Someone Borrowed (2022) - full transcript

NETFLIX PRESENTS

What do these thousands
of people have in common?

They're all in search
of a great love story.

There you go, miss.
Thank you so much.

Hello, sir. How are you?

I'm the opposite.

Instead of running towards love,

I'm running away from it.

And to avoid an accident,
I've created three basic rules.

- Just a second.
- Sure, thanks.

Rule number one. Never lie.



I make my intentions very clear.

Okay, wait.

I... I don't have enough. I'm sorry.

Rule number two. No hanging out.

- Have a good one.
- Hey, man.

No sleeping over,
no trips, no inviting her over.

Rule number three.

Never let a relationship last longer
than three months.

That's when things get passionate.

SUELLEN GLÓRIA ADDED YOU

And never...
never let it get to six months.

That's when you fall in love.

And trust me, these rules are foolproof.

I've studied hard
to be a professional bachelor.



- Hey.
- Hey... hey, are you coming?

Yeah. Don't get anxious.

Turn on the camera.

The camera?
Please, don't act like my husband.

You're my lover, okay?

I'll be there soon.

Bye.

Hey. You have to be quick.
I'm heading to work now.

Lina, listen. Don't forget we're going
to a cocktail party tomorrow, okay?

I'm gonna need you
to be the perfect wifey.

I'm the best. We'll be all right.

See you there, my love.

Oooh.

My wife's here!

Oh! Enjoying lunch with your mistress?

No! Don't do that!

It's not my fault!
I was forced to come here!

- He's telling the truth!
- Don't you...

I seduced Pedro!

- Yeah!
- Don't you talk to me, you hoe bag.

It's all true, honey!

Mmm.

You're an amazing chef.

Are those your siblings?

Uh, no. That's my husband and my daughter.

Husband?

I didn't wanna be here. I'm innocent.

I put plenty of alcohol in his drink.

I hate lies.

I never lied nor misled, you, Soraya.

You knew pretty well.

I don't hook up with anyone
for no longer than three months.

Tomorrow's the three-month
completion date.

Oh.

- No! No, please!
- I'm gonna kill you!

Love is beautiful? No.

Love is just a chemical revolution.

Of the three phases of love,

only the first one is safe.

Desire.

During phase two, passion,

the body releases so many substances,
it drives you mad.

It's like a drug.

Then at phase three, love,

which releases the bonding hormones.

You can't live without each other.

And I'm out.

Dang it! Ugh!

Morning, Mommy!

Oh, you startled me! Ow, ow!
Stop that, Luiz, please!

You're such a beautiful girl!

"Beautiful girl."
More like "good afternoon."

You know, Luiz,
I was watching on the news today

that it's normal
that a lot of the kids these days

when they turn 13 start one
of those channels on the internet

and get on with their lives.

They move out of the house
and live inside their computers.

I wonder what is so wrong with you, Luiz.

What are you still doing here
in my house, my son?

Mom, I won't abandon you, okay?
I'm not doing what my dad did.

I'm here taking care of you.

Taking care of me?

But you can barely take care
of yourself, Luiz.

Mom, my day is too busy today.

What can possibly keep you busy, Luiz?
You have no obligations at all.

And to be honestly with you, Luiz,

you are out of luck,
you are alone, and unemployed.

Now listen to me.

You do know
I won't be here forever, right?

Mom, Mom!
Don't say you won't be here forever!

- You're here now, about to turn 68.
- I know, but...

- You look great.
- Listen to me, son.

- No, no. I'm not... Luiz...
- You look like my sister.

Who has a birthday coming up?
What would you like to do?

- I don't... I don't want any parties.
- Okay.

No parties. Something different.

We could go to the beach,
or go to a nice restaurant.

- We could have fish, maybe some fries.
- I don't want to.

- You love french fries.
- I do love them.

Do you prefer french fries, or the beach?

Oh, stop it, Luiz!

Rio de Janeiro is my hometown.
I'm sick of beaches.

- It's not...
- Yeah, sure. See you.

Wait, Luiz! I'm begging you, Luiz! Please.

Just please find a beautiful wife.

No, no, no, no!
No marriage! We've been through this, Mom!

Well, land a job, Luiz.

Lu... Luiz, I won't be here forever!

Love you, Mom!

Ugh! Maria Inez, I won't pick up.

Ugh!

Enough! You call me all the time
and I won't answer, okay?

You... What?

She gave up?

Hello. Maria Inez?

Listen, I already told your brother
I don't want a party, all right?

Hi, Júlio?

Uh... uh, just a second.

I... I am almost there.

Yeah.

I'm on my way.
I'm going through a tunnel, and I...

So you were totally honest with her

and she decided to throw an apple at you?

Oh, jeez. That's so...

People these days are just so, um,

damn clingy, wouldn't you say?

I just...

Mmm.

I just wanna have fun.

Studies have proved that you'll
live longer if you stay single.

And happier, for that matter.

- That makes sense.
- Mmm.

Cheers.

To being single, like we are now.

- Ugh. What the hell? Where have you been?
- I won't be able to talk.

- What?
- I had an accident.

- Come on. You'll ruin it all.
- No, no. We'll figure it out.

- What's with your hair?
- What? New style.

- Júlio!
- Oh God. Oh.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

What a beautiful wife you have!

What's your name?

Uh, she's Lina. Lina.

Júlio, I'm really amazed by your wife

Looks like a very intelligent gal.

You think so?

She's... well,
she's kind of quiet, you know?

She's a shy woman.

That's what a smart woman does.

She pleases her husband with her silence.

Oh, I admire how you keep your family
on a tight leash, Júlio.

That's important to me.

Awesome.

I think you should join us on our venture.

Let's have lunch tomorrow.

- Sure.
- Great.

But why?

Why did you do it, Linus?

High finance, expansion,

marriage, a merger,
a new plaque on the Larrabee building.

You got in the way.

- David?
- That's right.

How inconsiderate of me.

And how inconvenient for you.

JULIO ABREU
EX-JULIO

Such a busy man having to waste
so much time just to get me on a boat.

EX-EDU
EX-GIOVANA

Haven't you heard?
Ms. Ivone is dating a younger guy.

It's disgusting.
He's young enough to be her son.

Oh, Maria Inez, it's not such a big deal.

Oh! Ugh.
To Maria Eugênia, nothing's a big deal.

We can't discuss anything important
with her.

How is talking trash about people
relevant to us?

Then what should we discuss?
Should I be discussing my life?

Why would I wanna gossip
about my own life?

Ha! I'm not that dumb, huh?

- I agree that we should...
- Oh, oh! Maria Clara agrees with me.

Maria Clara can't agree with you,
she's not square.

Her daughter's a lesbian.

- What?
- Yes.

- You know I'm not a square!
- Oh, really?

Oh please, girls. For God's sake!

Can't I have just five minutes of...

Stop it, Maria Inez!

This is our dessert.
I wanna keep it beautiful!

You are my favorite chef
in the whole world!

Mom, it's a hobby.

Ugh! A hobby. You're so...

We all know his entire life is a "hobby."

Mmm. Yeah. Let's get some food.

Luiz!

Oh no! You made shrimp?

I'm allergic.

I know.

Huh. Listen up, everyone!

He made shrimp.

Mom, I already told him I'm allergic!

What am I gonna eat?
I can't handle that stuff.

Hey, Luiz! Make some eggs...

make some eggs for Maria Inez!

Mama! Mama! Mama!

Mama! Mama! Mama!

A picture here, Mom. Say "cheese!"

- Make a wish, Mom.
- Congratulations, Grandma.

Yeah! A wish!

Mom, just think of what you want the most.

Happy birthday!

Whoa!

Mom!

Hurry up and call an ambulance!

Breathe! Breathe! Mom!

- Calm down. It's okay. She'll be fine.
- I'm so worried.

There she is.

Mom, what's going on? What was that?

- What?
- Mom, please tell us.

Well, Dr. Edmar had his, um, suspicions,

but, um,
we still need some tests to be sure.

Oh?

I've got six months to live.

- What?
- No! Six months?

Where does it say
you've got six months to live?

It cannot be six months.

You never said that.
You must be making up this stuff.

Silence, please! Silence!

- Mom, you can't die. It's that simple.
- I can't believe this.

How come I can't die?

Everyone can die except for me?

Mommy, I don't want you
to leave us! Please!

But I am, Maria Inez.
I'm sick and I'll be leaving soon.

Come on, Mom.
Well, you can't just leave me here alone.

