Slashlorette Party (2020) - full transcript

I went up to a nice young lady.

And I tried to talk to her
and I offered her a snack.

I was eating a homemade
granola bar that day.

And she said,

"no, thank you".

And I wanted to be a
gentleman so I insisted,

I put it in her face like this
and I said, "try it, try it".

She called me a freak and
I was being nice to her.

And I did everything
that you told me to do.

And she still called me a freak.

What were you two talking about?



I don't know, like normal
stuff, like weather, movies,

and my night terrors and my
over-protective sweat glands.

And I might've mentioned that rash.

Why, why would you tell
her about your conditions?

I don't know.

It's what we talk about. You're a girl.

Tell her about your career,
your interests, your hobbies,

things like that.

Okay. I mean I'll try.

But if one more girl runs away from me.

I'm gonna go bananas.

Why don't we continue
this conversation next week?

My 11 o'clock is here.

And I want you to get a
haircut and a new jacket.



Okay. Okay.

Hi, I'm Dean.

Thank you, Mr. Dean.

I need to see my next patient now.

Okay.

Come with me Brie.

And the church is completely
empty. Feeling alone.

There is Dolph.

And I felt scared but I
still walked up to him.

It was like I knew he
was going to kill me, but.

I just kept walking down the aisle.

Because you felt expected to do so?

I didn't want to disappoint anyone.

Who are you afraid
of disappointing, Brie?

I remember feeling like I didn't want

to disappoint my mom.

And her biggest fear in life
is that I won't find a man

and I'll struggle like she did.

She really wants me to get married.

It'd make her so happy and
all my friends are happy,

everyone is so excited.

Except me.

It's just so much pressure.

When we first started talking,

you expressed your
feelings towards marriage.

And to you marriage equal
the loss of your identity,

of your career.

And now that we draw closer to the wedding

you see yourself, you dream
of walking towards death.

With death taking on
the form of your fiance.

How do you feel about Dolph?

Well, I love Dolph.

It's just that

lately everything he does
is so fucking annoying.

I don't know when it happened.

I just can't stand to
be around him anymore.

And my sex drive is completely gone.

I feel so guilty, but

like the thought of sex just repulses me.

Your increased sensitivity to his flaws

is a common side effect
of marriage anxiety.

But your low sex drive,
that may be a symptom

of something more serious.

You are right though.

Death feels

like the only escape.

That's why I walk up to
Dolph in the dream, isn't it?

I was speaking metaphorically.

Let's try this.

I want you to write
down all of your fears,

everything that you want to change

about your relationship with Dolph.

And tonight, I want you to
confront him with your list

and express your feelings.

If he loves you,

he will listen.

And if he doesn't validate your feelings

then maybe you might consider
moving on without him.

Surprise!

Oh my God, what are you guys doing here?

We are here to take you to
your bachelorette party bitch.

We rented a cabin for
the weekend in lake Tahoe.

My idea is to take you to
Vegas but Alexa wants us to bond

and play games and shit, so.

Yeah, this can't be happening.

It's okay, we're still gonna
have booze and strippers.

It's going to be a good time.

So come on, let's get a bag packed,

everyone's gonna be here soon.

I can't.

Why?

Because I'm breaking up with Dolph.

Fuck Yeah.

This doesn't make any sense.

You guys were so perfect together.

I don't understand.

No, this is awesome.

Dolph sucks and honestly you guys

were never good for each other.

Brie, you can't do this.

I have to before it's too late.

I wrote a letter saying
everything I hate about him

and why I have to stop this wedding.

No, I mean, you really
can't do this right now.

He's on his way over.

And the guys are going
to the cabin with us.

They are?

Well, yes, everyone is
coming over and all of a sudden

you decide you want to
break up with your fiance

on the day of your surprise
bachelorette party.

Well, I didn't know that Alexa, damn.

Oh my God.

They're here.

Just put this on. Take this.

Hey beautiful.

Are you ready to go?

Guess who else is here?

That's right, babe.

Before we get hitched I
thought we'd celebrate

our last few days of freedom.

So, you better get all your fun out now.

I know I am.

Because it's all downhill from here.

Am I right?

Yeah.

So, you ready to go?

Fuck babe, what the fuck's wrong with you?

Looks like someone
started the party early.

Come on, girl,
is that all you got?

That's what I'm talking about.

Oh no. She's just so excited.

We're going to go ahead
and get her cleaned up.

You guys just wait outside.

Nia, could you give me a hand?

Babe, make sure you clean
up that shit on the floor

before you come outside, okay?

Do you just want me to tell Dolph

that you're too sick to go to the cabin?

Don't make her lie to Dolph.

She's in no shape to go.

I have to go.

Dolph would never let me stay
behind and embarrass him.

Hey, is Brie okay? Are
we canceling the trip?

Yeah, she
looked messed up in there.

No, she's fine,

just being dramatic.

We're definitely going.

