Shadowlands (2018) - full transcript

[Relaxed electronic music]

[mid tempo electronic music]

[steady tempo drumbeat]

- Nice to see you.

[Mid tempo electronic music]

[mid tempo electronic music]
[steady tempo drumbeat]

[low electronic tones]

- You look better already.

No lying down and no martinis
for an hour, all right?

- Thank you, Alex.
- Just keep the swab on it.

Don't get blood on my furniture.



We'll keep chipping
away at the drab little

moth you were born until
we find the butterfly.

Smoking

causes slow and painful death.

Isn't that right, Percy Katt?

Why are you here, Thalia?

- To see you.

I called earlier but
you didn't pick up.

- You didn't stop
to consider why?

- Alex please, let's not
start this all again.

- No need to, you'll
be leaving now.

- Are you serious?

- If you'd like to
stay, you'll have to

smooth out those hideous
crevasses in your forehead.



You can have a seat on the sofa,

I'll be with you in one second.

- [Thalia] Remember
a time when you

didn't inject and operate
on all your friends?

- These aren't friends, they're
patients seeking my help.

If they approach a physical
ideal I can tolerate,

I sometimes learn their names.
- It's sick.

- Sick?

You come to my home
without an invitation

and tell me how
I behave is sick?

Drew, will you get
a car for Thalia?

She won't be staying
with us any longer.

- [Drew] Yes sir.

- It's a pity.

Might've been halfway
beautiful with some work.

It always amazes me how
horribly lazy people are.

I generously offer
her a way to improve

herself and she
refuses, rudely at that.

[Mid tempo electronic music]

- I heard you had good parties
Alex but this is impressive.

- Had we known
you swung our way,

we would've crashed
one a long time ago.

- I don't remember giving
permission to speak.

For that matter, I don't recall

sending an invitation
to either of you.

But you're here now and
that's what matters.

I'm sure we'll find some
way to entertain ourselves.

[Slap]

- Why does he hate me?

All I ever tried to do was love
him and it was never enough.

He's getting stranger, Drew.

When he looks at me
now, it's so vacant.

- Alex

is very much concerned with
the shape of things, with form.

Admittedly he can be
hot and cold at times

but the beauty of it is
there's no guessing with him.

One always knows where
one stands in his eyes.

If you stop
fulfilling a function,

his attention is
drawn elsewhere.

- What about all the soldiers

who are still blind
from gas attacks?

Disfigured or left without
a limb from a landmine?

How can his attention
be drawn away from that?

The Alex

I fell in love with is a genius,

an artist who cares about
actually healing people.

Now it's just a relentless
pursuit of perfection,

one that only he
can seem to grasp

and everyone just goes
along for the ride.

- So why do you
keep coming back?

He's told you to stay away.

- He can still be reasoned with.

I'm not giving up on him, Drew.

I'm not.

[Light up tempo
electronic tones]

- I'm afraid you won't.

- Gentlemen, it is
standard practice

to bring a gift to
the host of a party.

I understand being absent-minded
but I don't forgive it.

I am forced to take
a gift for myself.

And you're offering so
many attractive options.

[Metallic clanking]

[knocking]

- I'm busy.

I said I'm busy.

[Anxious low electronic tones]

- Sorry sir, I barged in

but she's threatening
to kill herself.

- Well,

I suppose I should have a
word with her, shouldn't I?

- Yes mistress.

- Now what do you
say to your mistress?

- Thank you.
- Good boy.

Good boy.

- You are a vision, aren't you?

You must be because
I'm sure I told you

I never wanted to see you again

and yet here you are, back in
my life, in my own backyard.

Dear sweet Thalia,
I got lost in there,

tasting you for nearly an hour.

Remember?

Of course you do.

Such a sweetly broken rose.

Why are you here?

- I needed to know that you're

still the man I
fell in love with,

that I still mean
something to you

and you came.

I can't stop thinking about you.

You've changed and maybe you
don't notice it but I do.

Everyone was affected by the war

but it doesn't have
to make us inhumane.

All of this can stop.

You can't fix everyone.

The world wasn't perfect
before and neither

were any of us, no matter
how we may remember it.

- The party's over.

Thank you so much for coming.

I said thank you!

- You told me you loved me.

