Search for Beauty (1934) - full transcript

Hemingway, my coat.

My hat, Hemingway.

My cane and gloves.
What cane and gloves?

Well, I had
a cane and gloves
when I came in here.

What a memory!

Never mind.
Give me my wallet.

Hey, you're 30 bucks light.

I had 250 smacks when
I came into this deadfall.

We'll take it up
with the management.

What a joint.

When it comes to
getting your
dough back,



this place is
almost as bad
as a bank.

Sure, I know.

There's crooks
in here.

So long, Jack.
You've been regular.

So long, Larry.
See you again.

Well,
well, well, if it isn't
the belle of the big house.

You haven't
changed a bit, Jean.
Still the same swell number.

Lay off that number stuff.
You'll never make
a number out of me again.

Still the same
quick comeback.

Yeah,
and the same
slick come-on.

And
speaking of come-on,
about that oil deal.

Forget it.
That's last week's wash.

Maybe.
But it hasn't
been ironed out yet.

Why didn't you tell me there
was no oil in those oil wells?



I didn't know
there was no oil
in those oil wells.

But you knew
there were no oil wells.

Now wait a minute.
I can explain that.

You can't explain away
two years in the can.

For 18 months
I've been sitting on my...

Where do you think
I spent the winter?
Florida?

Come on, let's
forget it and
start over.

I'm starting over,
all right, but alone.

So far as
you're concerned,
I'm through and went.

Wait a minute.
I've got a cab here.

No thank you, brother.
You'll never take me
for another ride.

Hey,
I've been looking
all over for you.

Was I having
a good time.
Up to now.

I got a great idea,
listen.

I tell you,
we're all washed up.

I wouldn't
vote with you in
the same election.

Won't you even read
what it says in the
paper?

No speak no English.

Won't you please
listen to me?

This is
so honest,
it's disgusting.

What's the most
sought-after thing
in the country today?

A medium-priced giraffe.

Stop gagging, will you?

I tell you this
is on the dead level.

Even a banker would loan
you money just on the idea.

Then handle it yourself,
and when they catch up
with you,

I'll bake you a cake
with a file in it.

Yes, ma'am.
Should I make up
your section now?

Yes.
Yes.

Both?

Both.
Lower.

Both.

Both.

I was a good girl
until I met you.

You are still
a nice girl, honey.

I wish
I was back
in Evanston.

Forget Evanston
and listen to my
idea, will you?

All right.
What's all the patter?

Here. Take a look at that.

That's where we start.

Los ?ngeles,
at the Olympic Games.

Why? You going in
for hammer throwing?

All the countries of the
world send their best
physical specimens,

then we step in
and take our pick.

Pick of what?

No pockets in
running suits,
are there?

From now on, sister,
we're selling what

the world's crying for.
Health and beauty.

Wait a minute.
I'll tell you
all about it.

My, my, my, what
pink toes you've got.

Tell me from up there,
Ducky.

Next entrant in the
women's high platform diving
event,

Miss Barbara Hilton
of Great Britain.

Look at
that Hilton gal.
Ain't she a honey?

Mmm-hmm.

You could
pasture peas on her.

Your attention, please.

Announcing the winners of
the women's high-diving
event.

First place,

Miss Barbara Hilton
of Great Britain.

Nice work, Britannia.
If it couldn't be America,
I'm certainly glad it was you.

Thanks a lot.

Your attention, please.

Next event, 400 meters,
freestyle, for men.

Lots of luck right
back at you, America.

If it can't be England,
I hope it's you.

Thanks. That's
a hope that helps.

That's the girl
for us, all right.

And in lane number six,
Don Jackson, United States.

That Jackson kid
looks pretty good.

Baby,
you can come to Mama!

Swimmers and judges ready.

Swimmers to your marks.

Come on!
Come on!

Hey!
Hey!

Can he swim.

Hey!
Hey!

Great race, Don!
Thank you.

Say something
on the mike,
will you?

Yeah.

Don Jackson,
folks, winner of the
400-meter freestyle.

...meter's a cinch.

I'm sure. Beaucoup.
I'm glad that I won.

I take the opportunity at
this time to congratulate
my opponents

for their
fine display
of sportsmanship.

Most of all,
I'd like to
say something

to you people sitting
up there in the sun.

Come on down here and
do things like this,

like they're doing
over there in the stadium.

Don't just clap your
hands for exercise,

but get off your
feet and get on them.

Come on down
here and exercise.
Exercise and get healthy.

Exercise is for everybody.
Thank you.

Thank you.
Thank you, Don.

Did you get
a load of that spiel?

He's bowling them
right up our alley.

You go
after the girl,
I'll get Jackson.

What's the big idea,
you goof?

Lmagine those guys,
just a bunch of
cheap grifters.

Trying to cash in
on the kid's name.

That's right. You gotta
be careful of those
phonies.

I'll say you have.

Some race, boy.
You sure used
your head.

Thanks, Mac.

Head, yes,
but a head made
clear by a healthy body.

A body made fit
by right living, right
eating, right exercise.

Don,
this is Mr. Williams
I was telling you about.

How do you do,
Mr. Williams?

Congratulations, Jackson.

Thanks. Funny,
but what you just said is
just like an article I had

in the paper
this morning.
That so?

Then I'm dead certain
you're just the man
I need.

The man to edit my
Health and Exercise magazine.

Mac told me
about your idea,

but to handle a job
like that calls for more
experience than I've had.

Thanks anyway.

Well, have you
thought it over?

Yes, but I'm afraid
I couldn't tackle it.

I'd be out
of my element.

That's very disappointing.

We were so anxious to have
the right kind of girl
handling it.

That's why
I came to you.

You wouldn't
have to shoulder
all the responsibilities.

You would have
help, of course.

Your partner.
Partner?

Yes.
You chosen anybody yet?

We were figuring
on Don Jackson.

Don Jackson!

This was
Mr. Peck's office.

It hasn't been
used for some time.

And this is
the photograph gallery.
I'll open it up for you.

Okay.
We'll be right here.

All this joint needs is
a horsehair sofa and
a horsehair sofa.

That's all right.
We'll fix it up.

Throw out all this junk
and get some real
classy stuff.

You know, carpets
so thick you can sink

your feet in them
up to your knees.

And your bankroll
up to the rubber band.

Where's the
what-it-takes
coming from?

Dan Healy.

That guy's
got one-way pockets
lined with fishhooks.

Don't worry. He'll cough.

Didn't he get all his
dough out of the deal
we took the rap for?

He'll split.

Come in.

Hello, Dan.
Well, I'm glad
to see you.

How are you?
Well, hello, Larry.

I'm certainly
glad to see you.

You remember Jean?

Sure.

Jean,
it's a treat to see you.

Yeah? Then
it's a Dutch treat.

What are you
sore at me for?

Why, Danny,
I'm not sore at you.

Why should I be?

