Seven Minutes in Heaven (1985) - full transcript

Ha ha ha!

♪ Ooh ooh 15 ♪

♪ Ooh ooh 15 ♪

♪ Ooh ooh 15 ♪

♪ Ooh ooh 15 ♪

Nat, did you know boys have
straight ones and bent ones?

And if you look at their hands,

you can tell how big it is.

Imagine owning this thing

with a will of its own.

Don't you think
about it constantly?



Actually, Polly, no.

It's weird.
It stands right up.

Isn't it amazing?

I can't imagine having one.

Keep your voice down.

Don't forget to mail
the check to Ohio Bell.

Dad, it might get cold.

Which of these
sweaters do you like?

I don't know.
Choose one for me.

Okay.

Hello!

What's wrong?
Are you embarrassed?

Hey, Mr. Becker,

meet my new friend, Mr. Pecker!



Ha ha ha!

Polly!

Tangent. It's tangent.

If we know "A",
we know what "X" is.

Maybe you know what "X" is.

Look, Jeff, if "A" is 37, what's "X"?

"X" is how I sign my name.

Duh! Duh!

Gerry, it's almost
time for dinner.

He's not leaving.
What's "X"?

Ultraviolet rays.

You just lost dinner.
What's "X"?

A dirty movie?

No learner's permit.

How do you like them apples?

360 minus 37.

Too late.

You can forget about driving.

That's not fair!

Life's tough, buddy.

Mom!

Can't you get him off my case?

Gerry says I can't get
my learner's permit.

You're part of the family.

While you live here,

you have to respect Gerry and me.

He's not eating with us.

I don't want to see his face.

You won't see my face...

Ever again!

[Baby cries]

That was smart.

Hey, what's up?

Not much.

Have you seen Polly?

No.

Cheer up.
You're lucky.

Yeah.

Keep the doors locked.

Thanks, Polly.

You don't have to be alone.

Aunt Gail has a room for you.

Polly, I forgot to tell you.

Your mother called.

Dad, I wish you
didn't have to go.

Natalie, why are you
being so stubborn?

Why won't you stay
with your aunt Gail?

Because I live here.

Polly's father was a sales rep

until he asked for a new position.

That's a different line of work.

To win that future leaders contest,

I have to really concentrate.

Mmm. Great car.

Big hands.

Ridiculous.

Need new points and plugs.

I love you.

The United States government
has told South Africa

it is deeply disturbed
over recent violence

which has taken 26 lives.

300 people have been injured...

[Doorbell rings]

[Ring]

[Ring]

[Ring]

Hmmm.

What happened?

Did you and your mom fight?

Parents and kids always fight.

It's the way of the world.

He's not my parent.

Adults and kids often fight.

He's no adult, either.

He threatens, he tries to bully me,

he insists that I be like him.

I'm not living there anymore.

Don't get too comfortable.

I can cook.

You won't get the chance.
You're leaving.

Tomorrow at 7 A.M. promptly.

[Telephone rings]

Hello?

Hi, daddy.

No, you didn't wake me.

MTV. Music Television.

Nothing's wrong.
I'm just tired.

Don't worry about me, dad.

I like being alone.

You're my favorite, daddy.
Good night.

Every month, the menstruating women

go to these huts

while the men remain in the houses?

So it is believed

that contact with the women
will make the men impotent.

Senator Natalie Becker, isn't it true

a boy spent the night with you?

Well, um, I was very young then

and, well, we must consider

the climate of the time.

I see.

I'll be up soon, dear.

Ha ha.

Aah!

Oh, my god! Jeff!

♪ Little boy sweet little boy sweet ♪

♪ Sweet little boy of mine ♪

♪ I want to know you ♪

♪ I want to show you ♪

♪ What's on my mind ♪

♪ Here in the night ♪

♪ Here in the night ♪

♪ Here in the night ♪

♪ So tight, so tender ♪

♪ Holding you in my arms ♪

Hi, Casey.

Hi, Lisa.

Hi.

Hey, Moran, nice shirt.

Is that the one
you wore yesterday?

Back of the line, moron.

Oh, god, my heart!

I may die on this spot.

How can he see anything in that albino?

Nat, uh, I wanted...

Have you seen him
without his clothes on?

Have you seen him
without his clothes on?

Seen him without his clothes on?

What is living together like?

We're not living together.

Please keep your voice down.

Nat, I'm sorry about telling Casey.

I didn't mean to
spread it around.

♪ ...we could be for keeps ♪

♪ 'Cause your love runs so deep ♪

♪ I've known since you met me ♪

♪ I'll be yours if you let me ♪

♪ Little boy sweet little boy sweet ♪

♪ Sweet little boy of mine ♪

♪ I want to know you ♪

♪ I want to show you ♪

Oh, my god!

