.

You busy bee.

You were in my room cleaning it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was supposed to be a surprise.

Will.

Let's talk.

-Okay.
-You can...

It's good.

[Blair chuckles] Um...

Take those off.

You got it.

You got it, dude.

Are you happy?

Yeah, of course I'm happy.

'Cause I don't know if I'm happy anymore.

Oh, my God!

Wow, that is so good to hear.

Oh! [whistles] Thank God.

I haven't been happy for such a long time.

-Really?
-Yeah.

[chuckles] Okay.

Oh. [chuckles]

Yeah. Honestly, I almost cheated on you
last week.

Lint.

With who?

Uh, Brenda from work.

Great!

Well...

I guess this is it, then.

I guess.

[quietly] Hm.

I don't know. We were just together
for so long, I...

-thought this was gonna be a bigger deal.
-I know.

[huffs]

But I do love you, Blair,
and I always will.

I love you, too.

[sighs]

[Will sighs]

And Will, please don't go back
in my bedroom and finish cleaning.

[Will] Okay, good call.

[door shuts]

[sighs] Jesus Christ.

-Hey.
-[Erin murmurs]

-Wake up, bitch!
-Where's my bra?

Oh, shit.

[Erin] Fuck.

I was just having the weirdest
fucking dream about Michael Cera.

-[Blair] Hmm.
-He is lean.

[Blair whispers] I... I have news.

-[Erin] Mm-hmm?
-Um, all right.

I don't want to make today about me, okay?
So just don't tell Jenny.

-Don't tell Jenny what? Ehhh!
-[Erin laughs]

Hi. Morning.

Hey, dude. Do you feel horr-ib-le?

♪ Horr-ib-le! ♪

Oh, I wanna take, like, a million naps.
Go, tell me all your secrets!

Spill the tea.

I... broke up with Will.

-I'm sorry, what?
-What?

I did. I broke up with him.

He was cleaning our apartment
when I got there.

So, like, did you break up with him before

or after he got to my room, though?

Pause.

What happened? How are you feeling?

I mean, like, that kind of throws off
your whole married-before-30s steez.

-You okay?
-I know. [chuckles]

I know. I feel like I thought
I was going to be freaking out,

and I am a little bit,
but I mostly feel...

amazing.

I do. And I'm so sorry to bring
this into the mix

with everything that's happening
with you and Nate.

-I don't wanna make this--
-No. They are completely different,

-and I'm happy for you.
-Ah, yeah.

You deserve better.
And he does too, no offense.

-No, he does. He definitely does.
-Hey.

[Blair] What?

-♪ Bad Blair ♪
-Uh-uh.

[Jenny trills]

Bad Blair is not available.
She's not here right now.

-Bad Blair came out a bit earlier today.
-What time is it?

-[Erin] You know what time it is.
-[Jenny] Get it, girl.

-Oh, oh, oh!
-No. Bad Blair died at, like--

[Jenny] Tequilas!

-[Erin] Bad Blair. Bad Blair. 
-Can we make a mixed drink first?

-Nah, bitch.
-Just to ease into it.

-[Erin] Open up.
-[Blair] A little bit, just a tiny bit.

-Gentle.
-[Erin] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Gentle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

-[grunting]
-[Erin] Yes!

[Jenny] Oh, too much. Oh!

-[Erin laughs]
-She's back!

Yes! Come on!

Oh, shit, y'all. We need to get ready.

I brought, like, 400 outfit choices.
Now that I am single, I need opinions.

Oh, my God, holy shit.

You guys, I am single.

Wait, putas, I have something for you,
perritas.

["The Jump Off" playing]

Is this our "Bitches and Bangers" playlist
from college?

Yes, it is.

-[Jenny singing]
-[Erin] Yas!

Head feels like shit. Let's go!

Oh, my God, I feel like you're gonna
give me a high five.