My dear boy. Oh God, help him.
My son is a good-for-nothing.

I know, Mom. I can't do anything.

I have one last wish for you, my son.

I'll do anything you ask me, Mommy.

That way I'll go at peace.

I'll be at peace in the afterlife.

- Don't say that.
- I hope there is one.

My last wish, my son,

is for you to... to find a lovely wife.

Ugh! We've been through this, Mom.
I can't! No! You know me very well.

You know I can't do that.
Why do you keep bringing that up?

If... if you die, I'll die with you, Mom.
Please, don't go.

Well, then that works pretty well for me.

- Mom, but why?
- I'm cutting you out of my will, okay?

Wait, Mom. Calm down, please.

Mom,
why are you telling me that now?

Are you... are you punishing me?
But why would you do that?

Because you won't have kids
to inherit my assets.

You won't need my money
as much as your sisters.

I'm sorry,
but you'll be out of my will starting now.

All right, all right.

If that's your last wish, then

I'll do it, Mom.

Aww.

I'll get married just to please you.

- What?
- Shut up, Maria Inez!

- Let's just hear him.
- Oh, my baby.

Oh, my baby boy. I'm so happy glad.

I guess it's about time.

I've been seeing this girl.
We've been thinking... Too soon!

Mom, He's obviously lying!

I'm not!

Please stop picking
on your brother, Maria Inez.

He made mistakes, yes, it's true,
but he'd never lie.

Yeah. That's true.
You'll soon be meeting her.

Who? What's her name?

Ha! He can't even give us a name, Mom!

Hmm. Maybe I don't wanna tell.

Respect your brother's process, okay?
Stop this!

I'm sure that he will introduce us
at the right time for him.

Oh, my boy. I'm so proud of you.

I knew you'd come around.

Hello?

Hi, how you been? It's been a while.

Hey, stranger.

Hey, Ilana. How are you? It's Luiz.

You deleted my number? I'm Luiz.

Listen, Isa. I'm calling 'cause I need
to ask you for a big favor.

Sure! Of course, I understand. It's fine.

Uh...

So, I was the problem?

Oh, okay. Uh-huh.

I am desperate to see you.

I need something very special.

I'd absolutely love for us to get married.

I mean, it's not just the sex,
or just our bodies.

It's not that you're not interesting
because you are very attractive.

But it's just that you and I are so close.

You're not an atrocious person deep down.

Maybe better than on the surface.

Hey, are you trying to marry me,
or do you wanna scare me off?

Oh, come on.

Bro, I'm giving you a chance
for a much happier life.

We're surrounded by people
who keep up appearances.

Dude, they only need
to think we're together.

- I'll have my affairs, you'll have yours.
- What? What?

What do you take me for, dude?

I take you, Nestor, for my best friend.

The thing is, Luiz, that this callous hand
here already has a ring on it, bro.

Nestor, there are only perks here.

What I think is that you need
a real partner, man.

What I need is a brother, okay?

A brother to help me out
in this situation, ASAP.

What I need is you.

I'm gonna pay you!

- Man, I got it.
- Really?

Of course.

- I knew it, bro! Come here and kiss me!
- Kiss you? You're crazy. Let me go.

You're the best! You're a real bro!

- I knew I could count on you.
- Hey. Remember Júlio Abreu from school?

- Júlio Abreu, Júlio Abreu.
- Yeah.

- The journalist?
- Yeah.

- His latest story is on fire.
- On fire, my man!

- Now you know he's gay, right?
- Yeah, and?

I heard he hired
some sort of fake wife, man

to infiltrate
that conservative guy's scheme.

Check this out.

JOURNALIST UNCOVERS SCHEME

And she's really hot.

- Is she an actress?
- What?

Stage actress. He said she
was even better than he expected.

She could fake it for your family
at Christmas, New Year, or any event.

- Call Júlio. Ask for her contact.
- Yeah.

Why don't you give him a call?

The cave painting.

The cave painting.

And the first... the first kissing scene
ever registered in the entire world.

And I bet you thought
Hollywood did it first, right?

Nestor, I know this is not going
to work, pal. I know it.

I don't lie to women.
Now I'm lying to my mom?

- You don't lie to your dates.
- No, no.

Moms are not dates. Please just try again.

Yeah. I guess you're right.

It was the very first step
of humanity beyond experiencing love.

And humans just began
to learn how to love.

Getting to romantic comedies
was just a matter of time,

and technology, of course.

Lina! That was nice, but let's go.

- Thank you.
- Come on.

Relax. Be cool, man,
and just have a conversation.

"I need your services."

"Services."

Ugh.

UNKNOWN CALLER

- Hello, Ms. Lina.
- Hey, Isaías. Look at this.

- Ten missed calls, now.
- Had too many calls, I guess.

"We'd like to inform you
that your data plan has expired."

They just rub it in your face.

I already know the internet's not working.

What a defeat.

They always win.
You'll just pay at the end of the day.

Want me to offer you our menu today?

We have beef steak, but our fish dishes
have been a hit, Ms. Lina.

Are they?

SPECIAL! TEN REAIS!
TODAY

I'll have a half-serving of that salami.

You know? A special dish for artists.

Answer, Ms. Lina. It could be good news.
Just pick it up.

UNKNOWN CALLER

Can't you just pick up?

Hello?

Who is this? I can't hear anything.

Especially depending
on who I'm speaking with.

- Hello?
- Hi. Is Lina there?

It's about a job.

Uh, a-a job, huh?
Oh... oh... oh, just a moment, sir.

Stop playing with her.

Lina! Lina, my sweet girl,
there's a phone call for you!

Thank you so much, Grandma!

Salami.

Lina Maia speaking. How may I help you?

Hi, uh,
I need to hire a fake wife for a while.

Ah! Sir, you are speaking
to the best out there.

Just give me a sec.
Let me check my schedule.

Hold on. Give me a sec.

Okay, I'm back.

Today's your lucky day.
The movie I was filming was postponed.

I do have space now.

A big, fat abyss in my schedule.

Meet me at my place in two hours.

Write down the address.

Luiz?

Hey.

Lina Maia, actress.

Cool. May I?

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Don't mind me, Luiz.

It's part
of my character development process.

I do some stretching, some warm-ups.

- Right.
- I use the whole stage, like in theater.

Please, have a seat.

Well then, let's talk a little.

What kind of couple
do you have in mind?

I don't know. Just a regular couple.

A mature one.

Well, a couple like that
doesn't sell much.

The more unbalanced,
the more believable and realistic.

I know. It's just that I'm a balanced man,
and kinda... kinda centered, you know?

But I have no experience.

I'm the professional here.

I've been married five times,
including as an animal in a play.

So, in case you want something
more... Nala and Simba...

- Nala and Simba?
- I have experience.

Come on. Follow me.

- "How... love story."
- "How to create a love story."

How did we meet? Use details.

I bought you a drink at a bar.

We spent the night together?
I'm not sure.

Luiz, where's the romance?

We met at a carousel.

Do you even go to those?

Uh...

We met at the house of a friend of yours
and talked about a movie.

Fight Club.

So Fight Club.

Best sex we've had?

No. We don't have to go that far.
My mom won't ask me about that.

But there's always that annoying relative
who wants to know about your sex life.

DTR?

I'm a very easygoing man, you know?

I'm always cool and relaxed.

One's coolness can often trigger
the other's rage, actually.

Well, I think it's time to rehearse.

So these are the lines.

You start it off,
and then we take turns to talk.

You, me, you, me, you, me

"You've been lying to me."

Uh, why don't...

Let's try that again more, uh, natural.

Loosen up a little.
Pretend you're not even reading.

Right. Okay.

No.

"You've been lying to me."

It was for your own good.

- "Forgive me."
- No, that one's mine.

- Oh, right.
- Remember when I said that?

"So you lied for my own good?"

- Dude, what was that?
- It's an exercise.

I hope you find luck in your life.

That was great, wasn't it?

We should...

Of course. Let's go over it
a bunch of times from the top.

The body can speak.

That's it! The hands towards the sky
makes people trust you.

It's a primitive message
that says you're unarmed and harmless.

Does it work?

Well, it works
for that TV host, don't you think?

And, of course,
he throws airplane-shaped money at people.

I'm coming!

Here. Please, fill in this form.

You either vacate my apartment
or pay your impending rent.

Urgently, LIna!

I'm desperate too, you know?

I'm in the ICU when it comes to debt.
Do you know public healthcare, Hortênsia?

