Slow Ride Home (2020) - full transcript
(engine humming)
- [Man] What are we doing?
- [Man] I don't know.
- [Man] Yeah go check what's up.
Tanner, what's going on?
- [Tanner] It dead ends up there.
- [Man] No, we can't go that way?
- [Man] What did they say to
you about this road right here?
- [Man] I didn't ask them
for directions to Seattle.
- [Man] I think we're lost.
("Golden Age" by Dan Luke and the Raid)
♪ Feeling ashamed ♪
♪ Play like Texas Hold 'Em ♪
♪ I was taken to be tamed ♪
♪ Loss my sense of motion ♪
♪ Up up and away ♪
♪ I'm flirting with the golden age ♪
♪ Keep me at bay ♪
♪ The hunters won't be hunted ♪
♪ We got no where to stay ♪
♪ Yeah have to keep on running ♪
♪ Don't fall on your face ♪
♪ Keep dancing with the golden age ♪
- We started the Soldiers
of Destiny in 2008ish,
summer winter 2008, like that
period is when we decided
on animal helmets and we were never
gonna take ourselves seriously ever.
You're an adult riding a
scooter with a latex animal mask
stretched over your helmet.
How can you possibly
take yourself seriously?
We all started riding together and going
on longer and longer rides,
it got more and more ridiculous.
The idea to ride across the country
was definitely not our
idea that we came up with.
There's an existing ride
called the Cannonball Run.
- He brought up this thing
that happens every couple years
where people ride long distances
and it's kind of an
unsanctioned group of idiots
that decided they're going
to do this endurance race.
- I went home and immediately
started checking it out
and it had been going on since 2004
and it was every two years they would ride
from one end of the country to the other.
I had no idea where it was gonna go
because we don't have any choice or control
over where it starts and ends.
- Justin sent me a text
with just a single link
to the Cannonball and I looked at it
and told Justin he was crazy.
- Barnes, Barnes sent
us a Google Maps image
of a starting point
and you could see the bar
that my wife was working at
in the background of the picture.
(soft music)
- Everybody being just as
ridiculous as each other
and always trying to one up each other
and being super ridiculous,
they all said yes.
- And I was like that's crazy, I'm in.
- That's it, let's just go for it.
- And I'm like I'm in, I'm in,
let's do this, let's do this.
- I'm like yeah, I'm down.
- I was like oh, you guys
are actually doing this?
Add me to the group like I'm in.
- Somehow I got roped into it.
- It wasn't too crazy of an idea
until we actually started
really getting into it
and then realized how much of
an undertaking it would be.
- What's the worst that could happen?
Well, bad stuff, but we just went for it.
(upbeat music)
(surf music)
- It was July in Jacksonville, Florida.
- Our gear was showing up,
our bikes were showing up,
our riders were showing up,
it was like a giant, shitty
summer camp meet and greet
and all these things were flying in
from all over the country.
We had an entire bedroom of our house
just filled with Amazon packages.
We were still putting shit together.
Garage was running 24
hours a day pretty much.
- [Man] Thanks for making
your home our new clubhouse.
(laughing)
- Yeah, S-O-D J-A-X baby!
- So the one thing on this
ride that was the most
instrumental piece of the puzzle
was our Sena headsets.
These are amazing pieces of technology
and they are so powerful
and I can't say enough about these things.
- [Man] Barnes, did you
turn your camera on?
- But when you're putting them together
make sure you read the instructions.
- Hold the button down and it'll say like
pairing, pairing, pairing
and then you hold it down
and it'll say pairing.
- It's already paired.
- Hey, listen!
- I'm listening.
- Hold your button down,
hold your button down for six seconds,
it'll say pairing mode.
Hold your button down for six seconds,
it'll say pairing mode.
When his says pairing mode
you tap your button again.
I'm starting to get angry.
(laughing)
(engines revving)
Teams of three, teams of three.
(fireworks exploding)
- [Man] We watched the fireworks on the
Fourth of July, we stayed out way too late.
(sirens wailing)
(dance music)
- The night before I had my own little moment
of coming to Jesus where I wasn't sure
I was gonna be able to do it,
I wasn't sure the bike was gonna be ready,
I was in charge of the equipment,
I had no time, I had no money.
- People didn't think we
were going to ever make it.
Nobody's ever done a cross country ride
on a Zuma successfully and so here we are,
125 CC's, 40 miles an
hour, 3700 miles, 11 days.
- I hope to God this bike does not die.
(garage door closing)
(upbeat music)
- So when we get to the starting line,
we're all sitting around.
Everybody is nervous as hell.
- I was so nervous and anxious.
Like this is two years, more
than two years of my life.
This is thousands of
hours of countless nights
of me not being able to sleep
because I'm so stressed out about thinking
that I feel responsible for everybody.
If anybody gets hurt it's gonna feel like
I'm never gonna be able to let it go.
If we don't finish,
I feel like I'm gonna let everybody down
that we had hyped this plan up.
- We don't know what's gonna happen,
we don't know how this is gonna go,
we don't know whether we're
gonna make it, we're not,
and I knew this was coming
but I was trying so hard
to delay it but we were
probably five minutes away
from putting our jackets on
and riding away from our friends.
I'm getting choked up
thinking about it now.
I went running in, I
went running to everybody
or by everybody in the lobby
who's having a nice breakfast
on the beach in the morning
and just immediately went
into that lobby bathroom
with no door lock and just puked.
- Justin's in the bathroom throwing up,
Daddy is scooting around doing circles
with his loud ass exhaust.
(engine revving)
The girls are giving teary goodbyes
to Barnes when he's not
throwing up and Joe.
Ron is hugging Katie
and it's this tearful,
joyous kind of occasion.
(upbeat music)
I still couldn't even barely speak.
I was so anxious and nervous
that I was, it was just too much
and I knew that I was
just gonna start crying
so we said goodbye to everybody
and it was the cameras were on
and everybody was honking and
it was like this is happening.
(horns honking)
There's no escaping any
of what's about to come.
It was completely on me.
(engines revving)
(lyrics drowned out by bikes)
♪ And I'll forget you anyway ♪
- Drive away, I'm on the comm systems
trying to choke out a
thank you to everybody
for trusting me and doing this with me.
Not 10 minutes later, breakdown.
- [Big Daddy] I had noticed my bike
just spewing oil on the side.
- We all stopped and we're sitting around
trying to figure out what the
hell Daddy did to his bike.
- Well, I didn't think it was gonna be me.
(laughing)
I really didn't think I
was gonna be the first one
to break down but it just
so happens I was I guess.
- So we got about 11 miles before we had
our first stop to wait for some idiot.
- Everyone else was like blowing past us
and I'm like great, we're
already the laughing stock
of this entire race.
- Clean.
(laughing)
- Fuckers.
- We just look like such losers.
- Watching all the rest
of the riders go by,
honking, beeping, waving,
we were the laughing stock
of the entire Cannonball,
that's for sure.
- Luckily it was just me being an idiot,
I got anxious and put to much oil in her.
I spent like three days
painting everything on my bike
and I wanted it to look super fresh.
Three days of hard work, done.
- It was all back to normal.
Bickering started, laughing started
and it was like okay, this
is exactly what we've done
for weeks and months at
a time back in Seattle
for the last eight years and
now we're just in Florida
and it's no different and
we have 10 hours we thought
of riding to go.
(twangy music)
♪ Run down motel ♪
♪ End of the block ♪
♪ Came all this way now ♪
♪ You're too scared to knock ♪
♪ Good times leaving you ♪
♪ Last train pulling through ♪
And we just went and rode
all the way through Georgia,
dead armadillos everywhere,
it stunk like a carnival.
- The bugs were huge and
kept hitting us in the face.
(squeegee squeaking)
- It is the hottest, most
insanely humid shit hole
that I have ever been through.
- It was one thing after, we
barely got to get comfortable
on the first day, it was
hang up after hang up
and they were just being
thrown at us all day.
Somebody ran out of gas, a belt broke,
somebody hit their kill
switch on accident,
actually I did and thought I broke down.
We got crazy rain, lighting.
- Whoa!
- We got separated a couple times,
this was like one of our first big breaks
in communication and I'm trying
to tell everybody to stop
and everybody just rode off down the road.
- It was like watching a slinky
try and go down the road.
We got pulled out in front
and somebody's like ah, shit man,
forgot my oil, I forgot this,
it was just a complete
catastrophic departure.
♪ Can't take this feeling ♪
♪ Can't take this feeling ♪
- About five hours in, which
is pretty much the most
that I've ever been on
a scooter at one time,
five hours in I'm actually falling asleep.
- There was nothing, there was no turns,
there was no hills, it was
just flat, shitty roads
and you're just sitting there like
(scooter engine humming)
for fucking eight hours.
- There was a moment where I was just like
if this is what every day is
gonna be like I'm gonna die.
- We have to do this how many more times
for how many more days?
That was the worst feeling.
I don't know if anybody else felt that.
(engines revving)
(horns honking)
- Yeah baby!
- End of that day I was like
if this is how it's gonna be
for 11 days, I'm just gonna
hop off at the next stop
'cause this is fucking crazy.
The daunting task of we
still have a lot more to go,
this is just the first stop,
this seems like it's going to be
the worst decision of my life.
- Every scenario that we
thought could've gone wrong
short of somebody crashing
happened on the first day.
- When we started this thing
part of our crowdsourcing was
if we hit a certain amount of goal
we had these challenges
that we were all gonna do.
- Eight riders, eight challenges, 11 days,
the penalty if you decide
that you do not wanna do your challenge
or you fail at it you have
the following consequences,
you have the choice of
either shaving one eyebrow
or you have to cut your
hair into a cul de sac
and that means shaving
the top of your head
but leaving the rest of the hair present.
- And we just drew a
challenge out of a hat
and my challenge was the unhappy camper
and I had to sleep outside.
(soft piano music)
I basically slept with
my eyes just barely open
so I could see and I would
hear footsteps coming
and would just, don't
say anything, don't move
and maybe they'll leave you alone
and a couple times I
saw the footsteps stop
and then they'd just keep going.
And I was like yes, thank you,
thank you for leaving me alone.
I don't wanna talk to anybody tonight.
I maybe slept an hour, maybe.
My alarm went off at five
and I was like it's morning.
Got up, went into the
room, grabbed my stuff,
filled up my Camelback
and shook everybody awake
because I had no patience at that point.
Like get up, we're leaving,
we're leaving on time today.
- [Justin] Starting.
(engine revving)
We were supposed to be out of here at,
I don't have a watch on, at six o'clock.
It's already close to a quarter after.
- Good morning.
(chattering)
- [Justin] BD is, I don't
know what you're doing.
- Changing shoes, bro.
- I wanted to get on the
road like a half hour ago.
I was ready at a quarter
to six, like on my bike.
- [Justin] Like we were supposed to.
- You don't have to keep talking about it.
If we're not on time, we're not on time.
- [Paul] Well we just need to talk about
what the term means and like we were up
at a quarter to five in our room.
- [Man] That's fine.
- You were up way too early, bro.
- Managing expectations
was a huge part of the trip
and one of the hardest parts
for me was to be patient.
I'm not a very patient person at all.
We need to have expectations
of if we're having
a conversation and we say a certain time
we need to at least try
to adhere to that time.
- Paul was just always pissed
about people not being on time
so you get that sense right away,
it's like, okay, well this guy's
got something he's dealing with.
- Dealing with people like Joe
who also likes to talk back a bit,
in the morning was tough.
- Yeah, so kick stands
up doesn't really matter
unless it's like, if you're not down here
for the fucking meeting at 5:30...
- [Paul] Exactly, but we need to have
those conversations the night before.
- And then we're eating
and then I had to poop.
- I told Paul on day two in the morning,
I said just leave, go.
You don't have to sit here and piss and moan
about how we're not on time,
just leave if you wanna leave.
I was not happy.
- So I kind of saw Paul's
frustrations and stuff
but in my eyes I was just
like we need to set a time
and stick to it as close as
we can because these people,
I know how hard it is to
wrangle eight different guys
better than anybody and it's
just not something that happens
no matter what you do.
- When you get a bunch
of guys together like us
it's like five dogs in the same room,
there's gonna be some barking going on.
- Not having that kind of cadence
or that kind of system or even knowledge
of how each of us work together
let alone how we're
gonna survive together,
none of that stuff had been gelled yet,
none of that had been forged.
It was the dumbest day of the entire trip
because we were not happy
and nothing was clicking I don't think
how we envisioned it clicking.
- [Justin] Next stop, Nashville.
Peace.
("Moving Particles" by Sensations' Fix)
(lyrics muffled)
♪ So I'll take my walk ♪
♪ Mile after mile ♪
♪ All I can see is the blue and the rain ♪
♪ For the home team ♪
- So as we're going down Highland
it opens up to this beautiful
view of South Carolina
and just the beautiful
lush forest and curvy roads
and we're full throttle going downhill.
Exhilarating, this is
day two and I'm like man,
if this is how the whole ride is gonna be
this is gonna be the most amazing thing.
- Big Daddy pooped his pants.
That's a highlight for
me for sure of that day.
(laughing)
- Yeah, hey, I asked for
a bathroom stop, man,
it just didn't come.
And then it did and I pooped my pants.
- [Interviewer] Do you remember...
- Did he take his pants
off all the way for that?
- Yeah, I left those babies.
- [Interviewer] You
already planned for it?
- Bear in the woods,
dude, throw those out.
- Yeah, I'm surprised Big Daddy
didn't poop his pants more.
I think that he was prone
to pooping his pants
and I'm happy it happened
so early on the trip.
