Simply Irresistible (1999) - full transcript
A department store executive (Flanery) tries to resist falling in love with a young woman (Gellar), who he believes has possessed magical powers after inheriting a restaurant.
♪ It's a fine day ♪
♪ Under her reign ♪
♪ She's my queen ♪
♪ And I'm her little king ♪
♪ She put me all in a whirl ♪
♪ I feel just like
a schoolgirl. ♪
Amanda!
Thanks, Benny.
Thank you very much.
Have a good day.
Hey, TJ. Hi, Molly.
Hi, Amanda.
Hey, Amanda. How was your week?
A little slow.
It'll pick up.
So what's good today?
The blackberries are very nice.
Actually, I could use a pound
of the raspberries, please.
Morning, Abe.
Charlie, welcome back.
Thanks. Hey, I'm sorry to hear
about you guys closing up.
- What?
- You have any idea
what you're going to do now?
What are you swiping me for?
Business is a little slow,
but we're not closing.
He's confused.
You know, I got some
nice shiitakes over here.
You should look at ‘em.
Abe, where'd my portobellos go?
They're gone.
Valderon wanted ‘em.
Oh, good. You've spotted him.
Never even heard of him.
Not Valderon, the other one.
What--
I don't remember
seeing you here before.
Are you always here?
Well, only when
absolutely necessary.
It's a long trip.
These are for you.
Peekytoes, marvelous.
I wouldn't know
what to do with a crab,
but thanks anyway. Bye.
Weren't you just over there?
It's always important
to remember
that the wind from
one door closing opens another.
Take my crabs, Amanda.
Your mother wants you to start
living up to your potential.
My mother's dead.
Well, that's no reason
to ignore her.
Open your nose.
He was very unpleasant.
Well, $59.
Oh.
Oh.
Um...
oh, don't let that one get away.
No.
Gotcha!
Oh, no.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm sorry, but something is
about to crawl up your pants.
Oh. Oh, my God.
You might think
I'm some kind of freak,
but I was just
trying to help you...
Ow!
- Jesus.
- ...with that. Sorry.
Frisky little guy, isn't it?
Not for long.
He's going to be lunch
in my restaurant.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I'm making something,
something very...
...Napoleonic,
crab Napoleon, actually.
It should be very insouciant.
Insouciant.
I'm sure it will be.
You don't look like you're
in the restaurant business.
No? Why not?
- The suit.
- Ah.
- Are you?
- No. Well, I--
yes, I'm starting
a restaurant.
I'm about to open it,
and as a matter of fact,
I just lost my chef,
and it looks like you've
misplaced your crustacean.
It was a pleasure to meet you.
Yeah, you too.
- Good luck.
- Good luck.
You too.
Hello again. Now, I found
your little wandering friend.
Now don't
go leaving these behind.
Right. Oh, goodness.
Oh, God. Why did I buy these?
I'm Gene O'Reilly.
It's been nice meeting you.
Yeah.
Oh, your change.
Oh.
Hey.
Hi.
Made you some coffee.
Thanks. Ow, those are heavy.
What are you doing with those?
Don't ask.
- I had the weirdest morning.
- Really?
First I met this guy,
Gene O'Reilly.
Said he was a friend of Mom's.
Do you know him?
Gene O'Reilly.
No, I don't think so.
Doesn't ring a bell.
I think he was a crazy person.
And then Charlie asked me
how I felt about us closing.
He's back, eh?
- Mm-hmm.
- So did he ask you out?
Aunt Stella,
stop changing the subject.
We agreed to run
this restaurant together.
Okay.
The new landlord's
raised the rent.
We're not making it, sweetie.
We haven't for some time.
How much did he raise the rent?
To $5,000 a month.
Five thou-- he can't do that.
Well, he did.
So then we can go to a bank
and get a loan, right?
I already tried that,
and the way things are going,
the bank doesn't have the faith
that we can pay it back.
But we've been here 70 years.
I know, but...
I'm so-- I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry, Amanda.
No, it's my fault.
Come on, what is it
that they always say?
That the wind from
one door slamming opens another?
What?
Well, did I say it wrong?
I'm not very good
with proverbs, you know.
Come on.
Let's go get something to eat.
I'm starved.
Ever since Henri Bendel
first opened in New York,
Bendel's has stood as New York's
most elegant store for women.
Now Henri's grandson Jonathan
continues that tradition
with the first
four-star luxury restaurant
ever in a department store.
And after an exquisite meal
at Jonathan's,
our guests will have
the run of the store.
It's a whole new approach
to fine dining and shopping.
You'll see next week.
Thank you all for coming.
Excuse me.
I heard you spent $4 million
on a 75-seat restaurant.
That's a heavy gamble.
Well, ma'am, it's not a gamble
if you have
the right ingredients.
Again, thank you all.
- Tom.
- Yes?
There's a very thin girl
in your office
- making herself at home.
- Oh, Christ. It's Chris.
No, Lois, what is she doing
in my office without me?
I don't know,
but I offered her a sandwich,
peanut butter and jelly.
Hey.
Chris.
I just downloaded my schedule
onto your computer.
I hope you were using a condom.
- What?
- Oh, nothing.
I will see you at lunch.
- Lunch.
- Bye.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
Oh, my God.
- Oh.
- She did it in red.
Sharing your cyberspace,
that's a big step for you, Tom.
- Mm-mm-mm.
- You know,
I was actually going to take her
to a nice lunch today
and just break up with her.
We've had three dates.
Getting too heavy for you, huh?
No, no. I just know
exactly where it's going.
Look at this.
This is happiness over time.
You keep track of this?
Yeah. Now, you see,
after the third date,
happiness drops precipitously.
It's because at first,
everyone's very well-mannered.
No one really expects
anything to happen.
By the fourth date,
it becomes a relationship,
at which point
it becomes a minefield
of these secret meanings
and these unmet expectations,
and, Lois, look at this.
We've had three dates.
She's downloading her schedule.
They start questioning,
"When is he going to marry me?
What are our kids
going to look like?"
I'm thinking do I have to spend
every weekend with her?
If I spend too much time
at the office,
is she going to get suspicious?
And it becomes a round
of these fights and making up,
when at first, it was just fun.
I believe
you've overlooked something.
The information you need, Tom,
is what you do after date three
that makes everyone...
sO miserable.
What I do?
No, don't touch that.
Put that down. Put it down.
Your airplane fetish
is starting to worry me.
In 1961, Howard Hughes
flew a paper airplane
from the Golden Nugget
to the Sands.
It was 4.2 miles.
One of these days,
I'm going to break that record.
It's all in the adjustable
sweepback of the wings.
- Look at that.
- Wasn't Howard Hughes the guy
who never got out
of his pajamas?
No. That was Hugh Hefner.
John Starks is the man.
He threw nine elbows last night.
Okay, shut up. Come here.
Taste this.
Mmm. That's good.
You do realize you can't lie.
Ugh. It stinks.
Tastes like blue cheese
and dirt.
And there's only one thing
that tastes worse
than blue cheese and dirt.
- Rum raisin.
- Rum raisin.
Look, I'm really sorry
we have to close.
But, I mean, we can get jobs
in another restaurant.
Sure. We can take out an ad
if we could afford it.
"Situation wanted--
shitty chef and sous-chef
seek restaurant to ruin."
Shitty chef and shoo...
whatever. I need a prayer.
Here we go.
We having dessert today, Howard?
Oh, I can't.
I got my cholesterol results.
- Oh, you don't want to know.
- Yeah.
All I can say is
no more desserts, Howie.
I know.
- Hi, everybody.
- Billy.
Big news.
The bodega on the corner,
evicted.
I never liked that guy anyway.
Thank you.
Well, at least we still have
a place to eat lunch, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
Actually...
there's something
I want to tell you.
I can't believe--
We'll never get a cab out here
this time of day.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Get off the cell phone.
This is awful. I don't like it.
I don't understand it.
That's terrible.
Where am I going to eat
my lunch?
Bill, you don't
like the food anyway.
I love that cheesy chicken.
Howard, be honest.
You're not here
for the food either.
Don't give up. It's too soon.
You'll get better.
We love you, Amanda.
I love you guys.
You're very loyal,
wonderful people,
and you deserve a Southern Cross
like it used to be
when Mom was here.
And I tried, but...
...I'm not my mom.
I'm sorry.
Natasha, I've been getting
mani-pedis for 20 years.
Just do it.
If we can't get it until
Thursday, I need a phone call.
Thank you very much.
No, not you.
Excuse me.
Where are we?
This isn't Chanterelle.
Do I have to do
everything for you?
Excuse me! You're a cab--
Oh, wait. Honey, you know what?
It's that way.
Honey.
You.
Oh, God.
Not now.
Oh, perfect.
It's a little person.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Listen, do you know
where the--
- Hello.
- Hi.
You two know each other?
Her crab bit me this morning.
Really?
Do you know where
this restaurant is, Chanterelle?
Sure. It's two blocks that way.
No, no, no, no.
We're here.
We might as well just eat.
Besides, I feel
like a little crab,
a little of that crab.
It's only fair.
Well, lunch is sort of over
forever.
So you were just teasing me.
- What?
- What?
This morning in the market
about the crab Napoleon
and the soufflé.
It sounded amazing.
Thank you.
Do you have a menu
that we could...
look at?
Of course.
What's one more humiliation?
Ow.
Someone's here, right?
Right this way.
These are
new customers, aren't they?
They are.
Two new customers, Stella.
- Maybe it's a sign.
- Ah.
Oh, my God. He's here.
- Who?
- The guy from the market.
I told him that I could make
crab Napoleon
with pomme du something,
and he showed up.
Well, just tell him
we're out of it.
No, tell him we're closed.
I can't do that.
- I'll tell him.
- No.
Then he's going to leave.
Well, that's the idea, isn't it?
No. I want him to stay.
Well, then, we're just
going to have to make
the crab Neapolitan, napalm--
- Napoleon.
- Whatever.
How?
You better go find
one of your mom's recipes.
Right. Of course.
I'll just go upstairs now.
♪ You're the shiver
up my spine ♪
♪ Can't keep
my cool in line... ♪
Crab Napoleon.
This is going to suck.
Well, if she's ever
going to find her inspiration,
please let it happen now.
Huh.
Hey, hey, so find a recipe?
Oh. No.
But I found these
in my mom's box.
Wow. Those are nice.
Hey, maybe we can sell ‘em
and pay the rent.
- Nolan, they are my mom's.
- Oh.
So, crabs, boil 'em?
Yeah.
So how did you hear about us?
Sorry that took so long.
It'll just be
another couple of minutes.
Will you both be
having the crab?
- Please.
- No.
Oh, listen, I was wondering
if you could just do
a very simple chicken paillard.
One chicken paillard
for the mistake he's with.
Ugh. Girls like that
really get to me.
Well, she's perfect for him.
- No, she's not.
- Check the hair.
Every strand in place,
just like his.
I can fix my hair.
Not like that,
you can't, Amanda.
So she has perfect hair.
Big deal.
No, it's not just the hair.
It's the skin.
She's got that kind of skin.
It's silky, like butter. It's--
It's called makeup.
Nolan, you're not helping.
You got to be born
with that kind of skin.
And check out the sharp suit.
She trip and fall,
she'd cut her leg off.
Look at them shoes.
- Oh, my God.
- Nolan, shut up, okay?
You're wrong.
He's not happy with her.
He couldn't be happy
with somebody with perfect skin
and perfect hair
and perfect wardrobe
with goddamn matching shoes,
and if you can't see that,
then I feel sorry for you.
Inevitably,
she'll self-destruct.
Oh.
I'm just under a little stress
today, that's all,
but I can handle it.
If you say so.
Ugh. I can.
Now, we are going to make
the most delicious
crab Napoleon.
Where's the recipe?
Told you I couldn't find one.
But we'll improvise.
Just bring me
everything we have.
Everything we have.
Mm-hmm. Ooh, and the crabs,
are they cooked?
The crabs...
- are dead.
- Ugh.
There's nobody here, honey.
Well, it's late for lunch.
It's so Cleveland.
Can I interest you
in a martini?
Not for me, thank you.
No, thank you.
You know, just once,
I'd like to make
something really great...
...just have everything
come together, so...
...perfectly that just one bite
is ecstasy.
Do you ever notice how many
words there are for delicious?
Savory.
Tasty.
Scrumptious.
Delectable.
Succulent.
Mouthwatering.
Nolan...
Wow. Freaky.
People that we don't know
want their food.
Well, where did that come from?
I don't know.
Ah, gorgeous.
Yeah.
Ahem.
You know, Chris,
I've been thinking
a lot lately about...
- us, and--
- Me too.
I already feel closer to you.
You do?
Yeah.
With us merging our schedules
and all.
Always know where you are.
Oh, my God.
- Do you think he likes it?
- Mmm.
Are you okay?
I think so.
You're such
a controlling asshole.
What?
I'm sorry. I don't know
why I just said that.
Huh. Me either.
You should really try this.
It's succulent.
- It's...
- Tommy.
...absolutely delectable.
- This...
- Tommy.
I can't hear.
What am I doing
with someone like you?
Me?
I mean me,
with my perfect hair.
What is she doing?
I hate this place.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Chris, what are you doing?
Excuse us.
I have perfect skin.
- Perfect.
- You...
- She's on something.
- Your food.
I've decided that you
are a waste--
...of my perfect wardrobe...
Huh.
...with matching shoes.
Chris, no one is that perfect.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
I am.
And if you can't see that,
I frankly--
...feel sorry for you.
- Excuse me.
- Huh.
Huh.
Look at this.
None of these plates match.
Whoo!
No, Chris, Chris, if you--
Whoo!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
I love this jacket.
Hmm. It's nice.
Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
- Really.
- Thank you so much.
Bye-bye.
- Everybody okay?
- Yeah.
Mmm. Yeah. Mmm.
She's got quite a temper there.
Yeah. Oh, not usually.
Must be the curse
of the fourth date.
Huh?
Just a theory of mine.
