Sierra Burgess Is a Loser (2018) - full transcript

You are a magnificent beast.

Good morning, Sierra.
How did you sleep?

Dreamed my socks
ate my feet again.

"Dreams are the bright
creatures of poem and legend,

who sport on Earth
in the night season

and melt away in the
first beam of the sun."

Dickens. Too obvious.

Oh, freezer.

- Bye, honey.
- Bye.

Wait.

You have toothpaste on your face.



No, no. Okay.

Won't you sell more books if
you have the one teenager

who doesn't obsess over her looks?

I'll pretend I don't
hear the insult.

Wait. I have a seminar

and I want to run my new
mantra by you, okay?

Finding love. L-O-V-E.

L: Leave your insecurities
in the bathroom mirror.

O: Open yourself up to rejection.

That's beautiful.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

O is for "open yourself up
to the risk of rejection."

V, just slit my vein before
I die of E, embarrassment.

Okay, it's too bad your
parents are over-supportive.



Just this morning, my mum said

that she was gonna
adopt her next kid,

so he doesn't have to be such
a crushing disappointment.

Oh, my God. Kenny.

Get it together.

I've got to catch that.

Did you fall out of a plane?

Pathetic.

I really don't like her.

You know? Like, she
just makes my...

Okay, what's up with
America's Most Unwanted?

- Hey.
- I had to...

- Come on.
- Well just let me... okay.

New car fund.

I'm pimping myself
the only way I can.

Why is the new car fund so unsexy?

Oh, my goodness, that is
a really nice chassis.

You know, I don't
need this from you.

- Okay, I'm sorry.
- Dan.

I wonder what life
is like for rejects.

Can you pimp me out too? I
want a picture like that.

So sad.

Last unit, we analysed the
finest poetry ever written,

at which most of you
failed so miserably

you must have been using the
pages as rolling paper.

Pages are too thick.

Now, I want you to
focus on writing

your own original poetry.

You kids should be happy that
I'm giving you some place

to channel all this teen angst.

Most of you just...
sweat feelings.

Know that once you perform
your poetry in class,

it will count as
10% of your grade.

Maybe yours can be about
your trans experience.

Super-topical.

And you can write about
your horrible personality.

You can't talk to her like that.

- I'm telling...
- The principal? Great.

Then we can discuss
your innovative use

of a birth control dispenser

to hide the answers
of yesterday's quiz.

What? You thought I just assumed

you were extra-fertile?

Come on, Chrissy.

Okay, let's go, come on.

Come on.

You're always the last one out.

Thank you, but I don't need you
to fight my battles for me.

Believe me. Everyone knows that,

I just really enjoy it.

Sierra, your last paper...

really wowed me.

I just know your poetry
is going to outshine

all the other poems in the class.

It's in your blood.

Is there may be something
else I could do for 10%?

A video or...

You're aware that this is
an English class, right?

Is there a problem?

Not one you can solve,

but thank you for asking.

Move it, Frodo. Before
you break the mirror.

Quasimodo.

What did you say?

Frodo is from Lord of the Rings.

You're thinking of Quasimodo,
The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

He's ridiculed for his appearance
and represents a stratified class.

Not unlike the structure of our
own high school popularity.

I meant looking at you makes
me want to gouge my eyes out.

I knew what you meant.

I'm sorry. I didn't see you there.

For the next two weeks,

we will be learning about the
basics of cell reproduction.

Mitosis.

If you look in your microscopes,

you will see the first
stage of cell division,

in which the chromatin

condenses itself into two

rod-shaped structures
called chromosomes.

Thanks for asking.

I have to find a
story for my vlog.

If I don't get into any college,

I can sell my vlog
to Buzzfeed or Vice.

Or you can bank on
your straight As.

What is this, the '90s?

I've got to create Google 2.0

or swim backstroke while playing
the violin at the Olympics.

Or create a new species of cat

while volunteering in a third
world country at the same time.

So, you want to go to Stanford?

Yes. I almost got a
perfect score on my SATs.

Perfect?

You've got a sense of humour.

I am gonna write that down.

Funny.

Have you started a
social media movement,

something that inspired
social change?

No, madam.

I tutor, though.

What are you writing?

So what are you? Other
than a legacy student?

Excuse me?

What's your sell?
"Sierra Burgess is..."?

May I be frank with you?

- What were you before?
- Sierra.

You're a good student,

but there is nothing
special on your resume...

except for a famous father.

Work that angle.

You could co-write a book.

- What?
- What?

"Hey."

College guys like Spence don't
have time to waste words.

He's totally sexy.

Kinda seems like a
serial killer to me.

What?

Stare alert. West Pass boys.

Oh my God, wait, I think
he's coming over.

My God, it looks like he's gonna

jizz his pants
before he gets here.

That would be so sad.

Pretend... don't look.

Hi.

I mean, hey.

I'm Jamey.

I totally just said "hi"
like a thousand times.

- Hi.
- Hey.

Veronica.

I guess you want my number?

Yeah. Just like that?

Easy.

- You got it?
- Yeah, no. Yeah.

555...

0147.

Wait, that's...

Text me sometime.

I will. Bye.

Wait, what just happened?

Oh, my God.

- Whose number was that?
- Sierra Burgess'.

- Wait, you're so bad.
- I know.

Why did you do that?

He's "flash your boobs
in Cancun" hot.

Chrissy, you flashed
your tits to our

ancient taxi driver in Cancun...

Okay, Juan Diego needed the tip.

He has a family to support.

Guys...

you see his friends?

Only losers hang out with losers.

God.

Who is this?

Is this a test?

Sierra.

