Some Kind of Beautiful (2014) - full transcript

It's important you understand.

It's not you, it's me.

What we have is so special.

I love you more than I can say,

but I'm sorry, truly,

because... I fucked up.

Look...

I owe you an explanation, but honestly,
I don't know where to begin.

Well...

maybe there, at the beginning.

You see, I grew up above a great party.



- Gordon!
- Mommy?

- She's in the kitchen.
- What are you doing?

I'm waiting for your mother to bring out
the hors d'oeuvres. Now bugger off.

After school, I used to love
to listen to my father lecture.

Now the faculty would have me
teach you it was Wordsworth,

Keats, and Coleridge,

who in writing about love,
defined the Romantic age.

And they've told me to ignore Byron.

Mad, bad, and dangerous to know was
how one of his many lovers described him.

He was controversial.

Now did you know,
this esteemed establishment told Byron

that he wasn't allowed to bring
his beloved dogs to college?

So he said screw the rules. He went out
and he bought himself a bear.

Brought it to class on a chained leash.
He tied up to that very pipe just there.



So you see, it was Byron who defined
the Romantic age, which wasn't about love.

It was about going your own way,

defying authority
and following your heart,

sticking it to the man,
and as many women as possible.

Now that... that is Romantic.

And if the faculty
don't like me saying so,

well, they can take this job
and they can shove it.

Because like Mr. Bob Dylan, I ain't gonna
work on Maggie's farm no more.

Dad hated authority,
and everyone loved him for it.

All I wanted was to be just like him.

Forget the critics.

Let them have their opinions.

Let them publish their books and brag
about them at tedious faculty parties,

and let university librarians
file those books away.

The faculty has called this class

"The Romantics and Literary Theory."

I want you all to forget
the second half of this sentence.

There's nothing theoretical
about the romantics.

"Where true love burns,

"desire is love's pure passion.

"It is the reflex

"of our earthly frame...

"that takes its meaning
from the nobler part

and but translates...

the language of the heart."

Wakey, wakey, Professor Haig.

Oh, shit. It's Saturday, isn't it?

No, don't look like that.
Are you sure about this?

I mean, I make a terrible
first impression.

Will you relax, Richard?
My dad is gonna love you.

- Really?
- Yeah, you'll have lots to talk about.

Yeah? Corporate hard-nosed raider
meets libidinous lit professor.

- It's a match made in heaven.
- I just want my dad

to meet the wonderful man
I've been dating for the last six months.

- Six months?
- Broke your record, didn't I?

- Crazy.
- "Love is begun by time,

and time qualifies the spark
and fire of it all."

Relax, you're still very sparky, darling.
Really sparky, I mean...

Well, my liege, I must hie me
to Heathrow, thou to London,

- chimes of 6:00 sharp.
- Sure, of course.

- Sharp.
- Sharp. 6:00. Chimes.

Sal.

Sal, I've got to go. Why?

Because we've been talking for so long
I've lost track of time, space, and myself.

Hello? Hello? Olivia?

- Not to worry, madame.
- I'll call maintenance.

- We'll fish it out later.
- Are you there? Can you hear me?

- Please don't.
- Hello?

Olivia?

A?pa!

There you go. They fishing
your phone out of the drain?

No.

I told them not to.
I am cutting myself off from the world.

Footloose, fancy-free.

Won't that be lonely?
An island unto yourself?

- No.
- Madame?

- Can I have a glass of red wine, please?
- Yes, madame.

No. I would populate the island
with all new people.

People that I actually like.

Yes, but then things change.

The people you thought you'd like...

turn out to be as bad
as the people you left behind.

Soon you're moving to another island,
and so it goes on, ad infinitum.

You know my solution?
Get along with everyone.

Really?

Then why are you here alone
in a hotel bar on a Saturday night?

Well, I certainly
wouldn't keep you waiting.

Exactly. Because you never know
what kind of...

handsome stranger
I might start talking to.

"I do desire we become
better strangers."

Pulling out the Shakespeare.

Is that line successful
for you normally?

I had my moments with it, you know?

Comme ci, comme ca.

Excuse me, sir. Ma'am.

Thank you. You're so kind.

There you go. Back on the grid.

Why is that the most helpful people

are always around
when you do not want any help?

Give him a minute.
He'll be back with a shoemaker.

On the other hand, it's nice to be
looked after every now and then.

The other day I found myself
opening a door for a man.

What happened to chivalry?

- You know why guys open doors for women?
- No.

So we can check out your asses
as you walk by.

Well, you're just full of all these
amazing insights, aren't you?

I can tell within one minute
of meeting someone...

if I want to be with them.

How about me?

Do you want to be with me?

Yes.

For one more minute.

Okay.

You've got a minute.

What are you going to do with it?

Olivia? Oh, my God! Hi!

What are you doing here?

I was in Dublin in the book festival,

and Dad called me and told me
that you were coming,

that he was meeting you here, and that
I should come and surprise you. Surprise!

- He flaked on us, didn't he?
- Yes.

So how did you two make
the connection? Hi!

You're the famous Olivia?

My beautiful sister Olivia.
Olivia, my gorgeous Englishman...

- ... Richard Haig. Thank you.
- You look great.

So me, my dad, and my mom are staying
at this hotel that we always stay at,

and my dad keeps running off saying he has
meetings, or appointments, or whatever.

And finally my mom gets fed up,
and she decides to tail him one day

to one of his "meetings".

Ends up following him
to the other end of the beach

where Livvy is staying with her mom.

And all hell breaks loose.

Our dad is leading a double life,

- like raising two families at the same time.
- What a naughty boy.

Right? Crazy.

Anyway...

I take Kate to the beach, I'm sitting there
and I'm trying to process everything.

What my father did, my poor mom,

and the fact that I have
this little lovely sister.

For me, I mean, I was stoked.
I always wanted a big sister.

And I decide the only way we can protect
each other from this craziness

is if Kate and I make
a pact, no secrets.

Absolute honesty.

From this day forward,
we would tell each other everything.

No matter what, always.

And we have.
And we're, like, best friends.

So, Livvy...

how is your Alan?

What?

Please. Tell us about Alan.

He's great.

Livvy's Alan is the Alan Sloan.
You know, the romance writer?

And Livvy edits his books,
and they're totally in love.

Madly and totally in love
with a romance writer.

- That sounds fascinating.
- Well,

no more than the Romantics professor's
passion for his students, surely.

