Sitting Pretty (1948) - full transcript

[ Drumroll ]

[ Orchestral fanfare ]

♪♪ [ Orchestra ]

♪ Everybody loves a baby ♪

♪ And it might as well be you ♪

♪ Pretty baby ♪

♪♪ [ orchestra continues ]

♪ Pretty baby ♪

♪ Pretty baby ♪

♪ I'd like to be your sister ♪

♪ Brother, dad and mother too ♪



♪ Pretty baby ♪

♪♪ [ Whistling ]

♪ Pretty baby ♪♪

Hey. Hey, you!

Hey, come here
a minute, will ya?

Were you addressing me?
Yeah.

Is this hummingbird hill
up here?

That is the name
of this community, yes.

I'm trying to find 21 carvers Lane.
They phoned for a cab.

Oh.
Someone going away?

How would I know?
They want a cab, that's all.

You know where it is?
I do.

You continue on and turn left into the first
street. It is the fourth house on the right.

Thanks, buddy.
You're entirely welcome.



Say, you mind telling me what
you're doing with that feather?

I am cross-pollinating a specimen
of the family iridaceae.

Come again?

I am trying to develop a new
strain of Iris. I breed them.

No kidding! You mean, like some
guys breed cocker spaniels?

The principle, believe
it or not, is identical.

Clarence!
Uh, yes, mother?

What did that taxi man want?

He's looking for
21 carvers Lane, mother.

What on earth do the Harry
kings need a cab for?

[ Cab engine starts ]
I don't know, mother!

- Well, why didn't you ask him?
- I did!

But he doesn't know
either, mother! Oh!

You never find out anything.

[ Sighs ]

Better drink it now
before it gets cold.

Never mind the milk. Wheel me over
to that other window, quickly.

Careful, now.
Hurry. Hurry.

[ Toddler wailing, crying ]

[ Wailing, crying continue]
[ Dog barking ]

[ Boy ]
Henry! Henry! Come back here!

Henry! Henry!
Come back here!

Henry!
Come back here!

Hey! Get this dog off of me!
Get him off!

He's a watchdog!
He's supposed to bite strangers!

It's all right. He won't hurt ya.
Come on, Henry.

What's the matter?
Don't you like dogs?

- [ Door opens ]
- [ Crying continues ]

Yes? Oh, Roddy, will you
please stop crying.

You sent for a cab, lady.
[ Crying continues ]

You've come to the wrong house.
I didn't phone for a cab...

[ shrieks ]
Roddy, please stop!

This is number 21. Somebody
from here phoned for a cab.

I'm sorry, but there
must be some mistake.

There's no mistake, Mrs. King!

I phoned for a cab.

Really, Mrs. Maypole,
I-I don't quite understand.

There's nothing to understand.

I'm quittin', that's
all, and right now!

But you can't... you just can't
walk out... that's what you think.

Want I should
put 'em in the cab?

Yes, if you can get by them kids and that
awful dog without gettin' 'em smashed.

I don't know
what's upset you, but...

oh, you don't, huh?
Well, I'll tell ya.

It's them three kids of yours that's
upset me, and that horrible dog.

Upset me?
They've driven me nuts!

I'll never take another job anywhere
where they have kids or pets, so help me!

We had three children and a dog,
Mrs. Maypole, when you came.

We didn't spring them on you
unexpectedly.

I know. I should have
my head examined.

Good day, Mrs. King!

And mail me them two days
I got comin'.

[ Cab door closes ]
[ Sighs ]

[ Engine starts ]

don't worry, mom.
She was a pain in the neck.

She couldn't cook good either.
You're a much better cook, mom.

[ Phone ringing ]

Hello.

Oh, good morning, Mrs. King.
Just a moment, please.

- Yes?
- Your wife, Mr. King, on two.

Right.

Oh.

Hello, honey.
Say, Mr. Hammond wants us to...

what?

She didn't.

Why, the old bag!

The maid quit. Uh, it's just bill.
You can talk.

What?

I said, in a way
I'm glad to get rid of her.

All she did
was guzzle beer all day.

What? Tonight?

But how can we?
Who'll stay with the children?

Well, you'll just have to
get a babysitter.

I've told you, Mr. Hammond wants you, me,
bill and Edna to come for dinner tonight.

I don't know...
yes!

Tell her
Edna raised a stink too.

But she's going to
find a sitter, or else.

But, uh... I...

honey, I can't argue with you now.
I'm due in court.

I'll see you later.
And start phoning sitters.

Well, okay, I'll try.

Bye.

[ Sighs ]
[ Crack ]

[ Boy laughing ]

Oh, Roddy, for heaven's sake!

Oh!
[ Crying ]

[ Brakes squeak ]

[ Door closes ]
[ Car engine accelerates ]

[ Boys imitating gunfire ]

Hi, pop!
Hi!

Hiya, fellas.

[ Groans ]
Henry! Get off of me!

Get off! Get away!

[ Sighs ]
Hot enough for ya, pop?

Can't you kids train that big
ox not to jump on people?

He's glad to see ya.
Oh, he's glad to see everybody.

What you got?
Ice cream.

Oh, boy!
That's super!

[ Cat yowling ]
[ Henry barking ]

Henry! Leave that cat alone!
Henry!

Stop it! Henry! Come back here!

Henry! Come back here!
[ Barking continues ]

Hi.

[ Italian accent ] Hello, kiddo.
I bring you the stuff like you say.

Strawberry ice cream.

Chocolate cookies.
Ginger ale.

Cottage cheeses? Okay?
Thanks, honey.

Say, lady, uh, before
your husband comes home,

how about a little kiss, huh?

You picked a fine time
to be funny.

Oh, don't worry, honey.
You'll find another maid.

I'm not even going to try.

La Maypole was a
horrible extravagance.

We just can't afford a maid right now.
You know that.

Unless, of course, you got that raise.
Did you?

No.

But being invited to the boss's
house for dinner is a hopeful sign.

Who'd you get for a sitter?
I didn't.

And I phoned at least 15
of the little darlings.

Well, we've still got time. I'll get
busy on it while you feed the kids.

Hope you have better luck
than I did.

Hello? May I speak
with Dorothy, please?

Oh, I see.
Thank you.

Well, the kids are put away for
the night, thank goodness. Good.

It's so silly, dressing to go
over there, just the six of us.

The hammonds always dress for dinner.
They would.

You might as well give up. You're not
going to get anybody at this hour.

Shh.

Hello?
Hello, Agnes!

So glad I caught you in.
[ Chuckles ]

This is Mr. King.
I was just wondering if you...

oh, I see.

Well, can't you go bowling
some other night?

Oh, no, sure, I understand.
Good-bye.

[ Disgusted sigh ]

don't you think you'd better call Mr.
Hammond and say that you can't get anybody?

And get fired for disobeying
the royal command?

And why not?

The sooner you start out on your own and
stop letting Mr. Hammond kick you around,

the better I like it.

Look, my love,
for the last time,

there's more to starting a law practice
than just hanging out a shingle.

You have to make contacts,
take it by degrees.

The only way you can do that
is with an established outfit.

You know I'm right, don't you?

I know you're a lot smarter than
Mr. Hammond thinks you are.

Thank you.

What about that old duck we had a couple
months ago with the wart on her nose?

Too late, darling.
Edna got her.

Oh.

Hello.
Is this Mrs. Phillips?

[ Chuckles ]
Well, good evening.

This is Mr. King.
Could I talk to Mabel, please?

There. You see?
She's in.

[ Mrs. Phillips ]
Oh, Mabel!

Yes, mother?

Mr. King on the phone. I guess
he wants you to sit with his kids.

Not me! Not while I'm
conscious. Not those kids.

Tell him I dropped dead!

Hello? Yes, I heard,
Mrs. Phillips.

She just dropped dead.