I'm very sorry about this.
I'll be happy
to replace everything.
What was in this? My name
is Tom, by the way. Dill?
- Tom Dill?
- Tom Bartlett.
- Did you use dill?
- Like the pear?
Send me the bill.
Rhymes with "dill," doesn't it?
Yes. I will.
That was a good one.
Can't believe this happened.
This is very bizarre.
Very sorry.
I said that, didn't 1?
I should really go, I think.
Here. Here's my card.
You call me,
I'll replace the dishes and...
the meal.
What is your name?
Amanda Shelton.
Amanda.
Shelton.
Ooh.
- Tom.
- Lois.
What happened to you? My God.
I just had
the most incredible lunch.
Well, too bad you didn't
get any of it in your mouth.
No. No, no, no.
This is Chris' lunch.
Ooh, she didn't
take it too well, huh?
She completely freaked out,
and then she dumped me,
which would normally upset me
if it wasn't for those...
amazing crab things
that made me feel...
But you wanted
to break up with her.
- No, no, no. Lois...
- Yeah--
...I have feelings.
She treated me
like I was nothing.
I don't even know
if she ever really liked me.
You know, she might have
just been using me.
That's...
just terrible.
I just need to talk
to accounts receivable
as soon as the meeting is over.
No, no, no, no.
Wait. Wait. How do I look?
Oh, come on, Lois.
It's been two years.
Jonathan's not biting.
You really should move on.
I can't help it.
He makes me crazy.
What do you see that I don't?
It's his hands.
They drive me wild.
I want them all over me.
Come on, help me out.
Every man has his weakness.
What's his?
- Jonathan's?
- Yes.
It's easy. Inmortality,
his, not his grandfather's.
He's desperate for it.
Immortality? Oh.
Yep.
Nice of you to join us.
Sorry I'm late. Please, go on.
Fine. Tom, you want to tell me
why you spent $100,000
on a floor that makes me dizzy?
This place doesn't even
look like a restaurant.
It's like something
out of an MGM musical.
Well, exactly.
It is a stage for a fantasy,
and this floor
will create the mood,
- sort of like a crab can.
- Huh?
Jonathan's will be the grandest
restaurant in New York.
It'll be Jonathan's.
Now, we want it to be lavish,
and sometimes you
have to go the extra mile
to get the extra dill-- dollar.
I don't like the sound of this.
Have I ever let you down?
Not yet, but you're young,
very young.
And don't forget,
by exporting Jonathan's
to seven chains
around the world,
there'll be Jonathan's
everywhere,
royalties rolling in,
articles about you
in "Vanity Fair,” "The Times,"
not Henri, you.
You will be immortal.
I like you, Lois.
You're like a man.
You think with your nuts.
Thank you, Jonathan.
All right, let's move on.
- Yes.
- Show me the fall catalog.
I think I got all the pieces
off the floor.
These pieces were embedded
in a chair over there
between two customers.
Nolan, what do you think?
Looks delicious. What about it?
Amanda, I don't think so.
Let's find the sugar cookies.
- I think they're--
- Oh, thanks for the confidence.
...think they're back here.
Go away.
♪ Beautiful girls ♪
♪ Swallow me whole ♪
♪ And that's all right ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ Foundation's creaking ♪
♪ Sometimes ♪
♪ But below this old house ♪
- Hmm. She did it.
- ♪ It's all just fine... ♪
Something wiggy is going on.
- Amanda!
- I'm upstairs, Nolan.
- Amanda.
- I'm in here.
And hands off the dolls.
How's this?
- For what?
- Buying plates...
uptown.
Rewind.
Tom offered to buy us plates.
It would be rude not to accept.
Oh, Tom.
We have to have plates.
Yeah, well, I think
the psycho chick from yesterday,
she left at least three, right?
That's Ruth, Howard, and Bill,
three. We're set.
How's this?
No.
Okay, so when I get there,
what do I talk to him about?
You saw him, and you know me.
You know how I tend
to run on when I get nervous,
and I know I'm going to be
nervous in a place like that.
Amanda, relax. Just be yourself.
Ahem.
No. What? Please.
- Please.
- See?
This is what I'm afraid of.
Look, come on, Nolan. Help me.
I mean, you're a guy, right?
What are guys interested in?
Sex.
Sex? I can't talk about sex.
Well, there's sports cars
and money.
Nah, we only think about sex.
No, that can't be right.
There has to be something else
we can talk about.
Nah, I saw it on "Dateline."
The average man thinks about sex
238 times a day.
That means they think
about sex all day.
Pretty much.
Maybe that applies to you.
Pretty much.
Look, you know how guys are
always adjusting their belts?
Don't tell me this.
You know,
standing with hands in pockets.
No, stop. I'm not listening.
I'm not listening.
Well, that's when
they're thinking about it.
Check it out for yourself.
Oh, my God.
Why did you tell me this?
Now every time
I see someone doing that,
it's going to be
in my head forever.
- Thank you.
- You asked.
Look, I got to go.
Wait.
Really?
Yeah, yeah. That one.
- Ramos.
- Tom.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
What? What?
Round ones
should stay on the top.
- Square ones on the bottom.
- Ah, see? Yeah.
Don't adjust.
- Never.
- Just admire.
That's beautiful.
- That's beautifully organized.
- Damn.
- Good job, man.
- Thanks. Thanks.
God, what would I do
without you?
- Excuse me.
- Um...
- Hi.
- Hi.
Could you tell me where
I could find Tom Bartlett?
Oh, yeah, he was just here.
- I need to get the list...
- Oh, there he is.
If I could have that subdivided.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
Oof.
- No, really, I--
- You don't need to.
- Oh, no, it's-- please.
- You could just--
- I owe you.
- It's actually more of a--
No, no. I'll just grab
this last one, and--
‘Cause you're going to drop...
...them.
- I'm so--
- No, I'm sorry.
No, no, really, I--
If you'll just allow me,
I think I can--
It'll just take
a couple seconds. Sorry.
As I-- no, please.
- Please just leave--
- Hi.
Hi.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Ramos will take care of this.
- Have Laura help you.
- Thanks.
I guess this makes us even.
Yeah, I guess
you could call this even.
I'm really sorry.
No, no. It's a nice coincidence.
You shop here a lot?
Me? No. Never.
I thought you said
you'd replace the plates.
Didn't you?
That's why I'm here.
Sure. I thought
you'd send me the bill.
Don't you sell plates?
Yeah. China's on fourth floor.
Right.
Do all these elevators
go to four?
Pick one. Press four.
Right.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Ohh.
- Don't--
- I'm sorry.
...don't worry about it.
You know,
there's a beautiful new line
from Italy that's really--
it's--
- ...it's beautiful.
- What?
Facing this way,
it'll be on the top shelf.
- It'll be on your right.
- No, I don't--
I can't hear you.
It's-- never mind.
I'll show you.
Four.
That'll be quite a color clash
in your restaurant.
Well, I can't
afford this, anyway.
I'm really sorry
about yesterday. I--
Don't worry about it.
Happens all the time.
Is your girlfriend okay?
I think so.
Yeah, she's fine.
She's not my girlfriend
anymore, but--
I'm sorry.
No, don't be. It was time.
Were you going out
for a long time?
No. No, not really.
I have no idea
what came over her, actually.
She's usually
so collected and calm.
It was odd.
You didn't do anything
to provoke her, did you?
Nah. Did you?
Okay, I'll take eight
of those on that table...
- Uh-huh.
- ...these here,
And the ones on the shelf
over there, please.
- Eight each?
- That's too many.
- I can take less.
- No. No, no, no.
That's fine, perfect.
Helen, if you'll
please make a note,
eight each of the Suzanne,
the orange,
and the lily, and I'll sign.
If you could just give me
the bill, that'd be perfect.
- Thanks.
- You're very welcome.
Thank you.
I'll make sure that you
get these by tomorrow.
Thank you.
Very bold plate selection,
I might add.
It explains the outfit.
To eliminate a necklace
would have taken
another half hour.
I see.
Doesn't look like
it takes you very long.
Touché. I do seem
to come out of the shower
fully dressed in a blue suit.
And a belt.
No, actually,
I don't wear a belt.
Really?
No. Why?
- Never mind.
- Never mind? What--
no, no, no, no. Wait a minute.
What do you mean?
So how long
have you worked here?
Three years,
but you can't ask me
something so ridiculous
as whether I wear a belt
and not tell me
why you want to know.
I don't really--
oh, I knew
this was going to happen.
My friend Nolan told me
this thing about men and sex,
that they think about it
238 times a day,
and when they do,
they play with their belts.
That's ridiculous.
No. No, I mean, it's not--
no, not the belt.
No, no, no, no. I wasn't-- no,
I'm thinking about the amount.
It's ridiculous. Do the math.
I'm awake maybe 17 hours a day,
times 60, would be...
1,020, divided by 238, would be
sexual thought about every...
four minutes, and...
...yeah, yeah,
that's about right, actually.
I've been here 20 minutes.
Right.
Right.
That's impossible.
Yeah. Why?
What-- what's impossible?
One good sexual thought
takes at least 20 minutes.
Is that right?
Excuse me. Mr. Bartlett.
- Yes?
- Your secretary just called,
and the Wilkinson meeting
started.
Yeah. 20 minutes ago, yeah.
Thank you.
I should really
get back to work.
- Me too.
- Yeah.
I'll walk you to the elevator.
That's an interesting sweepback.
Yes.
How do you know so much
about paper airplanes?
Hated algebra.
Of course you did.
Does it fly?
Yes, it does.
However, usually not
where I intend it to.
For example, right now,
I'm going for that bucket.
Well, it doesn't fly well,
but it does fly with purpose.
- Ramos, that looks beautiful.
- Thanks.
You know,
I'm really glad you came up.
I am too.
And you never told me what was
in that crab Napoleon.
Oh, I almost forgot.
Your lunch came with dessert.
- Dessert?
- I love dessert.
That's the whole point
of the meal.
Beautiful, Ramos.
Mmm.
Wow, this...
You like it?
This is...
...this is very good.
This is very, very good.
Mmm.
Have you met Brian?
Brian's in shoes.
It's nice to meet you.
Pleasure.
I love shoes.
Me too, Mr. Bartlett.
I love that we sell shoes.
I love that we
sell them in twos.
It's so Noah's ark.
Thank you, Brian.
Change of plans.
- Are you okay?
- Ah, I'm fine.
Got to have one of these again.
Where are we going?
You're going to love this.
Mmm.
Okay.
I'm feeling sort of loopy.
This. This. You're a chef.
You'll love this.
Man can do many things,
but only God
can create the truffle.
What is he doing?
He's out of his noodle.
Okay, okay. Leave him alone.
And this is
the actual restaurant itself.
It's incredible.
Mm. It certainly will be.
But these are amazing. It--
the way it starts in your mouth,
and it just travels
to your brain
and then shoots down your spine
and then just explodes
out of your toes.
It's...
Well,
it's time we entered the big--
well, let me get...
Am I interrupting something?
Hello.
Bartlett.
Bartlett.
The Wilkinson group
wants to see the restaurant.
What are you doing,
interviewing waitresses?
- Come on.
- Right, right,
but one minute.
I'm sorry,
but I really have to go now.
Come on, I'll show you out.
Don't worry about it.
I can find my way.
It was fun.
Wasn't it?
Mm.
Which means it would
probably be fun again.
Logically,
it would make sense.
I'll call you.
You will?
Of course I will.
♪ It feels like I'm falling ♪
♪ Deeper into the unknown ♪
- ♪ I'm losing ♪
- ♪ Losing ♪
♪ The fight to stay alone ♪
- ♪ I'm falling, yeah ♪
- ♪ Falling ♪
♪ Falling for you ♪
♪ Where do we go from here? ♪
♪ Why do we stand in silence ♪
♪ Waiting for the other
to make a move? ♪
♪ Yes, wedo ♪
♪ And how do I feel right now? ♪
- ♪ Right now. ♪
- Much more fun
shooting paper airplanes
than sitting with the bankers.
- I wish I'd thought of it.
- I can't believe I forgot.
The restaurant's
really got me distracted.
I'm glad you brought that up.
I had a dream.
I wanted to tell you about it.
In it, I'm wearing a tuxedo...
...and I could see
the reflection
of my grandfather's face
in my patent-leather shoes.
It was the opening
of Jonathan's.
I was having a wonderful time.
Well, that's great.
I know you--
Except every time
I looked down...
at my shoes...
...Henri was sticking
his tongue out at me.
Why do you think
he was doing that?
I really don't know,
Jonathan. I--
It's disturbing me.
Right.
I want you
to keep thinking about it.
I know I will be.
He said he'd call.
What do you think he meant?
Does it mean today
or tomorrow
or a week?
We're going to have
to get somebody else.
Aunt Stella can't handle
the floor alone anymore.
I can't make all those at once.
Hey, you wanted business.
You got it.
There's a juicy rumor
going around about you.
I'm trying to kill it,
of course.
- Thank you.
- Don't you want to know
what it's about?
Good. I'll tell you.
It's about you and a girl
in flagrante
up in the restaurant.
In flagrante?
We were dancing, Lois.
Ooh, dancing. Even better.
That's so sweet. Aww.
At least,
I think we were dancing.
It was very weird.
I wasn't myself.
I feel like I was someone else,
someone romantic.
How nice for you.
But I definitely wasn't myself.
It's definitely a brush-off.
He got back together
with the perfect girl.
Amanda, if I hear about him
one more time,
I swear I'm going to cut off
my ears and mail ‘em to him.
Just call him yourself.
No, I can't call him.
I've never called a guy.
It would scare him.
What are you doing?
- Directory assistance.
- No, please don't do that.
Yes, Bendel's
Department Store, please.
But I'm fine.
It was very weird, though.
What's her name?
Amanda Sh--
Amanda Shelton on line one, Tom.
That's scary.
Pick it up. Pick it up.
- Hello.
- Hey.
Tom, It's Amanda.