♪ What's on my mind ♪

I'd like to speak to Dr. Rodney

about Jeffrey Moran.

Uh-uh. No, absolutely not.

It's out of the question.

Wait.

I have something to show you.

Open it.

♪ Two friends are we ♪

Where did you get this?

My god, look at me!

All that hair.
And you.

God, we were so ugly.

I mean, we've known each other

all our lives.

You were Dr. Jeff's first patient.

Oh, my god.

Don't you remember the examination?

I'm better now, and I'm a gourmet cook.

I'm an excellent brother.

I take care of my sister.

I need my privacy

to get my work done.

The antinuke rally is coming up.

The planning committee is coming over.

I have to study for tests.

I just can't do it.
I'm sorry.

[Door opens]

So, nat, please.

You won't regret this.
I promise.

One more night.
You get it?

After you.

You're still not moving in.

[Dog barks]

Mmm.

[Knock on door]

Hi.

Hi.

Uh, is Jeff home?

Yeah. He hasn't opened his eyes yet.

Oh. Well, uh, are you ready?

Me?

Yeah. Just a sec, okay?

All right.

I guess it's hard living with a guy

under the circumstances.

I'm not living with him.

I'm letting him stay for a few nights.

Oh, yeah.

It's a bad scene at his house.

You know, his stepfather and all.

Are your parents divorced?

No, my mom is dead.

Oh, I'm sorry.

What did she die of?
Do you mind me asking?

No. I seldom get to talk about her.

Everyone is just afraid to ask, I guess.

She had leukemia.

Oh, I collected for leukemia once.

Well, I just wanted

to make sure you were okay.

Hey, are you coming

to the football game this afternoon?

It's only jv, but Jeff is great to watch.

We call him mighty mouse.

Want to go out Friday night?

Me?

Yeah, you.

Well... What about Lisa?

What about Lisa?

I'll call you later

about the time and stuff.

Okay.

Polly!

♪ Ooh ooh 15 ♪

What?

Okay, I'll see you guys later.

You knew I loved him.

You had to know.

Polly, I didn't.

He's going to love you.
I know it.

I'm so sorry.
Believe me.

How come no boy ever likes me?

I swear, I'm the only sophomore

who never had a boyfriend.

Polly, lots of guys like you.

Yeah, retards and toads.

Jeff likes you.

Jeff.

Jeff's not a boy, he's my friend.

Look...

Leave me alone, okay.?

I got to go.

So Jimmy akers asks me out,

and he's a senior.

He takes me to this concert,

and we have front-row seats.

Casey's there, too.

He sees me with Jimmy,
and he looks crushed.

The music is great.

The lead singer is so gorgeous.

At first, I think it's my imagination.

Then there's no mistaking it.

The lead singer keeps looking at me.

We'll have some pizza.

I know we had it...

Look! There's Zoo Knudsen!

Who?

Don't you know anything about baseball?

His sister lives on Grove.

I wish I could take you with me.

My coach won't allow it.

Nor those fancy hotels.

Here you go, miss.

I know I know him.

Who is he?

You don't follow baseball.

That's Zoo Knudsen.

He does underwear commercials.

See you.

Hi!

Wow!
Cotton candy!

Where did you get that?

In there.

Can I have some?

Sure.

Mmm.

Looks good.
Can I have some?

Mmm.
You're delicious.

What's your name?

This is unbelievable!

Polly Franklin.

Zoo Knudsen.

I know.

Yoo-hoo, Zoo!

Come on!
This way!

In here!

Okay.

Inside.

I can't get away from that lady.

I thought she lived in Pittsburgh.

Can I help you?

Uh...

Well, my wife and I,

we were looking for, uh...

A negligee.

Weren't we, sweetheart?

Well, what sorts
of things does your...

Wife like?

What do you like?

Hmm.

Oh, I don't mean you personally.

I mean, guys.

Uh-huh. Guys.
Well, let's see.

Guys like...

This one, don't you think?

Guys would really like this one.

But do guys like bras?

Nah, guys don't like bras.

I could find a bra that a guy might like,

but for the most part...

Hey, that's kind of nice.

It's not bad.

Ha ha ha!

If I only had something to fill it.

What's it going to be, dear?

This one, if you like it.

This is nice.

I think this will be all.

90! 90! 31! 31! Hut 1!

[Whistle blows]

It's getting ridiculous.

He's living with a friend.

I feel like the fastest way

to get him back home

is to take him off the team.

I know he's important.

Yes, he is.

Jeff?

I got kicked off the team.

I was thinking of
getting steak tonight.

Is that okay.?

Yeah, steak.
Great. Fine.

Nat.

Yeah?

