Skullduggery (1970) - full transcript

Douglas.

Not to worry, Dr. Greame.

Everything's
been properly laid on.

Mr. Vancruysen has arranged
for you to put up

at the Cricket Club
at Lulak Landing.

Splendid. We can stage
right out from there, Sybil.

Thank you very much.
See that it's no longer.

Good-O.

Good luck.

So that's
the lady anthropologist, eh?

Yeah.
What a waste of woman that is.



It certainly is.
Of course, you always were

a great judge
of women, Tee Hee.

Oh, fantastic.

Lady scientists,
they're a special breed.

- Did I ever tell you at--
- Yeah, uh, many times.

Listen, old buddy, we got
a little business opportunity

we'd like to talk to you about.

Forget it,
you two blokes are into me

for six weeks'
advance pay already.

This is a financial matter,
Tee Hee. A great opportunity.

I know. And all you want's
a few hundred.

- No, we don't want any money.
- Not a penny, Tee Hee.

Look, all we wanna do is take
that convoy up to Lulak.

Now, that's where it's goin',
isn't it, Lulak?



Yeah, Lulak, then upriver
to Takura... coun...

- Well, we can handle it.
- Of course, it's child's play.

- No chance.
- Why not?

Last week you bust up
one of me planes.

Now you wanna have a go
at me lorries.

You're grounded, old buddy.
That's the way it's gonna stay.

That goes
for ground vehicles too.

- I had a headwind.
- Oh, don't be so unfair.

We-- We gotta go
to Takura country.

You blokes
are puttin' me on.

What would you want up in the
bush with an anthropological--

Something
you would not understand.

Scientific curiosity.

I am, after all,
something of an anthropologist

in my own right
as you well know, Tee Hee.

- Not interested.
- You could make a little money.

- A lot of money.
- Money?

Phosphors.

They're worth 10,000
American dollars a kilo.

- Ten thousand?
- It's true.

For what?

The stuff is used
in color TV tubes.

Color TV tubes?

It's in every single color
television set in the world.

Look, most of Takura's
uncontrolled and unexplored.

How do you blokes know
where the stuff is?

Ah, from these.

Every single one
of these artifacts

is from the same corner
of the Takura territory,

and the dirt sediments
on every one

show traces
of rare phosphors.

Alright.

- Say, you find the stuff--
- Find it?

How are you gonna keep
the expedition sittin' there

while you file your claim?

Oh, you underestimate here,
Professor Kreps.

She is searching
for ancient bones, ya?

Now, by sheer coincidence,

every time we find something,
she finds something.

Yeah.

Presto, she finds
her ancient bones.

Just enough, but still,

it's a thrilling contribution
to science...

It might work.

Of course, I wouldn't do
anything dishonest.

- Oh, no.
- Oh, no, no.

- You would do it for one-third?
- For one-third, I would.

Sergeant Stria, it gives me
great pleasure to know

that I go on this march
with an old friend.

Father Dillingham,
with you leading us,

we'll walk in peace.

Thank you, sergeant.

What about this man?

Him savvy walkabout strong.
No savvy backer up.

Good. You come.

- Morning.
- Good morning.

Yes? I-- I'm afraid
I don't quite--

We'd just like to have
a minute of your time.

You have some business with me?

- Miss Greame--
- Dr. Greame.

Dr. Greame, I'd like to present
a fellow scientist.

- This is Professor Otto Kreps.
- Madam.

How do you do, professor?

Oh, if you'll excuse me,
I'm busy.

Well, that's just the point.
That's why we're here.

- Why?
- To help.

- What?
- Yeah.

We are prepared
to devote our full time

to the expedition in exchange
for a very modest fee,

in advance, of course.

Didn't I see you both
back at the airport?

- Yeah.
- Hm, how did you get here?

Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm, uh, Douglas Temple,
your friendly convoy leader.

Which explains the delay,
I imagine.

Thank you, gentlemen,
but no, thank you.

I don't think you understand.

You see, Professor Kreps here,

he knows all about anthropology,
geology, that stuff.

He's an experienced trader
and he speaks fluent pidgin.

- Fluent pidgin?
- True.

Douglas is a first-class
mechanic, radio operator,

photographer, short-order cook,
and an excellent barber too.

Oh, thank you
very much.

Two Renaissance men, Spofford.

- Yeah.
- It's a pity we can't use them.

But you see, Father Dillingham,

apart from being fluent
in pidgin,

speaks 31 native dialects.

I know a little
about anthropology,

geology, that stuff.

And Spofford here
is my radio operator, mechanic

photographer, cartographer,
and lab technician.

- Wonderful.
- Spofford!

- Okay.
- Good luck.

Bye.

I'd say that guy was a menace.

Wouldn't you?

Help! Mother!

- Someone!
- Bruce??

- Bruce, where are you?
- I'm over here!

- Where?
- Up here!

Good Lord!

- Will you, please, get me down?
- What's he doin' up there?

How on earth
did you get up there?

You know, I really don't know.

Don't worry, Spoff,
I'll have you right down.

Well, you hurry,
will you?

The blood's rushing
to my bloody head. Hurry!

Oh!

- Mornin'.
- We have been thinking of you.

Oh, I imagine so.

- Ah!
- Rotten break.

In two places.

- Morning.
- Is it?

Oddly enough, Douglas and I
were just discussing last night,

after this dreadful accident,
of course,

just how difficult
it will be for you

to get anything done
without Spofford.

Stop wasting time.
I assume you're both ready.

Oh, yeah,
we're both ready, alright.