I just wanted to eat--
invite you to eat dinner tonight
at the restaurant.
Tonight?
Let me check my schedule.
I've got a dinner meeting
that starts at 8:00.
No, you don't.
Okay. Well...
I'll be here late
if you want to maybe
stop by afterwards.
Sure, if it's not too late.
Okay. Well, maybe I'll see you
sometime.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
Thanks, Nolan.
You're a very bad boy,
very bad.
So the guy can't come tonight.
Maybe another night.
♪ I got the girl ♪
♪ He's got the girl ♪
♪ I got the girl ♪
♪ He's got the girl ♪
♪ 1 got the girl... ♪
Pardon me. Are you the chef?
No, sir. I'm the sous-chef.
Why? Is there a problem?
Are you kidding?
This food is incredible.
- Oh.
- In fact,
I want to do the whole thing
all over again.
Are you sure about that, sir?
Well, yeah. Only, this time,
I'll have the dessert first
and work my way back.
Yeah, okay.
Well, if you keep it up,
we may have to back you
out of here.
♪ Let's leave this place ♪
♪ Come on, and be my girl ♪
♪ I got the girl ♪
♪ He's got the girl ♪
♪ 1 got the girl... ♪
We did 100 dinners tonight.
♪ I got the girl. ♪
Well, I don't know
what got into you,
but the food's great.
Thanks.
Fear is a great motivator.
I'm not so sure it's fear.
Well, whatever it is,
it's cause for celebration.
Let's go dancing.
I think
you're on your own tonight.
You sure?
Oh, yeah. Yes, I'm sure.
Okay.
I don't think
he's coming, Amanda.
I'm not waiting.
There's a lot of magic
in the air, Amanda.
Hi.
It's really late.
Yeah. Yeah,
I got really tied up and--
Yeah, it was just
it was so busy here.
A party of six
just wouldn't leave.
I finally had to kick them out
at midnight.
Yeah, that's great.
I thought surely I'd miss you.
You must be exhausted.
Yeah.
Yeah, those guys
just go on and on.
I brought you these.
- They're--
- Vanilla orchids.
Yeah.
Hardly ever see these.
What?
You, smelling those flowers.
Can I walk you home?
Sure.
Thank you.
It's here.
All my life.
Thank you for the flowers.
You're welcome.
So I guess this is where
we pretend we had dinner
and say good night.
We can pretend we had dinner,
but did we have dessert?
I'm still hungry.
If you know
a place that's open,
I'd love to get some dessert.
- Okay.
- Okay?
So what was your meeting about?
I lied.
There was no meeting.
I don't even know why
I'm telling you this.
I guess because I'm sorry.
It's okay. I understand.
My last table left at 11:00.
- Great.
- So I'm sorry too.
- Now I really feel bad.
- Oh, don't, because then
I'm going to feel badly
for making you feel worse.
Then I'll feel worse
for making you feel bad twice.
Okay, I think we're both sorry.
We're both sorry.
Oh, that smell.
It's vanilla and flowers.
♪ Take your time ♪
♪ And think about it, baby ♪
♪ Take your time ♪
♪ Think about it ♪
♪ Take your time ♪
♪ And think about it, baby ♪
- ♪ I've learned to wait ♪
- It's incredible.
♪ I know how to wait for love ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ I was frightened ♪
- Taste so good.
- ♪ And I treated you badly ♪
♪ Not ‘cause I didn't know ♪
- It's amazing.
- ♪ Just what I had ♪
♪ I think it scared me to find ♪
- It's sweet and a little spicy.
- ♪ The real thing ♪
♪ With so much emotion
and such sexual feeling ♪
♪ Take your time ♪
♪ Think about it, baby ♪
♪ Take your time ♪
♪ Think about it ♪
♪ Take your time ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Take your time. ♪
Ramos.
Oh, Tom, I've been
looking for you.
These orchids,
these vanilla ones...
...we need more of these.
As a matter of fact,
I want 'em all over the floor
for the party.
Okay, but we bought 2,000 roses.
No, no, no, no.
It doesn't matter.
I want the whole place
to smell like vanilla.
- Yeah.
- Okay, but here's one for you.
There's a problem.
Valderon won't work.
- He won't come in.
- What? Why?
Air France lost his knives.
Ramos, get him some new knives.
He doesn't want new ones.
He wants his.
Ramos, nobody quits over knives.
Get some knives.
Get him any knives.
Just take care of it.
♪ Well, I tried before
to tell him ♪
♪ The feelings
I have for him in my heart... ♪
I'm impressed, Mr. Bartlett.
The design is wonderful.
But I have to tell you
I'm skeptical.
The start-up costs were
higher than you projected,
and Valderon
is a difficult man, yeah?
Yes, he is. However...
♪ ‘Cause every little thing
he does is magic ♪
♪ Everything he does
just turns me on ♪
♪ Even though my life before
was tragic ♪
♪ Now I know my love
for him goes on ♪
Now, about the cost report,
the many one-time-only fees
such as our delicious design...
...mouthwatering
market research,
and our--
...appetizing ad campaign--
excuse me.
♪ Do I have to tell the story ♪
♪ Of the thousand rainy days
since we first met? ♪
♪ It's a big enough umbrella ♪
- ♪ But it's always me... ♪
- Are you eating?
Oh, no. No. Oh, no.
- It's this new fragrance...
- No, no. It's not.
...that we got. No.
Yes, I think it is.
♪ ‘Cause every little thing ♪
- Could be.
- ♪ He does is magic ♪
♪ Everything he does
just turns me on ♪
♪ Even though my life before
was tragic ♪
♪ Now I know my love
for him goes on ♪
♪ I resolve to call him up ♪
♪ A thousand times a day... ♪
Amanda didn't tell us
it was so expensive.
- It's better than the pink one.
- Excuse me.
- Excuse me.
- What?
Are you carrying food?
- Well, yes.
- Perfect.
♪ Long before
I reach the phone ♪
♪ Long before my tongue has... ♪
I'm sorry. I'm going to have
to confiscate that.
It's a new store policy.
There's no outside food
due to the rats.
Thank you.
Boy, are they strict.
I told you coming up here
would be dangerous.
♪ He does is magic ♪
♪ Everything he does
just turns me on ♪
♪ Even though my life before
was tragic ♪
♪ Now I know my love
for him goes on ♪
♪ Goes on. ♪
What-- Lois!
Mmm. Got to learn to share, Tom.
Mmm. This is good.
Actually, this is
kind of incredible.
- Got any more?
- No.
- You sure?
- I'm positive.
Man, this is good.
Wow.
Mmm.
I wish Jonathan was around.
Where'd you get this thing?
- Where?
- My God.
Where? Lois, I mugged
a 75-year-old woman for these.
Lois, I'm losing it.
Mmm.
I can't quit thinking about her.
- Mmm.
- We kissed.
A vanilla cloud.
Mmm. Vanilla, you did where?
- Oh, God.
- Amazing, this girl.
She's beautiful.
She's smart.
She's funny. She's--
And she can cook.
Oh, she can cook things
that make you crazy.
Lois, it's chaos.
It's a bit soon.
It's only our second date.
What a date it was,
more like a third, actually.
It's actually like a lifetime
with these amazing dates.
And she made this fog, Lois.
It was warm, and it was wet,
and it was like you could see
what we were feeling.
- It tasted so real.
- This is it, Tom.
You better run, especially now.
You don't have time for this.
I know. Look at me.
I'm chasing pastry, Lois.
- I don't even eat dessert.
- You're a wreck.
She's got you all tangled up
in your underwear.
Whatever you do,
don't see her again.
No, no, no, absolutely not.
- I can't. I--
- Uh-uh.
I've got to tell her
in person, though.
No way. Too risky.
Use the phone for this.
No, no, no, no, Lois.
I do this all the time.
- I can handle this.
- Not this time.
No, Lois, you think
I'll succumb?
I don't think it.
- I know it.
- No, Lois, trust me.
I'll go down there after work.
I'll sit down calmly.
I'll have a bite.
Everything will be fine.
Just watch.
It'll be my pleasure.
Ahem!
- Mr. Bartlett.
- Herr Mueller.
Sorry to have kept you waiting.
Annie, I need you to get
downtown as fast as you can
to this restaurant
called the Southern Cross
and get me as many caramel
éclair thingies as possible.
Hurry.
Lois.
- No, Lois, I don't--
- Come on.
- Come on.
- I don't usually...
- Come on.
- Lo--
Oh, God. Oh, Jonathan.
Tom.
- ♪ Nobody knows it... ♪
- Amanda, you have a guest.
- Hey.
- Hi.
I didn't expect
to see you here tonight.
Yeah. Amanda,
I need to talk to you
just for a minute.
Sure, but it's a bad time
right now.
- Could it be a little later?
- Yeah, sure.
I hesitate to give you a plate,
but could you take this?
Oh, wait. Hold on.
The mussels are ready.
Here you go.
One more. There you go.
Should I...
Uh...
♪ Nobody knows it ♪
♪ But you've got a secret ♪
♪ Nobody knows it ♪
♪ Nobody knows it... ♪
So what did you want
to talk to me about?
♪ But you've got a secret ♪
♪ Nobody knows it. ♪
You are an amazing cook.
Yeah, well, up until last week,
I couldn't cook anything.
Well, I find that
hard to believe.
I tried, but nothing
ever worked.
Then suddenly
it all came together.
Well, it's like anything else.
It's like when you learn
to ride a bicycle.
The first nine times,
you fall off.
Then the tenth time,
you just ride for a mile.
I guess.
That's what I feel like,
a little crab salad.
You know, I just don't think
he's your normal crab.
He is a bit odd.
- How 'bout dessert instead?
- Sure.
That is a very...
very good knife.
Never used to be this good.
I enjoy a good
aerodynamic phenomenon.
It's like your airplane.
It was a draft
from the air conditioner.
And the band?
There was a band,
wasn't there?
Yeah, the band was
a hallucination from the éclairs
through some sort
of sugar rush.
We both had the same one?
No, there's--
there's something going on here,
and I can't explain it,
but it's starting to scare me.
No, see, see, this is exactly
how we're supposed to feel,
I mean, a bit light-headed
and distracted,
but our senses sort of perk up.
It's like déja vu.
It's vivid.
It's very vivid, actually,
but it's not real.
Mmm.
It's really...
...really good.
Amanda, you've just become
a great cook.
It's not magic.
It's talent...
...pure and simple.
Thank you.
What was I thinking?
I love...
kissing you.
I love you too.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa. Whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's going on here?
- We're floating.
- Make it stop.
- Make this stop.
- No, it's amazing.
No, this is not amazing.
It's scary.
- Why can't I get down?
- Don't get hysterical.
I'm not hysterical, Amanda.
I'm trapped.
Look, you did this to me,
so just undo it,
- please?
- I didn't do anything.
Time to be responsible,
don't you think?
Just figure it out. Please?
Right. The undo secret.
Of course.
Do you want to hear?
Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo.
Bibbidi-- that's not funny.
Whoa!
I better go.
Why?
I kissed you, and you--
- I was--
- What?
Tom, what?
Please, I don't understand.
I'm not gonna stick around,
see what else you can do.
You're scared of me?
Hell, yes,
I'm scared of you, Amanda.
Every time I'm around,
things just happen,
and you're the one
calling all the shots.
I don't need this,
this flavored fog
and floating stuff.
I'm not some guy
who won't give up
his Tuesday night
poker game here.
This is my free will
we're talking about.
I've got to be in control
of my own destiny.
Your destiny?
You can't be serious.
I couldn't be more serious.
Then you know what?
You're in for a rocky ride,
because a man's character
is his destiny.
That's right.
What?
What did you just say?
Was that some kind of a curse?
Yeah. In your case, it is.
- Morning.
- We need to talk.
You right. We need to talk about
that mess you left
in the kitchen last night.
No, it's Tom.
He left last night.
We were kissing, and then...
we started floating.
- Metaphorically floating.
- Literally floating.
- Literally floating?
- I think.
Oh, God, I don't
even know anymore.
You mean like floating
off the ground floating?
Nolan, it's not the point.
Amanda, what's the problem?
I'm just so confused.
You probably freaked him out.
So, what?
Do I just give up on him?
No.
No, you just have to show him
that the being in love
is even better
than the falling in love.
I guess I could return
his wallet.
You stole his wallet?
No, he dropped it.
Yeah, yeah, right,
when he was floating.
Very cute.
Hey...
you ought to read this.
I think we might make it.
"Tribeca gem rediscovered.
Magic in the kitchen."
Who's there?
It's me.
God, it's hot in here.
I'm going to open a window.
Yeah. No!
No, no, no, no, no, no.
She'll get in.
Who? What the hell
happened to you?
It's Amanda.
She's a witch.
You succumbed. I knew it.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- I knew it.
No, she forced me.
I never had a chance.
And then I was pinned
to her ceiling.
Yeah. Yeah.
And then she cursed me.
She said it
in this creepy little voice.
"A man's character
is his destiny." What--
She's a wise witch,
casts her spells in proverbs.
Lois, look,
I know you think I'm insane.
- It's that old black magic.
- No.
- Lois, please.
- It's got you in its spell.
- No, Lois, it's not like--
- You're in love.
Oh, God. If I just
stuck to the rule.
Here's my rule.
Eat, drink, take in everything,
and give back the same.
How did you get in here?
The door.
I just came
to return this to you.
You dropped it.
Yeah, that's-- that's mine.
I take it you're Amanda.
It's very nice to meet you.
I'm Lois, and I'm leaving.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You stay.
It's okay.
If that's how you want it.
Oh, boy.
I know that the last few days
have been...
odd.
But my whole life was ordinary,
and then we met,
and these amazing things
started to happen.
And...
...and I can't explain them,
and I know that bothers you.
Tom, your life was full
of spectacular stuff...
...but mine wasn't.
And for the first time,
I feel like I could do anything.
And I don't know if I need you
to keep that feeling...
...but I know I want you.
Amanda, I...
...I think that...
How do you feel?