Steak. Thanks a lot.
I mean it.

I can kiss you.

Yuck.

How old are you?
Could I get arrested?

Fif... I mean 18.

All right.

Everything all right in there?

Yeah.

I haven't made out like that

since I was a sophomore at Fayette High.

When will I see you again?

We've got Pittsburgh, St. Louis,

and then we're back in New York.

New York.
Can I come?

Sure.

When you get to the stadium,

tell them you're my friend.

His arms were like rocks

and the door handle was killing me,

but it was a wonderful pain.

"Dear Zoo, it's been seven minutes

since I've been
in heaven with you.

Only the certain knowledge
of our future together

helps me through this lonely vigil."

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love, me ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

...and so I've decided
you can have Casey.

Zoo is much more mature...

What do you think?

This is going to look great on you.

He's going to love you.

Oh, I can't believe I mailed that letter.

It's corny.

It's ridiculously corny, isn't it?

Isn't what?

Saying I love you

and I'm counting the minutes.

Not if you mean it.
Really.

You're such a good friend.

I have something for you.

Chocolate.

It takes the place of love.

Really.
I read it.

It affects your brain cells

the same way love does.

I guess people think it's strange,

you two living together.

People can think what they want to think.

My mom taught me that.

I never saw it that way.

Ahem.

You know, you're really
different from other girls.

You take things much more seriously.

At first, it kind of turned me off.

I thought you were uptight or something.

No, you haven't heard the good part yet.

What's the good part?

One day I saw you smile,

and it really knocked me out.

Your smile.

It's like the sun breaking over a gray day.

My face is like a gray day?

Oh, no, no, no.

Your face is beautiful.

Your eyes are beautiful, but...

It was always...

Overcast.

Look, Natalie,

I go out with a lot of girls.

I mean, I'm not

a monogamous type guy
on the whole, but...

Well, you're different.

You're something else.

What am I?

Well, I just told you.

Ahem.

I have to go to the bathroom.

I'll be right back. Okay?

I can't watch this.

I can.

Oh, disgusting!

[Beep beep]

Hello.

Help me. I'm failing.
I'm doing a terrible job.

Don't panic.

Let go!

We were sitting and talking.

He was saying everything
he liked about me.

Suddenly, it got really weird.

How do you mean?
Like, kinky?

No.

Awkward...

Uncomfortable.

I said I was going to the bathroom.

He said she was beautiful,

then it got awkward.

What should she do?

She said she was going
to the bathroom.

She'll have to flush the toilet.

I'm serious.
She should.

We strongly feel there
should be no more talking.

The time has come for action.

Polly, don't look at our tapes.

Go down there...

Bye, Jeff.

Bye.

Ahh!

[Cheering]

I didn't go to the bathroom.

Look, I'm sorry I've
made a mess of things.

It's just that...
I don't know.

I've never really been
out with you before,

and I just don't
know what to say.

I mean, if you want to
talk about government

or genetically produced
fuel or something,

that's fine.

Or we don't have to talk at all.

That's all.

You can go if you want to.

Tell me about genetically produced fuel.

You really want to know about

genetically produced fuel?

Uh-huh.

That's exactly what
I want to talk about.

Can you believe it?
Casey's still here.

Shall we?

Of course.

Ha ha ha!

Casey's taking me for
my driver's permit.

Really?

Uh-huh.

♪ I'm ready for you, baby ♪

Come on over here, baby!

♪ Ready or not for love ♪

What to go for a romantic drive?

♪ I'm ready ♪

♪ I'm ready ♪

♪ Ready or not for love ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

♪ Ooh, I'm ready ♪

Jeff, you play baseball, right?

Yeah.

How would you feel if I told you,

"before we met

there were only base hits at best,

but you really are
a grand-slam home run."

How would you feel
if I told you that?

♪ Ready... ♪

No one ever said anything
like that to me before.

Ha!

Did you really mean all that stuff?

What stuff?

You know, base hits,

grand-slam home runs?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

Zoo Knudsen, New York Eagles.

Zoo Knudsen?

He's a friend of mine.

Everyone knows he
can't hit the slider.

♪ I'm ready ♪

♪ Ready for you, baby ♪

♪ I'm ready ♪

♪ Ready or not for love ♪

♪ I'm ready ♪

♪ Ready for you, baby ♪

♪ I'm ready or not for love ♪

♪ I'm ready or not for love ♪

♪ I'm ready ♪

♪ I'm ready ♪

♪ Ready, ready, ready, ready ♪

Hi.

You must have very strong feelings, Natalie.

Your mother dead,
your father so absent.

What do you see here?

There's this girl.

And occasionally she does some modeling.

She got a job posing next to a piano

holding this doll baby.

So she did it, got paid for it,

and she went home.

