Some Kind of Christmas! (2020) - full transcript

(light piano music)

♪ Trips to the jungle and albino tigers ♪

♪ Red velvet slippers by Gucci designers ♪

♪ Diamonds and pearls and
all things that bling ♪

♪ Those are a few of my
favorite things, yes ♪

♪ Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, yeah ♪

♪ Girls in tight dresses
filled up with fat asses ♪

♪ Watching her groin
as she sits on my lap ♪

♪ And making her come
until my name she sings ♪

♪ That shit is so my favorite thing ♪

♪ When the dog bites,
when the bee stings ♪



♪ When I'm feeling sad ♪

♪ I simply remember my favorite things ♪

♪ And then I don't feel, oh, so bad ♪

(phone ringing)

- Good morning and thank you
for calling Carol's Crematory,

where it doesn't matter
if it's a rabbit or a rat,

a dog or a cat, leave it
to us to bury your pet.

What services can I get you
started with this morning?

- Good job.

- Thank you.
(phone ringing)

I know! I know!

I mean, who would've ever
thought I would've had

to bury my goldfish.

Who even knew that fish could drown!



I just feel your pain, I'm so sorry!

- Do you have to be that dramatic?

- It works every time.

Absolutely, we can bury
him in our finest pup suit.

- You know, you have really
great numbers this month.

Keep up the great work.

- Florals?

Oh, of course.

- Baby, when I get off, I'm
gonna put this meat down-

(Gary clearing throat)

So yes, by choosing Carol's Crematory

you'd be expanding Fido's final moments

to endless possibilities.

I'm gonna send you a quote
to the email you provided

on your profile.

Baby, I gotta call you back.

I gotta go, damn.

- Rashawn, get in my office!

- Gary, can I see you
in my office, please?

- [Gary] Okay, just give me a few minutes.

I'll be there.

- Now.

Come on in.

Have a seat.

- [Gary] You wanted to see me?

- Yes, how are things goin'?

How are things out on the floor?

- Oh, things are good.

It's productive out there.

- Well, as you know it's just
a few days before Christmas,

and for the first time in five years

of being employed here, I am being told

that you've asked for the holiday off.

- Yes, I have.

It's been a very long time since I've been

in the Christmas spirit.

- Is that so?

Well, do you have any big plans?

- Actually, I do.

See, my parents have this
huge Christmas celebration

every year that I never attend.

This year I finally
decided that I would go.

- Well, I just love Christmas!

But before you leave, I am going to need

all of the week's numbers on my desk.

- Oh, okay. Sure, no problem.

- Oh, I wasn't finished.

- My apologies.

- Now, seeing as how we're so
close to the end of the year,

I am going to need reviews on all

of the employees on the floor

so that I can start preparing for raises.

- Okay.

- If any.

And I'm gonna need
projections on next year's

financial analysis.

This pandemic has really
done a number on us.

Oh, and lastly.

If you would be ever so kind

and make sure that all
the employee's information

is updated on the Rolodex,

I want to start sending out W2s.

You know how important
taxes are to you people.

(Gary clearing throat)

- You people?

(Carol chuckling)

Got it.

So you wait until I decide
to take my first vacation

to give me all of this work?

- Did I do something wrong?

- No, no, you didn't do anything wrong.

You did everything right, Karen.

- Excuse me?

- I'll make sure this is completed.

- Well, I know you will.

Well, that's all I have for you.

Do you have anything for me?

- Merry Christmas.

(Carol chuckling)

- And Gary, go check the furnace.

It's making a funny noise.

We got a lot of puppies
to burn up this afternoon.

- [Gary] Roger.

- You little Bambi.

I love you. (smooching)

(Gary sighing)

- Friend, I thought you were
sent to the principal's office.

- She is such a bitch.

A miserable bitch.

I finally decided to get
into the Christmas spirit

and take a vacation, and here
she comes with all this work.

She's so draining.

- Let me guess.

She wants you to revamp and organize

the entire company by, um,
five o'clock yesterday.

- How'd you guess?

- That chick is a one-trick pony.

She does it every year.

She did it to the last VP
that was here before you.

It's like if the Grinch
was an actual person

on a mission to actually steal Christmas,

it'd be her, hairy back and all.

(Gary sighing)

- Who does that?

- Now, friend, I ain't
messy and I don't gossip,

but sources say that
allegedly what happened was

and the word on the street
is that she ain't got

no family or friends, so
she wrapped herself up

in this business that
we funna be wrapped up

in this business with her.

I think not.

- She's such a witch.

- Tell me about it.

But you don't have anything to worry about

'cause I'll cover you.

- Wait, you will?

- Yeah, I do it every other
year for every other VP.

And isn't this you and
Darryl's anniversary anyway?

- Actually, it's today.

Thank you.

Thank you for asking.

- Oh, I love love.

Happy anniversary.

But you know it's gonna
cost you, though, right?

- Okay, here we go.

I knew it.

How much? Name your price.

- There is a pandemic, all right?

I would never take your hard earned money.

Send me the news.

(Gary coughing and choking)

- What, bitch?

- You can say what, bitch.

You can say yes, bitch.

The news.

- Mine or his?

- Since you asked, both, bitch,

and make it nasty.

I want every angle, videos, pictures,

make ya wink, make ya jump, make it...

(Gary laughing)

- You know what?

If I didn't need to catch this flight,

I wouldn't be sitting her having such

a lascivious conversation with you.

- Oh, where are we goin'?

- Well, I bought two
tickets to South Africa

that he doesn't know about.

But before that, we're
gonna go down to Atlanta

to spend Christmas with my parents.

- South Africa?

I can't even get a man to
take me to a free COVID test

and he's goin' to South Africa?

That's a lucky man.

Listen, friend, make sure
you got a lot of masks,

gloves, and hand sanitizer.

It's real out there.

- Well, you do know one year's a long time

with the world clock of the gays.

So I decided I would go
all out for this milestone.

And don't worry,

I have a new order of
PPE equipment comin' in.

- Okay, 'cause one year is a
long time on anybody's clock.

And it's hard to find a faithful man,

and if you do, he's either
wrapped up on social media

or got the attention
span of a damn fruit fly.

But that's okay.

I'll be at home relaxing,
ordering takeout,

and scrolling the Ken app
lookin' for me a husband.

- What's that?

- A husband or the Ken app?

- The app!

- Oh, just an app for
people who can't find a man.

Helps you build a perfect man.

Any weight, any age, any height, any size.

I'm surprised you never heard of it.

You know, the kids love a good app.

- No, I've never heard of it.

Damn.

So they make an app for almost
everything these days, huh?

- Mmm-hmm.

- But come on.

I'm sorry, but it possibly
can't be that bad for you.

- Shit, yes it can.

But this isn't about me.

This is about you.

You have a flight to
catch, so get out of here.

Have fun. Be safe.

And above all, ride that dick like a-

- Alano! Shh!

You're so embarrassing.

- What?

Listen, when you get
off that dick I want him

to feel like you rolled
some of the skin off.

- Ooh, well, first of
all that would insinuate

that I'm dry and that's
not the case over here.

My pH balance is on 10.

- Alkaline, bitch?

- Ooh, okay, well take that
alkaline up out of here

and Merry Christmas.

And listen, hopefully one of
those animals that she buried

will come back and burn this bitch down.

And don't forget my news, either.

Merry Christmas, friend.

- [Gary] Merry Christmas.