- Livvy, be nice.
- Yes, Kate.

Would either of you like
a little taste of my steak?

- No thanks.
- It's very tender.

- You're unbelievable, aren't you?
- I'm sorry?

Of course. On the verge
of graduating, going home.

She's the perfect catch
for you, isn't she?

- Hey.
- I get it. I get it.

He's hot, and funny, and smart,

and he's got the suave accent.

But all I see is a lothario
with an eternally wandering eye

who simply charmed
the pants off you, literally.

- Livvy, what are you doing?
- Kate, I know this feels like love,

but no, no, no, no.
This is not love. This is a fling.

How do you know?
What are you even saying?

Obviously, you're looking
for a father figure, but in our case

it means a self-centered, cheating
womanizer who's not to be trusted.

And you're just so young,
you can't see it.

How young were you
when you ran off with Anwar.

- We thought I was pregnant!
- Well, I am.

- What?
- What?

- I wanted to tell you earlier, but...
- Pregnant? With a baby?

Yeah.

I wanted to tell you another way,
but this is like so weird, I just...

No, this is the perfect way.
This is really the perfect way, I think.

You know what? This is great.
Really great.

- Well, that was so heartfelt.
- Livvy. Livvy.

Thank you so much for supper.

Remind me never to do this again.

I'm just going to go outside
and get some fresh air.

- What do you mean?
- Excuse me. Air.

- Yeah, run.
- What?

- Richard?
- Yeah?

- Richard? Look.
- Yeah, I'm here.

I know I just dropped a bomb on you
back there, so right here, right now,

- I'm giving you the out.
- I just want some air, that's all.

You just need some time to think.
It's fine. I get it.

So I'm moving to LA.

I got a really cool job
at a venture capital firm.

- You're full of surprises today.
- You'll love LA.

It'll be like Cambridge-ish,
but with a lot of palm trees,

and, like, chicks with tans and stuff.

- Oh, honey, you're all clammy.
- I just need some air. That's all, really.

- Okay.
- Yeah, okay.

I'll be back in there. Go ahead. You go.

- Richard.
- Yeah?

- You're going to be a great father.
- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Did you have a good dinner then, sir?

All right, where the buggering hell
have you been? I said 6:00.

Sorry about that, Dad. Didn't realize
your grumbling ran on such a tight schedule.

Bloody miserable out there, as usual.

Don't touch that.

Good God, Dad. I'm not five years old.

- Hi, Richard, dear.
- Hello, Joan.

- How is everything?
- Oh, just terrific. Thanks for asking.

You still boffing
that Yank totty, are you?

Yes, she's a great girl.

Bright, beautiful, ambitious.

You mean a horrible little upstart
determined to go places.

So, tell me, when are you going
to start going places?

- Good God. Please.
- Oh, come on. Jesus.

Come on, when I was your age,

I mean, I'd been the head
of the department for seven years.

Yeah, and it made you
so happy, didn't it, Dad?

All right, what's the grievance today?

Split infinitives, too many used?
Too many women with jobs?

It's his waterworks. He's got
to go back into hospital next week.

Stop talking about my cock, woman.

Tell me something, Dad.

Why did you and Mom get married?

What kind of an inane question is that
for a Thursday evening?

For a man who revels
in reckless promiscuity,

your four marriages
do beg some questions.

Your mother fed me regularly.

She pleasured me
half decently now and then.

- What more could a man want?
- Oh, I don't know, friendship?

Someone to see the world with,
have a laugh with?

Maybe even start a family with.

Good God, man.

You've fallen for that little slice
of American pie.

- Dad...
- Now you listen to me.

This might be the most important
bit of advice that I ever give you.

American women may be fun and Victoria's
Secret when you first bed them,

but as soon as they get their claws
into you, they stop fucking

and start eating, and the only ass
you're going to get is a fat one.

Why did open my mouth?

American women invariably become
spouters of self-help platitudes,

they're addicted to designer labels,
dieting, and frozen yogurt.

Overall, thoroughly nasty,
selfish, vain creatures

that don't fuck!

Thank you for your fatherly advice.

Good night, Joan.

Bugger off then! See if I care.

Kate! Kate!

Screw Cambridge. I'm in.

- Really?
- Really.

- Really?
- Yes, come on!

Up and away we set off

Secretly scared we'd get lost

Up in the clouds over the town

Beyond the wall

Some of us knew we might fall

Under the weight of it all

And though we'd been warned
of the oncoming storms

Still we stood tall

So from the moonlight

Straight to the sunrise

This will be our time

Free-falling nosedive

Look into the world, Jakey.

It's a beautiful world.

Do you need the booby now?
Do you want the booby?

Yes. There's a boy after my own heart.

The whole world in our sights

Like a miniature paradise...

Okay, family, here we go.

Here you are, Jakey. Welcome home.
A modest little house...

which your granddad bought
your mom out of guilt.

- Don't fall in the pool.
- I won't.

You probably will never meet anyway.

He has a very bad habit
of never showing up.

Hey.

All right.

Oh, I'm going to call Livvy.
Can you take the baby?

- Sure.
- Okay.

Okay.

I know it's easier to read the critics
and the CliffNotes,

but forget about them.

Read the poems. Put the time in.

After all, "Nothing will come
of nothing."

What was that from?

Anyone?

- Hey. There you go.
- I'm having trouble getting on the Wi-Fi.

What's the password again?

I think they're all on Prozac.

Did you hear from the university yet?

- No. They went with the other guy.
- I told you to kiss ass more.

- Angela, please.
- I'm sure something will open up soon at ULA.

Yeah, well, one can
only hope, can't one?

In the meantime, I'm glad that
you're still slumming it here with us.

You city college lot
don't pull any punches do you?

- We will go 16 rounds with anyone.
- Bring it on.

Asshole.

Asshole.

Never let me hear you
say that word, Jake.

The word is "ahh's-hole" not "aah's-hole."
Can you say "ahh's-hole?"

- Asshole.
- Yes, elongate the A.

There we go.

I'll get them. I'll get them.

- Mama!
- No, mama is at work.

- She'll be back later.
- Mama.

No, that's Hummer. Hummer.

Well done. Hummer.

- Pull over.
- What?

- Pull over! Listen to this voicemail.
- I can't pull over.

I thought he was saying "mama,"

and then I realized he was pointing
at one of those absurdly oversized tanks

driven no doubt by some idiot
with an absurdly undersized penis.

- This is not an oversized car.
- All right.