I just adored
going to jail
for you.

Got
any more stretches
you want me to do?

You never went
to jail for me.

I just happened
to be out of town

when the jam came,
that's all.

I just happened
to miss the train.

You're
always missing trains
just before the payoff.

Funny how
rich a guy can
get missing trains.

I ain't rich.

And I was happier
when I was poor and
selling rheumatism rings.

So was I.
Wait a minute.

Why don't you two
try to get along?

Hey, Larry.
What's the idea
of meeting here?

Dan, did you ever
hear of Milo Peck?
No.

Yes, of course you did.
You must have.

Hey, look. There he is.

The big,
exercising muscleman.

You know,
big-bicep-conscious
and all that sort of hooey.

Well,
about two months ago,
our man Peck kicks off

and this joint's for sale.
And I've got an in on it
so cheap,

it'll make you snicker.

I don't snicker easy.
How much?

50 grand.

Why, for you,
just petty cash,

and listen, Dan,
it's on the up-and-up.

Why, we can
spit in the cops' eyes
while we're working it.

Well,
how are you
in on it, then?

Well, while
I was incarcerated...
In what?

In jail.

I had a little
time on my hands,
so I read his magazine.

Old man Peck had a line.

"Exercise
and be healthy."
That was the string.

But
here's the kite
he collected on.

Look at those pictures,
boy.

Sex. That's
what old man Peck
took to the market.

And that's what
sold the magazine.

I remember this guy.
We used to advertise

our rheumatism
rings in this sheet.

There you are.
Why, the advertisements

alone are worth
a million dollars.

It's raining soup, boy.
Throw away your fork
and get a spoon.

Well, if this
health racket
is so hot,

why didn't Peck make
a lot of heavy dough?

Because you didn't
leave any to be made.

Because he was
old-fashioned.

He didn't live
up to the times.

He was still
living in the days

when stockings were
considered underwear.

Yes, and men were men,
and took their own raps.

Why, just look
at these chromos.

No wonder the old
boy never cashed in.

Can you imagine trying to
sell a load of that nowadays?

Look at that
one on the end.

I'll bet she's
got rheumatism.
Look at that puss.

Hey, look, you say
this is on the up-and-up?

Well,
I don't want to
spit in no cop's eye.

If you're hooked up with this,
there's some kind of a gazype
in it.

Now what is it?
There is, Dan.

I'll be honest with you.
And here it is.

Health Acres. A hotel
and a few acres of ground.

Maybe there's oil on it.

The old chump used it
to work out some of
his exercise gags.

And here's where
he dropped all the dough
that he made on the magazine.

All right.
I got a great idea.
What?

Don't buy the hotel.

It goes
with the deal,
but that's nothing.

We can afford
to let it lay there
and go jungle on it.

The magazine will
pay for the farm

a hundred times.
There's millions in it.

Make it billions.
I'll lend you
a few zeroes.

It's a natural.
Don't you think so, Dan?

No, I don't,
and I'll tell you why.
I got nothing against sex.

Either you got it,
or you go looking
for it.

But what would you and Jean
be doing editing a magazine?

Wasn't I
the society editor
of the prison paper?

That's the point.
You two have just
got out of...

Yeah,
and did I learn
about exercise there.

I see your point, Dan.

But
supposing I could
get a class front,

a couple of
Olympic champions,

like Don Jackson
and Barbara Hilton.

Well, certainly it'd be
something to talk about,
but what's the use?

Them youngsters
stand for things

on the level,
on the up-and-up.

What
would they be
doing with a couple of...

Say it and see me squirm.

Well,
anyway, you can't
get them, that's all.

I can't, eh?
They wouldn't
even come near you.

They wouldn't, eh?
You know they wouldn't.

Come right in,
Miss Hilton.

Miss Barbara Hilton,
Mr. Don Jackson,

the editors of
Health and Exercise.

How do you do?
How do you do?

This is Mr. Healy,
our publisher.

Why,
how do you do, Mr. Healy?
I'm glad to know you, sir.

And this is Miss Sally Palmer,
my cousin.

Pleased to meet you,
Mr. Healy.

Pleased to meet you.
Mr. Healy, our publisher.

And now if
you'll come with me,
I'll show you to your office.

Bye, Mr. Healy.

Yeah, I'm sure.

Well, Dan,
are you our publisher?

That cousin, that blonde?
She's your secretary.

I'm your publisher.

Now then, Sally.

I think I'll
call you Sally for short.
This way to your department.

Thanks.

I don't think
I'm going to
like this much.

Why not?

Because I can't see you.

I can see you.

That's funny.
I can't see you.

There.
Hello.

Hello. Better?
Much.

Gee, this is going to be fun.

We'll get these
desks turned around.
Get this place all fixed up.

And then for
some hard work.

Mind if I send you
flowers for your desk?

Now and then?

All right.
Now and then.

We'll have to take turns,
you know.

Turnabout is fair play.

That's right, fair play.
Together?

Mmm-hmm.

Together.

Nice work, Mr. Editor.
Got all of those things?

She sure has.

She is lovely,
isn't she?

A honey.
And can she swim!

But you saw her.

What a figure.

What a figure.

You're not
so bad yourself.

Yes, I am.

I'm putting what I don't want
on places that don't need it.

This magazine will tell
you how to take it off.

Are you pretty solid?

I don't know. Am I?

Well...

Bit of a bulge here.

We'll rub that off for you.

A couple of too
many inches here.

Sorry, Don.
Yeah.

Mr. Williams
wants to see you.

Thank you.

He's a grand boy.
I like him.

We're glad you do.
Frightfully.

Come right in, Don.
What did I tell you?
Can he take it?

We got a great idea.

This is the idea
on the floor.

This is our
editor, Mr. Jackson.
This is Adolf Knockler.

How do you do?
Talks and everything.

We're going to put him
in the window downstairs.

What for?
We're gonna break
granite slabs

on his stomach
with a sledgehammer.

The first day, 200 pounds.
That's nothing.

And the last day,
we're gonna rope off

the street and run
a truck over him.

Yeah. Yeah.

What's the gag?

He's got a hard stomach.

Sure, look.
Come on, get up.

Let him hit you.
Yeah, go on. Hit him.

Yeah, hit me. Hit me.

Why should I?
Don't you get it?

Knockler here takes the
exercises that we recommend.

Now he's able to let a truck
run over his stomach.
It's a great stunt.

Now listen, fellas.
Promotion and a bit
of hoopla is all right.

But this is a cheap
and cheesy stunt.

Why, he's never taken
any of our exercises,

and publicity
like that isn't going

to do us any good
in the long run.

We've got no
time for long runs.

What we want is
quick circulation.

Taking a guy
out and running
a truck over him.

It's an open
and shut fake.

Fake?
Who's a fake?
Hit me. Hit me!

Go on.

I show you.
Hit me! Hit me!

Come on, out.
Out, Adolf, out.

