Since You've Been Gone (1998) - full transcript

The story of a 10th anniversary High School reunion, told through the eyes of a doctor who was humiliated on graduation day by being badly beaten up by a fellow graduate.

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ You left ♪

♪ I phoned ♪

♪ Didn't see eye to eye ♪

♪ No matter how hard I tried ♪

♪ I left own my own ♪

♪ Still I don't seem to find ♪

♪ Any kind of peace of mind ♪

♪ And I'm still ♪

♪ Lookin' for you ♪

♪ Have you seen my baby ♪

♪ That's all I want to do ♪

♪ Have you seen her lately ♪

♪ Since you've been gone ♪

♪ Since you've been gone, now ♪

♪ Since you've been gone ♪

♪ Gone so long now ♪

♪ Since you've been gone ♪

♪ Since you've been gone, now ♪

♪ Since you've been gone ♪

♪ Gone so long, now ♪

♪ My friends add weight ♪

♪ They tell me
I should get away ♪

♪ Maybe take a holiday ♪

♪ They know I hurt ♪

♪ Every day I get in late ♪

♪ Find it hard to concentrate ♪

♪ And I'm still ♪

♪ Lookin' for you ♪

♪ Have you seen my baby ♪

♪ That's all ♪

♪ I want to do ♪

♪ Have you seen her lately ♪

♪ Since you've been gone ♪

♪ Since you've been gone, now ♪

♪ Since you've been gone ♪

♪ Gone so long, now ♪

♪ Since you've been gone ♪

♪ Since you've been gone, now ♪

♪ Since you've been gone ♪

♪ Gone so long, now ♪♪

[ Woman Laughs ]


Kevin, my good buddy.

Gettin' drunk
at state conference.

Gettin' stoned
at Jubilee.

Your cheerleader
underwear theory.

[ Laughs ]
Crammin' for A.P. chem.

Stealin' the wagon wheels
at Wagon Wheel Days.

[ Laughs ]

Your buddy, Bruce Sumack.
Who's Bruce Sumack ?

I have no idea.
Do you guys want to bag this
and go someplace else ?

"Dear Kevin, thanks for being
an inspiration.

"Your-- Y-O-U-R-E-- friendship
means a lot to me.

Good luck at Harvard.
Your friend, Pat Prince."

P.S. I'm gonna kick
your ass at graduation.

He did not say that.

I'm just kidding.

[ Woman ] Oh, Pat's the guy
who kicked your ass ?

Yeah. Look, no one's gonna
remember the fight. Everybody
got into fights in high school.

- You didn't.
- Well, it's 'cause
everybody loved me.

-[ Man On Radio ] ...that number
one hit, "You Don't Know Me."
-[ Gasps ]


♪♪ [ Female Vocalist ]

Ooh, Jesus.

Zane, come on ! If my song was
on the radio every five minutes,

Give me a break.

I'd wanna hear it.

that's not my song.

It's a twisted,
repugnant perversion
of my song.

Well, I like it.

[ Groans ]

♪ Yesterday the dawn broke ♪

My God.
I feel kind of hot.

Honey, will you
feel my forehead ?

[ Together ] Kevin !

[ Sighs Nervously ]

You never get nervous,
do you, Holly ?

Not since the plane crash.

Are you sure Zane Levy
is gonna like
these earrings ?

Yes, I'm sure.
The others
were way too big.

Well, I showed you
the hoops, right ?

That's what I'm saying.

[ Sighs ]
Are you sure Zane Levy
is gonna like this dress ?

Electra, you sat behind Zane
in Latin class for four years,

and you never even talked.

And now he's supposed to,
like, suddenly become
a part of your life ?

Well, my aunt talked
to his grandma, and she said
he just broke up with someone.


Stranger things
have happened.

You haven't seen Zane
in ten years.

Well, that's not true.

I bumped into him
in 1989.

Do I look terrible ?

You look beautiful.

You're always so perfect.

Only since
the plane crash.

[ Sighs ]

Clay, how ya doin' ?

There was
this old lady today
crossin' the street.

She was, uh,
[ Scoffs ]
really fuckin' old.

I mean, decrepit.

So, I figured
I'd help her out.

Kinda take her arm,
and I start
to help her across.

And she pulled away
from me, and she said,

"Fuck you.
I can do it myself."

And it wasn't
an Alzheimer's thing.

I didn't know
old ladies said,
"Fuck you."

Everybody says, "Fuck you."
Some people say, "F you."

I mean, here I am goin'
out of my way so this old lady
doesn't fall on her ass,

and all she can say
is, "Fuck you" ?

Did you say
anything to her ?

I told her,
"Fuck you !"

I'm just not gonna
be nice anymore.
How was the museum ?

Oh, it was great.


I'd like to check in,
please. My name is--

[ Woman ] Maria Goldstein ?

- [ Laughs ]
- Tiffany Wagner.

It's Tiffany Winnie now.
And this is my husband, Tyler.

Tyler Winnie.

- Winnie ?
- [ Together ] Yeah.

- [ Together ]
Like the Pooh. [ Laughing ]
- [ Laughs ]

Oh, here you go.

This is Baby Tristan.

Oh, he's such a...
enfant terrible.

Oh, keep it.
We brought extras.


Oh, well. We'll see you
in there. Okay. See you later.

[ Laughs ] Well-- Right.

Nice to meet you.


[ Exhales ]

[ Woman Laughs ]


Grace. God. Great to--
Great to see you again.

Uh, this is my wife,
Sally. Um, Grace.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Todd, I need
to talk to you
for a minute.

Grace, we're gonna go into--

Todd, I'm sorry
to approach you like this.

There's just
no easy way to say it.

- But last year,
when I ran into you--
- Grace.

Forget about
your promises, Todd.
I knew it was bullshit.

But, I got pregnant.

- [ Indistinct Screech ]
- I had a baby.

What ?

We had a baby.

[ Breathing Heavily ]

- I want to go back to the car.
- Honey, she's--
Baby, she's crazy.

I want to go back
to the car.

Honey, it's--
Why are you fucking me over ?

Because I wanted
to do it all by myself,

and I thought I could.

And I did for awhile.
I did a great fucking job.

But then I got laid off.
That's why I need your help.

- Help ?
- Child support.

Oh, shit !
I want to go back
to the car !

- Honey, we just got here.
- Fuck you.

- [ Gasps ]
- Just till I can
get on my feet again.

I wanna go back--
[ Crying ]

Shit !

[ Smacks Lips ]

- [ Electra ] Maria !
- [ Holly ] Maria !

Oh, hi.

[ Laughs ] Wow.

You look fetching.
And you !

Fifteen pounds.
It was twenty, but, you know,
um, Labor Day. [ Laughs ]

She's been working out
twice a week for six months.

Get a room next to us.

You arranged
for a suite ?

In case we get lucky.

And if not, we can drink
as much as we want.

Oh, well,
I'm planning on both.

Where's Rutger ?

Oh, I'm here
sans boyfriend.


[ Woman ]
...then the doctor said
I had acute angina,

so I slapped him.

[ All Laughing ]

Is that the entrance,
right there ?

Oh, no. That's just
a cleverly designed facade.

You know, call me kooky, but
could it be where it says...

welcome Clear View,
Class of '87 ?

Aha !

[ Car Radio ]
♪ You don't know me
You don't know me ♪♪

[ Sighs ]
Oh, God.

Okay. Pat Prince,
here we come.

[ Laughs Nervously ]

[ Clay's Friend ] I should
never have come here.

[ Clay ] Come on.

Don't-Don't say that.

Everybody else has
B.M.W.s and jobs.

I don't have anything.
The only reason I'm here is
in case you have an episode.

I'm not gonna have an episode.
I took my lithium.

I think I took it.

What if I meet somebody ?
What am I gonna say ?

I went bankrupt.
I'm unemployed.

Come on, Duncan.
It's all in
how you say it.

I'm unemployed.

Think James Bond--
"I'm sifting
through offers."

Clay, I am the low of low
on the bottom of the barrel...

and the town loser.

Yeah, but you
got the tie.

[ Flushing ]

[ Groans ]

Damn it !

[ Kevin ]
Oh, this was great.

I enjoyed myself.

[ Chuckles ]

It'll be fun. Hey,
"A" through "M."

That's me.

Uh, uh, seriously,
uh, let's go home.

Kevin, don't be that way.

No one is gonna remember
some stupid fight.
Come on.

Of course.
You're right.

Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey.

What's up ?



Whoo-hoo. Pat Prince
beat you up senior year.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember that.

Pat Prince really
beat the shit out of you.

You didn't get a punch in.

I can't believe it.
He showed.

[ Laughs ] Thanks.

[ Woman ]
Have a great night. Live it up.

Hi. I'm Mollie Rusk.

I'm Kevin MacEldowney's wife.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, it's not as bad
as it sounds.
I get Sundays off.