Sierra, pay attention.

I met a guy.

Okay, not met-met. We texted.

All night.

By mistake.

He may or may not think
that I'm somebody else.

Go.

Fight.

Go, fight, go, fight, win.

Okay, he definitely
thinks I'm someone else.

Oh yeah, definitely
roll with that.

Never mind that he could be a
serial killer, or a rapist,

or a rape serial killer.

Can you focus please?

On an insane plan to text somebody
that doesn't even know you?

There's a word for
that. Catfishing.

I'm pretty sure it's illegal.

Law is woefully behind technology,
so I don't know if that's true.

I got to think of something
better to say than,

"Hey, I've been texting you for
hours, under false pretences.

- Want to go out sometime?"
- Oh, yeah.

Who wouldn't want to date a dude

that just sends random selfies
to girls he that he don't know?

Have you changed
your voice-mail yet?

Just in case things escalate.

Escalate?

For when texts turn to calls,

calls turn to hand holding,

hand holding turns
into teen pregnancy,

- unemployment, lady baldness...
- You know what,

I was relying on our
generation's total disregard

for basic human interaction.

Are you serious?

It's Sierra. Leave a message.

To keep this greeting, press
one. To rerecord, press two.

Hey, it's 555-0147.

Hey, it's 555-0147.

To keep this greeting, press one.

To rerecord, press two.

Hi, you've reached 555...

No. Greetings...

You've reached 555...

No.

You've reached 555-014...

I suck at this.

I usually do it...

Next group.

You guys know that girl Veronica?

Do we know a girl called Veronica?

Remember the hottest
girl I've seen up close?

Who you won't stop yapping about.

Do we remember that girl?

Well, we made major
progress last night.

Oh, my God.

A textversation?

Are you pregnant yet?

- You're not taking me seriously.
- You're not taking this serious.

I was worried she was one
of those pretty girls.

Turns out, she's really
smart and really funny.

Mate, you only think
that because she's

a smoking piece and
you ain't funny.

- I'm funny.
- No, you're not.

That's okay, you don't
have to be. You

should send a pic
with your shirt off.

Did you tell tell her
your dirty secrets?

Like you're a loser with
Frodos for friends.

Federal government
investment is needed...

Right.

But, AIDS now is airborne,

so we all going to die, so
everything that you said

is a moot point. Give it to me.

I made you flash cards.

- Boom.
- Yeah.

Let's go.

Okay.

No, it's stupid.

Frick.

Disregard that last message.

This really what guys want?

Yeah.

Well, most guys.

You just figuring that out?

Never really had to
think about it before.

No, fireball, ready? Fireball.

No, hold on. Hold on.

What is this?

Look, we're both funny.

I told you.

Will you just play?

I'm texting her...

Sierra?

What?

Okay.

Do not be selfish
with the good stuff.

Let me see. We don't have
secrets between each other.

- No. Go on.
- Just let me see.

Is that your poem
for Ms T's class?

No, okay. No, Dan.
Hey, no. Dan, Dan.

- Hey, give me that phone back.
- Oh, Jamey. This is good.

- This is good.
- Dan. Stop it.

Okay, just give me the phone back.

"I have something to admit."

Maybe he's married?

Don't think so.

Or gay. That could be good.

Hold on.

Alright, stop, stop.

I love you, but stop.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, shit.

Like, Veronica, Veronica?

That's what I have to live up to?

I think that she might
have been the reason

that we lost a few of those games.

Dude, that's it. That's it.

You really, you trying to get out?

You trying to get out? What
you want, what you want, bro?

Damn, okay.

- Easy fix.
- What?

Hey, hey.

Listen, he gotta find
out the truth sometime.

Stop it. I'll tell
him myself, okay?

You don't need to. That's why
you have a best friend like me.

"Dear white boy..."
He does have abs.

Dan. Dan, come on.

Attaching a real photo.

- Dan, Dan, Dan.
- What, what? Okay, okay.

Sierra, Sierra, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to push it.

Theoretically, I can
still make this work

until the big game
when East plays West.

When is that?

I don't know, check the band
schedule. I think two weeks.

Two weeks?

Okay, well, obviously I can't have
him going up to Veronica then.

You think I'm crazy?

Look, I'm not stupid, okay? I...

I know that he's imagining her
when he's talking to me, but...

they're my words.

He's falling for me.

And of all the billions of phone

numbers in the world,
he texted mine.

Now, doesn't that seem like
some type of cosmic sign?

That you're not the
cheerleader he's looking for?

It's your turn.

No, no, no. He was fine yesterday.

We went out yesterday and then
this morning, he just texted me.

I don't understand.

Even chromosomes can
find their mates.

Oh, yeah, metaphase looks like
a very hot-ass date. He said

I'm not smart enough for his
college friends or whatever.

You honestly should be with
someone who's more like you.

I don't wanna be with
someone who's more like me.

I want to be with Spence.

Ladies. I'd hate for my class

to interrupt your gab session,

but save the theatrics
for your lunch break.

She was upset.

I know that face. That's the
one that give me creeps.

Don't do it, okay.
Step off the ledge.

Excuse me, may I go to
the bathroom, please?

It's flu season.

You should really wipe
that on your elbow.

What do you want?

I know you've been giving out
my number to random guys.

Yeah, so?

I think we can help each other.

If you think I'm gonna host a
pity party for a reject like you,

you've added crazy pills
to your hormone pills,

when you really need diet pills.

Are you done?

Maybe.

Good, because I can
help you seem smarter.

To get back that guy.

- How?
- I tutor people all the time.

But I do need one minor
favour in return.