There you are.

You can't even
keep a strongman strong
with that Jackson guy around.

He crabs
everything we do.
The Boy Scout stunt,

the strip act in the park.
Don't I know it?

We'll never get anywhere
until we get that guy
out of our hair.

What does he think
we're running?

A magazine
for campfire girls?
I got a good mind to...

Don't shake
your finger at me,
it wasn't my idea.

How's that look, Arnold?

Yeah,
that looks
like something.

Now.

Hello.

What is this?
Old home week
in the harem?

We're making
a composite picture.

We're putting these
and those together
and producing that.

We're
taking the best
things these gals

have got and
doing tricks
with them.

A Larry Williams
production?

It's his idea.

And remember,
it's my dough that
guy's kicking around.

I know it's your money,
but keep your hair braided.

I'm gonna
run this place
the way I wanna.

All right, all right.

Yeah?
Williams?

Yeah.

Come over to the
studio, will ya?

All right.

Jackson?
Our editor.

So it's another
Williams idea, huh?

He takes the credit for it.
Somebody probably thought
of it first.

What is this idea
about a composite
picture?

Well,
it's a great gag.

Building up the
ideal for our slogan,
"Have a body beautiful."

Yeah, the way we figure,
no dame in the world has
got the best everything.

One's got the best legs.
Hello, Amy.

Another one's got
the best hair.
Hi, Helen.

Hello.

You see,
we're using Geri's eyes,
Mary's nose, Hazel's neck...

And Roena's back.

Hi, Roena.

Hello, Danny.

And right on
down the line to...
What's your name?

Go on,
I know that gag.

Yeah,
we're using
Fanny's feet.

Show him the
puppies, Fanny.

So you're gonna put them
all together in a picture?

Sure, that's
a cinch for Honey.

Why do you
fellas always have to
do things the fakey way?

Instead of building up
an ideal girl like
a jigsaw puzzle,

why don't you really
find an ideal girl?

And a man too,
for that matter.

What do you mean, "Find"?
A contest!

I get it.
We open up
the whole town

and give a prize
for the Body Beautiful.

Not just beautiful,
but healthy, fit.

And not only here,
but all over the country.

All over the world!
And Brooklyn.

Do you get it?
A universal contest
for the Body Beautiful,

sponsored by
Health and Exercise.

Swell. A contest is
great for circulation.

And has the
kid got a brain
as well as a body?

Why didn't you
think of that?
Quiet.

We use
their pictures
in every issue.

Hold them
up as models
for our readers.

But first we bring them
here for the final judging.

Let the people see the
real thing, not just pictures.

And I'll be the judge.
Quiet.

Go to work on that.
Boy, is this something.
It's colossal!

It's better than that.
It's positively mediocre.

Listen,
this thing will bring us
the best bunch of beauty

that was ever corralled in
one town. Beauty and health.

Yeah, but they gotta eat
if they want to stay healthy,

and who's gonna pay
for the hand grains?

It's a natural!
We put them up
in the best hotel.

What?
For nothing. Don't you
get it? For publicity.

We'll make them
endorse everything

from baby clothes
to bathtubs.

And we'll endorse
the gravy.

Yeah, but look,
there ain't gonna
be no gravy

with this
Jackson kid around.

He won't
stand for another
of them trick tie-ups.

That guy
wouldn't endorse
compound interest.

But he's not
gonna be around.
What?

We'll send him away
to manage the contest
and keep him off our toes.

Send him away...
Who else?
He's the editor, isn't he?

And while he's gone...
Boy!

We'll get some sleep.
We'll get... We will not.
We'll go to work.

We'll get out
a real magazine.

Hot?
Hot! You could
fry an egg on it.

Love stories.
And confessions.

Peck, old boy.
Hide your eyes.

It would break your heart
to see what's gonna happen.

Did you ride
here on that?

I beg your pardon.

I say,
did you ride
here on that?

All the way
from Edinburgh.

She's
from the bonny
braes of Scotland.

I can see now
why they're bonnie.

Yes.

Over yonder,
there's the winner
from South Africa.

That dark-haired boy there?
Yes.

Hello, Tidbury.
Hello, boys.

It's a nice layout
you have here, Tapley.

All these young
men and women,
Don,

have been chosen
as best representing

the youth of
the British Empire.

Well, the Committee
certainly did a good
job of it.

Now if you have
your contestants

sign these contracts,
Tapley, while I...

Hold on.
I don't want you
to misunderstand us.

We all know you
and you're all right.

But this magazine.
Now, we're all going
a long way from home...

Don't worry.
I'm personally responsible
for your contestants, Tapley,

and you can count on
me 100% in everything.

That's all right
with me.

Hurry up.

Up. Up!

Take them up.
Up. Up. Take them up.

Up, up,
up, up she goes.

That's the
answer to everything.
Circulation, readers.

Why, we couldn't have
bought typewriter ribbons

with that
skimmed milk we
were dishing out.

Now we're pouring cream
and they're lapping it up.

This is cream, is it?

Vicious stories written
by morons for halfwits.

"I Loved An Artist."
"I Was Just 16."
"Moon Madness."

And my name goes on
this reeking rut as
an editor.

My dear young lady,
there can be no virtue
without a knowledge of vice.

You don't know
a stove is hot until
you touch it, do you?

These stories
all point a moral.

Yes, just enough moral
to sneak them through
the mails.

Young lady, please remember,
these stories are passed on

by a board of
the highest standard.

A preacher, a teacher, and
a Park Avenue society
dame... Lady.

Yes, I know.
The kind that endorses
cold cream she never uses

and mattresses
she's never slept on.

All right. You have a vote
in the editorial policy.
Why not use it?

Very well, I will.
Call a meeting.

Good.

Then we pass
"I Was Just 16"
and "Moon Madness."

Now for
"I Loved An Artist."

Will you give
us your report,
Miss Pettigrew?

Briefly,
a young girl
comes to New York

and meets a poet
in Greenwich Village.

Those poets.
What thrilling
love lives they lead.

Just leaping from one
bed of flowers to another.

Sipping honey here,
nectar there.

He is experienced in the
wiles and guiles of love.

She is caught
in a whirl of
Bohemian life.

Inhibitions go. Poof!

She finally succumbs
to the charm of an artist.

She what?
Succumbs, you dope.

Huh?
She quits stalling.

Oh!

And then...
Now let me tell about that.

The scene in the studio
is entrancingly described.

How the dark
mysterious painter
poses her on a bearskin rug.

Where does the health
and exercise come in?

The exercise comes later.
Go on with the story.

Just as
a former sweetheart
of the artist enters...

It's so dramatic,
the two women
fighting

for the affection of the
dark, mysterious painter.

But I still don't
see what this has to do
with health and exercise.

Well,
we'll hear
from Dr. Rankin.

Don't you think
it points a moral?

Rather diluted, I thought.
About 1% moral and 99% sex.