Hey, you know, this is my weekend too.

I got some loose ends
I have to take care of

before we tie the knot.

Like what?

Let's just say, there's
something at the cabin

waiting to send me off into wedded bliss.

We're not doing that, nope.

Hey, this is my weekend.

And as my best man, you will fall in line.

Come on Finn.

Roll out boys.

Don't be a pussy dude.

Sure, sure, man.

Fuck up your marriage, it's not mine.

I'm just gonna try to
get through this weekend

and make him happy.

But after that I'll talk to him.

But I'm fine, I promise.

I know. I guess you're right.

You just have this thing
about you don't need

to be protected and taken care of.

And I just want you to know
that I'm here for you. Okay?

Yep, that's me, poor little Brie.

All right. Let's party.

We really got to keep an
eye on her this weekend.

Yeah, this is her bachelorette party.

We need to make sure she has fun.

No, we have way bigger
things to worry about

than penis straws and shit, what the fuck?

I choose to stay on the
positive side of things.

This is her bachelorette party
and I'm going to make sure

she has a great time
because that's my job.

Here, take this. We don't
want you getting carsick.

She won't be getting carsick
because we're gonna make sure

we take care of her this weekend.

Right, ladies?

Yes, there we go.

I hope you didn't change
your mind about breaking up

with Dolph just because
Alexa made you come here.

I thought about it in the car.

I think I'm just gonna
give it one last try.

Seriously?

Why not make it easier on myself, right?

Whoa, whoa, hey, what's up?

Hey, Mr. Best man.

So, I don't need to tell you

that there's been a little
tension between Brie and Dolph.

You just look after Dolph
and I'll take care of Brie.

Alright, sounds good.
Let's do that then.

So you know, we are going to have

to get very close this weekend.

I mean, we do have the
highest titles, right.

Under the bride and groom.

It's like, we're basically
a couple or whatever.

I don't know about that,
I'll see you up there, huh.

Okay guys, lets go.

Welcome, welcome.

You guys, look at this place.

Isn't it beautiful?

Okay ladies, let's meet in
the kitchen in 10 minutes

for drinks, right after
we put away our things.

Jesus, you're already starting

with your micromanaging bullshit.

Look, you're just
jealous that Brie chose me

to be her maid of honor and not you.

Well, what do we have here?

Are you okay babe, you look scared?

I'm not scared, I was in deep
thought and you startled me.

In deep thought.

What kind of deep thoughts
are running through

that chipmunk brain of yours?

Nothing, it's pretty beautiful here.

You look beautiful.

You're having lots of deep
thoughts lately, haven't you?

Seeing that therapist and all?

Dr. Petra, yeah.

She's been helping me a lot.

We've been working through some stuff.

So you like her?

Yeah. She's great.

She's giving me a lot of good advice.

Oh, yeah,

like what?

You know, just putting
things in perspective for me,

helping me sort through my cluttered mess.

Is it working?

Yeah it is, I feel a lot
better after I see her.

So you do feel better?

Yeah, I do.

So, does that mean can we fuck now?

Oh my God. Is that all you care about?

Yeah. I mean, come on.

This is what your therapist
should be telling you

what to do.

Go home and let your fiance beat.

Listen, I just don't feel
good right now from earlier.

You know this is part of
your wifely duties, right?

I said I don't feel good right now.

You haven't felt good in over a month.

But that's the way you want it then.

What does that mean?

Nothing.

You know, this is the kind
of shit that makes guys

cheat on their girlfriends.

But I'm not like that.

Okay, I'm a good guy.

I don't want anybody else.

All I want is you but if
you keep rejecting me, then.

I don't feel good right now.

But I promise tonight
we'll be together, okay?

Okay.

Look, Alexa wants us girls
on the deck for drinks.

So I'll see you tonight.

Whatever.

Don't be mad, please.

Did Brie tell you why she puked earlier?

I told you she was just overly excited.

That's all.

Well, I heard that she's pregnant.

You heard? You're the
only one fucking saying that

you lying ass bitch.

Mandy heard the same thing too. Okay?

Right, from you.

We were sitting next to each other.

She's not pregnant. Okay?

Shut up and stop spreading rumors.

Well, I bet she is.

She just doesn't even know it yet.

Know what?

Oh, we were just talking
about all the fun stuff

we have in store for you tonight.

Right ladies?

That's right.

I want to thank you all for being here

to celebrate our girl, Brie.

She went from dissecting dead bodies

and all that gross stuff in college

to becoming the wife of her
high school sweetheart, Dolph.

Cheers, to Brie and Dolph.

Cheers.

Okay. Wow.

Let's take this out to the deck.

Shall we ladies?

Oh, is that the stripper?

The strippers are here?

Yes.

They're no supposed
to be here yet, damn it.

Weren't they supposed
to be dressed like cops?

That's right, and I only ordered one.

Are you guys from the stripper agency?

No. We're here to fix the wifi.

The owner arranged it last week.