No, psycho stalker.

You can't be friends with me.

You know how many people
beg to do my homework

in exchange for me following them?

Twenty thousand followers.

Following zero.

Yeah, that's really
impressive, but

I don't want to be your friend,

on social media or otherwise.

Liar.

- Everyone does.
- Yeah, not me. Sorry.

I'll see you after school.

Text me your address.

You already have my number.

What?

I'm just gonna get my stuff.

Now, now it kind of...
It blows my mind, okay?

I'm tired and it blows my mind.

I see it coming out pretty
quickly. The stain is gone.

Pick your jaw off the
floor, mouth breather.

My room's upstairs.

And don't put your man
hands on the railings.

My mum hates fingerprints.

Because she's a criminal?

What are you doing?

Hurry up, teach me your mind
voodoo tricks or whatever.

There are no tricks.
We have to study.

Study?

- Yeah.
- What do I need you for?

If I wanted to study I could just
open up a book and do it myself.

I'm gonna teach you
the right things

to study so you can
impress Spence.

- He's a college freshman, right?
- Yeah.

Okay, cool.

Well, then I am going to
teach you the basics.

The stuff he's learning
in his 101 classes,

- like Shakespeare and Nietzsche.
- Hello? Veronica?

Better not tell anyone about this.

I wasn't planning on it.

Veronica?

Veronica, what are you doing home?

Why aren't you in practise?

Did they cut you from the squad?

No, I had to skip because I
had some studying to do.

That's gonna get your
far with the boys.

Mum.

Oh, well, unless you're playing
for the other team now.

I'm not a lesbian.

She just has no taste.

Thank God, because
your father would die.

If he didn't already die
in that plane crash.

- Okay, so we're... what?
- Mum. We're gonna be late.

I know we are. And
this isn't helping.

- Do not get on the bed.
- Did you smudge her eyeliner?

- Brody.
- Yes or no?

- No.
- Mum.

You know what?

Brody, stop screaming.

I'm gonna count. One, two...

If you're gonna get messed
up, we're not gonna go.

- I'm counting to three. One...
- Get off.

Two... My God.

Are the tassels in knots?

Get out. Veronica,

there's no more skipping
practise, because you know

what happens when gymnasts
stop practising, right?

One day they're these
cute little firecrackers

and the next day they've
exploded out of their Lycra.

And it's expensive.

We're leaving.

Girls.

Fine.

- Now you've slammed it?
- Yes, I slammed it.

You're grounded.

Let's...

Let's start with Plato.

Hey.

Where you been, Kid Wonder?

Tutoring. A bad student
and an even worse person.

"Reeling" and "writhing,"
of course, to begin with...

and then the different
branches of arithmetic:

ambition, distraction,
uglification, and derision.

Lewis Carroll. Good.

How goes the latest opus?

Almost all opused.

How's the poem coming for class?

It's good.

- When can I read it?
- When it's ready.

Still iambisizing the
iambic pentameter.

You know the hardest part
of being a writer, still?

The first read.

Allowing yourself to
be that vulnerable.

Who makes and illustrates
the way it is?

The book whose words and
pictures never fade?

Who writes the same
edition for every decade,

plagiarising and
disguising the same

old story under the
cover of change?

Chapter Two,

you better claim a shape or
they'll name one for you.

Gay, straight, black, white,
are you the type of girl

who's a friend, a
fling, or a wife?

Check the boxes that apply and
don't think your way outside.

Replace your legs
with pegs and dig

a hole to spend
your remaining days

fitting inside, because that's
when you're living it right.

At least three feet deep and
taking shallow breaths at best,

because you air isn't your own,
and you're heir to your own life.

The gauntlet has been thrown,
and the bar's set high.

So for all you little
Robbie Frosties,

I hope this will be a challenge.

I've been thinking
about what you said,

and I was wondering if
you had any suggestions

on how to bolster my resume.

What languages do you speak?

French, Italian, and
a little Mandarin.

Mandarin? You know how many
people speak Mandarin?

About a billion Chinese.

You're not getting it, Sierra.

Think different.

Bet Dad never gets writer's block.

Okay.

Plato believed that physical
beauty was both a form

and a sensory experience.

Stop.

Physical beauty facilitates
platonic recollection.

- Reco-what?
- Recollection.

Are you sure you don't have
any real food in this house?

No. You don't eat
junk at your age.

You'll make lifelong fat
cells that'll ride your hips

like a cowboy rides
a bucking bronco.

No, stop.

- Mum.
- And then what?

Okay...

well, Plato was kind of a jerk,

but in his more
optimistic moments,

he revered beauty for revealing
the mysteries of the soul.

Your father was a
mystery. Until the

day he died of his heart attack.

Thought he died in a plane crash.

Is there, like, a For Dummies

version of the For
Dummies version,

because I'm not
understanding this.

Moronica.

Moronica.

- So, Plato...
- The butt sex guy?

- Right?
- No...

I mean he was from ancient Greece,

but so were Aristotle
and Socrates.

Wait, wait, they're
not all the same guy?

Moronica.

Moronica.

Oh, you're not kidding?

No, no, I thought we
already covered...

- Can you stop doing that, Brody.
- Girls.

They're studying, okay?

I'll never get this.

Moronica.

Girls. I'm counting
to five. One...

two... now, upstairs.

I can't.

Veronica. It's pointless.

I mean, they're right.

I'm "Moronica."

Look, you're not a
moron, okay? You

think of some seriously mean crap.

You've gotta have something

upstairs to think
of those insults.

Yeah.

Nevermind.

So, this...

this Jamey I'm dating...

have you sext him yet?

