Se upp för Jönssonligan (2020) - full transcript

A reboot of the famous Swedish saga "Jönssonligan" ("The Jönsson Gang")

foodval.com - stop by if you're interested in the nutritional composition of food
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Dedicated to Birgitta,
Björn, Gösta and Ulf

THE NORDIC MUSEUM

METAL OBJECT
ORIGIN: FINLAND, 1918

DIRECTOR

1736, wadmal trou...

What the...? The royal crown of Finland!

At my museum.

It's almost midnight, and time for
The Wishing Hour here at P4 Stockholm

with our king of the night,
Hasse Eldemar.

Is anyone listening out there?

In that case, you are welcome
to join us through the night.



Good God, it's The Wishing Hour.
I almost forgot.

"23:59 - TURN on the radio."

No. Turn it ON, of course.

...the tunes you'd like to hear tonight.

Call us on 08-21 30 50.

...among the flowers in Pontonjär Park

in these times of euphoria.

Midsummer is soon upon us,
believe it or not.

The most Swedish of all things Swedish.
So in a little while...

Oh, that's right.

...to the Midnight Concert
at Kulla Concert Hall in Norrköping.

Hello.

Last one in, as usual.
Are you not happy at home?

Hold the fort.



It's time to hear
a first wish from our listeners.

- And it's someone we know from before.
- Yes, this is Margit Vanheden.

Hello, Margit.

- What's it like at Stora Essingen tonight?
- It's bad.

Hi there, doggy.

The pain is so bad
that I drag my feet when walking.

It must be awful
to have aching arms and legs.

No, it's my hips!

- That's right. You've got arthrosis.
- Jesus Christ...

No, Gösta is the one with arthrosis.

Gösta is the one with arthrosis!

- Yes.
- Thought so.

The doctors have said that
there's no use going under the knife.

The Vanheden family seems to be cursed.

- My son Ragnar...
- Mum!

He's always had problems
with his ears, poor thing.

...AND DON'T SAY
THAT YOU ARE RAGNAR'S MUM!

Are you ready? This is it.

You're all right.

Damn it.

What in the world...?

How did you get in?

- Sickan!
- Yes.

Quickly!

The rides...

Maybe we should listen to a song?

- Well, apparently...
- What would you like to hear?

"Ska du med ud å fisk" with Gitte Hænning.

Good evening.

- I'm suffering with calluses...
- Talcum powder.

Jeje has searched the archive
and found your song.

A nice old tune
from the land of the red sausages.

"Ta med ud å fisk" med Gitte Hænning.

- Enjoy, Margit.
- What's he on about?

One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.

- The chamois.
- Voila!

- Doris.
- Here.

- The vent.
- One, two, three. One, two...

One, two, three.

Good.

Here I come! Ooh!

Now!

Here with the latest traffic update.

Disruption on Lidingö Road. Drive safely.
Traffic officers are on their way.

In the middle of the song.

Lidingö Road, that is.
Eastbound, towards Ropsten.

Drive safely, and slow down.

Sickan! We're in the right spot.
I'll turn it on again.

You can jump down now. I'll start up
the rides and trick the guard.

- I'll follow behind.
- Yes.

Here I come!

Welcome to the piggy bank.

Let's start up the rides...

- What the hell!
- Lidingö Road again.

According to the police
there's a dog on the loose

who's having fun with a sausage
in the westbound lane. Watch out.

Let's play it from where we were.

What...? Have you got Sickan with you?

- What the hell? These are old coins.
- Is Sickan onboard?

He must be. I'm going.

- They're worthless.
- I'm going! I'm going.

He must be onboard.

- No!
- Stop!

- No... Not yet!
- Sickan is not onboard! Harry!

What the hell...?

- Harry!
- No, no, no!

Hello! Stop!

- Harry!
- Harry!

Harry!

Calm down. I'm moving as fast as I can.

Stop!

Here we go...

Don't forget the cat!

Kitty, kitty, kitty.

- But I'm not onboard!
- Sickan isn't onboard!

Idiot!

You! Stop!

Wait!

Hello.

- Regina Wall?
- Jump in.

PRISON

Time flies, Klockan.

Ninety-nine days, 23 hours and 59 minutes.

He's coming, he's coming.

- Sickan!
- Sickan!

- You look great. Been working out?
- No.

- Sickan, Sickan, Sickan...
- Congratulations.

- A hug! And a kiss.
- What's this?

It's 14 jelly sweets.
We've picked you up here 14 times.

That sucks, Sickan!
Have you got caught so many times?

No, it should be 13 sweets.
I've been in jail 14 times,

but you've only picked me up 13 times.

We didn't want to miss
the football world cup final. There we go.

And a red balloon and some long johns

Four strong beers and one that's light,
a pork chop and dance all night

What do you say to that?

Any interesting cellmates?

No. One had sold
miracle medicines to old ladies.

One had committed credit card fraud,

and a PE teacher from Tumba
had downloaded films on his computer.

A bloody joke. We're not talking
real thieves and bandits.

No. Professionals like us
are a thing of the past.

- No new ideas, then?
- No.

- A relief.
- Good.

Not from the cellmates, that is.

But I did spend quite a lot of time
in the prison library.

I borrowed a book, Pro Finlandia.

- What kind of book is that?
- It's about the history of Finland.