I'm about to die in the ICU!
The ICU of brokeness!

Your eviction notice expires in two weeks.

Just two weeks!

- There you go.
- All right. Let's make this work.

Your favorite color?

I don't know.
You ask too much. I have no idea.

Is there some way
we can speed up this process?

I'll need five dates in six months. Okay?

The most important one is the annual
gathering of the Pereira family.

- Can we do that? Thank you.
- You got it. Six months, then.

- Let's make the perfect wife.
- Thank you.

I can have the personality
of whoever you choose.

Okay. Mom would like you to be,
I don't know, a lawyer.

Yes, Your Honor.

And a tennis player.

Your dad owns a farm,
your mom, a sugar mill.

- What else? Oh, bilingual.
- Oui!

Uh-huh. Oh, and please don't forget this.
You're a Catholic.

- Amen.
- You don't drink any kind of alcohol.

Just juice, please, sir.

- What are you wearing?
- Good afternoon to you too, man.

Criticizing your fiancée's outfit,
my love?

Don't you think that dress is too much?

Says who? The Sexist Fashion Week?

- This is not gonna work.
- Yes, it will.

Hey. Let's get to work. Listen.

A couple's privacy is sacrosanct.

If you ever have any problems,
you just have to say "smooch"

and we'll leave and talk in private.

Or lean over to kiss me
and whisper in my ear.

A fake kiss, of course.

- So this way?
- Yeah.

Oh, you've gotta pay him.

Hey, wait! Hold on, hold on!
How much is it?

Oh!

Okay! I like this little lady already!

Hello! I'm Lina.

Oh!

- It's so nice to finally meet you, Lina.
- Hello. My pleasure.

- What a nice house.
- Thank you.

Oh, oh, Luiz.
Go get us a little something, sweetie.

A drink to celebrate.

Sure, Mom. But Lina doesn't drink alcohol
at all, okay?

Yeah, but today I'll make an exception.

Oh, that's nice!

So now tell me.
What do you do for a living?

What kind of work do you do?

I'm a doctor.

My God!

Here, Mom.

But I'm so impressed!

She's a doctor.

Oh.

I guess Luiz mentioned my...
my health problems, didn't he?

Well, I...

I'd like to hear your opinion.

My mom is about to die.
What are you doing?

How could you not tell me that?

It's something recent.
I can't open up that easily. She's my mom.

My character needed that information.

- Your character?
- Here.

I would highly appreciate your, uh, uh...

Please give me your honest opinion.

I... I...
I have my scan right here. Let's see.

I want you to...

- It's upside down. Turn it.
- What?

I want you to be completely honest.

What do you... what do you think, Lina?

I think it's a shame.

Oh!

Oh! My three Marias are here!

Come here.

Smooch, smooch, smooch.

- I wanna smooch you so bad!
- Sweetie.

You were supposed to be a lawyer.

Seriously, Mom...

Lawyer, doctor, it's the same thing.
It's just a title.

Listen to me. You'll ruin it.

- Behave for God's sake, this has to work.
- Easy. Trust me, it will.

The lovebirds want privacy.

I brought some chocolate cake for you.

I don't like chocolate cake.

I know.

He doesn't like chocolate cake because
he ate mud pies as a toddler, Dumbo!

Dumbo.

Ladies, here comes the house special.

- Oh, you're gonna love it.
- My favorite dish.

- It's absolutely amazing!
- Delicious!

- That was the first thing he said to me.
- He's such a great cook.

And I'm not just saying that.

- He is, isn't he?
- You'll never have to step into a kitchen.

So tell us, guys. How did you two meet?

- Oh, at a carousel.
- Well, Nestor's house.

- What?
- Well...

- We were at Nestor's house.
- We were with Nestor.

It was his son's birthday,
and we went to the carousels.

- Yeah. And, well...
- Right?

Luiz and I were a match right away.

- Yeah.
- We felt great with each other.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

Can you believe
we both like fighting movies?

Crazy, isn't it?

Our favorite movie is the same.

- Rocky... Club.
- Yes. Fight Club.

Oh.

- Lina knows all fighting movies.
- Hey, sweetie...

If it's fighting, she's your girl.

Come on. Don't embarrass me.
I do love them.

You know, they're all about men,
virile men, and the fighting.

I really like that. I really enjoy men.

Oh.

What did you say?

No. I'm talking about martial arts.
What's your problem?

You shouldn't be saying that
in front of my mother.

Oh, come on, Luiz. Luiz!

For God's sake.
Are you really that jealous?

- Jealous?
- Surely Lina didn't mean that.

- Well, it sounded horrible.
- Says the TED talks badass.

- Whose ass?
- She mentioned some Ted.

- No, never mind.
- Hey, hey, listen. Lina.

Forget all of that. What really matters
is that you're here with us.

Let's plan a date for your marriage
as soon as possible.

- Oh, I would love that!
- Yeah.

Well, baby, that's just amazing.

That's all we want, right?

But it's bad luck
to get married on a leap year.

Wait. This year is a leap year?

I remember it.

You can't get married on a leap year.
Of course, not!

It's bad luck. You can't get married.

Yeah, but we scheduled the wedding
on January 4th, right?

In a church, the traditional way.

Lina, super Catholic girl.

Oh! This pretty girl's worth
her weight in gold!

Speaking of gold,
you do know that Luiz doesn't work, right?

It's amazing for me.

My hubby at home while I spend
so much time at the hospital

is just perfect.

Yeah. I work on different things,
Maria Inez.

Something you should try every once
in a while. It's self-awareness.

Like the Oracle of Delphi once said,
"Know thyself."

Yeah. Has he said "provide for thyself"
by any chance?

Listen, kids. Listen, kids!

- Do you wanna take a family picture?
- No.

Actually, I'd like your phone number.

I'd like that because I'm going
to add you to the family group chat.

Wow. Such an honor.

I actually like Luiz's idea,
let's take a picture.

Come on!

- Ready?
- Everyone say cheers!

Hold on, Maria Eugênia!

I'll have another piece of cake,
and that's it.

Samir is here.
Goodbye, everyone.

Good luck to the couple.

You're gonna need it.

Well, I would like
to take my baby for a ride.

Is that fine?

- I'll go get the car keys.
- Yeah.

Be right back.

Tell me, Lina.

You haven't told us, uh,
what's your specialty?

Oh, that's right.

- "Blatriatics."
- What?

Pediatrics?

- Lina! Can I ask you something?
- I know!

- Going to your fiancée's house?
- Hmm.

No. We're just going out.

- Move, Samir.
- What? Uh, what's wrong?

- Move! Move, move!
- What's going on? Calm down. Maria Inez!

My hemorrhoids! What happened?

What's wrong with you?

They're so happy
about Luiz getting married.

Big deal! I got married first.

I know. It's so unfair.

I was Mommy's baby.

Dad used to say,
"Inezinha, dance for the guests."

Then this creep showed up wrapped
in a blanket.

I loved meeting you, Lina.

Oh, you're such a nice girl,
and so intelligent

- Thank you very much.
- Your house is so beautiful.

- You're always welcome here, sweetie.
- Thank you for everything!

Thank you, Mom!

- See you.
- Bye. Thank you!

It was all about him.
"Aww. He can say 'Mommy'."

- I could say it before him.
- And way better than him. I'm sure.

"Oh, Luiz! It's his first steps."

I thought, "If that idiot can walk,
then I'm going to be an athlete."

I bet you were the greatest.

I did gymnastics and even athletics.

- What did I get?
- A gold medal?

I was the only toothless person in class.

That rehearsal at your house
was a waste of time.

"Yeah, Luiz, let's do this,
let's do that. Just listen to me."

You did it all wrong.

- You messed up everything.
- I didn't mess it up.

- Oh? Then what was that?
- I was improvising. I'm an actress.

Yes, you are, and a lame one, actually.

That's what you are.

My love, he who laughs last, laughs best.

I know that he'll turn himself in, huh?

Do you think I'm going to let him do that?

Who's turning him in is me.

I am not going anywhere with you.
I wanna go home.

It's obvious that I'm taking you home.
I'm meeting Suellen Glória tonight.

I'm not asking for details.

We rescheduled
because of your useless rehearsal.

You said I was lame?

You've never seen any of my work,
and call me lame?

- "I wanna go home." Give me a break.
- Please. You're lame.

Hey, Luiz!

Hey!
Your sister wants to celebrate with you.

Double date! Yeah!