Canoes ought to be along
in a minute.

As for terms,
we'll be happy to take

exactly what Spofford got.

I hope you get just that.

Look,
the canoes are coming.

And right on schedule.

Good. Well, Mr. Temple
and Mr. Kreps are going...

The paddlers. They're women.

You noticed.

Al little unexpected,
perhaps.

But the girls from Pamukana
are the best paddlers

in the district, my dear.

Pamukana. Pamuk... Isn't that
the village of prostitution?

Pros... prostitution?

- Yes.
- And canoe paddling, of course.

You see, it's, uh, uh,
very marshy there.

They, uh, they just
can't grow anything.

Putim cargo in boats.

Alonga canoe.

Oh, yes.
Putim cargo alonga canoe.

Uh, uh, I'm afraid they don't
take orders from a woman.

Do you mind?

Ah, make him world.

So we make his world,

then he puts sky all around

and he build up sun and moon

and stars all plenty.
Altogether too many stars.

And one day...

Bless you, my children.
Now go to your tents.

Come on, sergeant.

Everybody,
look charming.

I think we're about
to meet out hosts.

We like talk-talk Luluway
along spirit house.

Number one.

Sybil, I'm going up
to the meeting house

to arrange for carriers.

We go.

- What are you doing here?
- Ain't she supposed to be here?

No. it's forbidden to all women.

Good day, old friend,
belonga me.

Me and me like y...
some fella man

carry him cargo
along walkabout.

Now, show him road I go along
Kungamunda. That's all.

He says he'll give us carriers,

but they'll expect
a big payback.

- What do you wanna give 'em?
- Steel axes.

Alright, one to each man, huh?

He says you're the father
of generosity.

Number one.

Get her out of here.

Put that rifle down, man!

Women are forbidden
in the spirit house!

- I'll try and arrange a moga.
- What's a moga?

Let go of my hair!

- Give he some fella tobacco.
- Tobacco?

Ah.

Mirror.

I think it's a love potion.

Ah, you're welcome, chief.

You're welcome.

I think it's a love potion.

Well, what do
you know? It works.

Share mine with the bunnies.

- 6:00, morning time, Stria.
- Yes, madam.

Ah...

can I walk you to your tent?

Yes.

Even you ought to know

there's no such thing
as an aphrodisiac.

It's all in your mind.

It sure is.

Um, thank you, Douglas,
but no, thank you.

But, thank you.

No, I mean, it-- it was, uh,

bit sticky on that ladder
and you were splendid.

Yankee, go home.

Those damn mosquitos.

Ceratopogonidae.
Bush mites to you.

If there's anything I can't
stand, it's a brainy woman.

Mornin'.

Champagne
and winter strawberries.

Are you packed?
We leave at 6:00.

Sybil,
I wanna tell you something

I never told any woman
in my life.

Your fly is open.

That, um,
that big moga payment

has forced us to reschedule
our drop site.

So, the new drop site is there.

Maybe, but that's not
a contour map.

- Speakin' of contours...
- Douglas.

- Yeah?
- Last night was...

- Yeah, I know.
- No.

Last night was...

I mean, it was...

it was meaningless.

Oh.

You mean I don't have
a season ticket, is that it?

Don't be hurt.
We just have to keep it simple.

Alright.

Cargo cult.

I thought that kind of thing
was all over and done with.

No. Now it's worse than ever.

You see, during the war,
these people saw

all kinds of marvelous cargo
delivered from the sky,

so they started to build alters.

Clearings in the jungle

just like the army drop sites
during the war.

Bad business.

- He's still got his dog tags.
- We'd better keep moving.

- What's goin' on?
- Tambu.

Dangerous to go on.

- You mean this thing?
- Yeah.

- You serious?
- We'll have to go back.

- Leave cargo.
- Go back? 10 miles?

Ah, hell.

- Let's go.
- Tambu. No pass.

Well, that's all fixed.

Let's go.

Okay. We go.

Well, that should be sufficient.

Cargo boy, catch him cargo.
Quick time now.

Alright,
we'll, uh, leave this one.

Uh, maybe we ought to tell 'em
that's all they can have, huh?

Alright, we give 'em you fella,
that's all.

Put in cargo.

Let's get outta here.

Well?

No, nothin'.

Thought we had a contact,
but...

it musta been
an electrical storm.

It's bad enough we're lost,

but we suspect
you've walked us off the map.

Is it possible, Douglas,
that we've wandered

into uncontrolled territory?

Oh, I don't think so, Pops.
Once we get up on that hill--

Not we, you.
You and Kreps.

Tomorrow you're going up there
with the radio and the sextant.

We stay right here
till we get supplies.

And don't you come back
until you know where we are

and have made radio contact.

Yes, sir, General Greame, sir.

Tee Hee, Tee Hee.
Come in, Tee Hee.

Lab
Expedition, this is NGA 505.

- Hello, Tee Hee.
- I can hear you, Doug.

But you're not
coming in too clear.

Please repeat coordinates.

Uh, G-41, S-65.

Those are the coordinates.
Have you got it?

G-41, S-65.
Those are the coordinates.

- Douglas.
- It's a lousy drop site.

I said... Will ya shut up?

Come in from the southeast,
about 6000.

Do you read me? Do you read me?

- It's completely unimportant.
- It's not unimportant.

Look, I gotta go back down
and tell Sybil that...

- What are you doing?
- I have struck the vein.

- The vein?
- Yes.

Well, I'll tell her later.

There!

Look at that.
Douglas, feel it.

Smell it. Taste it, my boy.