We can send him a
nude if you want.

No.

No, Jamey is not like that.

Everyone is like that.

If you want to start off JV...

- What?
- Your phone.

Give me your phone. You
should send those.

If you're gonna pretend
to be me, be normal,

or you could just die alone.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

Yo.

Hey.

Bonsoir.

Bonsoir, Mademoiselle.

Good day, fair maiden.

What soft light through
yonder window...

we're still doing old
timey stuff, right?

Yeah, totally.

I'm just super-glad
that you picked up

because if you hadn't,

then I would have had to, like,

come up with some sort of

hilarious voice-mail
to impress you,

and that would have
been super-terrible

for both of us, you know?

No, don't you hate that pressure?

It's kinda... it's
kinda interesting.

Your voice sounds different

than I remember it.

Oh, yeah.

I have a cold, so
it's kinda mannish.

Oh, sorry.

That's sucks, though, because
I kinda like it, you know.

Maybe you should just
get sick more often

and then I'll be happy.

Oh, okay, because you're
what, super into dudes?

Whoa, whoa.

That's just... I mean,
we are the superior sex.

Oh, yeah.

No, your voice, it's
not loud or anything,

it's like more fuller...

maybe.

You calling my voice
fat right now?

- No, no...
- Is that what's happening?

Oh, my God. No, no, no.

I would never do that because I
was, like, a super-fat baby.

- Why would I have no idea why?
- You were a fat baby?

Yeah, I was like the Michelin man.

No, don't stop. I like hearing
about what's wrong with you.

No, I'm sorry. That
was my only flaw.

I would totally tell you more.

That was my one and only flaw,

and you somehow got it out of me,
so thank you very much for that.

Actually, no, I lied.

I totally just lied to
you. I do have one more,

and it's that I have these
glow in the dark stickers

on my ceiling that have been
there for the past ten years.

But besides that, I'm
perfect, basically.

What about you?

You got any dark secrets
I should know about?

None immediately come to mind.

What about, like, secret talents?

- Sandwiches?
- I love sandwiches.

What's your favourite movie?

Probably Die Hard.

- Really?
- No, that's a complete lie.

Just trying to be manly for you.

- What kinda animal would you be?
- I think I'd be a bear,

because they're like, super-cuddly
but also really bad-ass,

you know, double-sided like that.

So what's your double side, then?

Are you more than just a hot jock?

Oh, you think I'm hot?

No.

To answer your question, I don't
really consider myself a jock.

I mean, yeah, I like football,

but between you and
me, I don't even

like most of the guys on my team.

I love football'cause every
game is like a story.

For a few hours there are
villains and there are heroes.

Every pass is a triumph,
every tackle is a tragedy.

You're all hurtling downfield
at this one epic goal

and every second matters.
It's electric, you know.

It's like poetry...

to me, at least

I can't go telling the
rest of the team that.

They'd be freaking out.

I'm the quarterback, so I
got to keep their respect.

So, what kind of
flower would you be?

Cactus. Does cactus
count as a flower?

I don't think those
qualify as flowers, no.

You'd be a rose.

Like the queen flower all the
other flowers are jealous of.

Sorry, I guess it's kinda late.

After four hours on the phone,

I can pick your voice
out of a line-up.

Do you wanna FaceTime tomorrow?

I mean, it would be nice
to see you, you know.

Would it really, though?

Well, maybe more for
me than for you.

No, no, I just...

I mean, yeah, there's no reason
why I shouldn't logically,

so yeah. Yes, yeah.

Okay, great. Well, then,
logically I can't wait.

- Goodnight, Veronica.
- Goodnight.

Oh, crap.

Where are the Sour
Patch parents? I

have no idea how
we're gonna do this.

Oh, because we shouldn't.
It's a really bad plan.

Vietnam sounds like a better plan.

Okay.

Internment camps,

waterboarding, boy bands...

Hammer pants would even be better.

Are you really buying your
own ticket to homecoming?

Like anyone's asking me?

Well, I'll go with you.

I really don't care who I
go with, so it's all good.

Thanks, but I think I'll
pass on the pity date.

What, it's not a pity date.

You're wearing a lot
less crap on your face.

Thank you.

- Veronica, are you sick?
- Yeah.

No, it's a good thing.

Here.

- Thank you.
- Bye.

That wasn't weird.

Where you going? We
have free period.

Talk to Coach about
trying out for track.

You know the girls' team is
like, last in the state, right?

I know. I'm trying out
for the boys' team.

Oh, shit.

- Okay.
- Okay.

I need something that's gonna
stand out on my resume.

You know? I need to be
like, Susan B. Anthony,

standing up for women's rights,
going against the grain.

Susan B.

One thing that does differentiate
a college resume...

is schizophrenia.

- That's offensive.
- Thank you.

- Love you.
- Have a nice day, Daniel.

- Say you love me. Say it.
- Not today.

Bye. I love you.

Unbelievable.

I don't see why she's allowed.

Oh, that?

That's pretty much so
we don't get sued.

Ain't that great?
God bless America.

- Now, beat it.
- Coach I wanna try out.

Gotta be fricking kidding me.

What are you doing here?

Alright, kids. Look alive.

Set.

Look, Sierra, there's
resume padding.

There's being a queen
of the "throw shit

at the wall and see
what sticks" club.

Then why are you here?

To save you from yourself,

and because you're my biggest...

competition for college.

So whatever you do, I do.

Move it. Let's go, pick it up.

This was a bad idea.

Yeah, yeah, really sucks.

Are you kidding me?

What is that?

Oh, come on.

You know what, I don't
care if I get sued.