He knows.

- Hey there, sexy. Where are you?
- I'm in New York.

Honey, do I look chunky?

Didn't mean to call you sexy.
Wrong person.

No, I look good.

Very funny. Is Kate there?

She's not back yet, still banking.
Busy counting things.

Well, tell her to call me
right, right away,

because I have something
really big to tell her.

No secrets in the family. Pray tell.

I can't believe
that I'm about to tell you...

Richard, I don't know
why this is so hard for me.

I've been trying
to tell you now for weeks.

- Alan's asked me to marry him.
- I'm in love with somebody else.

You're what?

We're getting married! Don't act
so surprised that somebody asked me.

- Are you on the phone?
- Who is it?

- Who are you talking to?
- Answer the question. Who is it?

- I just did!
- Who's on the phone?

- Hello?
- Kate! Kate!

- I have to call you back.
- What? Hello?

I was just, I mean... I was
really young, okay? Really young.

Not that you're not, of course.
But I really thought that I loved you,

but clearly I was working
through daddy issues.

And then I got pregnant, and you
were just trying to do the right thing.

And you've been a really good father, but
let's face it, you never really loved me.

- But Brian does.
- Brian? Brian?

That little idiot from the office?

He likes to talk to me about start-ups
and acquisitions and exit strategies.

I mean, all the stuff that you think
is so boring about me.

It is boring. God.

Why do you have to be so
goddamn English? Talk to me!

You can leave me,
but I am not leaving that boy.

Brian.

Richard,

why can't you just talk to me?

Now, I know two years in the pool house

makes me look a little a nut,
but I'll say two things.

First, your mom and Brian
hated me being there,

which was the most wonderful
incentive to stay.

And secondly...

I wanted to be close to you.

Good morning.

I think you're going
to want to see this.

- Oh, let me see it.
- Is the big bad professor awake yet?

Jake to Dad. Breaker, breaker.
You got your ears on?

- Okay.
- Are you awake?

- It's Jakey. Just a second.
- Get up! Are you having a sleepover?

Hi, Jakey! Good morning.

- Where are you?
- Can I come and play?

Just a second, Jakey.

- Hey.
- Hi!

Would you mind just skedaddling for now?
It's my son.

Your son? I love kids! I babysit!

- Sorry about this. The perils of parenthood.
- It's okay.

- Come and see me during the week.
- When?

- Make it a surprise.
- Oh, I love surprises! Okay, I will.

Okay, good-bye.

- Who was that?
- Oh, just a friend of mine.

Very busy lady. She had to leave.
There you go.

Aren't these uncomfortable?

That's why girls love it when you
take them off. Let's get some pancakes.

Dad, get on with it.

So there we were.

And then...

last week...

everything went pear-shaped.

I have the papers you asked for.

- Will that be all, professor?
- For now, yes, thanks.

Great.

Excuse me.

Newest member of the TA
of the month club?

How dare you insinuate such a thing?

- You have a visitor. Be nice.
- Send them in.

Thank you.

- Professor Pickard, what a delight!
- How's your father these days?

- Loving life. He is happy as a clam.
- That's good to hear.

Well, I received your application
for the position at the University.

I was in the area, so I thought I would
just pop by and invite you to a soir?e

- I'm giving tomorrow.
- Splendid.

The faculty will be there, of course.

I thought it might be a good idea if you do
come by and just sort of butter them up.

Not me, by the way.
I consider myself lavishly buttered.

Oh, well, that's good to know.

- So we'll see you there.
- Wouldn't miss it for the world.

"Dustin Kalarney"
just sold its 5 millionth copy.

- You're unbelievable.
- What?

Here I am, splayed out like an open-faced
sandwich so we can have a baby,

- and all you care about...
- Mr. Sloan.

Would you mind signing a copy
of your book for me?

- Of course. Did you like it?
- Are you kidding? It was great.

Really? Is that Desiree two Es or one E?

What the hell was that for?

Oops, it slipped.
Can I have my phone back, please?

There you go, you can do it.
Just concentrate.

- Nice big swing. That's it.
- Dad, I suck.

No, you don't, you don't.
You look great, just eye on the ball.

Who's here! Jakey, what up, dawg?
Yo, give me some love.

Blow it up. Blow it up.

- Jellyfish sting!
- Jellyfish sting!

Lots of love. We were just
playing a little ball here.

- Right. Sorry, sorry.
- That's all right. Okay.

What are you doing? You're a righty.
You got to switch your hands around.

- Come around there. Bat up!
- Eye on the ball. Hit it to Dad!

Sorry, Dad! Are you okay? Are you okay?

I'm okay, son. I'm all right.
Just... occupational hazard.

- That looks pretty bad.
- No, this. It's okay.

Jakey!

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Did you remember Atlanta?
- Yeah. No? Atlanta?

- Brian and I, four days, conference.
- Got it.

- We leave the day after tomorrow.
- Good. Sounds good. I'll be there.

- No, you'll be here.
- I'll be here.

- Yeah. Here's Jakey's schedule.
- Great.

I left a copy in your room
and another one on the fridge.

- All right. That's good.
- So, yeah.

I'm on it. Jawohl!

Okay.

No, I understand,

but I strongly believe that three slaves
is enough. It's enough. Come on.

You!

Dr. Collins!

Son of a bitch!

Yeah!

Jesus.

Come in.

- Shouldn't you be at work?
- Yeah, covering the Asian markets.

Oh, hey, by the way, I can get you
in on a pretty sweet no-load.

These guys are killing it right now. I can
get you 15%, 18%. Just say the word.

The word is no.
What is it you want? I'm busy.

This letter came for you. It's about
your green card. I'm sorry.

- I opened it before I saw who...
- Just read it, Brian, thank you.

- I mean, you've opened it. Just read it.
- All right. "This is your final warning.

If you and your spouse fail to attend
your interview next week,

deportation proceedings
will be initiated."

Blimey, mate. Looks like you could be
in a spot of bother with the Bobbies.

Keep working on the accent, Brian.
Close the door on the way out.

- Cheerio.
- Shut up.

I love the dentist.
I'm not drooling, am I?

Hello, Mr. Haig.

You can't drink alcohol
when taking this medication.

- Really?
- Yes.

- No?
- No.

Absolutely not. Wouldn't dream of it.
Thank you so much.

- No alcohol.
- Good.

- We'll see you soon.
- Can't wait.

Look forward to it. Thank you so much.