♪ I been gone for a minute
Now I'm back at the jump off ♪

♪ Goons in the club
In case somethin' jumps off ♪

♪ And back up before the hive
Let the pump off ♪

♪ In the graveyard
Is where you get dumped off ♪

♪ All we wanna do is party
And buy everybody at the bar Bacardi ♪

♪ Black Barbie dressed in Bulgari ♪

♪ I'm tryin' to leave
In somebody's Ferrari ♪

♪ Spread love
That's what a real mob do ♪

♪ Keep it gangsta
Look out for her, people ♪

♪ I'm the wicked bitch of the east
You better keep the peace ♪

♪ Or out come the beast ♪

♪ We the best
There's room for improvement ♪

♪ Our presence is felt
Like a Black Panther movement ♪

♪ Seven quarter to eights
Back to back with 'em ♪

♪ And I'm sittin' on chrome
Seven times platinum ♪

-[music stops abruptly]
-Oh.

-[Blair] You got it, girl! You got it!
-[Jenny laughs]

♪ Peeps, with the Bentleys,
The Hummers, the Benz ♪

♪ Escalades
Twenty-three-inch rims ♪

♪ Jumpin' out the Jaguar
With the Tims ♪

♪ Keep your bread up
And live good ♪

♪ East coast, west coast, worldwide ♪

♪ All my playas in the hood, stay fly ♪

♪  And if your ballin'
Let me hear you say right ♪

[song fades]

I am deeply obsessed with us right now.

[exhales]

Yo. Ice cream is ice cream.
That shit is sugar.

-Sugar's where it's at.
-Gimme that sugar, though.

[Blair] But I'm lactose-intolerant.

-Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
-Let's get that DC.

-I got you, boo.
-How 'bout we drink some water?

-We've been drinking a lot of alcohol.
-Oh, my God!

[Blair] I'm just looking out for us.
Do you guys like flavored water?

-You could help me. You could do that.
-[Jen] This is...

-[bottles crashing]
-[Jenny laughs] Oh, no!

[Nate laughs] Shit.

["Dreaming of You"
playing on shop radio]

They can't be playing this song right now.

Oh, shit. You know what?
We don't need this bullshit.

-Come on. Let's go.
-No, no, no.

-Are you sure?
-[softly] Yeah.

♪ Late at night when all the world... ♪

You know what, Blair,
how about you get the snacks?

-Yeah, totally.
-And we'll meet you outside.

-♪ I stay up and think of you ♪
-No.

♪ And I wish on a star... ♪

-It's okay.
-Yeah?

Yeah.

It's okay.

♪ ...thinking of me too ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight ♪

♪ Til tomorrow
I'll be holding you tight ♪

♪ And there's nowhere in the world ♪

♪ I'd rather be ♪

♪ Than here in my room ♪

-♪ Dreaming about you and me ♪
-Let's...

get some snacks while she sings it out.

♪ Wonder if you ever see... ♪

You want string cheese?

♪ And I wonder if you know I'm there ♪

[Erin imitates spoken word break]
Am I there? Am I?

♪ If you looked in my eyes ♪

♪ Would you see what's inside? ♪

♪ Would you even care? ♪

[Erin] Uh-uh.

♪ I just want to hold you close ♪

Blair.

♪ So far all I have are-- ♪

What the fuck are you doing?
Pay for the string cheese and get out!

You're scaring my cat.

You know what, fuck you!

-Fuck you, lady!
-[Jenny shouts]

This ain't no karaoke bar!

Well, why'd you play the fucking music
so loud?

Shh. Here's a twenty.
I'm so sorry to disturb you.

Thank you. Have a lovely evening.

You cannot anger your bodega man.
I did that one time,

and now I have to walk three extra blocks
to go to the next one,

-and it's a literal nightmare.
-Give me the Molly.

Um, we're still super visible
right now, do you...

Yeah, you right.

I...

[scoffs]

-She seems...
-Yup.