That's a very interesting story, Natalie.

These are zinnias.

Tell me about the zinnias.

I can't tell you their color

because it's black and white.

Uh-huh.

Uh, hurrying home, Natalie? Hmm?

Isn't it true that the
reason you are hurrying home

is because of a certain young man

named Jeffrey Moran?

Actually, no, Dr. Rodney.

I have a lot of homework to do.

Your mother seemed very concerned, Jeff.

Tell me about that picture.

This boy did modeling.

He had a job posing next to a piano

holding a doll baby.

Later he got a check in the mail.

That's a very interesting story, Jeff.

Who told you to say that?

Did Natalie Becker tell you to say that?

Doesn't, in fact,

Natalie Becker tell you
a lot of things to say,

how to act, how to talk?

Isn't that why you're here?

Because not your parents,
but Natalie Becker

has decided to take over your life?

[Bell rings]

Look, I have a test.

Oh, I'm very pleased

you're so concerned with your schoolwork.

I want you to study hard for that test.

Promise me.

There's one more thing...

Why did the boy model
get a check in the mail

and the girl model got
paid right there and then?

I could really do it.

I'll say I was sleeping at Natalie's,

take the bus to the airport,

and fly to New York.

After the game, Zoo takes me to his hotel.

Everybody knows Zoo.

"Mr. Knudsen,
I'll make sure

you and your delicious
wife aren't disturbed."

Lisa, are we going out Saturday?

I got concert tickets.

Yeah, I can fit you in, I guess.

Ha!

Okay. See you, Jeff.

He didn't hear you.

Bye, Lisa.

What's wrong with him?

He's having a rough
time at home, I guess.

I thought he lived
with Natalie Becker.

She's letting him stay there.

My parents are leaving this weekend.

They're visiting my sister at the state pen.

I mean, penn state.

He can't drive.

Come here, you.

Mmm...

I have to go before he wrecks my...

Mmm...

Car.

♪ Hmm mm mm ♪

[Telephone rings]

♪ Hmm mm ♪

Hello?

Hello?

Aunt Gail?

This is strange.
I thought I called home.

It's Natalie.

Natalie, I thought it was a boy.

I'm confused.

Why were you calling home?

I wasn't.
I was calling you.

Oh! Wait a second.

Thanks, aunt Gail. Bye.

[Click]

Just don't answer the phone.

Just don't.

Well, don't take candy from strangers.

Just don't.

A fool and his money are soon parted.

Beware of greeks bearing gifts.

I don't know any.

Isn't Casey Greek?

James Casey?
Try Irish.

Don't they keep, like, hundreds of wives?

With a heritage like that,

you're playing with fire.

Those are muslims.

Muslims, Irish...
I'm just telling you

look out for yourself.

[Bang]

I figure if we leave by 9:00, we...

Should be there in plenty of time.

Should I bring a blanket?

Sure. I'll see you later.

Hi.

Hi.

So, where have you been?

I've been around.

I still have Government
next to your French.

I didn't know you
had Government then.

I always see you coming from Gym.

You're so sweet.

Why didn't you ever say hello?

What are you doing tonight?

Ahh...
You sure kiss nice

for someone with as little
experience as you have.

You know, almost everybody kisses.

It's weird.

All over the world, people kiss...

The Saudis kiss...

The Monogolians kiss...

And the French kiss.

Definitely, the French kiss.

Hi, honey!
I'm home!

Oops!

Boy, today has really been a bust.

I mean crummy.

Uh, I better get going.

Don't leave on my account.

I just live here.

I'm borrowing your bathrobe.

I mean, your raincoat.

Mmm...

[Thunder]

[Footsteps]

I found it!

[Thunder]

It was in your bedroom, of all places.

[Thunder]

[Thunder]

Hi.

Hmm, I-I don't really know what to say.

I got a letter from your dad.

He wants to be a filmmaker or a musician.

Maybe I'll write him.

He's staying with friends in California.

He doesn't have an address.

Why did he write?

Oh, he wanted me to wire him something.

I really wish that you'd come home, Jeffie.

I really do.

Natalie's dad won't let
you live there forever.

Then where will you be?

All you ever think about is yourself.

Ever since I met Gerry,

if I didn't pay attention to you constantly,

you would sulk or wouldn't eat or...

Excuse me for wanting
to spend time with you!

How insulting of me!

God!

[Thunder]

[Thunder]

Sit down.

[Thunder]

Come here.

No.

Why not?

I'm uncomfortable...

Being up here.

I can't help it.
It's how I feel.

Wow, you're so old-fashioned.

[Telephone rings]

Oh, come on.
Just leave it.

Please?

Hello?

Hi, Mrs. Franklin.

Polly's not here.