- Woo-hoo!
- Woo-hoo!

- I can't take you home, now.
- Ugh.

Let's go!

SUELLEN GLÓRIA
ACCEPT

You know I can't stand her up.
Please, help me with this.

- Oh, is that so?
- Lina, please.

- My shift is over already.
- I'll pay you double.

I'll have champagne.

So she's waiting for me there. Got it?

I need you to cover for me,
so I'm able to rotate between them.

- Okay.
- Great.

Who would've thought
we'd ever see Luiz in love?

I never saw that coming.

- You must be a special girl.
- Oh, he knows.

- Thanks.
- I think she is.

- Champagne? We deserve some.
- Yes, sure! And I...

- Thank you.
- I'll have this one. Lecle...

- Lecleique.
- Leclerc.

The most expensive one.
We deserve it!

- Yeah!
- I'll have some too.

Oh! I think I left the car lights on.
Just a minute.

- Uh, Samir can go. He'll go with you.
- I can? I can. Yeah.

I turned them off.

- Thanks.
- Don't mention it.

Didn't you have that important call
you needed to make?

- It just came to me.
- Yeah. You're right. That call.

- I'll go to a place a little quieter.
- Yeah. Okay.

I'm coming too. I have to call our son.

You know what?

- Well, I can make that call later.
- Yes.

Let's drink our champagne.

- We're all together.
- Stay here with us. Stay with me.

Are you hiding something, Luiz?

You look nervous.

No. Why would I hide something from you?

I'm fine.

SUELLEN GLÓRIA
ACCEPT

I wanna hear some of the spiciest details
of your relationship, guys!

I'm a modern woman.

No, I can't. I'm super, super shy.

- Smooch? Smooch, honey. Smooch.
- Yeah, sure.

Get ready.

Let me show you
my lamest performance ever.

Hmm.

- Well, Maria Inez...
- Oh!

So Luiz is actually hiding a secret.

Yeah?

But not from you... from me.

You've been lying to me!

What?

You've been lying to me!

Oh.

It was for your own good.

So you lied for my own good?

Guys! For the love of God,
everyone here is looking!

Forgive me.

What?

Forgive me.

I hope you find luck in your life!

- I'm going after her.
- I'm coming with you!

- Samir, finish that fish.
- No, no.

Just eat your fish, Samir.

I can fix that later.

Suellen Glória?

Uh, yes?

I'm Maria Inez. Luiz's sister.

Uh, is he all right?

He got appendicitis.

He wouldn't let go of his phone.

Excuse me.

He kept yelling, "I have a date
with Suellen Glória! Suellen Glória!"

- He said you'd be here.
- Good evening.

Yeah. Hold on. So, he was sedated...

- Uh, champagne? Just a glass, please.
- Coming up.

Thank you.

And that's why I'm here.
I decided to come tell you in person.

Wow. Maria Inez, thank you!

- Oh, don't mention it.
- You're so thoughtful.

- No, I mean it.
- Forget it.

Forget it.

And my mom is a devout Catholic.
It's so annoying.

She's always picking on my husband, Samir.

Hey, sir?

Did you stop drinking?

- Yeah. I can't drink more.
- So chic. I respect that. So elegant.

I'm not chic, nor elegant. No.

I'll have one for the road. Hey, sir?

Suellen Glória hopes
you get better soon.

She's a very sweet girl,
but man, I'm charging extra.

She talks too much.

You're charging extra?
What are you talking about?

Listen, you can forget about it.
That's not gonna happen anytime soon.

I'm not giving you anything, okay? Bye.

Good morning, Mommy!

- My sweetheart. My queen.
- There you are! Oh, dear God. Look at you!

This engagement is doing you so much good.

You got up so early.

I was very tired last night.
I wanted to rest, you know?

Aww.

But what I'll do today
is spend the day with you.

I don't want any sadness.

I'm very happy
that you're getting married. Okay?

So am I.

So am I.

What are...
what is she doing here?

Surprise, sweetie!

I came for breakfast.

Dinosaurs.
I love them. You're so cute.

I invited Lina to come here
and have breakfast with us as a family

because I have an engagement gift
for the happy couple.

So, yay!

My dear mother-in-law, but I don't...

Why did you accept my mother's invitation?

First, because I have manners,

and second, because I can't afford
to decline gifts or extra hours.

I won't pay extra.
I didn't hire your services...

She's coming back, honey.
You're paying extra hours.

Of course, you will.

- What is that, Mom?
- Well, open it and see.

A key for what?

That's the key for the family apartment
that I want you guys to have.

We cannot accept it.

Oh, Mrs. Carlota! My God, thank you!

I just can't tell you how grateful
this happy couple is!

And so will little Carlota.

Our first daughter
will take her grandma's name, of course.

Oh, my sweet girl!

Thank you, Mom.

May I call you "Mom"?

Well, of course, pumpkin.

- How about a group hug?
- Oh!

Your sister is watching us.

Living together is the way to deceive her.

Lina, I heard your landlady say
you were being evicted.

I'm not stupid.
You're taking advantage of this.

And what's wrong with that?
I'm getting paid!

- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- Oh.

I hired a five-date pack,

not for a 24/7 wife.

By the way, we actually need to discuss
the wage for my 24/7 shift per month,

plus night shift,
as I'm staying here to be at your service.

What? Are you completely mad?

Do you think
I wanna stay here with you

- Looks pretty.
- It's too dark over there.

Of course. The paint is fresh.
Have you ever painted a wall?

Then I guess it's fine.

Oh, do we have a deal?
You'll get the part-time wife.

Uh, excuse us. We finished.

That's amazing! Come here, please.

Part-time marriage
sounds really good to me, dude.

6 MONTHS
FARCE ENDS

Open house! Yay!

Start looking for a place to stay,

because all of this will be over
in 5 months and 21 days.

You'll say goodbye to all of this.

You're counting.

Uh-huh.

Yeah. That's how long my mom has to live.

When we learned about my mom's condition

I didn't want to face it.

The problem with the world is that
everyone is a few drinks behind reality.

A phrase of Humphrey Bogart.

- Who's that guy?
- What?

You're kidding me, right?

- You're judging me?
- No, no, no, no, no, no.

Let's send her a photo. Come here.

- Ready?
- Now? Okay. Wait. Not that.

- It's fine. Go, go, go.
- No. This is the pose for her.

Luiz and Lina sent something
to our group chat.

Oh, they're so adorable!

- Ugh.
- Your blood pressure is lower.

Oh, really? That's amazing.

Oh. Maria Inez, give me my phone.

What

a great

couple!

- She's great.
- That's my mom!

- She's lovely. What a cute little mommy!
- She's just amazing, right?

Let's take another picture.

A couple-paint-fight photo.

It's always been a classic.
Everyone will fall for that.

Is that our family's apartment?

Uh-huh. It was my engagement gift.

Oh!

I think I'm gonna pass out.

What's wrong, Maria Inez?

- Calm down.
- Help me, doctor. I'm not feeling well.

Why are you so dramatic?

How about we leak some nudes?

Yeah.
Accidental nudes will give us credibility.

I'll delete it
right after I send it to my mom.

Yeah, right.

They're posting naughty pictures
on the family group.

What? Nudes?

Are they?

You look better.

- She does, right?
- You look a lot better.

The most beautiful roof
I've ever seen.

Enjoy it while our little act is still on.

Yeah, I know. I actually have to think
if I'll be staying in São Paulo.

How'd you start with this thing?

- Wife for hire?
- You read my thoughts.

It took you long enough
to ask me about my jobs.

Yeah. I've been wanting to ask.

I had bills to pay.

What other characters have you played
as an actress?

All of the animals and plants you can find
in the Amazon in children's plays.

Oh, yeah? For kids, right?

I've also been a daughter,
a sister, a lover.

A lover? Why would anyone hire
a fake lover? That's insane.

Well, bear with me.

- The guy gets busted. Okay?
- Okay.

I went there pretending to be his affair,
and actually apologized to his wife.

She punches me in the face
and almost broke my jaw. Still hurts.

- Really?
- Yeah. Touch my face.

- Ooh, my God!
- See? Mission accomplished.

- I admit it. You're very good at it.
- You're better.

You have money and no job.

I can barely survive, you know?

So did you study? Went to a college,
or something like that maybe?

- Yes, I did, but...
- Really?

- Yeah. I was some sort of...
- So you actually...

I was promising.

A promise that, I don't know,
was never fulfilled, but I was promising.

Let's make a toast, then.
That makes the two of us.