Douglas..
Today, you are a rich man.

My dear Douglas,
we are both millionaires.

Do you realize that?

Will you join me in a drink,
my dear friend?

Why not?

Uh, will you have
a, a drink of whiskey?

- Ah, are you buying?
- Oh, every day from now on.

We're rich. We're rich!
We're rich! We're rich!

We're rich! We're rich!
We're rich!

Rich! Rich!

Hey, let me ask you something.

What?

Are you sure this stuff
is used in color TV tubes?

Oh!

Listen,
we haven't got much time.

Oh, y-- you're right.
You're right.

You'd better start salting
those bones around.

Oh, what an Easter egg hunt
she's gonna have.

No, no, no, Douglas.
Not-- Not like that.

No, no, you must hide them
very carefully.

She must have something
to occupy herself

while we map the deposits.

Oh, alright.

And, uh, I'll be right with you.

Hello! We're back.

Well, where have you been
and where are we?

My dear Dr. Greame,

we have a significant discovery
to announce.

- Indeed.
- Well, look at that one.

Tuberculum geniale
of Pithecanthropus Pekinesis.

That's a rare find.
Congratulations, gentlemen.

You must be very proud
of yourselves.

- Have a look at this, Pop.
- Yes, it's Pekinesis, alright.

What the hell
did you take us for?

That bone is Chinese,
Mid-Pleistocene.

It had to come
from the Kwangsi Province--

It's just a joke.
Pops, do you get it?

Chinese bones in New Guinea?

- Very funny.
- We did find somethin' though.

- We really did. Look at that.
- Funnier all the time.

Alas, poor Yorick!

It does resemble Sinanthropus.

Yeah, except that it's more
Hominian than Sinanthropus.

Hold this carefully.

They match. They match.

What does that mean,
they match?

Well, that skull belonged
to a creature

that was half man, half ape.

Well, don't you see?
It predates Neanderthal.

This could be
a million years old.

Two. It bridges the gap between
man and the lower creatures.

That could be the missing link.

- Where did you find it?
- Way over there beyond those--

Where?

Listen. Look!

- Oh, Douglas.
- Yeah.

Wouldn't it be marvelous
if we could find

another complete skull?

Yeah. Well, let's not keep
your fossils waiting.

Hey, how's that?

Yeah, yeah, that's good, eh?
But not quite as good as this.

This stuff is so pure,
it's almost refined.

Hey, where'd you find this?

Ain't this
what she's lookin' for?

Yeah, yeah,
I show that to her later.

Oh, I'll show it to her now.

- How's it goin'?
- Marvelously.

Need any spare parts?

Oh!

- Oh, Pop, it looks the same.
- Yeah.

Same large braincase.
Jaw roomy enough for speech.

- Yeah, but it looks different.
- Where?

Well, I'm not quite sure.
Where did you find it?

Oh, Kreps and I were over there
diggin' around in the bushes--

Why?
What are you trying to prove?

What's the matter? We--

Is this another one of your
stupid practical jokes?

But it looks the same,
doesn't it?

It doesn't look the same

and it isn't
a million years old.

It isn't even ten years old.

I think there are some
even younger than that.

Oh, stop it.
Put that thing down.

Can't you see I'm trying
to win their confidence?

Will you be quiet?
I almost had her.

You've been gettin' nowhere
for a week.

She had a nice little pink
figure underneath all that fur.

Nice little hips.
Make a nice pet.

You bloody fool.

June 12.
Another wasted day.

After three weeks of searching,
the closest I've come

to actually seeing
one of the creatures

is the back
of Mr. Temple's head.

For the record,
she was a female.

For convenience
of classification,

I've decided to call
the species...

Paranthropus Erectus Greamensis.

Greamensis. Yeah.

Well, the only word
I recognized was Greamensis.

I guess that's good
for the old career, huh?

Panthro, Panthro.

I think I'll just call 'em
Tropis, if you don't mind.

You can call them Rover
or Spot, if you like.

Krepsie, how did you do it?

Ham. They-- They love ham.

They love flowers too.
Go-- Go on, throw one.

Pop, send the rest of the boys
back for the other cameras.

And some ham.

- Grow up.
- I didn't do nothin'.

Will you stop?

That's where it's at, man.

Come on.

Krepsie, she's got
brown eyes.

No, not brown.
The color of topaz.

Little Topazia.

Krepsie, can you bring her out
more in the open?

Well,
they-- they're all very timid.

They don't seem to like
to come out. Come on.

Get 'em when
the ham's comin'.

Little Topazia.

Ah! Yeah.

The richest deposits
are definitely in Sector C.

But we must have an accurate map
to protect the claim.

- They laugh.
- Huh?

They laugh.

What?

Pop says they laugh...

and they do.

They laugh.

Oh, Douglas, that was marvelous!
They look pleased.

God has given them
the gift of reason.

Have I the right to abandon them
in their innocence?

Damn science.

- Finished that?
- Yeah, just now. Here.

The best job the Bureau
of Minerals will ever see.

We've gotta get
into town somehow.

Well, why shouldn't we?

Well, Sybil wants us
to stay with the Tropis.

I heard her tell Pops
we're going on half rations.

Ah, so?
Our problems are not over.

Well, don't worry, Krepsie.
I'll think of something.

I've decided to send
the film back to Vancruysen.

- With Douglas and Kreps?
- Well, what else can I do?

It's out of the question
either of us leave now.

It's insane to trust them.

Isn't it, Pop?

Douglas told me that if we took
the radio out of the crater,

it would work.

No.

Well, then the signal
could be picked up by anyone.