Amongst these pages
there is a description

of exactly where
32 million crowns are to be found.

- 32 million?
- So that's quite nice.

- Hassan, will you get Myran?
- Slim, you're having a bath.

There's no water.

Nothing has changed here, then.

That's not the case. We've been
without electricity for 12 weeks.

At the moment we steal electricity
from the boat club.

It's not sustainable.
We can't live like this.

On Tuesday the water pipe burst.
I had to use dry shampoo all week.

- Dinner in ten!
- And the management tower in an hour.

This is not going to be fun.

Do you have any questions?

I'm thinking about
this donation to the museum...

We've never discussed
exactly how much... I mean...

You want to know
how much money we will invest.

Will you get funding from the state again?

Last year we got 117 605 000 crowns.

We'll double it.

Rubbish.

- Hiya, governor. Welcome back out.
- Thank you.

Please leave the area.

Dinner's on the table!

After all the fun we've had
Now our bellies will be glad

Gobble, gobble, gobble!

- What is this?
- Spaghetti Bolognese.

- Ragnar, don't you want any?
- No, I'll have dinner at home.

Mum has cooked dream ham,
so I can't come home with a full belly.

- When are we moving?
- Do we have to move?

This is our last meal here.

It will be heaven compared to this.

Meeting in ten minutes.
I repeat: meeting in ten minutes.

And then image 44...

We might as well do it now.

I can't be bothered
to listen to a whole plan.

We'll start with what we have to say.

Why not let Sickan start?

Here's the schedule.

I think we should wait until later.

What are you waiting for?
Vanheden, turn it on.

- Harry, talk to him.
- Definitely, but we'll do it later.

I... have a plan.

A fantastic plan. A brilliant plan.

Maybe the most ingenious plan
we've ever dealt with.

First picture.

Hurry up!

Late 12th century.

Sweden, led by Saint Eric,
is on a brutal crusade

in a land which at the moment
has neither king nor flag,

but which soon will be known as Finland.

In the forests of Karelia
villages are burning,

and a little girl
who is hiding under a sheepskin

witnesses her family get killed
by the Swedish soldiers.

Her grandmother
uses her last strength to lift down

the family treasure from the wall.

A musical instrument - a kantele.

"Let them burn our villages
and murder our loved ones.

But the sound of the kantele
shall never die! Run, my child!"

The girl is now running
with the kantele in her arms...

...through the dark woods.
The cold scratches her face.

She can hear the roars of the soldiers
and the barking of the dogs.

She hurries up,
but trips over a root and falls flat

into the deep snow.

She's ready to give up, but then...

She looks up
and sees the opening of a cave.

She crawls into the cave to seek shelter.

But she's not alone in there.

From the darkness emerges a bear.

The biggest bear she has ever seen.

The bear advances towards her
with eyes wide open and teeth showing,

and lets out a growl

that freezes the blood in her little body.

But the little girl is too tired to flee.

She stays, and grabs the kantele.

She plays the old tune
her grandmother has taught her.

The bear is capable of killing the girl
with one single blow.

But instead it is still,
and listens to the music.

It's so beautiful
that it brings the bear to tears.

The girl stops playing
and puts away the instrument.

She reaches out towards the big animal

and catches its tears
in her cupped little hand.

She has subdued the beast.

Not with violence,
not with strength, but with beauty.

And when she opens up her hand again,

she sees that
the tears of the bear have solidified

and formed a little heart shaped stone.

The Heart of Karelia.

Hi.

- Hi. Regina Wall.
- Henrik Adlerstierna.

This is the director of the Nordic Museum
in Stockholm, Dr. Jan Poppe.

Mr. Adlerstierna imports French cheese.
He is a member of the nobility.

But not many people know
that his family guards a big secret.

What an introduction.

I don't wish to be rude,
but who the hell are you?

The little girl grows up,
and wherever she goes in her life

she brings the Heart of Karelia
in a box with a lid made of birch root.

After she's passed away
she's buried on a desolate island

with the stone in her hand.

The song about her fate is sung
by Finnish people of all ages.

The myth is growing so strong

that the Swedish colonizers
are starting to feel threatened.

To demonstrate their power,
they steal the heart from the grave

and incorporates it into a wall
at Sveaborg fortress in Helsinki.

I represent one of
the biggest companies in Sweden.

We're going to conquer Finland too.

What does this have to do with me?

Make use of your contacts
here at the House of Nobility in Helsinki

and launch a referendum
on the constitution of Finland.

From republic to monarchy,
with you at the throne.

- Regina...
- Thank you and goodbye.

Okay. I'm sorry, but I'm not sure...
Are we done with...? I thought...

Poppe. The curtains.

I've got something that belongs to you,
Henrik Adlerstierna.

1917. Finland is facing
the historic opportunity

of becoming an independent nation
for the first time ever.

The Finnish people
are finally about to nominate

their first president in
the newly instituted Republic of Finland.

Then, at the very last moment,
a new player enters the game.

The Finno-Swedish count
Didrik Adlerstierna.

He introduces an irresistible idea
to the Finnish people.

Finland will be a monarchy,
with Adlerstierna at the throne.

My grandmother always said
that the republicans had melted it down.

That it was gone forever.

And so it would have remained, had it not
been for your great grandfather Didrik.

It's thanks to him
we're sitting here today.

Adlerstierna knows
how to dazzle the masses.