- No alcohol.
- No alcohol.

- I mean it.
- I mean it, too.

Okay, let's go this way.
Any time you feel like it,

- jump in and lavish me with praise.
- Copy that.

- So glad you could make it!
- Oh, thank you!

- Here you are.
- Thanks. Wonderful.

Please, help yourself to refreshments.
My wife made her famous cheese balls.

Please be sure to try one
and compliment her accordingly.

Will do.

There are some very, very important
people here. I'd like you to meet them.

And they are your kind
of people, Richard.

Come this way.

My dear colleagues,
this is Richard Haig.

This is Professor Vale, Bates, Berg,

- Ang and Professor Jones.
- Hello.

Can we do that again?
I forgot your names already.

It is a damn shame we didn't hire you,
what was it, three years ago?

Three years, two months, 17 days.
But who's counting?

- You know, I met your father once.
- Oh, yeah?

He delivered a fascinating lecture,
a retort to Terry Hearst,

a hermeneutical reading
of Milton's "Paradise Lost."

- Wish I'd been there for that one.
- Where are you from in England?

- And are you a Rich or a Dick?
- I'm a Richard.

- Your father took a structural stance...
- You know, the missus and I,

we love it over there,
we go every summer.

- You do? Great.
- Cheers again, matey.

Richard, I want to let you know
that these fervent minds here

have taken great care looking over
your application material.

Never trust an Englishman
who doesn't drink, Richie boy.

- Syllabus...
- ... epistemological level.

Academics. Yup, yup, yup.

- I do have one small question for you.
- This one's the biggest yapper of them all.

How are the Romantics relevant
to today's students?

You want me to answer this question now?

I'm sure we'd all enjoy hearing
just a taste of one of your lectures.

- A taste.
- A mere amuse-bouche is all.

Why not the whole meal? Why don't you
come down and see me in action?

- I happen to be free on Thursday.
- Christ, what about that?

I see you've already met my wife.

I'm just going to go outside for a moment
here, and just jump in front of a bus.

Where are you going?
You didn't even say goodbye!

That's true.

Bye!

I wonder if he was flirting with me.

Oh, my God.

Oh, shit.

Oh, bollocks.

Shit.

Good evening, Officer. Oh, boy.
Have I been drinking?

I drink every night. How about you?

Can't we all just get along?

Thanks.

Thanks again for bailing me out.

- And for the silent treatment.
- Don't talk to me.

I still can't believe it.

- Can't believe what?
- I wasn't talking to you.

And I wasn't talking to you,
my darling little fornicating ex-wife.

- Shut up, Richard.
- Alan dumped me.

What a small world.
My wife did exactly the same thing.

She used to adore me.

Where, oh, where did the love go?

She turned 30 and wised up.

So, what's going on?
Why are you here, Olivia?

- Thank you so much for helping out.
- It's the least I can do.

- Helping out? Helping out with what?
- I needed to know

that Jake was going to be looked after,
fed, and driven by a responsible person

- with a valid driver's license.
- Fine. Why her?

Livvy offered to come
at a very difficult time for her

to bail us out of the mess
that you put us in.

You know what?

- I've had enough of this.
- You know, you say "I" a lot.

Really? Well, I know that Jake
loves having you around.

But I'm getting phone calls
from your immigration attorney

because you don't ever bother
to call him back.

I can't be in your life anymore.
I'm enabling your degenerate behavior.

And what is the point
of all this right now?

Richard, if you want me to pretend
like we're happily married

so you can stay in this country,
you better get it together.

- Yeah?
- Gotcha.

- I woke you up, didn't I?
- Dad, is that you?

You know, there are no time zones
in China. Did you know that?

The whole bloody country
is on Peking time,

and that's the way it should be.

- We should all be on Peking time.
- Don't be a dumb prat.

The whole world
should be on London time.

Okay. What do you want, Dad?

- How's the little turd?
- Don't call him that.

Come on,
you're far too bloody sensitive.

All right, great to hear from you, Dad.

Why don't you go badger Joan? Okay?

She's not here.

Shit. Okay. I've got to go. Goodbye.

Richard Haig?

Thank you.

So, your interview is Monday.

This is the fourth quarter now, two minute
warning, you got no timeouts left.

What the hell are you talking about?

If your ex-wife won't show up to your
interview, it's going to be Hail Mary time.

Okay?

- So, did you get a full-time job?
- Doing my best.

Have you recently joined
any terrorist organizations?

Applied all over. Fingers crossed.

Have you ever been arrested?

- DUl.
- When? How many years ago?

Friday? I mean, they can't kick me
out of the country for that, can they?

- Jakey's a US citizen.
- You see the people in my waiting room?

The kid born here, the parents, illegal.

They're deporting the parents!

Oh, yeah, it's game seven,
win or go home time.

All right, well, if you join
a recovery program now...

What, recovery?

You do the 10 mandated sessions
the court's going to give you for the DUl.

- 10? That's going to take me weeks!
- Hell week, baby. Two-a-days.

You get your ex-wife to your interview
and you get a great job.

You do all that, and you get
the ring, baby, okay?

Yes, of course.

Hijos de puta.

Everything all right?

Yeah. Why?

Want to borrow my car?

Okay, if you're not using it.

That's good, that's good,
that's good. It's okay!

- Wait, wait, wait.
- What?

Did Kate tell you about
the one-way system at pick up?

No, I didn't think so. It's okay.

- All right, toots. Step on it.
- Oh, boy.

Stop sign. Stop sign. Stop sign.
Car, car! Jesus.

Where the hell did you learn
how to drive?

Mexico.

Oh, can you please get that?
Where is my phone? Where's my phone?

- I'm waiting for a very important call.
- Here you go. Sorry, it's down here.

Hello?

Olivia? I have Tim Prince
from Creative Management Lit for you.

- Okay.
- Can't he dial the phone by himself?

- Hey, babes!
- Hi!

- Listen, so sorry about Alan. Awful!
- Thanks, Tim. Thank you.

I caught my ex-wife in downward dog
with my tantra teacher

coming out of her central eye.
You feel so...

- Angry.
- Who the hell is this guy?

Okay, listen, babes,

if anyone can go from editor to author,
it's you, and I mean that.

And I got your sample chapter.
Give me a day or two to look it over.

- Of course.
- I'll be gentle. I promise.

- Who says I like it gentle?
- That's my girl. Okay, got to jump.

- Bye, babes.
- Bye!