- Syb!
- Douglas is nothing but a--

Hey, Syb.

I wanna talk to you.

I wanna talk to you, Doug.

- Oh.
- Do you mind, Krepsie?

Uh...

Excuse us, Pops.

- Where we going?
- Come on.

Oh, look.

- Do you like it?
- Yeah.

- Nice, isn't it?
- Uh-huh.

Uh, why are we here?

Well, but, pretty and romantic.

Private.

- Douglas?
- Mm-hmm.

Can I trust you?

- No':?

- No.
- Prove it.

I want you personally to deliver

a very important letter
to Vancruysen.

- Vancruysen?
- Mm-hmm.

And this is all part of your
dedication to work, heh?

Mm, tempered with
a little biological urge.

And he's gonna come
just like that?

- Mm-hmm.
- All the way from Sydney?

Yes.

Well, he must really
have the hots for science.

He's helped me a lot

and when he reads the letter,
he'll help me even more

because he'll understand
how great my discovery is.

Well, he may be conning you,
but he isn't conning me.

Conning?

He's not interested
in bu yin' science,

he's bu yin' you.

- Do you mean--
- Yeah.

Oh, you're impossible.
You're a perpetual adolescent.

Yes, I am.
I'm no patron of science.

You lie down with a millionaire
and maybe you'll wake up

with a Nobel Prize.

That depends, love,
on whether Vancruysen

gets the letter in time.

He'll get it alright,
I'll wear it right here

right next to my heart.

With all the money you owe me.

You'll be paid.

And button your shirt.

Tell the Mission School
I won't be back

before the big rains.

Yeah, good, good.
The sooner the better.

We'll be back when we get over
the mountains.

Douglas?

We go. We go.

- Good morning.
- Mornin'.

Listen, I don't think
we oughta say anything

about the phosphorus
to the old goat, huh?

Please, Douglas,
I will handle Vancruysen, hm?

Alright.

Herr Gott,
must we watch all of this?

I thought Vancruysen
was supposed to be here.

I am.

Sybil's right.
I'm very proud of her.

She has made
a sensational discovery.

- Hear, hear, sir.
- Absolutely wonderful.

Sit down.

- Mr. Vancruysen?
- Mm-hmm.

Mr. Vancruysen,
that's nothing up there.

Here, let me show you something
really sensational--

- Some other time, professor.
- No, no, please.

This won't take ten seconds.
Here, give me your hand.

You're in Mr. Vancruysen's way.

Keep your hand off the fat boy.
I told you we shouldn't--

Douglas, please, allow me
to take care of the business.

Phosphorus.

Hey, you know how much
that stuff is worth?

Ten thousand dollars a kilo.
Right, Buffington?

Ten one. It went up two points
this week.

Yes, yes, that's right.

And take a look at this now,
gentlemen.

We would be willing to go 50-50
with you on a development deal.

Buffington, my general counsel
will work it out.

- Please make a note.
- It's uncontrolled territory.

How do you propose
to get phosphorus out?

Um, regular mining operation,
I guess.

Try again.

Sybil wants to keep
the Tropis under wraps

until her research
is more advanced.

A mining crew would make that
impossible. Rewind.

Alright, uh, Bushmen,
cargo boys.

According to Sybil's letter,
the creatures are scared

of blacks. That's been one
of the problems.

We wouldn't want to do anything
to hinder her work. Hold it now.

Why don't we take the deal
to somebody else--

- Douglas, control your temper.
- Lights.

Start again.

I may have an idea.

Topazia, be careful!
Come back here.

Come back here,
you little devil.

Topazia!
I'm sorry, Mr. Vancruysen,

but she's crazy
about helicopters, you know.

She thinks
they're some kind of a toy.

Yes, yes, just keep her away
from the machinery.

We wouldn't want your pet
to get hurt.

No, no, no. Thank you.

Well, glad you decided
to come and visit me.

I wanna show you
how my operation works.

I know how your operation works.

- No, you don't. Come here.
- I came to collect number 26.

- Number what?
- Here he is.

- Oh! That's Morris.
- Morris?

Yeah. He's my best man.

Look, I'm trying
to run a business here.

He hasn't filled out his quota
for the week yet.

Morris here's gonna make me
a rich man.

Aren't you, Morris?

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

The extent of your wealth
is of no interest to me.

However, Number 26, Morris

has to finish his test
and I'm taking him to the lab.

- I don't think so.
- No?

Lionel? Lionel?

Oh.
Put-- Put me down, you fool.

- Do you mind?
- No. Morris.

What? No. No!

Lionel. Lionel! Stop!

Oh, no. Lionel! Stop!

Lionel! No!

Oh.

Say, that was beautiful.

That was beautiful.
No more testing for you.

You're gonna end up
owning the company.

Having fun, darling?

Could you hold it.
Thank you very much.

Tell this idiot
that the scientific phase

of the project comes first.

Number 26
has to finish his tests.

Number 26, nothing. This is
Morris and he's my best man.

I'm tr yin' to run a business
here. Will you tell her?

Come on, let her have Number 26,
uh, Morris

to put through
the new equipment.

And, uh, speaking
of new equipment, darling.

Oh, how lovely. Thank you.
New equipment?

Yes. New testing gear.

The apparatus for the
breeding clinic arrives today.

The breeding clinic?

What do they need
a breeding clinic for?

They do alright on their own.
They keep it simple.

A selective breeding clinic
will, uh, ensure

a continuity of subjects
for Sybil's research.

And the Tropis will hardly mind.

- Come on.
- Come on.