He's had an extravagant crown
forged for him.

And he's planning on placing the Heart
of Karelia in the middle of the crown,

as a symbol of the independence
of the Finnish people.

- Clever fucker.
- Very.

But when Adlerstierna along with
a delegation of dignitaries and the press

is going to collect the stone
from Sveaborg fortress, it's not there.

Someone has chiselled it out.
It's a fiasco.

Finland becomes the first Nordic republic

and Didrik Adlerstierna's
grand plans for a monarchy

becomes nothing but a joke
in the history of Finland.

Nobody wanted to have anything to do
with him. He ended up as a podiatrist.

- In Pudasjärvi.
- I'm sorry.

Together we shall re-establish his honour.

At the opening at the Nordic museum...

What opening?

July the first we'll open this exhibition,
and in front of the world press

you, the future king of Finland,
put the Heart of Karelia in its place.

But, but...
Have you got the Heart of Karelia?

- What happened to the Heart of Karelia?
- Many people wonder. Nobody knows.

But nobody is wondering
what happened to the crown.

But thanks to that book...

...I know.

According to the book,
Adlerstierna had the crown shipped

from the House of Nobility in Helsinki
to the Nordic Museum in Stockholm.

Overnight, the crown goes from
being a symbol of power

to becoming a worthless object
in a wooden box in an old attic.

Is it still in the attic?

Yes, there it is.
The royal crown of Finland.

Gold and jewels

worth 32 million Swedish crowns
in today's money.

Everything is timed and ready,
every little detail.

Open the curtains!

Here you go. You can reach me at any time.

- And you need to learn step dance.
- First monarchy, then step dance.

First step dance on TV, then become king.
You need win people's hearts.

- Toodeloo.
- Bye, bye.

How exciting.

We'll do it in the early hours of Monday.

The score for the robbery is
"For the Lonely People" by Mauro Scocco.

- Sickan?
- I want you to know it by heart.

- No, it's not possible.
- What?

We're going to do something else.

- Harry?
- Yes, we actually do.

Maybe you should start, Ragnar.

- No.
- Yes.

- Yes.
- That's right.

Big stuff is happening, actually.

This is confidential, but there will be
a reorganization of the company.

I'll find out more tomorrow.
We're going to have a meeting.

And our plan is to move to Bagarmossen.

- Bagarmossen?
- As you know, my grandmother passed away.

- And?
- We are going to move to her flat.

My cousin lives in the building.
You've met Dan.

Your cousin Dan? He's an idiot.

No. Anyways, it feels like
the right thing to do for us.

Aren't you happy here at the factory?

Myran is going to start pre-school.

The children will get their own beds.
Water from a tap, working drains.

If it's about the children,
I'm sure there are other foster parents.

- What did your mouth say?
- But I mean... We have...

- Sickan!
- Why don't you call Anita?

Anita and Televinken. I'm sure
they've got something for you to do.

- Something a bit more realistic.
- Realistic?

- Calm down, now.
- Did you say "realistic"?

This business of stealing regalia
is a bit beyond our horizon.

You can't profess to be an expert
at stealing crowns.

- Tage, get in!
- Get into the car.

- Come on, let's go before Sickan shows up.
- Hurry up! Come on!

- Ready.
- Wait. Stop!

Stop, stop, stop.
Tage and Hassan, get out.

What are you doing? Sickan?

Let's go to the Nordic Museum
for some prep work.

We were actually going to move
to Bagarmossen, as you know.

Didn't you hear me?
Let's go to the Nordic Museum.

- I understand that you're sad about...
- I'm not sad.

Oh well.

Hassan and Tage, get in the car.
We're leaving.

You can take the bus to your old museum.

Bus number 1
doesn't go to the museum.

- Well, this car goes to Bagis.
- I know what we can do.

We'll give you a ride to the bus stop.

It's my car. It belongs to the factory.

Technically speaking
it belongs to the liquidator.

What are you doing? Let go!

- Ouch!
- You started it.

You should be ashamed of yourselves.

This is outrageous. Jump in.

- Get in. Off you go.
- Bye, Sickan.

Sickan is completely screwed up.

Do not speak badly about Sickan.

PRIVATE PROPERTY
GO AWAY!

- Okay.
- Are they in?

Thanks to the crown
everything went according to plan.

But how do we find this stone,
the Heart of Karelia?

I got some interesting material
from the guys at Security.

Apparently there is
a secret society in Stockholm

whose job it is to guard the stone.

There are 12 members, and they each guard
the stone for a year at a time.

Then they change guardian.

How do we know who is guarding it?

The chaplain of the Finnish Church
in Stockholm

announces the change of guardian.

It will take time
to investigate all 12 of them.

Alternatively,
we write anonymously to her:

"We know, we know, we know
who's got the stone."

- And so on and so forth.
- How do we...

Then she'll have to summon
the guardian of the stone

and change to a new guardian.

We've already got someone on the inside.

The cantor. Get in touch with the cantor
and get the name of the new guardian.

- What's in it for him?
- Money.

Please don't argue. Line up.

- Stop it!
- How do you all look?

- I don't get a chance. Hi.
- Hi.

- Ho-ho!
- Harry!

- Hi, Dan.
- Hi.

We're just here to pick up the keys
to grandma's flat.

We're moving in. The whole...

I thought it was supposed to be sold?