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Oh, Christmas ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

(phone ringing)

♪ Oh, Christmas ♪

- Hello, dear.

- Hello, Mother.

- Happy holidays.

- Happy holidays.

- A little birdie told me
that you're coming home

for the holidays.

- I knew Shayla could not keep a secret.

- It was not your sister, Gary.

You can thank your father for this one.

- No way.

So Pops told you?

See if I ever tell him anything again.

- Oh Gary, I am so excited.

I cannot wait to see you.

And your brother and his family,

his wife and kids,

they're coming as well.

- I kind of figured he would be there.

Doesn't he come every year?

- He does. He does.

But that doesn't mean I
don't get just as excited

when he confirms his presence.

And I get to see my grandkids.

(clearing throat)

My grandkids.

I don't want to beat a dead horse,

Gary, with the whole family conversation.

But it's just that I
get so worried about you

being down in Miami all by yourself.

- Ma, who says I'm alone and by myself?

Just because you haven't seen me show up

to your doorstep with a bun in the oven

or pushing the stroller does
not mean that I'm alone.

We all have our own versions
of family, you know.

- Ooh! Well, shut me up then.

So does this mean

that you're not coming alone this year?

- Now I didn't say all that.

Besides, I may just surprise you.

- Ooh, all sookie sookie now.

It's gonna be the best Christmas ever,

and I've got it all planned out.

So it would be great if you could be here

by Friday at 6:00pm.

The first activity starts at 7:00pm sharp.

Oh Gary, I'm so excited.

I cannot wait.

So let me go.

I need to go start on my turkey.

- Mom.

The turkey?

- Yes.

- It's two days before Christmas.

- I know.

- Ah, I never understand why people start

cooking Christmas dinner five days before.

- But you've had my turkey before.

So how do you think I make it so moist

and tender and juicy and flavorful?

It's a process,

and I have to start it
now, right now today.

- It's probably not gonna
be that good anyway.

- Ooh, the lies you tell on your mother.

Just despicable, Gary.

- Hey, Mom, I have to call you back.

I have another phone call.

Can you kiss Pops for me and tell him

that he talks too much?

But I'll see you both tomorrow, okay?

I love you.

- And you take care.

Be safe. Love you.

- Happy anniversary, baby.

I just got off the phone with my mother

and she's so excited.

I'm so nervous.

She has no idea that
you're coming home with me.

Maybe it'd finally just shut her up.

She's always bragging
about your brother this

and brother's wife that,
and your brother's kids,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I'm just so sick of it.

What time are you coming home?

(somber music)

I'm sorry. What?

♪ Whenever you're out of town ♪

♪ Hold me with arms now ♪

♪ Loneliness knows this place ♪

- Okay, so what happened now?

- Not only did he dump
me on my anniversary,

it's just two days before Christmas.

I knew I should've just
stuck with my own tradition

and not celebrated Christmas at all,

and none of this would
be happening right now.

- Damn.

And it's right before Christmas.

That's selfish.

- Yeah, very selfish.

- So what did you do?

Did you two have like a fight
or an argument or something?

- No, nothing.

Everything was fine.

It was like a normal day.

We got up, we got dressed.

We said our love yous.

We hugged and kissed.

His clothes are still up in the closet.

- Okay, so at what point did you end up

in the middle of this here floor?

- All I remember him telling me is that

he didn't want me anymore
and that it was over.

Then I blacked out.

That's it.

- You probably thought about
all that money you spent

on them high ass South Africa
tickets and got lightheaded.

Damn, I'm sorry, friend.

Did you at least try to call him?

- Yeah, I did.

Can you believe he blocked me?

- Blocked?

- Well, I guess we need to pull up

to that nigga's job, then don't we?

'Cause it ain't never like a
bitch with some hurt feelings,

pull up to that nigga's job.

Come on!

- No, no, no, I'm not doing any of that.

- Well then I guess you ain't
that hurt then, now are you?

I guess that means I ain't
getting the news no more.

Damn, Darryl!

- My life has just been turned upside down

in a matter of seconds
and you can think about

is playing in your little litter box.

- First of all, it's not a litter box.

It's a little garage.

Secondly, I ain't gonna be
rude or nothin' like that,

but your life ain't the only
one that's been interrupted.

I had plans.

I was about to put that about to work!

- Oh, shit!

I told my mother Darryl was coming.

Now I have to tell her
that I just got dumped.

I'm just gonna call her and tell her

there's been a change of plans.

- Give me that.

- Give me my phone, Alano.

I've gotta tell my mother
that I'm not coming anymore.

- First thing you gotta to
do is hang that phone up.

Christmas is just a day.

I mean, aren't you supposed to be in

the Christmas spirit anyway?

Yes!

Yes!

No.

Okay.

Has your family even met Darryl before?

- No, I've never taken a man home before.

This would've been my first time.

- Oh, well in that case,
Darryl can be anybody.

All you've gotta do is
make a few alterations.

First thing we're gonna do, we as in you,

gonna go in there and pack
all that nigga's shit up.

Then we'll just log onto the Ken app

and find you a Mr. Claus in no time.

- No, no, I'm not doing any of that.

- [Alano] Why not?

- I'm not some desperate charity case

who needs to log onto an escorting app

to have a man for the holidays.

- Oh, is Miss Mama's feeling judgemental?

First of all, as my friend,

you're sure that I'm a
different caliber of gay.

I don't do escorting apps.

It's very simple.

Two people who have
nothing to do interact.

One person pays for the
interaction when it's over.

It's that simple.

It's not escorting.

- I'm not taking a prostitute home

to meet my parents, Alano.

- You know, sometimes you have to shut up

and let a different caliber
of gay handle the situation.

This is one of those moments.

- Oh.

- Come on.

Okay, height?

- [Gary] Doubly tall.

- Weight?

- About 180, 200 pounds.

I like to be picked up
sometimes. (clearing throat)

- You mean to tell me you want somebody

to pick your big a...

- Mmm-hmm.

- Okay, um. Age?

- They've gotta be older.

And masculine.

You know, masculinity is very important.

My family is so conservative.

Well, excuse me, my mother
thinks she's so conservative.

- Okay, so what age is that?

- About 40, 45.

- Okay. Occupation?

- Doctor.

Lawyer.

Veterinarian?

- Okay.

Ooh, one more.

Size.

- Size of what?

- Size.

- Oh, size of dick.

You can check all that on this app?

- Yes.

- I'll fill that part out later.

- Okay.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Credit card, please.

- Credit card for what?

- Credit card, please.

- Why do you need my credit card for?

- Mmm-hmm.

- Come on, let me see.

What's comin' up?

- CVV.

Expiration.

- Can I see?

- That's your last name?

All right, all done.

- [Gary] Can you see 'em?

- You'll get a confirmation email.

The fee is gonna be $2500.

- What?
- In cash.

It must be paid at the
end of the assignment.

- $2500?

I better be meeting Jesus.

- You better be sayin' thank you.

I used my discount.

And let's not forget, this is last minute

and it's a holiday.

- Discount?

I don't even wanna know.

Is this what my life has come down to?

Meeting, or, excuse me,
creating some gigolo

on an app just so I won't
be alone for Christmas?

Oh, god.

- There's an app for it which means people

do it all the time.

I already sent the address of
the hotel you'll be staying at

and told him to meet you there at 4:00.

- They can be there that soon?

- And can and will.

100% satisfaction guaranteed.