Go on, get off my track.

Veronica.

Come on.

You're not getting it.

Why do you smell
worse than normal?

You have to let me
pluck your brows.

I can't concentrate, staring
into eyes of a sasquatch.

Okay, back to Nietzsche.

He's an existentialist,

he believed God was dead,

most of his writing was about
free will and moral...

Why don't you watch movies
like normal people?

Okay.

Nietzsche is like a
sexy German vampire.

He whines a lot, and he thinks
everything is pointless.

Well, I am totally for Nietzsche.

Me, too.

- Okay, I think it's time. Yeah.
- Time-time?

You sure this is gonna work?

No. I don't know.

Oh, my God.

Answer it. You have to get it.

- He's gonna hang up.
- Fine, just chill.

- Yeah.
- Come on, hurry up.

Okay, just sit.

Yeah, okay.

I'm gonna answer.

Hey.

What are you doing?

What am I supposed to do?

Hi.

You have to talk to him.

I can't really see you.

Do you wanna adjust the
camera a little bit, maybe?

Coming.

Hey. Sorry about that.

Much better. Much, much better.

Are you with someone?

Sorry, no, no.

It's just two of us.

So how was your day?

You know what, I think that
the connection is way off.

The audio's not synced
to the video at all.

Oh, yeah, sorry my
internet's the worst.

Yeah, my WiFi's pretty bad.

Sorry, maybe we should
try again another time?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

But we're still on for the
phone call tonight, right?

- Definitely.
- Okay.

And hey, Veronica...

Yeah?

You are even more beautiful
than I remember.

- Yeah, phone later.
- Bye.

Oh, my God.

Did you just see that?

He fell for it.

Oh, my God, that was so great.

I can't believe it
actually worked.

My heart's pounding,
my heart's pounding.

That was so stressful.

"To thine own self be true."

Unless you suck.

- Were you skank eyeing me?
- Yes, sorry.

Are you ready?

- Those actually look good on you.
- Yeah?

The Lion King is just Hamlet.

Maybe Spence will see it.

To be Sierra Burgess.

"To be or not to be, that
is the question."

I'll have to teach
you that one next.

I know.

I don't get A Picture
of Dorian Grey.

Why does everyone like him
if he does bitchy things?

It's Oscar Wilde's
commentary on society.

Basically, since
Dorian looks perfect,

everybody thinks he is perfect,

and since they all value
appearance above everything else,

he kind of ends up
losing his own soul.

Lame.

Whoa.

- C'mon, keep singing. What.
- No.

- No, Veronica, stop.
- You serious right now?

Stop. I can't. We
need to have Hamlet.

- Hamlet.
- Boo.

Hey.

Hey, there.

It's me.

You working out? You
sound out of breath.

Oh...

I was just moving furniture.

Oh, nice, a little redecorating.

Nothing wrong with that.

You know, I'm actually
glad you called.

I just had a question
that I wanted to ask you.

It's totally okay if you say no.

Actually, it probably
won't be okay.

You know, to be honest, I
think I'll die if you say no.

Would you want to go
on a date with me?

Like, a real date?

I have a family thing
tomorrow, but...

after, I'm free.

Yeah, yeah.

For sure.

I have something that
I need to clear up,

but I'll definitely
get back to you.

Okay, yeah. Sure.

Don't die before then, okay?

Okay, I'll try.

Okay.

- Bye.
- Bye.

I'm in deep shit.

You know when you're online, and
you look at all these quotes.

It just makes sense if you just

follow your first
instinct, always.

- Oh, I mean, yeah.
- Maybe that's true, but...

I'm just gonna go pee.

- Again?
- Yeah.

Please.

One date.

I'm begging you.

We're going on a date.

A date?

You want to put two really
hot people together.

You think that's going
to work out for you?

Yeah. She likes Spence, remember.

I still gotta leave by
five because I gotta

teach old people how
to work computers

while you con jocks and stuff.

What?

Is that him?

Is that... that's your pretty boy?

He looks that damn good
and he's a good person?

It's unfair, what it is.

- We gotta go. Let's go.
- What, go where? No, no, wait.

Wait, go...

Why are we leaving? He don't
even know what you look like.

He knows what I sound like, okay?

He could pick my voice
out of a line-up.

"Pick my voice out of
a line-up"? Oh, wow.

Sierra, get up. Get off the floor.

Are you a catfish,
or a can't fish?

I guess we'll find out.

What? No, no, no.

Dan, Dan.

Dan.

Coming in for the run,

I got the interception.

Not that one.

- You good?
- I'm good. What's up, man.

How you doing?

- I'm good.
- You got room for two more?

Yeah.

- You all picking up trash? Cool.
- Yeah.

It's actually for
community service.

It looks good on
college applications.

I'm Dan, by the way.

- Jamey.
- Nice to meet you.

Hi.

Jamey. That's Jamey.

Jamey.

And you are?

Your name is Shit Pizza?

Ty, come here, come here.

You guys are not going to believe
this, but this is my brother, Ty,

and he's deaf too.

What are the odds of that?

It's crazy. I'm gonna make him
the first four-foot quarterback.

What are the odds?

That was very nice.

Usually, when I introduce him,
people start talking really loud,

- and it's really annoying.
- We go through that, too.

This is my sister, Sierra.
She's adopted, of course,

but she's deaf also, as we know.

So she can't hear
anything that I say

even if I say something like,

"She's a hermaphrodite."

Which she isn't, she's not
a hermaphrodite at all.

She's all lady parts.

I only know that because she's
been slutting it up lately.

But the important thing is that
she's a very caring person.

Yeah, it's really nice
to meet you, Sierra?