♪ Showtime, gotta bury your bad boss
With ample amount of time ♪

♪ 'Bouta hit 'em with bandeaus
That cook the pop off ♪

♪ Give a fuck about landlords
When we some outlaws ♪

♪ Baby, you can get Randolph
Or nigga knockoff ♪

♪ Ooh, bitch, you better ♪

♪ Ooh, bitch, you better ♪

♪ Ooh, bitch, you better ♪

♪ You better hit it,
'Cause you should know better ♪

♪ You better ♪

♪ Ooh. You better drop it, drop it,
Drop it, drop it, drop it ♪

♪ You gotta work it, work it, work it
Work it, work it, work it ♪

♪ You better ♪

♪ You better drop it, drop it,
Drop it, drop it, drop it ♪

♪ You better sing it, baby, sing it, baby
Sing it, baby  ♪

♪ Touch down on the stage
And no bitch ain't come to play ♪

♪ Clap clap, when I sing
So I know that you feelin' me ♪

♪ Oh, if you live this loud
Show it, show it, show it  ♪

♪ It's your moment now
Sing it, sing it, sing it, shine ♪

♪ Karaoke ♪

♪ You better... ♪

♪ You better drop it, drop it,
Drop it, drop it, drop it ♪

♪ You gotta work it, work it, work it
Work it, work it, work it ♪

♪ Ooh, bitch you better ♪

♪ Ooh, bitch you better ♪

♪ Ooh, bitch you better ♪

♪ You better, you better,
You should know better ♪

♪ Touch down on the stage
And no bitch ain't come to play ♪

♪ Clap clap when I sing
So I know... ♪

[Blair] Who are all these people?

I don't know. I figured
we'd know everyone.

Everybody we know moved to L.A.

-Fuck L.A.
-Says the girl moving to San Francisco.

-Oh!
-Totally different.

Should we try to slip into VIP
since Matt totally fucked you?

What? He didn't fuck me.

GA wristbands? Yeah, he did.

Yeah, yeah, he fucked us
on the wristbands.

What you doing?

Hmm? What? Nothing.
I think I'm feeling this Molly, y'all.

-Yes, ride that wave!
-[Jenny trills] Ay!

How old do you think
that guy over there is?

-[Jenny] That one?
-What?

[Jenny] Girl.

I think you bought these tickets
with bar mitzvah money.

[Blair laughs] Fuck you.

Fuck you, too, baby, come on!

-Yes!
-Thank you, Erin!

-Jessie Reyez is setting up.
-Oh!

Excuse me, we know her.
Yes, we're best friends. We're cousins.

Excuse me.

["Dope" playing]

[crowd cheering]

♪ Go away young boy ♪

♪ Younger than you need a teacher ♪

♪ I know I got what you need, yeah ♪

♪ And I know I need mine ♪

♪ I need big toys... ♪

Yes!

♪ And I know what you like ♪

♪ Dancin' dope ♪

♪ Dancin' dope ♪

♪ Dancin' dope, dancin' dope
Dancin' dope ♪

♪ Go away young boy ♪

♪ Dancin' dope
Dancin'... ♪

I'm gonna go talk to him.

I can't let you do that.
You'll thank me later.

What do you mean, you can't let me do it?
I make my own decisions. Come on.

I can't-- Fuckin', no!

Hey, come on.
Stop dancing in my way, Erin!

Bitch, you ain't shit. I knew you were
coming here to see Nate.

Bullshit!

-What are you guys talking about?
-She came here tonight to see Nate!

No, no, Jenny, no.

-Please don't go.
-Oh! [cries]

Blair, but I'm a grown-ass adult,
all right? I make my own decisions.

-What the fuck? This bitch. Goddammit.
-[Blair] Excuse me.

[Jenny] Stop following me.

♪ It's only bad if you get caught
So cash this thing in, oh my God ♪

[Blair] We just want to help you.

Just stop following me, then.

-[Erin] Stop forcing us to chase you.
-Oh, please, just go back to our spot.

-I just need to go to the bathroom.
-I've known you long enough to know

that you are definitely not just
going to the bathroom right now.

-Oh?
-I love you so much.

But this is getting fucking pathetic.