Kevin MacEldowney's wife.

Oh, I am so sorry.

Hey, partner.


Hey, Janine.


Hi. Uh, this
is my wife, Mollie.

This is Janine
and, uh, Debbie.

Yes, we've met.

Janine and Debbie here
have been singing your praises.

We don't have a name tag
for you, Kevin.

And yet,
you cashed my check.

I'm sorry.
I-I don't know what else
to say, Kevin. Here.

Thanks. Uh, tell me, Janine,
what's the candle power
on that dress ?

What ?

[ Mollie ]

See you later.


What's the problem
with that ?

Did you see her,
Janine Skleer ?


The one
in the Fantasy Island dress
without the lei.

She used to be
really pretty.


Did you see how old she looked
with the bags under her eyes
and that stringy hair ?

Boy, this is great.
Come on.

[ Sighs ]
I hope the music
doesn't suck.

- Of course it's going to suck.
- Oh, yeah.
They'll probably play my song.

[ Mollie Chuckles ]

[ Laughs Quietly ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Zane ]
Maybe it's some other
Kevin MacEldowney.

[ Mollie ]
That's what you get for writing
"deceased" on your junk mail.

Tsk. Rob Levitt.
Rob Levitt.

It's not Rob Levitt.

You think
it's on purpose ?

Of course
it's on purpose.


Rob Levitt. He's probably
still pissed that I
upstaged him at graduation.

Remember ?


What ?

The fight between Kevin
and Pat Prince took place during
Rob's graduation speech, so--

[ Man ]

Hey, Clay.

Hug. Good to see ya.

You're alive.
Lookin' good.

Oh, he's cute,
isn't he ?

Well ?

I'm just waiting
for the right moment.

I want it
to be really nice--
something to remember.

You can tell people
you were resurrected.
Come on.

[ Resigned Sigh ]

There you go.
Have a great night.

Maybe see you
out there.


Maria Goldstein.

Part of the esprit de corps
this evening ?

Here you go.

Oh, no, no, no.
I just wanted you
to know I was here.

Oh, I heard
you're living
in Europe.

What do you do ?

I am account representative
for a major North American
water concern.


What do you do ?

I work for Hormel.

[ Electra ]

[ Holly ]
Wow. Another fancy outfit.

How's your room ?

Oh, it's the kind of place
you stay in...

while you're planning
an assassination.

[ Sighs Deeply ]
This is great,
isn't it ?

It's gonna be
a great evening.

Looks like Versailles
as interpreted
by Frieda Kahlo.

Well, Rob Levitt
was in charge
of the whole thing.

Ah, so he's
the eminence grise
of the evening.

I was gonna be
on the committee,
but I've been on the road.

And, you know,
I just bought a house.

And you, mon ami ?

Oh, uh,
I-I'm working
at Crown Books.

I-It's just part-time
behind the counter.

I-It's fine.
At least I'm working.

It's a bad time
for lawyers.

Then she's all
boom, boom, boom, boom.

And then--
And then, boom, boom.

That's John Hula.

Oh, baby.

He used to be
the quiet one.

- Those guys
used to be burnouts.
- [ All ] Hey !

That's, uh,
Mrs. Schulklapper,
U.S. history.

Her breath used
to make me cry.

Oh. Theater people.

[ Delighted Squealing ]

Oh, my God.

Well, I just
took a position
over at Rush.

I'm in neurology.

I don't have any insurance.

So, how's your mom ?
Still hitting your dad ?

Oh, yeah. Big scene
at the barbecue
last week.

Who wants seconds ?

I got it.

You know, you really should
stop mixing vodka
with your antidepressants.


[ Smacks Lips ]
So, the barbecue ?

Oh. Right.
So, we have all
the relatives over, right ?

And, uh, my ma's been drinkin'
since, like, 8:00 a.m. or so.


And my dad, he says,
"Pass the yams."
And out of fuckin' nowhere--

Where's the bathroom ?

[ Man ]



Out of fuckin' nowhere, my ma,
she goes, "You want yams ?
I'll give you yams."

And she picks up the bowl,
and she throws 'em
out the fuckin' window.

Oh, and then she did
that thing to my dad.

Oh, what's that word ?

Bludgeoned ?



So how's the music thing goin' ?
I hear your song like
all the time.

Yeah. They play it like
100 million times a day.

It doesn't really
sound like you.

It doesn't ? Huh.




I know.
See ya in there.

That's Cathy Wigger,
Wild Cathy.

The one
with the grapes ?


That's him,
Wild Kevin.

The one with the thing
on his back ?


Well, I'm working on this
children's book. It's about
this magical creature.

It's kinda like
the tooth fairy.

Only it takes the teeth
while they're still
in the mouth.

Grace, you
look so beautiful.

Thanks, Janine.

You look like
a princess.

Oh. I love
that backpack.

I didn't know you could wear
blue and green together.


He looks--
What's wrong with him ?

Well, remember
those bags
under his eyes ?


He got some kind
of eye job.

Now he looks
like he's surprised
all the time.

- Hi.
- Bonjour.

[ Electra ]

You all look great.

- [ All Giggle ]
- Are you married ?

[ All ] Yes !

Ron Dorpman, this is yourself
leaving you a message.
I love you.

What's that ?

I love you.

I don't know.

I love you.

Sorry. What's this ?

[ Tifanny ]
Here's Baby Tristian...

- It's for Scott Kyler.
He's not doing too well.
- in his car seat.

[ Giggling ]

Oh, here he is.
Heh heh.

[ Together ]
A diaper change.

After watching this,
death will be an up.

Just a joke.

It's on here.

Hey, hey, Vicki. Still have
a crush on me ? Ha ha !

[ Laughs ]

Oh, Grace.
Beautiful as always.

Tony, I heard Susie left ya.
Saw it comin', man. Okay.

Dave, Wiener Circle Wednesdays.
[ Laughs ]

Hey, me, you, me ?

Hey, man.
Todd, senior year trip.

Scotty, still talkin'
about that field goal.

Amy, nose ring.
Watch when you pick.

Kevin. Wow,
you look tired.

You mean dead ?


Oh, boy.


I hope no one else
on there was alive.
[ Laughs ]



Well, I'm sorry.
I mean, I had no idea.
Wh-- Uh, wait a minute.

How's about--

[ Pen Squeaking ]

Better ?
Hey, Jimmie.

[ Sighs ]

You deserve good things.

You deserve good things.

You deserve good things.
[ Sighs ]

[ Whispering ]
You deserve good things.

You deserve good things.

[ Rings ]

Hi. Just clean
the paint off your legs...

and put something on.

You're not coming ?

What do you mean,
you're not coming ?

[ Sighs ]


- Hi.
- Hi.

I-I-It's me, Electra.
Electra Pollack.

Oh, hi. God. Right.
You look great.

Well, thanks.
You too.


- We were in Latin, right ?
- Right.

[ Sighs ]

So why isn't
Rutger here ?

Oh, it's
a long story.

It involves a lot of shouting
and a bit of his anatomy.
I don't want to go into it.


I'm not so insecure
I need to bring a date
to this thing.

I don't have
to impress anyone.

Well, it's too bad.
I liked him.

Oh, this is
a different Rutger.


Oh, my God.

Duncan Shepard ?

Holly Petuto.



How are you ?

Well, well, well.
Hi, guys.

Hey, Dunc.
Whoa. Ooh-hoo.
What's with the hair ?

Just kidding.
It happens.

Not to me, but--
Hi, peanut.

Hey, Rob.

[ Chuckles ]


So, you guys are still
hangin' out together ?

And you do what ?

I'm a social worker.

And you're the podiatrist ?

Uh, actually,
I'm in pediatrics.

Ah, yes.
Do you have
any Kinder of your own ?

No, we don't have
a fireplace.

[ Man ] Maria.

Well, like they say,

es ist nicht alles
gold was glaznt.

Ah, she must
have just come back
from Epcot. Yeah.

- [ Woman ] What is it ?
- [ Man #1 ] What's up ?

[ Man #2 ]
It's a blackout.

Hello, hello. Up here.

Ha ha. Up here. Up h--

Good evening, everybody.

[ Feedback Pinging ]

- I, uh-- I, uh,
just wanna thank--
- [ Loud Screech ]

- [ Crowd Groans ]
- I wanna thank all of you
for coming. Uh, in case--

- [ Feedback Continues ]
- In case--

In-- Lose this
piece of shit.

Uh, in, uh--
in case you don't remember,

I'm Rob Levitt.

[ Cheering, Applause ]

I'm-- I'm the class president.
[ Smug Chuckle ] Thank you.

[ Man ] Rob...

bite me !

Listen, I want to extend
a very special thanks...

to our very own
Clear View Bee,

who flew in
all the way from Newark.

Thanks, Jimmie.

Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, ya.

[ Crowd Cheering ]

Okay. All right.
And now, without
any further ado,

Reunion '87 has begun.