- Love is an irregularity.

Shapeless, no base,
no conventions.

To say love may have been
overly ambitious and methodical.

- Alex please, I can't go on

without you, you
have to listen--

- Have to?

Are you giving me an ultimatum?

- I'll inject this so I can
stop thinking about you.

- How tragic.

What cocktail have you
chosen to taunt me with?

- [Thalia] Procainamide.

- Astute choice.

Something to stop that little

heart beating with so much love.

You're not doing this, Thalia.

You're confused and tired.

You just need sleep.

We'll talk about all this
with a straight head tomorrow.

[Splash]

Pity, our last play
time left a few marks.

You're a modern
couple, I get that.

But what I don't
understand is why if

you supposedly love
each other so much,

you're always seeking
to play with others.

My only conclusion
is that neither

of you has ever or can ever be

fully satisfied by the other.

This in turn leads me to believe

that an ideal form
of love may not exist

and I may therefore
never find it.

It occurs to me that instead
of trying to satisfy each other

and nurture the less
than ideal love you had,

you've become greedy.

Comfortable laying
around in your

own piss and shit
and everyone else's.

Like a couple of swine.

[Urine trickling]

Let me leave you with a hot
tip from my stockbroker.

It's all right to be a pig,
pig's get fat and happy.

But when you turn gluttonous

and become a hog, watch out.

Hogs get slaughtered.

[Knife slashing]

[rhythmic humming]

Drew, yes will you
inform any remaining

guests that I've
retired for the night?

That's right, party's over.

Oh and when you've
finished down there,

I've made a little mess.

Nothing unbearable but you may
want to bring a disinfectant.

Oh and Drew,

thank you.

- Yes.

Yes.

As soon as possible.

Thank you.

[Knocking]

- Coming.

[Anxious low warbling tones]

- There.

It's fair now, isn't it?

You hit me first.

[Weeping]

[gun cocks]

[mid tempo electronic tones]

[heavy breathing, grunting]

[knocking]

- [Alex] I'm busy, Drew.

- [Drew] Sir, I think
that maybe you--

- I said I was fucking busy!

[Grunt]
[glass shatters]

Do you understand what that
means, you witless shit?

Why are you so eager
to please, Drew?

- [Drew] I love
working for you, sir.

- Love.

Love is a word that people
drop like litter, carelessly.

A simple word that supposedly
holds so much meaning.

None of which I've ever
been able to grasp.

And you,

you're the closest
match I've found.

- We should get you cleaned up.

- Call me Alex.

- Yes sir, Alex.

- Do you think I'm beautiful?

- Beautiful?
- Would you like to kiss me?

- Kiss you?
- Kiss me.

- Yes.
- Wrong answer.

[Alex groans]

[sputtering]

Oh Drew, what a mess
you've made of your face.

You're hard to tease
sometimes Drew,

but I like the adoration.

I bet you enjoyed walking
in on me last night.

I'm finally gonna give
you what you want.

Pity,

you're not even
alive to taste it.

That was hot, old buddy.

But there's something
not quite right.

Perfection is achieved not when
there is nothing more to add

but when there is nothing
left to take away.

[Knocking]

The body is left

stripped down to its nakedness.

Is it so much to
ask for an equal?

Simply beautiful.

That's so

beautiful.

[Gunshot booms]

[relaxed electronic music]

[relaxed harmonica music]

[classic up tempo rock music]

- What are we gonna
do for six months?

- Six months and four days.
- Well look who's counting.

- The days, the hours,

the minutes.

I've just had one
thing on my mind.

Just waiting for you
to get off that ship

so I can bring you
here to the woods

where we can do whatever
we want, be whoever we want

and make love as
much as we want.

I missed you, Will.
- I missed you too, Matteo.

Matteo, I--
- You what?

- The guys on the ship, they
sometimes bring guys back

to their bunks even if they
have girls or guys back home.

I'm enlisted for at least
another two years and I

keep thinking about how hard
it is to be apart for so long.

Maybe we can let
off some steam once

in awhile to make the
time apart a bit easier.

Is that something you
could see us doing?

- No.

- I love you because you're
my man and I'm yours.

I'm not talking about
opening up our hearts.

Just our pants.