- We haven't had time to discuss it.
- No.

- Are you okay, Jill?
- Yes.

- Are you still working...
- ...in advertising.

Doris is fantastic at drawing.

In case you need help drawing some adds.

- Have you gone to bed?
- No, no, no.

Does anyone need help drawing some adds?

- It's very dark here.
- And small.

It's just one room!
You said there were many rooms.

There's supposed to be an alcove,
and the bathroom is...

- We can't live here.
- There's no water.

THE FINNISH CHURCH
STOCKHOLM

"We know that you're guarding
the Heart of Karelia."

What the hell?

- Hotline.
- What now?

- Yes?
- I got a letter. We've been exposed.

- What are we going to do?
- Change the guard.

Good God. Oh, Lord.

Who? Reijo...

REIJO KANGASNIEMI
PIROGEN CARE HOME

A sweet?

- Oh, I'd love to go there.
- Yes.

- Ragnar!
- Whoops.

Thanks, mum.

- Dad.
- Yes.

Yes...

I want you to join the company, Ragnar.

We need your youthful enthusiasm...

...to move us into the age of podcasts.

I'm no longer as quick...

...in the turns as I used to be.

I've actually given it some thought, and...

Not so fast, Ragnar.

I'm still the main shareholder.
All decisions must be approved by me.

- No!
- What was that?

It fell over. I put it too close.

- There's a scratch in the paint.
- It falls over so easily.

THE FINNISH CHURCH
STOCKHOLM

Oh... Dear friend, you haven't done
anything wrong.

But we've decided to change the guard.
I've invited our most powerful one.

- Reijo!
- I've been bowling.

- Hello?
- Who is this?

Why?

The guys at Kulla Security
told me to call this number.

I understand. I'll be outside
the church in five minutes.

Reijo, guard it with your life.

Single malt.

I bought it on a business trip
to Gothenburg.

- Gothenburg.
- Yes.

I only get it out for special occasions.

Cheers.

- Partner.
- Partner.

No, no...

Doesn't mummy want to join in?
Some Campari?

No, I'll stand here by the sink and have
a dry cracker. That's fine by me.

- What now?
- Yes, what have you done now?

A hatch in Galär Park leads
straight into the Nordic Museum drains.

I would like you to climb down into
the sewage system, all greased up.

What's your frogman suit size?

Is it the governor? Long time no see.

- Did you like Florida?
- Florida?

Remember you've been to Florida
for 100 days.

- Oh, okay.
- Stuffy!

Florida is too luxurious
for a body like mine.

But Lanzarote, on the other hand,
is supposed to be very middle-of-the-road.

You only need to give me a ride
to the museum.

Have you shown him the box, Ragnar?
Show him the box.

- The box.
- You don't even have to wait for me.

I'll take the morning bus home.

Number 67 goes to Nybro Street,
and then I'll take number 1.

- I've been promoted.
- Warehouse manager?

- I'll take care of the stock.
- Haven't you always done that?

It feels like the right thing for me.

Wait!

We're still friends, right? Sickan?

Charles Ingvar.

- Bye, Sickan!
- Bye!

I'm listening.

- Name?
- Reijo. Kangasniemi.

Money?

Money!

It's not every day you do business
with Knut Enberg himself.

Damn it.

Okay, we have the name.

Don't get so excited!

Didn't you hear him say my name?
Do you think that's appropriate?

- Show some respect.
- Yes.

Go and tidy up after yourself.

Give that Finnish loiterer
a sauna he shall long remember.

Make sure no traces lead to me,
or may the devil take you.

Open the door!

Will you be there this weekend?
The banana day. I'm selling tickets.

- Tickets? How much are they?
- Ten crowns each.

Ten crowns each? It'll be expensive,
since there's quite a few of us.

Come dressed up, then it's free.

Oh, and your rent is due next week.

- Yes.
- Good.

...to share your happiness and sorrow

A song for all of those
Who never come home to

someone who asks how they are

Fourty-four seconds.

We'll do it tonight.

I'll do it tonight.
Everything is timed and ready.

Every little...

...detail.

Finland's king's crown has been
found. It's the right time to ask...

...what kind of Finland do we want to
leave for our children?

Something that we can be proud of.

I want Finland to hold a referendum
about the form of government.

I'm ready to take responsibility
and become Finland's king.

We can only see the nobleman Henrik
Adlerstierna.

What is
the private person Henrik like?

I like to spend time
with my family and play baseball

with my kids,
even though I lose every time.

I heard you also dance.

I used to tap-dance
when I was younger and spryer.

Alright. Your shoe size is 45, right?

No, no.

It's a sensation.

Henrik Adlerstierna has stepped his way
into the hearts of the Finnish people.

Earlier today a ceremony took place
at the House of Nobility here in Helsinki.

It signalled the start of the campaign
for a Finnish monarchy

with Adlerstierna himself on the throne.

And according to a recent survey,
as many as 48 % of the people

would prefer a king to a president.

On a night like this one might ask:

What's the atmosphere like
at the presidential palace?

SLAKHUSOMRÅDET INDUSTRIAL AREA

- Shall I put them in the shed?
- No, it's full.

Put them by the party hats. By K14.

- You can't keep acetone indoors.
- Go shit yourself.

Put them where I told you to put them.

What a stench!