[ Crowd Cheering,
Laughing ]

Damn it.

- [ Man Whooping ]
- [ Man Laughing ]

[ Man ]
You the man, Rob.

Okay. That-- That's--
[ Laughs ]
All right.

Currently, I'm sifting
through offers, and, uh--

Excuse me.

And you ? Are you
still doing batik ?

Batik ?

Yeah. You used to do
really great work.

I remember this
one wall hanging
you did.

The one with
the, uh, unicorns.

Well, I tried that
for awhile.

I made some scarves
for a shop
in Plaza Del Lago.

But, you know,
it's hard freelancing,
and, uh--

But I was in a plane crash.

Mind if I make this
a troika ?

Oh, certainly.


Lately, I've had
a strong desire to buy
large pieces of furniture...

[ Laughs ]

so the house doesn't
look so empty.

Oh, you have
a house ?


And you, um,
live alone ?

Yeah. I bought
a new bed.

You know,
I'm just so happy
I ran into you.

It's so difficult,
you know,
meeting people.

[ Scoffs ] Tell me about it.

Most of the guys
I go out with are such jerks.

The guys I go out with
are jerks too.

Great earrings.

You know, maybe it's like
hornets or wasps or--

Oh, my God !
I haven't seen you
in ten years !

Oh, my God. I haven't seen you
in ten years !

Do you remember Mr. Marple ?
He's an assistant, uh,
soccer coach ?

I heard he went crazy.
He thinks he's a cat now.

- Kevin. How ya doin', guy ?
- Hey.

- Pat Prince, remember ?
- Right. Yeah.

- Look, uh, about that thing
that happened at graduation--
- Uh, don't.

I feel bad.
I been thinkin' about it,

and, uh, I just--
I'm sorry.


That's okay.
Hi. Uh, uh--

This is my wife, Mollie.
Mollie, this is, uh,


Pat Prince--
he's uh, a, uh, uh,


a friend of mine
from-from high school.

Oh, from high school.
Really ?


So, wh-what do
you do now ?

- Well, I'm a-- I'm a doctor.
- Me too.

Uh, uh, I-I am in pediatrics
over at Columbia-Michael Reese.

Oh, that's great.
I have my own practice
in Winnetka-- homeopathy.

Ho-Homeopathy ?

Yeah. I use plants and shrubs
to keep people fit.

I kinda fell into it
after my residency.
I love it.

We are so busy we have
a six-month waiting list
for new patients.

We can't keep up.
But it's really great
watching people get well.

Homeopathy is just...
very exciting.

Isn't it a...
crock of shit ?


[ Beeper Beeping ]

Looks like you.

I'll be right back.

- Uh, you know, Pat, it's great
to see ya, man. Really.
- Good to see you too, Kevin.

Did he tell you
about the time we gave him
a chocolate swirly ?

That was different.
I couldn't make it.

Well, what the hell
was I supposed to do ?
I was snowed in.

I see. So, you're
punishing me ?

Hi, this is
Dr. MacEldowney.

Kevin ?

I thought
you were dead.


What ?

No, no. That can't
be right. He was--
He was fine when I left.

[ Sighs ]

When ?

What happened ?

Well, I'm Tyler Winnie, so--

[ Tyler, Tifanny ]
It's the Winnies now.

- Winnie ?
- [ Together ]
Like the Pooh.

I tell you, livin'
in Palatine has been
such a godsend.


It's so close
to everything.

We've got the mall right there,
and Gymboree...

and it only took us
an hour to get here.

An hour and five minutes,

This is our first time out
in a long time.

We're so lucky we found Amber
to take care of Baby Tristan.

- So you have an au pair ?
- Oh, no. No.

A baby-sitter.


You know what Baby Tristan
said today ?

He said... "chaiw."

- Chair.
- [ All ] Ohh.

Chaiw, chaiw.

Chaiw, chaiw.

- Will you excuse me ?
I'll be right back.
- [ Tiffany ] Sure.

[ Tyler ] Bye-bye.

[ Tiffany ] Oh, did you all
get a baby picture ?

I got one.

[ Electra ]
I didn't get one.

There ya are.

[ Clay ] Is-Is Tristan
a boy's name or a girl's name ?

[ Together ]
It's a boy's name.

It's a family name.

Yeah, from Palatine--
a Winnie.

Yeah, Winnie.

Like the Pooh.

[ Chuckles ]

Look, I really wish
you were here.

Just-Just grab a cab
and come on over.

[ Woman In Distance ]
Oh, my God. I haven't
seen you in ten years !

Well, then, get
a nonsmoking cab.

Hello, Amber ?

You're all alone,
aren't you, Amber ?

I've got a ball-peen hammer
in my hand, Amber.

And I'm gonna kill you.

I'm gonna rip off
your fuckin' head...

and shit down your neck.

Go like that.

You got it.

I'm here.
I'm right here.

[ Tyler ] I can't understand
you when you're hysterical.

[ Tifanny ] Oh, my God.

Amber. Amber. Amber.
Did you call the police ?

Oh, my God. Tristian.

Amber, we're on our way.

We have to go.
Hurry up.

Just keep talking.
Nice to meet you.

What happened ?

I don't know.

The Winnies had to jettison
back to Palatine.

The baby-sitter called.

Someone's trying to kill her
or something.

What ?

[ Holly ] Tiffany was really
looking forward to tonight.

That's too bad.

Who's hungry ?
Dunc ?

[ Duncan, Softly ]

Wow !


This room's
kinda famous.

Really ?

Yeah. All of high society
used to hang here.

[ Spits ]

Your cabaret;
You have your theater.

Grandma Syd
saw Caruso here.


Yeah. Now, they use it
mostly for kickboxing.

Hey, fuckface.

Hey, jack wipe.

What is up ?

Hi, I'm Mollie Rusk.

Clay Mellon.

Nice to meet you.

Duncan, how ya doin' ?

This is my wife, Mollie.

Mollie MacEldowney, hi.

We're gettin' some chow.

Uh, we're over at the,
uh, at the Culture Club table.

Hey, I ran into
Pat Prince.

Oh, how is Patrick ?

- He's a doctor.
- [ Laughs ]
That was a good one.

I'm serious.

Mac and cheese.
Have some, Zane.

[ Zane ]
Mm. Some people make it
with provolone.

Mm. Wings--
Get some before
they're gone.

I think this is made
with mozzarella.


I prefer mozzarella.
Good stuff.

What is that ?

It's stringier.

Hi. Do you have
anything nonfat ?

This is Chicago.

Excuse me.

So, how's
the gay thing goin' ?

I haven't dated anybody
since the, uh,
twin from hell.


You're gay ?


But you were soccer.


The plane banked real sharp
to the left.

And there was this,
uh, thumping noise.

I figured
it was nothing.

But, then, suddenly,
we dropped.

It must have been
about 5,000 feet
in about a second.

All of the dinner trays
flew up and hit the ceiling.

People were screaming
and crying.
They were hysterical.

Then we heard this,
uh, "s-s-s-s" noise.


The plane was going
like this.

And then, boom !
We hit the ground.

Debris was flying everywhere.
Part of the fuselage
went right past my head.

We finally came
to a stop,

and there was smoke
and sticky stuff...

and I saw this big hole.

So I unbuckled
my seat belt,

and I ran out
of the plane.
[ Laughs ]

- [ Electra ] Hmm.
- [ Woman Sighs ]

- Ahh !
- [ Both Laugh ]

You ran out
of a plane...

and now you're famous ?

Well, it-it's not
that simple.
[ Laughs ]

Did-Did you
save anybody ?


- Were you injured ?
- No. [ Laughs ]

Did you have to survive
in the wild or something ?


So, what's the big deal ?

The big deal is...

I was on a plane
and it crashed.

And ?


Kevin, you used to be
so much fun in high school.

Now, you're so...

What ?

Hey, you guys !
Duncan Shepard.

Ron Dorpman.

[ All Together ]
Right ! Hey !

Hey, how's it going ?

Good to see ya. Okay.

Ron Dorpman. A/V.

Oh, of course,
yeah, the A/V guy.

Yeah. Right. Good.

How are you doing ?

What are you doing these days ?

I've been installing
home theaters.

That's what you did
in high school.


Hold it out there
like you're on a magazine.

You just made that.
I like that.

[ Shutter Clicks ]

Hi, Kevin.


I know it was you.

I still have a scar
on my back.

What do you mean ?

You spilled that beaker
on purpose.

Oh, that.

That hurt ?

So... I just sat there
waiting for him.

I didn't want to leave
right away 'cause I thought
he might be late.

But after an hour--
That's the last time I meet
a guy in the net.

But that was then
and this is now.

Holly has showed me
all about positive thinking.

Now I know
I'm gonna be involved
with someone really great.

Jon Rilke !

Look. There's light
in the box.

Ooh ! Ahh !