♪ Why don't ya do what ya do,
what ya do, what ya do what ♪

♪ Why don't ya do what ya
do, what ya do, what ya do ♪

♪ Oh

♪ Oh oh oh

♪ Oh oh oh

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh

♪ Why do you do what you do

♪ When you do, it
makes me feel so blue ♪

♪ So I ask you too

♪ Why do you do what you do

- Sure, I've thought
about being with other

guys but this has always
been enough for me.

We've been together for five
years, high school sweethearts.

Despite it starting
with a fistfight.

- Yeah, I don't blame you for

wanting to knock
some sense into me.

- Do I have to knock some
sense into you again?

You just got back.

Why are you talking about
being with other people?

- Being with other
guys once in awhile

isn't gonna change the way
we feel about each other.

I think we should be
honest about what we want.

- So what do you want?

- I want you to be
happy when I'm away.

I don't want guilt to be any
part of our relationship.

- So if I meet some
handsome cowboy--

- I hope you give him
the ride of his life

and if some army
brat catches my eye

during Fleet Week,
it's just one night.

- You think it's that easy?

- Actually I think it's
gonna be pretty hard

sometimes but I'd rather
we're honest about it and with

a little effort, maybe we can
even be happy for each other

and that if we
can't be together,

this might be the
next best thing.

[Light ensemble music]

[relaxed jazzy trumpet music]

You know I've never
told you this before but

sometimes I get scared.
- Of what?

- Dying I guess, that's
what it sums up to.

Every time we go out to
sea, I say a little prayer.

It's automatic,
it's like a habit.

I whisper to myself I can
die today and everything

can be all right because
I've had an amazing life.

But would the ritual truly
exist if I believed that?

No.

The truth is I'm afraid.

It's not something
we talk about as

soldiers but I'm
guessing we all feel it.

- It's okay to be afraid.

I'm afraid too,
every time you leave.

- I still get the nightmares
sometimes, not as much but--

- Will, I'll be with
you if they come.

- I was hoping that we
could stay awake for awhile.

- Oh I'm awfully tried,

I don't know how I
could possibly stay up.

- I've got some ideas.

[Relaxed guitar tones]

Do you remember this?

- I remember this.

- Do you remember we
used to dance to this?

- I don't know, can you show me?

- You need a refresher?
- Yeah.

[Relaxed jazzy piano music]

♪ Miss your voice

♪ The touch of your hand

♪ Just long

♪ To know

♪ That you understand

♪ My buddy

♪ My buddy

♪ My buddy

♪ My buddy

♪ No buddy

♪ Quite so true

♪ Your buddy

♪ Misses

♪ You

- For me, it would be
about setting rules.

- Like what?
- I don't know.

Maybe only when we're away from

each other for
more than a month.

It's up to us.

We make the rules.

- Maybe even sharing a guy
once in awhile could be fun.

- So this isn't about
me not being there?

- No, I want you there.

This could be exciting, be
something to share together.

[Splashing]

No more rough play.
- I can be gentle.

- Yeah right.

Hey, come on down for a swim.
- Will.

- [Will] What, maybe
he could be our third.

- You're crazy.

- Guess he doesn't
like rough play.

- Well I guess you're
just stuck with me.

[Fire crackling]

- I love you.

- Me too.

Will, did you just
touch my back?

- I'm touching you all over.

- I know but I felt a
third hand on my back.

- You're just fantasizing,
already thinking

about our hiker friend
from this afternoon.

- I know what I felt.
- Look at me.

It's just me and you
okay, no one else.

You're letting the
woods spook you again.

I'm right here and I'm not
gonna let anything hurt you.

- I know.

- As far as I'm concerned,

there's only one disturbing
thing going on here.

- Oh yeah, what's that?

- You stopped kissing me.

Good morning, babe.

- Not yet.

- I'll get coffee started.

I guessed you were
afraid of water

when you didn't
join us yesterday.

- I'm just not a strong swimmer.

- Army?

- I was, yeah.

- If you're feeling
brave, I'm a sailor.

Saving people is
part of the job.

- Even those that
don't need saving?

Here.

Daniel.
- I'm Will.

- The pleasure is mine.
- You have breakfast yet?

I was just about
to make some joe.

Come on.

[Laughs]

So after two months,
it turns out that

we were shooting at each
other the entire time.