- This is when, could we
just get all the lights off
and get that silhouette and
I'll just be like I shit myself.
(laughing)
- Everybody's excited
because this is the day
that we're finally gonna
see some turns, some curves,
some really exciting roads and the road
as far as we were concerned,
the one that we had been talking about
since we saw where we were going.
- Just growing up I heard
about it riding motorcycles
and stuff so I was
pumped that I was finally
gonna get to do it.
- And it was the Tail of the Dragon.
- Tail of the Dragon, yeah.
- Tail of the Dragon.
- We were supposed to be going on some road
called Tail of the Dragon.
- It was 318 turns in 11 miles.
- 318 turns in 11 miles.
- 318 turns in 11 miles.
- It's 100 and something
turns or something like that.
- Doesn't really need an
introduction outside of
it's supposed to be America's
greatest motorcycle road.
("This Is My World" by
Esterly feat. Austin Jenckes)
- Yeah, I feel like the Tail of the Dragon
might have been the most
over-hyped part of the whole trip.
♪ This is my world ♪
(engines revving)
♪ Oh, you took a wrong turn ♪
♪ Now you're stuck in my world ♪
♪ Trust me, this is gonna hurt ♪
♪ Fire it up, and watch it burn ♪
Everything's so snappy and
that's the kind of riding
I really like to do.
- I get it, it's cool but like...
- Kind of like in Jurassic Park,
it's super forested, you
have these sweeping turns.
- [Man] I'm riding by
and if you look at me
I'm all tense and intent
and I'm completely focused
on the road and what I'm doing.
- I was loving it and
I made sure I hung back
further than everybody so
I just had a ton of room
to just really rip
through there and push it,
take it to the limit.
♪ This is my world ♪
♪ Oh, you took a wrong turn ♪
♪ Now you're stuck in my world ♪
♪ Trust me, this is gonna hurt ♪
♪ Fire it up, and watch it burn ♪
♪ This is my world ♪
- Oh my God!
That was out of control!
- Are you kidding me?
(chattering)
- You were wrong, you were wrong!
- No, that was fucking insane!
("Hometeam" by Chris King & The Gutterballs)
♪ Ain't no cheating way ♪
♪ The home team ♪
- It turns out that on the Tail
we had to have passed
this person a minute,
two minutes maybe before.
Somebody went off the road on a bike
and it was a man and his daughter
and it was an accident, like
a really, really bad accident.
- It's one of those things that happen.
What we do is dangerous.
We do everything we can
to mitigate the danger,
you can protect as much against,
but if it's your turn, that's it.
- That was a super
humbling, grounding moment
where it was, this is fun,
we're having a lot of fun
but this could end in a
heartbeat for one of us.
- Dane radio's us and is like dudes,
there's a storm, a heavy storm coming.
- I felt like I got hit with a paintball.
Like a raindrop just hit my arm
and we were at a stop sign.
We're doing 40, this is gonna leave
welts or something, this is gonna suck.
- Everybody on the intercom system,
and I was leading 'cause I had the maps,
everybody's like just go man,
we're just gonna ride through it.
We're already delayed, let's just ride
through it, let's go, let's go.
Something felt different,
it was like nope,
this doesn't look,
the rain cloud is coming
at us way too fast.
You can actually see the
curtain of rain in front of us
and I saw a barn right off the road.
We hadn't seen anything for
like four hours before that.
Immediately pulled off
and it was like somebody
just started dumping buckets of water.
(rain pouring)
- We got out of that literally
seconds before that hit.
- Look how blistered and sunburned I am
and look what's going on behind me,
the drastic weather changes
in a matter of hours.
- We all decide that this rainstorm
is the perfect time for
me to do my challenge
which is the bikini scooter wash.
("Sexy" by Bensound)
So I don't know if you're
familiar with a women's bikini.
If you're a woman then
you're familiar with it
but if you're a man you've
probably never put one on.
You don't understand that the
front is really, really narrow
so in order for me to be able
to keep everything contained
I had to wear the bikini bottom backwards.
I wheel out Elliot's
scooter into the rain,
torrential downpour and I forgot
I didn't have any washing
materials, no soap,
no brushes, nothing.
So I used the best thing
I had, my genitals.
(laughing)
- We're supposed to be on the
road a long fucking time ago
and I don't understand how people,
I don't know what they're
doing, I honestly don't.
It's super frustrating.
- We got a way late start that morning.
I was pretty frustrated but I think that
just how certain days came together
you couldn't really control
getting mad at it that day.
- Anybody else want a spot of
coffee before I throw it out?
- So Ron's bike...
- My bike is a lot like me.
It's big, it's dumb and it
tries too hard to be cool.
It's not very nimble, it's not very agile.
- Not safe, not safe at all.
- It's a 2005 Honda Reflex
that's lived in Florida most of its life.
You can imagine what the condition
of those bolts were like.
- The skeleton he had put
together for this thing
the day we left was these
pegs that went through
the midrail of the bike
where the front tire is
so every time he hit a bump
the front tire would hit the peg.
- Big Daddy and Ron and
stuff dealt with Ron's bike.
What a disaster.
- I'm just sitting there having to hacksaw
this friggin' foot peg off.
- Cut a giant section out
of my homemade highway bars
which would've eventually killed me.
- Hey Ron, you should
take a knife to your tire.
(laughing)
- We had taken a really good look at my bike
and decided the back tire had to be changed
and there was no way I
could keep going on with it.
- Because he was on a bigger
bike and could catch up to us,
I'm gonna hold back and
wait for a shop to open
and get this tire swapped and
I'll catch up with you guys.
- And here it was, two days into it,
so many blood, sweat and tears already,
it was tough, it was really tough.
- It's gonna work out, man.
- [Man] Be safe
- I will.
- [Man] Drive safe, man.
- We rode away thinking Ron's going back.
He's gonna maybe swap his
tire and go back to Florida,
he's close enough that he's gonna go back.
- [Man] Drive safe!
- Man, I really hope that we reconnect.
I hope the splintering off
doesn't turn into something
that we can't control.
Like somebody's going home.
It was a weird feeling but I kept feeling
whenever we separated somebody,
there was a good chance they might not
come back into the fold.
- Big Daddy had a spider bite
and he wanted to go see
his doctor in Nashville.
- I wanted to get it checked out
before we went any further
just in case something was going on.
My side was swelling up
and getting all crazy.
(engine revving)
No, dude, I don't know, they just said
it was a bug bite and they gave me some meds
and were like don't drink too much
and I just kind of tossed 'em
and was like that's not gonna happen.
(laughing)
(chattering)
- It just ripped?
- Oh yeah, blew the crotch
out of 'em again, man.
Look at this.
Just opened it up.
Woo, I am burning up, dude.
There's no room in this
seat for this stuff anymore.
Yeah, I'm gonna live they
just gave me some antibiotics
and stuff, I got my ear
cleaned out, that was crazy.
There was like a Skittle in there.
(laughing)
She said I probably should
go back to the doctor
in like three days but oh well.
- Pulled up to this gas station,
we knew we had this stretch.
Dane, this poor driver is telling us,
guys, there's some
serious weather coming in.
- [Man] Where are we?
- This is us right here then.
(mumbling)
(chattering)
- And we all have shields.
Do you have a shield you
can pull out of the van?
So if we do get hail you're
not getting paintballed
and bleeding and spaced.
It looks like it's gonna
continue to get bad
or get worse or just stay
like it is for a long time.
So we can stand around here
and waste a bunch of time
and still end up going through it
or we can still be more
than three hours behind
or we can just put a shield
on and try to endure it.
- We were like let's just ride through it.
- And there was gonna be nothing around.
There was gonna be no gas station,
there was gonna be no emergency
options for us to pull over
if it is as bad as we think it might be.
- It doesn't seem like
it's gonna be that bad
but there's this one corner that we turned
and all of a sudden the sky is just black
and at that point we knew
it was too late to turn back
so we just went for it.
- I just remember coming up a hill
and just seeing lightning in the way distance
and hearing the thunder and the wind
and you see the trees flapping.
It was the craziest riding
experience I've ever been in
weather wise for sure.
- Crap was in the road,
giant puddles or whatever,
and we're just being blown all
over the place by the wind.
(upbeat music)
- I know it's pretty dangerous,
we're cruising, we're still full blast
and I see these little,
you guys remember those
little bumps in the road?
- There were turtles on
the road, big turtles.
Where the fuck did the turtles come from?
We're talking like turtles!
And why are they in the road
and where did they come from?
- There's just turtles in the road
and we're like dodging turtles
and you're dodging sticks,
you're dodging little creeks
of water, it was crazy.
- Through a bunch of turtles,
it wasn't like a turtle,
there were many turtles.
- It was very, very wet
for a very long time.
- [Man] Keep twisting.
(laughing)
Keep going.
(chattering)
- [Man] Elliot's are bad.
- [Man] Like a thousand year old egg.
- [Man] I got like little raisins here.
- Dude, there's water in the shoe.
- And somebody remembered,
it was like Paul,
how is your Tamagotchi pet?
'Cause Paul's challenge was he had to keep
one of those little pocket pets alive
for the duration of the trip.
- It's waterproof ability, not great.
I opened my pocket and
it was no longer alive.
It was like well,
somebody's getting their
head shaved tonight.
- It's dead.
- I'm not happy about this.
- He was so excited because he thought
it was going to be so easy.
- I really hope I'm not the
only one to lose my challenge.
- This makes me very scared
for my own challenge.
- Yeah, I'm shaving a cul de
sac, I can hide it with a hat.
At least I look like a
normal person in a cul de sac
with a hat on.
This is not cool.
Hey, here's the funny
thing is that I never knew
how to work it and it has been
not alive this entire time.
There's like a screen
before you start the animal
that just has a bunny and
then you get to choose
a different animal and I
keep showing people the bunny
and then every gas stop bringing it out.
- And that's when we basically
learned that Paul's a liar
and he had been cheating.
Never really showed us that
the Tamagotchi was ever alive
and just basically told us the
instructions were in Chinese
and I never could read them
so I never turned it on
so it's never actually been alive.
- The buttons don't even make sense.
- Just because he lied
to us for three days
I feel like something
else should happen to him.
(soft music)
- Made it back to the hotel,
first thing I saw when I looked up
was two male butts pressed
against the window.
(laughing)
So at least my friends
were waiting for me.
Went inside, drank a bunch of whiskey,
Paul got his head shaved.
- I got to shave him a
cul de sac in his head.
It's probably the most
amazing feeling ever
is shaving the part of
somebody's head that is
supposed to have all the hair.
- [Man] I really want a sexy tuft though.
- [Man] Oh my God.
- [Man] Go deeper in the back, guys.
You need to go deeper.
- The deal is cul de sac,
it's not cul de sac and tuft.
(laughing)
Get rid of that fucking tuft.
- [Man] The tuft makes it.
- [Man] I was into it and then I saw it.
- [Man] I need to get one side right here.
- It's fucking uneven.
You went way more on this
side than you did that side.
- [Interviewer] Tell us a little bit
about how you're feeling about the challenge.
- How am I supposed to feel, dude?
My friends are idiots
and they did this to me.
I have to embrace it.
I'm not okay with it
yet, I just have to be.
What are my options, dude,
what are my actual options?
Look at me, what are my options?
Look at me, dude.
Look at my head.
What are my options?
This is me, dude, now.
This is awful, dude.
But I'm gonna live with it.
("The Death of Mr. Jones" by The Dames)
- Jackson, Missouri to Nevada, Missouri.
Not Nevada, Nevada, Missouri.
- We went to Nevada.
- Joe had to wear a ghillie
suit for the whole day.
320 something miles of this
snow camo sheep dog ghillie suit
which is a sniper suit for anybody
that doesn't know what a ghillie suit is.
He looked so dumb.
- The ghillie suit really
wasn't my best day.
- And it was a constant funny, like,
whenever I was feeling down about anything
I looked at my mirror and see Joe
blasting this ghillie suit back
and he looked so ridiculous.
- Joe is in his ghillie
suit and he looks ridiculous
and all of a sudden he
comes over the comms,
guys, my bike broke down.
- Probably my belt, just like dead.
- [Man] Oh okay.
- Yeah, you didn't see smoke, did you?
- [Man] No.
- And it turns out by
the time we get there
he's already got his
whole bike taken apart
and he's sitting there
and can't figure out
what's wrong with it.
- I had all the stuff laid out.
Was checking my belt, checking my transition,
and nothing was wrong.
So Barnes and I push him
up this hill with our feet
on the back of his scooter on his muffler
and then he coasts down
into the gas station,
puts gas in, problem solved.
- And lo and behold,
much to my embarrassment I found out
that I basically just ran out of gas.
♪ All right ♪
- We took a long, long grind
across a really flat state.
It was just get the miles
in, get the miles in,
get the miles in.
- Big Daddy's challenge was
to stop at every McDonald's
that we passed, if we could
see it he had to stop at it.
- I was not looking
forward to this at all.
I kept trying to get out
of it before we left.
- Fuck all you guys.
- [Man] Even when we thought of this
we thought it was gonna be a funny thing
but we're already so annoyed by how many
stops we've been having to make unplanned
that this just gonna take so long.
(upbeat music)
- So we're somewhere in Missouri
or I have no idea what
state we were actually in
and we were all drafting
and doing some Blue Angels type stuff.
And I'm standing up on
my bike with my fly open
so I can cool off, it was so terribly hot.
- We're going along and I was talking
to my girlfriend Melissa on the phone.