- Fascinating exchange.
- How can men move on so quickly?

- What?
- It's like a switch for you, isn't it?

You flip it off,
then you turn to the next one.

You flip that one on, and when you
get tired of that, you just flip another.

Like a pilot on a cockpit.
Flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip.

What the hell are you talking about?

Wishful thinking, Richard.
I wish I was like...

Eyes on the road, eyes on the road!
Do not enter! Wrong way! Wrong way!

- Oh, relax. Relax.
- I am, I am very relaxed.

You're like an old lady!

You men, you'd rather just go out there

and have sex than work things out.

Yeah. Guilty as charged.

But your horniness is nothing
but a big mask for you to hide behind.

- Now, what's wrong with a big mask?
- Let me ask you something.

How can you teach the Romantics
when you can't even have a real feeling?

Is irritation a real feeling?

I mean, listening to you flirt on the phone
with some guy who's calling you babes,

- oohing and ahhing. No...
- Please. I wasn't oohing and ahhing.

I like it gentle. Good Lord, anyone
would think you were having an orgasm.

I do not sound like that when I...

Anyway, you should hear some of the stupid
noises you guys make when you're...

You can't even say the word, can you?
Come on. What do we sound like?

For example, you have the bear.

I can see your tonsils.

- Then you have the sports commentators.
- Oh, yeah?

Baja la pelota, recibe con el pecho,
mete mano en el ?rea chica. Gol!

- What kind of men have you been with?
- And then there's the quiet ones.

- Are you finished?
- No.

- Of course not.
- And the worst one is the Tourette's one.

- What?
- You know, "Shit, fuck.

I love you, fuck me, oh,
motherfucker bitch, I love you.

Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me."

Hey, that sounds like you, Dad.

I heard him once on the walkie-talkie.

Mr. Haig, do you have a minute?

Of course I do.
Come on, toots. This way.

This morning, Jake said
he had a question about the rules.

He asked if he was allowed to use
the special alphabet.

- Oh, boy.
- I didn't know what that was.

So he asked if he was allowed
to say the "A" word.

Then he asked,
"Can I say bugger, crap, dummy?"

And when he got to F, he said,
"Am I allowed to say 'frick,'

because I know I'm not allowed
to say 'fuck. '"

It was at that point that I sent him
to the principal's office.

- And what did you say for G?
- Goddamn.

Mr. Haig,

how is Jake adjusting to your new...
living situation?

No, no, this is not what it looks like,
or what it sounds like. No, no, no.

- We don't need to have an explanation.
- I think there's been a misunderstanding.

- I would never...
- You've said enough.

Oh, wonderful.

I'll walk to the curb. Mind your hands.

- What are you doing here?
- What am I doing here?

I'm just going to get
some delicious Potatoes Latinos.

Yeah, and maybe a manicure.

Or a bikini wax.

Bye. I'll see you later. You take care.

- Whatever.
- Bye.

We have two new members today.
We have Cindy and Richard.

So, Cindy, do you want to...

Hi, I'm Cindy.

And I'm an alcoholic.

Thank you, Cindy. Richard?

Hi, I am Richard,
and I'm not an alcoholic.

I'm English, a country with...
a few thousand years of history,

and part of that history
is the communal practice

of having a drink in the pub.

Now, I know it's not your fault
a few sad, sorry pilgrims arrived here

and infected your country with the message
of puritanical masochism.

But it is your fault you've all taken it
on board quite so earnestly.

So... you chaps go ahead.

Knock yourselves out.

But just know this. The first thing
I intend to do when this hour is up:

is hit that bar across the street
and have a nice cold one.

- Good luck with that.
- Thank you, Chad.

How are the Romantics relevant to you?

You know, the only reason I'm taking
this class is so I can get my GPA up

so I can play baseball
at Arizona State, so...

How about you, Stacy?

How are the Romantics relevant to you?

They're not.

You have been such a wonderful audience.

I can't wait to see you all next week,

when I shall be lecturing naked,
wearing a sombrero.

It'll be so wonderful.

Fuck me.

Olivia?

- Hey, babes! There you are!
- Oh, Tim! Hi!

How are you, beautiful?

Okay.

About this.

This rocks.

- Really?
- It is smart, it is funny.

- Oh, I love Jenna.
- Jane.

You might want to change that. Sex sells.
Jane makes me think of nun in a wimple.

God, but you are so talented.

You're so beautiful, too.
And trust me, that helps, babe.

I'm gonna take you to the stars.
I am gonna take you to the stars.

All I ask is that these shoulders
be the ones you stand upon.

Watch the silk, though?

Hello?

Richard, listen. They've assigned
your case for investigation.

Really? What does that mean?

You're under surveillance
by an undercover federal agent.

- Jesus! Fuck!
- Yes.

Sorry. Sorry.

Shit. He's here tonight.
He just flashed his badge.

Don't fumble the ball, now!

All that matters is that you exhibit
good moral character, okay?

Okay, everybody, grab a seat.

Okay, so, Chad, I believe
you wanted to start us off?

I'm Chad, and I am 13 days sober.

- Yeah! Way to go, Chad!
- All right, Chad!

All right, so why don't you tell us
how that feels?

Well, you know,
it started by not going...

Wendy? Excuse me, Wendy,
just a moment there, please.

Sorry, everyone. Can I say something?

Sorry, Chad, I didn't mean to interrupt
your moment of glory there.

My name is Richard,

and I'd like to amend my earlier comments
about the drinking habits of the English.

I mean, just because the entire country
hits the pub after work doesn't mean

we can't all be alcoholics,
because we are.

We are inebriates, national disgrace.

What else? I'm married, very happily so.

Oh, and I have a son.
A beautiful little son called Jakey.

Born here, in this country, a country which
I love and has such meaning to my heart.

So, Richard...

with all of that to lose,

why would you get drunk
and then get behind the wheel of a car?

Yep. Well, there you have it.
I'm an alcoholic.

I'm Richard, alcoholic.

Yeah? Jakey? Jake, no, no, no.
No, Jakey, just tell him...

Just tell him...

Tell him just to calm down.

Okay, no more cellphones.

I'm here, I'm here. It's okay.

- Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
- It's all right. Don't worry. Don't worry.

I know. I know. Come on, Jakey, calm down.
Calm down. Just breathe. There you go.

Breathe, breathe, relax.

- Use your words.
- I... I had a bad dream.

- Okay.
- Then I woke up...

and Mommy wasn't here,
and you were gone and...