Why, the...

fresh out of names, dear,
or fresh out of charm?

Mm-mmm.

Well, we can always try Ginger.

- Oh, no, you don't.
- Why? What's wrong with Ginger?

Well, in the first place
she's a nitwit,

and in the second place she's got
a silly, idiotic crush on you.

Oh, stop it, will you.
Don't act so innocent.

The last time she was here she tried to hold
hands with you right under my very nose.

Can I help it if I'm
irresistible to women?

Of course not, dear.

[ Sighs ]
Well, okay.

Oh, all right.
Go ahead and call her.

Personally, I think you've
got a crush on her.

A child of 16?

Gosh, Mr. King,
I'm so glad you called.

I just adore sitting
with those darling children.

Good. That's a break for us.
[ Chuckles ]

I had several other calls
tonight to sit,

but I turned them all down 'cause I just
hoped and prayed that you would call.

Gosh, you look so sharp
in your tux.

Gosh!

[ Clears throat ]
I just did a new paint job on my nails.

Like them, Mr. King?
Yes. Fine.

I'm using a new perfume too.

It's called nuit d'amour.
That's French.

Oh.
It means "night of love."

Like it?

Yes. It's keen.

Well, good night, Ginger.
The children are all sound asleep.

But if you need me, I left the
hammonds' phone number there on the desk.

Oh, yes.
Here it is, Ginger.

Oh, thank you,
Mr. King.

Have a nice time.
Yes, Ginger, we will.

You don't mind if I make a
few phone calls, do you?

A person gets so bored
just sitting.

All right, Ginger, but please don't
stay on the phone all the time.

And remember that the
children are asleep.

I will.

- Good night, Ginger.
- Good night.

She's so cute.

Are you quite sure you wouldn't like
to stay home and sit with her, dear?

Well!
What brought that on?

It's that perfume of Ginger's.
It brings out the beast in me.

Oh, stop it!
[ Both laughing ]

[ Muttering ]
Five and six, 11, carry one, and eight...

if we'd had a little more gin
this evening and less rummy...

yes. It wouldn't have been
quite so gruesome.

Why, Edna, how you talk!

We ought to be honored that
the hammonds invited us over.

Pipe down, will you.

You two broke even, but
the hammonds lost $5.20 to us. Ha!

Lost? Look here, pal,
the hammonds had better win.

That is, if you expect
to get that raise.

[ Silverware clinking ]
And so I said to the woman,

you couldn't possibly find
a better lawyer than Mr. Hammond.

Well, Harry, figure the score?

What's the bad news?
Good news, sir.

You and Mrs. Hammond are
the only winners... $5.20.

Aha! You see?
Concentration and memory.

Qualities which you two young fellas
would do well to acquire. Yes, sir.

You won $1.20 from us...

And $4.00 from the Philbys.

[ Mr. Hammond ] Good! Good!
I should say it is.

We never win.
[ Doorbell rings ]

Why, who on earth
could that be at this hour?

I-I'll go, dear. You take cream
and sugar, don't you, Tacey?

No, black, please.

How do you do, Horatio? Why,
hello, Clarence. Come in. Come in.

I'm afraid this is rather
late for a social call,

but I found a letter in my mailbox
intended for you, Horatio,

and as I happened
to be passing, I thought...

- good evening, Martha.
- Hello, Clarence.

- [ Bill ] Good evening.
- How do you do?

Ah, here we are.

I cannot think how the mailman
could have been so careless.

Oh, I'm very sorry, but I'm afraid
I opened it before I realized.

Of course I didn't read it.
Thank you, Clarence.

[ Mrs. Hammond ] Anything important,
dear? No, no. Just a circular.

Won't you join us in a cup
of a coffee and a sandwich?

Oh, do.
There's more than aplenty.

I really should be getting back to mother,
but perhaps I could stay for a snack.

Of course you can.
She'll be all right.

You take sugar, don't you, Clarence?
Three lumps, please.

How are all the little irises
coming along, Mr. Appleton?

[ Chuckles ]

I must confess, I'm quite surprised to
find you and your wife here, Mr. King.

- Why?
- I just strolled past your house.

I felt sure you would
be at your own party.

Party?
[ Harry ] Not at our house.

Oh, yes, indeed.
The house was blazing with lights.

I could hear the music
halfway down the block.

As I went by,
I saw your guests dancing.

You and your Ginger.

♪♪ [ Record player:
Swing ]

♪♪ [ Continues ]

Oh. Hello.

We, uh... we didn't think
you'd be back so soon.

So it appears.
[ Boy ] Hi, pop.

We've been watching 'em dance!

You kids run upstairs to bed.

Go ahead.
Hurry up.

The idea, letting the baby out of bed
at this hour. Are you out of your mind?

Gosh, Mrs. King, I hope you're not sore
just because I invited a few friends.

♪♪ [ Stops ] A person'd go
absolutely mad with nothing to do but sit.

If I were your mother,
heaven forbid,

I'd make it extremely painful for
you tossit for the next few days.

I think you'd better
have your friends...

gosh, Mr. King,
I feel so sorry for you.

She has a terrible
disposition, hasn't she?

♪♪ [ Whistling ]

Oh.
♪♪ [ Continues whistling ]

Well? Oh! [ Chuckles ]

What do you want?
Good morning, Mr. Taylor.

I was just admiring your bed of black
Iris. You keep away from my Iris.

I haven't forgotten yet what you said about
me and that girl from the florist shop.

I merely said... just "merely"
keep your mouth shut!

Well! Huh!

[ Exhales ]

Oh, good morning, Mr. Mcpherson. Mmm.

Must have been quite
a party you had last night.

Would you like a list of the guests who
got cockeyed, or have you already got it?

There's no need
to be unpleasant.

I merely made a friendly observation.
Well, make it someplace else.

♪♪ [ Whistling continues ]

Henry! Henry! [ Barking ]

Why are you tickling that flower?
Yeah, why?

I am not tickling it, little boy.
I am gathering...

[ clears throat ] Just run along.
I have your mother's permission.

We won't bother you.
Tell us what you're doing.

Have you boys ever watched a Bumblebee
flitting from flower to flower?

Sure. Well, I am doing just
what the Bumblebee does.

Gosh!
Can you sting too?

Run away and play.

Find it?
It isn't upstairs.

Oh, what did I do
with that thing?

Oh, there it is.

[ Harry ]
What the devil is he doing?

Seems we have
a very healthy male Iris,

and he asked if he could have some
pollen so he could breed it to one of his.

We oughta charge him a stud fee.

Good-bye, honey.

Oh, uh, good morning, John.
Good morning.

I'm going in. I'll save
you a trip. Well, okay.

[ Harry ]
Anything interesting, Mr. Appleton?

Oh, good morning,
Mr. and Mrs. King.

The mailman asked me to hand
these to you. Thank you.

Did you, uh, get all
the pollen you needed?

Why, yes!

I believe it may produce
a fascinating hybrid.

Glad to hear it.

Well, good-bye, Mr. King.

Don't forget, we're entitled to the
pick of the litter. [ Chuckling ]

Harry!
Come here, quick!

I got an answer!
Answer to what?

My ad!
Huh?

I didn't want to tell you,
but after that Ginger episode...

I put an ad in the Saturday review,
and I've got a wonderful answer.

Ad for what? A babysitter,
darling. A resident babysitter.

Oh, you're crazy. I knew you'd say
that. That's why I didn't tell you.

Listen to what I put in:

"Somewhere there must be
a struggling young person...

"Who would welcome a delightful
room, private bath, full board...

"In exchange for sitting with three
adorable children evenings...

"And some light housework.

Congenial, cultured atmosphere.
Write fully: Box 2301."

Aren't you stretching things a
bit, calling our three "adorable"?

Well, anyway, it seems to have
snared her. This is her answer.