[ Laughs ]
Not really.

Oh, thank you.

He sells carpeting...
on television, I think.

Uh, Ms. Petuto ?

Oh, my God. It is you.
I can't believe it.

[ Laughs ]

Um, um... I just wanted
to tell you that, um--

I heard you speak
at Northwestern.

Oh !

And, I just want
to say thank you.

I deserve good things.

You do.
[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]
Do you mind ?

Oh, sure, yeah.

I can hold--
Okay. You just, uh,
make it out to Claire.


[ Mouthing Words ]

Someone's making
some serious money here.

Hey, guys !

Hey, Rob.

Man, this food
is great.

[ All Laughing ]

[ Holly ]
Yeah. Who knows ?

[ Rob ] Well, well, well.

What do we have here ?
The, uh, soccer players' table ?

And Duncan. So is everyone
having a, uh, good time ?

- Suck my ass.
- What ?
- [ Together ] Yes.

Great, great.
Hi there, Peanut, darling.
Come here. Oh, all right.

[ Laughs ] So, uh, hey,
dude, wanna try the rumaki?
It's pretty damn good.

It's quite a soiree, Robby.
You really captured
the zeitgeist of l987.

Well, merci, Maria.

I think you did
a great job.

I mean, it must have been
so hard finding everyone,
tracking them down.

- I tell ya.
- Getting the hotel
and the catering...

and the band and...
gosh, these lovely

Oh. You like these ?

Oh, yeah.

- Well--
- You did good, Rob.

Oh. You did
real good.

Oh. Wow !
Thank you, Grace.

Well, okay, I'll uh, catch
you kids later, right ?
See you.

Hi, Zimba.


That happened to
a friend of mine who, uh,
ran a bee-pollen clinic,

uh, for sort of,
uh, waysided bees.

Have you heard about this ?

No, I would love-- Can you
get me in touch with him ?

Yeah. There's a whole thing
with waysided bees, where bees
are flying to the left too much.

They keep flying in circles
and end up in the wrong state,
principally Rhode Island.

I don't get the law of similars.
I don't get the vital force.

No one has shown
that homeopathy fits
into a scientific model.

Some things
can't be explained. You
just have to accept them.

I don't have much planned.
Going to take the waters,
perhaps a massage.

Why don't you stay with me
a couple days ?
My house is right on the lake.

You own a house
on the lake ?


Hey, we do too.


Did you bring that
from home ?


Dunc !

Elliot D'Angelo.
Hi ! How ya doing ?

Great. What are you
up to now ?

I'm sifting through offers.


How about you ? You still
working for your dad ?

Yep. I actually
took over the chain.

We just sold
two theaters
in Highland Park.

The market's a bitch though.
I'm still trying to dump
the one in Evanston.

You're selling
the Selwyn ?


Wow. You know,
I used to go there
when I was a kid.

Yeah, my dad loved
that place.

He built it by hand,
brick by brick.
But he's retired, so fuck it.

Could I get some sort
of crepe-latke like-thing ?

[ Laughs ]

You guys. You--
Mmm. Okay.

Here's something
to think about
while you're eating.

Oh, and speaking of eating,
make sure you try the flan.
It's excellent.

- [ Man ] You da man, Rob !
- Is anybody doing
what they thought...

they'd be doing...
ten years ago ?

[ Woman ] Sit down !

Gee, Rob. That is just
a fascinating--

[ Both Snoring ]

I think it is
a fascinating topic.
Who wants to have...

a roundtable discussion ?

Oh, right here.

Come on.
It'll be fun.

I for for one am not doing
what I thought
I would be doing.

I was sure I'd be
a weatherperson.

And now I give seminars.

People pay you money
to hear you speak ?

Yes. I'm what they call
an inspirational speaker.

Now, who wants to go first ?

[ Zane ]
Oh, I think Clay does.

How about Electra ?

Uh, well. I, um,
I thought I'd have
some kids...

and, uh, and a house,
oh, and a husband,

and, um,
a really good job.

Other than that,
I'm pretty much on track.

Well, stick with it, Electra.
You can do anything.


Oh, well. I expected
to be spending much more time...

in the Cote d'Azur.

Yeah. You really need
to work on that tan.

I'd hope they
had a dress code
on the channel.

And well,
who could've predicted
the Turkish problem.

[ All ]

[ Kevin ] The turkey problem ?

[ Clears Throat ]
Turkey sandwich problems.


Hmm. I'd thought
I'd be a pilot...

or a policeman,
maybe a veterinarian...

- or a fireman.
- You wanted to be
a veterinarian ?

- Or a fireman.
- I love animals.

- Really ? Do you like
to go to the zoo ?
- What about me ?

Oh, what about you,
Grace ? What do you do ?

- I swim.
- [ Laughs ]

Professionally, you're--

[ Holly ]
Zane ?

[ Zane ] Oh, I'm pretty much
where I thought I'd be,
except I did expect my life...

to be a little more
David Bernon,
not as much Barry Manilow.

And I thought
I would've settled down
with a handsome doctor,

but whatever, Kevin.

- Yeah, the breaks, man.
Take him.
- And Millie ?


Millie .

Oh, Mollie.

That's okay.

You didn't go to Clear View,
so you don't have to go.

Oh, it's just as well.
I had no life before Kevin.

[ Laughs ]

That's true.
That's completely true.

Well, Kevin,
what about you ?
What were you expecting ?

Well, Holly, to make
a difference.

What kind
of difference ?

I don't know.

Well, sometimes
it's hard to find words...

to express
those deep feelings, Kevin.

But when you figure
it out, let us know.

I will, Holly.

Let me know, too, man.

- Clay.
- [ Chuckles ]
Don't look at me.

I thought
I'd be dead by now.

[ Snoring ]

Well, it was still great to see
you guys. This is so much fun.

Great to see you too, Janine.

I'm having a great time.

I love your dress.

[ Gasps ]
Oh, my god !

Aah ! Aah !

[ Rob ] Uh, a couple
more announcements...

Uh, make sure you try
the flan.
It's excellent.

[ Man ] You the man, Rob.

Oh, let's see.
For team photos...

you wanna go upstairs
to the hotel lobby.

And now, our illustrious
band is going to kick in.

I'm sure you remember these guys
from Wagon Wheel Days.

Let's give a warm Bee welcome
to the Luv Jonz.

I did the drummer.

[ All Clapping, Whistling ]

One, two.

♪ Dark in the city
Night is a wire ♪

♪ Steam in the subway
Earth is afire ♪

♪ Do, do, do, do,
Do, do, do ♪

♪ Do, do, do, do, do
Do, do, do ♪

♪♪ [ Continues, Indistinct ]

And then I realized,

why don't we just turn
the upstairs den
into a media room ?

Yeah, why not.

Grace ! Hi.

Tori, hi !

- You look great.
You remember Clay Mellon.
- Hi, Clay.

- Grace.
- Whoa ! Flashback.

Do you remember the time
we took the field trip
to the Shed Aquarium ?

You organized that trip,
didn't you ?

It was so sad when Ms. Beidelick
got stuck in the bus doors.

God, wasn't that--

Whoa ! Flashback.

- Do you remember
the field trip to-- Oh !
- Oh, I--

Geez. I'm sorry.

- [ Tori ] I know.
- ♪ And I'm hungry like ♪

♪ The wolf ♪♪

♪ You saw me standing ♪

♪ By the wall ♪

♪ Corner of Main Street ♪

[ Woman ]
Ow, ow, ow, ow.

[ Kevin ] Okay.
You know I-- I can't really
tell without doing an x-ray...

and the best thing
for you to do is to
call your doctor tonight.

Could you write me
a prescription ?

For what ?

Ow, ow. Nembutal.

No, no.
I- I can't do that.

- Oh. How about some Valium ?
- Hey ! What's up
with the foot ?

He said it's broken.

Oh, you poor thing.

I did not. I did not say
it was broken.

Let me take a look.

You know, Pat, I got
it under control.
Thanks, buddy.

Does it hurt here ?

Oh, yeah.

Okay. I want you
to hold this.

Do you sleep with one leg
outside of the covers ?

Yes, I do.


Can you write
prescriptions ?


Can you rotate
your foot ?


What do you need ?

Um, Seconal ?

I can't do that. I can--

How about some Demerol ?

Now, Patty, why don't we just
give you a morphine drip ?

- Okay.
- ♪ Save it till
the morning after ♪♪

Hey, Duncan.

Jordan Cardozo, hi.
How are you ?

I'm great. Hey, I heard
you lost your business.
What's going on ?

I'm sifting
through offers.

Oh, yeah.

How about you ?

I-I just left
McCalen and Beard.

I'm in development now.
My partner and I are looking
for a space.

We want to open up a club
somewhere up north kinda
like Limelight, but, uh, cool.

You know, you should
talk to Elliot D'Angelo.

He's trying to sell his dad's
theater up in Evanston.