I'm really sorry. Okay.

Hey, you know what we're gonna do?

We're gonna blow
that bad dream away, okay?

Here, let me catch it.

Okay. Give us a hug.
All right, where's Teddy?

There he is!

All right, let's go to sleep.
Come on, say good night.

Good night.

There you go, my little warrior poet.
Go to sleep.

Dad, you and Mom are never going
to live together, are you?

No, I'm sorry.

But if you're ever upset about anything,

anything at all, you go talk
to your mum or talk to me.

Or Brian?

Only if I'm stuck down a mine
and your mom's in a coma.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

I...

- I was completely useless.
- No, It's okay.

I can't even take care
of my little sister's child.

I mean, how hard can that be, right?

Have you ever felt like everybody else
has gotten their shit together but you?

I mean, my little sister has.
Even you have.

Well, I wouldn't go that far.

Look, it's just a lot different
when it's your own kid.

Well, I wouldn't know about that either.

Listen, I made some soup.

- Would you like some? It's horrible.
- Sure. I love horrible soup.

It's horrible. I can't even make a soup.

Oh, boy.

- You know, you're a really good father.
- Yeah. Sure I am.

Richard, I'm giving you a compliment.
Just say thank you.

Thank you, Olivia.

I like it when you say my name.

It's funny.

Most women adore me to begin with,
and then end up hating me.

You, on the other hand, hated me right off
the bat, but now I think you despise me.

No, I despised you at the beginning.

Now, I just loathe you
a little sometimes.

Well.

I've been staying inside

Watching from the outside

My God, it's been a long time

For sure

I've been reaching for my west side

'Cause it used to be my best side

Now it's a part of me I can't find

Anymore

I wanna fly...

I packed your toothbrush, your pajamas,

and...

Hey, guys, what's happening?

- Where you going?
- My sleepover!

Oh, yeah! The sleepover,
of course. All right.

Well, give me a kiss and have
a good night. There you go, soldier.

- Cool!
- Have fun, Jakey!

- Let's go.
- Good night.

Enjoy your night off.

Hello?

Oh, there he is! What's up, Rich?

Hi, Richard!

Yeah, great, well done.

Leaving now. Yeah, good.
Sorry about that.

Yeah.

He's a little weird.

- Bye!
- Hey, I'll be back for more?

Bye, babes!

Had to leave early, did he?

Well, he did stay
until he got the job done.

- That was good of him.
- Yeah, he's gonna come back tomorrow

and bring a friend
so we can all do it together.

- The more the merrier.
- For Christ's sake.

We were working,
and then he went surfing, you idiot.

Now where is that bottle of wine?
I could use a drink.

Come on up.

There you go.

- Apology accepted.
- Oh, good.

- To friends.
- To friends.

A bit old for homework, aren't you?

Well, it's never too late to perfect
new ways of boring one's students.

So... must be very excited
to have Tim all over you.

So to speak. About your book.

Well...

tonight he tore me to pieces.

It's hard to be judged by others.

It's very difficult...
to stay true to your own voice

when everybody else
wants you to do something else.

It made me think of Alan.

All the notes that I gave him
through the years.

It must have tortured him.

So it's not all bad, then.

I'll be honest, I always thought
he was an arrogant little shit

whose books were vapid and hackneyed.

And all I could ever think about
when I skim-read them...

- was you.
- Me?

You.

Yes.

And what could have been worse?

Being married to him
or editing his schmaltzy drivel?

They both sucked.

Do you know who he's screwing?

My gynecologist.

My gynecologist!

I mean,

I actually thought that he was coming
to our appointments because he cared,

but no, he wanted to see the doctor.

Maybe you're better off without him.

Think about it.

You're smart, you're funny,
you're beautiful, terrible driver, but...

I'm sure you'll find someone
to overlook that.

You're just saying that.

Well, you are smart, you are funny,

and you are very, very beautiful.

- What the hell happened to my car?
- Oh, shit.

Oh, my nuts! They said they
weren't coming back until tonight!

- It's a good thing it's a military vehicle.
- Oh, my God!

Okay, okay. To the house. To the house.

- Buenos d?as, Pedro.
- Buenos d?as, se?ora.

Get the keys, sweetie.

Oh, you know what,
I think I left my phone in the car.

- Hi!
- You're naked.

If you're wondering where Jake is,
he's at a sleepover with Josh.

- Why are you naked?
- Richard's sleeping in his house.

- I'm just gonna go and swim.
- Unbelievable.

Hey, how's the lecture coming?

I've passed kidney stones
with greater ease.

Well, don't overthink it.
Just be honest, pithy, simple.

You know something? I think you're the first
woman I've ever really been friends with.

Well, that's a little sad, Richard,
but very touching.

What brought about this sudden
onset of sincerity?

I slept with someone,

and...

it actually meant something.

Well, that's great. Who?

Olivia.

Are you kidding? Richard, why don't you go
down to your Green Card appointment,

take out your samurai sword,
and disembowel yourself?

What is wrong with you?
Are you trying to get deported?

- I mean, Kate is going to kill you!
- Kate's not going to know about it, is she?

I mean, I'm not going to tell her,
and Olivia's not going to tell her.

They are sisters, Richard,
close sisters, and close sisters talk.

You better move.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

- Kate, hi.
- Hey!

- How's everything? Good?
- Olivia told me everything.

Oh, she did?

I think it's awesome
that she started writing.

And she said you were really nice
to her when I was away.

Oh, wonderful.

You know... I know I've been
kind of a bitch to you lately.

Oh, that's okay.

Threatening not to come to your green card
meeting was totally out of line. I'm sorry.

Yeah, live and let live,
forgive and forget, all of that.

- We're cool?
- We are so cool.

Okay. Do you want
to get me some lemonade?

- Good idea.
- Thanks.

Okay. Great.

You smoke?

- I can't stop thinking about last night.
- Nor can I.

- We have to tell her.
- No, no, no.

- This is not good timing. Olivia, Olivia.
- Dad?

That's gone to your head. Get back
in the bush. Get behind the bush.

There's a funny old man here
that wants to see you.

What?

Dad, what are you doing here?

Why in buggering hell
have you been ignoring my calls?

Oh, hello, this must be the Yank totty!

Kate, my father.

Oh, my goodness, Mr. Haig!

It's so nice to meet you!

- Sorry, I'm soaking wet.
- I need a shower anyway.

Oh, and who is this other vision
of loveliness?