Ah. It's a joke.

Sorry.

All right, okay.
We're going to go.

So great meeting you. You too, Ty.

She has to go to
tutor cheerleaders.

Cheerleaders?

That's not okay. What
just happened...

I don't care.

You have to tell him the truth.

That was the dumbest
shit I've seen.

That was just reckless. Why
would you be so reckless?

Why are you smiling? So,
you call that a success?

We had a moment.

Like, maybe I don't need Veronica.

Well, you need to tell
him the truth, though.

Okay, okay, I will.

I promise, I promise.

I'm going to end it tonight.

Okay. All right.

I'm not going to say nothing.

- Show him that sexy face.
- Okay.

Sorry, buddy.

Okay.

Hey, sorry.

- I didn't mean to scare you.
- No.

Did you order?

Just a popcorn.

Sorry, I'm just gonna
go to the bathroom.

- Okay. Yeah, yeah.
- Okay?

I can't do it.

What happened to "You owe him
the truth, no matter what?"

I'm just not ready.

Just don't kiss him, okay?

Eww.

Hi, cookie.

Alright. Rashi, Toph.

- That's good.
- I know, right?

- Popcorn? Okay.
- I'm okay, thanks.

It's funny, your voice
sounds skinny again.

You feeling better?

What?

What do you mean?

Like...

Like on the phone, when I was
like, "Oh, your voice was full,"

you're like, "You calling my voice
fat?" And I was like, "No."

- No.
- You don't remember?

- It was late.
- Oh, my God, no.

Sorry.

Ronnie, what are we doing here?

I thought you were
trying to get Spence.

- Spence?
- Spence?

No one. He's no one.

He's just some guy I
dated forever ago.

I kissed a boy called Spence once.

A real wanker, actually.

Probably the same Spence.

Have you ever counted
shoulders before?

One, two, three, four.

What, you got a
curfew or something?

Why didn't you... Was
the movie that bad?

You look so cold right now.

I'm going to get you
a jacket, okay.

Here you go.

Thanks.

You like stars?

Yeah.

I'm kind of obsessed
with astronomy.

- Nerd. Why?
- Nerd?

Well, because...

we look at them from down here

and they look so
beautiful and shiny.

They're actually just
made up of hydrogen,

which means that they're
just massive balls of gas

floating through space
and I think it's trippy.

Change of perspective, you know.

I wonder if a star
knows that it shuns.

Shines.

- If a star knows that it shines.
- Yeah, I never thought of that.

Do you know what you wanna
be when you grow up?

It was a stupid question.

Should be a singer.

I should be a singer?

- Oh, no, not you.
- Oh, you should be a singer?

- No, no, no, not me.
- You should sing for me.

I can't sing. It was
obviously a joke.

Wait, alright, hold on.

You want to be a singer, but
you don't know how to sing.

- It was a joke?
- It was a joke.

Ah, ha, ha.

I haven't really thought about
life after high school,

I've got to be honest.

Until I met Sierra.

I literally just met a Sierra.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You'd really like my Sierra.

Not at first. You'd think she
was like, a loser, you know.

Well, so are we, right?

Yeah, sure I'm a quarterback

and you're a cheerleader, but...

under all that, you are...

so different.

Oh, my God.

- What, are you okay?
- Yes.

- What...
- Yes, I...

- I got really excited.
- So you just jumped?

Yes.

Is that gonna happen every time I

try to kiss you,
you're gonna jump?

Would you close your eyes?

Because I have really big pores.

- So can you close your eyes?
- I have big pores.

- Can you close them?
- You want me to close my eyes,

- my eyes are closed.
- Yes. And keep them closed.

My eyes are gonna stay closed
until you give me other orders.

What are you doing?

Are you, like, abandoning me?

I'm right here.

Sorry.

Well, it was worth the wait.

It's weird, we talked
so much on the phone

it actually feels, like, more
normal when I can't see you.

Keep them closed. I
said keep them closed.

Okay, they are closed.

Veronica, this is ridiculous.

Veronica, I just want to see you.

Well, see me now.

You wanted to see me, now
you're not even looking.

Well, yeah, but I
thought I saw some...

What, you saw... what?

You're acting so weird right now.

Am I gonna have to go through that
every time I try to kiss you?

If you're crazy, that's just

something that I
need to know about

before I take you
on a second date.

I'll let you know.

It was incredible.

The kind of kiss you
read about in books,

but never believe could happen.

You wanna hang out and go
over our debate platform?

Yeah, maybe.

I'm just kind of swamped with
college stuff right now.

Yeah, yeah.

Sorry.

Why do people do
this to themselves?

Because it looks pretty.

And they're almost even.

Your mum's really pretty.

You should see her prom pictures.

The night of, or
the morning after?

No, I do not need to
think about that.

Sorry. I'm sorry.

Can I ask you something?

I'm not gonna les out
with you and Jamie.

- No, no.
- I only do that at parties.

Why does everybody
think I'm a lesbian?

No, I...

I wanted to ask, what's
up with your mum?

What happened to your dad?

He...

he left her for a 22-year-old.

And left us with all this
crap and furniture and...

no way to pay for our
old house, and...

she's just been weird about this

whole fading youth
stuff ever since.

I'm sorry.

I should probably get ready.

I'm going to a party.

Do you want to come?

Like, together?

In public?

Yeah.

Sierra.

You are so tense right now.

- Smile.
- Calm down.

- It's a party.
- I know.

- That's what's so terrifying.
- No.

- Hey, how's it going?
- Hey.

Hey, Ronnie.

I thought you were sick.