Thank God, for a second I thought

we were going to see them naked.

No offense, but I don't want
to see you guys unclothed.

Okay. You guys go wait outside.

I'm sorry. Please come right in.

Thanks ma'am.

Sometimes you just got to
let girls say stupid shit.

Especially if you're
trying to finesse your way

into her pants.

Just shut the fuck up. I don't say shit.

I just nod at everything.

She can be like, "we should
blow up the moon or something".

And I'm like, "yeah, that
sounds like a good idea".

Or she could be like, "I'm an Aries,

that's why I hate fake people".

Whatever you say, do you.

But the second I'm done
smashing, I'm like,

"hey yo, all this stuff about
blowing up the moon and shit,

"are you out of your fucking mind?

"And stop blaming your personality traits

"on the day you were born.

"Everyone hates fake people."

No man, Geminis definitely
have certain character traits

that are unique to the other signs.

Wow. You guys would
do anything for a chick.

Have some dignity.

I know fam, I can't even
look myself in the mirror

after I do the things I do for some pussy.

It's sad.

I just hate how much
work guys have to do.

Guys have to be funny and charming.

Being a man is way harder
than being a chick.

Wow, I'm hearing a lot
of pain in this group,

girls have it easy, bro.

Girls just have to be
pretty and nothing else.

That's why they're always boring.

Funny girls are always ugly.

So do you have like
high and low standards

at the same time?

How the fuck do you do that?

I just don't think it's
fair that I have to be

so much more interesting.

I have to like actually read articles.

I hate to break it to you, bro,

but for your sake, you better
keep hitting them books,

gain some knowledge,
whatever you do, don't stop.

Especially if you're trying
to get into something

this weekend, you know,

break out the motherfucking anecdotes.

I'm so not interested in hooking up

with anybody this weekend.

Come on, Nia, just play along.

No, thank you.

I'm gonna get acquainted with some whiskey

and smoke the fuck out.

What about you Trinity?

Hmm. I don't know.

I guess if I had to
pick, I'd go with Jimmy.

Jimmy is cute and he's
such a good listener too

but I have my eye on a special someone.

I can't say though, it's too scandalous.

Whatever hoe, it's probably nobody.

I guess it's just gonna be me and Brie

having fun this weekend, right?

Yeah. Right.

What was that, are you guys not?

She doesn't want to talk about it?

Come on, you can tell us Brie.

I asked Mandy, "hey, where's my hug?"

She just ignored me, dude.

What a stuck up bitch?

I don't even know her like
that and I still got a fat hug.

That's such bullshit.

Well, you better move fast
'cause there ain't much left.

Dibs on Trin, Finn and Alexa
are automatically hooked up.

Wait, why is that?

Because she's the maid of
honor and you're the best man.

So y'all have to hook up, it's a rule.

That's not a fucking rule.

Why does everybody keep saying that?

Okay, it's not really a
rule, it's more of a tradition

because if you don't hook up
you're going to bring bad luck

to all of us.

Enough of the sex talk, okay?

If I don't get some soon I'm
going to fucking kill somebody.

It's okay, it's just between us girls.

How long has it been?

A month, maybe more.

- Brie!
- Oh my God.

That's crazy, I couldn't do that.

Guys, she's just going
through a hard time right now.

She doesn't need an excuse, Alexa.

Brie, you better give it
up sooner or some other girl

is going to come through and
snatch your man from you.

Any bitch who's to do that
is a fucking piece of shit.

Damn Nia, why are you
hating on Dolph so hard.

He's a fucking idiot and a bully.

Honestly Brie, I don't
know why you want to marry

the fucking guy.

Because she loves him, Nia, that's why.

I might have to go hit up my side piece.

Yeah? So who is it?

It's a secret my man.

You can't be serious, man.

Real deal, bro.

You can't keep treating Brie that way.

You know this isn't
the best man attitude

I was expecting from you.

You will fall in line.

What if I don't?

Who the fuck are you looking at?

Get your ass back to work.

I'm so fucking tired of
talking about this douche bag.

I'm gonna go get some fucking whiskey.

If you date a guy like
Dolph, you got to expect him

to be a little bit of an asshole.

That's just the way it is.

Hey, what about these guys?

You think they know how to treat a girl?

I thought they were
the strippers at first.

I'm so glad they are not.

I was gonna ask for my money back.

Hey boy, my girl Brie here.

She's with a guy who's a total asshole.

What do you think she should do?

I think she should be with
someone who would die for her.

Like me.

Ooh.

I'm gonna need another
shot of tequila, fuck.

Is this geek bothering you girls?

No, he's just spitting game to Brie.

Is that right?

You too, huh.

You want to fight me for it bro?

Kick his ass Dolph.

What the fuck are you
guys still working on?

My man, make a move, I fucking dare you.

Dolph, stop it.

This guy.

Look at that, lefty
loosey bro, righty tighty!