- This is a great spot.
- Yeah, it's not bad.

Here we are.

This is it.

I'm sorry we only have two
cups but you can have mine.

- So

Daniel, are you out here alone?

- Yeah.

After I was discharged
from the Army,

I was feeling pretty
lost in the city.

I couldn't find a
job, so I came out

here to think about
what to do next.

- How long have
you been out here?

- The plan was to come for a
week but it's been several now.

But I just can't
seem to move on.

I know I can't stay
out here forever but

I'm just nervous
for what comes next.

- Why not stay in the Army?

There are still plenty of jobs
even though the war's over.

- I was given a Blue Ticket.
- What's that?

- A dishonorable discharge
given to homosexuals.

You get cut off from any
benefits from the GI Bill

and have to disclose the
reason you were discharged

if asked at a job interview.

- The military is
great at enlisting us

but damn shitty at returning
us to civilian life.

- Yeah, especially guys like us.

- I heard it's
better in the Navy.

- Let's hope so.

- You guys have a
great spot here.

It's close to the river.

If you want, I could show
you this great day hike.

It'll save you the
trouble of breaking

and setting up camp
somewhere else.

- I wouldn't mind a
day without my pack.

Where to?

- Don't you like
a little mystery?

- It's beautiful.

- I used to come up here a lot.

If you focus, you can sense

everything happening
all around you.

But from up here I'm
just an observer.

I can give up the
constant searching.

I get to be detached from
it all and uninterrupted.

- Searching for what?

- Meaning I guess.

- Do you mind if I
ask, what happened?

Why'd you get the Blue Ticket?

- A guy.

A beautiful guy.

We had become friends
stationed in Italy

and there was this party the
last night before I leave

and then a little
too much whiskey.

It's funny how it starts
in sips and ends in gulps.

His eyes,

they made me shudder inside.

I'd always known it was
different, the look that is.

The one that he reserved for me.

I guessed he was at least
curious but I didn't push.

Scaring him off would be worse
than not having him at all.

He smiled at me over his glass,

I returned the favor,
it was impossible not to

and then he kissed me

and I'm not even
sure where it began.

It was just one fluid
motion and we were close,

close and closer still.

I knew where his preferences
lied but not that night.

All that mattered in that moment

were his lips
pressed against mine

and I guess that's when
someone saw us and reported it.

By morning, I'd been
given a Blue Ticket.

I told 'em in was my
fault, that I instigated it

and he gotta stay 'cause
he didn't deny it.

- I'm really sorry.

- He may have been
the one for me but

I was never the one for him.

He was exploring and I
don't fault him for that.

I think it's healthy to
test your boundaries.

It can give you a
stronger sense of who

you are and what shape you
want your life to take.

Come on, it's a steep trip down

we don't wanna make
after nightfall.

[Jazzy ensemble music]

It's beautiful,
what you two have.

How'd you guys meet?

- It was ninth grade.

I picked a fight with him.

Called him out into the street.

At least this way,
he would touch me.

It's snowing

and I slip on the street
but he holds me up

by the shirt just to
knock me down again.

My jaw hits the asphalt,

crimson in the dirty snow

and he's calling me out
for more and I want it.

More than

anything.

I haven't gotten
one good hit in.

Hurting him crushed me inside.

So I let him beat me.

Someone pulls him off
and I don't want them to.

I was finally close to him.

He won the fight

but

so did I.

- We both did.

- Daniel,

why don't you spend
the night with us?

It'll be a whole lot warmer.

- Only if it's okay with you.

- Yeah.

♪ Whoa

♪ This love in my life

♪ I know he's there for me

♪ He'd climb the highest peak

♪ And he'd swim the widest sea

♪ He's so crazy

♪ We're so crazy

♪ About

♪ Our love

♪ Oh, about

♪ Our love

[relaxed jazzy
guitar, trumpet music]

- [Will] He must've moved on.

- A goodbye would've been nice.

- What was it he
said on the hill?

He likes to observe,
not interrupt.

He didn't want to interrupt
us, he knew it was time to go.

[Radio static, tuning]

I like this song.

Come on babe.

- Yes please.

Let's get you home.

- [Spokesman] So keep your
romance fresh with Colgate.