There's nothing
wrong with sex,
brother Rankin.

As long as it leads
to what it leads to.

Well, shall we vote?
All in favor say aye.

Aye!
Aye!

And those opposed.

No!
No!

The "ayes"
have it. We pass
"I Loved An Artist."

Well, I hope so.

Meeting's adjourned.

Keep up the good work,
my child.

It all seems so hopeless.

Why you, a minister,
sitting on the committee

and dealing with
all this muck?

It may seem strange,

but I'm in a position
to be more helpful to
you and the magazine

on the committee
than off.

But I still don't see.

Never mind, my child.
You will.

Boy!
Is this high,
wide and hot!

"I Loved An Artist."

They used to arrest you
for just thinking stuff
like that.

They
must have printed
it in a refrigerator.

Why?
So they could handle it.

I sure wish I
could meet a guy

like that dark,
mysterious artist.

What makes you think
you'd go so good on
a bearskin rug?

Say...

Of course she gets
a bill for it in
the end.

Bill baloney. That "paying
the price" stuff is the bunk.

They just put that in
to make the yarn moral.

I bet that dame is
living on Park Avenue.

Driving an imported
oil can,

splashing mud
in the faces of
pure working girls.

If I ever
get a chance...

Me too.

And I don't care
what his past was
or his future is.

As long as he
has a present.

Sally, don't you think
you'd better get back
on the job?

Well,
my lunch hour
isn't up yet.

I just had to wire you, Don.
There was nothing else to do.

I'm glad you did.
I shouldn't have gone
away in the first place.

You see, it
isn't only Sally,
but girls like her,

thousands of them all over
the country reading that junk.

And thinking
we recommend it!

So that's
their racket.

And they roped us
into this just to
use our names.

Well, what are we
going to do about it?

Fight them.
If they think they've got
a couple of dummy editors,

they're crazy.
I'll show them.

You mean,
we'll show them?

That's right.
We'll show them.
You and I together.

Together.

Eggs ain't
on my diet, though.

I can't eat anything
with Albanians in it.

You mean albinos.

Come on now,
hold the pose.

Now we all set?
Paula, get rid
of the...

Well,
when did
you get back?

Never mind that.
What's all this?

This is
a true-life picture
for a true-life story.

Passion Slave, it's called.

What are you
doing here, Sally?

Mr. Healy says I'm
battling for my honor.

That's all I know.

Get out.

Well, what's the matter,
don't you think it's
a swell setup?

Darn near perfect.

You took advantage of
my absence to turn this
magazine into a cheap rag.

You publish
a lot of dirty stories
under my name and Barbara's.

Now, my boy,
you're taking this
thing too seriously.

Not seriously enough
so far.

But from now on,
things are going
to be different.

Maybe you'll change
your mind when I tell you
we've tripled the circulation

on these stories. Look.

And your cut's 10%.

There's more
to a magazine
than circulation.

Yes, and there's
more to your blood

than circulation,
but try to do
without it.

Without circulation,
how are you going
to get ads?

And that's
another thing.

Can't we get along without
selling space to a lot of
quacks and fakers?

Look at this junk.

What's the difference,
as long as they lay it
on the line?

A lot of difference.
You're not gonna print
any more of this stuff.

Not and use my name.

Forget your name for
a minute and think
of my dough.

Yes, don't forget,
he's your publisher.

Yeah, don't forget,
I'm your...
Quiet.

If it wasn't for him,
there wouldn't be
any magazine.

If it wasn't for me...
Quiet.

Don't you think
he's got a right to...

Don't you think
I've got a right to...
Shut up.

Now
listen, you two,
get this straight.

As long
as I'm editor
of this magazine,

it will be run
the way I want
it run.

And nothing goes
in it without my
okay.

And that's final.

Another of
your good ideas.

You never had one yet
that didn't sneak up

behind you and
bite you in the...

And bite you.

Well, what are
we gonna do now?

Throw him
off the magazine.
Get rid of him. Fire him.

We can't.

Why not?

I gave him
a three-year contract.

What for?

So nobody else would
get him away from us.

Do me a favor, will you?

What?

Go out
and find a chiropodist
and have your head examined.

What are you looking for?
My hat.

Where you going?

To find a chiropodist
and have my head examined.

What the...

Healy! Look!
I know, the gazype.

No, no, Health Acres,
and I got a great idea.

Save it.
It's gonna be
a tough winter.

No, no.
You'll love this one.

That has a familiar ring,
and I don't mean rheumatism.

Come here.

Hello, Jackson?
Yeah?

Listen,
you're a nice young
kid and I like you.

Come in here.
I'm gonna make you
independent for life.

Healy, you'll
kiss me for this one.

It's
a wonderful place,
Don. You'll like it.

Yeah,
it's a wonderful place.

Quiet.

You'll have a chance to try
out some of your pet ideas.

Yeah, you'll have
a chance to...
Quiet.

What's your proposition?

You give us your interest in
the magazine and we'll give
you half the farm.

There you are.
You give us
your interest...

Will you shut up?

Now just look
what you're getting.
A hotel and a 10-acre farm.

And you know what
big dough there is
in a farm nowadays.

Yeah, you know
what big dough...

Thanks, fellas.
But there's just

one thing wrong
with your proposition.

What's that?
I've seen the dump.

I'll stick
with the magazine.

And you don't
wanna be a farmer?

No.
I'd rather
be an editor.

You're a salesman, huh?

You couldn't
sell fresh fish
to a starving seal.

What chance did I
have after that crack

you made about
the big dough
on farms?

Why didn't you sell him?

I'll sell him if he ever
gets rheumatism. I hope.

Can you imagine
those shizzlers?

Trying to unload
that health farm
on us

for our interest
in the magazine.

What a laugh.

How big
is that farm?

Just big enough to
be a white elephant.

About 10 acres and
a good-sized hotel.

How much would
it cost to fix up?

About $10,000. Why?

Just got an idea about these
boys and girls from all over
the world.

Don't forget,
they're coming here.

Yeah. Pretty tough,
when you think what
they're walking into.

And I'm responsible.

It's not you.

It's Williams
and that Jean.

Jean's all right.

Well, they're
partners or something.

Anyway, it's what
they're gonna do with these
kids when they get them here.

Yeah.

Well, we won't let them.

We'll keep those
kids on the farm.

It's got a hotel and we
can fix it up, can't we?

Sure we can!

But what do we
use for money?

Williams and Healy.
They want you out.
You want money.

Make them
give you the farm,
full control and $10,000.

I wonder if they're that
anxious to get rid of me.

Are you with me?
We're partners in everything.

Then
we'll put it over.
Let me at that guy.

Hello?
Williams?

Yeah?

We've been talking it
over and you're right.
We should separate.

So we'll take the farm,
provided you give us
full control.

And $10,000.

Tell him I'm rolling
on the floor laughing.