Two failed promises.

I guess you're right.

But my monologue is coming up soon.

And the countdown starts for me.

If nothing works out, then I'll pick up
my stuff, which isn't much...

...go back home
and put an end to this career.

Where you from?

Far away.

Where? Where?

Far away, really?

Far away.

Man, why are you there?

Are you sleeping on the floor?

You can sleep here. The couch sucks.

- Sleep over here.
- No, stop it.

I never spend the night with women.

Just following the rules.

I'm not complaining.
I'm really comfy here, okay?

This will be my spot.

You fell asleep?

Lina?

SAT 30 - JUNE

The love stories
of heterosexual people

have an impenetrable obstacle.

The man.

- Good morning.
- The man.

- An impenetrable obstacle...
- My mom is coming over. Okay?

She wants to see
if you're taking care of her son.

Have an impenetrable obstacle...

She'll be here soon. And she brought
these cleaning products too,

so you take care of the housework.

You do the housework. Or hire someone.

What do you mean me? Are you crazy?
I've never done that in my life.

But I hired you.

You take all of my allowance,
so it's fair...

You hired me as an actress.

I'm already finding
the working conditions absurd.

You know, this house is a mess,
there's no fresh coffee, no catering.

You're a lame actress.

- Love stories of a...
- Such a lame actress!

I hired you as a good wife.

Did you know there's a human organ

that functions exclusively
to give pleasure?

No, I don't know. I don't know.

I'm not talking to you, okay?
I'm rehearsing.

Of course you don't know
it's the clitoris.

And what does it mean?

That I have more interesting things to do

than spend my time
cleaning a house for Luiz Pereira.

For Luiz Pereira, for Luiz Pereira.

Mom comes tomorrow.

WED 14 - JULY

My Mom's coming over tomorrow, okay?

Okay. Okay.

I have a missed call from your mom.

She sent a message
saying she's not coming over.

- Once more?
- Yeah.

WED 30 - AUGUST

What up?

Wow!

Since Mom isn't here, go ahead.

Okay.

Much better.

Mom's learning how to make video calls.

She seems happy, you know?

I just want her to go peacefully.

Since Mom's not here,
and my sister isn't bugging me,

what's Luiz' plan?

Luiz is gonna go over to Suellen Glória's.

That's cool.

So, you're not coming
to see my monologue's premier.

Tonight.

- I'm sorry. You know I can't reschedule.
- It's fine. Don't worry. I get it.

- It's been two months since I got laid.
- It's your loss and not my problem.

It's not my loss. Hey, wait.

- Listen, I don't like all that yelling.
- Actors don't yell.

We project our voices.

Go fuck yourself!

We project, we never yell.

Hey, baby.

I can't believe this.

Let me call you back.

Perhaps the secret ingredient
of the best love stories is, uh...

two big servings of solitude.

I have myself,

you have yourself...

and we have one another.

Hey. Let me get this straight.

So Maria Inez was spying on you
with binoculars, okay?

- While having a soda?
- Dude, I'm not crazy.

- No, but having a soda... Where was she?
- I know what I saw.

And you have nothing to tell me?

- What do you mean?
- You're acting weird.

Weird? You're weird.

- You've been acting really weird.
- No, I'm not.

Are you upset I missed your premier?

Yeah. I was upset about that,
but not anymore.

Right.

What? Grapes are fruit too.

And the World Health Organization
recommends a small glass before dinner.

But I'm so forgetful,
I drink one week's worth in a day.

We'll pay with two cards.
Separately please.

- What?
- Mine and hers.

What's that? How about my benefits?

Transportation, meal voucher...

Vacation!

We're tired of being house workers
every single day!

We should be as entitled to benefits
as any other hard worker!

Let it all out, my sister!

I'm tired of cleaning,
ironing, and cooking.

I'm just sick of it all!

Did you hear, Luiz?
And I didn't bring my wallet.

- It was like I paid her to say that.
- Oh, yeah. So funny.

- That was absolutely ridiculous. Yelling.
- Yeah, but that's what made it so funny.

Yeah, right.

The worst is that I'm the homemaker.
You sit around all day and do nothing.

That is so true.

I give you that. I have to be honest.

But I'll redeem myself
by taking you out for lunch.

And I'm buying!

Look at that. Hmm.

You've gotta relax a little bit, dude.

Oh, yeah. Sure. 'Cause things
are really going well for me.

My mother blackmailing me,
my sister stalking me,

my fake wife extorting me.

"Come on, Luiz.
You better relax."

Well, I was talking
about something romantic,

like having someone
for casual sex, a hookup.

A hookup? Seriously?

Are you really telling me
I should have hookups?

You have no one.

Please, Lina.

- I have priorities, you know?
- No.

I'm going through a creative process.

- I can't waste my energy on sex.
- Please.

Like my pal Honoré de Balzac, writer,
he never had sex while writing a book.

Man, don't even bring that up.

It's been ages since I got laid.

Hmm.

Why don't you invite Suellen to our place?

Rule number two,
never invite a woman over to my house.

Fine. You can have sex next year.

No. That's way too far away.
I can't wait until next year.

- Bummer, huh?
- Yeah.

Hmm. I can go to a friend's house
to give you some privacy.

What friend, LIna?

You have no friends.
I've never seen any evidence of them.

- I have plenty.
- Oh, sure. Of course, you do.

Friends that live on library shelves
and were born in the 1800s.

- Maybe that's the case.
- You're very funny.

- Mm-hmm. Making...
- You're making a joke. Got it.

Why don't you mind
your own messed-up life?

Okay. Suellen Glória can come over. But...

Hmm?

...you've got to be there.

My sister might show up.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

I'll have to be Maria Inez for the night.

But I would be lying to Suellen Glória.

You're super sweet!

It was so nice of you to bring this.

This, uh... Yeah. This nice bush.

Well, that plant
is actually called an Aralia.

Oh!

I planted a male and a female.

They symbolize your love
and your bond with each other.

Luiz, if you don't marry
this Suellen girl, who's just glorious...

...then I will!

Didn't you say you were married
the night we met?

He died.

Samir is gone.

He left so much debt behind,
you can say he fled the planet.

He isn't dead, he just escaped.

Luiz took me in.

Oh. I'm so sorry I brought it up.
I didn't mean to...

Don't worry.
Tonight I'm gonna have a lot of fun!

Luiz here is the greatest chef.

Yeah. Now you can marry Luiz.

I should tell you something.

I don't usually get involved with someone
for more than three...

With whoever crosses his path.
He's very selective.

But I can assure you,
if there's a man to marry, that's Luiz.

Maria Inez!

Can you help me with this plate?
Pretty please?

- I can help you too.
- Leave it to Maria Inez.

Leave it to me, darling.

Gorgeous!

There's a very nice bed in there for you.

What?

Wait. I... I... I... I've gotta... gotta go.

- I really have to.
- You sure?

- Come on! Sleep over, sweetheart!
- Don't.

It's a nice day
for you kids to have sex, okay?

Bedroom's in there.

- Uh, no. I've gotta get up early tomorrow.
- No, no.

- I'm going bike riding in the morning.
- Come on.

You can ride here. Mmm.

Oops!

Bike path with speed bumps.

Thank you so much, guys,
but I really should go right now.

But you're already here.

Yeah. Bye. Nice to see you.

We'll have another chance.

How many people
must be having sex right now?

About a million.

I researched it for my monologue.

One million orgasms.

Uh, nope. 514,000.

Because 75% of men
and 25% of women will reach climax.

God, the things I learn from you, dude.

- I know.
- You're out of this world.

You're totally out of this planet.

I would like to announce to São Paulo...

Hey, step away.

...that Luiz doesn't have to pay me
from now on!

What'd you say?

That's all.

All right! I'm glad to know.

I know you are. I know.

In exchange, you're going to work
as a chef at an event

where I'm going to perform.

- No, no, no, no. No way. I won't do it.
- Sorry. Too late, they're counting on you.

I've sold our "Better Half Pack."

- It's a bachelorette party.
- Huh?

- This isn't going to work. I'm not a chef.
- Stay still.

If you fake it long enough,
you'll become one.

- Am I clear?
- Yeah, yeah.

Hi there.

Chef Luiz Pereira,
this is Paula, the bride.

Hi.

Have we met before?

No.

'Cause, honestly,
I would remember you if we had.

Excuse us, Chef.
Let me show you the space I need to use.

- Soraya!
- Hi.