Sorry sir, we'll be going.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Hey Brie, are you coming?

Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be right there.

Just forget about me. Okay?

Where the fuck are you Rey?

Spain, you gotta be fucking kidding me.

Are you serious?

How am I supposed to run
a business or ever get out

of this garage, if you're running off

with your boyfriends all the time?

("Fantasy World" by Ginger Lynn Allen.

Rey, are you serious right
now? You have an event tonight.

I'll be with you in a second.

Rey, you're gonna end up on my shit list.

I gotta go Rey.

Fuck, I gotta go.

You good?

Rough night.

Are you up for another one?

I can't.

This is a maple bacon bar.

I thought you loved this shit.

No, I mean I can't do this anymore.

I'm done.

Done? You done lost your mind.

You walking away from all this money?

I can't do it anymore.

Right? It's too much.

Come on, my Spanish boy
ran away with some director,

I need you.

I'm not asking you to
kill nobody or anything.

Just get in there bust it
down real quick and get out.

These women are molesting me.

I can't take it anymore.

Someone took a picture of my
dick and posted it online.

And now Sanchito is all over the Twitter.

Hello, Ms. Bliss.

Yes, this is Charlotte from the agency.

Thank you for returning my call.

You recently booked Mr.Rey
for your event tonight.

I regret to inform you, Mr.
Rey is experiencing some issues

with this traveling itinerary.

Okay? What does this mean?

He's currently outside
of our beautiful country

for an indefinite amount of time.

Oh my God. This would happen to me.

Not to Worry, ma'am, I'm replacing Rey

with a hot young stud that
will deliver the goods

for as long as you need him to.

His name is Seduction.

Okay, great.

Just make sure he shows up on time.

Tonight is a very important night

and it's already going to shit.

I understand ma'am he's
very, very excited to meet you.

Thank you.

How many?

I don't know, maybe five, six.

Men, women?

Yes. Men and women.

Children?

Children, the fuck?

Fine. I'll do it.

But after this I'm done,

I mean it.

Whatever you say boo.

Do you want me to go in
there and hold your hand?

Show you how it's done?

Seduction and Sanchito work alone.

Get the fuck outta here.

Holy shit, look what I found.

What is that?

It's a video camera.

You think there's some
homemade porn on here?

Gross.

Dude, that's what it's for.

So the newlywed couples have
memories of the wedding night.

I guess Dolph won't be needing this, huh.

Does it even work?

The fuck is that?

Come on Mandy, don't
you want to be a star?

Let's make a movie.

Okay.

Really?

No.

Dolph, you scared me.

What're you reading Brie?

Oh this, I don't know what it is.

From a secret admirer?

No, I don't know.

Oh, so it's not a
secret, you know who he is?

I mean, I don't know where it came from

I just found it right here.

Look at what I found earlier.

A list of all the things
you fucking hate about me

and reasons why you want
to stop this wedding.

It's just an exercise Dr.
Petra had me write down.

So you don't want to stop the wedding?

I mean, I did at first.

This is so fucked up.

You know, after all the
planning that happened.

Do you know how much
money I've spent on this?

Yeah, I know and that's why
I was so scared to tell you.

You're goddamn right
you should be scared.

Where's this coming from, Brie?

Is it the doctor putting it in your head?

No, it's been on my
mind for a while now.

This is so fucked up.

Do you know how lucky
you are to be with me?

Do you know how embarrassing
it is, to be with the girl

who has a mental illness?

And this fucking love letter,
who wrote this for you?

I told you I don't know.

Is it Finn?

I know has a crush on you.

I didn't know that, do
you think I like this?

I think you fucking love it.

I don't want some
weirdo writing me letters

telling me I belong to them.

It fucking creeps me out.

I hate it.

Everyone is trying to make me do things

I don't want to do.

Are you fucking somebody else?

No, of course not.

You better not be
fucking around on me, Brie.

You aren't going anywhere.

Okay?

I swear to God Brie, if you
ever try to embarrass me,

you will regret it.

You guys, Brie just ran
into the forest alone.

Did she say anything to you?

Nope.

Okay, so you just don't care

that she's in the forest by herself.

She's a big girl.

She can take care of herself.

She probably just needed some space.

You know, she's been really stressed out.

Stressed out?

She's doing it for attention.

Okay, well, whatever it
is, she's out there alone.

So.

Maybe her secret admirer
can go fucking find her.

God, you're such a fucking asshole.

Hey, watch your fucking
mouth when you talk to me.

Or what, what the fuck
are you gonna do, bitch?

All right, enough, enough.

Back up Dolph, sit down.

Okay. Sit down.

All right, I'll go look for her.

I want to go too.

Thank you.

Okay. Alexa, go call her doctor.

Shouldn't we talk about this first.

Look, we have a responsibility, right?

We're supposed to take care
of the bride and the groom.

Right?

So Brie is my friend, so
I'm gonna go out there

and look for her.

Anybody else besides me and Nia.