He broke up with you.

My heart
was ripped out of my chest, okay?

But... it's not like I'd expect you
to know what that feels like.

I can't get mad at you
for not understanding

but I sure as hell can be mad at you

for not being a friend to me
right now, Erin.

[Blair] You guys!

We're good!

-We're at Neon Classic!
-Uh...

I feel great. You feel great?

-Trying to.
-We feel great!

You're pretty, you're pretty.

We're having fun!

This is our song! We love this song!

-We do.
-We do.

Why don't you go listen to it?
'Cause I don't need a babysitter.

-You're kinda acting like a baby.
-Fuck you, Blair.

Fuck you. I'm trying to stay neutral here.

Thought you had to piss, princess.

I do.

[loud bang]

[mouthing]

Fuck. Fuck!

Fuck me!

[whimpers]

Wait. Ugh.

Nah.

[rain pattering]

I don't want you to end us.

Please don't end us.

I know, baby. I don't want to end us.

-I love you.
-I love you.

I'm sorry about San Francisco.

I can't turn down this opportunity,
but we can try long distance.

You know it's not all about that.

This isn't working anymore. You know that.

I feel like we need to live our own lives.

Ever since college, we're all we've known.

But what if we were meant to be together?

I mean, what if it's supposed to be us?

No matter what happens,

I feel like we're always gonna be
in each other's lives, so...

It's fine. I mean, I-- It will be okay.

I'm scared, Nate.

I'm scared to do this without you.

Look at me.

[sniffles]

[sobs]

[sobbing]

[whispers] I love you.

[sniffles]

[softly] Okay.

Can I--

Can I just have a minute?

[softly] Yeah.

[Nate sighs]

[Nate] Fuck.

Fuck.

["Great One" playing]

[sniffles]

♪ I wanna be a great one ♪

♪ I wanna be a great one ♪

♪ I wanna make a million dollars ♪

♪ Making all my days count
Clowning with my day ones ♪

♪ What is life? What is love?  ♪

♪ What are lies? What is trust? ♪

♪ What is everything? ♪

♪ Everything is nothing without you ♪

♪ Without you ♪

♪ Without you ♪

♪ Running, I'm running
I'm running outta patience ♪

♪ I wanna be a great one
I wanna be a great one ♪

♪ And when the spirit calls me ♪

♪ I wanna throw my hands up
Ready to be saved, yeah ♪

♪ And when my day is done ♪

♪ I hope I die fading  ♪

♪ When they take me way up ♪

♪ I hope I fly fading ♪

♪ What is life? What is love? ♪

♪ What is time?
What is choice? ♪

♪ What is everything? ♪

♪ Everything is nothing without ♪

♪ What is life? 
What is love? ♪

♪ I hope I am enough... ♪

[mouthing]

♪ Everything is nothing without you ♪

♪ Nothing without ♪

♪ Nothing without you ♪

♪ Nothing without you ♪

♪ Everything is nothing without you ♪

[song fades]

[crowd cheering in distance]

[gasping, panting]

-You over the show already?
-You gotta be fucking kidding me.

I just came to get some air.

Okay. Air's that way.

You know, you can't smoke in here.

Oh, my God. What are you, security?
I'm by the door.

[pained gasp]

Look, I got a car coming to pick me up
in about a minute.

Take me to the House of Yes.
Why don't you come with me?

I don't need a rebound, Matt.

I'm not offering sex.

I'm-- I'm literally just offering you
a ride to the after-party.

My phone isn't working,
and Erin and Blair are still inside, so...

No, that's cool, I'll text them.

Let's go.

["Reasons Not to Die" playing]

♪ Here's to the ones ♪

♪ Who stuck in when they should have run ♪

♪ Despite all of my ranting
And raging, so ♪

♪ Here's to the ones ♪

♪ Who hide the bullet from the gun ♪

♪ Foot down on all my bullshit
But won't cage me ♪

♪ Here's to my friends ♪

♪ All in until the bitter end ♪

♪ Drink or two to the toast ♪

♪ Not too many though ♪

[mellow piano melody]

[piano fades]

[recording] It's Jenny. Leave a message.