Let me introduce you.
Chef, the bride's mother is here.

Where's he? He was right here.

- Oh, come on.
- Have you seen this?

I'll follow you.

Um, so this will be my space?

- Luiz, where... What is it?
- Why didn't you tell me?

A lot of my hookups are here.

- What? What do you mean?
- Oh, no!

Catarina, Cecília, and Soraya, who
actually happens to be the bride's mother!

Okay. Don't you dare leave this kitchen!
Don't move from here.

Whenever you hear the word "but,"
some kinda crap is on the way.

- All the time.
- Right?

"Oh baby, but I'm not like
the other guys, you know?"

"I have a mother."

"I have a sister." What?

"I know how to listen to women."

As if...

As if it were some sort
of special skill, you know? Right?

But women...

women are like disembodied spirits.

They could strike at you all of a sudden.

And women can easily find you!

They'll catch you!

They'll find you behind the curtain!

Yes!

Hide quickly!

Luiz?

Soraya! Uh...

No! I need to turn the stove off.

Chef, congrats.
The starters are a hit.

Oh, sure. The starters.

So we better keep them coming, right?

Nice! Let's do this.

You are such a...

You nearly destroyed my marriage!

Asshole!

- You're an idiot! Come here.
- Calm down, Soraya.

I almost lost my stupid husband
because of you!

You son of a... What? Oh!

- Hey, hon!
- What?

Oh, you should see your faces.
Really, girls.

Paula, that face was priceless!

Please, give it up for our chef and actor,
and for the bride's mother,

who was the star
of our little prank for all of you.

Bravo!

And she didn't say anything. Thank you.

It was a surprise, bimbo.

Featuring our actor, who was trained
in Japan by Professor Shekillyou.

Get lost. Go, go.

Let's give it up for the bride's mother.
She nailed it!

- What an actress!
- Outstanding!

And a round of applause for our chef,

who's, sadly, not on the menu,
not even for our single ladies.

Let's go back
and talk about the problem with...

TUE 3 - SEPTEMBER
BETTER HALF COMBO - 50TH ANNIVERSARY

How's the Béchamel?

Okay.

Make sure the sauce is ready.

Yes, Chef.

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

What?

No way, dude.

Your sister isn't here. You're paranoid.

That's what you think.

She's cunning. That's what she is.

Listen, you have to go out.
Go out and try to have some fun.

Forget about Maria Inez.

I spent the money I had left
on pots and pans.

- Uh...
- Mom's cut off my allowance.

Her disease must have made her forget it.

- No. It was me, actually.
- What did you do?

I told her her allowance wasn't needed.
You were earning your own money now.

Why would you do that, Lina?

Oh, you should've seen her.
She looked so happy.

I can lend you some money if you need it.
Okay? How much?

How would you lend me anything?

We're paid equally,
and you spend twice as much.

What's left to lend, huh?

I wasn't aware we were married for real.

- Wait a minute.
- You should've told me.

Wait.

Oh my God.

Let's go, Luiz.
I'm taking you out tonight.

- It's sister-free, I promise.
- Where?

Hey, over here. You've lost it, huh?

Maria Inez! Gotcha!

Hey there!

This party's for actors.

And with the masks,
we can flirt with everyone.

You're able to do that?
What about your abstinence?

I'm more than ready, my love.

I think it's time
to get some action, right?

- You're a monster.
- Let's hit the bar.

Hey! How are you?

I wanna go dance,
and I want it right now!

What's up?

Whoo!

Hey.

Wow! Hey!

- Oh God, this...
- Hey, give it back. Give it.

- Let me try, let me try.
- No, no, no.

Are you okay, man?

So they put a ladder
in the middle of the catwalk.

Can you imagine?

How could I climb it in those heels?

They were so uncomfortable.
I had to pretend as if I was part of the...

Hello.

- I don't have a problem with dating.
- That's all you ever talk about.

The thing is, I don't let it happen.

I get out before problems start.
I'm out before the problem exists.

But you create a problem.

- You build up a situation.
- No. Not at all.

I don't create a problem.

- I run from them.
- That's impossible.

You are one of those guys
that's always causing trouble.

Yeah, we were...

I'm a different guy, you know?

- I never liked women.
- Oh.

I'm decent guy.
I'm just different. That's all.

Well, you can't confuse your flaws
with the truth.

- As written by my girl Clarice Lispector.
- So what is my flaw?

Is it that I don't wanna be crazy in love

and do what my father did,
abandon his wife and children?

Is that a flaw?

- Can I be honest? Do you wanna hear it?
- Go ahead.

All that denial is pushing you very close
to what your dad did.

Please, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

It's settled.
I won't let passion rule my life. No, no.

- Everybody's lives are led by love.
- Not my life. No, no, no.

Whether finding it or running from it,
it's all about love.

Not my life.

It's been three months since we met.

- Right.
- You know what that means?

Huh?

No?

We'd be starting the passion phase.

- The second phase of love.
- Yeah.

- With all that baby talk. "My sunshine."
- Baby talk, huh?

- "Listen up, pumpkin."
- "Are you my baby pumpkin?"

"I can't imagine my life without you."

"Oh, you're so beautiful to me."

That's so lame!

My mom's got three months to live.

Her time is almost up.

So is ours, man.

Thank goodness!

I mean, not that she's gonna die,
but we'll finally be free of each other.

- You're right. We'll go our separate ways.
- Yeah!

Three months already.

- Yeah. That'll be great.
- I can't wait.

I am very glad we met.

Yeah.

I'm very glad we met.

Hmm.

I'm so exhausted. I'm going to bed, dude.

I'll stay just a bit more.

Tomorrow I'll go with my mom.
We'll have some lunch.

I think she's been avoiding me
so I can't see her.

Yeah, well I guess she'll be different
from what she used to be, don't you think?

Bye.

Mom?

Mom?

Mom!

Mom!

Oh, baby. I dozed off, son.

How I've missed you. Oh, sweetheart!

Oh, let me take a look at you.

Are those for me?
You brought flowers?

- Mmm.
- Are you okay?

Better than ever, son.

Come on.
Let's get some lunch. I'm starving.

I have to tell you.
Ever since you left this house,

I haven't been near that stove.

Imagine that!

Why is that? You used to love cooking.

I hated cooking.
All my life I've hated it.

I still don't know who you got
that love for cooking from.

But I'm so proud of you because
my baby boy has become a great chef!

Let's eat.

Are we eating straight from these boxes?

Yes, but they're biodegradable.
Throwing them away makes trees sprout.

My yoga friend told me that.

Your yoga friend?

Uh-huh. I met her on the GeriaTrip,
our vibrant group of senior girls.

We all hop in a van
and go to the movies and a bar downtown.

I've been wanting to tell you

that death

can be the greatest teacher
for the living.

Dr. Edmar told me that.

I can see that.

Poor man.
He's a widower. He's so lonely.

So, we decided
to include him in our group.

He's the only man among us.

Having a doctor around is the best idea.

It's great.

I arrived just a minute ago.

He just gave me a ride home
on his motorcycle.

Motorcycle?

He told me that he's pretty,
pretty, pretty sure

I'm still gonna be here
on the fourth of January.

Mom, that's such great news!

- I'm so happy!
- I'm so happy.

I'll be here for your wedding soon!

Mmm.

- Eat.
- Yeah.

I broke all my rules, man. One by one.

One by one. They're all
just falling apart right in front of me.

- What are you whispering about?
- Lower your voice!

Maria Inez is not here.
I'm worried about you.

Everything's so weird.
My mom was about to die, you know?

And then she suddenly comes back
like a phoenix from the ashes.

I'm engaged to an actress.

"Oh, yeah. That's so cool."

I don't get laid in three months.
"Hey, that's awesome too."

I don't know why you're worried.

Listen, bro. Just grab a girl,
drive up to the hills...

bro, just camp over there
for a week and come back.

- My sister won't let me.
- Listen to yourself!

It's so far away, she won't even bother.

My mother-in-law hated it, thank goodness.

Fine. Where is it?

It's beautiful up there.

It's a two-hour drive. Check it.

- You could set up a tent, light a fire.
- It does look nice.

Hey there!

- Hey.
- What's that?

Going camping?

So Nestor gave me an idea.

He got me thinking.
He might be right, you know?

I've come to realize that I need
some time off from myself, you know?

To clear my mind.

So, I'm taking a romantic trip.

I'll go camping in the hills.

Wanna come?

On the romantic trip?