"Dear sir or madam, if not too late, I wish
to apply for the position you advertised.

"I am engaged in a form of work which
makes me indifferent to my surroundings,

"providing I have a place
in which I can find solitude.

"I have studied psychology and am perfectly
competent to handle children of all ages...

"With efficiency and dispatch.

Yours sincerely,
Lynn Belvedere."

don't you think
she sounds marvelous?

Well, she writes a short, businesslike
letter, yes, but what do we know about her?

Well, anyway,
I'm going to follow this up.

Okay, go ahead.
What can you lose?

See you tonight.
Bye, honey.

[ Sighs ]
That looks good.

Quit that.
Did you get it out?

Sure.
It hardly shows now.

If you kids let that dog in this
house again, I'll wallop both of you.

Okay, okay.

Tacey?

Hey!
Where is everybody?

[ Tacey ] We're up in the
maid's room! Come on up!

I can't. There's a chair in
the way. I know. It's stuck.

Don't be so helpless.
Climb over it.

Tony, would you
leave that alone!

Look, boys, will you go downstairs
and bring up that thing I told you.

Okay.

Hi!
Hello.

Hello, darling.
Hi.

Did you have a nice earthquake? Oh,
we've been as busy as little beavers.

Isn't it wonderful? She's coming! Who?

Miss Belvedere.
Huh?

The babysitter who wrote this morning. Oh.

I decided not to waste
another moment,

so I sent her a long, straight
wire giving her all the dope...

And she wired back, and I wired
again, and this is what I got:

"Conditions acceptable. Arriving 9:35
tonight, union depot. Lynn Belvedere."

[ Larry ] Hey, mom, pop! Give us a hand!

Come on.
Make yourself useful.

Hurry up! This thing's
heavy! [ Tony ] Mine too!

All right, boys, put them down
until daddy moves the chair.

You mind telling daddy where
his favorite chair is going?

Well, darling, she does have to
have something comfortable to sit on.

And you're taking Nero up so she'll
have an intellectual to talk to.

Right.
[ Chuckles ]

In my ad I said that ours was
a cultured, educated background.

It won't do the girl any harm to find
out that at least isused to be a sculptor.

Yes, dear.

Besides, that'll take the curse off my
being a low, uncouth, struggling attorney.

Mm-hmm. But you aren't struggling
very intelligently right now.

It won't work, darling.
I tried it for hours.

Stop giving orders and push.
I'll get this thing out of here.

You kids get back
out of the way.

Now, one great big push.

[ Loud grunt ]
[ Tacey, boys laughing ]

Hey!
Do something, will ya!

I can't imagine
what's keeping them.

Maybe the train was late.
They usually are.

Would you pick those
cushions up for me?

I told those kids to stay out
of there. [ Phone ringing ]

Hello?

Oh, bill, it's you.
Yes, she's here.

Edna, it's bill.
Oh?

Hello, sweetie.

No.
No sign of them yet.

We're beginning to suspect that Harry took
her to a bar to get her plastered first.

Well, don't stay over there too late. I
have to get an early start in the morning.

Yes, I'll be home the minute she
arrives with a blow-by-blow description.

Good-bye.
[ Doorbell buzzes ]

Maybe that's them.
But it can't be.

Harry's got his key.

Yes? Mrs. King?
Mrs. Harry King?

Yes.
Uh, good evening.

I am Lynn Belvedere.

You're who?

Lynn Belvedere.

But...
but you can't be.

Why not? Have you ever
seen me before? No.

No, of course I haven't.

Very well then.

How do you do?

Edna, this man claims
that he's Lynn Belvedere.

[ Laughing ] I know. Edna, please.

I'm sorry.
This is my friend, Mrs. Philby.

Oh, she doesn't live here.

Delighted.

This is quite a shock.
You see...

well, we weren't expecting a...

[ chuckles ] Well, I naturally
thought you were a woman.

You know.

Your advertisement, of which I have a
copy here, made no mention of sex.

Possibly not, but it
was obviously implied.

I advertised for someone to help with
the housework and sit with my children.

Mrs. King, I happen to dislike
all children intensely.

But I assure you that
I can readily attend...

To their necessary,
though unpleasant wants.

Sorry. I've just had a long and
very trying journey in a day coach.

May I see my room?

Well, I...

look here, Mr. Belvedere, you're
obviously here under false pretenses.

To the contrary.

If some young female arrived
calling herself Lynn Belvedere,

she would be here
under false pretenses.

May I please see my room?

But... but my husband
isn't home yet.

That, if I may say so, is a matter
of complete indifference to me.

I take it you are not retaining
my services to sit with him.

Now, may I see my room?

Why... well...

I-I guess so.

Um, I-it's upstairs.

Good evening.

Boys, what are you doing up?
Go back to sleep.

Is he a babysitter?
Gee whiz!

Never mind now.
Go to bed.

Oh, uh, these are my sons,
Larry and Tony.

And the baby's asleep.

Mom, why is it a man?

Shh-shh-shh.

Uh, you see, Mr. Belvedere, they also
thought that you were going to be a...

well, anyway, they seem to
be quite fascinated by you.

The fascination, I assure
you, is not mutual.

Which way, please?
Oh.

[ Whispers ]
Go to bed.

Gee whiz!

We, uh, tried to fix it
up as nicely as we could.

I hope you like it.

After the obvious
eliminations have been made,

I believe it will be
entirely satisfactory.

For my work I require an
atmosphere of spartan simplicity.

And may I ask
what your profession is?

Certainly.
I am a genius.

Satisfactory?

Eminently,
as far as I can judge.

At the moment.

With this exception.

I'll change it.

[ Door closes ]

[ Laughing ]

Oh, brother!
What am I going to do?

[ Door lock clicks ] Oh! It's Harry!

Oh, hello, dear.
You back?

Back? You and your
cockeyed classified ad.

She never even showed up.

I hung around the station till the
Porter practically threw me out.

Darling, I've got
something to tell you.

Uh...
[ Laughing ]

While you were gone...
what's so funny?

Go on!
Tell him!

Well...

I'm afraid to! He'll
kill me! Oh, shut up!

Mrs. King.

Before I retire for the night, may I
inquire what time you serve breakfast?

Um... uh...

about 7:30, usually.

Thank you.

Perhaps I should tell you
I'm a vegetarian.

I like fruit juice, coffee...

And thinly sliced
gluten bread, toasted.

I'll, uh, try to remember.

Thank you.
Good night.

Who in the heck was that?

That, darling,
is Lynn Belvedere.

Huh?

[ Tacey, Edna laughing ]

[ Laughing, babbling ]

Now, Larry, that's enough sugar.
Aw, mom!

Do you want to get
another toothache?

Harry, will you please put down
that paper and talk to me?

Well, what's the... what are we
going to do about Mr. Belvedere?

Very simple.

As soon as he deigns to join us for
breakfast, I'm going to kick him out...

Right on his ear.

I guess you're right. But you'll
have to tell him. He scares me.

I think he's kinda cute.
Me too.

Well, I don't!

And genius or no genius, I'm going up and
tell him to get down here to breakfast.

I'll go with you. You boys sit
down and finish your breakfast.

[ Roddy laughing ]

Roddy!
For crying out loud!

Well, he's got a nerve!

Well, what's the difference?
He's going anyway.

There's not a sound.
He's probably still asleep.

Mr. Belvedere!

Maybe he's gone.

I hope so.

Ah.
Good morning.

Oh, uh, we're sorry to dash in on
you like this, but we did knock.

I don't doubt it,
Mrs. King.

When I practice my yoga, I'm completely out of
this world. I neither see nor hear a thing.

I take it breakfast is ready?

Yes, and the sooner
you come down, the sooner...

I'll be with you in a minute, Mr. King.

Now, look here, you,

I'm not...

it's no use, dear. He's out
of this world. He told you.