If I don't get my money by Monday,

Televinken will chop your balls off.
Lots of love!

- Idiot.
- Some people...

Sometimes I can't believe my eyes.

- How long ago is it?
- Ten years ago.

At least.

- Yes?
- We're closed.

I've heard that you can help
with certain things.

Really, darling?

- What do you need help with?
- A safe.

I don't know what you've heard,
but I'm a wholesaler.

Sweet of you,
but I'm not so fond of those.

I think you'll like them.

- How much?
- Six hundred.

Minus the box... 200000 Euro.

It's all yours,
as soon as you've done the job.

I don't care what methods you use.

- What's this about?
- A safe.

At the Finnish spoken care home Pirogen.

What type of safe?

Franz Jäger.

What a dump.

Yes.

- Televinken.
- Hi there, Jönsson.

- I'm quite busy.
- Time for a spring clean?

- Pork tenderloin?
- Anita has a job for you.

After the saffron coup? No way!

- Why?
- Why?

We had agreed that my colleagues and I
were to keep one of the stolen boxes.

You did!

How curious that our box
didn't contain any saffron,

but two cubic meters
of pink left foot socks.

I know. I was totally against it.
And Anita was so sad.

I went to jail for a year and a half.

- For this!
- Yes, its bloody awful.

And when I confront her,
do you know what she says?

That it's my own fault.

That my services are no longer required.

Girls. Blah, blah, blah.

- Give it a try, at least.
- Get out. Get out!

- And take your Danish muck with you!
- Careful with the meat.

It's a Jäger safe, Jönsson.

Do you want to hear
what she said about you? Anita.

"Take this tenderloin
and go get governor Jönsson,

because he's the best."

I almost peed myself laughing.

Not because it was funny,
but because it was fucking true.

Do you want to hear what I said?
"Yes, Anita. He is the best."

- Did she say that?
- That's what she said.

- The best?
- The best.

- What needs to be extracted?
- A stone.

In a Franz Jäger safe at a care home.

- A gemstone?
- No, a fucking stone.

- Who is the buyer?
- I'm not allowed to say.

Regina Wall. I've never seen her before.

A small peace pipe.

A small piece of meat.

- What is valuable?
- I like things I've made myself.

- Well...?
- How do you do, Your Majesty?

What now?

I'm sorry, but the Swedish Ambassador
has been waiting for 30 minutes.

Yeah, yeah.

Mr. President.

- Have you made up your mind?
- I'm not going.

No, but it's possible
that your presence at the opening...

- Anything else?
- I beg your pardon?

Who am I?

Yes, I don't know...

- You are the president of Finland.
- Exactly. The president of Finland.

Finland is a republic.
A modern, democratic country.

No fucking monarchy,

where any old idiot can inherit
royal crowns, titles and power.

The Finnish people are dazzled
by cheap knick-knacks!

- I'm just thinking that...
- Goodbye.

The care home Pirogen
at 45 Magnus Ladulås Street in Stockholm

is a home for elderly people
of Finnish origin.

Three rooms from reception
lives Reijo Kangasniemi,

a two meter tall butcher.

He recently retired from the meat counter
at the supermarket Willys in Skärsätra.

Reijo is a bowling champion,

strong as a bear and always on his guard.

Although the stone is locked away,
he never leaves his room.

Except on Fridays at 2 pm.

Let's enjoy some mämmi.

That's when The Finish Hour
is broadcast on Radio Stockholm.

The Finish Hour finishes
with the tango "Satumaa",

sung by Eino Grön in 1973.

"Satumaa" has a magic effect on Reijo.

Upon hearing the first tones of the song
he drops everything he's doing,

hunts down the nearest woman

and sweeps her off
into a passionate dance.

Except for bowling, his weaknesses
are tango and gallant ladies.

First we need to get past reception,

which is manned by an even more
hot-tempered opponent:

Nursing assistent Pirkko Kanevaara
from the healthcare provider Karelia.

During her 22 years in the business
nobody has been able to sneak past her.

A terribly frightening person!

To solve this problem we need
a 2.5 meter long aquarium tube,

a peeled yellow onion,

one FM transistor radio each,
a 243 centimeter long string,

a nozzle for a brass instrument,

a toy crossbow with suction cup arrows

and a dirty coffee cup.

Oh, Anna-Leena.

The tango lasts exactly three minutes
and twenty seconds.

In that time we need to
get Pirkko to leave reception,

break into Reijos room
and then into the safe

before Reijo returns to his room
with "the rose of the week".

"Satumaa".

Only one thing can make a bitter
healthcare worker leave her post:

Dirty dishes
that have been left anonymously.

On beat 38, Pirkko leaves reception.

Vi sneak past
as soon as she has entered the lounge.

There she finds the former
woodwork teacher David Niveniemi.

How tiring this is!
This is our joint place of work.

All lovesick, he is more than ready
to sweep her off for a dance.

This makes her busy
for the duration of the tango.

Strike.

Paavo Nurmi...

A Franz Jäger...

Talcum powder.

- It's ant killer!
- They didn't have any talcum powder.

Let's go. All clear.

The stethoscope.

Come, Reijo. Let's go to my room instead.
Your bedding is gross.

Dad?

Ragnar...

Now when we are partners,

I thought we would become even more close.

We can become a team, you and I.

As you know, I travel to Travemünde
for the radio fair every three years.