Wait a minute.
Listen, it's worth 10 grand.

With that
kid out of the way,
we can make a million!

Nothing's worth
10 grand in cash,
not even a million.

Yeah?
We're not interested.

Well, it leaves us
right where we were.

Well, offer him five grand,
and that's throwing it
down the sewer.

Hello, Jackson?
Yeah?

We'll give you five grand,
and that's throwing it
down the sewer.

$10,000.

No go.

Make it six.

Hello. Six thousand.

No sale.

$7,500.

$7,500.

Nothing doing.

Well, what do you say?

Okay. Ten grand.

Jackson?
Okay, $10,000.

And you've
murdered Healy.

All right.
Draw up the papers.

Okay. 51% to you.

And full control?

And full control.

You can take it
and take it.

And here's the stock.
Let me be the first to
congratulate you, Don.

You got
a swell proposition.

Yes. We think so.

Barbara has a great idea.
To turn the farm into the
health capital of the world.

A sort of maker
of health, with a staff of
international health models.

Where you gonna
get the models?

The contest winners.

We'll keep them
there as instructors.

Hundreds of people
will be only too pleased
to learn health and exercise

from such
perfect instructors.

Yeah.
It's a swell ointment,
but there's a fly in it.

What?
The magazine
started the contest.

And the contestants
are ours.

And they ain't
gonna stay at
no farm.

Well, fellas, I'm afraid
you're wrong,

for the contestants
are signed with me,
not the magazine.

You made me
personally responsible.

Williams
insisted on that
himself.

You wanted to
cash in on Don's name.

Well,
you folks, why don't
you drop in sometime

and get a little
instruction yourselves?

Yeah. You do look
a little run down.

Do you realize
what he's got?

Dumb luck.

That guy could
fall down a sewer

and come up with a
bottle of perfume
in each hand.

The Mecca of Health.
My eye.

It's Monte Carlo
in your own backyard.

It's a mountain of mazuma.

And you could pick
it up with your teeth.

What I wouldn't pay myself
to have one of them honeys
give me my daily dozen.

Or even half a dozen.

Well, you could
charge $200 a week.

You're selling the
American sucker short.

Certainly.

With these cuties around,

a guy that wouldn't pay
$300 a week is at least
an atheist.

And you two mental midgets
paid him to take it off
your hands.

All right, wisecracker.
We still got 49%,
haven't we?

Let's see,
200 guests at $300
a week adds up to what?

Nothing, the way
Don will run it.

He'll give them
huskies instead of
honeys to work out with

and charge them $30
a week instead of $300.

Well, Mr. Williams.

Is there anything else of mine
you'd like to donate to
Mr. Jackson?

Don't worry.
I'm not through
with that guy yet.

I'll get another idea.

Now listen, you two.

There's only
2% of this stock
between us and the control.

What about it?

Well, if you cross
my palm prettily,
I might...

You might what?

Do something about it.

What with my girlish laughter
and my habit of lisping
in the moonlight...

That's
the stuff, baby!
Give him the glue.

There's a line
that runs down
there

by that fence where
the corner is down
there,

and around over yonder and
up by these telephone poles.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Doesn't look good
for much, does it?

Except maybe
a murder mystery.

Of course, if you're gonna
walk into it with a heavy
tragedy tread.

Buck up, old timer,
there's work to be done.

It'll take at least three
months to make this place

decent enough
just to camp out in.

Well now, we can't
talk it into shape.

I know.

How are you
gonna get started
on a job like this?

First thing you do is take
your head out of your hands.

Then you get in touch
with a good contractor

and find out how
much it will cost
to fix this place up.

You know
a good contractor?

No. Don't you?
Does anybody?

Remember that old song?

"People who
sit on their patios
never get anywhere."

Jean.

Hello, folks.

Are you just
mildly surprised
or merely stupefied?

We're flabbergasted.

What are you doing
down here?

And is Mr. Williams
with you?

Williams?
We're not speaking.

Henceforth
and forever forward
little Jeanie is on her own.

You mean you've
split with him?

You could
chase a flock of
elephants between us.

We're just like that.

But why?

I got sick of health.

His idea of health,
anyway.

You got
sick of Williams' ideas
rather suddenly, didn't you?

Struck me all of an eve,
dearie.

Anyhow, that's my story
and you're stuck with it.

But you still
haven't told us what
brought you down here.

The same thing
that brought you.

You know, I have
always had an idea

that this place
had possibilities.

Well, it may have,
but you can't see
them for the weeds.

They cleared the weeds
off Times Square,
didn't they?

You know,
it wouldn't take much

to turn
this shoestring
into a showplace.

Strange Williams
didn't have that
idea himself.

What are these?

When Williams
bought the place,
I had estimates made

of repairs,
redecorating,
things like that.

I thought perhaps
you could use them.

Now, here's the way
the place should look.

When, as and if.

Gee, this is great.
Thanks a million,
Jean.

Look, Barbie, here it
is all laid out for us.

It will save us
a month's work.

What a woman!
Yes.

Will you drop in on us
once in a while with
a good idea?

Once in a while?
I'm camping here.

I'm gonna be
right on the job
to help you out.

Now let me
get this straight.

You're moving in
to help us out?

Yes.

To help us "out"
or to help us out?

To help you out.
Out?

Yes?

I was looking
for Miss Jean.

Well, she's not here.
Is there anything I
can do for you?

Well, it's
about the stadium.
This estimate is way off.

Time out for a smoke.

Where'd I put them?

Here they are.
Thanks.

That's one vile habit
I just can't give up.

Well, you can have just one.

Thanks.

Certainly deserve it.
Sure are a glutton
for work.

You never get tired,
do you?

It's been fun.

Doing something
without having to look over
your shoulder all the time.

Not very much like
working with Larry Williams.

I'm glad you gave
him the air, Jean.

He's cheap
and he's tricky.

And you're
too fine a girl.

Thanks for the rating.

You're not
so bad yourself.

This is gonna look swell
when we get it all fixed up.

The bed's all right.
Wish I had a good
book and an apple.

Wonder how this room
would look with twins.

I mean twin beds.
Which do you prefer?

Well, that all depends.

I'm sorry to interrupt.
Come right on in.

Think you'd
better come out.

We're having some
trouble with the
stadium.

It's running away
over the estimate.

$3,000!

Well, Hicks says we'll
have to cut away nearly
half the side of that hill.

Then the stadium's out.

Tell Hicks to take
his men off the job.

Off the stadium?
Yeah.

The old bankroll is
getting a bit anemic.

It all costs a lot
more than I expected.

But you'll get
it back in spades

as soon as
the customers
start barging in.

If they keep barging in.
$300 a week is a whale
of a price to charge.

It's good business.
People like prices
that panic them.

Gives them a whole
winter's conversation.
I know, but...

Once you're set, you can
revise the ramp downward.

Don.
Yes?

Do something for me?