I'm Olivia. I'm Kate's sister.

Blimey. Bookends.

Well, come inside,
I'll make you up a room.

No, no, no, it's okay. Dad, come with me.
Come to the guesthouse.

- We've got plenty of rooms.
- No, that's okay. Dad, come with me.

- Are you sure?
- You're staying with me. I promise you.

- Nice to meet you!
- You too!

- Why exactly are you here?
- I'm visiting you and the little turd...

- Fella. What's it bloody look like?
- Well, I don't really know. I mean...

Jake, meet your grandfather.

Yeah. I'm your granddad.

I've got something for you
that I brought all the way from England.

Would you like to see it?
Now that is a model of "HMS Defiance."

God, Dad. You never let me
used to touch that.

- What?
- Okay, I'll be right back.

Hey! Wait a minute, where are you going?

You can't bear to be in the same room
with me for two minutes, is that it?

- No, that's not it, Dad, not at all!
- Can I keep it?

Of course you can bloody keep it.
It's yours!

But don't put it in the bath,
because it'll sink.

- Hey, cool!
- Where should we put it? Here?

- On the top!
- Yes, on the top!

Hello, my lovelies.

All I'm asking is, can you wait
till Monday morning at 11:00?

Why?

My green card interview.

After that...

you can...

tell her what you like, okay?

Dad...

- I need to go pee.
- Come on, then.

Hey, where the bloody hell
are you two going? Come on, hey!

- We're going to go for a pee, Dad.
- Come on, whip it out. Come on!

- Dad, you can't pee off the pier.
- Jake, who are you going to listen to?

Your dad, who, for some buggering reason
has turned into a boring old fart,

or your grandfather,
who's lived a rich and full life

and doesn't take shite from anybody?

You! Sorry, Dad.

There you go, come on up here.
There you go. Up you go.

Come on, you too.
If you're still my son, that is.

All right, on three. One, two, three.

Yeah! That's it.

Well, somebody had
their vitamins this morning.

You know, there are coconuts over there!

Great isn't it? There you go.

Beautiful. Oh, dear.
All right, all right, all right.

That's good stuff.
Put on some tunes, guys?

Oh, look at this. This is paradise, man.
You've ended up in paradise!

You know, they must be freezing
their bollocks off in England.

Why are you really here?

Joan left me. Silly cow.

Well, I'm sorry. Truly.

Well, that makes me feel so much better.

I mean, God almighty, thank you
for those profound words of sympathy.

Well, it's a lot more than you
ever said when Kate left me.

Well, I warned you about her!

She was a rampant little Yankee trollop.

You know what, Dad?
Of course Joan left you.

You're a misanthropic, misogynistic asshole
who doesn't give a fuck about anybody,

least of all the poor saps who you got
to marry you in the first place.

Is that it? Is that all you've got?

And you did it all in the name
of some misguided credo called fun.

Which you brainwashed me
with in the first place.

Guys, dig this song!

Bugger off.

That's it then, is it, boy wonder?

So you finally got it
off your chest, have you?

You know what, Dad?

Why don't you just bugger off for once?

For once...

why don't you be the one to bugger off?

Brian, go back to my wife.

Go on.

Go on, just... just go back.

Thank you for that wonderful sharing.

Seriously, this has been
absolutely a marvelous session.

I've learned so much.
Give yourselves a big hand. Everybody.

Wendy, I was wondering
if you could sign my form

to show that I've done the 10 sessions?

I'm sorry, Richard, I can't.

Why? I mean, I came,
I did the whole "I'm an alcoholic..."

But it's not about
just saying the words.

You have to actually mean them.

Great seeing you. Thanks so much.

Cindy, right?

I just spent the last week listening
to that drivel so some witless little ninny

won't sign a piece of paper
to say I'm an okay kind of guy.

Absolute bollocks. Sorry, excuse me.

Hey, you want to get a drink?
Actually, maybe not.

I've got a grueling lecture in an hour.

How about a joint?
Just kidding, bad joke.

I didn't want my son to find it.
I don't touch the stuff. It's my dad's.

Likes to puff.

- Good luck with your lecture.
- Thank you.

I want you all to imagine
you're at Cambridge University.

The year is 1807.

You walk across the quad
of Trinity College.

Into the lecture hall, you find
your fellow classmate, Lord Byron,

who, in defiance
of college rules about dogs,

has brought a bear to class instead.

You know what?

Forget about that.

Why are the Romantics relevant today?

Honestly...

they're not.

Stacy got it right.

And Dwight, he can't stop thinking
about home runs and fastballs

when he reads Byron and Coleridge.

Because...

we're teaching words.

Words.

But we're not teaching meaning.

I got it all wrong.

I can tell you about Byron and his bear,
Wordsworth falling in love with his cousin,

Coleridge falling in love with cocaine.

I can tell you what's behind
the words from them,

but I can't tell you what's behind
those words for you.

Because this class is about you

learning to find your own meaning.

Your own voices.

Go read the poems.
But know this, that at this moment,

you are the Romantics,
you are the relevant ones.

Let Byron, Coleridge, Wordsworth
inspire you to do your thing,

to go your own way.

Stacy, quit texting.
Call him, right now.

Dwight, go play ball.
Ignore anyone who says no, you can't.

Follow your hearts. Do good things,
be bold, and, above all else...

stick it to the man.

Well, Dad, I totally fucked up
my audition lecture.

I stuck it to them all right.
I stuck it to myself in the process, too.

Hey, listen, you silly old sod,
you just bolted before I could apologize.

Why are you so thin-skinned these days?

All right, call me back.

$4,000 should cover it.

What?

Your Mustang, Richard, it's got Sienna Red
paint there all over the back fender.

Unmistakable.

1954 MG TFs do not come cheap,
my friend.

Absolutely not. Can I give you a check?

I would prefer cash.

Wanted to be the first
to congratulate you.

Welcome to the English department,
University of Los Angeles.

Yes!

Oh, good. Oh, thank you, boss.

I guess we'll do the other side as well.

- Let's go have a pint.
- A pint of what? Oil?

A pint of what... Witty.
I'll always laugh at your jokes.

I got the job. ULA!
Knocked it out of the ballpark.

- Congratulations!
- Home run! Fantastic!

And I feel fantastic about you
and what we did, making love.

No, listen please. Hear me out.

Kate and I have been separated
for two years.

Why should we feel bad?
We're grownups, you know.