A theater ?

Ah, it's beautiful.

Where in Evanston ?

♪ Her name is Rio
She don't need to understand ♪

♪ And I might find her ♪

♪ If I'm looking like I can ♪

♪ Oh, Rio, Rio, hear them
shout across the land ♪

Four shots of Stoli.

Duncan, come here.

That's 16.

[ Zane ] I got it.

[ Clay ]
No, I got it.

I got it.

No, I got it.

Your wife is pretty.

Thank you.

I like your tie.

Oh, thank you.

[ Kevin ]
Okay, thanks.
What shall we drink to ?

[ All ]
To getting laid.
[ Laughing ]

I haven't gotten
laid in...

in April, May, June--
[ Laughs ]
five months.

I haven't gotten laid
in five months either.

Yeah, but in gay time...

- that's a year.
- Guys !

[ Crowd Cheering, Distant ]

[ Chuckles ]

Ah ! Isn't she incredible ?

Took out the 327,
put in a 427.

I had to make a slug hole
in the floorwall
to make it fit.

So, it's not the best place
to ride shotgun,

but, man, she goes
zero to sixty in 5.l.

I'm not lying.
You gotta hear
the engine.

[ Engine Starts, Revs ]

[ Laughs ]

She used to make
a "chunk-chunk" sound,
but I heard about...

this carburetor
out in Billings, Montana,

and I went out there
and got it.

Now she's smooth
as a baby's ass.
[ Laughs ]

That's great. Why don't
we go back in now ?

And this baby,

you know how long
I looked for this ?

Take a guess.

- A year ?
- Fifty years ?

Four years.

Finally got it off
a little old lady
in Bangor, Maine.

It's the
tenth-anniversary badge.

They only made 37.

[ Laughs ]
It's weird,
isn't it ?

I haven't seen you guys
for a couple of years,
but look-- we're tight.

Right back where we were.

♪♪ [ Continues ]

[ Crowd Cheering ]

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Jenny, Jenny
who can I turn to ♪

- ♪ You give me something ♪
- And thank you.

♪ I can hold on to ♪

Gin and tonic.

♪ [ Continues, Indistinct ]

Oh, could you put
some more ice in it ?

They don't have ice
in Europe.

You very much remind me
of a viscount I had behind...

the Coke machine
at the Vatican.

Are you a prince
or something ?


I don't know why people
come to these things--

looking for remnants
of their misspent youth,
I suppose.

Here I am pretending
to have a good time.

Pretending to smile.

Yeah, we all pretend.

That is the best gin and tonic
I have ever had.

Oh. Thanks.


- Thank you.
- Sure. [ Coughs ]

Hey, Duncan !
Thanks for the tip.

Yeah, were hashing out a deal.

Hey, hey, man, I need,
um, a sound system
and some permits.

You got any ideas
about that ?

You should talk to Ron Dorpman.

He installs
that stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, have you guys
seen Clay ?



And-And I think another thing
that is important is that
your exits are all clear.

I bet you could use
a little break.

Oh, yeah.
Tell me about it.

[ Laughs ]

Maybe later...
I'll fix you a drink.

We can lounge on my sofa
and chat.

And then...

when we can stand it
no longer...

an act of communion.

We'll start out unhurriedly,

and then barrel
to a breakneck pace,

building up
to a paso doble.

a grand mal,
a teetering bender,

swagging and pitching
and waggling and wampling...

until we reach
a crescendo of carnality.
[ Gasps ]

Think of tonight
as a stamp...

in your passport
to happiness.

- Ah !
- [ Laughs ]

- Wow.
- Oh.

I bet that usually
works for you, huh ?

You were hitting
on me, right ?

[ Sighs ]

♪ 867-5309 ♪

♪ 867-5309 ♪

[ Laughs ]
Come back.

It was really great
seeing you again.

Hey, Holly.

Have you seen
Clay ?

Oh, yeah. Um, I think
I saw him brooding
in the lobby.

Thank you.

You like
Duncan Shepard ?

What do you think ?

Well, he's not
too good-looking.

He's kind of simple.


♪ Jenny, Jenny
who can I turn to ♪

[ Kevin ]
You get distracted
during sex ?

Not when I'm alone.

No, I mean,

do you ever, like,
not want to be there ?

Is the sex not good ?


Because it sounded okay
from the guest room.

You guys kept me awake
all night.

Oh, that's the people upstairs.

They keep us up too.
[ Chuckles ]

Uh, Mollie
is different.

Really ?

Yeah. She's-She's--
She's changed.

She's changed ?

Yeah. I mean, maybe
it's that march of time.

Maybe it's her job.
I don't-- I don't know.

Maybe you're an idiot.

Hi !
What's wrong ?

We ran into
Mark Hevrdejs.

It's very sad.

He's in love with his corvette.
The hood ornament
gives him a woody.

- [ Chuckles ]
- Is he, um,
seeing anyone ?

[ Photographer ]
Okay, cheerleaders, let's go.
Big smile. Here you go.

All right. Okay, soccer team.
Come on.

[ Laughing ]

You actually believe that
water can be influenced...

in some magical way ?

Look, I've seen it work,
okay ?

But it works, it works
because people need
to believe it works.

It's called a placebo.

What about infants ?
Homeopathy works on infants.

So does Big Bird.

[ Woman ]
So, anyway,

I took that job
with the city of Evanston.

We do elevator inspections,
city stuff.

- Permits. We do permits.
- Hey, Zane !
I hear you're gay.


I'm gay too.

Great ! We can start a club.

[ Photographer ] All right.
Everybody look in there.

Okay, smile big.

Hey, great. Thanks.
Nice going. Lots of luck.

See you in ten years.
All right. Next.

You should talk
to them over there.

Guys ! Someone need
a permit ?

[ All ] Hey !

♪ We are strong ♪

♪ No one can tell us ♪

♪ We're wrong ♪

♪ Searching our hearts
for so long ♪

♪ Both of us know it ♪

[ Woman ]
Take off your shoes.

♪ Love is a battlefield ♪



How are you ?

All right.
How are you doing ?

I'm good.

I was hopin'
to see you here.

Oh, yeah ?

Oh, yeah.

You know, I, uh,
I've been meaning
to call you.

I read that article on
the heat wave about a year ago.

[ Laughs ]

It was great.

You're a doctor now, huh ?


I knew you'd do
something heroic.

Well, you know.

All right.
Come on, medicine man.

♪ Do I stand in your way ♪

♪ Or am I the best thing
you've had ♪

Um, you look fantastic.

♪ Believe me, believe me ♪

So do you.

Oh, yeah.

♪ I can't tell you why ♪

So life's good ?

Can't complain.

Any kids,
Dr. MacEldowney ?


That's surprising.

Well, I'm full
of surprises.

[ Laughs ]

♪ We are young ♪

Um, why did
we ever break up ?

Uh, you were
a pain in the ass.


♪ No promises, no demands ♪


♪ Love is a battlefield ♪

I think he's looking.

- [ Laughing ]
- ♪ We are strong ♪

♪ No one can tell us
we're wrong ♪

What about him ?

- Too much of a Dorothy Hamill
thing going on.
- ♪ Searching our hearts ♪

♪ For so long ♪

How about him ?

[ Zane ]

♪ Both of us knowing ♪

Boris Yeltsin meets Yanni
on the high seas. Ahoy, matey !

[ Chuckles ]

♪ Love is a battlefield ♪

Are you mad at him ?

[ Sighs ]

I don't know how much more
I can take. I want him
to be the other way.

Well, you do have
lots of options.

barbiturates, murder.

I mean, at the end of the day,
do you want someone perfect ?

Hmm ? Or you want
someone Kevin ?

Ooh !
What about him ?

Woo-hoo. Belt.

♪ There's no way
this will die ♪

[ Woman ]
Oh, my God ! I haven't seen you
in ten years !


Hi !

Oh, my God !

I haven't seen you in ten years.

We just saw each other
right outside.

It's so good
to see you again.


♪ We are strong ♪

♪ No one can tell us
we're wrong ♪

♪ Searching our hearts
for so long ♪

♪ Both of us knowing ♪

Oh, oh,
oh, God ! Oh.

♪ Love is a battlefield ♪♪

[ Snoring ]

[ Distant Crowd Cheering,
Clapping ]

[ Zane ] There she is.
Then go up to her.

[ Clay ] I know. No.

Hey, Duncan !

Duncan !

Duncan !

You rock, man.

Thanks a lot, man.

What'd you do ?

No idea.

Dunc, could I get five minutes
with you a little bit later ?


- ♪ I'll be alone dancing
You know I will ♪
- Hey.

Together we're
the land of milk and honey.

[ Scoffs ]

Bzzt !

♪ Telling you everything
inside and out ♪

♪ Love's dreams ♪

I just actually, I wanted
to tell you I was kind
of flattered you threw up on me.