I'm not sure, Amanda.
I'm not sure.
This is no knife!
Hey, hey, what the hell
are you doing?
I spit on your knife.
What-- what--
Whoa! Hey, what the hell--
I spit on your restaurant.
- And finally I spit on...
- No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no, no. Allow me.
There. Are we okay?
That was the first
intelligent thing you have done.
I fire you!
No, what the hell
are you talking about?
You can't fire me.
Au revoir, dickhead.
No, no, no.
Valderon, where are you going?
You can't leave.
You're under contract.
Fine. This is great.
Now do you believe me?
You think I had
something to do with this?
Oh, Amanda,
if the broom fits, ride it.
- Oh, God.
- Bartlett, you're an idiot.
- Jonathan, Jonathan.
- I just saw Valderon.
- No, everything is fine.
- What's the big plan
- now that you have no chef?
- I've got a great plan.
- Excuse me.
- I was just leaving.
- No, Amanda, look, no.
- Jonathan, Jonathan,
- this is Amanda Shelton.
- Look, if you'd just listen...
- How do you do?
- She made the éclairs.
- ...I've got a plan.
- Oh. Oh.
- Oh, Bartlett, you're a genius.
- What?
You get rid
of that French asshole,
and then you bring in
this heavenly creature.
- No, no, no, no.
- I am not cooking for him.
- She is not cooking for me.
- Why? You only do desserts?
- No, but th--
- Everything else
is as good as those
incredible pastries?
- Well, yeah, I think so.
- Tom was just telling me
- what a magical chef Amanda is.
- Magical, no.
- Magical.
- No, no, no, no.
Demonic is more like it.
She can't do this.
- L can do it. No, I can do it.
- No. No, Amanda.
You can't be serious.
You're going to replace
a four-star chef
with 23 years of experience?
No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It can't be done.
- I'm magical.
- No.
- You said it yourself.
- Amanda.
- Can you do this job tomorrow?
- Yes.
- No!
- Yes!
- It's settled, then.
- Yes.
Lois, please,
show Amanda the kitchen
while I have
a few words with Tom.
Great. Great.
And, Lois, are you busy
after I'm done
chewing Tom's head off?
You're the boss, Mr. Bendel.
No, no, no.
You--
...you be the boss this time.
My God, Bartlett.
If you need something, call me,
although I don't know how to do
anything except buy clothes.
I'm not this crazy.
I can't do this.
I just read about you
in the paper.
What are you afraid of? What?
That I'm just having
a lucky couple of weeks.
It's just the beginning
of a long lucky streak,
hopefully.
Thanks.
But you're going to need
both hands, and so do I.
- Do you think you could...
- Oh.
- ...give me back my hand?
- I'm sorry.
- Do you want that?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Oh, God.
What the hell
has gotten into you?
She did.
She's some kind of a witch.
You have no idea
what she could do.
She's a great cook, and she's
available tomorrow night,
when everyone
is expecting to be fed
the most incredible food
in the world.
Let me try to get
Valderon back.
No, no, no.
No, you talked me into this.
Now, you better find the nerve
to follow through.
She could ruin us, Jonathan.
She's cooking.
Develop some courage,
man, and...
shave while you're at it.
Yeah.
What are you doing here?
Stupid question. You work here.
Probably wondering
what I'm doing here.
Well, I just came to get
a feel for the kitchen
so I know my way around
tomorrow.
I understand.
You do?
Sure.
Do you have everything you need?
Wouldn't mind
a little more confidence,
but I'm going to do the peach...
You don't want to know this.
You just want me to tell you
that everything
is going to be okay, right?
Well, it will be.
Good.
Well, see you tomorrow, then.
Amanda.
Yes?
You're not...
you're not going to do
anything funny tomorrow,
are you?
No...
...nothing funny.
Good.
- Ready?
- I forgot my earrings.
You look great.
Nolan, all this
started happening
when I put in
my mother's earrings.
I mean, could you give me
a better reason
for why my cooking
suddenly got so good?
Yes.
Because, that day,
you wanted it to be good.
You wanted it to be really good,
and you wanted it bad enough.
That's the magic, Amanda,
not your mom's old earrings.
Okay?
- Now let's go.
- Uh-uh.
Hey, hey, hey, listen to me.
Even Dumbo flew
without his feather.
He's gone.
Excuse me.
I don't believe it.
Excuse me!
Hi. I'm Amanda Shelton,
and this is Nolan Traynor.
I'm the new chef,
and I just wanted to say hi.
We're off to a great start.
Okay, little man.
You stay close.
I need all the friends
I can get.
Excuse me, mademoiselle.
I am Francois du Meir,
sous-chef.
If you like,
I have a suggestion.
That'd be great.
I have worked for Chef Valderon
for 15 years.
May I offer to carry on
in his behalf?
Thank you, Francois,
but Mr. Bendel
asked me to cook tonight.
In that case,
what would you like?
Why don't you do
what you normally do?
I am, mademoiselle.
What are you doing?
Waiting for instructions.
Monsieur Valderon always
gives us instructions.
Then why don't you start
with the hors d'oeuvres?
Done, mademoiselle.
Tom?
Come on.
Time to face the firing squad.
Okay.
That's last year's tuxedo.
- What?
- Ahem.
Oh, shit.
Lois, I've completely
lost the plot.
I am off the deep end.
Something's wrong with me.
Got you all tangled up
in your underwear.
You...
look like a tasty
little cherry tartlet.
All right, here.
Throw this in.
Are you crazy?
That's Dom Pérignon.
Exactly. It's the best.
You want the best, right?
You know how expensive
that stuff is?
Amanda, we're uptown.
They expect expensive.
Jonathan, Lois,
Hannah Walberg and Frank Rogers
of "The Times."
Whew! Beautiful.
Gil, I'd like to introduce you
to Jonathan Bendel.
Jonathan, Gil Shapiro.
He's the genius
behind "American Gourmet."
Jonathan, you have
a hit on your hands.
Everyone's stunned
that you got Valderon.
Wasn't easy.
I'm looking forward to seeing
what he's cooking this evening.
Yeah.
Okay, I think these
are about ready.
Hey, Francois,
ready for the truffles.
No truffles.
What are you talking about,
no truffles?
Mais oui,
absolutely no truffles.
Monsieur Valderon
picks them out himself,
and so naturally he took them.
I can't make truffle slippers
without truffles.
Yes, but could you make them
with truffles?
Hey, wait a minute. Whoa, whoa.
Francois, you--
everything going well in here?
Good. Good.
Carry on.
What'd the French guy say?
Oh, everything's fine.
You better watch your back.
Amanda.
I can't do this.
No. No. No, no, no.
Amanda, now is not
the time for that, all right?
Okay, look,
you're Patrick Ewing.
I'm John Starks.
We're up by one.
There's five seconds left
in the game.
Jordan gets the ball.
He goes around a Pippen screen,
taking me out.
It's only you and him.
He goes up for the shot,
and you don't throw the foul,
and they win the game.
Amanda, we are standing
in the paint.
You got to make
your presence felt.
Are you with me?
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Francois...
...you who think
I don't speak French,
donne-moi de figue.
Le quoi?
That's right. Fig.
Okay, I can do this.
Just have to do
a little rearranging.
Menu's going to change.
The menu's going to change!
Tom. Tom.
Have you tried this?
It's incredible.
No, Lois.
I'm too nervous tonight.
Mmm. Exceptional.
The fig, inspired choice.
Mmm. Valderon is
reinventing himself.
Well, tonight may be full
of unexpected pleasure.
This looks just yummy.
Let's...
Oh, Trevor.
Hannah...
it's a new sensation.
The foie gras melted
in your mouth.
If only I could cook
like this.
I so wanted to be a chef.
I never knew that
about you.
This food's the perfect poem
I never wrote.
It's given happiness
that only comes in dreams.
- My binky.
- It's a symphony of joy
just spilled into a note.
- My cat.
- It's dreams, what it seems.
It's love, pure love,
so here's to love.
Take care of it.
Why? Why, Hannah?
To love that turns into magic
once in a blue moon.
What do you mean
everything is okay?
Everyone is crying,
and it's only the appetizer.
Look, it's fantastic.
I mean, look around.
Everybody enjoys a good cry.
It's refreshing.
Amanda.
I don't want you
to panic or anything,
but something's happening
out there. Oh, Amanda.
Amanda, I'm sorry.
Yeah, why did
I ever doubt you?
I admire you...
...just like my grandfather.
Only, I don't hate you.
I just-- Lois.
It's all right.
That's everything.
Let it out. Let it out.
- Oh, God.
- No.
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh--
Don't have a panic attack
and don't curse, Amanda.
I'm sorry. Are you okay?
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
- Hold the duck!
- No!
Amanda, get back over here.
- Oh, my God.
- No.
How stupid am 1?
- I ruined everything.
- No.
I came up here to show him
how much I love him,
and this is what I do?
No, he knows
how much you love him.
- Amanda.
- Oh, not you too.
- It's all my fault.
- No.
What are you talking about?
This has me
written all over it.
We got to move to New Guinea
or someplace nobody knows us.
- No.
- What did you do?
- Eat the food?
- No, I didn't eat the food.
I ate the food,
and it's fantastic.
Amanda, don't you understand?
Everything you're feeling
is going into your food.
Look, nobody is leaving.
It's irresistible.
Yes. Yes, breathe. Breathe.
Well, I mean, I admit
that it's a bit
of an unconventional event,
but completely unforgettable.
Amanda, you have to go on.
You have to feed them.
- Feed them?
- Yes.
I'll probably kill them.
No.
Well, mademoiselle, bravo.
I assume you will be leaving
now that you have stunned them
into silence.
Silence?
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
This is serious. We must go.
I mean, look at ‘em.
They all look like they're dead.
No, no. No, no, I don't think
they're dead at all.
No, they're just in a trance.
This is amazing.
You say "trance"? So we can
make 'em do whatever we want?
- Oh, not we, but she could.
- No.
- No, I can't.
- Well, you could.
Amanda, you must make
all the women love me
and all the men
give me their wallets.
- I can't do that.
- Amanda, could you--
No! But I might be able
to do something better.
Girl, fantastic.
Lois, why is everyone
so quiet?
Shh.
This is nutty...
...hazelnutty.
I know.
Maybe he's too busy eating
to come in.
Maybe you ought
to think about dessert.
I can't watch this.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Who am I kidding, Nolan?
He's not coming in here,
and I don't blame him.
You know, I'm just going to go.
Somebody want to come take this?
♪ The room is empty ♪
♪ The lights are dim ♪
♪ And my heart wonders ♪
Would you grace me
with a dance?
♪ If I'll ever see you again ♪
♪ My tears are hungry ♪
♪ For an open door ♪
♪ When your arms held me ♪
♪ I never felt
that way before ♪
♪ And I'll be waiting ♪
♪ And I'll be watching ♪
♪ Under a blue moon ♪
♪ The taste of heaven ♪
♪ Only happens ♪
♪ Once in a blue moon ♪
♪ Do you remember ♪
♪ When the wind blew free? ♪
♪ We fit together ♪
♪ So naturally ♪
♪ And I'll be waiting ♪
♪ And I'll be watching ♪
♪ Under a blue moon ♪
♪ The taste of heaven ♪
♪ Only happens ♪
♪ Once in a blue moon ♪
♪ Once in a blue moon. ♪
Amanda!
Hudson and Jay, please.
Amanda!
- To success.
- Mm.
Here, my sweet.
Taste a little bit of heaven.
I had to stop for shoes.
Oh.
You are so beautiful.
I'm sorry I was so stupid.
I just didn't know what to do.
But I know I want you.
I just need a second chance.
You're so dense, you might
need a fourth and fifth.
I'll take whatever I can.
I love you.
I hope that's
not just the fog talking.
No...
...it's not.
Good...
...because I love you.
I think I've loved you since
that first day in the market.
You mean when I had
my hand up your pants?
- Men are so easy.
- Oh, yeah.
♪ He's a fool,
and don't I know it? ♪
♪ But a fool
can have his charms ♪
♪ I'm in love,
and don't I show it? ♪
♪ Like a babe in arms ♪
♪ I'm wild, but not impatient ♪
♪ Men were not a new sensation ♪
♪ Couldn't sleep
and wouldn't sleep ♪
♪ When love told me
I shouldn't sleep 7
♪ Loving and hugging,
you know it ♪
♪ I'm in love,
and don't I show it? ♪
♪ Like a babe in arms ♪
♪ I'm wild again ♪
♪ Beguiled again ♪
♪ A simpering,
whimpering child again ♪
♪ Bewitched, bothered,
and bewildered ♪
JAMIJ
♪ My heart was lost ♪
♪ I paid the cost ♪
♪ Cold from the start ♪
♪ He played the part ♪
♪ I must agree
the laugh's on me ♪
♪ But he and I,
we were meant to be ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪ Anticipating ♪
♪ Loving, hating, waiting ♪
♪ What am I to do? ♪
♪ Bewildered and bewitched ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm
so bothered over you ♪
♪ I'm wild again ♪
♪ Beguiled again ♪
♪ A simpering,
whimpering child again ♪
♪ Bewitched, bothered,
and bewildered ♪
JAMIJ
♪ I'm wild, but not impatient ♪
♪ Men are not a new sensation ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪
♪ The room is empty ♪
♪ The lights are dim ♪
♪ And my heart wonders ♪
♪ If I'll ever see you again ♪
♪ My tears are hungry ♪
♪ For an open door ♪
♪ When your arms held me ♪
♪ I never felt
that way before ♪
♪ And I'll be waiting ♪
♪ And I'll be watching ♪
♪ Under a blue moon ♪
♪ The taste of heaven ♪
♪ Only happens ♪
♪ Once in a blue moon ♪
♪ Do you remember ♪
♪ When the wind blew free? ♪
♪ We fit together ♪
♪ So naturally ♪
♪ And I'll be waiting ♪
♪ And I'll be watching ♪
♪ Under a blue moon ♪
♪ The taste of heaven ♪
♪ Only happens ♪
♪ Once in a blue moon. ♪
♪ Under her reign ♪
♪ She's my queen ♪
♪ And I'm her little king ♪
♪ She put me all in a whirl ♪
♪ I feel just like
a schoolgirl. ♪
Amanda!