(Gary laughing)

- Well, I would say thank you
but I'm just not sure yet.

- No need to say thank you.

Just send the news.

And because you don't know this man,

you can make him nasty and disrespectful.

(both laughing)

- Thank you.

- Merry Christmas, friend.

And no worries.

We'll deal with Darryl's
ass when you get back.

- We will.

(water running)
(gentle acoustic music)

(knuckles rapping)

- Who is this?

I didn't order room service.

Who is that? Is that him?

May I help you?

- Are you Gary?

- [Gary] I am. Who are you?

- I'm Ken.

I'm your boyfriend for the weekend.

- [Gary] I'm sorry, you must be mistaken.

- Ah, I was told that you ordered a Ken.

(door slamming)

- Oh, I could kill Alano.

(knuckles rapping)

(phone ringing)

- [Alano] Ooh!

Hey, friend!

You made it in okay?

- Don't hey friend me.

Alano, who is this adolescent butch queen

you sent to my hotel room?

- That is not a butch queen.

That's the Ken you ordered.

- No, that's the Ken you ordered.

I said I wanted somebody professional.

40, 45?
(knuckles rapping)

- Seemed like you wanted
a Darryl lookalike,

and we see where the first one got you.

I spiced it up a little bit.

Ain't he fine?

- That's beside the point.

You know what, I'm gonna
get you (indistinct).

- Hello? Hello?

Friend! Hello?

Can you hear me?

You better get you an iPhone,

'cause this Android ain't
doin' so good for you.

Hello? Friend!

- Alano!

You gonna hang up on me?

- I can't hear you!
(phone ringing)

Bye.

Thank you for calling Carol's Crematory.

- Alano!

Alano!

Hey!

(knuckles rapping)

- Is everything okay?

- Yeah, I'm sorry.

Pardon my manners.

Please come in.

I'm Gary.

- I'm Ken.

You do know it's perfectly fine for you

to be nervous, right?

I'm used to it.

- [Gary] Yeah, maybe that's what it is.

I'm not used to just jumping
right into things like this.

- All right, I got a few ground rules.

There are no refunds.

- Okay, no refunds.

- I require 25% of my final
down payment up front.

There's no kissing.

I'm not sucking your dick.

And if you want me to be on the bottom,

it needs to already be in your contract.

And since it's not, I'm gonna
need at least 24-hour notice

for dietary reasons.

But if this is just about to be about sex,

I need all my money now.

- Wait, wait, wait.

It's not necessary for any of that.

Oh, no, I just came from the shower.

That's why I have this towel on.

I haven't had time to get dressed.

I'm not sure how much
information they've given you,

but I just need you to
fill in for my boyfriend.

My ex-boyfriend who had
decided to dump me yesterday.

Yeah.

- Two days before Christmas?

Damn!

- On our anniversary.

- Damn!

You don't need me.

You need two blunts and a double
barrel shotgun. (chuckling)

So.

What's the occasion?

- Well, my family has this
huge Christmas celebration

every year and I decided to get into

the Christmas spirit and attend.

And just as I got into the spirit,

I got my heart broke at the same time.

- Well, cheer up, 'cause you're in luck.

I'm great at creating memorable moments,

and I make a great boyfriend, too.

You tell me what you need and I got you.

- For starters, we've got
to be at my parents house

in the next 40 minutes.

If I'm a minute late,
my mother's gonna have

this panic attack.

She's always talkin' about
things are on schedule

and how making every second count.

My family's extremely conservative.

Well, my mother is anyway.

But my father, oh, you'll love my father.

- Got it. What else?

- Shayla, my sister.

She's married to an older man.

A much older man.

So when we get there,
make sure you don't give

the normal or reaction when you see him.

- What else, sir?

- This is the most important
piece of the puzzle.

My family doesn't know that
I'm same gender loving.

- You mean your family
doesn't know that you're gay?

- I'm sure they know it,

they just never seen me
interact with another man

or talk about one before.

- Weren't you just about to
take a man home for Christmas?

- Yeah, I was.

But he just wasn't any man.

I thought we'd be together forever,

which brings me to my next point.

My brother, Lonnie.

He's an asshole.

And he's gonna try to pry.

So if anything was to get to my parents,

I'd rather for it to come from me.

So no talk about how we met on this app

or me being dumped, all right?

- Got it. Let's go.

- Okay, wait, but,
aren't you gonna change?

- Aren't you gonna change?

What's wrong with what I have on?

- Okay, it's going to be a long weekend.

♪ Ah, Christmas ♪

♪ Don't you think that the holidays ♪

♪ Should be all about love ♪

- For both of us.

♪ More wine by the fireplace ♪

♪ With the one you're dreaming of ♪

♪ Why don't we make your
Christmas my Christmas ♪

♪ Our Christmas ♪

- Pop!

- Well, look it here.

Santa's delivering early.

Come here!

Come here, my boy.

(Gary laughing)

Come here.

Let me look at you for a second.

Miami's treating you well.

You look good, son.

- Thanks, Dad.

- Who do we have here?

- Who?

Oh, Dad, this is my friend Ken.

- How you doin', sir?

Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you, too.

Come here. Give me a hug.

We hug in this household.

- Okay.

Your home is beautiful.

And it smells delicious in here.

Somebody cookin'?

- Compliments of the lady of the house.

She goes all out every year.

- I can tell.

- So you live and work in Miami as well?

- No.

- You here in Atlanta?

- Well, my job causes me to travel a lot,

so I can end up anywhere
depending on my assignment.

- Okay, sounds, sounds fancy.

So, uh, Gary, you movin'
around like that as well?

That's why you don't come home anymore?

- Oh, no, Dad.

Actually, I'm the VP of Carol's Crematory.

We offer burial services for animals.

The largest in the world, actually.

My job keeps me busy,
but it's not as glamorous

and fancy as Ken's over here.

(dishes clattering)

- Oh, that's just your mom fumbling around

with one of her dishes.

Your brother's upstairs unpacking.

Your sister hasn't arrived yet.

- Oh, well, you know
she always has to make

this huge, grand entrance
when she comes in.

- Well, it wouldn't be her if she didn't.

- So where are your bags?

You two didn't bring a change of clothes?

- No, actually, we got a room downtown.

- All these rooms we have here

and you're stayin' at a hotel?

Shame on you.

Well, come on.

Let's get settled.

You got a few minutes before
your mother rounds us up

like cattle for whatever she has planned.

Come on.

(door creaking)

- Merry Christmas everybody!

- Shayla! Finally!

- My favorite much older
brother! (laughing)

- Oh, now watch it, sis.

I'm not that much older than you are.

- Mmm-hmm, but you are older, right?

- [Gary] Mmm-hmm.

- Oh, let me get that for you.

- Oh, and who do we have here?

- This is my friend Ken.

- Ken! Okay.

Hi, friend.

I'm Shayla.

This is my husband, Mr. Willie.

And this is our beautiful baby girl Ariel.

- Like "The Little Mermaid"?

- Yes, just like "The Little Mermaid".

She's my little mermaid. (chuckling)

- It is so nice to finally
meet you and your family

because your brother Gary
talks about you all the time.

- He does?

And what does he say exactly?

Because he sure doesn't
answer my Facetime calls

when I call him.

- Oh, don't do that, sis.

You know I'm always at work working.

- Mmm-hmm.

- And just because you
call and I don't answer

does not mean I don't ever
call you back, now does it?

- Yeah, right.