Oh, that's so sil...

I never heard of such a thing.

[ Babbling ]

don't do that, little boy.

Leave Mr. Belvedere alone,
darling.

Uh, you should be flattered.

He hates strangers as a rule.
[ Coos ]

Now, look here,
Mr. Belvedere.

A joke is a joke,
but this can't go on.

And why not,
Mr. King?

I'm perfectly willing to carry
out my end of our agreement.

I see no reason why you
should default on yours.

But it's obviously impossible.

You couldn't do
the things we require.

For instance,
could you bathe Roddy?

For many years, I have successfully
bathed individuals of all ages and sexes,

and I've never had
any complaints.

[ Babbling ]
don't do that again.

That's enough, Roddy.
Now, stop it.

My wife tells me that, uh,
you're a genius.

That is correct.

Well, if I'm not
too inquisitive,

do you mind telling me
what form it takes?

I am, in my way, a philosopher.

Oh, I see.
You just sit and think.

Mr. King, if more people
just sat and thought,

the world might not be in the
stinking mess that it is.

Well, maybe you've
got something there.

But, Mr. Belvedere, can you
really handle children?

[ Babbles ]
Mrs. King, as I told you last night,

I dislike children intensely,

and yours, if I may say so,

have peculiarly repulsive
habits and manners.

However, I assure you I can
cope with them successfully,

if given a free hand.
[ Sneezes ]

Gesundheit.
[ Clears throat ]

I better get down to the office.

So long, kids. I'll see
you tonight. Bye, pop.

Bye. Walk out to the
car with me, will you?

Uh, excuse me.
Certainly.

You will remain seated.

Now eat your breakfast, and
chew each mouthful 28 times.

Not 20, mind you, or 26,

but 28 times.

[ Squealing, giggling ]

Well, I don't know.
What do you think?

Should we give the guy
a whirl for a day or two?

We can try. At least the
children seem to like him.

[ Roddy screams, crying ]

What's the matter? What
happened? Why, Roddy!

Mrs. King, throughout this grisly meal,
your son has been pelting me with cereal.

I've taught him
an object lesson,

and, as you will observe,
he doesn't like it.

I guarantee he will never throw cereal
at me or anyone else again ever.

[ Roddy crying ]

Mr. Belvedere,
consider yourself hired.

He's done that to me too.
You've got something.

I couldn't agree
with you more, Mr. King.

You might even say
I have everything.

[ Tony ]
Look, Larry. I'm up.

Hi!
What goes with you two?

Mr. Belvedere taught us.
It's "yogi."

Feels swell.
He says it relaxes you.

[ Chuckles ] Just be careful you don't
relax so much you break your necks.

We won't.

[ Sniffs, sighs ]

♪♪ [ Humming ]

Hi, baby.
Everything under control?

Hello, darling!

Oh, Harry, he's wonderful! Terrific!

He must be. He's already got
the kids standing on their heads.

They love him. They've been as
good as gold all day. No kidding?

They ate their lunch
without a single argument.

He gave Roddy a bath, and there
wasn't a peep out of him.

And look! The icebox... he's fixed it.

It's been on the blink for days.

Well, I'll be...
[ Creaking ]

What's the matter with Henry?
Is he sick? No, darling.

It seems that Mr. Belvedere used
to be a dog trainer or something.

He had a long talk with Henry this morning, and
ever since Henry has been quiet as a mouse.

Isn't it wonderful?

Sounds like a treasure.
Oh, he is!

And in addition
to everything else,

he makes the most divine
combination salad you ever tasted.

Looks delicious.

There's just one thing...

he's sort of mysterious.

How do you mean?

[ Whispering ] Well, three times
today, when he finished his chores,

he went upstairs and locked
himself in his room.

I heard the lock click. I went up and
listened, but I couldn't hear a sound.

What do you suppose
he does up there?

[ Whispering ] Maybe he stands on his
head. That doesn't make much noise.

Oh!
Is he up there now?

No. He's out
taking his constitutional.

[ Aloud ]
Then why are we whispering?

[ Laughing ]
Oh, I forgot.

He says he goes out for a constitutional
every night before dinner.

[ Chuckles ]

I gave him a key to his room, but he
doesn't know that I've got an extra one.

Would it be very unethical
if... it most certainly would.

Let's go.

It turns all right,
but nothing happens.

Here, clumsy.
Let me do it.

You sure that's the right key?

Yes, of course it is.

That's funny.
It doesn't work.

You're wasting your time,
Mrs. King.

Hello.
Good evening.

Knowing human nature as I do,

I suspected that you
might try to snoop.

This is a new lock.

But it can't be. I didn't order
a locksmith. It wasn't necessary.

I am an expert locksmith.

[ Sighs ]

I don't know, darling.

He may be all right, but let's
face it... he is a screwball.

Oh, Harry, how can you say that?

He may be a little eccentric,
but... excuse me, father.

It's time we washed our
face and hands for dinner.

Mr. Belvedere says cleanliness
is next to godliness.

We won't be long.

Need I say more?

Nope. I'm sold.
[ Both chuckling ]

I'll say good night to Roddy.

You know, Mrs. King, it's
really all your fault. Hmm?

If you weren't so darned pretty,

we wouldn't have so many
kids for people to sit with.

[ Bell tolling ]

Uh, good morning, Belvedere.

You will kindly address me
as Mr. Belvedere...

Until I Grant you permission
to drop the title,

a contingency which seems
hardly likely, Mr. Appleton.

Oh, well, really, I...
I intended no offense.

Uh, tell me, Mr. Belvedere, are you
completely happy with the Harry Kings?

Only an idiot is
completely happy anywhere.

I understand those dear little
boys are devoted to you...

And that Mrs. King considers
you quite a treasure.

Indeed? Yes, indeed. And she should.

As my mother is always saying, good
servants are worth their weight in gold.

The next time your parent
makes that original observation,

tell her it's one of
the older clichés.

Yes, I will. Incidentally, my mother is very
anxious to make your acquaintance properly.

Perhaps you could drop in for a
visit on your next afternoon off.

I am not a servant, Mr. Appleton.
My afternoons are always my own.

Well, in that case, drop in
anytime for a glass of Sherry.

I dislike Sherry as much as I deplore the
habit of dropping in on people uninvited.

[ Chuckles ] But, Mr.
Belvedere, I am inviting you.

And I, sir, am declining. Good day.

[ Chuckles ]

♪♪ [ Humming ]

Oh, here. Let me do
the mouth. That's awful.

Okay, mommy. We all
know you're a sculptress.

But hurry up. I wanna get this
finished before the kids get home.

Relax. They won't be
home for hours. Why?

Edna's taking them to her
house after Sunday school.

They're going to have lunch
with Susan and little bill.

Good morning,
Mr. Belvedere.

Good morning.
Good morning.

Good morning.
Good morning, Mrs. King.

[ Harry ] Cold enough for
you? Nippy, but it suits me.

How do you like our snowman?

Mr. King, you should have
let your wife do the face.

I did the face.

Oh, well.
It will soon melt.

[ Door closes ] What do you
suppose he had in that package?

Darling, he's been here so long,

I've given up wondering
about anything he does or has.

It made a noise. I distinctly
heard a sort of metallic ticking.

So did I.

If he's doing anything illegal, we could
get into trouble. You know that, don't you?

Do you suppose you could
see from that limb there?

You go in the house
and watch his door.

If he comes out, find
some way to warn me. Okay.

[ Cracking ]

Mr. King?
Hmm?

- [ Yells ]
- [ Branches snap ]

[ Thud ]

Ow! Take it easy,
will ya?

Kindly keep still. You're
lucky that no bones are broken.

That's a very
professional bandage.

There aren't many people
who could do that.

That's substantially what general Pershing
told me during the first world war.