I'm here.

I really have no idea where she is.

Oh, Jeff's fine.

He's, umm, studying.

Dad's still away.

Dinner?
I'd love to come.

Okay. Bye, Mrs. Franklin.

Ha ha!

[Thunder]

[Thunder]

Casey's car.

Why are you sleeping outside?

I'm camping out.

In the rain?

Isn't that Casey's car?

I know why you're here.

It's because they're in your bed.

Disgusting!

My best friend didn't even tell me.

[Thunder]

♪ One and one are two ♪

♪ That's what's meant to be ♪

♪ Two lives intersecting ♪

♪ Like geometry ♪

♪ I know in this whole world ♪

♪ Only you ♪

♪ And me ♪

Uhh....

[Thunder]

Are you sure?

Uh-huh.

Is that your mom?

Yeah.

She's pretty.

You look just like her.

Hi.

Hi.

God, she looks so mature...

The way she stands,

that womanly smile.

How are you?

Fine.

The last time I hugged her,

she was a virgin.

So what's new? Hmm?

Umm...

I'm finding out about Washington tomorrow.

Mm-hmm. Is that all?

Mm-hmm.

Nothing else is new? Hmm?

Not really.

I'm going to kill her.

We have absolutely nothing in common.

Nothing.

But when I get to New York,

Zoo will show me everything.

Oh, Zoo!

I knew you'd remember me.

[Computer voice]
"Dear Polly,

thanks for your letter.

It's always nice
to hear from my fans.

Love from Zoo."

Well, bye.

Ahem!

[Knock on door]

Polly?

Hello!

Ah!

Oh!

Guess what?

I made it.

I'm going to meet the President.

It's the best thing
that's ever happened.

They said my essay's
the best they've seen

from a sophomore.

We'll stay at this Phoenix Park Hotel.

They even give us spending money.

Stop.

Want to see a little play I just made up?

Once there was a girl named Petunia

who had a friend named Nathan.

I'm supposed to be Nathan?

Nathan is a very experienced boy...

He's gone all the way.

And Petunia is less experienced.

She's been to second base,

maybe third... once...

But she's really hot to trot.

Tragedy strikes.

Nathan doesn't like virgins.

Polly, I like you.

Thus...

Petunia decides...

She'll just teach herself.

Did something happen
between you and Zoo?

Polly.

Plenty of guys like you.

I think it's just that you decide

to get yourself all involved

with some impossibility like Zoo Knudsen.

Would you leave Zoo out of this?

There's nothing the matter
between me and Zoo!

Everything's fine!

What is it, then? What did I do?

Nothing!

You didn't do anything wrong.

You've got your perfect little career

and your perfect little boyfriend.

How does it feel to break up a happy couple?

How will your constituents feel about that?

I didn't break up Casey and Lisa.

That's not what the school thinks.

Who? You tell me one person.

See?

Zoo gave me this.

He sent you that?

Polly, that's really gross!

If you think he likes you,

you're kidding yourself.

I picked it out!

It's my taste, and if
that's what you think,

then you can just get out!

I mean it, get out!

Miss Do-Not-Litter-The-Sidewalk!

Miss Do-Not-Pollute-The-Air!

Little Miss Pure,

but I know you're not.

You think you're so hot

just because you slept with James Casey III!

If you think he's your boyfriend,

just think again, sweetheart.

I did not sleep with Casey!

I didn't.

Get out of here, you swine!

Hi. Jeff?

It's me... pol.

I'm glad you answered.

Hang up, mother.

Thank you.

So, where's your roommate?

They did?

They left you all alone?

Aw...

Well, how about a little company?

Okay. Great.

I'll see you in five. Bye.

Zoo will love that I'm so experienced.

[Music playing]

You were delirious two
days and two nights...

Jeff?

Do you like me?

Well, maybe that's why I'm so hungry...

Me? Like you?

Naw, not really.

Mother...

Have you ever wanted to kiss me?

Thanks for sewing the shirt,

but I can't find my pants.

Get back in bed.

That's the only thing that's
kept me there this long...

Polly...

I think... I think you're really pretty.

I'm not.

Yeah. You are to me.

...that you might say something

that would let us help you,

like notifying your wife or anything.

What did I say?

If you had a wife.

What did I say?

You talked of Margo.

She pulled out a red dress.

What else?

You mentioned someone named...

Ha ha ha!

If you have one, we could notify her.

No wife.

Ha ha ha!

Polly?

I have something...

From my brother's wallet.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

You know,

Zoo has a belt like that.

I thought he got it at Morgan's,

but he said a friend from Fayette

made it for him.

Jeff?

[Zips pants]

[Bell rings]

All right, line up.

Come on, watch it, now.

Will I have time to ask
the President questions?