Tell me anything.

Ah, my god!

Hi, Daddy!

- Oh, my baby girl.

Oh, it's so good to have you home.

All my kids under one roof.

Oh, it's gonna be a great Christmas.

(dishes clattering)

Honey, is everything all right in here?

- Oh, everything's just fine, hon.

This pan was so darn hot,

it burned my hands through the mittens.

I just got a little mess to
clean up here, that's all.

(Mom gasping)

Is that my son and my daughter?

Come over here!

Let mamma look at you!
- [Gary] Ah!

- Oh!
- [Gary] Hey, Mom.

- Gary, it's so good to see you.

You don't come this way anymore,

but it looks like Miami
is treating you well.

- That's what I just told him.

- Mmm-hmm, fillin' out.

Look at those biceps.

Turn around and let me look at you.

Look, what is this?

- Mom, what are you doin'?

- Stickin' out from this coat?

Oh my goodness!

That little booty has finally
filled out those pants!

- Mom!

- You must've got that from your daddy,

'cause you sure didn't get it from me.

- Well, I've definitely grown up, Mom.

- Well, you look great.

Shayla.

Come over, baby girl.

- [Shayla] Hey, Ma.
- Hey.

- [Shayla] Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas to you, too.

Anybody hungry?

- Aren't you going to
say hello to my family?

Your granddaughter has
been dying to meet you.

- Hi, Granny's baby.

Mr. Willie.

You all right over there?

- Does he ever talk?

Sorry.

- And who is this fellow?

- I'm Ken.

How are you doin'?

- Hmm.

- Mom.

Mom.

Ken is my friend.

He's going to be joining
us for Christmas dinner.

- Not exactly what I was
expecting, but he'll do.

Glad you could join us, sweetie.

- Thanks for having me, ma'am.

- Well, I am so excited.

I have every second of it planned.

- Don't we know.

- And since I don't get
to see you all very often,

I thought I would take full
advantage of having you here.

And like I always say.

- [Gary and Shayla] Every second counts.

- Yes, Mother, you've been
saying that since we were kids.

- And life has proven it to be true, Gary.

We're gonna have a
great time this weekend.

I've made so much delicious food.

I've made your mac and cheese.

I've baked pies, I'm making a cake.

I roasted a turkey.

And I even have my secret dishes

ready for tomorrow's dinner.

- Ooh, we're so excited about it.

- Well, everybody out of the kitchen.

I have to get done with my meal.

Gary, don't you touch that cake.

Out! Go to the living room.

I've got work to do.

(family talking indistinctly)

- Family!

Merry Christmas.

I know y'all didn't think y'all was gonna

get the party started without me.

Lil sis, come and give
your big brother a hug.

- Lonnie, what's up, big brother?

- It's goin' good.

Just out here grindin',
makin' it do what it do.

- [Shayla] Mmm-hmm.

- What's up, Mr. Willie?

I see my sister got you stylish as usual.

Not talkin' today?

It's cool.

I get that from you later.

Lil brother.

Come and give your big brother a hug.

- Now why would I do that?

- Because it's Christmas
and you haven't seen me

in a long time.

Don't you miss me?

(phone ringing)

- Pardon me, I gotta take this.

- Who are you?

Let me guess.

Lil sis, you out here
pimpin' 'em in these streets?

You got your baby daddy
and your sugar daddy

in the same house at the same damn time.

Hoo-wee.

I could learn a thing or two from you.

- I am a married woman.

And my husband is sitting right here.

Don't insult him like that.

(Lonnie sighing)

- I'm actually here
with your brother Gary.

My name is Ken.

That's twice.

Okay.

- Wait, so, where are
my nieces and nephews?

- Son.

Is everything all right?

- Unfortunately it's not, Pop.

That was my boss.

Looks like I won't be
spending Christmas here

with you all after all.

- What?

- I gotta catch the first
flight back to Miami.

- You just got here.

I mean, there's no one
that could cover for you?

It's Christmas Eve, for god's sake.

- [Gary] Unfortunately, no.

- What kind of boss does
that to their employees?

It's Christmas Eve.

That's just low and hateful.

- That seems to be the
running joke of my life

these last few days.

Can you please kiss Mom for me
and tell her that I'm sorry?

We gotta leave immediately.

- Oh, son, I really hate to see you go,

but I guess if you have to leave,

there's nothing I can
say to keep you here.

Was nice to meet you, Ken.

- [Shayla] I cannot believe
you're leaving me here

to weather this storm of
your family all by myself.

- I know, I know.

- I love you, big brother.

- I love you, too.

I'll see you all soon?

- [Lonnie] Peace out, lil bro.

- Merry Christmas, everybody.

- [Shayla] Merry Christmas.

- So, what was that about?

- What was what about?

- Your exit.

Because to me it seemed
like everything was cool

until your brother came into the picture.

- So you didn't just see how

the whole entire scene played out?

My phone rung, I answered it.

It was work and now I gotta
catch the first flight

out of here.

- I don't know too many
employers harassing

their employees on
Christmas Eve, but who am I?

I'm just the hired help.

- Right, just the hired help.

Listen, if I said that it was work,

that's exactly what I mean.

And don't worry about it.

You'll get paid for this
whole entire weekend.

Come on, let's go.

- Oh, well, that's all I needed to hear.

Let's go.

All that food your mom was cooking

and we had to dart out before we could

get a morsel of anything.

(Gary chuckling)

- What is that?

- It's a cookie.

You want some?

- Yeah, give me a piece.

Can't wait to get back
to the hotel so we can

order room service.

(cookie crunching)

Mmm.

This is good.

Did you make this?

- I did.

I know how to move around the kitchen.

That's why I wanted to
taste your mom's food,

because I know a good cook when I see one.

- Well, she does all right.

- I can tell.

Ooh, the ferris wheel!

Driver, pull over right here!

- We don't really have time for that.

We have to get back to the hotel

so I can pack, remember?

- Pack what?

You just got here.

You can't possibly have that much to pack.

Besides, it's only 15 minutes.

15 minutes and we can head out.

Come on, it'll be fun.

- 15 minutes.

- 15 minutes. Thank you.

Come on.

- 15 minutes!

- Okay, come on.

♪ It's all right to
dance in the moonlight ♪

♪ Baby, with you ♪

- It's a lot bigger in person.

I've only seen it in
movies and on postcards.

Come on, let's go.

- Oh!

No thank you.

- What?

How often do you get to come
to Atlanta and be a tourist?

Come on, let's go.

- You said 15 minutes and three of 'em up.

- Okay, and we'll leave
as soon as we're done.

- I'm afraid of heights.

- Okay, so is it the heights
or is it the packin'?

Which one?

You know what?

Remind me to tell you
something that I observed

about you later.

Let's go.

♪ I know our love will see us through ♪

♪ Don't you feel the times are comin' ♪

♪ 'Cause I feel it so strong ♪

♪ I've been on hold now ♪

- Now see, that wasn't so bad, was it?

(Gary laughing)

- It was actually quite boring.

All we did was go around
in circles three times.

All we did was go around and around

and around.

- Okay, ballerina butch.

Calm down before you get
dizzy and run into somebody.

(Gary exhaling)

- I don't know why I just feel so free.

Just yesterday the love
of my life dumped me.

He didn't even have the
decency to tell me to my face.

Oh, get this.

Then he hung up.

Blocked me.

And then turned his phone off
before I could even respond.