Yeah. I know it may sound a little weird,

but this whole situation,
all this stuff about the fake wedding,

it's been changing my mind, Lina.

And I think I might
be considering the possibility...

of having a real relationship.

Right. So, uh...

And I've got Suellen Glória,
you know?

She's pretty, yeah?
And kind, and very smart.

So, I asked her.

Uh, so Suellen Glória.
And you want me to come along?

Yeah. You have to come.
You have to be there with me.

Maria Inez will suspect us
if you stayed behind.

Plus, my mom would like to see
some pictures of us in the woods.

Together in the forest.
That's so romantic, you know?

And how are you gonna justify
my presence to Suellen Glória?

I'm so sorry to break you apart,

but I get nauseous in the back.

- Relax. It's fine.
- "Nauseous".

This'll be good for you to get
this whole husband thing out of your head.

- Yeah. It'll pass, it'll pass.
- I'm glad you're here.

Sure.

Hey, you know this one?

- Hit it. Hit it!
- Let's see.

- ♪ If you need to build a dam ♪
- ♪ ...to build a dam ♪

- ♪ I've got... ♪
- ♪ I've got a beaver ♪

♪ If you need to build a dam ♪

- ♪ I've got... ♪
- ♪ I've got the wood ♪

How do you even know that song?

How do you? It's so ridiculous.

- It's so ridiculous. I can't believe you.
- I love it.

- It's here, right?
- Yeah. Looks like it.

So we've arrived.

Are you sure I'm not the third wheel here?

Of course, not.

I actually feel more comfortable
with you here.

I've never taken a girl
on a romantic trip, you know?

And now you're taking two.

No, you don't count.

You gotta see
if she's got substance.

Well, she's classy,
she's a doctor, she's got a Law degree,

tennis state champion, polyglot,
and doesn't drink alcohol.

What else do you want?

And on the inside?

Her kidneys, her gallbladder,
some deep resentment?

Come on. You've gotta be kidding, Lina.

You just don't see it, do you?

That you've become the cheesy,
romantic type you've always criticized.

- I'm not. Of course, I'm not.
- You are.

Just look at you.

You think I'm in love with Suellen Glória?

Whatever. Let me close it. Go, go.

Let me close it. Move.

- For God's sake...
- You think so?

- What?
- Come here.

- Come here. Let's put this on.
- Coming.

You too, Maria Inez. This place
is full of mosquitoes. I made it.

Oh? You made it?

Yeah.
It's totally organic. Here.

"Totally organic."

Be careful here.

Thanks.

- Let me carry that for you.
- Oh, thanks.

Oh, we're surrounded by all this nature!

And look! There's a lake, too.

You should be careful with the ants.

I don't...

Oh no.

Be careful around that fire.

- Good job!
- Hey!

It looks great!

Well done.

- I love it. Uh-huh.
- Looks nice, right?

You nailed it. Good job.

Oh no, no, no.

- It's late. Here we go. Let's get inside.
- Oh!

Come on. We need some much-needed rest.

- Mmm. Let's go.
- Right now?

- Yeah, yeah.
- But we just got here.

- In there. Get in there.
- Ouch.

I'm so sorry.

It's probably just a hawk. Come here.

It's okay. Ignore it.

That is not just a hawk.
It sounds like a wild pig.

Yeah, I know.

Don't startle me!

- Listen!
- No!

- I'm going outside.
- What? No, no!

Are you nuts? Luiz!

- I'm going.
- Stay here. Don't leave me alone.

- I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
- Ugh! No, no, no, no!

I swear I wouldn't do this
if it wasn't an urgent matter.

- What do you want? Now what?
- I have a bad feeling about Mom.

Will you come with me to pray?

No! Get out of here! Leave us! Go!

- Luiz, she's just lost her husband.
- I just lost my husband.

- Luiz.
- I'm sorry, babe.

Sorry about that, but we need
to take pictures for your mom.

Right now? When I was about to get laid?

- The night was so weird.
- Really?

I think I hibernated.

Like a bear, actually.

The lake will be a nice setting.
But my phone's almost dead.

I like it here.

Oh.

God, I can't believe this.

They're so weird.

MARIA INEZ
ACCEPT

Hey, Maria Inez.

Lina?

Lina? No. This is Suellen Glória.

Suellen Glória?

Yeah. Uh, Luiz's girlfriend.

This is Maria Inez, right? Luiz's sister?

Yes. I am Maria Inez!

And you're being played
just like the rest of us.

Mmm.

- They look good.
- I know.

- It was here, right?
- What?

What the...

- You think we got the wrong camp?
- No, no! Uh...

The campfire was...

- Hey, Suellen Glória!
- What's that over there?

- Let me see.
- What is this?

Doctor's handwriting.

Ugh. It's a freaking ECG.

Forget it. We can't read this.
I have no idea.

Suellen Glória!

Where the hell is my car?

- My phone is dead. Where's your phone?
- Dammit!

Damn!

I left my phone in the freaking tent.

Man!

I do feel butterflies in my stomach.

But if I were in love with Suellen Glória,

I'd be sad that she left me here.

But I'm not sad at all.

Yeah. Yeah, I think so

I don't think I would know
if it's real, though.

How wouldn't you?
You've had lots of relationships.

If you don't know, then who does, man?

All of my husbands were fake.

But if we talk about my real life,

I've had few boyfriends.

Then how do you know
all that stuff about relationships?

Thanks to books, movies,
and, of course, plays.

So everything you know
is only in theory, apparently.

What's love like in real life?

I mean, in practice.
A true love, you know?

In practice, love is two "solitudes"
that protect and accept each other.

- You cold?
- Mmm.

Thanks.

A friend of mine said that.
Rainer Maria Rilke.

You really don't have
any real friends, right?

You. Aren't you my friend?

I think you are.

It's really cold.

It's really nice.

Your family's so close and big.

Everyone together.

I've always been lonely.

I've been pretty lonely too.

I've felt lonely.

Different than everyone.

Now, for the first time,
I feel like I have a real partner.

Someone like me.

You should let women
get to know you up close.

They'd see you're prettier than from afar.

And, from afar, you're... Holy fuck!

Lina, you captivate me.

We're great together, aren't we?

Yeah.

The world can't get enough of us.

- And who said that phrase?
- A friend of mine.

- Really? Homer?
- Yeah. Homer.

Homer Simpson.

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

- Huh?
- Pathetic.

"Pathetic."

- That's my car.
- Is that your car?

What happened to it?

JERKS

- It's open.
- Hey. Our stuff is all in there.

- Here's my phone.
- What?

- Huh.
- Can you read it?

I think I see an "E".

There's the key.

I did the best I could
with what you had in the fridge.

What are we having?

- Penne with nuts.
- I'll have two.

Two what?

Two nuts.

Just kidding, chef. It's a bad joke.

...two big servings of solitude.

I have myself,

you have yourself,
and we have one another.

Yes.

You're amazing!

Lina, your Better Half Pack is so good.

- I know, right? It is wonderful.
- Yeah.

The finger food, also known as street food
with a little oomph.

Imagined by our recently-divorced Ju,

and developed by our chef Luiz Pereira,
who's killing it!

You're on fire.

- Love that dress.
- Yeah. We'll get two.

I'm going to change real quick.

DECEMBER

FRI 9
ENGAGEMENT DINNER

WED 14
29TH ANNIVERSARY

TUE 20
ANNUAL PEREIRA FAMILY REUNION

They're here.

Oh. Finally, my son is here!

- My dear babies.
- Mom!

- My dear, you made it.
- You look so beautiful!

You look so

full of life.

The doctors are impressed.

They're saying I'm a curious case,
you know, like Benjamin Button.

I'm only getting younger. Right, Ed?

Yes. I can confirm it's true, kids.

We're witnessing a miracle.

Mmm.

I need a drink.

Enjoy yourselves.

- Let me fix that.
- How do I look, Carlota?

You look amazing. I love it.

- She seems happy.
- I know.

Hey.

Listen. Do you also think
Valdete's had plastic surgery?

I think her eyes look
a little puffy and slanted.

What's the big deal, Maria Inez?

Oh, see?
You killed the conversation again.

- Why?
- You keep talking about people's lives.

Oh, sure.
I forgot your life is so interesting.

Your attention, please!
Good evening, Pereiras!

I'm here to present to you the moment
you've all have been waiting for.

And I'm sure you all know
what I'm talking about.

Our dance contest!

The dance contest!

They've won this contest
for the last 21 years in-a-row.