You were a doctor
too? A bone specialist.

Oh. Mr. Belvedere, is there
anything you haven't been?

Yes, Mrs. King, I've never
been an idler nor a parasite.

[ Bird chirps ]

Where on earth did that...

that, Mrs. King, was the package which
you and Mr. King stared at so pointedly.

I'm opposed to the practice of
exchanging gifts at any time.

But since you
were gracious enough...

To give me three pairs of excellent woolen
socks on the occasion of my birthday,

I tried to get something
for your anniversary...

That would give pleasure
to your entire family.

How very kind of you.
Thank you, Mr. Belvedere.

Oh, he's beautiful.
Does he sing?

Not yet, but, uh,
I shall teach him.

[ Chirps ]

Darling, will six
shirts be enough? Sure.

Oh, will you need your tux? [ Chuckles ]

Look, sweetie, I'm going to Chicago
for a few days on business, not for fun.

Oh, it's getting late. don't
worry. Bill will be here.

Edna said he has
a business date downtown,

and he'll drop you off
at the station on the way.

Let me see now.
Socks, ties.

Oh, my shaving things.
I forgot.

Hi, funny face. How's the
bath coming? All right.

You gonna miss me when
I'm gone, hmm? [ Babbling ]

What?
[ Babbling ]

Oh, don't look at me like that
and laugh. [ Both laughing ]

Are you having fun, huh?

Mr. King.
Cutie, cutie. Huh?

I've been trying to teach Roddy that
bathing is not a social function.

Kindly do not talk to him.

Now then, Roddy, put the cloth in
the right hand, like that, and wash.

[ Door closes ]
And no conversation.

I don't care how good he is. There are
times when that genius gets on my nerves.

Oh, don't be so touchy.
I'm mad about him.

Hmm. Let's see.
Pullman tickets.

Money. Oh.

[ Horn honks ]

He'll be right down. He's
saying good-bye to the kids.

Okay.

That guy's gonna miss his
train. He'd better step on it.

[ Horn honking ]

Hurry up, dear. You
haven't much time. Okay.

You boys be good now, and
don't worry your mommy too much.

We won't. Good. Keep
the home fires burning.

Bye, pop...
father.

[ Chuckles ] Good-bye, son.
Good-bye, Mr. Belvedere.

Good-bye, Mr. King,
and don't worry.

During your absence, I shall endeavor to
pinch-hit for you at every opportunity.

Thanks, Mr. Belvedere.

Yes, darling, I know we'll get
along fine. [ Horn honking ]

Hmm. Come on. They're getting impatient.

Now, call me if you have time.

Oh, yes, while you're in Chicago,
will you go by Marshall fields...

And see if they have Larry's
size in those real heavy...

what's the matter?
Forget something?

I can't go.
Why?

Well, I can't leave you
here alone with Belvedere.

Why not? Bel... are
you out of your mind?

You seem to find him
very attractive.

I find the Grand Canyon attractive, but
that doesn't mean I'm in love with it.

You just got through saying
you're mad about him.

I am.
I'm insane with passion.

Hey, do you realize what
time it is? I'm not going.

Not going?
Well, why not?

This... this pillar of virtue
has suddenly decided...

That it wouldn't be safe to leave me
alone in the house with Mr. Belvedere.

Oh, are you kidding?
That's not the point at all.

Look, I'm not suggesting that you and
Belvedere will carry on while I'm gone.

Would you feel any better about your trip if
your wife slept at our house while you're gone?

- Yes, I would. Definitely.
- All right, it's settled then.

Just think, dear, Caesar's wife
is going to sleep at our house.

Good-bye now.
Of all the silly...

well, don't I get a kiss? No.

I'm a one-man woman, and my
heart belongs to Belvedere.

Oh.

Thanks, Edna.
Good-bye.

Bye. Have a good time.
And don't you be late, bill.

I won't.
[ Door closes ]

You know, I believe
he was actually jealous.

That's very gratifying. [ Mr.
Belvedere ] Most gratifying.

Although slightly suburban.

Mr. Belvedere, don't you consider
eavesdropping a bit unethical?

Quite unethical,
but, uh, fascinating.

I particularly enjoyed your
comparing me to the Grand Canyon.

Now there's rugged grandeur.

I shall put that in my diary.

[ Groaning ]

[ Sniffles ]

Larry.

Larry.
Huh?

Wake up. What's the matter with you?

My stomach hurts.
Bad?

Yeah, awful.

You must have ate
too much for supper.

Go on back to sleep
and you'll feel better.

I can't. It hurts.
Tell mom.

How can I? You know she's been
sleeping over at the Philbys'.

But I want my mom!
Shh!

Shut up.

It's nearly 3:00
in the morning,

and you'll wake up Roddy
and Mr. Belvedere.

I don't care.
Shh.

Look, Tony, I know. Why don't you stand
on your head like Mr. Belvedere taught us?

I already tried,
but I only threw up.

Okay. Okay. I'll wake him
up, but he won't like it.

He won't mind.
Oh, yes, he will.

He's a genius, and he needs
eight hours undisturbed sleep.

He says so all the time.

[ Groaning ]

[ Sighs ]
Here, Tony, drink this.

[ Groaning ]

What are you giving him? It's
all right. It's just ice water.

The water bottle got
smashed. Put it down.

Why? A drink of water
might be good for him.

When your mother gets here, she can drown
him in ice water as far as I'm concerned.

Until then, leave him alone,
and put it down.

[ Groaning ]

Sure you're calling
the right number?

Kindly credit me with enough intelligence
not to lose my head in a crisis.

Of course I'm calling
the right number.

[ Phone ringing ]

Hello. Yes.

What?

Oh, I'll call her right away.

What's the matter? What's
wrong? It's Tony. He's sick.

Tacey. Tacey!

Hi, mom. How is he,
dear? Is he any better?

I think so.
A little better.

Tony, baby. Did you
take his temperature?

No. I'm satisfied that he
simply has a bellyache.

No more, no less.
[ Tony groaning ]

Is the pain very bad, dear? Show
me where it hurts. Right here.

Of course, I could have handled
this crisis perfectly well myself,

only the child expressed a
maudlin desire for his mother.

Come on, dear. I'll
take you upstairs to bed.

There now. Are you all right? Uh-huh.

Mom, you gonna sleep here now?

No, I'm going back
to Mrs. Philby's. Why?

Because... oh, well, never
mind. It's a long story.

Now, you boys sleep late in the morning.
I'll be here to get your breakfast.

And don't wake Mr. Belvedere. We won't.

And as for you, dopey, the next time
you find a package of chewing gum,

be sure it is chewing gum.

[ Phone ringing ] [ Mr.
Belvedere ] Hello. Hello.

Mrs. Philby, I have now informed
you on three separate occasions...

That nature has resolved
Tony's gastric disorder.

[ Footsteps approaching ]

Mrs. King will return
in a few minutes.

No further bulletins will
be issued. Good night.

Silly woman. I'm sorry you
were disturbed, Mr. Belvedere.

I'm sure they'll go
right to sleep now.

Whereas I shall be plagued
with insomnia.

[ Doorbell buzzes ]

Now who could that be?

If you go to the door,
you need not conjecture.

Oh. Oh, please pardon
the intrusion, Mrs. King,

but I noticed
all your lights go on,

and, uh, knowing your husband
was away in Chicago,

I felt constrained to dash over
to see if anything was wrong.

No, thank you.
Everything is fine.

Well, just a neighborly call, you might
say, to offer my services if needed.

[ Chuckles ]

Good evening.
Or should I say good morning.

[ Scoffs ]

Did you borrow
your mother's binoculars...

To ascertain that our lights had
gone on? Oh, well, I, uh... I...

or were you perhaps looking
for pollen for your irises?

Well?

I see that I am not needed.