(Gary laughing giddily)

Yet here I am, skipping
through the clouds.

- How does it feel?

- The breakup or the clouds?

- Either or.

- Just focus on the clouds.

- Let's focus on the clouds then.

- It feels good.

For now.

(Gary laughing giddily)

Come on! Catch up!

♪ I've been hold now, baby ♪

♪ Don't you feel the times are comin' ♪

♪ When it feel so right to
dance in the moonlight ♪

♪ Baby, with you ♪

♪ With you ♪

- Oh, he killin' it over there!

Oh!

(Ken laughing)

- Ken?

- Gary's sister!

- Shayla.

- I knew that.

(both chuckling)

- Okay, so quick question.

Is your name Ken or is that an alias?

Because I thought your name was Darren

or Darryl or something.

Yeah, Darryl, right?

When did you start going by Ken?

- It's always been Ken.

- Really?

- Oh, shit.

Maybe I'm talking too much.

Anyways, what are you doin' out here?

- Well, we were on our
way back to the hotel.

Then we stopped so I could
see the ferris wheel.

- Wait, we?

My brother's out here?

- Oh, yeah, you don't see him right there?

- [Shayla] Why is he?

(Ken laughing)

- I gave him some of my
cookie before we got out here.

- Cookie?

- A weed cookie.

- Shut the hell up.

(Ken laughing)

Is that why he's high kicking like he's in

a vogue competition?

(Ken laughing)

- [Ken] You want me to call him over here?

- No, no, no, no, no.

He looks like he's having fun.

Let him be.

- Don't you think I should tell him?

- [Shayla] No, don't tell him. (laughing)

- Okay, but what are you doing out here?

You didn't want to stay
at your mother's soiree?

- Oh, we just needed some
fresh air, that's all.

It's a nice night to be out.

The wind is blowing, the
people are extra nice,

I guess 'cause of the holidays.

It's a nice night.

Oh, and 'cause of global warming it's not

too cold or chilly.

It's perfect.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Oh, and of course I
wanted to bring my family

out here to see the lights.

She hasn't stopped
smiling since we got here.

- 'Tis the season to be jolly.

- It is!

(both laughing)

But anyways, you should
probably get him inside

before he hurts himself.

- [Ken] I think that's a good idea.

- Yeah.

Oh, and hey.

Do me a favor?

- What's that?

- Take care of him.

- I can do that.

- Oh, and of course, give
this to my brother for me.

- Oh!

- Every second counts with that.

- Oh!

- Oh my gosh, I am starting
to sound like my mother!

Anyways, Merry Christmas!

- Merry Christmas to you, too.

And get home safe.

- You, too.

And get him home safe.

- I shall.

All right, sir!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

- Aw, you tryin' to start
right here real quick on me.

- I think it's time to get you outta here.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

- [Gary] I'm in the clouds.

(Gary and Ken laughing)

(smooth jazzy music)

♪ Oooo ♪

♪ O holy night ♪

♪ The stars are brightly shining ♪

♪ It is the night ♪

♪ Of our dear savior's birth ♪

♪ Oooh ♪

- Well, I see you unblocked me.

Baby, I don't know what I did to you

to treat me like this.

I just wish you would talk to me.

I just called to wish
you a merry Christmas

and to say happy anniversary.

Can you please just call me? (crying)

♪ Weary world rejoices ♪

♪ For yonder brings ♪

- Yo, G.

I left you some hot...

Water.

Oh, G, you all right?

- Oh, man, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, man.

♪ Oh hear ♪

♪ The angel voices ♪

♪ Oh, night ♪

- Thank you for today.

Somehow you managed to make me smile.

- I told you I create memorable moments.

- Did you slip me a mickey?

- A mickey?
- Yeah.

- Why would I do that?

- I don't know.

I just feel really light in my toes.

Are you gonna rape me
and kill me in my sleep?

Sell my organs?

- Mmm-mmm.

Gonna do it while you woke.

(both laughing)

- Can I ask you something?

- Sure.

- Why aren't you with your family?

- Same reason you aren't with your family.

- Ooh.

- Not like that.

I mean, I could go home
and be with my family,

but I'd just be settin' myself
up for unnecessary arguments

and unwanted criticisms.

This is better, if that makes sense.

- It makes sense.

- So, yeah.

Thank you for spending Christmas with me.

- You wanna leave with the others?

- You do.

Which is why we gotta
make every second count

for the rest of the night.

Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.

♪ The king of kings ♪

♪ Lay thus in lowly manger ♪

♪ To all our trials ♪

♪ Born to be ♪

♪ Be our friend ♪

♪ He ♪

♪ Knows our needs ♪

- [Alano] So let me get this straight.

You're about to go sit in an airport

in an attempt to get to
Miami on Christmas Day?

For what exactly?

- [Gary] I told you.

Carol summoned me back
to the office first thing

bright and early tomorrow morning.

I'm just followin' the captain's orders.

- [Alano] My nigga, I guess
you didn't hear me say

I got you covered.

You don't have any reason to have yo ass

back in this damn office.

Only pathetic people
like me who don't have

anything else to do on the holidays.

- I wish it was that easy.

Maybe you didn't hear me say summoned.

- And maybe you didn't hear me say

I got you covered.

I cover all the VPs during
this time of the year.

Shit, I'm starting to think it's somethin'

she's got against me,
tryin' to get back at me.

Wait a minute.

Well, I'll be damned.

Look, you got your Ken upstairs,

your family only a few blocks up the road.

Everybody doesn't have that.

(Gary chuckling)

- You're right.

I don't get a chance to see them often.

- Exactly.

Whatever it is, let it go.

Go drink, be merry.

Hell, go fuck that nigga!

You done pay all this money,

the least you could do
is get your dicks up.

At least I would.

(Gary laughing)

- Bye, Alano.

I love you.

Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas, friend.

Bye.

♪ Amen ♪

- Driver, can you please
return me back to the hotel?

- [Driver] Sure can.
(Gary chuckling)

(door clicking)

(luggage rolling)

- [Gary] After giving it some thought,

and after the traumatic
experiences I've had

these last few days, I could really use

a few miles of deckin' the halls.

Plus, I didn't want you sad and alone

in this hotel room by yourself.

(Ken laughing)

- All right, let's get
this party crackin'.

- Crackin'?

Is that how you're feeling, Daddy?

- I'm still hip a little bit.

Don't sleep on your dad.

Where do you think you got it from?

- [Shayla] Mmm.

- Wait a minute.

How you takin' all the credit?

As if I wasn't the one in the hospital

pushin' these babies out
for 40 hours in labor.

- You win, baby, you win.

- All right, don't try
to give me credit now.

We have to deal with that later.

- So.

How's this supposed to go?

- Well, when I first planned this,

I thought your family was gonna be here

and we could create teams of two.

Gary's usually here by himself,

and I thought he could be with Shayla

and create a team.

- Ma!

How you gonna play me like that?

- It's true!
- Come on!

- Um, and Shayla has a family of her own,

thank you very much.

And we make a great team.

Don't we, baby?

We gonna crush y'all.

- Well, I hate to break it to you.

This year Gary has me, and I don't lose.

- Thank you, because Ma
over here tryin' to play me.

- Our kids. (laughing)

Okay, well, look.

My baby and I have been
decorating these stockings

for years, so I think we have
the upper hand this time.

- Lonnie, you can sit this
one out if you want to.