Who's ready to get this
bitch started? Let's go.

Sorry about that, ladies,
sorry about that.

I need to talk to you... now.

Sure.

Like, alone, outside.

Okay. Sure, let's go.

I'll be right back.

You probably deserved it.

Probably ditched your
best friend too.

So what's the real story?

Veronica...

Wow, everybody does
speak Mandarin.

Come on wreck, keg
stand, now. Let's go.

- What?
- You're gonna love it.

You're such a drama queen now.

She's not that bad.

She's...

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

She's actually kinda cool.

Like, a totally unfortunate way.

If you wanna commit
social suicide, fine,

but Sierra Burgess is a loser.

Remember?

Only losers hang out with losers.

Mackenzie, wait.

Yo, everyone in here.
Everyone in here.

Chug, chug. Chug, chug.

Come on, everybody gather
around. Watch this.

Chug, chug. Chug, chug.

Whoo.

You tamed the beast.

My turn.

Come on, let's go. Get me up here.

Chug, chug. Chug, chug.

I told Veronica she's dumb
to make her insecure.

I guarantee she puts out tonight.

You're the master.

I bow down to you, sir.

Hi.

I love your poodle.

That's so adorable.

Dick.

Oh, my God. Jesus.

Spence?

What are you doing here?

I saw your post and
I had to see you.

My Hamlet video?

What? No, the one
about this party.

Do you wanna get out of here?

This place is, like,
crawling with dudes.

I can't just ditch my friend.

Come on.

Go where?

Babe, just for a second.

Come on.

We need to talk.

In my car.

Pick up.

Pick up, Veronica.

Plato believed that
physical beauty...

could be in the form of, you
know, sensory experience and...

I'm enjoying this
sensory experience.

What? Wait.

Frick.

Hello? Hello?

Are you there?

I really like you.

I...

I really, really like you.

Because you're so
good. You're so good.

You don't lie.

You don't speak Chinese.

- And you don't...
- Wait, wait.

Are you drunk right now?

Do you think you could like me?

Like...

really like me,
like, not for my...

my stupid looks, or
because I'm deaf...

- and because I...
- Wait, wait. Wait.

What are you talking about?

I need to tell you something,

and you're gonna hate me.

I...

I doubt that.

I don't think I could
ever hate you.

No matter what you tell me.

I think you're gonna.

What, is it really that bad?

Goodnight.

Honey, do you know
what kind of kids

go to a party and get drunk?

Kids with low self-esteem.

Sierra, do you have
low self-esteem?

Mum.

I thought we taught
you R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Rein in... Every Self-doubt,

Peer Expectation and
Competitive Thought.

- Yes, Mum. I know, okay?
- Okay.

Wait a minute. Before you try
to argue your way out of this,

which we all know you can
do with exceptional talent,

you're grounded.

- What?
- You're grounded.

- Honey, we...
- Dad.

- Talked about this.
- No, Jules, you talked about it.

It was some motto that
spelled out "free to fly,"

but this is my house too,

where there are actions
and consequences,

and this little drunk birdie
needs her wings clipped.

It is not appropriate
to ground her.

- Why not?
- Well, because.

What has gotten into her?

"We hop in the car.

It's a super fast ride."

"We dance on the bar and
have a sweet time."

Inspired, Chrissy. You
could co-write for Kesha.

And now,

last but not least, our resident
progeny of literary greatness,

Sierra Burgess.

Sierra.

I forgot.

What do you mean you forgot?

Are you trying to prove a point?

I forgot.

I'm sorry, there's just...

so much has been going on lately

and it slipped my mind.

Well, you know this
is going to cost you.

And you still have to
do the assignment.

I passed out, and I have no
idea if I told the truth.

By the time Ronnie called me
back, she'd already done it.

I didn't have the heart
to tell her the truth.

But I thought you all wasn't
going out last night.

You told me you wasn't going out.

- That's why we couldn't hang out.
- Okay, well...

Hey, hey. What's wrong?

I just need a hug. I just...

Ronnie, what happened?
Are you okay?

He dumped me.

Spence, he dumped me again.

- Over DM.
- God.

- I know.
- Ronnie.

- Can we talk?
- Yeah.

- What the shit?
- Not now, Dan. Okay?

I... Let's go.

Some people just suck.

And if he doesn't like you for
you, then screw him anyway.

This would never have happened
if I dated someone like Jamey.

He's one of the good ones. He's...

he's hot and...

- weird, smart, and...
- Do you like him?

No.

Hey.

Hey, so about last night.

Did I say something weird?

Oh, you mean while you
were white-girl wasted?

Yeah, I think weird would
be an understatement.

What did I tell you?

What do you think...

that you told me?

What do you think I think
you think I told you?

What, are you, like,
afraid to tell

me that you like me or something?

No.

No?

No, I mean, yeah,
no. I don't know.

Let's just not say it
over the phone, okay?

Not like this.

Okay. Well, then this silence...

is me not telling you
that I like you, like you.

Okay?

- And I will see you tonight.
- Okay.

- Okay. Bye.
- Bye.

Veronica.

Veronica.

Hey.

- Hi.
- I finally get to show you off.

You wanna meet the team?

They're kinda the enemy, you know.

Go Tigers.

Well, you don't wanna be seen
fraternising with the enemy.

I think this is
gonna be a problem.

Why?

Shit. Don't...

- What was that for?
- What do you mean? What did I do?

What?

I gotta go.

Wait, is this about
that guy, Spence?

Veronica.

Total of 20,000 followers.

Please tell me you're
stupid enough.

Moronica.

Break.

Sierra.

Did you just get dissed by
the biggest loser in school?