I don't see why not.

What will you ask?

It's about the equal rights amendment.

I thought you would say that.

You might get one of his back-ups.

The President does pretend to be busy.

Pretend?

Does your father know yet?

I told him last night.

Hey, Jeff!

Shhh!

Isn't that Casey with Lisa?

Let's go back in as fast as possible.

Keep these two lines separate.

I want to see...

Hey, wait up!

What's wrong?

I saw you and Lisa
during the fire drill.

So? I'm here with you.

I mean, I was waiting for you.

Look, Lisa's Lisa, and you're you.

What's that supposed to mean?

That my relationship with you

is totally different from
my relationship with her.

Do you sleep with her?

I never tried to hide anything.

I told you I'm not
a monogamous type guy.

Come on, Natalie,

I really like you.

I know that you see a lot of girls,

but you weren't seeing her
once we first started.

Yes, I was.

The whole time?

Look, Natalie, it's not
like anything has changed.

I don't care what you do,
just leave me alone, okay?

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Want me ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Love, me ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

Go away, Jeff.

You knew everything, didn't you?

I mean, you knew all along.

He likes you a lot.

I happen to know that as a fact.

Come, my Little Cabbage,

let's have a nice meal.

How about mustard milk
with tomato garnish?

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Love, me ♪

My friend plays third base.

You might know him.

He's Zoo Knudsen.

Have you ever seen

those underwear ads he's done?

Not really.

You haven't?

They're really good.

Sportshorts.

Oh, yeah.

Natalie!

I'm really sorry if I hurt you,

but can't we work things out?

How about if I call you later?

No.

I don't think so.

Why?

Coca-Cola doesn't work.
My mom tried.

That's why I'm here.

Yo, Natalie!

I was wondering.
You're smart.

What kind of birth control do you use?

I don't use birth control.

You mean you just chance it?

I don't use birth control because...

Because I...

Don't do anything

that would result in pregnancy.

Oral sex!

Thank you so much.

Come here.

[Honks horn]

Hey, Jeff.

Get in the car.

I'll drive you.

How are you doing?

Are you passing everything?

Yeah, I'm passing.

Hey, that's great.

Work hard and you'll get
into a decent school.

Can't you get it through your thick skull?

I don't want to go to college.

What are your plans?

I'll go to umpire school.

You know how much those guys make?

Who cares?

You say it's important to like your job.

That's what I like.

You got to grow up.

You got to understand

that just because
I won't be just like you

doesn't mean I won't be happy.

Jeff, while I'm away, the house is yours.

To Washington.

Wait one minute.

Just a small token of my esteem.

Jeff, you shouldn't have.

Doris?

Of course.

Ah, allow me.

It's so sweet, Jeff, really.

Thank you.

Well, say hi to the pres for me.

And hurry home, honey.

[Door opens]

Mmm!
Mmm!

Aunt Gail!

I had no idea you, uh, had company.

I brought you some food.

Thank you.

I'm Jeff Moran, a friend of Natalie's.

I was just raking leaves.

We've already eaten.

Who's Doris?

Doris. Oh, that was a sample.

Real monograms take two weeks.

She needed it quickly for D.C.

Oh, you got it?
That's fantastic!

You don't seem very happy.

Oh, she's extremely excited about it.

When is your plane leaving?

I could take you there.

Tomorrow morning at 9:00.

9:00! You'd better hurry.

She's right.

Come on, Jeff. I'll take you home.

Natalie made dinner for you tonight?

Uh-huh. It's right up here.

Oh, this one?

Okay, thank you.

Uh-huh.
Have a nice evening.

You, too.

Listen up, gang.

I've got disappointing news.

The President has been called away.

However, the President
is extremely interested

in our future leaders

and has requested the Vice President

lunch with you in his place.

Not at the Vice President's
place, but in his stead.

Let's move into the next room for dessert.

No, thank you.

I read the Presidents

had a free hand with it.

Of course, there have been
extensive renovations.

There was a fire...

Would you like to meet the Vice President?

I'd love to.

They've done a magnificent job

in restoring this beautiful old building.

Thanks for coming.

Thank you.

Uh, Mr. Vice President?

I'd like you to meet Natalie Becker from...

Ohio.

Mm-hmm. Wonderful state.

One of your senators is here today.

Henry!

Yes, yes, I remember, uh,

Cleveland, Columbus, Cincinnati.

I've just been talking

with one of your constituents.

Senator Peterson, Natalie Becker.

Hello, Natalie.

I know of you, Senator.

I wrote you a letter

about the allocation
of funds for Route 202

after you campaigned for
improved mass transit.

I'll leave this matter with you, Henry.

If I hadn't voted for that bill,

we would have converted
state lands for freeways.