Jenny, I know your fucking phone is dead,
and you need to find a charge,

and you better call us back.
You're being such a fucking asshole.

We just really want to be there for you,
so we just need you to call us.

We love you. We love you so much.

-What the fuck was that?
-She's not gonna respond to that.

-You can't yell at her.
-I don't care.

She needs to grow up.

[scoffing laugh]

What-- What was that?

I mean, it's kind of the pot
telling the kettle to grow up,

but... I don't know, never mind.

[laughs sarcastically]

Yeah, okay. I am not the pot.

-Oh, really?
-Mm.

You're late to work every day.

Not every day.

You go out on work days
more than you go out on weekends.

Because it's bridge and tunnel.

Erin, you're holding onto something
that is gone.

Do you think you're gonna be
young forever?

We're almost 30 years old.
It's not cute anymore.

Don't you have personal goals?
Do you have a plan for the future?

How did your plan work out?
Oh, right.

It was completely fucking insane
and backfired.

It did not backfire.

We can't fuck around anymore.

I want a best friend that gets up with me
on Saturdays to go to the farmers' market.

And you sleep through the farmers' market
every weekend.

Is that what being an adult means to you?
Going to the fucking farmers' market.

-What else? Tell me your ways.
-Admitting that you like Leah,

and you want to be in a relationship
with her.

What are you so afraid of?

Everything!

If I grow up, it means I need to change

everything.

Everything's already
fucking changing, Blair.

Jenny's leaving.

And actually, the farmers' market
sounds really, really like...

assuring and coddling
and comforting right now.

Like, is there one tomorrow?

-Great fresh produce.
-Yeah.

All I feel right now is, like, just love
for you coursing through my veins,

and I just want to hug it out.

Me too. I just want to hug you.

Oh, God, I'm so sorry.

[Blair] I'm so sorry.

I love you.

[Erin murmurs]

-[Blair laughs] Say it back!
-[laughs] I love you.

[cell phone pings]

[Blair] Oh, shit.

She's with Matt.

-Oh.
-I have an address.

-Hoo!
-Yeah.

-We're back.
-[clicks tongue]

All right.

I gotta make a pit stop.

Okay.

-[Blair] Woo!
-["Missing U" playing]

♪ Now that it's over ♪

♪ The space where you used to be ♪

♪ Your head on my shoulder ♪

[hum of chatter]

♪ All of the plans we made
That never... ♪

Oh, shit dicks.

Shit. Here, here, here. Let me help you.
Let me get--

Nope, no, no. No, no.

Big girl, grownup here.

I'm sorry!

You know this is all your fault.

Oh, yeah? Enlighten me.

Well, if you had just dated me in college,
I would never have met Nate.

And I wouldn't be completely heartbroken.

I was dumb in college.

You know I fucked several different women
that stole from me?

Oh, wow!
I was so obsessed with you in college.

I spent so much time thinking about you
and crying over you and...

It just makes me realize that
what I felt for you wasn't even real

because it definitely didn't feel
like this.

[Matt] Come on.
You're looking at it all wrong.

You've been blessed with a broken heart.

When it doesn't hurt anymore,
that's when it's really over.

Live in this as long as you can.

I gotta go.

Really?

Tell Erin and Blair
that I am going to finish it.

-And they'll know what I mean.
-What are you talking about?

That makes no sense.

Oh, right. You're-- You're on drugs.

I... forgot, you're on drugs.

Are you cool? You okay?

-I'm gonna be okay.
-All right.

Hey, Young!

I'm sorry I was such an asshole
in college.

Don't be.

You helped me find Nate.

[doorbell rings]

[Leah gasps] Hi.

-[Blair] Hi!
-Hey! Hi!

-Leah!
-What's up?

-Hi!
-[Leah] You okay?

-Yeah.
-Shit, you're rich.

Everything's great. I just need to,
like, talk to you right now.