Let's give it up for Maria Inez and Samir.

The next couple in our contest
is Maria Eugênia and Tonico.

Come on, honey.

Valdete and Carlos, come up on stage.

And making their debut in our contest,
let's hear it for Luiz Pereira and Lina!

Let's give it up for our contestants.

- Come up!
- Yeah!

Let's begin!

Luiz, you know you can't beat me.

I'm just like Madonna.
You don't have what it takes.

Shut up, Maria Inez.
I'm a better dancer than you.

Is everyone ready? Hit it!

Oh, jeez!

Oh my God!

So this is it.

Looks like we have our finalists on stage.

And we're all ready for them
to dance the last song in the contest.

DJ!

Oh, uh...

Uh...

Oh!

Oh!

That was quite a show!

Let's hear it for our finalists.

I'll say the name of the couple

and you applaud
according to the one you like the most.

Maria Inez and Samir!

Luiz Pereira and Lina!

It's ours! It's ours!

I love you!

Yeah!

- Go!
- What? I'm sorry.

Okay, okay.

So tonight's champions
are our dear Luiz and Lina!

Yay!

Move, move. I got it.

This is weird. Everybody's looking at us.

Use our secret word.

"Smooch"?

Congratulations, Luiz and Lina.

I have a little surprise
for the lovebirds.

And for all of you.

Our special guest for tonight has arrived.

Suellen Glória.

The one and only Luiz's real girlfriend.

Hey, everyone.

I'm at a spiritual retreat
because I'm very...

very upset about what happened.

But I can only really heal
if I heal you too.

Yeah, poor girl. Get to the point!

And the truth is that Luiz and Lina...

...tried to... pretending that...

I believed them, but...

- ...sister, and they were...
- It keeps freezing!

Luiz and Lina really are...

That's it, everyone. Namaste.

"Namaste"? You didn't say it!

What's all that, Maria Inez?

She can prove this couple is nothing!
They're both frauds!

Maria Inez is telling the truth.

I'm in a relationship with Suellen Glória.

And yeah, it's a real thing.

And I hired Lina to be my fake wife.

I paid her to be my fiancée.

My engagement is

actually a fraud.

But if I have to be honest...

We played around with love so much that...

I fell in love.

Mom, I told you
Luiz was nothing but a liar.

I... I've known it all along.

What?

Please, don't... please, don't say it.

Actually,

I'm the one
who's been paying for Lina's services.

Perhaps the secret ingredient
of the best love stories is

two big servings of solitude.

A woman outside wants to talk to you.

- A woman? Are you kidding?
- No.

Who?

Your mother-in-law.

I can lend you some money
if you need it, okay. How much?

How would you lend me anything?
We're paid equally.

And you spend twice as much.
What's left to lend, huh?

And you have nothing to tell me?

- What do you mean?
- You're acting weird.

What?

So that's why you did this for me?

Just for money?

You're nothing but a huge liar.

You're right. I am a liar.

But even though I've lied,

I began to get really confused
about this job

and about all these things
that I was feeling

for you, Luiz.

I found out
this was my most difficult role.

To be myself with you.

I hope you find luck in your life.

Here you go.

You'll sleep here.

And whatever you need,
don't forget mi casa es su casa.

Thanks so much, bro.

Here. Some clothes for you.

I'm with you.

Hey there, champ.

There's no openings.

You know, man?
We should have a kitchen here, huh?

That'd be really complicated, dude.

It's so cramped here,
and there's the other partners too.

Keep looking, you'll find something.

Just keep looking.

- Hello.
- What's up?

My name is Luiz.
I'm here about the chef job.

It's been filled already.
Sorry, but thanks.

KITCHEN ASSISTANT WANTED

Lina, I have to shut off the lights.

Just look what Carlota's doing to me.

My own mother played with me.

Listen. Ms. Carlota
was overprotective with you.

- But, actually, she did something right.
- What do you mean?

- Look at the man you've become.
- Yeah, sure. I guess.

In six months,
I've been a homemaker, even a chef.

Someone's loved one.

If what I had with Lina
were actually real, today would be...

Phase three, real love.

Yeah. I know your rules.

I almost fell
for the soul mate shit, dude.

Well, we keep trying
to find the person we dream about, but

we should actually be looking for someone

who brings out the person
we really wanna be in the end.

Brother,

what's keeping you
from becoming the man of your own dreams?

Just go for it, man.

It's on you.

Hey there!

So you talk to plants now?

Well, this one is special, right?

So, I'm thanking it, or whatever.

God, you're so funny, dude.

I...

I told her to stay here at the apartment
for as long as she needed, but...

she decided to leave.

Did you lie about dying, Mom?

No, Luiz. Of course, not.

Uh, six months ago, my diagnosis
was that I wouldn't make it this long.

But the thing is...

Ugh. Well, you left home
and I don't know.

We went through a healing process.

I seemed to get better after every test.

So, your problem was actually me.

Perhaps

the secret ingredient
of the best love stories is

two big servings of solitude.

I have myself,

you have yourself,

and we have one another.

No, I'm mad at you. You went too far, Mom.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Luiz.

Do you have any idea
how far I'd go just to see you happy?

You have no idea.

Why don't you spend the night with me?

We can watch a movie and have popcorn,
just like in the old days.

Okay.

Oh, my!

Popcorn!

Yay!

- Mmm.
- What's she doing here?

Got divorced.

I live in your room now.

Both of you, listen.
I won't have you picking on each other.

You two should make amends.

- Let's watch the movie.
- Yeah. Let's do that.

There's a traffic jam
and service streets a blocked

between the Pinheiros and Tietê freeways.

The end, that's it. Cool.

Well, I'll switch to the news.

São Paulo has literally stopped.
If you look over there, there isn't any...

That's how São Paulo has always been!

Always freaking chaos.

This traffic is held up.

- Hey! It's Lina! Look, it's Lina!
- My career and my life are held up.

I'm trying to give up on everything,
but I can't even do that.

It's unbelievable!
All of Brazil should know it!

What are you waiting for, Luiz?

- Go find her. Find her! Just go!
- Go, Luiz! What are you doing?

Come on, Luiz!

LINA
CALLING...

Voicemail.

It's all jammed. Jeez!

NESTOR
VIDEO CALL

Hey, Nestor. What's up, bro?

Bro, I can't believe it.
I just saw Lina on TV a second ago.

I'm on my way, man.
I'm gonna find her, okay?

You can't get there by car.
It's all jammed.

You need to get there by running,
or on a bike, or whatever it takes.

Bye, Nestor.
There's no other way. I'm hanging up.

Help me out, bro. Can you give me a lift?

Oh, you're a lifesaver.

Listen, sir. I give up.

- But we're too far.
- It's fine. I'll just walk there.

Bro.

Thanks, man. I have no words.

Thank you, dude!

Could you open the trunk for me?

- And thank you, sir.
- Sure.

- Miss, it's far, I can take you.
- It's fine.

It's all the same around here.

Except for our outraged citizen,
who's decided to walk out.

She'll have to walk ten kilometers
to the airport,

but, apparently,
she doesn't care about that.

Lina!

Lina!

Just marry me.

Have sex with me.

- Work with me. Do everything with me.
- Yes.

Yes!

Hey.
Check it out. Check it out.

Film them.
Are you getting that, Robinson?

Today, we celebrate the union
of Luiz Pereira and Maria Abigail Maia.

Maria Abigail?

Yeah. Lina is my stage name.

One more Maria in my life.

This is my first exclusive contract.

Okay.

Carlotinha, you should be careful.
Your heart is racing.

That's just because of you, Ed.

Man, get ready
for the three phases of marriage, dawg.

Phase one, you're all in love.

- So it's happiness, right?
- No. Illusion.

How's that?

Allan Kardec said that once
in his book on...

- Allan Kardec, man?
- I mean it. You should read it, dude.

Uh-uh. My aunt sent it to me on WhatsApp.

Whoo! Yeah!

I'm divorced.

So I've rebelled
against the rules of society.

- Who's the square now, huh?
- You are, Maria Inez.

Everybody gets divorced.

Wanna go against society?

Get married and just stay married.

- Oh! Oh, you're so sweet.
- I brought a drink, sweetie. My beautiful.

- Samir.
- Yes?

- What are you doing?
- Ah!

- Well, she invited me.
- We're just hooking up.

He's my crush and my date.

After all, I am Maria Inez.

I'm unforgettable.

Let's go dance.

Hey!

Whoo! Yeah!