Go on, take him. Take him!

Take him all the way
to Stockholm.

Yes, darling, beautiful.
Give us a smile.

Smile. It's wonderful!
Come on. Come on out.

Beautiful shots. Come on.

Let's have some more over here.
Right here.

Come on.

Yeah, let me have that
beautiful smile of yours again.

Okay. Beautiful. Keep it up.

Great.

Just gonna get a towel.

Good morning. Good morning.

Pop, what in the world
are you doing?

It's Sunday.
I've decided to baptize them.

I wouldn't do that,
Pop.

If they're animals, you're
committing a terrible sacrilege.

Now go on and do it, Pop.
Do it!

No.

No, I can't.

Mr. Vancruysen's right.

Not until we know
beyond all doubt.

Hell, then I'll do it myself.

Now, name of the Father

Son, the Holy Ghost.

Well, Mr. Vancruysen,
I don't understand it.

I just don't understand it.

Sybil, maybe it isn't
their breeding season.

They don't breed seasonally.

They seem to mate

according
to a random biological urge.

Well, I was really rooting
for that blond pair.

I'd like to see all of them
that color.

I beg your pardon?

For public relations, of course.

It's wrong, wrong! An offense
against God and nature.

- Sybil.
- Hm?

There're 16 Tropis missing.
Now where the hell are they?

- Here.
- What are they doing here?

I should think you might be able
to figure that out.

Oh, I can figure that out,
alright.

What I can't figure out
is this place.

This isn't exactly
a tunnel of love, you know.

Why don't you tell us what's
really goin' on around here?

I'm afraid I had to practice
a little deception, darling.

Up to now,
I haven't been able to tell you

that your great discovery
goes far beyond

being a revolution
in anthropology.

You've made an even more
important contribution

to all humanity.

That's why I'm so positive

you'll get the Nobel Prize.

I-- I'm not quite sure
what you mean, darling.

You've uncovered a vast source
of cheap labor

to reduce the sum of human toil.

Sensational, sir.

In your spinning mills alone

Tropi labor will sweep
the Japanese

right out of the market.

- The Tropis?
- That's slavery.

Oh? And what are you paying them
at your little phosphor mine?

That's different.
You know it.

Oh, come now, Temple,
there's no law

that prohibits the use
of domestic animals

to relieve human labor.

Who in the hell says
they're animals?

You? Well, do ya?

I've told you 50 times,
I can't answer that yet.

- No one can.
- Well, why can't ya?

The question is academic,
anyway.

It seems they'll only breed
in the wild state

and not in here.

Similar problems exist
with all livestock.

They're solved
by artificial insemination.

Artificial insemination?

Splendid, Mr. Vancruysen.

We'll check on the equipment
immediately.

Come along, Spofford.

Vancruysen, you know something?

You're really a bastard.

Why don't you just crossbreed
the Tropis with gorillas?

Then you can feed 'em
bamboo shoots.

You could save
a fortune in ham.

Very good idea. Why not?

Because, damn it,
the Tropis are human!

And you don't breed humans
with animals.

Even you wouldn't do that,
would ya?

Oh, it's not a choice.
You can't--

Sodomy! Satanism!

I won't listen to any more.

You can't what?

You can't breed animals
to humans.

But it does happen to be
the ultimate test.

Lemme get this straight.

You mean, if some guy
knocks up a...

You mean, if a Tropi
and a human have a kid

that means the Tropis are human.

Well, yes.

Only animals of the same
zoological species

can have offspring.

What about Mitzie here?

Even if nothing comes of it,

you'll have one of those
magical jungle nights

you'll remember all your life.

Surprise!

Happy birthday!

And a birthday cake.

Happy birthday, Sybil.
You look charming.

- Thank you.
- I'll drink to that.

Flower's
on the wrong side.

You're not available, are ya?

There. Is that better?

What is it?

They're inviting us
to the Singeing.

Maybe later. Tell them we are

celebrating
Miss Greame's birthday.

What a marvelous way

to celebrate a birthday.

Oh, couldn't we go for a while?

It's your night, darling.

We'll be right back, gentlemen.

Douglas?

Thank you.

My God.

They're roastin' 'em.

Yeah,
roast, roasted with margarine.

Move it. Hold it!

Get out of the way!

- Damn cannibals.
- Kauni, how could you?

He says they're not our Tropis.

They're wild ones.

And that makes it alright
with you, huh?

Topazia!

Krepsie.
Kreps, do you see her?

No, I can't find her anywhere.

Good God.

He's gonna be killed.

- Do something!
- Well, I...

Is she alright?

Are you kidding? She had a ball.

Let's get outta here.
Come on get in.

Now we'll fly her down to Sydney

we'll present her
to the press there.

Yeah, good idea.

We'll say she's pregnant.

- What?
- Pregnant.

You know, with child
interbred with a human.

She's puttin' on
a little weight, you know.

Yeah, I've noticed that.

We'll get away with it, alright.

We'll make the front page
of every newspaper in the world.

Cover of "LIFE,"
Who Is The Father?

- Right?
- Right. You're right.

Douglas,
you really would give up

all that money
just to stop Vancruysen?

You're damn right I would.

I know you wouldn't, Krepsie.

I know you're doin' it just...

Well, I thank you for it.

Listen, you and me and Topazia,

we're gonna knock Vancruysen
right on his can.

We might even marry her off
to some rich guy like Onassis.

We'll go
on a worldwide father hunt.

Who is the daddy
of Topazia's child?

Who is the father?
How-- How's that grab you?

Greame expedition.