I'm sorry, but I planned
this before I knew

about the divorce between you and Melissa.

- It's not your fault, Mama.

It's not your fault that
two days before Christmas

she decided to take the kids and serve me

with divorce papers.

- Well, you can have Ariel
help you if you like.

- No thanks.

I can do a stocking stuffin'
thing all by myself.

- All right, suit yourself.

- Well, honey, you ready
to start the timer?

- I'm ready when you are.

- All right, and let the best couple win.

- [Ken] That's easy.

- We got this.

- [Rachel] So hard, oh my gosh.

- [Shayla] I'm gonna give it red.

- [Ken] You get over it.

- [Gary] You're almost out of line!

- [Ken] That's ugly.

- [Gary] Come on, no!

- Thanks.

I think red and yellow's
a good one, right?

Okay, here. Hold this one.

- Like I was saying.

Your mother and I have
been at this for awhile.

- [Shayla] You guys have stick ons?

- Oh, with all due respect,
Mr. and Mrs. Elliott,

at the beginning I did
say that I don't lose.

It's an ugly stocking contest.

- Boom!

Now that's how you win a stocking contest!

Ah!

- Really is ugly.

That is really ugly.

(Gary clearing throat)

- Well, if Willie and Ariel didn't keep

stealing my markers, we would've won.

(timer dinging)

- Um, let me go check on my turkey.

- Baby, are you okay?

You don't look so good.

Come on, let's let you down
for a nap before dinner.

- He looks the same to me.

Is everything all right?

- Yeah, everything's fine, Daddy.

We just had a long day.

We skipped nap time to wrap presents,

so he's just a little tired, that's all.

- A little tired?

How can you tell?

He hasn't said a word or
moved this entire time.

I don't think I ever heard him say a word.

- [Gary] Come on.

- How do we even know he's alive?

- I know my husband.

- Has anybody here heard
him say a word before?

Pops, have you?

- What is it with you?

You're always walking and talking as loud

as you possibly can, but
where are your wife and kids?

Oh, that's right.

She left you.

Now excuse me while I
go and lay my husband

down for a nap.

Come on, baby.

- Mr. Willie, get yourself a nap.

We'll see you at dinner.

- Damn, Mr. Willie.

I ain't mean to beat you like that.

- Son.

- Come on, Pops.

Somebody has to say somethin'.

- Well, who said it had to be you?

Excuse me, I gotta go
return this phone call.

- I'm gonna go get some fresh air.

- Hmm.

And I'm gonna go check on my wife.

♪ Raindrops on roses ♪

♪ And whiskers on kittens ♪

- I guess I'll just sit here.

Some kind of Christmas.

- It was about to get heavy in there.

- Yeah, it was.

Family stuff.

Years and years of
conversations we should've had,

but never did.

You know how that goes.

- Okay, but why does it still seem like

there's so much tension
between you and him?

- Mmm.

My mother.

- Mmm.

- In her eyes she thinks
he's the perfect one.

He graduated high school,
went off to college,

married his high school
sweetheart, had kids,

created a family.

Then you have me.

I went to college, couldn't
get past my freshman year.

I just didn't want to be there anymore.

You know, you have this
whole entire world.

They tell you to go out
and get a college degree,

but I don't want to do that.

That wasn't acceptable to me.

So I dropped out.

By the time they found out,

I had packed up and moved to Miami.

Lived there for almost a year.

- A whole year?

Damn.

- Yeah.

They never pay that much
attention to Shayla and I.

Lonnie was their golden child.

If anybody was gonna get
it right, it would be him.

They wanted us to be
perfect just like he was.

That wasn't the case.

We're all different, all three of us.

Lonnie is smart and outspoken.

Shayla, well, she lives in
her own world, as you can see.

She was a female growing
up with two older brothers

who lived two different lives.

Somewhere along the line
of her playing with Barbie

and having these tea
parties on the lawn outside,

it just followed her into adult life.

- Hence the baby on the back.

- Yeah.

- Got it.

- If it works for her,
then it works for me.

You know, we all have
our own versions of life

that we have to live.

- Okay, but why don't you ever come home?

For Christmas at least, Gary.

- For what?

So I can sit around and listen to them

brag and boast about Lonnie
and how perfect his life is

and his wonderful wife
and his beautiful kids?

I'm good on that.

Did you notice how no one wanted to speak

about his divorce until they had to?

- Mmm-hmm.

- My mother has this preconceived idea

of what she thinks family
is supposed to look like

and how it's supposed to be.

Shayla's family looks
nothin' how we grew up,

yet she's happy.

And that's what it's supposed to be about.

Happiness, right?

- [Ken] Mmm-hmm.

- You know, family
doesn't have to be about

male and female.

So I just choose not to deal with that

negativity in my life.

- Now, in all fairness,
you were not honest

and upfront about your situation, either.

(Gary laughing)

- Okay, now who's side are you on?

- I'm just sayin'.

I'm sure Lonnie knows that
he's the family favorite,

but even still, you gotta give him props

because he still admitted a defeat.

- Which is a true statement.

And I'm sure it's tough.

Hell, it's tough for me.

- Sometimes you gotta let
people be there for you.

Sometimes,

hear me out,

you gotta let family be there for you.

- If I didn't have you
here with me this weekend,

I don't know what I
would be doing right now.

I really don't.

Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- All right, enough about me.

What's up with you?

What's your story?

You know, you're handsome, you're young,

you're attractive, you
have beautiful teeth.

(Ken laughing)

This amazing energy,
this tight little booty

I see when you walk.

- Really, sir?

- Yeah.

Nah, I'm playin' now.

Yet here you are on this app,

you know, being paid for your services.

How did someone like you
end up in this line of work?

- Well, for starters, I
didn't end up anywhere.

All of this is a choice, all right?

Growin' up where I'm from,

I didn't have a luxurious upbringing.

But as I got older, I learned that people

will pay for anything.

And so I began to use
that to my advantage.

You get one life to live.

- True.

- And you have to do
everything it is you wanna do

in that one life.

I'm just not a nine to five kind of guy.

But when I found out how
much money I could make

and I get to travel on
someone else's dime?

Oh, I was sold!

- Okay.

So where does one get an
application for this line of work?

- Let's just say I was recruited.

- Huh.

Recruited.

Yeah, but don't you ever
think about the consequences

or the dangers that comes with it?

- Nah, listen.

I could work a nine to five
and be chained to my phone,

waitin' around for someone
else's command like you,

or I can just do my own thing.

I haven't been doing this a long time.

You're only like my third assignment.

When I showed up to your hotel room,

I didn't know what to expect,

because normally that means sex.

But this has been very different.

I've been so comfortable.

I slept like a baby in that bed.

That ain't never happened before.

- And you let me hold you.

- I did.

That was my favorite part.

- Mine, too.

- We better go inside.

- Yeah, we better before
my mother has a fit.

- Your mother is playin',

because we've been here all damn day

and we ain't eat shit.

What time to y'all eat around here?

- Hell if I know.

This my first time here like it is yours.

- Mmm-hmm.

Look up.

- Yeah, mistletoe.

Too bad you got rules.

- I do.

But I'm in luck.

Because the other night
at the ferris wheel,

your sister told me to give you this.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

So my sister Shayla told
you to give me that?

- She did.

- You know what?

Let me find out if Shayla knows my T.

(Ken laughing)

- We better go inside, sir.

- Yeah.

No, no, no, wait, wait.

We ain't gotta go nowhere.