It's always a great experience.
There's fun people, beer tents and...

- But...
- This year I've bought two tickets.

I want us two to go.

We'll leave the day before Midsummer.
I'll ask mum to find your passport.

That's great, dad.

Oh no. I'm so clumsy.

Ouch! I'm alright.

Smell this.

The onion. I need to wash my hands.

- Jönsson.
- Yes?

You're the best.

Anita!

I'm... I'm speachless.

You're an artist!
I don't understand how you do it.

Well, I guess it's all
somewhere in the back of my hea...

Ship him off
with the northern pike to Korea.

- What?
- Did you say something?

No.

Never mind. It's Anita,
who cannot get to sleep.

What's up? Damn it, Anita. You can't
do your nails in the middle of the night!

Shut up! I'm counting!

Acetone.

Anita!

- Have you got the lock dial?
- Yes.

- The code?
- It was in the urinal.

Good. Door up.

Door down.

Ay ay ay...

The Wishing Hour! I almost forgot.

Little Eldemar.

...The Wishing Hour
with our king of the night, Hasse Eldemar.

Peekaboo in the night.

Don't forget the Midsummer Night Concert
at Kulla Concert Hall.

Hugo Alfvén's classic "Midsummer Vigil"

and other summer pearls,
which are threaded like wild strawberries

on the musical blades of grass.

We'd like to thank the listeners
who have sent us festive postcards.

Armoured vault opening up.

Gas deactivated.

What's going on?

Hello?

Fucking mayo!
Oh, here are the fuses.

Some bloody social democrat
must have removed them!

Reijo. I can explain.
No, no, no! I have a plan!

Hello, everyone!

Nice to see that so many people are here
for this year's Banana Day.

Just some brief information.

Be careful, and be safe on the rides.

If anyone's mum or dad go missing,

just contact one of the banana hosts.

- Howdy, here we are.
- Hello, hello.

Entry will be 80 crowns for you,
the way you have dressed up.

It says on the poster that everyone who
comes in fancy dress gets in for free.

It might be a bit vague,

but on Banana Day
you dress up as a piece of fruit.

- But I'll let you in this time.
- How nice of you.

- Have fun.
- Thank you.

I didn't know that cowboy
was a piece of fruit.

- Do it, do it, do it!
- We want sweets!

- Sweets!
- Come on!

- It's raining sweets!
- It's not sweets!

It's just almonds!

- It's not real sweets.
- Almonds are real sweets.

Sweets!

- But what the...? Doris!
- It's raining sweets!

Stop it! What are you doing?
It's a sugar free party.

Here!

Do you want to poison our children?

What are you talking about?

You can't promise the kids sweets,
and then give them almonds.

Firstly, this a sugar free party.

Secondly, you got in for free.

- Don't touch me, I said!
- And then you dare to accuse us!

And what fucking fruit
are you dressed up as?

I'm a dragon fruit!

Take your fucking kids with you
and go back to you criminal friends!

Is that a threat?

- I'm not threatening you!
- Apologise!

Index Typewriter Factory, Stora Essingen.

June 19th, Tuesday morning.

Dear gang.

Despite our farewell
not being very cordial,

and despite my inability
to take the blame for this,

I feel the urge to express my regret
that we did not part as friends.

- From Sickan.
- Sickan!

I fully comprehend
that you want to stand on your own feet,

and that an old disused factory
cannot be compared with

the tolerance and child friendliness
that Bagarmossen can offer.

Since Index is a family business,
created by my great grandfather,

I also sympathize with Ragnar's decision

to dedicate his time
to his family's business.

This means that he'll finally be able
to spend all his time

with his beloved parents.

In short: Don't feel bad
for letting me down.

The last few weeks
have been quite interesting.

A few days ago
I had a very rewarding meeting

with a friendly Finnish business man.

Where is the Heart of Karelia?

This Finnish man
made me take interest in a project,

which I'd like to offer you
a chance of investing in.

Dad, I can't go with you.

- To Travemünde.
- What?

Would you therefore be so kind
as to come to the tower at 7 pm

for a run-through?

I also have something
very personal to tell you.

- "Charles"...
- ...Ingvar Jönsson.

Are you going to throw away
an opportunity like this one?

To go to the fair.
Create the foundation of a career.

- You can't force the boy to go.
- Stay out of this.

This is about the company.

Let Ragnar stay home with his mum.

- That's not what I want.
- What do you want, then?

I want to decide for myself.

I want to decide for myself what to wear,
where to go,

and what my favourite dish is.

I want to decide for myself
if I am to work in the warehouse,

and I don't want to.

- Are you leaving?
- Yes.

- Ragnar!
- That wasn't called for.

- What the hell...?
- Not the lawn mower!

- Hello! Where are you?
- There's a banana here.

I have a few things to tell you
about tolerance, children,

and normal fucking common sense!

- Doris, let's go home.
- Yes!

Ragnar!

I have a plan.

The Hötorget buildings
in central Stockholm.

Each building is 72 meter tall
except building number three,

the so called Kulla building,
which is twice as tall.

- Oh, you can't see that.
- No, because half of it is below ground.

And at the very bottom of it,
the Heart of Karelia is locked away.

- What? Does it exist?
- Yes. I have seen it with my own eyes.

It looks like an ordinary stone.

Worthless for most of us,
but extremely valuable for a few people.