♪ You fight tooth decay

♪ Help stop bad breath all day

♪ With Colgate

♪ Dental Cream

- [Radio Reporter] This
is the news on the hour.

The body of a
young man was found

in the Elora Gorge
area of Grand River.

The coroner report states
there is no sign of foul play

and the death has been
deemed a drowning accident.

The body of the
deceased is thought to

have been in the river
for several weeks

before being discovered
by a local fisherman.

The young man has
been identified as

22 year old former
soldier Daniel Donauer.

While enlisted in the
Army, he served in

Italy before receiving a
dishonorable discharge.

Friends and family have yet to

come forward to claim the body.

[Steady tempo drumbeat]

♪ You pretty little liars

♪ All again

♪ Your wild affection,
sweet deception ♪

♪ Taking hold of me

♪ You know you'll find
a way to get me back ♪

♪ Like every time

♪ Oh, you pretty little liars

[soft guitar tones]

[relaxed slow violin tones]

[thunder booming]

[soft guitar tones]

[relaxed slow violin tones]

- In the name of the Father,
Son, Holy Spirit, amen.

Be with me Lord when
I am in trouble.

Be with me Lord, I pray.

[Weeping]

I don't know what to say.

Look,

I don't see God
when I look at you.

I just see the money
that this church

paid me to create
the monstrosity that

they kneel before every
sunrise and sunset.

A man nailed brutally to
a tree and left to die.

Endless anguish and suffering

continuing without
relief into eternity.

- Rudy, I'm so pleased to
have you join me this morning.

- Of course, Father.

- We'd like to commission
you for a second piece, Rudy.

We've decided on a
painting of St. Bacchus.

He was in the Roman Army,
Second Commander to St. Sergius.

The earliest reports
on their story refer to

Sergio and Bacchus as
erostai, the Greek word for--

- Lovers.
- Lovers.

They were tortured, separated

and so badly beaten
that Bacchus died.

That night in prison,
Sergius had a vision.

Bacchus appeared to him
in his soldier's armor

and promised him that they'd
be reunited in Heaven.

Sergius' tortures continued and

he was finally beheaded.
- Another happy ending.

- Unfortunately the
people worth remembering

often had tragic ends.

I'll ask our librarian
to pull some material

and courier it over to
your studio this afternoon.

- Perfect, as always
a pleasure, Father.

- How are you, Rudy?
- I'm fine.

I just haven't felt
inspired to come without--

- Xavier.
- Yeah, without Xavier.

I can't believe
it's been a year.

- You were so strong
through his illness.

- [Rudy] What choice did I have?

- Life is riddled with choices.

You chose to stay by
your friend's side when

many would have left.
- I couldn't have left.

I loved him, I still love him.

- I know.

Don't lose faith.

- Thank you, Father.

- Can you believe this?

This is all ours.

I can't believe how
big this place is.

- I'm glad you're excited.

- Excited, babe
I'm freaking out.

You could paint right here.

We could sleep over
there and my piano,

my piano could go over here.

As soon as we can afford all it.

- Buying you a piano is
the first thing we do.

- Really, before we get a bed?

- No no no, piano
first so you can

write hit songs which
will pay for the bed.

- Right, okay.

[Radio static, tuning]

♪ Baby it's gone

♪ Forever and forever

- Come on.
- What are you up to?

- You know what this is.

♪ I can't stand the pain now

♪ I'm falling without you

♪ There's no one to run to

♪ When life gets me down

- Come on, dance with me.
- I'm all sweaty.

Seriously, we have so much to--

- [Xavier] Come on,
when are we gonna

have a dance floor
like this again huh?

♪ Beside me

♪ 'Cause it just reminds me

♪ How we used to be

- [Xavier] I don't know
what to do with you.

♪ People tell me just move on

- I'll make you better.
- What is this?

♪ People tell me
just to be strong ♪

♪ But I just fall apart

♪ Wish I could turn
the clock back ♪

♪ We could fall in love again

- I love you.

So much.

♪ Could be lovers 'til the end

♪ Does forever mean forever

- Am I in trouble?

♪ I don't wanna be alone

♪ Baby

♪ I can't stand the pain now

♪ I'm falling without you

♪ There's no one to run to

♪ When life gets me down

♪ I can't bear the sunshine

♪ When you're not beside me

♪ 'Cause it just reminds me

♪ How it used to be

[soft piano tones]

- [Rudy] Oh, Michelangelo.