Huh? Jimmy?

How about you, Eddie?

Nah, Dolph's right, she'll be fine.

Really?

Fuck it, I'll go.

Thank you.

I'll go with Mandy.

Cool. All right. Well let's get going.

She couldn't have gotten that far guys.

I can't believe the rest of you.

The audacity.

We're losing daylight.

Almost forgot something.

Why the fuck do you have that?

Don't fucking worry about it, bro.

Okay.

Bret, Mandy, you guys go
behind the cabin. All right?

Cool.

There's a lot of space out there

so maybe she went over there.

Get going please.

Dude, you know we can't
trust those two, right?

Yeah, I know.

I know you're watching me.

Yes, nice.

Could you turn that thing off already?

We're supposed to be looking
for Brie, not my ass.

How can I put the camera down

when you won't stop stretching?

I know you're doing it on purpose.

I'm not. I'm actually using my muscles.

Not like you.

Hell right. You're such a tease.

I bet you're just jealous

that Brie's getting all the
attention right now, huh.

You know what, I will put the camera down.

You don't deserve it.

I'm going to save it
for when we find Brie.

Wait, Bret you're right.

I am just jealous.

I just really like when the
camera's on me and just on me.

Really?

Yeah.

It makes me want to be bad.

How bad?

I'll show you.

You wait right here and when I come back,

all this is coming off.

Just keep that camera running.

Wait, how do I know you're
not just going to ditch me?

Oh, yeah.

Fuck yes.

Brie.

Brie.

Brie, where are you?

Brie.

Brie, where are you?

Still recording.

I knew it, you goddamn tease.

I didn't even think
you're that hot anyway.

Keep your luscious thighs to yourself

'cause I don't want them in my movie.

I saw a big ass pine cone a few yards back.

I'm just gonna get some footage of that.

What the fuck is that fucking pine cone.

What the fuck.

Oh shit.

What the fuck.

Oh my God. Oh my God.

Somebody.

Why?

Brie.

Brie, what are you doing?

Brie.

Brie.

Brie, what happened?

I killed it, Nia.

Killed what?

What are you talking about?

I'm free. I killed it and I'm free.

Free from what, I don't understand.

I'm free. I am free.

I'm free. I'm free.

Let's go back to the cabin, okay?

Yeah. Hello?

Hey Finn, Nia found Brie.

Oh, okay.

Nia's bringing
her back to the cabin now.

But Brie is hurt.

What?

Yeah. You better get back here.

Don't worry, I'll be right there.

Okay. See you soon.

Who is that?

Brie's doctor I guess.

Hello.

Alexa?

Hi. Yes. Dr. Petra?

Yes.

Please, come in.

Thank you.

Where is Brie, is she still missing?

No actually, she's on her
way back now with a friend.

Oh, thank God.

Thank you again for
coming on such short notice.

Oh, it's no problem.

I would do anything for Brie.

So you must be the bridesmaids.

Yes. And I'm the maid of honor.

And aren't you a pretty little thing.

All of you girls, you look so lovely.

Oh, there's boys here too.

Yeah. It's kind of a
co-ed bachelor party.

Oh, so are you all couples?

No, we're actually all single.

Except for Brie, of course.

Of course.

Yes.

Oh my God, Brie. What happened to her?

I found her like this.

Brie, why are bleeding down there?

Dude? You guys give
her some space. Okay?

Is she supposed to be on something?

Brie.

Dr. Petra.

Hi, Dr. Petra. What are you doing here?

I came to see you.

Do you remember us talking this morning?

Yeah, of course.

Why wouldn't I?

Okay. Do you remember how you got here?

Guys, I didn't hit my head.

I don't have amnesia.

Okay, do you know how you
got all these little cuts

on your arms and your legs?

I needed to get closer to nature.

Sometimes it bites back.

Okay. Why don't we just go and sit down.

God, I can't sit down.
I'd feel too alive.

I killed it, Dr. Petra.

You killed what?

What was eating me, I killed
it and then I killed myself.

But now I'm back and I feel so much better

than I did this morning.

Brie, maybe we should go
lay down for a little bit.

No, I'm going to go
get ready for this party.

That's what we're all here for, isn't it.

I am so excited for this party.

Alexa, you better make sure
those strippers show up.

I am so excited.

Thank you guys so much for
throwing me this party.

I'm so grateful to have friends like you.

You see, I told you
guys she's totally fine.

Everything is going according to plan.

I think I need a drink.

Does anybody else need a drink?

Girls.

Doctor, I cannot thank
you enough for coming here.

We had no idea what we were
supposed to do with her.

So thank you.

Thank you.

Are you the fiance?

No, no, no, no.

I'm the best man.

I'm Finn, that's Dolph, that's the fiance.

Oh, the one who doesn't
seem to be concerned at all.

Yup. That's him.

You seem to really care about her a lot.

Well, yeah.

I mean, we've been friends
forever practically.