Sure, what?

Go on with the work.

Why, Jean, I can't...

You've got to
have that stadium.

Why, all your opening
flash is built around it!

You might as well stage
Ben Hur without the chariots.

It's a sweet thought, Jean,
but I can't take this money.

Why can't you take it?

After all, we're partners,
aren't we?

I know, but...

All right, if your
conscience bothers
you,

give me
an interest
in the place.

I'll
take a mortgage
on the old farm.

That's an idea.

What do you think
about it, Barbie?

Don,
don't you realize
that you can't...

Take a letter,
Barbara, giving Miss Strange
a 10% interest in the place.

Get it typed and
I'll sign it right away.

You haven't finished
that letter yet, huh?

Thank you.

Well, well. And how's the
Queen of Health Acres
this fine morning?

Hello.

My dear child,
what's the matter?
What's happened?

Everything.
He sold her some stock.

And she's planned
the whole opening.

And she's marvelous
at everything.

And I'm just
keeping the books.

And last night, I asked him
if he loved me, and he said,
"Of course."

Just like that,
he did.

And she called him,
"Darling."

I heard her asking him
if he liked twin beds.

He said,
"It all depends."
I wish I was home.

I wish I never heard
of Health and Exercise.

I wish I was dead.

Nonsense, nonsense.
We'll straighten
this out.

Certainly great having
you folks here, Tapley.

It's great being here, Don.

Hello, Barbie.
Hello, Don.

Miss Hilton,
this is Miss Gill.
How do you do?

Mr. Tapley.
How do you do?

And Mr. Delcambre.
It's a pleasure.

I hope you
enjoy your stay
at Health Acres.

I'm sure I'll love it.
It's so nice around here.

It certainly is now!

When do we eat?

Only between meals,
old timer.

Come on, let's go.

This is Miss Helen Gray of
Medicine Hat, Alberta, Canada.

How do you do, Miss Gray?

And this is
Miss Gladys Willar of
Worcester, Massachusetts.

18 years
old, 5'4" and
103 pounds, right?

Right.

Yes, sir.
I know a guy
that would sink

three times for that
little ball of fire.

All right. You pass
the good word along,

and I'll cut up a cantaloupe
with you boys.

Fair enough, Mr. Williams.

Excuse me.

Well! Look
who's fallen among us.

We're using those boys in
an idea we're working on.

Outdoor sports
with indoor trimmings.

As far as I'm concerned,
outdoors, indoors or
behind doors.

Think any
of your customers
might give him a tumble?

Tumble? If
they were like me, they'd
give him a double somersault.

Give me a look.
Might turn a couple
of handsprings myself.

Mmm.

Haven't
seen anything
like that since...

Well, just call it since.

Don't turn them so fast.

Now don't be like that,
Danny. Let me see.

Joe.
Yeah?

What do you
think of that?

Could you
get interested
in that one, friend?

If he says no...

Thanks. Thanks.

How are you?
How are you?

Hello, boys.
Hello, boys.

Now look here,
boys, we've been here
since 11:00 this morning.

We haven't
met anybody yet.

Give us a chance
to get set, will ya?

You'll meet them,
you'll meet them.

See you later, fellas.

How's it, beautiful?

Front.

Well, well, well.

How's it going?
How's everything?

Swell. It's in the bag.
Every room in the
house full.

And how about the guests?
They'll be full later.

Run down, tell
Haskell to come and see me
right away, will you please?

Sure I will.
Thank you. Thank you.

I've got the...

Hello.

Hello.

What are
you two mugs
doing down here?

Look, right away,
he calls us mugs.

What are we doing here?
Well, we're your partners,
aren't we?

Not here, you're not.
You got nothing to do

with the running
of this place.

All right,
let it go like that.

Then we're guests.

Sure, we're guests,
two with a bed between.

You stay here,
you have to abide
by the rules.

I know. No smoking
opium in the elevators.

It's all right.
We brought our Boy
Scout suits.

Hey, you're a little
bit snooty, aren't you?

Who hooked all
these fish for ya?

Yeah, who hooked all these...
Quiet.

We did. We'll get you
a lot more if you don't

let your hat run
away with your head.

Yeah, if you don't
let your hat...

Come on.

Healy. You'll have
to sign more than
X on the register.

Yeah.

Tonight,
ladies and gentlemen,

we are inaugurating
Health Acres.

An institution
dedicated to an ideal.
Health through exercise.

All the exercise
you will see here

you can do,
if you work earnestly.

And we expect you
to work earnestly.

The young men
and women out there
who present our programs

will be your instructors.
They were selected in
a worldwide contest,

and represent
the athletic youth

of the United States
and of the British Empire.

It now gives me a great deal
of pleasure to present to
you first

your instructors
from California.

Wisconsin and Minnesota.

Illinois and Missouri.

Texas.

Alabama.

Massachusetts.

Canada.

Pennsylvania.

New York.

Australia.

South Africa.

Ireland.

New Zealand.

Scotland.

England.

That's glorious.
I've never seen...

I beg your pardon.
Didn't we meet in Paris?
I doubt it.

I know where
there's a party.

Well, boys, how'd
you like the show?

Great. Great.

Do I pick them, or is
this Thursday afternoon?

I'll
take the little
blonde over there.

You know,
I always have
a blonde with my meals.

Wait a minute.
Excuse me, gents.

I just
want the little
ladies to meet

some friends
of mine over here.
Think nothing of it.

Girls,
I want you to
meet the boys.

This is Mr. Smith,
Mr. Jones and Mr. Brown.

Hi, how do you do?
The Toot sisters.
Rita, Nita and Hita.

Didn't I meet
you in Chicago?

No, I don't believe
you did.

I could swear you're
a boy I met in Chicago.

No, I ain't.

I tell you what.

I'm giving
a little party tonight.

You drop up
and see if my friends
don't think you're him.

Well, no matter what
they think, I know
I ain't.

Don't forget, dearie.

But I ain't never
been off of Louisville.

How'd you like to go
on the stage, baby?

I'd just love to
go on the stage.

Yeah?

Well, I'm
a scout for the biggest
musical producers in town.

Honest?
Sure.

Say, we're giving
a little party tonight,
and you can dance for us.

Then we can see
what you got.

You see,
it isn't so much what
you do that gets you places.

It's what you got.

I hope I've got it.

You'll find out tonight.

Hello there, fellas.

Well, what do you think
of Health and Beauty
now, huh?

Great.
Splendid.

We thought we'd stage
a little party later on.

Yes,
and it's going
to be a gay one.

Well, go right ahead.
Don't let me stop you.

We've got
plenty of giggle water,

but we can't find
any gigglers to
go with it.

Listen, I know a couple
that'll laugh right out
loud. Come on.

All we needed was
a good bird dog.

Good night, Sally.

Sally?

Where are you going?

To a little party.
Any harm in that?