Isn't it your job to get bills formulated

without those kind of riders attached?

Heh heh heh!

It seems that you and I
are coming to loggerheads.

Loggerheads?

What the hell kind of
word is loggerheads?

Perhaps you'd like to visit my offices.

My research staff just collated
a study on cloud seeding.

I'm not sure about our schedule.

Mr. Williams?

Is there time to visit
the Senator's offices?

Not unless you skip sightseeing.

Sightseeing?

Yes.

Oh, Mr. Williams,

take her sightseeing later this afternoon

if you think it's that important.

If you'd like me to.

Thank you very much.

This one you owe me, Williams.

[Knock on door]

Just a sec!

Okay!

Bye, mom.

Honey, I'll be back la...

[Bat hits ball]

Zoo, I'm here!

Strrrrike!

Hey, beer!

Can I have a hot dog?

Batting in the clean-up position,

playing third base, number 39, Zoo Knudsen.

Hey, Zoo!

Zoo!

Hi!

All right, Zoo, go get 'em!

Do it, Zoo!

Yay!

Waa-hooo!

Wooo!

I don't think Senator Peterson likes me.

His staff did this research project
recommending cloud seeding,

so I asked him about
the cloud seeding in Iowa.

Didn't their farmland get flooded?

Don't worry about it.
The guy's a yo-yo.

You should see this place
in the springtime.

The magnolias...

The cherry blossoms.

I'm a real romantic.

Should I clerk with the Supreme Court

when I get out,

or practice public interest law

for a few years?

If you want to be President,

you'll have to learn to make deals.

The problem with making deals

is that you won't be you,

and you're what's so special.

I won't lose that.

How do you know?

I have a little voice inside.

It's me, Zoo!
Zoo!

Zoo!

Zoo! Zoo!

Zoo!

Zoo, it's me.
It's Polly! Zoo...

Come on, come on!

Let me go!

Get off of me!

Zoo!

Put me down!

Zoo!

They're yelling for your blood, buddy.

Tell them to let me back!

Zoo!

Tell them to let me back!

Let me go!

If you can't produce a ticket,

you have to leave.

Find my I.D. you big baboon!

Let go of me!

Settle down.

Officer.

Is this one in trouble again?

You know her?

She's my sister's friend.

Press.

You think you can behave on the field?

Ooh, cute.

I can't have you screaming.

Okay, officer.

Ha ha!

Yeah, okay, sure.

Come on, you.
I'm missing my shots.

That was a man in New York.

What?

He says he has Polly's purse.

What's Polly's purse doing in New York?

That's what I don't understand.

She's seeing Jeff today.

What's Natalie's number?

[Ring]

Hello.

Jeff, Stu Franklin.

Oh, Stu.
It's Bob Becker.

Hi. Do you know where Polly is?

Natalie's in Washington, so I don't know.

I just got in.

Put Jeff on the phone, then.

Who?

Jeff Moran.

Jeff Moran?

Hey, Polly.
It's me, Jeff. Remember?

Hey, Polly.
How's it going?

Yeah.

Hey, just thought I'd
pop over unannounced.

Is Polly home?

Come on in, Jeff.

Polly's purse in New York?

She was in love with this baseball player

who played for New York.

I'm going to call the stadium.

No, I'm calling the police.

No, we'll have the police call the stadium.

How does she know Zoo Newton?

Knudsen.
You're putting your girdle on?

We're not going dancing.

I don't want to look like an animal.

You got a boyfriend back home?

Yeah.

Well, no.

Not anymore.

Mm-mm.

Would you like to come
to my place tonight?

I don't think so.

Let's go see the Washington Monument.

Oh, that's great.

I love the Washington monument.

This is it.

You'll sleep here.

I'll drive you to the airport

in the morning.

[Whistles]

The bathroom's through there.

You have parents?

Mm-hmm.

Don't you think

you should let them know where you are?

Not particularly.

Not particularly?

Won't they be worried?

Probably.

So, Bill...

What's it like...

An orgasm?

You're too much, you know that?

With a girl, I mean.

Is it different, you know,

from when you do it to yourself?

Look. There's a bed, bathroom, water, bread,

and I'll make you an egg tomorrow,

but leave it at that, okay?

But what's it like

when you're with someone else?

Okay.

If I tell you,

will you call your parents?

Okay.

What's the number?

Tell me first.

Okay.

Here it is.

Exquisite relief from torture.

Torture?

Thank god she's safe.

Zoo Knudsen?

Big time.

Call off the police.

I'm going to kill that girl.

Torture?

Why torture?

Well... because it's real torture

not to have the orgasm.

So why torture yourself?

Why not just have it?

Because it feels so good
to almost have it.

Better than to have it?