She's very lucky to
have a friend like you.

Has anybody seen Bret and Mandy?

Bret's trying to get it in with Mandy.

Get off his nuts, bro.

You know, why don't you get off Carmella

and go see your soon to be wife.

Hey, hey, settle down, settle down.

Finn, don't get between
a man and his woman, bro.

That's right.

She's our friend, Jimmy.

You're gonna put up with that shit?

Look man, I hear you, but
it's just not our place.

And as for Brett and
Mandy, just let them be.

You know what?

Fuck off, fucking done.

I'm outta here.

Fuck you.

Hey, hey Finn.

Wait Finn. You can't leave.

You're the best man.

What am I going to do?

Its okay, you can figure this out.

So Dr. Petra, what do you
think is going on with Brie?

She's definitely experiencing
some sort of anxiety

induced hallucinations.

Christ.

But she does not appear to be suicidal

or under the influence
of any type of drugs.

She actually sounds like
she's in a state of euphoria.

I suggest that you just go
about your business as normal.

Don't draw any attention
to her unusual behavior.

I'll stick around. I'll observe from afar.

Don't worry, I won't interrupt
any of the festivities

that you have planned for tonight.

Dr. Petra, are you sure you
don't want to stick around

for the male entertainment?

No, don't make me blush.

I'm afraid I'm not used to strange men

shaking their groins in my face.

I think I'm just gonna find
a guestroom and read a book

but you girls have lots of fun.

Forgive me for sounding old fashioned,

but your generation would
rather die than face up

to their problems.

Nowadays everybody wants to be a victim.

Please Brie don't be a victim.

Why should you be the one that has to die?

You are a strong, young woman.

Come in.

Sometimes a woman is
blinded by society standards

and overlooks someone that
would actually make them happy.

But I don't blame you, if
nice guys want to compete

with the jerk alpha males
they're going to have to man up.

So many men cannot even
look a woman in the eye

when they talk to them.

I just want to ring their necks.

So were are you able to
get my network hooked up?

Yes, ma'am.

Good, I appreciate
all of your hard work.

Strain those muscles of yours.

Oh, I almost forgot your invoice.

I will be right back.

You okay?

She's always doing stuff like that.

Oh, Dr. Petra has made
you her patient too?

She always told me to talk more.

I get it. I'm shy too.

And I hate when people put
me on the spot like that.

What's your name?

Seth.

Hi Seth, I'm Brie.

I can't talk to you.

Why?

I can't talk to girls.

You're talking to me right now.

It's not hard, see.

Do you think you'd want to
get coffee with me sometime?

Oh, I can't.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Whatever.

No, I'm engaged.

I didn't want to talk to you.

Why did you make me talk to you,

so you can feel better about yourself?

Hey girl. You okay?

Yeah, I'm doing great. I'm almost ready.

You sure?

Yeah.

I'm not gonna be a victim anymore.

No one thinks I can take care
of myself but I'll show them.

I'm ready to put my head
up and party with my girls.

Okay, great.

That's what I wanted to hear.

I'll see you out there.

Hey Brie.

What is is it Nia?

I kind of have something to tell you.

You know what, fuck it.

I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean for Dolph
to find that letter

and I feel like I fucked everything up.

And the idea of you marrying
that short, fucking loser,

like, it drove me insane.

And I just had to tell
you, I love you Brie.

I love you so much.

I love you too, Nia.

Will you leave with me?

Yeah, but not right now.

Okay then, when?

Let's go back out there and
we'll figure it out, okay?

Okay, babe.

What took you guys so long?

Oh Alexa, I'm going
to miss you most of all.

I guess I'll miss you too.

All right.

The bride is here.

Now we can let the games begin.

My boy Dolph is getting married y'all.

And to send them off right,
we got them the baddest

pair of bitches in Nor Cal.

Not badder than Brie, of course.

You the queen bee.

Ladies.

The bride would like some love.

Give the queen a lap
dance, oblige her harlots.

Don't fucking touch her Dolph,

what the fuck are you gonna do bitch?

Get outta here Dolph,
you're ruining all our fun.

Guys, I'm sorry for Dolph
being such a dickhole

but that does not mean
the party has to stop.

Eddie, I bought you a private show.

Ladies, please take this gentleman

to a more private setting.

The bathroom on the left should be fine.

Thank you.

Trin, you and Jimmy can have the hot tub

all to yourselves.

That's my gift to you.

Yeah Brie, you're a real one.

Wait a minute, you can't
just split everybody up.

We're supposed to be together,

like a big goddamn fucking family.

Not enjoying ourselves separately.

Brie, I had this night
planned out for you.

Now it's ruined.

So you want to check
out that hot tub or what?

I don't know.

Maybe we should wait for
a minute and let her vent.

She's a Virgo, so she
gets a little emotional.

All right.

What's wrong Dolph?

Brie's making a fucking
fool out of herself.

Fucking bitch.