You were shortchanged in
having your model for David.

My Xavier is beyond words.

Beautiful.

Exquisitely perfect.

Gone,

a sacrifice to a marble god.

A god who doesn't answer prayers

and now I'm wandering alone,

making paintings destined to
collect dust in empty churches.

Cold and motionless,
frozen in time.

Frozen myself,
can't feel anymore.

[Relaxed guitar, flute music]

Paint another Saint,
manifest another tragic life.

Frame it in ornate gold as

a reminder of how
shitty life can be.

How were you
tortured, St. Bacchus?

Were you fed to lions,
pierced with arrows,

dismembered, beheaded?

Were you willing to die for
your faith or for Sergius?

In the end, did it even matter?

Should I immortalize
you carrying a skull

as a reminder of our
fleeting mortality

or with a sword through
your tortured heart?

Hellenistic,

what happened to the
concept of holding art

as a testament to human
achievement, to transcendence?

[Relaxed flute music]

Eros and Psyche

intertwined under the heavy
branches of an olive tree,

blissfully unaware of
the passage of centuries.

Heracles himself, the
embodiment of brute strength

and courage, cloaked in
lion's head and club.

[Relaxed flute, violin music]

Pallas Athena,
ever contemplative,

staring out in
wisdom having just

sprung from the
forehead of Zeus.

Beauty,

grace,

strength,

wisdom,

love,

extinct.

[Soft piano tones]

♪ Suffer

[singing in French]

♪ Suffer

- [Actor] Where are you?

- Please,

allow me to show you something.

You should never
believe everything

your eyes tell you, young man.

Is that the girl
you think you saw?

- Yes of course.

- Before you say anything else,

examine the portrait closely,

the signature and
above all the date.

♪ Suffer

[singing in French]

[relaxed ensemble music]

- [Rudy] How beautiful you are.

[Anxious light piano tones]

I won't let you torture me with

silence for the rest of my life.

- [Xavier] Thank you.

- Will you have dinner
with me tonight?

- Yes, like every night.

Look I...

I made a list so you'll
no exactly what to do.

- What kind of a list?

- The funeral.

The music, friends
to call, the flowers.

Calla lilies.

But you could've guessed that

'cause you know
they're my favorite.

- Hey, let's go to a
movie tonight you know?

They're doing a Delan
retrospective at the Arts Club.

- Rudy.
- Forever since we've gone.

- We need to talk about this.

Look,

it's all in here.

I made a list of things I want
to go to certain people and

there's a few pages
in here I'd like for

you to read at the service.
- Don't talk like this.

- I just want things to be
easy for you when it happens.

- Easy, how is any of
this gonna be easy?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- I know, I know.

I shouldn't have--
- No I'll take, give me this.

- Forget about this
tonight, forget it.

Forget it.

- How are you gonna
make me forget it?

Do you have ideas?
- You're easy.

- I'm easy?
[Chuckles]

[somber piano, violin music]

Day after day,
flowers, condolences

and a whispered play-by-play
of your physical demise.

Breathe deeply of
him but not too much.

Every day the scent
grows a little fainter,

a little farther away.

- What happens to the Baroness,
was her death violent?

- My love.

My love.

I'm weary.

My soul cries out for relief.

- [Baroness] Take your
life as you took mine.

Let you own hand destroy you.
- Rudy.

- [Baroness] And bring
us together forever.

- Rudy.
- Forever.

- [Xavier] Rudy.

Come to me.

[Weeping]

[soft somber guitar music]

[rhythmic humming]

[tea kettle whistling]

[soft somber guitar music]

- [Rudy] I just want sleep to
be a black void, dreamless.

Providing an escape from
the monotony of my days.

[Cell phone ringing]

Anything would be better
than the nightmare.

I'm so

tired but I'm terrified
to go to sleep.

I yearn for that
dreamless void now,

to stretch that eclipse from
reality into an eternity.

To jump into the river
of time and be washed

away before anyone has
the opportunity to notice.

I don't want to hurt anyone.

I just want my death
to happen in a blink.

Let the world shut
and open its eyes

and I will be gone forever,
never to be remembered.