In a way, yeah.

Really?

In a way, no.

Well, would you show me?

Oh, cut it out, Polly.

I was 15 in this picture.

Is that the kind of guy

you'd like to have an orgasm with?

No, right?

You all go for that stuff.

You want some jazz, looks, fame, age.

You know, there was this guy at school,

shot his mother.

Every girl in 11th grade

was after that guy.

There's a face only a mother could love.

Other people could love your face.

I don't want them to love my face.

I want them to love me.

I could.
I could love you.

Do you want me to?

Oh.

Look what I've got here.

Chicken.

Bill?

Would you give me

a kiss good night, anyway?

Please?

Good night.

Thank you for a wonderful evening.

Ahh.

Mmm.

Who are you?

Jeffrey Moran, a friend of Natalie's.

She's been helping me
in my time of need.

Those are my pajamas.

I want to make

a clean breast of things.

Your daughter's really...
Not that much.

I'm just saying I live here.

You do?

Temporarily, of course.

It's my 21st birthday,

I'm at this party in New York.

Who should I see but
Bill the photographer.

Instead of teasing me

about that scene at the stadium,

he says I'm beautiful.

Polly!

Nat!

What are you doing here?

You won't believe what happened.

I went to New York.

I didn't see Zoo,

but I stayed with the nicest guy.

Do your parents know?

He's a photographer.

You stayed at his house?

Well, yes.

Ooh.

But he made me sleep on the couch

and call my parents.

Did you meet the President?

No.

How about the First Lady?

The Vice President?

You look so pretty.

Really?

Yes.

I met the Vice President
and Senator Peterson

and this aide who was a nice guy, sort of.

He showed me around.

I learned more from him

than from the big-name people.

This guy I met was a nobody, too, but...

I just remembered something.

I'm mad at you.

But let me show you this one picture.

Oh, I'm off Zoo.

It was fun,

but I'm not into that anymore.

Bill doesn't seem like my type,

but I haven't had so much fun

with a guy

since I hung around with Jeff.

Jeff, huh?

Hi, mom.

[Doorbell rings]

She's here.

Hello.

Come in.

I've been trying to reach you.

I tried to reach you back.

I'm always home.

Nevertheless, I tried to reach you.

I'm home all the time.

You have to come.

Why don't you just leave me alone?

Jeffie, I'm your mother.

You abandoned me for your husband.

You little brat, I did not abandon you.

You left, and don't forget that!

You were so busy playing house,

you didn't realize you were hurting people.

I'm sorry.

Listen, mother, Natalie likes me.

She likes having me around.

In fact, who invited you here?

Excuse me for wanting to be with you!

What's going on here?

Don't yell at her.
I made her do it.

No, you didn't.

What were you thinking?

You can't live with a man.

We didn't do anything.

I was not living with a man.

Where are your things?

In the piano bench.

Where are his things?

Natalie.

In the piano bench.

Hee hee hee!

You're disappointed in me, aren't you?

I'm especially disappointed
you didn't tell me.

What are you doing?

Why don't you stay home?

Is that everything?

I'll live in California with my father.

They already have a man
working this territory.

You could look for a new job.

Natalie, I can't.

I'm finally making decent money.

California, huh?

Yep. He always told me

I could come live with him.

Jeff, he doesn't have a home.

He doesn't have a job.

He hasn't spoken to you since when?

All that man knows how to do is play.

What's wrong with playing?

You used to carry me
around on your back

like a pony.

Honey, it was you that got tired of that,

not me.

It was you that realized

friends were more fun than your mother.

I grew up.

I know, and I'm glad.

How did I let you down?

You married Gerry.

Aw, Jeff.

Gerry's a good man.

Why can't you give him one chance?

I don't want to give him a chance!

He's not my father.

He's the only one you'll ever have.

Come here.

Honey, I'm sorry.

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love, me ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

Stop. No.

You have to make up.

I'm so embarrassed.

He hates me.

Polly, Jeff couldn't hate you.

That's what you think.

You know what's most important?

Concentration, that's all it takes.

Don't get distracted.

Hi, Mr. Jones.

Whoa!

Come on.

Come on!

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love, me ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Love, me ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love, me ♪

♪ That's all ♪

♪ I want to say ♪

♪ In this letter ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love, me ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love, me ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Maybe I'll include one p.S. P.S. ♪

♪ Written very clearly, my return address ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love, me ♪

♪ That's all ♪

♪ I want to say ♪

♪ In this letter ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love, me ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love, me ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Dear you, that's all ♪

♪ In my letter ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love, me that's all ♪

♪ In my letter ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love, me ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love, me ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Love, me ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Dear you, love, me ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Dear you, that's all ♪

♪ In my letter ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Dear you ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