- I'm hungry, sir.

I haven't eaten all day.

- Oh, so you're stomach empty.

That's the perfect time.

- Let me find out you're a dilf.

- What's a dilf?

- A dad I like to fuck.

- Wait, wait!

So you callin' me old?

- Shayla called you old.

I just called you daddy.

- All right, you better watch out.

Your stomach empty, too.

You mess around and get this pa-

- See?

Now I'm startin' to believe
you starvin' me on purpose.

24-hour notice, sir.

Let's go.

(Gary laughing)

(hand smacking)

Ooh!

(Gary laughing)

- Why does it matter?

And what does it matter to you?

See, the issue is that
you're always meddling

in everyone else's business

when you need to worry about your own.

- No, the issue is someone
needs to get you evaluated!

This shit isn't normal!

She's pushin' a 90-year-old
man around in a wheelchair

with a baby doll on her back
and callin' it a family!

Nobody sees anything wrong with that?

Am I the only one sees
something wrong here?

- Nobody asked you!

Nobody ever asked you!

For personal reason you
always feel the need

to insert yourself!

How about you go find out
where your damn wife is?

Is that not enough
business for you to mind?

How about you go figure
out why on Christmas Day

the family you created doesn't even want

to be around you.

And you let me worry about me.

- Okay, I think that's enough.

- Then tell him to shut up!

- I am tellin' you to not
use those words in this house

and don't use that tone in this house!

Especially with me!

- Oh, what tone is that?

The one where I actually have an opinion

or something to say about my life?

He started with me.

He attacked me and my family.

- Okay, what did we just walk in on?

- Your sister being
reminded that she needs

a psych evaluation.

- Your brother minding my business

and your mother defending his
tactless behavior like always.

Everyone has forgotten that
I am not a child anymore.

- Well, you are my child

and I am telling you not to
use those words in this house!

- Telling me?

'Cause I guess it would
be too much to ask me.

Or maybe for once try to understand

and see things from my point of view.

You never see anything
wrong with the shit he says!

- I'm never wrong!

Especially in this case, Shayla!

Gary, you don't see anything
wrong with this shit?

- Listen, you leave me out of it.

I don't got nothin' to say.

- You never have anything to say.

Take her side like always.

Matter of fact, why
don't you just stay away

like you always do?

Always seeking attention.

I came here to celebrate Christmas,

not to attend your comin' out party.

- Lonnie!

- No, Pop.

No.

Now you listen.

And I want you to hear me,
hear me loud and clear,

that you was the last
motherfucker that I wanted to see.

As a matter of fact, it looks
like I'm not the only one

who doesn't want to be around you.

Maybe, just maybe if you
would stop talking so much

and you would stop riding everyone,

everyone would stop pushing away from you!

- Stop it!

All of you!

It's Christmas!

Can we just get through dinner?

Could we just have this
conversation later?

- No, Daddy, we can't.

'Cause this is gonna be like
every other conversation

that we haven't had.

There you go just trying to sweep shit

under the damn rug again.

- Enough!

Now I have asked you to not
use those words in this house!

You will not, you will not use that kind

of language, either!

Not in this house!

So you either show some respect or leave!

- You know what?

I can leave and I will leave.

- No, sis.

- Me and my family are out of here.

Some damn Christmas is this.

- Shayla! Shayla!

- Let her go!

- Why don't you go?

- I'm sure no one would
reject you leavin'.

And take your little boy toy with you.

- Lonnie, that's enough!

- You know, it would be really good if you

pulled your head out of his ass for once.

Be a mother.

Just be a mother.

Shayla!

(somber music)

Pop!

Pop!

Come quick! Come quick!

(machines beeping)

- Daddy, you don't have to stay here.

I know it's Christmas.

- We're not goin' anywhere.

- Gary, don't make him
go through my drama.

- We're fine.

We're not going anywhere.

- Relax, baby girl.

We'll stay here all night if we have to.

- Daddy, I didn't mean to
be disrespectful earlier.

- Oh, shh.

You don't have to worry about any of that.

- I know I look crazy to y'all, okay?

I know.

I'm 24 years old with a fake baby

strapped to my chest.

And I'm married to an 86-year-old man

that I push around in a wheelchair.

I know it looks crazy.

But when I wake up in the
morning, they're there.

He's there, Daddy.

And I don't have to worry
about him leaving the house

and not coming back because, I don't know,

someone put a bullet in
his back or something.

He's not out there cheating on me

with the next pretty girl or guy.

We like what we like and that's okay.

They're mine, Daddy.

And as strange as it may sound,

he understands me.

He knows how to make me feel good.

He's, he's there.

And Ariel.

Daddy, Ariel is just the
prettiest little girl

I've ever seen. (crying)

She was mine for three
weeks, for three weeks.

I knew what it was like to love something

more than you have ever loved anything

in your entire life.

She was mine.

And one morning I just woke up

and she wasn't breathing. (sobbing)

- [Papa Gary] Baby girl.

- And I thought that it
was my fault. (sobbing)

- There's no reason you should

have to go through this all by yourself.

(Shayla sobbing)

- My family might not look like yours,

but they're mine, and every
second with them counts.

For me, Daddy.

(Shayla sobbing)

- Nurse.

Please tell us you have good news.

- Looks like Santa's
still delivering gifts.

He's stable.

We're still running some tests,

but he should pull through.

That man is a fighter.

- Thank you.

- Merry Christmas, everyone.

- Thank you.

- It'll be okay. (crying)

It'll be okay.

(Shayla sobbing)

- Hey, yo, G.

I think you need to come
unwrap your Mr. Claus.

(Gary sighing)

- I just watched my sister
emotionally hangin' on

by a thread.

It's Christmas Day and her
husband was just rushed

to the emergency room.

My family is falling apart
and all that you can do

is offer me sex.

Wow.

Talk about perspective.

- I'm sorry.

Say what?

- You weren't there?

You didn't just experience that with me?

- I was there.

Aren't you the same person that just was

trying to screw me at your parent's house?

- [Gary] Don't try me with that.

- Try you with what?

- You heard me.

- So I'm makin' it all up?

Aren't you the one that's
been thankin' me all day

for lettin' me hold you last night,

starvin' me so you can screw
me at your parent's house?

Am I making that part up?

Remember when I told you
to remind me to tell you

something that I observed about you?

You don't know how to communicate.

And when you don't know how
to say how you feel, you lie.

- If you wanted to cheer me up,

you should've sat me
down and had me sort out

through my emotions.

- Oh my gosh, what do
you want from me, Gary?

One second you want an
emotional support animal,

the next second you wanna screw me.

What do you want?

Y'all go on and on and on about how Shayla

needs to be evaluated.

Well guess what?

Maybe yo ass needs to be evaluated,

because you're so great at
seein' everybody else's shit

but you're unable to see your own.

That's why he dumped you.

- Well.

You know, Christmas is over.

You got all your money.

This assignment is done.

I think it's time for you to leave.

- You wanna know what I think?

I think that's the best thing
you've said all weekend.

(shirt flopping)

(door clicking)

(Ken exhaling)

- Willie's gonna make it.

- Oh, thank god. Oh, thank god.

Oh, I hate what happened earlier.

I'm so sorry.

- There's nothing we can
do about it right now.

But we all have to fix this.

- You're right.

We will, honey.

I promise we will.