- Who's the girlfriend, Doug?
- She's a Cuban refugee.

Yeah, I got that set.
Right, mate.

- How's it goin', Tee Hee?
- Fine.

What's with Bonnie and Clyde?

Well, it's a protege
of Vancruysen's.

Got anything goin' to Sydney?

You'd think a bloke
with all his money

would do better than that.

Yeah.

Hey, what's wrong with her?

Uh, green apples or something.

She'll be alright
once she lies down in the plane.

Not in my plane, she don't.

That funny-looking bag
ain't gonna puke

all over my upholstery.

- Green apples in New Guinea?
- Yeah.

- Douglas, we've got a problem.
- What's the matter?

She'll never make it to Sydney.
We must get her to a hospital.

We'll take your car.

Thank you, love.

She'll be alright.

Where the hell's
the damn doctor?

Uh, good day.
My name is Figgins.

- You the doctor?
- Yes, Dr. Figgins.

- Come on in.
- Oh, thank you.

- Where the hell you been?
- Oh, it's a disgrace.

When it rains like this,
it takes me hours to get home.

Hours. Eh-- eh, do you mind?

But I expected it.
That's why I wore my raincoat.

Wonderful.

Where's the little mother?

The mother?

Oh, uh... pardon me.

Ah, the baby.

The baby's dead.

- Yeah, we know.
- How's the mother?

Asleep and apparently
doing very well.

Ah, I'll just get me flashlight
and examine her further.

Doctor, I think
maybe you oughta fill out

the death certificate, huh?

Yeah, b-- but, really, I--

- Right over here.
- Yes, oh, right.

- Death certificate.
- Oh, yes, yes.

Death certificate.

The, uh, professor's had
a rough time on it.

Yes, I can see that.
Okay.

Uh, father's full name.

Otto Meyer Kreps.

Otto Meyer Kreps.

Mother's maiden name.

- Topazia.
- What?

Topazia.

Topazia... what?

- Topazia what?
- Greamensis.

- What?
- Greamensis.

Greamensis. Yes.
Greamensis.

- They're not married.
- They're not-- not married.

- There's someone at the door.
- No, there's not.

- There isn't?
- Sign it.

Oh, yeah.

- Thank you.
- Yes.

Well, where is she?

She just had a baby.

A baby?

- Baby's dead.
- Yeah.

This is a court order
directing you to turn over

the creature, Topazia, to us.

She just had a baby,
for God sakes.

They're both the property
of the Takura Corporation.

They're not property!
They're people.

And they can't be owned
by anybody.

Ridiculous.
The mother isn't a woman.

She's not a...

She's not a woman? What is she?

- A species of ape.
- Species of...

Damn! It's a monkey!

It's a hoax.
It's a damnable hoax!

You signed
the death certificate, doctor.

This death certificate says
that baby is Kreps' son.

I confess to the murder
of Kreps' son by Topazia.

It is my understanding,
Mr. Temple,

that you have not chosen counsel
for your defense.

That's right, Your Honor.
I don't need a lawyer.

I killed a baby.

I'm charged with murder
and I admit it.

Not quite. The problem remains

that there is
no legal definition of man.

And the accused's confession
does not answer

the difficult question
before us.

Now since a territorial trial
does not have a jury,

uh, my task
is particularly heavy

and I want to hear arguments
on both sides.

Therefore, I'm going to appoint
a lawyer for the defense.

- May I, please, Your Lordship?
- Mr. Buffington?

I should be happy
to represent Mr. Temple.

The hell you will.

- He's Vancruysen's lawyer.
- Mr. Temple!

They're trying to make slaves
out of the Tropis!

Mr. Temple!

We've just learned that the
powerful Vancruysen Enterprises

has rallied to Temple's side.

They're coming out now.

We'll see if we can
pick 'em up for you.

Behind them, perhaps you can
spot in the white suit,

Mr. Eric Chimbu,
the prosecuting attorney,

who is the first Papuan

to become attorney general
for the territory.

Meanwhile, the murder trial
of Douglas Temple

continues to take its effect
around the world.

I move
to put the question

of the Tropis on the agenda.

This involves the rights
of small nations

against large ones.

The Declaration of Human Rights
must include the Tropis.

Now, doctor, based on your
observations and experiments

over the last ten months,

state whether in your opinion

the Tropis are animal or human.

I'm sorry, I can't.

The Tropis
are an intermediate species.

They resemble both ape and man,

but their classification
at this stage

would be most unscientific.

Unscientific, Dr. Greame,
or ungrateful?

Ungrateful to the man
who sponsored your career,

backed your expedition,
followed you into the jungle,

and since his return
has directed

his public relations staff to
promote you for the Nobel Prize.

The same man
who forfeits an empire

if the Tropis
are declared human.

- Bravo! Bravo! Well said.
- Mr. Temple!

I am trying to establish,
My Lord,

the true motives the accused had
for committing his crime.

Jealousy, spite, revenge
against the woman

who spurned him
and the lover she prefers.

- My Lord--
- Objection sustained.

Mr. Temple,
another such outburst from you

and I shall take
a very serious view of it.

- Your witness.
- Thank you.

Are we to understand,
Dr. Greame,

that your discovery
of the Tropis has so upset

conventional ideas
about the human race

that no clear-cut boundary
any longer exists?

Exactly.
No clear division exists.

Then the Tropis
are the missing link,

a term, I believe, for an ape.

Your term,
and most unscientific.

My reference was to a creature
that completes

the chain of human evolution.

- Uh, may I, My Lord?
- Please.