- I have no idea what happened
but I heard a loud bang and
I saw sparks right next to me
and oh my God.
- Suddenly, my back tire stopped.
- I see blue smoke, boom, the
bike explodes in front of me.
It just ducks, twists and then Paul
goes flying off the road.
- The first thing I thought
about was don't touch my brakes,
that was first, definitely
don't touch my brakes
and I don't wanna go down
and take my buddies out.
I just aimed for the soft grass
knowing I was gonna go down.
- At any moment now you're just waiting
for the end over end over end
and Paul like Supermanning
off into the distance.
- And luckily my clutch actually exploded
and the tire broke free
when I was in the grass
and I was able to ride it out.
- [Man] And everybody on
the comms are going nuts!
They're like, he's riding it out,
he's riding it out, oh my God,
I can't believe he's riding it out!
- As soon as I turn
around I just drop my bike
and run over to Paul and hug him
because I can't believe
that dude is still alive
and up and walking and like
holy shit, that was insane.
- Did the belt just jam?
- Yikes.
- Holy, that scared me to freaking death.
- I was on the phone.
(laughing)
- [Man] Who were you on the phone with?
- With my girlfriend.
- [Man] Oh no!
- [Man] Call her quick.
- [Man] Hold on a second, I'm gonna die.
- Yeah, I was like I have to go.
She's going, "what's happening,
what's happening, "what's happening?"
I'm like I gotta go.
Everything just fucking rocked.
- [Man] I thought you were down, man.
- [Man] I thought you blew a tire.
- I thought you blew a tire too.
- I thought I did too.
(tool drilling)
- [Man] Did you say you saw fluid?
- [Man] There's fluid dripping.
- And as the cover comes
off it's just a mess.
- That middle one's out already.
That's not good.
Oh, torque diverter, look at that.
- It's spaghetti and
shards of metal everywhere.
- [Man] Shit man.
How does that even happen?
- [Man] It's too hot.
- Look at this, this is
the thing the belt sits in
and I've never seen
anything like this before.
This is insane.
- This whole thing's destroyed.
- Yup.
- What happened is a bolt came loose
and it caught right
there, you can see that,
and it just locked it up.
So this is what spins with the rear tire
and that's what caused that breakdown
and this is essentially what
ended the ride for that bike.
- It broke the casting.
- [Man] Yeah.
- And that seal, you cannot
put that back into a bike.
- No.
- Thankfully we had another
one on our support vehicle
that we were able to swap a few parts
and get Paul going again.
- Let's get it off, let's strip
down the parts that it needs
off of this bike and get that bike running
so we can at least...
- It needs three arm bolts,
it needs the header bolt.
- [Man] Let's pull it off.
- By the time we got to this accident
we already cannibalized a lot of this bike
that was supposed to be a backup bike
and now we're taking basically its legs.
The whole transmission is gonna go,
the clutch and everything
has to go into the bike
that Paul was using for the ride.
- God damn it.
(grunting)
Fucking ranked that thing.
(tools buzzing)
- One thing that was
pretty important to me
was how everybody reacted.
It was very, very heartwarming
to have people that care about you so much
and I think that I'd do
the same for anybody.
But it was definitely,
I felt like my brothers
were there for me then.
- [Man] Big Daddy.
- He could not have planned this day
any better if he wanted to.
We saw like three McDonald's.
- And then four hours go by
we didn't pass a single
God damn McDonald's.
- Come on, 350 miles, 12 hours on the road
and the man passed four
McDonald's, are you kidding me?
- Alright, double cheese, here we go.
- [Man] Double cheese?
- Well yeah.
- [Man] You got more than you needed to.
- I'm just hungry, guys.
This is the first McDonald's
we've seen since we left.
I didn't eat lunch 'cause
I thought I was just
gonna be pounding freaking burgers.
I hate McDonald's so much.
These things are just terrible.
I mean they're go-to's.
But they're still shitty.
I actually feel pretty lucky right now.
This is only the second one I've had to do
so I might be coming out
ahead on this one, boys.
- We roll into Lincoln,
right as we came into
town there's McDonald's,
so me and Ron stop, I grab a burger.
We kind of came in one side of town,
our hotel's on the other,
then we waited for him at the McDonald's
that was across the street from our hotel
hoping he was gonna pass it
so he'd fail his challenge
and we could shave his head.
- [Man] Uh oh.
- [Man] Uh oh!
(shouting)
- When I realized he was at McDonald's
Big Daddy just, you just saw him die
just a little bit on the inside.
(laughing)
- Might as well end it
on a high note, boys.
God dang Happy Meal done.
So I pulled in, grabbed a Happy Meal
and ended where at least
I got a toy at the end.
Should've got that extra pickle, man.
- And we were thinking
about our challenges
and this was my favorite
point of the challenges
because Elliot goes wait,
when am I supposed to do my challenge?
- My challenge was to
hug 100 people in a day
which sounded kind of daunting
but I was like I can do it,
you hit a Walmart, you hit
a bar, you hit whatever.
I wasn't that worried about it
but I thought my challenge
was on day eight.
For some reason.
- All of us kind of
looked at each other like
your challenge is day three,
man, you didn't do it.
Looks like we're shaving
another head tonight.
(clippers buzzing)
- [Man] No!
- [Man] There he goes!
- No.
- [Man] Oh my God, looking good.
- [Man] Oh my goodness.
- This is the most satisfying thing
I've fucking ever done in my entire life.
- Paul, let me see your do in this too.
No, Paul, Paul, I'm trusting you, dude.
You know where the part's at.
I'm trusting you, dude.
It's so painful seeing all of you watch.
- [Man] Let's see the back!
- [Man] Unbelievable.
- [Man] Do a little twist.
(laughing)
- [Man] That is a solid line!
- [Man] Lined him up
real good there, dude!
(chattering)
- Oh yeah, dude.
It's not bad.
(upbeat music)
- After day two I was like
Elliot's definitely the airhead.
- All this work that
Elliot did before the ride,
he didn't tighten down
a single God damn bolt.
- Again, like I really don't
work on my scooter that much
and we're going into this ride,
I was like oh yeah, I
gotta do a couple things.
All the other guys are
busy, I can figure it out.
- He just put thing in there
and hand tightened it together.
- I think I lost four or
five bolts from my bike.
- Forgetting to bolt
his bike back together,
that was just genius.
- He was like dudes,
dudes, my bike sounds loud.
And I'm right next to him and I look over
and I can see his O2
sensor has popped out.
Unfortunately we actually
had to stop and fix
Elliot's scooter again.
- We're ripping along, all
of a sudden my bike dies
and I'm oh great, probably blew a belt.
Derek is pretty good at
ripping things apart,
comes over with the impact
driver and it's off,
take it apart, he's like
no dude, your belt's fine.
- What happened?
- I think it's the final drive, dude.
- [Man] What?
- I guess we're not making
that two o'clock lunch.
- Well we either gotta
Frankenstein two bikes together.
If we can't do that then
we have to figure out
a way to trailer it
'cause we only have room
for one bike over there, so
we gotta figure it out.
(engine starting)
- [Man] What happened?
- No idea.
I think he hit the kill switch.
- When he stops and everybody stops
we start it up and we try it first
before we start ripping things apart.
- Get on it, ride it, it's all good.
Look down and like guys,
I have something to admit.
I hit my kill switch.
(laughing)
Maybe it was the kill switch.
- [Man] Next time this
happens and you pull off,
try to start it.
- Ah, damn it.
I already felt bad enough
about my bolts rattling out,
I'm flying off and now.
They never let me live
that shit down, never.
(adventurous music)
(chattering)
- [Man] They want us to stop right here.
Slow down guys, on the right.
Oh perfect.
- [Man] Oh fuck, look to the right.
- [Man] Whoa!
- [Man] Damn!
- [Man] Holy shit.
- [Man] Come on.
- [Man] Shit!
- [Man] Dude, whoa!
- [Man] This is the Badlands, boys.
- [Man] Whoa!
- Look over and it's just like, boom.
Like this crazy, crazy landscape.
(wind blowing)
- It was almost overwhelming though.
How many amazing panoramic vistas
can you see of the American west?
What was nice was seeing
things that our country
is known for like monuments
and cool, exciting things
because we didn't see
shit for two days straight
and then we saw things that had elevation
and things that had some
kind of uniqueness to them.
- Should I stop this car and ask?
- [Man] What?
- [Man] If it's dirt all
the way to the next town.
- I had found a shortcut.
I was like let's go this way.
Or not a shortcut, but
I found a back road.
And me and Barnes looked at
it at our first gas stop,
we decided yeah, that's
the way we're gonna go,
so we punched in the GPS
and once we hit the point of no return
we just see the road turns to
dirt and gravel and everything
and we see a sign and it's
like dirt road, 27 miles.
- [Paul] When should we head out?
- [Joe] Yeah, I like surprises, right?
- [Paul] Alright guys, time to make moves.
- And it was awesome.
(upbeat music)
- [Justin] We're stupid, boys.
- [Paul] Yes we are.
(lyrics muffled)
(engines revving)
(horn honking)
- The whole day was
great leading up to it,
saw Badlands, saw Black
Hills, saw Mount Rushmore
and then we just hit this point where
we got like 70 miles of
just straight highway.
- It was actually kind of terrifying.
I think that was the part of that day
that we knew we had a
ton of riding to do still
and we just had to bite
the bullet and do it.
- We're literally getting
our faces sandblasted.
(slow music)
♪ Oh, I think I need you ♪
♪ Here in my darkest night ♪
- [Man] We may have to
look at Daddy's bike.
- [Man] I guarantee we
need to look at his bike.
- Yeah, that was bad for me, dude.
But I was going like 10
miles an hour under everybody
so I'm gonna draft the van
and it was just no good.
- For some reason Big Daddy and I
seem to have the slow bikes.
- That was kind of the
point where my bike,
I felt like was starting to tell me
she's getting a little tired.
I couldn't figure it out, didn't know
what it was. Eventually pulled over.
(tools drilling)
- [Man] Blown, boys.
- We got it back up and it started running
a little bit better but
I've had it for four years
and put 20,000 miles on it
and she's starting to feel it.
- We changed two belts that day.
- It was established that Barnes and I
were going to be the
mechanics on this trip
because everybody else
couldn't tighten their bolts,
they put too much oil in,
they were inept with the mechanics of it.
- It's testy.
(mumbling)
- Technically that's three for me.
One on the other bike and
one when I had my mishap
and this.
(mumbling)
- So I kept thinking that
my bike's running crappy
and it's gonna blow up at any given moment
and we had a couple of near
misses with some other people
like a belt here and a belt there
and I'm like God, this
bike is probably gonna die.
I also had this sketchy
mechanic do the work in Florida
so I'm like at any moment now this thing's
just gonna go belly up on me.
- [Man] Joe's engine light just popped on.
- [Man] Who's?
- [Man] Joe's.
- [Man] His what?
- [Man] His engine light popped on.
(laughing)
- Hey yours actually came off.
I've never blown a belt like that.
♪ Won't you tell me your name ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm feeling so far away ♪
♪ And it's time ♪
♪ Oh it's time ♪
- [Elliot] Wa, guys, hold on.
- [Man] What?
- [Elliot] I just died and I
didn't hit the kill switch.
- [Man] Are you sure?
- And again, my bike just dies.
- [Man] At least we found
a spot to break down in.
- [Man] Yeah, I'll walk it up
there, don't worry about it.
- [Man] I'll push you, I'll push you.
- We're just ripping down this dirt road
for like two hours, I don't
even know how long it was
but I guess at some point
my battery terminal had come loose.
(mumbling)
(laughing)
- [Man] Dag gone!
- Loose terminal, baby!
- It's sometimes the most obvious thing.
(upbeat rock music)
- [Man] Oh dude!
Oh shit!
(laughing)
(screaming)
(chattering)
- The whole day it was up,
up, up, down, down, down,
up, up, up, down, was that the Cascades
we were going through?
- [Man] No, no, no, that was Sawtooth.
- But to be there in
that time, in that place,
with these people and
have something like that
put on display for no reason,
it just doesn't make sense.
- At some point during the pre-process
Justin was like hey, do you wanna be part
of these challenges that we're doing?
And I'm thinking like, I
don't have a whole perspective
of the fact that I'm so
outside of this group
but I was like well
yeah, I'm gonna be there,
I might as well do one
of these challenges.
- And the next day was Jesse's challenge
and it was First Blood.
Jesse had to live as
Rambo for an entire day.
He had to talk in only Rambo lines,
he had to dress as Rambo,
he had to live as Rambo.
- Two people already got their
heads shaved in the worst way
and so I'm thinking oh no, these
guys aren't messing around.
- See Rambo?
(laughing)
(drumming)
- I don't even know if the sun was up
but I'm working on my bike,
I look over and there's
John Rambo staring at me.
- A 300 plus ride today so
probably about 10 to 12 hours
of him acting like John Rambo
which Jesse vowed last
night when he was drinking
that he was gonna beat this challenge
by just not talking all day.
He's a kid so he probably has no idea
what John Rambo's character is
or has ever even seen First
Blood or any of the movies.
So it's gonna be interesting.
He's gonna be really quiet
or he's gonna have a cul
de sac or a missing eyebrow
by the end of the night.
- Well he's quietly honoring
his options over there
as John Rambo.
I think he'll crack.
I think we'll have another half shaved head.
(laughing)
- Rambo didn't say a word to anyone.
He was Rambo.
- Mute, 'cause he doesn't
wanna break character.
And that was damn funny.
- He's already full John
Rambo, method acting.
He's not responding to anybody.