Thanks, Benny.
Thank you very much.
Have a good day.
Hey, TJ. Hi, Molly.
Hi, Amanda.
Hey, Amanda. How was your week?
A little slow.
It'll pick up.
So what's good today?
The blackberries are very nice.
Actually, I could use a pound
of the raspberries, please.
Morning, Abe.
Charlie, welcome back.
Thanks. Hey, I'm sorry to hear
about you guys closing up.
- What?
- You have any idea
what you're going to do now?
What are you swiping me for?
Business is a little slow,
but we're not closing.
He's confused.
You know, I got some
nice shiitakes over here.
You should look at ‘em.
Abe, where'd my portobellos go?
They're gone.
Valderon wanted ‘em.
Oh, good. You've spotted him.
Never even heard of him.
Not Valderon, the other one.
What--
I don't remember
seeing you here before.
Are you always here?
Well, only when
absolutely necessary.
It's a long trip.
These are for you.
Peekytoes, marvelous.
I wouldn't know
what to do with a crab,
but thanks anyway. Bye.
Weren't you just over there?
It's always important
to remember
that the wind from
one door closing opens another.
Take my crabs, Amanda.
Your mother wants you to start
living up to your potential.
My mother's dead.
Well, that's no reason
to ignore her.
Open your nose.
He was very unpleasant.
Well, $59.
Oh.
Oh.
Um...
oh, don't let that one get away.
No.
Gotcha!
Oh, no.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I'm sorry, but something is
about to crawl up your pants.
Oh. Oh, my God.
You might think
I'm some kind of freak,
but I was just
trying to help you...
Ow!
- Jesus.
- ...with that. Sorry.
Frisky little guy, isn't it?
Not for long.
He's going to be lunch
in my restaurant.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I'm making something,
something very...
...Napoleonic,
crab Napoleon, actually.
It should be very insouciant.
Insouciant.
I'm sure it will be.
You don't look like you're
in the restaurant business.
No? Why not?
- The suit.
- Ah.
- Are you?
- No. Well, I--
yes, I'm starting
a restaurant.
I'm about to open it,
and as a matter of fact,
I just lost my chef,
and it looks like you've
misplaced your crustacean.
It was a pleasure to meet you.
Yeah, you too.
- Good luck.
- Good luck.
You too.
Hello again. Now, I found
your little wandering friend.
Now don't
go leaving these behind.
Right. Oh, goodness.
Oh, God. Why did I buy these?
I'm Gene O'Reilly.
It's been nice meeting you.
Yeah.
Oh, your change.
Oh.
Hey.
Hi.
Made you some coffee.
Thanks. Ow, those are heavy.
What are you doing with those?
Don't ask.
- I had the weirdest morning.
- Really?
First I met this guy,
Gene O'Reilly.
Said he was a friend of Mom's.
Do you know him?
Gene O'Reilly.
No, I don't think so.
Doesn't ring a bell.
I think he was a crazy person.
And then Charlie asked me
how I felt about us closing.
He's back, eh?
- Mm-hmm.
- So did he ask you out?
Aunt Stella,
stop changing the subject.
We agreed to run
this restaurant together.
Okay.
The new landlord's
raised the rent.
We're not making it, sweetie.
We haven't for some time.
How much did he raise the rent?
To $5,000 a month.
Five thou-- he can't do that.
Well, he did.
So then we can go to a bank
and get a loan, right?
I already tried that,
and the way things are going,
the bank doesn't have the faith
that we can pay it back.
But we've been here 70 years.
I know, but...
I'm so-- I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry, Amanda.
No, it's my fault.
Come on, what is it
that they always say?
That the wind from
one door slamming opens another?
What?
Well, did I say it wrong?
I'm not very good
with proverbs, you know.
Come on.
Let's go get something to eat.
I'm starved.
Ever since Henri Bendel
first opened in New York,
Bendel's has stood as New York's
most elegant store for women.
Now Henri's grandson Jonathan
continues that tradition
with the first
four-star luxury restaurant
ever in a department store.
And after an exquisite meal
at Jonathan's,
our guests will have
the run of the store.
It's a whole new approach
to fine dining and shopping.
You'll see next week.
Thank you all for coming.
Excuse me.
I heard you spent $4 million
on a 75-seat restaurant.
That's a heavy gamble.
Well, ma'am, it's not a gamble
if you have
the right ingredients.
Again, thank you all.
- Tom.
- Yes?
There's a very thin girl
in your office
- making herself at home.
- Oh, Christ. It's Chris.
No, Lois, what is she doing
in my office without me?
I don't know,
but I offered her a sandwich,
peanut butter and jelly.
Hey.
Chris.
I just downloaded my schedule
onto your computer.
I hope you were using a condom.
- What?
- Oh, nothing.
I will see you at lunch.
- Lunch.
- Bye.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
Oh, my God.
- Oh.
- She did it in red.
Sharing your cyberspace,
that's a big step for you, Tom.
- Mm-mm-mm.
- You know,
I was actually going to take her
to a nice lunch today
and just break up with her.
We've had three dates.
Getting too heavy for you, huh?
No, no. I just know
exactly where it's going.
Look at this.
This is happiness over time.
You keep track of this?
Yeah. Now, you see,
after the third date,
happiness drops precipitously.
It's because at first,
everyone's very well-mannered.
No one really expects
anything to happen.
By the fourth date,
it becomes a relationship,
at which point
it becomes a minefield
of these secret meanings
and these unmet expectations,
and, Lois, look at this.
We've had three dates.
She's downloading her schedule.
They start questioning,
"When is he going to marry me?
What are our kids
going to look like?"
I'm thinking do I have to spend
every weekend with her?
If I spend too much time
at the office,
is she going to get suspicious?
And it becomes a round
of these fights and making up,
when at first, it was just fun.
I believe
you've overlooked something.
The information you need, Tom,
is what you do after date three
that makes everyone...
sO miserable.
What I do?
No, don't touch that.
Put that down. Put it down.
Your airplane fetish
is starting to worry me.
In 1961, Howard Hughes
flew a paper airplane
from the Golden Nugget
to the Sands.
It was 4.2 miles.
One of these days,
I'm going to break that record.
It's all in the adjustable
sweepback of the wings.
- Look at that.
- Wasn't Howard Hughes the guy
who never got out
of his pajamas?
No. That was Hugh Hefner.
John Starks is the man.
He threw nine elbows last night.
Okay, shut up. Come here.
Taste this.
Mmm. That's good.
You do realize you can't lie.
Ugh. It stinks.
Tastes like blue cheese
and dirt.
And there's only one thing
that tastes worse
than blue cheese and dirt.
- Rum raisin.
- Rum raisin.
Look, I'm really sorry
we have to close.
But, I mean, we can get jobs
in another restaurant.
Sure. We can take out an ad
if we could afford it.
"Situation wanted--
shitty chef and sous-chef
seek restaurant to ruin."
Shitty chef and shoo...
whatever. I need a prayer.
Here we go.
We having dessert today, Howard?
Oh, I can't.
I got my cholesterol results.
- Oh, you don't want to know.
- Yeah.
All I can say is
no more desserts, Howie.
I know.
- Hi, everybody.
- Billy.
Big news.
The bodega on the corner,
evicted.
I never liked that guy anyway.
Thank you.
Well, at least we still have
a place to eat lunch, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
Actually...
there's something
I want to tell you.
I can't believe--
We'll never get a cab out here
this time of day.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Get off the cell phone.
This is awful. I don't like it.
I don't understand it.
That's terrible.
Where am I going to eat
my lunch?
Bill, you don't
like the food anyway.
I love that cheesy chicken.
Howard, be honest.
You're not here
for the food either.
Don't give up. It's too soon.
You'll get better.
We love you, Amanda.
I love you guys.
You're very loyal,
wonderful people,
and you deserve a Southern Cross
like it used to be
when Mom was here.
And I tried, but...
...I'm not my mom.
I'm sorry.
Natasha, I've been getting
mani-pedis for 20 years.
Just do it.
If we can't get it until
Thursday, I need a phone call.
Thank you very much.
No, not you.
Excuse me.
Where are we?
This isn't Chanterelle.
Do I have to do
everything for you?
Excuse me! You're a cab--
Oh, wait. Honey, you know what?
It's that way.
Honey.
You.
Oh, God.
Not now.
Oh, perfect.
It's a little person.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Listen, do you know
where the--
- Hello.
- Hi.
You two know each other?
Her crab bit me this morning.
Really?
Do you know where
this restaurant is, Chanterelle?
Sure. It's two blocks that way.
No, no, no, no.
We're here.
We might as well just eat.
Besides, I feel
like a little crab,
a little of that crab.
It's only fair.
Well, lunch is sort of over
forever.
So you were just teasing me.
- What?
- What?
This morning in the market
about the crab Napoleon
and the soufflé.
It sounded amazing.
Thank you.
Do you have a menu
that we could...
look at?
Of course.
What's one more humiliation?
Ow.
Someone's here, right?
Right this way.
These are
new customers, aren't they?
They are.
Two new customers, Stella.
- Maybe it's a sign.
- Ah.
Oh, my God. He's here.
- Who?
- The guy from the market.
I told him that I could make
crab Napoleon
with pomme du something,
and he showed up.
Well, just tell him
we're out of it.
No, tell him we're closed.
I can't do that.
- I'll tell him.
- No.
Then he's going to leave.
Well, that's the idea, isn't it?
No. I want him to stay.
Well, then, we're just
going to have to make
the crab Neapolitan, napalm--
- Napoleon.
- Whatever.
How?
You better go find
one of your mom's recipes.
Right. Of course.
I'll just go upstairs now.
♪ You're the shiver
up my spine ♪
♪ Can't keep
my cool in line... ♪
Crab Napoleon.
This is going to suck.
Well, if she's ever
going to find her inspiration,
please let it happen now.
Huh.
Hey, hey, so find a recipe?
Oh. No.
But I found these
in my mom's box.
Wow. Those are nice.
Hey, maybe we can sell ‘em
and pay the rent.
- Nolan, they are my mom's.
- Oh.
So, crabs, boil 'em?
Yeah.
So how did you hear about us?
Sorry that took so long.
It'll just be
another couple of minutes.
Will you both be
having the crab?
- Please.
- No.
Oh, listen, I was wondering
if you could just do
a very simple chicken paillard.
One chicken paillard
for the mistake he's with.
Ugh. Girls like that
really get to me.
Well, she's perfect for him.
- No, she's not.
- Check the hair.
Every strand in place,
just like his.
I can fix my hair.
Not like that,
you can't, Amanda.
So she has perfect hair.
Big deal.
No, it's not just the hair.
It's the skin.
She's got that kind of skin.
It's silky, like butter. It's--
It's called makeup.
Nolan, you're not helping.
You got to be born
with that kind of skin.
And check out the sharp suit.
She trip and fall,
she'd cut her leg off.
Look at them shoes.
- Oh, my God.
- Nolan, shut up, okay?
You're wrong.
He's not happy with her.
He couldn't be happy
with somebody with perfect skin
and perfect hair
and perfect wardrobe
with goddamn matching shoes,
and if you can't see that,
then I feel sorry for you.
Inevitably,
she'll self-destruct.
Oh.
I'm just under a little stress
today, that's all,
but I can handle it.
If you say so.
Ugh. I can.
Now, we are going to make
the most delicious
crab Napoleon.
Where's the recipe?
Told you I couldn't find one.
But we'll improvise.
Just bring me
everything we have.
Everything we have.
Mm-hmm. Ooh, and the crabs,
are they cooked?
The crabs...
- are dead.
- Ugh.
There's nobody here, honey.
Well, it's late for lunch.
It's so Cleveland.
Can I interest you
in a martini?
Not for me, thank you.
No, thank you.
You know, just once,
I'd like to make
something really great...
...just have everything
come together, so...
...perfectly that just one bite
is ecstasy.
Do you ever notice how many
words there are for delicious?
Savory.
Tasty.
Scrumptious.
Delectable.
Succulent.
Mouthwatering.
Nolan...
Wow. Freaky.
People that we don't know
want their food.
Well, where did that come from?
I don't know.
Ah, gorgeous.
Yeah.
Ahem.
You know, Chris,
I've been thinking
a lot lately about...
- us, and--
- Me too.
I already feel closer to you.
You do?
Yeah.
With us merging our schedules
and all.
Always know where you are.
Oh, my God.
- Do you think he likes it?
- Mmm.
Are you okay?
I think so.
You're such
a controlling asshole.
What?
I'm sorry. I don't know
why I just said that.
Huh. Me either.
You should really try this.
It's succulent.
- It's...
- Tommy.
...absolutely delectable.
- This...
- Tommy.
I can't hear.
What am I doing
with someone like you?
Me?
I mean me,
with my perfect hair.
What is she doing?
I hate this place.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Chris, what are you doing?
Excuse us.
I have perfect skin.
- Perfect.
- You...
- She's on something.
- Your food.
I've decided that you
are a waste--
...of my perfect wardrobe...
Huh.
...with matching shoes.
Chris, no one is that perfect.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
I am.
And if you can't see that,
I frankly--
...feel sorry for you.
- Excuse me.
- Huh.
Huh.
Look at this.
None of these plates match.
Whoo!
No, Chris, Chris, if you--
Whoo!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
I love this jacket.
Hmm. It's nice.
Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
- Really.
- Thank you so much.
Bye-bye.
- Everybody okay?
- Yeah.
Mmm. Yeah. Mmm.
She's got quite a temper there.
Yeah. Oh, not usually.
Must be the curse
of the fourth date.
Huh?
Just a theory of mine.
I'm very sorry about this.
I'll be happy
to replace everything.
What was in this? My name
is Tom, by the way. Dill?