She wants to go to the farmers' market
with you.

-[Blair groans]
-Right now?

No, like...
Like, normal farmers' market...

-Functioning hours.
-Yeah.

-It's real.
-Mm-hmm.

-You're so pretty.
-Don't touch her.

-Thank you.
-Oh, my God, her skin.

Okay, boo.

Yeah.

How you feeling? You still...

-Yeah. Oh, my God.
-Yeah.

-I feel like it's gotten more intense.
-I can see that.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

So I'm going to play you some
really great music.

Okay? You just let it, like,
wash over you, all right?

Just let it, like, move you
wherever you want to go, okay?

And whatever you do, do not take
the headphones out until I tell you to.

-Great.
-[shudders in pleasure]

[shouting] I can feel
the seasons changing!

[shouting] Yeah.

Perfect.

You got it, girl.

Woo! All right. Let's have a...

Yeah...

Seat... Sit... Seat...

[Erin laughs nervously]

-Are you rolling?
-I am, I am definitely rolling.

But that has nothing to do with the words
that are about to come out

of my face right now.

-Understood.
-Yeah, great. Okay. Mm.

[metallic clang]

[chuckles]

Alright, give me a minute.
[laughs nervously]

I...

think I lo...

Hmm. Why is this so hard?

Because you've never said it before.

Is that bad?

No.

When I was in college, I thought I'd...

You get it.

[both laugh]

With this, uh, one girl,

and she was great.

You know, everything was great.
It was fun. She was smart. Whatever.

And our relationship was... beautiful.

And, out of nowhere, she just like...

went back to men.

And it fucking crushed me.

I felt like...

I was just some experiment.

And I've never told anyone that.
[sniffles]

-Not Jenny, who's my fucking bestie.
-Mm.

-Or that crazy bitch back there.
-[both laugh]

I know what that feels like.

-Really?
-Mm-hmm.

See, I've never had someone
to share this part of myself with.

Woo!

I'm feeling, like, so many things
right now,

like, so many things. [laughs]

Yeah. You have two straight best friends.

I have to imagine you're not sitting
around reading queer theory together.

You know, I'm good with taking it slow.

-You sure?
-Mm-hmm.

I am terrified of meeting your friends.
Like, what if they don't like me?

Bitch, everybody likes you.

Yeah, you right.

-Oh, wow. Okay, okay.
-You right.

[both laugh]

[Erin sniffles]

-I think I--
-I think I love you, too.

-[Leah laughs]
-[Erin quivers]

[Jenny] Do you think I can have
one more kiss?

I'll find closure on your lips,
and then I'll go.

Maybe also one more breakfast,
one more lunch, and one more dinner.

I'll be full and happy

and we can part.

But in between meals,
maybe we can lie in bed one more time.

One more prolonged moment
where time suspends indefinitely

as I rest my head on your chest.

My hope is if we add up the "one mores,"
they will equal a lifetime,

and I'll never have to get to the part
where I let you go.

[laughing] Yes, baby! Baby, wait.

Grip on. Grip on tight.

-We're okay. Go, go, go, go.
-No. Fuck this.

Actually, you owe my ass a...

Okay, fine. Let's do it.

Oh! Shit!

[laughing] You're a dick!

[Jenny] But that's not real, is it?

There are no more "one mores."

I met you when everything
was new and exciting,

and the possibilities
of the world seemed endless.

And they still are.

For you, for me.

But not for us.

Somewhere between then and now,
here and there,

I guess we didn't just grow apart,

we grew up.

When something breaks, if the pieces
are large enough, you can fix it.

Unfortunately, sometimes things
don't break, they shatter.

But when you let the light in,

shattered glass will glitter.

And in those moments,

when the pieces of what we were
catch the sun,

I'll remember just how beautiful it was.

Just how beautiful it'll always be.

Because it was us.

And we were magic.

-Forever.
-[Nate shouts] Forever!

[Jenny laughs]

All right, divide and conquer.