The only acknowledgements
he's giving us is grunt.
I'm really excited.
We're gonna try so hard
to get him off of that.
- [Man] He's gonna hate
everyone by the end of the day.
- I think rubbed real dirt on himself.
He didn't have makeup.
- [Man] It's grease from somebody's bike.
- It's grease?
- [Man] Yeah.
- Oh, that's even better.
- Everybody was just like you're
gonna get your head shaved.
We're gonna get you.
You gotta pick an eyebrow or
you gotta get a cul de sac.
Neither of which I wanted.
- But every once in a while,
Rambo would come over the comm systems
and be like, "he's dead, you're all dead."
- Halfway through the day
I would go to Dane and be like,
"I got you, gimme the gun."
And then I'd get the gun
and sneak up on everybody
and shoot 'em.
- He had this gun that he was carrying
and we were climbing another
mountain pass somewhere
and his scooter was new and
kind of faster than ours
so he would pull up next
to us with his Nerf gun
and shoot us all.
So I remember being shot in the face
at 50 miles an hour with a
dart like what are we doing?
- [Man] He's John Rambo.
- I'm John Rambo.
- [Man] He's done!
(laughing)
- [Big Daddy] I'm impressed,
I thought I was taking an eyebrow.
- It was terrible but he owned it.
It was a funny challenge,
I kind of wish it would've been mine.
- [Tanner] Was that the
loneliest ride today?
(chattering)
- [Man] The challenge said all day, man.
- Man.
- At this point we all smelled awful.
I hadn't bathed in two or three days.
I ran out of socks like states ago.
- We were a ragged crew
at some point, dude.
Everyone's just super haggard.
Two of us, just half our heads
buzzed, we looked gnarly.
- It was just, it had been a long trip.
We didn't sleep a lot
the whole entire trip.
Pretty exhausted.
We probably didn't get more than
five hours of sleep a night.
So it's wearing on us.
And we didn't eat well.
- Gas station corn dogs for lunch.
- [Man] I wanna get a
box of mini corn dogs
and just cook 'em on my engine.
(laughing)
- Who doesn't buy corn
dogs at the gas stations?
You have two options, you
have biscuits and gravy
or waffles.
- They all had the most
terrible biscuits and gravy
and for some reason it
took until like day four
for us to realize that
this is not a good idea.
- Breakfast biscuit?
(chattering)
(chewing)
- [Man] These dudes ordered
everything with pineapple on it.
- We got some bread sticks for you.
- I hate with every fiber of
my being pineapple on pizza.
- Pineapple on everything.
(laughing)
- I think I had steak every day.
We were in the heart of cow country
the whole freaking vacation.
I go in, order the T-bone,
and it was just shit.
- [Man] That A-1 serves
one purpose, shots.
- A-1, I love that stuff.
- [Man] Drinking A-1 is way better
than putting it on a steak.
Try it sometime.
You have to.
- It was just shitty steak, dude.
It was like four year old cow
or something, I don't know.
- I'm not gonna eat anything
but kale for a month
when I get home.
- I'm from Montana so I was really excited
to see my home state, now
I felt like I was done,
I felt like I was already home.
There's a bar there
that threw us this party
when we got there and raising money
for the Morgan Foundation
and the bar was attached to an MMA gym
which was like the most
Montana thing ever.
- [Man] If you wanna jump in let me know.
- That's a maybe.
- [Man] That's a definitely yes, dude.
It's a matter of who is jumping in.
- I want a cul de sac versus cul de sac.
- And all the dudes were like hey,
you're fighting Paul.
Cul de sac against cul de
sac, this is happening.
- [Paul] Elliot, cul de
sac versus cul de sac?
He said if you guys wanna jump in the ring
just let me know.
(chattering)
- I haven't been in a fight before.
It was like alright guys,
had a shot and a beer
and it was like might as well go for it.
- And we both agreed that we
were not gonna hurt each other.
- We're not actually gonna
fight each other, are we?
And he was like no, no, let's
just give 'em a good show.
(bell ringing)
- Ladies and gentlemen
this fight is scheduled
for 12 uncontested rounds.
The winner will keep
an eyebrow, the loser.
(bell ringing)
- Punching only.
Fight.
(cheering)
- [Man] Elliot can't see him.
(intense music)
- Man, I'll be the first to admit
when the gloves are on
and you're just sparring
with another dude, it's hard to hold back.
- [Man] Punch his lights out, man!
(cheering)
- You hit me really hard a few times.
Rung my bell once, kind of knocked me back
and it's just that moment
where your pride takes over
and it's like nope, this
is not happening right now.
- I think I might've actually got a couple
of pretty good hits on him.
(mumbling)
- Both our corners back there,
all the dudes are behind us.
They're like dude, you're
actually holding your own
out there pretty good.
I was like oh yeah?
I was like maybe I could win this fight.
- Don't go for the face,
dude, you don't need pain,
you need throw up.
(bell ringing)
- [Man] Welcome to Montana!
(cheering)
- Just popped him right in the nose.
Just straight in the opening part
and I could definitely
tell that he just like,
everything stopped.
(bell ringing)
- He got me good, he got me good.
- You okay, you okay?
(chattering)
- [Man] He's bleeding, he's bleeding.
- I looked down there's just like blood
gushing out of my nose
and I was like alright,
first blood, this is time to end it.
- [Man] Elliot, let me get a picture!
(laughing)
- You okay?
- Yeah.
- Shaved his head and then I beat him up.
Woo!
No, it had nothing to do with revenge,
it had to do with I realized
that we were actually fighting.
- [Woman] You kicked his ass.
- No, I didn't kick his ass,
I hit him one good time really
after he hit me a couple good times.
- I heard that, I heard that.
I fought well but it wasn't good enough.
Paul clocked me a good one.
I got a couple good hits in though.
- [Man] Yeah, you did, you did.
- I hit more than I expected.
- [Man] Good, good.
- But Paul...
- [Man] He got a sneaky one in there.
- [Woman] He kicked your ass!
- He came to the, he kicked my ass.
- At this point I had spent
probably over 100 hours
building maps, like our turn
by turn maps for our GPS unit.
None of this makes sense.
- You had some good sleep though
so at least you have your wits about you.
- None of this makes sense.
None of these intersections look the same
or at least have the same information.
And this day I didn't have one.
I did not have our final day's route.
- It became pretty clear pretty quickly
that Barnes had no idea
where we were going.
- Do we need to continue to hammer in
that Barnes didn't have the maps?
- Barnes doesn't tell anybody,
we just wake up, get
on our scooters and go.
(engines revving)
- [Man] What are we doing?
- [Man] I don't know.
- [Man] Are we really having a party?
(laughing)
I think we're lost.
- [Man] Yeah, go check what's up.
- [Man] Tanner, what's going on?
- [Man] It dead ends up there.
No, we can't go that way?
- [Big Daddy] No, that road doesn't look like
it goes anywhere.
- [Man] Daddy, what did they say to you
about this road right here?
- [Tanner] They said that
it's kind of a cool road.
It loops around
and I don't think it
necessarily goes anywhere.
I didn't ask them for
directions to Seattle.
- [Big Daddy] We're probably
dipping down into Richland
and then going up on that highway.
- [Paul] That road doesn't
go anywhere, Daddy?
- [Big Daddy] Doesn't look like it.
We should've taken a right when
we went straight back there.
- [Man] Oh.
- [Justin] My bad, guys.
- And we get lost four, five, six times,
it doesn't matter.
It was probably closer to eight
but who's counting, right?
- Those are the kind
of moments I feel like
are actually the trip.
It was a lot of stops and
it was a lot of gassing up
and it was a lot of these
moments where we were confused
and didn't really know what way to go.
- We finally get our bearings
right and we are on the road
and we are coming up over this hill
and there's this hill that
drops down out of the city.
- You couldn't even tell what it was.
There was just like a black line
along the side of the road.
- We all look over and there's
just a line of scooters
sitting on the side of the road.
- All of our dudes and
other people from the city,
other people that thought
the story was cool
and the ride was awesome and
wanted to just be a part of it
as much as they could and they
rode all the way out there
or trailered out there and
rode the rest of the way
home with us.
- [Man] Fuck yes!
(screaming)
- [Man] Take my scooter,
I'm gonna fucking pass out!
- [Man] Yeah baby!
Oh the pig is here!
(cheering)
- [Man] Holy shit!
- [Man] Oh my God, oh my God.
- [Man] Oh fuck yeah.
- And it was such an awesome feeling,
I think everyone kind of got
pretty emotional at that point
like we had done it.
We were home, there's our peeps
and we're getting ready to just celebrate.
- All of us, I'm getting
choked up thinking about it,
all of us were like crying in our helmets.
Immediately I just lost it.
- [Man] Alright, should
we hit her back up?
(cheering)
(uplifting music)
- We were about 3500 miles
into this 3700 mile ride
and finally it hit me that
we just crossed the country
on a scooter at 40 miles an hour, insane.
- We've made it so far on
these little, tiny bikes.
- I told everybody, I was
like do not let any cars pass.
We're going up this mountain slow as hell
and we just split the road, I remember,
all eight of us right in
front, just made a wall
and the 30 scooters behind us came in
and did the same thing.
Just wall of scoots, wall of scoots
and behind us just miles of cars
and it was such a conquering feeling
to just stick it to all
those fucking people.
- [Man] Not that we have any reason to.
- We didn't have any reason
to but we just wanted to, man.
(speakers muffled)
- [Man] What about the smoke
bombs and the fireworks?
- [Big Daddy] Elliot, I need that flare!
- [Man] I love how we're
rolling up to a ferry terminal.
- [Man] Explosives, the
Coast Guard is gonna be there
in five seconds.
- And we just did the classic move
of is this thing lit or not
and as soon as I point it towards my face
just like shoots past my head.
And I'm just glad that my ride
could've ended right there.
- [Man] All these people
have no idea what's going on.
- [Man] No, came in hot
like a bunch of assholes,
it's so rad.
- [Man] Can we go down this?
- [Man] We just did.
(chattering)
- [Man] We're doing it, we're doing it.
- [Man] This guy's like come on, man.
(cheering)
- We pulled in, it was like the Beatles
getting off the plane in New York.
Everybody just went absolutely bananas.
(speaker voices muffled)
- And the one guy who had
more problems than any of us
on the whole trip when it
came to mechanical issues
or anything, Elliot, didn't
even get to the water
and dumped his bike.
(laughing)
The last four feet was too much.
- [Elliot] And I didn't care,
I just got off the bike,
just let it kind of slide.
Guys, we did it.
(inspiring music)
- [Man] I feel like eight
riders took it through
the entire country together.
It was pretty phenomenal.
Whether it's a belt,
somebody's oil is flying out
of their bike for some reason
or they ride off the road,
everybody was sticking together.
- Do I wanna go back and do it again?
I'm not so sure, we'll see.
It's a traumatic experience.
It was fun, we had a
great time, it was awesome
but it was like 11 of the most
miserable days of my life.
- After 11 days seeing
that coming to an end
and knowing man, I gotta get up tomorrow
and go back to the real
world, it was a bummer
and it was sad but it was happy.
It was just a range of
emotional feelings that night.
- Obviously we did it because we're idiots
and we thought it'd be
cool to ride 3700 miles
at 45 miles an hour.
(cork popping)
(cheering)
(laughing)
- For me this was much
more than about the ride.
At the end of the ride, I
didn't know this going into it
but at the end of the ride
actually becoming a family
was a much bigger part of it
than actually the 3700 miles that we rode.
- We left Fernandina Beach,
Florida with 3700 miles
before the finish line.
Went through rain, went through fights,
went through breakdowns,
everything that nature had to offer
was thrown at us.
Had a ton of laughs.
(cheering)
(laughing)
We arrived in Mukilteo,
Washington as a real family.
("This Is My World" by
Esterly feat. Austin Jenckes)
♪ Oh, you took a wrong turn ♪
♪ Now you're stuck in my world ♪
♪ Trust me, this is gonna hurt ♪
♪ Fire it up, and watch it burn ♪
♪ This is my world ♪
("Stories of Me" by Chris
King & The Gutterballs)
♪ Sometimes I take a walk down ♪
♪ When I see the weather
all of them colors ♪
♪ It reminds me ♪
♪ Down by the river singing
whatever will be will ♪
♪ And trouble keeps floating and
I'm tired of standing still ♪
♪ These stories of me ♪
♪ Plain as can be ♪
♪ They're shaking ♪
♪ I can't ♪
♪ These stories of me ♪
♪ Plain as can be ♪
♪ They're fading ♪
♪ Faster than the mouth ♪
♪ I know the way I told it
ain't the easy one to choose ♪
♪ Still mild minute between the blues ♪
♪ And I ain't got more time to lose ♪
♪ She talk off your head ♪
♪ And you'll know when this
conversation's through ♪
♪ I just keep walking around
this unfortunate town ♪
♪ Until it winds me back to you ♪
♪ These stories of me ♪
♪ Plain as can be ♪
♪ They're shaking ♪
♪ My hands in the air ♪
♪ These stories of me ♪
♪ Plain as can be ♪
♪ They're fading ♪
♪ Faster than the mountain ♪
♪ I don't mean to be nobody's burden ♪
♪ I'm just so tired of carrying this way ♪
♪ Lord knows I've tried to
tame these wild notions ♪
♪ Just keep boarding up
like a hole in the gate ♪
♪ These stories of me ♪
♪ Plain as can be ♪
♪ They're shaking ♪
♪ Like hands up the avenue ♪
♪ These stories of me ♪
♪ Plain as can be ♪
♪ We're fading faster
than the morning news ♪
- [Man] What are we doing?