- Tom Dill?
- Tom Bartlett.
- Did you use dill?
- Like the pear?
Send me the bill.
Rhymes with "dill," doesn't it?
Yes. I will.
That was a good one.
Can't believe this happened.
This is very bizarre.
Very sorry.
I said that, didn't 1?
I should really go, I think.
Here. Here's my card.
You call me,
I'll replace the dishes and...
the meal.
What is your name?
Amanda Shelton.
Amanda.
Shelton.
Ooh.
- Tom.
- Lois.
What happened to you? My God.
I just had
the most incredible lunch.
Well, too bad you didn't
get any of it in your mouth.
No. No, no, no.
This is Chris' lunch.
Ooh, she didn't
take it too well, huh?
She completely freaked out,
and then she dumped me,
which would normally upset me
if it wasn't for those...
amazing crab things
that made me feel...
But you wanted
to break up with her.
- No, no, no. Lois...
- Yeah--
...I have feelings.
She treated me
like I was nothing.
I don't even know
if she ever really liked me.
You know, she might have
just been using me.
That's...
just terrible.
I just need to talk
to accounts receivable
as soon as the meeting is over.
No, no, no, no.
Wait. Wait. How do I look?
Oh, come on, Lois.
It's been two years.
Jonathan's not biting.
You really should move on.
I can't help it.
He makes me crazy.
What do you see that I don't?
It's his hands.
They drive me wild.
I want them all over me.
Come on, help me out.
Every man has his weakness.
What's his?
- Jonathan's?
- Yes.
It's easy. Inmortality,
his, not his grandfather's.
He's desperate for it.
Immortality? Oh.
Yep.
Nice of you to join us.
Sorry I'm late. Please, go on.
Fine. Tom, you want to tell me
why you spent $100,000
on a floor that makes me dizzy?
This place doesn't even
look like a restaurant.
It's like something
out of an MGM musical.
Well, exactly.
It is a stage for a fantasy,
and this floor
will create the mood,
- sort of like a crab can.
- Huh?
Jonathan's will be the grandest
restaurant in New York.
It'll be Jonathan's.
Now, we want it to be lavish,
and sometimes you
have to go the extra mile
to get the extra dill-- dollar.
I don't like the sound of this.
Have I ever let you down?
Not yet, but you're young,
very young.
And don't forget,
by exporting Jonathan's
to seven chains
around the world,
there'll be Jonathan's
everywhere,
royalties rolling in,
articles about you
in "Vanity Fair,” "The Times,"
not Henri, you.
You will be immortal.
I like you, Lois.
You're like a man.
You think with your nuts.
Thank you, Jonathan.
All right, let's move on.
- Yes.
- Show me the fall catalog.
I think I got all the pieces
off the floor.
These pieces were embedded
in a chair over there
between two customers.
Nolan, what do you think?
Looks delicious. What about it?
Amanda, I don't think so.
Let's find the sugar cookies.
- I think they're--
- Oh, thanks for the confidence.
...think they're back here.
Go away.
♪ Beautiful girls ♪
♪ Swallow me whole ♪
♪ And that's all right ♪
♪ All right ♪
♪ Foundation's creaking ♪
♪ Sometimes ♪
♪ But below this old house ♪
- Hmm. She did it.
- ♪ It's all just fine... ♪
Something wiggy is going on.
- Amanda!
- I'm upstairs, Nolan.
- Amanda.
- I'm in here.
And hands off the dolls.
How's this?
- For what?
- Buying plates...
uptown.
Rewind.
Tom offered to buy us plates.
It would be rude not to accept.
Oh, Tom.
We have to have plates.
Yeah, well, I think
the psycho chick from yesterday,
she left at least three, right?
That's Ruth, Howard, and Bill,
three. We're set.
How's this?
No.
Okay, so when I get there,
what do I talk to him about?
You saw him, and you know me.
You know how I tend
to run on when I get nervous,
and I know I'm going to be
nervous in a place like that.
Amanda, relax. Just be yourself.
Ahem.
No. What? Please.
- Please.
- See?
This is what I'm afraid of.
Look, come on, Nolan. Help me.
I mean, you're a guy, right?
What are guys interested in?
Sex.
Sex? I can't talk about sex.
Well, there's sports cars
and money.
Nah, we only think about sex.
No, that can't be right.
There has to be something else
we can talk about.
Nah, I saw it on "Dateline."
The average man thinks about sex
238 times a day.
That means they think
about sex all day.
Pretty much.
Maybe that applies to you.
Pretty much.
Look, you know how guys are
always adjusting their belts?
Don't tell me this.
You know,
standing with hands in pockets.
No, stop. I'm not listening.
I'm not listening.
Well, that's when
they're thinking about it.
Check it out for yourself.
Oh, my God.
Why did you tell me this?
Now every time
I see someone doing that,
it's going to be
in my head forever.
- Thank you.
- You asked.
Look, I got to go.
Wait.
Really?
Yeah, yeah. That one.
- Ramos.
- Tom.
No. No, no, no, no, no.
What? What?
Round ones
should stay on the top.
- Square ones on the bottom.
- Ah, see? Yeah.
Don't adjust.
- Never.
- Just admire.
That's beautiful.
- That's beautifully organized.
- Damn.
- Good job, man.
- Thanks. Thanks.
God, what would I do
without you?
- Excuse me.
- Um...
- Hi.
- Hi.
Could you tell me where
I could find Tom Bartlett?
Oh, yeah, he was just here.
- I need to get the list...
- Oh, there he is.
If I could have that subdivided.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
Oof.
- No, really, I--
- You don't need to.
- Oh, no, it's-- please.
- You could just--
- I owe you.
- It's actually more of a--
No, no. I'll just grab
this last one, and--
‘Cause you're going to drop...
...them.
- I'm so--
- No, I'm sorry.
No, no, really, I--
If you'll just allow me,
I think I can--
It'll just take
a couple seconds. Sorry.
As I-- no, please.
- Please just leave--
- Hi.
Hi.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Ramos will take care of this.
- Have Laura help you.
- Thanks.
I guess this makes us even.
Yeah, I guess
you could call this even.
I'm really sorry.
No, no. It's a nice coincidence.
You shop here a lot?
Me? No. Never.
I thought you said
you'd replace the plates.
Didn't you?
That's why I'm here.
Sure. I thought
you'd send me the bill.
Don't you sell plates?
Yeah. China's on fourth floor.
Right.
Do all these elevators
go to four?
Pick one. Press four.
Right.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Ohh.
- Don't--
- I'm sorry.
...don't worry about it.
You know,
there's a beautiful new line
from Italy that's really--
it's--
- ...it's beautiful.
- What?
Facing this way,
it'll be on the top shelf.
- It'll be on your right.
- No, I don't--
I can't hear you.
It's-- never mind.
I'll show you.
Four.
That'll be quite a color clash
in your restaurant.
Well, I can't
afford this, anyway.
I'm really sorry
about yesterday. I--
Don't worry about it.
Happens all the time.
Is your girlfriend okay?
I think so.
Yeah, she's fine.
She's not my girlfriend
anymore, but--
I'm sorry.
No, don't be. It was time.
Were you going out
for a long time?
No. No, not really.
I have no idea
what came over her, actually.
She's usually
so collected and calm.
It was odd.
You didn't do anything
to provoke her, did you?
Nah. Did you?
Okay, I'll take eight
of those on that table...
- Uh-huh.
- ...these here,
And the ones on the shelf
over there, please.
- Eight each?
- That's too many.
- I can take less.
- No. No, no, no.
That's fine, perfect.
Helen, if you'll
please make a note,
eight each of the Suzanne,
the orange,
and the lily, and I'll sign.
If you could just give me
the bill, that'd be perfect.
- Thanks.
- You're very welcome.
Thank you.
I'll make sure that you
get these by tomorrow.
Thank you.
Very bold plate selection,
I might add.
It explains the outfit.
To eliminate a necklace
would have taken
another half hour.
I see.
Doesn't look like
it takes you very long.
Touché. I do seem
to come out of the shower
fully dressed in a blue suit.
And a belt.
No, actually,
I don't wear a belt.
Really?
No. Why?
- Never mind.
- Never mind? What--
no, no, no, no. Wait a minute.
What do you mean?
So how long
have you worked here?
Three years,
but you can't ask me
something so ridiculous
as whether I wear a belt
and not tell me
why you want to know.
I don't really--
oh, I knew
this was going to happen.
My friend Nolan told me
this thing about men and sex,
that they think about it
238 times a day,
and when they do,
they play with their belts.
That's ridiculous.
No. No, I mean, it's not--
no, not the belt.
No, no, no, no. I wasn't-- no,
I'm thinking about the amount.
It's ridiculous. Do the math.
I'm awake maybe 17 hours a day,
times 60, would be...
1,020, divided by 238, would be
sexual thought about every...
four minutes, and...
...yeah, yeah,
that's about right, actually.
I've been here 20 minutes.
Right.
Right.
That's impossible.
Yeah. Why?
What-- what's impossible?
One good sexual thought
takes at least 20 minutes.
Is that right?
Excuse me. Mr. Bartlett.
- Yes?
- Your secretary just called,
and the Wilkinson meeting
started.
Yeah. 20 minutes ago, yeah.
Thank you.
I should really
get back to work.
- Me too.
- Yeah.
I'll walk you to the elevator.
That's an interesting sweepback.
Yes.
How do you know so much
about paper airplanes?
Hated algebra.
Of course you did.
Does it fly?
Yes, it does.
However, usually not
where I intend it to.
For example, right now,
I'm going for that bucket.
Well, it doesn't fly well,
but it does fly with purpose.
- Ramos, that looks beautiful.
- Thanks.
You know,
I'm really glad you came up.
I am too.
And you never told me what was
in that crab Napoleon.
Oh, I almost forgot.
Your lunch came with dessert.
- Dessert?
- I love dessert.
That's the whole point
of the meal.
Beautiful, Ramos.
Mmm.
Wow, this...
You like it?
This is...
...this is very good.
This is very, very good.
Mmm.
Have you met Brian?
Brian's in shoes.
It's nice to meet you.
Pleasure.
I love shoes.
Me too, Mr. Bartlett.
I love that we sell shoes.
I love that we
sell them in twos.
It's so Noah's ark.
Thank you, Brian.
Change of plans.
- Are you okay?
- Ah, I'm fine.
Got to have one of these again.
Where are we going?
You're going to love this.
Mmm.
Okay.
I'm feeling sort of loopy.
This. This. You're a chef.
You'll love this.
Man can do many things,
but only God
can create the truffle.
What is he doing?
He's out of his noodle.
Okay, okay. Leave him alone.
And this is
the actual restaurant itself.
It's incredible.
Mm. It certainly will be.
But these are amazing. It--
the way it starts in your mouth,
and it just travels
to your brain
and then shoots down your spine
and then just explodes
out of your toes.
It's...
Well,
it's time we entered the big--
well, let me get...
Am I interrupting something?
Hello.
Bartlett.
Bartlett.
The Wilkinson group
wants to see the restaurant.
What are you doing,
interviewing waitresses?
- Come on.
- Right, right,
but one minute.
I'm sorry,
but I really have to go now.
Come on, I'll show you out.
Don't worry about it.
I can find my way.
It was fun.
Wasn't it?
Mm.
Which means it would
probably be fun again.
Logically,
it would make sense.
I'll call you.
You will?
Of course I will.
♪ It feels like I'm falling ♪
♪ Deeper into the unknown ♪
- ♪ I'm losing ♪
- ♪ Losing ♪
♪ The fight to stay alone ♪
- ♪ I'm falling, yeah ♪
- ♪ Falling ♪
♪ Falling for you ♪
♪ Where do we go from here? ♪
♪ Why do we stand in silence ♪
♪ Waiting for the other
to make a move? ♪
♪ Yes, wedo ♪
♪ And how do I feel right now? ♪
- ♪ Right now. ♪
- Much more fun
shooting paper airplanes
than sitting with the bankers.
- I wish I'd thought of it.
- I can't believe I forgot.
The restaurant's
really got me distracted.
I'm glad you brought that up.
I had a dream.
I wanted to tell you about it.
In it, I'm wearing a tuxedo...
...and I could see
the reflection
of my grandfather's face
in my patent-leather shoes.
It was the opening
of Jonathan's.
I was having a wonderful time.
Well, that's great.
I know you--
Except every time
I looked down...
at my shoes...
...Henri was sticking
his tongue out at me.
Why do you think
he was doing that?
I really don't know,
Jonathan. I--
It's disturbing me.
Right.
I want you
to keep thinking about it.
I know I will be.
He said he'd call.
What do you think he meant?
Does it mean today
or tomorrow
or a week?
We're going to have
to get somebody else.
Aunt Stella can't handle
the floor alone anymore.
I can't make all those at once.
Hey, you wanted business.
You got it.
There's a juicy rumor
going around about you.
I'm trying to kill it,
of course.
- Thank you.
- Don't you want to know
what it's about?
Good. I'll tell you.
It's about you and a girl
in flagrante
up in the restaurant.
In flagrante?
We were dancing, Lois.
Ooh, dancing. Even better.
That's so sweet. Aww.
At least,
I think we were dancing.
It was very weird.
I wasn't myself.
I feel like I was someone else,
someone romantic.
How nice for you.
But I definitely wasn't myself.
It's definitely a brush-off.
He got back together
with the perfect girl.
Amanda, if I hear about him
one more time,
I swear I'm going to cut off
my ears and mail ‘em to him.
Just call him yourself.
No, I can't call him.
I've never called a guy.
It would scare him.
What are you doing?
- Directory assistance.
- No, please don't do that.
Yes, Bendel's
Department Store, please.
But I'm fine.
It was very weird, though.
What's her name?
Amanda Sh--
Amanda Shelton on line one, Tom.
That's scary.
Pick it up. Pick it up.
- Hello.
- Hey.
Tom, It's Amanda.
I just wanted to eat--
invite you to eat dinner tonight
at the restaurant.
Tonight?