What?

Hey, can you do me a
favour and yell "Jamey"?

I'm supposed to be deaf.

Kenny, don't.

Please, just yell "Jamey"
as loud as you can.

- Jamey.
- Kenny...

Okay, one more time.

Jamey.

Jamey.

Sierra.

Wow, you have no self-respect.

Come on, one more time.

Ready? Okay.

Whoa.

- Ready?
- Break.

Hike.

Go Jamey.

You moron. That's the wrong team.

Shit.

Russ, I think kids are smoking
pot by the bathrooms again.

Yeah, yeah. Go check it out.

V got dumped.

How is this happening?

Too easy.

About time someone
took her down a peg.

Jamey. You okay?

Jamey.

Call the medic.

Ronnie, Ronnie, where
are you going?

Felt so good.

Hey, hey. Alright, alright.

Here, look at me.

How many fingers am I holding up?

Two.

- Jamey.
- Sierra, wait.

- Sierra?
- Sierra,

- why did you do this to me?
- Wait. Veronica.

Are you cheating
on me with Spence?

No.

Jamey, I'm not. And I'm
not who you think I am,

and she's not who
you think she is.

She's been pretending to
be me and I've been her,

and she's been catfishing
you this entire time.

No, okay, wait.
Please, listen to me.

You have to let me
explain, okay, please.

Wait, your voice.

- Alright, that's enough.
- Please, just give me a second.

Let's get outta here.

Just stay the hell away from me.

Both of you.

Why did you do this to me?

You kissed him.

I saw you kiss him.

Well, he thinks I'm you, remember?
That was the whole plan.

You whine about your looks,

but you've no idea what
it's like to be me.

I told you things I
haven't told anyone.

You think I'm mean?

You should check the mirror,

because your looks are the
least ugly thing about you.

Sierra, Sierra.

Please tell me that wasn't you.

Come on, you hate Veronica.

Sierra, that was just wrong.

I don't even know who
you are any more.

Sierra, honey, what's wrong?

You know, it's...

it's easy for you to spout
your self-esteem BS,

but look at me.

Do you have any idea
what it's like to

be a teenage girl and
to look like this?

Of course not,
because you're tiny,

you're tiny and you're beautiful

and you've always been beautiful.

And this is what
you stuck me with.

And thus concludes
our unit on mitosis.

We now enter telophase,

during which the cell

cleaves apart forever

in two distinct cells.

About the assignment.

I asked for a poem.

You turned in a song.

I know. I just really
wanted to do my own thing.

Your own thing was also late.

But it was emotional, raw...

and those are the marks
of a true artist.

You are very special.

And I hope when the time comes,

you will allow me to write you
a college recommendation.

Thank you.

In the meantime,

whoever you wrote those words for,

you should tell him, or her...

both being equally valid choices.

I will. Dad.

Can we talk?

I'm sorry I suck so bad.

You don't suck.

Okay, a little bit.

That's fair.

Still wanna go to
homecoming with me?

Oh, hell no.

But you should definitely
save me a dance, though.

If that's not too much to ask.

Alright, pound it.

So, how are you gonna fix this?

Since you're like,
the biggest loser in

school now or whatever,
maybe we can...

Wow.

"Family like this has often
a deep sadness in it.

Nature, that great
tragic dramatist,

knits us together
by bone and muscle

and divides us by the
subtler web of our brains."

George Eliot.

Sierra, you are beautiful,

but you are so much
more than that.

Look at your fine intellect,

and all that writing talent.

Dad...

it's terrifying growing
up under your shadow.

You're a genius.

Mum's gorgeous and successful.

I am...

I don't know what I am.

I'm neither of those things.

How can I top that?

Sierra, just be you.

So far you're pretty good
at finding your own way.

How about a hug?

From one sunflower to another.

You can't bring junk in here.

What if Scooter eats it?

That's the point.

You don't talk to me like that.

Your father would roll
over in his grave.

Our dad's not dead.

Mum.

I know.

But he should be.

I'm sorry for what
happened to you.

Dad's a level ten loser.

And you can't keep
living your life

like everyone's gonna
screw you over.

We need our Mum back.

Hi.

Shouldn't you get going?

Ironically, home is
not where you're

supposed to spend homecoming.

Yeah, it's the beauty
of going stag.

Nobody's waiting on me.

Okay, you done, honey?

- Oh, yeah. Thank you.
- Yep.

- Sierra?
- Oh, yeah.

- Honey?
- You going?

Oh, good.

- Hi.
- Hi.

What are you doing here?

I talked to Veronica.

The real one.

She played me your song.

She also had some...

arguments, in your favour.

I had no idea you taught
her the Socratic method.

It's impressive.

Look, Sierra, what you
did was terrible.

I mean, bad, like, really bad,

- and...
- I know.

And I'm so sorry.

But do you ever feel sometimes the
world is conspiring against you?

To tell you that you're
not good enough.

Yeah.

I get why you did it, I do, and...

honestly, had we not met
the way that we had,

maybe I wouldn't have noticed you.

I mean, you're not
exactly everybody's type

- and...
- Okay.

- Thanks.
- But...

But...

you're my type.

You are exactly my type. I mean,

you're smart and funny and
beautiful and talented.

I haven't been that
impressed by a voice

on someone who's not
famous ever, like, ever.

For the record,

I think that roses
are more like...

the bitchy supermodels of flowers.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

Have we done that before?

Come on, let's get
you to homecoming.

After you.

Can you give me one second?

I got a date.

Can you give me a sec?

I'll get drinks.

Okay, you two cannot be
best friends without me.

Okay.