- [Man] I don't know.
- [Man] Yeah go check what's up.
Tanner, what's going on?
- [Tanner] It dead ends up there.
- [Man] No, we can't go that way?
- [Man] What did they say to
you about this road right here?
- [Man] I didn't ask them
for directions to Seattle.
- [Man] I think we're lost.
("Golden Age" by Dan Luke and the Raid)
♪ Feeling ashamed ♪
♪ Play like Texas Hold 'Em ♪
♪ I was taken to be tamed ♪
♪ Loss my sense of motion ♪
♪ Up up and away ♪
♪ I'm flirting with the golden age ♪
♪ Keep me at bay ♪
♪ The hunters won't be hunted ♪
♪ We got no where to stay ♪
♪ Yeah have to keep on running ♪
♪ Don't fall on your face ♪
♪ Keep dancing with the golden age ♪
- We started the Soldiers
of Destiny in 2008ish,
summer winter 2008, like that
period is when we decided
on animal helmets and we were never
gonna take ourselves seriously ever.
You're an adult riding a
scooter with a latex animal mask
stretched over your helmet.
How can you possibly
take yourself seriously?
We all started riding together and going
on longer and longer rides,
it got more and more ridiculous.
The idea to ride across the country
was definitely not our
idea that we came up with.
There's an existing ride
called the Cannonball Run.
- He brought up this thing
that happens every couple years
where people ride long distances
and it's kind of an
unsanctioned group of idiots
that decided they're going
to do this endurance race.
- I went home and immediately
started checking it out
and it had been going on since 2004
and it was every two years they would ride
from one end of the country to the other.
I had no idea where it was gonna go
because we don't have any choice or control
over where it starts and ends.
- Justin sent me a text
with just a single link
to the Cannonball and I looked at it
and told Justin he was crazy.
- Barnes, Barnes sent
us a Google Maps image
of a starting point
and you could see the bar
that my wife was working at
in the background of the picture.
(soft music)
- Everybody being just as
ridiculous as each other
and always trying to one up each other
and being super ridiculous,
they all said yes.
- And I was like that's crazy, I'm in.
- That's it, let's just go for it.
- And I'm like I'm in, I'm in,
let's do this, let's do this.
- I'm like yeah, I'm down.
- I was like oh, you guys
are actually doing this?
Add me to the group like I'm in.
- Somehow I got roped into it.
- It wasn't too crazy of an idea
until we actually started
really getting into it
and then realized how much of
an undertaking it would be.
- What's the worst that could happen?
Well, bad stuff, but we just went for it.
(upbeat music)
(surf music)
- It was July in Jacksonville, Florida.
- Our gear was showing up,
our bikes were showing up,
our riders were showing up,
it was like a giant, shitty
summer camp meet and greet
and all these things were flying in
from all over the country.
We had an entire bedroom of our house
just filled with Amazon packages.
We were still putting shit together.
Garage was running 24
hours a day pretty much.
- [Man] Thanks for making
your home our new clubhouse.
(laughing)
- Yeah, S-O-D J-A-X baby!
- So the one thing on this
ride that was the most
instrumental piece of the puzzle
was our Sena headsets.
These are amazing pieces of technology
and they are so powerful
and I can't say enough about these things.
- [Man] Barnes, did you
turn your camera on?
- But when you're putting them together
make sure you read the instructions.
- Hold the button down and it'll say like
pairing, pairing, pairing
and then you hold it down
and it'll say pairing.
- It's already paired.
- Hey, listen!
- I'm listening.
- Hold your button down,
hold your button down for six seconds,
it'll say pairing mode.
Hold your button down for six seconds,
it'll say pairing mode.
When his says pairing mode
you tap your button again.
I'm starting to get angry.
(laughing)
(engines revving)
Teams of three, teams of three.
(fireworks exploding)
- [Man] We watched the fireworks on the
Fourth of July, we stayed out way too late.
(sirens wailing)
(dance music)
- The night before I had my own little moment
of coming to Jesus where I wasn't sure
I was gonna be able to do it,
I wasn't sure the bike was gonna be ready,
I was in charge of the equipment,
I had no time, I had no money.
- People didn't think we
were going to ever make it.
Nobody's ever done a cross country ride
on a Zuma successfully and so here we are,
125 CC's, 40 miles an
hour, 3700 miles, 11 days.
- I hope to God this bike does not die.
(garage door closing)
(upbeat music)
- So when we get to the starting line,
we're all sitting around.
Everybody is nervous as hell.
- I was so nervous and anxious.
Like this is two years, more
than two years of my life.
This is thousands of
hours of countless nights
of me not being able to sleep
because I'm so stressed out about thinking
that I feel responsible for everybody.
If anybody gets hurt it's gonna feel like
I'm never gonna be able to let it go.
If we don't finish,
I feel like I'm gonna let everybody down
that we had hyped this plan up.
- We don't know what's gonna happen,
we don't know how this is gonna go,
we don't know whether we're
gonna make it, we're not,
and I knew this was coming
but I was trying so hard
to delay it but we were
probably five minutes away
from putting our jackets on
and riding away from our friends.
I'm getting choked up
thinking about it now.
I went running in, I
went running to everybody
or by everybody in the lobby
who's having a nice breakfast
on the beach in the morning
and just immediately went
into that lobby bathroom
with no door lock and just puked.
- Justin's in the bathroom throwing up,
Daddy is scooting around doing circles
with his loud ass exhaust.
(engine revving)
The girls are giving teary goodbyes
to Barnes when he's not
throwing up and Joe.
Ron is hugging Katie
and it's this tearful,
joyous kind of occasion.
(upbeat music)
I still couldn't even barely speak.
I was so anxious and nervous
that I was, it was just too much
and I knew that I was
just gonna start crying
so we said goodbye to everybody
and it was the cameras were on
and everybody was honking and
it was like this is happening.
(horns honking)
There's no escaping any
of what's about to come.
It was completely on me.
(engines revving)
(lyrics drowned out by bikes)
♪ And I'll forget you anyway ♪
- Drive away, I'm on the comm systems
trying to choke out a
thank you to everybody
for trusting me and doing this with me.
Not 10 minutes later, breakdown.
- [Big Daddy] I had noticed my bike
just spewing oil on the side.
- We all stopped and we're sitting around
trying to figure out what the
hell Daddy did to his bike.
- Well, I didn't think it was gonna be me.
(laughing)
I really didn't think I
was gonna be the first one
to break down but it just
so happens I was I guess.
- So we got about 11 miles before we had
our first stop to wait for some idiot.
- Everyone else was like blowing past us
and I'm like great, we're
already the laughing stock
of this entire race.
- Clean.
(laughing)
- Fuckers.
- We just look like such losers.
- Watching all the rest
of the riders go by,
honking, beeping, waving,
we were the laughing stock
of the entire Cannonball,
that's for sure.
- Luckily it was just me being an idiot,
I got anxious and put to much oil in her.
I spent like three days
painting everything on my bike
and I wanted it to look super fresh.
Three days of hard work, done.
- It was all back to normal.
Bickering started, laughing started
and it was like okay, this
is exactly what we've done
for weeks and months at
a time back in Seattle
for the last eight years and
now we're just in Florida
and it's no different and
we have 10 hours we thought
of riding to go.
(twangy music)
♪ Run down motel ♪
♪ End of the block ♪
♪ Came all this way now ♪
♪ You're too scared to knock ♪
♪ Good times leaving you ♪
♪ Last train pulling through ♪
And we just went and rode
all the way through Georgia,
dead armadillos everywhere,
it stunk like a carnival.
- The bugs were huge and
kept hitting us in the face.
(squeegee squeaking)
- It is the hottest, most
insanely humid shit hole
that I have ever been through.
- It was one thing after, we
barely got to get comfortable
on the first day, it was
hang up after hang up
and they were just being
thrown at us all day.
Somebody ran out of gas, a belt broke,
somebody hit their kill
switch on accident,
actually I did and thought I broke down.
We got crazy rain, lighting.
- Whoa!
- We got separated a couple times,
this was like one of our first big breaks
in communication and I'm trying
to tell everybody to stop
and everybody just rode off down the road.
- It was like watching a slinky
try and go down the road.
We got pulled out in front
and somebody's like ah, shit man,
forgot my oil, I forgot this,
it was just a complete
catastrophic departure.
♪ Can't take this feeling ♪
♪ Can't take this feeling ♪
- About five hours in, which
is pretty much the most
that I've ever been on
a scooter at one time,
five hours in I'm actually falling asleep.
- There was nothing, there was no turns,
there was no hills, it was
just flat, shitty roads
and you're just sitting there like
(scooter engine humming)
for fucking eight hours.
- There was a moment where I was just like
if this is what every day is
gonna be like I'm gonna die.
- We have to do this how many more times
for how many more days?
That was the worst feeling.
I don't know if anybody else felt that.
(engines revving)
(horns honking)
- Yeah baby!
- End of that day I was like
if this is how it's gonna be
for 11 days, I'm just gonna
hop off at the next stop
'cause this is fucking crazy.
The daunting task of we
still have a lot more to go,
this is just the first stop,
this seems like it's going to be
the worst decision of my life.
- Every scenario that we
thought could've gone wrong
short of somebody crashing
happened on the first day.
- When we started this thing
part of our crowdsourcing was
if we hit a certain amount of goal
we had these challenges
that we were all gonna do.
- Eight riders, eight challenges, 11 days,
the penalty if you decide
that you do not wanna do your challenge
or you fail at it you have
the following consequences,
you have the choice of
either shaving one eyebrow
or you have to cut your
hair into a cul de sac
and that means shaving
the top of your head
but leaving the rest of the hair present.
- And we just drew a
challenge out of a hat
and my challenge was the unhappy camper
and I had to sleep outside.
(soft piano music)
I basically slept with
my eyes just barely open
so I could see and I would
hear footsteps coming
and would just, don't
say anything, don't move
and maybe they'll leave you alone
and a couple times I
saw the footsteps stop
and then they'd just keep going.
And I was like yes, thank you,
thank you for leaving me alone.
I don't wanna talk to anybody tonight.
I maybe slept an hour, maybe.
My alarm went off at five
and I was like it's morning.
Got up, went into the
room, grabbed my stuff,
filled up my Camelback
and shook everybody awake
because I had no patience at that point.
Like get up, we're leaving,
we're leaving on time today.
- [Justin] Starting.
(engine revving)
We were supposed to be out of here at,
I don't have a watch on, at six o'clock.
It's already close to a quarter after.
- Good morning.
(chattering)
- [Justin] BD is, I don't
know what you're doing.
- Changing shoes, bro.
- I wanted to get on the
road like a half hour ago.
I was ready at a quarter
to six, like on my bike.
- [Justin] Like we were supposed to.
- You don't have to keep talking about it.
If we're not on time, we're not on time.
- [Paul] Well we just need to talk about
what the term means and like we were up
at a quarter to five in our room.
- [Man] That's fine.
- You were up way too early, bro.
- Managing expectations
was a huge part of the trip
and one of the hardest parts
for me was to be patient.
I'm not a very patient person at all.
We need to have expectations
of if we're having
a conversation and we say a certain time
we need to at least try
to adhere to that time.
- Paul was just always pissed
about people not being on time
so you get that sense right away,
it's like, okay, well this guy's
got something he's dealing with.
- Dealing with people like Joe
who also likes to talk back a bit,
in the morning was tough.
- Yeah, so kick stands
up doesn't really matter
unless it's like, if you're not down here
for the fucking meeting at 5:30...
- [Paul] Exactly, but we need to have
those conversations the night before.
- And then we're eating
and then I had to poop.
- I told Paul on day two in the morning,
I said just leave, go.
You don't have to sit here and piss and moan
about how we're not on time,
just leave if you wanna leave.
I was not happy.
- So I kind of saw Paul's
frustrations and stuff
but in my eyes I was just
like we need to set a time
and stick to it as close as
we can because these people,
I know how hard it is to
wrangle eight different guys
better than anybody and it's
just not something that happens
no matter what you do.
- When you get a bunch
of guys together like us
it's like five dogs in the same room,
there's gonna be some barking going on.
- Not having that kind of cadence
or that kind of system or even knowledge
of how each of us work together
let alone how we're
gonna survive together,
none of that stuff had been gelled yet,
none of that had been forged.
It was the dumbest day of the entire trip
because we were not happy
and nothing was clicking I don't think
how we envisioned it clicking.
- [Justin] Next stop, Nashville.
Peace.
("Moving Particles" by Sensations' Fix)
(lyrics muffled)
♪ So I'll take my walk ♪
♪ Mile after mile ♪
♪ All I can see is the blue and the rain ♪
♪ For the home team ♪
- So as we're going down Highland
it opens up to this beautiful
view of South Carolina
and just the beautiful
lush forest and curvy roads
and we're full throttle going downhill.
Exhilarating, this is
day two and I'm like man,
if this is how the whole ride is gonna be
this is gonna be the most amazing thing.
- Big Daddy pooped his pants.
That's a highlight for
me for sure of that day.
(laughing)
- Yeah, hey, I asked for
a bathroom stop, man,
it just didn't come.
And then it did and I pooped my pants.
- [Interviewer] Do you remember...
- Did he take his pants
off all the way for that?
- Yeah, I left those babies.
- [Interviewer] You
already planned for it?
- Bear in the woods,
dude, throw those out.
- Yeah, I'm surprised Big Daddy
didn't poop his pants more.
I think that he was prone
to pooping his pants
and I'm happy it happened
so early on the trip.