One of them is the richest man in Sweden:
Knut Enberg.

Enberg's Kulla Group
includes banks and healthcare providers,

atomic power and film distribution.

He is well established in the monarchies
Sweden, Denmark and Norway,

where he has built close relationships
with the royalty.

Send the Norwegian prince
with a basket of fruit to the sheik.

All righty.

In Finland, on the other hand, have all
his attempts to gain ground failed.

Holy Jesus. For fuck's sake!

Enberg blames this
on the capricious Finnish republic.

- Mr. Enberg.
- Blah, blah, blah.

Has the president received my offer?

Yes. He hasn't replied yet.

Presidents come and go,
but royalty remains unchanged.

I'll fucking show them.

In possession of the Heart of Karelia,

he believes he can carry out
Didrik Adlerstierna's old plan

and make Finland a monarchy,
with a king whom Enberg can control.

The stone is therefore invaluable to him.

He is keeping it
in the safest place Sweden can offer:

The armoured vault of the Kulla building,
where it is kept in a safe.

- Made by...
- Franz Jäger?

Enberg monitors his empire
every day of the year

from a control panel in his basement.

Except on Midsummer Eve.

On this evening
Hugo Alfvén's "Midsummer Vigil"

is broadcast live on the radio
from Kulla Concert Hall in Norrköping.

This is the only time we can be sure
that Enberg leaves his control panel

and leaves the field open
whilst enjoying the piece,

which is exactly 13 minutes
and 37 seconds long.

We'll do it on Midsummer Eve.

- Oh, wow.
- Let's go.

Hurry up.

Since the entrance to the vault

is through a two feet thick
armoured cylinder, which is impregnable,

and the floor inside
activates a poisonous gas,

we need to ascend the building
by way of the window cleaning platform.

The reclusive Knut Enberg
commissioned a lift for the building

which would allow him
to land his helicopter on the roof

and take the lift
all the way down to the vault.

The lift was never installed,

but the shaft is in place.
That's the way we'll take.

- Come on, darling.
- I don't want to!

Harry! Hurry up.

The fatty wo stays on the roof,
is that me?

Of course.

- Oh, okay.
- You are a bit...

- Stout? Obese? Bloated?
- Podgy!

I was thinking of the fact
that I'm supposed to stay on the roof.

It's always the same:
"Harry, wait in the car.

Wait on the roof. Wait in the tree."

And this time I'll be all alone
on Midsummer Eve!

And it has nothing to do with me
being afraid of heights or anything.

- Ooh!
- Sweetheart.

- Sickan. Hug.
- Yes, yes, yes.

Hurry up! It's on soon.

Welcome to Norrköping.

For the tenth consecutive year we shall
enjoy Hugo Alfven's "Midsummer Vigil".

Not all audience members are seated yet.
The security check is thorough.

For example, people are not allowed
to bring their own drinks.

Let's see...

- What the hell is this?
- Your dad's lawn mower.

Ho-ho!

Now.

It's time to hand over
to Norrköping Symphony Orchestra,

led by Lars Tall.
Happy Midsummer!

...two, three, now!

- Sickan! The bag!
- It's for you.

Don't open it before beat 128.

- Here.
- No.

Not this one.

There's more. There's more.

- Wouldn't it be better if I came with you?
- No, stay here and keep your cat in check.

- Alone? Sickan!
- Yes?

- How...
- What?

- The torch. Shall I turn it off?
- No.

You want it to shine...

...bright, Sickan.

Of course.

Oh! But...

The Jäger safe
is an ingenious construction.

A so called "silent safe",
which you open with a code dial.

You enter a nine letter password.
You have three attempts.

- What is the password?
- Bearing in mind...

...that Enberg is a so called "hi-fi nerd"

who gives preference to
a clear and crisp sound,

it wasn't very difficult to figure out.

"Modernist".

Clever, Sickan.
Who would write "modernist" in an urinal?

The code dial.

Modernist.

M...

...o, d, e...

...r, n...

...i, s...

...t.

- What? Did you make a mistake?
- What the hell?

One light is on. Two attempts left.

But what the hell...?

Well. "Modernist"
was written in a messy way.

It might have said "modernast".

- Yes. Yes, that's it.
- Okay.

A meatball. Thanks!

Klockan? What the hell...?

Oh no. Klockan!

Klockan?

Klockan?

Klockan!

Pussycat! Vanheden is here to...

I'll get you down.

...t.

Try again.

Oh, Klockan.

There you go, pussycat.

Oh no! Vanheden has done
a not so good thing. No!

- Who activated the gas?
- We've got to go!

- What have you done?
- Nothing.

- Come on!
- Sickan! Let's go, Sickan!

I'm going to... One more attempt!

What?

"Heja Bajen".

Sickan!

Heja Bajen, heja Bajen, heja Bajen...

Heja Bajen. H...

...e, j, a.

B, a, j...

...e, n.

We're on our way!

One, two...

What the hell? The gas alarm!

What a fucking...

...evening!

- Sickan.
- Yes.

What were you going to tell us?
In the letter?

- Oh, that. Nothing special.
- You promised.

- Did I?
- Yes. Something personal.

- Let's not talk about that up here.
- Yes, let's!

Just spit it out.

- I like you.
- What did you say?

- Yes, what did you say?
- I like you.

I like you.

- What did your mouth say?
- I said...