No memorial service for me.

[Anxious somber
violin, piano music]

- [Xavier] I think we
should move to Paris.

- What?
- I'm serious, Rudy.

- [Xavier] Look, if you want
to move beyond fashioning

Saints and the Madonna
for members of the clergy,

you're gonna have
to make a name for

yourself on the
international art scene.

- [Rudy] You wanna leave?

- Not forever but
for awhile, yeah.

Look, we both know
Macondre who owns

that little art
gallery in Montmartre.

I'm sure he could help
you out and you know,

you could meet the
right people and...

Look,

let's explore, Rudy.

Let's try to live
in a world that

we don't know so intimately.

- Yeah but this is our home.
- And our home

will still be here
when we get back.

I say we go,

we try it out for a year.

I'll keep writing my
music and perform.

You could work on your art

and your French.

- You brat, that's
the motivation.

- Come on, think of it.

Do you remember when
we met in Le Maurer?

- It was at that little bakery

with the best macaroons
in the whole world.

- Yeah or so they claimed.

- That's why I had to go to
France in the first place

to taste the best dessert
and find the love of my life.

- Will you think about it?

- Yes.
- All right.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

You won't regret
this, I promise.

- What are you doing,
who are you calling?

- Hello mama.
- Xavier.

- Oui, c'est Xavier.

Listen she's be excited,
you're just thinking about it.

Mama.

[Speaking French]

[laughs]

[somber soft piano music]

- I couldn't sleep so I
thought I'd come and talk.

Oh, it's a good thing I
live alone huh Xavier?

I bet you're having a good
laugh at me right now.

I've been thinking more
about what you said

about moving to Paris and
I think we should do it.

We can rent out our place here.

Some art students
from the university

will surely take
it and we'll go.

We'll go for a year and
just see if we like it.

I just need to
finish this painting

for the church and then we'll...

I would give anything

just to hear you say you
love me one more time.

- I'm cold.

[Somber soft ensemble music]

We talked about this.

I'm tired.

This has to stop.

It's no way for us to live.

Please.

Please.

[Somber deep piano tones]

[weeping]

- I don't know if I can do this.

I love you

with all my soul.

You know that, right?

- I love you.

I'm ready.

[Soft somber ensemble tones]

It's okay.

[Deep somber cello tones]

- Xavier.

I'm so cold.

Lonely.

Friends have told me that

I need to move on

and I tried.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry but I thought
maybe they were right

and that if I just
found someone knew,

that it would help
get rid of this ache.

Sometimes I wonder if it could

get any worse and then it does.

The emptiness squeezes a little
tighter, a little tighter.

Threatening to choke
yet mercilessly

pushing me through
to one more day.

If only I could
forget the present.

I'm dying for your kiss.

Just

looking at you, I
get that unsettling,

excited feeling and it's
the first time since we...

I'd take you back.

Sick and dying,

puking and shitting,

all of it.

I'd rather have you in that
awful state than be here alone

with nothing to give me even

a phantom sense of satisfaction.

Food is tiresome,
conversation could

lead to a shooting
spree and sex with

anyone but you is
vile and repulsive.

How can I be so
twisted and empty

and you stand there
so fucking beautiful?

Xavier.

Look at me.

Please Xavier, just
for an instant,

just so I know that some piece
of you is still out there.

Xavier.

Xavier, look at me.

Why won't you look at me?

- I've lived here alone

with the memory of the dreadful
thing I did that night.

You think I'm mad, don't you?

- You know I don't believe
in you anymore, don't you?

Now I know we're not
supposed to test you.

Another scrap of info I
recall from Catechism.

I'm not testing, I'm
already beyond believing.

I love Xavier

with every piece of
my being and I know

that your PR people
don't condone that

but it's true and incontestable.

As sure as the ocean's tide.

So I'd appreciate if you
could pass on a message for me

because I'm pretty sure
he'll be in your arena.

Tell him I love him.

Tell him

I can't do this
anymore without him

and so I'm crossing
over to find him.

[Soft somber guitar,
violin tones]

[soft piano music]

[relaxed ensemble music]

[singing in French]

[singing in French]

[relaxed ensemble music]

[relaxed ensemble music]

[singing in French]

[splash]