Let me check my schedule.
I've got a dinner meeting
that starts at 8:00.
No, you don't.
Okay. Well...
I'll be here late
if you want to maybe
stop by afterwards.
Sure, if it's not too late.
Okay. Well, maybe I'll see you
sometime.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
Thanks, Nolan.
You're a very bad boy,
very bad.
So the guy can't come tonight.
Maybe another night.
♪ I got the girl ♪
♪ He's got the girl ♪
♪ I got the girl ♪
♪ He's got the girl ♪
♪ 1 got the girl... ♪
Pardon me. Are you the chef?
No, sir. I'm the sous-chef.
Why? Is there a problem?
Are you kidding?
This food is incredible.
- Oh.
- In fact,
I want to do the whole thing
all over again.
Are you sure about that, sir?
Well, yeah. Only, this time,
I'll have the dessert first
and work my way back.
Yeah, okay.
Well, if you keep it up,
we may have to back you
out of here.
♪ Let's leave this place ♪
♪ Come on, and be my girl ♪
♪ I got the girl ♪
♪ He's got the girl ♪
♪ 1 got the girl... ♪
We did 100 dinners tonight.
♪ I got the girl. ♪
Well, I don't know
what got into you,
but the food's great.
Thanks.
Fear is a great motivator.
I'm not so sure it's fear.
Well, whatever it is,
it's cause for celebration.
Let's go dancing.
I think
you're on your own tonight.
You sure?
Oh, yeah. Yes, I'm sure.
Okay.
I don't think
he's coming, Amanda.
I'm not waiting.
There's a lot of magic
in the air, Amanda.
Hi.
It's really late.
Yeah. Yeah,
I got really tied up and--
Yeah, it was just
it was so busy here.
A party of six
just wouldn't leave.
I finally had to kick them out
at midnight.
Yeah, that's great.
I thought surely I'd miss you.
You must be exhausted.
Yeah.
Yeah, those guys
just go on and on.
I brought you these.
- They're--
- Vanilla orchids.
Yeah.
Hardly ever see these.
What?
You, smelling those flowers.
Can I walk you home?
Sure.
Thank you.
It's here.
All my life.
Thank you for the flowers.
You're welcome.
So I guess this is where
we pretend we had dinner
and say good night.
We can pretend we had dinner,
but did we have dessert?
I'm still hungry.
If you know
a place that's open,
I'd love to get some dessert.
- Okay.
- Okay?
So what was your meeting about?
I lied.
There was no meeting.
I don't even know why
I'm telling you this.
I guess because I'm sorry.
It's okay. I understand.
My last table left at 11:00.
- Great.
- So I'm sorry too.
- Now I really feel bad.
- Oh, don't, because then
I'm going to feel badly
for making you feel worse.
Then I'll feel worse
for making you feel bad twice.
Okay, I think we're both sorry.
We're both sorry.
Oh, that smell.
It's vanilla and flowers.
♪ Take your time ♪
♪ And think about it, baby ♪
♪ Take your time ♪
♪ Think about it ♪
♪ Take your time ♪
♪ And think about it, baby ♪
- ♪ I've learned to wait ♪
- It's incredible.
♪ I know how to wait for love ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ I was frightened ♪
- Taste so good.
- ♪ And I treated you badly ♪
♪ Not ‘cause I didn't know ♪
- It's amazing.
- ♪ Just what I had ♪
♪ I think it scared me to find ♪
- It's sweet and a little spicy.
- ♪ The real thing ♪
♪ With so much emotion
and such sexual feeling ♪
♪ Take your time ♪
♪ Think about it, baby ♪
♪ Take your time ♪
♪ Think about it ♪
♪ Take your time ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Take your time. ♪
Ramos.
Oh, Tom, I've been
looking for you.
These orchids,
these vanilla ones...
...we need more of these.
As a matter of fact,
I want 'em all over the floor
for the party.
Okay, but we bought 2,000 roses.
No, no, no, no.
It doesn't matter.
I want the whole place
to smell like vanilla.
- Yeah.
- Okay, but here's one for you.
There's a problem.
Valderon won't work.
- He won't come in.
- What? Why?
Air France lost his knives.
Ramos, get him some new knives.
He doesn't want new ones.
He wants his.
Ramos, nobody quits over knives.
Get some knives.
Get him any knives.
Just take care of it.
♪ Well, I tried before
to tell him ♪
♪ The feelings
I have for him in my heart... ♪
I'm impressed, Mr. Bartlett.
The design is wonderful.
But I have to tell you
I'm skeptical.
The start-up costs were
higher than you projected,
and Valderon
is a difficult man, yeah?
Yes, he is. However...
♪ ‘Cause every little thing
he does is magic ♪
♪ Everything he does
just turns me on ♪
♪ Even though my life before
was tragic ♪
♪ Now I know my love
for him goes on ♪
Now, about the cost report,
the many one-time-only fees
such as our delicious design...
...mouthwatering
market research,
and our--
...appetizing ad campaign--
excuse me.
♪ Do I have to tell the story ♪
♪ Of the thousand rainy days
since we first met? ♪
♪ It's a big enough umbrella ♪
- ♪ But it's always me... ♪
- Are you eating?
Oh, no. No. Oh, no.
- It's this new fragrance...
- No, no. It's not.
...that we got. No.
Yes, I think it is.
♪ ‘Cause every little thing ♪
- Could be.
- ♪ He does is magic ♪
♪ Everything he does
just turns me on ♪
♪ Even though my life before
was tragic ♪
♪ Now I know my love
for him goes on ♪
♪ I resolve to call him up ♪
♪ A thousand times a day... ♪
Amanda didn't tell us
it was so expensive.
- It's better than the pink one.
- Excuse me.
- Excuse me.
- What?
Are you carrying food?
- Well, yes.
- Perfect.
♪ Long before
I reach the phone ♪
♪ Long before my tongue has... ♪
I'm sorry. I'm going to have
to confiscate that.
It's a new store policy.
There's no outside food
due to the rats.
Thank you.
Boy, are they strict.
I told you coming up here
would be dangerous.
♪ He does is magic ♪
♪ Everything he does
just turns me on ♪
♪ Even though my life before
was tragic ♪
♪ Now I know my love
for him goes on ♪
♪ Goes on. ♪
What-- Lois!
Mmm. Got to learn to share, Tom.
Mmm. This is good.
Actually, this is
kind of incredible.
- Got any more?
- No.
- You sure?
- I'm positive.
Man, this is good.
Wow.
Mmm.
I wish Jonathan was around.
Where'd you get this thing?
- Where?
- My God.
Where? Lois, I mugged
a 75-year-old woman for these.
Lois, I'm losing it.
Mmm.
I can't quit thinking about her.
- Mmm.
- We kissed.
A vanilla cloud.
Mmm. Vanilla, you did where?
- Oh, God.
- Amazing, this girl.
She's beautiful.
She's smart.
She's funny. She's--
And she can cook.
Oh, she can cook things
that make you crazy.
Lois, it's chaos.
It's a bit soon.
It's only our second date.
What a date it was,
more like a third, actually.
It's actually like a lifetime
with these amazing dates.
And she made this fog, Lois.
It was warm, and it was wet,
and it was like you could see
what we were feeling.
- It tasted so real.
- This is it, Tom.
You better run, especially now.
You don't have time for this.
I know. Look at me.
I'm chasing pastry, Lois.
- I don't even eat dessert.
- You're a wreck.
She's got you all tangled up
in your underwear.
Whatever you do,
don't see her again.
No, no, no, absolutely not.
- I can't. I--
- Uh-uh.
I've got to tell her
in person, though.
No way. Too risky.
Use the phone for this.
No, no, no, no, Lois.
I do this all the time.
- I can handle this.
- Not this time.
No, Lois, you think
I'll succumb?
I don't think it.
- I know it.
- No, Lois, trust me.
I'll go down there after work.
I'll sit down calmly.
I'll have a bite.
Everything will be fine.
Just watch.
It'll be my pleasure.
Ahem!
- Mr. Bartlett.
- Herr Mueller.
Sorry to have kept you waiting.
Annie, I need you to get
downtown as fast as you can
to this restaurant
called the Southern Cross
and get me as many caramel
éclair thingies as possible.
Hurry.
Lois.
- No, Lois, I don't--
- Come on.
- Come on.
- I don't usually...
- Come on.
- Lo--
Oh, God. Oh, Jonathan.
Tom.
- ♪ Nobody knows it... ♪
- Amanda, you have a guest.
- Hey.
- Hi.
I didn't expect
to see you here tonight.
Yeah. Amanda,
I need to talk to you
just for a minute.
Sure, but it's a bad time
right now.
- Could it be a little later?
- Yeah, sure.
I hesitate to give you a plate,
but could you take this?
Oh, wait. Hold on.
The mussels are ready.
Here you go.
One more. There you go.
Should I...
Uh...
♪ Nobody knows it ♪
♪ But you've got a secret ♪
♪ Nobody knows it ♪
♪ Nobody knows it... ♪
So what did you want
to talk to me about?
♪ But you've got a secret ♪
♪ Nobody knows it. ♪
You are an amazing cook.
Yeah, well, up until last week,
I couldn't cook anything.
Well, I find that
hard to believe.
I tried, but nothing
ever worked.
Then suddenly
it all came together.
Well, it's like anything else.
It's like when you learn
to ride a bicycle.
The first nine times,
you fall off.
Then the tenth time,
you just ride for a mile.
I guess.
That's what I feel like,
a little crab salad.
You know, I just don't think
he's your normal crab.
He is a bit odd.
- How 'bout dessert instead?
- Sure.
That is a very...
very good knife.
Never used to be this good.
I enjoy a good
aerodynamic phenomenon.
It's like your airplane.
It was a draft
from the air conditioner.
And the band?
There was a band,
wasn't there?
Yeah, the band was
a hallucination from the éclairs
through some sort
of sugar rush.
We both had the same one?
No, there's--
there's something going on here,
and I can't explain it,
but it's starting to scare me.
No, see, see, this is exactly
how we're supposed to feel,
I mean, a bit light-headed
and distracted,
but our senses sort of perk up.
It's like déja vu.
It's vivid.
It's very vivid, actually,
but it's not real.
Mmm.
It's really...
...really good.
Amanda, you've just become
a great cook.
It's not magic.
It's talent...
...pure and simple.
Thank you.
What was I thinking?
I love...
kissing you.
I love you too.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa. Whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's going on here?
- We're floating.
- Make it stop.
- Make this stop.
- No, it's amazing.
No, this is not amazing.
It's scary.
- Why can't I get down?
- Don't get hysterical.
I'm not hysterical, Amanda.
I'm trapped.
Look, you did this to me,
so just undo it,
- please?
- I didn't do anything.
Time to be responsible,
don't you think?
Just figure it out. Please?
Right. The undo secret.
Of course.
Do you want to hear?
Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo.
Bibbidi-- that's not funny.
Whoa!
I better go.
Why?
I kissed you, and you--
- I was--
- What?
Tom, what?
Please, I don't understand.
I'm not gonna stick around,
see what else you can do.
You're scared of me?
Hell, yes,
I'm scared of you, Amanda.
Every time I'm around,
things just happen,
and you're the one
calling all the shots.
I don't need this,
this flavored fog
and floating stuff.
I'm not some guy
who won't give up
his Tuesday night
poker game here.
This is my free will
we're talking about.
I've got to be in control
of my own destiny.
Your destiny?
You can't be serious.
I couldn't be more serious.
Then you know what?
You're in for a rocky ride,
because a man's character
is his destiny.
That's right.
What?
What did you just say?
Was that some kind of a curse?
Yeah. In your case, it is.
- Morning.
- We need to talk.
You right. We need to talk about
that mess you left
in the kitchen last night.
No, it's Tom.
He left last night.
We were kissing, and then...
we started floating.
- Metaphorically floating.
- Literally floating.
- Literally floating?
- I think.
Oh, God, I don't
even know anymore.
You mean like floating
off the ground floating?
Nolan, it's not the point.
Amanda, what's the problem?
I'm just so confused.
You probably freaked him out.
So, what?
Do I just give up on him?
No.
No, you just have to show him
that the being in love
is even better
than the falling in love.
I guess I could return
his wallet.
You stole his wallet?
No, he dropped it.
Yeah, yeah, right,
when he was floating.
Very cute.
Hey...
you ought to read this.
I think we might make it.
"Tribeca gem rediscovered.
Magic in the kitchen."
Who's there?
It's me.
God, it's hot in here.
I'm going to open a window.
Yeah. No!
No, no, no, no, no, no.
She'll get in.
Who? What the hell
happened to you?
It's Amanda.
She's a witch.
You succumbed. I knew it.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- I knew it.
No, she forced me.
I never had a chance.
And then I was pinned
to her ceiling.
Yeah. Yeah.
And then she cursed me.
She said it
in this creepy little voice.
"A man's character
is his destiny." What--
She's a wise witch,
casts her spells in proverbs.
Lois, look,
I know you think I'm insane.
- It's that old black magic.
- No.
- Lois, please.
- It's got you in its spell.
- No, Lois, it's not like--
- You're in love.
Oh, God. If I just
stuck to the rule.
Here's my rule.
Eat, drink, take in everything,
and give back the same.
How did you get in here?
The door.
I just came
to return this to you.
You dropped it.
Yeah, that's-- that's mine.
I take it you're Amanda.
It's very nice to meet you.
I'm Lois, and I'm leaving.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You stay.
It's okay.
If that's how you want it.
Oh, boy.
I know that the last few days
have been...
odd.
But my whole life was ordinary,
and then we met,
and these amazing things
started to happen.
And...
...and I can't explain them,
and I know that bothers you.
Tom, your life was full
of spectacular stuff...
...but mine wasn't.
And for the first time,
I feel like I could do anything.
And I don't know if I need you
to keep that feeling...
...but I know I want you.
Amanda, I...
...I think that...
How do you feel?
I'm not sure, Amanda.
I'm not sure.
This is no knife!