The difference between
a PhD and an orangutan

is very great
and leaves no room for doubt.

But if we look
at the gradual difference

between a chimpanzee
and a baboon,

between a baboon
and Neanderthal man,

between Neanderthal man
and the Aborigine,

and finally
between the Aborigine

and you, Mr. Buffington,

and I'm skipping half the lot,

we don't know
where to draw the line.

So if you lawyers can tell us,

we scientists will be
very much in your debt.

That's all. No more questions.

- Very good, Sybil.
- Shut up.

Dr. Greame, you are the foremost
authority of the Tropis

and your opinion
is vital to the case.

I direct you to consult
with your colleagues

and return to the court
with a definite conclusion...

if humanly possible.

Adjourn for lunch.

Mr. Kauni,
we know that human flesh

tastes sweet and pungent.
But, uh, how do Tropis taste?

Would you translate, please,
Reverend Holzapple?

Tropis good.

Mr. Kauni,
a-- are you really a cannibal?

Me Methodist.

Be seated.

Do you accept the definition,
Mr. Kreps,

that only creatures of the same
zoological species

can breed successfully?

Yeah, sure.
It's a scientific fact.

Good.

I want you to look
at this death certificate

and tell me where
the information describing

the parents of the deceased
came from.

Me?

- And the accused?
- Yes, that's true.

Douglas Temple knew then,
didn't he,

that the deceased was the
offspring of you and Topazia?

He knew that his victim
was your natural-born son.

He knew, also, that the woods
were full of male Tropis.

Now you-- you can't prove
anything by that paper.

Well, I thought
we'd get around to that.

Do you now deny under oath
that you had relations

with the mother of the deceased?

- Do you?
- Object. Get him off the hook.

Shut up. Let him squirm.
They like it.

You bastard!

Mr. Kreps, I'm waiting
for your answer.

We Krepses, you know,

we are noted for our huge
capacity for liquor

with a low tolerance of alcohol.

Also, a complete lack
of discrimination.

I was drunk. I don't remember.

And how I doubt
I was very effective.

Mr. Kreps, I wish to have
this point very clear.

Are you suggesting
that the consort of Topazia,

by whom she conceived
and begat the victim,

was not yourself
but rather a male Tropi?

Yeah, sure, there were
lots of male Tropis there

much better-looking
and younger than me.

Then why did you state,
without qualification,

on the death certificate
and again in your deposition

to the police
that you were the father?

I wanted to make her
a honest woman.

Woman?

A woman?

That's the word I've been
waiting to hear!

One hundred eighteen
distinct sounds,

each having its own meaning.

We can assume,
of course, father,

that you can understand
this Tropi language.

Not always.

Which is to say,
their talk is sometimes

as inarticulate as,
as a human being's.

Thank you, father.

Your witness.

Father Dillingham,
would you be kind enough

to give His Lordship an example
of the Tropi language?

Uh...

Uh, that means danger, beware.

Uh...

Uh, where is my mate?

- Oh.
- Uh...

That means the rains are coming.

- Milord.
- Yes.

This testimony is impossible

to take down.

We appreciate
your demonstration, father.

Now perhaps you can draw
some positive conclusion?

Of course. The Tropis speak.

Thank you, father.
You may step down.

Somebody important
has just arrived.

I'm trying to get a look at him.

No doubt he's a witness,
but whose witness?

Dr. Eaton,
how very good of you to come.

Not at all. Not at all.

With Your Lordship's permission.

Would you take the stand,
please?

- Your hat.
- Oh, my hat.

And will you be so kind?
Thank you, thank you.

Do I sign something?

Oh, no.
I beg your pardon. Yes.

Yes.

I swear by Almighty God
that the evidence

I'm about to give
this honorable court

is the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth.

- Be seated.
- Thank you very much.

You are the president
of the International Congress

of Zoologists this year,
are you not?

Yes, yes, I am.
You're quite right.

Now, Dr. Eaton, Dr. Greame has
said that her discovery

of the Tropis makes it
impossible to ascertain

the exact rung
on the evolutionary ladder

where the ape ends
and man begins.

- Do you agree with that?
- Oh, no. Quite the opposite.

Would you address His Lordship?

Who? Oh, yes.
I beg your pardon.

I said, uh,
quite the opposite, Milord.

Thank you. Might I continue?
Eh...

- Dr. What-you-call 'ems...
- Dr. Greame.

Yes, Dr. Greame.
Thank you, My Lord.

Dr. Greame's study
of the fossilized mandible

is, of course, a classic.
We all know that.

But had she made a study of feet
instead of the jawbone,

she'd know precisely
where to place the Tropi.

Can you explain why, Dr. Eaton?

The-- The human foot, Milord,

is a more primitive organ
than the ape's

and it tells you
the whole story.

Consider the ankle, for example.

Narrow and thin, the ape's.

Broad and rather thick,
I always think, man's.

And how does that apply
to the Tropis?

Well, you see, the Tropis
have, uh, thin ankles

and are still, at a point,
tree dwellers.

Eh, they can't be
in our line of descent.

Oh, no, no, no, no.
They're not human.

They're apes. Yes, they're apes.

Your witness.

Thank you.

Dr. Eaton...

where were you born?

Rhodesia, a long time ago.

And were you not,
until you took your new post,

chairman of the Department
of Anthropology

at Heidelberg University,
South Africa?

You know a lot about me,
don't you? Yes, I was.

Dr. Eaton, in Keefe's volume
on Comparative Anatomy,

he records that
better than 700

anatomical characteristics
are common to man.