- This is when, could we
just get all the lights off
and get that silhouette and
I'll just be like I shit myself.
(laughing)
- Everybody's excited
because this is the day
that we're finally gonna
see some turns, some curves,
some really exciting roads and the road
as far as we were concerned,
the one that we had been talking about
since we saw where we were going.
- Just growing up I heard
about it riding motorcycles
and stuff so I was
pumped that I was finally
gonna get to do it.
- And it was the Tail of the Dragon.
- Tail of the Dragon, yeah.
- Tail of the Dragon.
- We were supposed to be going on some road
called Tail of the Dragon.
- It was 318 turns in 11 miles.
- 318 turns in 11 miles.
- 318 turns in 11 miles.
- It's 100 and something
turns or something like that.
- Doesn't really need an
introduction outside of
it's supposed to be America's
greatest motorcycle road.
("This Is My World" by
Esterly feat. Austin Jenckes)
- Yeah, I feel like the Tail of the Dragon
might have been the most
over-hyped part of the whole trip.
♪ This is my world ♪
(engines revving)
♪ Oh, you took a wrong turn ♪
♪ Now you're stuck in my world ♪
♪ Trust me, this is gonna hurt ♪
♪ Fire it up, and watch it burn ♪
Everything's so snappy and
that's the kind of riding
I really like to do.
- I get it, it's cool but like...
- Kind of like in Jurassic Park,
it's super forested, you
have these sweeping turns.
- [Man] I'm riding by
and if you look at me
I'm all tense and intent
and I'm completely focused
on the road and what I'm doing.
- I was loving it and
I made sure I hung back
further than everybody so
I just had a ton of room
to just really rip
through there and push it,
take it to the limit.
♪ This is my world ♪
♪ Oh, you took a wrong turn ♪
♪ Now you're stuck in my world ♪
♪ Trust me, this is gonna hurt ♪
♪ Fire it up, and watch it burn ♪
♪ This is my world ♪
- Oh my God!
That was out of control!
- Are you kidding me?
(chattering)
- You were wrong, you were wrong!
- No, that was fucking insane!
("Hometeam" by Chris King & The Gutterballs)
♪ Ain't no cheating way ♪
♪ The home team ♪
- It turns out that on the Tail
we had to have passed
this person a minute,
two minutes maybe before.
Somebody went off the road on a bike
and it was a man and his daughter
and it was an accident, like
a really, really bad accident.
- It's one of those things that happen.
What we do is dangerous.
We do everything we can
to mitigate the danger,
you can protect as much against,
but if it's your turn, that's it.
- That was a super
humbling, grounding moment
where it was, this is fun,
we're having a lot of fun
but this could end in a
heartbeat for one of us.
- Dane radio's us and is like dudes,
there's a storm, a heavy storm coming.
- I felt like I got hit with a paintball.
Like a raindrop just hit my arm
and we were at a stop sign.
We're doing 40, this is gonna leave
welts or something, this is gonna suck.
- Everybody on the intercom system,
and I was leading 'cause I had the maps,
everybody's like just go man,
we're just gonna ride through it.
We're already delayed, let's just ride
through it, let's go, let's go.
Something felt different,
it was like nope,
this doesn't look,
the rain cloud is coming
at us way too fast.
You can actually see the
curtain of rain in front of us
and I saw a barn right off the road.
We hadn't seen anything for
like four hours before that.
Immediately pulled off
and it was like somebody
just started dumping buckets of water.
(rain pouring)
- We got out of that literally
seconds before that hit.
- Look how blistered and sunburned I am
and look what's going on behind me,
the drastic weather changes
in a matter of hours.
- We all decide that this rainstorm
is the perfect time for
me to do my challenge
which is the bikini scooter wash.
("Sexy" by Bensound)
So I don't know if you're
familiar with a women's bikini.
If you're a woman then
you're familiar with it
but if you're a man you've
probably never put one on.
You don't understand that the
front is really, really narrow
so in order for me to be able
to keep everything contained
I had to wear the bikini bottom backwards.
I wheel out Elliot's
scooter into the rain,
torrential downpour and I forgot
I didn't have any washing
materials, no soap,
no brushes, nothing.
So I used the best thing
I had, my genitals.
(laughing)
- We're supposed to be on the
road a long fucking time ago
and I don't understand how people,
I don't know what they're
doing, I honestly don't.
It's super frustrating.
- We got a way late start that morning.
I was pretty frustrated but I think that
just how certain days came together
you couldn't really control
getting mad at it that day.
- Anybody else want a spot of
coffee before I throw it out?
- So Ron's bike...
- My bike is a lot like me.
It's big, it's dumb and it
tries too hard to be cool.
It's not very nimble, it's not very agile.
- Not safe, not safe at all.
- It's a 2005 Honda Reflex
that's lived in Florida most of its life.
You can imagine what the condition
of those bolts were like.
- The skeleton he had put
together for this thing
the day we left was these
pegs that went through
the midrail of the bike
where the front tire is
so every time he hit a bump
the front tire would hit the peg.
- Big Daddy and Ron and
stuff dealt with Ron's bike.
What a disaster.
- I'm just sitting there having to hacksaw
this friggin' foot peg off.
- Cut a giant section out
of my homemade highway bars
which would've eventually killed me.
- Hey Ron, you should
take a knife to your tire.
(laughing)
- We had taken a really good look at my bike
and decided the back tire had to be changed
and there was no way I
could keep going on with it.
- Because he was on a bigger
bike and could catch up to us,
I'm gonna hold back and
wait for a shop to open
and get this tire swapped and
I'll catch up with you guys.
- And here it was, two days into it,
so many blood, sweat and tears already,
it was tough, it was really tough.
- It's gonna work out, man.
- [Man] Be safe
- I will.
- [Man] Drive safe, man.
- We rode away thinking Ron's going back.
He's gonna maybe swap his
tire and go back to Florida,
he's close enough that he's gonna go back.
- [Man] Drive safe!
- Man, I really hope that we reconnect.
I hope the splintering off
doesn't turn into something
that we can't control.
Like somebody's going home.
It was a weird feeling but I kept feeling
whenever we separated somebody,
there was a good chance they might not
come back into the fold.
- Big Daddy had a spider bite
and he wanted to go see
his doctor in Nashville.
- I wanted to get it checked out
before we went any further
just in case something was going on.
My side was swelling up
and getting all crazy.
(engine revving)
No, dude, I don't know, they just said
it was a bug bite and they gave me some meds
and were like don't drink too much
and I just kind of tossed 'em
and was like that's not gonna happen.
(laughing)
(chattering)
- It just ripped?
- Oh yeah, blew the crotch
out of 'em again, man.
Look at this.
Just opened it up.
Woo, I am burning up, dude.
There's no room in this
seat for this stuff anymore.
Yeah, I'm gonna live they
just gave me some antibiotics
and stuff, I got my ear
cleaned out, that was crazy.
There was like a Skittle in there.
(laughing)
She said I probably should
go back to the doctor
in like three days but oh well.
- Pulled up to this gas station,
we knew we had this stretch.
Dane, this poor driver is telling us,
guys, there's some
serious weather coming in.
- [Man] Where are we?
- This is us right here then.
(mumbling)
(chattering)
- And we all have shields.
Do you have a shield you
can pull out of the van?
So if we do get hail you're
not getting paintballed
and bleeding and spaced.
It looks like it's gonna
continue to get bad
or get worse or just stay
like it is for a long time.
So we can stand around here
and waste a bunch of time
and still end up going through it
or we can still be more
than three hours behind
or we can just put a shield
on and try to endure it.
- We were like let's just ride through it.
- And there was gonna be nothing around.
There was gonna be no gas station,
there was gonna be no emergency
options for us to pull over
if it is as bad as we think it might be.
- It doesn't seem like
it's gonna be that bad
but there's this one corner that we turned
and all of a sudden the sky is just black
and at that point we knew
it was too late to turn back
so we just went for it.
- I just remember coming up a hill
and just seeing lightning in the way distance
and hearing the thunder and the wind
and you see the trees flapping.
It was the craziest riding
experience I've ever been in
weather wise for sure.
- Crap was in the road,
giant puddles or whatever,
and we're just being blown all
over the place by the wind.
(upbeat music)
- I know it's pretty dangerous,
we're cruising, we're still full blast
and I see these little,
you guys remember those
little bumps in the road?
- There were turtles on
the road, big turtles.
Where the fuck did the turtles come from?
We're talking like turtles!
And why are they in the road
and where did they come from?
- There's just turtles in the road
and we're like dodging turtles
and you're dodging sticks,
you're dodging little creeks
of water, it was crazy.
- Through a bunch of turtles,
it wasn't like a turtle,
there were many turtles.
- It was very, very wet
for a very long time.
- [Man] Keep twisting.
(laughing)
Keep going.
(chattering)
- [Man] Elliot's are bad.
- [Man] Like a thousand year old egg.
- [Man] I got like little raisins here.
- Dude, there's water in the shoe.
- And somebody remembered,
it was like Paul,
how is your Tamagotchi pet?
'Cause Paul's challenge was he had to keep
one of those little pocket pets alive
for the duration of the trip.
- It's waterproof ability, not great.
I opened my pocket and
it was no longer alive.
It was like well,
somebody's getting their
head shaved tonight.
- It's dead.
- I'm not happy about this.
- He was so excited because he thought
it was going to be so easy.
- I really hope I'm not the
only one to lose my challenge.
- This makes me very scared
for my own challenge.
- Yeah, I'm shaving a cul de
sac, I can hide it with a hat.
At least I look like a
normal person in a cul de sac
with a hat on.
This is not cool.
Hey, here's the funny
thing is that I never knew
how to work it and it has been
not alive this entire time.
There's like a screen
before you start the animal
that just has a bunny and
then you get to choose
a different animal and I
keep showing people the bunny
and then every gas stop bringing it out.
- And that's when we basically
learned that Paul's a liar
and he had been cheating.
Never really showed us that
the Tamagotchi was ever alive
and just basically told us the
instructions were in Chinese
and I never could read them
so I never turned it on
so it's never actually been alive.
- The buttons don't even make sense.
- Just because he lied
to us for three days
I feel like something
else should happen to him.
(soft music)
- Made it back to the hotel,
first thing I saw when I looked up
was two male butts pressed
against the window.
(laughing)
So at least my friends
were waiting for me.
Went inside, drank a bunch of whiskey,
Paul got his head shaved.
- I got to shave him a
cul de sac in his head.
It's probably the most
amazing feeling ever
is shaving the part of
somebody's head that is
supposed to have all the hair.
- [Man] I really want a sexy tuft though.
- [Man] Oh my God.
- [Man] Go deeper in the back, guys.
You need to go deeper.
- The deal is cul de sac,
it's not cul de sac and tuft.
(laughing)
Get rid of that fucking tuft.
- [Man] The tuft makes it.
- [Man] I was into it and then I saw it.
- [Man] I need to get one side right here.
- It's fucking uneven.
You went way more on this
side than you did that side.
- [Interviewer] Tell us a little bit
about how you're feeling about the challenge.
- How am I supposed to feel, dude?
My friends are idiots
and they did this to me.
I have to embrace it.
I'm not okay with it
yet, I just have to be.
What are my options, dude,
what are my actual options?
Look at me, what are my options?
Look at me, dude.
Look at my head.
What are my options?
This is me, dude, now.
This is awful, dude.
But I'm gonna live with it.
("The Death of Mr. Jones" by The Dames)
- Jackson, Missouri to Nevada, Missouri.
Not Nevada, Nevada, Missouri.
- We went to Nevada.
- Joe had to wear a ghillie
suit for the whole day.
320 something miles of this
snow camo sheep dog ghillie suit
which is a sniper suit for anybody
that doesn't know what a ghillie suit is.
He looked so dumb.
- The ghillie suit really
wasn't my best day.
- And it was a constant funny, like,
whenever I was feeling down about anything
I looked at my mirror and see Joe
blasting this ghillie suit back
and he looked so ridiculous.
- Joe is in his ghillie
suit and he looks ridiculous
and all of a sudden he
comes over the comms,
guys, my bike broke down.
- Probably my belt, just like dead.
- [Man] Oh okay.
- Yeah, you didn't see smoke, did you?
- [Man] No.
- And it turns out by
the time we get there
he's already got his
whole bike taken apart
and he's sitting there
and can't figure out
what's wrong with it.
- I had all the stuff laid out.
Was checking my belt, checking my transition,
and nothing was wrong.
So Barnes and I push him
up this hill with our feet
on the back of his scooter on his muffler
and then he coasts down
into the gas station,
puts gas in, problem solved.
- And lo and behold,
much to my embarrassment I found out
that I basically just ran out of gas.
♪ All right ♪
- We took a long, long grind
across a really flat state.
It was just get the miles
in, get the miles in,
get the miles in.
- Big Daddy's challenge was
to stop at every McDonald's
that we passed, if we could
see it he had to stop at it.
- I was not looking
forward to this at all.
I kept trying to get out
of it before we left.
- Fuck all you guys.
- [Man] Even when we thought of this
we thought it was gonna be a funny thing
but we're already so annoyed by how many
stops we've been having to make unplanned
that this just gonna take so long.
(upbeat music)
- So we're somewhere in Missouri
or I have no idea what
state we were actually in
and we were all drafting
and doing some Blue Angels type stuff.
And I'm standing up on
my bike with my fly open
so I can cool off, it was so terribly hot.
- We're going along and I was talking
to my girlfriend Melissa on the phone.
- I have no idea what happened
but I heard a loud bang and
I saw sparks right next to me
and oh my God.