-I'll take this room, you take that one.
-Yup-yup!

Blair!

God, you're so fucking sexy.

Oh, she cute.

All right.

["Do You Think About Me" playing]

♪ Do you think of me? ♪

Where the fuck is this bitch?

[huffs]

[Matt grunting]

[Matt grunting]

[Erin gasps]

Holy fuck! [laughs]

Wow, uh... Wow.

Uh, Blair Bear?

Girl, I just want you to know that I am
just as proud of you right now as I am

deeply disturbed by what I just saw.

[shouting] But I stand by you!

And your risque choices,
and I will meet you outside.

Don't forget to wash your hands.

You fuck, boo.

You fuck.

[Blair] Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Can you please get out of me now?

Yeah, sorry. I just sorta froze up.

[Blair] Ahem.

Hello.

Oh, hey, what's up?

-Hi.
-Feeling relaxed?

Shut up.

Anything you care to share with the class?

It was only the second time.

Oh, my God.

Today.

-You did it at his office?
-I needed to get the wristbands.

We needed to get the wristbands.

I don't even fucking know who you are
right now.

Like in a bad way?

In the best way.

You out here.

Living your best life,

just making choices.

-Yes.
-Taking risks.

-Yes.
-Yes.

Feels good.

It should.

Do you think Jenny's gonna be mad at me?

No. Why would she be mad at you?
She loves you.

Yeah.

Did we ever find out where she went?

No.

Tiny Ethan...

said she said something
to Matt about, like...

going out and finishing it,
and then she, like, stalked off.

-So ominous.
-Bitch is dramatic, we know this.

-"Finish it"?
-Yup. I have no idea.

It has to do something with Nate.

Where would she go to finish
the relationship?

Oh, my God, yep.
Know where she's at. Let's go.

Oh, God.

God.

["Moon River" playing]

♪ Wider than a mile ♪

♪ I'm crossing you in style, ♪

♪ Someday... ♪

[Nate sighs]

[sniffles] Knew I'd find you here.

I fucked up, Jen.

Like, I really fucked up.

All right, we... have to try.

Like, I'll move,

or we'll go back and forth or what--

I don't know, but I know that we--

I can't just do this without you.

I know I said
we got to be our own people, but...

Shit, I'm not even a person without you.

Maybe this whole thing implodes,
nothing works,

but at least we try.

-[Blair] Hey.
-[Erin] Jenny! Jenny baby!

Your ass is all the way out.

-[Blair] Hey.
-[Erin] Jen. Jenny.

-Hey.
-[Jenny] What?

Oh, my God.
We were so fucking worried, dude.

Oh, my God. I'm so stupid.

Yeah, Washington Square Park?
Like, how the fuck did you not get robbed?

[sighs]

[Erin] You okay?

[quietly] I'm sad.

I'm just so sad.

Oh, but it's like the good sad, you know?

I, uh...

We loved each other.

We love-- We...

We love each other. I mean,
'cause that shit doesn't go away, right?

-No.
-It's, uh...

[breathing deeply]

Wasn't just San Francisco.

We were all sorts of fucked up.

I think about...

us and him and New York City and...

how I thought if I could just
keep everything the same

then nothing would change, but...

Everything's changing.

[Blair] Did you get to talk to him?

No, I couldn't. I mean, I couldn't...

[sighs] I saw him, but I don't know, I...

I guess, um...

Shit, I guess in that moment,
I was choosing myself.

[Erin chuckles]

'Cause it's like, it's not, um...

our journey anymore.

It's mine.

Fuck.

Oh, fuck, that's so weird.
That's so fucking weird.

-But kind of amazing, right?
-[Jenny] Yeah.

[sighing]

I am so scared to be without you two.

I don't know life without this.

We're scared too, okay?

But this isn't gonna change.

We'll still be doing this.

Living in different cities
won't change that.

Aight? We'll still be FaceTiming

-every morning.
-Right when I hit that pooper.

While you're on the motherfucking toilet.

-No.
-Why don't you ever join in that?