I know that sounds
really weird and I'm not
into that stuff like,

"Hey, come on over
and throw up on me.
I'm home alone."

I'm not like that.
I'm just saying that, like,

a lot of guys would've killed
to have been thrown up on
by Grace Williams.

[ Kevin ]
You what ?

We export water to Europe.

But they have water there.

- It's a large market.
- Oh, so-- Okay.

They send their water
to us and we send ours
to them ?

- Why don't you just sell them
their own water ?
- Our product is very specific.

- How specific can it be ?
It's water.
- Our bottles have
a hand-pleasing shape.

Look. Bringing water
from one continent
to another is ridiculous.

Yes, it is.

Boy, I miss you.


Can you believe ?

Man, you're--
you're being a real dick.

What ? Have you ever seen a
bottle of water ? They date it
for freshness.

Kevin !

What is it going to do ?
Go bad ?

Okay, shut up.

Yes, it's ridiculous that
she moves water
from one country to another,

but it's what she does.

What's up with you ?


Then chill. You don't want
to lose your friends...

and your wife
in the same night.

[ Both Sigh ]
Good things will happen for...

Holly Petuto.

Electra Pollack.

Good things
will happen for...

Holly Petuto.

Electra Pollack.

Good things
will happen for...

Holly Petuto.

Electra Pollack.

Oh ! Oh, oh.

Electra !

Someone Saranned the sink.
How could they do this ?

Damn it !

[ Sighs ]

[ Speaking German ]

[ Door Closes ]

[ Muffled Voices ]

Maria sure is smoking
a lot more than she used to.

Yeah. She's so tan.

Maria's not happy.

[ German ]

[ Receiver Banging ]

It isn't right.

Well, try the blue one.

I think she's miserable.

I know.
I tried to be close to her.

Hey, this is better


She has this thing
that she puts on.
What-What is that word ?


Yes. It's like
she's miles away.

Oh, and the phrases
she throws around.
It's gotten worse.

What the heck
is a gegenwart ?

I don't know, but I think
I have one on my foot.
[ Laughs ]

[ Door Closes ]

♪ Come on, Eileen
Ta-loo-rye-aye ♪

♪♪ [ Continues, Indistinct ]

Hey ! Good day, mates.
You guys having fun ?

Whoo. Oh, my good--
Did you just put
another shrimp...

on the barbie,
or are you happy
to see me ? [ Laughs ]

All right. We're going to play
a little game.
Is there someone named...

Eileen in the audience ?

Oh, my goodness.
Eileen Bolenoski.
Come on forward.

I got a little ditty
for ya. It goes something
like this.

♪ Now you have grown ♪

♪ Now you have shown ♪

- ♪ Oh, oh, Eileen ♪
- All right,
Captain. I see him.

He's coming up
on the right cruiser.

Yeah, yeah, I got him, Trevor.

Yes. Yes, yes. Direct hit.
Oh, my God ! I'm going down !

Fire phasers !

Fire all phasers !
Fire all phasers !


You wanna come
work for me
at the club ?

And why ?

[ Chuckles ] Because
people talk to you.

I need somebody
people can talk to.

Well, I'm-I'm...

weighing my options.

Duncan, cut the shit.
I'm serious.

You wanna work
for me ?


Good. Call me
Monday morning.

We'll work it out.

[ Flushing ]

♪♪ Too-ra-too-ra ♪

♪ Loo-rye-aye ♪

♪ Too-ra-loo-ra ♪

♪ Too-ra-loo ♪

♪ Rye-aye ♪

♪ Come on, Eileen
Oh, I swear well he means ♪

♪ At this moment
you mean everything ♪

♪ You in that dress
My thoughts, I confess ♪

♪ Verge on dirty ♪

♪ Oh, come on, Eileen ♪

♪♪ [ Holds Note ]

[ Cheering, Applauding ]

Thank you very much.

How 'bout that band ?
Give it up.

[ Hooting, Clapping ]

Okay, they're gonna take a,
uh-- They're gonna take
a short break.

That was a set ?

I've heard
longer haikus.

[ Rob ]
Don't-- Don't worry,
they'll be back.

And how 'bout a special
thank you to Eileen ?

[ Clapping ]

[ Man ] Please remove yourself
from the stage, Robert.

Ladies and gentlemen,
significant others,

spouses, fellow classmates,

[ Laughing ]

when I was approached
by the reunion committee--

Hey, Moll.
What's up ?


What's the matter ?
Piss everybody else off ?


[ Scoffs ]

Oh, my God.
I haven't seen you
since the buffet table.

- [ Woman, Muffled Screams ]
- Oh, how are you.

I've missed you
so much.

Asshole !

Do you have to
judge everyone ?

Yep !
[ Scoffs ]

Well, great.

Why don't you give up being
a doctor and you can be a judge.
It'll be perfect.

- Okay, what did I do ?
- [ Scoffs ]

You're bitter.
You're caustic.

You used to be funny, Kevin.
But now you're just mean.

- I'm not mean,
I'm honest.
- [ Scoffs ] Oh, okay.

Oh, what ?

I saw you dancing
with that...

that woman
with grapes ?

Cathy. Wh--


I watched you, Kevin.
You were bright.

You were funny
and charming.
I was, like,

"Ah ! I remember
that guy."

I haven't seen
him in a long time.

[ Footsteps Departing ]

[ Rob ]
It's that time in the evening
to recognize all the people...

who came to be here
with you guys tonight.

These are people
who came from
all over the world.

- [ Woman ] Sit down !
- All right, we have
a three-way tie...

for those people
who came farthest.

From Helsinki,
Jenny Zimmer.

From Easter Island,
Anita Pascarelli.

And all the way from his
mother's house, Duncan Shepard,
ladies and gentlemen.

It's a joke.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

[ Maria ]
What is it ?

I-- I think
I chipped a tooth.

How could you
chip a tooth on flan ?

[ Crying ]
It's a nail.

- Oh, that's a number two tack.
- We have some celebrities
in the house.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

These are people who,
ten years ago,
were just another classmate.

First off is Zane Levy,
who wrote a top-ten hit single.

That's right,
put your hands together.

Oh, Jesus.

Someone else sang it but it
doesn't matter. I liked it.

[ Woman ] We love you, Zane.

It-- It's barely noticeable.

[ Lisping ]
Oh, it is too.

- It's--
- It's what ?

Do you hear that ?
It's affecting my voice.

Next we have, uh,
Holly Petuto,

- who survived a plane crash
in 1994.
- Don't worry.

[ Woman ]
All right !

[ Man ] That's great !

And who can forget
Stephanie Gutowski.
Stephanie, that's right.

Uh... Electra !

Electra !

- [ Rob ] She stars in tours
of Hair and Oh ! Calcutta !
- Oh ! [ Yelping ]

Stephanie, I have to say
I saw "oh" lot of you
in that show.

That's a-- Somebody keep
that nail for evidence.

[ Lisping ]
She sounds fine to me.

[ Snickering ]

Ah ! [ Gasping ]

[ Rob ] Make sure you try
the flan. It's excellent,
and we do have some left.

Electra ?

Now, let's see. The, uh,
the band, our illustrious band,
is here way into the wee hours.

[ Man ]
Shut the fuck up !

We'll be dancin'.

Oh ! I wanna go home.

I-- I look like
David Letterman.

Yes ! A young,
blonde, beautiful
David Letterman.

Yes. Ready ?

Good things
will happen.
Come on.

[ Sighs ]

Good things will--

You-- You've
gotta try,

You know what, Holly ?
I quit.


I would love to wave my
magic wand and have something
wonderful happen to you,

but I don't have
a magic wand.

- No one does.
- Well, Rutger.


You have got to make
your own luck.

Create your
own destiny.

Get in your own
plane crash.

Get in my own
plane crash ?

Is that what
it's gonna take, Holly ?

[ Duncan ]
So what do you think
of Holly Petuto ?

She sure can find
a lot of ways to work the
word "fuselage" into a sentence.

[ Laughing ]
You okay ?

[ Clay ] Yeah.

[ Toilet Flushing ]

She says
she likes animals.

[ Door Slams ]

[ Huffing ]


[ Water Draining ]

You gotta
dance, man.

That's what it's all about.
I mean, ya want her. Y-Y-You
gotta ask her to dance...

then you're dancing,
you know, I mean--

Hey, Clay.

Hi, Fred.

Ya dancin' ?


All right.
[ Sniffs ]

I'm gonna get
back out there.

[ Tyler ]
...and we dropped Amber off.
It was still early.

We figured what the heck.
We got on that expressway,
we're here in 45 minutes.

[ Laughter ]

[ Tyler ]
48 minutes, hon.

And he was so good.
He fell asleep right in the car.

[ All ] Aww !


You're a little
sleepyhead, aren't you,
little Mr. Sleepyhead.