Brie doesn't care about you.

You seem to have a lot
of pent up aggression.

About a month's worth, I heard.

Maybe I can help you out with that.

Alexa.

Don't cry.

If it weren't for you I
never would have come here.

I never would have found myself.

I would have been forced to live a lie.

It's okay, things don't
go exactly as planned.

Just let it go.

Let it go.

Let it go.

Okay, fuck it then.

I'm gonna get drunk as a fuck

and I want to make out with a cute boy.

Where's Finn?

Yeah. Where is he?

I haven't seen him all night.

Hey Brie, can I see you for a second?

I need to talk to you.

Wait,

I can't do this.

Why not?

Brie has me all fucked up in the head.

Brie doesn't care about you.

We're getting married in three days.

Okay. Can't just let her leave.

If she doesn't want the
ring, then I'll take it.

What's so funny?

Hey, you're hot and all,

you give really good head,
but you're not wifey material.

Well, how about I have a
little chat with Brie, huh?

What do you think about that?

When did side chicks
start demanding shit?

What was that?

I don't know.

Where'd it come from?

Help.

Please.

I need to see you privately.

Can it wait?

I'm kind of tending to
my friends right now.

Oh my God.

Finn, what happened to you?

I'm okay. I'm all right.

All right. I'm okay.

I just, I need to tell you something.

Dolph is cheating on you with Carmella.

I just saw it.

You goddamn little snitch,

I should have left you
outside you piece of shit.

I had to tell you,

I was dragging myself over here.

You deserve better than this asshole.

How could you do this to Brie?

Fuck you bitch.

Let me in.

Dolph?

Stupid bitch!

Nia go to the room, I don't
want you around this shit.

No, we're fucking leaving.

Where the fuck are you going?

Me and Brie are in love,

what the fuck are you gonna do about it?

What?

Damn, for real?

Oh, shit, wow Nia, that explains a lot.

Hello, let me in.

Somebody let me in!

Bye motherfuckers,
we're fucking leaving.

No, no, no, no, no, no one is leaving.

Okay?

There's someone out there.

We've got to get Carmela back in here.

Okay, there's there's something going on

and where the fuck is Bret and Mandy?

I don't know.

I haven't seen him since this afternoon.

Oh my God, Nia.

Wait, is she still here?

Who?

Her, she's the one that attacked me.

Can I just say something?

Alexa, now is not the time.

No, you know what,
I am so sick and tired

of my hard work being ignored.

Okay, I spent so much of my time

trying to make this night perfect.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. Okay?

There was supposed to
be games and laughter.

And none of that has even happened.

Now all of you hate each other

and where the fuck is my male stripper.

Perfect timing.

You're late buddy.

Well, can't we just let him
dance just for a little bit.

No, no, no.

Alexa, please don't open the door.

Oh, great, what is this?

Some sort of horror
themed stripper costume?

You're supposed to be
a cop, fucking idiot.

Oh shit, he's dressed like Jason Myers.

Great, it goes along with
this perfectly fucked up night.

I'm going to bed.

Come on Jason Myers.
Pull that thing out.

Trin.

Oh, fuck.

Please, please no.

These are nice girls
they don't deserve to die.

Shoot them.

I didn't mean for any of this to happen.

I thought the boys just had
more practice talking to girls

if they would break through

their anger issues towards women.

But that didn't happen. Nothing works.

This was inevitable.

There's nothing I could do
to stop this from happening.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

These are my patients.

They are also my boys and they are sick.

They've had these feelings towards women

since they were in grade school.

I knew I had to do something,

I didn't want them to grow up this way

but this is the way of our society.

Girls reject boys and boys become violent.

Why is it the girls just
can't be more perceptive

to a boy's inner beauty?

Why do they always have to
pick the jerks that they know

are just gonna fuck
around and cheat on them?

If girls would not reject boys,

there wouldn't be as many mass murders.

And if women would just
stop rejecting men,

there wouldn't be as much violence.

I am so tired of these
brainless little sluts,

who think that they're
way too good for my sons.

But the blood shed stops now.

It stops here and it stops fucking now.

Go ahead boys.

You don't wanna do this.

Hello. My name is Dean
and I'm 39 years old.

I'm a college graduate
and I own a successful

electronics business with my brother.

My hobbies include cooking, hunting

and collecting action figures.

I have a generous 401k plan and
I have brought documentation

to prove it if you would like to see it.

Okay.

My ideal Saturday night
includes cuddling on the couch

watching a great romantic comedy

while sipping a cup of my
own homemade hot cocoa.

Very good, Dean.

Ladies. What do you think?

Come on. There's no reason to be afraid.

Tell them Brie.

Dr. Petra, why are you doing this?

Brie, I know you are
confused, but trust me

this is the only way.

This isn't forced monogamy.
This is holy matrimony.

Seth, step forward and tell
the ladies about yourself.

Seth, come on, honey.

Oh, is that so?