- Suddenly, my back tire stopped.
- I see blue smoke, boom, the
bike explodes in front of me.
It just ducks, twists and then Paul
goes flying off the road.
- The first thing I thought
about was don't touch my brakes,
that was first, definitely
don't touch my brakes
and I don't wanna go down
and take my buddies out.
I just aimed for the soft grass
knowing I was gonna go down.
- At any moment now you're just waiting
for the end over end over end
and Paul like Supermanning
off into the distance.
- And luckily my clutch actually exploded
and the tire broke free
when I was in the grass
and I was able to ride it out.
- [Man] And everybody on
the comms are going nuts!
They're like, he's riding it out,
he's riding it out, oh my God,
I can't believe he's riding it out!
- As soon as I turn
around I just drop my bike
and run over to Paul and hug him
because I can't believe
that dude is still alive
and up and walking and like
holy shit, that was insane.
- Did the belt just jam?
- Yikes.
- Holy, that scared me to freaking death.
- I was on the phone.
(laughing)
- [Man] Who were you on the phone with?
- With my girlfriend.
- [Man] Oh no!
- [Man] Call her quick.
- [Man] Hold on a second, I'm gonna die.
- Yeah, I was like I have to go.
She's going, "what's happening,
what's happening, "what's happening?"
I'm like I gotta go.
Everything just fucking rocked.
- [Man] I thought you were down, man.
- [Man] I thought you blew a tire.
- I thought you blew a tire too.
- I thought I did too.
(tool drilling)
- [Man] Did you say you saw fluid?
- [Man] There's fluid dripping.
- And as the cover comes
off it's just a mess.
- That middle one's out already.
That's not good.
Oh, torque diverter, look at that.
- It's spaghetti and
shards of metal everywhere.
- [Man] Shit man.
How does that even happen?
- [Man] It's too hot.
- Look at this, this is
the thing the belt sits in
and I've never seen
anything like this before.
This is insane.
- This whole thing's destroyed.
- Yup.
- What happened is a bolt came loose
and it caught right
there, you can see that,
and it just locked it up.
So this is what spins with the rear tire
and that's what caused that breakdown
and this is essentially what
ended the ride for that bike.
- It broke the casting.
- [Man] Yeah.
- And that seal, you cannot
put that back into a bike.
- No.
- Thankfully we had another
one on our support vehicle
that we were able to swap a few parts
and get Paul going again.
- Let's get it off, let's strip
down the parts that it needs
off of this bike and get that bike running
so we can at least...
- It needs three arm bolts,
it needs the header bolt.
- [Man] Let's pull it off.
- By the time we got to this accident
we already cannibalized a lot of this bike
that was supposed to be a backup bike
and now we're taking basically its legs.
The whole transmission is gonna go,
the clutch and everything
has to go into the bike
that Paul was using for the ride.
- God damn it.
(grunting)
Fucking ranked that thing.
(tools buzzing)
- One thing that was
pretty important to me
was how everybody reacted.
It was very, very heartwarming
to have people that care about you so much
and I think that I'd do
the same for anybody.
But it was definitely,
I felt like my brothers
were there for me then.
- [Man] Big Daddy.
- He could not have planned this day
any better if he wanted to.
We saw like three McDonald's.
- And then four hours go by
we didn't pass a single
God damn McDonald's.
- Come on, 350 miles, 12 hours on the road
and the man passed four
McDonald's, are you kidding me?
- Alright, double cheese, here we go.
- [Man] Double cheese?
- Well yeah.
- [Man] You got more than you needed to.
- I'm just hungry, guys.
This is the first McDonald's
we've seen since we left.
I didn't eat lunch 'cause
I thought I was just
gonna be pounding freaking burgers.
I hate McDonald's so much.
These things are just terrible.
I mean they're go-to's.
But they're still shitty.
I actually feel pretty lucky right now.
This is only the second one I've had to do
so I might be coming out
ahead on this one, boys.
- We roll into Lincoln,
right as we came into
town there's McDonald's,
so me and Ron stop, I grab a burger.
We kind of came in one side of town,
our hotel's on the other,
then we waited for him at the McDonald's
that was across the street from our hotel
hoping he was gonna pass it
so he'd fail his challenge
and we could shave his head.
- [Man] Uh oh.
- [Man] Uh oh!
(shouting)
- When I realized he was at McDonald's
Big Daddy just, you just saw him die
just a little bit on the inside.
(laughing)
- Might as well end it
on a high note, boys.
God dang Happy Meal done.
So I pulled in, grabbed a Happy Meal
and ended where at least
I got a toy at the end.
Should've got that extra pickle, man.
- And we were thinking
about our challenges
and this was my favorite
point of the challenges
because Elliot goes wait,
when am I supposed to do my challenge?
- My challenge was to
hug 100 people in a day
which sounded kind of daunting
but I was like I can do it,
you hit a Walmart, you hit
a bar, you hit whatever.
I wasn't that worried about it
but I thought my challenge
was on day eight.
For some reason.
- All of us kind of
looked at each other like
your challenge is day three,
man, you didn't do it.
Looks like we're shaving
another head tonight.
(clippers buzzing)
- [Man] No!
- [Man] There he goes!
- No.
- [Man] Oh my God, looking good.
- [Man] Oh my goodness.
- This is the most satisfying thing
I've fucking ever done in my entire life.
- Paul, let me see your do in this too.
No, Paul, Paul, I'm trusting you, dude.
You know where the part's at.
I'm trusting you, dude.
It's so painful seeing all of you watch.
- [Man] Let's see the back!
- [Man] Unbelievable.
- [Man] Do a little twist.
(laughing)
- [Man] That is a solid line!
- [Man] Lined him up
real good there, dude!
(chattering)
- Oh yeah, dude.
It's not bad.
(upbeat music)
- After day two I was like
Elliot's definitely the airhead.
- All this work that
Elliot did before the ride,
he didn't tighten down
a single God damn bolt.
- Again, like I really don't
work on my scooter that much
and we're going into this ride,
I was like oh yeah, I
gotta do a couple things.
All the other guys are
busy, I can figure it out.
- He just put thing in there
and hand tightened it together.
- I think I lost four or
five bolts from my bike.
- Forgetting to bolt
his bike back together,
that was just genius.
- He was like dudes,
dudes, my bike sounds loud.
And I'm right next to him and I look over
and I can see his O2
sensor has popped out.
Unfortunately we actually
had to stop and fix
Elliot's scooter again.
- We're ripping along, all
of a sudden my bike dies
and I'm oh great, probably blew a belt.
Derek is pretty good at
ripping things apart,
comes over with the impact
driver and it's off,
take it apart, he's like
no dude, your belt's fine.
- What happened?
- I think it's the final drive, dude.
- [Man] What?
- I guess we're not making
that two o'clock lunch.
- Well we either gotta
Frankenstein two bikes together.
If we can't do that then
we have to figure out
a way to trailer it
'cause we only have room
for one bike over there, so
we gotta figure it out.
(engine starting)
- [Man] What happened?
- No idea.
I think he hit the kill switch.
- When he stops and everybody stops
we start it up and we try it first
before we start ripping things apart.
- Get on it, ride it, it's all good.
Look down and like guys,
I have something to admit.
I hit my kill switch.
(laughing)
Maybe it was the kill switch.
- [Man] Next time this
happens and you pull off,
try to start it.
- Ah, damn it.
I already felt bad enough
about my bolts rattling out,
I'm flying off and now.
They never let me live
that shit down, never.
(adventurous music)
(chattering)
- [Man] They want us to stop right here.
Slow down guys, on the right.
Oh perfect.
- [Man] Oh fuck, look to the right.
- [Man] Whoa!
- [Man] Damn!
- [Man] Holy shit.
- [Man] Come on.
- [Man] Shit!
- [Man] Dude, whoa!
- [Man] This is the Badlands, boys.
- [Man] Whoa!
- Look over and it's just like, boom.
Like this crazy, crazy landscape.
(wind blowing)
- It was almost overwhelming though.
How many amazing panoramic vistas
can you see of the American west?
What was nice was seeing
things that our country
is known for like monuments
and cool, exciting things
because we didn't see
shit for two days straight
and then we saw things that had elevation
and things that had some
kind of uniqueness to them.
- Should I stop this car and ask?
- [Man] What?
- [Man] If it's dirt all
the way to the next town.
- I had found a shortcut.
I was like let's go this way.
Or not a shortcut, but
I found a back road.
And me and Barnes looked at
it at our first gas stop,
we decided yeah, that's
the way we're gonna go,
so we punched in the GPS
and once we hit the point of no return
we just see the road turns to
dirt and gravel and everything
and we see a sign and it's
like dirt road, 27 miles.
- [Paul] When should we head out?
- [Joe] Yeah, I like surprises, right?
- [Paul] Alright guys, time to make moves.
- And it was awesome.
(upbeat music)
- [Justin] We're stupid, boys.
- [Paul] Yes we are.
(lyrics muffled)
(engines revving)
(horn honking)
- The whole day was
great leading up to it,
saw Badlands, saw Black
Hills, saw Mount Rushmore
and then we just hit this point where
we got like 70 miles of
just straight highway.
- It was actually kind of terrifying.
I think that was the part of that day
that we knew we had a
ton of riding to do still
and we just had to bite
the bullet and do it.
- We're literally getting
our faces sandblasted.
(slow music)
♪ Oh, I think I need you ♪
♪ Here in my darkest night ♪
- [Man] We may have to
look at Daddy's bike.
- [Man] I guarantee we
need to look at his bike.
- Yeah, that was bad for me, dude.
But I was going like 10
miles an hour under everybody
so I'm gonna draft the van
and it was just no good.
- For some reason Big Daddy and I
seem to have the slow bikes.
- That was kind of the
point where my bike,
I felt like was starting to tell me
she's getting a little tired.
I couldn't figure it out, didn't know
what it was. Eventually pulled over.
(tools drilling)
- [Man] Blown, boys.
- We got it back up and it started running
a little bit better but
I've had it for four years
and put 20,000 miles on it
and she's starting to feel it.
- We changed two belts that day.
- It was established that Barnes and I
were going to be the
mechanics on this trip
because everybody else
couldn't tighten their bolts,
they put too much oil in,
they were inept with the mechanics of it.
- It's testy.
(mumbling)
- Technically that's three for me.
One on the other bike and
one when I had my mishap
and this.
(mumbling)
- So I kept thinking that
my bike's running crappy
and it's gonna blow up at any given moment
and we had a couple of near
misses with some other people
like a belt here and a belt there
and I'm like God, this
bike is probably gonna die.
I also had this sketchy
mechanic do the work in Florida
so I'm like at any moment now this thing's
just gonna go belly up on me.
- [Man] Joe's engine light just popped on.
- [Man] Who's?
- [Man] Joe's.
- [Man] His what?
- [Man] His engine light popped on.
(laughing)
- Hey yours actually came off.
I've never blown a belt like that.
♪ Won't you tell me your name ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm feeling so far away ♪
♪ And it's time ♪
♪ Oh it's time ♪
- [Elliot] Wa, guys, hold on.
- [Man] What?
- [Elliot] I just died and I
didn't hit the kill switch.
- [Man] Are you sure?
- And again, my bike just dies.
- [Man] At least we found
a spot to break down in.
- [Man] Yeah, I'll walk it up
there, don't worry about it.
- [Man] I'll push you, I'll push you.
- We're just ripping down this dirt road
for like two hours, I don't
even know how long it was
but I guess at some point
my battery terminal had come loose.
(mumbling)
(laughing)
- [Man] Dag gone!
- Loose terminal, baby!
- It's sometimes the most obvious thing.
(upbeat rock music)
- [Man] Oh dude!
Oh shit!
(laughing)
(screaming)
(chattering)
- The whole day it was up,
up, up, down, down, down,
up, up, up, down, was that the Cascades
we were going through?
- [Man] No, no, no, that was Sawtooth.
- But to be there in
that time, in that place,
with these people and
have something like that
put on display for no reason,
it just doesn't make sense.
- At some point during the pre-process
Justin was like hey, do you wanna be part
of these challenges that we're doing?
And I'm thinking like, I
don't have a whole perspective
of the fact that I'm so
outside of this group
but I was like well
yeah, I'm gonna be there,
I might as well do one
of these challenges.
- And the next day was Jesse's challenge
and it was First Blood.
Jesse had to live as
Rambo for an entire day.
He had to talk in only Rambo lines,
he had to dress as Rambo,
he had to live as Rambo.
- Two people already got their
heads shaved in the worst way
and so I'm thinking oh no, these
guys aren't messing around.
- See Rambo?
(laughing)
(drumming)
- I don't even know if the sun was up
but I'm working on my bike,
I look over and there's
John Rambo staring at me.
- A 300 plus ride today so
probably about 10 to 12 hours
of him acting like John Rambo
which Jesse vowed last
night when he was drinking
that he was gonna beat this challenge
by just not talking all day.
He's a kid so he probably has no idea
what John Rambo's character is
or has ever even seen First
Blood or any of the movies.
So it's gonna be interesting.
He's gonna be really quiet
or he's gonna have a cul
de sac or a missing eyebrow
by the end of the night.
- Well he's quietly honoring
his options over there
as John Rambo.
I think he'll crack.
I think we'll have another half shaved head.
(laughing)
- Rambo didn't say a word to anyone.
He was Rambo.
- Mute, 'cause he doesn't
wanna break character.
And that was damn funny.
- He's already full John
Rambo, method acting.
He's not responding to anybody.
The only acknowledgements
he's giving us is grunt.