I swear, isn't he the cutest
little thing ? Doesn't he
have the cutest little feet...

and the cutest
little toes ?

[ Laughing ]

All right.
Who wants to kiss a toe ?

Anybody wanna ?

Oh ! That's Mommy
and Daddy's song.

[ All ] Aww !

Why don't you guys
go out there and dance ?

I'll hold
baby Tristan.

You don't mind ?

I'd love to.

Great. Okay,
Here you go.

Here you
go to Grace.

Auntie Grace.


Here ya go.

Here's your banky.
Is this your little banky ?

Isn't he precious ?

Oh, he's just
the cutest thing
I've ever seen.

Baby Tristan.

♪ Do you really
want to hurt me ♪

♪ Do you really ♪

♪ Want to make me cry
Precious kisses ♪

♪ Words that burn me ♪

It's not bad.


Gonna get
some air.

Want some company ?


How did I
know that ?

You know when Clay came out
to visit me in L.A. ?


♪ [ Continues, Indistinct ] ♪

I was up every night
waiting to see if he got home.

That's Clay Mellon.

He always did.

That's Clay Mellon too.
Sometimes I think
he's blessed.


- Do you have any skim milk ?
- Just cream. Jesus.

You've been very helpful
all evening.
I certainly appreciate it.

Maybe when Clay comes out
to visit me next time,
you can come with.

Really ?


maybe I will.

Is Los Angeles
as bad as
you say it is ?

No. I'm just a little bitter
about the whole song thing.


Well, it's not like
it's the only song...

you're ever gonna write,
is it ?

Excuse me.

♪ Words are few
I have spoken ♪

♪ I could waste
a thousand years ♪

Mrs. Schulklapper ?

Yes ?

♪ Wrapped in sorrow
words are token ♪

Would you
like to dance ?

Oh ! I sure would.

♪ Come inside
and catch my tears ♪

♪ You've been talkin'
but believe me ♪

♪ If it's true
you do not know ♪

♪ This boy loves ♪

♪ Without a reason ♪

♪ I'm prepared
to let it go ♪

♪ If it's love
you want from me ♪

♪ Then take it ♪

♪ Away ♪

♪♪ [ Continues, Indistinct ]

you wanted proof ?

You got proof.

♪ It's over again ♪

♪ Do you really want
to hurt me ♪

[ Slashing Sounds ]

♪ Do you really
want to hurt me ♪

♪ Do you--

[ Electrical Crackle ]

♪♪ [ Stops ]

♪ Do you really
want to make me cry ♪♪

- [ Chattering ]
- [ Man ] Where's the music ?

Wait !

- [ Electronic Explosion ]
- [ All Screaming ]

- [ Both Groaning ]
- [ Chattering, Indistinct ]

[ Water Draining ]

[ Todd ]
Grace ! Grace !

Grace, we--
We gotta talk, Grace.
I, ah--

I've been thinking
about this all night.
I can be a man about this.

Whatever you need
and, uh--

Is that--
Is that my boy ?

It's just-
Oh, my God.
It's just--

Nothing good
will ever happen to you.

Nothing good
will ever happen to you.

[ Unzipping Zipper ]

Oh, wait a minute.

Help ! Help !

Help me !

[ Kevin ]
Aah ! There's no study
that backs up homeopathy.

- [ Man ]
Hey, look at that.
- It's a double-blind.

[ Man ] It's a fight !

Homeopathy was never
put up for a double-blind test.

[ Pat ]
That's epidemiologist
in a double-blind.

where'd you learn that,
Arizona State ?

[ All ]
Ooh !

They did 105 rounds and it was
statistically significant.

- Yeah, but it's not conclusive.
- Yeah, well, sometimes
you've just gotta believe.

Yeah, you probably
believe in the tooth fairy,
you homeopathic piece-of-shit.

[ All Scoffing,
Laughing ]

Get him !
Get him, Kevin !

Yeah, well,
why don't you just
go someplace and...

overprescribe antibiotics.

[ All Chattering,
Laughing ]

[ Groaning ]

[ Coughing,
Wheezing ]

[ Whispering ]
I'm sorry, Kevin.

[ Mollie ]
Excuse me.
Excuse me.

Excuse me.
I'm sorry.

Kevin !



What are you doing ?

I'm, uh, looking for
the last shred of my dignity.

Uh, seriously, welcome
to the worst night of my life.

I'm your host,
Kevin MacEldowney.

no one saw. [ Giggles ]

What am I to do
with this night ?


You know, that--
that page that I got ?

It was just
this little boy.

His mother had
one of those big trucks
and, uh,

she didn't know that
he had followed her
out to the garage,

and... she just
backed over him.

You know, we--
we worked on him
and, uh,

you know,
I thought it was gonna
be okay, you know.

And he-- When I left
it was okay, and, uh...

[ Sighs ]
We lost him.

Ah, I just, um...

I just thought I was gonna
be a little more noble,
and a lot less stupid.

[ Laughs ]


what are you
doing up here ?

You all right ?


I'm sorry, Duncan.

For what ?

Rob Levitt.

He said all those
fucked things to you.

- I just sat there.
- I don't even remember.

- He said you were
losing your hair.
- Well, I am.

I shoulda bashed
his fuckin' face in.

That's nice, Clay,
but it's not worth it.

What if
he sued you ?

They could
garnish your wages.

- Are you sure you took your--
- Yes, I took
my fucking lithium.

Come on.
Let's go
back down.

There's a lot of people
that, you know,
wanna see you,

and there's a lot of beautiful
and okay-looking women
down there.

Do you see anyone
you like ?


[ Breathing Heavy ]

Yes, I'm call--
[ Sighs ]

Yeah, yeah, well,
you're just a pill-popping,
kleptomanical ceramicist.

I don't mean that.

Yes, I'm calling
from the Bismarck Hotel.

Ah, somebody put Krazy Glue
on the toilet seat
and my friend is stuck.

Yes, it's an emergency.

Look, you stupid bitch,
my friend's butt is stuck
to the toilet seat.

What part
don't you understand ?

[ Sighs ]
Yes, both cheeks.

You asked Mrs. Schulklapper
to dance.

Oh, yeah, well,
you know--

You are such
a nice guy.

Oh, please
don't say that.

Why not ?

Well, because,
uh, it's usually
the kiss of death, you know.

Most girls,
they don't like, uh,
nice guys, and they--

I do.

Really ?

Before we go any further,
I wanna let you know...

that I have
three rules
for dating.

Are we dating ?

Never stand me up.

Never lie to me.

And three:
Never call me Peanut.

Why did you come up
with all the rules ?

Well, you have
to have rules,

Well, don't
you have any rules ?


Well, then,
you'll have
to think of one.

I'm gettin' smokes.

Called 911.

Don't worry,
we'll get ya out
of this imbroglio.

[ Sobbing Hysterically ]

What's wrong ?

It's not fair.

I went
to fucking law school.

I expected a life.

So did I.

[ Sobbing ]
Right before
I came here tonight,

Boo spilled his water...

[ Chuckles ]

and I stepped in it.

Boo always spills
his water out of his bowl,

and I come into the kitchen
and I'm wearing socks,

and I don't see the water
all over the floor,

and I step in it.

I feel so gross,
for one thing. And I get
no usage out of my socks..

and it brings me
one day closer
to laundry day.

And the thing is...

I always forget.

It completely
slips my mind.

And then, I'm in the kitchen
a couple of hours later...

and Boo spills the water,

and I step in it again.

I wish I had a dog.

Do you wanna
go back ?

No, not yet.

What ?

How come we never
did this before ?

I have no idea.

[ Giggles ]

Do you ever wonder
what your life would be like
if it was different ?


Sometimes I- I wonder
what it would be like
if I lived in a big house...

or had a lot of pets...

or if I played
pro football...

or was married...

or lived on
another planet...

or was a deep-sea diver.

Does it ever bother you
that it's not like that ?

No. I get up in the morning
and I go to work,

if I'm lucky enough
to have a job,
and then I come home.

Ideally, there'd be somebody
to come home to, but--

you know, as it is,

I've got my family
and my health
and my friend-- s.

There's not much more
that I need.

What about you ?

I used to wanna be famous.

- And now ?
- Oh, I think
I wanna be happy.

♪ You don't know me ♪

♪ You don't know me ♪

♪ You don't know me ♪

[ Together ]
♪ Well ♪♪

Uh, guys--

This is so great.

I am so proud
of you, man.

Shouldn't you be in
Dungeons and Dragons
about now ?

I was at
my chiropodist getting
something checked,

and I all of a sudden realized,
"I know that music !"

And I was like,
"Let go of my body,
I've gotta hear this song."

Listen, I wanna be
in your video.

Look, look, look.
What movie am I from ?
You wanna drink ?

- Two dollars and forty cents.
- Move outta the way,
you dumb-ass motherfucker.

You don't wear shades at night,
you dumb-ass motherfucker.