And if Kate doesn't like it, she can
bloody well just go... Hey, you. Brian.

Okay, okay, in the vault.

Oh, Kate.

Olivia.

My best friend.

Total trust.

No secrets!

- We were going to...
- You know what? If you want him, take him.

But get out of my house.

Well, now, maybe... okay.

Thank you.

Ernesto. Sorry I'm late.

- Where's your wife?
- Not coming. Sends her regards.

Okay, strike one, she's not here.

Strike two, you failed
the recovery program.

We may be 0-2, but we're going
to swing for the fences

on the University of Los Angeles.

Morning, officer Lewis.

Why has it taken nearly three years
to schedule this interview?

Well, my client never received
all the notifications from ICE.

Is this your handwriting, Mr. Haig?

Some of it is.
Some of it's also my son's.

Working on his cursive.

Can you explain this?

Yes, well, that's not my fault.
Painkillers, dental surgery.

My client's done 10 sessions of a recovery
program to show his good character.

Where's the letter of completion?
In the mail, with "bew-locks" written on it?

It's "bollocks," actually.

Officer Armstrong!

Please describe how Mr. Haig
tried to offer you marijuana.

The other night, as I was leaving
the recovery center,

Mr. Haig asked me
if I wanted some marijuana.

Under California law, the possession
of marijuana is a felony.

That's true.

What is it you say, Mr. Haig? Cheerios?

There you have it, the whole sorry saga.

Ernesto did do one thing
to justify his exorbitant fee.

He got me this one hour with you.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Jake.

- Time's up.
- Jake, please.

I love you. Do you hear me?
I am so sorry.

"That is no country for old men.

The young in one another's arms,

birds in the trees,

those dying generations...
at their song."

So, what's Yeats saying here?

He's a 60-year-old man looking
at young people screwing and living,

blissfully unthinking
about their own mortality.

Yeats knows he's just an aged man,

but his dreams...

are of Byzantium.

- Hello?
- This is Memorial General.

We need to talk to you
about your father.

What the buggering hell
are you doing here?

You hate hospitals.

You're right.

I hate bloody hospitals.

But I love the nurses.

How's my little Jake?

He's all right, Dad.

You know, I...

I don't think I could have done
what you did.

You stuck with that boy
through all the muck and bullets.

You're a better man than I, Gunga Din.

I don't know about that, Dad.

You still shagging the...
Yank totty's sister, are we?

No, I blew that one.

Threw away a pearl beyond price.

Totty and Totty's sister.

None of us are talking.
It's all a big mess.

Marvelous bloody place,
though, isn't it? Californ-i-a?

Sunshine, beaches, and girls. Yeah.

Marijuana.

God, how the buggering hell
did I miss out on all that for so long?

You came.

You saw it once.

It all goes so fast.

These buggers here,
they don't think I've got long.

Well...

it's all a load of bollocks, really.

What is?

You know, there's nothing honorable
in misery, Richard.

Carpe diem.

Boff and be merry.

Now, listen. You listen to me carefully.

This might be the most important
bit of advice I'll ever give you.

For God's sake, man...

go and get your bloody girl.

Go on.

Bugger off.

Hey, Richard.

You remember my epitaph.

Of course I do, Dad.

Of course I do.

Byzantium is the place he longs for.

He needs to make this journey.

I'm going to sort this all out.
I promise you. Okay, Jake?

How?

I'll Skype you tomorrow, okay?

Is she talking to Olivia yet?

Olivia's book launches here next week.
Kate isn't even going.

- She's icing everyone out, even me.
- All right.

See ya, Brian.

Yeats knows that unless
he makes this journey,

unless he defies logic and authority,

unless his soul claps hands
and sings out loud...

he is nothing more...

than a tattered coat upon a stick.

You old bugger.

There is a country for old men.

If not now, when?

Ernesto, Richard Haig. C?mo est??

Adios! Adios, amigos.

- Hey, Dad.
- Hi, Jakey.

Go to the door and tell me what you see.

Okay.

Oh, look at you, boy! Oh, look at you.

Richie!

Thank God you're here, dude.
Thank God. Thank God.

- You can let go now, Brian. That's okay.
- Okay. All right. Okay.

Can you believe it, Mom?
He's really here.

- Hi, Kate.
- Hey, how did you get here?

I just came across the border.
It's an old trick of mine.

- What if you get caught?
- I won't. I'll be gone before they know it.

Remember my lawyer, Ernesto? He's going
to sort this whole mess out, okay?

- Yay!
- Don't you worry.

It's only going to cost me a fortune.

And look, Kate,
we can't keep going like this.

I mean, Jake, he needs his mom
and dad to be adults, right?

Yeah.

Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry we hurt you.

Olivia wanted to tell you,
and it was my fault she didn't.

But you're sisters. Come on.
Cut her some slack.

Life is so short, Kate.

Like my dad used to say, carpe diem.

Let's boff and be merry?

- Okay.
- Great.

Great. And... one last thing.

- Can I take a shower, please?
- He really stinks.

Thank you, everybody, for coming.
I would like to thank my agent,

Tim Prince.

I would also like to thank my...

ex brother-in-law, Richard.

He was the inspiration
for the burnt-out,

recovering-alcoholic cop
who saves the day.

Although he doesn't know it,
so let's not tell him.

And, lastly, I would like to thank
somebody very special to me

who couldn't be here today,

which is nobody's fault but mine.

All right. Here we are.

Hey.

I'm so sorry. So sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

Let's never fight again, okay?

Come here.

- Let's go back inside.
- Just give me a minute, all right?

Okay.

Hi.

- You came.
- I came. Piece of cake.

I came because I love you.

I came because I need you.

I need my son.

I need my family.

That's why I came.

- You want to hear something crazy?
- What?

I knew you'd come.

- It's irrational.
- It's romantic.

You and I...

we've only had moments.
Now we have time.

I spent my whole life
in opposition to this man.

Honestly, he never did
a bloody thing for me,

except this.

Asking me to scatter his ashes here.

And it saved my life,

because it brought me back to the people
I love most in this world.

- Even you, Brian.
- You're the man, Richard.

There comes a time, and there's always
a time, and I guess this is the time.

So, Jakey, shall we set grandpa free?

Okay, Dad.

Enjoy paradise.

So how long are you staying?

Okay, Jakey, listen to me here.

I have to sort out a few things first.

But...

maybe marrying your aunt might help.

- What?
- Well, I am down on one knee.

Then get up and kiss me again.