Depends upon
whose party it is.
Joe's.

You know, Joe Garrett.
He's a big theatrical
producer.

He wants to
see me dance.

I wouldn't
go if I were you.
It's getting late.

Besides, your dancing
wouldn't interest them.

It wouldn't, wouldn't it?
No.

Why don't you
run along to bed?

You can't
tell me what to do.
You're only my cousin.

Sally, please!

Kiss.
No.

Just a minute, excuse me.

Hello.
Well, here I am.

There you are.
Joe, look who's here,
your little girlfriend.

Hello, baby.
Here, have a drink.
Hello.

I've got one.

Now you got two.

Attagirl!

All right, come on.
Join the party!

Come right in.
There's room for one more.

Here she is, folks.
This is Sally.

Hi, Sally.
Little Sally from our alley.

This is the little dancer
I've been telling you about.

May I have the first dance?

Relax!

Say, how about
doing that dance
for us now, baby?

Sure. Turn on the music.

Wait a minute, honey.
You can't dance in
that straitjacket.

Go on in there
and put something on.

Leave it to me,
I'll fix her up.
Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

You mean put something
on or put something on?

Use your own judgment.

Just make it
easy on the eyes.

I'm back again.
Now don't you all peek.

So she says to
me, "I'll be in 346.
Don't forget, dearie."

Say, what kind of
a place is this?
What's that?

Some of those
dames over there

had me in
the corner over there.

Don't worry,
they won't feel
that way in the morning.

Get them up at 6:00,
good tough exercise.

We sweat those
ideas out of them.

Boy, you said it.
Anyhow, there ain't

anything a cold shower
won't take care of.

What's the matter, partner?
Don, they haven't
gone to bed yet.

The men, they're having
a party all over the place.

Well, it's their
first night, Barbie.

Give them a chance
to settle down.

But Don,
please come and
help me. It's Sally.

Probably having a little fun.
Anyway, lights will be out
in a few minutes,

so why don't
you run along
and get some rest?

You don't even
know what's going on.

You've been so
busy taking bows,

the great Don Jackson, and
listening to Jean's
compliments.

Now stop it, Barbie.
This is a partnership,

and Jean's
been pretty darn swell.
Just try to remember that.

Thanks, I will.

What's the matter?
Is this party
strictly private?

No, come on in.
We were waiting for you.
Sure.

Say, you're one of the
bosses here, aren't you?

Yeah, and part of my job
is making my guests happy.

What's the idea
of the undress act, kid?
Getting set for a fan dance?

Well, I was just...
Well, he was gonna
put me in a show.

Show, huh? Well,
it's past your bedtime

and your cradle's crying
for you.

Find your
own brassiere
and toddle home.

Just try and find one.

Hey, wait a minute.
Sally is my guest.

Smart guy.
What do you wanna do,
get yourself into trouble

with the Children's Aid?

If it's talent you're
looking for... Come on.

No, I don't wanna go home.
Wait a minute.

What's the idea of
dragging her away?

Don't you think
she's a little young
for this sort of thing?

Don't be silly.

She's old enough
and she's smart enough.

Are you old enough?
Yeah.

All right then,
you show something.
Do something.

Wait till I get
this kid home,

then I'll put on a show
for you that is a show.

No. You might get lost
and not find your way back.

Now, now, now.

Okay. You folks
ever see a real
rumba?

You mean
we'd rumba...

Boy, you said it.
Watch.

Hey! You can't
do that to me!

Can she twist them.

I'm only warm, boy.
Wait till I boil.

Tip top, baby.
Boil 'em on both sides.

Fire up
the engine, baby.
Shovel in the coal.

Okay, but watch out
for the cinder in
your eye.

It's all right.
There won't be anything
worth seeing after this.

Keep it on staff night.

Pardon me, gentlemen.
Don't you know the
rules?

What rules?

Lights out at 10:00.

A couple of
house detectives, eh?

Now, wait a minute, baby.
We're just getting
acquainted.

Hey, Joey, what do
we care about rules?
I'll turn them on.

No, wait.
Leave them off.
I like it that way.

Okay.

Come on, baby,
let's finish that dance.
Looked pretty good to me.

Come on.

Say, Jackson, there's some
pretty rough stuff going
on out there.

What are
they doing?

They've
got lots of liquor
and some of the girls,

and I saw
Sally and Barbara
in a pretty tough spot.

Say, listen, fellas.

Some of the guests
got the wrong slat

on Health Acres.
Let's put them right.

Okay!
Come on!

All right, baby!
Come on, baby!

Come on!
Come on!

Come on,
come on. Come on,
let's see what you got.

What's the idea?
Don't you even knock?

I'm sorry, Barbie.

Get me out of here,
will you?

Hey, don't we get any
privacy in our own room?

Boys, I think it's
this gentleman's
bedtime.

I'll go to bed
when I get ready.

You're ready right now.

I think
I'll throw you out.
That's what I'll do.

You put me away, will you?

Good night.

Danny! Help, somebody.
Healy, they're killing me!

Get up, get up.

Have I missed anything?

No, you're just in
time to get everything.

Give him the works, fellas.

I protest.

I shall speak to
Mr. Healy about this!

How about a drink?

You want a drink?
Yeah.

Give him a drink.

No, no!
Cut it out. No.
Cut it out. Cut it out.

He wants a drink.

Cut it out.

He's hot.
He wants a drink.

Hey, Jackson.
What's the idea of all
this strong-arm stuff?

Yeah, what's
the idea of all this...
Quiet.

You can't treat
our guests like a bunch
of bohunks in a boxcar.

No, you can't treat
our guests like...

Just keep still.

I'm sorry
you don't like it.
I didn't expect you to.

But I'm gonna run
this place as I see fit.

Now, look here...
Quiet.

Boys, you know
rule number 13?

Lights out and to bed.

Well, let it go...
Guess they're in bed.

That was easy.

Good night, Don.
Good night. So long.

Hello.
Hello.

Aren't you setting
a bad example for
our guests?

Don't you think
you should be in bed?

I would be,
if rules meant
anything around here.

Everyone seems to
have ignored them.
You included.

Please, Barbie.

As an officer of
this corporation,

I have as much
right as you have

to sit out here
among the ruins
and look plum.

Things are something
of a mess, aren't they?

Hopeless.

But we'll get it
all straightened
out in the morning.

I'm afraid not.

There's only one solution.

What's that?

When partnerships don't
work out, they dissolve,
that's all.

So we must dissolve.

I'm leaving in the morning.

Don't say that, darling.

You're not leaving, and
we're not going to dissolve.

We're partners.

And
we've got to see
this thing through.

That's just the trouble.

There are too
many partners.

I guess Jean can
take my place
all right.

Nobody's ever
gonna take your place,
Barbie. Jean's been a help,

but the idea,
everything that
counts, is yours.

Money in the bank!
Where is it now?

This Jackson guy
is ruining everything.
Why don't you do something?