♪ It's five o'clock on a dime ♪

♪ I've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ To use a key and turn the lock ♪

♪ Unleash my fantasy ♪

♪ I want you and you need me ♪

♪ That's the way it should be ♪

♪ You've been gone too long ♪

♪ Way, way too long ♪

♪ Cause I've needed to ♪

♪ Feels so good ♪

♪ Right there, right there,
right there, right there ♪

♪ And I need you to ♪

♪ Make me feel good ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Right there, right there,
right there, right there ♪

♪ Make me so good ♪

♪ See you come again, I might come again ♪

♪ Got me goin' crazy ♪

♪ Grab my hands again ♪

♪ You'll have everything ♪

♪ And your arms are fallin' ♪

♪ Be there for you ♪

♪ When you play with me ♪

♪ That's the way it should be ♪

♪ You've been gone too long ♪

♪ Way, way too long ♪

♪ 'Cause I needed to ♪

(singer skatting)

♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ Right there, right there,
right there, right there ♪

♪ And I needed to ♪

♪ Make me feel good ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

- So why did you come back?

- Because I should've
never acted like that.

Some kind of way I made things about me

and it has nothing to do with me.

You rejected me and I was embarrassed.

I'm sorry.

That was wrong.

You have enough going on.

- I'm sure I overreacted
in there somewhere.

- You did, but it's cool.

You've had a whole whirlwind
of different things

happen to you in a short amount of time.

It's cool.

- Well, it's back to
reality in a few hours,

for real this time.

- Mmm-hmm.

Which is why we have to make the best

of these next few moments
together, so get up.

- For what?

- Because I said so.

Get up.

- And I said for what?

- 'Cause I said so.

Get up!
- Hey!

Actually, for what?

- Just trust me.

- You're unbelievable.

(both laughing)

(playful suspense music)

- [Papa Gary] What's goin' on in here?

- Gary?

- Hey, Pops.

- Son, what is goin' on?

- Ooh!

I'm tellin' Mama!

- Shh!

- [Lonnie] Mama!

- What is goin' on in here?

- Mrs. Elliott, I can explain.

For the last couple of days,

you've been cookin' all this good food

and we didn't get a chance to get any.

Yesterday Gary thought he
had to fly back to Miami,

so we didn't get a chance to eat.

And today y'all had all of
that family stuff goin' on

and we didn't get a chance to eat.

So I talked Gary into sneakin' back in

so we could get a plate of food.

It was wrong and I'm sorry.

- How dare you!

Gary, you know better!

- Ma, I know, I'm sorry.

But we, we were just so hungry!

- Well, if you're going
to taste the flavors

and the moistness of my turkey,

it has to be warmed up first.

- Um, I don't want to
be the one to say this,

but you've been cookin' that
turkey for the past six days,

and all we got to do is smell it.

- Excuse me.

That turkey takes perfection.

And we never made it to dinner.

You and your sister were
mouthing off at each other,

Mr. Willie was rolled out of here.

It was just all too much
happening at one time.

Lord, have mercy.

It's been some kind of Christmas.

But let's all sit down at the table

and I'll make you some plates.

How about that?
- All right.

You need help cuttin' the turkey?

- I do.

- 'Cause I'm pretty swift
with a butcher knife.

- Get you a knife.

- I'll get the silverware.

Hey, Gary, grab us some glasses.

- [Rachel] Yes.

- Get the napkins, too.

- Got it, Pops.

- [Rachel] That's right.

Everybody get busy.

- Got room for one more?

- We absolutely do, baby.

- Mom.

- Shh, shh, shh.

Don't say a word.

I owe you an apology.

I never should've handled you like that,

and I'm sorry.

And you, too, Gary.

I'm sorry.

I'm always saying make every second count

and I almost ruined our
entire time together.

I'm happy to have you home, both of you.

I love you so much.

Come in here, give mommy a hug.

Let's eat, okay?

Let's eat.

- Finally we get to eat
after how many days?

Oh!

(family laughing)

Drivin' me nuts!

Let's go cut this turkey, sis.

(Gary laughing)

- [Rachel] Let's all go.

(upbeat lively music)

- So I guess this is goodbye.

- Yeah.

I guess it is.

- For real this time.

- For real this time.

I just wanna say thank you for
spending Christmas with me.

You made it so special and memorable.

Made me forget about Darryl and Carol

and everything else I have
goin' on back in Miami.

- I told you, I create memorable moments.

(Gary chuckling)

But you created some for me, too.

Because of you I didn't have
to spend Christmas alone.

So thank you.

And who knows, maybe
you'll need a boyfriend

for Valentine's Day.

- Oh, god, no.

I'm gonna stay single.

Trust me.

- Take care of yourself.

- See ya later.

- So you really are gay?

- Yup.

Guess it's obvious, huh?

- So how long have you two been, um.

- Been what?

Like, together?

- Yes.

- Oh no, we not together.

- What do you mean?

- I don't know that dude.

I met him a couple days before you did.

- Wait. Huh?

- We have a lot more in common
than you think, big brother.

- I'm not gay.

- No, Lonnie, that's not what I'm saying.

I didn't tell anyone, but
two days before I got here

my real boyfriend called and
dumped me on our anniversary,

right before we came here.

- I'm sorry to hear that, bro.

So who was that?

- Just some guy I ordered from an app.

- Wait, you can do that?

What's the name of the app?

- Don't even worry about it.

Let's just go back inside.

- I'm sayin', you mean I didn't have

to spend Christmas alone.

(Gary laughing)

I mean, can you like pick
the tit size you want?

Like, I like butts.

- I'll take you to a strip club.

That's, I'll do that.

♪ I thought that I could run away ♪

♪ Run away ♪

♪ I had nothing more to say ♪

- Bitch, where the hell have you been?

- What do you mean?

My flight was delayed.

- I, Carol been lookin' for you.

- For what?

- I don't know.

She's got a nasty
attitude lookin' for you!

(Gary sighing)

♪ To be somebody else ♪

- I've decided to choose
a different career path.

And your friend says that you're hiring.

- Ken.

- My name is Maleek.

Maleek Bryant.

- Well, get over here, Maleek Bryant.

(both laughing)

Mmm.

- It's good to see you again finally.

(Gary laughing)

♪ Baby I'm hopin' ♪

(Gary and Maleek laughing)

♪ Trips to the jungle and albino tigers ♪

♪ Red velvet slippers by Gucci designers ♪

♪ Diamonds and pearls and
all things that bling ♪

♪ Those are a few of my
favorite things, yes ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah ♪

♪ Girls in tight dressed
filled up with fat asses ♪

♪ Watching her groin
as she sits on my lap ♪

♪ And making her come
until my name she sings ♪

♪ That shit is so my favorite thing ♪

♪ When the dog bites,
when the bee stings ♪

♪ When I'm feeling sad ♪

♪ I simply remember my favorite things ♪

♪ And then I don't feel, oh, so bad ♪

♪ Oh, ah ♪

♪ Aw baby, aw baby, aw baby ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

No.

♪ Glamorous people get all the attention ♪

♪ Strut through the room and
it's your name they mention ♪

♪ Look, there he goes ♪

♪ Who is that, who is he ♪

♪ Prince of Atlanta, who else, Rahbi ♪

♪ When the dog bites,
when the bee stings ♪

♪ When I'm feeling sad ♪

♪ I simply remember my favorite things ♪

♪ And then I don't feel ♪

♪ So bad ♪

Oh, no.

I feel absolutely lovely.