He says that one of you
girls was mean to him today.

He says it was you.

You were mean to him.

It wasn't just me, we all did it.

That's not true. My boys wouldn't lie.

I'm really sorry, okay?

Yeah. It's a little too
late for sorrys, darling.

Wait, I like her, mother.

She's cute when she's mad.

She's a little bitch,
she's been one all day long.

And besides you killed
the one that I liked,

without even discussing with me first.

Well if I can't have the
short one, I want the red head.

No she's for Seth.

What? That's not fair.

Freeze, assume the position like this.

Feel the heat.

I thought that was going
to be fucking music.

I don't think he's a real cop.

Fuck.

Brie, don't leave.

Get away from her you
crazy fucking bitch.

Why do girls always run away from me?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Never thought I'd be the one

to hack up my brother's
girlfriend, but here we are.

You don't have to do this Dean.

Yes, yes I do.

Mother said it's the only way
to cure me of my sickness.

You don't have a problem with women.

I can see you're a really sweet boy.

You can?

I can tell you're so much
sweeter than your brother.

He's the bad one.

He's the one that said
mother wanted us to chase you

to be real men.

I didn't want to hurt anyone.

No, no, no, no.

I can use a hug.

Get your hands off of
her you fucking nerd!

Oh, shit.

No, no.

You killed my baby.

You fucking whore, you killed my baby.

All you had to do was marry
them, that's all you had to do

and they would have been cured.

I thought you were a nice
girl from a nice family

with values, but no,
you're just a degenerate

that sleeps with other
women and worst of all,

you killed your own fucking baby.

What are you talking about?

I know you were pregnant.

That's why you had pains in your stomach

and that's why you went to the woods

and that's why you had the killing things.

You care more about a make-believe fetus

than your own adult sons.

I was never pregnant you crazy bitch.

Seth, Seth help me.

Seth, I was wrong about
her. Please come help me.

Seth.

No.

Stop telling me what to do.

You're always telling me what to do.

Am I doing it right?

Is this what you wanted?

Oh my mom, no mom.

This is all your fault.

I didn't want to do this.

She made me do it.

I know Seth, I know.

We're the same. We share the same pain.

We're both tormented by people
who don't care about us.

They tell us that we're weak,

that there's something wrong with us.

That we don't deserve
love, but we do, Seth.

We do deserve love.

She's the one who made you violent.

She's the one who told
you that you're weak

but you're not weak, Seth.

It's okay.

We're free.

Oh my God, Nia.

Nia, baby, hold on.

We're going to get you out of here, okay?

You're going to be okay.

I love you.

I love you.

Baby we have to
go, baby wake up, please.

Please, I love you, please, please.

Please wake up.

What about me?

What do you mean, Nia's hurt?

We have to get her help.

No, I mean, what do you mean?

You just said you loved her.

What about me?

What about all I did for you?

This was for you. I didn't want this.

Yes you did.

You told me with your eyes,

you set them up,

splitting them so they would be alone.

So they would be vulnerable.

That wasn't for you
that was for me to escape.

And I made that happen.

I thought we were both tortured lost souls

who finally found each other.

I thought I found someone
who understands me.

But maybe you just acted like that.

Maybe you acted like a cute
little hurt wounded animal.

I saw you out there, cutting
yourself, hurting yourself.

You knew I was watching.

You used me.

You used.

Brie.

I love you.

I love you Brie.

Brie, Brie, Brie.

Brie don't, please!

What's the matter, Brie?

You think you're just going
to get away with this?

No, no, please no.

What, they don't believe you?

Sooner or later they're
all going to find out.

No, no, please no.

Please leave me alone, I'm sorry.

You used me.

You used me, Brie.

You used me.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm
sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Pathetic.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm
sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

I saw it.

I saw.

What did you see?

I saw Seth, he told me
he was going to kill me.

Make me pay for what I did.

I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt.

I didn't want anyone to get hurt.

Just get up. It's okay.

I just wanted to help.

Come on. It's okay.

Do you believe me Dolph?

Of course.

I mean, we've been through
this over and over again.

You have to remember your truth.

It was that fake doctor.

She told you you were depressed
and that you were crazy

and all the while trying
to blame me for it.

It was her and those
goddamn fucking retards

who killed my bros.

They all tried to take you away from me.

But you came to your senses.

I came to my senses.

That's right.

And I accepted you.

Nobody cares for you the way I do, Brie.

Even that crazy bitch, Nia,
tried to take you away from me.

You know, imagine that, like
you would ever be with her.

She was delusional.

I mean, she was only
taking advantage of you

because you were so stressed out.

She only did what she
did because she hated me.

She told you she loved
you just to embarrass me.

I love you.

Nobody can hide who they are forever.

I mean, you can repress it all you want

but sooner or later it comes out, sad.

You're lucky to have me, you know.

Nobody really knows what
happened at that cabin,

except you.

Sooner or later, they're
all going to find out.