Your vision
is remarkably accurate.

Evil-minded little worm.

Do you know anyone who
has a beehive? What?

A good swarm of bees could
ruin his sheltered irises.

I know. But how could
you get them to swarm?

Uh, now don't tell me
you were also a beekeeper.

That is correct.

[ Chuckles ]
Good night.

Here you are, Mrs. Gibbs.
I know you'll enjoy it.

Thank you, Della. I certainly
liked the last one you recommended.

Good. Do come in again.
Oh, I will. Good-bye.

Good-bye, Mr. Appleton. Oh, Mrs. Gibbs.

So, what happened?
Well, as I was saying,

last night, or rather
early this morning,

I went over to the Harry kings'
on an errand of mercy,

and bear in mind Mr. King
has only been gone three days.

And there was Mr. Belvedere
in his pajamas,

and Tacey King
in a flimsy negligee.

Both of them cavorting about in the
most shameless way... drinking gin.

Why, I think it's the most...
what?

Oh, you're quite right, my dear.
It's my duty to tell Horatio.

Yes, of course. He demands
respectability above all things.

Mr. Hammond's office. Oh, yes,
Mrs. Hammond. One moment, please.

Yes?
Mrs. Hammond on the phone.

Oh, all right.

Yes, Martha, what is it?

No!

Why, that's outrageous.

And both of them drunk?

Well, go on.

What else did she say that Clarence
told her to tell you to tell me?

Uh-huh.

Hello, girls. [ Women ] Hello, Mr. King.

How are you, Peggy?
Everything under control?

Oh, yes, Mr. King,
and we got your wire.

Mr. Hammond was very pleased
that the matter was settled.

Swell. Uh, get my house for me,
will ya? I haven't been home yet.

But, Mr. King, Mr. Hammond wanted
to see you the moment you came in.

Oh. Okay.
I'll call the house later.

And that's where I nailed him.

He didn't have a comeback.

So, he talked it over with his clients,
and they signed on the dotted line.

Very good.
Very good, Harry.

Now, Mr. Hammond, uh,
how about that raise?

Uh, before
we discuss that, Harry,

there is something
of a personal nature,

of a very distressing nature,

which I feel it my duty
to take up with you.

I don't know
what you're driving at.

I am driving at this...
this Belvedere person.

Belvedere? Well, what's
Belvedere got to do with it?

Information has reached me, Harry, to
the effect that during your absence,

your wife and this Belvedere...

Have been having
quite a time for themselves.

[ Edna ]
Gee, Tacey, I think it's swell.

But do you think you've really
done justice to his nose?

Edna, will you wait
till it's finished?

I think it's darling of you, Mr. Belvedere,
to give Tacey a chance to practice like this.

My motives, Mrs. Philby,
are not entirely unselfish.

Someday they will need a bust
of me in the hall of fame.

The only virtue you lack,
Mr. Belvedere, is modesty.

- I do not consider that a virtue.
- Oh, I do.

That's what I like about Harry.
He's so modest.

Your husband has a great
deal to be modest about.

[ Clears throat ]

It amazes me how anybody can take wet mud,
mash it around and make it look like somebody.

Ladies, please. May I suggest less
conversation and more sculpture?

Oh, all right, all right.
This is very wearing.

I'm sorry. It's my fault. I just
meant to stop in for a moment.

I'll scram. Good-bye, Mr.
Belvedere. So long, sweetie.

Bye.
[ Door opens, closes ]

Your jaw isn't right.
My jaw is perfect.

Your reproduction is at fault.

You obviously have never
studied anatomy. Have you?

I have dissected many a cadaver.

Come here.

Now, if you place
your fingertips...

At the base of my jaw, so,

you can feel where the
orbicularis oris operates.

Now then, the jawbone.

That's okay.

[ Tacey ]
Mmm, do it some more.

[ Bird chirps ]

Well, this is
a cozy little scene.

Harry! I didn't expect you
till tonight. Obviously.

Would you mind telling me
just what you were doing?

I was permitting your wife
to massage my larynx.

And I might add, Mr. King, that
your greeting to your wife...

Is scarcely cordial,
to say the least.

You keep out of this. I'll
greet my wife any way I like.

Harry, what's the matter with
you? Oh, it's a fine thing.

I'm not back 10 minutes before Hammond reads
me the riot act about all this gossip.

Gossip? What gossip?
What are you talking about?

Gossip about you and Belvedere,
that's what I'm talking about.

And I don't mind telling you
it's jeopardizing my position.

Oh, stop ranting.
You're not in court.

Now look here, Tacey...
and stop raising your voice.

I'll raise the roof
if I want to.

Very well.

Oh, Tacey, I...
I'm willing to believe...

That all these rumors
about a drunken orgy...

In your nightclothes with Belvedere
are somewhat garbled, but...

so that's it.
Mr. Appleton's fine hand.

But, my gosh, when I came
in the house just now,

you were practically
holding him in your arms.

For heaven's sake,
you saw what I was doing.

She was merely feeling
my bone structure.

You shut up and listen.
I've been listening.

All I can hear
is a typical suburban husband...

Reacting in a typically
stupid and stuffy matter...

To a typical tempest
in a teapot.

He's right. And as for that
drunken orgy you were talking about,

Tony got us all up in the middle
of the night with a stomachache.

I dashed over from Edna's, and I
wasn't in the house a half an hour...

When that horrible little Mr.
Appleton came snooping around.

Oh. Well, I imagined
it was something like that.

Look, I'll admit
it is all pretty silly.

- Very silly.
- But...

go on.

Well, I was just thinking that
perhaps it might be simpler...

For everybody all around if... if Mr.
Belvedere sought employment elsewhere.

In other words, to satisfy
malicious gossips like Mr. Hammond,

Mr. Appleton and his awful mother,
you want to kick Mr. Belvedere out.

[ Harry ]
In a word, yes.

That is your final decision,
Mr. King?

Yes. I'm sorry,
but that's final.

No, daddy, no!

Please let him stay.
Please, daddy.

Don't go, Mr. Belvedere.
Please! Shh. Quiet, quiet.

Your father's not the type to be
swayed by sentimental pleading.

Don't let him go, daddy.
Please!

We love Mr. Belvedere.

Don't go, uncle Lynn.

Don't ever again, as long as
you live, dare to call me uncle.

By no stretch of the imagination could
I possibly be a relative of yours.

My name is Mr. Belvedere.

Is that clear?
Yes.

Yes, sir?
Yes, sir.

That's better.
[ Roddy screams ]

[ Crying ]

What the heck
is the matter with him?

Children are psychic,
Mr. King.

They can sense
impending disaster.

[ Screaming continues ]

Okay, I know when I'm licked.

All right, all right,
he can stay. Shut up!

[ Screaming stops ]

[ Bird chirping ]

♪♪ [ Orchestra ]

Harry wasn't so dumb
to stay home.

I could scalp him for talking
me into coming to this thing.

What that lecturer knows about child
psychology could be engraved on a peanut.

Talking about peanuts, you
hungry? Yes, and thirsty too.

What about going in here
for a snack?

A little bit expensive,
isn't it?

Yes, but the music's worth it.
Come on. Let's splurge.

♪♪ [ Continues ]

♪♪ [ Ends ]

Hey, look, Mr. Belvedere.
It's Mrs. King and Mrs. Philby.

It is indeed. Well, they
better not see us here together.

I'll blow. You have wisdom
beyond your years, my dear.

Thanks very much for these notes.
They'll be invaluable to me.

You are a mine of information.
Oh, that's all right.

Well, so long, and, uh,
thanks for the ham sandwich.

And coffee, please.
Right away.

Look.

Well, I'll be darned.
That's very funny.

I've often wondered what he
did with his evenings off.

Uh-oh, he's coming over.
You'd better get rid of him.