But what the hell... What's that?

- Ragnar!
- Yup.

Let's see... "For mum".

- Ouch!
- Is it in its place?

- It's in its place.
- Good. It's time to contact the buyer.

- But who are we going to sell it to?
- To whom is it most valuable?

Start the car.

- Hello?
- Are you out of your mind?

How the hell did they get into the safe?

- The reception is quite bad...
- Can I not trust you any more?

Don't you understand
that you're jeopardizing the company?

You've become useless. No more mistakes!

Crappy girl.

PRIVATE PROPERTY
GO AWAY!

COURSE CERTIFICATE
COGNITIVE BEHAVIOURAL THERAPY

- Did it work?
- Oh yes.

Mr. Beskow-Hansen.
They didn't notice a thing.

- Good. I'll be back in ten minutes.
- Good work, honey.

I phone him. I visit him.

I do things to make him happy.

But I never get anything in return.

What sort of response
would you like to get?

I want to feel like I exist.

I just want to be seen.

Let's say that...

What the hell...?

Is this some sort of joke, Annika?
This is not my certificate.

CBT therapist?

Where did we get to?

It feels like
something is missing in my life.

Could it be the Heart of Karelia?

- Who are you?
- Charles Ingvar Jönsson.

You might be familiar with the name.

Oh.

Give me two minutes.
I've got to sort something out.

- Göran! Are you the funny one?
- What do you mean?

You seem surprised to see me alive.

A bit. What do you know
about the Heart of Karelia?

Oh, not a lot. Only that it
until Midsummer Eve was a prisoner of

the mythical armoured vault
under the Hötorget buildings,

but now can be found
in a much safer location.

- What do you want?
- A lot.

- Say how much.
- Write it down.

Swietny, authentic Polish mayonnaise.

Offers good protection
if there's an explosion.

I'd like a roundtrip to Lanzarote,
economy class.

Luggage is included.

A week at a two star hotel
with half board, pool view.

Two day trips:

One to the volcanos of Lanzarote,
one to a local vineyard.

Transfer to and from the hotel.

Also, tomorrow at the unveiling
of the crown at the Nordic Museum,

Mr. Poula's cha-cha-cha orchestra
will provide the entertainment.

Is that clear?

The Nordic Museum tomorrow at 2 pm.
On the dot.

The Fried Swan Room.
Are you familiar with this room?

How do I know
that you have the Heart of Karelia?

"Heja Bajen".

Hi.

The Fried Swan Room.

A secret trip?

Oh, Ragnar.
Of course you can count on my help.

Tervetuloa!
A warm welcome to you all.

During almost 100 years
it has been missing. Forgotten.

Lost forever.
But in a short, short while

I will be able to unveil
the royal crown of Finland.

In the meantime, please help yourselves
to canapés and champagne.

And we'll have some entertainment.

Mr. Poula's cha-cha-cha orchestra
will play some tunes for us.

- Is the stone here yet?
- Is this the Fried Swan Room?

- I need to unveil the crown soon.
- The stone will arrive at any moment.

I'm sorry, but this room is closed.

I don't like your tone.

Oh, really?

- What about this, then?
- But how...

- Now we have to...
- No...

Oh, how well you know your mum.

- Ladies and gentlemen...
- Lanzarote, here I come!

It's a great honour for me, Jan Poppe,

to present to you
the royal crown of Finland.

Also, let me introduce you
to our guest of honour.

Had the history of Finland
taken another turn,

the crown had been placed
on this man's head.

The Finish heir to the throne,
His Majesty Henrik Adlerstierna.

My great grandfather,
Didrik Adlerstierna, had a dream.

A dream about a country
governed without ideological quarrels

and whimsical politicians.

A dream of a nation
held together through the centuries

by a lasting power.

A dream of a Finnish monarchy.

The one who stands to gain most
might not pay as much

as the one with most at stake.

Clever, Sickan.
But how much do you think we'll get?

- I asked for 100 million.
- What did your mouth say?

They said no. They said we'll get
something even more valuable.

This crown is not complete.

Something incredibly important is missing.

An object that resonates
through the Finnish history.

Some people have even doubted
its existence. Here, in my hand...

...is a true Finish legend.

From Karelia...

A green marmalade sweet?

I'm coming.

Thank you.

- Must not be covered.
- You're welcome.

- Is it a spoon?
- It's my grandmother's baptismal spoon.

She was born on the same day as
the Finnish nation, 6th of December 1917.

- Is it a tablespoon?
- It is very, very valuable.

For me.
And it's an honour for me

to hand it over to you.

Yes...

Let's have mämmi.

Please.

I'm sorry, dad.

Sickan!

What the hell, Sickan?

It's driving me crazy. Stop it!

Ho-ho... "Palladium".

"Mobile phones push the price of palladium
through the roof.

The price of the metal
has increased by 700% overnight.

Used in: mobile phones, jewellery,
dental fillings and electronics.

Also found in old coins.

The old Swedish one crown coin
consists of 8% palladium."

A one crown coin weighs seven grams.

0.8... That's half a gram of palladium.

We had 300000 one crown coins.
That means 150000 gram palladium.

5290 ounces
multiplied by 2780 dollars is...

...14706200...

...Swedish crowns.

We're rich!

We're rich!

This is worth a fanfare!

Undertexter: Madelene Lander