I'm really excited.
We're gonna try so hard
to get him off of that.
- [Man] He's gonna hate
everyone by the end of the day.
- I think rubbed real dirt on himself.
He didn't have makeup.
- [Man] It's grease from somebody's bike.
- It's grease?
- [Man] Yeah.
- Oh, that's even better.
- Everybody was just like you're
gonna get your head shaved.
We're gonna get you.
You gotta pick an eyebrow or
you gotta get a cul de sac.
Neither of which I wanted.
- But every once in a while,
Rambo would come over the comm systems
and be like, "he's dead, you're all dead."
- Halfway through the day
I would go to Dane and be like,
"I got you, gimme the gun."
And then I'd get the gun
and sneak up on everybody
and shoot 'em.
- He had this gun that he was carrying
and we were climbing another
mountain pass somewhere
and his scooter was new and
kind of faster than ours
so he would pull up next
to us with his Nerf gun
and shoot us all.
So I remember being shot in the face
at 50 miles an hour with a
dart like what are we doing?
- [Man] He's John Rambo.
- I'm John Rambo.
- [Man] He's done!
(laughing)
- [Big Daddy] I'm impressed,
I thought I was taking an eyebrow.
- It was terrible but he owned it.
It was a funny challenge,
I kind of wish it would've been mine.
- [Tanner] Was that the
loneliest ride today?
(chattering)
- [Man] The challenge said all day, man.
- Man.
- At this point we all smelled awful.
I hadn't bathed in two or three days.
I ran out of socks like states ago.
- We were a ragged crew
at some point, dude.
Everyone's just super haggard.
Two of us, just half our heads
buzzed, we looked gnarly.
- It was just, it had been a long trip.
We didn't sleep a lot
the whole entire trip.
Pretty exhausted.
We probably didn't get more than
five hours of sleep a night.
So it's wearing on us.
And we didn't eat well.
- Gas station corn dogs for lunch.
- [Man] I wanna get a
box of mini corn dogs
and just cook 'em on my engine.
(laughing)
- Who doesn't buy corn
dogs at the gas stations?
You have two options, you
have biscuits and gravy
or waffles.
- They all had the most
terrible biscuits and gravy
and for some reason it
took until like day four
for us to realize that
this is not a good idea.
- Breakfast biscuit?
(chattering)
(chewing)
- [Man] These dudes ordered
everything with pineapple on it.
- We got some bread sticks for you.
- I hate with every fiber of
my being pineapple on pizza.
- Pineapple on everything.
(laughing)
- I think I had steak every day.
We were in the heart of cow country
the whole freaking vacation.
I go in, order the T-bone,
and it was just shit.
- [Man] That A-1 serves
one purpose, shots.
- A-1, I love that stuff.
- [Man] Drinking A-1 is way better
than putting it on a steak.
Try it sometime.
You have to.
- It was just shitty steak, dude.
It was like four year old cow
or something, I don't know.
- I'm not gonna eat anything
but kale for a month
when I get home.
- I'm from Montana so I was really excited
to see my home state, now
I felt like I was done,
I felt like I was already home.
There's a bar there
that threw us this party
when we got there and raising money
for the Morgan Foundation
and the bar was attached to an MMA gym
which was like the most
Montana thing ever.
- [Man] If you wanna jump in let me know.
- That's a maybe.
- [Man] That's a definitely yes, dude.
It's a matter of who is jumping in.
- I want a cul de sac versus cul de sac.
- And all the dudes were like hey,
you're fighting Paul.
Cul de sac against cul de
sac, this is happening.
- [Paul] Elliot, cul de
sac versus cul de sac?
He said if you guys wanna jump in the ring
just let me know.
(chattering)
- I haven't been in a fight before.
It was like alright guys,
had a shot and a beer
and it was like might as well go for it.
- And we both agreed that we
were not gonna hurt each other.
- We're not actually gonna
fight each other, are we?
And he was like no, no, let's
just give 'em a good show.
(bell ringing)
- Ladies and gentlemen
this fight is scheduled
for 12 uncontested rounds.
The winner will keep
an eyebrow, the loser.
(bell ringing)
- Punching only.
Fight.
(cheering)
- [Man] Elliot can't see him.
(intense music)
- Man, I'll be the first to admit
when the gloves are on
and you're just sparring
with another dude, it's hard to hold back.
- [Man] Punch his lights out, man!
(cheering)
- You hit me really hard a few times.
Rung my bell once, kind of knocked me back
and it's just that moment
where your pride takes over
and it's like nope, this
is not happening right now.
- I think I might've actually got a couple
of pretty good hits on him.
(mumbling)
- Both our corners back there,
all the dudes are behind us.
They're like dude, you're
actually holding your own
out there pretty good.
I was like oh yeah?
I was like maybe I could win this fight.
- Don't go for the face,
dude, you don't need pain,
you need throw up.
(bell ringing)
- [Man] Welcome to Montana!
(cheering)
- Just popped him right in the nose.
Just straight in the opening part
and I could definitely
tell that he just like,
everything stopped.
(bell ringing)
- He got me good, he got me good.
- You okay, you okay?
(chattering)
- [Man] He's bleeding, he's bleeding.
- I looked down there's just like blood
gushing out of my nose
and I was like alright,
first blood, this is time to end it.
- [Man] Elliot, let me get a picture!
(laughing)
- You okay?
- Yeah.
- Shaved his head and then I beat him up.
Woo!
No, it had nothing to do with revenge,
it had to do with I realized
that we were actually fighting.
- [Woman] You kicked his ass.
- No, I didn't kick his ass,
I hit him one good time really
after he hit me a couple good times.
- I heard that, I heard that.
I fought well but it wasn't good enough.
Paul clocked me a good one.
I got a couple good hits in though.
- [Man] Yeah, you did, you did.
- I hit more than I expected.
- [Man] Good, good.
- But Paul...
- [Man] He got a sneaky one in there.
- [Woman] He kicked your ass!
- He came to the, he kicked my ass.
- At this point I had spent
probably over 100 hours
building maps, like our turn
by turn maps for our GPS unit.
None of this makes sense.
- You had some good sleep though
so at least you have your wits about you.
- None of this makes sense.
None of these intersections look the same
or at least have the same information.
And this day I didn't have one.
I did not have our final day's route.
- It became pretty clear pretty quickly
that Barnes had no idea
where we were going.
- Do we need to continue to hammer in
that Barnes didn't have the maps?
- Barnes doesn't tell anybody,
we just wake up, get
on our scooters and go.
(engines revving)
- [Man] What are we doing?
- [Man] I don't know.
- [Man] Are we really having a party?
(laughing)
I think we're lost.
- [Man] Yeah, go check what's up.
- [Man] Tanner, what's going on?
- [Man] It dead ends up there.
No, we can't go that way?
- [Big Daddy] No, that road doesn't look like
it goes anywhere.
- [Man] Daddy, what did they say to you
about this road right here?
- [Tanner] They said that
it's kind of a cool road.
It loops around
and I don't think it
necessarily goes anywhere.
I didn't ask them for
directions to Seattle.
- [Big Daddy] We're probably
dipping down into Richland
and then going up on that highway.
- [Paul] That road doesn't
go anywhere, Daddy?
- [Big Daddy] Doesn't look like it.
We should've taken a right when
we went straight back there.
- [Man] Oh.
- [Justin] My bad, guys.
- And we get lost four, five, six times,
it doesn't matter.
It was probably closer to eight
but who's counting, right?
- Those are the kind
of moments I feel like
are actually the trip.
It was a lot of stops and
it was a lot of gassing up
and it was a lot of these
moments where we were confused
and didn't really know what way to go.
- We finally get our bearings
right and we are on the road
and we are coming up over this hill
and there's this hill that
drops down out of the city.
- You couldn't even tell what it was.
There was just like a black line
along the side of the road.
- We all look over and there's
just a line of scooters
sitting on the side of the road.
- All of our dudes and
other people from the city,
other people that thought
the story was cool
and the ride was awesome and
wanted to just be a part of it
as much as they could and they
rode all the way out there
or trailered out there and
rode the rest of the way
home with us.
- [Man] Fuck yes!
(screaming)
- [Man] Take my scooter,
I'm gonna fucking pass out!
- [Man] Yeah baby!
Oh the pig is here!
(cheering)
- [Man] Holy shit!
- [Man] Oh my God, oh my God.
- [Man] Oh fuck yeah.
- And it was such an awesome feeling,
I think everyone kind of got
pretty emotional at that point
like we had done it.
We were home, there's our peeps
and we're getting ready to just celebrate.
- All of us, I'm getting
choked up thinking about it,
all of us were like crying in our helmets.
Immediately I just lost it.
- [Man] Alright, should
we hit her back up?
(cheering)
(uplifting music)
- We were about 3500 miles
into this 3700 mile ride
and finally it hit me that
we just crossed the country
on a scooter at 40 miles an hour, insane.
- We've made it so far on
these little, tiny bikes.
- I told everybody, I was
like do not let any cars pass.
We're going up this mountain slow as hell
and we just split the road, I remember,
all eight of us right in
front, just made a wall
and the 30 scooters behind us came in
and did the same thing.
Just wall of scoots, wall of scoots
and behind us just miles of cars
and it was such a conquering feeling
to just stick it to all
those fucking people.
- [Man] Not that we have any reason to.
- We didn't have any reason
to but we just wanted to, man.
(speakers muffled)
- [Man] What about the smoke
bombs and the fireworks?
- [Big Daddy] Elliot, I need that flare!
- [Man] I love how we're
rolling up to a ferry terminal.
- [Man] Explosives, the
Coast Guard is gonna be there
in five seconds.
- And we just did the classic move
of is this thing lit or not
and as soon as I point it towards my face
just like shoots past my head.
And I'm just glad that my ride
could've ended right there.
- [Man] All these people
have no idea what's going on.
- [Man] No, came in hot
like a bunch of assholes,
it's so rad.
- [Man] Can we go down this?
- [Man] We just did.
(chattering)
- [Man] We're doing it, we're doing it.
- [Man] This guy's like come on, man.
(cheering)
- We pulled in, it was like the Beatles
getting off the plane in New York.
Everybody just went absolutely bananas.
(speaker voices muffled)
- And the one guy who had
more problems than any of us
on the whole trip when it
came to mechanical issues
or anything, Elliot, didn't
even get to the water
and dumped his bike.
(laughing)
The last four feet was too much.
- [Elliot] And I didn't care,
I just got off the bike,
just let it kind of slide.
Guys, we did it.
(inspiring music)
- [Man] I feel like eight
riders took it through
the entire country together.
It was pretty phenomenal.
Whether it's a belt,
somebody's oil is flying out
of their bike for some reason
or they ride off the road,
everybody was sticking together.
- Do I wanna go back and do it again?
I'm not so sure, we'll see.
It's a traumatic experience.
It was fun, we had a
great time, it was awesome
but it was like 11 of the most
miserable days of my life.
- After 11 days seeing
that coming to an end
and knowing man, I gotta get up tomorrow
and go back to the real
world, it was a bummer
and it was sad but it was happy.
It was just a range of
emotional feelings that night.
- Obviously we did it because we're idiots
and we thought it'd be
cool to ride 3700 miles
at 45 miles an hour.
(cork popping)
(cheering)
(laughing)
- For me this was much
more than about the ride.
At the end of the ride, I
didn't know this going into it
but at the end of the ride
actually becoming a family
was a much bigger part of it
than actually the 3700 miles that we rode.
- We left Fernandina Beach,
Florida with 3700 miles
before the finish line.
Went through rain, went through fights,
went through breakdowns,
everything that nature had to offer
was thrown at us.
Had a ton of laughs.
(cheering)
(laughing)
We arrived in Mukilteo,
Washington as a real family.
("This Is My World" by
Esterly feat. Austin Jenckes)
♪ Oh, you took a wrong turn ♪
♪ Now you're stuck in my world ♪
♪ Trust me, this is gonna hurt ♪
♪ Fire it up, and watch it burn ♪
♪ This is my world ♪
("Stories of Me" by Chris
King & The Gutterballs)
♪ Sometimes I take a walk down ♪
♪ When I see the weather
all of them colors ♪
♪ It reminds me ♪
♪ Down by the river singing
whatever will be will ♪
♪ And trouble keeps floating and
I'm tired of standing still ♪
♪ These stories of me ♪
♪ Plain as can be ♪
♪ They're shaking ♪
♪ I can't ♪
♪ These stories of me ♪
♪ Plain as can be ♪
♪ They're fading ♪
♪ Faster than the mouth ♪
♪ I know the way I told it
ain't the easy one to choose ♪
♪ Still mild minute between the blues ♪
♪ And I ain't got more time to lose ♪
♪ She talk off your head ♪
♪ And you'll know when this
conversation's through ♪
♪ I just keep walking around
this unfortunate town ♪
♪ Until it winds me back to you ♪
♪ These stories of me ♪
♪ Plain as can be ♪
♪ They're shaking ♪
♪ My hands in the air ♪
♪ These stories of me ♪
♪ Plain as can be ♪
♪ They're fading ♪
♪ Faster than the mountain ♪
♪ I don't mean to be nobody's burden ♪
♪ I'm just so tired of carrying this way ♪
♪ Lord knows I've tried to
tame these wild notions ♪
♪ Just keep boarding up
like a hole in the gate ♪
♪ These stories of me ♪
♪ Plain as can be ♪
♪ They're shaking ♪
♪ Like hands up the avenue ♪
♪ These stories of me ♪
♪ Plain as can be ♪
♪ We're fading faster
than the morning news ♪