-I'm not gonna do that.
-It's a phenomenal activity.

I don't wanna see either of you shit.

[laughs]

I'm sorry. I love you both, but no.

I'm just like this. [whimpers]

[laughing]

I'm really glad you guys pulled me out
of work today.

-You are?
-Today was amazing.

[Erin] It was epic.

An update.

I caught this bitch, on the sink,

having sex... with Matt.

Girl!

-Girl?
-[Erin laughs]

At the after-party.

But I also might have slept with him
when I went to get the wristbands.

I'm sorry.

-Was it good?
-Yes.

Yes, it was so good, and that's the best--
worst part. Are you mad?

Are you kidding?

[impersonates dance music]

Thrusting, thrusting.

You guys are coochie-cousins!

[screaming, laughing]

-I'm kinda jealous.
-[Jenny] You should be.

Oh! Also, update.

Before we went to the after-party,
we stopped by Leah's place.

Y'all did so much.

-It was a lot of time.
-And Erin...

basically Say Anything'd her.

-Boombox?
-No boombox.

But...

we did say "I love you."

-[Jenny] Oh, that's my boo.
-Yes.

-You did that?
-You guys...

[Blair] I'm so proud of us.

Oh, so much.

-Yeah.
-Ah. So good.

-So grown.
-Yeah, real grown.

There was a point, many points--
tonight was long--

where I was like, "All I want to do
is go to Leah's

and watch that murder doc on Netflix."

Okay, so you have to go online afterwards
and get the articles,

because there's so much
they don't tell you in the series.

-Yeah, you said that before.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the real deal.

Okay. That girl is 12. We need to go.

-She's a baby.
-It's too much. We did it.

-[Jenny] Yep, it's done.
-[Blair] You're good.

We done did it. We done did it, y'all.

[Blair laughs] We did.

[Jenny] Hold up.

-Oh.
-Oh, shit.

-Yep, can somebody take me home?
-[Erin] Mm-hmm.

Yay! [laughs]

-[Blair] Oh, my God.
-[Jenny] All better!

[Erin laughs]

-[Jenny] Oh. I'm hungry.
-[Blair] Again?

[Jenny] Where did this
rain come from, though?

-It's super aggressive, it's strange.
-[Blair] Kinda like our night.

[Jenny] I feel like I gotta stop.

I gotta just keep facing outwards.

-[Erin] I think I got gum in my purse.
-[Blair] Can we get tacos?

[together] Yeah!

["Call on Me" playing]

♪ We'll say a little prayer ♪

♪ But, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
If the answer isn't fair ♪

♪ You know you can call on me
When you need somebody ♪

♪ You know you can call on me ♪

♪ When you can't stop the tears
From falling down ♪

♪ You know you can call on me
Call on me, darling ♪

♪ You know you can call on me
You can't stop the tears from falling ♪

♪ Down ♪

♪ When you're weary
And the road is dark ♪

♪ And I'll guide you
With the beating of my heart ♪

♪ And if the cavalry
And the help don't come ♪

♪ Well, then we'll find a way
To dodge a smoking gun ♪

♪ 'Cause, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
We'll say a little prayer ♪

♪ But, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
If the answer isn't fair ♪

♪ You know you can call on me
When you need somebody ♪

♪ You know you can call on me ♪

♪ When you can't stop the tears from
Falling down ♪

♪ You know you can call on me
Call on me, darling ♪

♪ You know you can call on me

♪ You can't stop the tears
From falling down ♪

♪ When you're,
You need someone ♪

♪ You need somebody to cling to ♪

♪ When you're,
You need someone ♪

♪ You need somebody to dry your tears ♪

♪ When you're,
You need someone ♪

♪ You need somebody to cling to ♪

♪ Call on me, call on me ♪

♪ Call on me ♪

♪ Just call on me ♪

♪ Call on me ♪

♪ Just call on me ♪

♪ Call on me ♪

♪ Just call on me ♪

♪ Call on me ♪

♪ Just call on me ♪