Quit beefing.

Tell you, we'll call a meeting
in the morning and vote the
stock.

Yours and
mine against his,
and then with Jean's...

Well, I ain't so sure that
Jean will vote her stock
with us,

not the way she's
been blowing around
with this Jackson guy.

You're not sure, huh?

Don't open that window.
I don't want any cold
air on me.

Health and exercise, huh?

So you don't think
Jean will vote
with us?

Well,
come here and bat your big,
beautiful Irish eyes at that.

Room 209.

Hello.
Hello, Jean?

Tell her
to come over
and bring a friend.

Can you come over here
and bring a friend...
Will you shut up?

I never thought
you'd let anybody
give you the runaround.

Surely I'm not losing
my allure. Tell me all.

Well, can you
see the stadium
from your room?

Well, look out there,
dear, and learn how to
lisp in the moonlight.

No, lisp.
Hold the wire.

Boy, did I tell her.
And will she burn up.

She gonna bring a friend?

Will you go to bed?

I don't want ever to
do anything without you.

We're partners for life.

Whether you like it or not.

Are you sure, Don?
Or is it just the
moonlight?

I'm sure.

I just brought the moonlight
along for a witness.

Hello, Ducky.

Yes. And when I get
my eight hours sleep,
will I tear my hair.

Is that a break for us
or is that a break for us?

That is the best thing
that could have happened...

Will you get out of here?
This is my bed. This is mine!

How did I know?
And that's my robe.

You got me so nervous,
I'm hysterical.

Now girls,
I want every guest
out in that field at 6:30.

I don't care how
you get them there,

you can throw them out,
carry them out or drag
them out,

but your orders are
deliver the body,
dead or alive.

My word,
another sleeping beauty.

Come on, Nita.

6:30.

Two minutes to
get out of here.

6:30?

I didn't come down
here to deliver
the milk.

You came down here
for exercise,
didn't you?

Yeah.
But you don't
have to sneak up

on exercise
in the dark,
do you?

The sun's been up an hour.

When did that happen?
I always thought it
rose at noon.

Not around here,
it doesn't.

You signed an agreement,
didn't you?

Yeah,
but I sign
things so easy.

Well, come on.
Ease out of that bed.

Come on now. Out.

Only over my dead body.

Dead or alive, orders
are to deliver the body.

Grab an end, Nita.

It's grabbed.
Hey!

It's flesh.

It moved.

It's a body!
Say, what's the idea?

6:30, sir. Morning
exercise in 15
minutes.

I didn't come here
for no exercise.

No? Then why
did you come?

Well, I thought it
a good idea at
the time.

But that time
wasn't 6:30.

As long as you're here,
it's still got to be
a good idea.

Hey.
There ain't nobody gonna
separate me from my bed.

Then we'll separate
this bed from you.

Hello? Wait a minute,
I'll let you talk to
Healy. Dan. Dan!

What? What?

Hello?

Listen, everything
is gonna be all right.

It's all gonna be jake.

Go on back to bed and relax.

No, no, no, no.
Don't take anything. Relax!

Can you imagine those mugs?

Hey.

Hey!

Hey, wait a second.
Hey, look at this guy!

Hey,
what is this?
Who made rules?

Don't you know we own
half of this joint?

We didn't make
any such rules.

Mr. Jackson
made them, sir,
and there they are.

Jackson, huh?
I'll show you.
I'll get him

on the phone.
I'll show you
what rules.

Get Jackson on
the phone right now.

Who you following?

Hello.
Give me Mr. Jackson.

Well,
send a boy
up and get him.

Tell him to come
right over to my
room.

Call a meeting right away.
What do you think I'm doing?

And get me room 209.

What are you looking at?
Hello, Jean?

Slip something on
and come right over to my
room, we're calling a meeting.

And bring that
stock letter
with you.

Yeah,
I guess that
shows you guys.

Yeah,
I guess that
shows you guys.

Put on your
athletic suits.

What suits?

Why,
we didn't bring
any athletic suits.

We ain't even
got athletics foot.

We'll soon get
you some suits.

Right.
Come on, Ted.

But I tell you,
I'm on my way
to a meeting.

And I tell you
you're on your way
to the exercise field.

And let's
hear you whistle.

I don't even whistle
when I feel good.
Come on.

The only way you'll get me
to an exercise field is to
drag me.

Then
we'll drag you.
Come on, bodies.

Come on, get her.

She won't take her exercise.

Come on.

And whistle!

Rule number 3:
Whistle gaily.

You guys will hear about this
just as soon as we see
Jackson.

Just as soon as...
Shut up.

You're on your way
to see him right now.

Come on. Whistle gaily.

You don't sound so gay.
I can't whistle.

Well, sing, then.
I can't sing.

Sing.

Instructors will
now demonstrate.

Two paces forward.

Hut! Hut, two, three.
Ready?

Exercise!
One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, halt.

One step backward. March!

Yes. Exercise.
Ready. Exercise.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, halt!

Come on, young lady.

If you think we're going
through that funny stuff,
you're crazy!

Yeah. I'm cold.
I'm going back to bed.

Stay there.
Get back there.

I'm sorry, but the rules say
all the guests must exercise.

Well, we'll change the rules.

We'll change
the management,
too. Here's Jean.

We'll
change the rules
and the management.

Hey, Jean! Are you willing
to vote your 10% of the
stock with ours?

I certainly am,
early and often.

Why, Jean,
I thought that you...

Well, you thought
down the wrong alley.

So you see,
you're no longer
running this place.

Her stock with
ours votes you out.

I beg your pardon.
Miss Strange hasn't
any stock in the company.

I sure have.
Have you got
that agreement?

If you read that letter,
you'll find you have
10% in the farm.

Not in the company.

It's in the whole works.

Oh, no, it isn't.
I thought of that when
I drew up the agreement.

And the company has
control of all the
policies.

Why, the dirty crooks.
It ain't legal!

Ask Dr. Rankin.

What does
he know about it?
He's only a psalm singer.

Did you call me?

You keep
out of this, Rankin.
This is a legal matter.

Exactly. That's why
the Department of
Justice

had me join your
happy little group.

The Department of Justice?

Ain't you a preacher?

No. But I can give you
a little sermon
just the same.

Take
Mr. Jackson's
advice hereafter.

Both here and
on the magazine.

Okay, kids.
What they need's
a little exercise

for that rundown feeling.
Snap into it.

Thanks, partner.

Yes, we'll
now exercise.
Ready? Exercise.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

And I left a good
job in Evanston.

For this?

Quiet, will you?
I'm thinking.

Bend, brother. Bend.

Yeah, stay with it, boys.

Maybe someday
you two can do
an acrobatic horse act.

Healy, you can
play the horse's head.

I got it!
I got a great idea!

There's a million bucks in it.
Are you listening, Dan?

Am I listening?
I'm all ears.