Helen ? Whatcha--
What you doin' ?

What ?

What have you
been doin' ?

Raisin' hell.

Do you need
some help ?

Oh, thank you.
What a pretty lady.

[ Car Engine Idling ]



Hey, girl.
What are ya doin' ?
What's happenin' ?

I'm sorry.
I thought these were mine.

- [ Engine Revving ]
- Oh ! You got
my shit in there.

I got my-my-my cigarettes
in there and my chocolate milk.

Give me my stuff, girl.

I'm gonna give 'em to you
this time.


Ain't that a bitch ?

[ Grunting ]

♪ Two dozen other
dirty lovers ♪

♪ Must be a sucker for it ♪

Wait, wait.

♪ Cry, cry
But I don't need my mother ♪

♪ Just hold my hand
while I come ♪

[ Panting ]

♪ To a decision on it ♪

♪ Sooner or later
your legs give way
You hit the ground ♪

♪ Save it for later
Don't run away
and let me down ♪

♪ Sooner or later you hit
the deck, you get found out ♪

[ Grunting ]

♪ Save it for later
Don't run away
and let me down ♪

♪ And let me down ♪

[ Both Grunting ]

♪ Black air and seven seas
are rotten through ♪

♪ But what can you do ♪

♪ I don't know how I'm meant
to act with all of you lot ♪

♪ Sometimes I don't try ♪

♪ I just now now now now now now
now now now now now now now ♪

Oh, honey.

♪ Sooner or later
your legs give way
You hit the ground ♪

♪ Save it for later
Don't run away
and let me down ♪♪

[ Man ]
You're the man, Rob.

Zane ?
Zane, can I talk to you
for a second ?


Well, you know we're having
a little, uh, trouble
with the music.

And everyone seems
to feel that you're
some kind of celebrity.

Uh, so do you think maybe,
uh, you know, if you
wouldn't mind, maybe...

singing one of your songs ?

No way.
I don't sing anymore.

Look, Zane, I'm gonna
level with you.

Um, we've run out of ice.
There is no music
and no one is eating my flan.

Now, I don't--
I don't know what the fuck
is going wrong, but...

for God's sake, Zane,
they're singing show tunes.

♪ Give my regards
to Broadway ♪

♪ Remember me
to Herald Square ♪

♪ Tell all the gang
at 42nd Street ♪

♪ That I will
soon be there ♪

♪ Whisper of how I'm-- ♪♪

Okay. Great you, guys.

Okay. Then give
my regards
to the exit.

There you are.
Everyone, can I--

Hold it, Rob.

Okay, this is expensive.
All right.
All right.

Got it.
I apologize.

I can't believe
you're doing this.

[ Sighs ]

♪ Yesterday the dawn broke ♪

♪ Like an earthquake ♪

♪ I rolled over and went ♪

♪ Back to bed ♪

Keep your voice down.
What are you saying ?

You've got to pay
for new speakers.

Oh, I have to. [ Chuckles ]

Look, it's not my fault if you
don't know what you're doing
and you blow the speakers.

Read your contract.

Look, if you don't pay
for new speakers...

I'm tellin' Mom.

♪♪ [ Continues,
Indistinct ]

[ Scoffs ]

♪ It's another Sunday ♪

♪ Empty streets
Mission bells ♪

♪ It's
a five-and-ten cent store ♪

♪ Full of dreams ♪

♪ That never sell ♪

♪ You don't know me ♪

♪ You don't know me ♪

♪ You don't know me well ♪

♪ Loneliness ♪

♪ Is my latest love ♪

♪ But he never puts his ♪

♪ Hands on me ♪

♪ He's got the perfect view ♪

♪ From up above ♪

♪ And he knows I'm here ♪

♪ And there's no place
I wanna be ♪

♪ It's another Sunday ♪

♪ Of empty streets
and mission bells ♪

♪ It's a five-and-ten cent
store ♪

♪ Full of old friends ♪

♪ That wish you well ♪

♪ Well, you don't know me ♪

♪ You don't know me ♪

♪ You don't know me well ♪

♪ So many strangers ♪

♪ So many faces ♪

♪ I've flipped through
the pictures ♪

♪ And read in between
the spaces ♪

♪ I see
the sunlight dancing ♪

♪ On my '68 Valiant grill ♪

♪ I count all the sunsets ♪

♪ And all the mornings until ♪

♪ I catch a glimpse of you ♪

♪ It's another Sunday ♪

♪ Of empty streets
Mission bells ♪

♪ It's
a five-and-ten cent store ♪

♪ Full of dreams ♪

♪ That never, ever sell ♪

♪ Well, you don't know me ♪

♪ You don't know me ♪

♪ You don't know me well ♪♪

[ Sighs ]

[ All Cheering ]

[ Woman ]
We love you, Zane.

I-I thought
you were going to do
the one on the radio.

Can you see from there ?
'Cause you know,
you might get a better look...

if you put your face
in her ass.

[ Chuckling ]

So, tell me
more about Hormel.

Roger, I can't--

Good night, kids.
[ Chuckles ]

So, how'd we do ?


How much ?



[ Kissing Sound ]

[ Giggling ]
What are you doing ?

I'm smelling you.

May I take you to dinner
tomorrow night ?


Hey, I thought of a rule.

Holly Petuto,
you can't talk about
the plane crash any more.

Except if it's for work.



I better find Clay.

Till tomorrow night then ?


Are you sure ?

[ Chuckles ]

Good night.


[ Door Opens ]

Oow. Ooh.

You take care, now.

I've been looking for you.

Really ?

Yeah, you ran out
of here so fast,

I didn't get a chance
to ask if you ever, uh,
ate dinner.

Yeah ?


Would you be interested
in having dinner
with me sometime ?

Uh... yeah.

Yes ! I'm going to
give you my number.


There you go.


Can I have that ?

Oh, um... sure.


I'll see you
tomorrow night.


About 8:00.


Call me.

I will.

[ Sighs, Chuckling ]

Ohh !

[ Sighs ]

[ Laughing ]
Honey, he's so cute.

[ Laughing ]

How's your ass ?

Ooh, Ooh.

Thanks, man.


Uh, that's better.
That's a lot better.

Oof !


[ Chuckling ]

I, uh...
thought I'd hold on
to this, you know.

A general reminder
that I'm not dead.


What do you think ?

Put it over
the fireplace.

I have
to take down that
clown painting.

[ Chuckles ]


I love you,

I love you too,

So how'd we do ?

Ah, we got rid
of all that meat...

left over from
the wedding yesterday.

Thank God.

You're not kidding.
It was getting ready
to spoil.

What are we
going to do with
all this flan ?

Oh, not to worry.
We're going to pawn it off
tomorrow at that communion.

That's thinkin'.

[ Chuckling ]

Good night, Rob.

Good night, Mom.
Good night, Jo Ann, Mary.

Good night, Rob.


[ Grace ]
Hi, Rob.

Well, well.
Hello, Grace.

Didn't really
get to see you
much tonight.

Yeah, you know, I know.
Tell me about it.

I kind of wanted
to, uh, you know.

I've been thinkin'
about you, Rob.

Go on.


Really ?
And what, pray tell,

have you been, uh...
thinkin' about, huh ?

Jesus !

What-- Wh--
Mr. Creep-Up-On-Ya.

[ Chuckles ]

This is for staring
at my tits for four years.

[ Muffled Grunts ]

This is for having
a Trans Am
in the 11th grade.

This is for rubbing
your thing against me
senior year. [ Spitting ]

And this...
[ Hocking ]

is for Duncan.

[ Sighs ]

What next ?


[ Man Sobbing ]

[ Horn Honks ]

[ Sobbing Continues ]

No, you have to think of colors
with three G and all tha--

I said, "Three G. The--"

Hey, Mark ?

Are you okay ?

My hood badge.

Oh, no.

- Someone took my hood badge.
- You're gonna make it.
You're gonna make it.

You're gonna make it, Mark.
You're gonna make it.

Come here.

[ Sighs ]

[ Crying Hysterically]

We entrusted her to...
Gretchen ?

No ! Grace !

Grace. Grace, and--

[ Crying, Talking Continues,
Indistinct ]

[ Muffled Grunts ]

[ Muffled Grunts Continue ]

Shotgun !

Oh, it's really bad.

Did you get lucky ?


But there's always
the flight back, huh ?

[ Man Wretching ]

How about you ?

Uh, things are okay.

You know, I think tonight,
I'm going to try to piss off the
people upstairs for a change.



Make them stay up
all night.
Is that mean ?


Oh, I was going
to start
being nicer.


Fuck it.
I'll start

[ Chuckles ]

Hey, Duncan !


- Just don't do anything
I wouldn't do. Huh ?
- Uh, no. I-I wouldn't.

Bye, Grace.

- [ All Screaming ]
- [ All Screaming ]

You're dead !

[ All Chattering,
Indistinct ]