- Is that so?
- Seven hundred and fifty-four.

Seven hundred fifty-four.

So if but just one
of these traits is lacking,

would you say we're no longer
dealing with man?

Oh, I would, yes.
And I do, my dear fellow.

Then according
to that definition,

would you say that...

the Pygmies
are not homo sapiens?

For the sake of convenience,

I suppose we can
call them man. Yes.

Dr. Eaton, consider what you're
saying. Is it your purpose to--

Our purpose is to show
that the Tropis belong

to an animal species,
which is what Dr. Eaton said.

It's a hell of a lot more than
that. It's a hell of a lot more.

Please, please, please.
I quite agree with you.

The, uh, doctor's remarkable
discovery makes a clean sweep

of the unscientific notion that
lumps together various species

under the single term man.

All that exists, my dear sir,
all that exists

is a scale of creatures
to be regulated by the state.

And at the top
stands the one true man.

- The white man?
- What? Yes, of course.

Mind you, in the lower degrees

descending from the Tropis right
down to the poor old chimpanzee

at the bottom,
what have we got in between?

The Anthropoid,
a man-like creatures perhaps,

but quite incorrect
to call it human.

What you are really trying
to tell the world,

the court and the whole world,
which is why you came here,

is that the black man
is not human!

Thank you.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Vancruysen arrange this visit?

Yes, after I asked him to.

You didn't bring any birdseed
with ya, did ya?

Douglas, when I go into
the witness box tomorrow,

I'm going to say
that the Tropis are human.

Well, that's nice.

We end up on the same side
after all, don't we?

Welcome to my tent.

Oh, come on now.

You know there's no such thing
as an aphrodisiac.

How? How could you do it?

There were a hell
of a lot of Tropis

on their way to the salt mine.

Somebody had to do something.

I'd never have taken you
for a bleeding heart.

And I still doubt you know
a damn thing about human beings.

How's Topazia?

We had to give her a rag doll
to replace her baby.

She nearly died.

Good luck.

Sybil.

I didn't kill him.

He was born dead.

You silly Yankee clown.

I knew it. I knew it. Oh, Doug.

We've got Vancruysen
right where we want him.

Now don't you let him
and his creeps brainwash ya.

Alright?

Alright.

But tomorrow when you go
into the witness box,

say that you thought
it was an animal...

That's the official band
of the Royal Papuan Constabulary

who are leading
these UN Peacekeepers

sent here
by the Security Council.

They got all kinds of signs.

"Tropis are God's children."

"Save the Tropis."

"Viva Kreps."

This unique force
will leave immediately

for the Takura mountains
to protect the Tropis

until the problem is settled.

Dr. Greame,
two days ago,

this court instructed you
to try and form

a definite opinion
about the Tropis.

Have you as yet
formed that opinion?

I have.

Then would you tell the court

what are the Tropis?

- Animals.
- Sybil!

Thank you, Dr. Greame.
The defense rests.

The hell it does. You're fired.
He's fired.

How come you couldn't make up
your crystal clear

scientific mind two days ago

and now all of a sudden,
you got the answer?

In the last two days,
I've learned a great deal

about what is human.

Oh.

Put it right over here.

Return to your seats!

Return to your seats
and remain quiet

or I shall clear the court!

I presume you have a purpose
in this, Mr. Attorney?

My Lord, I had need of a Tropi

in order to prove
Dr. Greame wrong.

We must see
if counsel for the defense

has any objection
to this extraordinary

these extraordinary proceedings?

Oh, it's alright with me.
It's alright with the defense.

- Oh, thank you.
- That's alright.

That is, providing you swear
in Topazia like everybody else.

Is this, perhaps,
a group of expert witnesses?

This is Justin Smoot

president
of the Black Humanist Movement,

and I've come to speak my piece.

Why don't you let him talk,
judge?

You let everybody else
around here talk.

- Put him on the stand.
- Of course.

You may take the stand,
Mr. Smoot.

Dr. Greame, if you please.

The Crown has no objection,
My Lord.

Now there's been
a lot of horseshit

going on down here
in nowheresville.

And some of it's
splashin' on us.

It sure as hell has.
Nowheresville. Sock it to...

Mr. Temple.

Mr. Smoot, I presume
that you came here

prepared to disagree
with Dr. Eaton?

You're wrong, man.

I agree with him.
That thing is an animal.

Only our learned friend,
Dr. Eaton

overlooked one point.

The Tropis are not black.
They're white.

She is your Caucasian ancestor,
same species, same as you.

And you are just like her,
animals!

I mean, look at whitey's hair,
straight.

Look at that puke pink color.

A black takes
another million years.

And you've got
a long ways to go.

What ya got there, honey child?

A little white pickaninny?

- Let's just take a look.
- Don't touch that doll!

Get back! Go on, get back,
everybody, get back.

Watch out!

I didn't want this.

I'm sorry, believe me.
Ho-- Honest.

I love animals.

Douglas Archibald Temple,

the essence of this trial's
been a vain attempt

to decide what is human.

Inasmuch as
we have not succeeded,

this court cannot hold you
accountable for a decision

which has not yet been made.

Therefore, I can only find you
not guilty.

What about the Tropis?

You're quite right, Mr. Temple.

What about the Tropis?

We have seen angry dispute

between passionate
and earnest men,

all of them experts,

and all of them
speaking of truth and justice,

and all of them different.

But the only truth
made plain here is...

that we cannot define
the nature of the Tropis

until we have defined our own.

Until we have decided
what we want

the word human to mean.

Human.

This court is now adjourned.