You don't wanna start
those tongues wagging again.

On the contrary, I'd like to
give them something to wag about.

Good evening.
Hello, Mr. Belvedere.

Mrs. Philby. May I join you? Of course.

Yes, please do.
Thank you.

I-I suppose I should make it
clear that I'm very sorry...

That I've neither the means nor the
presumption to pay for your refreshments.

Oh, that's perfectly all right.
Edna and I always go Dutch too.

♪♪ [ Continues ]
Oh, I just love this number.

I adore dancing,
but bill simply loathes it.

So does Harry.

Do you dance too, Mr. Belvedere?
I dance extremely well.

I suppose you learned
from Arthur Murray.

No, I taught Arthur Murray.

Would you care to dance,
Mrs. King? Oh, I'd love to.

Excuse us.

Good-bye.
Good-bye.

Oh, Mrs. Frisbee, I cannot begin to
tell you how much I enjoyed your lecture.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Appleton. And I
know that my dear mother enjoyed it too.

What did you say, Clarence? Speak
up! I was telling Mrs. Frisbee...

oh, this darned thing's
on the blink again.

Mr. Belvedere,
you dance divinely.

Yes, I do.

[ Harry exhales ]

[ Exhales ]

[ Grumbles ]
Hello, darling.

You're kinda late, aren't you?

We were hungry. We stopped and had
a bite to eat. And you know what?

Good lecture?
Horrible.

Then what did you stay
so long for?

Well, darling, if you'll turn
around and listen, I'll tell you why.

Oh, no, I'm sleepy.

But... but, darling, I want
to tell you what happened.

Yeah, well, tell me
in the morning.

Okay. Happy dreams. [ Grunts ]

Yes, Mr. Hammond? Harry, will
you step in here a moment?

Right away.

Yes?

Sit down, Harry.

Harry, the firm of Horatio
J. Hammond and associates...

Has a spotless name
in this community.

So?
So, I consider it mandatory...

For all those connected with
the firm and their families...

Never to incur the slightest
gossip of a scandalous nature.

Are you still harping about those stupid
rumors that started while I was in Chicago?

I do not harp.
That was quite awhile ago.

I am now referring to an incident
which took place only last night.

A most deplorable incident,
which has just come to my ears.

Involving whom?

Involving your wife, Harry,

and involving this Belvedere,
whom you are sheltering.

Now look here, Mr. Hammond,
this has gone far enough.

If you will sit down, Harry, I
will furnish you with full details.

Harry, it hurts me deeply
to tell you this, but...

[ tires skid ]

Hello, darling.
You're home early.

Why didn't you tell me you were out
dancing with this man last night?

Now what have you heard?

Answer my question.
Why didn't you tell me?

Because you were sleepy and disagreeable
when I got home and wouldn't listen.

I tried to tell you. Then why didn't
you tell me this morning at breakfast?

I can be sleepy
and disagreeable too.

Our meeting was purely coincidental,
Mr. King, but most enjoyable.

Then you admit it. Certainly.
Moreover, he dances like a Saint.

I don't care if he dances like
Saint Vitus himself. What about me?

You dance very badly, dear.

Look, Tacey, your conduct is making me
the laughingstock of hummingbird hill.

Why, Mr. Hammond practically gave
me an ultimatum that if I didn't...

stop shredding that lettuce!

Life must go on, Mr. King.

Yeah, well, it's not going
on with you in the house.

Harry, I think you'd better
pull yourself together...

And apologize to both of us
for this ridiculous scene.

Apologize? I should apologize
because of your indiscretions?

Very well.

Until you come to your senses and
stop letting Mr. Hammond run our lives,

I'm going to take Roddy
and go home to mother.

Go right ahead. It's
perfectly all right with me.

[ Scoffs ]

It would be hard to tell which
of you is behaving more foolishly,

but, Mr. King, I think
you have a slight edge.

You keep out of this!

Harry, listen.

Oh, you still here. I thought you
were going home to your mother.

Very well, if that's the way
you feel about it.

That's exactly the way
I feel about it.

I agree with Mr. Belvedere.
You're acting like...

that's the whole trouble. You
always agree with Mr. Belvedere.

Well, what are you waiting for? Nothing.

Now I know where we stand.

Well, you've smashed up my home.
I hope you're satisfied.

Stupidity never gives me
satisfaction, Mr. King.

Your wife is right. You
owe her an abject apology.

If she thinks I'm gonna come crawling
on my knees to ask forgiveness,

she's got another thing coming.

I'm going out
and get good and drunk.

Intoxication is a form of escape,
often sought by the mentally immature.

Oh!

It's all there was.
Oh.

Nothing from Harry?

Oh, Harry doesn't write. I don't
even expect to hear from him.

Why, of course not, dear.

That's why you leap for the door when the
mail comes or when the telephone rings.

- I never could fool either of you for long.
- No, dear.

Sometimes you were able to pull
the wool over your father's eyes,

but never over mine.

Okay, then.
We had a fight.

- About this Mr. Belvedere?
- Yes.

Oh, Harry's such a fool.

He was seething with ridiculous suspicion
and jealousy. I could have wrung his neck.

When a woman wants to wring her husband's
neck, she's usually in the wrong.

Well, anyway, he could have phoned or sent
a postcard or something, after three days.

You're the one who walked out.

Have you phoned or sent a
postcard? After what he said to me?

Oh, go ahead.
Call him up.

I will not. Why, he
practically accused me of...

okay, so he flew off the handle.

Harry was always that
way, dear, full of Ginger.

Ginger. Yes.

Look, dad, you and mother
can go on your fishing trip.

Don't bother about me. I'll stay
here with Roddy. We'll be all right.

What's the matter with you?
Nothing.

Finish your homework?

Pop, when's mom coming home?

Oh, I don't know.
A few days.

Why did she go?

Well, I guess
she got lonesome for grandma.

Well, I'm lonesome for her.

So's Tony.

Aren't you?
Sure. Sure.

Why don't you call her up?
She's been gone a whole week.

Go on, pop.
Call her.

Why don't you run upstairs?
It's almost bedtime.

Okay.

Pop, what's a moron?

Well, it's someone who isn't
very bright. You know, a dope.

Oh.
Why do you ask?

Because that's what
somebody said you were.

Who said that?

Well, uh...
[ Footsteps approaching ]

Where do you think you're going? Out.

It's Thursday,
my evening off. Remember?

Did you tell my kids
I was a moron?

I most assuredly did not.

But, uh, Mr. King, if you wish it kept
a secret, you should not act like one.

Take my advice. Bury your idiotic
pride and telephone your wife.

When I want your advice,
I'll ask for it.

Good evening.
Good night.

And don't bother to come back, except
for your clothes. You're through.

You can't mean that,
Mr. King.

Bear in mind
that in your wife's absence,

you will be quite helpless
without me.

I have half a mind to punch you right
in the nose, just on general principles.

It takes half a mind
to resort to such measures.

Why, you... oh! Oh!

I neglected to tell you
that in my youth,

I was quite expert
in the art of fisticuffs.

[ Groans ]

Mother, have you read chapter...

mother. Mother!

What's the matter?
Effie. Effie!

Mother, speak to me. It's Clarence.
Mother, please don't frighten me.

Mother. Effie. Effie get the
smelling salts. My mother has fainted.

Yes, sir. Mother. Come on, mother.

Mother! Oh, mother.

Mother! Mother! Can't you
hear me, mother? Mother!

Bring me every book we have
on the law of libel.

And tell Mr. King I want to see
him at once. Yes, Mr. Hammond.

[ Door opens, slams ]

Here we go, kids. Hey,
girls, get a load of this.

What? What is it? This chapter here
on Mr. gammon. Horace G. Gammon.

Couldn't get much closer
than that, could they?

It tells about Mr. gammon
keeping physically fit...