Hey, hey, what the hell
are you doing?
I spit on your knife.
What-- what--
Whoa! Hey, what the hell--
I spit on your restaurant.
- And finally I spit on...
- No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no, no. Allow me.
There. Are we okay?
That was the first
intelligent thing you have done.
I fire you!
No, what the hell
are you talking about?
You can't fire me.
Au revoir, dickhead.
No, no, no.
Valderon, where are you going?
You can't leave.
You're under contract.
Fine. This is great.
Now do you believe me?
You think I had
something to do with this?
Oh, Amanda,
if the broom fits, ride it.
- Oh, God.
- Bartlett, you're an idiot.
- Jonathan, Jonathan.
- I just saw Valderon.
- No, everything is fine.
- What's the big plan
- now that you have no chef?
- I've got a great plan.
- Excuse me.
- I was just leaving.
- No, Amanda, look, no.
- Jonathan, Jonathan,
- this is Amanda Shelton.
- Look, if you'd just listen...
- How do you do?
- She made the éclairs.
- ...I've got a plan.
- Oh. Oh.
- Oh, Bartlett, you're a genius.
- What?
You get rid
of that French asshole,
and then you bring in
this heavenly creature.
- No, no, no, no.
- I am not cooking for him.
- She is not cooking for me.
- Why? You only do desserts?
- No, but th--
- Everything else
is as good as those
incredible pastries?
- Well, yeah, I think so.
- Tom was just telling me
- what a magical chef Amanda is.
- Magical, no.
- Magical.
- No, no, no, no.
Demonic is more like it.
She can't do this.
- L can do it. No, I can do it.
- No. No, Amanda.
You can't be serious.
You're going to replace
a four-star chef
with 23 years of experience?
No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It can't be done.
- I'm magical.
- No.
- You said it yourself.
- Amanda.
- Can you do this job tomorrow?
- Yes.
- No!
- Yes!
- It's settled, then.
- Yes.
Lois, please,
show Amanda the kitchen
while I have
a few words with Tom.
Great. Great.
And, Lois, are you busy
after I'm done
chewing Tom's head off?
You're the boss, Mr. Bendel.
No, no, no.
You--
...you be the boss this time.
My God, Bartlett.
If you need something, call me,
although I don't know how to do
anything except buy clothes.
I'm not this crazy.
I can't do this.
I just read about you
in the paper.
What are you afraid of? What?
That I'm just having
a lucky couple of weeks.
It's just the beginning
of a long lucky streak,
hopefully.
Thanks.
But you're going to need
both hands, and so do I.
- Do you think you could...
- Oh.
- ...give me back my hand?
- I'm sorry.
- Do you want that?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Oh, God.
What the hell
has gotten into you?
She did.
She's some kind of a witch.
You have no idea
what she could do.
She's a great cook, and she's
available tomorrow night,
when everyone
is expecting to be fed
the most incredible food
in the world.
Let me try to get
Valderon back.
No, no, no.
No, you talked me into this.
Now, you better find the nerve
to follow through.
She could ruin us, Jonathan.
She's cooking.
Develop some courage,
man, and...
shave while you're at it.
Yeah.
What are you doing here?
Stupid question. You work here.
Probably wondering
what I'm doing here.
Well, I just came to get
a feel for the kitchen
so I know my way around
tomorrow.
I understand.
You do?
Sure.
Do you have everything you need?
Wouldn't mind
a little more confidence,
but I'm going to do the peach...
You don't want to know this.
You just want me to tell you
that everything
is going to be okay, right?
Well, it will be.
Good.
Well, see you tomorrow, then.
Amanda.
Yes?
You're not...
you're not going to do
anything funny tomorrow,
are you?
No...
...nothing funny.
Good.
- Ready?
- I forgot my earrings.
You look great.
Nolan, all this
started happening
when I put in
my mother's earrings.
I mean, could you give me
a better reason
for why my cooking
suddenly got so good?
Yes.
Because, that day,
you wanted it to be good.
You wanted it to be really good,
and you wanted it bad enough.
That's the magic, Amanda,
not your mom's old earrings.
Okay?
- Now let's go.
- Uh-uh.
Hey, hey, hey, listen to me.
Even Dumbo flew
without his feather.
He's gone.
Excuse me.
I don't believe it.
Excuse me!
Hi. I'm Amanda Shelton,
and this is Nolan Traynor.
I'm the new chef,
and I just wanted to say hi.
We're off to a great start.
Okay, little man.
You stay close.
I need all the friends
I can get.
Excuse me, mademoiselle.
I am Francois du Meir,
sous-chef.
If you like,
I have a suggestion.
That'd be great.
I have worked for Chef Valderon
for 15 years.
May I offer to carry on
in his behalf?
Thank you, Francois,
but Mr. Bendel
asked me to cook tonight.
In that case,
what would you like?
Why don't you do
what you normally do?
I am, mademoiselle.
What are you doing?
Waiting for instructions.
Monsieur Valderon always
gives us instructions.
Then why don't you start
with the hors d'oeuvres?
Done, mademoiselle.
Tom?
Come on.
Time to face the firing squad.
Okay.
That's last year's tuxedo.
- What?
- Ahem.
Oh, shit.
Lois, I've completely
lost the plot.
I am off the deep end.
Something's wrong with me.
Got you all tangled up
in your underwear.
You...
look like a tasty
little cherry tartlet.
All right, here.
Throw this in.
Are you crazy?
That's Dom Pérignon.
Exactly. It's the best.
You want the best, right?
You know how expensive
that stuff is?
Amanda, we're uptown.
They expect expensive.
Jonathan, Lois,
Hannah Walberg and Frank Rogers
of "The Times."
Whew! Beautiful.
Gil, I'd like to introduce you
to Jonathan Bendel.
Jonathan, Gil Shapiro.
He's the genius
behind "American Gourmet."
Jonathan, you have
a hit on your hands.
Everyone's stunned
that you got Valderon.
Wasn't easy.
I'm looking forward to seeing
what he's cooking this evening.
Yeah.
Okay, I think these
are about ready.
Hey, Francois,
ready for the truffles.
No truffles.
What are you talking about,
no truffles?
Mais oui,
absolutely no truffles.
Monsieur Valderon
picks them out himself,
and so naturally he took them.
I can't make truffle slippers
without truffles.
Yes, but could you make them
with truffles?
Hey, wait a minute. Whoa, whoa.
Francois, you--
everything going well in here?
Good. Good.
Carry on.
What'd the French guy say?
Oh, everything's fine.
You better watch your back.
Amanda.
I can't do this.
No. No. No, no, no.
Amanda, now is not
the time for that, all right?
Okay, look,
you're Patrick Ewing.
I'm John Starks.
We're up by one.
There's five seconds left
in the game.
Jordan gets the ball.
He goes around a Pippen screen,
taking me out.
It's only you and him.
He goes up for the shot,
and you don't throw the foul,
and they win the game.
Amanda, we are standing
in the paint.
You got to make
your presence felt.
Are you with me?
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Francois...
...you who think
I don't speak French,
donne-moi de figue.
Le quoi?
That's right. Fig.
Okay, I can do this.
Just have to do
a little rearranging.
Menu's going to change.
The menu's going to change!
Tom. Tom.
Have you tried this?
It's incredible.
No, Lois.
I'm too nervous tonight.
Mmm. Exceptional.
The fig, inspired choice.
Mmm. Valderon is
reinventing himself.
Well, tonight may be full
of unexpected pleasure.
This looks just yummy.
Let's...
Oh, Trevor.
Hannah...
it's a new sensation.
The foie gras melted
in your mouth.
If only I could cook
like this.
I so wanted to be a chef.
I never knew that
about you.
This food's the perfect poem
I never wrote.
It's given happiness
that only comes in dreams.
- My binky.
- It's a symphony of joy
just spilled into a note.
- My cat.
- It's dreams, what it seems.
It's love, pure love,
so here's to love.
Take care of it.
Why? Why, Hannah?
To love that turns into magic
once in a blue moon.
What do you mean
everything is okay?
Everyone is crying,
and it's only the appetizer.
Look, it's fantastic.
I mean, look around.
Everybody enjoys a good cry.
It's refreshing.
Amanda.
I don't want you
to panic or anything,
but something's happening
out there. Oh, Amanda.
Amanda, I'm sorry.
Yeah, why did
I ever doubt you?
I admire you...
...just like my grandfather.
Only, I don't hate you.
I just-- Lois.
It's all right.
That's everything.
Let it out. Let it out.
- Oh, God.
- No.
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh--
Don't have a panic attack
and don't curse, Amanda.
I'm sorry. Are you okay?
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
- Hold the duck!
- No!
Amanda, get back over here.
- Oh, my God.
- No.
How stupid am 1?
- I ruined everything.
- No.
I came up here to show him
how much I love him,
and this is what I do?
No, he knows
how much you love him.
- Amanda.
- Oh, not you too.
- It's all my fault.
- No.
What are you talking about?
This has me
written all over it.
We got to move to New Guinea
or someplace nobody knows us.
- No.
- What did you do?
- Eat the food?
- No, I didn't eat the food.
I ate the food,
and it's fantastic.
Amanda, don't you understand?
Everything you're feeling
is going into your food.
Look, nobody is leaving.
It's irresistible.
Yes. Yes, breathe. Breathe.
Well, I mean, I admit
that it's a bit
of an unconventional event,
but completely unforgettable.
Amanda, you have to go on.
You have to feed them.
- Feed them?
- Yes.
I'll probably kill them.
No.
Well, mademoiselle, bravo.
I assume you will be leaving
now that you have stunned them
into silence.
Silence?
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
This is serious. We must go.
I mean, look at ‘em.
They all look like they're dead.
No, no. No, no, I don't think
they're dead at all.
No, they're just in a trance.
This is amazing.
You say "trance"? So we can
make 'em do whatever we want?
- Oh, not we, but she could.
- No.
- No, I can't.
- Well, you could.
Amanda, you must make
all the women love me
and all the men
give me their wallets.
- I can't do that.
- Amanda, could you--
No! But I might be able
to do something better.
Girl, fantastic.
Lois, why is everyone
so quiet?
Shh.
This is nutty...
...hazelnutty.
I know.
Maybe he's too busy eating
to come in.
Maybe you ought
to think about dessert.
I can't watch this.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Who am I kidding, Nolan?
He's not coming in here,
and I don't blame him.
You know, I'm just going to go.
Somebody want to come take this?
♪ The room is empty ♪
♪ The lights are dim ♪
♪ And my heart wonders ♪
Would you grace me
with a dance?
♪ If I'll ever see you again ♪
♪ My tears are hungry ♪
♪ For an open door ♪
♪ When your arms held me ♪
♪ I never felt
that way before ♪
♪ And I'll be waiting ♪
♪ And I'll be watching ♪
♪ Under a blue moon ♪
♪ The taste of heaven ♪
♪ Only happens ♪
♪ Once in a blue moon ♪
♪ Do you remember ♪
♪ When the wind blew free? ♪
♪ We fit together ♪
♪ So naturally ♪
♪ And I'll be waiting ♪
♪ And I'll be watching ♪
♪ Under a blue moon ♪
♪ The taste of heaven ♪
♪ Only happens ♪
♪ Once in a blue moon ♪
♪ Once in a blue moon. ♪
Amanda!
Hudson and Jay, please.
Amanda!
- To success.
- Mm.
Here, my sweet.
Taste a little bit of heaven.
I had to stop for shoes.
Oh.
You are so beautiful.
I'm sorry I was so stupid.
I just didn't know what to do.
But I know I want you.
I just need a second chance.
You're so dense, you might
need a fourth and fifth.
I'll take whatever I can.
I love you.
I hope that's
not just the fog talking.
No...
...it's not.
Good...
...because I love you.
I think I've loved you since
that first day in the market.
You mean when I had
my hand up your pants?
- Men are so easy.
- Oh, yeah.
♪ He's a fool,
and don't I know it? ♪
♪ But a fool
can have his charms ♪
♪ I'm in love,
and don't I show it? ♪
♪ Like a babe in arms ♪
♪ I'm wild, but not impatient ♪
♪ Men were not a new sensation ♪
♪ Couldn't sleep
and wouldn't sleep ♪
♪ When love told me
I shouldn't sleep 7
♪ Loving and hugging,
you know it ♪
♪ I'm in love,
and don't I show it? ♪
♪ Like a babe in arms ♪
♪ I'm wild again ♪
♪ Beguiled again ♪
♪ A simpering,
whimpering child again ♪
♪ Bewitched, bothered,
and bewildered ♪
JAMIJ
♪ My heart was lost ♪
♪ I paid the cost ♪
♪ Cold from the start ♪
♪ He played the part ♪
♪ I must agree
the laugh's on me ♪
♪ But he and I,
we were meant to be ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪ Anticipating ♪
♪ Loving, hating, waiting ♪
♪ What am I to do? ♪
♪ Bewildered and bewitched ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm
so bothered over you ♪
♪ I'm wild again ♪
♪ Beguiled again ♪
♪ A simpering,
whimpering child again ♪
♪ Bewitched, bothered,
and bewildered ♪
JAMIJ
♪ I'm wild, but not impatient ♪
♪ Men are not a new sensation ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪
♪ The room is empty ♪
♪ The lights are dim ♪
♪ And my heart wonders ♪
♪ If I'll ever see you again ♪
♪ My tears are hungry ♪
♪ For an open door ♪
♪ When your arms held me ♪
♪ I never felt
that way before ♪
♪ And I'll be waiting ♪
♪ And I'll be watching ♪
♪ Under a blue moon ♪
♪ The taste of heaven ♪
♪ Only happens ♪
♪ Once in a blue moon ♪
♪ Do you remember ♪
♪ When the wind blew free? ♪
♪ We fit together ♪
♪ So naturally ♪
♪ And I'll be waiting ♪
♪ And I'll be watching ♪
♪ Under a blue moon ♪
♪ The taste of heaven ♪
♪ Only happens ♪
♪ Once in a blue moon. ♪