By chasing the office girls around
their desks, trying to pinch them.

Oh, oh, boy. How could
this Belvedere know that?

Well, it's true, isn't it?
You're still black and blue.

Wait till Mrs. gammon
reads that. [ All giggling ]

Well?
What about those books?

Yes, Mr. gammon...
Hammond!

Hello, Della.
Hello.

I, uh, understand
I'm referred to in...

oh, yes, Mr. Mcpherson.
You're mentioned on page, um...

174.

Well, you better let me
have a copy. Certainly.

Now, now, Emily, don't be silly.
This book is merely fiction.

Oh, well, we'll discuss
it tonight. I'll be home...

[ click ]
Hello? Hello?

[ Scoffs ] Get me my
attorneys right away.

[ Phone ringing ]

Hello. Yes.
Yes, this is Mrs. Harry King.

- Oh, all right.
- Hello?

They're putting her on.
Hello. Oh, hello, Tacey.

[ Sighs ] Oh, it's you, Edna. I
thought it was... is anything wrong?

Anything? Oh, sweetie,
everything's wrong.

Now, don't get panicky.
Nobody's sick or anything.

It's your precious
Mr. Belvedere.

He's got this whole town in
an uproar. He's written a book.

Yes, I know. I just this
moment saw the advertisement.

Well, go on, tell me.
What's happened?

Well, in the first place,
Harry's been fired.

Why? For harboring
Belvedere, of course.

Tell her about me.
Oh, yes.

And when bill tried to stand
up for Harry, he got fired too.

Oh, my gosh. Well, let me
speak to Harry. Put him on.

What?
Well, where is he?

We don't know.
He's not at home.

He's probably out somewhere looking for a nice
soft shoulder to cry on. Bill says that...

[ click ]
Hello?

Well, it worked. She just
said good-bye and hung up.

[ Chattering ]

That's good.
All right, we're ready.

Now, Mr. Belvedere,
I'll be behind the camera,

and I'm going to ask you a few
questions, so just be perfectly relaxed...

young man,
I need no instructions.

I have directed many pictures.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know that.

All right, everybody,
quiet. [ Man ] Quiet, please.

Roll 'em. Speed.

Now, Mr. Belvedere, tell us,
how did you write this book?

I wrote it with a quill.

Oh, that's very interesting. So that's
why we could never hear anything.

Look! It's mom!
Mom!

Hi, mom!
Hello, darling.

Hello, mom.
Oh, Tony, baby.

Oh, I missed you so much.
Oh, we've missed you too. Hi.

Hello, Roddy.
Where's your daddy?

He's inside.
Come on. Quick.

Mr. Belvedere, critics throughout the country
have unanimously hailed your novel...

- As a masterpiece of sheer genius.
- That is correct.

And, uh, how do you
feel about it?

I feel they were
quite conservative.

Pop, look!
It's mom!

[ Man ] Quiet in there! Oh, darling.

[ Man ] Quiet! We're
shooting in here! Cut.

Oh, darling, I had to come back the
minute I knew you were in trouble.

Don't worry.
It'll work out all right.

Gosh, honey, I...
I've been such a dope.

[ Mr. Belvedere ]
You have indeed.

No need to be emotional,
Mrs. King. He will not starve.

Mr. Belvedere,

I don't quite know whether
to congratulate you or to...

or to spit in my eye.

Well, yes.

It's a moot point. Mr. Belvedere,
please, we haven't finished.

You are mistaken, young man. We
have. I have posed quite long enough.

Oh, Edna. Bill. I haven't had
a chance to say hello to you.

Hello, Tacey.
I know, sweetie.

Let's get out of this
shambles. I wanna talk to you.

Go ahead, dear. I'll be up, just
as soon as I get rid of this gang.

There you are, my good man.
Look, fellas, enough is enough.

Get all of these people and
this stuff out of here, will ya?

Okay, boys, wrap it up.

Just one of the penalties
of fame, Mr. King.

Well, I'm not famous. You will
be. My book has made you immortal.

[ Man ] You can't go in there. [ Mr.
Hammond ] I'll go anywhere I please.

Where is this Belvedere person?
Where is he? Oh, there you are.

Don't you take your hat off
when you crash somebody's house?

Don't you talk to me like that.

I'll talk to you any way I like.

You fired me, remember?
Yes, I fired you.

You heard him.
Oh.

It gives me the greatest possible pleasure
to serve you personally with this summons.

Summons?
Well, well, how interesting.

I am suing you for one
million dollars for libel.

Splendid.
That's a good, round sum.

And I'm gonna sue you too. Good.

And me.
"And I," Mr. Taylor.

My mother and I
are going to sue you too.

In addition, we shall see to it that
you are run out of town. Excellent.

Such notoriety will merely cause the sales
of my book to zoom higher, if possible.

Would you two be interested in acting as
my attorneys in these threatened suits?

Are you serious? Mr. King, I
never jest about a million dollars.

Money is the root of all evil, and I
have the greatest possible respect for it.

Okay, Mr. Belvedere. We'll
be very happy to defend you.

Good.

How about it, bill?
It's a deal.

The offices of King and Philby
will open tomorrow morning.

And they'll have their work cut out for them,
because we intend to sue not only you...

But everybody who supplied you
with this libelous information.

Good idea. You should
always go to the source.

I intend to.

Has it occurred to any of you
gentlemen who that source might be?

Who is the person who knows all
about everyone on hummingbird hill?

Who is the one that for years
has made a repulsive habit...

Of snooping and gossiping about
his neighbors? [ Appleton gulps ]

Who is it among us who knows our little
peccadilloes with girls in florist shops?

The girl was merely delivering
flowers to that motel.

But they were not orange
blossoms. And you, Mr. Mcpherson...

you caricatured me in this
book as a notorious lush.

It was not I who counted the empties taken
away from your house by the garbageman.

Just one little moment.
Are you insinuating that...

I let the chips fall
where they may. But I...

and, Mr. Hammond, who is it that makes
a habit of reading other people's mail,

other people's perfumed mail?

Oh, this is outrageous. Are you suggesting
that I have been your... your collaborator?

Don't be presumptuous.

Let me put it in terms that
even you will understand.

You have spread the pollen.
I have reaped the harvest.

But I...
this is fantastic.

I have been more grossly maligned
in the book than... than anyone.

It is only poetic justice that
a stool pigeon should be roasted.

So, you're the one. Now, now,
Horatio, let's not be hasty.

Why, you little weasel.
No, no, Horatio! No! No! No!

[ All yelling ]
Mother!

Mother! Mother! Mother!

I'd give my right arm to get a look
at Appleton with that black eye.

I bet it nearly killed him when
they trampled down his Iris bed.

Yeah.

How would you like to go
celebrating tomorrow night?

Love to. Would you
care to take me dancing?

Yes. But remember, I don't
dance as well as Mr. Belvedere.

No, dear,
but you're much prettier.

Wait a minute.
We can't.

Who'll sit with the kids?
[ Mr. Belvedere ] I will.

The mere fact that I have
been catapulted into fame...

Does not blind me to the
duties I undertook here.

Mr. Belvedere,
you're an amazing man.

Just what are your plans
for the future?

My dear Mrs. King,

hummingbird hill is only the
first volume of a trilogy.

I estimate the other two volumes
will take me about two years.

Uh, and you're going to
write them here?

Naturally.

Posterity will demand that the entire
masterpiece be written under the same roof.

This house will become a shrine.

I'm surprised
you even want to stay.

It can't be very convenient. You
claim you don't even like children.

That is correct.

[ Tacey ] Mr. Belvedere? Yes?

I think it only fair to
tell you that before long,

we are expecting another child.

And you'll find me
of great service, Mrs. King.

I was also an obstetrician.

[ Bird twittering ]

[ Chorus ]
♪ Pretty baby ♪